Embracing Freedom

We have a lot of issues here in the United States. We're far from perfect. There's tension, strife, political unrest, and economic tensions. It's safe to say we have our fair share of problems. However, despite all that, this is a pretty special place. I've spent time in 25 different countries over the past 18 years, dating back to an England/Ireland trip with my friend Eric in 2006. I've been to most of Europe, the majority of the Middle East, Central America, and several SE Asian countries.

Every country I've visited has provided me with a unique perspective. There are so many beautiful places, filled with amazing people, wrapped in fascinating cultures around the world. Simultaneously, every time I travel abroad, I'm reminded of the uniqueness and beauty of our own country. Most notably, our freedom. It's easy to take it for granted, but wow, it's something worth embracing. So yeah, we have problems, but we shouldn't forget that we also have something special here. Today, we celebrate the freedom that we share together.

Within each of our own lives, we also have a different kind of freedom available to us. It's the kind of freedom that stems from healthy financial stewardship, avoidance of debt, and the refusal to pursue a materialistic life. Our society's culture of stuff, money, and status has the power to entrap us. But it's a choice. We each have the power to choose our own path.

Some of you have chosen the path of freedom. You have made sacrifices, humbled yourselves, practiced discipline, and established values different from what our culture pushes down our throats. Congrats to you! It's a difficult path, but if you've tasted it, you know just how amazing it can be.

If you haven't chosen freedom (yet), perhaps now is the time. It's never too late to change course. Even if you've driven down the worldly road for decades, you still have a choice. The fork in the road is still in front of you.

Happy 4th, everyone! I hope you celebrate our freedom today, while also embracing a different kind of freedom.

It’s Not About Looking Down

I was recently at lunch with a few friends. Both are successful in their own right, but one is considered uber-successful by most accounts. I don't know specifics, but I suspect he has tens of millions of dollars.

When our server delivered the check, I told the guys I'd like to pick up lunch for the group. They both thanked me for the gesture, and we went about our business. However, as we were standing in the parking lot, the successful-but-not-tens-of-millions-successful guy approached me and asked, "Why did you buy our lunch? We didn't need you to do that....especially (other guy)."

Correct, neither of them "needed" my generosity. They are both financially blessed, and money is certainly not an issue. I didn't show them generosity because they "needed" it, but rather because I wanted to bless them.

Giving isn't about assessing where we stand on some superficial hierarchy compared to a potential recipient of our gift. That's a cheap and shallow way to perceive giving. Rather, giving should be about the act of blessing someone.....period. Whether it's a financial gift or some other form of service/sacrifice, it should be done with a sincere heart and pure motives.

I absolutely believe in giving to people in need. I believe in that deeply. However, it's not about looking down. It's about looking outward. It's about putting others before ourselves and being willing to serve others with whatever we have to share. I'm so grateful I'm able to buy my friends lunch. It was an honor to do so!

Here's my encouragement for you today. When you give, don't do so through some arbitrary scorecard. Just give. Just share. Just bless others. Don't look down.....look outward.

The Dip Is a Myth

I have a strange hobby. Occasionally, I'll set a random reminder on my phone for the distant future. These reminders usually stem from conversations with buddies or goals with clients. It's always a fun treat to get a random, obscure reminder. Yesterday, I woke up to a memorable one: "Remind Ryan the dip is a myth." That's it. That's all it said.

This reminder stems from a conversation I had with a group of friends one year ago yesterday. A few of the guys asked me about my opinions on investing. After I shared my perspective (which you've heard here often), a guy (we'll call him Ryan) disregarded the entire thing. "I'm saving all my cash to buy the dip. That's where the real money is made." For context, he had liquidated most of his retirement investments and was sitting on mostly cash, eagerly anticipating a crash. I can't remember the exact amount, but it was a bit north of $200,000.

I, of course, couldn't disagree more with this sentiment. It's a proven bad strategy, oozing with naivety, a false sense of control, and overconfidence. After all, buying the dip requires you to know when the dip actually occurs, put your money where your mouth is, and know when to sell.

Further, let's not forget the stock market is up far more than it is down. To demonstrate, here are a few staggering statistics about the last 154 years of U.S. stock market history:

• The market has been up in 74% of calendar years.

• It's been up 78% of 2-year stretches.

• Even crazier, it's been up 85% of 3-year periods.

The odds are heavily in favor of up!

After sharing the behavioral, philosophical, and historical reasons why buying the dip is a terrible idea, Ryan responds, "You're wrong. You'll see." We agreed to set a reminder 12 months out and compare notes 365 days later.

Well, yesterday was the day, according to my pop-up reminder. So, how did Ryan fare? Here's a screenshot of how the Vanguard total U.S. stock market index performed over the last 12 months:

+25.2%. Ouch! Not only did Ryan not win, he got crushed. In his arrogance and greed, assuming he had $200,000 sitting in cash, he lost at least $50,000 of gains! That's a tough lesson.

I sent him the reminder today, along with the market performance screenshot I included above. He responded, "It was the right decision—it still is. I'll keep waiting for the dip." Old habits die hard.

Will Ryan ever succeed in this endeavor? Maybe. The odds are heavily stacked against him, though. It will require a mix of luck, close monitoring, the conviction to act, the conviction to act again, and a lot more luck. Conversely, he could follow the statistical odds of success by simply investing now and never worrying about it again. I like that option much, much, much better.

Fortunately for you, the best way is the simplest way. The dip is a myth, so just invest.....then patiently (and boringly) wait.

Forgetting the Plot

I'm coaching the second-grade boys' basketball program for my kids this summer. It's structured as two open gyms per week, focusing on skill development, relationships, learning the game, and fun. The first two sessions were great, but last night's was a mess. It was chaotic, we didn't stick to the plan, the kids got frustrated, and the coaches lost control of the action. In short, we forgot the plot. Amidst all the chaos and unforeseen circumstances, we lost sight of the purpose of being there. I take 100% ownership of that. I feel a lot of frustration and regret toward myself. All that said, I'm confident we can get the train back on the tracks at our next session. I'm excited to learn from these lessons and get back to the desired plot.

In many ways, this is a close parallel with life. Amidst the chaos, busy, and unforeseen events, it's easy to forget the plot. We say to ourselves that x, y, and z are our primary objectives. Yet, if we were honest with ourselves, our actions may say otherwise. This is a dynamic I've seen in my own life, and I see it multiple times per month with the families I have the privilege of coaching. Life is crazy. It's intense, unpredictable, and throws many curveballs at us (never mind the fastballs occasionally thrown at our heads!). If we're not careful, we forget the plot.

Here are a few examples of how this can play out. Perhaps one or more of these examples resonates with you.

The couple who says their top priority is to spend more time with family, but ultimately structures their life in such a way that they spend even less time with the family. They think to themselves, "If we make a lot more money, we'll have more freedom to spend time together." However, in the pursuit of more money, they create a life with even less freedom. They forgot the plot.

Or the couple whose top priority is to get out of debt so they don't feel as restricted in their finances. They lock down the finances so they can aggressively pay off the debt, but ultimately create a money culture in their family where spending money becomes taboo. They inadvertently rewire themselves to be cheap and overly frugal. In their pursuit of a less restrictive financial life, they create an even more restrictive life. They forgot the plot.

Or the couple whose top priority is to be more generous, but only after abc goals are accomplished. They have every intention of increasing their generosity, but they continually set artificial hurdles and boundaries in front of it. They aggressively pursue these objectives, while simultaneously being even less generous....for the purpose of eventually becoming more generous. It becomes a complete self-sabotage. They forgot the plot.

Here's a quick tip on how to avoid this. Every so often, ask yourself what's most important; write it down. Then, look at your actions and see if/how they align with your objectives. If they are aligned, awesome! If not, you might have lost the plot. Luckily, you're the author of the story. It's never too late to get back on track!

The Three-Month Rule

Happy last day of the month. How in the world is the year half over?!?! Today also marks a special occasion. Being thelast day of the month means tomorrow brings a brand new budget. If you're a budgeter, you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's a day that brings hope, possibility, and excitement. It's a new opportunity to bring our values to life through our finances. For some of you, it's also a great opportunity to close the book on a really crappy month and start afresh. Either way, tomorrow is your day!

If you're not a budgeter, perhaps July is your month to begin. Whenever I talk to people who don't budget, I ask, "Why?" There are a million reasons people don't budget, but there are a few common responses:

• "It doesn't work for us."

• "I suck at it."

• "It was too hard to follow."

• "I didn't like it."

All of these are valid reasons, but on the flip side, they are probably (half) wrong. Budgeting is simple—eventually. Budgeting is powerful—eventually. Budgeting is a game-changer—eventually. Budgeting isn't something we just pick up and are magically good at. After all, if you don't budget, there's a strong likelihood you've operated your finances without one for years....maybe decades. So we can't expect to be overnight experts.

Whenever coaching someone on their first budget, I always add, "you're probably going to fail." Encouraging, I know! But it's true. The first month, or two, or even three will probably be a mess. The goal isn't to crush this budgeting thing in the first month, but rather experiment, learn, and grow. What works. What doesn't. What abc category costs. Why xyz category needs to be changed. How to better track. How to engage our spouse better.

The problem for most prospective budgeters is they don't do a great job the first month, feel like trash about it, and simplygive up. You're supposed to fail! That's all part of the game. I call it "the three-month rule." Those first three months will be tough, but it's the setup for what's to come. Typically, by the fourth month, most people are fairly locked in and confident to execute on their plan.

That's my encouragement to you today. If you don't budget, I encourage you to give it a try, give yourself grace, know you're going to mess up, and know it's going to get better. If you give it at least three months, I strongly believe it will become a valuable tool in your financial arsenal.

And remember, budgeting isn't about spending less; it's about spending better. It's about harnessing every dollar of income you're blessed with this month and aligning it with your values. Spend, save, and give in accordance with YOUR values.

Happy new budget month, y'all!

The Tale of Two Encounters

Words are powerful. Words can build up, tear down, create impact, and cause destruction. Whoever championed the "sticks and stones" jingle must not have experienced the wrath of words. Every day, when we go about our business, we wield a weapon. We have a choice: Use it for good or for harm. 

Businesses, and those who represent them, have the same choice to make. It's amazing how many business owners don't fully appreciate the power of words. It seeps through their behaviors, their team, and their culture. I watch business after business flop in the simplest ways. 

I recently had two separate encounters that highlighted this concept. 

The first was at a local restaurant. As my friends and I took turns ordering our entrees, two guys slightly mispronounced the name of their desired order. Both times, the server quickly corrected them. It wasn't a big deal, but again, words have power. They felt slightly embarrassed, and a little ticked that the server felt the need to correct when she knew exactly what they were asking for. 

The second encounter was also at a local restaurant. This time, I was flying solo. After receiving my meal, I noticed I was missing an item. I walked up to the counter, informed them of the error, and respectfully asked if they could provide it to me. Just then, however, I realized I was the one who made the error. The specific combo I selected did not include said item. After catching my mistake, I apologized (being slightly embarrassed) and thanked them. The woman, however, immediately replied l, "No apology needed. That's quite ok. Let me get you one anyway," and then handed me the item I didn't deserve in the first place. It wasn't a big deal, but again, words have power. 

Guess which restaurant I'll be going back to. All because of a few simple yet powerful words. Culture, as demonstrated by these interactions, is a powerful thing. It can make or break a business. 

I was recently hanging out at our coffee shop, Northern Vessel. After ordering my drink, I waited off to the side, chatting with a few other customers. When the customer in front of me received her drink, she told the barista that it was the wrong drink. "This is an x…..I ordered a y." They actually received exactly what they ordered. I heard the order and saw what they received. It was dead on. I knew it, and the barista knew it. But the barista quickly responded without hesitation, "I'm so sorry; I'll get you a new one right away." So perfect! We wasted a drink, but so what? That was the cost of giving the customer a positive experience and using words for good. 

I smiled on the inside, but I probably smiled on the outside as well. I love our team and the way they serve people with hospitality and dignity. It's a beautiful sight.

Sticks and stones can hurt, but words can destroy. Let's be better. Let's demand better. Let's reward better.

Multiplication, Not Addition

My head is still spinning from last night's debate. Perhaps yours is, too. Therefore, I thought a little palette cleanser would be welcomed today.

Amidst all the craziness that hit my social media feeds last night, this little gem popped up. Gold. Pure gold. Check it out! This is one you have to see for yourself. My words can't properly frame up how this situation played out. So, if you didn't click the link above, here's another chance!

We’re not crying, you are 🥹 pic.twitter.com/7Wiv2QUuqM

— New York Red Bulls (@NewYorkRedBulls) March 25, 2024

Generosity isn't addition. When we give, it's not making a dollar-for-dollar, hour-for-hour, or act-to-act impact. It multiplies. It transcends the original gift, oftentimes spiraling into something much, much bigger than initially intended. This player thoughtfully shared his jacket with one kid, ultimately blessing all the kids. One simple act of generosity multiplied into something much bigger than him.

That's the opportunity in front of each of us. We can use our resources to add to our own pot, or we can multiply them by sharing. It's an important choice, and, for me, it's an easy choice. Multiplication is always more powerful than addition. Generosity always wins.

Humility Is a Powerful Tool

I received lots of feedback from yesterday's post about how inflation is clamping down on millions of families. Many of you said something to the tune of, "It's like you read my mind" and "I'm glad I'm not the only one." I'm glad you feel seen and heard!

However, I did receive one piece of criticism. I somewhat expected it, as it's a sensitive topic with many. Here's the line that got several people fired up: "If you have assets tied to debt (and hefty loan payments), you might consider selling them. One of my clients sold their vehicle, and it immediately freed up $800/month from the car payment being done."

As one reader put it, "Selling a car doesn't fix anything! You still have to buy another car."

Fair point. That's true. This family sold a car but then had to buy one. So today, I thought I'd illustrate what this concept looks like in practice.

This family had two vehicles. One was a large SUV (the wife's vehicle), and the other was a truck (the husband's vehicle). The wife's vehicle had a $442 monthly payment, and the husband's had an $812 monthly payment. These payments, combined with several other factors, resulted in significant financial stress due to a shrinking margin caused by inflation. They were hurting! Their marriage was hurting!

After several conversations, they realized changes must be made. While it took about six months, they ultimately decided the most effective and best decision was to sell the husband's truck to wipe out the monthly payment. The truck was worth about $65,000, and they owed $60,000.

After selling it, they had about $5,000 in cash and $812/month extra in their budget (plus whatever they were spending on insurance)......but they still needed a vehicle. They took the $5,000 from the sale of the truck, combined it with another $6,000 from savings, and purchased a modest used car for $11,000 in cash.

Just like that, they waved their magic wand and freed up $812/month in cashflow. That decision changed everything for them, financially speaking. However, there was another side to this story. In order to execute on this plan, they needed one more thing: humility. This was a public act. One day, he was driving around in this big, fancy truck, and the next, he was driving a car that would impress nobody. That act requires humility and a keen sense of what's truly important. I'm so proud of them for taking that step.

Further, their decision to take that step is the gateway for so much growth and contentment. They unlocked a new level in their relationship with each other and their relationship with the world around them. It's no longer about what other people think, but what adds the most value to their family. They are playing a new game, a better game.

They took responsibility. They took action. They led with humility. Their lives are better as a result. It’s a beautiful recipe.

The Clamps Are Tightening

Do you ever feel like you make good enough money and manage it well, yet there's simply no margin in your financial life? If so, you aren't alone. Millions of families in this country are experiencing this phenomenon. Inflation has wreaked havoc on so many people. What not long ago felt like a respectable income has turned into "just scraping by." Even though inflation is going down, its consequences are here to stay. This is a common misconception about inflation. When inflation goes down, it doesn't mean prices go down. Rather, it means prices are going up less quickly from their now-inflated levels. It's a mess.

I regularly meet with families that make $8,000, $10,000, or $12,000/month of take-home income, barely making ends meet. Much of this can be attributed to the cost structure established by the family prior to inflation setting in, which is difficult to change. It's embarrassing for people, and they feel alone. After all, it's weird to tell your friends or family members, "Yeah, I know we make $160,000 per year, but we're really struggling." That sort of conversation will make people play their miniature violins with their eyes rolling. Therefore, people suffer in silence.

It feels like the clamps are tightening. We can stave off the financial pressure for a while, but eventually, it starts to add up. The normal life costs keep increasing until they've squeezed out the margin. One-off expenses, such as medical bills, car maintenance, and house repairs slowly bleed people dry. We make purchase decisions that entrap us in debt. We experience shocks to our income. One by one, families are breaking.....it's so sad!

If any of this hits home for you, perhaps what I'm about to say next can help you relieve some of your pressure. Here is a menu of options to help you navigate a tight financial season:

• Find areas of your monthly budget to cut. You may need to trim down on dining out, travel, or other wants.

• If you have assets tied to debt (and hefty loan payments), you might consider selling them. One of my clients sold their vehicle, and it immediately freed up $800/month from the car payment being done.

• Temporarily tone down your investment contributions.

• Temporarily stop saving toward your sinking funds. Yes, these are important, but it's more important to keep the financial train on the tracks.

• Find extra income. A side hustle or side job can relieve a ton of financial pressure.

• If you're not sitting on a cheap mortgage, it might be time to downshift your housing.

You aren't alone! But at the same time, the burden of navigating it is on you. I don't like it any more than you do, and I think we have some major problems on our hands, but it's the reality we're stuck with (for now). We must face it head-on so our families can live to fight another day. It's a tall order, but you got this!

I'm happy to chat if you have any questions about your own situation. This is a scary and prevalent issue, and you don't need to face it alone.

Stumbling Into Memories

I had a weird and fun experience last night. I made a quick 24-hour trip to Omaha for a few meetings. On a quick fuel stop en route to my destination, I booked a hotel room so I would have a place to land when I got there. It's a hotel we've stayed at before. I knew what I was getting, which was good enough for me. As I pulled my car up to the main door to check in, I noticed a surprising number of people walking around wearing college gear. That's when it dawned on me, "Oh yeah, I think the College World Series is going on right now." Then it dawned on me that the CWS is immediately across the street from my hotel….Awesome! Then, after a quick Google search, I realized last night was THE final game of the tournament. Championship round, best of three games, Tennessee and Texas A&M tied 1-1. Holy cow! The final game of the CWS was taking place in mere hours, mere feet from where I was sleeping. 

A view of the stadium from the front door of my hotel

Yes, I was tired. Yes, I was hoping to take it easy. Yes, I had work to do. Yes, the heat index was 112 degrees. Yes, I had an early wake-up time the next morning. But when we stumble into memories, we must seize them! I jumped into the SeatGeek app and found the cheapest ticket available ($53). Two hours later, I was watching the final game of the CWS (in which the Tennessee Vols won their first-ever national championship). Unreal!

As I always say (which is a tribute to my friend Gary Hoag), the two best investments in life are mission and memories. Sometimes, we need to intentionally create memories; other times, we stumble into them. However, we must do one thing when we stumble into them: say "yes." There were a million reasons I wanted to decline. This wasn't part of my plan. I wasn't prepared. Did I mention the heat index was 112 degrees?!?!? But that's how some of the best memories go down. My "yes" or "no" decision was the gateway to determining my fate. I ultimately said "yes," and I'm so glad I did. I experienced something I never thought I would. I wish my friends or family were with me, but it was an amazing experience. 

It was a perfect combination of a little luck, a wise "yes*," and a $53 financial investment. One of the biggest bargains of my life. 

I hope you're intentional about creating memories along your journey, but I also hope you say "yes" when you stumble into them as well. Oftentimes, those are the most special ones. Don’t miss those blessed opportunities to add richness to your life.

*I originally said "no" about 4 times, then almost said "no" AFTER buying my ticket, then almost said "no" mid-game (3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th innings) due to the extreme heat and sun. But I didn't! I honored my "yes" and I was rewarded handsomely for it.

But at What Cost?

Despite repeatedly writing and talking about materialism and the risks of pursuing more, I'm also human. I got bit by the jealousy bug last night! The boys were invited to swim at a friend's house, which was quite thoughtful of the host family. When I arrived to drop them off, I was met with the backyard pool of all backyard pools. Wow, this thing was stunning: waterslide, basketball hoop, tons of seating, an outdoor living room (with a massive TV), a built-in kitchen.....the whole works! Just the pool area alone probably cost more than my house is worth. My immediate reaction was jealousy.

Then, as I always do, I took a step back and looked myself in the proverbial mirror. We all have choices. Do I really want that pool? Do I really want that house? Is that what I really want? If so, why am I not pursuing it? If having xyz is so important, I should react and act accordingly.

Then, I ask myself one more question: "But at what cost?" For every decision or pursuit, there's a cost. There's no free lunch. For every dollar we spend on one thing, there's one less dollar to spend somewhere else. For every hour invested in something, there's one less hour to invest elsewhere.

So, I suppose I could endeavor to have a house with a pool like theirs. That's on the table. But at what cost? Here are a few costs off the top of my head:

• I'd probably need to use most (or all) of the liquid savings we built for other purposes.

• I'd probably be forced to abandon my current career path in exchange for a higher-paying job that would support the necessary house payment.

• Our generosity would probably fall off a cliff.

• We would probably lose the flexibility and freedom our current life structure provides.

• We'd probably lose the ability to freely travel like we do now.

When I look in the mirror and ask myself the "but at what cost?" question, that pool suddenly doesn't feel as appealing as it did in the moment.

It's not a matter of IF we will get bit by the jealousy bug, but WHEN. It's going to happen. As such, we must be ready to face it head-on. That's where the "but at what cost?" question can be so handy.

I don't have any negative feelings towards people who do things that make me jealous. After all, they are simultaneously making decisions that have their own costs. That's what makes all of this so personal. We each have choices to make.

It's not about making THE right choice. Instead, we should each pursue the right choice for us. The right choice for you and the right choice for me.

I know I'll get jealous again, but when I do, it will be another opportunity for me to look in the mirror and ask myself if I'm truly pursuing the life I'm meant to live. That's a gift!

Sucker For a Vanilla Dish

I found a new life hack. A few times per week, I get mentally stuck. Call it paralysis, brain fog, or distraction. Whatever it is, I just can't get the motor going to power through whatever tasks are on the agenda.

Whenever this happens, I hop in the convertible, drive to Sonic, and order a small vanilla dish. Then, I sit under the sun, with the car stereo playing, enjoy my ice cream, and think. No distractions, no motives, and no pressure. Just me, the sun, a delicious ice cream, a little music, and my thoughts. It sounds silly, but that's turned into such a beautiful time for me to reset my brain and process the various ideas bouncing around my head. Many of my blog ideas are born in that space.

It costs me $3 and 20 minutes of my day, a small investment for a considerable payoff. During a recent vanilla dish pilgrimage, I was thinking about how valuable certain financial and time investments can be in our lives. Not all spending is created equal. Many of our expenditures make little to no actual impact on our lives. Then, some silly $3, 20-minute investment in a mid-day Sonic run can totally move the needle.

If we were wise, we would take inventory of all the things we invest our money and time into and assess how much value we're receiving for the cost. If it's valuable, keep it. If it's not, cut it. When we do that, it's amazing how many things we'll discover are an absolute waste. Conversely, it's funny to see how many things that are seemingly ridiculous or "wasteful" are actually valuable.

What about you? What vanilla dishes exist in your life? Where do you find tremendous value in something that may otherwise be considered ridiculous or "wasteful?" Inquiring minds want to know!

It’s Just 22 Words

“We are born with nothing, and we die with nothing, yet we spend our lives trying to accumulate as much as possible.”

This quote has lived rent-free in my head for years. Although it's just 22 words, it has the weight of a full-fledged book or a TED talk. It drips with irony and is saturated with consequence.

I typed out several now-deleted paragraphs below, sharing my perspective on the matter. However, I don't think my perspective is relevant today. Instead, maybe a better use of your two minutes is to ponder your perspective and, more importantly, its implications on your journey.

Have a great Saturday!

Sometimes Dreams Change

I had a chance encounter with a rarely-seen friend (I love it when that happens!). Our chat was brief but jam-packed. One piece stood out to me, though. She mentioned that her job—her "dream job"—wasn't doing it for her anymore. She's been in the same role for 15 years. In it, she's made a lot of impact and has truly lived her best life. It was everything she hoped it would be......except now it's not.

Some of you know exactly what I'm talking about here. She's living the ideal life she has always wanted, yet she'sexperiencing this silent, behind-the-scenes misery. Do you know the other emotion she's feeling? Guilt. The guilt of getting exactly what she wanted, but now being discontent.

Here's how she put it: "I used to be excited each morning. Now, I don't even care if I go or not. It feels pointless."

Ouch. I really feel for her. This is something that many Americans are experiencing, yet it's not often talked about. Most of this happens behind closed doors.

The truth is, sometimes dreams change. She's not the same person she was 15 years ago. That's neither bad nor good.....just reality. We grow, evolve, and experience lots of life along the way. It's inevitable.

She has three choices:

1. Sit in her misery and find a way to coast out the rest of her career with her sanity intact.

2. Find a way to revitalize meaning and purpose in her current job.

3. Find a new dream and pursue it as aggressively as she pursued the first one.

After further discussion, it sounds like option #2 is off the table. She's tried that approach, and she's running out of steam.A few thoughts on option #3:

• It's ok to change. Change isn't an admission of defeat. Rather, it's the beginning of a new journey.

• Changing careers isn't "throwing away" something. Instead, it's a way to repurpose those skills, experience, relationships, and influence.

• It's going to be uncomfortable, and that's ok. Discomfort is the gateway to growth. Embrace it.

• Life is long, so we might as well fill those weeks, months, and years with something that fills our tank.

• Life is short, so we shouldn't waste it!

• Other people's opinions don't matter. You're the one who has to wake up each morning and live your life.

• The best is yet to come!

Sometimes dreams change. When they do, we must change with them. Young Travis had some pretty cool dreams, but I eventually outgrew most of them....older Travis's dreams are far cooler. As much as I cherish and respect young Travis's dreams, I'm not that guy anymore. It would be foolish for me to pursue someone else's dreams.

Don't feel guilty if your dreams are changing. Perhaps it's time to change with them.

Putting THEIR Money Where MY Mouth Is

One of my clients recently received an unexpected $2,000 (after-tax) bonus. Excited about this newfound money, they quickly commenced negotiations about where this money should go. There were several options on the table:

• New furniture

• Disney World

• New hunting equipment

• Revamp the wardrobe

• Invest it into retirement

• Pay down the car loan

• Plus a handful of others

When our next meeting rolled around, making a final decision was the top priority. I stood at the whiteboard, jotting down every idea mentioned. After all ideas were exhausted, I added one more: "Give it away."

Instant pushback! They explained they needed this money, pointing at the lengthy list drawn out on the whiteboard as evidence. They "needed" this money. That word was mentioned at least a dozen times, which is exactly why I wanted to open this alternate door.

The fact they "needed" it, in their words, is the exact reason they "needed" to give it away. They've lost perspective. That's not an indictment on them; we all do! It's so easy to get caught up in our own situations that we lose sight of the big picture. They've done a great job. They are doing a great job. They will continue to do a great job. They are blessed. They will be just fine.

Generosity always wins. And by always wins, I'm referring to everyone involved. The recipient wins, as a need is met. The giver also wins. Psychologically and emotionally, there is no better use for money than to give it to someone who has nothing to offer us in return. That single act sets off a chain reaction deep down within us, leading to meaning, fulfillment, and contentment.

Contentment. That's important here. As I've highlighted (er, beat a dead horse) in multiple recent posts, we live in a culture of more. More money, more stuff, more status, more more. It has a weighty gravitational pull. Even for those who most staunchly oppose such culture (I'd put myself in that camp), it's a hard gravitational pull to avoid. We're all human, after all. However, there is one thing that can combat the materialistic pursuit of more: contentment. And one of the most significant contributors to contentment? Generosity! Generosity is exactly what the doctor ordered! It's almost like we've been created to give!

This is one of the main reasons I so badly wanted this family to give the $2,000 away. They need contentment. They need to jump off the hamster wheel of more. They need perspective. And you know what? They did it! They decided to test out my "absurd theory" (their words) and give this whole generosity thing a try. They pondered who, how, and where to give it, made a plan, and executed!

Their response: "It was transformational. I don't know why or how, but it was. We just feel different."

Yes! It is different. It's one of those things you can't quite put your finger on, but once you know, you know. Contentment through generosity.

They looked at each other, smiled, and one excitedly said to the other, "Let's do it again."

When Our Possessions Possess Us

A weird thing happened to me yesterday. As I was going about my perfectly normal work day, I received a text from Sarah with this photo:

Ouch! Due to high winds, a large branch snapped off our front yard tree, and it found a new home squarely on my car's hood. Ouch again. That's actually not the weird part, though.

After receiving Sarah's text, I immediately drove home to remove the branch and assess the damage. There's a nice dent exactly where you'd expect from looking at the picture, plus some other scratches. Here's the weird part: I had zero emotional reaction. Zilch. It didn't move the needle for me whatsoever. It was an interesting development.

In the hours that followed, I pondered this weird response. Here's where I landed: I possess my possessions, not the other way around. It's just a car—just a thing. A handful of years from now, it will be in a landfill, a distant memory.

This perspective is a deviation from where I used to be. In years past, this situation would have angered and frustrated me. Why? Because my possessions possessed me. I was there to serve them, covet them, treasure them, and put them on a pedestal. That's how materialism works. That's the natural end game when we pursue a life of more.

I'm not pleased with a fresh dent in my car. I'd prefer it didn't happen. But this dent will not deter me, frustrate me, or derail me. Similar to how I handled my last car damage debacle, I suppose I'll just keep my eye on the prize and not allow it to alter my mission. It's a weird but welcomed reality in my little world.

It's an odd place to be, considering where I came from. I don't know whether I should be proud of myself for this development.....or concerned. However, since it's a 180-degree turn from our prevailing culture, I'll assume it's a good thing. I now possess my possessions; my possessions don't possess me. I care for them, treat them with respect, and honor the fact I traded hard-earned income for them, but they will not define me or drive me. That's a win worth celebrating.

What about you? Do you possess your possessions, or do they possess you?

Never-Ending Highlight Reels

I love social media. I think it's one of the greatest inventions ever created. It unlocks the entire world, and literally every person in it, for free, in the palm of our hands. It allows unprecedented access to other people, and provides unparalleled opportunities for creativity.

It's also one of the most dangerous inventions ever created. It's the ultimate double-edged sword. While it allows us unprecedented access to other people, it unfortunately allows us unprecedented access to other people. Well, to be more specific, it gives us unprecedented access to other people's highlight reels.

What we see on social media isn't real life. It's a tiny sliver of real life, carefully curated and ever-so-intentionally massaged to suit the palette of an outside audience. It's posted primarily to generate a specific feeling or response. Nobody posts content with the intent of making you think worse of them. It's always intended for you to perceive them positively.

If I were to internalize my social media feed as reality, here's the reality I'm signing up for:

• Everyone has perfect marriages.

• Everyone has perfect spouses.

• Everyone has perfect kids.

• Everyone is always put together and dressed fashionably.

• Everyone takes the most luxurious trips all the time.

• Everyone lives in the most perfect (and perfectly clean) houses.

• Everyone drives the newest and coolest vehicles.

• Everyone lives the richest lifestyles.

• Everyone has the perfect job.

• Everyone has perfect lives.

None of this is true, of course. What we see is the best sliver of someone's life. There's probably truth in it, but it's not THE truth. It's the highlight reel. SportsCenter doesn't show us the entire game. They only show us the 6 best plays. It's curated. It's flashy. It's what catches our eyeballs. Social media does the same.

If all that's true, we can stop comparing ourselves to whatever we see on social media. We can let go of this make-believe reality that doesn't actually exist. We can quit beating ourselves up over not having the perfect kids or the perfect spouse. We can give ourselves grace for not living in mini-mansions or driving vehicles that can land a man on the moon (while simultaneously making a perfect espresso).

Just let it go. Yeah, I know, it's not always that simple. If there are people in your life that are especially hard to stomach on social media, perhaps it's time to break out the trimming shears. Cut that out. You don't need a constant toxic presence in your life. After all, you have unprecedented access to their life.....choose carefully.

I'll continue to love social media, but do so with an understanding that it's just a sliver of people's reality. I'll also stay vigilant to ensure I prune my feed if I find myself struggling with jealousy or unfair comparisons. With unprecedented access comes an unprecedented need to be mindful.

5-Star Dining at a 2-Star Establishment

I hope all the dads and grandpas had a wonderful Father's Day yesterday. We made a quick trip to my parents' house for the weekend, where my dad and I spent Saturday doing body work on my new car. The car is in pretty good shape overall, but 18 years of life has provided a few scrapes and scars along its journey. Here’s an updated pick after removing the chip guard film and restoring the headlights.

We drove home yesterday morning so I could coach Finn and Pax's last soccer game of the season (and they won the league championship!). It was 90+ degrees out, so we grabbed some ice cream afterward, and then took a wonderful nap. To finish the night, we had a little Father's Day dinner out.

IHOP. Yes, IHOP. It's not my favorite place in the world, but the family was craving breakfast, and they have a kids-eat-free special. We had a great time together, and it was the perfect way to cap off a great Father's Day.

While I love a 5-star restaurant as much as the next person, not all meals need to be profound. Sometimes, it's just about creating memories over some simple food. The food was just that: simple. However, we had a blast together, and everyone walked out happy and full.

Over the years, our dining out budget has varied. During our pre-kid debt payoff years, the budget was $100/month. During our pre-kid post-debt years, the budget was at least $500/month (we had a lot of fun dining in that season!). After the twins were born, our dining out dropped to around $200/month (a few nice date nights). After I left my prior career and we took a 90% pay cut to start over, it went back down to about $100/month. Today, we're in the $250/month range.

We NEVER deviate from the budget. If we have money left, we use it. If we don't we don't. It's one of the ways Sarah and I show commitment to our budget, which we negotiate and agree upon at the beginning of each month. We don't exceed it....no exceptions. Sometimes, that sucks. Sometimes, it's frustrating to be 20 days into the month with no dining out remaining. But that's on us. That's our fault. That was our mistake; therefore, it's our burden and consequences.

That level of self-discipline changes things. It forces us to make wise decisions. If we can't bend the rules, then we must find a way to live within the rules. We can always create new rules next month, but this month's rules are this month's rules. Sometimes that means we get to eat at a Michelin-starred restaurant, and sometimes we eat at IHOP. Both are wins, by the way.

That's the beauty of setting financial guardrails in our lives. It's not something we have to do, but rather something we get to do. Once the rules are set, we have the creativity to work within them with no guilt, no regret, and no remorse. Freedom through boundaries.

Today’s a Great Day For a Check Mark

One of my seven-year-olds, Finn, recently handed me a piece of paper. It was a list of items with little squares to the left of them. "What's this, bud?" "This is my bucket list." Uhhhhhh, my seven-year-old has a bucket list? Curious, I asked him if he knew what a bucket list even was. "It's all the things I want to do before I die!" Alrighty then, I guess he did know.....that's a bit morbid The subsequent two sentences out of his mouth were what got me:

"Can we check a few of these off the list this weekend? We better get started."

I didn't know whether to be concerned or impressed; I decided to be impressed. Here he was, with his entire life in front of him, ready to live life now. Not someday. Not down the road. Not when he grows up. Today!

Wow, there's something profound about this idea. We adults continually kick the can down the road. "When I retire." "When the kids are gone." "When I have $x dollars." "When I get promoted to abc title." "After I accomplish xyz." "When I'm not as busy." "When ________." We always have an excuse not to do things. There are a million reasons why today isn't the day. Someday. One day. Eventually. Down the road. Confession: I could jot down a list of 20 items that I've wanted to do for decades, but just never got around to it.

You know what I think? I think today is a great day for a check mark. Why not get out there and knock something off your list? Why not treat today like a special day that should be embraced and milked for whatever it could be? Why not intentionally pursue meaning and do things that add value to our lives? Why not cut through the noise and the busy of life, and carve out time to make a memory?

"Wise" isn't a word I'd typically use to describe Finn (he's a nut), but I think he's on to something.

We better get started.

The Arms Race of Materialism

We have an arms race on our hands. It's a sexy, intoxicating endeavor: the violently aggressive pursuit of more. Bigger houses, newer cars, grander trips, trendier clothes. More, more, more. The problem with more is that every time we get more, more is still more. Ironically, it's an unwinnable race.

I recently met with a young couple who wanted some guidance. I'll lay out the scenario. Both spouses have good jobs at well-respected companies. They live in a big house (their "forever home"), drive new vehicles, and go on extravagant trips (of which the photos get repeatedly posted on their various social media channels). They are the couple everyone else looks at with jealousy and/or inspiration. People wonder how they are so rich, and aspire to be as "successful" as them.

However, as I can attest from my coaching experience, it's not always as it seems. Often, when we pull back the curtain, a different story reveals itself. This couple has a monthly after-tax take-home income of about $10,000. Their house payment is around $3,000/month, and they have two car payments totaling $1,700/month. Yes, their house and cars alone absorb approximately 47% of their take-home income. That feels tight to me, and it feels tight to them. They are stressed, but "It's worth it. We worked hard. We deserve it." No regrets, though.

Now, the twist. The reason for our meeting was to discuss their next steps. What next steps, you ask? They want to buy a different house—their new "forever home." That's the thing about the pursuit of more. Every time we get more, more is still more. What's a "forever home" today is just another house six months from now. Anyway, after doing the math, we concluded that this new house will cost them about $4,200/month.

Are you scratching your head yet? They are stressed with their current $3,000/month house payment, but want to increase it to $4,200? Yes, correct. This begs the question, "Why?" It took a few minutes to get there, but I finally got the real answer. Their best friends are building a new house (i.e. better than theirs), making them want to upgrade, too. It's the arms race!

I tried to explain that more isn't the answer. Meaning over money. Living with purpose. Career flexibility. Not allowing financial stress to drive a wedge into their marriage behind closed doors. Nevertheless, they left that meeting with a burning desire to build their new "forever home."

It's easy to dismiss this couple as "crazy" or an anomaly, but they represent a growing contingent in this country. I meet with multiple families per week who are deeply invested in the arms race of materialism. People are enveloped in it.

While I generally do a good job leaving my work at work, some of these families keep me up at night. I'm terrified of what's coming. A reckoning will happen. Perhaps soon. Perhaps decades from now. But it's coming. I repeatedly see how this story ends, and it's a nightmare.

Are you caught caught up in the arms race? If so, maybe today is the day to finally lay down your weapons.

Note: This couple granted me permission to share their story anonymously. I'm not sure why, but I'm grateful they did.