More Hunting, More Fishing

I'm not a big hunter or fisherman. It's never really been my thing, but living in the Midwest, it is for many of my friends. This is where today's story begins.

When I met with a newish client, heaviness was hanging in the air. You could cut the tension with a knife. Eventually, though, I couldn't let it linger any longer. Then, it came out. The husband was frustrated that they didn't have the resources for him to be more active with his passions: hunting and fishing. And by resources, I mean money and time.

I tried to play it cool, but I knew exactly where that conversation needed to go. In short, it wasn't that this couple lacked resources. Instead, they were allocating their resources to things that didn't matter to them. In a matter of minutes, I pointed to more than $2,200/month of expenditures that didn't seem consistent with who I knew them to be. Just one of those expenses was a $1,600/month truck payment. $1,600!!!

He didn't actually seem to care much about his truck, yet he was willfully paying what's practically a mortgage payment for the privilege of having it. He was initially defensive when I pointed out his behavioral misalignment. His words said he cared about a certain set of values, but his budget said he cared about a different set of values. Eventually, though, he saw it!

Very few of these expenses actually mattered to them, but these costs were absorbing a good chunk of their financial margin (making it feel impossible for him to invest in hunting and fishing). Not only that, but the husband would regularly work overtime to make enough income to pay all the bills.....thereby reducing the amount of time even available to invest in hunting and fishing.

With the wave of their magic wand (i.e., humility), they quickly unwound several of their financial commitments, including selling the truck with the ridiculous payment. Almost overnight, they were able to invest their time and money into things that actually mattered to them.....including the husband's love of hunting and fishing.

Always, always, always spend YOUR values. Please don't care what anyone else is doing. Find out what matters most to you, lean hard into that, and ignore all the other noise. Life is so much more fulfilling when we focus our resources where they matter most.

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Getting It Right, Not Being Right

TJ and I have had many intense Northern Vessel conversations over the past three weeks. We've faced (and continue to face) many challenges. All in all, though, these are good things. In just 2.5 years, we've already outpaced our year-seven projection. This is an amazing blessing, but that sort of blessing comes with many trials. TJ and I have an interesting relationship. I've been somewhat of a mentor figure to him over the years, which turned into a big brother / little brother type situation, turned best friends, as well as business partners. On top of that, in my new role as head of operations, I report to him as my boss. It can be tricky!

On this surface, this might seem like a recipe for disaster. That's a lot of landmines to maneuver. However, our dynamic works very well together. It's not due to luck. Rather, a few important dynamics make all the difference in the world. First, we both care deeply about the mission. Ultimately, even when we disagree, we're on the same team and have the organization's best interest in mind. The second, though, is the most important. It's a line in the sand he and I drew more than two years ago, and it's at the center of everything we do. In fact, TJ brought it up yesterday during a particularly intense conversation. 

Neither of us is in the business of being right…… we're in the business of getting it right. The best idea wins, period. This steadfast boundary changes everything. It's not about ego, one-upping the other, or winning a debate. The only thing that matters is getting to the best possible outcome, regardless of our path to get there. Sometimes, he's right. Sometimes, I'm right. Sometimes, neither of us is right. However, we usually get to the right place, and through our trust in one another to be in the business of getting it right, we end up in a far better place for it. 

In my opinion, this is the only mode to operate life. It can sometimes be humbling, even embarrassing, but everyone wins when the best outcome is reached. I see this in my coaching all the time! If one spouse is in the business of being right, the couple won't ultimately reach its potential. This dynamic is usually caused by arrogance, pride, or stubbornness. It's destructive to both the finances and the marriage. On the flip side, if both spouses are in the business of simply getting it right (regardless of who is more right), they will absolutely crush it. I've seen this play out over and over and over, spanning more than a decade with some couples. 

As you navigate your day, be in the business of getting it right, not being right. I promise it will change your life....and your relationships!

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Paying for Outcomes, Not Inputs

I saw the most wonderful TikTok video yesterday! The text on the screen said, "I paid this guy $500 to remove a tree, and it took him less than a minute....I think I overpaid." Behind the text was a video of an enormous crane tearing this massive stump, massive root system and all, out of the soil like it was a small weed. It was thoroughly impressive! The entire point of this video was to show how ripped off this person was because they paid $500 for a job that took just a few minutes.

This is where people get so twisted up. The prevailing thought process in our culture is that when we purchase something, whether a service or a product, we're paying for the cost of the physical inputs and/or the time that went into it. In reality, though, we're paying for an outcome.

In the video mentioned above, they weren't paying for the person's time, and they weren't paying for the cost of the equipment. They were paying for the desired outcome of no longer having that ugly tree stump in their yard. That's it. It doesn't matter how much the business's time or equipment costs. Is having a stump-free yard worth $500 to them? Yes or no? That's the only equation that matters.

I occasionally get the same thing in my coaching. All of my coaching is quoted on a flat-rate basis. The client shall get x number of meetings over y number of months, plus access to me between meetings, for $z. Once in a blue moon, a prospective client will ask me for a formal breakdown of my time (prep, meeting, follow-up hours, etc.). Why? They want to determine what my hourly rate is to determine if my price is fair. Problem: I'm not selling my time. I'm selling an outcome: impact….hopefully life-changing impact. Either a prospective client believes the impact I can make in their life is worth more than the fee I charge, or they don't. If they don't, they absolutely shouldn't hire me.

Coffee is another example. I recently had a friend tell me our Northern Vessel signature oat milk cold brew lattes are a ripoff at $6.50. "What are you putting in them, gold!?!?" Well, close, but no. Housemade cold brew concentrate, oat milk, and simple syrup. "And that costs you $6.50?!?!" People aren't actually paying for coffee, milk, and sugar. They are paying for an outcome. In this case, the desired outcome is an experience. It's the community, camaraderie, atmosphere, hospitality, memories, and, yes, a hopefully delicious drink experience. If this outcome is worth more than $6.50 to someone, they should consider buying one, but if not, they shouldn't!

Whether you're wearing your consumer hat or business hat, always remember this principle. We aren't paying for physical inputs or time.....we're paying for outcomes. Know what you're really selling, and sell it with confidence. Know what you're really buying, and buy it with confidence. What outcome are you trying to obtain? Does xyz product or service provide said outcome and cost less than the value this desired outcome adds to your life? If so, amazing!

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Gratitude, Always Gratitude

If you are a Christian reading this on Easter Sunday, I hope this is a wonderful day of celebration for you and your family. As I think about what this day means to me, it's quite clear: Gratitude, always gratitude. Gratitude for the most amazing gift that we could ever have been given. Gratitude for the life I'm blessed to live. Gratitude for the forgiveness I've received.

Gratitude is the only mode of operation we should have in life. Sure, we could easily point to all the junk, sorrow, and pain we've experienced in this life. We can call foul on all the terrible things that have happened to us. All of that would be fair, and well deserved. It's so easy to blame others, be a victim, and wallow in our own suffering. Oh, believe me, I've been there!

But gratitude is the only way. We can dwell on all the things we don't have......or we can be grateful for what we do have. You will NEVER have everything you want. You will NEVER feel like it's enough. You will NEVER end up where you want. However, everything you do have is something to be grateful for. Everything in front of us is a gift.

If gratitude is at the center of our lives, there's nothing that can knock us out of the game. Bad fortune, profound loss, and unjust circumstances are surely headed our way at some point in the future, but if we center our lives around gratitude, it will never be enough to take us down.

However you're celebrating Easter today, choose gratitude. Always gratitude. Happy Easter!

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Fear Is Not Our Friend

If there's one thing that's true, it's that fear is not our friend. Nothing good happens when we make decisions rooted in fear. This applies to every single aspect of our lives.

When we make investing decisions rooted in fear, we lose.

When we make business decisions rooted in fear, we lose.

When we make purchase decisions rooted in fear, we lose.

When we make career decisions rooted in fear, we lose.

When we make relationship decisions rooted in fear, we lose.

This was the theme of my work this week. We're living in weird times right now. Everyone is a bit stressed, a bit nervous, and a bit off-kilter. The consequence of this reality is that people are continually teetering on the edge of making fear-based decisions. And since nothing good happens when we make decisions rooted in fear, this is a critical inflection point for many.

Here's a little hack I find helpful on this journey. Whenever a decision is in front of me, I ask myself if fear is playing a role. Then, I try to be honest with myself. It's amazing how often fear plays a role, even when we don't think so. I regularly catch myself almost making fear-based decisions, and when I do, I'm able to take a step back, assess it for what it is, and then make a more rational decision without fear skewing me one way or another.

One of my roles in my coaching is to catch people when fear is creeping in. After all, it's easier for other people to spot our blind spots than it is to see our own. As such, consider bringing other people into the fold. Allow others who know you and care about you to help assess key decisions. It's amazing how much insight someone can have when they are on the outside looking in.

None of this seems tremendously profound today, and I'm not overly impressed by writing style or humor, but this just feels like the right message on the right day. Perhaps someone needs to hear this today. Have an amazing day!

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Tears Of

The last few days have been packed with financial coaching meetings. Lots of tears. Tears of loss, pain, suffering, sorrow, joy, achievement, regret, and celebration. Lots of tears for lots of reasons. There's a lot of life happening all around us. And yes, these were financial coaching meetings.

That's the thing about money. Money is NEVER about money. It's always about something bigger. Sure, we can make it about dollars and cents, black and white, smart and dumb, responsible and foolish, rich and poor. Most of the world views money that way, after all. However, doing so sells people short. People's lives are worth so much more than stacks of cash and materialistic possessions.

While I don't believe money is important, handling it well is. It's intertwined into every area of our lives. Our relationships, aspirations, careers, parenting, hobbies, passions, and daily lives. Thus, the tears. I might sit in a room with spreadsheets on a screen and number scribbled on a whiteboard, but we're not really talking about money. Money might come up, but it’s never really about the money. We're talking about the most important nuances of people's lives, which happen to, for better or worse, intersect with finances.

This is the tension with a meaning over money lifestyle. We can't put money on a pedestal and worship it above all else. Doing so is toxic, unhealthy, and unfulfilling. On the flip side, we can't irresponsibly disregard money altogether. Doing so is a surefire way to reap chaos and destruction in a life meant for meaning.

So what's the answer? In my opinion, we should endeavor to steward our resources well, postured in humility, contentment, and generosity, to live a life rich with meaning, purpose, and impact. Everything else is just noise.

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They ARE the Mission

I witnessed something as I walked out of a client meeting yesterday. I exited my client's office and began scurrying to a nearby coffee shop where I would urgently knock out a client project before my next meeting. However, I witnessed something that stopped me in my tracks. I saw a young man rummaging through a dumpster behind a building. It took about ten seconds to compute, but it appeared this person was looking for food. I reached into my pocket to see if I had any cash; I found a $20 bill! In an instant, I decided I should give this man my cash. Then, however, something else kicked in. I thought about how little time I had to finish my project before my next meeting would start, and decided to hurriedly proceed to my next destination instead of engaging with this man.

Then, about a half-block later, I realized the error of my ways. Crap, crap, crap! What was I doing?!?! My gut said that stopping to engage with this man would be a distraction from my mission. What a toxic and terrible thing to think. Rather, engaging with that man was THE mission. If I wake up each day with the intent of moving the needle and serving people around me, this man wasn't a distraction. He needed to be THE priority in this moment.

Knowing which direction he was walking, I decided to find him. I darted in the desired direction, hoping to spot him in the distance. I covered maybe eight blocks while looking, coming up empty-handed. As I was about to concede defeat, I spotted him in the distance. With a sense of urgency and determination, I hurried toward in his direction before losing him again. Once there, I offered him the $20 bill, and we had a brief chat. To say he was grateful would be a gross understatement. He was beyond excited.

We so often get in our own way. Even with the best intentions, we get distracted and overwhelmed by what's on our plate. We desire to help people, but when an opportunity to help presents itself, we turn it down so we can be available to help someone. Ironic, isn't it?

I almost blew it yesterday. It wouldn't have been the first time, unfortunately. I'm so grateful I had a second chance to do the right thing. I'm not always that lucky.

Whatever you do today, please don't miss the little opportunities to make a difference. They aren't distractions from the mission.....they ARE the mission.

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Stepping Up

Good morning to everyone……except for Grandpa Joe! Have you ever seen Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? We watched it as a family last night, and as always, a classic! Hot take: Grandpa Joe is the worst movie character of all time.

As the movie unfolds and the characters are introduced, we discover that Charlie Bucket's family lives in poverty. His mom works at a laundromat, where she uses her single income to support Charlie and four bedridden grandparents in very tough living conditions. On the night this movie begins, Charlie is disappointed that dinner will be "cabbage water again." Not cabbage soup, but cabbage water. In another scene, Charlie gets his first paycheck from his new paper delivery route. He uses this financial windfall to purchase a delicious-looking loaf of bread for the family, which Grandpa Joe calls "a feast." At the same time, we find out that while the family barely has enough money to serve cabbage water, a portion of their resources is used to support Grandpa Joe's tobacco habit. Did I mention that Grandpa Joe and the other three grandparents have been bedridden for 20 years? 20 years!!!

Now, I'm not here to bash senior citizens or people who don't have the physical capacity to move about. I'm here to bash on what happens next. After Charlie miraculously and magically wins the fifth and final golden ticket to tour Willy Wonka's factory, he hesitantly invites Grandpa Joe to be his guest. Yes, the same Grandpa Joe who hasn't left his bed in two decades. And whataya know, two minutes later, Grandpa Joe is dancing around the living room like he's an energetic teenage boy.

The entire family has spent the last 20 years, and the entirety of Charlie's life, living in poverty. All the while, Grandpa Joe just needed something he cared enough about to spring from his bed and become productive. Providing for his in-need family didn't do the trick, so it's a bit disappointing that a one-day tour of a chocolate factory was what flipped his switch.

Yes, I realize it's just a movie. I know it's silly. I know it's not meant to be taken seriously. I love that movie so much! But Grandpa Joe always gets to me. We need to step up. All of us.

Day after day, I write and podcast about pursuing work that matters, aggressively chasing a meaningful life that's full of fulfillment, impact, and curiosity. I believe in all of that.....with every ounce of my being. At the same time, however, we also need to step up and take care of our families. Never do I suggest that we should abandon our responsibilities to provide and care for those who matter most by recklessly and irresponsibly living our lives.

We need to have both. Yes, we need to aggressively pursue that meaningful life, but at the same time, we must do what we need to do to put food on the table, a roof over our heads, and water in the pipes. The act of providing, even if through less-than-ideal work, is a meaningful endeavor. We ought not lose sight of that.

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Simple Is Not Easy

One of my friends reached out to me. He was frustrated with me and wanted to vent. He said he regularly reads the blog and listens to the podcast, and wants to call us out on something. In short, according to him, we mislead people when we tell them that living these meaning over money principles is easy.

I shared with him that, to my knowledge, I've never used the word "easy." He rebutted, insisting that one of my favorite words is "simple." Ah, yes, now we're getting somewhere! This is where the rubber meets the road. Living a meaningover money lifestyle is very, very simple, but there's nothing easy about it! In fact, I'd argue it's one of the hardest things in the world.

Simple does not mean easy. In the case of aggressively pursuing meaning, it's brutally difficult......sometimes feeling nearly impossible. But it's indeed simple. Here's a short list of meaning over money concepts that are both quite simple and tremendously difficult:

• Pursuing work that matters, even if it pays less than an alternative, less meaningful job option.

• Getting out of debt and staying out of debt.

• Intentionally NOT keeping up with the Joneses.

• Living on a budget, but not being afraid to spend on things that truly add value to your life.

• Leaning hard into generosity.

• Cease caring about what others think.

• Practicing delayed gratification by saving for future needs.

• Patiently investing in the broad U.S. stock market and NOT making adjustments/changes when times get weird (such as now!).

• Focusing on building impact instead of building wealth.

All simple. All extraordinarily difficult. Simple is not easy. Whenever I meet with a potential client, I promise them three things if they decide to pursue this counter-cultural way of living: 1) It's so simple, 2) it's so hard, and 3) it will be worth it far more than they will ever know.

I make those three promises to you as well! Simple is not easy. In fact, it might be the hardest thing you try to do. However, it will most certainly be a beautiful journey.

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Pushing Through the Pain

My son Pax ran his first 5K this weekend. He carried himself with a combination of excitement and anxiousness in the days leading up to the race. More than anything, he just didn't know what to expect. But as we were mere moments from beginning the race, he was beyond excited.

I told him I would stay by his side every minute of the race. He would set the pace, and I'd stick with him. The opening moments were fantastic.....which lasted all of a half mile. Then, things turned south quickly. I'm not sure he had ever ran more than a half mile in his life, so I was expecting 3.1 miles to break him......and break him it did! His legs hurt. His foot hurt. His lungs hurt. He was facing physical, mental, and emotional demons. He wanted to quit. It was too hard. He wasn't good enough. He wasn't strong enough. He didn't belong there. The self-talk was crushing. There was crying. There was yelling. There was the innocent 8-year-old kid's version of swearing.

My goal was to push him hard enough to step up to the challenge, but not so hard that he'd snap. I would pick out a landmark in the distance and say, "Alright, man, we're going to jog from here to that yellow sign, then we'll walk again. Let's push through the pain." He'd say no a few times, then relent. Then, we'd repeat that cycle all over again.

As we turned the final corner and approached the last tenth of a mile, we could see the finish line. "Pax, I want you to sprint to the finish line with everything you got. Don't leave any gas left in the tank. Just go for it!" And he did! He took off and gave it everything he had. He collapsed to the ground as soon as he crossed the finish line. I couldn't tell if he was happy, sad, angry, or some other emotion. Ultimately, I realized he was just really dang proud of himself. He did something he didn't think was possible. He pushed through the pain, and that was a grander award than any medal he could have received.

Pushing through the pain is one of life's greatest lessons. Success isn't accomplished in the absence of pain. Rather, it's something that happens amidst, in, and through the pain. Pain is inevitable, but it's what we do with the pain that dictates our fate.

This applies to 5Ks, money, work, entrepreneurship, relationships.....everything! Please don't avoid pain. Don't run away from it. Don't hide from it. Pain isn't something to be avoided. It's something to be confronted head-on. When we do, we grow. We win. We prove to ourselves that we can (and should) do things that matter.

I don't know if Pax will ever run a 5K again, but I'm 100% certain he just learned a valuable lesson that will carry with him for decades to come. Push through the pain!

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Everything Is Connected to Everything

"I don't get how you do that!" exclaimed a friend. This is a sentiment I hear often, about lots of topics, from lots of different people. In people's defense, when I live such a public life (with the blog and podcast), it's not a surprise that it results in many questions and conversations. I never take offense when people want to discuss one of these topics; it's actually an intended consequence of broaching such topics with readers and listeners. I want to open a dialogue!

Back to my friend. "I don't get how you do that!" I often get this type of comment about a myriad of topics:

• Leaving an amazing career (and my family taking a 90% pay cut doing so).

• The new and unique career I’ve created.

• Living with zero debt

• Sarah staying home and spending her time volunteering.

• The family trips.

• Publishing 365 blogs and 104 podcast episodes per year.

• The frequent international travel.

• The sharp bend toward generosity.

• The fun little 350Z.

• Saying "yes" to odd opportunities.

"I don't get how you do that!" My friend was confused. In his opinion, I live a weird life. I get that word a lot. "Weird." I never take that personally, and in fact, it's become somewhat of a badge of honor.

I immediately asked my friend: "How much do you spend per month on your house and car payments combined." He thought for a moment, doing the mental math. "Maybe a little more than $5,000. I think $5,200. What does that have to do with anything?" I told him my house and car payments combine for $1,700 per month. Now he looked confused.

Next question: "How much more do you spend on other debt payments?" Again, he took a moment to think through some numbers. "Maybe a thousand or so." I told him we had none, and he looked skeptical.

We live in the same town, not far from one another. Our kids are a similar age. We do similar activities and attend similar events. Our lives are not all that different.....except they are. His house, cars, and consumer debt cost his family $6,200/month, whereas ours cost us $1,700. We might as well live on different planets.

I shared my philosophy with him: "Everything is connected to everything." Components in our lives don't live in a vacuum. Every decision has consequences, which create new decisions, which create new consequences. I admit that our family's life is quite weird, but that's intentional. When everything is connected to everything, it allows us to string together decisions that have a ripple effect on our journey.

When we live the world's way, it creates a ripple effect of living the world's way. It's a predictable and linear path. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but it is what it is.

On the flip side, living in a weird way creates a ripple effect of living a weird way. It's a shockingly unpredictable path, and it creates as many weird opportunities as it does uncertainty.

Everything is connected to everything, and that's a good thing. To me, it means we have more control of our journey than we often like to believe. If that's true, don't be afraid to seize control.....and maybe live a little weird.

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Those Evil One-Percenters

You know who's really evil? It's those rich, greedy 1%'ers. You know, the people who make too much money. Those people! They need to pay their fair share and be more generous. After all, they have enough....more than enough. Don't even start on how out of touch they are with the real world and what other people are going through.

Don't these 1%'ers just drive you nuts?!? You'd think they would act a bit more grateful for what they have. Instead, they always seem so entitled and disconnected from the plight of the others.

Don't even get me started on their giving (or lack thereof). Instead of giving to those in need, they buy newer cars, moreTVs, faster phones, better vacations, and bigger houses.

I had several more paragraphs of anti-rich ranting to go, but there's just one problem. It's so easy to point the finger at others when we can perceive them a certain way. We have the privilege of judging them from our safe little perch of morality and relativism.

Unfortunately, we're looking through the wrong lens. It's easy to look through the lens of our own choosing. Doing so allows us to justify our attitude, judgment, and inaction. Here's the real, sobering, hard-to-swallow truth: If your household makes more than $40,000 USD each year, you're in the top 1% of families in the world. Do you make more than forty grand? If so, you're a 1%'er.

Let that sink in. Ouch. We're rich. Clean water, electricity, heat, A/C, education, medicine, cars, Tvs, cell phones, internet, refrigeration, three meals per day. We're very, very rich. It doesn't seem like it because we live in our own bubbles surrounded by people richer than our version of rich, but we're so unbelievably blessed. As such, there are really only three rational implications of this reality:

• We should live with gratitude.

• We should live with contentment.

• We should live with generosity.

Anything short of this takes us down the road of becoming real-life versions of those rich people we so harshly (and unfairly) judge.

I hope you have a blessed day.

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Tsunami or Drizzle

One of my clients has a storm approaching. They have two normal incomes and a small child. One spouse is about to lose their job, and the family will soon experience a 50% decrease in its take-home income. Talk about scary!!

Here's the thing about storms. It's not a matter of if a storm is coming, but when. That's what life promises us, and man, life sure does deliver! So, since we know a storm is coming, the next question is how bad said storm will be.

While this couple hasn't been together all that long, both spouses have spent the last 10 years of their lives setting the foundation for where they are now. Sure, I've helped them in their journey, but they had already done so many amazing things before I arrived on the scene. Here's a quick summary:

• No debt (this is huge!)

• Below-average housing costs

• Sizable taxable investment account (game-changer!)

• Conservative lifestyle

• Prioritization of family over stuff and status

• They live life with a posture of contentment and generosity

They've been nervous about the oncoming storm......as they should be! It's absolutely terrifying. We recently took inventory of their situation and worked through their new reality budget. We titled it, "Oh crap!" In it, we discerned what categories needed to be cut or decreased once the storm hits.

When we got to the bottom, they were met with a shocking discovery. After losing half of their income and making whatever cuts they could, the net result was only a $600 monthly budget shortfall. Combine this with the nice taxable investment account available to help them weather the storm, they are in amazing shape! Instead of the impending storm looking like a destructive tsunami, it will more closely resemble a slight drizzle.

Instantly, I could see relief in their eyes. What started as fear turned into confidence. All the hard work they've put into this over the years is about to culminate soon, and they are so grateful for the situation they've put themselves in.

The question isn't whether or not a storm is coming.....it is! The question for you today is what that storm looks like. Will it be a destructive tsunami that will potentially wipe you off the map? Or will it be a slight drizzle that you can confidently navigate? Perhaps today is a great day to start preparing for the storm.

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The Kids Don’t Care

I recently spent time with a couple who are struggling. Both spouses have great jobs, and their combined income is much higher than the average family's. However, they are stressed, burned out, and frustrated with life. Between their jobs and other commitments, they barely have time for their kids. By the time they all get home at night and eat dinner, they're lucky to have 30 minutes with the kids before bedtime. They feel like spectators in their own lives, watching their kids being raised by other people.

I mostly listened, taking it all in. It pained me to hear how discontent they are with their lives. The part about rarely seeing their kids was especially brutal. Then, I asked what seemed like an obvious question to me: "Well, why do you do it?"

"Our kids deserve a good life."

In their opinion, all of this hard work, long hours, stressful weeks, and the amazing income it all provides was worth it because it allowed them to provide their kids with a high standard of living which they "deserved.". This family is checking all the boxes: the house, the cars, the clothes, the trips, the activities, the clubs. Their kids are livin' the life!

My response: "The kids don't care!"

This is a hard pill for most parents to swallow, but the kids don't give a rip about any of it. We may think they do, and they may say things that lead us to believe they do, but they don't! What kids care about is having their parents present. A healthy household, engaging relationships, active discipline, a shoulder to lean on, someone to show them love, and the opportunity to make memories. They don't care about money, stuff, or status.

I've interviewed hundreds of people about their childhood. The feedback I've heard has ranged from "My childhood was a nightmare" to "I had the best childhood in the world." Do you know what doesn't factor into these opinions? Standard of living. Nobody says, "My childhood sucked because we were lower class," and nobody says, "My childhood was great because we were rich." Their standard of living and financial status always come up (because I ask), but there's practically zero correlation between money and childhood happiness.

There is one consistent theme, though. How present and engaged their parents were meant everything. Regardless of wealth or standard of living, kids who had present and engaging parents consistently reflect fondly on their childhoods. Translation: They don't care about money.

If what I just said is true, we parents have a choice to make. We can either continue down the road of "providing a good life," recognizing we're actually doing it for ourselves (and not our kids), or we can choose meaning over money and truly invest in our children. This is a tough pill to swallow for many, but one worth considering.

I'll end with the good news! No matter how much (or little) income you make or wealth you possess, you already have the tools to give your children everything they want!

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Oops, I Did It Again

Oops, I did it again. Be honest, did you just sing that line? No, today's post isn't about Britney Spears.

I've spent a lot of time writing about the importance of accepting generosity from others. Being able to accept a gift is an act of generosity in and of itself. The act of acceptance allows the other person to be a blessing, while the act of deflecting, denying, and deferring is a selfish act of pride. I wrote a piece two years ago about how I whiffed on an opportunity to let a friend bless me. I stole his blessing, robbing him of that gift.

Here's where Britney Spears comes in. I did it again yesterday! After two years of nearly flawless execution, I selfishly robbed my friend of his opportunity to be generous with me.

I was at a local coffee shop owned by my friend. As I approached the counter, he was running the register.

Me: "I'll have a small black coffee, please."

Him: "You bet. The coffee is on me today."

Me: "No, no, that's ok. You don't have to do that."

As I entered my phone number into the terminal to log my rewards, I (kinda) changed my mind.

Me: "Well, actually, ok."

But at that moment, I realized I had enough points for a free drink.

Me: "It looks like I have enough points for a free drink. I'll just use those."

Him (in the nicest tone): "That's you still not accepting my gift."

Wow. Just wow. He was right. I deflected his gift. I robbed him of the opportunity to be generous with me. I was prideful and selfish. I have no idea why I did it, but I immediately caught myself. I apologized profusely and named what I had just done.

As I walked out the door an hour later, I told him that our interaction inspired my next blog post and I would forward it to him. So, friend, here you go! I so much appreciate your generosity and friendship, and I'm sorry for robbing you yesterday! That was totally lame of me!

It just goes to show how culturally wired we are to deflect, deny, and defer. This is a topic I write about frequently and think about daily. This idea is at the core of my being, yet I failed yesterday.

I've said it on this blog or on this podcast in the past, and it's a hill I'll die on: We can't be truly generous unless we're able to receive the generosity of others. It sounds counter-intuitive, but the act of receiving can transform us in more ways than we can understand.

Yes, be generous. Give. Give ridiculously. Give in a way that makes people think you're insane. Give so much that it hurts, then keep giving so much that it feels good. Give, give, give. But at the same time, don't rob others of their generosity. Be humble. Be loving. Say yes. Show gratitude. Receive the gift.

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The Unwinnable Race

Whether aware of it or not, many people reading this article are running an unwinnable race. They are working hard for that forever home, enough money to feel secure, the newest technology, or the nicest car.

In theory, this is a winnable race. That house is possible, that amount of money is attainable, the Apple store is just a short drive away, and that car is rolling off the production line. Yes, you can have any of these you want......

......but you can't. This is where it becomes unwinnable. The moment you buy your forever home, it's just a house (and a new forever home takes shape in your imagination). The moment you have enough money, you realize it wasn't the answer to your insecurity (and a higher dollar amount takes its place in your mind). The moment you buy the newest cell phone, a newer (and better) one comes out. The moment you pull the trigger on that sweet ride, it becomes just a car (losing its luster).

I recently met with a man who has amassed $15 million. He said it's more money than he ever imagined having. He was raised in a lower-middle-class family, and even taking a three-hour road trip vacation was a luxury for his family. He wore hand-me-down clothes and shared a bedroom with his two siblings. Today, he lives in a 7-bedroom house and flies anywhere he wants at the drop of a hat.

He confided that he once believed even $5 million would be far more than enough. Then, after reaching that milestone, he realized he needed more to feel happy and secure. This process repeated a few more times, leading to his present status at $15 million. In our most recent conversation, he shared his new perspective that somewhere in the $20-$25 million range is probably enough. Unfortunately, it won't be. It never is. He's running an unwinnable race.

If you think x purchase or y dollars is the ticket to your happiness, security, or contentment, you're gravely mistaken. We have two options: 1) We can keep running, hoping there's an end to this race, or 2) Practice gratitude and be content with what we're blessed with. Taking option #2 doesn't mean we live with apathy or simply quit pursuing impact, but rather, it means we stop chasing the things that can't fulfill us and focus on what can.

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The Wise Words of Mike Tyson

Due to the combination of many factors, including mainstream media and social media, Americans are having a collective meltdown about the stock market. We're acting like we've never been here before, and panic is setting in unlike anything I've seen since 2008. Even the people who nodded their heads in agreement with my advice just two months ago are capitulating to fear-based self-destructive decisions.

It reminds me of Mike Tyson's infamous quote: "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face."

Considering the U.S. stock market is down 17.4% since February 19th, let's call this the punch in the face Mike Tyson was referring to!

People are scared, angry, confused, and anxious. As such, please allow me to give you one other data point. Even after the recent 17.4% gut punch, we're still up 104% over the past five years. You heard that right, we're still more than twice as high as we were five years ago.

We haven't seen the stock market this low since, well, May 2nd, 2024. Yes, we're freaking out about the stock market going down to a point where it was just 11 months ago when it had recently hit an all-time 153-year high.

Why is nobody talking about how the stock market fell more than this in 2022? And why is nobody talking about how the stock market fell much more than this (and much quicker) in 2020? And why does nobody talk about how this has happened 21 other times before that, all with the same amazing outcome? It's almost like someone wants us to be scared this time. It's almost like there are motives for people to freak out right now.

Don't buy the hype. Don't let this stuff spin you up. Don't lose sleep. Don't panic. Don't make rash decisions. Don't sell your investments. Don't alter your behavior. Don't berate your neighbors. Don't get on your soapbox. Don't light a stick of dynamite and throw it into your relationships. It's not worth it!

Just live a meaningful life.....period. The rest will take care of itself.

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The Subconscious Killer

People want to drive a certain brand of car.

People want to live in a certain neighborhood.

People want their kids to attend a certain school.

People want to wear a certain logo.

People want to travel to a certain city.

People want their kids on a certain team.

People want to carry a certain model of phone.

People want to belong to certain clubs.

Do you know what all these things have in common? Status. People crave status. I believe people have always craved status, but due to the arms race of materialism and the proliferation of social media, the pursuit of status is thriving now more than ever.

Here's the official definition of status, according to the Oxford Dictionary: "The relative social, professional, or other standing of someone or something."

Here's the unofficial definition of status, according to me: The perception held about someone by an external person or group of people.

We humans care about what others think of us, and whether consciously or subconsciously, many of our decisions are heavily dictated by our desire to positively influence our standing in other people's eyes. Thus, the cars, neighborhoods, schools, logos, travel destinations, sports teams, gadgets, and clubs. Each of these says something about us, one way or another.

This may sound like a harmless topic lacking substantive consequences, but I can personally testify that the consequencesare increasingly destructive. In just the last few weeks, I've met with couples who make north of $300,000/year and are living paycheck-to-paycheck. There are a lot of factors contributing to this, but none bigger than the pursuit of status. Most of their decisions seem to be made, in part, with status in mind. Again, I don't even think it's a conscious thing for them. It's hard-wired into their psyche, and it manifests through each decision.

If this type of behavior goes unchecked, it will rot us from the inside out:

• Divorce

• Selfishness

• Financial stress

• Relational tension

• Jealousy

• Rampant debt

• No retirement

• Discontent

• Did I mention divorce?

Take a hard look in the proverbial mirror this morning and ask yourself what financial decisions are being made in the pursuit of status. If you identify any (and I suspect you will), I strongly encourage you to consider purging them from your life. Your life is worth far more than what others think about you. Your freedom, relationships, peace, calling, and meaning are all far more important than anything status claims to provide.

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The Chicken and Egg of Hospitality

We've been pushing the boundaries a bit more with our recent Northern Vessel social media content. Instead of focusing on coffee, we're venturing more into our core principles and practices around hospitality and mindset. In a recent Instagram post, we used a negative quote concept. This is done by showing what the normal narrative is (crossed out), followed by how we perceive it. Here's what it said:

• Hospitality = Service / Service is about the transaction, while hospitality focuses on the experience.

• Hospitality is only for the service industry / Making people feel seen and valued works in any field, not just for coffee shops or restaurants.

• Hospitality is one way / It's a cycle - When people feel it, they're more likely to share it with others.

• Hospitality requires extravagance / The simplest acts often leave the biggest mark.

• Hospitality is just being nice / It's about creating a genuine sense of welcome and connection.

As expected, someone chimed in on the comments, right on cue: "I will be hospitable when the average guest treats industry workers like humans and not machines."

It looks like we have a bit of a chicken-and-egg type scenario here. As customers, we must apparently earn the right to be treated with dignity. If we treat the service providers well enough, we'll earn the right to also be treated well. In reality, if they treat their customers like trash (which is increasingly more common), the customers will feel disrespected - the opposite of valued - and the relationship will be damaged.

Consumers, if you frequent businesses that treat you like this, I encourage you to run away and never go back.

Businesses, if you have team members who possess this attitude, I strongly encourage you to clean house. This will pollute your culture faster than anything.

There's a flip side to this chicken-and-egg scenario. Let's say you're engaging with someone with a poor attitude. I can almost guarantee that treating this person as poorly as they are treating you is a one-way ticket to a disastrous outcome. Or, you can take the opposite approach by showing genuine hospitality. The beautiful part about hospitality is that it's contagious. Someone with a terrible attitude who is met with hospitality has the potential to reverse course. I've seen it play out again and again. I've witnessed people clearly having a bad day, ready to take it out on the next service worker in their path, only to be met with beautiful hospitality. Almost instantly, this person's attitude begins to shift. Fast forward just a few minutes later, and this once-grumpy customer starts showing hospitable traits to other customers. Hospitality spreads!

Hospitality shouldn't be an act of quid pro quo. Instead, it's a simple act of dignity, respect, and honor. Genuine hospitality belongs in every setting, every industry, every discipline, and every situation.

Sure, you could withhold hospitality from someone until they earn it. That's one way to approach life. Or you could freely give it, knowing you're doing the right thing, and watch the beauty that unfolds.

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Don’t Fear the Tax Man

In the 850 financial coaching meetings I've hosted in the last five years, plus the hundreds of other meetings I've attended, there are a few themes that repeat over and over and over. Today, I want to discuss one such topic.

People are terrified of taxes. Not boogeyman-type scared, but sabotage their own wellbeing if it means they can avoid paying one more penny of taxes scared. Seriously, though, we Americans hate taxes so much that we'll literally prevent ourselves from making more money if it means we don't have to pay more to the government.

Here's a common example: taxable investing. I'm a huge fan of people investing in the stock market in such a way that the money is readily available for whatever purposes necessary (weddings, college, cars, trips, houses, insert your dream here). Let's say you invest $10,000 into a taxable account. Let's also pretend you'll have this money invested for 15 years and average a long-term 9% rate of return. In that scenario, your $10,000 contribution will be approximately $36,400 by the time you need it.

Since this is a taxable account, you can take the money whenever you want, with one catch: you must pay taxes when you sell and withdraw it. People are fully onboard with the idea of turning $10,000 into $36,400, but the moment they "have to pay taxes on it," they are out.

This is where I jump up to the whiteboard. Turning $10,000 into $36,400 means you made $26,400 of profit.....that's a win! Most Americans will owe a 15% tax on this profit, or $3,960. Again, this royally irks people. But let's look at the big picture. After paying roughly $4,000 in taxes, you still turned your $10,000 investment into $32,400 of cash that you can do anything you want! You more than tripled your money!

But the taxes! Even after walking through the math, many people get stuck on the idea that we had to pay the government $4,000. Therefore, we'll willingly give up the $22,400 profit we made just so we don't have to pay the government the $4,000 they are owed.

While I'm no fan of taxes, I'd like to encourage you to think about taxes through a different lens. Taxes are the consequence of financially winning. Sure, I'd like the consequences to be less than they are, but it still means you're winning. Please don't be afraid of that.

One last related thought for the day. There is no scenario where you make more money, causing you to jump into the next tax bracket, and you take home less money. That's a myth perpetuated by social media and politicians. Going up a tax bracket doesn't mean all your income is taxed higher......just the income that's in the new bracket. I regularly talk to people who turn down promotions, bonuses, and second jobs out of fear their move to the next tax bracket will actually lose them money.

Don't fear taxes. Pay whatever you owe, not a penny more, and be grateful for your financial blessings.

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