Letting Go

As several readers pointed out, I left a major plot hole in yesterday's post about coaching my son's basketball team. To summarize, the post was a text I originally wrote (but didn’t publish) in December 2024. It was extremely self-critical and laid bare my heartbreak at realizing that my dream of coaching my kids in basketball was a failed experiment. I ended the piece with the following words: "Tough decisions need to be made. Ultimately, I owe it to everyone (including myself) to make the right decision."

Sunday was Pax's first game of the season. I played the role of a supportive parent, NOT his coach. As I wrote in December, the right decision is the right decision, even when it's not the decision we want to make.

When I decided to step away from coaching, I asked Sarah and a few others to hold me accountable to that decision. I'm glad I did, as I nearly changed my mind a half-dozen times over the past 10 months. Every ounce of me wanted to coach, even though I knew I needed to step away. Even a slight breeze could have pushed me to change my mind if I had allowed it.

Letting go is the hardest thing in the world. It reminds me of something a pastor once told me: "If everything God tells you to do is what you already wanted to do anyway, that's not God. That's you living for your own selfish desires and using God to justify it." Ouch.

Every ounce of me wanted to coach this year, but I knew deep down that letting go was the absolute right decision. Well, how did it go? Mixed results, to be honest. I was sitting in the front row of the bleachers at mid-court. Three separate times, I had to get up and leave. I paced back and forth behind the bleachers, watching from a little further behind. As Sarah would attest, I'm a quiet watcher as a fan. I never say a word. No yelling. No instruction. No verbal reactions. No anything. But inside of myself, I'm a mess. Sunday was no different. Every ounce of me wanted to be in coach mode, but Pax needed me to be a fan.

The right thing is the right thing, even when it's not what we want. There are so many things I'd change in my life if I could wave my magic wand, but unfortunately, I don't have such a wand. Therefore, I'm stuck trying to make the best decisions possible. Sometimes they benefit me, sometimes they don't. Sometimes I like them, sometimes I don't. Sometimes they make my life more comfortable, but usually they don't.

Sometimes, it's not about us. It's about doing the right thing for the right reasons.....period. While I will deeply miss coaching this season, Pax has a great coach, fantastic teammates, and a renewed energy toward the game. While I'll selfishly hurt, I will endeavor to be the best fan I can be to that little guy. He deserves that from me. Letting go is so hard, man.

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Not Going to the Grave With Me

Every so often, I feel the need to ask for Sarah's opinion before publishing a blog or podcast. Either the content is too sensitive, or I feel a tinge of doubt. Last December, when I presented something to Sarah, her response was, "Please don't post this. I think you'll regret it." I canned it. For the past 10 months, it's just been sitting in my drafts.

However, due to the passage of time, inspired by yesterday's post about not taking things to the grave, and by the beginning of Pax's basketball season yesterday, I'm ready to send it into the world. I'm still uneasy about it, and Sarah would still probably advise against publishing it, but at the same time, I feel like someone needs to hear this today. I believe some good can/will come from it. With all that said, here's the piece I originally wrote on 12/19/2024:

I used to be a good basketball coach. It was one of my biggest passions in life, spanning eight seasons from my late teens to my late 20s. For decades, I've dreamed about one day being my kids' basketball coach. After I actually became a parent and my boys started growing, I formulated a few goals. Through coaching, I wanted to spend more valuable time with my kids, invest in my kids and their friends, for my kids to learn to love the game, and add more meaning to our lives. This is my fourth year coaching my kids, and the first in a non-parks-and-recreation setting. I've come to a few realizations recently:

• I'm not as good a coach as I used to be. I have theories as to why.

• It hasn't produced more valuable time with my kids. More time, yes; more valuable, no.

• My involvement hasn't caused my kids to learn to love the game more (they struggle with the boundary between parent and coach)

Further, coaching hasn't been good for my health. I torment myself and second-guess everything I do. I spend hours (or days) after every practice or game, woulda, coulda, and shoulda'ing myself. I feel like a constant failure, always frustrated at myself for letting people down (especially the kids). Even when things feel good or seem good from the outside, I'm still a mess. Even when I should feel joy or fulfillment, I only feel disappointment in myself. 

It's a humbling experience that's tough to even type. However, I'm committed to transparency and providing ideas that may add value to other people's journeys. Here's where I'm going today. I need to face my reality head-on. As much as I want to be a coach—an excellent coach—it's probably not the best decision. As I look toward the season ahead, if I'm being 100% honest with myself, I need to play the role of supportive dad. Any other decision would be detrimental to me and others. Again, it's embarrassing to even type this.....especially because of how much I love those boys.

This is how we grow, though. If we continually linger in places and roles we're not meant to be in, everyone loses. We lose by suffering on this side while missing out on something far more beautiful on the other. Other people also suffer from being on the receiving end of our lack of excellence. Lastly, other individuals who are better suited and called to these positions miss out on the opportunity.

I preach this concept all the time when it comes to our work and careers. If I believe in these principles (I do) and also believe they apply to other areas of life (I do), I need to humble myself and make the right decision. Unfortunately, the right decision isn't always the most enjoyable one. We have one more week of basketball left this season, and I will give it everything I have. Then, tough decisions need to be made. Ultimately, I owe it to everyone (including myself) to make the right decision.

The same applies to you, in all areas of your life. 

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Just Chilling On a Hard Drive

My family had the privilege of attending another Twenty One Pilots concert about five weeks ago. It was the beginning of their tour immediately following the release of their most recent studio album, Breach. Breach immediately shot up the charts, becoming the #1 album in the world. Rightfully so, as it's brilliant!

Fast forward a month, and I received a notification on my phone that Twenty One Pilots just dropped a new video. What?!?! Turns out, they had just played one of their new songs live for the very first time.....and they released a video of the performance on YouTube. It's called Downstairs and it's amazing! Side note, my kids were extremely bummed Tyler and Josh didn't perform this song at the show we attended.

Fan or not, I highly recommend you give it a watch. It's stunning. Deep at its heart, it's a worship song. It's raw with emotion and cuts you right to the core. I firmly believe this song will grow in its legacy and one day be considered one of their finest works.

Here's a fun fact about this song. It's a demo they recorded 14 years ago. At the time, it was a concept called "Korea," and neither of them gave it much thought; so much so that Tyler, the band's frontman, deleted it from his computer. It was trash. It was worthless. However, Josh had a gut feeling about the incomplete demo, so he simply stored it away. Earlier this year, they decided to dust it off and see if it had legs. That birthed something so special. Today, and for years to come, millions of people will be blessed with this song.

14 years "just chilling on a hard drive," as Tyler put it. That song could have died with them. It could have been taken to the grave. Not one other person in the world might have ever heard it. But then, in some form of beautiful serendipity, they were nudged to finish it and release it to the world.

How many of us have beautiful ideas just chilling on our proverbial hard drives? What are you holding onto that could make a difference in the world, but without action, will someday end up buried in the ground with you? I think about this idea a lot......probably too much. It's one of the motivating factors for me to podcast, write, and create. I'll be dead soon, and when I am, I want to leave the world (and my boys) something of value. If I were to die today, 432 podcast episodes and 1,200+ blog posts would be left behind, equating to 115 hours of audio and eight full books. My body will eventually rot, but hopefully something I leave behind will linger and make an impact long after my departure.

I (and millions of others) am so grateful that Tyler and Josh had the fortitude and courage to finish Downstairs. Someday, I hope people will be grateful for something I left behind. Lastly, I hope countless people will be grateful for the things you leave behind. Please don't waste this opportunity. Please don't take it to the grave with you.

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Fighting Secret Battles

I spent most of this week at the Nebraska cattle ranch. It was an awesome, productive, and exhausting week. As a little extra excitement, I had a car issue one morning. One of my tires was scarily low in air on my way to the farm, so I was scrambling to get it remedied. I needed to buy an air gauge, so I walked into a gas station to grab one. I sauntered up to the register, the cashier scanned the item, and I waved my chipped debit card over the sensor. "DECLINED." My card just got declined for a $4.24 purchase?!?!

The cashier looked at me with sympathy. "If you can't afford this, you're free to borrow mine. That's no problem at all."

I thanked him for his generosity, but said I would just use a different card. I processed the payment and walked back out to my ailing car. In this man's mind, there was a very real chance I literally had no money. That reality was on the table. The truth is, my account had dropped below zero because a larger contribution to my donor-advised fund processed quicker than I had anticipated. I screwed up and misjudged the timing. Yet, at the same time, I could have easily been fighting a secret battle that the cashier got a rare glimpse of.

That situation, combined with the fact that tens of millions of people will be losing government-provided food assistance beginning today, was a stark reminder that so many people are fighting secret battles. Your co-worker sitting in the cube next to you. The driver at the stoplight adjacent to your vehicle. The woman in front of you at the grocery store. The neighbor who lives next door to you. Any one of them could be fighting secret battles.

Here's the thing. Secret battles aren't reserved for people who look like they are fighting battles. Looks can be deceiving. Often, the people who are fighting the fiercest battles are the people you'd least expect.

Regardless of what you think of the food stamp situation, there's no denying that tens of millions of people (those impacted by the government shutdown and those who aren't) are fighting secret battles.

I have a few friends who are fighting secret battles as we speak. The only reason I know they are fighting these battles is that I have the honor of having intimate, sensitive conversations with people for a living.

Be vigilant. Keep your eyes open. People all around you are fighting secret battles. If we do our jobs well, we'll be in a position to step in with a much-needed hand-up. On the flip side, if you're fighting a secret battle of your own right now, don't be afraid to let someone know. Don't face it alone. Don't try to be a hero. We all need a hand-up at some point in life. Perhaps today is your day. God bless, and stay safe out there.

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So?

One of my friends is at a crossroads. On one hand, he absolutely hates his job. It's soul-sucking and has repeatedly beaten him down for the past decade. On the other hand, he has some very clear and definable ambitions. He knows exactly what he doesn't want to do......and he knows exactly what he does want to do. There's one thing that stands in his way, though. "What if I'm not good at it?" Fear. More specifically, the fear of failure.

My response was concise: "So?"

We humans are so hard-wired to avoid failure that we'll willingly endure decades of misery in order to prevent ourselves from failing. In my opinion, the fear of failure is the number one reason why most of us don't pursue the things we want most.

What if nobody buys my book?

So?

What if I don't make the team?

So?

What if she's not interested?

So?

What if they don't hire me?

So?

What if the business doesn't take off?

So?

I, too, used to fall in the fear-of-failure camp. Then, something happened. Instead of asking myself, "What if I fail?" I started asking myself two different questions:

• "What's the worst that can happen if I fail?"

• "What if I succeed?"

In most cases, the worst-case scenario of failure had less to do with actual loss than it had to do with bruising my own ego. It was a pride play!

On the flip side, the answer to my "What if I succeed?" question was usually far more amazing than my "What's the worst that can happen if I fail?" answer was terrible.

This eventually morphed into a new conversation that would play out in my head each time I experienced self-talk.

• "Negative blah blah blah."

• "So?"

• "More dumb negative blah blah blah"

• "So?"

The power is in the "So?" In a world that not only tells us we can't, but also that we shouldn't, I think we should change it to we CAN and we SHOULD. Yeah, crappy things could happen, but so?

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A Heavy Anchor

A huge shout-out to the couple that granted me permission to share this story. I pray good comes from it, and that my harsh-ish words can move the needle in their marriage!

Picture this. I'm sitting face-to-face with a couple. They are stressed, frustrated, and borderline depressed. The tension in the marriage is palpable. You could cut the desperation with a knife. Finances are killing them! Specifically, a lack of income is killing them.

Oh yeah, I should probably add one more piece of information to the picture: Their monthly take-home income is $22,000. Yeah, you heard that correctly. $22,000/month......every month. And according to them, there's simply not enough money to keep the train on the tracks. Or, as they put it, "It costs a lot just to survive these days!"

At one point in the conversation, I pointed out to them that just their monthly housing cost (plus utilities) rivals what most people in their town make in a month. They looked at me like I had an alien growing out of my forehead. Again, I tried to put into perspective just how much money they make. They continued to stare at the alien apparently bursting from my face. I explained that the client I met with earlier in the day (who coincidentally lives 1/4 of a mile from them) has a total take-home income of about $7,000/month (and is thriving!). The wife looked like she was either going to have an aneurysm and/or hop over the table to stab me.

I don't know about you, but most people don't even dream about making $22,000/month take-home. In fact, most people probably wouldn't even know what to do with that type of income. Yet here I was, talking to a couple who were lamenting that $22,000 isn't enough monthly income to even survive.

I was getting nowhere. I asked them how much money they made early in their marriage; "Probably $4,000/month." Well, that's a bit different from their current situation. "But the world has changed a lot since then." Fact check: That was seven years ago.

Here's the harsh truth. Unless we're willing to live with humility and contentment, there's no amount of income that can satisfy us. The problem with more is that every time we get more, more is still more.

I offered a few suggestions for how this couple could create financial margin. In some families' situations, it can be challenging to open up much-needed margin. This family, however, has a treasure trove of options for swiftly and materially lightening the tension in their finances. Want to know where they landed? The husband is going to pick up some extra work on the side (nights and weekends) to see if they can make a few thousand more per month.

Here's my promise to them. If they stay on this course, we'll be talking a few years from now. They will be making $25,000-$30,000 per month, yet feel just as broke, stressed, and resentful as they do now......if their marriage survives.

They deserve better than this. You deserve better than this. We all deserve better than this. Don't let the curse of more pull you down.....it's one of the heaviest anchors ever created.

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We, Not Me

I received quite the lashing after yesterday's post. In short, I made the argument that the brutal statistics about how most businesses fail have less to do with the risk of owning a business and more to do with the business owner’s competency in running a business. We can be the most gifted person in the world at our craft, but if we don't know how to run a business, we're toast. One of the primary responses I received was that it's not easy for business owners to know how to do everything.

That's my point! Yes, thank you! Running a business is extremely difficult. However, instead of throwing our arms in the air and playing victim, we need to take accountability, show humility, and have a heart to grow. It's not about "just be better," but instead growing in the areas we need to grow.

There is another thing, though. Business owners often act as though they are on an island, and everything rides on their ability to individually figure it out. Business ownership can be lonely, but luckily, it doesn't have to be. While I've been hungry to grow in my skills as a business owner, I've also had the mindset that I need to bring people around me to fill in my gaps (of which I have many!).

So, today, I want to give you a little glimpse into my world and the people I've intentionally (and sometimes unintentionally) surrounded myself with to succeed (and hopefully thrive) in business:

• Paige and Alyssa, my former and current assistants, who have helped me create structure in my days and have joyfully taken on many tasks that I'm frankly terrible at. These two changed my life!

• Jordan, who has been my right-hand at all things graphic design for many years.

• Tom, for being a trusted business mentor, willing to answer all my stupid questions in my early years.

• Carlos, who taught me about pricing methodologies and helped me create a suitable work environment that's free from my most detrimental distractions.

• Michael and Ashley, who helped me learn bookkeeping and standard business accounting practices.

• Travis, who intensively taught and fueled my new passion for unit economics.

• Cole, who brings his passion for audio and video to bring the Meaning Over Money Podcast to life. He's also the person who believed in me more than anyone.

• TJ, who taught me the art and science of unreasonable hospitality.

• Rebekah, who pushed (shoved!) me to be more professional in my marketing practices and relationship-building.

• My corporate clients, who repeatedly push me out of my comfort zone and force me to view business concepts through different lenses.

• Doug, who helps me understand and navigate the U.S. tax system in ways I never even imagined. This one changed my entire world.

• Parker, who has excellently and creatively recorded dozens of hours of my professional speaking events.

It would have been lonely doing it alone, but luckily, I didn't have to. If you're like me, you have lots of gaps (the code word for things we suck at!). Yes, learn, develop, and grow. But while you're at it, don't be afraid to bring people into the fold that can help you bring your dream to life. Besides, road trips are more fun with someone in the other seat!

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More To the Story

Statistics show that 20% of businesses fail within the first year, 50% fail within the first five years, and (depending on the source) 65%-80% fail within the first ten years. You've probably heard some iteration of these numbers. The broad consensus upon seeing this data is to conclude that business ownership is simply an uber-risky endeavor. That theory makes sense, and the numbers would seem to point in that direction, but I don't think that tells the full story.

Many years ago, I remember watching someone close to me. This person was brilliant at their craft. "Gifted" is a word I would use to describe them. However, I also witnessed something else. When this person decided to start businesses, they would fail over and over and over and over. I couldn't wrap my head around it. How could this person be so good at what they do, but fail so miserably in business? Ah, I know what it is! Businesses are just really, really risky. As the years passed, I gained a different understanding of the truth. This person, while extraordinarily gifted at their craft, was terrible at the various business disciplines necessary to succeed in the marketplace.

Over time, I've developed a new theory. While businesses are far from risk-free, I believe the data on business failures has more to do with the competency of business owners' running-a-business skills than anything. Gifted at their craft, yes, but somewhere between bad and terrible at running a business is the norm.

If I look back on my own experience as a business owner, I can think of a half-dozen times when I almost lost my businesses. These situations weren't because running a business is risky, but rather, because I made poor decisions that almost caught up with me. It was ME, I was the problem.

Northern Vessel is a great example. Before I got involved, TJ failed multiple times, including the complete shutdown of the company. It wasn't because running a coffee company is inherently risky, but because TJ lacked the knowledge and experience to make wise business decisions. While Northern Vessel has grown into something far more prominent and successful than we ever could have imagined, we almost lost the company a few times in the past three years. We made a series of poor decisions that nearly wrecked the ship. That wasn't because running a coffee company is risky, but because we screwed up and it almost caught up with us.

We don't know what we don't know, and that's okay. However, it doesn't give us an excuse to throw our hands up in frustration and proclaim, "Running a business is just too risky." We need accountability, ownership, humility, and a willingness to learn. Being a master of our craft isn't enough. Without developing a better understanding of how to run a business, we'll inevitably waste our giftedness and drive our sanity into the ground.

To be continued.....

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The Gatekeepers Are Dead

In the last few months, I've heard an array of mirroring comments from people in my life:

• I wish I could start a podcast.

• I wish I could publish a book.

• I wish I could record an album.

• I wish I could start a business.

For generations, we lived in a world of gatekeepers. If you wanted to publish a book, you'd need a publisher to say "yes" to you and offer to publish it. If you wanted to be a radio or TV personality, you'd need a network to sign you. If you wanted to record an album, you'd need a label to discover you. If you wanted to start a business, well, there were a ton of barriers to entry. Gatekeepers were abundant, and our culture required permission to enter.

The gatekeepers are dead! Sure, publishers, networks, and labels still exist, but they no longer have the power to gatekeep like they once did. Yes, you need their permission if you want to access their particular platforms. However, due to advancements in technology and a massive cultural shift, we are no longer at the mercy of these gatekeepers.

If you want to start a podcast, start it! If you want to publish a book, publish it! If you want to record an album, record it! If you want to start a business, start it! The cost and friction points to initiate any of these endeavors are so low.

You can start a podcast on your phone today for free. If you wanted to, you could use your phone as the recording device, and Spotify For Creators (free!) as your distribution platform. Within seconds, your podcast could be on every meaningful podcast platform in the world.....for free! Zero gatekeepers!

If you want to publish a book, Amazon's self-publishing platform allows you to do it for free! No up-front cost, no minimum inventories. If someone orders a copy, Amazon fires up the printing machine, sends the customer the printed copy, and keeps a chunk of the revenue as compensation. Zero gatekeepers!

I know 12-year-olds who are starting creative businesses that are now making more than the median U.S. adult. I once had a high school youth group kid who made twice as much as I did! Zero gatekeepers!

None of these are easy endeavors, but nobody said it should be easy. This isn't about hard or easy, but rather, why we're waiting for permission from the gatekeepers. Spoiler alert: Permission isn't coming. The gatekeepers aren't what's coming between us and our callings. Instead, we're coming between us and our callings. We're too much in our own heads, using no-longer-existing gatekeepers as the excuse.

So many of you have dreams of one day doing xyz. Whatever that endeavor is, just do it! Don't wait for the gatekeepers.....they are dead. There's no better day than today to give yourself permission.

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Rock Bottom

There's a saying I've been using for the last decade: "Okay is the worst place to be." There's nothing worse than being okay in xyz area of life. Okay isn't good enough to thrive, but also not bad enough to change. Slotting ourselves in the okay lane is a first-class ticket to stagnation....and eventual slow-burn failure.

I see this play out over and over again with people and money. People who are doing okay are the ones who will end up in the worst places. For better or worse, rock bottom is the blessing of all blessings. Hitting rock bottom is typically the catalyst that triggers massive change. You know who doesn't hit rock bottom? People who are doing okay.

There's one particular area of Northern Vessel that we've done okay with for the past three years on the operational side. Never good, never bad. However, it's one area I've been standing on my soapbox, yelling about how we need to step up our game. Since we've been stuck in okay land, there's no chance of making meaningful change. Something awesome happened this week, though. We hit rock bottom! We finally reaped the consequences of not handling ourselves with excellence. We screwed up, and we're paying the price. Okay quickly turned to rock bottom, and guess what (!?!?), we're ready to make some meaningful changes. As always, rock bottom will allow us to transform this aspect of our business and thrive like never before.

I never root for people to fail. However, I feel terrible for all the people in my life who live in the land of okay. I want so much better for them, but okay is their worst enemy. I never celebrate people's rock bottoms, but I rejoice in the transformation that's on the table when it does come.

I don't wish for you to experience a rock bottom, but I believe you deserve far better than just okay. I don't know what area of your life I'm talking about here, but you do. You absolutely do. Don't settle for okay, and please don't wait for rock bottom to be your wake-up call. Rock bottom will certainly wake us up, but let's not require that outcome before stepping up our game.

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Never Enough Income

Do you ever think to yourself that xyz issues would be solved with more money? If only I made $1,000 more per month! If only I made $2,000 more per month! There are so many financial priorities, and it never seems like there's enough money to go around. First, yes, if our basic needs are not yet financially met, more money will absolutely help close some critical gaps. What I'm about to talk about is the scenario in which basic needs are met, but other financial desires are at play.

I recently had this conversation with a client. This couple makes more money than ever before, yet at the same time, there doesn't seem to be enough. How can that be?!?! How is it possible to make twice as much as we once did, yet still not have enough?

Here's why. There's never enough income. Our human instinct is to conceptualize how making x more dollars per month would magically fix it all. From my experience, however, that line of thinking is futile. People who make $75,000 think more is the answer. People who make $150,000 think more is the answer. People who make $300,000 think more is the answer. People who make $700,000 think more is the answer. Believe it or not, but I've worked with people who make $3M per year who think more is the answer.

There's never enough income. I know it's a depressing thought, but I have good news. While we can't fight our way to success by driving our income upwards, there is one thing we can control. I once heard it said this way: "Wealth is the difference between what we have and what we want." In other words, if our wants keep going up and up, there's never enough money to satisfy the craving for more. On the flip side, if our wants are kept in check (i.e., contentment), what we have is enough.....more than enough.

This is the very reason why families who make $60,000 can feel wealthy while families who make $400,000 can feel financially stressed. It's not about what they make; it's about what they want.

In my 20 years as an adult living in the real world, I've learned that my financial well-being is far more influenced by my contentment (or lack thereof) than by how much money I make. It’s a humbling reality!

What about you? Are there areas of your life that you could/should want less? Is your hunger for more eroding your contentment? What steps would you need to take to widen the gap between what you have and what you want? It's a worthwhile endeavor, and fortunately for all of us, one we can absolutely control.

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Grateful For That Kid

Yesterday's post highlighted the inevitable reality that someday, future us will become current us. What seems old to us today will eventually feel young. Included in my post was a cautionary tale from an old friend who is learning this harsh reality in real time. The post ended with the following: "Yes, you're younger today than you will be someday. At the same time, however, 20 years from now you'll still be younger than you will be someday. Current you is always the youngest version of you. Please help yourself help yourself. Your future self will thank you."

In a fun little twist of fate, I had a related conversation with a client just hours after yesterday's post was published. This client, mid-40s, is in the process of making a huge life transition. Culturally, it's an odd decision. However, it's one this couple has earned through two decades of discipline and wise decisions. Here's an exact quote from the husband: "I'm very thankful for 23-year-old me."

I'm sure 23-year-old him had no idea what his life would look like in his mid-40s, yet at the same time, he respected future him enough to make some powerful, delayed-gratification decisions. Now, decades later, he's about to reap what he sowed. It's such a beautiful example of this concept.

40-something-year-old him isn't as young as 23-year-old him, but 40-something him is the youngest he'll ever be. And now, also being a 40-something, I too realize that being in our 40s often feels like being in our 20s. We feel young. We feel healthy. We know who we are. We know what we value. Life can be pretty dang awesome.

Now, this couple will spend the next season of their lives creating an entirely new reality that will forever transform their family. All because that 23-year-old kid had enough awareness and respect for his future self to live with wisdom and discipline.

No, we can't go back in time and get a do-over. I don't see any DeLoreans sitting in my driveway. However, regardless of how old you are, you're the youngest you'll ever be. You still have a chance to help your future self live the life they deserve. Please don't let them down.

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Turns Out Old Isn’t Old

Let's rewind the clock 20 years. It's 2005. Times are good. The economy is booming, and we haven't yet experienced the wrath and destruction of the Great Financial Crisis. I was 24 years old, new in my young career.

One of my friends was about six years older than me.....right around 30. Over drinks, we shared a conversation that I've periodically thought about for two decades. It's a conversation that might hit close to home for you. My friend was known to be impulsive, the proverbial life of the party. During one of our conversations, the topic of money came up. While I wasn't making the wisest of financial choices back then, I did understand one important concept: Investing for the future is imperative.

My friend had a different philosophy of life. In his words, we might die tomorrow, so we might as well have as much fun as we can now. And even if we don't die tomorrow, why wait until we're 50 or 60 to have fun, since we'll be too old to enjoy ourselves by then anyway.

Nearly twenty years have passed since that conversation. Guess where my friend is today. He's 50.....and healthier than ever. In his words, he's at the peak of his life. Just one problem: His 30-year-old self took that perspective seriously and thoroughly enjoyed life, leaving nothing for "old" him. Today, he sits at 50 and has no idea what his future will hold. Life is full of doubt, uncertainty, and stress. Will he have to work involuntarily forever? How will the bills be paid? There's not enough money to save for the future and actually enjoy life today.

I feel so terrible for him and his situation. He's between a rock and a hard place, and unfortunately, there's no redo button. That's the problem of having the attitude he had when he was younger. We ALWAYS become future us. Current me will someday become future me. A time will come when I am forced to live in the reality established by younger me. On one hand, that's the scariest concept in the world. On the other hand, it's so empowering.

Every day we wake up, we have the power to help future us. Each positive step we take is a blessing for future us, while each mistake is a curse for future us.

Yes, you're younger today than you will be someday. At the same time, however, 20 years from now you'll still be younger than you will be someday. Current you is always the youngest version of you. Please help yourself help yourself. Your future self will thank you.

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The Secret Sauce

I try to suss this out during prospective client consultations. I used to be terrible at it. Then, I started seeing patterns. Eventually, it became a talent. It's the secret sauce. Want to know what it is? Humility. Specifically, how much humility will prospective clients be bringing into this coaching relationship?

When someone lacks humility, the ceiling is quite limited. With a high level of humility, there's nothing that can stop them. That's it, that's the secret sauce. If you ever want to know what sets some people apart from others, it's humility. I would even double down on that statement and say that not only is humility the gateway to unlocking success, but a lack of humility can actually self-destruct the entire coaching relationship, bringing it to an early and disappointing end.

I've been on both sides of these relationships, and I've lived on both sides of humility. I remember, in my early 30s, entering into a mentor/mentee relationship (I was the mentee) where I had very little humility. I thought I knew everything. I thought I already had it all figured out. I wasn't coachable. My lack of humility effectively ensured that I would learn nothing from this brilliant person who was generously volunteering his time to me. Sure enough, it was a waste of time for both of us......100% caused by my lack of humility.

On the flip side, I've had other mentor/mentee relationships (again, as the mentee) where I approached it with deep humility. I essentially took the approach that I knew nothing and that anything they said must be seriously considered. Want to know what happened? I grew a ton! I learned so much. In fact, I probably learned more in that relationship than I did in four years of business school, combined.

Humility, the secret sauce. It sounds so cliché and exaggerated, but after coaching people for more than a decade, I can positively testify that humility is the key that unlocks most doors. Meanwhile, a lack of humility has the power to shut and lock already-open doors.

I had a lack of humility yesterday. I approached a certain conversation as if I already knew everything. I was annoyed and somewhat offended by how the other person was talking to me. Don't they know what I'm capable of?!?! I didn't say anything out loud, but in my head, I was screaming. I could feel the lack of humility in my soul at that moment. I hated that feeling! I never reacted or got defensive outwardly, but it's definitely something I need to work through inside me today.

You know what's worse than not having humility? Needing to have the humility to admit you need humility so that you can actually find humility. Without humility, I'll become an arrogant jerk. With humility, though, I'll be able to make a significantly greater impact. Humility must win out. Humility HAS to win. Humility is critical. It's the secret sauce.

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Just Imagine If You Did

Whoa! I received a scathing message from someone about yesterday's post. I'll share the short (and clean) summary of this man's message. He hates his job, but has a TON of meaning in his life. Between his family, friends, traveling, and hobbies, his life is full of meaning and he doesn't need a "f@#%ing job" to give him meaning.

First, I know this person at a high level. Perhaps not well enough for him to launch a stream of obscenities at me, but oh well. Here's one thing I do know about this person. He does, in fact, have a ton of meaning in his life. I see it with my own two eyes. On the flip side, I didn't realize the gravity of how much he hates his job. We're talking dread every moment of every work day type hate.

Nonetheless, he lives a meaningful life outside of work and tries to compensate for the misery he feels about his work. It's an admirable pursue, and I give him props for that.

Here is my five-word response to his lashing about not needing a job that provides him meaning: "Just imagine if you did."

1/2 of his waking hours are spent with deep meaning, and the other 1/2 are spent in deep misery. Just imagine if he had a job that provided meaning. He'd be so unbelievably fulfilled! Today, though, his life is a pendulum of joy and misery. Friday afternoons through Sunday mornings (plus some nights) are amazing, while Sunday afternoon through mid-day Friday are largely a buzzsaw on his physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

Just imagine if he had meaning in his work, too! He's probably be the happiest and most energetic person I know, Instead, he's content with 1/2 his waking hours being miserable because at least the other 1/2 is pretty awesome.

Just imagine! I used to imagine the same thing, then decided to put some action behind the imagination. Six and a half years later, I can testify that having both halves of our live provide deep meaning is the world's most amazing super power. I know many other people that would testify the same.

Just imagine!

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Not Scary Anymore

An old friend, one I haven't seen in nearly a decade, sent me a text out of the blue: "It's not scary anymore!" My initial reaction was to brush off the seemingly errant text as a mistake. It's not scary anymore? That's a bizarre text from someone I haven't seen in a decade. Then, another text arrived.

In short, this friend said they had been listening to the podcast and reading the blog for years. One of the biggest takeaways over that time has been this weird notion that we ought to find meaning in our work. It's an oddly countercultural topic, and as I've pointed out time and time again, it's a rare state to live in.

"It's not scary anymore!" Turns out, after treating work as a necessary evil for more than 20 years, this friend finally decided work needed to play a meaningful role in his life. After much soul searching and a process to humble himself financially/materialistically, he and his wife both decided to find meaning in their work.

This culminated in both of them finding new jobs within the past year. One spouse took a massive pay cut, and the other experienced a lateral financial move. Dinner table discussions used to involve dreams and aspirations of retiring early. Today, though, it looks different. They each share stories from their meaningful work days, dreaming of what the future might hold in these respective roles.

"It's not scary anymore!" The term Sunday Scaries was all too familiar to this couple. After a long and fun weekend, both of them would regularly get crushed on Sunday afternoons by the reality of what's coming tomorrow. Oh crap, here we go again. Let's brace ourselves for another week of stress, misery, and emptiness. Week in, week out.

I received another text from him last night. "I never realized Sunday nights could be this enjoyable." So good. The Sunday Scaries have been replaced with hope, optimism, and excitement for what's to come.

This made my day. This made my week. This made my month. Heck, this made my year! We don't have to perpetually suffer the Sunday Scaries until we can find an off-ramp to retirement. Life should matter today.....not just someday. A world exists for each of us where we go to bed excited for what's to come, and pop up out of bed to get the meaningful day started. That starts with our work. Other things definitely matter, and we must have meaning outside of work, but if we're going to spend 1/2 of our waking hours at work, it starts with the work. Please allow your work to matter. Please give yourself permission to pursue work that matters.

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Screwing Up My Own Recipe

Today's post is inspired by one of our readers from Guatemala, who emailed me regarding yesterday's post. Turns out, most of us totally botched the recipe I laid out yesterday. And by most, I'm including myself. In fact, I botched it hard! So hard, in fact, that I ended up being a victim of an out-of-state involuntary relocation because my finances didn't provide the margin for me to make my own choices.

Just in case you all somehow think I'm some financial wiz kid who has always got it right, here are some of the costly decisions I made between the ages of 16 and 27 (i.e., all the ways I violated and brutalized the recipe I laid out in yesterday's post):

• I had my first car loan at age 15. Fifteen! It was a pretty sweet Camaro that I painted Carolina Blue.

• Instead of choosing any number of in-state colleges, I elected to pay 4x as much as necessary to attend an out-of-state school.

• I signed up for my first credit card one month into college, effectively delinking my income from my spending. I never carried a balance, but using a credit card no doubt had a psychological impact on my spending.

• During my second year of college, I sold my reliable, paid-off car and purchased a $19,000 Acura Integra. Very sweet car, but to this day, it's the most expensive car I've ever purchased. Think about that. The car I bought 24 years ago, with a poor college kid's income, was the most expensive car I've ever purchased. Just wow!

• I bought my first house two years after graduating from college. I felt the cultural pressure to move quickly and shoot high, and I certainly met the mark on both.

• My giving was approximately zero. And by zero, I'm not sure it ever even crossed my mind! That young Travis was selfish!

• I kept up with the Jonses the best I could. I didn't know if I would win the race, but I was sure giving it my best effort.

• I used debt for everything, all the way down to my wife's engagement ring. By the time my company shut down and I was involuntarily relocated, my debt had ballooned to $236,000.

• Meaning? What's that?!?! My goal was to make as much money as possible, enjoy said money, and invest the rest effectively so I would have even more money to enjoy later.

In other words, I lived a "normal" life and fell right into the hands of our culture's toxic perspectives. I was the epitome of our modern materialism.

There was always hope for me, and fortunately, I eventually became humble (and humbled!) enough to change. Regardless of where you are or what mistakes you've made (or still making), there's always hope for you, too! It's never too late to make meaningful shifts. A few chapters of your story have already been written, but great books aren't defined by the beginning. In fact, the best stories get progressively better as the adventure unfolds, and your story is no different. Here's to the next chapter!

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The Recipe

Okay, wise guy, Travis. What's the recipe? It's funny how the feedback rolled in from yesterday's post. Everyone 40 years old and above applauded my post, while everyone under the age of 40 cursed me. To frame it up, I wrote about a juxtaposition I experienced yesterday. While waiting for a client to join a Zoom meeting, I saw a social media video of anearly 30-something ranting about how his generation has been absolutely screwed out of a decent life. Then, two minutes later, I met with an early 30-something couple that's absolutely crushing it. What's the difference? Decisions compound. Good decisions compound our lives in a positive way, and bad decisions compound our lives in a negative way.

The biggest question I received since yesterday is what a series of good compounding decisions looks like in a real-life situation. The below sequence of events, in rough chronological order, is my idealized version of this recipe. Everyone's unique story will most certainly differ from this.

• As a teenager, learn the art of spending, saving, and giving while NOT using credit cards. 90% of us don't get this one.

• Buy that first car with cash. It's probably not going to be your dream car, but it will be an awesome experience!

• When graduating high school, carefully choose that next step. If attending college, intentionally choose a college that you can afford; NO student loan debt. Every one of us has options to attend a college or trade school without debt. This is where most Americans' negative compounding begins.

• Find a job that roughly meets the following two criteria: pays the bills and leads you closer to the field/work you're called to do. It doesn't have to be the dream job, but you also don't have to willfully sign up for 30 years of misery, either.

• Secure housing that accounts for less than 25% of your take-home pay. Creativity might be needed for this one, but success on this item unlocks so many options!

• Don’t rush to buy a house! Young adults don’t know what their life could/should look like, so an early house purchase is rarely a blessing.

• DO NOT jump to upgrade the vehicle. A workable vehicle is a workable vehicle.

• Once in a grown-up job, carve out a lifestyle conservative enough to allow for fun, saving, giving, and investing. It might not be much, but work each of those into your monthly practices.

• Learn to budget well. A well-executed budget unlocks so many doors!

• Save a healthy emergency fund (3+ months of expenses).

• Consistently increase the amount going into your investments.

• Make giving a priority.

• Find the right partner. The wrong partner will cause so much heartache and trouble. Find someone who aligns with your values.

• Find your why, and aggressively pursue it with everything you've got. Clearly defining this will enable you to intentionally plan your finances to align with this vision.

• Don't be afraid to turn your back on the normal way of doing things. Keeping up with the Joneses is a great way to end up stressed and miserable, like so many around us.

• Endeavor to stay out of debt. Outside of your primary residence, there's no reason for any of us to borrow money on anything. See, counter-cultural. This principle will change your life!

• Find meaning in all of it; the exciting and the mundane, the large and the small.

Controversial? Perhaps. Effective? Absolutely.

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Compounding Decisions

One of my clients was running late to a Zoom coaching meeting yesterday. Since I had a few minutes to burn, I decided to scroll social media. Within 30 seconds, I stumbled upon a brutal rant from an early 30-something. This man, self-identifying as a younger millennial, went scorched earth about the older generations and how they set up the younger generations for utter failure. In his words, he and everyone his age (and younger) are essentially screwed.

• Can't make enough money to survive.

• Will never buy a house.

• Can't afford to get married.

• Not enough resources to raise children.

• Zero chance of retiring.

Limited incomes, heavy debt burdens, and spiraling monthly expenses were highlighted as contributing factors to the misery. Each of these problems were somehow pinned on the older generations. I could almost hear a little baby violin playing in the background.

Here's the irony. My client, who was running a few minutes late, is the exact same age as the jaded victim from the social media post. One difference, though. This couple is absolutely crushing it! Through intentionality, consistency, humility, sacrifice, and a strong work ethic, this couple has carved out a beautiful life for their family. Make no mistake, it was no accident. This couple has had a vision for the past decade, and they've executed well. It wasn't always easy, and it was rarely sexy, but here we are.

When I spend time with this awesome couple, I'm reminded of a principle that's a universal truth in money and elsewhere: decisions compound. When we make good decisions, the implications of those decisions compound into the future. When we make poor decisions, the implications of those decisions also compound into the future.

Back to the man from the social media post. I was so fascinated by his rant that I checked out some of his other content. Sure enough, I found example after example of how his poor decisions have compounded on him. Here's a summary:

• He chose to go to a small private school to play a sport. Tuition was sky high.

• The sky-high tuition caused him to sign up for more than $100,000 in student loans.

• Immediately after college, he purchased a new car. He's since traded in for 2-3 different new cars. The negative equity rolled from each, resulting in today's car payment of nearly $1,000/month.

• In order to pay his quickly rising monthly obligations, he signed up for the first reasonably paying job he could find. He hates it, but it pays the bills....barely.

• In part because of how much he hates his work, he goes on lots of vacations. He can't always afford them, but the credit cards help him connect those dots. That's okay, though, as he'll pay them off in a few months.

• Things are increasingly tight, so it's difficult to save anything for retirement.

His decisions have compounded. Each one leads to the next. The pressure builds. If he were to ask me for advice, here's what I'd tell him: "Start making some key positive decisions. Move the needle. Let it compound. Make another. Watch it compound more. Keep fighting the good fight. Eventually, the compounding will be your best friend instead of your worst enemy."

Today's decisions will eventually compound for future you. Make sure it compounds in the direction you desire.

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Exercise the Muscle

During my 10-year stretch as a youth group leader, I taught hundreds of high school students about generosity. It was always one of my favorite topics to engage students with! In one of my favorite talks, I discussed a concept I like to call "exercising the giving muscle."

Think of it like doing the bench press. You wouldn't just walk into the gym and randomly decide to start throwing around 300-pound reps. It would kill you! Instead, you start small. Maybe it's 100 pounds, then 150 pounds. You graduate to 200 pounds, then slowly build your way up to 250 pounds. Each time you exercise those muscles, you get a bit stronger, allowing you to lift more next time.

Giving is much the same way. Inside each of us is a proverbial giving muscle, and like the bench press, we need to start slow. You probably don't wake up randomly one day thinking you're going to give a car away. Every journey of generosity has a beginning.

Early in my journey, I remember how I would constantly scan the horizon, looking for an opportunity to exercise my little baby giving muscle. One of my favorite and game-changing reps came at a local coffee shop. Sarah and I were in line at the register, waiting to order our customary Saturday morning drinks. Two women were at the counter ordering in front of us. I could tell they were tourists.....and I could tell something was wrong. After a bit of eavesdropping, I gathered that they had accidentally left their purses back at the hotel. They were frustrated with themselves, conceding they would need to run back to the hotel before getting their coffee.

"I got you," I said. They looked at me, confused. "We're going to buy your drinks. We got you." We're talking maybe ten bucks. This wasn't some heroic act.....it was just a few lattes. One of the women started tearing up, moved with emotion by our act of generosity. Reminder, it was literally only ten bucks.

That moment moved me. Through my simple act of exercising my giving muscle, I realized how even small acts of generosity have the potential to move the needle in people's lives. That was a big turning point for me. If $10 can move someone like that, what about $100? What about $1,000? What about $______?

That moment stuck with me for years, constantly reminding me that every gift matters. Every act of generosity has the potential to make an impact. My call to action with the high school students was to exercise that muscle. Buy lunch for a friend. Take a peer out for coffee. Surprise a teacher with a fun little gift. Hold the door open for a stranger. Clean the locker room after practice so the coaches or managers don't have to. Exercise that muscle!

That's a good call to action for each of us today as well. Whether big or small, find ways to exercise the giving muscle today!

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