A Middle Finger To Our Future Selves

I remember speaking to a colleague nearly 20 years ago. He was probably in his early 30s at the time, several years ahead of me in his career. While I wasn't necessarily the wisest steward with my financial resources back then, he and I shared many conversations that stopped me in my tracks. These conversations usually centered on the idea that we don't know whether we'll even be alive when we're older, so we might as well "enjoy life" while we're young. And by "enjoy life," he meant spend, spend, spend. He hated the idea of saving, or heaven forbid, investing. If he had it, he was going to blow it on something fun.

Fast forward 20 years, and I recently ran into him. He's now in his 50s, visibly older than when we last connected (as a few decades of life will do). This time, though, his attitude was different. He was asking me about retirement, investing ideas, and the worry about likely not having enough.

To his detriment, he lived out the principles he preached way back then. He spent, spent, and spent, giving little regard for his future self. In fact, I'd argue he gave his future self a hefty middle finger. It turns out, though, that one day, our present self becomes that future self. Today, he's the future self that younger him so blatantly disrespected.

He's scared....as he should be. His options are limited.....as expected. He feels trapped.....which is understandable. Now, his 50-something self is wondering how to navigate not only the present, but the future. He lived a lot of life in his younger days, but his current and future quality of life are very much in question.

This is a tough situation. I have so much empathy for people who face these realities. Unfortunately, I don't have a magic wand to wave for them. I can't undo their past mistakes. There's no magic pill or secret strategy to bridge decades of gaps.

No matter how old you are today, future you is depending on current you to make wise choices. Sacrificial choices. Loving choices. Be a good steward, not only with your finances, but with your body, relationships, children, marriage, and mental health. Future us is pleading for us to be better and do better. Their livelihood depends on it, and soon enough, that will be our present self. Be good to him/her.

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Two Families, Two Perspectives

I had a few interesting conversations last week that showcase an important concept. It's about two different families. Both families live in the same town. Both families have two kids under the age of 12.

Family 1:

• The husband has a monthly take-home income of approximately $10,000.

• The wife has a monthly take-home income of approximately $5,000

• The total monthly take-home income is about $15,000

This family endures constant financial stress. There's rarely anything left over. The credit cards often come out to play. Most purchases are made with debt. There's very little savings, and giving seems like a pipe dream. Marital tensions are running high. Their overall sentiment is that if they just made a little more money, all of this financial stress would go away.

Family 2:

• The husband has a monthly take-home income of approximately $5,000.

• The wife stays at home with their two small children.

• The total monthly take-home income is about $5,000.

This family's entire monthly income stream approximates the lower-income earner in Family 1. Their total take-home income is 1/3 of the other family's! Yet, they don't feel financial stress. No, there isn't a ton of extra each month, and they need to be diligent with the dollars they do have, but life is good! They consider themselves blessed, save for the future, and ensure giving is part of their monthly rhythm.

Would more money help? Yeah, it probably would. However, more isn't the answer. More isn't what defines our success. More isn't some magic pill that solves all of life's problems. This is a phenomenon I see over and over. Yes, more income can help, but 90% of our problems are the person staring back at us in the mirror, not the dollar amount on our paycheck. The sooner we realize this, the sooner we can take steps actually to improve our quality of life.

Final thought. Just imagine if we could do both. First, we get right with our relationship with money. We have a healthy mindset. We establish solid practices. We make the best use of every dollar we're blessed with.

Then, second, we find ways to increase our income along the way. We put in the work. We practice excellence. We pay our dues. We meet people's needs. We add value to the organization. When we do these things, additional income is a natural byproduct.

Combining these two ideas can literally revolutionize our lives. When we get right with money and put in the work, it's amazing what can happen!

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Once You See It

I recently found out that one of my friends is taking her family abroad this summer. Not some fancy adventure to Europe, but a deeply cultural experience in a place most Americans will ever see. "This will change your kids' lives forever!" I exclaimed. She wholeheartedly agreed.

Something powerful happens when we see parts of the world that are extremely foreign to us. When we leave our little bubble and get a glimpse of the bigger picture, it has the potential to melt our minds. Everything we know and believe can be turned upside down in a matter of days.

I didn't have one of these experiences until my 30s, but when I did, it permanently shifted my life forever. It's one of the reasons my family lives in a one-bathroom house and drives aging vehicles. No matter how we live here in our bubble, we're rich. Period. There's no way around it. Once you see it, you can't unsee it.

People are hurting. People are sick. People are hungry. People are cold. People are hot. People are unsafe. Yet, here we are, whining that our house isn't big enough, our cars not new enough, our clothes not sylish enough, and our technology not fast enough.

Here's a thought that often crosses my mind. If I had the choice between improving my family's standard of living and helping hundreds (possibly thousands) of people attain a livable standard of living, which would I choose? It turns out, we have that choice every day of our lives. It's easy to think we don't actually make that choice, but not making a choice is still making a choice.

This isn't meant to elicit guilt. Guilt is a terrible master. Rather, this is my encouragement for each family to seek out new perspectives. Let's step out of our bubbles and truly see what's going on around us. Let's get uncomfortable. Let's challenge ourselves to open our eyes. Let's get an up-close view of how the rest of the world lives. Then, and only then, can we be in a position to make some of these difficult choices (without guilt!).

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The Confrontation Awaits

One of my kids has a fear. To me, it's a silly fear, but to him, it's crippling. Over the past few days, he's spent much time trying to avoid facing this fear. Heck, if he had his way, he could simply avoid it altogether for the next 80 years and die a happy man.

Secretly, I'd love to find ways, organically or not, to create opportunities for him to face his fear head-on. The moment he conquers this fear will be the moment he unlocks something powerful inside him. It reminds me of a conversation he and I shared a while back:

"Dad, what are you most scared of?"

"Public speaking."

"That's weird, you speak all the time. Don't people pay you money to speak?"

"Yeah, they do!"

"Why do you do that if it's your biggest fear?"

"Why do you think I started? I did it BECAUSE it was my biggest fear."

I won't sit here on my high horse claiming to be the most courageous person in the world. I'm just a dude with a bunch of silly fears who has a track record of getting better and more impactful each time I face these fears head-on.

As I see it, our fears are often one of the few barriers between us and our dreams. Between us and our callings. Between us and our meaning. If that's true, why are we going to let a silly little fear be what stops us?!?!

On most days, I spend time with people who are trying to decide whether to let their fears hold them back from living their best life. Sometimes, the person on the other end of those conversations is the person I'm staring at in the mirror.

Fear is inevitable. It won't go away. We won't grow out of it. Instead, it shifts. It takes different forms. It manifests itself in new ways. But it's here to stay. If that's true, we might as well face it head-on!

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$50K On the Kitchen Table

More than three years ago, I wrote about something I call the "pile of cash test." It's a little behavioral hack that can help us combat the psychological warfare caused by debt. You can read the original piece at the link above.

Well, I've used the pile of cash three times in the past month. Most notably, I have one particular story to share with you. One of my clients wanted to purchase a new vehicle, around $65,000. After accounting for their trade-in, the remaining amount due was $50,000.

I think we can all agree that $50,000 is a lot of money. Therefore, they naturally decided to finance it. Whoa, whoa, whoa!!!! I was walking alongside them while they painfully and frustratingly paid off a ton of debt, and now they want to go back into $50,000 of debt to buy a vehicle?!?!

"I don't care if you buy this vehicle," I told them. "However, if you decide to buy it, use cash. Please don't fall into this trap again."

"I don't think we would feel comfortable taking $50,000 out of savings to do this," they responded.

"I guess you don't want the vehicle that badly, then." That comment didn't go over well.

They were still waffling when we left the room. That's when I gave them the pile of cash test challenge. Go to the bank, withdraw $50,000, set it on the kitchen table, then decide how important that vehicle is.

It wasn't easy for them to withdraw $50,000 from their bank, but they did it!!! They even joked that it felt like they needed to hire armed bodyguards just to have it in their home.

The result? Here's what they wrote back: "It was an eye-opening experience. To be honest I'm not sure we could ever spend $50,000 on a car ever again after doing that. It puts much in perspective. I think we need more contentment or more humility. Maybe both."

The pile of cash test never fails. Put this one in your toolbelt for a rainy day. It just might come in handy if you're ever in need of a fresh perspective.....or a fun behavioral science experience.

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OK, But Where You Gonna Get 9%?

My simplification of investing principles and practices is one of the most heavily criticized topics I write and podcast about. Here, I'll give you the quick elevator speech: Patiently invest in a cheap, broad, total U.S. stock market index fund. Invest early, contribute regularly, never sell, do nothing, remain patient, don't meddle, and let the market take care of the rest. See, simple! I've also written many times about how the 155-year history of the U.S. stock market has delivered a return of over 9% annually (and 10% annually over the last 100 years). Almost every time I discuss this topic, someone snidely asks, "OK, but where you gonna get 9%?"

That would be a fair question, except for the fact that we discuss it regularly! "A cheap, broad, total U.S. stock market index fund." Examples could include VTI, VTSAX, or FSKAX. This isn't a theory. It's not some hypothetical. It's not a case study that looks good on paper but is difficult to put into practice.

Today, I'll open the books of my life. For the past 15 years, my investment accounts have held one thing and one thing only: "A cheap, broad, total U.S. stock market index fund." I've made zero changes. I spend literally no time managing it. I give zero consideration to the ups and downs of the market. I never consider tweaking or meddling. What do I have to show for it? I'll show you.

My investment account updates the annualized return numbers at the end of each month. Given that April just concluded, I jumped into my account to see where they stand, and here's what I found:

Over the past 10 years: 15.0% per year

Over the past 5 years: 11.9% per year

Over the past 3 years: 21.4% per year

Over the past 1 year: 31.7% on the year

I'm not trying to beat the drum of "building wealth" or getting rich, but rather, I want people to understand 1) how real this is, and 2) how simple these principles really are. If we're going to invest, we might as well be good stewards of the resources we're blessed with.

Where you gonna get 9%? Right here. Right in front of us. While we don't know what the future will hold, the last 155 years tell us that, yes, it will be messy, but also yes, it will be rewarding. Stay patient. Stay simple.

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Playing Us Like a Fiddle

I love watching how the mainstream media and social media talk about the stock market. When the markets are going through a tough spell, people (hysterically) talk about it. The world is ending! The world is ending! You're all screwed!!! Yet, when the market is doing well, crickets.

I recently did a little informal survey on my Instagram account. Here was the question: "Without looking, how do you think the U.S. stock market has performed over the last 12 months?"

70% of respondents said the market was down. 20% said the market was up. 10% said it's about the same. On average, respondents said the market is down by approximately 9% over the past 12 months. How did they do?

At yesterday's market close, the U.S. stock market was up 32% over the past 12 months (up nearly 34% after accounting for dividends). Strange, isn't it? The overall sentiment is that the stock market is burning, while in reality, it's hitting new all-time highs. The stock market has nearly doubled over the past five years, yet we think the world has already collapsed.

They are playing us like a fiddle! From a behavioral science perspective, we see what we want to see. If we have a negative tint to our lens, we'll find the negative. If we have a positive tint to our lens, we'll find the positive. Today, our culture thrives on a negative lens, and the media all around us is more than happy to help us indulge.

One young man who answered my question guessed that the market is up 30%. He practically nailed it! I voiced my surprise that he knew this and shared why I was conducting this little study: "Oh, I don't watch the news or follow social media."

In other words, nobody played him like a fiddle. He was basing his answer on whatever information (you know, facts) he had available. He was able to cut out the noise, remove the biased lenses, and try to answer my question based on practical thought. Somehow, that's a crazy concept in modern-day America. It's a wild world when we can be more in tune with reality by absorbing less content.

One money-related takeaway. Open your investment account. See for yourself. If you're investing well (i.e., broad, low-cost stock market index funds), you should see your balances at an all-time high. Never before in your life have the balances been at this level. Celebrate that. Know it's true. Also know that rough times will, in fact, come. That's okay, though, as it's all part of the journey.

Lastly, and most importantly, try to muffle the noise, live a meaningful life, and don't let the day-to-day craziness of the media or the stock market mess with you. Life's too short to obsess over the things we can't control.  

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Excuses

Fever, migraines, hallucinations. It's been a rough 12 hours in my little corner of the world. I was struck by a sickness that knocked me right off my feet. If you read my blog via e-mail, you were probably wondering why you didn't receive it at the normal time. Well, it was because I was having visions of unicorns riding in Jeeps while blasting Ace of Base on the stereo. Well, I'm not sure that was the exact hallucination, but you get the point.

It's an honor to write this blog each day, and I sincerely apologize for the late delivery. It's one of the greatest honors of my life, and I never take that for granted. It would be so easy for me to skip a day on my writing. It would be my first skip since I started this blog nearly 1,300 days ago. I have all the excuses in the world to skip. Except for one problem: I hate excuses.

Excuses are the gateway drug to more excuses. I know that if I skip today, it will provide my brain with the necessary cover to skip again....and again.....and again.

I don't say this from a position of intelligence and wisdom, but rather self-inflicted, self-sabotaging experience. I've experienced first-hand what it looks like to use excuses. The moment we humans decide to use an excuse, we're giving ourselves an out from our promise to ourselves, from our personal responsibility, from our mission.

It's why I write every single day, no excuses. It's why I take 10,000+ steps every single day, no excuses. It's why I step onto my biometric scale every day, no excuses. It's why I intermittent fast every single day, no excuses. It's why I refuse to take early morning meetings that would prevent me from spending quality time with my kids, no excuses. It's why Sarah and I complete a budget every single month, no excuses.

Excuses are the gateway drug to more excuses. Whatever you're up to this week, no matter how many excuses you have to mail it in, don't allow that to happen. Yes, life is hard. Yes, very real situations arise that can feel like the universe kicking us while we're down. All that is true. But we don't have to let the excuses win. The impact that you're going to make, the meaning that you'll live with, and the mission you're following are far bigger than whatever excuses come your way. Keep going!

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Obsess About the Inputs

One of the primary principles I teach to families and businesses is counter-cultural. As a society, we're obsessed with outputs. How much profit a company makes. How many clients we can attain. How much we'll make on the other side of that next promotion. The grade we get on our report card. If our team won. Regardless of the arena of life, we're obsessed with the outputs.

I hate obsessing over outputs. Instead, I suggest we ought to obsess about the inputs and measure the outputs. The outputs are the outputs, which we often cannot control. However, we can absolutely control (or at least influence) the inputs. In fact, this is one of the primary drivers of Northern Vessel. When we first started the company, TJ mentioned that one of his desired outputs was to someday sell 400 cups in a day. As he explained, most coffee shops sell 100-200 cups per day. If we could ever find a way to get to 400 cups, that would be massive.

Rather than trying to sell 400 cups in a day (the output), we put 100% of our time, resources, and energy into the inputs:

• Creating an excellent product.

• Developing systems to ensure consistency.

• Cultivating a team culture that would allow that to happen.

• Building the means to scale volume efficiently.

• Practicing world-class hospitality.

• Curating a brand that people can recognize and relate to.

It took more than two years, but after obsessing about the inputs day in and day out, we finally hit 400 cups in a day! It was such a fun accomplishment. We measured it....and celebrated.

Then, something happened. We averaged 400 for a week. Then 400 for a month. Then, in a wild turn of events, we averaged 400 for a year. We even had a day we served 500 cups! In January, we sold 600 cups in a day! A week later, we sold 700 cups in a day! Then, just a few weeks ago, we sold 800 cups in a day! Our brains are melting....

We dreamed of someday serving 400 cups in a single day, and now live in a reality where 800 cups are on the table. We NEVER obsessed about selling 400 (never mind 800) cups. We obsessed over the inputs.

The same goes for all areas of life. My kids had lacrosse and football games this weekend. Frankly, I don't care whether they win or lose. I don't even care about what individual accomplishments they achieve during the games. I obsess about four inputs:

• Play hard.

• Practice good sportsmanship.

• Listen and obey.

• Have fun.

If they control those four inputs, they won (regardless of the scoreboard). Obsess about the inputs, measure the outputs.

This principle is about as counter-cultural as anything I talk about here, but I believe in it so much. Control what we can control, and let the cards fall as they may. Words to live by. Therefore, no matter the outcomes you experienced today or this week, focus your energies on the inputs that go into it, not the eventual outcome. If you do that long enough, you just might like the outcomes.

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Getting Back Into His Cage

Note: This is a sensitive story, but fortunately for countless readers, I've been granted permission to share it here.

A man asked to meet with me. Mid-40s. Married. Three children. Above-average household income. Average house. Pretty standard lifestyle: not too bougie, but also not perceived as frugal.

Here's the short version of the situation. He's beyond stressed. Finances are causing tremendous friction in his marriage. His wife wants to stay home with the kids, but they can't make it work. He's embarrassed. He feels like a failure. He's miserable. He hates his job. He wakes up each day dreading what's about to happen. He can't leave, though, as his current income exceeds other known options. His mental health is eroding quickly. Dark thoughts are starting to seep in. His breaking point might be approaching.

As our conversation progressed, I started asking him probing questions to identify the true stress points. For several minutes, nothing he said alarmed me.....all normal stuff. Then, we found it.

"Tell me about the vehicles. Do you have any vehicle debt?"

"My truck payment is around $1,300, and my wife's SUV is $800 per month."

There it is! $2,100 per month on vehicle payments alone. All of this pain, suffering, misery, and struggle, only to boil it down to a few key decisions. I challenged him on these decisions.

"Our vehicles aren't nearly as nice as some of our friends and family."

"I'm a truck guy. I can't help that I like nice trucks."

"I want my wife to be safe. We need something reliable."

I have a rhetorical question for you. Do you believe the three sentiments above merit wrecking one's entire life, marriage, financial structure, and mental health? The answer is a resounding NO!!! Of course it's not, but millions of Americans live in this reality daily.

Everything he and his wife have ever dreamed of lives on the other side of these vehicles. These vehicles are cages! They've been snared in the trap. They unknowingly locked themselves in a life they don't want to live. The cage might not have metal bars, but it might as well. I made my case for a different set of decisions, trying to illuminate what an alternate reality could look like: their dream life. However, it requires them to destroy the cages.

After the meeting, I walked outside with him, shook his hand, and watched him get back into his cage. I gotta admit, it was a pretty sweet truck. Clean, fresh wax, enormous in stature. But a cage, nonetheless.

We all have cages. It might not look like a truck, but it's something. My challenge to you today is to look at yourself in the mirror and identify your cage. Something that is (or could) hold you back from living the life you deserve to live. It's an uncomfortable exercise, and not always as obvious as it seems. I've had my share of cages over the years, and I suspect you do, too.

Smash the cage.

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Throwing In the Towel

I stopped to get gas for my car the other day. The fuel pump asked me to enter my rewards number.

I purchased a cartful of groceries. The cashier asked me if I had rewards.

I bought a Cruchwrap Supreme at Taco Bell. The kiosk asked me to check in with my rewards account.

I stopped at a local coffee shop. The barista asked me if I had a rewards punch card.

I'm tired, guys! I can't keep up with this. I want to keep up with it, but at the same time, I can't. It took nearly 45 years, but I decided yesterday to draw a line in the sand. Regardless of whatever rewards I could be earning, I need to completely turn my back on rewards programs. Ultimately, the upside doesn't even come close to the mental and emotional fatigue it costs to manage all of this.

Have you ever experienced retail rewards anxiety? You walk into a shop and either a) forget to scan your rewards, or b) can't get it to work. There's this weird anxiety-mixed-with-guilt-mixed-with-regret feeling that seeps in.

Starting today, I am experimenting with ZERO rewards. I'll buy what I buy, then I'll move on with life. Whatever I pay in lost rewards, I will surely make up for in saved stress, emotional energy, guilt, regret, and time managing it all.

Want to guess how many apps I just deleted off my phone that are correlated with rewards programs? Seven. Just in apps alone, I deleted seven different store-specific reward apps. No gas stations. No restaurants. No grocery stores. No anything!

I haven't even visited a store since I made this decision, and I already feel 25 pounds lighter. Reward programs are specifically engineered to lure us in, entice us, and modify our behaviors. I've always been leery of falling too deeply into them, but today, I'm fully throwing in the towel. I'm untethered from outside influences and shiny little carrots hanging above my head

Where do you stand on this subject? Are you an avid reward user? Do you turn your back on them? I'm curious to hear where this lands with people. I'm excited for this little experiment, and I'll be sure to report back soon.

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Failure Is Our Friend

I'll start with the obvious: I'm beyond excited that my Iowa State Cyclones advanced to the Sweet 16 yesterday. I'm looking forward to Friday's game against Tennessee!

Since last Wednesday, 52 teams have experienced the pain, suffering, and embarrassment, on a national stage, nonetheless, of having their seasons come to a sudden end. All of their hopes, dreams, and aspirations came crashing down in a matter of minutes. Many of these players played in their very last collegiate game.....or last game, period. So much heartbreak.

At the same time, it's exactly what they signed up for. Achieving our dreams ALWAYS involves the risk of failure. There's nothing worth doing that doesn't require us to experience the pain, suffering, and embarrassment of failure. Ultimately, I think that's what makes March Madness so beautiful.

That goes for sport, but it's also what makes life so beautiful. Each day, when we get out of bed and step into the world, we should be pursuing something that involves the risk of failure. Two cars crashed through our storefront

Despite Northern Vessel appearing from the outside as a stunning success story, we've experienced so many failures since opening the shop more than three years ago:

• Two cars crashed through our storefront in a nine-month span.

• Our original bottle subscription program never lived up to our expectations and was eventually axed.

• The mobile app we spent so much time and money developing was discontinued.

• We failed on multiple in-store product offerings.

• Our canning operation was a complete failure, resulting in huge financial losses.

• There were stretches when our finances weren't as locked in (low margins, higher-than-expected overhead, extraordinary expenditures).

These things weren't just minor inconveniences. There was a stretch in early 2024 when there was a legitimate possibility we wouldn't make it as a company. Some of it was our fault, some was circumstantial, all of it was embarrassing! Ultimately, though, we needed to use our failures to make ourselves better. We never would have gotten to where we are today had we not been exposed to those failures. Learn, iterate, grow.

Failure is part of success. Without failure, there is no success. Without failure, there is no iteration. Without failure, there is no growth. Without failure, there is no better. While I'd prefer not to re-live or repeat those failures, in hindsight, they made us who we are today. I'll always appreciate it for that.

Please don't be scared of failure. Pursue it. Tease it. Live each day with the very real possibility that failure might stare you in the face. That's where the beauty unfolds.

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$28 Ice Cream

"The biggest risk of racing to the bottom," says famed marketer Seth Godin, "is that you might win. Or worse, come in second."

Our family went on an ice cream run last night. We had several options to choose from, but ultimately, we selected one of the best shops in our city. Three of us got single scoops of ice cream in a cup, and one got a single scoop of ice cream in a standard cake cone. $28.

$28 for four scoops of ice cream?!?! Yeah, it was pretty awesome. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. The product was predictably phenomenal. The staff was patient with my kids and extraordinarily kind. The space was clean. We felt welcome. The vibe was fantastic.

We could have spent less money virtually any other place in our city, yet we willingly went there. Why? It's not about a race to the bottom......it's a race to excellence. This place practices excellence, and in return, people are willing to pay a premium price.

As you probably know, I think about this topic a lot. Northern Vessel is probably one of the highest-priced coffee shops in the entire state. Despite that, we were blessed yesterday with the opportunity to serve nearly 700 drinks. People surely don't come to NV for our unbeatable prices. I don't want to put words in people's mouths, but I hope they would say they come for some combination of world-class hospitality, consistently well-crafted drinks, some innovative practices, and high-energy vibes. It's not a race to the bottom....it's a race to excellence.

There are two ways businesses can create value for their customers and clients:

1. Reduce the price, thereby widening the gap between price and value.

2. Add more value, thereby widening the gap between price and value.

Both lead to the same theoretical place, but in practice, they couldn't be further apart. It takes no amount of excellence to cut prices or offer huge discounts. Even the worst product or service can be sold at a rock-bottom price. On the flip side, adding value requires that we inject excellence at some level (or levels) in the customer experience.

This message is two-fold. First, business owners, I hope you wholeheartedly reject the idea of racing to the bottom. You might just win, or worse, come in second. That race is a fast track to spinning your tires and burning out. Instead, add value, add value, add value. That can only be done through excellence.

Second, to the consumers (that's all of us!). Don't fall for the race to the bottom. Don't obsess about price. Yes, price matters, but it's not the be-all and end-all. Focus on value, and most often, the value that's created through excellence is where the real magic happens. That's the value that makes you smile, feel appreciated, gain confidence in your purchase decision, and know you're doing business with the right people. Seek out those interactions; turn them into relationships. It makes life richer!

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Alternatives

My son Pax has been dead set on buying a pair of $125 Oakley sunglasses. I've been careful not to poop on his aspirations, but I've secretly been hoping he would eventually change his mind. $125 for a pair of sunglasses is a lot for an adult, never mind a third grader. The good news is that it takes a 9-year-old a long time to save up $125. As of this weekend, he was sitting on about $102.....close but not close enough.

Without explicitly saying it, I think he's been feeling the weight of this prospective purchase. He's experiencing just how much work is involved in saving for a single pair of $125 sunglasses. Then, yesterday happened. As we walked through Dick's Sporting Goods, he caught sight of a cool pair of sunglasses. He beelined it to the display and hurried to try on a few pairs.

Just a few minutes later, he decided to pull the trigger. $45. Just like that, he had an awesome pair of sunglasses he loved, plus $57 of cash leftover from his sunglasses fund. He found the perfect alternative, and it beautifully propelled him forward.

Not the style I would have chosen, but he loves them!

This is such an important topic for each of us to confront. Often, we get locked into a particular plan. We concede that something will cost a certain amount of money, time, energy, or sacrifice. For whatever reason, we develop tunnel vision and build our reality around this way being the absolute unyielding truth.

What are the alternatives, though? I recently met with a couple who are having brutal car issues. Their current vehicle is starting to absorb large chunks of repair money. What should they do? In their minds, there is only one option: purchase a new vehicle, which will cost between $55,000-$65,000. That's it. That's their fate.

What about alternatives? There are no alternatives, they exclaimed! Continue eating big repair bills, or buy a new car. In their situation, said new car would require a huge loan with a huge monthly payment. Oh well, they thought, it's their new reality. Tunnel vision set in.

It took a few conversations, but fortunately, they started to see some alternatives taking shape. After a few months had passed, they elected to purchase a reliable used vehicle that a) eliminates the repair issues they were dealing with, and b) avoids the painful cost of the debt that a new vehicle would surely create. They had the same look on their faces as Pax had yesterday when he purchased his alternative sunglasses: Relief, contentment, and peace.

Life is filled with alternatives.....if we're willing to look. When I look back at my adult life, some of the best purchases and decisions I've made were actually alternatives to the primary plan I set for myself. Whether knowingly or unknowingly, my eyes were opened to a better, more effective alternative. Each time that happens, I could feel my life propel forward. Relief, contentment, peace.

Always look for the alternatives.

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You Don’t Have to Play Their Game

One of my favorite subgenres on social media is the one where people whine and cry about how much businesses rip them off. Chipotle is probably my favorite. A jacked dude is sitting in his car, saucing up the fat burrito he just purchased. As he's preparing to take his first bite, he's complaining about how it's absurd that two burritos cost $37. Chipotle never used to cost this much, he exclaims. It's highway robbery! He takes a giant bite into his juicy burrito, then complains some more.

Chipotle, Five Guys, Disney World, new cars, airport restaurants, drinks in clubs, Ticketmaster, etc. There's no end to the complaining people do for decisions they voluntarily and willingly make.

One of my friends was recently lamenting the fees charged by Ticketmaster. He goes on and on and on about it. "Did you enjoy the show?" I asked. "Yeah, it was amazing!!!" "Would you do it again?" "Yeah, in a heartbeat." So, what's the problem?

Here's a little encouragement. You don't have to play their game. If you don't like the price of Chipotle, don't go. Simple as that. If it's really that big of a ripoff, then don't go. Go to one of the hundreds of dining alternatives. But if you're still going to go, own it. If you're willingly going to pay $18 for a fast-food burrito, embrace it. Enjoy it; savor it. Don't whine about it.

This is a wild part of behavioral science that I'm increasingly fascinated by. In a world where we have near-unlimited choices, we're intentionally (and repeatedly) choosing to go to XYZ businesses, then continuously whining about how big a ripoff they are. It's bonkers!

You don't have to play their game. If I think somewhere is a ripoff, I don't go. If I think something is a ripoff, I don't buy it. In the event I do willingly purchase something that's questionably a ripoff, I own it. I made that choice. There was no gun to my head. We look awfully ridiculous when we make a choice to do something, then become a victim of said choice.

If you want to slam that burrito, slam that burrito. If you want to avoid that place, avoid that place. In the words of a wise mentor, "Let your yes be yes, and your no be no."

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Someone Else’s Dream

Do you ever find yourself wishing to be in someone else's shoes? Sure, life is fine, but if only I had that person's life! I can think of so many times these sorts of thoughts have gone through my head. I think about my friend in Dubai who parks his Lamborghini in his kitchen (professionally washed and waxed each night, of course). Or my former colleague in Los Angeles County who hates Los LA traffic so much that whenever we left his house, it was via his private rooftop helipad. Or my friends who, when we go to a restaurant together, don't even look at the right side of the menu!

It's so easy to look at our own life, then look at someone else's, and wish we could step into their shoes. There's no shortage of jealousy in this world, and it doesn't take much to ignite it in us, does it?

Last night, while in a coaching meeting, one of my clients said something that stopped me in my tracks. We were talking about the sacrifices this couple has made over the years to get them to where they are today. It hasn't been easy, but it was oh so worth it. Then, she dropped this bomb:

"We are living someone else's dream."

Read that again. She is living someone else's dream. I'm living someone else's dream. You're living someone else's dream. Regardless of where we're at in life, we're living someone else's dream. By definition, that means we're blessed.

I can meet with a couple who says, "Our lives would be so much better if we could get there!"

Then during my next meeting, I'll be with a couple who is already there. "Our lives would be so much better if we could get THERE!"

Then during my next meeting, I'll be with a couple who is already THERE. "Our lives would be so much better if we could get THERE!!!!!!!!!"

See, each one of these couples is already living someone else's dream, but at the same time, they take it for granted because they just want to get to that next rung on the proverbial ladder.

You're living someone else's dream. I encourage you to spend a few minutes pondering that idea today.

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Focus, In Practice

Crush one thing, then move on to the next. That was the subject of yesterday's post. Focus is a weird thing, and often difficult for us humans to execute. After all, there are many things vying for our time, attention, energy, and resources. However, whether we like it or not, there's simply not enough time, attention, energy, or resources to attack everything.

Today, I want to share some real-life examples of how this concept works through the lens of personal finance. The most common and notable version of this concept I see people shortchanging themselves is debt. Specifically, the payoff of debt. When we try to pay all our debts off at once, we'll likely pay none of them off.

Here's an example of what this looks like, using some nice round numbers for simplicity's sake. A family has ten $1,000 debts, totaling $10,000. This couple determines that it can afford to pay $1,000/month extra toward the debt (above the minimum payments).

Conventional wisdom says that if they pay $100/month toward each debt, they can have their debt paid off after 10 months! That's exciting!!! Here's what that looks like in practice, though:

• After 1 month: 0 debts paid off

• After 2 months: 0 debts paid off

• After 3 months: 0 debts paid off

• After 4 months: 0 debts paid off

• After 5 months: 0 debts paid off

• After 6 months: 0 debts paid off

• After 7 months: 0 debts paid off

• After 8 months: 0 debts paid off

• After 9 months: 0 debts paid off

• After 10 months (if everything went perfectly): 10 debts paid off

The gap between month zero and month 10 feels massive. Grinding month after month after month without feeling a tangible win is terrible. Inevitably, life happens, expenses pop up, or they get sidetracked. Failure is likely. Not because they didn't have it in them, but because they lacked focus. Discouragement sets in. A sense of defeat saturates them. Quitting is on the table.

Let's try this again, but with focus as the primary objective. Instead of paying $100/month toward 10 different debts, they decide to focus all $1,000/month on one debt each month. Here's what that strategy looks like:

• After 1 month: 1 debt paid off

• After 2 months: 2 debts paid off

• After 3 months: 3 debts paid off

• After 4 months: 4 debts paid off

• After 5 months: 5 debts paid off

• After 6 months: 6 debts paid off

• After 7 months: 7 debts paid off

• After 8 months: 8 debts paid off

• After 9 months: 9 debts paid off

• After 10 months: 10 debts paid off

Will life still get in the way? Probably. However, look at those wins! Almost immediately, this family would experience and benefit from wins. From a psychological perspective, wins matter. Getting a win provides much-needed encouragement, confidence, and motivation to not only keep going, but even step on the gas harder.

This one small shift in perspective can be the difference between complete failure and world domination. Same dollars, same timeline, same commitment. Different focus, different results.

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A Little Accountability Goes a Long Way

One of my clients was having a heck of a time. Over and over and over again, it seemed like circumstances were stackedagainst them. A misfortune here, some bad luck there. As they described it, this was a recurring theme for the entirety oftheir adult lives. Simply put, they were the victims of bad luck and unfortunate circumstances.

However, there seemed to be a continuous theme for each of these seasons of life: them. At some point, as circumstances continue to repeat themselves, we need to look in the mirror and ask ourselves if perhaps we're part of the problem. In this couple's situation, it was obvious to me (but not to them) that perhaps their decisions (or lack thereof) were fueling the madness.

At the heart and soul of the issues, there wasn't much accountability around their finances. Everything felt reactive and chaotic, shooting from the hip. You don't need to be a subject-matter expert to know that's a terrible way to approach money.

The solution? Create accountability from the rubble of chaos. To their credit, they were willing to entertain my ideas for a while. Here's how we intentionally created accountability in an arena where it had not previously existed:

• At the end of each month, they would write down the balances of all their financial accounts and debts. How much did they have, and how much did they owe? Every single month.

• Every single month, they negotiated a budget and endeavored to follow it. Not a sucky budget where they weren't allowed to spend on things they cared about, but a budget that specifically gave them margin to do what they felt was important to them.

• They got rid of the credit cards and streamlined everything to only their joint checking account. Every dollar came into that account, and every dollar left from that account. No side quests.

• Speaking of every dollar, every single dollar of income, regardless of the source, was included in the plan. Thisincluded gifts, bonuses, tax refunds, etc.

• Each month, they reviewed how they did. They were forced to inspect their mistakes and recognize their wins. They had to actually see the consequences of their decisions, for better or worse.

This actually happened seven years ago. That couple who had spent decades dealing with bad luck and misfortune has since transformed themselves into a family that seems to have a lot more good luck and positive fortune. They no longer have debt. They know exactly what's happening with the finances. They are pursuing their aspirations.....and making progress! They don't fight about money anymore. They are living such an amazing life!

This isn't a story about my coaching. This is a story about the power of taking accountability and deciding enough is enough. It's a story about redemption, second chances, and the power of discipline. It's a story about two grown adults who shed generations of financial and behavioral baggage. A little accountability goes a long way!

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“Why Not Us?”

A 30-something couple was sitting across from me. They looked like a perfect mix of tired, stressed, and demoralized. While several parts of their life were going well, secretly, their finances were a mess. From the outside, everything looked somewhere between average and good. However, the truth is they were drowning from the weight of debt and other past financial decisions.

Despite all that, they seemed hopeful. Several of their friends had worked with me in the past, and, due to whatever stories they had been told, they felt a glimmer of encouragement. I walked them through the concepts and explained what it would take to get on the other side of this stressful mess. After about five minutes of me explaining a difficult yet simple plan, the wife looked at the husband and confidently exclaimed, "Well, why not us!?!?"

"Why not us?" Having a healthy (and positive!) relationship with money isn't reserved for the few people over there. It's open to all, and the only prerequisite is that we handle ourselves with discipline, determination, and focus. "Why not us?!?!" Gaining traction and building positive momentum is no small feat, and it requires much more than a little good fortune and a few good decisions. It takes intentionality, discipline, and the compounding effect of thousands of small decisions.

This couple is going to crush it. Do you want to know why I know that? Because they believe it. Sometimes, that's the spark that ignites the whole thing. On the flip side, the most surefire way to know someone won't win is because they don't believe they will win. It sounds silly, but it's true.

I've walked alongside countless families on this financial journey. Some have won.....some haven't. The common thread, more often than not, is if the couple (or person) sincerely believes winning is possible.

"Why not us?!?!" I think this should be our new rallying cry. In our work, in our families, in our money, in our hobbies, in our passions, and in our relationships.

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Fear as a Sidekick

I'll be speaking at a company later this morning. Right on cue, the fear is creeping in. I knew it was coming, as it always comes right about now. And by "fear," I mean something that resembles absolute terror. Many people don't know this, but my professional speaking career began with my desire to overcome my overly dramatic fear of public speaking. While I still get nerves leading up to my speaking events, at least it no longer involves profuse vomiting into whatever trash can is nearby.

I don't know about you, but I live in some level of fear most weeks. Fear of failure. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of letting the other person down. Fear of not living up to my potential. The fear of not making the impact I'm called to make.

To be honest, I don't think there's anything weird or bad about this. In fact, I'll take it one more step. I think fear is a common ingredient for impact. If we look around and see all the progress, innovation, and productivity around us, most of it was created in the shadow of fear. Creation is scary. Impact is scary. Progress is scary. Thus, fear is often an organic sidekick when we go about our business.

I hope you're scared this week. I hope you endeavor to do something that scares the living daylights out of you. I hope you pursue fear in a way that will make a deep and meaningful impact on someone. Maybe it's a bit pitch at work. Maybe it's an important prospect meeting. Maybe it's a one-on-one with one of your direct reports (or your boss). Maybe it's a big test at school. Maybe it's a job interview. Maybe it's the next step in something you're trying to build. Whatever it is, lean into the fear headfirst and know it's not only normal, but natural. It means you care. It means you're pushing yourself. It means you're trying to make an impact in this world. Embrace the fear…it means you’re on the right track.

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