What Gets Measured, Part 2

Last week, I published a piece about the importance of measuring the things we want to accomplish. After all, "what gets measured gets done." I framed the post through the lens of my newfound discovery that I walk far less than I thought. So, when my wife purchased a walking pad, I decided to do something about it.

In the world of "what gets measured gets done," how we measure is where the rubber meets the road. If we can't find a simple and effective way to measure, we won't. And if we won't, ____ doesn't get accomplished. This is a crucial concept I discuss with my coaching clients. It's imperative to find easy ways to measure what needs to be measured. Anything else will result in inevitable failure.

In the case of my walking, I luckily have a world-class tool at my fingertips. In fact, we all do. The built-in Health app on the iPhone is an amazingly simple and powerful tool for measuring many different aspects of our lives. It's a bit scary, but this app has measured my walking for the better part of a decade. I can see the data in black and white.

Given how well the data is measured, it's created more clarity and motivation for me. I consciously think about my walking now. Instead of being completely passive and out of mind, it's at the forefront. This has resulted in some interesting (and intentional) behaviors:

• While waiting for my flight on Saturday afternoon, I paced back and forth through the terminal while on a Northern Vessel call with TJ.

• Knowing I'd be sitting behind a desk all day on Sunday, I got a few thousand steps on the hotel treadmill early in the morning.

• Since I did, in fact, sit behind a desk all day and didn't get to my new hotel until 10:30 PM that night, I still needed to rip out another 3,000 steps before bed. Unfortunately, the hotel's treadmill was broken. I improvised, pacing the hotel like a creepy stalker while talking to a friend on the phone.

What gets measured gets done! Want to see what that looks like for this silly little endeavor?

Boom! I went from 3,000 steps per day to 12,000 practically overnight. Part of why I've been preliminarily successful is the tool's strength. Look how clean and visual the data is. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't making a difference.

Finances are the same way. We need simple yet powerful tools. If you're looking to budget, EveryDollar Premium is hands down the best budgeting app on the market. I'm not Dave Ramsey fan (to put it lightly), but truth is truth. They created an ingenious tool, and it's 100% worth checking out. It must be the paid version, though. The free version, requiring manual entry, is brutal to use. This tool changes lives.

CapitalOne's 360 Performance Savings accounts are a fantastic tool to facilitate and track sinking funds.

CashApp is easily the best tool to house a single spending category, like personal spending, groceries, or dining out.

What gets measured gets done, and the right tools can be the make or break. What tools add value to your finances?

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When Nothing is Everything

My client was frustrated.....borderline fuming. After two frustrating months to end 2024, they felt stuck and defeated. Expenses piled up, the budget got shredded, and they didn't make nearly as much progress on their debt as hoped. They had big goals, but ultimately, the goals fizzled at the hands of their harsh financial reality.

I was so proud of them and happy for them! In my opinion, they had an amazing few months! Months worth celebrating! Months worth remembering. Months that will eventually be looked back upon on as the turning point to everything.

What's the disconnect? Their definition of a win was paying off debt and having everything go right. My definition of a win was how they approached the situation and navigated it when everything went wrong.

In years past, they would regularly fall into the credit card debt cycle at the slightest presence of adversity. Their finances would run away from them, they would quickly slide the credit card, and kick the can down the road to fight another day. After battling to remedy the problem for the next several tension-induced months, they would repeat the cycle. All the while, they would wonder where their money is going and why they can't get their crap together.

Enter November and December of 2024. They had big plans for debt paydowns and moving the needle in their finances. Then, as life tends to do, crap happens. An emergency vet bill, the car breaks down, an unexpected family trip, a surprise activity expense for their kids. One expense piled onto the last. Suddenly, their perfectly crafted budget eroded around them.

I'm not painting the best picture, am I? This is where it gets good. Since they had an actual plan, created with unity, implemented with intentionality, and entered the month with clear visibility, they saw the twists and turns as they came. While it wasn't ideal to alter their budget to accommodate the crap, they were in control of the budget, not the other way around. For the first time ever (20+ years!!!), they carefully pivoted, took care of their business, and survived the financial onslaught. Even more impressive, they managed to do so without tapping into the credit cards. Yeah, they endured all the crap that life had to offer WITHOUT falling into the credit card death spiral. Massive win!!!

If they compare where they ended up with what they originally planned on doing, it would appear they accomplished nothing. However, sometimes nothing is everything. In their case, this seemingly disastrous month was the biggest win of them all. Now that they know they can thoughtfully and intentionally handle the tough stuff without resorting to debt and old habits, they can accomplish anything together.

This is where they begin to cook. This is where their life changes forever. This is where the rubber meets the road.

Sometimes, nothing is everything.

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Starting Is the Hardest Part

I was recently sitting with a young client. Mid-20s, new-ish in his career, trying to figure out his place in life. Everything is new, exciting, and a bit nerve-wracking (though he probably won't admit that last part). To his credit, he's approaching his money head-on. He recognizes the responsibility....and the opportunity. His future self will absolutely thank his younger self, and I'm grateful to play a small role in that story.

However, we hit a roadblock. When it was time to dive into investing, he felt defeated. It's not that he didn't want to invest, but rather he didn't think he was ready. "I don't have enough left in my budget to invest, so that will have to wait."

"That's ok, we'll start with $25 per month."

He laughed. I wasn't joking.

"$25 isn't enough to make a difference," he quipped. While that's technically true, I wasn't encouraging $25/month because I thought it would move the needle. No, I did it because starting is the hardest part.

From a behavioral science perspective, there's massive power in starting something. After all, starting is hard. Investing requires us to set up an account, create a login, connect to a bank, physically move money from one institution to another, and invest said cash into an index or mutual fund. That's a lot of hurdles! However, once those hurdles have been cleared, it's simple!

Once he makes the first investment, and then takes one more step to automate future investments, it becomes one of the easiest things in his life. Even better, the act of creating and automating his investment account, even with only $25/month, he becomes the type of person who invests. That action integrates with his life, his rhythm, his habits. Like paying his rent, brushing his teeth, and taking out the trash. It's just what we do.

As I explained, starting a $25/month investing rhythm is the hardest part. After that, it's easy to increase it. Increasing it takes two minutes. Maybe he'll increase it to $100/month. Or maybe $500/month. Maybe it will get to $1,000/month. Whatever the right number is, it only happened because he did the hard part of setting up that initial $25/month. So, no, $25/month won't in and of itself move the financial needle. But that $25/month start is what opened the doors for everything that will soon come.

Starting is the hardest part. Whether it's investing, giving, or saving, just start. Even $25. Heck, even $5. Just start. Get the ball rolling. Become the type of person who does that action. Let it seep into you. Once that happens, anything is possible!

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The Myth of Making It

Someday, I'll "make it." Famous last words!

“Making it” means different things to different people. For some, it means getting out of debt. For others, it means becoming a millionaire. Some people want to attain xyz title at work. Maybe it means landing a certain client. Or driving a car with that specific emblem. Perhaps there's a particular revenue goal. Your kid goes to an Ivy League college. What if you finally land on the cover of a magazine? One day, you'll finally get that degree.

We love to put pins on the map of our future and definitively say that's the moment when we've "made it." Unfortunately, it's a lie. It's not a lie because these things can't happen.....they can. It's not a lie because they don't matter.....they do. It's a lie because every time we achieve something, we move the goalposts further out. If having a net worth of $1M is making it, the moment you get it, the new definition of "making it" becomes $2M, then $5M, then $10M, and so on.

Years ago, when Cole and I shared a dumpy little office, he had this amazing bottle of bourbon. It was a special edition bottle, signed by the band Slipknot. He would regularly talk about how, after "making it," we would pop the cork and enjoy that special bottle. Since that day, he and we have achieved far more than we had ever expected......yet, that bottle is still unopened. Why? Because every time he hit a milestone, a new milestone took its place.

Here's my point. There is no "making it." That's a myth. As humans, we'll quickly reset expectations as soon as we reach the goal. There is no magical point where our lives magically become perfect, or we achieve maximum success. Rather, it's about the journey. We should live with contentment, strive to get a bit better each day, celebrate all the wins (even the small ones), and find meaning in all of it. Oh yeah, and pop the cork on that bottle, Cole. You're never going to make it, but man, you're doing it.

My challenge for you today is to stop defining which hurdles you'll someday hit to "make it." I promise you, by the time you achieve them, you will have already moved the goal posts on yourself. If that's true, just keep moving forward, living with meaning, enjoying the journey. Oh yeah, and pop that cork.

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Wipe Off the Mirror

Today's piece is more technical than usual, but it bears consideration. Let's say you're having a tough financial month. Expenses are running higher than you anticipated, unforeseen situations pop up, and/or you elect to make a purchase that wasn't originally budgeted. You'll inevitably exceed your income, and something must be done.

The worldly way is to simply throw it on the credit card and deal with it sometime in the future. No bueno! For those of you who don't play Russian Roulette with credit cards, a solution must be found. Enter the emergency fund. Emergency funds are great for the times when expenses snowball on us. Most people house their emergency funds in a savings account directly tied to their primary checking account.

Therefore, when the crazy months arise and we need relief, we can click a few buttons, and that money is available for use. How we choose to frame it in our financial life is where the rubber meets the road, though. One option is to bring the emergency fund cash into our account and silently use it to offset expenses behind the scenes. We receive the needed relief, our needs are met, and we can move on. It's all good, right? Wrong!

To show why this is an unhealthy approach, please allow me to show you the alternative. Let's say we're having the same crappy month, and we need to pull $2,000 from our emergency fund. Let's assume our car breaks down, and it's one of those oh-crap-what-do-we-do moments with our mechanic. We immediately know our budget will be $2,000 short, and we can bridge the gap with our emergency fund. Instead of allowing these transactions to happen behind the scenes, we do two important things:

1. We add the $2,000 into our budget as income. In my budget, I call this income line item "From E-Fund."

2. We add the unwanted and unexpected expenses to our budget. In this case, we allocate an extra $2,000 to the car maintenance category.

What's the difference? In the first scenario, everything looks good in our budget. It appears we make what we always make, and our expenses are normal (i.e. artificially low). That doesn't reflect reality.

Adding our emergency fund proceeds and associated expenses into our budget forces us to look in the mirror. Or, to be more specific, it forces us to wipe off the mirror to see more clearly. This transparency is the secret to accountability, growth, and ownership. When we can digest our situation at face value, we can face reality on reality's terms. This makes all the difference in the world!

That's why I repeatedly say we need to account for all income coming in, and ensure every dollar finds a home. The consequences are very real. People who properly account for their emergency fund use are far less likely to dip into it than people who facilitate it behind the scenes.

Wipe off that mirror! The more real you can be with yourself, the better you'll be......and you deserve better.

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Punched In the Face by Gratitude

Do you ever get frustrated? I mean REALLY frustrated. The car breaks down. You get turned down for that job. That girl/guy isn't interested in you. You got pulled over for speeding. Your flight gets canceled. Life can suck sometimes.....ok, lots of times.

It's easy to dwell on this stuff. We start sounding like our own little version of Debbie Downer. But then, something happens. We get punched in the face by gratitude.

As I've watched the national news coverage the past few nights, it's been non-stop coverage of houses in Los Angeles literally going up in flames. People woke up like any other day, and went to bed without a home or possessions. Everything they owned.....poof. It's truly one of the saddest things I've ever watched play out.

Those are the moments where gratitude punches us in the face. Life is never perfect, and sure, it would be nice if these frustrating circumstances would just stay away. But we should carry ourselves with gratitude that we aren't experiencing the pain and suffering that so many experience daily. If all that happened to you today is getting turned down for the job, your crush isn't interested in you, you got pulled over for speeding, your car breaks down, AND your flight gets canceled, you're still better off than so many. That's still worth celebrating. All of those crappy things piled into one day, but you end the day going home to your comfortable house with all of your possessions, you're still blessed. Weird perspective, I know.

I think we should live every day with gratitude, but it doesn't hurt to get punched in the face by it once in a while. Prayers to anyone who is impacted by these wildfires. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. Better days are yet to come, and beauty will surely rise from the ashes.

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Build It, Break It, Fix It, Repeat

I'll start with a question. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you succeeded, then succeeded some more, then continued to succeed, and eventually failed by the weight of your own success? This is a fairly common occurrence in my coaching world. Positive momentum is great, but it doesn't come without a cost. Eventually, inevitably, and unfortunately, success often creates new challenges. I see this a lot in clients who pay off a ton of debt, but then struggle as soon as the debt is paid off. I also see this with the NFL players I've worked with, where it's all good until it becomes too good...then the wheels can fall off.

We recently experienced a version of this at Northern Vessel. We've had a wild year, which was capped by an even wilder December. All of our efforts, marketing, hospitality, and momentum led us up to the Christmas season. Then, last Saturday, we broke. Over a six-hour period, we sold 90 drinks per hour, or 1.5 per minute for the entire six hours. To put it into context, our entire shop is 1,500 square feet and comfortably seats 20 (with no drive-thru). Yet, we sold about 550 drinks in a shortened day. It was great, it was bonkers, and we are grateful. At the same time, though, our team was fried, we ran out of product, and we couldn't offer five-star hospitality that lived up to our expectations. We broke the machine.

The drink line!

There's a saying I like to use: "Build it, break it, fix it, repeat." We built it, then we broke it, and now we must fix it. TJ and I have spent a lot of time the last few days dissecting all the ways in which we broke. Which pieces were our fault? Which pieces were circumstantial? Which pieces can be fixed? Which pieces can be improved upon? How do we do better next time? Everything is on the table.

After all, that is the goal. We desire for there to be a next time. We must earn the right for there to be a next time. We need to fix it, then repeat. If the relentless pursuit of excellence is more than just a catchy slogan, we need to own that. Build it, break it, fix it, repeat.

The same goes for many areas of our lives, including finances! Each time we level up, our success will inevitably create new challenges. We can't rest on our laurels, though. It's imperative that we grow with it. Each time we get better in a specific area of our life, that success will create new challenges (and new opportunities!) that we must confront. The alternative is to be happy with the growth and allow the breakage to stop future growth.....which is a common path for many.

Instead, this is my challenge for you today: Build it, break it, fix it, repeat. Embrace the struggle on the journey. It's not a straight line. It can be messy. Enjoy the journey!

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But What Inputs?

I appreciate the flood of comments I've received from yesterday's post. If you missed it, I discussed the importance of focusing more on the inputs than the outputs. Instead of dwelling on the outcome, we should fix our attention to our decisions and contributions that go into xyz endeavors. I used the example of Northern Vessel's recent record-setting day. While the numbers from that day (outputs) were amazing, we chose to reflect on the inputs that ultimately made it happen.

Several of you asked for a real-life example of inputs vs. outputs that would apply to the vast majority of readers. Your wish is my command! I have a great example to share, and I hope it lands well.

As you probably know, I love investing. It's been a passion of mine since I was 16 years old. To summarize, I'm a big believer in investing in the entirety of the U.S. stock market, paying as few fees as possible, and remaining extremely patient. Doing so has a 154-year track record of success (9.2% per year over 154 years and 10.4% per year for the last 100 years).

All that said, it's a mess! By "9.2% per year," that doesn't mean the market returns 9.2% each and every year. That's the long-term compounded average. The road to get there is rough! To illustrate that, guess how many years in the history of the stock market have provided a return in the 8%-10% range...........

............three years. Only three times out of 154 years (1912, 1916, and 1993) have resulted somewhere in the 8%-10% range—the rest fall on either side of that. The market has done as well as +53% (1933) and as bad as -40% (1931). Over a five-year span, the market has done as well as +23% per year and as bad as -11.5% per year. Again, it's a mess!

As such, we would do ourselves a tremendous disservice if all we did was focus on the outputs. If we judged ourselves on how our investment portfolio played out in any given year, it was be an emotional rollercoaster. One year, you'd feel like a genius, and the next a total failure. That's the consequence of focusing too much on the outputs.

Instead, we should focus on the inputs. Here are some examples:

• Am I investing in the right type of funds? I'm a huge fan of the S&P 500 or total U.S. stock market indexes.

• Am I investing with as few fees as possible? Most of my clients pay 0.04% or less (vs. most people paying 1.5%-2.0%).

• Am I consistently contributing? It doesn't matter what the stock market does if you're not contributing.

• Am I being patient? Selling or making knee-jerk adjustments is destructive.

If you have the right answer for each of the questions above, it doesn't actually matter what your portfolio does this year or any other year. You're focusing on the inputs, not the outputs. When we do that, the outputs will take care of themselves.....eventually.

You won't beat yourself up. You won't lose sleep. You won't obsess about volatility. You'll just live your meaningful life.

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It’s the Inputs, Man!

In late 2019, after stepping away from one career and into another, Sarah and I made another drastic life decision. We elected to split our time between Iowa and Thailand. We would bounce back and forth in three-month increments. One of the primary barriers to this plan was our house. What would we do about lawn care and snow removal? What if we had water issues in the basement? Would it be secure if left unattended for months at a time? And since we had just taken a 90% pay cut, a little more liquidity sure would come in handy. Therefore, the plan was clear. Sell the house, set the cash aside, and rent a small townhome that would suffice for the months we were back in Iowa.

We sold our house in December 2019 and excitedly awaited our inaugural family trip to Asia. Everything was coming together! Then, just a few months later, COVID struck, the world shut down, and all our plans went out the window. Instead of experiencing Thailand with our three-year-old boys, we were cooped up in a tiny townhome with those same three-year-old boys. It all blew up in our face!

If I used the outputs to determine how we did, it would clearly indicate we failed. We could have been in a cool house that we owned but, ended up in a tiny rental townhome. We lost! However, that's not how I look at life. The outputs (or outcomes) we experience in life are subject to all sorts of circumstances and externalities. If we always judge ourselves by the outputs, we might lose sight of the truth.

On the flip side, I'm a big believer in focusing on the inputs. If we do the right things for the right reasons, and stay consistent with it, the outputs will eventually reveal that. When we dwell on the inputs, unwanted outputs don't necessarily have to derail us. In the case of the house, we absolutely made the right decision. We did the right thing despite the outcome.

Yesterday was the single greatest day in the history of Northern Vessel. Everything came together, and we experienced the most wonderful outputs. It was stunning to watch, and we couldn't have been more excited. However, it really wasn't about the output. Instead of dwelling on the numbers, we reflected on all the inputs that culminated in yesterday's output:

• Consistently solid drinks that people can rely on.

• An obsessive focus on hospitality, with a "how can we make this better?" mindset.

• An iterative process to build increasingly efficient operations that allow for large daily and weekly volumes when the moments arise.

• Continuous assessment of our product offerings to provide our customers with the products they desire.

• Intentionality on our social media presence to build awareness and engagement.

So, when yesterday happened, we were beyond grateful for the output. However, the output in and of itself meant nothing. Rather, it's a tangible signal that our obsessive focus on the inputs is succeeding.

Focus on inputs. Dwell on inputs. Obsess about inputs. The outputs will be the outputs (good and bad), but eventually, the truth will prevail. Obsess about your inputs today…..in your money, in your career, in your ministry, in your relationships, and everywhere else. Always the inputs.

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Corralling the Impulses

One of my friends, frustrated with his continual debt, reached out and asked a practical question: "How do you stop overspending?" Despite a fantastic income, he and his wife have ebbed and flowed in and out of credit card debt for nearly two decades. They are frustrated. They are tired. They are stressed.

"Just stop overspending." See, simple! But simple doesn't mean easy. We humans have some flawed wiring that makes it difficult to not overspend, and our modern-day culture encourages negligent behavior.

Some will read this post and want to slam their head against the wall repeatedly. Others will deeply relate. That's how polarizing this topic is. It's common sense not to overspend, but at the same time, our impulses lead us down that road.

At the risk of being nicknamed Captain Obvious, I'm going to share a few simple steps that can make a tremendous difference in our battle with overspending. Here we go!

1) Remove debt as an option. If debt is an option, be it credit cards, car loans, or any other types of consumer debt, we WILL use it.....eventually. We can say no 1,000 times, but that 1,001st time, our desires will get the best of us. I'm a huge advocate for structuring our life so that debt isn't even an option. Yes, I'm suggesting that people live without credit cards.

2) Have a plan. It's inevitable that our impulses will kick in. Again, we're human. One of the best ways to combat those impulses is to have a plan.....and stick to it. With money, that looks like a budget. A budget is just a vomit-inducing word that means we pre-decide where our money will go this month. It doesn't mean we'll spend less, but rather we'll spend what we said we will spend. We can budget $500 on dining out, which means we can (and should!) spend $500 on dining out, but we're not allowed to spend more than $500 on dining out. Following the plan keeps us accountable to our past selves who made the plan.

3) Understand the double-edged sword. Can we all agree that spending money feels good? That new pair of shoes. A state-of-the-art phone. A nice steak dinner. It can be euphoric! However, when we're in the moment of soaking up every ounce of that post-spend dopamine, we're not thinking about the other side of the equation: the stress, tension, guilt, and turmoil we'll soon endure from yet another act of overspending. It feels good in the moment, but the longer-term financial strain we put ourselves through more than negates the upside.

4) Know your why. While that new iPhone is pretty sweet, and will most certainly add value to your life, does it align or conflict with your bigger goals? If we can clearly define what your objectives are, it helps us make better decisions that align with those goals.

We deserve better than to live a stressful, tension-filled, guilt-ridden financial life. Find simple ways to regain control and corral your impulses. Future you will thank you for your service.

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All Of It

Are you human? Good, I was hoping so. This post is for all the humans out there. We humans have a knack for playing little tricks on ourselves to get what we want. In today's piece, I'm going to discuss "extra." Specifically, extra income. We're not good at managing extra income. Tax refunds, bonuses, extra paychecks, commissions, gifts, etc. We love treating these irregular cash inflows as extra, and by extra, I mean we don't have to be responsible with it.

You know what happens to extra, right? Of course you do! For most of us humans, we waste it. I use the term waste not as a reference for spending on wants, but rather as an indictment of our lack of intentionality.

I'll use the example of a typical family. They know when their paychecks arrive each month. That income, whether budgeted or not, is largely allocated for life's various expenses. It's rhythmic. It's normal. But the extra? If we receive extra income, the typical outcome is to mentally and emotionally carve it out from our normal income and impulsively spend it. We forget context, goals, and priorities. Instead, we just act. It's a little Jedi mind trick we play on ourselves. We convince ourselves this income doesn't count, so we just willfully ship it wherever our emotions tell us to.

Here's the alternative. I'm a big believer that all income is created equal. Every penny that comes in, whether a normal paycheck, bonus, tax refund, or any other surprise we might receive, should be woven into the plan.

I recently met with a client who is a textbook version of what it looks like to get it right. They received an inheritance. As soon as they knew how much it would be, it went into their budget alongside their normal income. His income, her income, and inheritance. One big pot of money. It was just like every other month, except this month had a lot more in the pot.

They negotiated where this month's income would go, including the extra. A handful of categories received some extra love due to this larger income. Their decisions were proactive, measured, made in context with the larger situation, and aligned with their goals and values. Once they negotiated the plan, the next step was easy (and hard): They executed the plan. When the money arrived, they did exactly as planned. Money was physically moved into each respective destination, ensuring they honored their past selves' plans. Perfect.

It might sound like I'm splitting hairs with this one, but trust me, it makes all the difference in the world! When we allow all income to be created equal and take responsibility for it as such, we make different decisions. Better decisions. I could tell they had a ton of peace and unity with their plan. Nothing was impulsive. Every decision made sense. It moved them closer to their aspirations.

This is a model to follow. Regardless of where the income is coming from, treat the same as the rest. It can make all the difference in the world.

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Choosing the Wrong Anchors

I was blessed with an opportunity to spend time with one of my closest friends yesterday. We don't see each other as much as we should, but man, it's great when we do. Our conversation triggered a concept I often discuss in my coaching, but has never come up on the blog. Well, today is the day!

Let's say you have a full-time job but are simultaneously working to transition to your dream job, your calling. You aspire to eventually transition full-time into the new gig. However, the elephant in the room is when. Every ounce of you wants to do the new thing, but the bulk of your time is invested in the old thing (which you don't particularly care about). How do you know when to flip the switch?

I'll use a real-life example of a friend. He makes $150,000 in his current full-time job, and has built his new business up to approximately $50,000 per year. Here's what I find most impressive about this. With only his leftovers (after working a full-time job and investing in his family as a husband and dad), he's managed to build up his dream business to $50,000 per year of income. Just imagine what he could do if he dedicated his best professional hours toward this growing passion!!!

One problem, though. Conventional wisdom says he shouldn't quit his full-time job until he's built up his new work to a similar income. In other words, once he's able to make at least $150,000 in his new gig, he can jump ship. This belief is founded on the idea that we should never go backward on our income. This is toxic thinking!

I'll state the obvious. There's very little chance my friend can build his new business up to $150,000 per year while giving it only scraps of time and energy. He feels stuck. He's frustrated. He's running out of steam. There's a chance he'll give up. Why? All because he chose the wrong anchor.

Please allow me to offer an alternative. Instead of trying to replicate his current income, he should seek to make enough. I pressed him with this question. "How much income do you need to make, combined with your wife's income, to pay for your basic needs?"

"About $40,000."

"So you're already there! You could quit today, focus full-time on your calling, and still care for your family. That sounds like a no-brainer decision!"

"I don't want to lose ground financially, though."

This is where I put the proverbial mirror in front of him, "So your standard of living and pride is more important to you than your calling. It's not that you can't, but rather you won't."

To his credit, he admitted that's probably true. I'm not trying to make him sound materialistic or egotistical. Rather, I'm trying to highlight the toxic power of choosing the wrong anchor. When we anchor our expectations on some arbitrary reality (a reality we’re trying to escape, mind you), it can rob us of our calling. Instead, I propose we anchor our expectations on what's enough. That subtle shift will change everything!

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It's Still the Same You

One of my friends recently went from being middle class to having $50M in cash. By "recently," I mean a few years ago. Here's the thing, though. Nobody in his life, besides his spouse and a few others, knows this even happened. He owned a boring business that quickly grew bigger and more successful than most people realized. He sold it, and poof, he was mega-wealthy.

In an instant, everything changed. Yet, at the same time, nothing changed at all. During a recent conversation, he interestingly said, "I thought my life would magically change, but I'm still the same me." He seemed disappointed by that revelation. Money has a funny way of not impacting us like that.

We view money as the x-factor that will change everything for us. If I only had $_____, then I'd be happy. If I could just get to $____, then I wouldn't worry anymore. Unfortunately, that's not how it works. First, let me say the obvious. Having a bunch of money will significantly reduce one's month-to-month financial stress. That's the most Captain Obvious thing I'll say today. However, money does not cure most things in our lives. Taking it one step further, having lots of money will inevitably open up new challenges.

It's easy to look at someone with a ton of money and think, "It must be nice!" In some ways, I'm sure it is. On the flip side, however, those people still battle demons, loss, pain, and turmoil. Life is still life, regardless of how many resources you have.

What's the point of this rant? Don't rely on more money to dictate your happiness. Don't hold that carrot in front of you, believing that more is the answer to what ails you. Don't (falsely) believe that wealth is the remedy for all of life's problems. It's not. It can help in some situations, but at the end of the day, it's still the same you. Therefore, invest in the person in the mirror. Keep growing. Take care of yourself. Pursue meaning. Keep moving forward, regardless of your financial standing.

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All Roads Lead Back to Childhood

I received more responses from yesterday's post than anything I've published this year. It was a smorgasbord of feedback, ranging from astonishment, to jealousy, to anger, to laughter. Needless to say, you had opinions!

One theme was clear through your feedback, and the same goes for most things in our lives: All roads lead back to childhood. What we perceive as normal, and the rituals we practice, can largely be attributed to our growing-up experience. If you grew up in a house that glorified a materialistic Christmas experience, there's a higher likelihood you'll replicate that for your own children. If you grew up in a house that shied away from extravagant gifts, you probably exhibit similar traits as you raise your own children.

We don't usually like admitting how big of a role our childhood played in who we are today, but it's a massive factor. That's one of the reasons why the first 30 minutes of the first coaching meeting I have with a couple involves a conversation about their childhoods. The answers to those questions tell me 80% of what I need to know about how someone's wired as an adult. Our childhood experience has created healthy traits and habits as we've become adults, but it's also produced toxic traits and habits that continue to haunt us decades later.

I have bad news and good news. I'll start with the bad news. You can't undo or redo your childhood. Each one of those experiences, both good and bad, is seared in and unavoidable. They live within us and play a role in who we are today. These experiences impact the way we perceive, understand, and manage the world around us.....including our money. This includes every toxic habit, perspective, and behavior you have about money. It is what it is, and there's nothing we can do about it.

Now, the good news. Well, two pieces of good news, actually. We don't have to let our faulty wiring drive us into the ground. Just because we've developed a predisposition to certain habits, perspectives, or behaviors from our childhood, it doesn't mean we have to act it out. One remedy for this risk is self-awareness. When I meet with a client, I will point out how x experience 20 years ago is probably linked to y behavior today. If that individual connects those dots and recognizes said reality, it's the first step to managing it better. When we are aware of what we do and why we do it, we gain better control.

Here's the second piece of good news. While you can't go back and get a redo of your childhood, you CAN give that to your children. Remember, what your kids experience in their childhoods, for better or worse, will have lasting implications on the way they perceive the world. Therefore, fellow parents, it's incumbent upon us to be intentional in our parenting to cultivate healthy habits, perspectives, and behaviors in our children. It's not too late for them!

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Normalizing Your Normal

I recently broke the news to a family that spending $5,000/kid on Christmas presents doesn't jive with their family's finances. They have five kids…..

They were appalled by my audacity to suggest this amount of money is unreasonable. "That's a normal amount to spend," proclaimed the wife. My response: "Just because it's your normal doesn't make it reasonable. You're the one who normalized your normal."

"No, what we do is totally reasonable and is a completely normal amount to spend." Then, much to my delight, she suggested I blog about it to prove just how normal it is. I'll be looking forward to your collective responses.

This brings up a broader point, though. When we refer to something as "normal," we're glossing over the question of whether it's right. Normal does not equal right. We can (and often do) normalize bad behavior:

• It's normal to go tens of thousands of dollars into student loan debt.

• It's normal to live at or above our financial means.

• It's normal to give away very little, spending all of our resources on our own desires.

• It’s normal to live without an emergency fund.

• It's normal to stay in jobs that make us perpetually miserable.

Just because something is normal, it doesn't make it right. Further, we tend to live in little bubbles, surrounding ourselves with people who practice the same habits, values, and rituals we do—an echo chamber of sorts. I agree; there is a sub-culture of people inclined to spend $5,000/kid on Christmas. It's normal within that group of people because they collectively normalized it.

This blog is a different version of that. I'm trying to normalize meaning over money. I'm trying to normalize the pursuit of work that matters. I'm trying to normalize ridiculous levels of generosity. I’m trying to normalize intentionality with our finances. I'm trying to normalize a lived experience far more rewarding and fulfilling than fantasizing about retiring into a life of leisure.

Here’s my call to action today: Question what you perceive as normal. First, is your definition of "normal" normal? Second, if so, should it be? Perhaps it's time to turn normal on its head, draw a line in the sand, and normalize something better. I'll leave it open as to what this applies to in your life, but you probably already know the answer.

Side note: $200. That's how much Sarah and I will spend on each of our two kids for Christmas gifts. That's "normal" for us.

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Playing With Four

The boys won both of their games yesterday. It was a weird day, as they had back-to-back games with only five players. Yes, every player played every minute of both games. They were gassed by the end, but I could tell they were pleased. Well, all but one kid.....

During the second game, one of my sons got frustrated and talked back to me. He refused the run the play I wanted to run, and started yelling at me. The ref was standing next to me, so I leaned over and said, "Ref, we're gonna play with four." I instructed my son to come join me on the bench, where he could watch his four teammates take on the five opponents. He sat out for two minutes until there was a timeout on the floor. He promised me he would straighten up.

He did.....for a bit. We were up by three points with 17 seconds left in the game. He got frustrated at a five-second violation on an inbound pass, and freaked out on me again. Again, "Come sit next to me. You're done for the day." The game was on the line, and I unfortunately needed to finish with four.

On the bench, he was beside himself. He complained that we needed five players and we might lose now. I told him I'd rather lose with four than play someone who disrespects his teammates, his coach, and the game.

Sure, I wanted to win that game. But more important than that is the long game. The long game is what really matters in life—doing the right thing for the right reasons....even when it hurts.

Rarely does playing the long game feel good. It doesn't feel good to be disciplined, practice delayed gratification, or be diligent. It's always more fun to be impulsive, without care, thinking only about the moment at hand.

It's immediately satiating to be selfish and materialistic. But what about the long game?

It feels great to spend money now instead of saving. But what about the long game?

It's far more fun to indulge your wants than meeting someone else's needs. But what about the long game?

It sucked to hold my son out of his basketball game and force him to watch his teammates play short-handed, but I need to think about the long game. He needs to learn. He needs to understand that actions have consequences. He needs to grow as a player and as a future man. This is delayed gratification at its finest.

Sometimes you need to play with four. Maybe that needs to be your motto in this season of life. Play the long game.

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The Freedom Paradox

I have this conversation often, but since I've had it three times this week, that merits a blog post. When I ask people what they are trying to achieve in their finances, many respond, "Freedom." Does that resonate with you? Do you desire financial freedom? I'm guessing that hits home for many of you, as it's one of the most common answers I receive.

I have a question, though. What is freedom? How do you define it? Inevitably, your answer is probably some number north of where you currently stand. It's something in the distance. It can be difficult to define what it looks like, but it's definitely more than whatever your current reality is. Why? Because you probably don't feel "free" today.

Herein lies the problem. Whenever we think about this idea of freedom or financial freedom, it's a moving target. Each time we hit a new plateau, we realize the winning score is higher than we thought. Thus, we begin a new pursuit.

There's a paradox here. Millions of Americans are pursuing freedom. They are pushing, grinding, and hoarding their way to more.....all in the name of creating freedom. The paradox is the fact that the pursuit of freedom is often what's keeping them from being free. Instead of just being free, they are fixated on a goal, a goal that will continually move further out.

Example 1: I recently talked to a 66-year-old with $2M in his retirement portfolio. He wants to retire, but believes he needs at least $3M to be free.

Example 2: I hung out with a friend with $4M in his retirement portfolio. He hates his job, but believes he needs at least $8M to be free.

Example 3: I met with a couple with $10M in retirement assets. Both spouses have big dreams of what they might want to do someday when they achieve financial freedom, but that number is closer to $15M-$18M.

Example 4: I spent time with a man who has more than $75M. His wife wants him to slow down, but he feels he first needs to get closer to $100M to solidify his financial standing.

Here's what all four of these families have in common. Each family is pursuing freedom. Each family already has freedom but is paradoxically sabotaging said freedom with their pursuit of freedom. Each family's perspective of freedom is anchored and skewed by their own current reality, not realizing they are already well ahead of the prior person's definition of freedom. That's quite the paradox.

Don't let the pursuit of freedom rob you of the opportunity to actually be free. True freedom is not found in a dollar amount.....it's found in perspective and contentment.

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When Our Brains Deceive Us

Our brains are an amazing thing. They allow us to think, remember, problem-solve, create, and dream. They are truly one of the most remarkable feats in this world. Yet, at the same time, our brains are quite fallible. Even when we feel strongly convicted about something, our brains sometimes deceive us. Scientists have done many notable studies on this phenomenon, which always blows my mind.

It's also a phenomenon I see in my coaching work on a near-daily basis. As we're out there living our busy lives, we may have one understanding of our reality, but the truth is something completely different. I'll share a few examples:

• A couple wanted to finish their basement. They were confident it would cost around $20,000.....dead-set on that being the number. By the time they finished, it was closer to $65,000. Why? Because they were anchoring their perception of cost on an older, uninflated number. Also, they didn't mentally account for higher level of finishes or the few extra side projects they included. Needless to say, they were flabbergasted.....and stressed.

• Another couple was struggling on their dining out budget. They continually overspent their desired amount by a wide margin. One of the spouses exclaimed, "We don't even go out to eat that much! It doesn't make any sense!!" Since they track everything, we pulled up the facts. Over the prior three months, they averaged 42 dining out trips per month. On the one hand, they "don't eat out that much," but on the other hand, they actually eat out nearly 1.5 times per day!

• Another couple was brutally naive to the cost of their pets. In our first meeting, I asked them how much their pets cost. $25 per month, tops. When I questioned them about this, they confirmed all they buy is a big bag of food every few months. Their pets cost them "almost nothing." After tracking for a year, they discovered they actually spend $450/month on their pets. Minds blown!

• The last couple were preparing for a weekend road trip. I encouraged them to budget adequately for it. They thumbed their noses at my number, insisting it would cost "Almost nothing. A hotel room, a tank of gas, and a few cheap meals." They insisted on only allotting $200.....the actual cost was $700.

It's not because any of these couples are dumb or uneducated.....far from it! Rather, it's a real phenomenon where our brain deceives us. We compartmentalize, gloss over things, and get distracted by all the noise. It happens to all of us.

I don't have a solution, but I do have a recommendation. Be aware this is probably happening to you. Acknowledge your brain isn't perfect. Be intentional; budget, execute, and track. When we arm ourselves with the real facts, it can be an eye-opening experience, helping us get better at this money stuff. Be mindful!

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One Madness Ends, Another Begins

It's here, guys! Tomorrow is the big day. The election will be over soon. After tomorrow, the madness will finally end. Yay! We can all celebrate and get back to normal. Or can we?

The unfortunate truth is that every time one madness ends, another begins. That's just the way of our world. There's always something. Something to be mad about. Something to upset us. Something to distract us. Something to divert our attention. Something to tire us. Some of these things will be genuine, while others will be manufactured. But regardless of what it is or how real it is, it's coming. One madness will end, and another begin.

Here's our problem. We often postpone the things we need to do - and want to do - until after the madness ends. The timing isn't ideal; there are too many unknowns. Thus, we'll just wait. After xyz happens, it will be better. Once that thing is over, life will get back to "normal." Maybe then will be a good time to start that thing we really want to do! Oh wait, once one madness ends, another begins.

Yes, this election is going to be over soon (thankfully!). But the next version of madness is just around the corner. We can keep kicking the can on our dreams, goals, and aspirations, or we can simply get to work. Don't wait for the madness to end.....because it won't.

To the family waiting until they have a little more discretionary income to begin paying off debt, just start.

To the family waiting until “things don’t feel so weird” to begin investing, just start.

To the family waiting for their income to feel more stable to begin giving, just start.

To the family trying to hoard as much money as possible before “retiring” into work that actually matters, just go.

To the person waiting until the timing is “just right” to launch their business, just start.

This is me walking to the mound and placing the ball in your glove. Let's go!

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Respecting Younger You

I have a seared-in memory of a youth group conversation that happened many years ago. One of the girls excitedly told the group that she had just received her new iPhone earlier that day. Mid-sentence, one of her friends interrupted, "Wait, didn't you just get a new phone a few months ago?"

"Yeah, I did, but that one broke"

Another kid pops in, "This is like your third phone this school year."

"Well, fourth. They keep breaking, so I need to replace them."

Another guy jumps into the discussion. "My dad told me that if I ever break my phone, I'm responsible for buying a new one."

The original girl was shocked. "That's terrible! You'll never be able to pay for a phone on your own. That's not fair!"

I looked at the guy and asked, "How many times have you ever broken your phone?"

"Never! I can't afford to. I'm very careful." The answer I was expecting!

There's a lot to be learned from this story. It's a story of entitlement, ownership, personal responsibility, and cause and effect.

_____________________

As I picked Finn and Pax up from their band practice last night, I witnessed Finn quickly turn 180 degrees, nearly causing his electric guitar to collide with the corner of a concrete wall. If he were standing two inches closer, we would have had a disaster on our hands.

As we got in the car, I explained to him that he needed to be more careful. He replied, "Well, if something happens to my guitar, we can just buy me a new one."

"If you break your guitar, you're responsible for buying a new one, Finn."

"What!?!? That's not fair. I don't have that much money."

"Well, you better be careful. I'll show you a better way to hold it when you're not playing it, but the responsibility to take care of it is yours."

_____________________

Cause and effect is a wonderful teacher; it's also a humbling one. When handling our finances and the possessions purchased with said finances, it's imperative that we steward it well. We shouldn't covet our money or things, but we ought to respect it. Kids struggle with this, but so do many adults. We're quick to blow money, break things, spend money on things we don't care bout, lose things, continue unused subscriptions, incur needless banking fees, rack up interest, and countless other mindless anti-stewardship actions.

Again, this isn't about penny-pinching, idolizing, or hoarding. It's about honoring the fruits of our labor and making the best use of our resources. Remember, every dollar you spend on something you don't care about is one dollar you can't spend on something you do. Therefore, be thoughtful, be intentional, and ensure you're paying proper respect for the work younger you put in to earn those resources.

Oh yeah, and have a great day!

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