Meanwhile, Everyone Else Is Spinning

I received THE best follow-up message from my recent 'Our Eyes Deceive Us' post about the importance of proper context. To summarize, I highlighted how my family's $1,000/month travel spending allocation ruffles a lot of feathers......often the same feathers that unknowingly actually spend far more than that in their own lives.

This reader commented that their monthly travel budget is $1,500, and each time they take a fun trip, people in their life respond with, "Must be nice." Oh, you know how much I love the phrase, "Must be nice."

Is this blog reader outlandishly rich and just throwing money around like it's going out of style? My understanding of this family tells me they don't. Instead, I get the sense that this family simply prioritizes the things that matter most to them in life......and disregards the rest. In fact, in the e-mail, they pointed out that if they were forced to reduce spending in their budget, travel "would be one of the last things we cut." Again, more than anything, this tells me that this family understands who they are, what they value, and successfully shuts out the noise. It's beautiful!

Meanwhile, everyone else is spinning in circles. Most of the "must be nice" people around us are so busy spending money on things that don't actually matter to them that they don't leave margin to invest in things that do. This isn't some provocative theory; it's a recurring theme I've observed in countless families. It's so easy to fall into this trap!

The car payments, the inflated mortgage payments, the constant credit card churn......all these items lead to a leaky bucket that prevents us from being able to actually live the life we desire. We may think we want the big houses, fancy cars, and high-end lifestyles, but the data says otherwise. You wouldn't believe the number of people who rock out $1,000/month vehicle payments and have no emotional attachment to their vehicles. Or the people who decided to purchase houses that far exceed their needs and budgets, who are secretly living house-poor. Or the people who are busy living a status-boosting lifestyle, but would actually prefer more peace. This isn't me casting judgment on people....I've been there!

To the reader who graciously sent me that e-mail, I hope it is nice! I hope it's nice to travel. I hope it's nice to live in accordance with your values. And I hope it's nice to block out all the noise! I hope people continue to watch the example you set, and ultimately decide to follow in your footsteps.

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Steaks Have a Price?

Yesterday's post set off quite the unexpected storm of commentary: steak, steak, and more steak. Steaks weren't the main point of that post, but it hit home for many. To summarize, I was trying to make the point that our personal opinions of what something should cost mean nothing. Instead, the herd determines market value, and it's our individual responsibility to decide if we accept said price.....or not. Everything else is just noise.

Yesterday's comments can be placed into one of two camps. First, about a half-dozen people shared they, too, struggle to pull the trigger on nice cuts of meat.

• "Too rich for my blood."

• "I need to stick with chicken breast and hamburger right now."

• "It's not worth it."

• "Maybe if the prices eventually fall."

This group of people is price-sensitive to the cost of steaks. They would like to buy steak, but when they look at it through their own personal lens, they don't see enough value for the cost.

The second camp is on the polar opposite side of the discussion. In their opinion, no cost is too much for a good piece of meat:

• "There's always room in the budget for steak."

• "It's a luxury I'm not willing to give up."

• "Nobody better touch my steaks!"

• "Steaks have a price?"

Then, there's one other guy. I ran into a man at a local retailer yesterday, and he was excited to see me. He is an admitted cheapskate. He compares fuel prices at various gas stations and picks the cheapest pumps. He only buys generic brands. He only spends "25 bucks, max" on pants. He rarely goes out to eat. My point: he's frugal. Here's what he said about steaks: "I eat 1-2 steaks per week, and I NEVER look at the price. I find a steak I want to eat.....and I buy it. I refuse to look at the price. It's one of my small joys in life."

In a fun way, this steak conversation perfectly illustrates my broader point. We're all different. We each have a complex set of values, perspectives, and characteristics. And yes, these values, perspectives, and characteristics funnel into our relationship with money. The price of a steak is the price of a steak. However, what we do with that information is dramatically different for each of us. It doesn't matter what the actual cost to produce a steak is, or what we think it shouldcost. The herd decides the price, and we individually need to react accordingly.

Now, take out the word "steak" and replace it with literally any other item in our life. A coffee, a MacBook, a house, a pair of Nike's, a new Honda Accord, a house cleaner, or my financial coaching services, to name a few. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks these things are worth because you're not them. Instead, our job is to block out all the noise around us, accept the price of something for what it is, and decide if the value of said item (to us) exceeds the price we would pay.

So simple, yet so challenging to execute. However, if we can lock in on this idea and do it well, it makes our lives so much richer.

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It’s Not Fair

Pax was visibly shaken after watching Tyrese Haliburton go down early in game 7 last night. Haliburton, a former Cyclone and clearly the most clutch player in this year's NBA Playoffs, was lying on the floor in agonizing pain after tearing his Achilles. He immediately knew he was done (plus next season as well). In that moment, the Pacers' chance of winning a title essentially evaporated. 

Pax is right; it's not fair. It was a good teaching moment. It's not fair, and it never will be. Still, Pax was dumbfounded by how quickly everything changed. He went from believing Haliburton was about to win a title to knowing he probably won't see him play again until he's 10 (in October 2026 when the following season starts). It's not fair.

We didn't get too deep into it last night, but this is something he'll see more and more as he grows. Life isn't fair, and there's nothing he can do about it. As a parent, my job is to teach him to simply fight through the inequity, no matter what. Sure, be mad about the unfairness. Yeah, feel frustrated by it. But after that, fight. We fight, or we cower. We push ahead, or we step aside. We persevere, or we give up.

This is going to be a brutal experience for my kids. Time and time again, they will get a front-row seat at how unfair life is. My job isn't to protect them from it, but rather, to train them to push through it. As a parent, watching them deal with unfairness may be one of the hardest things I ever experience. However, it's critical we teach them through it, not try to help them avoid it.

This is something I watch play out in people's lives daily. It's somewhat easy to find success when things are going our way. Then, something happens. Something unfair. We unjustly lose our job. Someone rips us off. An irresponsible driver totals our car. How we handle these unfair situations is what determines if we'll ultimately be successful or not. This is where the rubber meets the road.

It's not a matter of whether we can get to the other side of this adventure without experiencing unfairness. That's an impossible task! Instead, what matters most is how we respond when life gets unfair. That's what I want to teach my kids. We will be closely watching Haliburton's journey back to the court. I have a feeling it will be an inspiring example of what it looks like to attack unfairness head-on.

Life isn't fair. It doesn't owe us anything. We will draw the short straw more times than we'd like to believe. It's all part of the game. Keep fighting.

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Riddle Me This

For the first time in my life, I stumbled into someone (on TikTok of all places) discussing a topic I've spent far too much time thinking about. It's a topic I've had opinions on for decades, and finally, it's part of the public discourse!

Let's pretend you and a friend go out for dinner. The intent was for each person to pay for their own meal. When the bill comes, though, the server communicates that they have a no-split policy. You decide to pick up the tab for the table, and your friend will pay you back. You can replace this scenario with countless others, but this is a simple way to frame this up.

The next day, your friend asks how much you owe him/her. The exact amount owed is $27.65. What amount do you communicate with your friend?

• A. $27.00

• B. $27.65

• C. $28.00

Take a second and think about what you would tell your friend.

I believe each answer is a tell, and I'm about to unload this deep, dark thought I've been carrying for decades.

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $27.65, this is a tell that you live by the letter of the law. You want everything above board, no gray area. You want to ensure you don't feel indebted to the other person, even by a few cents. Or……it just might mean you’re an accountant and anything but two full decimals is akin to blasphemy.

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $28.00, this is a tell that you want to ensure nobody takes advantage of you. After all, you're the one who stepped up and took one for the team by buying for the table. $28 is a nice round number, and it's only fair this is their tab. Besides, it's only 35 cents!

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $27.00, this is a tell that you live with a spirit of generosity....even in the smallest and most unseen ways. It's a generous act to round down what they owe you, giving them a slightly better number than yours. It's also an act of generosity to make it a simple number. It's a small, real-time act that shows you have their back.

This isn't a profound or earth-shattering concept today, but perhaps it will make you look in the mirror. What would you tell your friend? Also, you're welcome for now permanently possessing the curse of constantly and intently watching how other people answer this question. It's telling.

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5.2

Yesterday marked a hallmark day in my year: The first day of farmer's market season! This is the third year Northern Vessel has set up shop at the Des Moines Farmers' Market (regularly voted one of the top five markets in the country). 

Our operation is simple, but difficult. The simple part is that we only sell one product: our signature oat milk cold brew latte. The difficult part is scaling it to levels that challenge common sense and any form of reasonableness.

The market is open from 7am-12pm on Saturday mornings, May through October. Five hours, once per week, for six months. 26 bites at the apple. You get one shot to make the most of that precious time. Heading into our first year, we had no idea what we were doing. We essentially winged it, figured out what didn't work, tweaked, tested, and repeated. Eventually, we plateaued at a point where we could sell 2.8 drinks per minute. It was a massive success! We were proud of our achievements and thoroughly enjoyed the process.

Heading into our second year, we knew our peak was around 2.8 drinks per minute, but we aspired to do it better. A better experience, more fun, more hospitality, a better overall vibe. We wanted that three-minute experience to be the highlight of someone's day. 

By the third week of our second season, we realized our minds were far too small. After testing (and failing) new ideas, our constant tweaking yielded results we never even imagined. In the heart of that season, we capped out at 5.2 drinks per minute.....it was bonkers.

In this last offseason, heading into the third year, we looked at it differently. No matter how close we think we are to our peak, we realize we still haven't even scratched the surface of what's possible. This mere notion led our team down a rabbit hole of obsession. For the past few months, we've tested new ideas and debated countless tweaks. What if this person stands here? What if those cups are positioned there? What if we used this other piece of equipment to fill cups instead of the normal one? What if a different person fills that role?

As this season approached, that 5.2 drinks per minute number lingered in our minds. This time, though, we didn't look at it as a ceiling, but rather a floor. In our minds (or perhaps imaginations), we believed we could blow by a previous record that never seemed possible to begin with. Our new goal: 7.0 drinks per minute for five hours. Yesterday was our first test. In yesterday’s market season opener, with unseasonally low temps, we landed at 5.2 drinks per minute.....tying our previous peak-season record. Now, we tweak.

I love this team!

I have much more to say about this, but I'm quickly running out of real estate. I'll pick that up soon. In the meantime, here's my takeaway. Whatever you think is possible....is. Whatever you think isn't possible.....isn't. And whenever you think you've reached your peak, you haven't even scratched the surface. Keep tweaking!

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Lessons From the GaGa Pit

I was recently talking to the kids about their second-grade recess activities. GaGa Ball is a fan favorite, a real grade school tried-and-true. Curious, I asked them if anyone in the class was particularly good. Both kids immediately blurted out, "Ezra!" Ezra, they tell me, dominates GaGa Ball.

I haven't spent meaningful time watching their class play GaGa, but this answer surprised me. I know the kids well enough to know who the athletes are (I’ve coached many of them), and Ezra doesn't live in the athlete cohort in my mind. What I know about Ezra is that he's a brilliant little guy. He's one of the most insightful and intelligent second-graders I know.....but I've never seen him play a sport before.

Now, I was extremely curious! "So, Ezra is the best?" "Yeah, Dad, he wins all the time!"

"What makes Ezra so good at GaGa Ball?"

"He does a really good job dodging the ball, and he lets everyone hit the ball out of bounds and get themselves out."

Ah, I love it. Ezra's secret weapon is to be smart, patient, and not try to do too much. It's not a glamorous approach, but in the opinion of my two kids, it makes him the best GaGa Ball player on the lot.

I think we could all learn something from Ezra. Be smart, be patient, and not try to do too much. If us adults would follow this strategy, it would save so many of us from the heartaches we cause ourselves.

Everyone seems to be out here swinging for the fences, trying to look good, seeking instant gratification, and chasing it. Meanwhile, the Ezras of the world are playing the long game, disregarding some perceived status others are trying to earn. He's not in the business of looking good or letting his emotions win over.....he's in the business of winning.

What if we handled our investments like Ezra? Smart, patient, not trying to do too much. Most people would have dramatically better returns if they would just stay the course and not try to time or outsmart the market.

What if we handled our spending like Ezra? Smart, patient, not trying to do too much. Most people would have far less debt, be much more measured, and spend primarily on things that align with their values.

What if we handled our careers like Ezra? Smart, patient, not trying to do too much. Most people would have far more contentment and would more confidently work their way up their respective ladders. They wouldn't feel the need to jump ship to the next shiny object, and would be far more willing to consistently put in the work to succeed.

I love this Ezra story. I told my kids that Ezra's strategy is something to learn from. We don't always have to be a hero. We don't always have to make the dramatic play. Sometimes, we need to be smart, patient, and not try to do too much. Well played, Ezra, well played!

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More Trapped Than Ever

I recently had the opportunity to meet up with an old friend. This friendship goes way back to our business school days. I remember our last semester of college when we each received offer letters from two different companies for the same dollar amount: $42,000 per year. I remember how we went out for a drink to celebrate. $42,000?!?! We thought we struck gold. Fast forward a few months, we were both working our respective jobs, and it did, in fact, feel like we struck gold. That felt like so much money to us formerly broke college kids.

20 years have passed since that moment. Today, we're a lot less single, our families have grown, and our black hair is a bit more gray. You know what else has changed? His income. In a recent conversation, he shared that his household income now exceeds $500,000 per year. A half million dollars! That's a far cry from the $42,000 he started making.

Here's where the story gets, er, "good." Knowing what I do for a living, he had a direct question for me (and graciously asked if I would write about it). While he's grateful for his current income, he and his wife struggle to make ends meet with this income. You heard that correctly. $500,000 per year doesn't seem like enough income to care for his family.

Let me re-frame this conversation. He once felt rich making $42,000 per year. Now, making $500,000 per year, he feels broke. Yes, inflation plays a role, but not as much as you'd think. Looking at historical inflation calculator, $42,000 in 2005 is worth approximately $69,000 today. $69,000 is still a mile away from $500,000. Well, it must be the fact he's married with kids. Sure, that plays a role, but an extra adult and a few small humans don't fill a $431,000 per year hole. What else could it be......?

I pointed out a few observations about his current life, such as:

• The mini-mansion he lives in.

• The three high-end cars in his garage (financed, of course).

• The country club he belongs to.

• The infinite spending on dining and entertainment.

• Countless extravagant trips (which get plastered onto social media)

• The massive pool in his backyard.

• The lake house.

• The two boats at said lake house.

His response: "Yeah, we're living our dream life! We have everything we've always wanted."

And yet, he's more trapped than ever. This is the American dream, turned nightmare. This is the path so many people are on. It feels good. It provides adrenaline. Dopamine flows like a river. It seems like a trophy collection of success. But at the end of the day, we're building our own cage, bar by bar.

You might think, "This guy sounds like a real idiot!" The truth is, he's absolutely brilliant. He's a respected leader, a pioneer of sorts. He's accomplished things many may never dream of. Unfortunately, though, he's cursed by being a human. We humans are flawed beings, and materialism is one of those many flaws. He found the world's way early in life, latched on, and never let go.

His mission, if he chooses to accept it, is to get out of the cage he's trapped in. Do you need a similar mission?

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Paying for Outcomes, Not Inputs

I saw the most wonderful TikTok video yesterday! The text on the screen said, "I paid this guy $500 to remove a tree, and it took him less than a minute....I think I overpaid." Behind the text was a video of an enormous crane tearing this massive stump, massive root system and all, out of the soil like it was a small weed. It was thoroughly impressive! The entire point of this video was to show how ripped off this person was because they paid $500 for a job that took just a few minutes.

This is where people get so twisted up. The prevailing thought process in our culture is that when we purchase something, whether a service or a product, we're paying for the cost of the physical inputs and/or the time that went into it. In reality, though, we're paying for an outcome.

In the video mentioned above, they weren't paying for the person's time, and they weren't paying for the cost of the equipment. They were paying for the desired outcome of no longer having that ugly tree stump in their yard. That's it. It doesn't matter how much the business's time or equipment costs. Is having a stump-free yard worth $500 to them? Yes or no? That's the only equation that matters.

I occasionally get the same thing in my coaching. All of my coaching is quoted on a flat-rate basis. The client shall get x number of meetings over y number of months, plus access to me between meetings, for $z. Once in a blue moon, a prospective client will ask me for a formal breakdown of my time (prep, meeting, follow-up hours, etc.). Why? They want to determine what my hourly rate is to determine if my price is fair. Problem: I'm not selling my time. I'm selling an outcome: impact….hopefully life-changing impact. Either a prospective client believes the impact I can make in their life is worth more than the fee I charge, or they don't. If they don't, they absolutely shouldn't hire me.

Coffee is another example. I recently had a friend tell me our Northern Vessel signature oat milk cold brew lattes are a ripoff at $6.50. "What are you putting in them, gold!?!?" Well, close, but no. Housemade cold brew concentrate, oat milk, and simple syrup. "And that costs you $6.50?!?!" People aren't actually paying for coffee, milk, and sugar. They are paying for an outcome. In this case, the desired outcome is an experience. It's the community, camaraderie, atmosphere, hospitality, memories, and, yes, a hopefully delicious drink experience. If this outcome is worth more than $6.50 to someone, they should consider buying one, but if not, they shouldn't!

Whether you're wearing your consumer hat or business hat, always remember this principle. We aren't paying for physical inputs or time.....we're paying for outcomes. Know what you're really selling, and sell it with confidence. Know what you're really buying, and buy it with confidence. What outcome are you trying to obtain? Does xyz product or service provide said outcome and cost less than the value this desired outcome adds to your life? If so, amazing!

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Fear Is Not Our Friend

If there's one thing that's true, it's that fear is not our friend. Nothing good happens when we make decisions rooted in fear. This applies to every single aspect of our lives.

When we make investing decisions rooted in fear, we lose.

When we make business decisions rooted in fear, we lose.

When we make purchase decisions rooted in fear, we lose.

When we make career decisions rooted in fear, we lose.

When we make relationship decisions rooted in fear, we lose.

This was the theme of my work this week. We're living in weird times right now. Everyone is a bit stressed, a bit nervous, and a bit off-kilter. The consequence of this reality is that people are continually teetering on the edge of making fear-based decisions. And since nothing good happens when we make decisions rooted in fear, this is a critical inflection point for many.

Here's a little hack I find helpful on this journey. Whenever a decision is in front of me, I ask myself if fear is playing a role. Then, I try to be honest with myself. It's amazing how often fear plays a role, even when we don't think so. I regularly catch myself almost making fear-based decisions, and when I do, I'm able to take a step back, assess it for what it is, and then make a more rational decision without fear skewing me one way or another.

One of my roles in my coaching is to catch people when fear is creeping in. After all, it's easier for other people to spot our blind spots than it is to see our own. As such, consider bringing other people into the fold. Allow others who know you and care about you to help assess key decisions. It's amazing how much insight someone can have when they are on the outside looking in.

None of this seems tremendously profound today, and I'm not overly impressed by writing style or humor, but this just feels like the right message on the right day. Perhaps someone needs to hear this today. Have an amazing day!

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Pushing Through the Pain

My son Pax ran his first 5K this weekend. He carried himself with a combination of excitement and anxiousness in the days leading up to the race. More than anything, he just didn't know what to expect. But as we were mere moments from beginning the race, he was beyond excited.

I told him I would stay by his side every minute of the race. He would set the pace, and I'd stick with him. The opening moments were fantastic.....which lasted all of a half mile. Then, things turned south quickly. I'm not sure he had ever ran more than a half mile in his life, so I was expecting 3.1 miles to break him......and break him it did! His legs hurt. His foot hurt. His lungs hurt. He was facing physical, mental, and emotional demons. He wanted to quit. It was too hard. He wasn't good enough. He wasn't strong enough. He didn't belong there. The self-talk was crushing. There was crying. There was yelling. There was the innocent 8-year-old kid's version of swearing.

My goal was to push him hard enough to step up to the challenge, but not so hard that he'd snap. I would pick out a landmark in the distance and say, "Alright, man, we're going to jog from here to that yellow sign, then we'll walk again. Let's push through the pain." He'd say no a few times, then relent. Then, we'd repeat that cycle all over again.

As we turned the final corner and approached the last tenth of a mile, we could see the finish line. "Pax, I want you to sprint to the finish line with everything you got. Don't leave any gas left in the tank. Just go for it!" And he did! He took off and gave it everything he had. He collapsed to the ground as soon as he crossed the finish line. I couldn't tell if he was happy, sad, angry, or some other emotion. Ultimately, I realized he was just really dang proud of himself. He did something he didn't think was possible. He pushed through the pain, and that was a grander award than any medal he could have received.

Pushing through the pain is one of life's greatest lessons. Success isn't accomplished in the absence of pain. Rather, it's something that happens amidst, in, and through the pain. Pain is inevitable, but it's what we do with the pain that dictates our fate.

This applies to 5Ks, money, work, entrepreneurship, relationships.....everything! Please don't avoid pain. Don't run away from it. Don't hide from it. Pain isn't something to be avoided. It's something to be confronted head-on. When we do, we grow. We win. We prove to ourselves that we can (and should) do things that matter.

I don't know if Pax will ever run a 5K again, but I'm 100% certain he just learned a valuable lesson that will carry with him for decades to come. Push through the pain!

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Those Evil One-Percenters

You know who's really evil? It's those rich, greedy 1%'ers. You know, the people who make too much money. Those people! They need to pay their fair share and be more generous. After all, they have enough....more than enough. Don't even start on how out of touch they are with the real world and what other people are going through.

Don't these 1%'ers just drive you nuts?!? You'd think they would act a bit more grateful for what they have. Instead, they always seem so entitled and disconnected from the plight of the others.

Don't even get me started on their giving (or lack thereof). Instead of giving to those in need, they buy newer cars, moreTVs, faster phones, better vacations, and bigger houses.

I had several more paragraphs of anti-rich ranting to go, but there's just one problem. It's so easy to point the finger at others when we can perceive them a certain way. We have the privilege of judging them from our safe little perch of morality and relativism.

Unfortunately, we're looking through the wrong lens. It's easy to look through the lens of our own choosing. Doing so allows us to justify our attitude, judgment, and inaction. Here's the real, sobering, hard-to-swallow truth: If your household makes more than $40,000 USD each year, you're in the top 1% of families in the world. Do you make more than forty grand? If so, you're a 1%'er.

Let that sink in. Ouch. We're rich. Clean water, electricity, heat, A/C, education, medicine, cars, Tvs, cell phones, internet, refrigeration, three meals per day. We're very, very rich. It doesn't seem like it because we live in our own bubbles surrounded by people richer than our version of rich, but we're so unbelievably blessed. As such, there are really only three rational implications of this reality:

• We should live with gratitude.

• We should live with contentment.

• We should live with generosity.

Anything short of this takes us down the road of becoming real-life versions of those rich people we so harshly (and unfairly) judge.

I hope you have a blessed day.

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The Unwinnable Race

Whether aware of it or not, many people reading this article are running an unwinnable race. They are working hard for that forever home, enough money to feel secure, the newest technology, or the nicest car.

In theory, this is a winnable race. That house is possible, that amount of money is attainable, the Apple store is just a short drive away, and that car is rolling off the production line. Yes, you can have any of these you want......

......but you can't. This is where it becomes unwinnable. The moment you buy your forever home, it's just a house (and a new forever home takes shape in your imagination). The moment you have enough money, you realize it wasn't the answer to your insecurity (and a higher dollar amount takes its place in your mind). The moment you buy the newest cell phone, a newer (and better) one comes out. The moment you pull the trigger on that sweet ride, it becomes just a car (losing its luster).

I recently met with a man who has amassed $15 million. He said it's more money than he ever imagined having. He was raised in a lower-middle-class family, and even taking a three-hour road trip vacation was a luxury for his family. He wore hand-me-down clothes and shared a bedroom with his two siblings. Today, he lives in a 7-bedroom house and flies anywhere he wants at the drop of a hat.

He confided that he once believed even $5 million would be far more than enough. Then, after reaching that milestone, he realized he needed more to feel happy and secure. This process repeated a few more times, leading to his present status at $15 million. In our most recent conversation, he shared his new perspective that somewhere in the $20-$25 million range is probably enough. Unfortunately, it won't be. It never is. He's running an unwinnable race.

If you think x purchase or y dollars is the ticket to your happiness, security, or contentment, you're gravely mistaken. We have two options: 1) We can keep running, hoping there's an end to this race, or 2) Practice gratitude and be content with what we're blessed with. Taking option #2 doesn't mean we live with apathy or simply quit pursuing impact, but rather, it means we stop chasing the things that can't fulfill us and focus on what can.

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The Subconscious Killer

People want to drive a certain brand of car.

People want to live in a certain neighborhood.

People want their kids to attend a certain school.

People want to wear a certain logo.

People want to travel to a certain city.

People want their kids on a certain team.

People want to carry a certain model of phone.

People want to belong to certain clubs.

Do you know what all these things have in common? Status. People crave status. I believe people have always craved status, but due to the arms race of materialism and the proliferation of social media, the pursuit of status is thriving now more than ever.

Here's the official definition of status, according to the Oxford Dictionary: "The relative social, professional, or other standing of someone or something."

Here's the unofficial definition of status, according to me: The perception held about someone by an external person or group of people.

We humans care about what others think of us, and whether consciously or subconsciously, many of our decisions are heavily dictated by our desire to positively influence our standing in other people's eyes. Thus, the cars, neighborhoods, schools, logos, travel destinations, sports teams, gadgets, and clubs. Each of these says something about us, one way or another.

This may sound like a harmless topic lacking substantive consequences, but I can personally testify that the consequencesare increasingly destructive. In just the last few weeks, I've met with couples who make north of $300,000/year and are living paycheck-to-paycheck. There are a lot of factors contributing to this, but none bigger than the pursuit of status. Most of their decisions seem to be made, in part, with status in mind. Again, I don't even think it's a conscious thing for them. It's hard-wired into their psyche, and it manifests through each decision.

If this type of behavior goes unchecked, it will rot us from the inside out:

• Divorce

• Selfishness

• Financial stress

• Relational tension

• Jealousy

• Rampant debt

• No retirement

• Discontent

• Did I mention divorce?

Take a hard look in the proverbial mirror this morning and ask yourself what financial decisions are being made in the pursuit of status. If you identify any (and I suspect you will), I strongly encourage you to consider purging them from your life. Your life is worth far more than what others think about you. Your freedom, relationships, peace, calling, and meaning are all far more important than anything status claims to provide.

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One Sec, Gotta Make My Monthly Burrito Payment

A few days ago, it was announced that Klarna will soon be partnering with DoorDash, offering DoorDash customers the option to spread the expense of their food order over four monthly payments. Yes, you heard that correctly. You'll soon be able to use debt to buy your delivered Chipotle burrito. Don't feel like forking over $20 to fill your belly from the comfort of your own home? That's okay! You can still get your tasty treats for just four easy payments of $4.99.

Seems absurd, doesn't it? Well, that's one way to look at it. The reality, though, is that people have been using debt to pay for their burritos for years. Considering the average household in America carries a $9,000+ credit card balance, we effectively are using debt to fund our cravings. After all, most people are using credit cards for most purchases, and every dollar spent on a tasty treat is one less dollar paid off. It's a continuous cycle, but we mask it by churning charges and payments each month, a never-ending cycle.

While DoorDash offering monthly payments for food purchases seems insane, it's a natural next step for the collective journey we've been on. Debt is not only culturally accepted, but encouraged. From a young age, we're told that using debt is not just okay, but inevitable. It puts a magic wand in the hands of a group of people obsessed with instant gratification.

Want a new car? Wave the wand and sign the papers.

Want a trip to Disney? Wave the wand and swipe the card.

Want a new wardrobe? Wave the wand and sign up for that store card.

And now, want an Arby's roast beef sandwich and curly fries (IYKYK)? Wave the wand and choose payments.

It's that easy! But it shouldn't be. I yearn for a world where we have to think about our decisions, plan for our decisions, and sacrifice for our decisions. A world in which we don't systematically sabotage our own futures at the hands of our impatience and temptations. A world where people will live with margin, freedom, and options. A world where proactivity trumps reactivity.

Will you help me create that world? I don't have the power to bend the culture by myself, but together, collectively, we do!

In the meantime, I'm gonna go get me a Taco Bell Luxe Cravings Box.....and actually pay for it out of my bank account.

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The Superpower of Humility

We're living in a paradoxical reality. On the one hand, it's becoming increasingly difficult to survive financially. Between stagnant income growth, rampant inflation, record-low housing affordability, spiraling car prices, and several other factors, people are hurting. Not everyone, and certainly not to the same degree, but the cracks are starting to show. There's not enough income to keep the train on track, never mind paying off debt, investing for retirement, or saving for future needs.

On the other hand, there's never been a society in the history of humankind where it's been easier to make money. The internet, social media, and the proliferation of a convenience-based lifestyle have opened up more doors than ever before. Heck, we're a few keystrokes away from contacting nearly any person in the world. If you wanted to, you could send a message to Taylor Swift in the next 45 seconds, and if she wanted to, she could read it two seconds later. That's crazy to think about. With our society wired this way, there are unlimited ways to create an income.

The paradox of this situation is that both realities simultaneously exist. Unlimited income is a few clicks away, but at the same time, so many people are struggling with a problem that is only solvable by making more income. I'm not trying to be insensitive with how I framed this, as I have so much empathy for those who are struggling. Rather, I'm trying to shine a light on a big issue; an elephant-in-the-room issue.

Let's use one of my clients/friends as an example. He's a young guy. He's been married to his wife for just a few years. He's absolutely brilliant and has a pretty good job in a specialized field. His future is bright. However, he has a problem. His family's current income isn't enough. Well, it's technically enough, but it's tight. They have a bunch of debt they want gone, they're having their first child soon (!!!), and they need to financially cover their maternity leave season.

Several months ago, I noticed $2,000 extra in their budget. "What's this?" "Oh, I decided to deliver packages for Amazon. I just downloaded an app, and opt-in to make a delivery run whenever I want." Those might not have been his actual words, but that's what it sounds like in my head. With a full-time career, when does he have time for this?!?! 2:45AM-6:45AM, before his day job begins, three to four times per week.

See what I mean? With our modern technology, he simply downloaded an app, clicks on the deliveries he wants to make, and gets in his car to make some money. So simple!

Oh yeah, there's one more thing: humility. None of this happens without humility. He could have easily played victim, called foul, or treated this type of work as if it were beneath him. But instead, he chose humility. He chose the path less traveled. And that is exactly why he (and they) will win.

Sometimes, we just need to do what we need to do, even if only for a season. It's not always sexy. It doesn't bolster status in social circles. It's certainly not easy. But it's the gateway to the reality we are trying to create.

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Cost, Value, and Your Gut

I've eaten $10 meals that were absolute ripoffs.

I've eaten $300 meals that were bargains.

I've worn $30 jeans that were absolute ripoffs.

I've worn $150 jeans that were bargains.

I've recently beaten the drum of the importance of looking through the lens of value. Not value as in cheap, but value as in something is worth more than we pay for it. Several readers have asked how one would discern if something adds more value than it costs.

Here's my short answer: It's in your gut. You know when you know, and it's highly subjective. For example, that $300/person meal I referenced above was one of the most amazing things I've ever experienced (and I'd do it again in a heartbeat). However, some of you might feel very little value for restaurant experiences and would rather jump off a cliff than spend $300 for a single meal. That doesn't make you right/wrong or me right/wrong.....it makes us different.

As such, we each need to view our decisions and prospective decisions through our own unique lens. There's a gut feel to this cost vs. value tension. My financial coaching service is another great example. I once had a prospective client leave a consultation saying my pricing was the biggest ripoff in the world. One hour later, another prospective client said the exact same pricing structure seemed like a steal of a deal. One wasn't right, and the other wrong; they just had different lenses.

There's no mathematical formula to determine if something adds more value than it costs. So many factors are involved, some of which are intrinsic. There's value seen, and value felt. Value you can quantify, and value you can't. Value you can compare to alternatives, and value that stands on its own.

My encouragement is to always use YOUR gut. Look at your life and your prospective decisions through your unique lens. You won't always get it right. You will sometimes regret a purchase decision because it failed to meet your perceived value. That's ok; we live and learn. Every whiff will help you get better for the next decision. Enjoy the journey!

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I See Dead People

"I see dead people." The plot twist of plot twists. Do you remember the moment you got to the end of The Sixth Sense and that little boy rocked your world? I won't spoil it if you haven't seen the movie yet, as it's only been out for 26 years now.....I don't freely reveal spoilers until year 30!

Today's post is my plot twist! My favorite moment yesterday was seeing all the feedback from yesterday's post. It caused quite a stir, and not in the most positive ways. In short, I challenged people to take their $10/day of wants spending and use it to add the most value possible to their lives.

The responses were right in line with what I anticipated:

• "That's far too much money!"

• "That's a lot of money over the course of a year."

• "Sounds materialistic."

• "How about we just be responsible?"

• "You're telling people to waste money."

• "Why would you tell people to spend so much?"

I knew my post would generate such a response, as the idea of spending $10/day on wants may feel over the top. After all, that's $10 today, tomorrow, the next day, for weeks, for months, for years. I think most would agree that this idea sounds excessive. I intentionally framed it through the lens of $10 per day because it psychologically triggers something in us. $10 per day on wants sounds aggressive...perhaps over the top.

Here's my "I see dead people" plot twist. This was the setup for today's post. Most people spend far, far more than $10/day on wants.....they just don't think about it that way. I'm talking about lifestyle purchases. Personal spending, dining out, drinks, coffee, hobbies, entertainment. A little of this, a little of that.

To make my point, I opened my client folder on my MacBook and randomly clicked on clients. Below are the average daily wants spending over the last six months for ten random clients:

• $12/day - Young couple, no kids, VERY strict budget

• $17/day - Young couple, small child, financially conservative

• $19/day - 30-something couple with multiple kids, very generous!

• $44/day - Definition of "normal"

• $50/day - Definition of "normal"

• $51/day - Definition of "normal," Told me $10/day is too much

• $63/day - Sacrificially and joyfully generous

• $65/day - Told me $10/day is too much

• $72/day - Becoming more normal

• $99/day - Living it up

If $10/day seems excessive, what do we do about the fact my sample ranges from $12/day from a young middle-class couple with a very strict budget to $99/day from a different family? Also, how do we reconcile the fact that two of the people who criticized my $10/day idea are actually spending $51 and $65, respectively?

Here's where I land:

• We often spend more than we realize.

• We often spend on things that don't add value to our lives, making it feel like we're spending less.

• $10/day IS a decent amount of money, so we ought to live with contentment and gratitude.

• It's hard to keep up with the Joneses.

• Intentionality is key!

Yes, spend money on wants that add value to your life, but don't fall into the trap of more. Be intentional. Be selective. Be content. Be grateful. Be responsible. Be generous.

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Ten Buck Challenge

For whatever reason, as I was sitting in the Houston airport for 11 hours (!!!!) yesterday, I kept seeing social media posts demonizing spending. These posts were beating the drum of "Stop spending," "Only buy things you need," and "Save more, you irresponsible twerp!"

If you're a regular reader, you probably know how much I hate this narrative. It creates a culture of guilt, regret, and second-guessing. It prioritizes money over meaning, and effectively sucks the fun out of life. It turns us into robotic little savers that won't allow ourselves even one inch of slack.

Today, I want to explore a different angle about spending. Let's say, in a normal month, you spend $10/day on things you want (i.e. not a need). This is money strictly to add value to your life, and "adding value" can mean almost anything. $10/day, on average, every day.

Therefore, the task is simple. Each day, you have $10 to add as much value to your life as possible. No saving, no needs, no giving, and no investing. That's a separate bucket of money. This is $10 per day solely for the purpose of value-add enjoyment.

Looking at it through that lens, what is the most value-added use of your $10?

• Perhaps it's starting your day with a killer coffee drink.

• Maybe it's going out to lunch with a friend.

• Could it be combined with tomorrow's $10 to purchase a new book?

• Did the newest blockbuster movie release?

• Would it be valuable to save up the next handful of days and buy that new pair of jeans?

• Insert your item here.

The possibilities are endless, and each person's hierarchy of potential uses is entirely unique. I occasionally ask people this question: "If you had $10 today to spend on whatever you want - something that would add value to your day - what would you spend it on?" The answers are so unique, so thought-provoking.

Here's the good news. You probably have $10! Yes, it's ok to use it to add value to your life. You don't have to hoard it all. You don't have to clutch it out of guilt or regret. You can spend it on something cool. You can use it to enrich your life, add a burst of joy, grow yourself, or help you relax. It's ok to increase your quality of life while ALSO living responsibly, saving for future wants and needs, investing for the future, and giving joyfully and sacrificially.

Here's my question to you today: What would you use your $10 on? Whatever your answer is, consider doing it!

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Snowballing Behaviors

As I recently discussed HERE and HERE, I've been a big fan of my new walking pad. Practically overnight, I quadrupled the number of steps I get each day (up to nearly 13,000 per day over the past five weeks). In the paradigm of what gets measured gets done, this endeavor has been a massive success.

There's another phenomenon at play here, too. Behaviors often snowball. When we change one behavior, others typically follow. Here's what that looks like in my little walking pad world:

• After enjoying Sarah's walking pad so much, I purchased a second one for my home office (along with a desk to go with it).

• One of my buddies asked if I use a biometric scale to track my body composition. I didn't, but I immediately purchased the scale he recommended. I now collect daily data.

• Since I know I'm collecting daily data, I feel more accountable for the decisions I make throughout my day (including my diet).

• Since I'm trying to make better decisions, I dusted off my home gym and have now gotten back into regular lifting.

All because Sarah purchased a silly little walking pad, and I decided to hop on for a few minutes. Behaviors snowball, and I'm really glad I started gaining momentum on these particular behaviors.

Money is much the same way. My goal isn't to get my clients to adopt dozens of well-planned behaviors. Instead, my focus is to help them create a healthy rhythm with just one or two, then trust the snowballing will happen. Budgeting is a perfect example. Once someone starts budgeting:

• They realize they spend money on things they really don't care about. Thus, spending behaviors change.

• Once they realize they aren't a victim of their finances and can regain control of what happens with their money, they get emboldened to pay off debt. Thus, they 10x their aggression toward getting debt-free.

• Paying off debt shows them they can do anything they put their mind to, including saving. Thus, saving momentum improves.

• Once they realize they can dial up their saving momentum, they start believing they can attain things they value. Thus, they prioritize and give themselves permission to spend on things that add value to their life.

• As they gain more insight into their money behaviors, they notice they aren't giving nearly as much as they would like. Thus, it creates an intentional bend toward generosity.

• As they gain better control and momentum in their finances, they realize they aren't beholden to their jobs. Thus, they give themselves permission to pursue work that matters (if they aren't already in it).

• Once they've fully come to terms with the fact that there is a better way to handle and perceive money than society taught them, they aspire to help their kids do it differently and avoid the painful mistakes they've made. Thus, the next generation is transformed.

All because they decided to work a few small financial habits into their lives. This stuff is powerful. Let your (good) behaviors snowball. It might just change everything.

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Just Buy the Shoes

One of my clients is a hoarder. All her life, she's been told:

• "Stop spending."

• "You don't need that."

• "Save more."

• "Don't waste money."

Many of you can relate to this. This didn't happen because parents were trying to be hurtful. Quite the opposite, actually. It's the product of parents trying to teach kids responsibility and discipline.....but they just happened to do it in the most toxic and destructive way possible.

Fast forward to today, and my client is a 35-year-old with a great job, no debt, and investments for the future. Oh yeah, and $400,000 in her CHECKING account. During a recent meeting, we spent 20 minutes deliberating a huge financial decision for her. I'll share what it was: She wanted a pair of shoes. Not just any shoes, mind you; $75 shoes.

Let me summarize. A grown woman, making good money, with nearly a half million sitting in her checking account is consternating over a $75 pair of shoes. This is the product of being told to "quit spending" for 20+ years. Ironically, she's financially free, but a slave to herself.

"Just buy the shoes," I kept saying.

All clients leave our meetings with a handful of next steps. That day, she had just one: "Buy the shoes.....without guilt."

At our next meeting, she recounted the stress and turmoil she felt buying something she "didn't need." She tried not to feel guilty, but there was an overwhelming sense of impending financial doom, as if this $75 purchase was the gateway drug to utter financial destruction. Much to her surprise, though, her world didn't cave in around her. She was fine.

Over time, she slowly but surely worked her way into buying things she didn't need. The guilt slowly evaporated. Her relationship with money began to heal.

This story may sound crazy to you, but millions of Americans are battling this as we speak. I suspect many readers might be as well. If that's you, please know you're not alone.....and this isn't the end of the story. You can find freedom from this curse.

Parents, it's not too late for your kids. You don't have to inadvertently send your kids careening into the guilt abyss. Here are a few tips to help you in the parenting journey:

• Instead of saying, "We can't afford it," tell your kids it's not in the budget this month.

• Instead of telling your kids to stop spending on things they don't need, encourage them to not spend on things that don't add value to THEIR lives.

• Instead of obsessing over saving, teach them to find a healthy balance between saving, giving, and spending.

• Instead of not letting your kids spend money on stupid things, allow them to make mistakes and learn from them. Sometimes, those stupid decisions are the best lessons, and it's best for them to learn them when they are younger and the mistakes are cheaper.

• Lean hard into generosity. When we learn to give to others with no expectation for something in return, we can learn to respect ourselves.

Guilt doesn't belong here. Just buy the shoes.

I’m so grateful for my client for allowing me to share her story. Her hope is that her experience can be a springboard for someone else to find peace in this as well.

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