Paying for Outcomes, Not Inputs

I saw the most wonderful TikTok video yesterday! The text on the screen said, "I paid this guy $500 to remove a tree, and it took him less than a minute....I think I overpaid." Behind the text was a video of an enormous crane tearing this massive stump, massive root system and all, out of the soil like it was a small weed. It was thoroughly impressive! The entire point of this video was to show how ripped off this person was because they paid $500 for a job that took just a few minutes.

This is where people get so twisted up. The prevailing thought process in our culture is that when we purchase something, whether a service or a product, we're paying for the cost of the physical inputs and/or the time that went into it. In reality, though, we're paying for an outcome.

In the video mentioned above, they weren't paying for the person's time, and they weren't paying for the cost of the equipment. They were paying for the desired outcome of no longer having that ugly tree stump in their yard. That's it. It doesn't matter how much the business's time or equipment costs. Is having a stump-free yard worth $500 to them? Yes or no? That's the only equation that matters.

I occasionally get the same thing in my coaching. All of my coaching is quoted on a flat-rate basis. The client shall get x number of meetings over y number of months, plus access to me between meetings, for $z. Once in a blue moon, a prospective client will ask me for a formal breakdown of my time (prep, meeting, follow-up hours, etc.). Why? They want to determine what my hourly rate is to determine if my price is fair. Problem: I'm not selling my time. I'm selling an outcome: impact….hopefully life-changing impact. Either a prospective client believes the impact I can make in their life is worth more than the fee I charge, or they don't. If they don't, they absolutely shouldn't hire me.

Coffee is another example. I recently had a friend tell me our Northern Vessel signature oat milk cold brew lattes are a ripoff at $6.50. "What are you putting in them, gold!?!?" Well, close, but no. Housemade cold brew concentrate, oat milk, and simple syrup. "And that costs you $6.50?!?!" People aren't actually paying for coffee, milk, and sugar. They are paying for an outcome. In this case, the desired outcome is an experience. It's the community, camaraderie, atmosphere, hospitality, memories, and, yes, a hopefully delicious drink experience. If this outcome is worth more than $6.50 to someone, they should consider buying one, but if not, they shouldn't!

Whether you're wearing your consumer hat or business hat, always remember this principle. We aren't paying for physical inputs or time.....we're paying for outcomes. Know what you're really selling, and sell it with confidence. Know what you're really buying, and buy it with confidence. What outcome are you trying to obtain? Does xyz product or service provide said outcome and cost less than the value this desired outcome adds to your life? If so, amazing!

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Fear Is Not Our Friend

If there's one thing that's true, it's that fear is not our friend. Nothing good happens when we make decisions rooted in fear. This applies to every single aspect of our lives.

When we make investing decisions rooted in fear, we lose.

When we make business decisions rooted in fear, we lose.

When we make purchase decisions rooted in fear, we lose.

When we make career decisions rooted in fear, we lose.

When we make relationship decisions rooted in fear, we lose.

This was the theme of my work this week. We're living in weird times right now. Everyone is a bit stressed, a bit nervous, and a bit off-kilter. The consequence of this reality is that people are continually teetering on the edge of making fear-based decisions. And since nothing good happens when we make decisions rooted in fear, this is a critical inflection point for many.

Here's a little hack I find helpful on this journey. Whenever a decision is in front of me, I ask myself if fear is playing a role. Then, I try to be honest with myself. It's amazing how often fear plays a role, even when we don't think so. I regularly catch myself almost making fear-based decisions, and when I do, I'm able to take a step back, assess it for what it is, and then make a more rational decision without fear skewing me one way or another.

One of my roles in my coaching is to catch people when fear is creeping in. After all, it's easier for other people to spot our blind spots than it is to see our own. As such, consider bringing other people into the fold. Allow others who know you and care about you to help assess key decisions. It's amazing how much insight someone can have when they are on the outside looking in.

None of this seems tremendously profound today, and I'm not overly impressed by writing style or humor, but this just feels like the right message on the right day. Perhaps someone needs to hear this today. Have an amazing day!

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Pushing Through the Pain

My son Pax ran his first 5K this weekend. He carried himself with a combination of excitement and anxiousness in the days leading up to the race. More than anything, he just didn't know what to expect. But as we were mere moments from beginning the race, he was beyond excited.

I told him I would stay by his side every minute of the race. He would set the pace, and I'd stick with him. The opening moments were fantastic.....which lasted all of a half mile. Then, things turned south quickly. I'm not sure he had ever ran more than a half mile in his life, so I was expecting 3.1 miles to break him......and break him it did! His legs hurt. His foot hurt. His lungs hurt. He was facing physical, mental, and emotional demons. He wanted to quit. It was too hard. He wasn't good enough. He wasn't strong enough. He didn't belong there. The self-talk was crushing. There was crying. There was yelling. There was the innocent 8-year-old kid's version of swearing.

My goal was to push him hard enough to step up to the challenge, but not so hard that he'd snap. I would pick out a landmark in the distance and say, "Alright, man, we're going to jog from here to that yellow sign, then we'll walk again. Let's push through the pain." He'd say no a few times, then relent. Then, we'd repeat that cycle all over again.

As we turned the final corner and approached the last tenth of a mile, we could see the finish line. "Pax, I want you to sprint to the finish line with everything you got. Don't leave any gas left in the tank. Just go for it!" And he did! He took off and gave it everything he had. He collapsed to the ground as soon as he crossed the finish line. I couldn't tell if he was happy, sad, angry, or some other emotion. Ultimately, I realized he was just really dang proud of himself. He did something he didn't think was possible. He pushed through the pain, and that was a grander award than any medal he could have received.

Pushing through the pain is one of life's greatest lessons. Success isn't accomplished in the absence of pain. Rather, it's something that happens amidst, in, and through the pain. Pain is inevitable, but it's what we do with the pain that dictates our fate.

This applies to 5Ks, money, work, entrepreneurship, relationships.....everything! Please don't avoid pain. Don't run away from it. Don't hide from it. Pain isn't something to be avoided. It's something to be confronted head-on. When we do, we grow. We win. We prove to ourselves that we can (and should) do things that matter.

I don't know if Pax will ever run a 5K again, but I'm 100% certain he just learned a valuable lesson that will carry with him for decades to come. Push through the pain!

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Those Evil One-Percenters

You know who's really evil? It's those rich, greedy 1%'ers. You know, the people who make too much money. Those people! They need to pay their fair share and be more generous. After all, they have enough....more than enough. Don't even start on how out of touch they are with the real world and what other people are going through.

Don't these 1%'ers just drive you nuts?!? You'd think they would act a bit more grateful for what they have. Instead, they always seem so entitled and disconnected from the plight of the others.

Don't even get me started on their giving (or lack thereof). Instead of giving to those in need, they buy newer cars, moreTVs, faster phones, better vacations, and bigger houses.

I had several more paragraphs of anti-rich ranting to go, but there's just one problem. It's so easy to point the finger at others when we can perceive them a certain way. We have the privilege of judging them from our safe little perch of morality and relativism.

Unfortunately, we're looking through the wrong lens. It's easy to look through the lens of our own choosing. Doing so allows us to justify our attitude, judgment, and inaction. Here's the real, sobering, hard-to-swallow truth: If your household makes more than $40,000 USD each year, you're in the top 1% of families in the world. Do you make more than forty grand? If so, you're a 1%'er.

Let that sink in. Ouch. We're rich. Clean water, electricity, heat, A/C, education, medicine, cars, Tvs, cell phones, internet, refrigeration, three meals per day. We're very, very rich. It doesn't seem like it because we live in our own bubbles surrounded by people richer than our version of rich, but we're so unbelievably blessed. As such, there are really only three rational implications of this reality:

• We should live with gratitude.

• We should live with contentment.

• We should live with generosity.

Anything short of this takes us down the road of becoming real-life versions of those rich people we so harshly (and unfairly) judge.

I hope you have a blessed day.

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The Unwinnable Race

Whether aware of it or not, many people reading this article are running an unwinnable race. They are working hard for that forever home, enough money to feel secure, the newest technology, or the nicest car.

In theory, this is a winnable race. That house is possible, that amount of money is attainable, the Apple store is just a short drive away, and that car is rolling off the production line. Yes, you can have any of these you want......

......but you can't. This is where it becomes unwinnable. The moment you buy your forever home, it's just a house (and a new forever home takes shape in your imagination). The moment you have enough money, you realize it wasn't the answer to your insecurity (and a higher dollar amount takes its place in your mind). The moment you buy the newest cell phone, a newer (and better) one comes out. The moment you pull the trigger on that sweet ride, it becomes just a car (losing its luster).

I recently met with a man who has amassed $15 million. He said it's more money than he ever imagined having. He was raised in a lower-middle-class family, and even taking a three-hour road trip vacation was a luxury for his family. He wore hand-me-down clothes and shared a bedroom with his two siblings. Today, he lives in a 7-bedroom house and flies anywhere he wants at the drop of a hat.

He confided that he once believed even $5 million would be far more than enough. Then, after reaching that milestone, he realized he needed more to feel happy and secure. This process repeated a few more times, leading to his present status at $15 million. In our most recent conversation, he shared his new perspective that somewhere in the $20-$25 million range is probably enough. Unfortunately, it won't be. It never is. He's running an unwinnable race.

If you think x purchase or y dollars is the ticket to your happiness, security, or contentment, you're gravely mistaken. We have two options: 1) We can keep running, hoping there's an end to this race, or 2) Practice gratitude and be content with what we're blessed with. Taking option #2 doesn't mean we live with apathy or simply quit pursuing impact, but rather, it means we stop chasing the things that can't fulfill us and focus on what can.

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The Subconscious Killer

People want to drive a certain brand of car.

People want to live in a certain neighborhood.

People want their kids to attend a certain school.

People want to wear a certain logo.

People want to travel to a certain city.

People want their kids on a certain team.

People want to carry a certain model of phone.

People want to belong to certain clubs.

Do you know what all these things have in common? Status. People crave status. I believe people have always craved status, but due to the arms race of materialism and the proliferation of social media, the pursuit of status is thriving now more than ever.

Here's the official definition of status, according to the Oxford Dictionary: "The relative social, professional, or other standing of someone or something."

Here's the unofficial definition of status, according to me: The perception held about someone by an external person or group of people.

We humans care about what others think of us, and whether consciously or subconsciously, many of our decisions are heavily dictated by our desire to positively influence our standing in other people's eyes. Thus, the cars, neighborhoods, schools, logos, travel destinations, sports teams, gadgets, and clubs. Each of these says something about us, one way or another.

This may sound like a harmless topic lacking substantive consequences, but I can personally testify that the consequencesare increasingly destructive. In just the last few weeks, I've met with couples who make north of $300,000/year and are living paycheck-to-paycheck. There are a lot of factors contributing to this, but none bigger than the pursuit of status. Most of their decisions seem to be made, in part, with status in mind. Again, I don't even think it's a conscious thing for them. It's hard-wired into their psyche, and it manifests through each decision.

If this type of behavior goes unchecked, it will rot us from the inside out:

• Divorce

• Selfishness

• Financial stress

• Relational tension

• Jealousy

• Rampant debt

• No retirement

• Discontent

• Did I mention divorce?

Take a hard look in the proverbial mirror this morning and ask yourself what financial decisions are being made in the pursuit of status. If you identify any (and I suspect you will), I strongly encourage you to consider purging them from your life. Your life is worth far more than what others think about you. Your freedom, relationships, peace, calling, and meaning are all far more important than anything status claims to provide.

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One Sec, Gotta Make My Monthly Burrito Payment

A few days ago, it was announced that Klarna will soon be partnering with DoorDash, offering DoorDash customers the option to spread the expense of their food order over four monthly payments. Yes, you heard that correctly. You'll soon be able to use debt to buy your delivered Chipotle burrito. Don't feel like forking over $20 to fill your belly from the comfort of your own home? That's okay! You can still get your tasty treats for just four easy payments of $4.99.

Seems absurd, doesn't it? Well, that's one way to look at it. The reality, though, is that people have been using debt to pay for their burritos for years. Considering the average household in America carries a $9,000+ credit card balance, we effectively are using debt to fund our cravings. After all, most people are using credit cards for most purchases, and every dollar spent on a tasty treat is one less dollar paid off. It's a continuous cycle, but we mask it by churning charges and payments each month, a never-ending cycle.

While DoorDash offering monthly payments for food purchases seems insane, it's a natural next step for the collective journey we've been on. Debt is not only culturally accepted, but encouraged. From a young age, we're told that using debt is not just okay, but inevitable. It puts a magic wand in the hands of a group of people obsessed with instant gratification.

Want a new car? Wave the wand and sign the papers.

Want a trip to Disney? Wave the wand and swipe the card.

Want a new wardrobe? Wave the wand and sign up for that store card.

And now, want an Arby's roast beef sandwich and curly fries (IYKYK)? Wave the wand and choose payments.

It's that easy! But it shouldn't be. I yearn for a world where we have to think about our decisions, plan for our decisions, and sacrifice for our decisions. A world in which we don't systematically sabotage our own futures at the hands of our impatience and temptations. A world where people will live with margin, freedom, and options. A world where proactivity trumps reactivity.

Will you help me create that world? I don't have the power to bend the culture by myself, but together, collectively, we do!

In the meantime, I'm gonna go get me a Taco Bell Luxe Cravings Box.....and actually pay for it out of my bank account.

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The Superpower of Humility

We're living in a paradoxical reality. On the one hand, it's becoming increasingly difficult to survive financially. Between stagnant income growth, rampant inflation, record-low housing affordability, spiraling car prices, and several other factors, people are hurting. Not everyone, and certainly not to the same degree, but the cracks are starting to show. There's not enough income to keep the train on track, never mind paying off debt, investing for retirement, or saving for future needs.

On the other hand, there's never been a society in the history of humankind where it's been easier to make money. The internet, social media, and the proliferation of a convenience-based lifestyle have opened up more doors than ever before. Heck, we're a few keystrokes away from contacting nearly any person in the world. If you wanted to, you could send a message to Taylor Swift in the next 45 seconds, and if she wanted to, she could read it two seconds later. That's crazy to think about. With our society wired this way, there are unlimited ways to create an income.

The paradox of this situation is that both realities simultaneously exist. Unlimited income is a few clicks away, but at the same time, so many people are struggling with a problem that is only solvable by making more income. I'm not trying to be insensitive with how I framed this, as I have so much empathy for those who are struggling. Rather, I'm trying to shine a light on a big issue; an elephant-in-the-room issue.

Let's use one of my clients/friends as an example. He's a young guy. He's been married to his wife for just a few years. He's absolutely brilliant and has a pretty good job in a specialized field. His future is bright. However, he has a problem. His family's current income isn't enough. Well, it's technically enough, but it's tight. They have a bunch of debt they want gone, they're having their first child soon (!!!), and they need to financially cover their maternity leave season.

Several months ago, I noticed $2,000 extra in their budget. "What's this?" "Oh, I decided to deliver packages for Amazon. I just downloaded an app, and opt-in to make a delivery run whenever I want." Those might not have been his actual words, but that's what it sounds like in my head. With a full-time career, when does he have time for this?!?! 2:45AM-6:45AM, before his day job begins, three to four times per week.

See what I mean? With our modern technology, he simply downloaded an app, clicks on the deliveries he wants to make, and gets in his car to make some money. So simple!

Oh yeah, there's one more thing: humility. None of this happens without humility. He could have easily played victim, called foul, or treated this type of work as if it were beneath him. But instead, he chose humility. He chose the path less traveled. And that is exactly why he (and they) will win.

Sometimes, we just need to do what we need to do, even if only for a season. It's not always sexy. It doesn't bolster status in social circles. It's certainly not easy. But it's the gateway to the reality we are trying to create.

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Cost, Value, and Your Gut

I've eaten $10 meals that were absolute ripoffs.

I've eaten $300 meals that were bargains.

I've worn $30 jeans that were absolute ripoffs.

I've worn $150 jeans that were bargains.

I've recently beaten the drum of the importance of looking through the lens of value. Not value as in cheap, but value as in something is worth more than we pay for it. Several readers have asked how one would discern if something adds more value than it costs.

Here's my short answer: It's in your gut. You know when you know, and it's highly subjective. For example, that $300/person meal I referenced above was one of the most amazing things I've ever experienced (and I'd do it again in a heartbeat). However, some of you might feel very little value for restaurant experiences and would rather jump off a cliff than spend $300 for a single meal. That doesn't make you right/wrong or me right/wrong.....it makes us different.

As such, we each need to view our decisions and prospective decisions through our own unique lens. There's a gut feel to this cost vs. value tension. My financial coaching service is another great example. I once had a prospective client leave a consultation saying my pricing was the biggest ripoff in the world. One hour later, another prospective client said the exact same pricing structure seemed like a steal of a deal. One wasn't right, and the other wrong; they just had different lenses.

There's no mathematical formula to determine if something adds more value than it costs. So many factors are involved, some of which are intrinsic. There's value seen, and value felt. Value you can quantify, and value you can't. Value you can compare to alternatives, and value that stands on its own.

My encouragement is to always use YOUR gut. Look at your life and your prospective decisions through your unique lens. You won't always get it right. You will sometimes regret a purchase decision because it failed to meet your perceived value. That's ok; we live and learn. Every whiff will help you get better for the next decision. Enjoy the journey!

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I See Dead People

"I see dead people." The plot twist of plot twists. Do you remember the moment you got to the end of The Sixth Sense and that little boy rocked your world? I won't spoil it if you haven't seen the movie yet, as it's only been out for 26 years now.....I don't freely reveal spoilers until year 30!

Today's post is my plot twist! My favorite moment yesterday was seeing all the feedback from yesterday's post. It caused quite a stir, and not in the most positive ways. In short, I challenged people to take their $10/day of wants spending and use it to add the most value possible to their lives.

The responses were right in line with what I anticipated:

• "That's far too much money!"

• "That's a lot of money over the course of a year."

• "Sounds materialistic."

• "How about we just be responsible?"

• "You're telling people to waste money."

• "Why would you tell people to spend so much?"

I knew my post would generate such a response, as the idea of spending $10/day on wants may feel over the top. After all, that's $10 today, tomorrow, the next day, for weeks, for months, for years. I think most would agree that this idea sounds excessive. I intentionally framed it through the lens of $10 per day because it psychologically triggers something in us. $10 per day on wants sounds aggressive...perhaps over the top.

Here's my "I see dead people" plot twist. This was the setup for today's post. Most people spend far, far more than $10/day on wants.....they just don't think about it that way. I'm talking about lifestyle purchases. Personal spending, dining out, drinks, coffee, hobbies, entertainment. A little of this, a little of that.

To make my point, I opened my client folder on my MacBook and randomly clicked on clients. Below are the average daily wants spending over the last six months for ten random clients:

• $12/day - Young couple, no kids, VERY strict budget

• $17/day - Young couple, small child, financially conservative

• $19/day - 30-something couple with multiple kids, very generous!

• $44/day - Definition of "normal"

• $50/day - Definition of "normal"

• $51/day - Definition of "normal," Told me $10/day is too much

• $63/day - Sacrificially and joyfully generous

• $65/day - Told me $10/day is too much

• $72/day - Becoming more normal

• $99/day - Living it up

If $10/day seems excessive, what do we do about the fact my sample ranges from $12/day from a young middle-class couple with a very strict budget to $99/day from a different family? Also, how do we reconcile the fact that two of the people who criticized my $10/day idea are actually spending $51 and $65, respectively?

Here's where I land:

• We often spend more than we realize.

• We often spend on things that don't add value to our lives, making it feel like we're spending less.

• $10/day IS a decent amount of money, so we ought to live with contentment and gratitude.

• It's hard to keep up with the Joneses.

• Intentionality is key!

Yes, spend money on wants that add value to your life, but don't fall into the trap of more. Be intentional. Be selective. Be content. Be grateful. Be responsible. Be generous.

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Ten Buck Challenge

For whatever reason, as I was sitting in the Houston airport for 11 hours (!!!!) yesterday, I kept seeing social media posts demonizing spending. These posts were beating the drum of "Stop spending," "Only buy things you need," and "Save more, you irresponsible twerp!"

If you're a regular reader, you probably know how much I hate this narrative. It creates a culture of guilt, regret, and second-guessing. It prioritizes money over meaning, and effectively sucks the fun out of life. It turns us into robotic little savers that won't allow ourselves even one inch of slack.

Today, I want to explore a different angle about spending. Let's say, in a normal month, you spend $10/day on things you want (i.e. not a need). This is money strictly to add value to your life, and "adding value" can mean almost anything. $10/day, on average, every day.

Therefore, the task is simple. Each day, you have $10 to add as much value to your life as possible. No saving, no needs, no giving, and no investing. That's a separate bucket of money. This is $10 per day solely for the purpose of value-add enjoyment.

Looking at it through that lens, what is the most value-added use of your $10?

• Perhaps it's starting your day with a killer coffee drink.

• Maybe it's going out to lunch with a friend.

• Could it be combined with tomorrow's $10 to purchase a new book?

• Did the newest blockbuster movie release?

• Would it be valuable to save up the next handful of days and buy that new pair of jeans?

• Insert your item here.

The possibilities are endless, and each person's hierarchy of potential uses is entirely unique. I occasionally ask people this question: "If you had $10 today to spend on whatever you want - something that would add value to your day - what would you spend it on?" The answers are so unique, so thought-provoking.

Here's the good news. You probably have $10! Yes, it's ok to use it to add value to your life. You don't have to hoard it all. You don't have to clutch it out of guilt or regret. You can spend it on something cool. You can use it to enrich your life, add a burst of joy, grow yourself, or help you relax. It's ok to increase your quality of life while ALSO living responsibly, saving for future wants and needs, investing for the future, and giving joyfully and sacrificially.

Here's my question to you today: What would you use your $10 on? Whatever your answer is, consider doing it!

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Snowballing Behaviors

As I recently discussed HERE and HERE, I've been a big fan of my new walking pad. Practically overnight, I quadrupled the number of steps I get each day (up to nearly 13,000 per day over the past five weeks). In the paradigm of what gets measured gets done, this endeavor has been a massive success.

There's another phenomenon at play here, too. Behaviors often snowball. When we change one behavior, others typically follow. Here's what that looks like in my little walking pad world:

• After enjoying Sarah's walking pad so much, I purchased a second one for my home office (along with a desk to go with it).

• One of my buddies asked if I use a biometric scale to track my body composition. I didn't, but I immediately purchased the scale he recommended. I now collect daily data.

• Since I know I'm collecting daily data, I feel more accountable for the decisions I make throughout my day (including my diet).

• Since I'm trying to make better decisions, I dusted off my home gym and have now gotten back into regular lifting.

All because Sarah purchased a silly little walking pad, and I decided to hop on for a few minutes. Behaviors snowball, and I'm really glad I started gaining momentum on these particular behaviors.

Money is much the same way. My goal isn't to get my clients to adopt dozens of well-planned behaviors. Instead, my focus is to help them create a healthy rhythm with just one or two, then trust the snowballing will happen. Budgeting is a perfect example. Once someone starts budgeting:

• They realize they spend money on things they really don't care about. Thus, spending behaviors change.

• Once they realize they aren't a victim of their finances and can regain control of what happens with their money, they get emboldened to pay off debt. Thus, they 10x their aggression toward getting debt-free.

• Paying off debt shows them they can do anything they put their mind to, including saving. Thus, saving momentum improves.

• Once they realize they can dial up their saving momentum, they start believing they can attain things they value. Thus, they prioritize and give themselves permission to spend on things that add value to their life.

• As they gain more insight into their money behaviors, they notice they aren't giving nearly as much as they would like. Thus, it creates an intentional bend toward generosity.

• As they gain better control and momentum in their finances, they realize they aren't beholden to their jobs. Thus, they give themselves permission to pursue work that matters (if they aren't already in it).

• Once they've fully come to terms with the fact that there is a better way to handle and perceive money than society taught them, they aspire to help their kids do it differently and avoid the painful mistakes they've made. Thus, the next generation is transformed.

All because they decided to work a few small financial habits into their lives. This stuff is powerful. Let your (good) behaviors snowball. It might just change everything.

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Just Buy the Shoes

One of my clients is a hoarder. All her life, she's been told:

• "Stop spending."

• "You don't need that."

• "Save more."

• "Don't waste money."

Many of you can relate to this. This didn't happen because parents were trying to be hurtful. Quite the opposite, actually. It's the product of parents trying to teach kids responsibility and discipline.....but they just happened to do it in the most toxic and destructive way possible.

Fast forward to today, and my client is a 35-year-old with a great job, no debt, and investments for the future. Oh yeah, and $400,000 in her CHECKING account. During a recent meeting, we spent 20 minutes deliberating a huge financial decision for her. I'll share what it was: She wanted a pair of shoes. Not just any shoes, mind you; $75 shoes.

Let me summarize. A grown woman, making good money, with nearly a half million sitting in her checking account is consternating over a $75 pair of shoes. This is the product of being told to "quit spending" for 20+ years. Ironically, she's financially free, but a slave to herself.

"Just buy the shoes," I kept saying.

All clients leave our meetings with a handful of next steps. That day, she had just one: "Buy the shoes.....without guilt."

At our next meeting, she recounted the stress and turmoil she felt buying something she "didn't need." She tried not to feel guilty, but there was an overwhelming sense of impending financial doom, as if this $75 purchase was the gateway drug to utter financial destruction. Much to her surprise, though, her world didn't cave in around her. She was fine.

Over time, she slowly but surely worked her way into buying things she didn't need. The guilt slowly evaporated. Her relationship with money began to heal.

This story may sound crazy to you, but millions of Americans are battling this as we speak. I suspect many readers might be as well. If that's you, please know you're not alone.....and this isn't the end of the story. You can find freedom from this curse.

Parents, it's not too late for your kids. You don't have to inadvertently send your kids careening into the guilt abyss. Here are a few tips to help you in the parenting journey:

• Instead of saying, "We can't afford it," tell your kids it's not in the budget this month.

• Instead of telling your kids to stop spending on things they don't need, encourage them to not spend on things that don't add value to THEIR lives.

• Instead of obsessing over saving, teach them to find a healthy balance between saving, giving, and spending.

• Instead of not letting your kids spend money on stupid things, allow them to make mistakes and learn from them. Sometimes, those stupid decisions are the best lessons, and it's best for them to learn them when they are younger and the mistakes are cheaper.

• Lean hard into generosity. When we learn to give to others with no expectation for something in return, we can learn to respect ourselves.

Guilt doesn't belong here. Just buy the shoes.

I’m so grateful for my client for allowing me to share her story. Her hope is that her experience can be a springboard for someone else to find peace in this as well.

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What Gets Measured, Part 2

Last week, I published a piece about the importance of measuring the things we want to accomplish. After all, "what gets measured gets done." I framed the post through the lens of my newfound discovery that I walk far less than I thought. So, when my wife purchased a walking pad, I decided to do something about it.

In the world of "what gets measured gets done," how we measure is where the rubber meets the road. If we can't find a simple and effective way to measure, we won't. And if we won't, ____ doesn't get accomplished. This is a crucial concept I discuss with my coaching clients. It's imperative to find easy ways to measure what needs to be measured. Anything else will result in inevitable failure.

In the case of my walking, I luckily have a world-class tool at my fingertips. In fact, we all do. The built-in Health app on the iPhone is an amazingly simple and powerful tool for measuring many different aspects of our lives. It's a bit scary, but this app has measured my walking for the better part of a decade. I can see the data in black and white.

Given how well the data is measured, it's created more clarity and motivation for me. I consciously think about my walking now. Instead of being completely passive and out of mind, it's at the forefront. This has resulted in some interesting (and intentional) behaviors:

• While waiting for my flight on Saturday afternoon, I paced back and forth through the terminal while on a Northern Vessel call with TJ.

• Knowing I'd be sitting behind a desk all day on Sunday, I got a few thousand steps on the hotel treadmill early in the morning.

• Since I did, in fact, sit behind a desk all day and didn't get to my new hotel until 10:30 PM that night, I still needed to rip out another 3,000 steps before bed. Unfortunately, the hotel's treadmill was broken. I improvised, pacing the hotel like a creepy stalker while talking to a friend on the phone.

What gets measured gets done! Want to see what that looks like for this silly little endeavor?

Boom! I went from 3,000 steps per day to 12,000 practically overnight. Part of why I've been preliminarily successful is the tool's strength. Look how clean and visual the data is. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't making a difference.

Finances are the same way. We need simple yet powerful tools. If you're looking to budget, EveryDollar Premium is hands down the best budgeting app on the market. I'm not Dave Ramsey fan (to put it lightly), but truth is truth. They created an ingenious tool, and it's 100% worth checking out. It must be the paid version, though. The free version, requiring manual entry, is brutal to use. This tool changes lives.

CapitalOne's 360 Performance Savings accounts are a fantastic tool to facilitate and track sinking funds.

CashApp is easily the best tool to house a single spending category, like personal spending, groceries, or dining out.

What gets measured gets done, and the right tools can be the make or break. What tools add value to your finances?

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When Nothing is Everything

My client was frustrated.....borderline fuming. After two frustrating months to end 2024, they felt stuck and defeated. Expenses piled up, the budget got shredded, and they didn't make nearly as much progress on their debt as hoped. They had big goals, but ultimately, the goals fizzled at the hands of their harsh financial reality.

I was so proud of them and happy for them! In my opinion, they had an amazing few months! Months worth celebrating! Months worth remembering. Months that will eventually be looked back upon on as the turning point to everything.

What's the disconnect? Their definition of a win was paying off debt and having everything go right. My definition of a win was how they approached the situation and navigated it when everything went wrong.

In years past, they would regularly fall into the credit card debt cycle at the slightest presence of adversity. Their finances would run away from them, they would quickly slide the credit card, and kick the can down the road to fight another day. After battling to remedy the problem for the next several tension-induced months, they would repeat the cycle. All the while, they would wonder where their money is going and why they can't get their crap together.

Enter November and December of 2024. They had big plans for debt paydowns and moving the needle in their finances. Then, as life tends to do, crap happens. An emergency vet bill, the car breaks down, an unexpected family trip, a surprise activity expense for their kids. One expense piled onto the last. Suddenly, their perfectly crafted budget eroded around them.

I'm not painting the best picture, am I? This is where it gets good. Since they had an actual plan, created with unity, implemented with intentionality, and entered the month with clear visibility, they saw the twists and turns as they came. While it wasn't ideal to alter their budget to accommodate the crap, they were in control of the budget, not the other way around. For the first time ever (20+ years!!!), they carefully pivoted, took care of their business, and survived the financial onslaught. Even more impressive, they managed to do so without tapping into the credit cards. Yeah, they endured all the crap that life had to offer WITHOUT falling into the credit card death spiral. Massive win!!!

If they compare where they ended up with what they originally planned on doing, it would appear they accomplished nothing. However, sometimes nothing is everything. In their case, this seemingly disastrous month was the biggest win of them all. Now that they know they can thoughtfully and intentionally handle the tough stuff without resorting to debt and old habits, they can accomplish anything together.

This is where they begin to cook. This is where their life changes forever. This is where the rubber meets the road.

Sometimes, nothing is everything.

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Starting Is the Hardest Part

I was recently sitting with a young client. Mid-20s, new-ish in his career, trying to figure out his place in life. Everything is new, exciting, and a bit nerve-wracking (though he probably won't admit that last part). To his credit, he's approaching his money head-on. He recognizes the responsibility....and the opportunity. His future self will absolutely thank his younger self, and I'm grateful to play a small role in that story.

However, we hit a roadblock. When it was time to dive into investing, he felt defeated. It's not that he didn't want to invest, but rather he didn't think he was ready. "I don't have enough left in my budget to invest, so that will have to wait."

"That's ok, we'll start with $25 per month."

He laughed. I wasn't joking.

"$25 isn't enough to make a difference," he quipped. While that's technically true, I wasn't encouraging $25/month because I thought it would move the needle. No, I did it because starting is the hardest part.

From a behavioral science perspective, there's massive power in starting something. After all, starting is hard. Investing requires us to set up an account, create a login, connect to a bank, physically move money from one institution to another, and invest said cash into an index or mutual fund. That's a lot of hurdles! However, once those hurdles have been cleared, it's simple!

Once he makes the first investment, and then takes one more step to automate future investments, it becomes one of the easiest things in his life. Even better, the act of creating and automating his investment account, even with only $25/month, he becomes the type of person who invests. That action integrates with his life, his rhythm, his habits. Like paying his rent, brushing his teeth, and taking out the trash. It's just what we do.

As I explained, starting a $25/month investing rhythm is the hardest part. After that, it's easy to increase it. Increasing it takes two minutes. Maybe he'll increase it to $100/month. Or maybe $500/month. Maybe it will get to $1,000/month. Whatever the right number is, it only happened because he did the hard part of setting up that initial $25/month. So, no, $25/month won't in and of itself move the financial needle. But that $25/month start is what opened the doors for everything that will soon come.

Starting is the hardest part. Whether it's investing, giving, or saving, just start. Even $25. Heck, even $5. Just start. Get the ball rolling. Become the type of person who does that action. Let it seep into you. Once that happens, anything is possible!

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The Myth of Making It

Someday, I'll "make it." Famous last words!

“Making it” means different things to different people. For some, it means getting out of debt. For others, it means becoming a millionaire. Some people want to attain xyz title at work. Maybe it means landing a certain client. Or driving a car with that specific emblem. Perhaps there's a particular revenue goal. Your kid goes to an Ivy League college. What if you finally land on the cover of a magazine? One day, you'll finally get that degree.

We love to put pins on the map of our future and definitively say that's the moment when we've "made it." Unfortunately, it's a lie. It's not a lie because these things can't happen.....they can. It's not a lie because they don't matter.....they do. It's a lie because every time we achieve something, we move the goalposts further out. If having a net worth of $1M is making it, the moment you get it, the new definition of "making it" becomes $2M, then $5M, then $10M, and so on.

Years ago, when Cole and I shared a dumpy little office, he had this amazing bottle of bourbon. It was a special edition bottle, signed by the band Slipknot. He would regularly talk about how, after "making it," we would pop the cork and enjoy that special bottle. Since that day, he and we have achieved far more than we had ever expected......yet, that bottle is still unopened. Why? Because every time he hit a milestone, a new milestone took its place.

Here's my point. There is no "making it." That's a myth. As humans, we'll quickly reset expectations as soon as we reach the goal. There is no magical point where our lives magically become perfect, or we achieve maximum success. Rather, it's about the journey. We should live with contentment, strive to get a bit better each day, celebrate all the wins (even the small ones), and find meaning in all of it. Oh yeah, and pop the cork on that bottle, Cole. You're never going to make it, but man, you're doing it.

My challenge for you today is to stop defining which hurdles you'll someday hit to "make it." I promise you, by the time you achieve them, you will have already moved the goal posts on yourself. If that's true, just keep moving forward, living with meaning, enjoying the journey. Oh yeah, and pop that cork.

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Wipe Off the Mirror

Today's piece is more technical than usual, but it bears consideration. Let's say you're having a tough financial month. Expenses are running higher than you anticipated, unforeseen situations pop up, and/or you elect to make a purchase that wasn't originally budgeted. You'll inevitably exceed your income, and something must be done.

The worldly way is to simply throw it on the credit card and deal with it sometime in the future. No bueno! For those of you who don't play Russian Roulette with credit cards, a solution must be found. Enter the emergency fund. Emergency funds are great for the times when expenses snowball on us. Most people house their emergency funds in a savings account directly tied to their primary checking account.

Therefore, when the crazy months arise and we need relief, we can click a few buttons, and that money is available for use. How we choose to frame it in our financial life is where the rubber meets the road, though. One option is to bring the emergency fund cash into our account and silently use it to offset expenses behind the scenes. We receive the needed relief, our needs are met, and we can move on. It's all good, right? Wrong!

To show why this is an unhealthy approach, please allow me to show you the alternative. Let's say we're having the same crappy month, and we need to pull $2,000 from our emergency fund. Let's assume our car breaks down, and it's one of those oh-crap-what-do-we-do moments with our mechanic. We immediately know our budget will be $2,000 short, and we can bridge the gap with our emergency fund. Instead of allowing these transactions to happen behind the scenes, we do two important things:

1. We add the $2,000 into our budget as income. In my budget, I call this income line item "From E-Fund."

2. We add the unwanted and unexpected expenses to our budget. In this case, we allocate an extra $2,000 to the car maintenance category.

What's the difference? In the first scenario, everything looks good in our budget. It appears we make what we always make, and our expenses are normal (i.e. artificially low). That doesn't reflect reality.

Adding our emergency fund proceeds and associated expenses into our budget forces us to look in the mirror. Or, to be more specific, it forces us to wipe off the mirror to see more clearly. This transparency is the secret to accountability, growth, and ownership. When we can digest our situation at face value, we can face reality on reality's terms. This makes all the difference in the world!

That's why I repeatedly say we need to account for all income coming in, and ensure every dollar finds a home. The consequences are very real. People who properly account for their emergency fund use are far less likely to dip into it than people who facilitate it behind the scenes.

Wipe off that mirror! The more real you can be with yourself, the better you'll be......and you deserve better.

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Punched In the Face by Gratitude

Do you ever get frustrated? I mean REALLY frustrated. The car breaks down. You get turned down for that job. That girl/guy isn't interested in you. You got pulled over for speeding. Your flight gets canceled. Life can suck sometimes.....ok, lots of times.

It's easy to dwell on this stuff. We start sounding like our own little version of Debbie Downer. But then, something happens. We get punched in the face by gratitude.

As I've watched the national news coverage the past few nights, it's been non-stop coverage of houses in Los Angeles literally going up in flames. People woke up like any other day, and went to bed without a home or possessions. Everything they owned.....poof. It's truly one of the saddest things I've ever watched play out.

Those are the moments where gratitude punches us in the face. Life is never perfect, and sure, it would be nice if these frustrating circumstances would just stay away. But we should carry ourselves with gratitude that we aren't experiencing the pain and suffering that so many experience daily. If all that happened to you today is getting turned down for the job, your crush isn't interested in you, you got pulled over for speeding, your car breaks down, AND your flight gets canceled, you're still better off than so many. That's still worth celebrating. All of those crappy things piled into one day, but you end the day going home to your comfortable house with all of your possessions, you're still blessed. Weird perspective, I know.

I think we should live every day with gratitude, but it doesn't hurt to get punched in the face by it once in a while. Prayers to anyone who is impacted by these wildfires. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. Better days are yet to come, and beauty will surely rise from the ashes.

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Build It, Break It, Fix It, Repeat

I'll start with a question. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you succeeded, then succeeded some more, then continued to succeed, and eventually failed by the weight of your own success? This is a fairly common occurrence in my coaching world. Positive momentum is great, but it doesn't come without a cost. Eventually, inevitably, and unfortunately, success often creates new challenges. I see this a lot in clients who pay off a ton of debt, but then struggle as soon as the debt is paid off. I also see this with the NFL players I've worked with, where it's all good until it becomes too good...then the wheels can fall off.

We recently experienced a version of this at Northern Vessel. We've had a wild year, which was capped by an even wilder December. All of our efforts, marketing, hospitality, and momentum led us up to the Christmas season. Then, last Saturday, we broke. Over a six-hour period, we sold 90 drinks per hour, or 1.5 per minute for the entire six hours. To put it into context, our entire shop is 1,500 square feet and comfortably seats 20 (with no drive-thru). Yet, we sold about 550 drinks in a shortened day. It was great, it was bonkers, and we are grateful. At the same time, though, our team was fried, we ran out of product, and we couldn't offer five-star hospitality that lived up to our expectations. We broke the machine.

The drink line!

There's a saying I like to use: "Build it, break it, fix it, repeat." We built it, then we broke it, and now we must fix it. TJ and I have spent a lot of time the last few days dissecting all the ways in which we broke. Which pieces were our fault? Which pieces were circumstantial? Which pieces can be fixed? Which pieces can be improved upon? How do we do better next time? Everything is on the table.

After all, that is the goal. We desire for there to be a next time. We must earn the right for there to be a next time. We need to fix it, then repeat. If the relentless pursuit of excellence is more than just a catchy slogan, we need to own that. Build it, break it, fix it, repeat.

The same goes for many areas of our lives, including finances! Each time we level up, our success will inevitably create new challenges. We can't rest on our laurels, though. It's imperative that we grow with it. Each time we get better in a specific area of our life, that success will create new challenges (and new opportunities!) that we must confront. The alternative is to be happy with the growth and allow the breakage to stop future growth.....which is a common path for many.

Instead, this is my challenge for you today: Build it, break it, fix it, repeat. Embrace the struggle on the journey. It's not a straight line. It can be messy. Enjoy the journey!

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