Seeing It (Again) Through Their Eyes

Yesterday, our family embarked on our first post-school summer trip: Chicago! Having grown up not far west of Chicago, it's a city I've been to countless times. Though I love it, it doesn't have a "new" feeling anymore. However, it's Finn and Pax's first-ever time in Chicago, and it's been a real treat so far. Sensory overload at its finest. We grabbed some Chicago-style pizza, hit a massive candy store, and walked alongside Michigan Avenue and the river. Not too shabby for our first few hours in the city.

There's something different about being present for other people's first-time experiences, especially kids. It's almost like we get to experience it for the first time again. I felt like a little kid showing off my favorite toy. It was pure joy to show the boys a city that's been part of my life for as long as I can remember.

We're staying downtown, making a pilgrimage to Wrigley, catching a Blue Man Group show, scoping out The Bean, and spending some time at the Museum of Science and Industry. We'll have Italian Beefs, hot dogs, and probably enough ice cream to make President Biden blush. It won't be an inexpensive trip, but man, we'll be investing in memories. 

I've had many profoundly memorable experiences throughout my life. Seeing the Great Wall, exploring the Mongolian wilderness, wandering the streets of Hong Kong, country-hopping the Middle East, and adventuring through Europe. All of these memories are special to me. But there's nothing more special than experiencing something through another's eyes. It's the power of community and shared experiences. It's the bonding that happens. An unspeakable connection that we know will last a lifetime. 

Investing in memories is an amazing endeavor, but doing it alongside people we care about ratchets it up to a whole new level. I made my first trip to Wrigley when I was seven years old, then proceeded to visit it at least one time per year for the next 20 years. It holds a special place in my heart. Tonight, I get to take my own seven-year-olds to their first game at Wrigley. I can't wait to invest in those memories and watch the game through their eyes. It may be my 100th trip to Wrigley, but it might as well be my first.

Never Taking These For Granted

Last night, I had the honor of attending a friend's wedding. He's a young man I met in the Boundary Waters, and our friendship quickly grew. There's more to say about that relationship in a future post, but I want to focus on the wedding. 

During the ceremony, the pastor made a really insightful point. He directed the bride and groom to look into the audience, reminding them that this collection of individuals comprises all the most important people in their lives. And I was in that room! When the pastor framed it that way, what an incredible honor to be part of such a pivotal day in that couple's journey. 

It's a day and a moment etched in time. Someday, 30 years from now, when they celebrate their 30th anniversary, I'll reflect on being part of their beginning. And I hope I’m still a meaningful part of their life (and vice versa). To be valued and trusted to the extent I get to be part of their biggest day.....amazing! I never take that for granted. These are the types of things that cannot be purchased. No amount of money can create them. They are priceless moments that can only be the product of investing in relationships.

I’m so excited for the new bride and groom, and I had an absolute blast catching up with a few friends I haven’t seen in a long time. What a night!

In a life filled with so much pain, suffering, and turmoil, these little moments of joy and celebration are worth memorializing. They are worth cherishing. They are worth holding onto. 

Short and sweet today! Here's my challenge for you. Find the moments to cherish. Seek them out. Create them if you can. Don't take them for granted. Savor them. Etch them into your memory. Embrace them for the beauty they bring to your life. 

Putting the Pieces Together

What does it mean to win with money? I could ask 20 people and get 20 different answers. We all view it through a different lens. We each possess different skills, and we each have our shortcomings. Some things we'll get right, and other things may be more of a challenge. We don't have to nail every aspect, but it's important to remove any glaring deficiencies. Most families thrive in some areas and struggle in others. 

However, I recently met with a couple who inspired me to write about this topic. I've worked with this couple for over a year, but this meeting was particularly inspiring. They are a younger-ish couple, both teachers. In my mind, they've cracked the code on personal finance. No, they aren't geniuses in any one area, but they are doing good in pretty much every area. I'll summarize:

• They have unity, a shared vision, and joint ownership of their finances.

• They budget intentionally each month, leaning into their unique values.

• They have an emergency fund to protect them for WHEN life punches.

• They spend money on wants that add value to their life.

• They utilize sinking funds to save for future purchases/expenses.

• They give joyfully and sacrificially.

• They paid off all their non-mortgage debt.

• They invest with discipline, simplicity, and effectiveness.

• They have cheap term life insurance policies that will replicate each person's respective income in the event of a tragic event. 

• They are in the process of setting up wills.

• They both pursue work that matters, and find meaning and fulfillment in their careers.

• They are creating financial margin to provide flexibility for future decisions and lifestyle shifts.

They are the total package! No, it's not because they have massive incomes and unlimited resources. Reminder, they are both teachers. They are normal people, making normal money, living a normal life. Except it's not a normal life. It's an extraordinary life.

What's their secret? Intentionality, discipline, humility, contentment, and consistency. That's it. Good choice after good choice after good choice. Oh yeah, and that whole unity, shared vision, and joint ownership thing. They are doing it together. There is no "mine" and "yours." Everything is "ours." For better or worse. 

Yes, this is an opportunity for me to brag about this amazing couple. However, there's more to it. I hope you find encouragement in it. We ALL have the power to get better in the areas of money. The only thing stopping us is us. It's not easy, but it's so, so worth it. Get 1% better today! Then, get 1% better tomorrow. One day at a time. You got this!

How Many Apples Are In a Seed?

Check out this awesome clip!

@uconnwbb these two 🥹 #uconnwomensbasketball #bleedblue ♬ original sound - UConn Women’s Basketball

This touching moment involves UCONN's Coach Geno Auriemma and Nika Muhl. Nika just wrapped up her UCONN basketball career and was drafted into the WNBA just a few weeks ago. This is easily the best thing I've seen all day!

I often refer to the idea of planting seeds. A quick word search of my blog archives reveals that I've discussed this concept in 14 prior posts. When I see a video clip like this and can feel the relationship this player and coach share, it strikes me as a quintessential example of planting seeds. 

Coach Geno is 70 years old, and for the last 40 of them, he has been at the helm of UCONN's women's basketball team. When I see the bond he shares with Nika and the impact he's clearly had on her life, I can't help but wonder how many seeds he's planted over the years. 

This past weekend, while at a generosity conference, a speaker began talking about planting seeds. Oh, you know I was leaning forward for this one! She cut into an apple and started picking out seeds. "You can count how many seeds are in an apple, but you can't count how many apples are in a seed." 

That's one of the most powerful ideas I've ever heard. Planting a seed is one thing, but the ripple effects are another. Let's say we plant ten seeds, and only one takes hold and grows (into an apple tree, of course). That tree will produce hundreds or thousands of apples, each filled with numerous seeds. Eventually, some of those new seeds will take hold and grow trees as well......and the cycle continues. From a single seed comes an immeasurable number of apples. A single act of planting a seed could result in multiple generations of impact. Beautiful!

Back to Coach Geno and Nika. He planted seeds, and some (or tons) prospered.....including Nika. Now, she will spend the next 60+ years planting her own seeds, and some of them will prosper as well. Call me sentimental, but this is a profoundly moving illustration of living a life of service to others. 

Our call to action is simple: plant seeds. What happens after we plant is largely out of our control. However, know that good WILL come from your generosity. And when it does, the impact may span much wider and deeper than you'll ever know. 

Find a Way to Get Away

We got home last night after a five-day road trip. The boys went on adventures with their cousins while Sarah and I attended a generosity conference. It was the first time Sarah and I had gotten away together since our Thailand/Qatar trip last April. We missed the kids, but we had a wonderful time together!

I always forget how powerful time away can be. It's hard to find the time and navigate the logistics, but when we do, it's so powerful. Our trips are more meaningful when they involve some form of growth or service. This trip was no different. We spent time with inspirational people, listened to impactful speakers, and engaged in powerful discussions. Our time together opened up new dialogue, triggered new ideas, and raised some critically important topics to the surface. All in all, it was a home run. I hope to share some of my biggest conference takeaways in the coming weeks, but wow, so good!

I had a few mirroring conversations last week that got me thinking. I was talking about my upcoming trip with a few friends. I commented that it's wild (and disappointing) that Sarah and I haven't taken time away together in nearly a year. Each of these people had similar responses. "One year? My wife and I haven't gotten away since having kids." Both of these individuals have kids in the 10-13 year-old range. They haven't been away from their kids in more than a decade?!?!

Astounded by this discovery, I started asking people about their "getting away" habits. Much to my surprise, about half the people I surveyed said they "never" go away without their kids. 

If my informal survey is any indication, that means many of you reading this post "never" or "rarely" get away without your kids. Please don't hear me criticizing or judging you. Instead, I want to encourage you. As I mentioned above, it's hard to find the time, logistics, and money to get away. But it's so, so, so worth it. View it as an investment in your marriage. Use it to take a step back from your normal parenting duties, get some rest, build your relationship, create memories, and then re-enter your normal life as a better spouse and better parent. It doesn't have to be a week-long trip abroad. Even a short weekend trip to a nearby town can do the trick. 

Find a way to get away. Invest in your marriage. You won't regret it!

Joyful Bang For the Buck

I had an epiphany last week while cruising around in the new ride. It almost seems illegal to have this much fun driving a car that cost me $9,000 (plus $41/month for insurance). It's been an absolute blast, and I can't wait to find excuses to hop in and get on the road. Sarah needs a gallon of milk? Great! There's a prescription at the drug store ready for pick-up? You bet! One of the kids needs to be dropped off at a friend's house? I got you! 

This entire experience has me thinking about the correlation between money and fun. Or, as many people put it, money and "enjoying life." The narrative is we need money to enjoy life. It's this very narrative that causes millions of Americans to live in a perpetual state of misery so they can afford xyz fun thing. Why? To "enjoy life." I find it tremendously ironic that we'll intentionally live in misery for the privilege of having money to enjoy life. I would argue we should just cut to the chase and live an enjoyable life....period. 

Along those same lines, I've been reflecting on everything in my life that give me joy, happiness, and value. Based on my experience, the best things in life rarely cost much (if anything). I'll share a partial list of mine, and I encourage you to think about yours:

• Pick-up basketball with Pax: Free

• Lego time with Finn: Free

• Netflix time with Sarah: $15/month

• Coffee and a newspaper on a Saturday morning: $3

• A nice glass of bourbon: $4

• Lunch with a friend: $12

• Sunday mornings at church with my people: Free

• A good book: $7 at my local used bookstore

• Engaging with friends on social media: Free

• A walk on a nice spring day: Free

• Publishing our podcast: Free

• Writing this blog: Free

• Listening to Twenty One Pilots music: $15/month

• Listening to podcasts: Free

• A Northern Vessel cortado and donut: $6

• Watching my Cyclones on TV: Free

Each of these things adds tremendous value to my life. I'm grateful for each, and I recognize none have a high financial bar. Sure, I could splurge on a fancy meal, an elaborate trip, or an extravagant purchase. There's nothing wrong with any of these things, but they aren't a prerequisite to living a fun and meaningful life. 

Money doesn't create meaning; meaning creates meaning. Find the little things in life that add value and aggressively invest in them. Don't fall for the lie that we need to spend tons of money to "enjoy life." Instead, simply enjoy life. There's so much to savor and appreciate. Have a wonderful day!

Don’t Fall for the Facade

We had a wonderful Easter church service yesterday morning. It's always a special day, and we're grateful for the opportunity to celebrate. It was fun crossing paths with many friends who were also there to celebrate the big day. Based on what they saw, most people probably believed we were having an amazing Easter Sunday. They would have been terribly wrong. It was a facade. We were in the midst of one of the worst days of our parenting lives. We were absolutely miserable. Grateful, but miserable.

When I say facade, I'm not referring to an intentional act of deception. Rather, people don't know what they don't know—a half-truth of sorts. We weren't trying to be disingenuous; we were just trying to live life. Meanwhile, some people who saw us appearing to be having a great day were also having a harder day than was visible on the surface.

That's the dilemma - and danger - of facades. We watch everyone's perfectly curated lives, very well knowing how imperfect things are behind our home's front door. It can be demoralizing. Self-talk creeps in. Doubt can take over. We begin asking ourselves why our life sucks so badly compared to our friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors.

Social media only escalates this dynamic. Social media allows us the opportunity to perfectly and intentionally curate what gets shared with the world. It puts this entire concept on steroids, blasts it out to hundreds or thousands of people, and then gets further juiced by the positive reinforcement of likes and comments.

This is also an ever-increasing problem when it comes to money. I regularly hear people put certain families on a pedestal, essentially viewing them as the pinnacle of success. They drive the best cars, live in the biggest houses, wear the nicest clothes, go on the fanciest trips, and have the perfect kids. You know who I'm talking about! I get an interesting perspective in my work. I get an intimate, up-close perspective of what really goes on behind the curtain. Here's what I can tell you. Looks can be oh-so deceiving. That perfect family that you unfairly compare yourself with? All is not what it seems.

Behind the appearance of wealth and success is often stress, turmoil, financial tension, growing debt, lack of career freedom, and marital strife. I'm not saying this to demean any family. I have so much empathy for these families. I'm not trying to knock them off some perceived pedestal. Instead, I want to encourage you to stop comparing yourself to someone else's half-truth facade. There's more going on than you know, and it's probably not as rosy as it appears.

On the other hand, perhaps we should try living with a little less facade. I'm not advocating that we air all our dirty laundry to every listening ear, but maybe we can be a bit less curated and a little more authentic. Let's be ok with our imperfections. Our lives aren't perfect, but neither is theirs.

What Goes Around Comes Around

When we first became parents, it was amazing how many people rallied around and supported us. The love we experienced in that season was unparalleled. I don't always remember the particulars (life was intense....and a blur), but I remember how it felt. I vividly recall the outpouring of generosity from so many people. Generosity always wins, and during that stretch of life, we were on the receiving end of so much beautiful generosity. I hope someday my kids will understand just how loved they were from the very beginning.

Fast forward seven years, and one of those generous individuals is about to have a baby. I'll never forget the generosity this person showed us when we became parents. This person impacted our family far more than they will ever know. Their love, support, and actions have created ripple effects that will span decades.

One of the beautiful things about generosity is that it's not a one-way street. What goes around comes around. Sometimes, we're on the giving end of generosity; other times, we're on the receiving end. It's essential to do both and be both. In fact, I would argue it's impossible to truly be generous without being able to accept generosity from others.

What goes around comes around. The tables are turning, and we're about ready to switch seats. When that happens, I hope we can show this growing family the same level of love, support, and generosity they showed us. They created ripple effects in our lives, and we have the opportunity to do the same in theirs. Not because we owe them, not because it's some form of payback, but because we love these people, and generosity always wins.

This is the most enjoyable part about generosity. What goes around comes around. When it does, we get to experience what true community looks like. There have been seasons in life when I needed the support and generosity of others, and there have been seasons when others needed our support and generosity. We don't perpetually live in one or another as much as we meander back and forth. Or, as often happens, we simultaneously live on both sides of this coin. A constant state of need and a constant state of generosity.

My encouragement today is to live on both sides of this equation. Be generous. Always be generous. Serve others with whatever you have to give. At the same time, always be willing to accept generosity from others. It will change you. It will change them. It will create genuine community. It will form lifelong bonds. It may also cause ripple effects that will span for decades. Generosity always wins!

Savor Those Rent House Sandwiches

One of my friends recently experienced a life-altering situation. It's one of those occurrences where life can be completely normal, then take a sudden turn at the snap of your fingers. It's one of those moments that show us how delicate and fragile life can be. It's one of those events that makes you take a step back and take inventory of your life.

I was so glad to see him recently! He shared that while he regularly listens to our Meaning Over Money podcast, this situation instantly gave him an entirely new perspective. He said he agreed with and understood the whole meaning over money concept before, but now he GETS it. It became deeply personal and took on an entirely new importance.

He also shared a beautiful story that touched me on so many levels. I'm grateful he gave me the blessing to share with you. For context, this man has experienced tremendous success in his journey so far. He cares about people, his work ethic is unmatched, and he has a brilliant mind. You would look at him and say, "Wow, they are doing really, really well." As you hear this story, keep this context in mind.

In the aftermath of this life-changing situation, as he became reflective on his journey, purpose, and values, he asked his wife to make him a rent house sandwich. Excuse me, what?!? A rent house sandwich, he explained, is the meal he and his wife used to eat earlier in their marriage when they had minimal resources. Chicken nuggets, Doritos, and mustard served on white bread. He calls it a "rent house sandwich" because they lived in a small rental house in that tough (but simple) season of life. His wife was surprised he requested such a meal, but she obliged. As he was in his reflective state, he wanted something that reminded him of where they came from. Something that rooted him in the foundation of what's most important: family. Not money. Not status. Not stuff. Family.

Me: "Well, how did it taste?"

Him: "It was so good. So good." He was wearing a deep and sincere smile as he responded, almost as if he relived it at that moment.

It was a tremendously touching story. I got emotional when he shared it with me, and I'm emotional writing about it now. While you and I probably haven't had the pleasure of devouring chicken nuggets, Doritos, and mustard on white bread, we each have our own version of rent house sandwiches. These odd little nuances are woven into our story and play a meaningful role in our journey. Never lose sight of where you came from. Don't overlook the battles you’ve fought. Don't take your blessings for granted.

Life is indeed delicate. It's easy to forget that in the hustle and bustle of our everyday lives. I encourage you to push pause, take a step back, remind yourself of what's most important, and savor those rent house sandwiches.

Little Kids Are Failures

Little kids are failures. Yeah, I said it. All they do is fail. They fall over. They spill their food. They poop all over themselves. They can't even put a shirt on! Their entire life is a series of humorous and ridiculous failures. On the flip side, nobody develops faster than a little kid. They can go from barely being able to roll over to an all-out run in 12-18 months. In that span, they fail literally thousands of times.

I believe there's one thing that makes little kids different from adults. It's one of the reasons why kids can develop so much faster than us adults. Little kids don't care what other people think. They aren't self-conscious. They don't get embarrassed. They are simply focused on the task at hand.

My kids used to be like that. The first six years of their life were carefree. They were willing to try anything, fail miserably at it, then eventually master it. Then, something changed. They woke up one day, somewhere between the end of Kindergarten and the beginning of first grade, suddenly caring what other people think. This is the exact moment when their ability to rapidly pick up new skills started waning. My continual encouragement is for them to go for it and not worry so much about what other people think. I know, easier said than done. They thrive every time they can shelf their fear of failure and disregard what others think.

---

One of my clients is trying to make a massive financial shift. They've done it one way for more than 15 years, with disappointing and frustrating results. They have some deeply-seeded bad habits. They overspend, don't budget, don't track, struggle saving, feel guilt, never give, live with a ton of debt, and fight about all of that every week. Things look dire. At best, their finances will be a disaster for the rest of their life. At worst, their marriage is about to crumble.

Despite how bad things looked, I was immediately optimistic about them. In our very first meeting, one spouse made their position very clear. "We're willing to do anything to turn this around, and we don't care what anyone else thinks." The moment he said that was the moment I knew they would win. He went on to explain how they already felt like absolute financial failures, so it wouldn't bother them if they failed forward while trying it my way.

They aren't afraid to fail. They don't care what anyone else thinks. They sound like little kids. And that's exactly why they will develop and grow so much in the season ahead. They are selling their cars, drastically reducing their lifestyle, stepping away from a few expensive friends/family trips, and getting intentional. They are going to fail every step of the way. It's going to be messy. It's going to be difficult. It's going to be beautiful.

The Wonderfully Woven Web of Impact

If you follow me on IG, Facebook, or LinkedIn, you've probably seen bits and pieces of the blog repurposed into other content. Claire, my social media manager, loves digesting the blog and grabbing pieces that move her or could add value to different audiences. She recently posted a snippet from a blog post about relationships, including the following picture.

That's my friend John. I visited him and his wife Jamy a few months ago in Las Vegas. I first met him on a trip to Mongolia in 2017, and he's been a major influence on my life ever since.

After that picture landed on my IG feed, a good friend, who lives in my town, DM'd me: "Is that John!?!?" I've never lived in the same metro as John. I met him in Mongolia, and we serve on a board together in Southeast Asia. And now, my other friend, who I served alongside at our local youth group for several years, is messaging me out of the blue to tell me how John played a vital role in her life?!?! This small-world moment blew my mind.....though it probably shouldn't have. 

John is the perfect example of the new phrase I shall coin: the wonderfully woven web of impact. It sounds cheesy, but who doesn't love a good alliteration? Here, let me draw it out for you.

• John played a vital role in my friend's life.

• The same John, thousands of miles away, played a different vital role in my life.  

• My friend and I have led intertwined journeys for many years, which undoubtedly impacted each other. 

• Together, we've played valuable roles in young adults' lives in our city through our joint youth group efforts. Without a doubt, both of us were equipped, encouraged, and enabled by the impact of our mutual friend, John. 

Until recently, neither of us knew about the other's relationship or the resulting impact of John's presence in our lives. Even until this moment, John didn't know about this connection, either! If all goes well, John is opening this e-mail with a coffee in hand, learning the news of this "coincidence" at the same time as you. He's probably wondering who this mystery friend is. I'm expecting a call any moment. I can't wait to share with him about the wonderfully woven web of impact he's created. 

While John is pretty awesome, he's just a man. He's a normal guy making extraordinary impact. However, there's nothing extraordinary about his work. He simply serves people, loves them, meets them where they are, and uses whatever gifts and passions he's been blessed with. From that quite ordinary work comes extraordinary impact. 

Without knowing it, we're all weaving our own web of impact. But not all webs are created equal. With intentionality, consistency, and a heart to make a difference, we each have the ability to create a beautifully impressive web. And someday, if we're as lucky as John is today, we'll get a tiny little glimpse at how that web is woven together. 

Important to Her, Important to Me

Today, I'm bringing you a fun story from a recent coaching session. I was sitting with a young couple, discussing wins, losses, learnings, and questions from their first few months of budgeting. I could sense some tension brewing, and just as I was about to ask about it, the wife brings it to the surface. 

The wife wants to buy an item that costs approximately $500. It's important to her. She's been talking about it for a long time. Immediately, I could tell the husband was not keen on the idea. He had several reasons why they shouldn't buy it right now. His primary reason is they are in the midst of paying off student loan debt (they are crushing it, by the way!). 

What happened next is where the story gets interesting. No more than three minutes later, the husband brings up something he wants to buy soon.....which coincidentally also costs $500. Similar to the wife's desired purchase, this is clearly a want. But it's important to him. He quickly listed the reasons they should immediately pull the trigger on this item. However, in the midst of his sales pitch, he recognized the irony (and the hypocrisy). 

The real issue wasn't the debt, or a lack of resources. Instead, it was the fact he viewed his desired purchase as being important, and hers not. This is a toxic slippery slope, which needed to be immediately addressed. I quickly jumped in and shared my perspective. And since this is a commonly occurring dynamic, I thought it was worth sharing today:

• It's ok if something is a want. We need to stop demonizing wants as irresponsible and unnecessary. Wants can be nearly as important as needs, and should be treated as such.

• The husband's opinion on her desired purchase is irrelevant. If it's important to her, it's important. Period. This can be a hard pill for spouses to swallow. Since spouses have different interests and desires, it's inevitable one spouse will want something the other doesn't care about.

• If it fits within the scope of the budget and can be done without compromising their spending, saving, giving, and debt plan, they should do it. 

• Who makes how much income shouldn't play any role in the discussion. If one spouse makes 90% of the income, it's still a 50/50 decision. The moment we get married, everything we have (including our income) should be combined and viewed jointly. The words "mine" and "yours" need to be abolished and replaced with "ours."

• We aren't allowed to feel guilt when purchasing something important. Guilt cheapens the purchases and sabotages the reason we bought it. 

Ultimately, here is my recommendation. Since the husband's desired purchase has some urgency tied to it, I recommended they pull the trigger this month. However, that recommendation was contingent upon him agreeing to put her desired purchase in the budget next month. 

Be generous with your partner. If it's important to them, it should be important to you. 

I Miss This

Last night, I enjoyed a fun and relaxing dinner with my client. There were seven of us, and it was just a flat-out enjoyable experience. When these moments happen, my first thought is always, "I miss this." While I'm not technically an employee, it feels like I am. These people mean something to me. I enjoy my time with them. It's fun working together to achieve a shared goal. Of all the things I lost when I left my prior career, this is the one I miss the most. I miss the camaraderie. I still get some of this in my new work life, but it's different. 

In my keynote, I venture into the behavioral science of money and happiness. In short, once our needs are met, money WON'T make us much happier. That's been proven again and again. However, there are three things that clearly drive happiness:

• Generosity

• Work that matters

• Relationships

If that's true, it's no surprise why I feel the way I do about spending time with these people. Relationships are like oxygen. I think people grossly underappreciate the importance of relationships in the workplace. Some people even advise against having relationships with co-workers. I've heard it referred to as the separation of work and life. I couldn't disagree more. We shouldn't separate work and life…..we should integrate it. Work is part of life. After all, our work accounts for literally half our waking hours. 

I believe work relationships are the secret sauce. In the absence of these meaningful relationships, nothing is holding us to a job. Without relationships, there's no reason we wouldn't leave for even a $500/year raise. Without relationships, we become a free agent looking for the highest bidder. 

One last thought. Whenever I ask someone what they like most about their job (whether they love it or hate it), the first answer given almost always revolves around relationships. Is that telling? Conversely, whenever I ask someone what they dislike most about their job (whether they love it or hate it), the first answer given almost always revolves around relationships. Is that telling?

Here's my takeaway today. Don't take your work relationships for granted. They can and should add a richness to your life. We are better people because of them. Don't miss out on that opportunity. 

Just in Case

An interesting question came up in a meeting yesterday. Amidst a stressful conversation, the husband looks at the wife and asks, "What if something happened to me?" By "something," he meant death." It was a morbid question, but it led down an important road. No, pondering the demise of a spouse isn't the most enjoyable conversation in the world. But yes, it's critically important. 

The husband was concerned that given their current habits, practices, and structure, his wife would likely be flying blind if she was forced to pick up the family's finances in his absence. It was a completely valid concern, and one worth discussing. 

The answer isn't necessarily having both spouses handle the family's finances simultaneously. In most families, one spouse handles 90%+ of the finances. Fun fact: it's about 50/50 which gender handles the finances in a family. Second fun fact: the determination of which spouse handles the finances can typically be traced back to which of their parents handled the family's finances growing up.

So, if handling the finances jointly doesn't answer our "what if?" question, what does? I'll share a few ideas that typically help close the gap:

• While one spouse may physically handle most of the family's finances, most decisions should be made jointly. I handle 100% of my family's finances, but my wife is involved in practically every financial decision.

• Keep your finances simple. Most people have unnecessarily complex finances. There's no need for it in most situations. Simple is good, and simple will be a blessing to the surviving spouse. 

• Consistently practice intentionality with your family's finances in good times.

• Designate someone in your life to be a helper if something happens to the primary financial handler spouse. This person should understand the family's finances enough that they can step into the situation and help pick up the pieces, if needed. 

• Create a "death binder." It rolls off the tongue, I know. I only call it this because it irks Sarah, so you can call it whatever you want. In short, this is a folder or box that contains a summary of all the family's financial components. It's a list of every piece of your family's financial life. It contains account numbers, institution names, phone numbers, and even login information. Think of it as a cheat sheet for all things financial. We keep this document in our safe deposit box, and I update it periodically.

• Along with the death binder, include originals or copies of all pertinent documents. I recommend including the following:

• Social security cards, birth certificates, passports, marriage certificates, etc.

• Car titles

• Real estate documents

• Loan documents

• Insurance policies (auto, life, disability, etc.)

• Recent account statements for bank and investment accounts

• Wills

• Appraisals for valuable items like jewelry

• Keys and directions to PO Boxes, safes, storage units, and the like.

• Have periodic conversations about "what if." We don't want to go all Debbie Downer and project doom and gloom, but we want to be prepared. 

Just in case.

What He Said!

When I open my laptop to start writing each day, I often don't know what the blog will be about. And sometimes, the creativity doesn't just automatically stream from my fingers. I suppose that will occasionally happen if I'm committed to writing 365 days per year. Today is one of those days. So I did the first thing I always do when I need to find a spark: scroll social media. I never know what I will see, but I 100% know I'll be inspired by something I come across. And man, was today's ever inspirational!

As I was flipping through Twitter (sorry, I can't call it X), I saw something my guy Elliott Frey shared. It was a postgame interview with Arizona defensive player Martell Irby, who had won the Alamo Bowl moments prior. Here's the video. It's only 2 minutes long, and I couldn't recommend it enough.

🥲 pic.twitter.com/qvCTChNTSU

— no context college football (@nocontextcfb) December 29, 2023

This clip sums up nearly everything I believe in. It's an absolutely beautiful witness and testimony of the pursuit of meaning. These 114 seconds are packed with so much:

• Faith

• Persistence

• Redemption

• Gratitude

• The importance of community

• Humility

• Living in the present

• Work ethic

• Love

• Determination

• Patience

I feel like this is where I should elaborate on his words, providing context and adding value.....or maybe throw in something witty. Truth is, there's nothing I can add to make this better. I don't know Martell. Scratch that, I don't even know anything about Martell other than what these two minutes told me. But I can tell you one thing: This man's gravitational pull makes you want to be around him. It's contagious. It's vulnerable, and it's genuine. It's all about meaning. 

So instead of trying to find something clever or valuable to say, I just have one thing: What he said!

It’s Possible…..If You Believe

I recently met with a young couple who are frustrated with their finances. They are early in their careers with lots of potential, but with one elephant-in-the-room problem: a ton of student loan debt. $60,000 of student loan debt. They've paid some of it off, but it feels daunting to them. If they just make the minimum payments, it will be gone in eight years......but that idea sucks.

"We'd like to pay it off in two years, but we know that's not a reasonable goal." They are right. It's not a reasonable goal. It's an absurd goal. Everyone in their life agrees, too. There's no shortage of people who tell them to quit trying to pay it off. It's not possible, they say. It will take forever, they are told.

Their challenge to me was to develop a plan to get the debt paid off as quickly as possible......whatever that timeline looks like. Paying off debt (as well as other financial ventures) requires creativity. Nothing is black and white. Rather, we need to think outside the box, take inventory of all the different tools in our lives, and find ways to create something beautiful with them.

Here's the end of the story. This couple can pay off this $60,000 in nine months. NINE! Yes, less than one year. They chuckled at the absurdity of my pitch, waiting for the punchline. But there was no punchline. I was being serious. Over the next 10 minutes, I outlined all the tools they had available to them. Piece by piece, we chipped away at the timeline, one month at a time. When I was done, they looked at each other, then back to me, and the wife said, "That actually seems doable. Are you sure the math is right?"

There's one important ingredient that's needed for them to succeed. They actually need to believe it's possible. If they do, it can happen. If they don't, it can't. The belief makes all the difference in the world. This is what sets some people apart from the rest. They have the absurdity to believe something is possible when the rest of the world just shakes their heads and rolls their eyes.

Two ideas come from this. First, be someone who believes. Not blindly believing, but someone who gives yourself permission to dream and plan, then the courage to act. Second, surround yourself with people who believe. People who believe in you. People who believe in your dreams. People who believe in the impossible. Those people will lift you up on the days when your own belief might start to wain.

It's possible.....if you believe.

Doing the Right Thing is Always the Right Thing

We had a situation in our house last night. Sarah and I had dinner plans with our long-lost friends, Ryan and Anna, who are visiting family for the holidays. We were excited for dinner and had a babysitter lined up. Then, something happened. About 90 minutes before the babysitter was scheduled to arrive, our kids received an invite for another activity that was too good to pass up.

We had a dilemma on our hands. We wanted our kids to do this other activity, but we didn't want to disrespect the babysitter by pulling the rug from underneath her. Therefore, we quickly found a workable solution. I contacted the babysitter to communicate our change of plans (along with an apology), then Venmo'd her the same amount of money we would have paid her for her babysitting duties.

On one hand, we didn't owe her anything. She didn't actually spend her time babysitting. She didn't actually earn it. Plus, it would have been great to save 50 bucks. However, paying her was the right thing to do. And doing the right thing is always the right thing. I still felt bad about it, but she got paid in full, and hopefully, she found something else fun to do instead.

It feels like our society operates on a series of technicalities. If there's no hard rule or signed contract, we'll do anything to make self-serving decisions. Here's an example. I go to dinner and use a gift card that covers the vast majority of the bill. Since we typically tip on the amount of our bill, I don't technically have to leave much of a tip. But doing the right thing is always the right thing.

Here's another. Sometimes, my coaching clients use their meetings at a slower pace than originally structured. In that case, they can run out of contract term before using all their meetings. Technically, I don't have to honor these meetings. After all, the contract has expired. But doing the right thing is always the right thing. In that situation, we just extend the contract to ensure they get their final meeting(s) in (at no cost to them).

I could give a hundred more examples, but I'll save you the time. Instead of finding ways to derive the best outcome for ourselves, we should always look through the lens of the right thing to do. If the right thing falls in our favor, great.....if not, great. The right thing is always the right thing.....because it's the right thing.

When we operate our finances this way, we remove all doubt about motives, reasoning, and justifications. It builds trust. It creates goodwill. It shows the other side that we respect them.

Doing the right thing has surely cost me thousands of dollars over the years, but it's an absolute no-brainer. I have a clear conscience and build meaningful relationships in the process. I hope you do the same. Doing the right thing is always the right thing!

The Propaganda of Easy Money

If you ask anyone on the internet (or don't ask), they will tell you about xyz way to make easy money. Everyone has a get-rich-quick scheme to share with us. For a while, it was crypto (until the entire market seized up). For others, it's a pyramid scheme. For many, it's about drop-shipping or re-selling. The real estate bros are my new favorite. On a post that recently went viral, a man is spouting off that everyone should just buy 10 rental properties......then, boom (!!!!), you're filthy rich! Geez, I never realized how easy the money is. Just buy a bunch of properties.......it's like clockwork. Printing money! So easy!

A handful of my young friends spend their time online bragging about all their day-trading wins. "Look at this $2,000 score!" "I made $10,000 last month!" "I just hit a new record high profit from a single trade!" When we see these posts, it's alluring. We think, "If this guy can do it, surely I can, too!!!" Here's the problem: it's not really happening.

Well, let me rephrase. It is, but it isn't. That $10,000 of day-trading wins? He's probably not going to tell people that that number doesn't include the $13,000 of losses he incurred in the same month. Or the tens of thousands of dollars of net losses incurred up to that point. These are true stories, and I see them frequently.

We're also not seeing what's happening behind the curtain of the "just buy real estate" crowd, where most of them are imploding. They buy these properties, assuming it will be easy money, only to find out it's anything but easy. I actually feel a ton of empathy for this crowd. They were sold a half-truth bill of goods, have tightly wound their entire financial world around it, and have no easy way out if/when it blows up in their face.

This is the problem with the propaganda of easy money. We don't want to miss out on amazing opportunities if others are "winning" with them. So we throw our rational brains aside and dive in head-first. It's absolutely crushing people. So many people (especially young men) are falling into this trap.

Sure, we can chalk it up to "boys being boys," but this isn't innocent fun. The consequences can be brutal....and long-lasting. I've had more than a few women reach out to me in the past 18 months, sharing news that their husbands/boyfriends either committed suicide or attempted it. Why? The stress and pain of these get-rich-quick schemes turn into nightmares. It's tragic.

As I'm coming to a close, it's painfully clear that nothing I've written here is the least bit inspiring, motivating, or encouraging. I contemplated scrapping this and starting over, but maybe this is what I'm supposed to publish. Here's my encouragement. It's not too late for people who have been sucked into this toxic culture. Be a positive force in their lives. Model a better, more integrity-filled way. Live by example. They need the truth. Meaning over Money.

“I Don’t Have That Kind of Cash”

As I was navigating the Minneapolis airport last week, I found myself sharing an elevator with a young man on a business trip. Out of the blue, he lets out a string of expletives. Seeing he was upset, I asked him if everything was alright. He explained to me that his hotel reservation for that evening never got finalized. He blamed it on his company's travel system, but in any event, it was 8PM and he didn't have a hotel room. I spent a few minutes brainstorming ideas with him. One of my suggestions (given the late hour) was to personally buy a room and subsequently expense it through his company. After all, they whiffed on him, resulting in an employee without a place to sleep. 

He contemplated this idea briefly, then responded, "That could work, but rooms are like $150. I don't have that kind of cash in my account." Here he was, stranded in an unfamiliar city on a Friday evening without a place to stay, and the only thing standing in the way of a temporary solution was $150……and he didn't have it! I felt so bad for this young man.

As a society, we like to minimize the struggle of others. With our good jobs, big houses, and nice cars, we hear people talk about struggle, and we think to ourselves, "Things aren't that bad." The weather always looks good at the top of a mountain while we watch the rain clouds below us drench the people at the bottom. It's not to say that most people are unsympathetic. I don't believe that to be true. For most, they simply don't know what they don't know. They have a sample size of one: their own experience. Those are the lenses by which they view the world. As such, it's hard for people to recognize what's happening out there.

People are struggling for many different reasons:

• Poor past financial decisions

• Lack of financial literacy

• Inflation

• Layoffs

• Bad luck

• Health issues

• Lack of intentionality

• Lack of discipline

• Debt

• Broken marriages

• Lack of education

• Followed crappy advice

This list goes on and on. Some of these reasons are preventable, and some aren't. But regardless of whose fault it is, their reality is still their reality. I think we have two choices for these people in our lives: 1) We can demean them and treat them as though they deserve whatever they are going through, or 2) We can show empathy, provide a hand-up (not a hand-out!), and walk alongside them. The first causes shame, while the second creates impact.

Please keep your eyes open for struggling people. They are all around us, and based on everything that's going on, it will probably get more challenging in the coming months. Let's show them grace, generosity, and love (with honesty). We can't necessarily prevent them from experiencing tension and pain this time, but we can play a role in helping them survive and build a better foundation for next time.

Stories Matter

"I can't believe you said that publicly." Those were the words of a trusted friend who listened to a recent podcast episode. He felt I shared too much, and it portrayed me as "weak." I completely understand where he's coming from, and frankly, it would be easier to share fewer stories about my life and focus primarily on things that make me look good. On the flip side, stories matter. Stories move needles. Stories create impact. Stories build trust. Stories create connection. Stories are everything!

Just a few nights ago, I met someone for the very first time. Over dinner, he shared some amazing stories from his journey (some amazingly good and some amazingly bad). Not only did he share them, but he shared them with complete strangers. The result? Connections were made. His stories also moved the needle with me. There's no doubt he created an impact on me.....and perhaps a few others as well. Stories matter.

There are multiple instances each week when I question whether or not I should share a particular story on the podcast, blog, or someone I'm meeting. After all, once something is said in a public forum, it's there forever. Do I really want that? I do. I really do! Not only do these stories have the potential to make a difference, but it's the slow and methodical building of a digital time capsule that my kids will someday unearth.

Speaking of, I was recently on two podcasts you might be interested in. The first was an interview I did on Ryan Snaadt's new podcast. He's a friend, former client, and extremely interesting guy. He took me down some unexpected roads during our time together, and I said things I'd never said publicly before. His show is called Rhymes with Odd, and you can find my episode by clicking either of the following links: APPLE & SPOTIFY).

The second is a recent episode of It's Never About Money, an Australian-based podcast hosted by Joe Stephan. If that name rings a bell, I've mentioned him before. I was on Joe's podcast in June. We had so much fun that I invited him onto our podcast in October to continue that conversation. Given how well-aligned we are regarding this meaning over money idea (plus the conversation was fantastic), he asked if he could republish our episode as the season premier of his podcast. You can find it by clicking this link: APPLE.

I understand how hard it can be to share stories - especially the difficult ones - with others. It's scary being vulnerable. It's nerve-wracking to put something into the world without knowing how it will be received. I promise some will receive it poorly. Don't focus on them, though. Focus on the people who will be moved or inspired by what you have to offer. You have something to share! Please share it. Stories matter.