The Value of a (Great) Partner

I've been getting tons of feedback on the post about my friend Dan's tiny house. In my piece, I discussed his knack for formulating absurd ideas.....and then executing them. Being as close as I am to him, I didn't even consider the most common feedback I would eventually receive:

• "It's easy to do those things when you're single."

• "He must not be married."

• "Sounds like he doesn't have kids."

• "Is there a way to do something like that if you're married with kids?"

Again, this angle never crossed my mind. Dan is happily married and has two teen sons. This fact surprised many. Why? Because big dreams, absurd ideas, and wild callings can oftentimes get crushed by our partners. So the fact that Dan has followed through with these beautiful ideas is a testament not only to him, but also his amazing wife, Suzanne.

It's true. She's a huge supporter, encourager, and fellow dreamer alongside Dan. That's the value of a great partner. Dan doesn't accomplish these big dreams despite his partner, but because of his partner. So beautiful!

People sometimes ask me how I quit my previous career, took a 90% pay cut, and started over with twin three-year-olds and a wife who stayed at home. Translation: "I can't believe your wife would allow you to do something so stupid and not leave you in the process." The truth is she was in favor of me making that decision, and was more than a year ahead of me on being ready for that to happen. She not only encouraged me, but she dreamed right alongside me. That's the value of a great partner.

It's not to say that Dan and Suzanne have a perfect marriage. And it's definitely not to say that Sarah and I have a perfect marriage (we have lots of junk in our relationship). But I can confidently testify that both relationships allow for big dreams and counter-cultural callings.

Enough forces in our lives tell us to let our dreams die. It's the way of the world. We develop big dreams as children, only to have them figuratively beat out of us as we work our way toward adulthood. Then, once every ounce of zest has been ripped from our souls, we concede to live a life we can tolerate for the next several decades until we're finally able to escape our variation of misery via retirement.

With a great partner and the freedom to put meaning over money, we can free ourselves from the tyranny of this modern-day trap. If your partner isn't there, not all is lost. Engage in the subject. Share the vision. Encourage having the freedom to dream. Don't give up hope. I've seen many couples develop this after what seemed insurmountable odds. It's never too late to embrace meaning and the road less traveled. It might just take one partner making the first move.

Yes, Dan is married. He has a good one in Suzanne. Whatever credit you attribute to him, you might as well shift it to her. The value of a great partner is priceless.

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Where There’s a Will

I know a lot of people that do a lot of absurd things, and I mean that in the best of ways. For as much as people tell me I live a weird life, I'm surrounded by weirdos. Take my friend Dan, for example. Several years back, Dan decided he wanted to run 100 miles in a single day. See, I'm telling you! Anyway, he had this ridiculous idea that running 100 miles in a day is not only possible, but appealing. Then, he did it!

Dan also had another absurd idea. Back in 2018 or 2019, he revealed to me that he wanted to build a tiny house with his bare hands and use it as a retreat for himself, his family, and his friends. Not long after that, he presented me with some architectural drawings of what it would look like. Oh, I guess he was serious.

Fast forward five years, and he recently completed his house. To celebrate and commemorate the moment, he invited me and three other guys to stay in the house with him a few nights ago. The five of us had a blast, and it was amazing to see his dream come to life.

Posing in the new house!

Dan lives life via a series of absurd ideas. However, he doesn't talk about things that he might someday think about possibly wanting to consider dreaming about doing. No, he does. He simply does. He's called to something, then acts. He dreams of something, then follows through. He develops a plan, then executes. If there's a will, there's a way......regardless of how crazy the idea might sound.

There's one caveat I need to share, though. Dan isn't superhuman. He's not larger than life. Truth is, he can't do it alone. He trusts and relies on the people around him to support him, encourage him, walk alongside him, and fill in his gaps. That's the secret, though. We weren't meant to do life alone. His dependency on others is a strength, not a weakness. Dan cracked one of the cheat codes of life.

See that picture above? Every person in that photo (plus many more) played roles on the day of Dan's ridiculous 100-mile run. Cheat code. Similarly, the same group of guys donated their time, talents, or resources to help bring the tiny house dream to life. Cheat code. Other people's involvement doesn't lessen his monumental achievements.....it just gives him more people to celebrate them with. These are still Dan's wins, but shared amongst people he loves and who love him. Double win!

Where there's a will, there's a way. And the way likely involves others. Please dream big. Please believe in your ideas.....even the absurd ones. Please have the courage to go for it. Please have the humility to bring others into the fold. Life is better together, and together, we can achieve far greater things.

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The Mortality Is Real

One of my former schoolmates from my childhood recently lost her battle with cancer. She was just 39 years old, leaving behind a husband, two small children, and an army of friends. We weren't close, but we did have the opportunity to connect over social media a few times over the last handful of years.

Over the past 48 hours, I've realized how much this has impacted me. We often live our day-to-day lives with the general assumption we have a long time remaining. We picture ourselves as old, wrinkly, and frail. We treat our days, weeks, and months as if there will be countless more to follow.

Our mortality is real, though. We don't know how much more time we have left. Our days are numbered, whether few or many, short or long. If that's true, why do we spend so much time obsessing about money, stuff, and status?

I once heard something that stuck with me. An old man, worth tens of millions of dollars, was reflecting on his life and his mortality. He said he would give up everything (all his money, stuff, and status) to be 40 again. Unfortunately, he can't. There are no DeLoreans for us to jump into. However, what if you're 40 today? Or 50? Or 30? Or even 20? Based on this rich man's perspective, what you have is more valuable than tens of millions of dollars. It's worth more than all the money, stuff, and status one could have. The same money, stuff, and status you're spending your days, weeks, and months trying to attain. Let that sink in.

The mortality is real, man. I feel so heartbroken for my friend's family. They lost a good one in her. But I don't think her story will be in vain. I truly believe it will inspire thousands of people to live with more meaning and purpose. Her impact will ripple for decades to come. Perhaps this blog post can be a small springboard to share that message.

I don't know if you needed to hear this today, I sure did. Have a meaningful, awesome day.

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You’re Still An Author

Do you aspire to write a book one day? If so, that's awesome; I hope you do it. If not, that's totally cool. Regardless of how you answered that question, you're still an author, though.

Each day, when you wake up, you're the author of your journey. Every decision you make, every encounter you have, every challenge you face, and every win you celebrate each represent an excerpt in the story you're writing.

It's not a coincidence I'm writing about this topic today, on Christmas Eve. These types of days, the more notable events in our calendar, offer a particularly juicy opportunity for our authorship. These are the moments when we have ripe opportunities to author beautiful memories for us and our children. Every day is an opportunity to create memories, but not all days are created equal. Today might be one of those special opportunity days for your family. I know it is for mine.

Later, we'll attend Christmas Eve service at our church, which we've attended yearly for the last 14 years. Then, after unsuccessfully trying to take a family photo at our church's homemade photo booth, we'll share a meal together at a local Chinese restaurant. Again, this is a tradition spanning more than a decade. Our kids look forward to it each year, and it often involves reminiscing about memories of past Christmas Eve Chinese dining experiences. It's woven into the fabric of our family's holiday celebration.

We'll end the night with a reading from Sarah's 40-year-old edition of The Night Before Christmas, a book she's possessed since she was a baby. Sarah's the narrator, and she reads it exactly how her late father read it to her when she was a little girl. It's one of the highlights of her year.

I'll be the first to admit I whiff on things. I miss opportunities. I regret the times I don't take advantage of the moment. However, I can't (and you can't) let the misses inhibit our ability to seize the next moment. It doesn't matter how many times I miss; I'm still going to shoot my shot the next time the ball is in my hands. Despite a lot of heavy stuff this holiday season, we've also managed to author a ton of ridiculously cool memories.

You're an author, whether you like it or not. But through the lens of how I just explained it, I hope you not only like it, but absolutely love it! This is your time to shine. Yes, you'll screw up. Sure, you'll whiff on moments. But don't let that deter you from crushing the next one. So, get that pen out. It's time to write that next chapter in your (and your children's) story.

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone!

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The Cheap Gifts Linger

Think about the most expensive gifts you've ever received. Picture them in your mind. How much do you think they cost? When we receive these gifts, an overwhelming feeling of euphoria can rush over us. It's exciting.....and fun! I can picture some of my most expensive gifts in my head. They are all in a landfill today. Chances are, yours are, too. Or you received it not long ago, and it will eventually make its way there. It's sad, but true.

Now, think about some of the cheaper gifts you've received. Gifts that were rich in sentiment, not in sticker price. Maybe it was a framed picture, a hand-made item, or a customized item created solely with you in mind. Let me guess: You probably still have some of these....and you'll have them forever.

We live in a culture obsessed with putting a price tag on someone's value. Or, as famously quoted by Michael Scott, "Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It's like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, "Hey, man, I love you this many dollars worth."

Sure, that was a hilarious scene in one of the all-time great Christmas television episodes, but there's truth in Michael's words. We treat others - and internalize how others treat us - by the dollar value of gifts.

The cheap gifts linger, though. Sentiment always trumps material value. One will be in a landfill in just a handful of years, and the other might be a cherished possession for decades to come. I once gave my grandpa a painting of our state's Capital. It was a beautiful piece. It didn't cost a lot, but it carried so much meaning and sentiment. He talked about that painting until the day he died. Today, I possess that painting, and will likely do so until the day I die.

The cheap gifts linger. Do you believe that? If so, perhaps it can (and should) change the way you approach gift-giving this year. Don't feel beholden to the almighty dollar. Instead, ask yourself if you're giving a gift that will end up in a landfill soon, or a gift that will linger.

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Unspeakable Pain

In my coaching work, I get the honor of walking alongside people and sharing their highest of highs......and their lowest of lows. Yesterday was a lowest-of-lows sort of day. My phone rings; it's a client. The moment I picked up, I could tell something was off. The next 15 seconds ripped me apart in ways I could never imagine.

People all around us are walking in their lowest of lows. Maybe it's your neighbor. Maybe it's your co-worker. Maybe it's the person sitting next to you at the stoplight. Today might be the worst day of their life.

In moments like that, all I can think about is how money means absolutely nothing. I think about how you'd give every penny you have, plus every penny you'll ever have, to take away the pain. That's obviously not how it works, but only if it were......

Money does play a role in this, though. Painful moments are a reminder of the importance of getting right with our money so that WHEN pain happens, we can simply mourn, cry, grieve, and whatever other verbs need to be inserted here. We deserve the freedom to face the pain head-on, not deal with ridiculous financial nonsense.

It reminds me of a tasteless joke I often share with clients. When talking about my own history and journey with money, I say, "Sarah and I have enough problems in our marriage that we can't afford for money to be one of them." It was a joke, but all good jokes are based in truth. Each of us deserves to place financial matters in the back seat when it's time to deal with life life.

If you're living in a lowest-of-low moment as we speak, I'm deeply sorry. I feel for you and pray you find peace and comfort through it. If things are going well for you today, perhaps it's a good day to take one more step in getting right with your money.

I hope this moves the needle in you today. Not to create fear or anxiety, but to spark some motivation and urgency to get your financial house in order so you don't have to focus on financial matters when you're dealing with more important things. In many ways - sad ways - this is the heart of our meaning over money principles. Always meaning.....always. Please never lose sight of what’s most important.

You got this, guys, even those of you who are hurting today.

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Time Flies (Even When You're Not Having Fun)

We said goodbye to Grandma yesterday. It was a beautiful funeral service, and I’m so grateful for everyone who served, attended, and played a role in that experience. 

One of my highlights was spending time with my three cousins, whom I don’t see as often as I should. We aren’t as close today, but we were thick as thieves when we were younger; hanging out with them was always a high point of my year. It was so much fun catching up with them and their wives yesterday, and hearing about where life has taken them. 

My Mom and aunt put together some photo boards for the event, and the “cousin pics” were my favorites. So many memories, each of which is intimately intertwined with Grandma and Grandpa. Here’s a fun one!

In my head, this picture was taken about five years ago. However, considering the six boys in this photo now range from 37-49 years old, it’s safe to say it’s been a few more years than that. 

Time flies when you’re having fun…..and when you’re not. This life is so short, no matter how you live it. There are days, weeks, and months where it seems to move at a snail’s pace, but on the whole, it’s far too short. 

Far too often, in the pursuit of wealth, shiny objects, and fancy titles, we forget what matters most. We chase, chase, chase, forgetting what we are really searching for. Meanwhile, time melts away and the next thing we know, we look up and decades have sadly passed.

Therefore, I have just one clear and simple message today. Live your short life with meaning. Embrace every bit of it. Don’t let money, stuff, and status get in the way or taint it. You get one shot at this thing, so you might as well make it count. 

Have a meaningful day!

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You’ll Never Be Ready

I recently saw a stunning yet not surprising statistic. The U.S. birth rate is at a 75-year low. We're having half as many babies as we did in 1950 (12 per 1,000 people now vs. 24 per 1,000 people then). Even crazier, the birth rate has decreased every year since 1988. Wild!

There are many reasons why this trend has been so pronounced and consistent, including higher divorce rates, more career-focused dual-income families, and people waiting longer to get married. However, there's one reason I, for obvious reasons, see over and over and over. People regularly wait to have kids "until they are financially ready."

Some of you will laugh at my next statement, but it warrants being said. You will never be ready. Nothing in this world will prepare you, financially or otherwise, to have kids. Yes, kids are expensive. That notion gets a lot of air time. However, there's another fact that doesn't get near enough play. Kids only cost what you spend on them. Rich people have been having kids for centuries. Poor people have been having kids for centuries. We only have what we have.

Would it be nice to have more? Yeah, sure. But reflect on your childhood. Were you uber-focused on how rich or poor your parents were? In my hundreds of conversations about this topic, most people only fully understand their family's economic status once they are grown. To them, as a child, life was just "normal." I just chatted with a man who grew up in poverty. He noted that it wasn't until he was 19 that he realized they were "poor poor," as he put it. But he had nothing but wonderful things to say about his parents and childhood. He grew up in a loving lower-class family. The alternative to his amazing life would be if his parents threw their arms in the air and simply said "well, we can't afford it," erasing him from history. His parents were never going to be financially ready, yet here we are. They have a beautiful family…..and it's not because they did or didn't have money.

There are a lot of things NOT to do due to a lack of resources. Marriage and kids are not on that list. If you want to get married, get married. If you want to have kids, have kids. There's far more to life than money, and none more meaningful than relationships and family. 

Many of you already have kids. This message might not land on you at the right time in life. However, there are most certainly people in your life who need to hear this. Encourage them. Walk with them. Show them meaning over money. They will thank you someday.

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Someone’s World

I lost my paternal grandmother yesterday. This comes nearly five years to the day after Grandpa took his last breath. During that five year stretch, I've said goodbye to all four of my grandparents. It's not a day to mourn, though. Today, I celebrate her and the long, impactful life she lived, passing away just a handful of weeks before what would have been her 96th birthday.

Grandpa and Grandma’s first time meeting the boys.

One idea I regularly process here on the blog is the call we each have to make an impact on this world. Whenever I use that phrase, it makes people cringe. Not because they don't believe in impact, but rather because they don't believe their existence will be world-changing (then citing an array of world-changing figures they are unfairly comparing themselves to).

While I believe each one of us has the power to change the world, the reality is most of us won't be household names on the Mount Rushmore of world-changers. The law of averages says that's true, and our lived history says that's true. Most of us won't change the world.

While you may or may not change the world, you 100% have the power to change someone's world. And I have a little secret for you. Changing someone's world might as well be the same as changing the world.....because when you inflict impact on someone's world, it moves the needle in their life more than any of these quote-unquote world-changers ever could.

My Grandma didn't change the world, but man, she sure did change a lot of someone's worlds. She inflicted significant impact on this world, but it was discreet. It was face to face, person by person by person. I grew up four hours away from her, and didn't see her all that often. Yet, when I reflect on my childhood, she was an instrumental force in it. She was the center of so many memories, traditions, and lessons. That's her, though. She always seemed to work quietly behind the scenes, yet constantly seemed in control and a driving influence in the small world around her.

She's one of the greatest women I’ve ever known. She will never be on a list of world-changers, but I can tell you she's made more impact on my life than any famous world-changing name I could think of. She was everything. I’m sure others would agree.

Impact, impact, impact. That's our call to action. No, we won't all be called to change the world. However, we ARE called to change someone's world. Understand that opportunity. Understand that responsibility. Understand what's at stake. Understand the implications of that power. I think my Grandma did.

I'm looking forward to paying tribute to my Grandma in a few days. Until then, I'm sure I'll be living in flashback-ville, thinking about all the awesome impact she's made on my life. Love you, Grandma! Glad you've been reunited with Grandpa after five long years. Thanks for all you've done for me and so many others.

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I’ll Have One Christmas, Hold the Guilt

'Tis the season! The lights are going up, the movies are coming out, the weather is turning cold, and my Chicago Bears are melting down into season-ending turmoil. It can only mean one thing: Christmas is coming!

I absolutely love Christmas, but do you know what I don't love? Financial stress, unforeseen debt, and guilt. This is the annual season where millions of families will throw away their measure and discretion for just one more taste of the holiday spirit. Between the decorations, travel, gifts, food, and hosting, it's not uncommon for families to rack up thousands of dollars of expenses (often with debt).

Unfortunately, these expenses are often unbudgeted. They are impulsive, reactionary, and unplanned. But the magic of the season is intoxicating, so we just go along with it. Come early January, it's not uncommon for people to feel significant stress, tension, resentment, and guilt. By the time the Christmas spirit lifts, we're left with a nasty hangover. Have you ever been there before?

Multiple times in the last week, I've talked to families equally anxious as they are excited for the holiday season. On the one hand, they can't wait to share those special moments with the kids, but on the other hand, are dreading the seemingly unavoidable consequences.

I think you deserve better than the most wonderful season of the year to rob you of your peace, freedom, and sanity. You deserve to experience all the joy, without any of the guilt. So today, I'm going to give you a few ideas on how to do Christmas differently:

• Remember that Christmas joy is not derived from money, stuff, or status. Joy is joy.....period.

• Go into the season with a plan. If you're the budgeting type (and I hope you are!), ensure you have money allocated for each component of the season: gifts, travel, decor, food, hosting, etc. Name each and put a dollar figure on them.

• Speaking of budgeting for gifts, make a list of every person you want to buy a gift for. Then, assign a dollar amount to that person. Shop with boundaries.

• Commit to NOT using debt. There's no need to whip out the credit card. I know it's tempting, as it always is, but there's so much peace that comes from knowing everything you paid for is actually paid for.

• Follow the plan. If you said you would spend $500 on gifts, spend $500 on gifts. Don't spend $700, $800, or $1,200. Once you commit, commit. I don't care what the number is for any category, but you must honor yourself by honoring past you's decisions.

• Remember again that money, stuff, and status don't bring joy.

• Slow down your schedule, not speed it up. Embrace the time with your loved ones. Savor it. Don't cram as much in as possible.

• Remember the reason for the season. In our house, that's Jesus.

I hope this is the beginning of a beautiful holiday season for you and your family. It's been a crazy year. Enjoy this final chapter of it.

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Sear It In

Wow, what a night! The Cyclones entered yesterday's game 6-0 for the first time in nearly 100 years. Home game. Ranked #9 in the country. 6:30 PM kickoff. Nationally televised. The moment was ripe for something special.

TJ, Finn, Pax, and I excitedly drove to Ames, eager for what could unfold. We were hoping for a blowout, but we were treated to something far worse (and ultimately better). Down 14 points in the second half, Iowa State completed the comeback by scoring the game-winning touchdown with just 30 seconds remaining. It was probably the loudest I've ever heard a stadium in my life, and my head was spinning. The boys were dancing, screaming, and celebrating like I had never seen before.

Amidst the pandamonium, I leaned over to TJ and suggested that this might be Finn and Pax's first seared-in sports moment. A moment they might someday tell their own kids about. The type of moment that will ultimately get stored away in their core memories.

I might have had a better pure sports experience had TJ and I went to the game without kids. However, I will forever be grateful I shared it with the boys. Whether that moment is seared in for them or not, it certainly is for me.

I've been to hundreds of sporting events in my life. I've also been to thousands of other events. Most come and go without incident. Fun times, then quickly forgotten. Not all events are created equal, though. Some, often unexpectedly, will sear into your brain and remain there forever. Those are special.

Since it's impossible to tell which ones will be set apart from the rest, our only means of control is to put ourselves in a position to create those memories and give ourselves an opportunity for amazing to happen. That happened last night, and I couldn't be more grateful.

I hope you find your seared-in moments, and are able to share them with the special people in your life. That's meaning!

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Owning Non-Excellence

Irony is best served cold. Yesterday, I talked about how the bar has never been lower. People and businesses are underperforming at an astronomical pace, and we've never seen such an opportunity to meet the market with excellence to excel (with our respective careers or businesses).

Then mere hours later, I performed a masterclass in non-excellence by letting three separate people down: a client, a blog reader, and a fellow board member. Three whiffs, three embarrassments, three regrets. Several factors played into my mistakes, including my new agonizing back injury and technical issues. However, while it would be easy for me to make excuses for these mistakes, there was one common theme in each of them: Me!

The truth is, it doesn't matter what caused the mistakes. The mistakes happened.....period. Passing the blame to some other reason, whether valid or not, doesn't undo the mistake. Therefore, it's my duty to take full responsibility for my non-excellence. There is no other path forward.

In an endeavor to be excellent, there will be non-excellence. It's just going to happen. But what are we going to do with it? Justify it? Excuse it? Blame others? Try to pretend it didn't happen? I hate all of those options. For me, the only reasonable and honoring option is to sincerely apologize, make it right, and endeavor to do better going forward.

That's the only path to excellence. Another way I try to think about it is I'm in the business of getting it right, not being right. If I'm wrong, my obligation to my clients, friends, and colleagues is to get it right; and getting it right starts with taking ownership of the non-excellence.

We must do this personally, and we must do it professionally. It hurts to look in the mirror and realize I'm 100% to blame for something (as I did three times yesterday). But it hurts worse going to bed at night knowing I tried to wiggle out of a mess caused by my own hands. I'll take that slice of humble pie every day of the week.

Today, I plan to be excellent. Will I accomplish it without fail? Probably not. But I'm going to give it my best shot. And WHEN I fall short, I'm going to sincerely apologize, make it right, and hopefully learn from it.

One percent better every day.

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Be the Worst Person In the Room

Good morning, friends in the West. Being 13 hours ahead of you (i.e. a time traveler), I can confidently say Monday will be a great day.

Due to popular demand, below are a few photos of my current accommodations in Mongolia. I woke up this morning by stepping out of my ger (traditional Mongolian dwelling) and into a beautiful mountain sunrise view. I shared a wonderful breakfast with friends, followed by a full day of productive meetings.

I intentionally chose a provocative title for today's piece, but it's sincerely how I feel. It's an alternative way to view the old moniker: "You become the average of the five people you spend the most time with." These last few days, I've spent time with countless people who have made far more impact, have a much grander vision, and have made much deeper sacrifices in their journeys than I can ever imagine. So, in other words, I feel like the worst person in the room. I don't use that language to be self-deprecating or critical of myself, but rather because of how much respect, admiration, and love I have for these people and the work they are doing.

For as big as my mission and vision is, spending time with these people reminds me of how small my little brain actually thinks. I'm challenged and encouraged just by being in their presence. Do you have any people like that in your life? If so, spend more time with them. If not, find some……then spend as much time as possible with them.

I've been reflecting on how hard these last five years have been for Sarah and me. The comfort is mostly gone. There is no ease. We progressively see the consequences of our sacrifices. There are days we wish we would wave our magic wand and live a cushier, grander, and more comfortable life. You know, the life most people are pursuing…….the life we used to have before we waved the opposite magic wand. But then, I spend time in rooms like I've experienced these last few days, and I'm reminded that there is far more impact to be made, bigger visions to be cast, and much more profound sacrifices to endure.

No, I'm not trying to demean myself. But wow, there are so many amazing people all around us. My challenge today is to spend as much time with them as you can. Be the worst person in the room; it's a life-giving and honorable place to be. 

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When In Rome

People often ask me if I batch my blog posts and keep a bank of them for future use. Truth is, I write and publish each article each day. It's a habit I picked up from the encouragement of my friend, Gary. That practice has added beauty and richness to my life, as well as a bulletproof discipline of consistent writing.....no matter what. It's amazing how many ideas will come to us when we're expected to come up with ideas; it's a fun psychological hack.

I share all this because today, I'm breaking my rule. I'm batching a few blog posts due to my possible schedule quirks and internet connectivity uncertainties. I'm sitting in the Chicago O'Hare Airport on an 11-hour layover, awaiting my flight to Mongolia. By the time you read this (if you are a read-it-as-soon-as-the-email-arrives sort of blog reader), I'll be approaching the Middle East, where I'll connect with a few friends who are coming in from Kenya. My goal is to still write and publish each day (with a bend toward what I'm experiencing in Mongolia), but backup posts will be ready if I get run off the interstate by a herd of animals or ingest too much Airag (fermented horse milk).

Speaking of, I love the expression "When in Rome." It encapsulates my perspective of and approach to travel. The moment I depart Chicago, I will set my Midwest American culture, norms, and preferences aside and embrace the culture I'm entering. The food, language (I'll try), customs, and rhythms. If someone invites me to do something, I'll do it. If someone hands me something to eat, I'll eat it. If someone wants to talk about a particular topic, I'll discuss it.

It's going to be uncomfortable. It's going to be awkward at times. It's going to push my boundaries. But that's what travel is all about! Our American culture isn't "right." Rather, it's our culture. That's great. I love so many things about our American culture. In due time, I'll miss pizza, cheeseburgers, football, my bed, the three amazing weeks we get of Iowa fall weather (IYKYK), and all the other aspects of my American life I never think about. But in the meantime, I'll wholeheartedly embrace a different culture and a different way.....and it will make for some of the greatest travel memories I'll ever experience.

I'll leave you with one rule a wise friend once told me. "If they eat it, why shouldn't you?" Sharing a meal with someone and shutting down their invitation to share their culture (through food) with you is a slap in the face. Having someone share their culture with you is an intimate experience.....and a gift. I never take that gift for granted.

Don't take the gift of culture for granted. Don't retreat to comfort. Don't seek familiar. Don't take the easy way out. When in Rome!

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A Silent Echo

Happy first Saturday of the college football season! Regardless of who your team is (yes, even you, Hawkeye fans), I hope you enjoy your season and make tons of fun memories. In a few hours, my family will pack up the car and drive to Ames to cheer on our Iowa State Cyclones.

Each year, this day reminds me of a beautiful gift my family received from a friend four seasons ago. As the football season was approaching, our friends unexpectedly and generously gifted my family Iowa State season tickets. That year was full of memories, fun, and the infamous Brock Purdy / Breece Hall duo. It was an amazing gift, and one that I will tell people about until the day I die.

A pic from that very first game, four seasons ago.

That's the thing about generosity; it's a silent echo. Whether we see it or not, its impact reverberates through people's lives long after it occurs. The following year, we purchased our own season tickets. Throughout the season, we blessed a handful of families with our tickets. Families that had never been to a college football game before. Families that couldn't afford tickets. Families who, for whatever reason, weren't going to connect all the dots and make it to a game. Each time we gifted our tickets, it was a tribute to our friends who made that original gift. A silent echo.

As this season approached, we cringed as we looked at our calendar. I'll be out of the country for one game. I'll have to miss two other games for speaking engagements. There's also Finn and Pax's basketball games, which are still TBD. Needless to say, it's not looking great to attend Cyclone games this season.

Then, the proverbial lightbulb turned on over our heads. While it was hard to justify buying season tickets when we probably won't make many games, we decided to look at it through a different lens. Knowing our availability is limited, these tickets weren't primarily entertainment; they were generosity. We purchased them largely to bless families. We want people to create their own memories and curate stories that will be shared for years. A silent echo.

One friend buys another friend tickets once, and the silent echo carries for years. There's no telling how many people will ultimately benefit from the impact made back in 2021. Dozens? Hundreds? What about the people that we bless? They may, in turn, be inspired to bless others along their journey as well.

The silent echo is multiplication, not addition. It compounds over time. It's beautiful and powerful. I'm probably more excited to give these tickets away than I am to attend myself (ssshhhhh, don't tell my kids I said that). Knowing that we get to help other people create lifelong memories is one of the greatest blessings we can receive.

Today, though, I'm going to make some memories with my boys. They are beyond excited, and hopefully, the Cyclones will put on a good show. Happy college football Saturday, everyone!

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But Not Too Much Success

One of my friends founded a company out of his garage, bootstrapping his way from nothing to a little something. Fortunately for him, countless people were in his corner cheering him on.

After about six months, his new venture had escalated to the point where he was visibly thriving. Fortunately for him, many people were in his corner cheering him on.

Twelve months later, his business grew enough that he could quit his day job and focus 100% of his energy on this new dream. Fortunately for him, some people were in his corner cheering him on.

A few years later, his now full-time business was doing well enough that his family had more financial resources than they ever did when he was in his old career. Unfortunately for him, only a few people were in his corner cheering him on.

There's an old saying that goes something like this: people will cheer you on.....until you reach their level. Then, they want to tear you back down.

Have you ever experienced that? I have, and I suspect many of you have, too. It's a lonely feeling. It's a brutal reckoning when you realize the people you thought were your ride-or-die's were really your ride-until-you-catch-me's.

You're not alone if this hits too close to home. I have countless clients who have uttered some version of the phrase: "You're the only person we can tell this to. You're the only person who will truly celebrate it with us." It's sad, but common.

Never fear, though. These moments are the magnifying class of relationships. This is where you find out who is really behind you, and who puts conditions on the relationship (like that condition that you must do worse than them). It's a tough reality, but a good one to find out sooner rather than later.

Then, here's the good news. You'll find your real people. The ones who have your back no matter what. Lean into them. Embrace them. Treasure those relationships. Oh yeah, and keep going. Do what you believe is right, and don't let the others deter you from the good work you know you must do.

For what it's worth, I got your back. No matter how successful you become, I'm here for it. You winning does not mean I'm losing. It just means I have one more person to celebrate. Go do your thing!

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It’s a Slippery Slope

In yesterday's post, I referenced how money is fungible. All there is is money in, and money out. This money doesn't go here, and that money doesn't go there. We have income, and we have outflows. Period.

Typing that reminded me of a situation that played out early in my marriage. Sarah and I were in the midst of our journey to pay off $236,000 of debt (it sucked as much as you're thinking). We each received a little personal spending each month, plus a few other fun expenses like modest dining out and travel. Then, every other excess dollar we had went toward the debt.

One day, Sarah decided to add a part-time nannying gig to her schedule. As we ate dinner, she started verbally processing what she might want to do with this extra income. Maybe clothes. Maybe nails. So many fun options!

That's the moment, mister fun hater (me), stepped in. I shared with her that money is fungible and, as such, this extra income had to be two things:

1. Ours, not hers.

2. Included in our budget.

She was noticeably annoyed with me. After all, she was the one working extra hours to earn this extra money.

She explained that our paychecks were our budget money, and this new income was "extra." (You know what we do with extra, right?) And since it was extra, it should fall outside of our budget and she should be able to do anything she wants with it.

Me: "Oh interesting. In that case, I'll have to figure out what I want to spend my annual bonus on!!!!"

Her (even more annoyed): "Your bonus is part of your work, so it's different." (I'm paraphrasing here, as I don't remember her actual comment)

Me: ......

See the problem here? Whenever we treat something as "extra" or "different," we undermine our finances and marriage. We go from "ours" to "mine." From being intentional to "screw it." It gets muddy…and messy.

Sarah eventually saw my point. I was grateful for her desire to work harder to help our young family dig out of a hole, but income is income. Ultimately, here's where we landed. We included her nanny income in the budget as income, juiced up her personal spending a bit, and added the to the debt paydowns. It was a win-win.

It's a slippery slope to treat money as anything but fungible. All there is is money in, and money out. Remove impulses. Take out the bias. Don't undermine your relationship. Don't sabotage your finances.

We've never had an issue with that topic since that day nearly 13 years ago. I may make 99% of our family's income, but it's "ours." Never "mine." Never. Don't fall down that slippery slope!

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“Throwing Away” a Career, Revisited

It's 2:30 AM. Sarah and I just pulled in from a 10-hour drive after visiting our best friends, Ryan and Anna. It feels like my brain is melting onto my laptop keyboard, as I single-handedly drove the entire 10 hours solo (Sarah failed to learn how to drive a stick over the last few days.....shame on her!). We intended to drive six hours today and then do the remaining four in the morning, but we got ambitious.

We had a wonderful time with Ryan and Anna. It ended up being 42 total hours together (including two nights of sleep), but it was jam-packed with laughter, memories, food, and good conversation......and Twenty One Pilots!

- I'm definitely kneeling in this picture.....

Given how much time I had to think during the drive home, my mind went in many different directions. Eventually, I found myself thinking back to an article I wrote more than four years ago. It was about Anna, but more specifically, about her counter-cultural career shifts. First, her decision to forego her WNBA career, and second, her decision to leave teaching to pursue her current calling. You can find the article here! While refueling at a gas station, I pulled the article up on my phone. A few thoughts rattled around my dreary, melting brain:

• Having written more than 800 articles since that one, I cringed a bit at my writing style and structure. It shows the power of repetition and consistency.

• It's fun to see how, even then, my perspective of work and meaning were quite similar to today. The phrase "meaning over money" hadn't yet been coined, but the values were loud and clear.

• Given the benefit of time, it's so fun to see how Anna's career shifts (or "thrown away" careers) have shaped her and impacted countless people.

• Nothing is wasted, indeed!

• Pursuing the type of journey that Anna did is far harder than we can imagine, but simultaneously more fulfilling than we can anticipate.

• Knowing what I know now, I'd double down on encouraging Anna in her controversial career shifts. I'd also encourage younger me to double down on this message.

• While I never took my relationship with Ryan and Anna for granted, I look back and wish I had squeezed every ounce of goodness from it I could while we lived near each other.

I'm grateful for my friend Anna, and I deeply admire how she took the path less traveled. It's not been an easy journey, but so many people have been blessed by her contributions to their lives. Someday, I hope she gets a window into some of that impact. Her legacy will have ripple effects, for sure.

I hope you're having a wonderful day, and I hope I'm still sleeping when you read this!

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The Culture of Can’t

I don't know if it's always been this way, but we live in a toxically negative culture. A culture of "can't." Voices that echo throughout our lives, day in and day out. You can't get out of debt. You can't start the business. You can't get a better job. You can't afford to give that money away. You can't save for that big upcoming purchase. You can't have a job that doesn't suck. You can't, you can't, you can't.

I haven't seen data on this, and I haven't yet conducted a formal study on the subject, but I have an anecdotal observation after talking with hundreds of people about it. If someone has a bunch of debt and has yet to make meaningful positive progress on paying it off by their early 30s, there's a high likelihood that it will only get worse. Why? Because when we're told "you can't" enough times, we start to believe it's true. Then, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I just met with a couple in their mid-40s. They've struggled with their debt for nearly 20 years. They'd pay a little off, then accumulate more—a constant yo-yo spanning two full decades. They came to me as a last-ditch effort to salvage their finances.....and maybe their marriage. They wanted to know what tips, tricks, and strategies I have for them to make more money. Or perhaps some loopholes to get their loans forgiven. Maybe bankruptcy would do the trick? They wanted an out.

Me: "Why don't you just pay off the debt?"

The Husband: "We can't. It's too much."

Me: "Yeah, it's a lot. But why don't you just pay it off?"

The Wife: "We can't. It's impossible." Then, there was a rant about inflation, kids, activities, the government, crappy bosses, travel, needs, etc.

Me: "Yeah, all that stuff would get a lot easier if you just paid it off."

The Husband: "We can't. We would have by now if we could."

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Fifteen months later, they had paid off $50,000 of credit card debt. That's a lot of debt to pay off for someone who "can't." That's the problem. Our culture continually tells us we can't do things. I believe they can. I told them they can. I showed them how they can. I reminded them they can. And then, their actions proved they can.

If you only internalize one thing I write this week, please let it be this: You can! Not only that, you should! I'm not telling you what to do. Rather, I'm telling you that you CAN and SHOULD do the thing you're thinking about right now. You know, that one thing. The thing you wonder, ponder, stress about, and dream for. That thing. You can. You should. Please don't let our culture (i.e. all the people and media around you) tell you otherwise.

Two Is Better Than One

I regularly discuss how married couples must take joint ownership of their finances. It's critically important that both spouses are involved. Today, though, I want to clear up one common misconception.

Ownership and action are two different things. Yes, both spouses need to have ownership. However, couples don't need both spouses to jointly manage the finances. There are so many different ways this can play out.

For example, one spouse may pay all the bills, and the other handles all insurance and investments. Another example is having both spouses jointly pay all the bills and manage the budget together (they literally sit at the table together and work through it together). Both of these approaches are perfectly acceptable, but here's my broader point. It doesn't matter who does what, as long as both spouses have a voice, ownership, and accountability.

I'll use my marriage as a third example. I'm married to a woman who is allergic to numbers. Trust me, it's been scientifically proven. Sarah has zero interest in bills, investments, insurance, or anything else that includes dollar signs and numerical digits. And that's okay! What's important is that Sarah has ownership.

Each month, Sarah and I discuss, negotiate, and set our budget. Some months are more difficult or busier than others, but that's been our general trend for nearly 15 years. I may make 99% of our family's income, but she has an equal voice (it's "our" money, not my money). Her opinions matter. Her influence is imperative. We negotiate what will happen with our money, and then she turns the management over to me. She has her own role, though. Since she has ownership, she's accountable for living out the plan we set for our family. She must honor the budget we set together and execute whatever life decisions come with it. But I handle 100% of the actual financial management. That approach is okay, too!

That's ownership vs. action. There is no right or wrong. Some couples do everything together, some have a clear delineation of duties, and some are like mine, where one spouse does most (or all) of the management. All of these are acceptable approaches, under one condition: both spouses have ownership.

If your spouse doesn't have ownership, accountabiity, engagement, or a voice, I encourage you to bring him/her into the fold. It will lead to more financial success, an improved marriage, and a reality where your finances become an extension of your values, dreams, and aspirations. In other words, it changes everything!