Stepping On Landmines

I had a tremendously fun talk in Los Angeles last night. It was a great opportunity to reconnect with old friends and meet some new ones. I had some wonderful chats with people before and after the event, plus some great Q&A immediately following my talk. A common thread was woven into so many of these stories, which is a similar thread I experience in my day-to-day talking with people about money. Every story about financial pain, struggle, or failure starts with a singular moment where the person made a mistake or experienced a misfortune. I call it stepping on landmines.

Here's an example. A buddy shared the story about how he's in a really tough financial situation. He started with his present, then worked his way backward. The story culminates at the beginning, where he steps on his first landmine. He purchased a car he couldn't afford with a monthly payment nobody should afford. That was a landmine. That singular decision set up and set off a chain reaction that spiraled him to where he currently sits.

Story after story after story, each being triggered by the first landmine. The problem with landmines is that once we step on one, it becomes easier and more likely we'll step on another. After all, we don't make the best decisions under duress.

We obviously can't go back and unstep on our own landmines. I have many I wish I could undo. If we can't necessarily unwind our past landmines, what's the point? I have two points on this.

First, simply being aware of this phenomenon will allow us to be vigilant when the NEXT landmine approaches. We don't have to step on it. Instead, we can have the spatial awareness that we're nearing a landmine, but this time, sidestep it. Doing so frees us from the potential consequences, including the increased susceptibility of stepping on another. Just a few key decisions like this have the potential to radically shift our lives forever.

Second, we can help others around us avoid their own. In addition to the landmine stories, I shared some beautiful conversations with other people yesterday. These are people I care about deeply. With whatever insight and influence I had to offer, I was able to shine a light on a few upcoming landmines in their lives. It would be so wonderful if they were able to avoid them. If one thing I said helps one person take a different path, it was a monumental day. That's the opportunity each one of us has today. If we can help one person avoid one landmine, we've changed their world....possibly forever.

I hope you find that encouraging today, because I sure do! Have a great day!

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Here

Sarah and I recently stumbled upon a fascinating film. I was scrolling through Netflix while Sarah vetoed movie after movie. Nothing sounded good to her, and she wanted me to know that. Eventually, frustrated by her unwillingness to commit, I picked something and said, "This is the one! We're going to watch it, and we're going to enjoy it." It indeed was the one.

The movie is called Here. Released last year, it stars Tom Hanks and Robin Wright, and was directed by Robert Zemeckis (the creator of Back To The Future and Forrest Gump). It's one of the most unique films I've ever watched. For example, the entire movie is set at a single camera position, and the screen never fades out; one continuous shot for 1 hour and 45 minutes. See, fascinating!

Photo Credit: IMDB

It's been nearly two days since we watched it, and I can't get it out of my head. At its core, the movie is a reflection on so many of the ideas shared in this blog:

• The pursuit (or not) of meaningful work.

• How deeply our relationships are woven into the quality of our life.

• The cultural and financial pressures to abandon our dreams.

• The struggle and joy that comes with parenting.

• The impacts (both positively and negatively) our sacrifices make in our journey.

• The haunting power of regret.

• The fleeting nature of time.

• Our inescapable need for meaning and fulfillment.

• The relational and emotional impact of debt and financial tension.

• Our human desire to establish roots.

• The beauty of the simplest and most mundane parts of our lives.

• The humbling reality of our own mortality.

• The miracle of forgiveness and redemption.

• The bonding qualities of sharing a meal together.

• The importance of celebrating major milestones in life.

It was simultaneously the saddest and most joyful thing I've watched in a while. I can't help but reflect on my own journey as a man, a husband, and a father. Life is indeed fleeting, and I ought not waste it.

If you enjoy this blog, I highly recommend you check out this film on Netflix. I can't promise you'll like it, but I can promise it will make you think. I hope you have a wonderful day, filled with beauty in both the big things and the small things.

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Lessons From the Barkley Saga

"Wouldn't it be fun if our baristas could make six figures?"

This was one of the many insane ideas we discussed in the early days of planning Northern Vessel's launch. This counter-cultural idea was founded on a core belief TJ and I shared: Just treat people well. What that meant to us was to continually find ways to align interests, reward performance, incentivize winning behaviors, and create a culture of gratitude. Over the past few years, these driving principles have led to some pretty wild ideas and structures. I've faced much criticism from friends and mentors whenever these ideas arise.

"Why would you give up that much upside?"

"You're hurting yourself."

"That isn't market."

"There's no need to do that."

I never take offense to these comments; I get it! What we do can largely be considered stupid and/or irresponsible. But ultimately, I believe that if you treat people like owners, they will behave like owners—culture matters. When our people win, we win. And when our people win big, we win big. It doesn't have to be a fixed pie. We don't have to live our lives (and our businesses) with a scarcity mindset.

Speaking of, I've been thinking about the whooping the Chiefs received at the hands of the Eagles last night. Wow! Never in a million years did I see that coming. After the game, I was reminded of a seemingly innocent scene from HBO's Hard Knocks last summer. It's a brief phone conversation between Giants GM Joe Schoen and star Giants running back Sequon Barkley.

I'll set the scene. Mr. Schoen doesn't want to proactively offer Barkley a large contract at the risk of overpaying him, so he calls Barkley to let him know that he should "test the market." Translation: We're willing to pay you decent money, but not a penny more than we need to.

Mr. Schoen goes on, "If you really wanna be a Giant for life, and you're interested in staying here and coming back, just see what your market is and then have (your agent) come back to us, and we'll see if we can come to an agreement." Translation: If you're as loyal to us as you say you are, you'll sacrifice some money for the privilege of being here, and accept whatever we eventually offer you.

When I saw that clip, I knew there was zero chance he was going to return to the Giants. They violated the Just Treat People Well principle, and there was no turning back. Trust was broken. Interests were unaligned. He tested the market, as instructed, and eventually signed with the Eagles, where he thought he could help them reach the Super Bowl. Fast forward just a handful of months, and Barkley and the Eagles just became Super Bowl champions.

Most of us probably won't ever be an NFL GM (outside of the latest Madden installment), but this situation proves a valuable lesson. Just treat people well. Others don't have to lose for us to win. Align interests. Live with a culture of gratitude. People matter. Strike that.....people matter more than anything.

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Changing the World By Changing Yours

I just received the best news! An old friend, someone I haven't talked to in several years, contacted me to share a life update. He said that after three years of blood, sweat, and tears, he and his wife paid off their $125,000 of consumer debt (student loans and credit cards). Whoa!

When I asked him how that happened, his answer shocked me. "Remember that one time we were having drinks at _____? Someone asked you about paying off all your debt. I thought to myself, if you could do it, so could I. So I did."

If I could do it, so could he! Yes! I couldn't love that more. This debt had haunted him for nearly two decades.....until that day three years ago when he decided enough was enough. Then, he changed his life forever.

Here's the opportunity on the table for you today. You have an opportunity to change the world by changing yours. Without even knowing, my actions to change my own family's world eventually inspired this other family to change theirs.

People are watching. People see things. They might not listen to your advice, but they can't ignore the fruit of your actions. When you make good decisions (financial or otherwise), and your life improves, it's impossible not to see. This happens with my clients all the time. Their lives start to shift, they live with more freedom and meaning, people around them notice, and a new wave of inspiration strikes and new group of people.

If you want to help others, lead by example. If you want to inspire generosity, practice generosity. If you want to inspire debt-free living, become and stay debt-free. If you want to inspire work that matters, aggressively pursue work that matters.

Whether you see it or not, people are watching. And whether you realize it or not, your actions are moving the needle in other people's lives, for better or worse. What a fun and intense opportunity.....and responsibility.

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Tell the Others

My social media feed was inundated with "support xyz business" posts all day today. I'm starting to believe the algorithm is just trolling me at this point. Oh well, I suppose it provides great content ideas.

Regular readers probably know that I despise the idea of "supporting" businesses, as if they are some form of non-profit charity that can only survive if we treat them with pity and use our own self-directed guilt to give them money.

Today, I want to explore one of the actually beneficial alternatives to "supporting" businesses. Let's call it "tell the others." First, if a business in your life consistently adds value to your journey and repeatedly earns the right to serve you again, allow them to serve you again. Allow them the opportunity to earn that right, then reward them with the opportunity to earn it again.

It's like my friend Teresa at West Forty Market, a local meat market. Teresa doesn't ask me to support her business. Instead, she simply serves me with excellence and earns the right to do it again. She always delivers. I could probably get better prices at Target or Costco, but what Teresa offers is more valuable than what I could get from the big box stores. The product quality is phenomenal. It's always a great experience. Teresa is extremely knowledgeable and answers all my questions. She treats people with genuine hospitality. I always walk out satisfied and grateful I decided to visit. Teresa has earned the right to serve me, and continues to re-earn the right each time I visit. That's what business is all about.

Once that piece is locked in, the "tell the others" component comes into play. It's simple. If a business has continued to earn and re-earn the right to serve you with excellence, it's an act of generosity to share said excellence with people around us. Why would I want to keep such a beautiful thing a secret? The people I care about deserve to be served as well as I do. Thus, I tell the others.

Teresa at West Forty Market is a great example. I just told 1,000+ people about her. That's an act of generosity, but not generosity to Teresa. It's an act of generosity to the people I’m telling. The people I care about deserve to be served as well as I do. They deserve a little meat market that serves a top-notch product, with a great experience, by someone who will treat them with hospitality. You deserve that.

What Teresa gets out of it isn't "support." Rather, she might earn the right to serve some new faces with excellence. And if she does, she might earn the right to do it again. And if she does, they, too, may tell the others....and the cycle repeats. That's how real businesses are built.

Whatever amazing businesses in your life have earned and re-earned the right to serve you, tell the others. Share the good news. It's an act of generosity. Not generosity to the business, but to the people who deserve that type of excellence in their lives as well.

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Death, Taxes, and Jealousy

In yesterday's post, I talked about the prevalence and destruction of jealousy in our lives. If you have a pulse, you're either the culprit or victim of jealousy.....or both. I didn't offer any tangible takeaways in yesterday's post, partly due to my self-imposed word count limit (which I already breached the way it was) and partly because I didn't yet know where I wanted to take it.

I'm going to start with a little life hack. I can tell you with 100% certainty how to prevent people from acting like a jealous jerk around you. Ready for it? Don't do anything. Don't grow. Don't build. Don't progress. Don't thrive. Don't be productive. Staying where you are is a surefire way to prevent the jealousy bug from biting your friends, family, and co-workers.

In the absence of my brilliant little life hack, jealousy is inevitable. It's inevitable because jealousy rears its ugly head when, and only when, you surpass someone in a particular area. The woman in yesterday's post was a perfect example. She was the darling in other people's lives. They rooted for her. They encouraged her. They cheered her on. Then, she unexpectedly surpassed them. More money. More notoriety. More status. The moment she passed them, the jealousy bug bit.

Here's another sad reality. It doesn't matter how humble you are or how well you carry yourself; you cannot control the jealousy seeded in others. It is what it is, and that's what it is. If that's true, you have just one job: keep growing.

• Get out of debt.

• Improve your craft.

• Get more intentional with your finances.

• Build more stability.

• Invest in relationships.

• Pour out generosity.

• Start that new endeavor.

• Put your art into the world.

Do it all, but do it all with a posture of humility. Be above reproach in your behavior and attitude. Give people no reason to be jealous, knowing they will be anyway.

What about your own jealousy bug, though? Yeah, this part is tough. It's all fun and games when we want people to stop being jealous of us, but what should we think when someone else surpasses us? Well, we can definitely choose jealousy.....everyone else does, after all.

If I do my financial coaching job right, some of my clients will far surpass me. That's happened many times. Due to their circumstances, age, and trajectory, if they implement my ideas well, they will absolutely crush what I've accomplished. So what happens when I get a front-row seat to someone surpassing me? I feel nothing but joy for them. Why? The answer is my parting thought for the day.

Life is not a zero-sum game. Someone else winning does not mean that I'm losing. It doesn't have to be about winners and losers. Everyone can win. My friends, family, neighbors, and co-workers having good fortune or blessing in their lives does not negatively impact my life one bit. Therefore, there's no rational or loving feeling other than joy.

Feel joy for them. Take care of your own business. Repeat.

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J Is For Jealousy

Just a handful of years ago, the Kansas City Chiefs were the darlings of the NFL. Their young upstart quarterback, Patrick Mahomes, was as charismatic as he was gifted. Their head coach, Andy Reid, was generally beloved in all areas of football. He was known as one of the best all-time coaches who hadn't won the big one. For a hot minute, the Chiefs became America's team. You couldn't go anywhere in the country without seeing Chiefs gear. Their newfound fandom knew no bounds.

Then, something happened. They found success.....a lot of it. Three Super Bowl Championships and seven AFC Title Game appearances later, the Chiefs have become arguably the most hated team in the history of football. Hating the Chiefs has practically become its own religion.

Why? Patrick Mahomes is just as gifted and charismatic as ever. Andy Reid is just as lovable as ever. Yet, they've gone from darling to despised in just a handful of years. Why? I'll give you a hint: It starts with the letter J. That's right, jealousy. In sports, people love underdogs. They love watching the new, unexpected talent rise above adversity and be crowned with glory. Then, once that person has been placed on the golden pedestal, the masses will work just as hard to tear them down. It's the circle of life in sports.

Except it's not just sports. This phenomenon happens in literally every aspect of life. We watch it play out with musicians, actors, social media influencers, and politicians. You know who else this happens to? Your friends, co-workers, neighbors, family, and, unfortunately, you.

It's a story as old as time, and for better or worse, I have a front-row seat to watch it play out over, and over, and over. I'll share one example. One of my clients made the difficult choice to leave her long-time job to start her own business.Knowing how unhappy she was in her prior work, her friends and family cheered her on to start something new. Her idea was cute and creative. At best, she would eke out a moderate financial existence and find meaning in this new endeavor. To their credit, people around her rallied to advocate, refer, and recommend her business. She was the underdog. She was the little guy. She was the darling.

Then, something happened. She became wildly successful. She earned notoriety, attention, and revenue. She maintained her humility throughout this process. However, instead of everyone around her being a source of encouragement, it took a sharp and dark turn. She'd hear things like:

• "It must be nice to be you."

• "You wouldn't be here without me, you know."

• "Not everyone can just quit and start something new."

• "You just got lucky."

• "You think you're better than everyone else."

This culminated in a recent coaching session when she said, "You're the only person I can share wins with and know you're genuinely happy for me." How sad is that?

The jealousy bug is a dangerous thing. We're just as likely to get bit by it as we fall victim to it. It's dangerous. It's destructure. It pollutes relationships. When have you been bitten by it? When have you fallen victim to it? Please ponder these questions today, and we'll continue the conversation tomorrow. Have a great day!

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The Value of a (Great) Partner

I've been getting tons of feedback on the post about my friend Dan's tiny house. In my piece, I discussed his knack for formulating absurd ideas.....and then executing them. Being as close as I am to him, I didn't even consider the most common feedback I would eventually receive:

• "It's easy to do those things when you're single."

• "He must not be married."

• "Sounds like he doesn't have kids."

• "Is there a way to do something like that if you're married with kids?"

Again, this angle never crossed my mind. Dan is happily married and has two teen sons. This fact surprised many. Why? Because big dreams, absurd ideas, and wild callings can oftentimes get crushed by our partners. So the fact that Dan has followed through with these beautiful ideas is a testament not only to him, but also his amazing wife, Suzanne.

It's true. She's a huge supporter, encourager, and fellow dreamer alongside Dan. That's the value of a great partner. Dan doesn't accomplish these big dreams despite his partner, but because of his partner. So beautiful!

People sometimes ask me how I quit my previous career, took a 90% pay cut, and started over with twin three-year-olds and a wife who stayed at home. Translation: "I can't believe your wife would allow you to do something so stupid and not leave you in the process." The truth is she was in favor of me making that decision, and was more than a year ahead of me on being ready for that to happen. She not only encouraged me, but she dreamed right alongside me. That's the value of a great partner.

It's not to say that Dan and Suzanne have a perfect marriage. And it's definitely not to say that Sarah and I have a perfect marriage (we have lots of junk in our relationship). But I can confidently testify that both relationships allow for big dreams and counter-cultural callings.

Enough forces in our lives tell us to let our dreams die. It's the way of the world. We develop big dreams as children, only to have them figuratively beat out of us as we work our way toward adulthood. Then, once every ounce of zest has been ripped from our souls, we concede to live a life we can tolerate for the next several decades until we're finally able to escape our variation of misery via retirement.

With a great partner and the freedom to put meaning over money, we can free ourselves from the tyranny of this modern-day trap. If your partner isn't there, not all is lost. Engage in the subject. Share the vision. Encourage having the freedom to dream. Don't give up hope. I've seen many couples develop this after what seemed insurmountable odds. It's never too late to embrace meaning and the road less traveled. It might just take one partner making the first move.

Yes, Dan is married. He has a good one in Suzanne. Whatever credit you attribute to him, you might as well shift it to her. The value of a great partner is priceless.

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Where There’s a Will

I know a lot of people that do a lot of absurd things, and I mean that in the best of ways. For as much as people tell me I live a weird life, I'm surrounded by weirdos. Take my friend Dan, for example. Several years back, Dan decided he wanted to run 100 miles in a single day. See, I'm telling you! Anyway, he had this ridiculous idea that running 100 miles in a day is not only possible, but appealing. Then, he did it!

Dan also had another absurd idea. Back in 2018 or 2019, he revealed to me that he wanted to build a tiny house with his bare hands and use it as a retreat for himself, his family, and his friends. Not long after that, he presented me with some architectural drawings of what it would look like. Oh, I guess he was serious.

Fast forward five years, and he recently completed his house. To celebrate and commemorate the moment, he invited me and three other guys to stay in the house with him a few nights ago. The five of us had a blast, and it was amazing to see his dream come to life.

Posing in the new house!

Dan lives life via a series of absurd ideas. However, he doesn't talk about things that he might someday think about possibly wanting to consider dreaming about doing. No, he does. He simply does. He's called to something, then acts. He dreams of something, then follows through. He develops a plan, then executes. If there's a will, there's a way......regardless of how crazy the idea might sound.

There's one caveat I need to share, though. Dan isn't superhuman. He's not larger than life. Truth is, he can't do it alone. He trusts and relies on the people around him to support him, encourage him, walk alongside him, and fill in his gaps. That's the secret, though. We weren't meant to do life alone. His dependency on others is a strength, not a weakness. Dan cracked one of the cheat codes of life.

See that picture above? Every person in that photo (plus many more) played roles on the day of Dan's ridiculous 100-mile run. Cheat code. Similarly, the same group of guys donated their time, talents, or resources to help bring the tiny house dream to life. Cheat code. Other people's involvement doesn't lessen his monumental achievements.....it just gives him more people to celebrate them with. These are still Dan's wins, but shared amongst people he loves and who love him. Double win!

Where there's a will, there's a way. And the way likely involves others. Please dream big. Please believe in your ideas.....even the absurd ones. Please have the courage to go for it. Please have the humility to bring others into the fold. Life is better together, and together, we can achieve far greater things.

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The Mortality Is Real

One of my former schoolmates from my childhood recently lost her battle with cancer. She was just 39 years old, leaving behind a husband, two small children, and an army of friends. We weren't close, but we did have the opportunity to connect over social media a few times over the last handful of years.

Over the past 48 hours, I've realized how much this has impacted me. We often live our day-to-day lives with the general assumption we have a long time remaining. We picture ourselves as old, wrinkly, and frail. We treat our days, weeks, and months as if there will be countless more to follow.

Our mortality is real, though. We don't know how much more time we have left. Our days are numbered, whether few or many, short or long. If that's true, why do we spend so much time obsessing about money, stuff, and status?

I once heard something that stuck with me. An old man, worth tens of millions of dollars, was reflecting on his life and his mortality. He said he would give up everything (all his money, stuff, and status) to be 40 again. Unfortunately, he can't. There are no DeLoreans for us to jump into. However, what if you're 40 today? Or 50? Or 30? Or even 20? Based on this rich man's perspective, what you have is more valuable than tens of millions of dollars. It's worth more than all the money, stuff, and status one could have. The same money, stuff, and status you're spending your days, weeks, and months trying to attain. Let that sink in.

The mortality is real, man. I feel so heartbroken for my friend's family. They lost a good one in her. But I don't think her story will be in vain. I truly believe it will inspire thousands of people to live with more meaning and purpose. Her impact will ripple for decades to come. Perhaps this blog post can be a small springboard to share that message.

I don't know if you needed to hear this today, I sure did. Have a meaningful, awesome day.

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You’re Still An Author

Do you aspire to write a book one day? If so, that's awesome; I hope you do it. If not, that's totally cool. Regardless of how you answered that question, you're still an author, though.

Each day, when you wake up, you're the author of your journey. Every decision you make, every encounter you have, every challenge you face, and every win you celebrate each represent an excerpt in the story you're writing.

It's not a coincidence I'm writing about this topic today, on Christmas Eve. These types of days, the more notable events in our calendar, offer a particularly juicy opportunity for our authorship. These are the moments when we have ripe opportunities to author beautiful memories for us and our children. Every day is an opportunity to create memories, but not all days are created equal. Today might be one of those special opportunity days for your family. I know it is for mine.

Later, we'll attend Christmas Eve service at our church, which we've attended yearly for the last 14 years. Then, after unsuccessfully trying to take a family photo at our church's homemade photo booth, we'll share a meal together at a local Chinese restaurant. Again, this is a tradition spanning more than a decade. Our kids look forward to it each year, and it often involves reminiscing about memories of past Christmas Eve Chinese dining experiences. It's woven into the fabric of our family's holiday celebration.

We'll end the night with a reading from Sarah's 40-year-old edition of The Night Before Christmas, a book she's possessed since she was a baby. Sarah's the narrator, and she reads it exactly how her late father read it to her when she was a little girl. It's one of the highlights of her year.

I'll be the first to admit I whiff on things. I miss opportunities. I regret the times I don't take advantage of the moment. However, I can't (and you can't) let the misses inhibit our ability to seize the next moment. It doesn't matter how many times I miss; I'm still going to shoot my shot the next time the ball is in my hands. Despite a lot of heavy stuff this holiday season, we've also managed to author a ton of ridiculously cool memories.

You're an author, whether you like it or not. But through the lens of how I just explained it, I hope you not only like it, but absolutely love it! This is your time to shine. Yes, you'll screw up. Sure, you'll whiff on moments. But don't let that deter you from crushing the next one. So, get that pen out. It's time to write that next chapter in your (and your children's) story.

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone!

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The Cheap Gifts Linger

Think about the most expensive gifts you've ever received. Picture them in your mind. How much do you think they cost? When we receive these gifts, an overwhelming feeling of euphoria can rush over us. It's exciting.....and fun! I can picture some of my most expensive gifts in my head. They are all in a landfill today. Chances are, yours are, too. Or you received it not long ago, and it will eventually make its way there. It's sad, but true.

Now, think about some of the cheaper gifts you've received. Gifts that were rich in sentiment, not in sticker price. Maybe it was a framed picture, a hand-made item, or a customized item created solely with you in mind. Let me guess: You probably still have some of these....and you'll have them forever.

We live in a culture obsessed with putting a price tag on someone's value. Or, as famously quoted by Michael Scott, "Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It's like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, "Hey, man, I love you this many dollars worth."

Sure, that was a hilarious scene in one of the all-time great Christmas television episodes, but there's truth in Michael's words. We treat others - and internalize how others treat us - by the dollar value of gifts.

The cheap gifts linger, though. Sentiment always trumps material value. One will be in a landfill in just a handful of years, and the other might be a cherished possession for decades to come. I once gave my grandpa a painting of our state's Capital. It was a beautiful piece. It didn't cost a lot, but it carried so much meaning and sentiment. He talked about that painting until the day he died. Today, I possess that painting, and will likely do so until the day I die.

The cheap gifts linger. Do you believe that? If so, perhaps it can (and should) change the way you approach gift-giving this year. Don't feel beholden to the almighty dollar. Instead, ask yourself if you're giving a gift that will end up in a landfill soon, or a gift that will linger.

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Unspeakable Pain

In my coaching work, I get the honor of walking alongside people and sharing their highest of highs......and their lowest of lows. Yesterday was a lowest-of-lows sort of day. My phone rings; it's a client. The moment I picked up, I could tell something was off. The next 15 seconds ripped me apart in ways I could never imagine.

People all around us are walking in their lowest of lows. Maybe it's your neighbor. Maybe it's your co-worker. Maybe it's the person sitting next to you at the stoplight. Today might be the worst day of their life.

In moments like that, all I can think about is how money means absolutely nothing. I think about how you'd give every penny you have, plus every penny you'll ever have, to take away the pain. That's obviously not how it works, but only if it were......

Money does play a role in this, though. Painful moments are a reminder of the importance of getting right with our money so that WHEN pain happens, we can simply mourn, cry, grieve, and whatever other verbs need to be inserted here. We deserve the freedom to face the pain head-on, not deal with ridiculous financial nonsense.

It reminds me of a tasteless joke I often share with clients. When talking about my own history and journey with money, I say, "Sarah and I have enough problems in our marriage that we can't afford for money to be one of them." It was a joke, but all good jokes are based in truth. Each of us deserves to place financial matters in the back seat when it's time to deal with life life.

If you're living in a lowest-of-low moment as we speak, I'm deeply sorry. I feel for you and pray you find peace and comfort through it. If things are going well for you today, perhaps it's a good day to take one more step in getting right with your money.

I hope this moves the needle in you today. Not to create fear or anxiety, but to spark some motivation and urgency to get your financial house in order so you don't have to focus on financial matters when you're dealing with more important things. In many ways - sad ways - this is the heart of our meaning over money principles. Always meaning.....always. Please never lose sight of what’s most important.

You got this, guys, even those of you who are hurting today.

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Time Flies (Even When You're Not Having Fun)

We said goodbye to Grandma yesterday. It was a beautiful funeral service, and I’m so grateful for everyone who served, attended, and played a role in that experience. 

One of my highlights was spending time with my three cousins, whom I don’t see as often as I should. We aren’t as close today, but we were thick as thieves when we were younger; hanging out with them was always a high point of my year. It was so much fun catching up with them and their wives yesterday, and hearing about where life has taken them. 

My Mom and aunt put together some photo boards for the event, and the “cousin pics” were my favorites. So many memories, each of which is intimately intertwined with Grandma and Grandpa. Here’s a fun one!

In my head, this picture was taken about five years ago. However, considering the six boys in this photo now range from 37-49 years old, it’s safe to say it’s been a few more years than that. 

Time flies when you’re having fun…..and when you’re not. This life is so short, no matter how you live it. There are days, weeks, and months where it seems to move at a snail’s pace, but on the whole, it’s far too short. 

Far too often, in the pursuit of wealth, shiny objects, and fancy titles, we forget what matters most. We chase, chase, chase, forgetting what we are really searching for. Meanwhile, time melts away and the next thing we know, we look up and decades have sadly passed.

Therefore, I have just one clear and simple message today. Live your short life with meaning. Embrace every bit of it. Don’t let money, stuff, and status get in the way or taint it. You get one shot at this thing, so you might as well make it count. 

Have a meaningful day!

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You’ll Never Be Ready

I recently saw a stunning yet not surprising statistic. The U.S. birth rate is at a 75-year low. We're having half as many babies as we did in 1950 (12 per 1,000 people now vs. 24 per 1,000 people then). Even crazier, the birth rate has decreased every year since 1988. Wild!

There are many reasons why this trend has been so pronounced and consistent, including higher divorce rates, more career-focused dual-income families, and people waiting longer to get married. However, there's one reason I, for obvious reasons, see over and over and over. People regularly wait to have kids "until they are financially ready."

Some of you will laugh at my next statement, but it warrants being said. You will never be ready. Nothing in this world will prepare you, financially or otherwise, to have kids. Yes, kids are expensive. That notion gets a lot of air time. However, there's another fact that doesn't get near enough play. Kids only cost what you spend on them. Rich people have been having kids for centuries. Poor people have been having kids for centuries. We only have what we have.

Would it be nice to have more? Yeah, sure. But reflect on your childhood. Were you uber-focused on how rich or poor your parents were? In my hundreds of conversations about this topic, most people only fully understand their family's economic status once they are grown. To them, as a child, life was just "normal." I just chatted with a man who grew up in poverty. He noted that it wasn't until he was 19 that he realized they were "poor poor," as he put it. But he had nothing but wonderful things to say about his parents and childhood. He grew up in a loving lower-class family. The alternative to his amazing life would be if his parents threw their arms in the air and simply said "well, we can't afford it," erasing him from history. His parents were never going to be financially ready, yet here we are. They have a beautiful family…..and it's not because they did or didn't have money.

There are a lot of things NOT to do due to a lack of resources. Marriage and kids are not on that list. If you want to get married, get married. If you want to have kids, have kids. There's far more to life than money, and none more meaningful than relationships and family. 

Many of you already have kids. This message might not land on you at the right time in life. However, there are most certainly people in your life who need to hear this. Encourage them. Walk with them. Show them meaning over money. They will thank you someday.

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Someone’s World

I lost my paternal grandmother yesterday. This comes nearly five years to the day after Grandpa took his last breath. During that five year stretch, I've said goodbye to all four of my grandparents. It's not a day to mourn, though. Today, I celebrate her and the long, impactful life she lived, passing away just a handful of weeks before what would have been her 96th birthday.

Grandpa and Grandma’s first time meeting the boys.

One idea I regularly process here on the blog is the call we each have to make an impact on this world. Whenever I use that phrase, it makes people cringe. Not because they don't believe in impact, but rather because they don't believe their existence will be world-changing (then citing an array of world-changing figures they are unfairly comparing themselves to).

While I believe each one of us has the power to change the world, the reality is most of us won't be household names on the Mount Rushmore of world-changers. The law of averages says that's true, and our lived history says that's true. Most of us won't change the world.

While you may or may not change the world, you 100% have the power to change someone's world. And I have a little secret for you. Changing someone's world might as well be the same as changing the world.....because when you inflict impact on someone's world, it moves the needle in their life more than any of these quote-unquote world-changers ever could.

My Grandma didn't change the world, but man, she sure did change a lot of someone's worlds. She inflicted significant impact on this world, but it was discreet. It was face to face, person by person by person. I grew up four hours away from her, and didn't see her all that often. Yet, when I reflect on my childhood, she was an instrumental force in it. She was the center of so many memories, traditions, and lessons. That's her, though. She always seemed to work quietly behind the scenes, yet constantly seemed in control and a driving influence in the small world around her.

She's one of the greatest women I’ve ever known. She will never be on a list of world-changers, but I can tell you she's made more impact on my life than any famous world-changing name I could think of. She was everything. I’m sure others would agree.

Impact, impact, impact. That's our call to action. No, we won't all be called to change the world. However, we ARE called to change someone's world. Understand that opportunity. Understand that responsibility. Understand what's at stake. Understand the implications of that power. I think my Grandma did.

I'm looking forward to paying tribute to my Grandma in a few days. Until then, I'm sure I'll be living in flashback-ville, thinking about all the awesome impact she's made on my life. Love you, Grandma! Glad you've been reunited with Grandpa after five long years. Thanks for all you've done for me and so many others.

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I’ll Have One Christmas, Hold the Guilt

'Tis the season! The lights are going up, the movies are coming out, the weather is turning cold, and my Chicago Bears are melting down into season-ending turmoil. It can only mean one thing: Christmas is coming!

I absolutely love Christmas, but do you know what I don't love? Financial stress, unforeseen debt, and guilt. This is the annual season where millions of families will throw away their measure and discretion for just one more taste of the holiday spirit. Between the decorations, travel, gifts, food, and hosting, it's not uncommon for families to rack up thousands of dollars of expenses (often with debt).

Unfortunately, these expenses are often unbudgeted. They are impulsive, reactionary, and unplanned. But the magic of the season is intoxicating, so we just go along with it. Come early January, it's not uncommon for people to feel significant stress, tension, resentment, and guilt. By the time the Christmas spirit lifts, we're left with a nasty hangover. Have you ever been there before?

Multiple times in the last week, I've talked to families equally anxious as they are excited for the holiday season. On the one hand, they can't wait to share those special moments with the kids, but on the other hand, are dreading the seemingly unavoidable consequences.

I think you deserve better than the most wonderful season of the year to rob you of your peace, freedom, and sanity. You deserve to experience all the joy, without any of the guilt. So today, I'm going to give you a few ideas on how to do Christmas differently:

• Remember that Christmas joy is not derived from money, stuff, or status. Joy is joy.....period.

• Go into the season with a plan. If you're the budgeting type (and I hope you are!), ensure you have money allocated for each component of the season: gifts, travel, decor, food, hosting, etc. Name each and put a dollar figure on them.

• Speaking of budgeting for gifts, make a list of every person you want to buy a gift for. Then, assign a dollar amount to that person. Shop with boundaries.

• Commit to NOT using debt. There's no need to whip out the credit card. I know it's tempting, as it always is, but there's so much peace that comes from knowing everything you paid for is actually paid for.

• Follow the plan. If you said you would spend $500 on gifts, spend $500 on gifts. Don't spend $700, $800, or $1,200. Once you commit, commit. I don't care what the number is for any category, but you must honor yourself by honoring past you's decisions.

• Remember again that money, stuff, and status don't bring joy.

• Slow down your schedule, not speed it up. Embrace the time with your loved ones. Savor it. Don't cram as much in as possible.

• Remember the reason for the season. In our house, that's Jesus.

I hope this is the beginning of a beautiful holiday season for you and your family. It's been a crazy year. Enjoy this final chapter of it.

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Sear It In

Wow, what a night! The Cyclones entered yesterday's game 6-0 for the first time in nearly 100 years. Home game. Ranked #9 in the country. 6:30 PM kickoff. Nationally televised. The moment was ripe for something special.

TJ, Finn, Pax, and I excitedly drove to Ames, eager for what could unfold. We were hoping for a blowout, but we were treated to something far worse (and ultimately better). Down 14 points in the second half, Iowa State completed the comeback by scoring the game-winning touchdown with just 30 seconds remaining. It was probably the loudest I've ever heard a stadium in my life, and my head was spinning. The boys were dancing, screaming, and celebrating like I had never seen before.

Amidst the pandamonium, I leaned over to TJ and suggested that this might be Finn and Pax's first seared-in sports moment. A moment they might someday tell their own kids about. The type of moment that will ultimately get stored away in their core memories.

I might have had a better pure sports experience had TJ and I went to the game without kids. However, I will forever be grateful I shared it with the boys. Whether that moment is seared in for them or not, it certainly is for me.

I've been to hundreds of sporting events in my life. I've also been to thousands of other events. Most come and go without incident. Fun times, then quickly forgotten. Not all events are created equal, though. Some, often unexpectedly, will sear into your brain and remain there forever. Those are special.

Since it's impossible to tell which ones will be set apart from the rest, our only means of control is to put ourselves in a position to create those memories and give ourselves an opportunity for amazing to happen. That happened last night, and I couldn't be more grateful.

I hope you find your seared-in moments, and are able to share them with the special people in your life. That's meaning!

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Owning Non-Excellence

Irony is best served cold. Yesterday, I talked about how the bar has never been lower. People and businesses are underperforming at an astronomical pace, and we've never seen such an opportunity to meet the market with excellence to excel (with our respective careers or businesses).

Then mere hours later, I performed a masterclass in non-excellence by letting three separate people down: a client, a blog reader, and a fellow board member. Three whiffs, three embarrassments, three regrets. Several factors played into my mistakes, including my new agonizing back injury and technical issues. However, while it would be easy for me to make excuses for these mistakes, there was one common theme in each of them: Me!

The truth is, it doesn't matter what caused the mistakes. The mistakes happened.....period. Passing the blame to some other reason, whether valid or not, doesn't undo the mistake. Therefore, it's my duty to take full responsibility for my non-excellence. There is no other path forward.

In an endeavor to be excellent, there will be non-excellence. It's just going to happen. But what are we going to do with it? Justify it? Excuse it? Blame others? Try to pretend it didn't happen? I hate all of those options. For me, the only reasonable and honoring option is to sincerely apologize, make it right, and endeavor to do better going forward.

That's the only path to excellence. Another way I try to think about it is I'm in the business of getting it right, not being right. If I'm wrong, my obligation to my clients, friends, and colleagues is to get it right; and getting it right starts with taking ownership of the non-excellence.

We must do this personally, and we must do it professionally. It hurts to look in the mirror and realize I'm 100% to blame for something (as I did three times yesterday). But it hurts worse going to bed at night knowing I tried to wiggle out of a mess caused by my own hands. I'll take that slice of humble pie every day of the week.

Today, I plan to be excellent. Will I accomplish it without fail? Probably not. But I'm going to give it my best shot. And WHEN I fall short, I'm going to sincerely apologize, make it right, and hopefully learn from it.

One percent better every day.

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Be the Worst Person In the Room

Good morning, friends in the West. Being 13 hours ahead of you (i.e. a time traveler), I can confidently say Monday will be a great day.

Due to popular demand, below are a few photos of my current accommodations in Mongolia. I woke up this morning by stepping out of my ger (traditional Mongolian dwelling) and into a beautiful mountain sunrise view. I shared a wonderful breakfast with friends, followed by a full day of productive meetings.

I intentionally chose a provocative title for today's piece, but it's sincerely how I feel. It's an alternative way to view the old moniker: "You become the average of the five people you spend the most time with." These last few days, I've spent time with countless people who have made far more impact, have a much grander vision, and have made much deeper sacrifices in their journeys than I can ever imagine. So, in other words, I feel like the worst person in the room. I don't use that language to be self-deprecating or critical of myself, but rather because of how much respect, admiration, and love I have for these people and the work they are doing.

For as big as my mission and vision is, spending time with these people reminds me of how small my little brain actually thinks. I'm challenged and encouraged just by being in their presence. Do you have any people like that in your life? If so, spend more time with them. If not, find some……then spend as much time as possible with them.

I've been reflecting on how hard these last five years have been for Sarah and me. The comfort is mostly gone. There is no ease. We progressively see the consequences of our sacrifices. There are days we wish we would wave our magic wand and live a cushier, grander, and more comfortable life. You know, the life most people are pursuing…….the life we used to have before we waved the opposite magic wand. But then, I spend time in rooms like I've experienced these last few days, and I'm reminded that there is far more impact to be made, bigger visions to be cast, and much more profound sacrifices to endure.

No, I'm not trying to demean myself. But wow, there are so many amazing people all around us. My challenge today is to spend as much time with them as you can. Be the worst person in the room; it's a life-giving and honorable place to be. 

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