Plug the Leaks

"We need to stop spending so much on dining out."

"We need to cut back on travel."

"We need to quit going to games."

These are three comments made to me in the past few weeks. They are from three separate clients, each with their own financial tensions. Things feel tight. There's not enough margin to keep the train on the track, never mind make financial progress. Their natural inclination is to cut back, which is fair. However, I think they are sniffing up the wrong tree. 

The first family's love language is food. Going out to eat is one of their biggest bucket-fillers. 

The second family's passion is travel. It's their #1 priority, and it fuels them.

The third family are avid sports fans. Watching their teams play is one of their unifying and family-centric hobbies. 

It's interesting how our instinct is often to cut back on the most prominent (and important) things in our lives. These families aren't alone! We all do it to some extent. I suspect one of the reasons we do this is because those prominent things are front and center; they are obvious.

Here's what I think. I think it's prudent for these three families to cut back. However, I think cutting back on these suggested categories would be counter-productive and possibly detrimental. Instead, I recommend they find the leaks.....and plug them. Oh, there are always leaks! They have them, you have them, and I have them. Expenses (big or small) that are either redundant or fail to add value to our lives. 

• A subscription for a streaming service that we don't watch. 

• A membership for a gym we don't even use. 

• Extra product that we won't use or will ultimately go bad. 

• A loan payment (plus insurance, maintenance, etc.) for a vehicle rarely driven.

Instead of indiscriminately cutting some of these families' most valuable expenditures, we looked for leaks. Here's what we found: One family found $300 of monthly leakage, another found $650, and the third found $1,700!!!

With very little effort, these families were able to recoup this cashflow in their monthly budget, which reduced their financial tension. It also prevented them from having to cut back on the things they value most. Huge wins!

Plugging the leaks is so powerful! Maybe you have some leaks. I suspect you do. I challenge you to find them, plug them, and use that found money for things that truly add value to your life!

So Ridiculous That It’s Perfect

I just received the most random message from a friend. She shared that her partner just purchased her the most ridiculous Mother's Day gift ever imagined. She is correct. I can, in fact, confirm it's the most outlandish gift I've ever witnessed. In her message was a tongue-in-cheek question about whether this gift was a "smart financial decision." 

Of course this purchase wasn't a smart financial decision. After all, it's peak ridiculous. The obvious answer to her question is, "No," this wasn't a good financial decision. It was an absolute waste of money. It was foolish. It was irresponsible. It was non-sensical. .......

.......It was perfect! Through the lens of investing in mission and memories, he hit the nail on the head with this gift. Yes, it was ridiculous. So much so that she took time out of her day to message me about it. It's truly the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Yet, it was perfect. Here was my message to her:

"This is a brilliant move. The two most important things to invest in are mission and memories. And something tells me you will remember this forever. Amazing investment!"

This is why it's so important to stop obsessing about needs vs. wants. Instead, we should look through the lens of value and meaning. Does it add value? If so, it's probably a worthwhile purchase. Does it provide meaning? If so, it's probably a worthwhile purchase. Mission and memories usually fit the bill. Value, value, value. Meaning, meaning, meaning. 

Yes, my friend received the most ridiculous gift ever created. Yes, it was perfect. She will remember it forever. Heck, I may remember it forever. Do something outlandish today. Be wasteful. Be irresponsible. Make a decision that makes you scratch your head. Do something that makes other people roll their eyes. Get labeled as the weirdo. But for heaven's sake, invest in mission and memories. You won't regret it, and neither will those in your orbit. 

Happy Mother's Day!

Stepping Over Quarters

During a recent conversation with a friend, he began sharing about how prudent and wise he is with his money. I didn't solicit this information, but these types of conversations tend to come my way. Anyway, he shared several examples of how he saves money through his various day-to-day decisions. Like this one: "I save $3 in tolls every day by taking the non-toll roads to work." $3 per day works out to roughly $60 saved per month. On the surface, that would appear to indeed be a prudent move. 

Then, I asked a follow-up question: "How much longer is your commute this way than if you just pay the tolls?" His response: 20 minutes per day.

My next question: "How much do you make at your job?" His response: I bill at $65/hour. 

I explained that he is effectively making $9/hour by not taking toll roads, but giving up $65/hour of billable work time in exchange. In other words, for every day he saves $3 by taking the longer commute, he costs himself $21.67 of revenue. That $18.67/day difference equates to a $373 worse outcome over a four-week stretch! That's more than $4,800/year he's losing out on!!!!!

"Yeah, but I save $3 every single day!"

This is a perfect example of how a scarcity mindset can cost us. In an effort to save a few bucks, we inadvertently cost ourselves far more than we were trying to save in the first place. Or as the expression goes, stepping over quarters to pick up nickels. 

Whenever we make financial or life decisions, we have to weigh both sides of the equation. For every benefit there's a cost, and for every cost there's a benefit. When we focus on just one side, we'll make poor decisions. I guarantee you're doing it right now. Heck, I guarantee I'm doing it right now. 

As I've discussed at length on this blog and the podcast, cost isn't the metric we should dwell on. Rather, we should aim to understand the value we're getting for the cost. Some cheap things are expensive, and some expensive things are cheap. It's our job to assess it through our own unique lens, and make whatever decision is best for us. 

I texted my friend yesterday morning. He took the toll road. 

Putting the Pieces Together

What does it mean to win with money? I could ask 20 people and get 20 different answers. We all view it through a different lens. We each possess different skills, and we each have our shortcomings. Some things we'll get right, and other things may be more of a challenge. We don't have to nail every aspect, but it's important to remove any glaring deficiencies. Most families thrive in some areas and struggle in others. 

However, I recently met with a couple who inspired me to write about this topic. I've worked with this couple for over a year, but this meeting was particularly inspiring. They are a younger-ish couple, both teachers. In my mind, they've cracked the code on personal finance. No, they aren't geniuses in any one area, but they are doing good in pretty much every area. I'll summarize:

• They have unity, a shared vision, and joint ownership of their finances.

• They budget intentionally each month, leaning into their unique values.

• They have an emergency fund to protect them for WHEN life punches.

• They spend money on wants that add value to their life.

• They utilize sinking funds to save for future purchases/expenses.

• They give joyfully and sacrificially.

• They paid off all their non-mortgage debt.

• They invest with discipline, simplicity, and effectiveness.

• They have cheap term life insurance policies that will replicate each person's respective income in the event of a tragic event. 

• They are in the process of setting up wills.

• They both pursue work that matters, and find meaning and fulfillment in their careers.

• They are creating financial margin to provide flexibility for future decisions and lifestyle shifts.

They are the total package! No, it's not because they have massive incomes and unlimited resources. Reminder, they are both teachers. They are normal people, making normal money, living a normal life. Except it's not a normal life. It's an extraordinary life.

What's their secret? Intentionality, discipline, humility, contentment, and consistency. That's it. Good choice after good choice after good choice. Oh yeah, and that whole unity, shared vision, and joint ownership thing. They are doing it together. There is no "mine" and "yours." Everything is "ours." For better or worse. 

Yes, this is an opportunity for me to brag about this amazing couple. However, there's more to it. I hope you find encouragement in it. We ALL have the power to get better in the areas of money. The only thing stopping us is us. It's not easy, but it's so, so worth it. Get 1% better today! Then, get 1% better tomorrow. One day at a time. You got this!

The Phase We Never Outgrow

Every night, I ask the kids what they learned at school. I wish I could tell you I always get productive answers, but I don't. As Forrest Gump says, it's like a box of chocolates: I never know what I'm going to get. Recently, though, Finn dropped some gold on me. Here was his answer to my question:

"We did needs and wants, and I got a LOT of wants!"

Join the club, Finn! His teacher jokingly pointed out that most kids had a lot of wants and struggled to draw a proper line between what's a need and what's a want. I guess it's the phase we never outgrow.

This is one of the biggest challenges for young and old alike. We have LOTS of wants, and the line is blurred between what's a need and what's a want. 

Today, I want to settle on that last part—the blurred line between needs and wants. This isn't a first-grader problem; it's a human problem. And the problem is that it's often not intentional. There's a psychological game at play where we subconsciously shift something from a want to a need to justify its existence. 

To exhibit this concept, I'll list what people have told me are "needs." I'm not condemning these purchases; instead, I'm questioning whether it's a need. I'll let you decide for yourself. Without further ado, here's a list of "needs" from people I've conversed with:

• $10,000 for a next-gen TV

• A $75,000 basement remodel project

• $2,500/month for dining out

• $2,000/month for clothing

• A brand new Tesla

• Monthly botox injections

• Country club membership

• A lake house (2nd home)

• A speedboat

Each of these was firmly thrust into the need camp. And do you know what we do if something is a need? We purchase it by any means necessary. That's the power of a need. 

If I need to put food on the table, I'll go to extreme lengths to make it happen (including going into debt if that's the difference between eating or being hungry). 

If I need a $40,000 speedboat, I'll go to extreme lengths to make it happen (including going into debt if that's the difference between my hair blowing in the wind and being a loser sitting on the shore watching the boats go by). 

That's the power of needs. Needs compel us to act. Needs incentivize us to hurry. Needs encourage us to throw common sense out the window. Needs must be met, and meet them we shall. 

One of my roles as a parent will be to help my kids successfully manage the tension between needs and wants. However, I'll simultaneously be working on that myself. It's the phase we never outgrow. 

Pondering Things About Things

I have a Notes file on my phone called "Blog." Its purpose is simple. As I go about my day, anything and everything that inspires or triggers me gets jotted into this file. There are hundreds of ideas, just waiting to be turned into a blog or a podcast. While browsing my random notes this morning, one line stood out. It's a quote that reads, "The more things we have, the more time we spend on things." To be perfectly honest, I have zero recall about where I heard this or who said it. But it smacks!

When I reflect on my life and the decisions I've made, I can't help but think how true this quote is. I'm not going to share any of my specific examples, as I want you to use your imagination and consider your own past decisions. Let me set the table. You just purchased a nice thing. You traded your hard-earned money for this thing. It has value, and you want to protect this value. Therefore, you're going to spend time and attention ensuring this thing remains safe and well taken care of. 

Also, if it's a cool or fun thing, it's going to perpetually occupy space in your mind. Depending on what type of thing it is, you may also carve time out of your days to use and/or enjoy said thing. 

You'll maybe need to invest more time and money to maintain and care for it. You also need space to store it. Whether big or small, things take up some volume of space. Big things obviously take up more space, but never underestimate the compounding space needs of many small things. This may cause you to want/need a bigger residence, which creates an entirely new level of time and financial consumption. 

On a related note, your things may also inhibit your ability to travel or live with flexibility. You might get nervous to leave your things, or your things make you too comfortable to want to leave. Therefore, things can act as an invisible anchor, locking us into place. Worse, your desire to keep your things (and accumulate more of them) may require you to remain in a job that we tolerate at best, and despise at worst. The item may be the gateway drug to the next item, and the process repeats. 

"The more things we have, the more time we spend on things." I don't know if I'm thinking through this correctly, but this is how I'm processing it today. Things can have a scary pull on our lives, and our souls. I've fallen into that trap more times than I'd like to admit. I can be better. I want to be better. I need to be better. Though I can't prove it, I believe, to my core, that relinquishing our emotional ties to things (and the power they have over us) is one of the paths to a meaningful life. Or, in the simpler and wiser words of my friend Gary Hoag, just "Invest in mission and memories."

The Status of Status

Whether we realize it or not, much of life is the pursuit of status. Status is at play in nearly everything we do, the decisions we make, and how we spend our money.

First, what is status? One definition is "the relative social, professional, or other standing of someone or something." Here's another: "position or rank in relation to others."

We humans are obsessed with status. We fixate on being ranked higher "in relation to others." We do this in small ways and in significant ways:

• Which logo appears on our clothes and shoes.

• The emblem on our vehicle. 

• The zip code or school district in which we live. 

• The university we attend.

• Our job title.

• The alphabet soup of credentials that follow our name. 

• Where we vacation.

• Who we associate with.

• How much is in our bank account.

• What phone we use.

• The career field we enter.

• The size of our house.

Each of these decisions, whether consciously or subconsciously, involves our pursuit of status (or perceived status). This is at the center of keeping up with the Joneses. Remember, the definition of status isn't about what we have. It's about what we have "in relation to others." Therefore, when we make decisions, a part of us is trying to improve our relative position of status. The chase! This is a dangerous and slippery slope. 

No, buying a car with a certain emblem isn't evil. No, having a new iPhone isn't stupid. No, going to a particular university isn't wrong. No, gaining credentials isn't an act of arrogance. None of these things are inherently evil. However, we must continually look in the mirror and ask ourselves why we're really making xyz decision. 

I'm literally watching many families disintegrate before my eyes. They are losing their freedom, values, and unity. Slowly but surely, their finances are eroding. It's not for lack of income. In fact, this often happens to families on the upper end of the financial spectrum. The pursuit of status is an expensive and soul-sucking endeavor. 

What's the alternative? For me, it's simple but difficult. Instead of focusing on trying to improve our position in relation to others or care about what others think, we simply need to focus on what's most important for our family. Easier said than done, I know. 

It's sometimes hard watching my friends make many multiples of our income when I could flip the switch and join them. It's sometimes hard living in the house and driving the cars we have. It's sometimes hard to know I continually turn my back on a high-status career (with a ridiculous paycheck tied to it).

On the flip side, if we can resist the urge to pursue status, we get to pursue a life that's truly meaningful for us and our families. It's the hardest endeavor, but also a priceless one. 

I won't ever fully eliminate the desire for status, but with enough intentionality, I can hopefully minimize it and remember what’s most important. You can do it, too.

The Expensive Bargain

It feels like my laptop is running out of steam. It runs a little slower these days. It feels a bit warmer. The battery drains a little quicker. It's not as smooth as it once was. The once-beautiful exterior casing has its share of scars. I suppose that will happen after six years of use......six years!

It's a MacBook Pro. When I was laptop shopping in 2018, I knew I wanted an Apple, but the price made me want to vomit. It literally cost double what the alternatives would have. It was expensive, but it was a bargain.

I've owned a lot of computers in my life. I can't say they've provided great experiences, and their lives felt far too short. This MacBook, on the other hand, was significantly more expensive, and offered a transformative user experience. It fully integrated my technology, it was intuitive to use, it was smoother than all get-out, and it's lived a long life. Yeah, it was a bargain!!!

Some would call it quality over quantity. Spending more for a product or service, but knowing it will have a longer and/or better life. This idea applies to far more than just computers. Clothes, furniture, jewelry, tools, dining out....the list goes on.

The funny thing about quality over quantity, though, is the fact we sometimes lose our way. Our natural instinct is to focus on a lower price. After all, that feels like a better deal. Clothing is a fantastic example of this. I remember a time when I looked at my closet full of clothes, yet I had nothing decent to wear. It was a perfect example of quantity over quality. I had quantity, but I just wanted to wear a quality item. I whiffed!

Sometimes, we just need to get a reset and snap back into a proper perspective. Sometimes, cheap is expensive, and expensive is cheap. Sometimes, we need to remember it's not just about the price tag.

While I'm not looking forward to spending $2,000+ on a new laptop, what I eventually buy will inevitably feel like a bargain. I’m dreading it, yet looking forward to it at the same time. It also feels good knowing that one will tide me over for the remainder of this decade. Quality over quantity!

What about you? What areas of your life do you intentionally focus on quality over quantity? Conversely, what areas of your life do you need to create a reset to focus more on quality?

I Broke My Promise To You

Oh no. I did it again. I promised you I wouldn't, and I promised Sarah I wouldn't. But I did it again.

Yesterday morning, Finn and I went to our nearby meat market to pick out steaks and made homemade butter for the first time. So, for dinner, we had steaks and baked potatoes (topped with Finn's butter)....great stuff! As dinner was coming to a close, that's when it happened.

Me: "Hey guys, I have an idea. How about we jump into the car and go get some ice cream at _____?"

Sarah: "I don't think that's a good idea. Besides, you told me to punch you in the face if you ever suggested this idea again."

Me: "It should be ok"

Then, they all took turns jokingly pretending to punch me in the face.

Shortly after that, I stepped back into my worst nightmare. It took 27 minutes from when we stepped in until we received our ice cream. Lovely. I can't believe I fell for it again....I'm such a fool.

As he chows down his ice cream cone, Finn says, "This ice cream sure is good, but they are really bad at giving you it." Truer words have never been spoken, little Finny man.

Countless other places deserved (and have earned) our business, yet I decided to spend our hard-earned money at a place that doesn't deserve it. How ridiculous and irresponsible of me!

This entire experience, which Sarah will surely remind us is all my fault, made me reflect on all the places we wrongfully choose to spend money—businesses that have lost the right, don't appreciate it, serve us poorly, offer a poor product, or simply don't align with our values. There are a few businesses on my list that need to be unapologetically cut.

The truth is, I mourn the loss of some of these businesses in my life. Businesses that I have fond memories of (before they decided to disrespect their customer base with poor performance). Or businesses that have drawn a line in the sand, value-wise, to the point I can't continue to patronize them.

There's a silver lining to all this. For every dollar we don't spend at these businesses anymore, there's one dollar we get to spend at a business that has earned the right to serve us. Businesses that offer a great product at a reasonable price, practice hospitality, and are grateful for the business.

Find these businesses in your life, then double down. They don't have to be small businesses; they need to be excellent businesses. If they happen to be small and/or local, great! But expect, demand, and reward excellence, period!

Meaning By Subtraction

In a recent post, I discussed the many things in my life that add value but don't cost an arm and a leg. I was trying to make the overarching point that we don't need to have or spend boatloads of money to live a meaningful and enjoyable life. 

Upon reading this post, many of you spent time inventorying your own list of things that add value to your life and sent them to me! I loved reading your lists. There were some overlaps with my list, but by and large, your lists were uniquely unique. There are so many fun and thoughtful things! This little exercise perfectly highlights how everyone has different values, and should behave with our money accordingly.

However, I noticed something! My list included all the things I pay to have/do that add value to my life. Many of you included things you pay to NOT have/do. Here are a few examples:

• "$80 to have my house cleaned"

• "Hiring someone to cut my lawn - $35 per week"

• "I occassionally pay for someone to come to my house to cook dinner for our family"

• "Paying $30 for someone else to shovel my drive while I relax with a hot coffee by the cozy fireplace."

• "Paying to have my groceries delivered. I hate grocery shopping!"

It's interesting how these items fall into the bucket of adding joy and value to people's lives. They aren't fun. They aren't getting something or creating an experience or memory. Rather, these items create time. Time is money, as they say. Or, through the lens of meaning, time is peace, margin, and freedom to pursue other things. So while these specific financial investments may not provide meaning and joy, they allow more time for the things that do (while possibly avoiding tasks that suck meaning and enjoyment from their lives). 

I love the depth of this self-reflection exercise. If you haven't already done so, I encourage you to take an inventory of all the things that add value, meaning, and enjoyment to your life, paying special attention to the free or inexpensive ones. Once you have this list formulated, lean into it. Intentionally add them to your budget and your schedule. Double down on these little, meaning-filled nuggets of value. 

Life is much more fun when we invest in the little things that brighten our day. Keep investing. They are worth their weight in gold, but luckily, they don't have to be as expensive!

Speaking of meaning-filled nuggets, I watch this live performance of Twenty One Pilots’ Holding On To You whenever I need a little pick-me-up! It’s free, and it’s life-giving stuff for me. Maybe you’ll enjoy it, too.

Joyful Bang For the Buck

I had an epiphany last week while cruising around in the new ride. It almost seems illegal to have this much fun driving a car that cost me $9,000 (plus $41/month for insurance). It's been an absolute blast, and I can't wait to find excuses to hop in and get on the road. Sarah needs a gallon of milk? Great! There's a prescription at the drug store ready for pick-up? You bet! One of the kids needs to be dropped off at a friend's house? I got you! 

This entire experience has me thinking about the correlation between money and fun. Or, as many people put it, money and "enjoying life." The narrative is we need money to enjoy life. It's this very narrative that causes millions of Americans to live in a perpetual state of misery so they can afford xyz fun thing. Why? To "enjoy life." I find it tremendously ironic that we'll intentionally live in misery for the privilege of having money to enjoy life. I would argue we should just cut to the chase and live an enjoyable life....period. 

Along those same lines, I've been reflecting on everything in my life that give me joy, happiness, and value. Based on my experience, the best things in life rarely cost much (if anything). I'll share a partial list of mine, and I encourage you to think about yours:

• Pick-up basketball with Pax: Free

• Lego time with Finn: Free

• Netflix time with Sarah: $15/month

• Coffee and a newspaper on a Saturday morning: $3

• A nice glass of bourbon: $4

• Lunch with a friend: $12

• Sunday mornings at church with my people: Free

• A good book: $7 at my local used bookstore

• Engaging with friends on social media: Free

• A walk on a nice spring day: Free

• Publishing our podcast: Free

• Writing this blog: Free

• Listening to Twenty One Pilots music: $15/month

• Listening to podcasts: Free

• A Northern Vessel cortado and donut: $6

• Watching my Cyclones on TV: Free

Each of these things adds tremendous value to my life. I'm grateful for each, and I recognize none have a high financial bar. Sure, I could splurge on a fancy meal, an elaborate trip, or an extravagant purchase. There's nothing wrong with any of these things, but they aren't a prerequisite to living a fun and meaningful life. 

Money doesn't create meaning; meaning creates meaning. Find the little things in life that add value and aggressively invest in them. Don't fall for the lie that we need to spend tons of money to "enjoy life." Instead, simply enjoy life. There's so much to savor and appreciate. Have a wonderful day!

Smooth Out Your Lumpy Stuff

A few days ago, I wrote about my recent car maintenance frustrations. It was a bit unexpected, but I received a wave of messages from people asking for more insight on how to execute this concept. 

First, what's the purpose of a sinking fund? A sinking fund is another name for an account funded over time for a specific future expense. These expenses don't happen every month, but you know they will happen at some point. It's not a matter of IF, but WHEN (and how much). I call them "lumpy" expenses. The goal is to smooth out the lumpy by slowly and steadily funding them over time, eliminating (or significantly reducing) the stress experienced when situations arise. Common sinking fund categories include car, house, travel, medical, giving, and kid activities. Each of these categories has a habit of sneaking up on us. When they do, these sudden and unexpected expenses sabotage our disposable income.....zapping our ability to make progress in other areas.

Here's a step-by-step of the mechanics:

1. Set up a separate savings/checking account for your desired category and name it accordingly. Most credit unions will let you set up multiple accounts, but most banks won't (with the exception of Wells Fargo). If your bank doesn't, I recommend CapitalOne's 360 Performance Savings.

2. Allocate money in your budget for this category. The amount can be steady or vary by month, but it must be included in the budget. 

3. Just like you pay your electric bill, you pay your sinking fund. Whatever dollar amount you budget gets transferred to the sinking fund. I prefer to automate these transactions.

4. When expenses arise for a particular sinking fund category, use your primary checking account to pay the expense. 

5. Immediately after paying for the expense, instruct your sinking fund to send that amount back to your checking account, essentially reimbursing your checking account from the sinking fund. 

6. Repeat. 

I'll share an example of my car fund from this month. For 19 years, I've budgeted (and automated) a monthly transfer from my primary checking account into my car fund. We currently budget $250/month. After March's $250 contribution (completed on 3/6), our car fund balance was $2,487. Then, we got hit with a hat trick of car bills: $806 for brakes on my main car, $356 for known issues with my new car, and $218 for the unknown issue with my new car. I budgeted $250, but got hit with $1,380 of actual expenses.....ouch! This situation would have crushed our budget had we not had a sinking fund. Instead, I simply reimbursed my checking account from my car fund for each, resulting in a total monthly car fund expense of $250 (the original planned contribution). It took something extremely lumpy and made it smooth. It went from a potential disaster to a minor inconvenience. Below is an image of how we executed it in our budget. 

Setting up these extra accounts and steps may appear to make things more complex, but you'll quickly see how truly simplifying (and freeing) it can be! Best of luck smoothing out your lumpy stuff!

Catch That Breather

Warning: I'm about to share some financial advice that will deeply offend some financial people. 

If you're still reading this, you've been warned. I take no responsibility for any level of annoyance or disgust you're about to experience.

I recently met with a couple in the middle of a butt-kicking financial journey. They got themselves into a pretty deep hole, and now they're digging out. It's been a slog of an endeavor, but they're making fantastic progress. However, they are flat-out tired. I can see it in their eyes. It's the financial version of seeing a basketball hunched over during a dead ball, clutching his shorts and panting heavily. You can clearly see the tank is empty. They've left everything they had on the court. That's this couple!

Anyway, I could sense they were about ready to break (which is a terrible outcome!). Therefore, I took extreme measures in our last meeting. I encouraged them to stop paying debt next month. Yes, completely stop. No debt payoffs, no saving, no investing.....nothing "responsible." Instead, aside from their needs, minimum debt payments, and giving, they will use ALL of their extra income for "irresponsible" things. Dining out, travel, personal spending, and maybe a few fun things for their house. Totally irresponsible!

Three powerful things will happen when they follow through with this ridiculous-sounding plan:

1. They will get a much-needed break. They are exhausted, and this one-month progress break will be the equivalent of a coach giving their star player a short breather. This break will give them the energy to get back on the court and finish the game strong. 

2. They will experience first-hand that it was not wants that hurt them in the past, but a lack of intentionality. On the flip side, when they experience a month chock-full of fun want spending while simultaneously keeping the financial train on track, it will show them that wants aren't the problem. It's all about intentionality. This experience will change them!

3. These things won't inherently make them happy. They will be fun, but they won't move the satisfaction needle as much as those progress months do. This will further embolden them to get back on the court and take care of business once and for all. 

"Irresponsible" spending only. No progress. No wise moves. No debt payoffs. No saving. No investing. Just fun things. Just because. This is the break they need. This is just what the doctor ordered to propel them to that next level. 

If you can relate to this couple, perhaps you need a break. Maybe you need to catch that breather. It's ok if you do. Even Jordan needed one every now and then. 

The Tension Brings Clarity

I had a fun e-mail exchange with a friend regarding my recent car-related posts. He shared how "liberating" life has been since becoming debt-free four years ago. However, his next comment is what got me. Since he was a new and now-committed member of the debt-free club, buying a truck would be a different experience. This now meant he "could not even consider" buying a truck without having the cash in hand. This changes everything! He added that while he had the cash to buy whatever truck he wanted (impressive move!), he ultimately decided to spend $10,000 less on his purchase (humble move!).

When we refuse to use debt to purchase vehicles, it creates a very palpable tension. It's hard to save a big chunk of money for vehicles. It's a long, thankless, and often unrewarding task. That's precisely the point, though. That process brings with it a tension that must be reckoned with. When it's finally time to pull the trigger on that new ride, we're faced with the reality of parting ways with so much of our hard-earned cash. That tension is brutal...and the cost high!

That tension also brings clarity. To explain this dynamic, I'll use the opposite example. Let's say my friend was truck shopping with the intent of using debt (you know, the normal way). He finds what he's looking for, falls in love with it, and needs to make a decision. He has two options in front of him: a $40,000 truck and a $50,000 truck (I made those prices up). The $50,000 truck is clearly better. It has all the bells and whistles....and a bigger engine! After doing the math, he realizes the $50,000 vehicle will "only" cost him $150/month more than the other. Considering that the $50,000 vehicle is superior and he likes it more, $150/month seems like an absolute no-brainer! See, there's no tension in the decision-making process. It's a number on a piece of paper. $150. That's not a needle-mover in many people's lives. We won't talk about the fact it's $150/month for the next 84 months.....that's for future him to worry about. Current him gets the nice truck right now!!! Again, no tension.

On the other hand, he's living in a new reality where debt is not an option. He has the same decision in front of him: buy the $40,000 or $50,000 truck. This time, however, there's a difference. Since he's writing a check no matter what vehicle he buys, he's faced with the proposition of trading an extra $10,000 of his hard-earned money for the nicer truck. It's ok if he chooses that one, but he will immediately have $10,000 less in his bank account. There's the tension!

The tension brings clarity. When faced with that tension, we almost always make better, clearer decisions. He knew exactly what he was getting, exactly what he was paying for it, and would face the consequences immediately. Tension and clarity!

He clearly and confidently chose the $10,000 cheaper option. That tension is a beautiful thing.

Pot, Meet Kettle

Today, I have the pleasure of sharing a funny (to me) story from a recent conversation with a buddy. Fortunately for you, he gave me his blessing to share it. I appreciate that he doesn't take himself too seriously.

After learning about my recent 2006 Nissan 350Z purchase, my friend shared his less-than-savory opinion about it. Specifically, he called it a "boujee move" and added, "It's a bad look for you, Travis." Translation: I'm a hypocrite for buying such a fancy luxury, and it feels a bit over the top.

These comments were the most pot-calling-the-kettle-black moments of my year. Why? This guy can out-boujee anyone. Here's the thing, though. Most people who are boujee don't know they are boujee. In his mind, he lives a bare-bones lifestyle. He only buys things he "needs." You know, like new luxury vehicles (gotta have reliable transportation!), mini-mansions (good school districts are key!), a stylish wardrobe (dress to impress!), and country club memberships (it's networking!). Need, need, need, and need.

On the other hand, my extra car is a boujee waste of money, according to him. He even went a step further and called it "irresponsible." This is where the conversation took a turn for the hilarous, and why I wanted to write about it. As we debated whether this 350Z was boujee, I pointed out that my family's three cars, combined, are worth less than half of his truck. He drives a $60,000 truck, and our three vehicles are worth a combined $25,000! Further, his truck payment is $1,400/month, and we haven't made a vehicle payment in 12 years.

Do you see the irony here? This is how we get so twisted up in our culture when it comes to money, stuff, and status. He sincerely believes he's living a conservative, responsible life. Meanwhile, he truly believes I made a "boujee move" with this car.

This is one of the many reasons I never use other people to measure my decisions. Our culture is pervasive, and its impacts are contagious. Instead, I will continue to lean into meaning every step of the way while wholeheartedly bucking the societal trends and pressures of what we're supposed to do. I hope you find your own unique ways to do the same. Don't worry about what others think. Stay true to your path and lean into your values. You will most certainly screw up along the way, but you'll do so while going in the right direction.....your direction.

The 17-Year Wait

It's 2007. I am out to breakfast with my new-ish girlfriend (now wife), Sarah. I'm decently arrogant, think I have life figured out, and most certainly want to impress this girl. I start sharing how I'm planning to buy a new car. It's a 2006 Nissan 350Z. It's a convertible stick-shift, of course. It also has a $40,000 price tag.

However, instead of looking impressed and excited, my girlfriend's eyes looked dead. She sat quietly for the longest time, then chimed in, "So I guess you don't see me in your future." What!?!?!?

First, it's not Sarah's personality to say something this direct and this harsh. Second, how could she not be excited about this? It's a convertible stick-shift!!! She explained that it seemed like an irresponsible move, ripe with arrogance, served with a side dish of caring about what others thought about me. Ouch! Needless to say, I didn't buy the car. She was right, I was wrong, and a rational decision was made.

Ever since then, I wanted to buy a fun car like that. But life happens, and we've made sure to prioritize the things that need to be prioritized. However, Sarah has been adamant that we would one day buy a fun car. It morphed over time, though. I didn't just want any car. I wanted that exact car. I wanted to hold on to that original vision and be content with that same dream.

There were a few times when we almost pulled the trigger. We were about to buy one in 2016, but then received a phone call about a few babies who would soon (two days later!) become part of the Shelton family. The car got put on the back burner. We were about to buy one in 2019, but I left my career, and our family took a 90% pay cut. The car got put on the back burner again.

Fast forward to 2024. I've been casually looking at cars, but I haven't really seen anything that fits the bill. Then, during a recent trip to Texas, I curiously decided to see if anything was available in that market. There was just one......so I scheduled a test drive. Fast forward 24 hours, and I am the proud owner of the very car I wanted 17 years ago! It's a 2006 Nissan 350Z (convertible stick-shift, of course) with 70,000 miles. $9,000! It's far from perfect. It's endured a lot of bruises and scars over the past 18 years, but then again, so have I. I canceled my flight home and made the 15-hour road trip in my new ride.

Delayed gratification sucks. We want what we want, and we want it now.

Me buying a $40,000 car at age 26 is the equivalent of a 26-year-old today purchasing a $65,000 car. It would have crushed me! Instead, I paid just $9,000 for a vehicle I can truly appreciate.....and share with people around me. As much as I'm excited to drive it, I'm equally excited for others to enjoy it. The 17-year wait was so, so worth it!

Actually, delayed gratification is awesome.

Wants Are Not Waste

As I was scrolling through social media a few days ago, I stumbled upon a post by Dave Ramsey. Whenever I see something posted by Dave or anyone on his team, there's a 50/50 chance I'll disagree with it. On one hand, no human in history has helped more people out of debt than him. For that, sincere props. That's amazing work. On the other hand, he has many perspectives that I flat-out disagree with. This post, though, frustrated me to a different level.

"How to waste $5,000 a year: Spend $13.70 a day on things you don't need."

Did you catch it? Did you notice it? At the heart of the message is an appeal for people to harness their income for good. Or as I like to say, gain awareness, gain control, and gain traction. These are inherently good things. Take responsibility. Have ownership. Be disciplined. Yes, yes, and yes. But there's something else in there.....

"How to WASTE $5,000 a year: Spend $13.70 a day on things you DON'T NEED."

In other words, spending money on things you don't need (i.e. wants) is wasteful. Now, Dave isn't alone in expressing this sentiment. This is the perspective of much of our culture….and I find it utterly toxic. Despite the prevailing narrative that today's young people are out recklessly and irresponsibly spending money, a significant portion of our population has been conditioned into feeling deep guilt and shame when spending money on things they "don't need."

Then, there's the blurring of the lines between need and want. In order to justify spending and remove guilt, people will twist wants into needs. Here's an example. I need a car. I need a reliable car. I need something big enough to transport my family. So I'll use those very real needs to justify buying a $75,000 luxury SUV. On the flip side, I'd argue some wants are actually needs. Personal spending is a great example. What we use our personal spending money to buy are definitely wants. A drink with a friend. Lunch at a fun restaurant. A new video game. Want, want, and want. But in the decision to spend that money is a release valve. It allows us to be human and enjoy a little bit of what we're blessed with. I'd argue that's a need.

Instead of lumping things into a need bucket or a want bucket, I think we should take a different approach. I'd prefer we categorize them based on adding value to our life and not adding value to our life. Some of my "needs" don't necessarily add value, but some "wants" add tremendous value.

When we look at purchases through the lens of adding value to our lives, we're less likely to justify bad decisions or feel guilt. Instead, we get to make an honest and self-aware decision and then go about living our meaningful lives. In my opinion, that's meaning over money.

Focusing on Margin

There are many metrics we can use as a scorecard for money. Income, bank account balances, and net worth are all tremendously popular statistics to monitor. They each have their merit, for sure. Today, I'd like to shine a light on one that gets overlooked, underappreciated, and dismissed: Margin. In short, margin is the gap between our take-home income and how much of it is committed to expenses. Here's a simple example. If you make $1,000 and have $700 of expenses, your margin is $300. 

Margin provides us with flexibility, relief, cushion, and opportunities, It makes sense if you think about it. If all of your income is committed to expenses, it's a stressful place to be. There's no wiggle room. There's no margin for error. There's no room for unforeseen expenses. 

Margin is a choice, but it takes intentionality. Without intentionality, any margin in our lives can quickly be absorbed by impulsive purchases, lifestyle creep, and misaligned spending. Also, I'd like to squash one myth. Most people believe income equals margin. More money, more margin. While this can be true, it has a much lower correlation than you would imagine. The more money a family makes, the higher potential for margin. On the flip side, our culture encourages us to fill our margin gap with any and every type of expense. I'll share a recent example from my coaching. 

Here are two couples I've recently worked with. Both are similar in age, and each has one small child. They also happen to live within one mile of each other. Here's what each of their situations look like:

• Couple 1: This couple has a monthly take-home income of $14,000 (one spouse is in finance, and the other stays home with their child). After accounting for all their monthly commitments, they only have about $700 of margin. They want to pay off debt, travel, invest in retirement, and save for their children's college, but there isn't a lot of margin to work with. Further, an unexpected expense always seems to pop up to claim that $700. Their marriage is strained, and money causes them a lot of fights. 

• Couple 2: This couple has a monthly take-home income of $6,500 (one spouse is a teacher, and the other is in ministry). After accounting for all their monthly commitments, they have about $2,500 of margin. Our coaching meetings typically include a visual mapping and prioritization of how this margin should be used. It's normally a combination of travel, giving, and investing. Money has become a fun conversation in their marriage, and they are thriving. They feel very little financial stress, which becomes progressively lessened as they use their margin to create a solid foundation. 

On the surface, the first couple looks significantly better. Their jobs obviously provide a higher income, their lifestyle portrays an image of success, and they appear wealthy. Looks can be deceiving. Margin is a great measuring stick to see the real truth.

Let Splurges Remain Splurges

I was working at a client site earlier this week when I was struck with a dilemma. Not an earth-shattering, life-altering dilemma. Just a normal everyday sort of dilemma. Due to some logistical snags to start the day, I didn't bring my lunch. Most days, Sarah generously makes me a lunch that I either take on my way out the door, or swing home to grab when time allows. On this day, however, I didn't have lunch and was about 15 miles from home. Thus, the dilemma.

I had a few options available. I could grab fast food for maybe $6. I could hit a nearby deli to grab a sandwich and chips for $11. I could sit down at one of the neighborhood's trendy restaurants and drop $15-$20. Typically, I'd probably go with the first or second option. Quick and inexpensive is an efficient combo. However, this time, I chose door #3. There was a highly-touted restaurant just a few blocks away, so I excitedly walked there for a unique meal. Though I sat a bit longer and spent nearly $20, it was a tremendously satisfying experience. I tried something new, it was executed with excellence, the service was top-notch, and I really enjoyed my time there.

Did I need to spend $20 on lunch? Not at all. Am I glad I did it? Absolutely! It was a fun and impulsive little splurge. I had personal money for such an occasion, it added value to my day, and I had zero guilt. That's how it's supposed to work.

There's one key word here: splurge. The fact I don't do it every day makes it a more enjoyable and guiltless endeavor. Spending $20 on lunch each day would slowly bleed me out financially (as it does for countless people.....you wouldn't believe the number of people who are literally eating their future). Once in a while, however, it becomes a fun little blessing. Too much of a good thing isn't always a good thing. We need to create scarcity in our life. Doing so allows those fun, impulsive splurges to add value to our life without breaking the bank. It creates anticipation and gives us something to look forward to. But the moment we turn a splurge into a normal part of our life, some of the magic dies. It just becomes another piece of "normal," and the lifestyle ratchet clicks up a notch.

Let splurges remain splurges. You won't regret it.

Important to Her, Important to Me

Today, I'm bringing you a fun story from a recent coaching session. I was sitting with a young couple, discussing wins, losses, learnings, and questions from their first few months of budgeting. I could sense some tension brewing, and just as I was about to ask about it, the wife brings it to the surface. 

The wife wants to buy an item that costs approximately $500. It's important to her. She's been talking about it for a long time. Immediately, I could tell the husband was not keen on the idea. He had several reasons why they shouldn't buy it right now. His primary reason is they are in the midst of paying off student loan debt (they are crushing it, by the way!). 

What happened next is where the story gets interesting. No more than three minutes later, the husband brings up something he wants to buy soon.....which coincidentally also costs $500. Similar to the wife's desired purchase, this is clearly a want. But it's important to him. He quickly listed the reasons they should immediately pull the trigger on this item. However, in the midst of his sales pitch, he recognized the irony (and the hypocrisy). 

The real issue wasn't the debt, or a lack of resources. Instead, it was the fact he viewed his desired purchase as being important, and hers not. This is a toxic slippery slope, which needed to be immediately addressed. I quickly jumped in and shared my perspective. And since this is a commonly occurring dynamic, I thought it was worth sharing today:

• It's ok if something is a want. We need to stop demonizing wants as irresponsible and unnecessary. Wants can be nearly as important as needs, and should be treated as such.

• The husband's opinion on her desired purchase is irrelevant. If it's important to her, it's important. Period. This can be a hard pill for spouses to swallow. Since spouses have different interests and desires, it's inevitable one spouse will want something the other doesn't care about.

• If it fits within the scope of the budget and can be done without compromising their spending, saving, giving, and debt plan, they should do it. 

• Who makes how much income shouldn't play any role in the discussion. If one spouse makes 90% of the income, it's still a 50/50 decision. The moment we get married, everything we have (including our income) should be combined and viewed jointly. The words "mine" and "yours" need to be abolished and replaced with "ours."

• We aren't allowed to feel guilt when purchasing something important. Guilt cheapens the purchases and sabotages the reason we bought it. 

Ultimately, here is my recommendation. Since the husband's desired purchase has some urgency tied to it, I recommended they pull the trigger this month. However, that recommendation was contingent upon him agreeing to put her desired purchase in the budget next month. 

Be generous with your partner. If it's important to them, it should be important to you.