What Gets Measured, Part 2

Last week, I published a piece about the importance of measuring the things we want to accomplish. After all, "what gets measured gets done." I framed the post through the lens of my newfound discovery that I walk far less than I thought. So, when my wife purchased a walking pad, I decided to do something about it.

In the world of "what gets measured gets done," how we measure is where the rubber meets the road. If we can't find a simple and effective way to measure, we won't. And if we won't, ____ doesn't get accomplished. This is a crucial concept I discuss with my coaching clients. It's imperative to find easy ways to measure what needs to be measured. Anything else will result in inevitable failure.

In the case of my walking, I luckily have a world-class tool at my fingertips. In fact, we all do. The built-in Health app on the iPhone is an amazingly simple and powerful tool for measuring many different aspects of our lives. It's a bit scary, but this app has measured my walking for the better part of a decade. I can see the data in black and white.

Given how well the data is measured, it's created more clarity and motivation for me. I consciously think about my walking now. Instead of being completely passive and out of mind, it's at the forefront. This has resulted in some interesting (and intentional) behaviors:

• While waiting for my flight on Saturday afternoon, I paced back and forth through the terminal while on a Northern Vessel call with TJ.

• Knowing I'd be sitting behind a desk all day on Sunday, I got a few thousand steps on the hotel treadmill early in the morning.

• Since I did, in fact, sit behind a desk all day and didn't get to my new hotel until 10:30 PM that night, I still needed to rip out another 3,000 steps before bed. Unfortunately, the hotel's treadmill was broken. I improvised, pacing the hotel like a creepy stalker while talking to a friend on the phone.

What gets measured gets done! Want to see what that looks like for this silly little endeavor?

Boom! I went from 3,000 steps per day to 12,000 practically overnight. Part of why I've been preliminarily successful is the tool's strength. Look how clean and visual the data is. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't making a difference.

Finances are the same way. We need simple yet powerful tools. If you're looking to budget, EveryDollar Premium is hands down the best budgeting app on the market. I'm not Dave Ramsey fan (to put it lightly), but truth is truth. They created an ingenious tool, and it's 100% worth checking out. It must be the paid version, though. The free version, requiring manual entry, is brutal to use. This tool changes lives.

CapitalOne's 360 Performance Savings accounts are a fantastic tool to facilitate and track sinking funds.

CashApp is easily the best tool to house a single spending category, like personal spending, groceries, or dining out.

What gets measured gets done, and the right tools can be the make or break. What tools add value to your finances?

____

Did someone forward you this post? We're glad you're here! If you'd like to subscribe to The Daily Meaning to receive these posts directly in your inbox (for free!), just CLICK THIS LINK. It only takes 10 seconds.

Fake Until You Break

There's a narrative pervasively weaving its way through social media and our culture. It says this: Millenials are screwed, victims of bad timing and circumstance. First, I need to confirm that I am, in fact, a Millennial. This demographic group is currently between 30 and 43 years old, and I slot in at the high end of this range.

I'm not going to dive into all the reasons this generation feels wronged and victimized. I don't think it's worth the time to write or read. While I understand where these arguments come from, I also recognize all generations deal with their own version of struggle, pain, and suffering.

Instead, I want to discuss the other side of this never-ending debate. Wells Fargo recently completed a study of Millenials who have an annual household income of $250,000+. What they discovered was that 59% of Millenials in this camp believe "it's important to appear financially successful to others." To put that in comparison, only 35% of Gen X and 14% of Baby Boomers had a similar belief.

6 out of 10 Millenials believe it's important to appear financially successful in the eyes of others. More than half of the people in my generation! That has deep and powerful implications. Of the 59% of Millenials who think this way, 41% of them admit to funding their lifestyle through credit cards and other consumer debt. Only 28% of Gen X and 6% of Baby Boomers do the same.

This is self-sabotage at the highest level. These toxic perspectives and the behaviors associated with them are literally driving an entire generation into the ground. It's a fake-it-until-you-make-it type of life we're living, but ultimately, it's more like fake until you break.

Yes, our generation has faced headwinds these past 20 years. Yes, there are things that make life hard. But nothing is making life as hard as we're making it on ourselves. We're literally breaking our own family structures for the sake of looking rich. We can say all we want that it's not happening, but the data says it is......and so does my experience working with hundreds of families. We're spending ourselves into oblivion.

What's the alternative? Instead of caring what others think and trying to keep up with the Joneses, we should focus on what matters most. We should live with humility, discipline, and intentionality. We should pursue a life of meaning above all else. More stuff, status, and wealth will never provide the satiation you're looking for. Only meaning can provide that. And meaning can't be found on the other side of a purchase. My generation, at 30-43 years old, is still relatively young. We have time to figure this out. We can right the ship and lead ourselves into a productive life full of meaning, joy, peace, and impact. But that doesn't happen on accident. It must be chosen, then aggressively pursued.

____

Did someone forward you this post? We're glad you're here! If you'd like to subscribe to The Daily Meaning to receive these posts directly in your inbox (for free!), just CLICK THIS LINK. It only takes 10 seconds.

Corralling the Impulses

One of my friends, frustrated with his continual debt, reached out and asked a practical question: "How do you stop overspending?" Despite a fantastic income, he and his wife have ebbed and flowed in and out of credit card debt for nearly two decades. They are frustrated. They are tired. They are stressed.

"Just stop overspending." See, simple! But simple doesn't mean easy. We humans have some flawed wiring that makes it difficult to not overspend, and our modern-day culture encourages negligent behavior.

Some will read this post and want to slam their head against the wall repeatedly. Others will deeply relate. That's how polarizing this topic is. It's common sense not to overspend, but at the same time, our impulses lead us down that road.

At the risk of being nicknamed Captain Obvious, I'm going to share a few simple steps that can make a tremendous difference in our battle with overspending. Here we go!

1) Remove debt as an option. If debt is an option, be it credit cards, car loans, or any other types of consumer debt, we WILL use it.....eventually. We can say no 1,000 times, but that 1,001st time, our desires will get the best of us. I'm a huge advocate for structuring our life so that debt isn't even an option. Yes, I'm suggesting that people live without credit cards.

2) Have a plan. It's inevitable that our impulses will kick in. Again, we're human. One of the best ways to combat those impulses is to have a plan.....and stick to it. With money, that looks like a budget. A budget is just a vomit-inducing word that means we pre-decide where our money will go this month. It doesn't mean we'll spend less, but rather we'll spend what we said we will spend. We can budget $500 on dining out, which means we can (and should!) spend $500 on dining out, but we're not allowed to spend more than $500 on dining out. Following the plan keeps us accountable to our past selves who made the plan.

3) Understand the double-edged sword. Can we all agree that spending money feels good? That new pair of shoes. A state-of-the-art phone. A nice steak dinner. It can be euphoric! However, when we're in the moment of soaking up every ounce of that post-spend dopamine, we're not thinking about the other side of the equation: the stress, tension, guilt, and turmoil we'll soon endure from yet another act of overspending. It feels good in the moment, but the longer-term financial strain we put ourselves through more than negates the upside.

4) Know your why. While that new iPhone is pretty sweet, and will most certainly add value to your life, does it align or conflict with your bigger goals? If we can clearly define what your objectives are, it helps us make better decisions that align with those goals.

We deserve better than to live a stressful, tension-filled, guilt-ridden financial life. Find simple ways to regain control and corral your impulses. Future you will thank you for your service.

____

Did someone forward you this post? We're glad you're here! If you'd like to subscribe to The Daily Meaning to receive these posts directly in your inbox (for free!), just CLICK THIS LINK. It only takes 10 seconds.

The Creep Is Real

Today, I'm going to share the story of a friend. It's about his unique situation, but the same story plays out in millions of homes. It's the story of lifestyle creep. Lifestyle creep is a term that gets thrown around a lot, but today, I will give you a real-world example to shine a light on how destructive it can be. I will use round numbers for easier digestion.

Years ago, my friend and his wife combined for about $60,000 of annual income. It wasn't an abundant amount of money, but it was more than enough. They saved a bit for retirement through their work and had enough left to save about $500/month.

A few years later, the husband received a $20,000 promotion, and their $60,000 income was up to about $85,000 (including wife's pay raises). During that time, they moved into a better apartment and she purchased a new vehicle. They continued to save a bit for retirement and had enough left to save a few hundred dollars per month.

One year later, the wife received a $15,000 promotion, and their $85,000 income quickly increased to $100,000. He purchased a new car, and they joined a local country club. They continued to save a bit for retirement and had enough left to save about $500/month.

Fast forward about three years, and the husband took a new job that paid $30,000 more than the previous one. Combined with the wife's annual pay raises, and their combined income increased from $100,000 to approximately $140,000. They purchased a house and replaced both cars with nicer models. They continued to save a bit for retirement and had enough left to save about $500/month.

A handful of years later, they both moved up in their jobs and their income rose dramatically. In just those few years, their combined income increased from $140,000 to $230,000. They purchased a bigger house and began spending larger amounts of money on miscellaneous lifestyle categories (dining out, travel, clothes, etc.). They continued to save a bit for retirement and barely had enough to save anything each month.

That's when they called me. To the outside world, they were the definition of success. A large house, nice cars, fancy vacations, constant dining out. They had it made!!! Their reality, however, was much different. They continually stressed about money, their marriage was teetering (in part due to financial tensions), debt was building, they were way behind on retirement saving, they gave virtually nothing away, and they both hated their jobs. In other words, they were living the American Dream, er, Nightmare.

Can you relate? I'm sure many of you can, as this is a normal reality playing out in so many homes. This couple was earning nearly 4x of what they used to make earlier in their marriage, yet financial stress reached an all-time high. This is the destructive power of lifestyle creep. This is what happens when we pursue a life of more. This is what happens when we lose perspective.

Good news! It doesn't have to be this way. We can opt out of the American Nightmare. We can say no. We can take the path less traveled. I've been to the other side and am back to report it's amazing. Come join me!

____

Did someone forward you this post? We're glad you're here! If you'd like to subscribe to The Daily Meaning to receive these posts directly in your inbox (for free!), just CLICK THIS LINK. It only takes 10 seconds.

Bang For Your Buck

"You don't need that!" claims the misers in our life. For as much as we like to characterize our society as materialistic and financially irresponsible, there's another undercurrent at play. Many people around us believe in the don't-buy-it-if-you-don't-need-it way of life. Some call them cheapskates. They trade in the currency of guilt. They are everywhere!

Instead of asking if we need something, I ask a different question. Will it add value to my life? If the answer is yes, then the follow-up question: Will it add more value to my life than it will cost? If the answer is yes, we should consider purchasing it.

For the first time in many years, I bought myself several items on Black Friday. I had a bunch of personal spending money saved in my CashApp account, so I decided to splurge on some fun impulsive purchases.

For context, I'm a big believer that each spouse in a marriage should get some money each month solely for their personal enjoyment. No questions, no criticisms, no negotiation. Just personal fun for that person. Sarah and I started doing this during our very first month of marriage, and I recommend other couples do it as well. Sarah is known for depleting all her monthly spending money by the 6th of the month. My habits are a bit different. I don't spend a lot month-to-month, so my personal spending account often builds over time.

Back to Black Friday. Since I had a bunch of personal spending saved up, I was ready to pull the trigger on a few fun items. One of them was an item I had been interested in for a while: A coffee mug warmer. I don't just like my coffee hot; I like it McDonalds lawsuit hot. I want to risk my personal safety with every sip. Unfortunately, coffee gets cold quickly. Enter the coffee mug warmer. It's a simple little device - think of it as a fancy coaster - that keeps your beverage hot for hours. Now, while I'm sitting at my desk, I always have a piping hot coffee sitting next to me. Brilliant!

Better yet, this fun little purchase cost me only $30. Huge bargain! Was it a need? No. Did it add value to my life? Absolutely! Did it add more than $30 of value. You bet it did!!! Thus, it was an amazing purchase.

Don't let guilt-trippers get you down. Don't fall into the "you don't need it" trap. Don't rob yourself of adding value to your life simply because there's something "more responsible" to do than buy a fun item. It's not about having a bigger financial scorecard in life.....it's about having a better life. And it turns out my $30 mug warmer helps provide me a better life! I'll take that little win.

What about you? What are some sub-$50 purchases that added a bunch of value to your life? I'd love to hear your examples!

____

Did someone forward you this post? We're glad you're here! If you'd like to subscribe to The Daily Meaning to receive these posts directly in your inbox (for free!), just CLICK THIS LINK. It only takes 10 seconds.

The Cheap Gifts Linger

Think about the most expensive gifts you've ever received. Picture them in your mind. How much do you think they cost? When we receive these gifts, an overwhelming feeling of euphoria can rush over us. It's exciting.....and fun! I can picture some of my most expensive gifts in my head. They are all in a landfill today. Chances are, yours are, too. Or you received it not long ago, and it will eventually make its way there. It's sad, but true.

Now, think about some of the cheaper gifts you've received. Gifts that were rich in sentiment, not in sticker price. Maybe it was a framed picture, a hand-made item, or a customized item created solely with you in mind. Let me guess: You probably still have some of these....and you'll have them forever.

We live in a culture obsessed with putting a price tag on someone's value. Or, as famously quoted by Michael Scott, "Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It's like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, "Hey, man, I love you this many dollars worth."

Sure, that was a hilarious scene in one of the all-time great Christmas television episodes, but there's truth in Michael's words. We treat others - and internalize how others treat us - by the dollar value of gifts.

The cheap gifts linger, though. Sentiment always trumps material value. One will be in a landfill in just a handful of years, and the other might be a cherished possession for decades to come. I once gave my grandpa a painting of our state's Capital. It was a beautiful piece. It didn't cost a lot, but it carried so much meaning and sentiment. He talked about that painting until the day he died. Today, I possess that painting, and will likely do so until the day I die.

The cheap gifts linger. Do you believe that? If so, perhaps it can (and should) change the way you approach gift-giving this year. Don't feel beholden to the almighty dollar. Instead, ask yourself if you're giving a gift that will end up in a landfill soon, or a gift that will linger.

____

Did someone forward you this post? We're glad you're here! If you'd like to subscribe to The Daily Meaning to receive these posts directly in your inbox (for free!), just CLICK THIS LINK. It only takes 10 seconds.

Normalizing Your Normal

I recently broke the news to a family that spending $5,000/kid on Christmas presents doesn't jive with their family's finances. They have five kids…..

They were appalled by my audacity to suggest this amount of money is unreasonable. "That's a normal amount to spend," proclaimed the wife. My response: "Just because it's your normal doesn't make it reasonable. You're the one who normalized your normal."

"No, what we do is totally reasonable and is a completely normal amount to spend." Then, much to my delight, she suggested I blog about it to prove just how normal it is. I'll be looking forward to your collective responses.

This brings up a broader point, though. When we refer to something as "normal," we're glossing over the question of whether it's right. Normal does not equal right. We can (and often do) normalize bad behavior:

• It's normal to go tens of thousands of dollars into student loan debt.

• It's normal to live at or above our financial means.

• It's normal to give away very little, spending all of our resources on our own desires.

• It’s normal to live without an emergency fund.

• It's normal to stay in jobs that make us perpetually miserable.

Just because something is normal, it doesn't make it right. Further, we tend to live in little bubbles, surrounding ourselves with people who practice the same habits, values, and rituals we do—an echo chamber of sorts. I agree; there is a sub-culture of people inclined to spend $5,000/kid on Christmas. It's normal within that group of people because they collectively normalized it.

This blog is a different version of that. I'm trying to normalize meaning over money. I'm trying to normalize the pursuit of work that matters. I'm trying to normalize ridiculous levels of generosity. I’m trying to normalize intentionality with our finances. I'm trying to normalize a lived experience far more rewarding and fulfilling than fantasizing about retiring into a life of leisure.

Here’s my call to action today: Question what you perceive as normal. First, is your definition of "normal" normal? Second, if so, should it be? Perhaps it's time to turn normal on its head, draw a line in the sand, and normalize something better. I'll leave it open as to what this applies to in your life, but you probably already know the answer.

Side note: $200. That's how much Sarah and I will spend on each of our two kids for Christmas gifts. That's "normal" for us.

____

Did someone forward you this post? We're glad you're here! If you'd like to subscribe to The Daily Meaning to receive these posts directly in your inbox (for free!), just CLICK THIS LINK. It only takes 10 seconds.

I’ll Have One Christmas, Hold the Guilt

'Tis the season! The lights are going up, the movies are coming out, the weather is turning cold, and my Chicago Bears are melting down into season-ending turmoil. It can only mean one thing: Christmas is coming!

I absolutely love Christmas, but do you know what I don't love? Financial stress, unforeseen debt, and guilt. This is the annual season where millions of families will throw away their measure and discretion for just one more taste of the holiday spirit. Between the decorations, travel, gifts, food, and hosting, it's not uncommon for families to rack up thousands of dollars of expenses (often with debt).

Unfortunately, these expenses are often unbudgeted. They are impulsive, reactionary, and unplanned. But the magic of the season is intoxicating, so we just go along with it. Come early January, it's not uncommon for people to feel significant stress, tension, resentment, and guilt. By the time the Christmas spirit lifts, we're left with a nasty hangover. Have you ever been there before?

Multiple times in the last week, I've talked to families equally anxious as they are excited for the holiday season. On the one hand, they can't wait to share those special moments with the kids, but on the other hand, are dreading the seemingly unavoidable consequences.

I think you deserve better than the most wonderful season of the year to rob you of your peace, freedom, and sanity. You deserve to experience all the joy, without any of the guilt. So today, I'm going to give you a few ideas on how to do Christmas differently:

• Remember that Christmas joy is not derived from money, stuff, or status. Joy is joy.....period.

• Go into the season with a plan. If you're the budgeting type (and I hope you are!), ensure you have money allocated for each component of the season: gifts, travel, decor, food, hosting, etc. Name each and put a dollar figure on them.

• Speaking of budgeting for gifts, make a list of every person you want to buy a gift for. Then, assign a dollar amount to that person. Shop with boundaries.

• Commit to NOT using debt. There's no need to whip out the credit card. I know it's tempting, as it always is, but there's so much peace that comes from knowing everything you paid for is actually paid for.

• Follow the plan. If you said you would spend $500 on gifts, spend $500 on gifts. Don't spend $700, $800, or $1,200. Once you commit, commit. I don't care what the number is for any category, but you must honor yourself by honoring past you's decisions.

• Remember again that money, stuff, and status don't bring joy.

• Slow down your schedule, not speed it up. Embrace the time with your loved ones. Savor it. Don't cram as much in as possible.

• Remember the reason for the season. In our house, that's Jesus.

I hope this is the beginning of a beautiful holiday season for you and your family. It's been a crazy year. Enjoy this final chapter of it.

____

Did someone forward you this post? We're glad you're here! If you'd like to subscribe to The Daily Meaning to receive these posts directly in your inbox (for free!), just CLICK THIS LINK. It only takes 10 seconds.

The Alternative to Poof

I received a lot of fun feedback from yesterday's post. Many of you were glad I went there, and some of you even sent me screenshots of social media posts from businesses in your area going poof by weaponizing the owner's values. Others, though, were critical of me and my approach.....which they paired with hitting the unsubscribe button.

One critic was thoughtful in his approach. He ended his critique with the question, "So what's the alternative?"

The smart-alec in me wanted to respond, "The alternative to telling half your potential customers they are evil is to just NOT tell half your potential customers they are evil." But that felt too sharp, and I wanted to add a bit more value. Here's the secret: excellence! Always excellence.

If one of your customers agrees with everything you stand for, serve them with excellence.

If one of your customers flies in the face of everything you stand for, serve them with excellence. No exceptions.

Everyone deserves to be served with dignity and hospitality, regardless of their beliefs. I have many clients who have different values and beliefs than I do, and I wholeheartedly believe they deserve the same level of excellence I would try to give anyone else. They deserve it!

Let's flip it around. While not all of us are business owners, every single person reading this is a consumer. We buy products and services. We choose which products and services we need/want, and we choose who to purchase them from.

If you buy products or services from a company that has weaponized the owner's values against people like you, that, by definition, is the opposite of excellence. You're being treated like dirt, and you feel like it, too. You should probably buy your products and services elsewhere.

If you buy products or services from a company that has weaponized the owner's values in favor of people like you, and it causes you to want to "support" them more, that's the opposite of excellence. That type of consumer behavior, which is far too common and is borderline cultish, perpetuates non-excellence and shields businesses from having to earn it.

Both scenarios lead away from excellence. However, with our responsibility and opportunity, we consumers have the power to force businesses to be excellent. If we always reward excellence and always punish non-excellence, it will, on the whole, raise the bar for businesses all around us. Non-excellent businesses will either become excellent, or die. Excellent businesses will feel the pressure of other businesses becoming more excellent, and find new ways to improve. Everyone wins (except for businesses that refuse to pursue excellence).

It all comes down to us, the consumers. Will we reward values, or reward excellence? Will we justify bad behavior, or demand better? Will we patronize businesses that make us feel like crap, or find one that will actually add value to our journey? The average American makes 60 purchases per month, or roughly two per day. Will you demand excellence from your two today?

____

Did someone forward you this post? We're glad you're here! If you'd like to subscribe to The Daily Meaning to receive these posts directly in your inbox (for free!), just CLICK THIS LINK. It only takes 10 seconds.

Preserving My Midlife Crisis

In a few hours, I'll (temporarily) say goodbye to the 350Z. Our midwest winter is setting in, and it's time to store it away for the winter. I'm getting its oil changed, then delivering it to client, friend, and blog reader Emma's house where it will be kept safe and sound until spring. When I published a Facebook post asking if anyone was interested in making some storage income for the winter, Emma was the first person to text me. I quickly thanked her and confirmed I was in, to which she responded, "Really excited to help you preserve your midlife crisis." Wow, Emma.

It's been eight months since I finally checked the box on my 17-year dream of owning a 2006 Nissan 350Z stick-shift convertible. As I put it away for the winter, I thought today would be a good day to reflect on my decision.

In short, wow, what a rich and meaningful decision to purchase that car. It was easily the best $9,000 I've ever spent on something. It has been everything I hoped it would be, and more:

• I spent many hours cruising around town with my kids this summer, blaring Twenty One Pilots and making multiple pitstops at various ice cream establishments.

• Driving it as my daily commuter added a new richness and enjoyment to the repetitiveness of day-to-day life.

• I made road trips to Omaha, Minneapolis, KC, and Colorado, each providing a unique open-road, top-down experience.

• Several friends drove the car, and it was fun seeing the smiles on their faces.

Finny and I out for an afternoon cruise.

A particular conversation occurred on multiple occassions, each resembling this one:

Friend: "Wow, that car is amazing. I wish I could afford something like that."

Me: "Well, it cost about one-sixth of what you paid for that truck out there."

Friend: .........

What I want people to know about wants, meaning, and value-based decision-making is that we don't have to break the bank to journey into fun endeavors. $9,000 isn't nothing, but it's also not what most people default to when considering a fun purchase like this. We don't have to completely sabotage our finances to enjoy life. We can be measured, intentional, humble, and dutiful in our approach. This purchase didn't materially hinder our financial lives, but it sure added a lot of value to our family.

I'm not suggesting everyone should replicate my decision. Rather, I'm trying to make the argument that we should find things that add value to our lives, and we don't need to implode our financial lives to do so.

I also believe there's a time and place for everything. I waited 17 years to purchase this car. In hindsight, it cost me far less by waiting those 17 years, while being more valuable to me 17 years later than had I purchased it any time sooner.

I have nothing but gratitude and fondness for this decision. Yes, it's just a possession. Yes, it will be in a landfill before I know it. No, it can't make me happy. But dang, I'm really glad we decided to go for it.

____

Did someone forward you this post? We're glad you're here! If you'd like to subscribe to The Daily Meaning to receive these posts directly in your inbox (for free!), just CLICK THIS LINK. It only takes 10 seconds.

Respecting Younger You

I have a seared-in memory of a youth group conversation that happened many years ago. One of the girls excitedly told the group that she had just received her new iPhone earlier that day. Mid-sentence, one of her friends interrupted, "Wait, didn't you just get a new phone a few months ago?"

"Yeah, I did, but that one broke"

Another kid pops in, "This is like your third phone this school year."

"Well, fourth. They keep breaking, so I need to replace them."

Another guy jumps into the discussion. "My dad told me that if I ever break my phone, I'm responsible for buying a new one."

The original girl was shocked. "That's terrible! You'll never be able to pay for a phone on your own. That's not fair!"

I looked at the guy and asked, "How many times have you ever broken your phone?"

"Never! I can't afford to. I'm very careful." The answer I was expecting!

There's a lot to be learned from this story. It's a story of entitlement, ownership, personal responsibility, and cause and effect.

_____________________

As I picked Finn and Pax up from their band practice last night, I witnessed Finn quickly turn 180 degrees, nearly causing his electric guitar to collide with the corner of a concrete wall. If he were standing two inches closer, we would have had a disaster on our hands.

As we got in the car, I explained to him that he needed to be more careful. He replied, "Well, if something happens to my guitar, we can just buy me a new one."

"If you break your guitar, you're responsible for buying a new one, Finn."

"What!?!? That's not fair. I don't have that much money."

"Well, you better be careful. I'll show you a better way to hold it when you're not playing it, but the responsibility to take care of it is yours."

_____________________

Cause and effect is a wonderful teacher; it's also a humbling one. When handling our finances and the possessions purchased with said finances, it's imperative that we steward it well. We shouldn't covet our money or things, but we ought to respect it. Kids struggle with this, but so do many adults. We're quick to blow money, break things, spend money on things we don't care bout, lose things, continue unused subscriptions, incur needless banking fees, rack up interest, and countless other mindless anti-stewardship actions.

Again, this isn't about penny-pinching, idolizing, or hoarding. It's about honoring the fruits of our labor and making the best use of our resources. Remember, every dollar you spend on something you don't care about is one dollar you can't spend on something you do. Therefore, be thoughtful, be intentional, and ensure you're paying proper respect for the work younger you put in to earn those resources.

Oh yeah, and have a great day!

____

Did someone forward you this post? We're glad you're here! If you'd like to subscribe to The Daily Meaning to receive these posts directly in your inbox (for free!), just CLICK THIS LINK. It only takes 10 seconds.

Parsing Needs Wisely

In yesterday's post, I shared about our experience watching the Iowa State Cyclones go 7-0 on a last-minute comeback win on Saturday. I'm still riding that high, though somewhat disappointed we fell one spot (to #10 in the country) in the latest poll. Don't worry, I'm not going to rant about ISU football again today. Rather, this most recent game reminds me of a story from last week.

I was chatting with a friend about the upcoming football game, which was supposed to be a blackout (all-black uniforms and fans also wearing black). Amidst our conversation, my friend lamented, "Ugh, we need to buy black ISU gear for the game. That's gonna cost at least a few hundred dollars."

He immediately spotted the confused look on my face, then added, "What? Didn't you hear it's a blackout? We need to wear black, and we don't have any. So we need to go buy some."

See the common theme here? Need, need, need. My response was simple: "Or you could just wear non-black ISU attire......or you could wear black non-ISU attire. You don't NEED to spend hundreds of dollars on clothes just for this game."

He looked at me like I was absolute idiot! While I'm all for dressing the part, there's zero chance I'm going to spend a ton of money to buy gear just so I can fit in for a one-time event......especially if it's not part of my budget. This guy, on the other hand, was ready to sabotage his family’s finances over it. It wasn't this specific decision that was going to sabotage him, though. It's the fact he regularly blurs the line between need and want, and then makes poor financial decisions accordingly. It continually puts stress on him and his marriage, all in the name of "need."

I tried to sell him on a different perspective, but he wasn't having it. He said this is just part of life, and real fans would understand. I told him this wasn't about football gear, but he again wasn't having it. It wasn't all bad news, though. He ended this part of our chat with, "But you can use this in your blog." Grateful, my man!

As you can see in the photo I included in yesterday's post, we were wearing black, but it wasn't splattered with ISU logos. We didn't go shopping. We didn't blow a bunch of money on special gear for the occasion. However, we did have an amazing time and we'll probably remember it for decades to come. Nothing about our experience was a need. It was a series of fun wants that added up to a wonderful evening.

It's important to parse our needs wisely. Needs are needs, and it's important to recognize them as such. But the moment we try to square-peg-round-hole a want into a need, our decision-making becomes tainted. That’s counter-productive and destructive. Be true to yourself and be honest with the person in the mirror. You’ll always be better off for it.

____

Did someone forward you this post? We're glad you're here! If you'd like to subscribe to The Daily Meaning to receive these posts directly in your inbox (for free!), just CLICK THIS LINK. It only takes 10 seconds.

More Begets More

I became fascinated by watches in my early 20s. After purchasing a relatively nice one, I wanted more watches. Before too long, I had collected more than 20.

I purchased a pretty cool car when I was a sophomore in college. I loved it so much that I soon wanted an even cooler car (when I actually had money).

I purchased my first house when I was 26 years old. It was plenty of house for me, but after a while (as my income kept growing), I wanted a bigger house.

I visited a custom tailor on my first trip to Asia, where I purchased my first hand-made suit. This experience sparked a desire to buy more custom suits.

I started drinking bourbon during bourbon about five years ago. After a friend gifted me a high-end bottle, it made me want to start buying more bottles to add to my collection.

More begets more. More is the gateway drug to more. The moment we pursue more, we encounter the slippery slope of materialism. It's intoxicating; it's alluring. It also feels innocent enough. Small incremental decisions that will seemingly make us happy. Most decisions are small enough not to alter our lives materially.

We also find great ways to justify our decisions:

• That house is an investment.

• That car is more reliable than our last one.

• That suit makes us look more professional (status increase).

• Those watches and bottles of bourbon aren't terribly expensive, so why not!?!?

I'm grateful I avoided most of this slippery slope (after that initial watch binge). Some would call it perspective; others might call it luck. Whatever it is, I'm so glad I didn't detrimentally succumb to a dangerous path. It's not for lack of want, though. Each of these things tugs at my psyche and desires. It's not the want that hurts us, but rather the decisions that come from it.

While I've done a decent job avoiding these pitfalls, many people aren't as fortunate. This is one of the biggest traps I see families fall into. Once they taste more, they want more. And the problem with more is that every time we get more, more is still, well, more. Thus begins the materialism death spiral.

There are many consequences of this materialistic journey. We live a more strained life (lack of margin). We might not save for future needs. We inadvertently give up other purchases that would actually add more value to our lives. We refrain from being generous. We make career choices focused on the money (i.e. not the meaning). It creates tension in our marriages. The ratchet tightens.....all because we decide to chase more.

I'll let you decide where you see yourself in these stories, but regardless of where you land, I have good news and bad news:

• Bad News: We're not stuck in one place. If you feel like you have your materialistic urges in check, there's always a risk of falling into the trap if you're not careful.

• Good News: We're not stuck in one place. If you've already gone down the wrong road, there's always time to pull it back the other way. You can do it!

You got this!

____

Did someone forward you this post? We're glad you're here! If you'd like to subscribe to The Daily Meaning to receive these posts directly in your inbox (for free!), just CLICK THIS LINK. It only takes 10 seconds.

More Expensive, But Cheaper

My friend Ryan swears by Helm Boots. Whenever he talks about them, or I see him wearing them, I want to buy a pair.....until I see the $300 price tag. Ouch!

I usually spend about $100 on a pair of boots, and I typically buy a new pair each year. $100 is a very reasonable price, and it feels like I get a lot for my money. Ryan, on the other hand, spends more than $300 on his!!! Here's his selling point: "Yeah, but I've been wearing this pair for six years!"

While it's true that he spends 3x as much as I do on his boots, mine are actually 2x more expensive than his ($100/year vs. $50/year). His are far more expensive than mine, yet cheaper.

When we boil this silly story down, it's really just a tale of quality over quantity. When we spend a little more money on things that have durability and longevity, they often provide a lower long-term cost. We're thinking long-term, not short-term. We're paying more today in exchange for less tomorrow. A different form of delayed gratification. Everything we own will end up in a landfill in due time, but perhaps it’s in our best interest to purchase things that will take longer to get there.

What's funny about this concept is that many of us embrace this principle in some areas, yet whiff on others. I buy solidly built vehicles, good jeans, and state-of-the-art technology (phones, TVs, computers, etc.) that lasts for a long time, yet I still buy crappy boots and cheap t-shirts that are trash within a year. It's funny how we have these little wiring quirks.

Where do you get this right? Wrong? It's worth looking in the mirror to assess it. Many of us could benefit from making some tweaks to our purchase decisions. It maybe more expensive on the front end, but much cheaper in the long run. Doing so also allows us to buy products that are just better…period. It’s a win/win!

Seriously, what are yours? I love hearing about other people's quirky wiring and behaviors. In the meantime, I'll be buying a pair of Helm boots!

____

Did someone forward you this post? We're glad you're here! If you'd like to subscribe to The Daily Meaning to receive these posts directly in your inbox (for free!), just CLICK THIS LINK. It only takes 10 seconds.

She Completely Blanked

I ran into a former client at a coffee shop recently. I haven't seen her or her husband in upwards of three years. As we exchanged pleasantries, she exclaimed, "We did it!!!" To be honest, I had no idea what she was talking about.....so I asked for clarification. "The trip!!!" Ah, yes, the trip! I knew exactly what she was talking about!

Ever since the day I first met her, she and her husband had been talking about going on a specific type of trip. It was an exotic and unique idea. It was also costly. This trip was a big mental and emotional roadblock for them during our coaching relationship. They had the ability to save up for it, but they hesitated. After all, it was expensive and they had many more "responsible" things they should do with their money. Therefore, they continually kicked the can down the road.

But eventually, long after I was gone, they decided to pull the trigger. They went on the trip of a lifetime! They sacrificed, saved, planned, and enjoyed.

After learning about this beautiful development during our coffee shop encounter, I asked her, "Well, how much did it end up costing?" This was a huge sticking point for them, and one of the main reasons they considered skipping it to begin with. She stared at me for about ten seconds, almost as if she was searching her brain for the applicable information. Then, she sheepishly responded, "I don't actually remember." I loved that answer.

This is one of the most perfect examples of meaning over money. She's telling me about the most memorable, beautiful, and game-changing trip she's ever been on. The one she's been dreaming about since she was a kid. The one she will be telling people about for the rest of her life. Then, in her next breath, she can't even remember how much it cost. So powerful!

They invested in experiences and memories. Yes, they have less money because of it. But they also have something in return that can never be taken from them: memories. These memories won't be hoarded in a bank account. They won't eventually end up in a landfill. They won't become boring and out-of-date. Decades from now, those memories will be just as beautiful - if not more - than the day they experienced them.

When I asked her about the memories, her face lit up and she talked my ear off. When I asked her about the cost, she completely blanked. That's telling. That's beautiful.

It’s Hard to Overcome Our Structure

Someone contacted me with a problem. A couple in their mid-40s, two kids. They believed they were being responsible with their money, but it felt nearly impossible to make financial progress. As they put it, they didn't waste money, spend money frivolously, or buy nice things. Yet, they lived month-to-month and had much financial tension in their marriage.

I sat down with them to review their numbers. Here's what I found (shared with their permission):

• Combined Take-Home Income: $8,200

• Mortgage Payment: $3,600

• Car Payments: $1,600

• Other Debt Payments: $700

Do you see a problem here? Just their house payment is 43% of their take-home income. The house plus the cars account for 63%. Then, when you tack on the rest of the debt, these three categories account for 72% of their take-home income.

That means they only have $2,300 left for all other needs, wants, giving, and saving. That's not nothing, but wow, it's tight. So when they say they don't waste a bunch of money or spend frivolously, I believe them. There's no money to waste!

Here was their question: "How do we find margin? Where do we cut?"

These are tough situations. Unfortunately, it's hard to overcome our structure. This family had created a really expensivefinancial structure for their household. Based on THEIR choices, more than 70% of their income was already spoken for before it hits their bank account. No amount of trimming or cutbacks can help this family remedy what ails them.

Whether we want to admit it or not, these are OUR choices. The cities we reside in. The residences we choose. The cars we buy. We can cry foul all we want, but at the end of the day, we have choices to make; and these choices will dictate our structure.

Here's what happened. I pointed out that there are very few options to help this family without them significantly altering their structure. They can't cut groceries, utilities, dining out, clothing, entertainment, or any other budget items enough to move the needle. It's hard to overcome our structure! I couldn't let them go home empty-handed, though. Here are the options I floated by them:

• Increase their income

• Downsize their residence

• Sell one or both vehicles (and replace them with cheaper alternatives).

• Use some of their assets to pay off their non-car and non-mortgage debt.

Outside of these four levers, very few options exist to help them. Their structure is their structure, and it must be addressed for what it is. It's tough, but reality.

I hope this family takes a hard look in the mirror and decides to take drastic action; only time will tell. I sincerely believe their life will unlock if they are willing to humble themselves and make difficult choices.

The same goes for you....and me. We can trim around the edges all we want, but our financial structure significantly impacts our journey. For some of you, it may be time to alter your structure.

____

Did someone forward you this post? We're glad you're here! If you'd like to subscribe to The Daily Meaning to receive these posts directly in your inbox (for free!), just CLICK THIS LINK. It only takes 10 seconds.

You Don’t Have to Justify Fun

I was meeting with a client when this came out of her mouth: "I really want to buy a ____, but I need to find a way to justify it."

Me: "You don't have to justify fun!"

Seriously! She doesn't need to justify fun, and neither do you! Do you ever find yourself trying to justify a purchase you "don't need?" We play this little mind game with ourselves constantly. At the heart of this toxic practice is guilt. Deeply ingrained, culturally driven, self-deprecating guilt. Therefore, we play mental gymnastics with ourselves in order to remove or lessen the guilt.

"I'm really stressed out right now, and I haven't been a good friend to Stacy lately, so it's okay if I buy a plane ticket to fly to San Diego to see her."

"I haven't spent much money lately, and I just had a good sales quarter, so I'm going to treat myself and buy this purse."

"I just lost 10 pounds, so I need to go buy a few new pairs of jeans."

"I don't get to see my friends much, so signing up for fantasy football is an investment in my relationships."

From an early age, many of us are made to feel guilty for spending money on things we don't need. Quit spending. Save. Be responsible. Don't waste your money. That's what many of us hear throughout our childhoods. Then, we eventually become adults and are given the car keys to life, and we're surprised when we struggle to spend money on ourselves without guilt, regret, or mental games?

I have a solution to this problem. If something adds at least as much value to your life as it costs you, buy it. Plan for it, allocate the money for it, buy it, and enjoy. No, don't be irresponsible and blow up your goals or other priorities; this isn't about being reckless. Rather, it's about being financially intentional, honest with yourself, and true to your values.

You want to fly to San Diego to visit your friend? Awesome! Put it in your budget and go.

You want to buy a new purse? Excellent! Make it happen.

You want a new pair of jeans? Great! Hop in the car and drive to the mall.

You want to play fantasy football with your boys? Sounds fun! Enjoy bombing your draft.....again.

We must remove the guilt if we want to have a healthy relationship with money. If we can't, we don't control our money.....our money controls us. And that, my friends, is a sign we've already lost the game.

Be intentional. Set your goals. Aggressively pursue them. Be generous along the way. Save responsibly. Serve others well. Live a meaningful life. Oh yeah, and don't justify fun!

____

Did someone forward you this post? We're glad you're here! If you'd like to subscribe to The Daily Meaning to receive these posts directly in your inbox (for free!), just CLICK THIS LINK. It only takes 10 seconds.

Being Responsibly Irresponsible

As is the case most days, I opened my Daily Meaning e-mail inbox yesterday to find a message from my friend Randy. Randy consistently responds to my blog posts, including words of encouragement, a representative story, additional wisdom, or alternative perspectives. Yesterday's was a bit different. He pointed out that some readers might find yesterday's post (about not impulsively wasting extra money) incongruent with my typical message of using money on "spending for memories and meaning." He didn't personally find it incongruent, but he suspected others would......and he was right. I subsequently received a handful of questions and responses indicating such.

On the one hand, I repeatedly beat on the drum of values-based spending, investing in memories, and finding meaning in our finances. Then yesterday, I leaned into this idea that we shouldn't impulsively spend "extra" money that comes into our lives. Instead, we should apply all extra income to wherever we are in our plan. See the possible incongruency here?

Here's the bridge for this perceived gap: responsibility and intentionality. It all comes down to those two things. If we don't take responsibility for our finances (pay for needs, save for future expenses, and give), our finances get disjointed.....and stressful! Yes, we should use some of our money for fun and memorable things. However, having our financial ducks in a row is a must. If we're behind on rent, can't put food on the table, and the utility companies threaten a shut-off, we probably shouldn't be dumping our money into lots of wants (today). We need to solidify the foundation. Responsibility is critically important!

Second, intentionality. As I often mention, I don't personally care where you choose to allocate your money. People have different values, priorities, passions, and situations. It's inevitable that your "right" is different from my "right." Here's the second part of my slogan. I don't personally care where you choose to allocate your money......as long as it's intentional. It's planned. It's purposeful. It fits within the context of our broader finances. With intentionality comes peace; with impulse comes regret.

Three of my clients recently traveled to Europe for some epic summer trips. Believe me, I've been living vicariously through them all summer!!!! The pictures are beautiful, and I suspect the memories are much sweeter. Each of these trips cost them anywhere between $6,000-$14,000. That's a lot of money, but they put a ton of intentionality into it. Some of these families have been saving this money for years. Month after month after month of saving. Then, the planning. They got the flights, then the hotels, then started filling the days with museums, trains, tours, and restaurant reservations. So much intentionality! By the time the trip arrived, they had zero financial stress and, carried themselves confidently, knowing their overall finances were intact and thriving.

Let's call this living responsibly irresponsible. Do the things other people judge you for. Make them roll their eyes. Let them question your sanity. But behind the scenes, do it with much intentionality and responsibility.

____

Did someone forward you this post? We're glad you're here! If you'd like to subscribe to The Daily Meaning to receive these posts directly in your inbox (for free!), just CLICK THIS LINK. It only takes 10 seconds.

The Verdict Is In

"How's the midlife crisis treating you?" asked my friend Emma as I was getting out of my new (to me) 2006 Nissan 350Z. "It's going fantastic! Thanks for asking," I responded. Emma, man! Always busting my chops!

This week marks the five-month mark since pulling the trigger on this car. Oddly enough, until yesterday, Sarah had only spent a grand total of five minutes in it. Then came yesterday. We did a 10-hour road trip to visit some of our closest friends and experience the opening night of Twenty One Pilot's new tour. Sarah and I had a blast. The top was down, the sun was up, the weather was beautiful, and the Twenty One Pilot music was blaring. The only negative is that Sarah can't drive a stick shift, so she gleefully allowed me to drive the entire 10 hours in one sitting (while she endured multiple sun-soaked naps).

The verdict is in. After five months of driving this car and 10 hours cruising across multiple states with Sarah, I can confidently testify that, besides some of our giving, this was the best $9,000 I've spent in my life. I waited 17 years to purchase this car, and it's lived up to every ounce of anticipation I could have ever imagined (and more).

I didn't need this car. There were more "responsible" things to do with $9,000. An investment in the stock market would have yielded a far better financial outcome than buying an 18-year-old car that will only go down in value. There are surely better financial decisions besides buying a fun car.

All of that is true, yet this one was one of the best decisions we've ever made. Why? Because not everything is about money. The amount of memories I've already made with this car is staggering. The boys love hopping in and cruising our town. They know exactly what songs they want to play. They know what ice cream shops to direct me to. They eagerly anticipate one-on-one time with their dad. It's not about money; it's about something much bigger.

- Pax proudly posing after a fresh wash

No, we don't need money to create memories. Memories are free. However, I'm so glad I chose to spend this $9,000 on this car. After 17 years of waiting, it seems like a fitting and poetic end to the story. Had I purchased it 17 years ago when I was a young single guy, it would have been cool.....but not this cool. Instead, I get to road trip with my wife. I get to have jam sessions with my sons. I get to let friends and youth group kids borrow it. It's so much more than money.

I hope you have your version of this. If you don't, I encourage you to find it. Don't make it about money. Don't obsess about making the right financial move. Make a decision that bends in favor of meaning. Create those memories! You won't regret it.

____

Did someone forward you this post? We're glad you're here! If you'd like to subscribe to The Daily Meaning to receive these posts directly in your inbox (for free!), just CLICK THIS LINK. It only takes 10 seconds.

Remorse is Setting In

We had a rough moment in our house last night. Both boys mowed the yard, resulting in a little paycheck. As always, 1/3 goes to their giving ziplock, 1/3 goes to their savings ziplock, and 1/3 goes into their wallets for spending. They were eager to receive the fruits of their labor, but reality quickly struck.

As they each opened their wallets to deposit their spending cash, they were welcomed to an empty cavern where money used to live. They were immediately upset at the idea of having no spending money (except for the cash they just earned). Sarah reminded them that they spent all their money on the 4th of July. I could see disappointment and buyer's remorse take over their expressions.

If I'm being honest, I loved it. I'm so glad this happened! They need to feel this way. It's imperative they learn these lessons the hard way. It's critical they understand the importance of wise decision-making. It's a growth opportunity to experience the regret of past decisions at the expense of future opportunities. They were mad at us, but at the heart of it, they were mad at their past decisions.

As parents, we must subject our children to these types of painful situations. It's not hurting them; it's helping them. Allowing them to fail and experience consequences is an exercise of love. It takes nearly zero effort to give our kids whatever they want. That's the easy way out. The difficult path, however, is having the fortitude and confidence to allow our kids to fail when we have the power to rescue them.

There will be more work. There will be more money. There will be more fun purchases. Next time, though, perhaps they will approach their decisions with a bit more wisdom. 7-year-old wisdom, but wisdom nonetheless. That's the win!

Let the kids fail. Let them feel pain. Let them learn the hard way. That's the gateway to growth, wisdom, and a brighter, healthier future.

____

Did someone forward you this post? We're glad you're here! If you'd like to subscribe to The Daily Meaning to receive these posts directly in your inbox (for free!), just CLICK THIS LINK. It only takes 10 seconds.