No Free Lunch

Sarah and I are considering a decision that would increase our monthly expense load. It's a want - absolutely not necessary - but it may add a ton of value to our family's life.

"But what are we going to give up?" I asked Sarah. In a vacuum, this decision is a no-brainer for us. Unfortunately, though, we don't live in vacuums. We live in the real world where you can't just magically increase your expenses and have no consequences. And no, "We'll just make more money" isn't an acceptable answer.

If we add a meaningful expense, what are we willing to sacrifice to make it happen? Sarah had some suggestions:

• Cut personal spending

• Reduce travel fund contributions

• Cut back on our kids budget

• Scale back dining out

Something has to go, and it's probably going to be something that matters to us. That's how this money stuff works. Every decision requires a counter-decision. We can have fun things, but we can't have all the fun things.

I firmly believe most families would make drastically different decisions if they embraced this concept. If we live a life where we just add, add, add, and add, that's called delusion. It's also the gateway to a disastrous inflection point at somepoint in the near future. It WILL catch up with us one way or another. We'll either end up deeply in debt, completely lacking the resources for a dignified retirement, rob us of our freedom, or cost us what we want most.

This is peak personal responsibility. This is where the rubber meets the road. Yes, make decisions that lead to cooloutcomes. Yes, give yourself the freedom to invest in memories and experiences. But whenever you do, be willing to have the hard conversation about what you're willing to give up to make it happen. There's no free lunch, and that's a good thing!

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One Sec, Gotta Make My Monthly Burrito Payment

A few days ago, it was announced that Klarna will soon be partnering with DoorDash, offering DoorDash customers the option to spread the expense of their food order over four monthly payments. Yes, you heard that correctly. You'll soon be able to use debt to buy your delivered Chipotle burrito. Don't feel like forking over $20 to fill your belly from the comfort of your own home? That's okay! You can still get your tasty treats for just four easy payments of $4.99.

Seems absurd, doesn't it? Well, that's one way to look at it. The reality, though, is that people have been using debt to pay for their burritos for years. Considering the average household in America carries a $9,000+ credit card balance, we effectively are using debt to fund our cravings. After all, most people are using credit cards for most purchases, and every dollar spent on a tasty treat is one less dollar paid off. It's a continuous cycle, but we mask it by churning charges and payments each month, a never-ending cycle.

While DoorDash offering monthly payments for food purchases seems insane, it's a natural next step for the collective journey we've been on. Debt is not only culturally accepted, but encouraged. From a young age, we're told that using debt is not just okay, but inevitable. It puts a magic wand in the hands of a group of people obsessed with instant gratification.

Want a new car? Wave the wand and sign the papers.

Want a trip to Disney? Wave the wand and swipe the card.

Want a new wardrobe? Wave the wand and sign up for that store card.

And now, want an Arby's roast beef sandwich and curly fries (IYKYK)? Wave the wand and choose payments.

It's that easy! But it shouldn't be. I yearn for a world where we have to think about our decisions, plan for our decisions, and sacrifice for our decisions. A world in which we don't systematically sabotage our own futures at the hands of our impatience and temptations. A world where people will live with margin, freedom, and options. A world where proactivity trumps reactivity.

Will you help me create that world? I don't have the power to bend the culture by myself, but together, collectively, we do!

In the meantime, I'm gonna go get me a Taco Bell Luxe Cravings Box.....and actually pay for it out of my bank account.

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Your Permission Slip

If you ever want to get a zoomed-in look at our modern-day societal depravity, pull up a Dave Ramsey clip on social media and read the comments. Now, I'm no fan of Dave Ramsey, and I'm often critical of pieces of his advice, but the level of vitriol and anger toward his social posts are hard to watch.

Example. I recently stumbled upon a clip where a woman was talking to Dave about getting out of debt. Dave's very clear advice was that this woman and her husband desperately needed to sell their expensive vehicles (paired with expensive payments), buy a few $10,000 cars with cash, and use their newfound monthly margin to aggressively pay off the remaining debt. As someone who does this for a living, I affirm this advice based on the information given by this woman. In all reality, the only rational path out of this debt mess is to humbly sell the fancy vehicles, even more humbly purchase inferior vehicles, and use this significant reset moment as an opportunity to get right with their money.

The commenters disagreed, and right on cue, they offered the angriest of angry responses. In short, most of the feedback revolved around the idea that you can't even find junkers for $10,000. $10,000 will buy a piece of trash car that will leave you stranded in the middle of nowhere any and every day. Translation: a $10,000 vehicle is an absolute pile of crap.

Confession: My family owns three cars, each valued at less than $10,000. They are quality vehicles. They run well. They are reliable. They get the job done. They take us from point A to point B.

No, they aren't fancy. No, they don't have the latest technology. No, they aren't under warranty. No, they won't be issue-free. No, they won't be the coolest car in any parking lot. No, they aren't sexy (well, the 350Z is 19-years-old sports car sexy!).

More importantly, they fit within our budget, provide financial margin, and allow us to spend our money on things that add far more value to our lives. We haven't had a car payment in 16 years, and will never again. We'd rather walk 15 miles, uphill both ways, in a torrential storm, than ever have a car payment again. Thus, we won't.

At the same time, our culture is pushing people into toxic vehicle purchase decisions that are deeply crippling their lives. Parents are doing it to their kids. Neighbors are doing it to their neighbors. Co-workers are doing it to their co-workers. Social media is doing it to all of us. It's everywhere.

Therefore, today, I'm giving you a permission slip. I'm not sure you need it, but today I am giving you permission to drive a vehicle you can afford. Yes, you can live a happy, meaningful, and fulfilling life while driving an affordable vehicle. You don't need to sabotage everything you hold dear in exchange for driving an expensive vehicle. It's not worth it. Please believe that. It's not worth it.

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But Not All the Fun Things

One of my favorite things is receiving random voice memos from Meaning Over Money co-founder Cole Netten. Cole is known for sending long rants that offer a combination of podcast ideas, requests for guidance, or just a general release valve to the madness of our culture around money.

Yesterday's voice memo was a podcast idea. He doesn't know it yet, but it triggered the opposite content idea than originally intended. He highlighted how I often say that it's not the coffee (or other small purchases) that's killing people. Rather, we're burying our financial lives through a handful of key massive decisions. Yesterday's voice memo was to point out (and rant about) how the price of coffee shop coffee is getting so ridiculous that maybe the coffees ARE killing people. Considering I own a coffee company, I was deeply offended by his remarks (haha!!).

He does make a great point; coffees aren't cheap these days! It's not uncommon for people to drop $6-$9 on a single coffee drink. That's the new normal. However, I think it does the topic a disservice when we look at the price of a single transaction in our day and scapegoat it as THE reason we face financial tension.

We can (and should) have fun things, but we can't have ALL the fun things. The coffee alone isn't killing us. We can choose to have the coffee. The clothes alone aren't killing us. We can choose to have the clothes. The problem arises when we decide we want ALL the fun things.

I just had this conversation with a client the other day (and I appreciate them for allowing me to share this on the blog!). One spouse blamed the other spouse for the Starbucks runs killing them. The other spouse accused the first spouse of gas station snack pit stops as the financial culprit. The truth is, neither of those things is what's killing them. Their problem is they are trying to have ALL the fun things, including:

• Daily coffees

• Daily gas station snack runs

• Lots of clothes

• Drinks with friends

• Frequent dining out

• Weekly massages

• Monthly botox

• Frequent phone upgrades

• Country club membership

• 3-4 sports/activities for each kid

• High-end haircuts

• Continuous gun purchases

It's death by a thousand cuts. There's nothing wrong with any of these items IF they add value to their life and are consistent with their values. But for some reason, they've decided they deserve ALL the fun things....and it's crushing their finances (and their marriage).

Where does contentment come into the picture? What about saving/investing? Giving isn't even on the radar. Humility is desperately needed. It's an arms race of more, an unwinnable battle. They are in the thick of it; one day, they will likely wake up and face the harsh consequences of their decisions.

It's okay to enjoy that coffee, or that meal, or that massage. None of these items, in a vacuum, will kill you. You can have fun things. But you can't have ALL the fun things. Discernment is a powerful tool. I hope you feel confident in yours this week.

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Cost, Value, and Your Gut

I've eaten $10 meals that were absolute ripoffs.

I've eaten $300 meals that were bargains.

I've worn $30 jeans that were absolute ripoffs.

I've worn $150 jeans that were bargains.

I've recently beaten the drum of the importance of looking through the lens of value. Not value as in cheap, but value as in something is worth more than we pay for it. Several readers have asked how one would discern if something adds more value than it costs.

Here's my short answer: It's in your gut. You know when you know, and it's highly subjective. For example, that $300/person meal I referenced above was one of the most amazing things I've ever experienced (and I'd do it again in a heartbeat). However, some of you might feel very little value for restaurant experiences and would rather jump off a cliff than spend $300 for a single meal. That doesn't make you right/wrong or me right/wrong.....it makes us different.

As such, we each need to view our decisions and prospective decisions through our own unique lens. There's a gut feel to this cost vs. value tension. My financial coaching service is another great example. I once had a prospective client leave a consultation saying my pricing was the biggest ripoff in the world. One hour later, another prospective client said the exact same pricing structure seemed like a steal of a deal. One wasn't right, and the other wrong; they just had different lenses.

There's no mathematical formula to determine if something adds more value than it costs. So many factors are involved, some of which are intrinsic. There's value seen, and value felt. Value you can quantify, and value you can't. Value you can compare to alternatives, and value that stands on its own.

My encouragement is to always use YOUR gut. Look at your life and your prospective decisions through your unique lens. You won't always get it right. You will sometimes regret a purchase decision because it failed to meet your perceived value. That's ok; we live and learn. Every whiff will help you get better for the next decision. Enjoy the journey!

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I See Dead People

"I see dead people." The plot twist of plot twists. Do you remember the moment you got to the end of The Sixth Sense and that little boy rocked your world? I won't spoil it if you haven't seen the movie yet, as it's only been out for 26 years now.....I don't freely reveal spoilers until year 30!

Today's post is my plot twist! My favorite moment yesterday was seeing all the feedback from yesterday's post. It caused quite a stir, and not in the most positive ways. In short, I challenged people to take their $10/day of wants spending and use it to add the most value possible to their lives.

The responses were right in line with what I anticipated:

• "That's far too much money!"

• "That's a lot of money over the course of a year."

• "Sounds materialistic."

• "How about we just be responsible?"

• "You're telling people to waste money."

• "Why would you tell people to spend so much?"

I knew my post would generate such a response, as the idea of spending $10/day on wants may feel over the top. After all, that's $10 today, tomorrow, the next day, for weeks, for months, for years. I think most would agree that this idea sounds excessive. I intentionally framed it through the lens of $10 per day because it psychologically triggers something in us. $10 per day on wants sounds aggressive...perhaps over the top.

Here's my "I see dead people" plot twist. This was the setup for today's post. Most people spend far, far more than $10/day on wants.....they just don't think about it that way. I'm talking about lifestyle purchases. Personal spending, dining out, drinks, coffee, hobbies, entertainment. A little of this, a little of that.

To make my point, I opened my client folder on my MacBook and randomly clicked on clients. Below are the average daily wants spending over the last six months for ten random clients:

• $12/day - Young couple, no kids, VERY strict budget

• $17/day - Young couple, small child, financially conservative

• $19/day - 30-something couple with multiple kids, very generous!

• $44/day - Definition of "normal"

• $50/day - Definition of "normal"

• $51/day - Definition of "normal," Told me $10/day is too much

• $63/day - Sacrificially and joyfully generous

• $65/day - Told me $10/day is too much

• $72/day - Becoming more normal

• $99/day - Living it up

If $10/day seems excessive, what do we do about the fact my sample ranges from $12/day from a young middle-class couple with a very strict budget to $99/day from a different family? Also, how do we reconcile the fact that two of the people who criticized my $10/day idea are actually spending $51 and $65, respectively?

Here's where I land:

• We often spend more than we realize.

• We often spend on things that don't add value to our lives, making it feel like we're spending less.

• $10/day IS a decent amount of money, so we ought to live with contentment and gratitude.

• It's hard to keep up with the Joneses.

• Intentionality is key!

Yes, spend money on wants that add value to your life, but don't fall into the trap of more. Be intentional. Be selective. Be content. Be grateful. Be responsible. Be generous.

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Ten Buck Challenge

For whatever reason, as I was sitting in the Houston airport for 11 hours (!!!!) yesterday, I kept seeing social media posts demonizing spending. These posts were beating the drum of "Stop spending," "Only buy things you need," and "Save more, you irresponsible twerp!"

If you're a regular reader, you probably know how much I hate this narrative. It creates a culture of guilt, regret, and second-guessing. It prioritizes money over meaning, and effectively sucks the fun out of life. It turns us into robotic little savers that won't allow ourselves even one inch of slack.

Today, I want to explore a different angle about spending. Let's say, in a normal month, you spend $10/day on things you want (i.e. not a need). This is money strictly to add value to your life, and "adding value" can mean almost anything. $10/day, on average, every day.

Therefore, the task is simple. Each day, you have $10 to add as much value to your life as possible. No saving, no needs, no giving, and no investing. That's a separate bucket of money. This is $10 per day solely for the purpose of value-add enjoyment.

Looking at it through that lens, what is the most value-added use of your $10?

• Perhaps it's starting your day with a killer coffee drink.

• Maybe it's going out to lunch with a friend.

• Could it be combined with tomorrow's $10 to purchase a new book?

• Did the newest blockbuster movie release?

• Would it be valuable to save up the next handful of days and buy that new pair of jeans?

• Insert your item here.

The possibilities are endless, and each person's hierarchy of potential uses is entirely unique. I occasionally ask people this question: "If you had $10 today to spend on whatever you want - something that would add value to your day - what would you spend it on?" The answers are so unique, so thought-provoking.

Here's the good news. You probably have $10! Yes, it's ok to use it to add value to your life. You don't have to hoard it all. You don't have to clutch it out of guilt or regret. You can spend it on something cool. You can use it to enrich your life, add a burst of joy, grow yourself, or help you relax. It's ok to increase your quality of life while ALSO living responsibly, saving for future wants and needs, investing for the future, and giving joyfully and sacrificially.

Here's my question to you today: What would you use your $10 on? Whatever your answer is, consider doing it!

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Too Too Much of a Good Thing

Yesterday was a fun day. We had the opportunity to spend some time in the sun at a phenomenal little resort right along the ocean. It was absolutely beautiful. Unfortunately, it ended up being too much of a good thing….or maybe too too much. With some combination of sun sickness and food poisoning, I spent the last 18 hours with some of the worst sicknesses imaginable. I'll save you the gory details, but my favorite part was the horrid hallucinations.

That's why you're receiving this post later than usual, as I have been at death's doorstep until this very moment.

Yesterday was a very harsh reminder that too much of a good thing is never a good thing. The sun was amazing, but seven hours of constant sunlight while hanging right next to the Equator is not a good thing. I got punished for my overzealousness.

The same goes for nearly every area of life: Money, stuff, status, relationships, food, vacation. For each of these, there's enough. The amount that will add value to your life, retain a healthy balance, and live a quality life. Then, there's too much of a good thing. Once we cross that line into too much territory, these things no longer benefit us, but start deteriorating us.

The trouble is it's sometimes difficult to recognize when we've crossed that line. The worst thing we can do is anchor ourselves to what other people are doing, as I did yesterday. When we use others as the point of comparison, we're likely to inadvertently jump off the cliff because we followed them right off. Just because others were getting seven hours of straight Equator-level sunshine, it doesn't mean I should be. Similarly, just because your peers are buying monster houses, fancy new cars, and funding a lifestyle that should only be reserved for a multi-millionaire, it doesn't mean you have to. Don't anchor yourself to others.

Instead, we need to decide what's enough. What's enough sun? What's enough house? What's enough car? What's enough lifestyle? If we make this conscious decision, we can live a healthier and more fulfilling life.

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When In Honduras

Our plan for this family vacation was to keep it simple—lots of swimming, eating, and playing. We weren't intending to do any crazy excursions. However, as I was flipping through some of the different options, one stood out to me: Playing with sloths. Have you ever played with a sloth? I haven't even seen a sloth in real life. Do they even exist? Are they really that slow? Are they as cute as I picture them? There was only one way to find out. When in Honduras, as they say.

So, yesterday, while docked in Roatan, Honduras, we took a little family adventure that included a cute little sloth named Flash. We held parrots, let monkeys jump on our heads, and viewed the coral reef through a glass-walled submarine boat. Oh yeah, and we met Flash!

Just say yes to memories. Two days ago, I had never even seen a real-life sloth. Today, we're family friends with a cute little sloth named Flash. That memory is worth far more than a material possession that will surely end up in a landfill 5-10 years from now. That memory is forever!

Wherever life takes you this week, month, or year, find opportunities to say yes to memories. They may seem questionable, or a hassle, or expensive, or perhaps even a waste, but some of them will sear into you and your family's memory banks forever. Not all of them, and not all the time. Some might fall flat, land short, or be all-out duds. However, some will be pure gold. Yesterday was pure gold for our family. I'm glad I said yes when every ounce of me wanted to say no and stick to the plan of remaining chill. Future me will thank past me one day.

Let your future self do the same to you!

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This Could All Be Yours, For Only…..

One of my friends recently reached out to me, confused and seemingly frustrated. He was dumbfounded as to how his friends were seemingly lapping him financially when, in his estimation, their income was probably similar. When I asked what makes him think that, he cited a few financial decisions one of his closest friends recently made. In short, his best friend purchased a $700,000 house, which apparently proves he's rich. As I explained to my confused friend, a large house purchase isn't a sign of wealth, but rather a sign of a high cost of living. Here's the quick math I gave him:

• Let's assume his friend made a 5% down payment, or $35,000. That means they needed to finance the remaining $665,000.

• With a 6.75% interest rate on a 30-year schedule, the monthly principal and interest payment would be approximately $4,300/month.

• The real estate taxes for their jurisdiction would be approximately $1,200/month.

• Homeowner's insurance would likely run in the $200/month range.

• Therefore, their minimum monthly payment would be approximately $5,700.

• I say minimum because that number does not include repairs and maintenance. We should expect to pay at least 1% of the house's value per year (over the long run) on repairs and maintenance, or approximately $500-$600/month.

• Oh yeah, and while it assumes they put a $35,000 down payment on the house, it doesn't factor in any money they spent on furnishing it.

Therefore, on average, this couple is spending at least $6,000/month for their house, plus another $50,000+ the day they move in.

"Holy #$#@!!!! I would never want that sort of pressure on my family. We'd have to give up everything else we value in order to make that work. And that financial pressure would make us feel like absolute crap."

"Good, so you have no reason to be jealous of them!"

There's no free lunch in life. Whenever we see someone around us making extravagant purchases, there's a very real cost. There are consequences. When they spend that money, it's $x less they get to spend on something else. Or if they financed it, it's $y more added to their budget each month, for years, to pay it off. Every action has a reaction.

If that last paragraph is true, then we should all spend less time being jealous of other people's decisions, and more focused on simply making value-add decisions for our own family. Life is so much better that way!

Or through the lens of a recent conversation I had with one of my sons, he asked, "Dad, why don't we live in a house like my friend ____ lives in?" Translation: Why does our house suck when his friend is living in a mansion? My answer was simple. We make intentional choices that allow us to do the most important things for our family: Dad gets to help people, Mom gets to stay at home to be with you more, we give generously, and we travel to make lots of memories.

Whatever financial choices you make today, I hope they align with your family's values, goals, and vision. Don't live the world's values....live yours.

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The Microeconomics of Childhood

The response to my recent When the Legs Go Numb post has been overwhelming. I haven't responded to all my e-mails yet, but trust me, I see you! I appreciate that the post struck a nerve and added to many people's parenting journeys. A handful of people had an interesting observation, though. They loved my ideas about paying kids for performance on voluntary projects, but it doesn't work for their kids. Why? Because their kids don't seem to be interested in earning money.

Now, I'm pretty sure their kids are humans......highly likely! If so, their kids DO have wants, and if that's true, they ARE interested in money (or at least what money can provide). It's not a want problem; it's a microeconomics problem. It's simple supply and demand. We'll call it the microeconomics of childhood.

Let's say you're practicing the very principles I talk about. Don't pay your kids an allowance. Offer them projects to complete in exchange for performance-based compensation. They work, get rewarded, and use said reward to spend/save/give. Cause and effect. Input and output. All is good with the world.

Back to the issue. Many people's kids aren't motivated by money. They don't seem to care. They would rather not work than earn compensation through work. Here's the next question I ask them: Do you regularly buy things for your kids that they want? "Well, yeah, of course!" "Usually." "If we're having a good month, yeah."

This is the microeconomics issue. When we regularly purchase wants for our kids, the supply of money in their lives is high. They may not physically possess the money, but they have access to the money they need to get the things they want. Therefore, the demand for work is low.

I think it's important we parents flip that around. We need to lower the supply of money in our children's lives, thereby increasing the demand for money (i.e. the desire to work). Here's what it looks like in my house:

"Dad, I want a ______."

"That's awesome, bud! Do you have money to buy it?"

"No, I only have $5."

"That's too bad. But if you want to make some money, we have lots of projects you can do."

Pax worked so hard to buy this RC car!

This has happened countless times, occasionally accompanied by tears. If my kids want something badly, I don't want to demean or disrespect that want. Rather, I harness it to encourage the healthy behaviors that result in them earning the money to buy said want. The supply of money is low, creating a higher demand for work.

We're taking a family vacation soon, and my kids know it's their responsibility to have money for souvenirs. As such, They've been working their butts off. It's not because they are the most perfect kids. Had we told them we would buy them whatever they wanted on the trip, their desire to work would be zapped.

So, next time you get frustrated that your kids aren't responding to work the way you had hoped, inspect the microeconomics of childhood in your house. The answer probably lies somewhere in that department.

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Respect the Blessing

One of the perks of writing a daily blog is the fact I get to use my dumb mistakes to positively impact others. Today's edition of Travis-is-dumb is brought to you by the letter "B".......as in boots. On Black Friday, I finally purchased the pair of Helm boots I had been eyeing for years. I even wrote a blog post about them last September. The boots are amazing! They were everything I bargained for, and I'm excited to enjoy them for the next 5-10 years.

Well, until yesterday. For the last several weeks, I've been telling myself I need to clean and polish them. Partly so they look nicer, but primarily because I need to protect them from the elements. Even a few days ago, I thought to myself, "I really need to work on them tonight because of all the snow we're getting." Can you tell where this is going?

Last night, as I began putting on my beautiful boots, I noticed a massive water stain on the leather. One side was essentially ruined. My lack of care resulted in the leather being exposed to the elements, eventually paying the ultimate price. These boots were going to last me for the better part of a decade.....but lived for less than three months. If I want to replace them, which I do, it will cost me $300.

I regularly beat the drum on the importance of not idolizing our possessions. We shouldn't worship things, and stuff shouldn't dictate our decisions. It's far too common for people to love things and use people, when we should be loving people and using things. All of our stuff will soon be in a landfill, after all.

However, while we shouldn't obsess over our material possessions, we are called to be good stewards. We have a responsibility to respect what we've been blessed with. If we spend our resources on a possession that we will disrespect and demean, that's wasteful and irresponsible. In the case of my boots, I was wasteful and irresponsible.

I'll survive and will eventually laugh at this situation, but it's a humbling reminder of how we need to step up and manage well what we're blessed with. We have a beautiful opportunity in front of us, which also comes with an equally important responsibility.

I hope my dumb mistake can inspire you to avoid your own. Heck, I hope my $300 mistake can inspire me to avoid an upcoming $3,000 mistake. If we're not responsible with the little things, it's nearly impossible to be responsible with the big things.

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Just Buy the Shoes

One of my clients is a hoarder. All her life, she's been told:

• "Stop spending."

• "You don't need that."

• "Save more."

• "Don't waste money."

Many of you can relate to this. This didn't happen because parents were trying to be hurtful. Quite the opposite, actually. It's the product of parents trying to teach kids responsibility and discipline.....but they just happened to do it in the most toxic and destructive way possible.

Fast forward to today, and my client is a 35-year-old with a great job, no debt, and investments for the future. Oh yeah, and $400,000 in her CHECKING account. During a recent meeting, we spent 20 minutes deliberating a huge financial decision for her. I'll share what it was: She wanted a pair of shoes. Not just any shoes, mind you; $75 shoes.

Let me summarize. A grown woman, making good money, with nearly a half million sitting in her checking account is consternating over a $75 pair of shoes. This is the product of being told to "quit spending" for 20+ years. Ironically, she's financially free, but a slave to herself.

"Just buy the shoes," I kept saying.

All clients leave our meetings with a handful of next steps. That day, she had just one: "Buy the shoes.....without guilt."

At our next meeting, she recounted the stress and turmoil she felt buying something she "didn't need." She tried not to feel guilty, but there was an overwhelming sense of impending financial doom, as if this $75 purchase was the gateway drug to utter financial destruction. Much to her surprise, though, her world didn't cave in around her. She was fine.

Over time, she slowly but surely worked her way into buying things she didn't need. The guilt slowly evaporated. Her relationship with money began to heal.

This story may sound crazy to you, but millions of Americans are battling this as we speak. I suspect many readers might be as well. If that's you, please know you're not alone.....and this isn't the end of the story. You can find freedom from this curse.

Parents, it's not too late for your kids. You don't have to inadvertently send your kids careening into the guilt abyss. Here are a few tips to help you in the parenting journey:

• Instead of saying, "We can't afford it," tell your kids it's not in the budget this month.

• Instead of telling your kids to stop spending on things they don't need, encourage them to not spend on things that don't add value to THEIR lives.

• Instead of obsessing over saving, teach them to find a healthy balance between saving, giving, and spending.

• Instead of not letting your kids spend money on stupid things, allow them to make mistakes and learn from them. Sometimes, those stupid decisions are the best lessons, and it's best for them to learn them when they are younger and the mistakes are cheaper.

• Lean hard into generosity. When we learn to give to others with no expectation for something in return, we can learn to respect ourselves.

Guilt doesn't belong here. Just buy the shoes.

I’m so grateful for my client for allowing me to share her story. Her hope is that her experience can be a springboard for someone else to find peace in this as well.

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What Gets Measured, Part 2

Last week, I published a piece about the importance of measuring the things we want to accomplish. After all, "what gets measured gets done." I framed the post through the lens of my newfound discovery that I walk far less than I thought. So, when my wife purchased a walking pad, I decided to do something about it.

In the world of "what gets measured gets done," how we measure is where the rubber meets the road. If we can't find a simple and effective way to measure, we won't. And if we won't, ____ doesn't get accomplished. This is a crucial concept I discuss with my coaching clients. It's imperative to find easy ways to measure what needs to be measured. Anything else will result in inevitable failure.

In the case of my walking, I luckily have a world-class tool at my fingertips. In fact, we all do. The built-in Health app on the iPhone is an amazingly simple and powerful tool for measuring many different aspects of our lives. It's a bit scary, but this app has measured my walking for the better part of a decade. I can see the data in black and white.

Given how well the data is measured, it's created more clarity and motivation for me. I consciously think about my walking now. Instead of being completely passive and out of mind, it's at the forefront. This has resulted in some interesting (and intentional) behaviors:

• While waiting for my flight on Saturday afternoon, I paced back and forth through the terminal while on a Northern Vessel call with TJ.

• Knowing I'd be sitting behind a desk all day on Sunday, I got a few thousand steps on the hotel treadmill early in the morning.

• Since I did, in fact, sit behind a desk all day and didn't get to my new hotel until 10:30 PM that night, I still needed to rip out another 3,000 steps before bed. Unfortunately, the hotel's treadmill was broken. I improvised, pacing the hotel like a creepy stalker while talking to a friend on the phone.

What gets measured gets done! Want to see what that looks like for this silly little endeavor?

Boom! I went from 3,000 steps per day to 12,000 practically overnight. Part of why I've been preliminarily successful is the tool's strength. Look how clean and visual the data is. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't making a difference.

Finances are the same way. We need simple yet powerful tools. If you're looking to budget, EveryDollar Premium is hands down the best budgeting app on the market. I'm not Dave Ramsey fan (to put it lightly), but truth is truth. They created an ingenious tool, and it's 100% worth checking out. It must be the paid version, though. The free version, requiring manual entry, is brutal to use. This tool changes lives.

CapitalOne's 360 Performance Savings accounts are a fantastic tool to facilitate and track sinking funds.

CashApp is easily the best tool to house a single spending category, like personal spending, groceries, or dining out.

What gets measured gets done, and the right tools can be the make or break. What tools add value to your finances?

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Fake Until You Break

There's a narrative pervasively weaving its way through social media and our culture. It says this: Millenials are screwed, victims of bad timing and circumstance. First, I need to confirm that I am, in fact, a Millennial. This demographic group is currently between 30 and 43 years old, and I slot in at the high end of this range.

I'm not going to dive into all the reasons this generation feels wronged and victimized. I don't think it's worth the time to write or read. While I understand where these arguments come from, I also recognize all generations deal with their own version of struggle, pain, and suffering.

Instead, I want to discuss the other side of this never-ending debate. Wells Fargo recently completed a study of Millenials who have an annual household income of $250,000+. What they discovered was that 59% of Millenials in this camp believe "it's important to appear financially successful to others." To put that in comparison, only 35% of Gen X and 14% of Baby Boomers had a similar belief.

6 out of 10 Millenials believe it's important to appear financially successful in the eyes of others. More than half of the people in my generation! That has deep and powerful implications. Of the 59% of Millenials who think this way, 41% of them admit to funding their lifestyle through credit cards and other consumer debt. Only 28% of Gen X and 6% of Baby Boomers do the same.

This is self-sabotage at the highest level. These toxic perspectives and the behaviors associated with them are literally driving an entire generation into the ground. It's a fake-it-until-you-make-it type of life we're living, but ultimately, it's more like fake until you break.

Yes, our generation has faced headwinds these past 20 years. Yes, there are things that make life hard. But nothing is making life as hard as we're making it on ourselves. We're literally breaking our own family structures for the sake of looking rich. We can say all we want that it's not happening, but the data says it is......and so does my experience working with hundreds of families. We're spending ourselves into oblivion.

What's the alternative? Instead of caring what others think and trying to keep up with the Joneses, we should focus on what matters most. We should live with humility, discipline, and intentionality. We should pursue a life of meaning above all else. More stuff, status, and wealth will never provide the satiation you're looking for. Only meaning can provide that. And meaning can't be found on the other side of a purchase. My generation, at 30-43 years old, is still relatively young. We have time to figure this out. We can right the ship and lead ourselves into a productive life full of meaning, joy, peace, and impact. But that doesn't happen on accident. It must be chosen, then aggressively pursued.

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Corralling the Impulses

One of my friends, frustrated with his continual debt, reached out and asked a practical question: "How do you stop overspending?" Despite a fantastic income, he and his wife have ebbed and flowed in and out of credit card debt for nearly two decades. They are frustrated. They are tired. They are stressed.

"Just stop overspending." See, simple! But simple doesn't mean easy. We humans have some flawed wiring that makes it difficult to not overspend, and our modern-day culture encourages negligent behavior.

Some will read this post and want to slam their head against the wall repeatedly. Others will deeply relate. That's how polarizing this topic is. It's common sense not to overspend, but at the same time, our impulses lead us down that road.

At the risk of being nicknamed Captain Obvious, I'm going to share a few simple steps that can make a tremendous difference in our battle with overspending. Here we go!

1) Remove debt as an option. If debt is an option, be it credit cards, car loans, or any other types of consumer debt, we WILL use it.....eventually. We can say no 1,000 times, but that 1,001st time, our desires will get the best of us. I'm a huge advocate for structuring our life so that debt isn't even an option. Yes, I'm suggesting that people live without credit cards.

2) Have a plan. It's inevitable that our impulses will kick in. Again, we're human. One of the best ways to combat those impulses is to have a plan.....and stick to it. With money, that looks like a budget. A budget is just a vomit-inducing word that means we pre-decide where our money will go this month. It doesn't mean we'll spend less, but rather we'll spend what we said we will spend. We can budget $500 on dining out, which means we can (and should!) spend $500 on dining out, but we're not allowed to spend more than $500 on dining out. Following the plan keeps us accountable to our past selves who made the plan.

3) Understand the double-edged sword. Can we all agree that spending money feels good? That new pair of shoes. A state-of-the-art phone. A nice steak dinner. It can be euphoric! However, when we're in the moment of soaking up every ounce of that post-spend dopamine, we're not thinking about the other side of the equation: the stress, tension, guilt, and turmoil we'll soon endure from yet another act of overspending. It feels good in the moment, but the longer-term financial strain we put ourselves through more than negates the upside.

4) Know your why. While that new iPhone is pretty sweet, and will most certainly add value to your life, does it align or conflict with your bigger goals? If we can clearly define what your objectives are, it helps us make better decisions that align with those goals.

We deserve better than to live a stressful, tension-filled, guilt-ridden financial life. Find simple ways to regain control and corral your impulses. Future you will thank you for your service.

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The Creep Is Real

Today, I'm going to share the story of a friend. It's about his unique situation, but the same story plays out in millions of homes. It's the story of lifestyle creep. Lifestyle creep is a term that gets thrown around a lot, but today, I will give you a real-world example to shine a light on how destructive it can be. I will use round numbers for easier digestion.

Years ago, my friend and his wife combined for about $60,000 of annual income. It wasn't an abundant amount of money, but it was more than enough. They saved a bit for retirement through their work and had enough left to save about $500/month.

A few years later, the husband received a $20,000 promotion, and their $60,000 income was up to about $85,000 (including wife's pay raises). During that time, they moved into a better apartment and she purchased a new vehicle. They continued to save a bit for retirement and had enough left to save a few hundred dollars per month.

One year later, the wife received a $15,000 promotion, and their $85,000 income quickly increased to $100,000. He purchased a new car, and they joined a local country club. They continued to save a bit for retirement and had enough left to save about $500/month.

Fast forward about three years, and the husband took a new job that paid $30,000 more than the previous one. Combined with the wife's annual pay raises, and their combined income increased from $100,000 to approximately $140,000. They purchased a house and replaced both cars with nicer models. They continued to save a bit for retirement and had enough left to save about $500/month.

A handful of years later, they both moved up in their jobs and their income rose dramatically. In just those few years, their combined income increased from $140,000 to $230,000. They purchased a bigger house and began spending larger amounts of money on miscellaneous lifestyle categories (dining out, travel, clothes, etc.). They continued to save a bit for retirement and barely had enough to save anything each month.

That's when they called me. To the outside world, they were the definition of success. A large house, nice cars, fancy vacations, constant dining out. They had it made!!! Their reality, however, was much different. They continually stressed about money, their marriage was teetering (in part due to financial tensions), debt was building, they were way behind on retirement saving, they gave virtually nothing away, and they both hated their jobs. In other words, they were living the American Dream, er, Nightmare.

Can you relate? I'm sure many of you can, as this is a normal reality playing out in so many homes. This couple was earning nearly 4x of what they used to make earlier in their marriage, yet financial stress reached an all-time high. This is the destructive power of lifestyle creep. This is what happens when we pursue a life of more. This is what happens when we lose perspective.

Good news! It doesn't have to be this way. We can opt out of the American Nightmare. We can say no. We can take the path less traveled. I've been to the other side and am back to report it's amazing. Come join me!

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Bang For Your Buck

"You don't need that!" claims the misers in our life. For as much as we like to characterize our society as materialistic and financially irresponsible, there's another undercurrent at play. Many people around us believe in the don't-buy-it-if-you-don't-need-it way of life. Some call them cheapskates. They trade in the currency of guilt. They are everywhere!

Instead of asking if we need something, I ask a different question. Will it add value to my life? If the answer is yes, then the follow-up question: Will it add more value to my life than it will cost? If the answer is yes, we should consider purchasing it.

For the first time in many years, I bought myself several items on Black Friday. I had a bunch of personal spending money saved in my CashApp account, so I decided to splurge on some fun impulsive purchases.

For context, I'm a big believer that each spouse in a marriage should get some money each month solely for their personal enjoyment. No questions, no criticisms, no negotiation. Just personal fun for that person. Sarah and I started doing this during our very first month of marriage, and I recommend other couples do it as well. Sarah is known for depleting all her monthly spending money by the 6th of the month. My habits are a bit different. I don't spend a lot month-to-month, so my personal spending account often builds over time.

Back to Black Friday. Since I had a bunch of personal spending saved up, I was ready to pull the trigger on a few fun items. One of them was an item I had been interested in for a while: A coffee mug warmer. I don't just like my coffee hot; I like it McDonalds lawsuit hot. I want to risk my personal safety with every sip. Unfortunately, coffee gets cold quickly. Enter the coffee mug warmer. It's a simple little device - think of it as a fancy coaster - that keeps your beverage hot for hours. Now, while I'm sitting at my desk, I always have a piping hot coffee sitting next to me. Brilliant!

Better yet, this fun little purchase cost me only $30. Huge bargain! Was it a need? No. Did it add value to my life? Absolutely! Did it add more than $30 of value. You bet it did!!! Thus, it was an amazing purchase.

Don't let guilt-trippers get you down. Don't fall into the "you don't need it" trap. Don't rob yourself of adding value to your life simply because there's something "more responsible" to do than buy a fun item. It's not about having a bigger financial scorecard in life.....it's about having a better life. And it turns out my $30 mug warmer helps provide me a better life! I'll take that little win.

What about you? What are some sub-$50 purchases that added a bunch of value to your life? I'd love to hear your examples!

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The Cheap Gifts Linger

Think about the most expensive gifts you've ever received. Picture them in your mind. How much do you think they cost? When we receive these gifts, an overwhelming feeling of euphoria can rush over us. It's exciting.....and fun! I can picture some of my most expensive gifts in my head. They are all in a landfill today. Chances are, yours are, too. Or you received it not long ago, and it will eventually make its way there. It's sad, but true.

Now, think about some of the cheaper gifts you've received. Gifts that were rich in sentiment, not in sticker price. Maybe it was a framed picture, a hand-made item, or a customized item created solely with you in mind. Let me guess: You probably still have some of these....and you'll have them forever.

We live in a culture obsessed with putting a price tag on someone's value. Or, as famously quoted by Michael Scott, "Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It's like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, "Hey, man, I love you this many dollars worth."

Sure, that was a hilarious scene in one of the all-time great Christmas television episodes, but there's truth in Michael's words. We treat others - and internalize how others treat us - by the dollar value of gifts.

The cheap gifts linger, though. Sentiment always trumps material value. One will be in a landfill in just a handful of years, and the other might be a cherished possession for decades to come. I once gave my grandpa a painting of our state's Capital. It was a beautiful piece. It didn't cost a lot, but it carried so much meaning and sentiment. He talked about that painting until the day he died. Today, I possess that painting, and will likely do so until the day I die.

The cheap gifts linger. Do you believe that? If so, perhaps it can (and should) change the way you approach gift-giving this year. Don't feel beholden to the almighty dollar. Instead, ask yourself if you're giving a gift that will end up in a landfill soon, or a gift that will linger.

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Normalizing Your Normal

I recently broke the news to a family that spending $5,000/kid on Christmas presents doesn't jive with their family's finances. They have five kids…..

They were appalled by my audacity to suggest this amount of money is unreasonable. "That's a normal amount to spend," proclaimed the wife. My response: "Just because it's your normal doesn't make it reasonable. You're the one who normalized your normal."

"No, what we do is totally reasonable and is a completely normal amount to spend." Then, much to my delight, she suggested I blog about it to prove just how normal it is. I'll be looking forward to your collective responses.

This brings up a broader point, though. When we refer to something as "normal," we're glossing over the question of whether it's right. Normal does not equal right. We can (and often do) normalize bad behavior:

• It's normal to go tens of thousands of dollars into student loan debt.

• It's normal to live at or above our financial means.

• It's normal to give away very little, spending all of our resources on our own desires.

• It’s normal to live without an emergency fund.

• It's normal to stay in jobs that make us perpetually miserable.

Just because something is normal, it doesn't make it right. Further, we tend to live in little bubbles, surrounding ourselves with people who practice the same habits, values, and rituals we do—an echo chamber of sorts. I agree; there is a sub-culture of people inclined to spend $5,000/kid on Christmas. It's normal within that group of people because they collectively normalized it.

This blog is a different version of that. I'm trying to normalize meaning over money. I'm trying to normalize the pursuit of work that matters. I'm trying to normalize ridiculous levels of generosity. I’m trying to normalize intentionality with our finances. I'm trying to normalize a lived experience far more rewarding and fulfilling than fantasizing about retiring into a life of leisure.

Here’s my call to action today: Question what you perceive as normal. First, is your definition of "normal" normal? Second, if so, should it be? Perhaps it's time to turn normal on its head, draw a line in the sand, and normalize something better. I'll leave it open as to what this applies to in your life, but you probably already know the answer.

Side note: $200. That's how much Sarah and I will spend on each of our two kids for Christmas gifts. That's "normal" for us.

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