Fake Until You Break

There's a narrative pervasively weaving its way through social media and our culture. It says this: Millenials are screwed, victims of bad timing and circumstance. First, I need to confirm that I am, in fact, a Millennial. This demographic group is currently between 30 and 43 years old, and I slot in at the high end of this range.

I'm not going to dive into all the reasons this generation feels wronged and victimized. I don't think it's worth the time to write or read. While I understand where these arguments come from, I also recognize all generations deal with their own version of struggle, pain, and suffering.

Instead, I want to discuss the other side of this never-ending debate. Wells Fargo recently completed a study of Millenials who have an annual household income of $250,000+. What they discovered was that 59% of Millenials in this camp believe "it's important to appear financially successful to others." To put that in comparison, only 35% of Gen X and 14% of Baby Boomers had a similar belief.

6 out of 10 Millenials believe it's important to appear financially successful in the eyes of others. More than half of the people in my generation! That has deep and powerful implications. Of the 59% of Millenials who think this way, 41% of them admit to funding their lifestyle through credit cards and other consumer debt. Only 28% of Gen X and 6% of Baby Boomers do the same.

This is self-sabotage at the highest level. These toxic perspectives and the behaviors associated with them are literally driving an entire generation into the ground. It's a fake-it-until-you-make-it type of life we're living, but ultimately, it's more like fake until you break.

Yes, our generation has faced headwinds these past 20 years. Yes, there are things that make life hard. But nothing is making life as hard as we're making it on ourselves. We're literally breaking our own family structures for the sake of looking rich. We can say all we want that it's not happening, but the data says it is......and so does my experience working with hundreds of families. We're spending ourselves into oblivion.

What's the alternative? Instead of caring what others think and trying to keep up with the Joneses, we should focus on what matters most. We should live with humility, discipline, and intentionality. We should pursue a life of meaning above all else. More stuff, status, and wealth will never provide the satiation you're looking for. Only meaning can provide that. And meaning can't be found on the other side of a purchase. My generation, at 30-43 years old, is still relatively young. We have time to figure this out. We can right the ship and lead ourselves into a productive life full of meaning, joy, peace, and impact. But that doesn't happen on accident. It must be chosen, then aggressively pursued.

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More vs. Better

One of my friends received an amazing job offer! It's a different company within her industry. It offers more robust responsibilities, a higher-profile role, and better visibility to leadership. It provides tremendous growth opportunities in multiple directions. Did I mention it's also DOUBLE her existing compensation structure? We're talking about a massive pay raise. I don't mean this to sound like hyperbole, but she'll likely never have to worry about money again. It's that type of offer.

She turned it down.

Yes, that's correct. She said "no." She walked away from what most would consider the opportunity of a lifetime. Pretty stupid, right? Well, stupid by our culture's standards. That job offer was the epitome of what we fight for when trying to progress through our careers. We work, work, work, and work, hoping that one day we'll get that big break that changes everything. That was hers......and she turned her back on it.

Why in the world would she do something like that?!?!? I'll tell you why. She prioritizes better over more. She's living her best life right now. She loves her job, her co-workers, her leaders, the culture, the work, the responsibilities, and the balance she's created between work, marriage, parenting, friends, and serving. While this job opportunity could have provided more (much more!), it couldn't provide better.

This is what meaning over money is all about. I couldn't be prouder of her, happier for her (and her family), or more excited for what's likely to unfold in her life in the months and years to come. Her current path will surely push her, stretch her, challenge her, and reward her. It's going to be a fun journey.

Always choose better over more. Other people won't understand. You'll probably get criticized. Culture will call you stupid. It might be a more stressful path. It won't be as secure, comfortable, or easy. But better is always better.

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The Myth of Making It

Someday, I'll "make it." Famous last words!

“Making it” means different things to different people. For some, it means getting out of debt. For others, it means becoming a millionaire. Some people want to attain xyz title at work. Maybe it means landing a certain client. Or driving a car with that specific emblem. Perhaps there's a particular revenue goal. Your kid goes to an Ivy League college. What if you finally land on the cover of a magazine? One day, you'll finally get that degree.

We love to put pins on the map of our future and definitively say that's the moment when we've "made it." Unfortunately, it's a lie. It's not a lie because these things can't happen.....they can. It's not a lie because they don't matter.....they do. It's a lie because every time we achieve something, we move the goalposts further out. If having a net worth of $1M is making it, the moment you get it, the new definition of "making it" becomes $2M, then $5M, then $10M, and so on.

Years ago, when Cole and I shared a dumpy little office, he had this amazing bottle of bourbon. It was a special edition bottle, signed by the band Slipknot. He would regularly talk about how, after "making it," we would pop the cork and enjoy that special bottle. Since that day, he and we have achieved far more than we had ever expected......yet, that bottle is still unopened. Why? Because every time he hit a milestone, a new milestone took its place.

Here's my point. There is no "making it." That's a myth. As humans, we'll quickly reset expectations as soon as we reach the goal. There is no magical point where our lives magically become perfect, or we achieve maximum success. Rather, it's about the journey. We should live with contentment, strive to get a bit better each day, celebrate all the wins (even the small ones), and find meaning in all of it. Oh yeah, and pop the cork on that bottle, Cole. You're never going to make it, but man, you're doing it.

My challenge for you today is to stop defining which hurdles you'll someday hit to "make it." I promise you, by the time you achieve them, you will have already moved the goal posts on yourself. If that's true, just keep moving forward, living with meaning, enjoying the journey. Oh yeah, and pop that cork.

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Growth For Growth’s Sake

I recently enjoyed lunch with an old friend. He's a former colleague who went on to create his own business. Over the years, his business has grown substantially, to the point where it now provides an income that far exceeds anything he or his wife ever imagined. To put it bluntly, his family is well taken care of.

That's the setup for what I'm about to say. He's stressed, stretched thin, and running out of steam. He's a grinder, and it's all catching up to him. In the same conversation, he mentioned to me that his goal is to grow the business by x% in 2025. My response: "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you striving to grow so much when you're already stretched so thin and running on empty?"

"Isn't that what I'm supposed to do? If you're not growing, your dying."

My friend is stuck in a success paradox. He's created something that's truly successful, but simultaneously, he created a life and career that can't provide peace and contentment. In his effort to gain security, he unintentionally self-sabotaged himself to the point where he can never enjoy it.

I need to clarify one thing. This guy loves what he does. He's living his calling, his meaning, and his purpose. He's doing exactly what he's meant to do, and that's awesome! However, at the same time, he's caught in the trap.

My next question was simple and straight to the point: "What do you really want?"

Not surprisingly, he said things such as being a present father, a supporting spouse, getting more involved in his church, feeling more peace, and finding more time to get away with the family.

His current business allows for all of this! He's already there! On the flip side, pursuing x% growth in the season ahead will most certainly hinder these goals. Therefore, he has a simple choice to make: meaning or money. Growth for growth's sake is a money grab, an ego grab, or both. But it's not meaning.

Whether you own a business or not, I think this concept can and should hit close to him. Growth for growth's sake. More for more's sake. Newer for newer's sake. Bigger for bigger's sake. Fancier for fancier's sake. These all lead us to the same place. When we strive for more just because "that's what we're supposed to do," we inadvertently self-sabotage our bigger purpose and our true goals.

As we walked out of the restaurant, I told my friend I hope his business doesn't grow in 2025. I hope it stays exactly how it is: amazing. If so, he'll position himself to do everything he says is important to him. Sure, more feels good. It's shiny. It's sexy. It's stokes our ego. But meaning always trumps it. Every. Single. Time.

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The Value of a (Great) Partner

I've been getting tons of feedback on the post about my friend Dan's tiny house. In my piece, I discussed his knack for formulating absurd ideas.....and then executing them. Being as close as I am to him, I didn't even consider the most common feedback I would eventually receive:

• "It's easy to do those things when you're single."

• "He must not be married."

• "Sounds like he doesn't have kids."

• "Is there a way to do something like that if you're married with kids?"

Again, this angle never crossed my mind. Dan is happily married and has two teen sons. This fact surprised many. Why? Because big dreams, absurd ideas, and wild callings can oftentimes get crushed by our partners. So the fact that Dan has followed through with these beautiful ideas is a testament not only to him, but also his amazing wife, Suzanne.

It's true. She's a huge supporter, encourager, and fellow dreamer alongside Dan. That's the value of a great partner. Dan doesn't accomplish these big dreams despite his partner, but because of his partner. So beautiful!

People sometimes ask me how I quit my previous career, took a 90% pay cut, and started over with twin three-year-olds and a wife who stayed at home. Translation: "I can't believe your wife would allow you to do something so stupid and not leave you in the process." The truth is she was in favor of me making that decision, and was more than a year ahead of me on being ready for that to happen. She not only encouraged me, but she dreamed right alongside me. That's the value of a great partner.

It's not to say that Dan and Suzanne have a perfect marriage. And it's definitely not to say that Sarah and I have a perfect marriage (we have lots of junk in our relationship). But I can confidently testify that both relationships allow for big dreams and counter-cultural callings.

Enough forces in our lives tell us to let our dreams die. It's the way of the world. We develop big dreams as children, only to have them figuratively beat out of us as we work our way toward adulthood. Then, once every ounce of zest has been ripped from our souls, we concede to live a life we can tolerate for the next several decades until we're finally able to escape our variation of misery via retirement.

With a great partner and the freedom to put meaning over money, we can free ourselves from the tyranny of this modern-day trap. If your partner isn't there, not all is lost. Engage in the subject. Share the vision. Encourage having the freedom to dream. Don't give up hope. I've seen many couples develop this after what seemed insurmountable odds. It's never too late to embrace meaning and the road less traveled. It might just take one partner making the first move.

Yes, Dan is married. He has a good one in Suzanne. Whatever credit you attribute to him, you might as well shift it to her. The value of a great partner is priceless.

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Where There’s a Will

I know a lot of people that do a lot of absurd things, and I mean that in the best of ways. For as much as people tell me I live a weird life, I'm surrounded by weirdos. Take my friend Dan, for example. Several years back, Dan decided he wanted to run 100 miles in a single day. See, I'm telling you! Anyway, he had this ridiculous idea that running 100 miles in a day is not only possible, but appealing. Then, he did it!

Dan also had another absurd idea. Back in 2018 or 2019, he revealed to me that he wanted to build a tiny house with his bare hands and use it as a retreat for himself, his family, and his friends. Not long after that, he presented me with some architectural drawings of what it would look like. Oh, I guess he was serious.

Fast forward five years, and he recently completed his house. To celebrate and commemorate the moment, he invited me and three other guys to stay in the house with him a few nights ago. The five of us had a blast, and it was amazing to see his dream come to life.

Posing in the new house!

Dan lives life via a series of absurd ideas. However, he doesn't talk about things that he might someday think about possibly wanting to consider dreaming about doing. No, he does. He simply does. He's called to something, then acts. He dreams of something, then follows through. He develops a plan, then executes. If there's a will, there's a way......regardless of how crazy the idea might sound.

There's one caveat I need to share, though. Dan isn't superhuman. He's not larger than life. Truth is, he can't do it alone. He trusts and relies on the people around him to support him, encourage him, walk alongside him, and fill in his gaps. That's the secret, though. We weren't meant to do life alone. His dependency on others is a strength, not a weakness. Dan cracked one of the cheat codes of life.

See that picture above? Every person in that photo (plus many more) played roles on the day of Dan's ridiculous 100-mile run. Cheat code. Similarly, the same group of guys donated their time, talents, or resources to help bring the tiny house dream to life. Cheat code. Other people's involvement doesn't lessen his monumental achievements.....it just gives him more people to celebrate them with. These are still Dan's wins, but shared amongst people he loves and who love him. Double win!

Where there's a will, there's a way. And the way likely involves others. Please dream big. Please believe in your ideas.....even the absurd ones. Please have the courage to go for it. Please have the humility to bring others into the fold. Life is better together, and together, we can achieve far greater things.

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The Mortality Is Real

One of my former schoolmates from my childhood recently lost her battle with cancer. She was just 39 years old, leaving behind a husband, two small children, and an army of friends. We weren't close, but we did have the opportunity to connect over social media a few times over the last handful of years.

Over the past 48 hours, I've realized how much this has impacted me. We often live our day-to-day lives with the general assumption we have a long time remaining. We picture ourselves as old, wrinkly, and frail. We treat our days, weeks, and months as if there will be countless more to follow.

Our mortality is real, though. We don't know how much more time we have left. Our days are numbered, whether few or many, short or long. If that's true, why do we spend so much time obsessing about money, stuff, and status?

I once heard something that stuck with me. An old man, worth tens of millions of dollars, was reflecting on his life and his mortality. He said he would give up everything (all his money, stuff, and status) to be 40 again. Unfortunately, he can't. There are no DeLoreans for us to jump into. However, what if you're 40 today? Or 50? Or 30? Or even 20? Based on this rich man's perspective, what you have is more valuable than tens of millions of dollars. It's worth more than all the money, stuff, and status one could have. The same money, stuff, and status you're spending your days, weeks, and months trying to attain. Let that sink in.

The mortality is real, man. I feel so heartbroken for my friend's family. They lost a good one in her. But I don't think her story will be in vain. I truly believe it will inspire thousands of people to live with more meaning and purpose. Her impact will ripple for decades to come. Perhaps this blog post can be a small springboard to share that message.

I don't know if you needed to hear this today, I sure did. Have a meaningful, awesome day.

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Focusing On the Right Keywords

I've received a bunch of feedback from yesterday's post about Cole's road-less-traveled approach to life and work, and how he exchanged security for meaning. Many found it encouraging, some believe my ideas are far-fetched and inaccessible to most, and some simply lashed out in anger. But two trusted friends sent me similar thoughtful responses that are worth digesting. In short, their responses followed one clear and specific idea: traditional jobs can provide meaning, too.

I'm often accused of swinging the pendulum too far in favor of self-employment and business ownership, but that's never my intent. Rather, I try to focus on keywords. Did you spot the keyword in yesterday's post? First, I'll tell you all the NON-keywords:

• It wasn't "security"

• It wasn't "steady"

• It wasn't "good office job"

• It wasn't "responsible job"

• It wasn't "safe"

There's nothing inherently wrong with any of those things. Here's the keyword from my post: "miserable." Cole was absolutely miserable in his job. It's not to say that Cole couldn't have found some level of meaning in that work, but him taking that job was a square-peg-round-hole type situation. The only redeeming value of that job was whatever money or security it provided. It was a means to an end. With that said, that exact job might be the dream job for someone else. Someone with a different wiring, different calling, different passion, and different skillset might have crushed that role.

See, it's never about chasing insecurity, counter-culturalism, irresponsibility, or controversial path. It's about chasing meaning. It's about understanding ourselves enough to know what work matters to us, and what work doesn't. For as much as I'm impressed by Cole's work, it sounds miserable if I put myself in his shoes. I would never want to do what he does, as it doesn't align with my wiring, calling, passion, or skillset. Vice versa, while I thrive in my work, it would be Cole's worst nightmare if he had to walk in my shoes.

I'm a HUGE fan of traditional jobs......if they align with that person's wiring, values, and objectives. It's not my job to tell people what work to pursue or not pursue. Rather, it's my job to help people find their ideal work, then aggressively pursue it. I know people who have worked the same traditional job for two decades and find a ton of meaning in it. Similarly, I know people who have bucked normal, chased entrepreneurship or self-employment, and are utterly miserable. The right answer is whatever is right for you. The wrong answer is whatever is wrong for you.

I spent 15 years in corporate America, and it was fulfilling for me. I could have absolutely stuck with that path for the rest of my career and had an amazingly fulfilling and meaningful journey. I recently ran into a bunch of my former colleagues, and many of them are living the most beautiful and meaningful lives.

I appreciate my friends for calling me out when it seems like I'm unintentionally bending one way on this. Never my intent. However, I will forever violently bend all the way in the favor of meaning. Always seek it, and never let others tell you where you should find it.

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Ode To Insecurity

Today's post is about Cole Netten, my Meaning Over Money partner. My relationship with Cole and his wife Kate began in their later college years, as they were about ready to graduate, get married, and join the working world. Upon graduation, Kate began her teaching career, and Cole found a pretty good office job. It wasn't the job of his dreams, but it was safe, steady, and provided security for his new family. It was a responsible job.

Just days into his new job, I invited Cole to lunch since we were now working in the same building. When he showed up, he looked like a shell of his former self. It was still Cole, but yet it wasn't. His zest for life seemed missing. His go-with-the-flow nature was replaced with angst. He looked absolutely miserable!

Within a matter of weeks, Cole impulsively quit his job and told Kate about this decision AFTER he did it. Yikes! What in the world was he thinking!?!? He landed a solid job right out of college! This job would have provided a nice income for them. It would have helped them grind out their debt. It would have allowed them a higher standard of living. It most certainly would have felt more secure. Yet, Cole instinctively lit a match and burned it down.

Fast forward several years, and Cole and Kate still don't have security. Their standard of living isn't something to envy. Their financial life is anything but steady or predictable. While all that may be true, there's something else I need to add: They live a truly blessed life. Cole's career as a filmmaker is just as choppy and uncertain as it's ever been. Kate primarily stays home with their THREE kids, from newborn to four. In my opinion, their marriage is something worth mimicking. They are truly a special couple. But "secure" isn't on their scorecard of life.

A few days ago, Amazon Prime released a new documentary titled ChiefsAholic, a film about a Kansas City Chiefs Superfan who was secretly living a double life as a serial bank robber. Cole helped make this movie!

Add this to the ridiculous list of projects he's done:

• Shooting feature segments for College Gameday.

• Manning Taylor Swift watch in the underbelly of Arrowhead Stadium for ESPN.

• Doing commercial work for prominent regional and national companies.

• An accomplished drone pilot.

• Shooting and grip work for feature Hollywood films and documentaries.

• Shooting post-game press conferences in the Kansas City Chiefs locker room.

• Shooting weddings for NFL superstars.

Oh yeah, and he's barely 30-years-old. He's done all this in less than a decade. What in the heck is he going to do in the next 10, 20, or 30 years? All because he turned his back on a "good" job. A "secure" job. A "responsible" job.

I'm so freaking proud of this guy. Not so much for what he's accomplished, but for the road-less-traveled example he's setting for hundreds or thousands of people around him. Meaning over money. Purpose over security. It's one thing to say it, but another to live it. He and Kate live it.

Take from this what you will. Oh yeah, and go watch ChiefsAholic on Amazon Prime!

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Now What?

It's the middle of the night. I'm exhausted, but I can't sleep. My brain won't turn off. All I can think about are the three most wonderful days celebrating Christmas our family just experienced. It wasn't perfect, but man, it was good. And now it's over. All the anticipation, all the hype, all the fun…..and it's over. Now what?

This can be a depressing and loaded question. Science shows that the anticipation for a particular event is as fulfilling and enriching as the event itself. That's why we often experience hangovers when the event is done. A mourning. A grieving. A lonely feeling. That's what I'm experiencing as I'm lying here awake. Now what?

That question oddly makes me smile. While I'll inevitably be exhausted today, and sad Christmas is over, I have the honor of returning to some pretty amazing work. I have a few client meetings teed up where I'll have the opportunity to celebrate their awesome work in 2024 while preparing what's to come. I have a strategic planning meeting with TJ to set the table for Northern Vessel's next year. I have some key projects for my dry ice client that are coming to a head. I'm meeting with a few struggling families that just need a hand-up. I'm speaking in front of an excited and engaging audience. 

I'm fortunate. Not everyone has this answer to the "Now what?" question. Most people will, unfortunately, have a different type of answer. Statistics show that roughly 7 in 10 Americans will have a pit-in-the-stomach feeling when confronted with this question. That's so sad, but I get it. I've been there, too! If that's you, I challenge you to consider making a shift in the new year. You deserve better. You deserve a life that doesn't involve inevitable pain on the backside of fun events. You deserve joy before the event, during the event, AND after the event. 

Maybe that's the gift you need to give yourself. It does exist. It is an option. It's right there waiting for you. Please don't let fear hold you back. Now what? Hopefully something awesome!

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A Christmas Fortune

We had a beautiful Christmas Eve yesterday. As always, it included an unsuccessful attempt at a decent family photo:

After church service, we enjoyed our traditional Christmas Eve Chinese dinner. When the bill came, four fortune cookies sat atop the little black receipt sleeve. The boys quickly tore into theirs. Finn's was about the virtue of being a lifelong learner, and Pax's talked about how his life was about to turn around (whatever that means for an 8-year-old). Then, I opened mine: "Happiness isn't in having what you want but rather in wanting what you have."

Contentment. For many, today is about getting more and having more. Millions of Americans will inventory all the cool gadgets and gizmos they now possess. Countless people will record and publish "Christmas haul" videos on YouTube, showcasing their new swag. Seriously, search for "Christmas haul" on YouTube.

I fall more into the fortune cookie's camp. Happiness isn't having what I want. If that were true, I'd be running a never-ending race. Every time I get what I want, instead of being happy, I'd just want something else.

On the flip side, I want what I have. I'm grateful for what I have. I cherish my life and all that I'm blessed with. While it's easy to point our eyes outward at what everyone else has, I much prefer to look inward and simply be grateful.....period.

Choose contentment. Remember what's most important. Be grateful for all you have. Your health, your family, a warm place to live, food on the table, a job that provides, the freedom to live the life we choose. Oh yeah, I'm grateful for my God as well. If you're a believer, I hope that's also at the center of your day.

Merry Christmas, all!

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You’re Still An Author

Do you aspire to write a book one day? If so, that's awesome; I hope you do it. If not, that's totally cool. Regardless of how you answered that question, you're still an author, though.

Each day, when you wake up, you're the author of your journey. Every decision you make, every encounter you have, every challenge you face, and every win you celebrate each represent an excerpt in the story you're writing.

It's not a coincidence I'm writing about this topic today, on Christmas Eve. These types of days, the more notable events in our calendar, offer a particularly juicy opportunity for our authorship. These are the moments when we have ripe opportunities to author beautiful memories for us and our children. Every day is an opportunity to create memories, but not all days are created equal. Today might be one of those special opportunity days for your family. I know it is for mine.

Later, we'll attend Christmas Eve service at our church, which we've attended yearly for the last 14 years. Then, after unsuccessfully trying to take a family photo at our church's homemade photo booth, we'll share a meal together at a local Chinese restaurant. Again, this is a tradition spanning more than a decade. Our kids look forward to it each year, and it often involves reminiscing about memories of past Christmas Eve Chinese dining experiences. It's woven into the fabric of our family's holiday celebration.

We'll end the night with a reading from Sarah's 40-year-old edition of The Night Before Christmas, a book she's possessed since she was a baby. Sarah's the narrator, and she reads it exactly how her late father read it to her when she was a little girl. It's one of the highlights of her year.

I'll be the first to admit I whiff on things. I miss opportunities. I regret the times I don't take advantage of the moment. However, I can't (and you can't) let the misses inhibit our ability to seize the next moment. It doesn't matter how many times I miss; I'm still going to shoot my shot the next time the ball is in my hands. Despite a lot of heavy stuff this holiday season, we've also managed to author a ton of ridiculously cool memories.

You're an author, whether you like it or not. But through the lens of how I just explained it, I hope you not only like it, but absolutely love it! This is your time to shine. Yes, you'll screw up. Sure, you'll whiff on moments. But don't let that deter you from crushing the next one. So, get that pen out. It's time to write that next chapter in your (and your children's) story.

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone!

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Jimmy V’s Free Rent

As I was basking in the glory of #3 Iowa State's 13-point comeback win on the Iowa Hawkeyes's home court last night, ESPN switched to coverage of its annual V Week programming, beginning with Jimmy V's iconic speech at the inaugural ESPY Awards 31 years ago.

Jimmy V lives rent-free in my head. I remember watching that event as an 11-year-old kid. I was just there for the highlights and to see my favorite athletes win awards, but then this other man stepped to the podium. I didn't know who Jimmy V was, but the moment he started talking, I was captivated. His words seemed paradoxical to me. How was he talking about his imminent death (something I had never heard discussed before) while doing so with so much vigor and optimism? He made a mark on me that I wouldn't realize for many years, and now can't get out of my head.

If you do any amount of research on Jimmy V, you'll quickly find that he was extraordinarily successful in his professional career. He was a basketball player, coach, and broadcaster. As a coach, he led NC State to a national championship in what is now considered a legendary moment in basketball history.

Yet, despite all his accomplishments and celebrity, his biggest impact on this world wouldn’t occur until the waning months of his life. In 1992, at the age of 46, he was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. If you didn't watch the speech linked above, I highly recommend you do. It's the best 11 minutes you'll spend all day! He gave that speech nine months after his cancer diagnosis, and he passed away less than two months later. That speech, and its aftermath, created a movement that carries through to this day. His foundation, launched that night 31 years ago, has raised nearly $400M for cancer research.

Jimmy V passed away at 47 years old when I was just 11, yet the impact of his final months of life carries with me to this day. I think about his zest for life, his determination to keep moving forward, his insistence of living with meaning, his passion for making a difference, his contagious joy, and his self-awareness of his own mortality. I say this as a 43-year-old man, 31 years after his speech and death. In his final weeks of life, he managed to spark something in me (and likely millions of others) in ways that would ripple through time.

This is me turning my chair away from memory land and toward you. Your best work is in front of you. No matter how old you are, what you've accomplished, or what you think is to come, your best work has not yet been availed to you or the world. You will likely make more impact in whatever time you have left than everything you've done to date combined.

Do you believe that? I believe that. Let's find out.

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The Cheap Gifts Linger

Think about the most expensive gifts you've ever received. Picture them in your mind. How much do you think they cost? When we receive these gifts, an overwhelming feeling of euphoria can rush over us. It's exciting.....and fun! I can picture some of my most expensive gifts in my head. They are all in a landfill today. Chances are, yours are, too. Or you received it not long ago, and it will eventually make its way there. It's sad, but true.

Now, think about some of the cheaper gifts you've received. Gifts that were rich in sentiment, not in sticker price. Maybe it was a framed picture, a hand-made item, or a customized item created solely with you in mind. Let me guess: You probably still have some of these....and you'll have them forever.

We live in a culture obsessed with putting a price tag on someone's value. Or, as famously quoted by Michael Scott, "Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It's like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, "Hey, man, I love you this many dollars worth."

Sure, that was a hilarious scene in one of the all-time great Christmas television episodes, but there's truth in Michael's words. We treat others - and internalize how others treat us - by the dollar value of gifts.

The cheap gifts linger, though. Sentiment always trumps material value. One will be in a landfill in just a handful of years, and the other might be a cherished possession for decades to come. I once gave my grandpa a painting of our state's Capital. It was a beautiful piece. It didn't cost a lot, but it carried so much meaning and sentiment. He talked about that painting until the day he died. Today, I possess that painting, and will likely do so until the day I die.

The cheap gifts linger. Do you believe that? If so, perhaps it can (and should) change the way you approach gift-giving this year. Don't feel beholden to the almighty dollar. Instead, ask yourself if you're giving a gift that will end up in a landfill soon, or a gift that will linger.

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It's Still the Same You

One of my friends recently went from being middle class to having $50M in cash. By "recently," I mean a few years ago. Here's the thing, though. Nobody in his life, besides his spouse and a few others, knows this even happened. He owned a boring business that quickly grew bigger and more successful than most people realized. He sold it, and poof, he was mega-wealthy.

In an instant, everything changed. Yet, at the same time, nothing changed at all. During a recent conversation, he interestingly said, "I thought my life would magically change, but I'm still the same me." He seemed disappointed by that revelation. Money has a funny way of not impacting us like that.

We view money as the x-factor that will change everything for us. If I only had $_____, then I'd be happy. If I could just get to $____, then I wouldn't worry anymore. Unfortunately, that's not how it works. First, let me say the obvious. Having a bunch of money will significantly reduce one's month-to-month financial stress. That's the most Captain Obvious thing I'll say today. However, money does not cure most things in our lives. Taking it one step further, having lots of money will inevitably open up new challenges.

It's easy to look at someone with a ton of money and think, "It must be nice!" In some ways, I'm sure it is. On the flip side, however, those people still battle demons, loss, pain, and turmoil. Life is still life, regardless of how many resources you have.

What's the point of this rant? Don't rely on more money to dictate your happiness. Don't hold that carrot in front of you, believing that more is the answer to what ails you. Don't (falsely) believe that wealth is the remedy for all of life's problems. It's not. It can help in some situations, but at the end of the day, it's still the same you. Therefore, invest in the person in the mirror. Keep growing. Take care of yourself. Pursue meaning. Keep moving forward, regardless of your financial standing.

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Yeah, It's Okay to Hate Your Job, But….

I often rant about the importance of pursuing work that matters. It comes up here on the blog, on the podcast, and in my public talks. It's one of my foundational messages. I also touched on it in yesterday's piece.

In response, one friend (43 years old) wrote me yesterday; here's what he said: "Is it ok to hate my job? I don't hate it all the time, but I dread it most weeks. However I don't look for meaning in my work. I have a great family, awesome friends, and I enjoy my weekends. I have fun hobbies and I am plenty busy with my kids activites. We take two vacations a year and I'll probably get to retire by 60."

I told my friend I wanted to answer him publicly, and he's cool with that, so here we go!

Yeah, it's okay to hate your job. We live in a free country that allows us to choose whatever paths we want. I'm glad you have a great family and awesome friends. I can confirm you do, in fact, have a pretty amazing family and countless friends who would do anything for you. Such a blessing! I also love seeing pictures of your family's trips....so many memories!

On the flip side, I think you deserve better. I see how much your job kills you. I watch as you bounce back and forth between joy and dread. I've been with you on Sunday afternoons when the Sunday Scaries switch is flipped. I know you'd pretty much rather be doing anything other than what you do during the week. Yeah, I know it pays well, and you're financially comfortable, but it also looks like part of you is dying.

You excitedly say you can retire by age 60. First, that's 17 years from now! Do you really want your kids to spend their entire childhoods watching you merely tolerate your life? Let's just say you make it 17 more years.....then what? You'll still be relatively young, having tolerated the preceding two decades. What's next? Play golf? Sleep in? Live a life of leisure? You have so much to offer the world today, next year, and decades from now.

Yeah, man, it's okay to hate your job. Most other people do. Merely tolerating it is a culturally-approved way to approach life. You do have meaning in other areas of your life: family, friends, memories, etc. I'm just crazy enough to think you deserve both. I think you deserve to have meaning in your personal life AND your professional life. This is one of the areas where it's possible to have your cake and eat it, too.

I'll end by flipping it around on you. What if your kid was asking this question? Would you encourage them to sit in semi-misery for decades on end? You and I both know the answer to that question. Take your own advice. Live with meaning. Make an impact. Expect better; demand better. I think you deserve it, man!

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Those Little Tells

Once in a while, someone will ask me a simple but profound question about careers. "How do you know if you're in the right job?" It's a weighty question, and there are certainly many factors at play, but there's one thing I always look for: Those little tells.

I've had a great few days celebrating Thanksgiving with my family. Food, football, movies, and games. It was a great time, and we returned home from Kansas City last night. I couldn't be more excited for today. We're heading to Northern Vessel to grab some drinks, I have a ton of work to do, and then we're going to watch Iowa State football play for the chance to compete in the Big 12 Championship Game.

There's a little tell in there. It's the part where I said “I have a ton of work to do" in my long list of reasons why I'm pumped for the day. Between my dry ice client work, Northern Vessel strategic planning, and prepping for some client meetings, I couldn't be more excited for the work I'm about to do today. That's a little tell, but it's a big deal. The fact I'm looking forward to spending much of my Saturday working is a weird reality, but one I cherish.

Those little tells are everywhere. Do you count down the days and hours until Friday afternoon? Do you dread Mondays? Do you continually fantasize about vacations? Do you look forward to your next work shift? Do you often think about other jobs? Does your tank feel full (or empty) as you're returning home from work each day? Do you dream about retirement? Each of these can be a tell.

If your immediate reaction to my references about your job are indifference, misery, dread, or disgust, that may also be a tell. I sincerely think you deserve better than that. I believe you deserve to wake up each day knowing you’re about to do something that matters. Something that fills your tank. Something that moves the needle.

I also believe it’s 100% attainable. Listen to those little tells.

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Thankful For This

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you're having a wonderful day and spending it with the people who matter most. In a culture that encourages us to dwell on all the things we don't have, today is the perfect day to reflect on (and be thankful for) all we do have.

I'm thankful for a lot of things today, but I want to share one in particular with you. I'm thankful for this. I'm thankful for the opportunity to spend a moment with you each day through this blog. I'm thankful for the chance to share ideas, thoughts, and insights with a group of people endeavoring to live a meaningful life. I never take for granted the fact you spend a few minutes of your day reading my words on your screen. For the past few years, writing this blog each day has been one of the greatest joys in my life. I'm tremendously grateful for that, and I want you to know that today.

Have a blessed day, and I'm excited to see you tomorrow!

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Unspeakable Pain

In my coaching work, I get the honor of walking alongside people and sharing their highest of highs......and their lowest of lows. Yesterday was a lowest-of-lows sort of day. My phone rings; it's a client. The moment I picked up, I could tell something was off. The next 15 seconds ripped me apart in ways I could never imagine.

People all around us are walking in their lowest of lows. Maybe it's your neighbor. Maybe it's your co-worker. Maybe it's the person sitting next to you at the stoplight. Today might be the worst day of their life.

In moments like that, all I can think about is how money means absolutely nothing. I think about how you'd give every penny you have, plus every penny you'll ever have, to take away the pain. That's obviously not how it works, but only if it were......

Money does play a role in this, though. Painful moments are a reminder of the importance of getting right with our money so that WHEN pain happens, we can simply mourn, cry, grieve, and whatever other verbs need to be inserted here. We deserve the freedom to face the pain head-on, not deal with ridiculous financial nonsense.

It reminds me of a tasteless joke I often share with clients. When talking about my own history and journey with money, I say, "Sarah and I have enough problems in our marriage that we can't afford for money to be one of them." It was a joke, but all good jokes are based in truth. Each of us deserves to place financial matters in the back seat when it's time to deal with life life.

If you're living in a lowest-of-low moment as we speak, I'm deeply sorry. I feel for you and pray you find peace and comfort through it. If things are going well for you today, perhaps it's a good day to take one more step in getting right with your money.

I hope this moves the needle in you today. Not to create fear or anxiety, but to spark some motivation and urgency to get your financial house in order so you don't have to focus on financial matters when you're dealing with more important things. In many ways - sad ways - this is the heart of our meaning over money principles. Always meaning.....always. Please never lose sight of what’s most important.

You got this, guys, even those of you who are hurting today.

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The Tale of the Traveling Grandfather

Due to circumstances that are both ridiculous and irrelevant to this story, I rode the terminal-to-terminal train at the airport for over an hour last night. I had a three-hour layover, so no harm no foul. While I was busy watching the world fly by over and over, I struck up a conversation with an older man. He was headed abroad to visit one of his kids (and grandkids). The conversation started innocent enough, but it got real serious, real quick.

He and his wife, at the advisement of nearly every person in their lives, decided to take an early retirement (in their early 50s) in the late-1990s. They were in a financial position to make it work, and considering how much we glorify retirement in our culture, it seemed like an obvious step. He said it was the dumbest decision either of them ever made. They both loved their careers, but the allure of “not working” was too inviting. Retirement wasn’t all it was cracked up to be…..it didn’t feel like there was purpose. Then, his wife unexpectedly passed away. So sad. Here he was, a young-ish guy, having left a career he loved, mourning the loss of his partner. 

“What do you do now?” I asked him. “I’m a traveling grandfather.” Oh, tell me more! He explained that his kids were scattered all over the world; a handful in the U.S. and a handful in other countries. He bounces from kid to kid, helping out where he can and spending time with his grandkids. His eyes lit up when he shared about this lifestyle. “It’s a different way of life, but I love it.” Today, he’s nearly 80 years old, traveling the world, finding new ways to serve people and add value. He’s fulfilled and lives with a ton of meaning. It’s a unique path; it’s his path. 

There is no “right” path to live a meaningful life. But regardless of what it looks like for you, it doesn’t happen by accident. It certainly doesn’t happen by pursuing a life of leisure. It happens by identifying what matters most and finding ways to serve others through that lens. Our selfish culture says the key to happiness is to serve ourselves. That’s a bald-faced lie. The only true way to find meaning (not happiness) is through the service of others. It’s ironic that the best way to serve ourselves is by serving someone else. That’s what unlocks life-giving fulfillment and meaning. 

I feel terrible this man had to experience what he did along his journey, but it made my day listening to him talk about how much meaning he has in his life today. I’ll say it again. There is no right path to a meaningful life, which is why I never concretely define what it’s supposed to look like. But I can tell you one thing: It involves a heck of a lot more than the pursuit of a life of leisure, or money, or stuff, or status. Aggressively chase things that fill your bucket, and the best way to make that happen probably involves helping others fill theirs. 

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