A Shared Experience Double Date

Sarah and I went on a double date with another couple last night. I've been excited about this date for a while, and it didn't disappoint. However, I was caught off guard early in the night. The husband, a regular reader of this blog, announced he wanted to do this date "Shelton Family Style." This was a reference to a post I wrote 19 months ago about the power of actually shared experiences. Whenever my family goes out to eat, no matter the restaurant, we eat family style. We order a handful of items from the menu and share them with the entire family. It's a practice I picked up in Asia, and it's transformed our dining experiences.

Last night, though, I didn't expect that to happen. It's not a normal American custom to eat family style at most restaurants. Even when my friend said he wanted to do it, I didn't fully believe him. Each of us ordered something different, and I fully expected Sarah and I to share like we always do. However, as soon as the food arrived, I realized my friend was serious. We spent the next few minutes sliding blocks of food onto extra plates and divvying it up. Then, we dug in!

It was amazing! Each of us experienced four different entrees. It was part of the conversation. What we liked (almost everything), what we didn't (almost nothing), and why. We all received variety. We shared that experience together. By the time we finished, I had become an even bigger fan of that restaurant, as I experienced excellence across the board. It was a significantly memorable experience, and one I'm so grateful to have shared with my friends.

While this may seem like a random or inapplicable topic for this blog, I think it's highly impactful. It's really about creating and curating memories, moments, and experiences. It's about building relationships and adding richness to life.

Yes, we could simply stick to the normal ways of doing things; there's nothing wrong with that. Or, we can take a chance, get a bit uncomfortable, and try something that just might transform the experience. I'm so grateful my friends pushed the idea last night, and perhaps today, you can find your own ways to lean into similar ideas with people in your life. Share experiences, make memories, and create moments.

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The Three Types of People

I've long believed there are only two types of men in this world: Those who can wear fancy hats, and those who can't. I fit squarely in the can't camp.

As much as I'd like to spend the next 450 words lamenting my inability to pull off fancy hats, I want to instead discuss a different type of grouping I often think about. This time, I believe there are three types of people in this world:

1) People who say yes to anything and everything, always jumping at the newest shiny object.

2) People who take the path of least resistance. They will say yes to the easy things, no to the challenging things, and do whatever is necessary to coast through life by giving the least amount of effort possible.

3) People who say yes to meaningful and impactful things, regardless of how difficult and painful they might be. While the things they say yes to may seem scattered or random, common and powerful themes tie them all together. This is the group I was advocating for in yesterday’s post.

I used to spend a lot of time in camp #1. I would say yes to anything that sounded interesting. The net result of this behavior was a constant sense of overwhelmingness and stress. People who live in this camp aren't trying to sabotage their lives, but rather discover what moves the needle and what doesn't. It's the visible manifestation of curiosity and self-discovery. I still have tendencies toward this camp, but I've been able to hone in on what matters most.

I'd argue that most people live in camp #2. They just want to do their job, not kill themselves doing it, come home, hang with family, and repeat. They prefer not to get too involved with the problems of this world, instead choosing to pursue a better life for themselves and those they love. They mind their business, keep their head down, and keep moving forward through life.

I'm not a fan of camp #2. I get why people live in it, though. It's comfortable. It's simple. It's predictable. It's linear. On the surface, all of those traits sound appealing. However, in my opinion, there's something missing. It's like preparing a beautiful steak to perfection, but not seasoning it. It's got a nice sear, and the cross-cut reveals your precisely executed temperature. It looks amazing! You take a bite, expecting something wonderful.....but it tastes bland. It's got the look, texture, and temperature, but it has no flavor.

I'm not an advocate for people chasing shiny objects all the time. I don't think we should say yes to all things. It's a one-way ticket to burnout. However, I will fight until my last breath for people to transition from camp #2 to camp #3. Some of you might be one "yes" away from changing the trajectory of your life forever. Not an easier life. Not a more comfortable life. Not a wealthier financial life. But a better life.....full of meaning, impact, fulfillment.....and flavor.

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What is Excellence?

I'm preparing for what may be the most anticipated talk I've ever given. The audience will include CEOs and other leaders from some of the most well-known organizations in the Midwest. The topic? Excellence.

I'll be exploring how organizations can practice excellence in their day-to-day operation. Not by simply talking about excellence, but actually putting one foot in front of the other.

As a consumer, what does excellence look like to you? What would an organization do that would make you stop and think, "Wow, that was amazing!"

My mind immediately gravitates to Chewy, an online pet supply company. This story has lived rent-free in my head ever since I first heard it. One of the things Chewy is most known for is its monthly subscriptions to pet food and other frequently-used supplies, which systematically show up at the consumer's door. These products are needed, like clockwork, month after month. But then, something tragic happens: the loss of a pet. It's inevitable.

This is when a potential gut-wrenching moment happens. A family is mourning the loss of its pet, and a fresh bag of dog food shows up at the door (along with a new charge on their card). Talk about rubbing salt in the wound.

The customer calls Chewy to cancel the subscription, explaining their pet recently passed away. Chewy, in its relentless pursuit of excellence, reacts with empathy. First, it reverses the charge on that customer's card while simultaneously canceling their subscription. Second, it tells the customer NOT to send the supplies back. Instead, please bless a friend or loved one with them. Third, Chewy sends the customer a bouquet of flowers, communicating its condolences for their recent loss. That's excellence in practice.

I have a first-hand story to add to the mix. About six weeks ago, one of our periodic Northern Vessel customers stopped by the shop with his dog. During the interaction, one of our baristas offered the dog a treat. The man declined, citing that the dog only eats one particular kind of treat. The barista made a mental note.

Six weeks go by, and the man returns to the shop, again accompanied by his dog. And again, our barista offers the dog a treat. The man declined, citing that the dog only eats one particular kind of treat. This time, though, the barista was prepared. He pulled out the exact treat this man's dog could have and presented one to the sweet dog. The man was shocked.....and grateful. Our barista, in my humble opinion, showed excellence.

What about you? Would you share a personal story of excellence with me? What experience moved the needle for you? How did it impact your relationship with that organization? I thrive on these stories, and I firmly believe my future audience will, too!

Always seek excellence. Whether you're going to the grocery store, getting your vehicle serviced, grabbing a cup of coffee, or getting your hair cut. Anyone can perform a task, but why not choose excellence? Oh yeah, while you're at it, choose to be the excellence other people deserve!

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Better Than You Found It

I got rocked by a single moment yesterday. #12 McNeese had just taken down #5 Clemson in the first round of the NCAA basketball tournament. McNeese was up by a mile, only for Clemson to claw itself back into the game, but McNeese ultimately held on for the victory (its first NCAA tourney win in school history!). It gave me chills!

For weeks, it's been speculated that NcNeese head coach Will Wade had already accepted the head coaching position at NC State, essentially making him a lame-duck coach for the most important games of the year. If this news is true, Coach Wade will soon pack his bags, say his goodbyes, and start afresh at a new school with new players.

This added an interesting dynamic as I watched the post-game celebration. Coach Wade respectfully shook hands with the opposing coaches and players, and as soon as that was finished, he frantically darted into the stands where he wildly hugged countless people. He was beaming. It was nothing other than pure unadulterated joy. After a few minutes, he worked his way back to the court, where the TV broadcast correspondent interviewed him.

"We're advancing, baby! We'll take it!"

He was asked about his emotions in this moment: "We've made school history, man! We've never won a game [in the NCAA tourney]. We didn't have much history when we got there. We've broken almost every record. I'm so proud for our guys, for our university, our president, our athletic director. It's incredible! This changes our university. This changes our university."

All this from a man who may be a former employee in a matter of days. He cared; he cared deeply. This moment sat with me. I recorded it on my phone and watched it over and over. I kept repeating the same phrase in my mind: Leave it better than you found it.

There's a reality in life we must all face. Everything we do will end soon. You WILL leave your job. You WILL have a final conversation with people in your life. You WILL stop engaging with xyz organization. You WILL stop running your business. You WILL have a final engagement with your client. You WILL stop attending your church. You WILL die. There WILL be an end, and it's sooner than we'd like to believe.

If that's true, we should each live life with a focused mission: Leave it better than we found it. Our workplace, the people in our lives, the organizations we engage with, the businesses we own/run, the clients we serve, the churches we attend, and the non-profits we support. We're here but for a moment, then gone.

It reminds me of something a wise friend once told me. Every gravestone includes three things: A birth date, a death date, and a dash between. What we do with the dash is what matters most. None of us know how long our dash will be, but we each have an opportunity to add value to the world while we're living the dash.

Whatever you do today, leave it better than you found it. Time is short. Embrace the dash. Oh yeah, one last thing: Go McNeese!

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Your Permission Slip

If you ever want to get a zoomed-in look at our modern-day societal depravity, pull up a Dave Ramsey clip on social media and read the comments. Now, I'm no fan of Dave Ramsey, and I'm often critical of pieces of his advice, but the level of vitriol and anger toward his social posts are hard to watch.

Example. I recently stumbled upon a clip where a woman was talking to Dave about getting out of debt. Dave's very clear advice was that this woman and her husband desperately needed to sell their expensive vehicles (paired with expensive payments), buy a few $10,000 cars with cash, and use their newfound monthly margin to aggressively pay off the remaining debt. As someone who does this for a living, I affirm this advice based on the information given by this woman. In all reality, the only rational path out of this debt mess is to humbly sell the fancy vehicles, even more humbly purchase inferior vehicles, and use this significant reset moment as an opportunity to get right with their money.

The commenters disagreed, and right on cue, they offered the angriest of angry responses. In short, most of the feedback revolved around the idea that you can't even find junkers for $10,000. $10,000 will buy a piece of trash car that will leave you stranded in the middle of nowhere any and every day. Translation: a $10,000 vehicle is an absolute pile of crap.

Confession: My family owns three cars, each valued at less than $10,000. They are quality vehicles. They run well. They are reliable. They get the job done. They take us from point A to point B.

No, they aren't fancy. No, they don't have the latest technology. No, they aren't under warranty. No, they won't be issue-free. No, they won't be the coolest car in any parking lot. No, they aren't sexy (well, the 350Z is 19-years-old sports car sexy!).

More importantly, they fit within our budget, provide financial margin, and allow us to spend our money on things that add far more value to our lives. We haven't had a car payment in 16 years, and will never again. We'd rather walk 15 miles, uphill both ways, in a torrential storm, than ever have a car payment again. Thus, we won't.

At the same time, our culture is pushing people into toxic vehicle purchase decisions that are deeply crippling their lives. Parents are doing it to their kids. Neighbors are doing it to their neighbors. Co-workers are doing it to their co-workers. Social media is doing it to all of us. It's everywhere.

Therefore, today, I'm giving you a permission slip. I'm not sure you need it, but today I am giving you permission to drive a vehicle you can afford. Yes, you can live a happy, meaningful, and fulfilling life while driving an affordable vehicle. You don't need to sabotage everything you hold dear in exchange for driving an expensive vehicle. It's not worth it. Please believe that. It's not worth it.

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Only You Can Define Success

"Are you thinking about ending your podcast?"

Interesting question, I thought, after a friend dropped this suspicious little gem on me. "Why would we end it?" I was so curious about what would happen next.

"Because you haven't figured out how to make money on it."

"What makes you think that was our goal?"

"Well, why else would you do it?"

The world does a great job of telling us what success looks like, and typically, it involves a $ symbol. Sure, I suppose money can (and should) be one definition of success, but it's a gravely materialistic perspective to define everything through the lens of dollars and cents.

We're more than 400 episodes into our podcast, and I can count the money we've made from it on zero fingers. In fact, that's never really been a discussion. Cole and I each support our families from our respective businesses, and we view the podcast simply as a way to serve people. Through it, we've helped thousands of people from all over the world. We've hit the top business podcast charts in Ukraine, Belize, and Italy. We've connected with countless people who cited our podcast as a turning point in their financial journey.

Our definition of success is to help a lot of people and perhaps start to bend the culture around the way that we humans view and handle money and work. And for that, it's been a massive success.

Northern Vessel is another example of this. I get asked at least 2 times per week when we'll open a second location. The answer is always the same: Never. Our definition of success isn't to create a multi-location empire or maximize economics. Rather, it's to redefine what hospitality can (and should) be in the coffee world, and strive to be the single best coffee shop in America. That's it. No amount of money or number of locations will define success for us. We control the definition.

Whatever you do, don't let others define success for you. YOU define what success looks like. When you let others decide what it means to be successful, you might give up or punt on an otherwise successful endeavor. However, when you control the definition of success, you're in the driver's seat. It gets to be whatever you want it to be, avoiding the cultural narrative around you. That's when you make meaning your true north, ignoring all the noise that would otherwise prevent you from reaching it. Never lose sight of that. Go be successful; your version of successful.

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Fleeting

Good news: I didn't die! My alumni basketball tournament was a blast. We went 0-3, and it was a humbling experience, but I had a great time. I'm so grateful that my back held up and I was able to compete without significant injury. I definitely lacked confidence and was cautious with my movements, but I think this experience will give me the momentum to keep working toward getting on the court more often.

I didn't anticipate being the oldest team there, but alas, we were the old guys. One of my favorite parts of the day was when we got matched up against a much younger team comprised of kids of my high school classmates. Yes, we played the kids of our peers. There were some great young men in the bunch, and it was fun to interact in that context.

The entire experience shined a glaring light on a reality that haunts us all: time is fleeting. It seems like just two years ago I was playing high school ball, and just like that, I'm playing against grown men who are the children of my classmates. Time is funny like that.

Experiences like this and reminders like today's reiterate the importance of living with meaning. If we just live our lives kicking the can down the road one day, one week, one month, and one year at a time, we'll one day wake up with overflowing regret.

If you're 40 years old, you have maybe 40-50 years left. Of those, how many will allow you the good health and mental cognition to soak in every experience? It's fleeting. Every day brings us one day closer to our end. I'm not trying to be depressing, but rather create urgency. If time is fleeting we ought not waste it.

I so badly want people to seize their best lives and live with meaning. They deserve it. You deserve it. We have one shot at this thing called life, and it's far to short to spend it pursuiring money, stuff, and status.

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On the Other Side of Fear

I spent part of yesterday meeting with an awesome couple experiencing some pretty crazy life changes. To my surprise, the wife said I once told her something that has continuously stuck with her. I don't remember saying it, but it sounds like something I would say. "There's nothing in life worth doing that doesn't involve fear."

We humans tend to treat fear as a warning sign that we shouldn't do something, but I think it's quite the opposite. Fear is a tell that we SHOULD do it. Often, what we want most is directly on the other side of fear. Based on some recent major decisions, this couple is certainly living out this principle. It's exciting - and encouraging - to see.

Coincidentally, I'm about to face one of my biggest fears in a few hours.

14 years ago, I suffered a crippling foot injury. After nearly two months on crutches and countless specialist consultations, it was recommended that I have the nerves cut out of the bottom of my right foot. Thankfully, one surgeon stepped in and pointed me in a better path. Turns out, I had torn a tendon and fractured a joint on the bottom of my foot, causing nerve-damage-like symptoms. That set the table for more than a year of physical therapy, which concluded with a warning that I may never be able to independently walk without wearing a splint. Fast forward about four years, and not only was I walking without a splint, but I had full athletic ability with that foot. I was so grateful!

Then, not long after that, I experienced a crushing back injury. I again spent more than a year in physical therapy, trying to regain a sense of normal again. While I've definitely regained normal day-to-day function, my basketball career ended 10 years ago when that injury occurred. I haven't played one bit of competitive full-court basketball since.

Here's where the fear comes in. Today, I'll be participating in an alumni basketball tournament with some of my old high school teammates. It's been 25 years since I've seen some of them. We're playing in my old high school gym. We'll be playing against teams 20 years younger than us. We'll have at least three games. I'm terrified. This will either be the most fun day of my year, or an unmitigated disaster. You best believe you'll find out which way this goes.

There's something profoundly beautiful about going head-first through our fears. Sure, we could play life safe, taking the easy path at every opportunity. That would certainly save us a lot of failure, embarrassment, and pain. But it would also rob us of meaning and fulfillment.

I really don't want to do what I'm about to do, but I'll be so glad I did it. I hope you have your own version of that in your life soon. Please don't shy away from the fear. Lean into it. Go through it!

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Too Too Much of a Good Thing

Yesterday was a fun day. We had the opportunity to spend some time in the sun at a phenomenal little resort right along the ocean. It was absolutely beautiful. Unfortunately, it ended up being too much of a good thing….or maybe too too much. With some combination of sun sickness and food poisoning, I spent the last 18 hours with some of the worst sicknesses imaginable. I'll save you the gory details, but my favorite part was the horrid hallucinations.

That's why you're receiving this post later than usual, as I have been at death's doorstep until this very moment.

Yesterday was a very harsh reminder that too much of a good thing is never a good thing. The sun was amazing, but seven hours of constant sunlight while hanging right next to the Equator is not a good thing. I got punished for my overzealousness.

The same goes for nearly every area of life: Money, stuff, status, relationships, food, vacation. For each of these, there's enough. The amount that will add value to your life, retain a healthy balance, and live a quality life. Then, there's too much of a good thing. Once we cross that line into too much territory, these things no longer benefit us, but start deteriorating us.

The trouble is it's sometimes difficult to recognize when we've crossed that line. The worst thing we can do is anchor ourselves to what other people are doing, as I did yesterday. When we use others as the point of comparison, we're likely to inadvertently jump off the cliff because we followed them right off. Just because others were getting seven hours of straight Equator-level sunshine, it doesn't mean I should be. Similarly, just because your peers are buying monster houses, fancy new cars, and funding a lifestyle that should only be reserved for a multi-millionaire, it doesn't mean you have to. Don't anchor yourself to others.

Instead, we need to decide what's enough. What's enough sun? What's enough house? What's enough car? What's enough lifestyle? If we make this conscious decision, we can live a healthier and more fulfilling life.

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When In Honduras

Our plan for this family vacation was to keep it simple—lots of swimming, eating, and playing. We weren't intending to do any crazy excursions. However, as I was flipping through some of the different options, one stood out to me: Playing with sloths. Have you ever played with a sloth? I haven't even seen a sloth in real life. Do they even exist? Are they really that slow? Are they as cute as I picture them? There was only one way to find out. When in Honduras, as they say.

So, yesterday, while docked in Roatan, Honduras, we took a little family adventure that included a cute little sloth named Flash. We held parrots, let monkeys jump on our heads, and viewed the coral reef through a glass-walled submarine boat. Oh yeah, and we met Flash!

Just say yes to memories. Two days ago, I had never even seen a real-life sloth. Today, we're family friends with a cute little sloth named Flash. That memory is worth far more than a material possession that will surely end up in a landfill 5-10 years from now. That memory is forever!

Wherever life takes you this week, month, or year, find opportunities to say yes to memories. They may seem questionable, or a hassle, or expensive, or perhaps even a waste, but some of them will sear into you and your family's memory banks forever. Not all of them, and not all the time. Some might fall flat, land short, or be all-out duds. However, some will be pure gold. Yesterday was pure gold for our family. I'm glad I said yes when every ounce of me wanted to say no and stick to the plan of remaining chill. Future me will thank past me one day.

Let your future self do the same to you!

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This Could All Be Yours, For Only…..

One of my friends recently reached out to me, confused and seemingly frustrated. He was dumbfounded as to how his friends were seemingly lapping him financially when, in his estimation, their income was probably similar. When I asked what makes him think that, he cited a few financial decisions one of his closest friends recently made. In short, his best friend purchased a $700,000 house, which apparently proves he's rich. As I explained to my confused friend, a large house purchase isn't a sign of wealth, but rather a sign of a high cost of living. Here's the quick math I gave him:

• Let's assume his friend made a 5% down payment, or $35,000. That means they needed to finance the remaining $665,000.

• With a 6.75% interest rate on a 30-year schedule, the monthly principal and interest payment would be approximately $4,300/month.

• The real estate taxes for their jurisdiction would be approximately $1,200/month.

• Homeowner's insurance would likely run in the $200/month range.

• Therefore, their minimum monthly payment would be approximately $5,700.

• I say minimum because that number does not include repairs and maintenance. We should expect to pay at least 1% of the house's value per year (over the long run) on repairs and maintenance, or approximately $500-$600/month.

• Oh yeah, and while it assumes they put a $35,000 down payment on the house, it doesn't factor in any money they spent on furnishing it.

Therefore, on average, this couple is spending at least $6,000/month for their house, plus another $50,000+ the day they move in.

"Holy #$#@!!!! I would never want that sort of pressure on my family. We'd have to give up everything else we value in order to make that work. And that financial pressure would make us feel like absolute crap."

"Good, so you have no reason to be jealous of them!"

There's no free lunch in life. Whenever we see someone around us making extravagant purchases, there's a very real cost. There are consequences. When they spend that money, it's $x less they get to spend on something else. Or if they financed it, it's $y more added to their budget each month, for years, to pay it off. Every action has a reaction.

If that last paragraph is true, then we should all spend less time being jealous of other people's decisions, and more focused on simply making value-add decisions for our own family. Life is so much better that way!

Or through the lens of a recent conversation I had with one of my sons, he asked, "Dad, why don't we live in a house like my friend ____ lives in?" Translation: Why does our house suck when his friend is living in a mansion? My answer was simple. We make intentional choices that allow us to do the most important things for our family: Dad gets to help people, Mom gets to stay at home to be with you more, we give generously, and we travel to make lots of memories.

Whatever financial choices you make today, I hope they align with your family's values, goals, and vision. Don't live the world's values....live yours.

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The Power of Uncomfortable Memories

Some memories are easy to say "yes" to. They are appealing, instantly satisfying no-brainers. They ooze with awesomeness, and we can't wait to reach for them. Then, there are the others.

We boarded our cruise ship yesterday, eager to escape the -30-degree wind chills that have been wreaking havoc on the Midwest for weeks. Yet, as we boarded the ship, the temps were a shockingly low 45-degree wind chill. I was freezing and tired when we finally entered our stateroom, ready to relax. Then, I heard the magical words: "Dad, let's go swimming!"

Oh boy. These kids came to go swimming, and 45-degree temps weren't going to stop them. Reluctantly, I changed into my trunks, and we spent the next two hours doing something more closely resembling the polar bear plunge than Caribbean cruise swimming. We sipped Shirley Temples and played like it was our only chance to swim for months. We bounced back and forth between the hot tub and the pool, not letting the weather dictate our itinerary (nor caring about the fact our feet were completely numb). Memories were made......lots of memories were made.

We'll likely make a ton of new memories together on this trip, but I have no doubt spending the afternoon swimming in 45-degree temps will be seared in for years (or decades).

There's something special about uncomfortable memories. Those memories where we're pushed just outside our comfort zone, resulting from our willingness to stretch ourselves into saying "yes" to things our impulses tell us to decline. In fact, if I were to list out my top 20 memories of all time, 15 of them would probably be the result of a "yes" decision I can't believe I made. If I had only trusted my gut and said "no" like any sane person should, each one of those special memories would be wiped from my being (as well as any impact they had on my growth and development).

My call to action today is to say "yes" to uncomfortable opportunities. Even if every ounce of you is screaming "no," just say "yes." You don't even have to know what you're doing it, other than to know something good will come from it. Something good always comes from it!

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It’s Not the Job That Sucks

As a reminder, 70% of Americans dislike or hate their jobs. Pretty sad, eh? 7 out of 10 people are living somewhere between mere tolerance and absolute misery. I've talked about this countless times before, but today, I will take a different approach. Here's my hot take of the week: It's not your job that sucks.

Well, your job may or may not suck, but that's not what's driving this 70% number. There's a saying that lives rent-free in my head: "People don't leave bad jobs; they leave bad leaders."

The data is beginning to show that people who have a terrible job but a great leader surprisingly experience more enjoyment, meaning, and fulfillment in their work than people who have a great job but a terrible leader.

My own life experience affirms this. When I was in high school, I worked at a cheese factory. No, not a Cheesecake Factory. A literal cheese factory. Unsurprisingly, being 17 years old and waking up at 4AM every Sunday to package cheese is a terrible job. It was cold, boring, and monotonous. However, I enjoyed that job! Why? Because my leaders were really good. They breathed life into the work, and the culture thrived.

Conversely, many years later, I had one of the coolest jobs ever. I won't share too many details about it, as I don't want what I'm about to say to land on a specific person. But let's just say the job was really freaking cool! However, my leader wasn't so great. Their attitude, coldness, self-serving priorities, treatment of others, seeming unwillingness to hold people accountable, and overall lack of respect created an environment where neither I nor others found enjoyment, meaning, or fulfillment. They sucked the life out of the work, and the culture suffered.

I have two takeaways today. First, if you're one of the 70% of Americans who dislike or hate their job, it means you might be one good leader away from joining the 30% club. Perhaps that means an intentional shift within your current organization, a similar job at a different organization, or some other lateral but small move would suffice. It doesn't mean you must blow up your entire life like I did. You don't have to make a drastic 180-degree turn to find meaning in your work. This should be fantastic news! Congratulations, one small tweak might be the difference between misery and meaning. Between tolerance and fulfillment. Between dread and excitement.

Here's my second takeaway. Many of you are leaders in your organizations. Through your leadership (or lack thereof), some of you are turning crappy jobs into amazing jobs, and some are turning amazing jobs into crappy jobs. You possess the keys to other people's work experience. While that doesn't sound fair, and perhaps an overweight responsibility, it's reality. It's your reality, and it's your team's reality. Oh yeah, and it's an amazing opportunity!

So, if you're in a job you dislike or hate (as most Americans are), ask yourself why. Is it really the job? Or is it your leaders? The answer to that question may change everything.

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Here

Sarah and I recently stumbled upon a fascinating film. I was scrolling through Netflix while Sarah vetoed movie after movie. Nothing sounded good to her, and she wanted me to know that. Eventually, frustrated by her unwillingness to commit, I picked something and said, "This is the one! We're going to watch it, and we're going to enjoy it." It indeed was the one.

The movie is called Here. Released last year, it stars Tom Hanks and Robin Wright, and was directed by Robert Zemeckis (the creator of Back To The Future and Forrest Gump). It's one of the most unique films I've ever watched. For example, the entire movie is set at a single camera position, and the screen never fades out; one continuous shot for 1 hour and 45 minutes. See, fascinating!

Photo Credit: IMDB

It's been nearly two days since we watched it, and I can't get it out of my head. At its core, the movie is a reflection on so many of the ideas shared in this blog:

• The pursuit (or not) of meaningful work.

• How deeply our relationships are woven into the quality of our life.

• The cultural and financial pressures to abandon our dreams.

• The struggle and joy that comes with parenting.

• The impacts (both positively and negatively) our sacrifices make in our journey.

• The haunting power of regret.

• The fleeting nature of time.

• Our inescapable need for meaning and fulfillment.

• The relational and emotional impact of debt and financial tension.

• Our human desire to establish roots.

• The beauty of the simplest and most mundane parts of our lives.

• The humbling reality of our own mortality.

• The miracle of forgiveness and redemption.

• The bonding qualities of sharing a meal together.

• The importance of celebrating major milestones in life.

It was simultaneously the saddest and most joyful thing I've watched in a while. I can't help but reflect on my own journey as a man, a husband, and a father. Life is indeed fleeting, and I ought not waste it.

If you enjoy this blog, I highly recommend you check out this film on Netflix. I can't promise you'll like it, but I can promise it will make you think. I hope you have a wonderful day, filled with beauty in both the big things and the small things.

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A Knock On the Door

Happy Super Bowl Sunday! While my Bears have only been part of it two times in my 40+ years of life, today is always one of my favorite days of the year. There's something special about the energy of Super Bowl Sunday.

It's so easy to look at these grown men and think to ourselves, "They're just doing it for the money." Sure, the money is ridiculous. These athletes make more money in a single year than many people will make over their entire careers. But ultimately, I sincerely don't believe it's about the money. The money is a nice (very nice!) perk, but it's about something so much bigger, and Super Bowl Sunday is one of those days where it shines through so clearly. The euphoria of victory and the agony of defeat. You can't tell me meaning isn't at play.

On a related note, I'm obsessed with the knock on the door. Oh, you don't know about the door knocking?!?! Check out this VIDEO. Each year, when it's time to announce the inductees to the NFL Hall of Fame, Hall of Fame CEO David Baker knocks on the door of each recipient to personally welcome them into the HOF family. These videos choke me up every single time. The video I linked above is a compilation of door knocks, and it makes me melt every time. It's worth four minutes of your day!

There's nothing like seeing grown men who have achieved fame and fortune beyond anything they probably ever dreamed turn into a puddle at the sound of a simple knock. Pure joy. Pure satisfaction. Pure meaning.

Money can buy so much in life, but it can't buy meaning. It can't satiate us. It can't fill our tanks. It can buy almost anything, but it can't buy the few things we crave the most. So while I'm enjoying the game tonight, watching these players give everything they have, while also thinking about David Baker's door knocks, it will be yet another reminder that meaning always transcends money.

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Boy, That Escalated Quickly!

In the words of Ron Burgundy, "Boy, that escalated quickly!" Yesterday was one of those days. You know what I'm talking about. The kind of day where you planned one thing, but something totally different happened. The kind of day where everything that could go wrong does go wrong. The kind of day that every time you solve one problem, another replaces it like some twisted game of whack-a-mole. The kind of day where you have problems in areas you didn't even know you had problems. You know, that kind of day!

I typically feel like my work is a juggling act of six distinct endeavors. Each one of them posed its own issues yesterday. It was a tremendously hard day. It wasn't fun at all. I felt like I got chewed up and spit back out. But it sure was rewarding.

This is what often confuses people when I talk about pursuing work that matters. The mere idea of "work that matters" instantly triggers thoughts of rainbows and sunshine. Whenever work is spoken about through the lens of meaning, it conjures up assumptions that it's fun, enjoyable, simple, or easy. The truth is, this couldn't be further from the truth. Pursuing work that matters doesn't mean we're trying to find any of those things.

Meaningful work isn't that. It can be....sometimes....on good days.....well, part of those good days. But at the heart, that's not what it's about. Pursuing work that matters means we're doing something that provides meaning, fulfillment, and purpose to our lives, all while adding value to others, regardless of how fun it is or isn't.

Fun is fleeting. Easy is empty calories. Those aren't the ingredients to work that matters. What's most imporant is the meaning component. Unlike fun and ease, meaning satiates. So while I was completely gassed last night, feeling like I got run over by a snow plow, I was fulfilled, satisfied, and content. Yesterday was exactly what it needed to be, and it turns out, yesterday needed to be anything but fun.

I love what I do more than anything in the world, but not because it's fun. I regularly find myself engaging in the most gut-wrenching conversations of my life, encountering problems I never know if I have the stomach to deal with, all while sabotaging my former life's pursuit of comfort and material wealth. Sarah and I were just talking recently about how much harder life is now than it was six years ago before I left my safe, lucrative, and cushy career. We laughed for a moment, then sighed, before simultaneously acknowledging we wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Another reminder that we've found it......work that matters.

I hope you have a meaningful day today. Not a fun day, a meaningful day. Well, I hope you find some fun along the way as well. We all need a little fun!

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Running Away or Running Toward

I was already contemplating a specific follow-up to my recent post titled Bummer. I still had more to say about this topic, and wanted to make one very clear point. However, my friend Mertz beat me to the punch. He immediately sent me a thoughtful response and asked the very profound question I was hoping to address: Is it possible to like/love your job and still celebrate Fridays?

To summarize, statistics (and my own experience) show that 7 out of 10 Americans dislike or hate their job. A never-ending state that's straddled somewhere between tolerance and misery. My general point is that we should create a life for ourselves that doesn't require us to celebrate Fridays and dread Mondays.

But what about Mertz's question? Can't we have both? Can't we like/love our work and still celebrate Fridays? I couldn't love this question more! For me, I think it comes down to the answer to the next question: Are you running away or running toward?

In other words, do we celebrate Fridays because we're trying to find reprieve from the misery, or do we celebrate Fridays because we're excited for what's to come? It may seem like splitting hairs, but I think it's a cavernous divide.

There's another way to look at it, which was also echoed by Mertz. Perhaps the weekends can be a celebration of a hard week's work well done. Perhaps the weekend is a time to temporarily step away, recharge, and get our head back in the game the following week. Mertz is right....he's so right! One of the reasons I know he's right is that he finds meaning in his work. He's not running away from anything. Sure, his work can be challenging, stressful, and trying......all work has components of this. But when push comes to shove, Mertz pursues work that matters.

I also know he's right because I know what his weekends look like. His weekends are loaded with quality family time, adventures, and dutiful, joyful service at his church. His weekends are valuable to him; not as an escape, but as another meaningful part of a meaningful life.

Here's my last observation about Mertz. I know weekday Mertz, and I know weekend Mertz. It's the same guy. He carries himself with the same energy, generosity, and thoughtfulness whether I see him in the thick of his stressful week or at a casual family event at church. He's the same, and that's a tell!

I do think we should get excited for weekends. I think weekends should be a wonderful time to relax, recharge, spend time with those we love, go on adventures, and prepare for the challenges ahead. I believe all of that. But I also believe it should be through the lens of running toward something, not running away. Through the lens of meaning over money, I believe a meaningful life should be comprised of seven days per week, not just two.

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Bing!

Happy Groundhog Day to those who celebrate! What are your favorite Groundhog Day movies? For me, it's probably Groundhog Day....or maybe Groundhog Day. I saw on Facebook last night that my friend Ryan was watching it. On one hand, that's awesome. On the other hand, it's a bit of a party foul to watch it on Groundhog Day Eve. To me, that feels like unloading the Christmas tree and thrashing open all the gifts on Christmas Eve. Oh well, I digress.

Groundhog Day has been and will forever be one of my favorite movies. If you haven't seen it (which is a shame), I'll summarize. Bill Murray, a semi-famous meteorologist from Pittsburgh, begrudgingly travels to nearby Punxsutawney to cover the annual Groundhog Day celebration.

For unknown reasons, Bill Murray gets caught in a time loop where he lives the same day over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over. It's as depressing as it is ridiculous, as thought-provoking as it is hilarious. Underneath its comedic facade is a deeply meaningful movie, filled with wisdom and virtue.

Here's the question I always ask myself while enjoying this film. Is it enough to do the right thing? On a basic level, we know right and wrong. We understand how we should handle ourselves and how we shouldn't. If that's true, is it enough to simply put ourselves through the paces of doing it "the right way?"

As you can imagine, I have an opinion. I tend to believe simply doing the right thing isn't enough. I think it goes deeper than that. I think intent plays a big role in all this, which is woven into the fabric of this film. I call it doing the right things for the right reasons.

It's one thing to do the right thing, but it's an entirely different beast when we're doing the right thing for the right reasons. A sincerity, if you will. A spirit of openhandedness. A posture of generosity. Doing the right thing without any expectations in return.

Oftentimes, we do the right thing if/when it serves our own purposes or self-interest. But what happens when the right thing doesn't benefit us......or even hurts us?

What if doing the right thing means sacrificing ourselves for the betterment of others?

What if doing the right thing means taking a harder path when it means we can make someone else's path easier?

What if doing the right thing means caring so deeply about the intent of the action, knowing well the outcome is very much uncertain?

What if doing the right thing means foregoing more money and a higher standard of living so we can live out a more specific call in our life?

I'm not sure my little rant made total sense, but perhaps it will give you something to think about before or after you watch the film. Not during, though. During the movie, I hope you enjoy it as thoroughly as I will. Oh yeah, and one more thing: Bing!

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When Your Priorities (Drastically) Change

I was recently scheduled to meet with a client. It was a meeting I had excitedly anticipated for weeks. We had a lot to discuss, with very specific (and big) priorities. I spent much time preparing for the conversation that would likely help them shift the trajectory of their financial life in an awesome and life-altering way.

However, just 30 seconds into the meeting, they dropped a bomb on me. They had just experienced a major life event that will forever change their lives. Major life events come in many shapes and sizes, from the best of the best to the worst of the worst, and everything in between. The types of life changes that impact literally every aspect of our being. The bomb hit hard, and it changed everything.

I took about ten seconds to regroup, then quickly modified the meeting's agenda. Priorities needed to be shifted because, well, priorities were shifting. Everything I had in store for them suddenly seemed meaningless. What seemed like the world's most crucial topic yesterday now felt minuscule and insignificant.

The couple was frustrated. After much hard work, discipline, and consistency, they were excited for this next chapter. Now, after an unexpected turn of events, they quickly realized their reality had shifted.

We spent the following ten minutes processing these feelings. Ultimately, I explained, this is how life works. It's never linear. It rarely goes how we anticipate. Our best-laid plans can go poof at a moment's notice. This isn't proof that their good work is meaningless.....far from it! Rather, it's evidence and affirmation of why they put in the hard work in the first place. Being in their current strong position, which didn't happen by accident, will allow them to absorb the impact of this newfound reality.

Though it's perfectly normal (even healthy) to set a clear path with an identified destination, we must expect life to slow us down, knock us off course, or even alter our plans. It's ok to adjust. Just because we thought we would accomplish xyz last month, it doesn't mean we are failures if new circumstances or altered realities shift the plan.

When reality changes, change with it. When priorities must change, change them. Don't view it through the lens of failure; view it through the lens of life. When we expect life to happen, it's never a surprise when life happens. After all, that's part of the adventure!

I hope your day is smooth and awesome, but if for some reason life slows you down, knocks you off course, or alters your plans, shift with it. That's not a loss, just a different kind of win!

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Today is the Youngest Day of Your Life

I had the privilege of speaking to a youth group last night, and not just any youth group. It's the same youth group I participated in as a leader for ten years. I was invited to speak on the topic of integrating our faith with our finances. Overall, it went fantastic. The kids were engaged, interactive, showed me lots of love, and even laughed at my dumb jokes (pity laughs still count!).

We call this the “Junkyard pose.”

We covered topics including the behavioral science of money and happiness, the importance of being a good steward, avoiding debt, and finding a healthy balance between spending, saving, and giving. I hope it moved the needle. I hope someone's life was impacted by my talk. I hope a trajectory will be altered in some way. I hope my heart and insight landed well. I may never know for sure, but I'll trust....and have faith.

One of the adult leaders approached me afterward and said the magical line I hear more than any other: "I wish someone would have taught me this when I was 16. It would have saved me a lot of mistakes and regrets." Oh, so true! I wish I had that as well!

I have a bit of a bad news, good news situation. If you're 45 years old, I can't dump you into a DeLorean, speed up to 88 MPH, and take you back to your teenage years. It's too late. I can't go back, and you can't go back. We are where we are. Our past is our past, our mistakes are our mistakes, and our regrets are our regrets.

Now, it's time for the good news. Today is the youngest day of your life. You'll never be this young again. It's the youngest you'll ever be. Therefore, perhaps today is the day you make some changes. Pay off debt. Get on a budget. Start giving generously. Transition to the work you're called to. Start investing. Build an emergency fund. Save for that dream trip.

Here's what I don't want for you. I don't want the 85-year-old version of you to say, "I wish I would have done ____ when I was 45. I was so young then."

No, you might not be 16 anymore. Or 25. Or 30. But you are where you are, and it's the youngest you'll ever be. If that's true, you might as well get started now.

Happy youngest day of your life. Let's get started!

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