The Flourless Cake

Have you ever baked a cake? I've baked a few in my life, and fortunately, it was under the watchful eye of my mom. As a kid, I remember using her cookbook to determine the exact ingredients in the exact ratios. My favorite ingredient was the sugar, of course. After all, that's what made the cake actually taste good. If I had my way, I probably would have elected to replace the gross-tasting flour with even more sugar. If sugar is what makes it taste good, then why not let the sugar dominate!?!? Can you imagine how bad that all-sugar, no-flour cake would have tasted? It would have been a disaster.

During a recent conversation with a client, I asked both spouses what they wanted. They both shared a similar answer. In short, their objective in life was to retire as early as possible (late 40s or early 50s) and spend more time with family.

Curious about where this was going, I asked, "And what else?"

The husband looked confused, so he cleared the air: "Nothing else. We're just going to spend time with friends and family."

Wanting to be sure I understood, I asked one more follow-up: "But nothing else?"

"Nope, we're going to relax and just spend our time with friends and family. Travel, too.....probably with family"

Perhaps this is an unpopular opinion that will be met with a violent backlash, but this seems like a flourless cake. Relaxing and spending time with loved ones is the sugar. It tastes good! It's fun. It's enjoyable. It gives life flavor. But if all we're adding to the batter is sugar, like my childhood baking example above, that's going to be one disaster of a cake.

Work. Purpose. Impact. Service. These are the flour. They don't always taste as good as the sugar, but they are what make a cake a cake. They balance out the ingredients to create something beautiful.....something delicious.

Just as we shouldn't have a flourless cake, we also shouldn't have a sugarless cake. While it might come out of the oven actually looking like a cake, it probably tastes dull and bland. Nobody wants that cake, either! We gotta have the sugar, too!

Our obsession with and idolization of retirement is turning us into a bunch of flourless cakes. We glorify a life of leisure so much in our culture that we forget to add all the ingredients to the bowl in healthy ratios.

My goal isn't to turn an entire generation into a bunch of work-obsessed robots. Rather, I deeply desire for people to see the good in their work. Further, if people understood how much value work adds to their lives, they would quit racing to the finish line (i.e., retirement) and instead pursue work that actually matters to them. Lots of sugar for taste, a healthy amount of flour to give it body, in a ratio that makes it light and fluffy. That sounds like an absolutely delicious cake!

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Back Against the Wall

There's an interesting theme I've noticed over the years. I think about this often, and it was brought up to me by a friend yesterday. When successful business owners or entrepreneurs are interviewed about their origin stories, they don't usually say, "Yeah, life was pretty good, and I was really content where I was, but I threw it all in the trash so I could start over and significantly increase the stress and risk in my life."

Rather, it's usually something more along the lines of, "I lost my job, my girlfriend broke up with me, and I was living in a dump, so I figured, 'why not give it a shot?'" I might have exaggerated that a bit, but there's usually an inflection point of pain that precipitated the career move.

Why is that? Why is it that people who built something amazing didn't start until life punched them in the face? That's a rhetorical question, as I have my own theory: OK is the worst place to be. When we're OK, we're just good enough not to want to rock the boat of life. OK means we're probably not overly miserable, overly impoverished, or overly hungry for better.

I'd argue that OK robs us of a thirst for meaning. OK allows us to say, "It could be worse," and then take steps to prevent "worse" from happening. Sure, I might not be happy, but at least I'm not miserable! Thus, we hold on to "not miserable" like our life depends on it.

On the flip side, I'm watching person after person who experienced profound pain, loss, suffering, and uncertainty pursue a much different path. A scary path. An unknown path. A non-linear path. It's the hardest thing they've ever done, yet at the same time, they report it's the most meaningful they've ever lived.

It's also funny how this group of people wouldn't wish away their painful inflection points, as that would mean wiping their eventual decision to pivot in life. Looking back, the worst thing they ever experienced led to the best.

And all it took was for their backs to be put against the wall. I don't feel bad for people who were put in absolutely terrible gut-wrenching back-against-the-wall positions. I feel bad for the people who have experienced a lot of OK without the pain. Perhaps it's time some of us put our own backs against the wall and use it as an opportunity to live the life we're meant to live. I’m not saying everyone should turn their lives upside down and abandon their jobs, but for those of you silently suffering in the discontent of OK (you know who you are), I’m talking to you!

Whether you're OK, living in deep meaning, or have your back against the wall as we speak, keep fighting for it! It's worth it. I hope you have an amazing day!

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More Hunting, More Fishing

I'm not a big hunter or fisherman. It's never really been my thing, but living in the Midwest, it is for many of my friends. This is where today's story begins.

When I met with a newish client, heaviness was hanging in the air. You could cut the tension with a knife. Eventually, though, I couldn't let it linger any longer. Then, it came out. The husband was frustrated that they didn't have the resources for him to be more active with his passions: hunting and fishing. And by resources, I mean money and time.

I tried to play it cool, but I knew exactly where that conversation needed to go. In short, it wasn't that this couple lacked resources. Instead, they were allocating their resources to things that didn't matter to them. In a matter of minutes, I pointed to more than $2,200/month of expenditures that didn't seem consistent with who I knew them to be. Just one of those expenses was a $1,600/month truck payment. $1,600!!!

He didn't actually seem to care much about his truck, yet he was willfully paying what's practically a mortgage payment for the privilege of having it. He was initially defensive when I pointed out his behavioral misalignment. His words said he cared about a certain set of values, but his budget said he cared about a different set of values. Eventually, though, he saw it!

Very few of these expenses actually mattered to them, but these costs were absorbing a good chunk of their financial margin (making it feel impossible for him to invest in hunting and fishing). Not only that, but the husband would regularly work overtime to make enough income to pay all the bills.....thereby reducing the amount of time even available to invest in hunting and fishing.

With the wave of their magic wand (i.e., humility), they quickly unwound several of their financial commitments, including selling the truck with the ridiculous payment. Almost overnight, they were able to invest their time and money into things that actually mattered to them.....including the husband's love of hunting and fishing.

Always, always, always spend YOUR values. Please don't care what anyone else is doing. Find out what matters most to you, lean hard into that, and ignore all the other noise. Life is so much more fulfilling when we focus our resources where they matter most.

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Gratitude, Always Gratitude

If you are a Christian reading this on Easter Sunday, I hope this is a wonderful day of celebration for you and your family. As I think about what this day means to me, it's quite clear: Gratitude, always gratitude. Gratitude for the most amazing gift that we could ever have been given. Gratitude for the life I'm blessed to live. Gratitude for the forgiveness I've received.

Gratitude is the only mode of operation we should have in life. Sure, we could easily point to all the junk, sorrow, and pain we've experienced in this life. We can call foul on all the terrible things that have happened to us. All of that would be fair, and well deserved. It's so easy to blame others, be a victim, and wallow in our own suffering. Oh, believe me, I've been there!

But gratitude is the only way. We can dwell on all the things we don't have......or we can be grateful for what we do have. You will NEVER have everything you want. You will NEVER feel like it's enough. You will NEVER end up where you want. However, everything you do have is something to be grateful for. Everything in front of us is a gift.

If gratitude is at the center of our lives, there's nothing that can knock us out of the game. Bad fortune, profound loss, and unjust circumstances are surely headed our way at some point in the future, but if we center our lives around gratitude, it will never be enough to take us down.

However you're celebrating Easter today, choose gratitude. Always gratitude. Happy Easter!

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Tears Of

The last few days have been packed with financial coaching meetings. Lots of tears. Tears of loss, pain, suffering, sorrow, joy, achievement, regret, and celebration. Lots of tears for lots of reasons. There's a lot of life happening all around us. And yes, these were financial coaching meetings.

That's the thing about money. Money is NEVER about money. It's always about something bigger. Sure, we can make it about dollars and cents, black and white, smart and dumb, responsible and foolish, rich and poor. Most of the world views money that way, after all. However, doing so sells people short. People's lives are worth so much more than stacks of cash and materialistic possessions.

While I don't believe money is important, handling it well is. It's intertwined into every area of our lives. Our relationships, aspirations, careers, parenting, hobbies, passions, and daily lives. Thus, the tears. I might sit in a room with spreadsheets on a screen and number scribbled on a whiteboard, but we're not really talking about money. Money might come up, but it’s never really about the money. We're talking about the most important nuances of people's lives, which happen to, for better or worse, intersect with finances.

This is the tension with a meaning over money lifestyle. We can't put money on a pedestal and worship it above all else. Doing so is toxic, unhealthy, and unfulfilling. On the flip side, we can't irresponsibly disregard money altogether. Doing so is a surefire way to reap chaos and destruction in a life meant for meaning.

So what's the answer? In my opinion, we should endeavor to steward our resources well, postured in humility, contentment, and generosity, to live a life rich with meaning, purpose, and impact. Everything else is just noise.

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Stepping Up

Good morning to everyone……except for Grandpa Joe! Have you ever seen Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? We watched it as a family last night, and as always, a classic! Hot take: Grandpa Joe is the worst movie character of all time.

As the movie unfolds and the characters are introduced, we discover that Charlie Bucket's family lives in poverty. His mom works at a laundromat, where she uses her single income to support Charlie and four bedridden grandparents in very tough living conditions. On the night this movie begins, Charlie is disappointed that dinner will be "cabbage water again." Not cabbage soup, but cabbage water. In another scene, Charlie gets his first paycheck from his new paper delivery route. He uses this financial windfall to purchase a delicious-looking loaf of bread for the family, which Grandpa Joe calls "a feast." At the same time, we find out that while the family barely has enough money to serve cabbage water, a portion of their resources is used to support Grandpa Joe's tobacco habit. Did I mention that Grandpa Joe and the other three grandparents have been bedridden for 20 years? 20 years!!!

Now, I'm not here to bash senior citizens or people who don't have the physical capacity to move about. I'm here to bash on what happens next. After Charlie miraculously and magically wins the fifth and final golden ticket to tour Willy Wonka's factory, he hesitantly invites Grandpa Joe to be his guest. Yes, the same Grandpa Joe who hasn't left his bed in two decades. And whataya know, two minutes later, Grandpa Joe is dancing around the living room like he's an energetic teenage boy.

The entire family has spent the last 20 years, and the entirety of Charlie's life, living in poverty. All the while, Grandpa Joe just needed something he cared enough about to spring from his bed and become productive. Providing for his in-need family didn't do the trick, so it's a bit disappointing that a one-day tour of a chocolate factory was what flipped his switch.

Yes, I realize it's just a movie. I know it's silly. I know it's not meant to be taken seriously. I love that movie so much! But Grandpa Joe always gets to me. We need to step up. All of us.

Day after day, I write and podcast about pursuing work that matters, aggressively chasing a meaningful life that's full of fulfillment, impact, and curiosity. I believe in all of that.....with every ounce of my being. At the same time, however, we also need to step up and take care of our families. Never do I suggest that we should abandon our responsibilities to provide and care for those who matter most by recklessly and irresponsibly living our lives.

We need to have both. Yes, we need to aggressively pursue that meaningful life, but at the same time, we must do what we need to do to put food on the table, a roof over our heads, and water in the pipes. The act of providing, even if through less-than-ideal work, is a meaningful endeavor. We ought not lose sight of that.

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Simple Is Not Easy

One of my friends reached out to me. He was frustrated with me and wanted to vent. He said he regularly reads the blog and listens to the podcast, and wants to call us out on something. In short, according to him, we mislead people when we tell them that living these meaning over money principles is easy.

I shared with him that, to my knowledge, I've never used the word "easy." He rebutted, insisting that one of my favorite words is "simple." Ah, yes, now we're getting somewhere! This is where the rubber meets the road. Living a meaningover money lifestyle is very, very simple, but there's nothing easy about it! In fact, I'd argue it's one of the hardest things in the world.

Simple does not mean easy. In the case of aggressively pursuing meaning, it's brutally difficult......sometimes feeling nearly impossible. But it's indeed simple. Here's a short list of meaning over money concepts that are both quite simple and tremendously difficult:

• Pursuing work that matters, even if it pays less than an alternative, less meaningful job option.

• Getting out of debt and staying out of debt.

• Intentionally NOT keeping up with the Joneses.

• Living on a budget, but not being afraid to spend on things that truly add value to your life.

• Leaning hard into generosity.

• Cease caring about what others think.

• Practicing delayed gratification by saving for future needs.

• Patiently investing in the broad U.S. stock market and NOT making adjustments/changes when times get weird (such as now!).

• Focusing on building impact instead of building wealth.

All simple. All extraordinarily difficult. Simple is not easy. Whenever I meet with a potential client, I promise them three things if they decide to pursue this counter-cultural way of living: 1) It's so simple, 2) it's so hard, and 3) it will be worth it far more than they will ever know.

I make those three promises to you as well! Simple is not easy. In fact, it might be the hardest thing you try to do. However, it will most certainly be a beautiful journey.

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Everything Is Connected to Everything

"I don't get how you do that!" exclaimed a friend. This is a sentiment I hear often, about lots of topics, from lots of different people. In people's defense, when I live such a public life (with the blog and podcast), it's not a surprise that it results in many questions and conversations. I never take offense when people want to discuss one of these topics; it's actually an intended consequence of broaching such topics with readers and listeners. I want to open a dialogue!

Back to my friend. "I don't get how you do that!" I often get this type of comment about a myriad of topics:

• Leaving an amazing career (and my family taking a 90% pay cut doing so).

• The new and unique career I’ve created.

• Living with zero debt

• Sarah staying home and spending her time volunteering.

• The family trips.

• Publishing 365 blogs and 104 podcast episodes per year.

• The frequent international travel.

• The sharp bend toward generosity.

• The fun little 350Z.

• Saying "yes" to odd opportunities.

"I don't get how you do that!" My friend was confused. In his opinion, I live a weird life. I get that word a lot. "Weird." I never take that personally, and in fact, it's become somewhat of a badge of honor.

I immediately asked my friend: "How much do you spend per month on your house and car payments combined." He thought for a moment, doing the mental math. "Maybe a little more than $5,000. I think $5,200. What does that have to do with anything?" I told him my house and car payments combine for $1,700 per month. Now he looked confused.

Next question: "How much more do you spend on other debt payments?" Again, he took a moment to think through some numbers. "Maybe a thousand or so." I told him we had none, and he looked skeptical.

We live in the same town, not far from one another. Our kids are a similar age. We do similar activities and attend similar events. Our lives are not all that different.....except they are. His house, cars, and consumer debt cost his family $6,200/month, whereas ours cost us $1,700. We might as well live on different planets.

I shared my philosophy with him: "Everything is connected to everything." Components in our lives don't live in a vacuum. Every decision has consequences, which create new decisions, which create new consequences. I admit that our family's life is quite weird, but that's intentional. When everything is connected to everything, it allows us to string together decisions that have a ripple effect on our journey.

When we live the world's way, it creates a ripple effect of living the world's way. It's a predictable and linear path. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but it is what it is.

On the flip side, living in a weird way creates a ripple effect of living a weird way. It's a shockingly unpredictable path, and it creates as many weird opportunities as it does uncertainty.

Everything is connected to everything, and that's a good thing. To me, it means we have more control of our journey than we often like to believe. If that's true, don't be afraid to seize control.....and maybe live a little weird.

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The Kids Don’t Care

I recently spent time with a couple who are struggling. Both spouses have great jobs, and their combined income is much higher than the average family's. However, they are stressed, burned out, and frustrated with life. Between their jobs and other commitments, they barely have time for their kids. By the time they all get home at night and eat dinner, they're lucky to have 30 minutes with the kids before bedtime. They feel like spectators in their own lives, watching their kids being raised by other people.

I mostly listened, taking it all in. It pained me to hear how discontent they are with their lives. The part about rarely seeing their kids was especially brutal. Then, I asked what seemed like an obvious question to me: "Well, why do you do it?"

"Our kids deserve a good life."

In their opinion, all of this hard work, long hours, stressful weeks, and the amazing income it all provides was worth it because it allowed them to provide their kids with a high standard of living which they "deserved.". This family is checking all the boxes: the house, the cars, the clothes, the trips, the activities, the clubs. Their kids are livin' the life!

My response: "The kids don't care!"

This is a hard pill for most parents to swallow, but the kids don't give a rip about any of it. We may think they do, and they may say things that lead us to believe they do, but they don't! What kids care about is having their parents present. A healthy household, engaging relationships, active discipline, a shoulder to lean on, someone to show them love, and the opportunity to make memories. They don't care about money, stuff, or status.

I've interviewed hundreds of people about their childhood. The feedback I've heard has ranged from "My childhood was a nightmare" to "I had the best childhood in the world." Do you know what doesn't factor into these opinions? Standard of living. Nobody says, "My childhood sucked because we were lower class," and nobody says, "My childhood was great because we were rich." Their standard of living and financial status always come up (because I ask), but there's practically zero correlation between money and childhood happiness.

There is one consistent theme, though. How present and engaged their parents were meant everything. Regardless of wealth or standard of living, kids who had present and engaging parents consistently reflect fondly on their childhoods. Translation: They don't care about money.

If what I just said is true, we parents have a choice to make. We can either continue down the road of "providing a good life," recognizing we're actually doing it for ourselves (and not our kids), or we can choose meaning over money and truly invest in our children. This is a tough pill to swallow for many, but one worth considering.

I'll end with the good news! No matter how much (or little) income you make or wealth you possess, you already have the tools to give your children everything they want!

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The Unwinnable Race

Whether aware of it or not, many people reading this article are running an unwinnable race. They are working hard for that forever home, enough money to feel secure, the newest technology, or the nicest car.

In theory, this is a winnable race. That house is possible, that amount of money is attainable, the Apple store is just a short drive away, and that car is rolling off the production line. Yes, you can have any of these you want......

......but you can't. This is where it becomes unwinnable. The moment you buy your forever home, it's just a house (and a new forever home takes shape in your imagination). The moment you have enough money, you realize it wasn't the answer to your insecurity (and a higher dollar amount takes its place in your mind). The moment you buy the newest cell phone, a newer (and better) one comes out. The moment you pull the trigger on that sweet ride, it becomes just a car (losing its luster).

I recently met with a man who has amassed $15 million. He said it's more money than he ever imagined having. He was raised in a lower-middle-class family, and even taking a three-hour road trip vacation was a luxury for his family. He wore hand-me-down clothes and shared a bedroom with his two siblings. Today, he lives in a 7-bedroom house and flies anywhere he wants at the drop of a hat.

He confided that he once believed even $5 million would be far more than enough. Then, after reaching that milestone, he realized he needed more to feel happy and secure. This process repeated a few more times, leading to his present status at $15 million. In our most recent conversation, he shared his new perspective that somewhere in the $20-$25 million range is probably enough. Unfortunately, it won't be. It never is. He's running an unwinnable race.

If you think x purchase or y dollars is the ticket to your happiness, security, or contentment, you're gravely mistaken. We have two options: 1) We can keep running, hoping there's an end to this race, or 2) Practice gratitude and be content with what we're blessed with. Taking option #2 doesn't mean we live with apathy or simply quit pursuing impact, but rather, it means we stop chasing the things that can't fulfill us and focus on what can.

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The Subconscious Killer

People want to drive a certain brand of car.

People want to live in a certain neighborhood.

People want their kids to attend a certain school.

People want to wear a certain logo.

People want to travel to a certain city.

People want their kids on a certain team.

People want to carry a certain model of phone.

People want to belong to certain clubs.

Do you know what all these things have in common? Status. People crave status. I believe people have always craved status, but due to the arms race of materialism and the proliferation of social media, the pursuit of status is thriving now more than ever.

Here's the official definition of status, according to the Oxford Dictionary: "The relative social, professional, or other standing of someone or something."

Here's the unofficial definition of status, according to me: The perception held about someone by an external person or group of people.

We humans care about what others think of us, and whether consciously or subconsciously, many of our decisions are heavily dictated by our desire to positively influence our standing in other people's eyes. Thus, the cars, neighborhoods, schools, logos, travel destinations, sports teams, gadgets, and clubs. Each of these says something about us, one way or another.

This may sound like a harmless topic lacking substantive consequences, but I can personally testify that the consequencesare increasingly destructive. In just the last few weeks, I've met with couples who make north of $300,000/year and are living paycheck-to-paycheck. There are a lot of factors contributing to this, but none bigger than the pursuit of status. Most of their decisions seem to be made, in part, with status in mind. Again, I don't even think it's a conscious thing for them. It's hard-wired into their psyche, and it manifests through each decision.

If this type of behavior goes unchecked, it will rot us from the inside out:

• Divorce

• Selfishness

• Financial stress

• Relational tension

• Jealousy

• Rampant debt

• No retirement

• Discontent

• Did I mention divorce?

Take a hard look in the proverbial mirror this morning and ask yourself what financial decisions are being made in the pursuit of status. If you identify any (and I suspect you will), I strongly encourage you to consider purging them from your life. Your life is worth far more than what others think about you. Your freedom, relationships, peace, calling, and meaning are all far more important than anything status claims to provide.

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A Shared Experience Double Date

Sarah and I went on a double date with another couple last night. I've been excited about this date for a while, and it didn't disappoint. However, I was caught off guard early in the night. The husband, a regular reader of this blog, announced he wanted to do this date "Shelton Family Style." This was a reference to a post I wrote 19 months ago about the power of actually shared experiences. Whenever my family goes out to eat, no matter the restaurant, we eat family style. We order a handful of items from the menu and share them with the entire family. It's a practice I picked up in Asia, and it's transformed our dining experiences.

Last night, though, I didn't expect that to happen. It's not a normal American custom to eat family style at most restaurants. Even when my friend said he wanted to do it, I didn't fully believe him. Each of us ordered something different, and I fully expected Sarah and I to share like we always do. However, as soon as the food arrived, I realized my friend was serious. We spent the next few minutes sliding blocks of food onto extra plates and divvying it up. Then, we dug in!

It was amazing! Each of us experienced four different entrees. It was part of the conversation. What we liked (almost everything), what we didn't (almost nothing), and why. We all received variety. We shared that experience together. By the time we finished, I had become an even bigger fan of that restaurant, as I experienced excellence across the board. It was a significantly memorable experience, and one I'm so grateful to have shared with my friends.

While this may seem like a random or inapplicable topic for this blog, I think it's highly impactful. It's really about creating and curating memories, moments, and experiences. It's about building relationships and adding richness to life.

Yes, we could simply stick to the normal ways of doing things; there's nothing wrong with that. Or, we can take a chance, get a bit uncomfortable, and try something that just might transform the experience. I'm so grateful my friends pushed the idea last night, and perhaps today, you can find your own ways to lean into similar ideas with people in your life. Share experiences, make memories, and create moments.

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The Three Types of People

I've long believed there are only two types of men in this world: Those who can wear fancy hats, and those who can't. I fit squarely in the can't camp.

As much as I'd like to spend the next 450 words lamenting my inability to pull off fancy hats, I want to instead discuss a different type of grouping I often think about. This time, I believe there are three types of people in this world:

1) People who say yes to anything and everything, always jumping at the newest shiny object.

2) People who take the path of least resistance. They will say yes to the easy things, no to the challenging things, and do whatever is necessary to coast through life by giving the least amount of effort possible.

3) People who say yes to meaningful and impactful things, regardless of how difficult and painful they might be. While the things they say yes to may seem scattered or random, common and powerful themes tie them all together. This is the group I was advocating for in yesterday’s post.

I used to spend a lot of time in camp #1. I would say yes to anything that sounded interesting. The net result of this behavior was a constant sense of overwhelmingness and stress. People who live in this camp aren't trying to sabotage their lives, but rather discover what moves the needle and what doesn't. It's the visible manifestation of curiosity and self-discovery. I still have tendencies toward this camp, but I've been able to hone in on what matters most.

I'd argue that most people live in camp #2. They just want to do their job, not kill themselves doing it, come home, hang with family, and repeat. They prefer not to get too involved with the problems of this world, instead choosing to pursue a better life for themselves and those they love. They mind their business, keep their head down, and keep moving forward through life.

I'm not a fan of camp #2. I get why people live in it, though. It's comfortable. It's simple. It's predictable. It's linear. On the surface, all of those traits sound appealing. However, in my opinion, there's something missing. It's like preparing a beautiful steak to perfection, but not seasoning it. It's got a nice sear, and the cross-cut reveals your precisely executed temperature. It looks amazing! You take a bite, expecting something wonderful.....but it tastes bland. It's got the look, texture, and temperature, but it has no flavor.

I'm not an advocate for people chasing shiny objects all the time. I don't think we should say yes to all things. It's a one-way ticket to burnout. However, I will fight until my last breath for people to transition from camp #2 to camp #3. Some of you might be one "yes" away from changing the trajectory of your life forever. Not an easier life. Not a more comfortable life. Not a wealthier financial life. But a better life.....full of meaning, impact, fulfillment.....and flavor.

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What is Excellence?

I'm preparing for what may be the most anticipated talk I've ever given. The audience will include CEOs and other leaders from some of the most well-known organizations in the Midwest. The topic? Excellence.

I'll be exploring how organizations can practice excellence in their day-to-day operation. Not by simply talking about excellence, but actually putting one foot in front of the other.

As a consumer, what does excellence look like to you? What would an organization do that would make you stop and think, "Wow, that was amazing!"

My mind immediately gravitates to Chewy, an online pet supply company. This story has lived rent-free in my head ever since I first heard it. One of the things Chewy is most known for is its monthly subscriptions to pet food and other frequently-used supplies, which systematically show up at the consumer's door. These products are needed, like clockwork, month after month. But then, something tragic happens: the loss of a pet. It's inevitable.

This is when a potential gut-wrenching moment happens. A family is mourning the loss of its pet, and a fresh bag of dog food shows up at the door (along with a new charge on their card). Talk about rubbing salt in the wound.

The customer calls Chewy to cancel the subscription, explaining their pet recently passed away. Chewy, in its relentless pursuit of excellence, reacts with empathy. First, it reverses the charge on that customer's card while simultaneously canceling their subscription. Second, it tells the customer NOT to send the supplies back. Instead, please bless a friend or loved one with them. Third, Chewy sends the customer a bouquet of flowers, communicating its condolences for their recent loss. That's excellence in practice.

I have a first-hand story to add to the mix. About six weeks ago, one of our periodic Northern Vessel customers stopped by the shop with his dog. During the interaction, one of our baristas offered the dog a treat. The man declined, citing that the dog only eats one particular kind of treat. The barista made a mental note.

Six weeks go by, and the man returns to the shop, again accompanied by his dog. And again, our barista offers the dog a treat. The man declined, citing that the dog only eats one particular kind of treat. This time, though, the barista was prepared. He pulled out the exact treat this man's dog could have and presented one to the sweet dog. The man was shocked.....and grateful. Our barista, in my humble opinion, showed excellence.

What about you? Would you share a personal story of excellence with me? What experience moved the needle for you? How did it impact your relationship with that organization? I thrive on these stories, and I firmly believe my future audience will, too!

Always seek excellence. Whether you're going to the grocery store, getting your vehicle serviced, grabbing a cup of coffee, or getting your hair cut. Anyone can perform a task, but why not choose excellence? Oh yeah, while you're at it, choose to be the excellence other people deserve!

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Better Than You Found It

I got rocked by a single moment yesterday. #12 McNeese had just taken down #5 Clemson in the first round of the NCAA basketball tournament. McNeese was up by a mile, only for Clemson to claw itself back into the game, but McNeese ultimately held on for the victory (its first NCAA tourney win in school history!). It gave me chills!

For weeks, it's been speculated that NcNeese head coach Will Wade had already accepted the head coaching position at NC State, essentially making him a lame-duck coach for the most important games of the year. If this news is true, Coach Wade will soon pack his bags, say his goodbyes, and start afresh at a new school with new players.

This added an interesting dynamic as I watched the post-game celebration. Coach Wade respectfully shook hands with the opposing coaches and players, and as soon as that was finished, he frantically darted into the stands where he wildly hugged countless people. He was beaming. It was nothing other than pure unadulterated joy. After a few minutes, he worked his way back to the court, where the TV broadcast correspondent interviewed him.

"We're advancing, baby! We'll take it!"

He was asked about his emotions in this moment: "We've made school history, man! We've never won a game [in the NCAA tourney]. We didn't have much history when we got there. We've broken almost every record. I'm so proud for our guys, for our university, our president, our athletic director. It's incredible! This changes our university. This changes our university."

All this from a man who may be a former employee in a matter of days. He cared; he cared deeply. This moment sat with me. I recorded it on my phone and watched it over and over. I kept repeating the same phrase in my mind: Leave it better than you found it.

There's a reality in life we must all face. Everything we do will end soon. You WILL leave your job. You WILL have a final conversation with people in your life. You WILL stop engaging with xyz organization. You WILL stop running your business. You WILL have a final engagement with your client. You WILL stop attending your church. You WILL die. There WILL be an end, and it's sooner than we'd like to believe.

If that's true, we should each live life with a focused mission: Leave it better than we found it. Our workplace, the people in our lives, the organizations we engage with, the businesses we own/run, the clients we serve, the churches we attend, and the non-profits we support. We're here but for a moment, then gone.

It reminds me of something a wise friend once told me. Every gravestone includes three things: A birth date, a death date, and a dash between. What we do with the dash is what matters most. None of us know how long our dash will be, but we each have an opportunity to add value to the world while we're living the dash.

Whatever you do today, leave it better than you found it. Time is short. Embrace the dash. Oh yeah, one last thing: Go McNeese!

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Your Permission Slip

If you ever want to get a zoomed-in look at our modern-day societal depravity, pull up a Dave Ramsey clip on social media and read the comments. Now, I'm no fan of Dave Ramsey, and I'm often critical of pieces of his advice, but the level of vitriol and anger toward his social posts are hard to watch.

Example. I recently stumbled upon a clip where a woman was talking to Dave about getting out of debt. Dave's very clear advice was that this woman and her husband desperately needed to sell their expensive vehicles (paired with expensive payments), buy a few $10,000 cars with cash, and use their newfound monthly margin to aggressively pay off the remaining debt. As someone who does this for a living, I affirm this advice based on the information given by this woman. In all reality, the only rational path out of this debt mess is to humbly sell the fancy vehicles, even more humbly purchase inferior vehicles, and use this significant reset moment as an opportunity to get right with their money.

The commenters disagreed, and right on cue, they offered the angriest of angry responses. In short, most of the feedback revolved around the idea that you can't even find junkers for $10,000. $10,000 will buy a piece of trash car that will leave you stranded in the middle of nowhere any and every day. Translation: a $10,000 vehicle is an absolute pile of crap.

Confession: My family owns three cars, each valued at less than $10,000. They are quality vehicles. They run well. They are reliable. They get the job done. They take us from point A to point B.

No, they aren't fancy. No, they don't have the latest technology. No, they aren't under warranty. No, they won't be issue-free. No, they won't be the coolest car in any parking lot. No, they aren't sexy (well, the 350Z is 19-years-old sports car sexy!).

More importantly, they fit within our budget, provide financial margin, and allow us to spend our money on things that add far more value to our lives. We haven't had a car payment in 16 years, and will never again. We'd rather walk 15 miles, uphill both ways, in a torrential storm, than ever have a car payment again. Thus, we won't.

At the same time, our culture is pushing people into toxic vehicle purchase decisions that are deeply crippling their lives. Parents are doing it to their kids. Neighbors are doing it to their neighbors. Co-workers are doing it to their co-workers. Social media is doing it to all of us. It's everywhere.

Therefore, today, I'm giving you a permission slip. I'm not sure you need it, but today I am giving you permission to drive a vehicle you can afford. Yes, you can live a happy, meaningful, and fulfilling life while driving an affordable vehicle. You don't need to sabotage everything you hold dear in exchange for driving an expensive vehicle. It's not worth it. Please believe that. It's not worth it.

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Only You Can Define Success

"Are you thinking about ending your podcast?"

Interesting question, I thought, after a friend dropped this suspicious little gem on me. "Why would we end it?" I was so curious about what would happen next.

"Because you haven't figured out how to make money on it."

"What makes you think that was our goal?"

"Well, why else would you do it?"

The world does a great job of telling us what success looks like, and typically, it involves a $ symbol. Sure, I suppose money can (and should) be one definition of success, but it's a gravely materialistic perspective to define everything through the lens of dollars and cents.

We're more than 400 episodes into our podcast, and I can count the money we've made from it on zero fingers. In fact, that's never really been a discussion. Cole and I each support our families from our respective businesses, and we view the podcast simply as a way to serve people. Through it, we've helped thousands of people from all over the world. We've hit the top business podcast charts in Ukraine, Belize, and Italy. We've connected with countless people who cited our podcast as a turning point in their financial journey.

Our definition of success is to help a lot of people and perhaps start to bend the culture around the way that we humans view and handle money and work. And for that, it's been a massive success.

Northern Vessel is another example of this. I get asked at least 2 times per week when we'll open a second location. The answer is always the same: Never. Our definition of success isn't to create a multi-location empire or maximize economics. Rather, it's to redefine what hospitality can (and should) be in the coffee world, and strive to be the single best coffee shop in America. That's it. No amount of money or number of locations will define success for us. We control the definition.

Whatever you do, don't let others define success for you. YOU define what success looks like. When you let others decide what it means to be successful, you might give up or punt on an otherwise successful endeavor. However, when you control the definition of success, you're in the driver's seat. It gets to be whatever you want it to be, avoiding the cultural narrative around you. That's when you make meaning your true north, ignoring all the noise that would otherwise prevent you from reaching it. Never lose sight of that. Go be successful; your version of successful.

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Fleeting

Good news: I didn't die! My alumni basketball tournament was a blast. We went 0-3, and it was a humbling experience, but I had a great time. I'm so grateful that my back held up and I was able to compete without significant injury. I definitely lacked confidence and was cautious with my movements, but I think this experience will give me the momentum to keep working toward getting on the court more often.

I didn't anticipate being the oldest team there, but alas, we were the old guys. One of my favorite parts of the day was when we got matched up against a much younger team comprised of kids of my high school classmates. Yes, we played the kids of our peers. There were some great young men in the bunch, and it was fun to interact in that context.

The entire experience shined a glaring light on a reality that haunts us all: time is fleeting. It seems like just two years ago I was playing high school ball, and just like that, I'm playing against grown men who are the children of my classmates. Time is funny like that.

Experiences like this and reminders like today's reiterate the importance of living with meaning. If we just live our lives kicking the can down the road one day, one week, one month, and one year at a time, we'll one day wake up with overflowing regret.

If you're 40 years old, you have maybe 40-50 years left. Of those, how many will allow you the good health and mental cognition to soak in every experience? It's fleeting. Every day brings us one day closer to our end. I'm not trying to be depressing, but rather create urgency. If time is fleeting we ought not waste it.

I so badly want people to seize their best lives and live with meaning. They deserve it. You deserve it. We have one shot at this thing called life, and it's far to short to spend it pursuiring money, stuff, and status.

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On the Other Side of Fear

I spent part of yesterday meeting with an awesome couple experiencing some pretty crazy life changes. To my surprise, the wife said I once told her something that has continuously stuck with her. I don't remember saying it, but it sounds like something I would say. "There's nothing in life worth doing that doesn't involve fear."

We humans tend to treat fear as a warning sign that we shouldn't do something, but I think it's quite the opposite. Fear is a tell that we SHOULD do it. Often, what we want most is directly on the other side of fear. Based on some recent major decisions, this couple is certainly living out this principle. It's exciting - and encouraging - to see.

Coincidentally, I'm about to face one of my biggest fears in a few hours.

14 years ago, I suffered a crippling foot injury. After nearly two months on crutches and countless specialist consultations, it was recommended that I have the nerves cut out of the bottom of my right foot. Thankfully, one surgeon stepped in and pointed me in a better path. Turns out, I had torn a tendon and fractured a joint on the bottom of my foot, causing nerve-damage-like symptoms. That set the table for more than a year of physical therapy, which concluded with a warning that I may never be able to independently walk without wearing a splint. Fast forward about four years, and not only was I walking without a splint, but I had full athletic ability with that foot. I was so grateful!

Then, not long after that, I experienced a crushing back injury. I again spent more than a year in physical therapy, trying to regain a sense of normal again. While I've definitely regained normal day-to-day function, my basketball career ended 10 years ago when that injury occurred. I haven't played one bit of competitive full-court basketball since.

Here's where the fear comes in. Today, I'll be participating in an alumni basketball tournament with some of my old high school teammates. It's been 25 years since I've seen some of them. We're playing in my old high school gym. We'll be playing against teams 20 years younger than us. We'll have at least three games. I'm terrified. This will either be the most fun day of my year, or an unmitigated disaster. You best believe you'll find out which way this goes.

There's something profoundly beautiful about going head-first through our fears. Sure, we could play life safe, taking the easy path at every opportunity. That would certainly save us a lot of failure, embarrassment, and pain. But it would also rob us of meaning and fulfillment.

I really don't want to do what I'm about to do, but I'll be so glad I did it. I hope you have your own version of that in your life soon. Please don't shy away from the fear. Lean into it. Go through it!

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Too Too Much of a Good Thing

Yesterday was a fun day. We had the opportunity to spend some time in the sun at a phenomenal little resort right along the ocean. It was absolutely beautiful. Unfortunately, it ended up being too much of a good thing….or maybe too too much. With some combination of sun sickness and food poisoning, I spent the last 18 hours with some of the worst sicknesses imaginable. I'll save you the gory details, but my favorite part was the horrid hallucinations.

That's why you're receiving this post later than usual, as I have been at death's doorstep until this very moment.

Yesterday was a very harsh reminder that too much of a good thing is never a good thing. The sun was amazing, but seven hours of constant sunlight while hanging right next to the Equator is not a good thing. I got punished for my overzealousness.

The same goes for nearly every area of life: Money, stuff, status, relationships, food, vacation. For each of these, there's enough. The amount that will add value to your life, retain a healthy balance, and live a quality life. Then, there's too much of a good thing. Once we cross that line into too much territory, these things no longer benefit us, but start deteriorating us.

The trouble is it's sometimes difficult to recognize when we've crossed that line. The worst thing we can do is anchor ourselves to what other people are doing, as I did yesterday. When we use others as the point of comparison, we're likely to inadvertently jump off the cliff because we followed them right off. Just because others were getting seven hours of straight Equator-level sunshine, it doesn't mean I should be. Similarly, just because your peers are buying monster houses, fancy new cars, and funding a lifestyle that should only be reserved for a multi-millionaire, it doesn't mean you have to. Don't anchor yourself to others.

Instead, we need to decide what's enough. What's enough sun? What's enough house? What's enough car? What's enough lifestyle? If we make this conscious decision, we can live a healthier and more fulfilling life.

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