Seeing It (Again) Through Their Eyes

Yesterday, our family embarked on our first post-school summer trip: Chicago! Having grown up not far west of Chicago, it's a city I've been to countless times. Though I love it, it doesn't have a "new" feeling anymore. However, it's Finn and Pax's first-ever time in Chicago, and it's been a real treat so far. Sensory overload at its finest. We grabbed some Chicago-style pizza, hit a massive candy store, and walked alongside Michigan Avenue and the river. Not too shabby for our first few hours in the city.

There's something different about being present for other people's first-time experiences, especially kids. It's almost like we get to experience it for the first time again. I felt like a little kid showing off my favorite toy. It was pure joy to show the boys a city that's been part of my life for as long as I can remember.

We're staying downtown, making a pilgrimage to Wrigley, catching a Blue Man Group show, scoping out The Bean, and spending some time at the Museum of Science and Industry. We'll have Italian Beefs, hot dogs, and probably enough ice cream to make President Biden blush. It won't be an inexpensive trip, but man, we'll be investing in memories. 

I've had many profoundly memorable experiences throughout my life. Seeing the Great Wall, exploring the Mongolian wilderness, wandering the streets of Hong Kong, country-hopping the Middle East, and adventuring through Europe. All of these memories are special to me. But there's nothing more special than experiencing something through another's eyes. It's the power of community and shared experiences. It's the bonding that happens. An unspeakable connection that we know will last a lifetime. 

Investing in memories is an amazing endeavor, but doing it alongside people we care about ratchets it up to a whole new level. I made my first trip to Wrigley when I was seven years old, then proceeded to visit it at least one time per year for the next 20 years. It holds a special place in my heart. Tonight, I get to take my own seven-year-olds to their first game at Wrigley. I can't wait to invest in those memories and watch the game through their eyes. It may be my 100th trip to Wrigley, but it might as well be my first.

Juicing Meaning With Tradition

Today’s post is brought to you from a tent in the middle of nowhere, hacked out on my phone. I’m on a camping trip with the boys, and we are having a blast.

As I always say, we need to invest in memories. Memories are the one thing we can buy that won’t one day end up in a landfill. Memories are forever. Memories bond us. Memories are intertwined with meaning.

There is one way to juice up memories, though: when they are shrouded in tradition. This camping trip, for example, is a Shelton family tradition. It’s the fifth consecutive year we’ve done it, beginning when the boys were just three. We anticipate it each year. The boys talk about it the months leading up to it. They share stories of past trips and plan all the activities they want to do on the upcoming trip. Just last night, we rode horses, shot BB guns, ate too much food (including s’mores, of course), and played soccer. It was a blast.

Camping trips are always fun, but traditional camping trips are juiced up. There’s something extra special about them. I hope one day my kids tell their kids stories about this tradition. Heck, maybe they will even be inspired to create their own traditions when they become parents.

Here’s the thing about traditions. They don’t need to be elaborate, expensive, or over the top. We have take-out pizza and watch a movie every Friday night. That’s a pretty simple one, but it’s impactful. It becomes part of our family’s rhythm. It creates anticipation and excitement. It juices the memories.

As my kids get older, it’s fun to let them help craft the traditions. They have ownership. They have creative liberties. Through it all, it’s about investing in memories, and perhaps juicing them up.

Traditions + Memories = Extra Meaning

What are some of your family’s traditions?

Planned Impulsiveness

One of my favorite Meaning Over Money podcast episodes is called Planned Impulsiveness. It was our fifth episode, released more than three years ago. Unfortunately, Apple lost our first 15 episodes like my kids lose their shoes. Other platforms managed to keep track of them, though. Despite being missing from Apple for over two years, it's one of the ten most downloaded episodes we've ever had. You can find it HERE.

The premise is simple. Some people are planners, and some people are impulsive. Both have pros and cons, but impulsive people are known for self-sabotage and occasional (or frequent!) irresponsibility. I'm oddly wired for both. I'm very impulsive, but I'm also a planner. Along my financial journey, I realized I needed to harness my impulsivity and turn the cons into pros. 

This is where the structure comes in. Travel is a great example. I have a separate bank account specifically for travel. Each month, we budget approximately $1,000 for it. We may not travel every month, but we treat it as an expense. That $1,000 physically gets moved from our primary checking account and into our travel fund. The money slowly builds over time. Then, when it's time to travel, we travel. Sometimes, the travel is planned well in advance, and sometimes, it's more impulsive. In either scenario, the money is there, just waiting to be spent on travel. 

I'll share my favorite (least favorite) story of my life. In the summer of 2016, Sarah and I were about to become parents. After a long adoption journey, we received word that our son was born. We went to bed with anticipation, excited to meet our little man the following day. As I was wrapping up a few things at work the following morning before getting on the road, I received a phone call. I immediately knew something was wrong. The following 30 seconds were the worst of my life, as I found out we lost our son. 

Needless to say, the subsequent days were absolutely miserable in our house. Sarah was an absolute wreck, and I wasn't in a great position to hold her up. A few nights later, she told me she wanted to leave. Somewhere far, far away from our life. At midnight, I booked flights to Cancun and reserved a hotel room. We packed a few bags, took a nap, and drove to the airport five hours later. We spent the week crying, mourning, and eating our weight's worth of chips and salsa. It was terrible, but it was beautiful. It was impulsive, but it was planned. I'll always be grateful for that sad but memorable week with Sarah. 

One of my clients recently had their first planned impulsiveness moment. They've been intentionally budgeting and using their travel sinking fund since December. Then, it happened! A significant event suddenly popped up, and they wanted to be there. In mere hours, they made arrangements and jumped on a plane. It was impulsive, but it was planned. Beautiful! They will remember that forever. 

Be impulsive! Savor life. Make memories. But make it planned impulsiveness. 

Find a Way to Get Away

We got home last night after a five-day road trip. The boys went on adventures with their cousins while Sarah and I attended a generosity conference. It was the first time Sarah and I had gotten away together since our Thailand/Qatar trip last April. We missed the kids, but we had a wonderful time together!

I always forget how powerful time away can be. It's hard to find the time and navigate the logistics, but when we do, it's so powerful. Our trips are more meaningful when they involve some form of growth or service. This trip was no different. We spent time with inspirational people, listened to impactful speakers, and engaged in powerful discussions. Our time together opened up new dialogue, triggered new ideas, and raised some critically important topics to the surface. All in all, it was a home run. I hope to share some of my biggest conference takeaways in the coming weeks, but wow, so good!

I had a few mirroring conversations last week that got me thinking. I was talking about my upcoming trip with a few friends. I commented that it's wild (and disappointing) that Sarah and I haven't taken time away together in nearly a year. Each of these people had similar responses. "One year? My wife and I haven't gotten away since having kids." Both of these individuals have kids in the 10-13 year-old range. They haven't been away from their kids in more than a decade?!?!

Astounded by this discovery, I started asking people about their "getting away" habits. Much to my surprise, about half the people I surveyed said they "never" go away without their kids. 

If my informal survey is any indication, that means many of you reading this post "never" or "rarely" get away without your kids. Please don't hear me criticizing or judging you. Instead, I want to encourage you. As I mentioned above, it's hard to find the time, logistics, and money to get away. But it's so, so, so worth it. View it as an investment in your marriage. Use it to take a step back from your normal parenting duties, get some rest, build your relationship, create memories, and then re-enter your normal life as a better spouse and better parent. It doesn't have to be a week-long trip abroad. Even a short weekend trip to a nearby town can do the trick. 

Find a way to get away. Invest in your marriage. You won't regret it!

It Doesn’t Have to Be a Grand Slam

My family is wrapping up a 3-day, 2-night mini spring break trip to Omaha. We've had a blast! Lots of food, lots of fun, and lots of relaxation. It was just what the doctor ordered. I think about this idea a lot, but this trip was yet another affirmation. Vacations don't have to be grand slams, if I can use a baseball analogy. Sometimes singles or doubles are in order. 

Don't get me wrong. I love a good grand slam vacation. Our family cruise in January was stunning. I also find my way to the Middle East or Asia at least once per year. Those trips are awesome! However, we shouldn't lose sight of the singles and doubles out there. 

Grand slams can be extremely costly in terms of money and time. They require a lot of intentionality, planning, preparation, and a big chunk of cash. Again, I'm all for these trips, but living a life of only grand slams isn't practical. I'd much rather plan, anticipate, and enjoy a series of smaller trips than one massive Disney trip each year. 

I'm not knocking Disney trips or any other killer vacation. At the same time, I don't want people to glorify these trips so much that they create a scenario where they never travel (because they can't find the money and/or time to do it). I know lots of people who have fallen for this trap. Since they can't save the $10,000+ needed for their dream grand slam vacation, they simply don't travel.

Our family takes a hybrid approach. We rarely do a grand slam trip. We may have a triple or home run trip on the books, but we like to fill in the gaps with singles along the way. Take this trip to Omaha, for example:

• Two nights in an affordable hotel (with a pool, of course).

• A tank of gas.

• A handful of meals

• Discount tickets to a world-class zoo

It was super affordable, and the kids had an absolute blast!

These smaller trips are easier to plan, require less time commitment, allow us the opportunity and joy of anticipation, are far cheaper, and can generate tons of lifelong memories. I call that a massive win!

I'm cool if you have some ridiculously awesome grand slam trips on your radar. Those are amazing. But it doesn't always have to be a grand slam. Find those singles and doubles along the way as well!

A Different Way to Travel

One of the most pervasive myths floating around our society is that we NEED a credit card to travel. People believe this so much that they are willing to play Russian Roulette with their finances to make it happen. Here's a very real example. One of my clients had more than $30,000 of credit card debt. It's a chunk of debt that's expanded and contracted for more than a decade. Fortunately, they decided to lock down and aggressively pay it off. Getting debt-free took about 14 months, and they celebrated mightily upon completion!

I pleaded with them to cancel their cards—I literally begged! Then, the dreaded phrase came out of their mouths: "We NEED to keep at least one open for travel." Uh oh, the myth still had them captive! Despite my best efforts, they elected to keep this card open "just for travel." You can probably guess where this is going. Life happened, and they ended up back in credit card debt. 

There's a better way! A simpler way! We don't need a credit card for travel. I haven't had a credit card for more than 14 years now. I've traveled to nearly 30 countries during that span.....with no credit card in my possession. I buy plane tickets with a debit card. I book hotel rooms with a debit card. I rent cars with a debit card. I buy meals, Ubers, and activities with a debit card. It's possible to travel without a credit card. I don't just preach it.....I live it. 

All that said, it's not enough for me to simply say, "Stop using credit cards for travel." I'll also share how I structure my travel life: 

• I have a designated sinking fund for travel. But instead of using a savings account, I have it set up as a checking account. It's a separate checking account ONLY for travel use. 

• Each month, we allocate money for travel in our budget. When we do, we literally take that money and move it from our primary checking into our travel fund. We treat it as an expense, and actually "pay" that expense. 

• When we travel, we use the debit card associated with our travel fund to pay for all travel-related expenses: cars, hotels, flights, food, activities, etc. Everything!

• The money comes directly from our travel fund, leaving our monthly budget completely unscathed. 

If that sounds too simple, it's because it is. Simplicity always wins. If there's money in the account, we travel. If there's not, we don't. No exceptions. There's zero chance of making a mistake, going into debt, or getting ourselves into trouble. Handling travel this way also forces us to be intentional with our budget each month, as our travel fate relies on us actually setting money aside. 

I know I'm fighting an uphill cultural battle with this one, but I felt compelled to share this alternative way of thinking today. Try it for yourself. I have a feeling you'll love it as much as we do. 

A Glimpse Under the (Cruise) Hood

I've shared bits and pieces about our family's recent cruise vacation. Some of the finer details must have perked people's interest, as at least a half-dozen readers asked if I would be sharing more about the economics of the trip. There's a voyeuristic side in each of us, where we like hearing the details of other people's situations. I think that's why our personal budget reveal episode was/is so popular. 

Well, your wish is my command. I dug through the numbers and will now share the total economics of our recent trip. For context, our family of four took a 6-night cruise on Royal Caribbean out of the Fort Lauderdale port. The ship was called Symphony of the Seas, which I believe is the second-largest ship in the world (and it was amazing!). When the dust settled, we spent approximately $5,100 all-in, broken down as follows:

• Cruise: $1,830 (We took advantage of a 30% off + kids sail free deal on the Royal Caribbean website. We stayed in an interior room, which was small but efficient. This price included all food).

• Flights: $740 (We saved $700 by flying out of Minneapolis - a 3-hour drive - instead of Des Moines. Not ideal, but we agreed it was worth it). 

• Food & Fuel to/from Minneapolis: $140

• Airport Parking: $210 (Given the -45 degree wind chill and the fact we wouldn't have coats with us, we elected to park in the terminal instead of taking the long-term parking shuttle).

• Fort Lauderdale Hotel: $220 (We didn't want to risk having a delayed flight ruin our trip, so we flew in the night before). 

• Ubers: $140 (Ubers to/from airport/port).

• On-Ship WiFi: $300 (This was a hard pill to swallow, but we ultimately decided to get WiFi on three devices. Looking back, we're glad we did).

• Drinks: $380 (This included alcoholic beverages, some fun drinks for the kids, and Sarah's fancy coffees).

• Aquapark Excursion: $50

• Pig Beach Excursion: $700 (A lot of money, but it created some lifelong memories). 

• Automatic Tips: $220 (By default, Royal Caribbean charges you $18/person/day for tips. However, this isn't mandatory. We elected to turn this off for the kids so we could use that extra money to give specific tips)

• Cash Tips: $200 (Primarily for our room attendant and the kids club staff. Our kids spent 7PM-10PM every night in the kids club, and they had a blast. There were a lot of tears saying goodbye that last night). 

There you have it. It wasn't cheap and ultimately cost more than we anticipated, but we don't have many regrets. It was a wonderful trip; we'd do it again in a heartbeat. 

Thoughts? Questions? Insights? Reactions? Would love to hear your feedback. Hit reply to this e-mail or drop a comment below on the webpage. 

I'll wrap it up this way: Meaning over money. That money could have been invested, or saved for something "more responsible," but our family primarily invests in two things: mission and memories.

Capitalist Pigs

Remember when I paid $700 to play with pigs? Well, yesterday was pig day! We were in Nassau, Bahamas, on our cruise, and it was finally time to experience Pig Beach with my family. It was a truly amazing experience. We started with a beautiful 30-minute boat ride to Pearl Island, where we spent a few hours playing on the beach with crystal-clear waters. Then, we were treated to a local lunch that more-then-hit the spot. Finally, we hopped on a speed boat for a short jaunt to Pig Beach. Once there, we fed the pigs apples (and even bottle-fed a piglet), petted them, and ran around in the ocean with them. Every part of the experience was spot-on. While spending $700 for this excursion still feels expensive, it will no doubt go in the record books as one of the most memorable experiences our family has had together. Money well spent!

This is baby Katy Perry. She pooped on my arm about 5 seconds after this pic was taken….

While hanging out at the beach in the morning, I overheard a group of men talking about the excursion. "They really milk those pigs for all they're worth." "Nothing like taking advantage of a lucky situation. Those pigs were just left there" "They are practically screwing us."

Do you see any irony in this? A bunch of grown men, who are traveling to the Caribbean on money earned from living in a capitalist society, are demonizing the local business owners who are trying to make a living by being capitalistic. Nobody forced a single one of them to purchase that excursion. That's the entire point of capitalism. Someone creates a product, sets the price, and either people buy it or they don't. If you think the price is too expensive, then simply choose not to buy. Considering how many people were in our group, I'd say their pricing is working just fine.

Are the local folks making a handsome living from this endeavor? I hope so! Good for them! They are doing a fantastic job at it, too. Overall, the entire experience was well done and full of hospitality. They served their customers well and truly made us feel welcome. I'm glad I went, and I'll recommend it to anyone who asks.

This is the beauty of business. We are free to create any product we want, price it, market it, try to execute it, and let the chips fall how they may. No matter how good our product is, some will think it's a rip-off. That's not a bad thing! Rather, it's necessary. That's the gateway to understanding who values you and who doesn't. I once had a client prospect tell me how much of a rip-off my pricing was, only to have another prospect (90 minutes later) tell me it was the world's biggest bargain. One valued me, and one didn't. It doesn't make one good and one bad, but now I know who I am called to serve.

Don't feel bad for making a living. Add value. Serve others well. Let the chips fall how they may.

This Can’t Be Everything

We had another amazing day at sea yesterday, which included a few hours in port in Falmouth, Jamaica. Lots of food, lots of swimming, and lots of adventures. This trip has been THE definition of relaxation (well, except for everything that goes into caring for two first graders). It's been absolutely wonderful, and I'm so very grateful for our opportunity to go on this trip together.

As I was in the hot tub yesterday afternoon, I overheard a group of twenty-somethings next to me. They, too, were thoroughly enjoying their cruise. One asked the others, "Wouldn't it be great just to live like this all the time?" They all agreed and started fantasizing about a life of perpetual relaxation, endless drinks, and a non-stop flow of delicious food.

I agree with them about how amazing this experience is, but I couldn't disagree more about making this life. This isn't life. This is something we do once in a while. This is a treat. It's a reward. It's a little luxury. But it's not a life. This can't be everything.

I can't wait to jump back on a cruise ship again one day, but I would never want it to be my life. There are too many more meaningful and impactful things we must accomplish. We can't live a life solely for ourselves. That's a purposeless and empty existence.

While we're on the subject, I can't wait to get back home and back to work. It's going to be wonderful. I have so many thoughts, ideas, and dreams that are ready to be unleashed. Stuffing it all down while I continue to live a life of leisure would be the selfish thing to do.

So I'm going to enjoy the heck out of these last few days, be excited to get back into the swing of work and life, and maybe even plan another vacation for the not-too-distant future.

Find ways to get away, relax, and live in temporary leisure. It's healthy for us, and it's a ton of fun. Go book that trip! But also know it's not everything. It can't be everything. We must find meaning and purpose, and lean into them each day.

One Fear at a Time

Confession: I like encouraging my kids into uncomfortable and scary positions. Instead of trying to ensure their comfort, I find ways to make them uncomfortable. It's all contextual to age, of course. I wouldn't throw a seven-year-old onto the street at 11 PM and wish him luck. It's little things at their age. Making them pay for something independently at a store. Coaxing them onto a roller coaster. Trying new and unique foods. None of these things are life-altering, but each propels them to the next.

Yesterday was a new one. The boys and I bought tickets to play at an aqua park at our port stop in Haiti. Think of it as an inflatable obstacle course in the deep water of an ocean bay. The boys were excited, but a bit nervous. As our reservation approached, we walked out onto the long dock, fastened our life jackets, and listened to the safety instructions. When it was time to jump in and swim to the obstacles, Pax seized up. Fear had overcome him. I think it was a combination of a fear of sharks snacking on his little body, the fact he couldn't touch the bottom, the long swim, and the uniqueness of the attraction. I held his hand and said I would count to three, then we'd jump. At about two, he started wimpering and changed his mind, but I made an executive decision to pull him in with me on the third count anyway (bold move, I know).

As soon as his head crested the surface and he realized he wasn't dead, he smiled and excitedly started swimming toward the first obstacle. That began a fun and exhausting hour of climbing, jumping, falling, and splashing. They both had the time of their lives, and we made some fun memories. As I do every night, I asked the boys what their favorite part of the day was. Pax: "The ocean obstacle course."

I'm such a believer in confronting fears. Not all at once. One fear at a time. Each time we conquer one (even a small one), it gives us momentum and confidence to face the next one.

Food is much the same way. In our family, we don't get free passes to say "no" to food. There are no special kids' menus or accommodations. They don't have to like it, but they do have to try it. And if they try it but don't like it, that's ok. But they will never know unless they try. Not every food is a hit, and sometimes it can be ugly. On the flip side, their fear turned to tolerance, and their tolerance turned to a fairly diverse palate. It's the power of confronting one fear at a time. If they had it their way, they would have stuck to eight lame items and simply "not liked" everything else. Instead, we pushed them every step of the way.

One fear at a time. You'll thank yourself later.

Pax sitting in the hot tub, enjoying the view, after returning to the boat in Haiti.

There’s Only One Way to Find Out

As I write this, I'm in the midst of some quiet time. Not just any quiet time, though. I'm sitting on the back of a cruise ship, perched on a lounge chair, 15 feet above the ocean, in the middle of the Atlantic, watching the vastness of our earth pass by. It's a surreal experience, and one that I treasure. The wind is swirling, and the occasional spraying of salt water on my face reminds me of who's boss.

I've spent the entirety of my adult life actively avoiding cruises. Perhaps it was the fear of getting seasick. Perhaps it was a dislike for crowds. It could have been a disdain for schedules while on vacation. Or maybe I just didn't want to be confined to a small space. It was probably all of the above, most likely.

There's a motto I live by, and I am trying to instill it into my kids. "There's only one way to find out." We don't know until we know. Perhaps our fears and suspicions will be confirmed, and we've been right all along. Or maybe, just maybe, our lack of insight and experience has misled us, and one of the most incredible things in our life is just on the other side of "yes."

Many of us will go our entire lives, never finding out. What if I applied for that job? What if I asked that girl/guy out? What if I started that business? What if I tried a different approach? What if I published that podcast? What if I wrote that book? What if I published that song? So many what-ifs! The only thing separating a regret from a story is action. The courage and curiosity to say "yes" and then let the chips fall how they may.

This is the approach I've lived my life by for the better part of a decade. It's resulted in some pretty bad mistakes, some amazing stories, and a blessed journey I couldn't be more grateful for. But I didn't know until I knew.

As for this cruise, let's just say I'm a cruise guy now. I'm having a wonderful time and cherish every day I have here to make memories with my family. I didn't know until I knew……and I'm glad I do now.

There's only one way to find out!

Fun, But Measured

In yesterday's post, I mentioned my family contributes $1,000/month to our travel fund. As has been the case for the past decade, giving and travel (mission and memories) are the two largest non-housing categories in our budget. Several of you reached out to comment on this. Some people think that's an absurdly high amount. Considering it's a want, perhaps they are right. Other readers believe $12,000/year is practically nothing. Or, as one person put it, "That's like one trip." 

Similar to the power of saying "no," the opposite is also true. There's power in being able to say "yes." When we intentionally set aside money for a specific purpose (travel in this case), we've already said yes. By definition, that money has already been spent on travel. However, the who, what, when, where, and how haven't yet been defined. That's where the fun begins. We know the money is available, but decisions must be made. Do we go all-out and blow the entire $12,000 on a single trip, or take a more measured approach to get more mileage out of those funds. In most cases, we take a measured approach. Fun, but measured. 

Here's a real-time example. My family is currently on our first-ever cruise. A few weeks ago, I found out one of my closest friends is also going on a cruise soon. We compared notes. They also have a family of four, traveling with the same cruise line, in a similar geographic vicinity. The biggest difference is they are gone 7 nights vs. our 6 nights. In other words, it's almost apples-to-apples. When I asked what it cost, she said, "A little more than $7,000" (before flights, excursions, add-ons, or any other goodies). Our total cost was $1,800, or nearly one-fourth of what they paid for a similar trip. She cringed. Ouch! There were a few drivers on why ours was so much less:

• We specifically picked a route that was on the more affordable side. 

• We specifically picked a week when that route was even cheaper.

• We waited until the cruise line offered a promo. This one was 30% off for all adults, plus kids sail free. The cost melted away faster than Frosty getting locked in the greenhouse. 

Question: Will my friends have 4x as much fun as us? Or will we create one-fourth as many memories as they will? Of course not! Also, this isn't a knock on them. I hope they have the time of their lives. They get to do whatever they want, and I'll support them every step of the way. Our family's priority is to make the best use of our limited (and blessed) $1,000/month of travel funds. I pray that we share amazing experiences together and create lifelong memories that our boys will someday share with their kids. 

Go enjoy some amazing travel, but don't feel the pressure to break the bank. It won't necessarily create better experiences or more meaningful memories. Stay measured, remain intentional, and make the most of whatever travel resources you set aside for your family. Fun, but measured. 

Saying “No” to Yourself

In a recent client meeting, we discussed where this couple would prioritize their discretionary income in 2024. Giving, investing, and travel are their big three. But the question was how much to allocate to each. I shared a few different strategies and ideas to consider, including setting non-negotiable dollar amounts to specific categories. As a reference point, I communicated that our family makes a mandatory $1,000/month contribution to our travel fund. It's as non-negotiable as our housing payment or groceries. No, it's not a need, but it is critically important to us. 

Amidst this conversation, one spouse asked, "What do you do if you don't have money in your travel fund? Just not go?" 

Correct. No money, no travel. No excuses. No justifications. No cheating. No credit cards. No robbing other accounts. If there's no money in the travel fun, there's no travel. That's why it's important for us to fund this account each month. It would be a real bummer for our family to have a travel opportunity arise, but we have to say no because we don't have those resources available. 

The willingness (er, commitment) to say "no" to important and alluring things is a life-changing endeavor. If we have the discipline to say no to ourselves when we haven't earned the right to say yes, a few things happen:

1. It provides a genuine incentive to do it better next time. If we're willing to cheat ourselves to get what we want, there's no real reason to get our act together. 

2. When we learn to say no, we teach ourselves contentment. On the flip side, there's no better way to erode contentment than by giving yourself everything you want, no matter the cost or consequences. 

3. Speaking of consequences, when we're willing to say no, we can avoid putting ourselves into questionable (or destructive) financial situations. We don't thrust ourselves into debt, rob other important spending categories, or irrationally drain our emergency savings. 

This concept goes deeper than travel. If our family doesn't have dining out money remaining, we don't go out to eat. If we don't have kids money remaining, we don't buy anything for our kids. If we don't have any grocery money remaining, we don't go to the grocery store. That may seem extreme, but it's amazing how creative we can get by diving deep into our freezer and pantry. Further, running out of grocery money sucks enough that it provides great motivation to learn from our mistakes next time.

Learn to say no to yourself. It often sucks in the moment, but it creates contentment, growth, resilience, discipline, and gratitude. That's a winning formula!

Pigs Over Money

Our family will be taking our first cruise soon. I never thought I'd be a cruise guy, but it made sense with the age of our kids, the number of activities available, a robust children's program (#datenights!), and the fact it's a safe, contained environment. Who knows, maybe I'll come back with a whole new perspective (and fandom) of cruises. Crazier things have happened (such as Rex Grossman leading the Bears to a Super Bowl).

I don't like planning my day-to-day activities on vacation, but I now realize that's critical in the cruise world. This includes on-ship activities, as well as port activities. While scanning the various port options/excursions, one caught my eye: Pig Island! Have you ever heard of Pig Island? It's exactly what it sounds like. It's a bunch of wild pigs that live on a tropical island, and you can go play with them. Visiting this place has been on our bucket list since we married. Now, it shows up as a port-day option for our upcoming cruise! It's fate!

I was pretty excited.....until I saw the price: $700. Ouch! That's a lot of money to pay for a 5-hour excursion, especially considering our entire 6-night cruise cost us $1,800 (children-cruise-free promo!).

These are the types of dilemmas I love. It doesn't intuitively make sense. There's no world where spending $700 to swim with pigs for a few hours feels rational. On the flip side, this is a bucket list activity for us. It could very well go down as one of our family's favorite all-time travel memories....or not. But there's only one way to find out. That's the risk....and the opportunity.

We decided to book it. While the financial cost is expensive, the memories and shared experiences will be priceless. We probably won't remember what it even cost when we wake up ten years from now. But those memories will last a lifetime. Here's one last thought. There's very little chance we'll regret doing it, but on the flip side, there's a high likelihood we'd regret not doing it. I hate living with regret. Take my money, pig people!

Meaning Over Money. Strike that. Pigs over money!

Small Gestures, Big Impact

When we think about impactful giving, we typically think about profound, massive, staggeringly generous gifts. A five-figure check. Giving someone a car. Forgiving someone's loan. The list goes on and on. Think about an example of a profoundly impactful gift. I bet you're thinking of something big.

Though I appreciate and deeply respect these types of large gifts, I firmly believe even small gifts can significantly move the needle in someone's life. While I was stuck in travel hell a few nights ago, three separate instances of small but powerful generosity played out in a short time span.

First, as it was clear that I wouldn't get home that night, my client stepped into the situation and reserved me a hotel room right in the middle of O'Hare Airport. No shuttles. No Ubers. No commute. All I had to do was take a short indoor walk. It wasn't cheap; he didn't have to do that. That single act of generosity changed my outlook on the situation. I couldn't be more grateful for his compassion and generosity in that moment.

An hour later, I'm on my flight from Dallas to Chicago. I'm on the aisle, a young man is in the middle seat, and an elderly man is at the window. I was repeatedly struck by how sweet and generous the middle guy was with the elderly man. The older man had a hard time moving around and had difficulty hearing. This other man spent the flight helping this man navigate the flight (getting up, reaching for things, communicating with the flight attendant, etc.). It was heart-warming. At the end of the flight, the older man shared his sincere appreciation for how well he was served.

At the same time, a third act of generosity happened. Instead of my usual ice water, I decided to treat myself to a bourbon. When the flight attendant asked for my order, I excitedly ordered my bourbon (neat, of course). But she never took my card. About 30 minutes later, when she walked by, I reminded her I still hadn't paid. "Let's not worry about that. This one is on me." Wow! That was so sweet.

Epilogue: I eventually made it home yesterday. My fate was very much up in the air. I had three opportunities to get a standby seat on Saturday and another three on Sunday, but it wasn't looking pretty. However, in another generous act, my client spent part of his Saturday morning scanning airlines for newly available tickets. A single seat opened up on a different airline, and he instructed me to quickly purchase it. Wow, yet another generous act. The day was still an absolute travel disaster (including digging my car out of a snow bank in -25 degree wind chill with no coat, no hat, and no gloves), but my client's continued generosity led to me getting home safely.

Small acts of generosity can completely alter a person's day.....or month.....or life. Don't overlook those opportunities to make a difference.

You Can’t Control What You Can’t Control

Here's a live look at my day:

I was supposed to get home last night, but my flight from Dallas to Des Moines was canceled. After several discussions with airline employees, I decided to fly to Chicago to provide a few more opportunities to get home the following day(s). I spent the night at a hotel in an O'Hare airport, and now I will spend my day in the airport on standby, praying to make it home. The first available flight home isn't until Monday, so I'll be playing the waiting game until then. Ouch.

In the past, a situation like this would have likely sent me over the edge. I would have been furious. Now, however, I feel different about it. Instead of obsessing about everything I can't control (like blizzards, frigid temps, canceled flights, and a backlog of people trying to get home), I try to focus on what I can control. And today, that's very little. I can show up to the gate and hope. I can try to be productive with my lengthy airport time. I can treat people with dignity and not be a complete jerk. That's about all I can control. The rest is out of my hands. Maybe I'll get home today, or Sunday, or Monday. At this point, that fate is out of my hands.

Our finances and careers are much the same. So many components of our work and money are out of our hands. We can't control the stock market. We can't control whether or not our boss gives us the promotion we deserve. We can't control housing prices. We can't control what the Joneses are doing.

On the flip side, we can control how much we invest each month. We can control how hard we work and what value we add to the organization. We can control where we live. We can control what lifestyle we pursue.

For every 1,000 things we can't control, there are 1,000 things we can. Ignore the former and embrace the latter.

In the meantime, I'll just be bribing strangers with cash, jewelry, and whatever other trinkets I can muster. Hey, it worked for Kevin McCallister's mom!

“Am I Excited to Go Home?”

Last night, I was blessed with a chance airplane encounter with my awesome friends, Brett and Tracy (and family). They are on their way to a wonderful-sounding vacation at a tropical destination. That sounds pretty nice when contrasted with the weather we're about to experience here in the Midwest. While waiting for the plane to take off, I texted Tracy, jokingly asking her to give me some ideas for blog content she could enjoy at the pool each morning. She didn't take the bait……perhaps she doesn't want to spend her vacation absorbing random ideas from my brain. Today's post is written with her vacation in mind, though!

Vacations are an excellent barometer for life. Not the vacation itself, but rather one key question we should ask ourselves while we're in the midst of a beautiful trip. "Am I excited to go home?" If we're vacationing well, we should be creating lifelong memories, making bad (or shall I say good?) food choices, relaxing, and carving out new adventures. But at some point, it comes to an end. And when it does, we'll soon transition back to our normal day-to-day life. When that happens, what goes through your mind? Is it dread? Fear? Tolerance? Ambivalence? Anxiety? Stress? Pessimism? Or on the other side of the coin, is it excitement? Hope? Passion? Encouraged? Optimism? 

The answer can and should be telling. Let's say your answer to the question is positive. You're looking forward to going home and resuming life. If that's the case, congrats! You're winning! I don't even care what your life looks like, what you do for a living, how much money you have, or your status. If you look forward to going home and living your life, you've already won! Millions of people would be jealous of your life. 

If your answer to the question leans negative, it's time to look in the mirror. If we need to escape our life in order to get through our life, it's a sign that something needs to change. Yes, vacations should be amazing……but vacations aren't life. They are what we do when we temporarily pause life. And the consequence of pausing is that we eventually need to unpause. When we do, our life is still our life, and we are still us. That's the problem with vacations. They don't actually change anything. We can leave our life, but we can't escape it. Ultimately, we must live in the reality we've created for ourselves. 

If you have a negative answer, I have a few follow-up questions for you:

• What part(s) of your life triggers a negative response? Work? Family? Marriage? Finances? Friends? Other?

• What alternative reality would make you shift your answer from negative to positive?

• What changes can you immediately make to begin this shift?

Next time you're on a fun vacation, try this exercise. But warning: Once you look in the mirror and see the truth, you just may have to take action. And you'll be grateful you did!

Stay Vigilant, My Friends

Throughout the course of life, it's staggering how many financial mistakes we make. Some are big, some are small, and the count is high. I'd like to tell you it's possible to completely eliminate them, but it's not. With the sheer number of decisions we make each day/week/month/year, we'll eventually get bit by the mistake bug.

This was my week. I was pretty upset with myself, but after deciding it would make for good blog content, I'll reclassify it as an "investment" in my head (or so I tell myself). Here's the situation. My family is preparing for an international trip that's coming up. In the process, we decided to get the kids their own suitcases. Until now, we've just packed their clothes in our luggage whenever we travel. But it's time for them to get their first set of luggage.

After doing some shopping, we picked out a few cool options (Minecraft for Finn and Spiderman for Pax). Luckily, the bags are also mirror images of each other.....just with a different design. Perfect! They were also fairly affordable at $65 each. Doubly perfect! I pulled the trigger and washed my hands of that chore. Until today.....

As I was reviewing transactions earlier in the day, I noticed one for $213. Wait, what is that!?!? If the suitcases were only $65 each, that math doesn't math. When I clicked on the invoice, my fears were realized. The bags were, in fact, $65 each, but I got dinged with a $77 shipping charge. Oh crap!

Pure and simple, I just made a boneheaded decision. I screwed up. I made a mistake. And the primary reason is the same as when we typically make financial mistakes: lack of vigilance. I didn't pay close enough attention.....and I paid the price for it. I was with the kids when I pulled the trigger (and one of them was melting my brain), so I completely whiffed on the shipping details. Ouch!

Though I'm still pretty frustrated, I'll get over it. I've made more expensive mistakes than that. Ultimately, we'll have a couple of suitcases that will serve us well for years to come. It won't break us. It won't move the needle in the big picture. But it's a great lesson. We need to stay vigilant. We must focus on the details, ensure we're crossing our T's and dotting our I's, and follow through with diligence.

Also, one last thought. Give yourself grace WHEN (not IF) you make a mistake. Mistakes will happen, so it's important you process them, learn from them, and ultimately put them in the rearview mirror. It's amazing how much these things will haunt us if we let them (yes, even this dumb $77 mistake). It certainly won't be my last mistake, and you'll also collect some as well. But if we handle ourselves with intentionality, we can limit them.

Stay vigilant, my friends!

Sunburns vs. Landfills

I ran into a friend at church on Sunday who I hadn't seen in a while. As we were standing next to each other in the coffee line, he noted, "My wife quoted you the other day." Intrigued, I had to hear more. He shared how they were contemplating going on a tropical getaway after the holidays. The trip would cost a nice chunk of change, so it was anything but a no-brainer decision. Ultimately, though, they pulled the trigger. Why? "Meaning over money!" Yes! I love this!

When we buy a car, we have a car. When we buy a phone, we have a phone. When we buy a shirt, we have a shirt. But trips are weird. When we buy a trip, we have nothing. There's literally nothing to show for it. The money is gone, and we are empty-handed upon our return. Some may perceive this as the world's biggest ripoff.

However, let's fast-forward a decade. That car is in a landfill. That phone is in a landfill. That shirt is in a landfill. All our junk is in a landfill. But the trip? We still have nothing, but we have everything. The memories are priceless. The memories will last a lifetime. Nothing can take away our memories. Over time, the stories and photos will be passed down to the next generation. Meanwhile, our junk will be fully decomposed and turned into dust.

In the battle of sunburns vs. landfills, I'll take the sunburns every single time. Yeah, there are probably a few things I'd love to have that will someday be in a landfill, but investing in memories will always take precedence.

Memories over stuff. Sunburns over landfills. Meaning over money. I hope you go on that trip!

Meaning in the Sky

You know what really hinders our ability to live a meaningful life? Crappy airplane travel experiences! Nothing will suck the life out of a vacation or business trip like painful travel days. While we can’t do anything about flight delays, ticket prices, TSA, or airport traffic, we, the people, control much of our own fate. We’re our own and each other’s worst enemies. While that feels grim, there’s hope! If we band together, we have the power to bend the culture of flying. So, with that glorious introduction, here are my passionate and not-so-definitive rules for air travel:

1. Never check a bag…..ever. Carry-ons only. Travel is so much easier, smoother, and better when we pack light.

2. When sitting at a crowded gate, your bags don’t need their own seats. Seats are for butts, and bags don’t have butts. 

3. When boarding the plane, don’t continually make contact with the person in front of you. Give them space. Tailgating won’t get you to your seat faster. 

4. If you’re going to negotiate (or beg) for someone to switch seats with you so you can sit with your friend, you must offer the other party the better outcome. You can’t jam someone into the middle seat while you take their aisle seat.

5. If you have two bags, put at least one under your seat. Don’t rob someone else of overhead compartment space because you want a little extra leg room.

6. If you’ve been talking to your seat neighbor and they haven’t said more than “uh huh” or “yeah” in the last five minutes, their heart isn’t in it. Give them space.

7. Never recline your seat. There’s never a good reason to cramp the person behind you. Just because you can, it doesn’t mean you should. 

8. If you’re going to play music or watch a movie, use headphones. I can’t even believe this has to be stated. 

9. Don’t treat your flight attendants like trash. They are putting in long days and busting their butts to serve us. They deserve to be treated with dignity. 

10. When moving about the cabin, never grab seatbacks. When we do, we’re literally tugging on someone’s head. 

11. When the plane lands, don’t get up and move forward. You can stand (if you must), but honor the code of waiting until it’s your row’s turn to dismiss.

12. After stepping off the plane onto the jetbridge, never stop walking to adjust your bag or wait for your travel companion. It’s disrespectful at best, dangerous at worst. 

13. If you’re going to use the folding tray table, don’t let it slam. It annoys the people around you, and the person in front of you can feel it in their soul. 

14. The armrests belong to the person in the middle seat. Their life is miserable enough, so let’s not rob them of the little dignity and comfort they have remaining. 

There you have it! 15 steps to a more meaningful (travel) life! Hope you enjoyed this completely random rant. Happy travels!