The Memory Paradox

We spent most of yesterday hanging out at the amusement park in the middle of Mall of America. Endless rides, lots of laughs, and countless memories. It cost us $55 per person for unlimited all-day passes. Tonight, we'll create even more memories at the Twenty One Pilots concert. I don't remember what we paid for those tickets, but they were definitely many multiples of the amusement park. Two separate events, each requiring a meaningful financial investment, which will create lasting memories.

There's a paradox with memories, though. Memories don't actually cost anything. Spending money isn't a prerequisite for creating memories. Now, if you want to create memories at an amusement park or concert, then yes, it will cost something. But spending money isn't what makes a memory.

For the last two nights, we've spent hours in the simple hotel pool where we stayed. Nothing fancy. Nothing over the top. Completely free. We've had a blast and I suspect those memories could be as valuable to the kids as any others we create on this trip. Memories are memories, regardless of the cost.

I kinda lied above. I said memories don't cost anything, but that's not true. Memories do have one cost: our time and attention. We MUST be present....both physically and emotionally. We need to show up, and actually be there.

This is the actual paradox. Many people have fallen into the trap of more. They believe the secret to their children's happiness and well-being is to provide them with more money, more stuff, and better vacations. Therefore, in the pursuit of more, we parents often put ourselves in positions where we're not present, physically or emotionally. We're too busy trying to provide more, entirely missing the point.

I've struggled with this at times. I'm excited to say I'm much, much better than I used to be. However, I probably still have a long way to go. This weekend is a great rep for me, though. It's an opportunity to fully invest in my kids and help them create lasting memories that they will hopefully treasure for decades to come. This goes for the free pool just as much as the expensive concert. All memories matter!

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Yes

We just wrapped up two days of amazing meetings at a rustic lodge about two hours outside Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. My head is spinning. As I attempt to write today's piece, all I can think about is the word "yes."

Meal after meal, meeting after meeting, and conversation after conversation, I spent time with people who said "yes." "Yes" to their faith. "Yes" to their calling. "Yes" to their work. "Yes" to the sacrifice. "Yes" to a deeply meaningful life. To call it a humbling experience would be an understatement.

I'm always a proponent of a posture of "yes." I'm sure you could find a dozen posts about it from the last few years, but this week's experience in Mongolia puts that idea on steroids.

As one last act of "yes," as we packed our bags and prepared to leave for the city, a group of us said "yes" to a last-minute hike up the nearby mountain. To be honest, it was far more challenging than I imagined (and dangerous, too). We shared lots of laughs, built into our growing relationships, and created some new memories. Lastly, the payoff was beautiful! Here's a little selfie from our mountaintop view. You can see our gers at the base of the mountain, between my friends Rob and Emily.

It would have been so easy for us to pass on the opportunity. We were already tired from our meetings, never mind the jet lag. We were slightly behind schedule and needed to get back to the city and transition to the next phase of our trip. But we said "yes".....and it was awesome.

Our collective "yes" in that moment is nothing compared to some of the weighty "yes'" that many people make every day, but one "yes" begets another. I believe in the culture of "yes." It's contagious. It's infectious. It's powerful. Not a "yes" despite the discomfort and sacrifice, but a "yes" because of the discomfort and sacrifice. That's where the meaning, beauty, fulfillment, and impact is born.

Whatever you're up to today, I hope you have a posture of "yes." And I hope that "yes" begets another "yes." Fast forward days, weeks, or months, and I hope you create, live, and spread a culture of "yes." I think you deserve it.....and those around you do, too!

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Be the Worst Person In the Room

Good morning, friends in the West. Being 13 hours ahead of you (i.e. a time traveler), I can confidently say Monday will be a great day.

Due to popular demand, below are a few photos of my current accommodations in Mongolia. I woke up this morning by stepping out of my ger (traditional Mongolian dwelling) and into a beautiful mountain sunrise view. I shared a wonderful breakfast with friends, followed by a full day of productive meetings.

I intentionally chose a provocative title for today's piece, but it's sincerely how I feel. It's an alternative way to view the old moniker: "You become the average of the five people you spend the most time with." These last few days, I've spent time with countless people who have made far more impact, have a much grander vision, and have made much deeper sacrifices in their journeys than I can ever imagine. So, in other words, I feel like the worst person in the room. I don't use that language to be self-deprecating or critical of myself, but rather because of how much respect, admiration, and love I have for these people and the work they are doing.

For as big as my mission and vision is, spending time with these people reminds me of how small my little brain actually thinks. I'm challenged and encouraged just by being in their presence. Do you have any people like that in your life? If so, spend more time with them. If not, find some……then spend as much time as possible with them.

I've been reflecting on how hard these last five years have been for Sarah and me. The comfort is mostly gone. There is no ease. We progressively see the consequences of our sacrifices. There are days we wish we would wave our magic wand and live a cushier, grander, and more comfortable life. You know, the life most people are pursuing…….the life we used to have before we waved the opposite magic wand. But then, I spend time in rooms like I've experienced these last few days, and I'm reminded that there is far more impact to be made, bigger visions to be cast, and much more profound sacrifices to endure.

No, I'm not trying to demean myself. But wow, there are so many amazing people all around us. My challenge today is to spend as much time with them as you can. Be the worst person in the room; it's a life-giving and honorable place to be. 

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Slivers of Light in the Darkness

It's been 24 hours since I wrote yesterday's blog, meaning I should be enjoying the sights and sounds of Mongolia by now. That's not my reality, though. Instead, I'm sitting at the same table in the Chicago airport where I wrote yesterday's piece. 

Let me rewind. As my 11-hour layover ended yesterday, I was eager to board my flight to Istanbul. The anticipation had been building for months, and more so as I sat there. As the gate agents were preparing to begin boarding, I heard an announcement over the speaker: "Would Shelton Travis please come to the ticket counter?" I approached the counter, "Am I in trouble?" "You're not in trouble, but you're not getting on this flight……or any flight." Uh oh. Thus began one of the worst travel experiences of my life. The short version of the story is that my passport didn't have enough term remaining to legally enter Mongolia. Translation: I screwed up. I was nervous about having enough time in the trip's lead-up to renew my passport, but a trusted travel friend assured me I was good to go for this specific trip. BUT. BUT, I didn't confirm. I didn't follow through. I didn't fully vet it. I screwed up. I'm the author of this terrible story. 

Here's what happened next:

• I learned there is an emergency passport service in Chicago; one of the few cities that offers such a service. 

• The passport office still had an early-next-day opening available, so I booked it. 

• I grabbed a hotel room near the airport.

• I got on the phone with the ticketing agency to sort through this mess; I learned my options.

• After 4 hours of crappy sleep, I packed up and took a 45-minute Uber to the Federal building in downtown Chicago.

• I found a passport photo shop, filled out an application for a passport renewal, and met with an agent.

• I waited five hours to pick up my new passport. 

• Meanwhile, I spent 90 minutes on the phone with a ticketing agent to get a new flight. Ultimately, I ended up on the same route as previously scheduled, but one day later. 

• Now, I'm back at the airport, again hopeful to board a flight. 

Needless to say, this has sucked more than I can ever express. It's felt lonely, defeating, and demoralizing. It would be so easy to play the victim card and glass-half-empty this thing into oblivion (the thought crossed my mind). But there have been so many things to be grateful for:

• This debacle happened in a rare city offering same-day emergency passport services.

• My friends John and Jenn, while on the other side of the earth, were a calming presence during my most stressful hours. 

• The fact I was able to quickly grab a cheap hotel room right next to the airport. 

• The hotel clerk, who showed me much grace and generosity when I approached the counter with my makeshift 11PM dinner comprised of roasted peanuts, a Nutrigrain bar, and a guacamole cup (options were sparse, and I was starving). I presented her with a $10 bill. "Not tonight. This one is on me." 

• My early morning Uber driver, who gave me an oddly calm and relaxing drive. Side note: look up "violin covers" on Spotify!

• The Federal Building security guard, who gave me a tip for the best and quickest passport photos down the street. His tip allowed me to arrive just as they opened, avoiding the rapidly building line.

• The Orbitz ticket agent, who showed me amazing patience and hospitality as we navigated the re-booking process. He was a lifesaver!

• If all goes well, I still won't miss any critical meetings in Mongolia. 

This is truly one of the worst travel experiences of my life, but there are always slivers of light in the darkness. We have two options: We can concede defeat, be a victim, and lament how terrible everything is, or keep moving forward, show resilience, and find those little slivers. I'm so glad I was able to find them today.

I hope your day goes far better than my last few have, but even if not, I hope you look for the slivers of light as well!

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When In Rome

People often ask me if I batch my blog posts and keep a bank of them for future use. Truth is, I write and publish each article each day. It's a habit I picked up from the encouragement of my friend, Gary. That practice has added beauty and richness to my life, as well as a bulletproof discipline of consistent writing.....no matter what. It's amazing how many ideas will come to us when we're expected to come up with ideas; it's a fun psychological hack.

I share all this because today, I'm breaking my rule. I'm batching a few blog posts due to my possible schedule quirks and internet connectivity uncertainties. I'm sitting in the Chicago O'Hare Airport on an 11-hour layover, awaiting my flight to Mongolia. By the time you read this (if you are a read-it-as-soon-as-the-email-arrives sort of blog reader), I'll be approaching the Middle East, where I'll connect with a few friends who are coming in from Kenya. My goal is to still write and publish each day (with a bend toward what I'm experiencing in Mongolia), but backup posts will be ready if I get run off the interstate by a herd of animals or ingest too much Airag (fermented horse milk).

Speaking of, I love the expression "When in Rome." It encapsulates my perspective of and approach to travel. The moment I depart Chicago, I will set my Midwest American culture, norms, and preferences aside and embrace the culture I'm entering. The food, language (I'll try), customs, and rhythms. If someone invites me to do something, I'll do it. If someone hands me something to eat, I'll eat it. If someone wants to talk about a particular topic, I'll discuss it.

It's going to be uncomfortable. It's going to be awkward at times. It's going to push my boundaries. But that's what travel is all about! Our American culture isn't "right." Rather, it's our culture. That's great. I love so many things about our American culture. In due time, I'll miss pizza, cheeseburgers, football, my bed, the three amazing weeks we get of Iowa fall weather (IYKYK), and all the other aspects of my American life I never think about. But in the meantime, I'll wholeheartedly embrace a different culture and a different way.....and it will make for some of the greatest travel memories I'll ever experience.

I'll leave you with one rule a wise friend once told me. "If they eat it, why shouldn't you?" Sharing a meal with someone and shutting down their invitation to share their culture (through food) with you is a slap in the face. Having someone share their culture with you is an intimate experience.....and a gift. I never take that gift for granted.

Don't take the gift of culture for granted. Don't retreat to comfort. Don't seek familiar. Don't take the easy way out. When in Rome!

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Pushing Boundaries

My first trip to Asia was in early 2016. Sarah and I were invited to Hong Kong for me to interview for a board position. To say I was nervous would be a drastic understatement. I grew up in a farm town in the Midwest. Sure, I had traveled a decent amount by 2016, but for whatever reason, Asia felt exceedingly intimidating. While I was terrified going in, what I experienced upon arriving in Asia would change my life forever. Over the course of that trip, and the many Asia trips I've taken since, it's felt more and more like home.

Quick tangent. Sarah and I sold our house in Iowa in 2019. The plan was to rent a small townhome so that we would have fewer household responsibilities and liabilities (mowing, snow removal, potential basement flooding, etc.). With that newfound freedom, we planned to move to Thailand and split our year between Asia and Iowa. That's how convicted I am about my love for Asia.

I've been reflecting on that first trip to Asia lately. The excitement. The anticipation. The fear. The unknowns. As I'm mere days away from my upcoming Mongolia trip, I can't help but think about how unbothered I am about it. I'm not sure what my days there will look like. I don't know what activities we'll participate in. I don't know what cities I'll be traveling to. I haven't started packing. If there's any way I can describe it, it feels like a weekend road trip to Chicago.

This trip will obviously carry more significance in my life than most, but the fact I have no anxious energy heading into it is a weird feeling to think about. I believe that's the power of pushing boundaries.

Things are scary....until they aren't.

Things are new.....until they become normal.

We don't know how to do something.....until we've done it.

It reminds me of a conversation with a friend who desperately wants to start a podcast, but doesn't know how. He's anxious about it. It feels intimidating. He asked how I learned how to podcast. My answer: "By starting a podcast." Cole and I knew nothing.....until we knew something. Fast-forward 360+ episodes later, and we know a lot more about podcasting than when we recorded that first episode.

This principle applies to every single area of my life and your life. The only thing standing between us and where we want to be is having the courage to push the boundaries. Make yourself uncomfortable. Try something new. Push through the fear. You'll be so grateful you did!

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She Completely Blanked

I ran into a former client at a coffee shop recently. I haven't seen her or her husband in upwards of three years. As we exchanged pleasantries, she exclaimed, "We did it!!!" To be honest, I had no idea what she was talking about.....so I asked for clarification. "The trip!!!" Ah, yes, the trip! I knew exactly what she was talking about!

Ever since the day I first met her, she and her husband had been talking about going on a specific type of trip. It was an exotic and unique idea. It was also costly. This trip was a big mental and emotional roadblock for them during our coaching relationship. They had the ability to save up for it, but they hesitated. After all, it was expensive and they had many more "responsible" things they should do with their money. Therefore, they continually kicked the can down the road.

But eventually, long after I was gone, they decided to pull the trigger. They went on the trip of a lifetime! They sacrificed, saved, planned, and enjoyed.

After learning about this beautiful development during our coffee shop encounter, I asked her, "Well, how much did it end up costing?" This was a huge sticking point for them, and one of the main reasons they considered skipping it to begin with. She stared at me for about ten seconds, almost as if she was searching her brain for the applicable information. Then, she sheepishly responded, "I don't actually remember." I loved that answer.

This is one of the most perfect examples of meaning over money. She's telling me about the most memorable, beautiful, and game-changing trip she's ever been on. The one she's been dreaming about since she was a kid. The one she will be telling people about for the rest of her life. Then, in her next breath, she can't even remember how much it cost. So powerful!

They invested in experiences and memories. Yes, they have less money because of it. But they also have something in return that can never be taken from them: memories. These memories won't be hoarded in a bank account. They won't eventually end up in a landfill. They won't become boring and out-of-date. Decades from now, those memories will be just as beautiful - if not more - than the day they experienced them.

When I asked her about the memories, her face lit up and she talked my ear off. When I asked her about the cost, she completely blanked. That's telling. That's beautiful.

“Throwing Away” a Career, Revisited

It's 2:30 AM. Sarah and I just pulled in from a 10-hour drive after visiting our best friends, Ryan and Anna. It feels like my brain is melting onto my laptop keyboard, as I single-handedly drove the entire 10 hours solo (Sarah failed to learn how to drive a stick over the last few days.....shame on her!). We intended to drive six hours today and then do the remaining four in the morning, but we got ambitious.

We had a wonderful time with Ryan and Anna. It ended up being 42 total hours together (including two nights of sleep), but it was jam-packed with laughter, memories, food, and good conversation......and Twenty One Pilots!

- I'm definitely kneeling in this picture.....

Given how much time I had to think during the drive home, my mind went in many different directions. Eventually, I found myself thinking back to an article I wrote more than four years ago. It was about Anna, but more specifically, about her counter-cultural career shifts. First, her decision to forego her WNBA career, and second, her decision to leave teaching to pursue her current calling. You can find the article here! While refueling at a gas station, I pulled the article up on my phone. A few thoughts rattled around my dreary, melting brain:

• Having written more than 800 articles since that one, I cringed a bit at my writing style and structure. It shows the power of repetition and consistency.

• It's fun to see how, even then, my perspective of work and meaning were quite similar to today. The phrase "meaning over money" hadn't yet been coined, but the values were loud and clear.

• Given the benefit of time, it's so fun to see how Anna's career shifts (or "thrown away" careers) have shaped her and impacted countless people.

• Nothing is wasted, indeed!

• Pursuing the type of journey that Anna did is far harder than we can imagine, but simultaneously more fulfilling than we can anticipate.

• Knowing what I know now, I'd double down on encouraging Anna in her controversial career shifts. I'd also encourage younger me to double down on this message.

• While I never took my relationship with Ryan and Anna for granted, I look back and wish I had squeezed every ounce of goodness from it I could while we lived near each other.

I'm grateful for my friend Anna, and I deeply admire how she took the path less traveled. It's not been an easy journey, but so many people have been blessed by her contributions to their lives. Someday, I hope she gets a window into some of that impact. Her legacy will have ripple effects, for sure.

I hope you're having a wonderful day, and I hope I'm still sleeping when you read this!

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But Not As a Lifestyle

Our family has had a great week at the lake. Lots of fun times and memories made. There are components of my day that are so appealing. Playing in the pool with the boys. Sitting at the dock and enjoying the calmness. Sleeping in (if the boys allow). Spending time on a boat. Cooking meals for my family (I love when I get to cook). So good!

I love everything about my time at the lake, but not as a lifestyle. What makes lake life (or insert any type of vacation here) awesome is the fact it's a treat. It's a pause from life. It's a reprieve from an otherwise crazy life. It's the reward for all the good work. It's an opportunity to rest up before jumping back into battle. The fact it's scarce is what makes it all that much sweeter.

I love my time at the lake, but not as a lifestyle. This is one of the biggest myths of the early retirement movement. There's a broad belief that stopping work and dedicating one's life to simply living a life of leisure is the ticket to happiness. I couldn't disagree more, and the science couldn't, either. People who live a leisurely life report lower levels of satisfaction and happiness. On the flip side, people who work and believe they are productive and adding value to others have much higher levels of overall life satisfaction.

I have a friend who just retired at 46. He and his wife believe they found a secret hack to life and will now live a far superior life than all of us working suckers. Their plan is to aimlessly bounce around from beach to beach, resort to resort. Never worry, though. They will "be sure to keep busy," as if busy is the definition of fulfillment. They are a few weeks into this adventure and report feeling "happier than ever." This makes sense, since vacations add a lot of value to our lives. However, what will happen to them in two, four, or six weeks when the vacation doesn't end? What will happen when there's nothing meaningful or fulfilling to return to? If we're looking at the science, the future doesn't look so bright. Time will tell, and I'll be sure to keep you updated.

I miss work. I miss serving those I have the privilege of serving. I can't wait to get back soon. At the same time, I would love to spend time at the lake monthly. Swoop in, recharge the batteries, make a few memories, then get back to work. Work, rest, work, rest. Oh yeah, some sun, too!

I hope you find time to get away. Go have fun. Make some memories. Get some much-needed rest. But you probably don't want to make it a lifestyle. You have far too much value to add to this world (and to yourself).

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Being Ungrateful Beings

Do you ever think about how much we take for granted? I think about this topic a lot, but never more than I have this week. Post-hurricane Houston has been a mess. I've spent most of the last three days in an 85-90 degree office with no electricity, no A/C, no lights, and no WiFi. Nothing. I didn't have a hotel for two days. Very few restaurants were open. People were waiting in line for hours to get gas. I sweat through my clothes for three straight days. It felt like my brain was melting onto the table.

I know I'm being dramatic here, but I thought it would be fun to verbalize how I was feeling. Back to my original question: Do you ever think about how much we take for granted? I rejoiced when I had a real meal. I rejoiced when I checked into a hotel. I rejoiced when I felt the relief of A/C. I rejoiced when I had enough hotspot signal to use the internet. All these little take-it-for-granted conveniences of life felt like a luxury.

What if we lived our lives with that perspective? What if we truly appreciated how good we have it? A roof over our heads. A/C and heat to keep the temps stable. Our various pieces of technology that allow us to connect with the world. A working bathroom. Lights to see in the dark. Getting gas without waiting in 2-hour lines. Accessible food. A comfortable bed. What if we stopped taking for granted all these normalcies of life?

After all, we aren't far removed from a time before these things existed. I vividly remember a time without cell phones and WiFi. Some of you remember a time without TV. Many of you remember a time without A/C. We take all this for granted, to our own detriment.

Most of us have all our needs met.....and more. Yet, we so quickly turn ourselves into victims when we compare ourselves to people around us. We so easily conflate needs and wants. "I NEED that car." "I NEED a new phone." "I NEED a bigger house." We so quickly forget how good we really have it.

Today, I'm going to carry myself with a posture of gratitude, and I hope to do the same when I get home from Houston tonight. Most of us have everything we need, and more. Perhaps we should start acting like it.....

Stumbling Into Memories

I had a weird and fun experience last night. I made a quick 24-hour trip to Omaha for a few meetings. On a quick fuel stop en route to my destination, I booked a hotel room so I would have a place to land when I got there. It's a hotel we've stayed at before. I knew what I was getting, which was good enough for me. As I pulled my car up to the main door to check in, I noticed a surprising number of people walking around wearing college gear. That's when it dawned on me, "Oh yeah, I think the College World Series is going on right now." Then it dawned on me that the CWS is immediately across the street from my hotel….Awesome! Then, after a quick Google search, I realized last night was THE final game of the tournament. Championship round, best of three games, Tennessee and Texas A&M tied 1-1. Holy cow! The final game of the CWS was taking place in mere hours, mere feet from where I was sleeping. 

A view of the stadium from the front door of my hotel

Yes, I was tired. Yes, I was hoping to take it easy. Yes, I had work to do. Yes, the heat index was 112 degrees. Yes, I had an early wake-up time the next morning. But when we stumble into memories, we must seize them! I jumped into the SeatGeek app and found the cheapest ticket available ($53). Two hours later, I was watching the final game of the CWS (in which the Tennessee Vols won their first-ever national championship). Unreal!

As I always say (which is a tribute to my friend Gary Hoag), the two best investments in life are mission and memories. Sometimes, we need to intentionally create memories; other times, we stumble into them. However, we must do one thing when we stumble into them: say "yes." There were a million reasons I wanted to decline. This wasn't part of my plan. I wasn't prepared. Did I mention the heat index was 112 degrees?!?!? But that's how some of the best memories go down. My "yes" or "no" decision was the gateway to determining my fate. I ultimately said "yes," and I'm so glad I did. I experienced something I never thought I would. I wish my friends or family were with me, but it was an amazing experience. 

It was a perfect combination of a little luck, a wise "yes*," and a $53 financial investment. One of the biggest bargains of my life. 

I hope you're intentional about creating memories along your journey, but I also hope you say "yes" when you stumble into them as well. Oftentimes, those are the most special ones. Don’t miss those blessed opportunities to add richness to your life.

*I originally said "no" about 4 times, then almost said "no" AFTER buying my ticket, then almost said "no" mid-game (3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th innings) due to the extreme heat and sun. But I didn't! I honored my "yes" and I was rewarded handsomely for it.

Seeing It (Again) Through Their Eyes

Yesterday, our family embarked on our first post-school summer trip: Chicago! Having grown up not far west of Chicago, it's a city I've been to countless times. Though I love it, it doesn't have a "new" feeling anymore. However, it's Finn and Pax's first-ever time in Chicago, and it's been a real treat so far. Sensory overload at its finest. We grabbed some Chicago-style pizza, hit a massive candy store, and walked alongside Michigan Avenue and the river. Not too shabby for our first few hours in the city.

There's something different about being present for other people's first-time experiences, especially kids. It's almost like we get to experience it for the first time again. I felt like a little kid showing off my favorite toy. It was pure joy to show the boys a city that's been part of my life for as long as I can remember.

We're staying downtown, making a pilgrimage to Wrigley, catching a Blue Man Group show, scoping out The Bean, and spending some time at the Museum of Science and Industry. We'll have Italian Beefs, hot dogs, and probably enough ice cream to make President Biden blush. It won't be an inexpensive trip, but man, we'll be investing in memories. 

I've had many profoundly memorable experiences throughout my life. Seeing the Great Wall, exploring the Mongolian wilderness, wandering the streets of Hong Kong, country-hopping the Middle East, and adventuring through Europe. All of these memories are special to me. But there's nothing more special than experiencing something through another's eyes. It's the power of community and shared experiences. It's the bonding that happens. An unspeakable connection that we know will last a lifetime. 

Investing in memories is an amazing endeavor, but doing it alongside people we care about ratchets it up to a whole new level. I made my first trip to Wrigley when I was seven years old, then proceeded to visit it at least one time per year for the next 20 years. It holds a special place in my heart. Tonight, I get to take my own seven-year-olds to their first game at Wrigley. I can't wait to invest in those memories and watch the game through their eyes. It may be my 100th trip to Wrigley, but it might as well be my first.

Juicing Meaning With Tradition

Today’s post is brought to you from a tent in the middle of nowhere, hacked out on my phone. I’m on a camping trip with the boys, and we are having a blast.

As I always say, we need to invest in memories. Memories are the one thing we can buy that won’t one day end up in a landfill. Memories are forever. Memories bond us. Memories are intertwined with meaning.

There is one way to juice up memories, though: when they are shrouded in tradition. This camping trip, for example, is a Shelton family tradition. It’s the fifth consecutive year we’ve done it, beginning when the boys were just three. We anticipate it each year. The boys talk about it the months leading up to it. They share stories of past trips and plan all the activities they want to do on the upcoming trip. Just last night, we rode horses, shot BB guns, ate too much food (including s’mores, of course), and played soccer. It was a blast.

Camping trips are always fun, but traditional camping trips are juiced up. There’s something extra special about them. I hope one day my kids tell their kids stories about this tradition. Heck, maybe they will even be inspired to create their own traditions when they become parents.

Here’s the thing about traditions. They don’t need to be elaborate, expensive, or over the top. We have take-out pizza and watch a movie every Friday night. That’s a pretty simple one, but it’s impactful. It becomes part of our family’s rhythm. It creates anticipation and excitement. It juices the memories.

As my kids get older, it’s fun to let them help craft the traditions. They have ownership. They have creative liberties. Through it all, it’s about investing in memories, and perhaps juicing them up.

Traditions + Memories = Extra Meaning

What are some of your family’s traditions?

Planned Impulsiveness

One of my favorite Meaning Over Money podcast episodes is called Planned Impulsiveness. It was our fifth episode, released more than three years ago. Unfortunately, Apple lost our first 15 episodes like my kids lose their shoes. Other platforms managed to keep track of them, though. Despite being missing from Apple for over two years, it's one of the ten most downloaded episodes we've ever had. You can find it HERE.

The premise is simple. Some people are planners, and some people are impulsive. Both have pros and cons, but impulsive people are known for self-sabotage and occasional (or frequent!) irresponsibility. I'm oddly wired for both. I'm very impulsive, but I'm also a planner. Along my financial journey, I realized I needed to harness my impulsivity and turn the cons into pros. 

This is where the structure comes in. Travel is a great example. I have a separate bank account specifically for travel. Each month, we budget approximately $1,000 for it. We may not travel every month, but we treat it as an expense. That $1,000 physically gets moved from our primary checking account and into our travel fund. The money slowly builds over time. Then, when it's time to travel, we travel. Sometimes, the travel is planned well in advance, and sometimes, it's more impulsive. In either scenario, the money is there, just waiting to be spent on travel. 

I'll share my favorite (least favorite) story of my life. In the summer of 2016, Sarah and I were about to become parents. After a long adoption journey, we received word that our son was born. We went to bed with anticipation, excited to meet our little man the following day. As I was wrapping up a few things at work the following morning before getting on the road, I received a phone call. I immediately knew something was wrong. The following 30 seconds were the worst of my life, as I found out we lost our son. 

Needless to say, the subsequent days were absolutely miserable in our house. Sarah was an absolute wreck, and I wasn't in a great position to hold her up. A few nights later, she told me she wanted to leave. Somewhere far, far away from our life. At midnight, I booked flights to Cancun and reserved a hotel room. We packed a few bags, took a nap, and drove to the airport five hours later. We spent the week crying, mourning, and eating our weight's worth of chips and salsa. It was terrible, but it was beautiful. It was impulsive, but it was planned. I'll always be grateful for that sad but memorable week with Sarah. 

One of my clients recently had their first planned impulsiveness moment. They've been intentionally budgeting and using their travel sinking fund since December. Then, it happened! A significant event suddenly popped up, and they wanted to be there. In mere hours, they made arrangements and jumped on a plane. It was impulsive, but it was planned. Beautiful! They will remember that forever. 

Be impulsive! Savor life. Make memories. But make it planned impulsiveness. 

Find a Way to Get Away

We got home last night after a five-day road trip. The boys went on adventures with their cousins while Sarah and I attended a generosity conference. It was the first time Sarah and I had gotten away together since our Thailand/Qatar trip last April. We missed the kids, but we had a wonderful time together!

I always forget how powerful time away can be. It's hard to find the time and navigate the logistics, but when we do, it's so powerful. Our trips are more meaningful when they involve some form of growth or service. This trip was no different. We spent time with inspirational people, listened to impactful speakers, and engaged in powerful discussions. Our time together opened up new dialogue, triggered new ideas, and raised some critically important topics to the surface. All in all, it was a home run. I hope to share some of my biggest conference takeaways in the coming weeks, but wow, so good!

I had a few mirroring conversations last week that got me thinking. I was talking about my upcoming trip with a few friends. I commented that it's wild (and disappointing) that Sarah and I haven't taken time away together in nearly a year. Each of these people had similar responses. "One year? My wife and I haven't gotten away since having kids." Both of these individuals have kids in the 10-13 year-old range. They haven't been away from their kids in more than a decade?!?!

Astounded by this discovery, I started asking people about their "getting away" habits. Much to my surprise, about half the people I surveyed said they "never" go away without their kids. 

If my informal survey is any indication, that means many of you reading this post "never" or "rarely" get away without your kids. Please don't hear me criticizing or judging you. Instead, I want to encourage you. As I mentioned above, it's hard to find the time, logistics, and money to get away. But it's so, so, so worth it. View it as an investment in your marriage. Use it to take a step back from your normal parenting duties, get some rest, build your relationship, create memories, and then re-enter your normal life as a better spouse and better parent. It doesn't have to be a week-long trip abroad. Even a short weekend trip to a nearby town can do the trick. 

Find a way to get away. Invest in your marriage. You won't regret it!

It Doesn’t Have to Be a Grand Slam

My family is wrapping up a 3-day, 2-night mini spring break trip to Omaha. We've had a blast! Lots of food, lots of fun, and lots of relaxation. It was just what the doctor ordered. I think about this idea a lot, but this trip was yet another affirmation. Vacations don't have to be grand slams, if I can use a baseball analogy. Sometimes singles or doubles are in order. 

Don't get me wrong. I love a good grand slam vacation. Our family cruise in January was stunning. I also find my way to the Middle East or Asia at least once per year. Those trips are awesome! However, we shouldn't lose sight of the singles and doubles out there. 

Grand slams can be extremely costly in terms of money and time. They require a lot of intentionality, planning, preparation, and a big chunk of cash. Again, I'm all for these trips, but living a life of only grand slams isn't practical. I'd much rather plan, anticipate, and enjoy a series of smaller trips than one massive Disney trip each year. 

I'm not knocking Disney trips or any other killer vacation. At the same time, I don't want people to glorify these trips so much that they create a scenario where they never travel (because they can't find the money and/or time to do it). I know lots of people who have fallen for this trap. Since they can't save the $10,000+ needed for their dream grand slam vacation, they simply don't travel.

Our family takes a hybrid approach. We rarely do a grand slam trip. We may have a triple or home run trip on the books, but we like to fill in the gaps with singles along the way. Take this trip to Omaha, for example:

• Two nights in an affordable hotel (with a pool, of course).

• A tank of gas.

• A handful of meals

• Discount tickets to a world-class zoo

It was super affordable, and the kids had an absolute blast!

These smaller trips are easier to plan, require less time commitment, allow us the opportunity and joy of anticipation, are far cheaper, and can generate tons of lifelong memories. I call that a massive win!

I'm cool if you have some ridiculously awesome grand slam trips on your radar. Those are amazing. But it doesn't always have to be a grand slam. Find those singles and doubles along the way as well!

A Different Way to Travel

One of the most pervasive myths floating around our society is that we NEED a credit card to travel. People believe this so much that they are willing to play Russian Roulette with their finances to make it happen. Here's a very real example. One of my clients had more than $30,000 of credit card debt. It's a chunk of debt that's expanded and contracted for more than a decade. Fortunately, they decided to lock down and aggressively pay it off. Getting debt-free took about 14 months, and they celebrated mightily upon completion!

I pleaded with them to cancel their cards—I literally begged! Then, the dreaded phrase came out of their mouths: "We NEED to keep at least one open for travel." Uh oh, the myth still had them captive! Despite my best efforts, they elected to keep this card open "just for travel." You can probably guess where this is going. Life happened, and they ended up back in credit card debt. 

There's a better way! A simpler way! We don't need a credit card for travel. I haven't had a credit card for more than 14 years now. I've traveled to nearly 30 countries during that span.....with no credit card in my possession. I buy plane tickets with a debit card. I book hotel rooms with a debit card. I rent cars with a debit card. I buy meals, Ubers, and activities with a debit card. It's possible to travel without a credit card. I don't just preach it.....I live it. 

All that said, it's not enough for me to simply say, "Stop using credit cards for travel." I'll also share how I structure my travel life: 

• I have a designated sinking fund for travel. But instead of using a savings account, I have it set up as a checking account. It's a separate checking account ONLY for travel use. 

• Each month, we allocate money for travel in our budget. When we do, we literally take that money and move it from our primary checking into our travel fund. We treat it as an expense, and actually "pay" that expense. 

• When we travel, we use the debit card associated with our travel fund to pay for all travel-related expenses: cars, hotels, flights, food, activities, etc. Everything!

• The money comes directly from our travel fund, leaving our monthly budget completely unscathed. 

If that sounds too simple, it's because it is. Simplicity always wins. If there's money in the account, we travel. If there's not, we don't. No exceptions. There's zero chance of making a mistake, going into debt, or getting ourselves into trouble. Handling travel this way also forces us to be intentional with our budget each month, as our travel fate relies on us actually setting money aside. 

I know I'm fighting an uphill cultural battle with this one, but I felt compelled to share this alternative way of thinking today. Try it for yourself. I have a feeling you'll love it as much as we do. 

A Glimpse Under the (Cruise) Hood

I've shared bits and pieces about our family's recent cruise vacation. Some of the finer details must have perked people's interest, as at least a half-dozen readers asked if I would be sharing more about the economics of the trip. There's a voyeuristic side in each of us, where we like hearing the details of other people's situations. I think that's why our personal budget reveal episode was/is so popular. 

Well, your wish is my command. I dug through the numbers and will now share the total economics of our recent trip. For context, our family of four took a 6-night cruise on Royal Caribbean out of the Fort Lauderdale port. The ship was called Symphony of the Seas, which I believe is the second-largest ship in the world (and it was amazing!). When the dust settled, we spent approximately $5,100 all-in, broken down as follows:

• Cruise: $1,830 (We took advantage of a 30% off + kids sail free deal on the Royal Caribbean website. We stayed in an interior room, which was small but efficient. This price included all food).

• Flights: $740 (We saved $700 by flying out of Minneapolis - a 3-hour drive - instead of Des Moines. Not ideal, but we agreed it was worth it). 

• Food & Fuel to/from Minneapolis: $140

• Airport Parking: $210 (Given the -45 degree wind chill and the fact we wouldn't have coats with us, we elected to park in the terminal instead of taking the long-term parking shuttle).

• Fort Lauderdale Hotel: $220 (We didn't want to risk having a delayed flight ruin our trip, so we flew in the night before). 

• Ubers: $140 (Ubers to/from airport/port).

• On-Ship WiFi: $300 (This was a hard pill to swallow, but we ultimately decided to get WiFi on three devices. Looking back, we're glad we did).

• Drinks: $380 (This included alcoholic beverages, some fun drinks for the kids, and Sarah's fancy coffees).

• Aquapark Excursion: $50

• Pig Beach Excursion: $700 (A lot of money, but it created some lifelong memories). 

• Automatic Tips: $220 (By default, Royal Caribbean charges you $18/person/day for tips. However, this isn't mandatory. We elected to turn this off for the kids so we could use that extra money to give specific tips)

• Cash Tips: $200 (Primarily for our room attendant and the kids club staff. Our kids spent 7PM-10PM every night in the kids club, and they had a blast. There were a lot of tears saying goodbye that last night). 

There you have it. It wasn't cheap and ultimately cost more than we anticipated, but we don't have many regrets. It was a wonderful trip; we'd do it again in a heartbeat. 

Thoughts? Questions? Insights? Reactions? Would love to hear your feedback. Hit reply to this e-mail or drop a comment below on the webpage. 

I'll wrap it up this way: Meaning over money. That money could have been invested, or saved for something "more responsible," but our family primarily invests in two things: mission and memories.

Capitalist Pigs

Remember when I paid $700 to play with pigs? Well, yesterday was pig day! We were in Nassau, Bahamas, on our cruise, and it was finally time to experience Pig Beach with my family. It was a truly amazing experience. We started with a beautiful 30-minute boat ride to Pearl Island, where we spent a few hours playing on the beach with crystal-clear waters. Then, we were treated to a local lunch that more-then-hit the spot. Finally, we hopped on a speed boat for a short jaunt to Pig Beach. Once there, we fed the pigs apples (and even bottle-fed a piglet), petted them, and ran around in the ocean with them. Every part of the experience was spot-on. While spending $700 for this excursion still feels expensive, it will no doubt go in the record books as one of the most memorable experiences our family has had together. Money well spent!

This is baby Katy Perry. She pooped on my arm about 5 seconds after this pic was taken….

While hanging out at the beach in the morning, I overheard a group of men talking about the excursion. "They really milk those pigs for all they're worth." "Nothing like taking advantage of a lucky situation. Those pigs were just left there" "They are practically screwing us."

Do you see any irony in this? A bunch of grown men, who are traveling to the Caribbean on money earned from living in a capitalist society, are demonizing the local business owners who are trying to make a living by being capitalistic. Nobody forced a single one of them to purchase that excursion. That's the entire point of capitalism. Someone creates a product, sets the price, and either people buy it or they don't. If you think the price is too expensive, then simply choose not to buy. Considering how many people were in our group, I'd say their pricing is working just fine.

Are the local folks making a handsome living from this endeavor? I hope so! Good for them! They are doing a fantastic job at it, too. Overall, the entire experience was well done and full of hospitality. They served their customers well and truly made us feel welcome. I'm glad I went, and I'll recommend it to anyone who asks.

This is the beauty of business. We are free to create any product we want, price it, market it, try to execute it, and let the chips fall how they may. No matter how good our product is, some will think it's a rip-off. That's not a bad thing! Rather, it's necessary. That's the gateway to understanding who values you and who doesn't. I once had a client prospect tell me how much of a rip-off my pricing was, only to have another prospect (90 minutes later) tell me it was the world's biggest bargain. One valued me, and one didn't. It doesn't make one good and one bad, but now I know who I am called to serve.

Don't feel bad for making a living. Add value. Serve others well. Let the chips fall how they may.

This Can’t Be Everything

We had another amazing day at sea yesterday, which included a few hours in port in Falmouth, Jamaica. Lots of food, lots of swimming, and lots of adventures. This trip has been THE definition of relaxation (well, except for everything that goes into caring for two first graders). It's been absolutely wonderful, and I'm so very grateful for our opportunity to go on this trip together.

As I was in the hot tub yesterday afternoon, I overheard a group of twenty-somethings next to me. They, too, were thoroughly enjoying their cruise. One asked the others, "Wouldn't it be great just to live like this all the time?" They all agreed and started fantasizing about a life of perpetual relaxation, endless drinks, and a non-stop flow of delicious food.

I agree with them about how amazing this experience is, but I couldn't disagree more about making this life. This isn't life. This is something we do once in a while. This is a treat. It's a reward. It's a little luxury. But it's not a life. This can't be everything.

I can't wait to jump back on a cruise ship again one day, but I would never want it to be my life. There are too many more meaningful and impactful things we must accomplish. We can't live a life solely for ourselves. That's a purposeless and empty existence.

While we're on the subject, I can't wait to get back home and back to work. It's going to be wonderful. I have so many thoughts, ideas, and dreams that are ready to be unleashed. Stuffing it all down while I continue to live a life of leisure would be the selfish thing to do.

So I'm going to enjoy the heck out of these last few days, be excited to get back into the swing of work and life, and maybe even plan another vacation for the not-too-distant future.

Find ways to get away, relax, and live in temporary leisure. It's healthy for us, and it's a ton of fun. Go book that trip! But also know it's not everything. It can't be everything. We must find meaning and purpose, and lean into them each day.