Humility Is a Powerful Tool

I received lots of feedback from yesterday's post about how inflation is clamping down on millions of families. Many of you said something to the tune of, "It's like you read my mind" and "I'm glad I'm not the only one." I'm glad you feel seen and heard!

However, I did receive one piece of criticism. I somewhat expected it, as it's a sensitive topic with many. Here's the line that got several people fired up: "If you have assets tied to debt (and hefty loan payments), you might consider selling them. One of my clients sold their vehicle, and it immediately freed up $800/month from the car payment being done."

As one reader put it, "Selling a car doesn't fix anything! You still have to buy another car."

Fair point. That's true. This family sold a car but then had to buy one. So today, I thought I'd illustrate what this concept looks like in practice.

This family had two vehicles. One was a large SUV (the wife's vehicle), and the other was a truck (the husband's vehicle). The wife's vehicle had a $442 monthly payment, and the husband's had an $812 monthly payment. These payments, combined with several other factors, resulted in significant financial stress due to a shrinking margin caused by inflation. They were hurting! Their marriage was hurting!

After several conversations, they realized changes must be made. While it took about six months, they ultimately decided the most effective and best decision was to sell the husband's truck to wipe out the monthly payment. The truck was worth about $65,000, and they owed $60,000.

After selling it, they had about $5,000 in cash and $812/month extra in their budget (plus whatever they were spending on insurance)......but they still needed a vehicle. They took the $5,000 from the sale of the truck, combined it with another $6,000 from savings, and purchased a modest used car for $11,000 in cash.

Just like that, they waved their magic wand and freed up $812/month in cashflow. That decision changed everything for them, financially speaking. However, there was another side to this story. In order to execute on this plan, they needed one more thing: humility. This was a public act. One day, he was driving around in this big, fancy truck, and the next, he was driving a car that would impress nobody. That act requires humility and a keen sense of what's truly important. I'm so proud of them for taking that step.

Further, their decision to take that step is the gateway for so much growth and contentment. They unlocked a new level in their relationship with each other and their relationship with the world around them. It's no longer about what other people think, but what adds the most value to their family. They are playing a new game, a better game.

They took responsibility. They took action. They led with humility. Their lives are better as a result. It’s a beautiful recipe.

The Clamps Are Tightening

Do you ever feel like you make good enough money and manage it well, yet there's simply no margin in your financial life? If so, you aren't alone. Millions of families in this country are experiencing this phenomenon. Inflation has wreaked havoc on so many people. What not long ago felt like a respectable income has turned into "just scraping by." Even though inflation is going down, its consequences are here to stay. This is a common misconception about inflation. When inflation goes down, it doesn't mean prices go down. Rather, it means prices are going up less quickly from their now-inflated levels. It's a mess.

I regularly meet with families that make $8,000, $10,000, or $12,000/month of take-home income, barely making ends meet. Much of this can be attributed to the cost structure established by the family prior to inflation setting in, which is difficult to change. It's embarrassing for people, and they feel alone. After all, it's weird to tell your friends or family members, "Yeah, I know we make $160,000 per year, but we're really struggling." That sort of conversation will make people play their miniature violins with their eyes rolling. Therefore, people suffer in silence.

It feels like the clamps are tightening. We can stave off the financial pressure for a while, but eventually, it starts to add up. The normal life costs keep increasing until they've squeezed out the margin. One-off expenses, such as medical bills, car maintenance, and house repairs slowly bleed people dry. We make purchase decisions that entrap us in debt. We experience shocks to our income. One by one, families are breaking.....it's so sad!

If any of this hits home for you, perhaps what I'm about to say next can help you relieve some of your pressure. Here is a menu of options to help you navigate a tight financial season:

• Find areas of your monthly budget to cut. You may need to trim down on dining out, travel, or other wants.

• If you have assets tied to debt (and hefty loan payments), you might consider selling them. One of my clients sold their vehicle, and it immediately freed up $800/month from the car payment being done.

• Temporarily tone down your investment contributions.

• Temporarily stop saving toward your sinking funds. Yes, these are important, but it's more important to keep the financial train on the tracks.

• Find extra income. A side hustle or side job can relieve a ton of financial pressure.

• If you're not sitting on a cheap mortgage, it might be time to downshift your housing.

You aren't alone! But at the same time, the burden of navigating it is on you. I don't like it any more than you do, and I think we have some major problems on our hands, but it's the reality we're stuck with (for now). We must face it head-on so our families can live to fight another day. It's a tall order, but you got this!

I'm happy to chat if you have any questions about your own situation. This is a scary and prevalent issue, and you don't need to face it alone.

Stumbling Into Memories

I had a weird and fun experience last night. I made a quick 24-hour trip to Omaha for a few meetings. On a quick fuel stop en route to my destination, I booked a hotel room so I would have a place to land when I got there. It's a hotel we've stayed at before. I knew what I was getting, which was good enough for me. As I pulled my car up to the main door to check in, I noticed a surprising number of people walking around wearing college gear. That's when it dawned on me, "Oh yeah, I think the College World Series is going on right now." Then it dawned on me that the CWS is immediately across the street from my hotel….Awesome! Then, after a quick Google search, I realized last night was THE final game of the tournament. Championship round, best of three games, Tennessee and Texas A&M tied 1-1. Holy cow! The final game of the CWS was taking place in mere hours, mere feet from where I was sleeping. 

A view of the stadium from the front door of my hotel

Yes, I was tired. Yes, I was hoping to take it easy. Yes, I had work to do. Yes, the heat index was 112 degrees. Yes, I had an early wake-up time the next morning. But when we stumble into memories, we must seize them! I jumped into the SeatGeek app and found the cheapest ticket available ($53). Two hours later, I was watching the final game of the CWS (in which the Tennessee Vols won their first-ever national championship). Unreal!

As I always say (which is a tribute to my friend Gary Hoag), the two best investments in life are mission and memories. Sometimes, we need to intentionally create memories; other times, we stumble into them. However, we must do one thing when we stumble into them: say "yes." There were a million reasons I wanted to decline. This wasn't part of my plan. I wasn't prepared. Did I mention the heat index was 112 degrees?!?!? But that's how some of the best memories go down. My "yes" or "no" decision was the gateway to determining my fate. I ultimately said "yes," and I'm so glad I did. I experienced something I never thought I would. I wish my friends or family were with me, but it was an amazing experience. 

It was a perfect combination of a little luck, a wise "yes*," and a $53 financial investment. One of the biggest bargains of my life. 

I hope you're intentional about creating memories along your journey, but I also hope you say "yes" when you stumble into them as well. Oftentimes, those are the most special ones. Don’t miss those blessed opportunities to add richness to your life.

*I originally said "no" about 4 times, then almost said "no" AFTER buying my ticket, then almost said "no" mid-game (3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th innings) due to the extreme heat and sun. But I didn't! I honored my "yes" and I was rewarded handsomely for it.

But at What Cost?

Despite repeatedly writing and talking about materialism and the risks of pursuing more, I'm also human. I got bit by the jealousy bug last night! The boys were invited to swim at a friend's house, which was quite thoughtful of the host family. When I arrived to drop them off, I was met with the backyard pool of all backyard pools. Wow, this thing was stunning: waterslide, basketball hoop, tons of seating, an outdoor living room (with a massive TV), a built-in kitchen.....the whole works! Just the pool area alone probably cost more than my house is worth. My immediate reaction was jealousy.

Then, as I always do, I took a step back and looked myself in the proverbial mirror. We all have choices. Do I really want that pool? Do I really want that house? Is that what I really want? If so, why am I not pursuing it? If having xyz is so important, I should react and act accordingly.

Then, I ask myself one more question: "But at what cost?" For every decision or pursuit, there's a cost. There's no free lunch. For every dollar we spend on one thing, there's one less dollar to spend somewhere else. For every hour invested in something, there's one less hour to invest elsewhere.

So, I suppose I could endeavor to have a house with a pool like theirs. That's on the table. But at what cost? Here are a few costs off the top of my head:

• I'd probably need to use most (or all) of the liquid savings we built for other purposes.

• I'd probably be forced to abandon my current career path in exchange for a higher-paying job that would support the necessary house payment.

• Our generosity would probably fall off a cliff.

• We would probably lose the flexibility and freedom our current life structure provides.

• We'd probably lose the ability to freely travel like we do now.

When I look in the mirror and ask myself the "but at what cost?" question, that pool suddenly doesn't feel as appealing as it did in the moment.

It's not a matter of IF we will get bit by the jealousy bug, but WHEN. It's going to happen. As such, we must be ready to face it head-on. That's where the "but at what cost?" question can be so handy.

I don't have any negative feelings towards people who do things that make me jealous. After all, they are simultaneously making decisions that have their own costs. That's what makes all of this so personal. We each have choices to make.

It's not about making THE right choice. Instead, we should each pursue the right choice for us. The right choice for you and the right choice for me.

I know I'll get jealous again, but when I do, it will be another opportunity for me to look in the mirror and ask myself if I'm truly pursuing the life I'm meant to live. That's a gift!

Sucker For a Vanilla Dish

I found a new life hack. A few times per week, I get mentally stuck. Call it paralysis, brain fog, or distraction. Whatever it is, I just can't get the motor going to power through whatever tasks are on the agenda.

Whenever this happens, I hop in the convertible, drive to Sonic, and order a small vanilla dish. Then, I sit under the sun, with the car stereo playing, enjoy my ice cream, and think. No distractions, no motives, and no pressure. Just me, the sun, a delicious ice cream, a little music, and my thoughts. It sounds silly, but that's turned into such a beautiful time for me to reset my brain and process the various ideas bouncing around my head. Many of my blog ideas are born in that space.

It costs me $3 and 20 minutes of my day, a small investment for a considerable payoff. During a recent vanilla dish pilgrimage, I was thinking about how valuable certain financial and time investments can be in our lives. Not all spending is created equal. Many of our expenditures make little to no actual impact on our lives. Then, some silly $3, 20-minute investment in a mid-day Sonic run can totally move the needle.

If we were wise, we would take inventory of all the things we invest our money and time into and assess how much value we're receiving for the cost. If it's valuable, keep it. If it's not, cut it. When we do that, it's amazing how many things we'll discover are an absolute waste. Conversely, it's funny to see how many things that are seemingly ridiculous or "wasteful" are actually valuable.

What about you? What vanilla dishes exist in your life? Where do you find tremendous value in something that may otherwise be considered ridiculous or "wasteful?" Inquiring minds want to know!

It’s Just 22 Words

“We are born with nothing, and we die with nothing, yet we spend our lives trying to accumulate as much as possible.”

This quote has lived rent-free in my head for years. Although it's just 22 words, it has the weight of a full-fledged book or a TED talk. It drips with irony and is saturated with consequence.

I typed out several now-deleted paragraphs below, sharing my perspective on the matter. However, I don't think my perspective is relevant today. Instead, maybe a better use of your two minutes is to ponder your perspective and, more importantly, its implications on your journey.

Have a great Saturday!

Sometimes Dreams Change

I had a chance encounter with a rarely-seen friend (I love it when that happens!). Our chat was brief but jam-packed. One piece stood out to me, though. She mentioned that her job—her "dream job"—wasn't doing it for her anymore. She's been in the same role for 15 years. In it, she's made a lot of impact and has truly lived her best life. It was everything she hoped it would be......except now it's not.

Some of you know exactly what I'm talking about here. She's living the ideal life she has always wanted, yet she'sexperiencing this silent, behind-the-scenes misery. Do you know the other emotion she's feeling? Guilt. The guilt of getting exactly what she wanted, but now being discontent.

Here's how she put it: "I used to be excited each morning. Now, I don't even care if I go or not. It feels pointless."

Ouch. I really feel for her. This is something that many Americans are experiencing, yet it's not often talked about. Most of this happens behind closed doors.

The truth is, sometimes dreams change. She's not the same person she was 15 years ago. That's neither bad nor good.....just reality. We grow, evolve, and experience lots of life along the way. It's inevitable.

She has three choices:

1. Sit in her misery and find a way to coast out the rest of her career with her sanity intact.

2. Find a way to revitalize meaning and purpose in her current job.

3. Find a new dream and pursue it as aggressively as she pursued the first one.

After further discussion, it sounds like option #2 is off the table. She's tried that approach, and she's running out of steam.A few thoughts on option #3:

• It's ok to change. Change isn't an admission of defeat. Rather, it's the beginning of a new journey.

• Changing careers isn't "throwing away" something. Instead, it's a way to repurpose those skills, experience, relationships, and influence.

• It's going to be uncomfortable, and that's ok. Discomfort is the gateway to growth. Embrace it.

• Life is long, so we might as well fill those weeks, months, and years with something that fills our tank.

• Life is short, so we shouldn't waste it!

• Other people's opinions don't matter. You're the one who has to wake up each morning and live your life.

• The best is yet to come!

Sometimes dreams change. When they do, we must change with them. Young Travis had some pretty cool dreams, but I eventually outgrew most of them....older Travis's dreams are far cooler. As much as I cherish and respect young Travis's dreams, I'm not that guy anymore. It would be foolish for me to pursue someone else's dreams.

Don't feel guilty if your dreams are changing. Perhaps it's time to change with them.

Putting THEIR Money Where MY Mouth Is

One of my clients recently received an unexpected $2,000 (after-tax) bonus. Excited about this newfound money, they quickly commenced negotiations about where this money should go. There were several options on the table:

• New furniture

• Disney World

• New hunting equipment

• Revamp the wardrobe

• Invest it into retirement

• Pay down the car loan

• Plus a handful of others

When our next meeting rolled around, making a final decision was the top priority. I stood at the whiteboard, jotting down every idea mentioned. After all ideas were exhausted, I added one more: "Give it away."

Instant pushback! They explained they needed this money, pointing at the lengthy list drawn out on the whiteboard as evidence. They "needed" this money. That word was mentioned at least a dozen times, which is exactly why I wanted to open this alternate door.

The fact they "needed" it, in their words, is the exact reason they "needed" to give it away. They've lost perspective. That's not an indictment on them; we all do! It's so easy to get caught up in our own situations that we lose sight of the big picture. They've done a great job. They are doing a great job. They will continue to do a great job. They are blessed. They will be just fine.

Generosity always wins. And by always wins, I'm referring to everyone involved. The recipient wins, as a need is met. The giver also wins. Psychologically and emotionally, there is no better use for money than to give it to someone who has nothing to offer us in return. That single act sets off a chain reaction deep down within us, leading to meaning, fulfillment, and contentment.

Contentment. That's important here. As I've highlighted (er, beat a dead horse) in multiple recent posts, we live in a culture of more. More money, more stuff, more status, more more. It has a weighty gravitational pull. Even for those who most staunchly oppose such culture (I'd put myself in that camp), it's a hard gravitational pull to avoid. We're all human, after all. However, there is one thing that can combat the materialistic pursuit of more: contentment. And one of the most significant contributors to contentment? Generosity! Generosity is exactly what the doctor ordered! It's almost like we've been created to give!

This is one of the main reasons I so badly wanted this family to give the $2,000 away. They need contentment. They need to jump off the hamster wheel of more. They need perspective. And you know what? They did it! They decided to test out my "absurd theory" (their words) and give this whole generosity thing a try. They pondered who, how, and where to give it, made a plan, and executed!

Their response: "It was transformational. I don't know why or how, but it was. We just feel different."

Yes! It is different. It's one of those things you can't quite put your finger on, but once you know, you know. Contentment through generosity.

They looked at each other, smiled, and one excitedly said to the other, "Let's do it again."

When Our Possessions Possess Us

A weird thing happened to me yesterday. As I was going about my perfectly normal work day, I received a text from Sarah with this photo:

Ouch! Due to high winds, a large branch snapped off our front yard tree, and it found a new home squarely on my car's hood. Ouch again. That's actually not the weird part, though.

After receiving Sarah's text, I immediately drove home to remove the branch and assess the damage. There's a nice dent exactly where you'd expect from looking at the picture, plus some other scratches. Here's the weird part: I had zero emotional reaction. Zilch. It didn't move the needle for me whatsoever. It was an interesting development.

In the hours that followed, I pondered this weird response. Here's where I landed: I possess my possessions, not the other way around. It's just a car—just a thing. A handful of years from now, it will be in a landfill, a distant memory.

This perspective is a deviation from where I used to be. In years past, this situation would have angered and frustrated me. Why? Because my possessions possessed me. I was there to serve them, covet them, treasure them, and put them on a pedestal. That's how materialism works. That's the natural end game when we pursue a life of more.

I'm not pleased with a fresh dent in my car. I'd prefer it didn't happen. But this dent will not deter me, frustrate me, or derail me. Similar to how I handled my last car damage debacle, I suppose I'll just keep my eye on the prize and not allow it to alter my mission. It's a weird but welcomed reality in my little world.

It's an odd place to be, considering where I came from. I don't know whether I should be proud of myself for this development.....or concerned. However, since it's a 180-degree turn from our prevailing culture, I'll assume it's a good thing. I now possess my possessions; my possessions don't possess me. I care for them, treat them with respect, and honor the fact I traded hard-earned income for them, but they will not define me or drive me. That's a win worth celebrating.

What about you? Do you possess your possessions, or do they possess you?

Never-Ending Highlight Reels

I love social media. I think it's one of the greatest inventions ever created. It unlocks the entire world, and literally every person in it, for free, in the palm of our hands. It allows unprecedented access to other people, and provides unparalleled opportunities for creativity.

It's also one of the most dangerous inventions ever created. It's the ultimate double-edged sword. While it allows us unprecedented access to other people, it unfortunately allows us unprecedented access to other people. Well, to be more specific, it gives us unprecedented access to other people's highlight reels.

What we see on social media isn't real life. It's a tiny sliver of real life, carefully curated and ever-so-intentionally massaged to suit the palette of an outside audience. It's posted primarily to generate a specific feeling or response. Nobody posts content with the intent of making you think worse of them. It's always intended for you to perceive them positively.

If I were to internalize my social media feed as reality, here's the reality I'm signing up for:

• Everyone has perfect marriages.

• Everyone has perfect spouses.

• Everyone has perfect kids.

• Everyone is always put together and dressed fashionably.

• Everyone takes the most luxurious trips all the time.

• Everyone lives in the most perfect (and perfectly clean) houses.

• Everyone drives the newest and coolest vehicles.

• Everyone lives the richest lifestyles.

• Everyone has the perfect job.

• Everyone has perfect lives.

None of this is true, of course. What we see is the best sliver of someone's life. There's probably truth in it, but it's not THE truth. It's the highlight reel. SportsCenter doesn't show us the entire game. They only show us the 6 best plays. It's curated. It's flashy. It's what catches our eyeballs. Social media does the same.

If all that's true, we can stop comparing ourselves to whatever we see on social media. We can let go of this make-believe reality that doesn't actually exist. We can quit beating ourselves up over not having the perfect kids or the perfect spouse. We can give ourselves grace for not living in mini-mansions or driving vehicles that can land a man on the moon (while simultaneously making a perfect espresso).

Just let it go. Yeah, I know, it's not always that simple. If there are people in your life that are especially hard to stomach on social media, perhaps it's time to break out the trimming shears. Cut that out. You don't need a constant toxic presence in your life. After all, you have unprecedented access to their life.....choose carefully.

I'll continue to love social media, but do so with an understanding that it's just a sliver of people's reality. I'll also stay vigilant to ensure I prune my feed if I find myself struggling with jealousy or unfair comparisons. With unprecedented access comes an unprecedented need to be mindful.

5-Star Dining at a 2-Star Establishment

I hope all the dads and grandpas had a wonderful Father's Day yesterday. We made a quick trip to my parents' house for the weekend, where my dad and I spent Saturday doing body work on my new car. The car is in pretty good shape overall, but 18 years of life has provided a few scrapes and scars along its journey. Here’s an updated pick after removing the chip guard film and restoring the headlights.

We drove home yesterday morning so I could coach Finn and Pax's last soccer game of the season (and they won the league championship!). It was 90+ degrees out, so we grabbed some ice cream afterward, and then took a wonderful nap. To finish the night, we had a little Father's Day dinner out.

IHOP. Yes, IHOP. It's not my favorite place in the world, but the family was craving breakfast, and they have a kids-eat-free special. We had a great time together, and it was the perfect way to cap off a great Father's Day.

While I love a 5-star restaurant as much as the next person, not all meals need to be profound. Sometimes, it's just about creating memories over some simple food. The food was just that: simple. However, we had a blast together, and everyone walked out happy and full.

Over the years, our dining out budget has varied. During our pre-kid debt payoff years, the budget was $100/month. During our pre-kid post-debt years, the budget was at least $500/month (we had a lot of fun dining in that season!). After the twins were born, our dining out dropped to around $200/month (a few nice date nights). After I left my prior career and we took a 90% pay cut to start over, it went back down to about $100/month. Today, we're in the $250/month range.

We NEVER deviate from the budget. If we have money left, we use it. If we don't we don't. It's one of the ways Sarah and I show commitment to our budget, which we negotiate and agree upon at the beginning of each month. We don't exceed it....no exceptions. Sometimes, that sucks. Sometimes, it's frustrating to be 20 days into the month with no dining out remaining. But that's on us. That's our fault. That was our mistake; therefore, it's our burden and consequences.

That level of self-discipline changes things. It forces us to make wise decisions. If we can't bend the rules, then we must find a way to live within the rules. We can always create new rules next month, but this month's rules are this month's rules. Sometimes that means we get to eat at a Michelin-starred restaurant, and sometimes we eat at IHOP. Both are wins, by the way.

That's the beauty of setting financial guardrails in our lives. It's not something we have to do, but rather something we get to do. Once the rules are set, we have the creativity to work within them with no guilt, no regret, and no remorse. Freedom through boundaries.

Today’s a Great Day For a Check Mark

One of my seven-year-olds, Finn, recently handed me a piece of paper. It was a list of items with little squares to the left of them. "What's this, bud?" "This is my bucket list." Uhhhhhh, my seven-year-old has a bucket list? Curious, I asked him if he knew what a bucket list even was. "It's all the things I want to do before I die!" Alrighty then, I guess he did know.....that's a bit morbid The subsequent two sentences out of his mouth were what got me:

"Can we check a few of these off the list this weekend? We better get started."

I didn't know whether to be concerned or impressed; I decided to be impressed. Here he was, with his entire life in front of him, ready to live life now. Not someday. Not down the road. Not when he grows up. Today!

Wow, there's something profound about this idea. We adults continually kick the can down the road. "When I retire." "When the kids are gone." "When I have $x dollars." "When I get promoted to abc title." "After I accomplish xyz." "When I'm not as busy." "When ________." We always have an excuse not to do things. There are a million reasons why today isn't the day. Someday. One day. Eventually. Down the road. Confession: I could jot down a list of 20 items that I've wanted to do for decades, but just never got around to it.

You know what I think? I think today is a great day for a check mark. Why not get out there and knock something off your list? Why not treat today like a special day that should be embraced and milked for whatever it could be? Why not intentionally pursue meaning and do things that add value to our lives? Why not cut through the noise and the busy of life, and carve out time to make a memory?

"Wise" isn't a word I'd typically use to describe Finn (he's a nut), but I think he's on to something.

We better get started.

The Arms Race of Materialism

We have an arms race on our hands. It's a sexy, intoxicating endeavor: the violently aggressive pursuit of more. Bigger houses, newer cars, grander trips, trendier clothes. More, more, more. The problem with more is that every time we get more, more is still more. Ironically, it's an unwinnable race.

I recently met with a young couple who wanted some guidance. I'll lay out the scenario. Both spouses have good jobs at well-respected companies. They live in a big house (their "forever home"), drive new vehicles, and go on extravagant trips (of which the photos get repeatedly posted on their various social media channels). They are the couple everyone else looks at with jealousy and/or inspiration. People wonder how they are so rich, and aspire to be as "successful" as them.

However, as I can attest from my coaching experience, it's not always as it seems. Often, when we pull back the curtain, a different story reveals itself. This couple has a monthly after-tax take-home income of about $10,000. Their house payment is around $3,000/month, and they have two car payments totaling $1,700/month. Yes, their house and cars alone absorb approximately 47% of their take-home income. That feels tight to me, and it feels tight to them. They are stressed, but "It's worth it. We worked hard. We deserve it." No regrets, though.

Now, the twist. The reason for our meeting was to discuss their next steps. What next steps, you ask? They want to buy a different house—their new "forever home." That's the thing about the pursuit of more. Every time we get more, more is still more. What's a "forever home" today is just another house six months from now. Anyway, after doing the math, we concluded that this new house will cost them about $4,200/month.

Are you scratching your head yet? They are stressed with their current $3,000/month house payment, but want to increase it to $4,200? Yes, correct. This begs the question, "Why?" It took a few minutes to get there, but I finally got the real answer. Their best friends are building a new house (i.e. better than theirs), making them want to upgrade, too. It's the arms race!

I tried to explain that more isn't the answer. Meaning over money. Living with purpose. Career flexibility. Not allowing financial stress to drive a wedge into their marriage behind closed doors. Nevertheless, they left that meeting with a burning desire to build their new "forever home."

It's easy to dismiss this couple as "crazy" or an anomaly, but they represent a growing contingent in this country. I meet with multiple families per week who are deeply invested in the arms race of materialism. People are enveloped in it.

While I generally do a good job leaving my work at work, some of these families keep me up at night. I'm terrified of what's coming. A reckoning will happen. Perhaps soon. Perhaps decades from now. But it's coming. I repeatedly see how this story ends, and it's a nightmare.

Are you caught caught up in the arms race? If so, maybe today is the day to finally lay down your weapons.

Note: This couple granted me permission to share their story anonymously. I'm not sure why, but I'm grateful they did.

Adding Plates to the Other Side

You're at the gym, using a barbell. Maybe you're squatting, or perhaps the bench press. While changing out the weights, you inadvertently add too many plates to one side of the barbell, causing the entire apparatus to become uneven. Things start to become dangerous, and if you're not careful, the whole thing could crash and injure you.

I'm feeling a bit like that today. On the heels of my Leading Kids to (Financial) Hoarding post, I received a ton of positive responses from you all: e-mails, texts, DMs, and even phone calls. Generally speaking, it was a collective "I'm glad someone finally said it." I'm so grateful!

However, I also received some messages on the other side of the ledger. Most notably, from Ryan, my friend I've never actually met...that I should totally meet....that I can't believe I haven't met. I know Ryan as an extremely thoughtful person and always provides constructive feedback. So when I saw his comment, my immediate reaction was, "Uh oh, I think I need to add a plate to the other side of the bar." In an attempt to drive my point home, I think I inadvertently added too many plates to one side of the barbell.

My goal wasn't to diminish or demean the role of saving, but rather try to redeem the value and dignity of spending and giving in a culture that ridicules them. I wanted to lift two up, not push one down.

At the heart of the matter, saving is the art of discipline and delayed gratification. It's one of the simplest, purest, and most tangible forms of it. In other words, it's a tell. If we can practice the art of discipline and delayed gratification with our resources, those characteristics and strengths can translate into virtually every other area of life.

From a more practical perspective, saving is the proactive pursuit of avoiding debt. Take cars, for example. The average new car payment in America now exceeds $700/month. It doesn't take any discipline or delayed gratification to walk into a dealership, sign the loan docs, and walk out with a shiny, new car......and a boatload of debt hanging around your neck. The disciplined and self-sacrificing act of saving, on the other hand, will lead to a significantly better outcome. It journeys us to a place where we have a greater appreciation for our purchases, make different decisions doing so, and won't impair our financial life with expensive and prohibitive payments. This same principle can be applied to virtually every other area of money:

• Travel

• College

• Phones and other technology

• Insert your purchase here

Saving is also a protection mechanism for when life kicks back. Saving up sinking funds and an emergency fund can (partially) shield us from many of life's challenges: job losses, medical emergencies, house maintenance, car breakdowns, and a number of unexpected situations.

There are only three things we can do with money: spend, save, and give. Want to know which one is most important?

D: All of the above.

I Wasn't Going to Step Over That Cob

Though it's been nearly a month, I'm still thinking about the "Don't step over cobs looking for cobs" quote from my friend Bobbi. That idea hit me hard, and it's been brewing under the surface of my life ever since. And last night, it came out in a very meaningful way.

I had a brutal day at work. It was a great day, and I was honored to serve many people, but I was toasted. I was tired, stressed, and frustrated by a few challenges I encountered along the way. When I got home, I knew I still had a bunch of work in front of me before I went to bed. Overwhelmed is the only word to describe it.

That's when the test hit me. While eating dinner, Pax asked if we could get ice cream, cruise around in the convertible, and jam out to Twenty One Pilots together. Though I had very little left in the tank, I wasn't about to step over that corn cob! We did just that. We grabbed ice cream, ate it while cruising with the convertible top down, and cranked up the new Clancy album to an annoyingly loud volume. It was, is, and will forever be a beautiful memory. Afterward, Finn, Pax, and I spent the next hour geocaching near our house (we found three treasures!).

Showing off their first find, discovered inside a tree.

It's so easy to look past life's "normal" repetitiveness. It's easy to take for granted the ordinary while dreaming about the extraordinary. It's all too common to eagerly anticipate the exotic while wading through the mundane. I could have missed last night's opportunity! In my attempt to see the day through and prepare for the next, I could have stepped over that cob while looking for more cobs. This time, luckily, I didn't.

As I look back at my life, I shudder to think about how many cobs I stepped over while looking for cobs. I was overtaken by life. In my pursuit of success, progress, achievement, money, and whatever else I was chasing earlier in my adult life, I probably missed out on so many opportunities that would have added meaning and richness to my life. If that's not accidental self-sabotage, I don't know what is.

I'm really enjoying the cobs these days, and I hope you are, too!

Leading Kids to (Financial) Hoarding

"You don't need that."

"Don't waste your money on that thing."

"You shouldn't be giving away so much."

"You need to save better."

"You shouldn't spend on that."

"You need that money more than they do."

These are the comments we make to our kids. Do you see a theme? Guilt and shame. Not intentionally, usually. Slowly but surely, we're chipping away at their hearts for spending and generosity. We're trying to help them be "responsible" with money, but what we're really doing is raising our kids to financially hoard. Get more. Have more. Build wealth. Become "independent."

If I had a nickel for every time a parent approached me and said, "My kid is so good with money. He/she doesn't spend anything. He/she saves everything."......well, I'd have a lot of nickels! See the narrative? Saving is responsible. Saving is THE win. If that's true, anything other than saving is irresponsible.

After twenty years of this narrative repeated over and over, we've created a generation of hoarders.

• Like the family that makes $320,000 per year but "can only afford" to give $300/month.

• Like the family with $1M in their checking account (yes, checking) that fears having nothing tomorrow.

• Like the 60-year-old couple with $7M in their retirement accounts and two jobs they despise, but worry whether they can take care of themselves now and in the future.

• Like the young single lady who makes $150,000 per year, but can't emotionally get over the hump to buy herself a pair of jeans.

• Like the teenager who works a bunch of hours at his job, but declines invites from his friends to go out to eat on a Friday night, citing he "shouldn't waste money like that."

• Like the family who saves $6,000 per month into retirement, but isn't yet able to give. However, once they have $x saved, they will be comfortable enough to start giving.

We parents have groomed our kids to become hoarders through guilt and shame. “Guilt” and “shame,” the two primary feelings expressed by countless adults when discussing their relationship with money. They feel guilt. They feel shame. Then, immediately after using those magic words, they share the comments made to them over the years (especially during their formative kid years). Ouch!

I have good news, though! No, we can't erase our past mistakes (unless you have a Delorean I can borrow!), but we can create a new narrative beginning today. Whatever your kids' age, even if they are adults, it's not too late to begin talking about money through a different lens.

While Sarah and I haven't gotten it all right with our kids, here are the narratives playing under our roof:

• We can never be too generous....it's not ours to begin with

• Spend money on fun things

• Use discipline to save for bigger purchases

• Work hard

I hope my kids are irresponsibly generous. I hope they buy fun things and sometimes experience buyer's remorse (it's a good, tough lesson). I hope they show discipline in saving. I hope they develop a strong work ethic. But I pray they don't turn into hoarders.

Our kids deserve better, and we parents have the power to give it to them. You got this!

Excellence Isn’t Optional

Uh oh, I've opened the floodgates. After repeated blog posts about how business owners shouldn't expect people to "support" them, I now receive multiple messages from readers every week. These messages usually include screenshots or linked posts from businesses in their town, laying on the guilt of "lack of support." The narrative is usually the same (paraphrasing):

Our business is struggling because we've been a victim of several challenges (insert inflation, rent, competition, lack of awareness, and a multitude of other issues here). To top it off, you haven't done a good enough job of supporting us. Because of that, and in the absence of you immediately and heavily supporting us, we might not make it.

I'm a broken record on this one. We business owners don't deserve anyone's support. Instead, we must earn the right to serve someone, then through delivered excellence, re-earn the right to serve them again. And if we've been excellent enough, they might tell someone else about us. Then repeat.

The key word is excellence. Excellence isn't optional. With it, we earn the right to serve people again. Without it, we die. Take all the recent reader messages, for example. You've probably sent me at least 20 examples of this in the past few weeks alone. I know a few of these businesses personally, and I can attest they are anything but excellent. One business, which I know quite well, cited all the challenges they've faced over the last few years. I don't doubt a single one of them. These are common challenges that nearly ALL businesses face. What they didn't mention were all the ways in which they were grossly lacking excellence:

• Inconsistent product.

• Inconsistent service.

• High prices.

• Poor location.

• Lack of brand identity.

• Poor marketing.

Yet, the natural conclusion from their messaging (and the people on social media) was that people need to better support small businesses. Hear that? "Support." Meanwhile, several other small businesses in proximity to this business are absolutely crushing it. Weird how people "support" those small businesses.

The key word isn't "support"—it's "excellence." Excellence isn't optional. People aren't discriminating, lacking care, or turning their backs on small businesses. People expect excellence. Scratch that—they demand excellence.

If you're a business owner, big or small, simply provide excellence. When you do, you'll earn the right to serve people again....and they just might tell a few others in the meantime. The presence of excellence will allow you to thrive, but the absence of excellence will cause you to die. It's a harsh but beautiful reality.

If you're a consumer (and we all are), don't fall for the "support" guilt trap. Demand excellence. Yes, try a new business. Give people a shot. Put them to the test. Give them the right to show you excellence, and hopefully earn the right to serve you again. That's the greatest gift you can give to a business. Give them the opportunity to serve you with excellence, not the other way around.

Suffer Now or Suffer (More) Later

The majority of how we adults view, perceive, and handle money originated in our childhoods. Whether we like it or not, we are a product of how we were raised. I see how this dynamic has played out in my life, and I've watched it play out in hundreds of people's lives I've had the honor of walking alongside.

Can we be honest? It's hard to watch our kids learn hard lessons. To watch them suffer, hurt, and face the consequences of their actions. We love our kids, and our instinct is to protect them from pain. With that said, we have two options: watch them suffer when they are young (when we're there to help them navigate and grow), or watch them suffer in adulthood (when the stakes are higher, the consequences steeper, and we're not there to save them).

We had one such lesson yesterday. While walking around a shopping center in Branson, MO, Pax found something he really, really, really, really(!!) wanted to buy. However, he didn't have enough money to buy it. This consequence hurt him deeply. He didn't understand why we couldn't just buy it for him, and he felt it was unfair he didn't have enough money. He was livid.

Why didn't he have enough money?

First, he spent other money on things he probably shouldn't have purchased. We try to guide him on some of his purchasing decisions, but ultimately, we must let him fail in this way as well. It's important to get a taste of buyer's remorse when you're young. Kids need to learn about opportunity cost. We can't have everything. For every dollar we spend on one thing, it's one less dollar we have to spend on something else. We need to allow our kids to feel that tension and be forced to make those decisions.

Second, he had less money in the first place. He could have had much more resources, but he repeatedly turned down opportunities to earn. Projects around the house, side jobs, etc. In the moment, not working seemed like a better decision than working......until he realized he needed the money. He immediately regretted not working as much.

Those two factors culminated in a perfect moment of pain for Pax yesterday. He faced the harsh reality that he couldn't afford the one thing he really wanted. It was a fantastic hard lesson, and I was there to console and coach him through it. A few hours later, after he had a chance to think about it, he told me he should probably do more work and asked if I thought he could make enough money to buy this toy soon. "Yeah, bud. We can absolutely make that happen."

This is life. Our kids will face these same challenges for decades, except the stakes will get steeper every step of the way. Whatever their ages, help them learn hard lessons while the consequences are smaller and you're there to walk alongside them. These are some of the best gifts you'll ever give them.

Sobering Reminders

The other day, I was sitting in my chair, pondering all the massive challenges I was simultaneously facing. I was overwhelmed, frustrated, and somewhat paralyzed. It all felt like too much. So I did what any self-sabotager would do: I pulled up social media. I decided to scroll for a few minutes to clear my mind. That's when I (luckily) stumbled upon this:

You know what this is? It's a sobering reminder of how blessed we are. Yeah, I was dealing with some crap that day. But my crap is nothing compared to what so many people have dealt with or are dealing with. Sometimes, we need a stark reminder of where we really stand. The moment I saw this post, it was like someone hit the reset button on me. I realized what I'm dealing with is child's play in the overall scheme of things. Yes, it's difficult. Yes, it's going to be an immense challenge. Yes, it will stretch me. However, I'm so unbelievably blessed. I'm grateful for the courage of those who came before me.

Gratitude is the only word that makes sense to me. When we look at the world through the lens of gratitude, there's no other option than to be positive and optimistic.....even when dealing with immense pain.

Whatever you're dealing with today, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you have this on your shoulders. I know first-hand that some of you are dealing with tremendous strife and turmoil. But you got this. I hope, through all of it, you're able to put your gratitude glasses on and see your situation through those lenses. It's not easy to do, but if you can, it will provide a much-needed jolt of positivity and optimism. I, for one, think you deserve that today.

When the Distraction is the Work

I returned home yesterday from a long but productive work trip to Houston. It was an unexpected trip. While at my friend Alex's wedding on Sunday evening, I received a call from my Texas client. After a few minutes of discussion, we decided I would hop on a flight the next day. I'm glad I made the trip, but it was a sudden shift in my work. Admittedly, because of this sudden trip, I didn't do a good job knocking out some of my other responsibilities earlier in the week. I felt terrible about it.

This isn't a pity party or a way for me to justify my failings. Rather, I need to set up what happened next. When I arrived at the airport yesterday, I hurried through security and on to the plane, where the plan was to crush all the work I whiffed on earlier in the week. I had a clear mission and a window to accomplish it. My goal was to serve people through the work I needed to do for them. However, something happened next. I got distracted.

I said hello to the older woman sitting beside me on the flight. We exchanged pleasantries as I was getting my computer situated for the onslaught of work I would soon crush. However, the pleasantries led to a much longer conversation. To summarize, she was traveling for very tragic reasons. Behind that was another tragic story, probably one of the saddest and most intense stories I've ever heard.

The truth is, I think she just needed someone to dump a lot of this on. She was carrying a heavy burden—so heavy, in fact, I don't even know how she was still standing. She needed to offload some of it, and I was that person. We had a wonderful talk, and she walked off the plane in great spirits.

However, I failed at my mission. My goal was to serve people with that time, but I got distracted. I whiffed again. In the middle of the flight, as I was beating myself up, I remembered a story a pastor friend once told me. He talked about how he was trying to get work done one day, but he encountered distraction after distraction. Person after person needed something, and he failed to complete his work. Then, a mentor figure reminded him of something: "The distraction is the work."

Yes, my job yesterday was to serve people. Yes, I got distracted from the tasks I was trying to accomplish. However, that distraction was the work for me yesterday afternoon. That's exactly where I needed to be. I did serve people with that time: her.

Life is funny like that. Often, we're so fixated on trying to do our work that we miss our most important work. I'm grateful my impatience, stubbornness, and narrow focus lost to my compassion yesterday. I did accomplish my work, but just not the work I had planned.

Sometimes, the distraction is the work. I need to remember that, and perhaps you do, too.