Suffer Now or Suffer (More) Later
The majority of how we adults view, perceive, and handle money originated in our childhoods. Whether we like it or not, we are a product of how we were raised. I see how this dynamic has played out in my life, and I've watched it play out in hundreds of people's lives I've had the honor of walking alongside.
Can we be honest? It's hard to watch our kids learn hard lessons. To watch them suffer, hurt, and face the consequences of their actions. We love our kids, and our instinct is to protect them from pain. With that said, we have two options: watch them suffer when they are young (when we're there to help them navigate and grow), or watch them suffer in adulthood (when the stakes are higher, the consequences steeper, and we're not there to save them).
We had one such lesson yesterday. While walking around a shopping center in Branson, MO, Pax found something he really, really, really, really(!!) wanted to buy. However, he didn't have enough money to buy it. This consequence hurt him deeply. He didn't understand why we couldn't just buy it for him, and he felt it was unfair he didn't have enough money. He was livid.
Why didn't he have enough money?
First, he spent other money on things he probably shouldn't have purchased. We try to guide him on some of his purchasing decisions, but ultimately, we must let him fail in this way as well. It's important to get a taste of buyer's remorse when you're young. Kids need to learn about opportunity cost. We can't have everything. For every dollar we spend on one thing, it's one less dollar we have to spend on something else. We need to allow our kids to feel that tension and be forced to make those decisions.
Second, he had less money in the first place. He could have had much more resources, but he repeatedly turned down opportunities to earn. Projects around the house, side jobs, etc. In the moment, not working seemed like a better decision than working......until he realized he needed the money. He immediately regretted not working as much.
Those two factors culminated in a perfect moment of pain for Pax yesterday. He faced the harsh reality that he couldn't afford the one thing he really wanted. It was a fantastic hard lesson, and I was there to console and coach him through it. A few hours later, after he had a chance to think about it, he told me he should probably do more work and asked if I thought he could make enough money to buy this toy soon. "Yeah, bud. We can absolutely make that happen."
This is life. Our kids will face these same challenges for decades, except the stakes will get steeper every step of the way. Whatever their ages, help them learn hard lessons while the consequences are smaller and you're there to walk alongside them. These are some of the best gifts you'll ever give them.