Meaning By Subtraction

In a recent post, I discussed the many things in my life that add value but don't cost an arm and a leg. I was trying to make the overarching point that we don't need to have or spend boatloads of money to live a meaningful and enjoyable life. 

Upon reading this post, many of you spent time inventorying your own list of things that add value to your life and sent them to me! I loved reading your lists. There were some overlaps with my list, but by and large, your lists were uniquely unique. There are so many fun and thoughtful things! This little exercise perfectly highlights how everyone has different values, and should behave with our money accordingly.

However, I noticed something! My list included all the things I pay to have/do that add value to my life. Many of you included things you pay to NOT have/do. Here are a few examples:

• "$80 to have my house cleaned"

• "Hiring someone to cut my lawn - $35 per week"

• "I occassionally pay for someone to come to my house to cook dinner for our family"

• "Paying $30 for someone else to shovel my drive while I relax with a hot coffee by the cozy fireplace."

• "Paying to have my groceries delivered. I hate grocery shopping!"

It's interesting how these items fall into the bucket of adding joy and value to people's lives. They aren't fun. They aren't getting something or creating an experience or memory. Rather, these items create time. Time is money, as they say. Or, through the lens of meaning, time is peace, margin, and freedom to pursue other things. So while these specific financial investments may not provide meaning and joy, they allow more time for the things that do (while possibly avoiding tasks that suck meaning and enjoyment from their lives). 

I love the depth of this self-reflection exercise. If you haven't already done so, I encourage you to take an inventory of all the things that add value, meaning, and enjoyment to your life, paying special attention to the free or inexpensive ones. Once you have this list formulated, lean into it. Intentionally add them to your budget and your schedule. Double down on these little, meaning-filled nuggets of value. 

Life is much more fun when we invest in the little things that brighten our day. Keep investing. They are worth their weight in gold, but luckily, they don't have to be as expensive!

Speaking of meaning-filled nuggets, I watch this live performance of Twenty One Pilots’ Holding On To You whenever I need a little pick-me-up! It’s free, and it’s life-giving stuff for me. Maybe you’ll enjoy it, too.

The Irony of Feeding Ourself

At the risk of being Captain Obvious here, I think feeding our family is important. You know, food on the table, a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, and transportation to get to and from. See, that was very Captian Obvious-y of me.

But it's true. Through the course of life, it's imperative that we find ways to create enough income to care for our family's basic needs. For this reason, and to no surprise, most people's primary objective for work is to financially provide. There are a lot of other good parts that fall into it (like meaning, fulfillment, relationships, etc.), but at a very core level, providing for one's family is key.

While I totally get why and how this happens, this instinctual need to provide can also be self-sabotaging. If we're not careful (and we often aren't), it causes us to focus on ourselves first, and others second. This behavioral dynamic is counter-productive when endeavoring to make an income, as we're being paid to add value to others. Therefore, the act of focusing on ourselves first makes us less valuable in the marketplace.

Therefore, I've adopted a saying that I use often with my clients....especially business owners. "The best way to feed ourselves is to feed others." Said another way, when we help people thrive, we subsequently get to thrive. When others win, we win. When we add value to an organization, value is added to our bank account. Cause and effect.

When we make it about us, we lose (albeit slowly in many cases). Instead, we should endeavor to add value, add more value, and maybe add a bit more value. Then, we will undoubtedly get fed. It’s hard to view work through this lens, but when we do, it changes everything.

The best way to win is to help others win. I hope you help a lot of people win today!

The Subway Roulette of Life

Confession: I'm obsessed with subways. As a kid who grew up in a small farm town, the mere idea of a subway blew my mind. We board a secret train and are violently propelled through a hidden underground tunnel through a labyrinth of routes, intersections, and stations. It mesmerized me then….and still does!

However, it's what happens next that most fascinated me. After the train stops, we walk up a set of stairs and enter an entirely new world. We descend from one world, and ascend into a completely different one. New sights, new people, new scenery, new vibe. Still to this day, I get a euphoric feeling when walking out of a subway station.

New York, Hong Kong, London, Prague, Paris, and Beijing. I've spent meaningful time on all these systems, and I've felt like a little kid each time. Sometimes, I'll hop into a subway tunnel and pick a destination station at random just so I can be surprised by whatever I find at the top of the stairs. Some of the best experiences, meals, and memories are tied to a little game I like to call Subway Roulette. It's a choose-your-own-adventure game, but we don't really know what we're choosing until we arrive.

First time boarding the Hong Kong subway with our dear friends, the Hoags & Keungs

Life is the same way! We have so many choices. An infinite number of decisions with an infinite number of possible outcomes. And they are just that: choices. Each day, we have the opportunity to make thousands of decisions that can alter our life. The ball is in our hands.

The scary part, though, is that just like in Subway Roulette, we don't know what's waiting for us on the other side of our decisions. We might have a guess. We can picture it in our head. We can somewhat orient ourselves around the idea. We can even try to shape it just the way we want. However, it's a complete mystery until we get there.

Our parenting journey is a perfect example of this concept. Sarah and I talked about having kids on our first date! Becoming parents was one of the focal points of our relationship. We would start having kids around 30, have 2-3, then be done by 35. We were so naive and foolish! But we set our little plan into motion, not really knowing what was at the top of those stairs. Little did we know that infertility would gut us from the inside out. It was a long and grueling journey.

Five years into our battle to become parents, I remember waking up on my 35th birthday with a deep sadness. So much for my plan! It was a mess....I was a mess....we were a mess. But fast forward just three months, and we were shocked and blessed with the adoption of two little baby boys. "2-3 kids, then be done by 35." Our dream came true.....in the most unexpected way possible. God has a sense of humor.

Life is Subway Roulette. Make the best choices possible, hold on, and embrace what's on the other side of those stairs.

Joyful Bang For the Buck

I had an epiphany last week while cruising around in the new ride. It almost seems illegal to have this much fun driving a car that cost me $9,000 (plus $41/month for insurance). It's been an absolute blast, and I can't wait to find excuses to hop in and get on the road. Sarah needs a gallon of milk? Great! There's a prescription at the drug store ready for pick-up? You bet! One of the kids needs to be dropped off at a friend's house? I got you! 

This entire experience has me thinking about the correlation between money and fun. Or, as many people put it, money and "enjoying life." The narrative is we need money to enjoy life. It's this very narrative that causes millions of Americans to live in a perpetual state of misery so they can afford xyz fun thing. Why? To "enjoy life." I find it tremendously ironic that we'll intentionally live in misery for the privilege of having money to enjoy life. I would argue we should just cut to the chase and live an enjoyable life....period. 

Along those same lines, I've been reflecting on everything in my life that give me joy, happiness, and value. Based on my experience, the best things in life rarely cost much (if anything). I'll share a partial list of mine, and I encourage you to think about yours:

• Pick-up basketball with Pax: Free

• Lego time with Finn: Free

• Netflix time with Sarah: $15/month

• Coffee and a newspaper on a Saturday morning: $3

• A nice glass of bourbon: $4

• Lunch with a friend: $12

• Sunday mornings at church with my people: Free

• A good book: $7 at my local used bookstore

• Engaging with friends on social media: Free

• A walk on a nice spring day: Free

• Publishing our podcast: Free

• Writing this blog: Free

• Listening to Twenty One Pilots music: $15/month

• Listening to podcasts: Free

• A Northern Vessel cortado and donut: $6

• Watching my Cyclones on TV: Free

Each of these things adds tremendous value to my life. I'm grateful for each, and I recognize none have a high financial bar. Sure, I could splurge on a fancy meal, an elaborate trip, or an extravagant purchase. There's nothing wrong with any of these things, but they aren't a prerequisite to living a fun and meaningful life. 

Money doesn't create meaning; meaning creates meaning. Find the little things in life that add value and aggressively invest in them. Don't fall for the lie that we need to spend tons of money to "enjoy life." Instead, simply enjoy life. There's so much to savor and appreciate. Have a wonderful day!

What We Don’t Know WILL Hurt Us

According to a recent Northwestern Mutual survey, Americans believe they will need approximately $1.46M in their investment portfolio to comfortably retire.

As I suspected, personal finance social media is abuzz about this. There's a wild debate about whether this average number of $1.46M is enough. Financial experts are quick to use the 4% rule, which I agree is a prudent way to find a quick rule-of-thumb answer. To summarize, there's a principle in the investment world that says when we start to withdraw money from a large block of invested capital, we can take an amount equal to 4% of our total investment portfolio in the first year, then adjust that dollar amount upward for inflation each year after that. If we follow that strategy, statistically speaking, we shouldn't run out of money during our lifetime.

Let's use a real example. If we have $1.46M in our portfolio when we retire, 4% of that number is $58,400. In other words, a family who retires today with a $1.46M portfolio can generate an annual income of $58,400. This decision has more considerations and nuance, but that's a pretty fair back-of-the-envelope rule of thumb.

This is where the experts came unglued. "You can't retire on $58,000/year!!!!!" In short, people focused on what balance is needed to achieve the annual income they deemed acceptable. Many concluded that $2.0M ($80,000/year retirement income) or even $2.5M ($100,000/year retirement income) is adequate.

Through all this discourse about the appropriate level of retirement lifestyle, they failed to consider the most important factor of all: inflation. Let's go back to the above example. As I mentioned, according to the 4% rule, if someone retires today with a $1.46M portfolio, they could generate an annual retirement income of $58,400. There's one key word in my last sentence...."today." Whether you believe $58,400/year is an acceptable number or not, $58,400 today is not the same as $58,400 in 10 years.....or 20 years.....or 30 years.

If you're 50 and want to retire at 60, that $1.46M portfolio will still generate an annual income of $58,400. However, due to inflation, $58,400 in 10 years will feel like $43,500 feels like today.

If you're 40 today, that same $58,400 at age 60 will feel like $32,300 feels like today. Ouch!

If you're 30 today, that same $58,400 at age 60 will feel like $24,000 feels like today. Uh oh!

Can you see the problem here? Millions of people have a belief structure that, even if they actually meet their goals, are unknowingly barreling toward a challenging situation.

What we don't know WILL hurt us. This sentiment applies to this topic, and others. That doesn't mean we need to become experts in all areas, but gaining awareness of the bigger picture is often the gateway to being better and having better. For that reason, I'm grateful you're here. I hope to provide context and perspective in a few of these areas, but we should all seek other places to grow in other areas as well.

What other resources/content (money or not) do you enjoy consuming on a regular basis?

A Leprechaun, a Mermaid, and Loch Ness Walk into a Bar

"I'm living my dream!" 

I've heard this exact phrase from three people in the last two weeks. It's hard to imagine how four simple words can have such profound ripple effects. Considering seven out of ten Americans dislike or hate their job, it's pretty rare to find people who voluntarily say they are living their dream.

Yet, people do it every day—I see them with my own eyes! Unicorns exist, leprechauns are real, mermaids aren't figments of our imagination, Bigfoot is stomping around in remote woods, and the Loch Ness Monster is swimming just below the surface. 

There's a very real and heavy cultural pushback against any narrative suggesting we can successfully pursue meaning over money. It seems so far-fetched. We're told it's impossible to live with deep meaning without going broke, so why even bother? We're encouraged to find something "good enough" and hold onto it for dear life. It could be worse, right? Sure, we might not like our life and our work, but it could suck a whole lot more! Therefore, compromise, lower the bar, and dilute your dreams. This is the message jammed down our throats, day in and day out. 

Yet, I regularly encounter people living it out in the most beautiful and counter-cultural ways. To call these people encouraging would be the understatement of a lifetime. I dare call them heroes. 

I have a new tradition. Every time someone tells me they are living their dream, I ask them a few questions. First, I ask what part(s) of their life they are referring to. What constitutes "living my dream?" It's usually a combination of work, family, friends, and serving (never money). Then, I ask them the juicy question: How?

Today, I want to give you a little glimpse into how these dream livers answer this question. How have they managed to live their dream? Here's what they said:

• Know and believe that our dream life DOES exist.....it IS possible. 

• Define what we truly want.....and why. It's hard to hit a target we can't see. Know what matters.

• Make very intentional decisions. Whether they are small decisions or huge decisions, ensure our choices align with our dreams. "Will this pull me closer or push me further from my vision?"

• Pray about it....and pray for it.

• Watch doors open, watch doors close. When an opportunity doesn't work out, it's not a failure. It just means a door is closing.....and other doors will surely open. 

• Don't be afraid to walk through the doors. The unknown is scary, but regret is scarier. 

• Don't let money dictate our steps. Yes, we must make enough to live, but money isn't the objective. Sometimes, we need to make choices that will (at least temporarily) hurt our finances. Always meaning over money.

• Allow the dream to change as we change. It's not etched in stone, and can be a moving target.

• It probably won't be easy. A dream life is often a hard life.

Are you living your dream life? If not, just know that unicorns ARE real. 

“Daddy, When Does the New Month Start?”

I received at least a dozen messages about yesterday's post. Specifically, people were curious how we have open financial conversations with our kids (at age-appropriate levels) while avoiding them feeling the weight of it.

It reminds me of a recent interaction in my house. As I was working on something, Finn approached me with a question. "Daddy, when does the new month start?" "In about a week, bud. Why?" "I want to go to Chuck-E-Cheese to play games. Can we put it in the budget next month?"

I loved his heart in the question. There's something important to him. He recognizes it costs money. He also knows we handle our finances with intentionality. Therefore, he asked if we could prioritize it in the budget.

My response to him? "Of course we can, bud. But we might actually still have money left in the kids category this month. If we do, we should totally go to Chuck-E-Cheese today." I opened the budgeting app and we looked at how much was left. $75! He celebrated wildly, and then a few hours later, we shared laughs over Chuck-E-Cheese games." Side note: Did you know they recently got rid of their creepy animatronic band? I was so mad. Despite being terrifying, that dysfunctional band was a fun remnant of my childhood.

The narrative of our family's money conversations is intentional. We never use the phrase "We can't afford it." Those four words are the ultimate parenting shut-down. It wins the conversation every time. However, it also confuses our kids. For example, if our kid asks for a $30 Lego set and we respond with "We can't afford it," the child may think we literally don't have $30. It also leads them to believe that if we did have $30, we would 100% buy it. It's a weird narrative for kids to wrestle. All the while, we parents are oblivious to how these comments impact them.

Instead, we should talk about money through the lens of intentionality and prioritization. If our kids want something we aren't willing to buy right now, Sarah and I respond that "it's not in the budget this month." We CAN afford it, but it's not part of the plan right now. From there, we can choose not to prioritize it, or discuss adding it to a future budget. Either way, approaching things from the intentionality angle staves off the "I want it now" syndrome.

When we take this approach with our children, they learn the importance of patience, prioritization, planning, delayed gratification, communication, and responsibility. They also learn it's okay to buy fun things. We don't demonize wants. We don't treat fun purchases as wasteful. It's all part of developing a healthy perspective around spending, saving, and giving. Spending on fun things is important.....but it must be done responsibly. Even a seven-year-old can comprehend this if approached well.

Parents, what say you? I'd love to hear your feedback on this topic and any other ideas for engaging in healthy money conversations with your kids.

Don’t Let the Kids Feel It

Today was (hopefully) the last of a string of dentist appointments for one of our kids. It's been an expensive few months. We're grateful for our medical sinking fund, but it's starting to put some pressure on our monthly budget.

Today's post isn't a sob story about our recent medical costs. Instead, it's about something often associated with expensive times in life. When these situations arise, it's common to discuss them verbally. Communication is good. Conversation is good. Discourse is good. All good.....with one exception. We need to ensure the kids don't feel it.

We parents, whether intentionally or unintentionally, are placing immense guilt on our children. Kids feel the weight of this burden. They carry it perpetually. "Do you know how much this is costing us?" "Wow, that appointment was expensive." "We're paying a lot of money for you to ____."

These single, seemingly innocent comments can have a detrimental effect on our kids. I have clients who share stories about remarks made by their parents 25 years ago, and as a result, they've refused to accept any help or aid from them ever since. These are deep wounds. Kids, turned teens, turned adults who feel like they are a burden to their own parents. Their parents probably haven't even thought twice about their seemingly innocent comment since the moment it left their mouth 25 years ago, yet it's impacting their relationship decades later. That's how powerful the weight of this guilt feels to our kids.

While I will openly discuss finances with my kids (to varying degrees), I will never openly discuss how an activity/expense tied to them impacts us. We need to let our yes be yes, and our no be no. Sports and school activities are a prime example of this. It's common for parents to say yes to something, but then perpetually hold it over their kids' heads. I know parents aren't doing it to be intentionally hurtful. Rather, they do it as an incentive or an act of accountability for the child to follow through. But I also know the damage it's causing to our young people.

Don't share that burden with them. Share it with each other. Share it with a friend. Share it with me. Just don't share it with them. They aren't yet able to process something like that in a healthy way. Let them remain kids. Say no if you need to say no, but please don't say and then hang it over them. Future you will be grateful for this choice when your kids haven't carried that unknown guilt for decades.

You got this, parents! It's not easy, but it's worth it.

Beware the Guilt Monsters

I recently gave a gift to someone, an acquaintance. It was a cool gift. It was a thoughtful gift. It was an impactful gift. It was a somewhat impulsive gift. As I usually do with giving, I will keep the details of this one confidential. For the sake of this piece, let's say it costs around $300. In any event, this gift significantly moved the recipient. It's unique, personal to them, totally unexpected, and meets them exactly where they need to be met. Huge win! (Side note: This gift made me happier than any personal use of this money could have possibly derived.)

Then, something else happened. Someone heard about this gift and hit me with, "It's not fair that you only gave to them." Ah, yes, this is where the guilt monsters come out to play. You know about the guilt monsters, don't you? They are the little comments, actions, and reactions that often circle moments of fortune or generosity. Sometimes, they are levied intentionally, while other times, it's bit more subconscious. Either way, it's a subtle way for people to say, "What about me?"

Guilt is a terrible boss. If we give in to the guilt monsters, two things can happen:

1. It alters our giving behavior to the point where we make gifts we wouldn't otherwise make, primarily to stave off the guilt monsters. 

2. It impairs our giving behavior by making it easier not to give than to give. After all, the guilt monsters won't come out to play if we simply refuse to be generous. 

Both of these outcomes are bad! In the first scenario, gifts are made to reduce guilt (instead of maximizing impact). In the second scenario, giving decreases or stops altogether. 

It's imperative that we tune out the guilt monsters. They aren't stopping, that's for sure. In fact, as you venture deeper into your generosity journey, it will only increase. To be frank, it sucks. There's no other way around it. On the flip side, however, the guilt monsters are a great indicator of where our giving shouldn't go. Whenever someone puts guilt on us, it should be an immediate red flag that they aren't in a healthy position to receive generosity. Good to know! It sucks, but it just helps us better fine-tune where our gifts should and shouldn't be made. 

One last thought on the guilt monsters. At some point, after ignoring the guilt monsters long enough, they don't seem to pester us as much. They realize their guilt monstering (I just coined the verb) doesn't work, so they need to guilt someone else. 

Don't let the toxic words, actions, and reactions of others break your generous spirit. If anything, let it embolden you. Double down on your giving. Nah, strike that. Triple down on your giving! Serve those who you are called to serve, do it with a joyful heart, use whatever you have to make an impact, and never lose sight of the meaning. 

Don’t Fall for the Facade

We had a wonderful Easter church service yesterday morning. It's always a special day, and we're grateful for the opportunity to celebrate. It was fun crossing paths with many friends who were also there to celebrate the big day. Based on what they saw, most people probably believed we were having an amazing Easter Sunday. They would have been terribly wrong. It was a facade. We were in the midst of one of the worst days of our parenting lives. We were absolutely miserable. Grateful, but miserable.

When I say facade, I'm not referring to an intentional act of deception. Rather, people don't know what they don't know—a half-truth of sorts. We weren't trying to be disingenuous; we were just trying to live life. Meanwhile, some people who saw us appearing to be having a great day were also having a harder day than was visible on the surface.

That's the dilemma - and danger - of facades. We watch everyone's perfectly curated lives, very well knowing how imperfect things are behind our home's front door. It can be demoralizing. Self-talk creeps in. Doubt can take over. We begin asking ourselves why our life sucks so badly compared to our friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors.

Social media only escalates this dynamic. Social media allows us the opportunity to perfectly and intentionally curate what gets shared with the world. It puts this entire concept on steroids, blasts it out to hundreds or thousands of people, and then gets further juiced by the positive reinforcement of likes and comments.

This is also an ever-increasing problem when it comes to money. I regularly hear people put certain families on a pedestal, essentially viewing them as the pinnacle of success. They drive the best cars, live in the biggest houses, wear the nicest clothes, go on the fanciest trips, and have the perfect kids. You know who I'm talking about! I get an interesting perspective in my work. I get an intimate, up-close perspective of what really goes on behind the curtain. Here's what I can tell you. Looks can be oh-so deceiving. That perfect family that you unfairly compare yourself with? All is not what it seems.

Behind the appearance of wealth and success is often stress, turmoil, financial tension, growing debt, lack of career freedom, and marital strife. I'm not saying this to demean any family. I have so much empathy for these families. I'm not trying to knock them off some perceived pedestal. Instead, I want to encourage you to stop comparing yourself to someone else's half-truth facade. There's more going on than you know, and it's probably not as rosy as it appears.

On the other hand, perhaps we should try living with a little less facade. I'm not advocating that we air all our dirty laundry to every listening ear, but maybe we can be a bit less curated and a little more authentic. Let's be ok with our imperfections. Our lives aren't perfect, but neither is theirs.

Your Far-Fetched Life

When I started publicly sharing ideas, stories, and insights, I never anticipated the amount of active pushback I'd receive. Perhaps I was naive, but I missed the mark by a mile on that one. Whenever you share ideas publicly, you (knowingly or unknowingly) open the door for reciprocating feedback from the public.

The feedback ranges from encouraging to discouraging, serious to humorous, and loving to hateful. If I had a nickel for every time someone told me to "go eff yourself," I'd have a lot of nickels. My favorite all-time comment was when someone said my wife was going to have an affair and leave me for her CrossFit trainer. That would be sad, so let's hope something like that doesn't happen. Luckily, Sarah doesn't do CrossFit....

However, one common piece of feedback stings a bit. It doesn't sting because it hurts me, or I take offense to it. Rather, it stings because I feel terrible for people who feel that way. It's when people tell me these ideas of meaning over money are "far-fetched," "out of touch," or "unattainable." It's not that they don't want to prioritize meaning over money, but they don't believe it's even a possible path. Thus, they must concede to a life of chasing money and throwing away decisions that provide meaning.

I don't feel any anger toward these people. More than anything, I have empathy. I wish I could shake them and show them first-hand how much better their lives could be. I wish I could be like one of the ghosts on A Christmas Carol who can teleport the person to their alternate reality and peep at what it looks like. I want them to see, touch, and feel it with their own eyes, hands, and hearts.

I don't believe what I believe simply because I've lived it in my own life. A sample size of one is too small to rely on, and it would be foolish for me to believe my way is the right way. Instead, I've been privileged to watch hundreds of people follow a similar path. Friends, clients, podcast listeners, blog readers, social media DMs, and people who approach me at my speaking events. Hundreds!

Like the countless clients who made drastic 180-degree shifts in their careers to aggressively pursue meaning when they knew it would likely result (at least initially) in far less money.

Like the young man in New Zealand who DM'd me out of the blue to tell me he discovered the podcast, binged 70 episodes in two weeks, and it changed his life, career, and marriage—not because of me, but because of meaning.

Like YOU, the blog readers, who generously and repeatedly share profound stories about choosing meaning when seemingly everyone advises you to do the opposite. People see what you're doing. You're l bending the culture.

You are normalizing a "far-fetched" life, one decision, one story, one impactful act, and one meaningful day at a time.

Tyler Joseph Cuts Me Again

Much to my delight, Twenty One Pilots released another single this week. This song, Next Semester, has a 90s punk rock beat (think Blink 182). That's not necessarily my style, but Tyler Joseph has a way of creating powerful experiences in unexpected ways. Next Semester is a deeply powerful and emotional song that cuts to the core of what many of us experience along our journey: mistakes, fear, anxiety, doubt, and regret. Also, like many of their songs, there's a strong lean into faith.

One lyric repeated multiple times is, "Can't change what you've done. Start fresh next semester." This one cuts to the core, as most of us carry many regrets. We've done things we wish we could undo....but we can't. That's a deeply depressing and frustrating reality.

However, Tyler's next words are the key element: "Start fresh next semester." While we can't change the past, every day is an opportunity to carve a new path—a continual second chance.

The lyrics and emotion of the song cut through me in so many ways. I think about all the mistakes I've made in my life—deep, painful, and life-altering mistakes. Decisions I wish could be erased or reversed. I think most of us have similar feelings about moments in our past.

I also think about my coaching work. When I meet couples face-to-face and discuss deeply personal topics such as money, marriage, and careers, many regrets and past mistakes rise to the surface. These past events have a habit of taking hold of us and influencing our behavior, perspective, and decisions (often in toxic ways).

These elephants in the room can sabotage us every step of the way. I don't mean to sound overly dramatic, but they can be haunting....and destructive. For this reason, it's imperative that we confront our guilt and regrets head-on.

First, we can't play the woulda, coulda, shoulda game. We can't what-if our way into a healthy place. Unless we have a Delorian (call me if you do!), the past is 100% cemented in time. We must reckon with the reality that we can do nothing about it.

Second, and more importantly, we can choose to step into a different, better, and brighter future. Remember, making no choice is still making a choice. Something will happen to us tomorrow, whether proactively or reactively.....whether actively or passively….whether good or bad. It won't stay the same. Tomorrow's coming, and it's going to alter our path one way or another.

Once we accept this idea, we can embrace a better future we most certainly deserve. This, right here, is where people's lives change. I've seen it play out in hundreds of people's lives. Whether it's debt, a dead-end career, living month-to-month, stuck in a bad relationship, or failing to get a needed education, better is out there for you.

Can't change what you've done. Let go of the regret. The past is the past.

Start fresh next semester. Tomorrow is a new day. Make it the beginning of something beautiful.

Creativity is a Renewable Resource

18 months ago, while enjoying a coffee with my close friend and mentor, Gary Hoag, I confided that I was struggling with my writing. Specifically, I struggled finding the time and the ideas to publish 2-3 pieces per month. His advice was simple and absurd: "Just write every day." Ah yes, why didn't I think of that!?!? I don't have time or ideas to write 2-3 times per month, so let's go ahead and write 30 times per month. Does this sound as crazy to you as it did to me? To be honest, I'd probably jump off a cliff if Gary suggested it. For that reason, and perhaps combined with a momentary lapse in judgment, I took his advice.

Today is my 500th article published in 500 days. It feels weird even typing that. 238,000 words sent into cyberspace, hoping to move the needle in someone's life. It started with a handful of people already subscribed to my previous blog (plus a few new pity follows from friends and family). Fast forward 500 days and the addition of many new faces, and The Daily Meaning has been e-mailed 62,000 times (plus however many people have stopped by the website to read it). Wow…just wow!

Out of curiosity, I just Googled, "What is a normal open rate for e-mail newsletters?" Depending on the source, anything between 15%-25% should be viewed as "good." In other words, if 1,000 e-mails are sent, it would be a success if 150-250 of them are opened. Not you guys, though….. you're built differently. Of the 62,000 e-mails that have been sent, approximately 70% have been opened. What!?!? I noticed this trend early on, and it's boggled my mind ever since. To say I'm grateful would be the world's biggest understatement. Releasing this blog into the world each morning, and the engagement you show in return, is one of the biggest joys of my life. I never take that opportunity (and responsibility) for granted.

If there's one lesson I've learned from this crazy endeavor, it's this: creativity is a renewable resource. In the past, I would have tightly held my "good ideas" while seeking the perfect time to release them into the world. It was a form of hoarding, in some sense. But it does no good stuck in my brain. On the flip side, sharing our creativity is an act of generosity. It allows the opportunity to make a difference and add value to people's lives.

Something else happens when we release our creativity into the world. It's like pruning a shrub. After we prune a shrub, there's less plant remaining; we took something away. In short order, however, it grows faster, fuller, and better. Creativity is much the same way. When we share something with the world, we're initially left with less. However, the act of sharing spurs our creativity to grow faster, fuller, and better. It's the ultimate renewable resource.

Yes, you're creative. Whether you're a traditional creative (artist, photographer, musician, etc.) or someone who views yourself as "not a creative person," you ARE creative. You have something to share. Something that matters. Something that will add value to other people's lives. Share it. Just share it. It's a renewable resource.

The Drink That Satiates

When I was a kid, I distinctly remember an advertising battle between Coke and Pepsi. The rivalry ran so deep that they would openly bash one another in their TV and print ads (at least that's how my questionable childhood brain remembers it). Anyway, one of the nuances I remember playing out was this back-and-forth debate about taste tests. Despite Coke being the overwhelmingly favorite drink of consumers, Pepsi continually (and oddly) produced results showing they were preferred in taste tests.

Here's where things get interesting, and it has to do with one particular word: "taste." Pepsi would win taste tests, yet people would buy Coke. Why? People don't taste pop; they drink it. Pepsi's taste was more appealing (dare I say sexy?), but it wasn't satiating. The surface-level appeal works great as long as you're just tasting it......but that's not how the product is consumed.

Happiness is the same thing. It tastes great. It's extremely appealing....even sexy. We violently pursue it with our actions and behaviors (often counterproductively). But just like Pepsi, it's not satiating. And like our pop-drinking experience, we're not in the tasting business. We don't taste life.....we drink it….we live it.

This is why, in my humble but convicted opinion, we often live with a void in our lives. We do everything we can to fill this void with happiness, but happiness is fleeting. I drove my new (to me) 350Z for a bit yesterday. It was only 36 degrees out, but I rolled the top down and cranked up the Twenty One Pilots. It made me happy. It was pure fun. It was also fleeting. That's not to demean the experience or treat it as if it doesn't matter. Rather, it's fair to recognize money, stuff, and status cannot satiate us. They can provide a momentary jolt of happiness (tastes great!), but it doesn't fill the void.

It's okay to taste the Pepsis of life. They taste good! They're appealing. They're fun. Absolutely nothing wrong with that! On the flip side, we need to recognize those things can never and will never satiate. They aren't the prescription for what ails us. They aren't the solution to fill the void.

Instead, what we're really searching for meaning and fulfillment. We're looking for something that motivates us to get out of bed and gives us the opportunity to make a difference. That idea takes a few different forms. First, generosity. Generosity fills our tanks unlike any material self-satisfying purchase can. Generosity always wins, and the giver is often the biggest beneficiary of the gift. Second, we need to pursue work that matters. Not work that pays a ton. Not work that gives us status. Not work that's fun. Not work that's easy. Work that matters. Using our gifts and passions to make a difference. Be productive. Add value to others. It’s simple, but powerful.

That's the Coke of life. It's not as appealing or sexy, and it doesn't give us that instant jolt, but man, it satiates! Drink up!

Smooth Out Your Lumpy Stuff

A few days ago, I wrote about my recent car maintenance frustrations. It was a bit unexpected, but I received a wave of messages from people asking for more insight on how to execute this concept. 

First, what's the purpose of a sinking fund? A sinking fund is another name for an account funded over time for a specific future expense. These expenses don't happen every month, but you know they will happen at some point. It's not a matter of IF, but WHEN (and how much). I call them "lumpy" expenses. The goal is to smooth out the lumpy by slowly and steadily funding them over time, eliminating (or significantly reducing) the stress experienced when situations arise. Common sinking fund categories include car, house, travel, medical, giving, and kid activities. Each of these categories has a habit of sneaking up on us. When they do, these sudden and unexpected expenses sabotage our disposable income.....zapping our ability to make progress in other areas.

Here's a step-by-step of the mechanics:

1. Set up a separate savings/checking account for your desired category and name it accordingly. Most credit unions will let you set up multiple accounts, but most banks won't (with the exception of Wells Fargo). If your bank doesn't, I recommend CapitalOne's 360 Performance Savings.

2. Allocate money in your budget for this category. The amount can be steady or vary by month, but it must be included in the budget. 

3. Just like you pay your electric bill, you pay your sinking fund. Whatever dollar amount you budget gets transferred to the sinking fund. I prefer to automate these transactions.

4. When expenses arise for a particular sinking fund category, use your primary checking account to pay the expense. 

5. Immediately after paying for the expense, instruct your sinking fund to send that amount back to your checking account, essentially reimbursing your checking account from the sinking fund. 

6. Repeat. 

I'll share an example of my car fund from this month. For 19 years, I've budgeted (and automated) a monthly transfer from my primary checking account into my car fund. We currently budget $250/month. After March's $250 contribution (completed on 3/6), our car fund balance was $2,487. Then, we got hit with a hat trick of car bills: $806 for brakes on my main car, $356 for known issues with my new car, and $218 for the unknown issue with my new car. I budgeted $250, but got hit with $1,380 of actual expenses.....ouch! This situation would have crushed our budget had we not had a sinking fund. Instead, I simply reimbursed my checking account from my car fund for each, resulting in a total monthly car fund expense of $250 (the original planned contribution). It took something extremely lumpy and made it smooth. It went from a potential disaster to a minor inconvenience. Below is an image of how we executed it in our budget. 

Setting up these extra accounts and steps may appear to make things more complex, but you'll quickly see how truly simplifying (and freeing) it can be! Best of luck smoothing out your lumpy stuff!

Maximize Your Life, Not Your Income

Career shifts are scary. They are an act of trust. We're leaving something familiar and transitioning to the unknown. When considering a career shift, conventional wisdom says we need to build up our future income until it meets or exceeds our current income, then jump ship. This advice is repeatedly and confidently bestowed by one of our culture's most prominent financial gurus.

I couldn't disagree more with this strategy. It's a form of anchoring. Whether we're currently making $50,000 or $500,000, we're told that's the hurdle. That's the threshold for success. We need to recreate this level of income in our new chapter of life. Why? What's the point? So we can live the very same lifestyle? So we can continue making the same amount of financial progress? Regardless of the answer, the point of this idea is to maximize our income. Culture is fine if we want to change jobs, but only if we continue to make as much money as possible.

Again, I couldn't disagree more. Instead of maximizing our income, I believe we should maximize our lives. When I left my prior career nearly five years ago, our family took a 90% pay cut (when we had twin two-year-olds). That was one of the scariest things we've ever done. Not only did we not follow conventional wisdom, we blatantly disrespected it. People were quite unhappy with this decision. People who love me dearly. People who were terrified for our family's fate.

When Sarah and I made that switch, not only could we not maintain the same lifestyle and financial progress as before, but we literally didn't make enough income to pay our monthly bills. It took seven months to claw our way to a place where our monthly income was enough to pay for our basic needs. Again, that was terrifying!

The only reason we could physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and relationally do this is because we weren't trying to maximize our income. We were trying to maximize our life. And maximize we did! It was the hardest thing we've ever done but also the most rewarding. It allowed us to live with meaning, create impact, and unlock a richer life.

As I'm writing this, I'm thinking about several friends who desperately want to make career shifts. They are passionate and brilliant at their craft. They will surely change the world. Their future is brighter than the sun. Just one problem, though. They are falling for the lie. They have been led to believe their new income must match their current income before making the shift. They don't. That's ridiculous. Each of them could make the shift today, and their lives would immediately benefit (as would the lives of those whom they would subsequently serve with their gifts and passions). They don't even need to take a 90% pay cut. For most, it's 10%, 20%, or maybe even 30%. Small price to pay for a life of meaning and impact.

If you're reading this, you know who you are! Do it! This is your time!

The Kids Feel It

There's one statistic that lives rent-free in my head. I've mentioned it multiple times on this blog, in the podcast, and in my keynote talk. According to a Gallup poll, 70% of Americans dislike or hate their job. It's actually higher than 70% since they recommissioned the study post-COVID, but 70% is a nice round number and rolls off the tongue. 7 out of 10 Americans!!! It's bonkers. It's also normalized in our culture. Not only is it ok to perpetually hate our work, but we believe that's how it's supposed to be.

Do you know who doesn't find it acceptable? Our kids. In fact, they profoundly feel the impact of our work. We parents might think our kids are isolated from the realities of our work, but that's a naive notion.

I first became aware of this dynamic when I began my tenure as a youth group leader. Without fail, kids would constantly bring up their parents' work (and rarely in a good way). When this happened, the conversation didn't revolve around how it impacted the parent. Instead, it was about all the ripple effects impairing the family. The parent is always in a bad mood. The parents were stressed and fighting. A parent is always working and doesn't have time for their kids. So many deeply woven implications.

This post, however, was inspired by a different sort of conversation I recently had. I was talking to a seven-year-old. It was a silly, meandering conversation, as often happens with first-graders. Then, this little boy randomly dropped a different sort of comment as his smile vanished. "My mom is really stressed at work. I don't like seeing her like this all the time. I just wish she would get a new job."

I don't know this kid's parents. I've never met them. But the look on his face spoke volumes. A few more comments were solemnly shared about this situation, and then the conversation suddenly shifted back to fart jokes and superheroes.

Parents, our kids deserve better than this. We can try to hide our work reality from our children, but it leaks into every area of life. This makes sense. If we spend half our waking hours living somewhere between mere tolerance and absolute disgust, it inevitably shows through.

There's one other consequence. If 70% of us parents dislike or hate our job, and if it truly does leak into the other areas of life (which our kids see and feel), it creates a generational implication. We are raising our children to believe work is an inherently bad thing, a necessary evil. It's something we have to do, and it sucks. It's supposed to suck. I'm watching this dynamic play out in real-time with youth group kids, former youth group kids, and fellow parents. Our culture is completely polluted by the idea that work is bad. It's a shame.

This piece isn't my condemnation of parents. Rather, it's a rallying cry. Your kids deserve better. But first, you deserve better!

Not All Roses and Sunshine

I'm sad to report it's not been all roses and sunshine here in Nissan 350Z-ville. I wish I could tell you I've been happily cruising around in my sweet new (to me) ride for the last few weeks, but that hasn't been the case. 

Shortly after bringing the car home from Texas, I took it to my trusted mechanic to address some known issues (and inspect it for the unknown). It was a mixed bag of results, but all was well....or so I thought. I reunited with the car the following day, excited to run my list of errands (top down, of course). 

Less than one hour after picking it up, something happened.....and by something, I mean the car wouldn't start. Oh crap! I pulled into the post office to check my PO box. Two minutes later, I couldn't get the car to start. It was dead dead. Crap crap! After some failed troubleshooting, my mechanic hired a tow truck to make the drive of shame to his shop (where it would have to sit over the weekend before getting a formal diagnosis). 

Long story short, a little piece of rubber in the clutch wore out. The car is 18 years old, and I suppose that's what happens to things after nearly two decades of life. This little piece of rubber, the size and shape of a Lifesaver, notifies a sensor that the clutch is pressed and it's ok to start the car. When the dumb little Lifesaver broke, my car didn't think I had the clutch engaged. Thus, it wouldn't even turn over. 

I'm glad it was a minor issue, but it wasn't cheap. The entire process took six days (it was hard to get a new Lifesaver) and $200 (including the tow). Ouch! 

This isn't a sob story—far from it. I'm blessed to have this car, and we sign up for this when we own vehicles. It's not all roses and sunshine. Things happen; life happens. I'm talking about cars, but I'm talking about far more than cars, too. Things happen; life happens.

Since there's nothing we can do to stop life from happening, we have two choices:

1. Allow life to beat us up, rip us apart, and cause us much stress and turmoil. 

2. Anticipate life happening and be prepared to soften the blow(s).

In the financial world, this looks like sinking funds. I don't know when my car will break, or how much it will cost, but I know it's coming. Therefore, for the last 19 years, I've allocated money in my monthly budget for car repairs. Then, I literally move it to a special savings account for that purpose only. I uncreatively call that account "car fund." Subsequently, when (not if) my car breaks, the money is already set aside to pay for it. 

It turned my expensive week from a potential disaster to a minor inconvenience. It's not all roses and sunshine, but it doesn't have to feel like a downpour. What area(s) of your life do you need a sinking fund? They can change everything!

Elon Musk Today, Homeless Tomorrow

I had a great time catching up with an old friend yesterday. She had some questions about her new-ish business, and I was honored to spend some time with her. I was highly intrigued to hear about her journey of starting, growing, and evolving her young business. Regardless of what kind of business someone starts, I find that we business owners often experience similar situations.

Being a business owner can be brutal. So much weight is placed on their shoulders, there's very little security, and every time they think they have it figured out, the rules change. There's also something I like to call the "Elon Musk today, homeless tomorrow" phenomenon. Almost to a T, business owners connect with this idea. One day, we'll wake up and think we're going to take over the world like Elon Musk, and the next day, we'll wake up and wonder if we'll be homeless by sunset.

That sounds crazy, but if you're a business owner, you probably know exactly what I'm talking about. That's how volatile it can be (or at least feel). Some months, we feel like we have everything figured out, and the next, we wonder if we'll have enough income to meet our financial needs. It can be the most stressful, frustrating, mind-melting thing in the world.....

.....and it's awesome! There's something beautiful about having to figure it out each day, week, and month. If we perform, we get to feed our family. If we don't, well, we don't. There's a purity in that. A simplicity. As a society, we like to look at business owners and judge them as "lucky," "rich," and "lazy." None of those are true, in most cases. Whenever someone tells me they want to become a business owner so they can "have more flexible hours and be home more," I chuckle. Most people have no idea what business owners go through.

That said, this isn't a request for sympathy. This is what business owners sign up for; it comes with the territory. It's part of the package. Nobody is holding a gun to their head, forcing them to take this path. It's a choice. A challenging, exciting, and terrifying choice. They could always go get a job....that option remains on the table. Therefore, I have no sympathy for fellow business owners. On the flip side, I have a ton of respect and admiration for them.

Elon Musk today, homeless tomorrow. If this phrase resonates with you, please know you aren't alone. Also, I encourage you not to wish away the stress, tension, and uncertainty. Yes, it can be brutal. But it's also what gives your journey richness. Plus, the highs aren't high if there aren't lows to contrast them. Embrace the journey.....all of the journey.

You probably won't be Elon Musk.....but you probably won't be homeless, either. Somewhere in between is a beautiful story just waiting to be written.

“Never Tell Me the Odds”

"Never tell me the odds," quipped Han Solo after C-3PO warned him about the ultra-low probability of surviving an asteroid field. This is one of my all-time favorite Star Wars quotes, and it's one of the things I like most about Han Solo. He didn't care if the cards were stacked against him; he was just crazy enough to believe he would succeed.....and he did.

Oakland University took a page out of Han Solo's playbook last night by knocking off one of the all-time great college basketball programs, Kentucky. It was a massive upset and a joy to watch. Wrapped up in all the craziness was one specific Oakland player who knocked down a mind-melting ten (10!!!) threes. Oakland had no business beating Kentucky, yet here we are! Nobody must have told them the odds!

I think we should all have a little Han Solo in our DNA. We live in a world that tells us we can't. We're provided a million excuses and justifications for why it won't work. Even if we're able to get our hopes up, there's a friend or family member who is more than happy to add a discouraging remark. "Don't get your hopes up." "In your dreams." "Only if you're lucky." "You need to think more practical." "Enjoy it while it lasts."

One of the biggest complaints I hear from clients is their frustration with not receiving sincere, genuine, unselfish encouragement and support from their loved ones. People in our lives either don't believe we can do it or are jealous of the mere idea that it's possible. Therefore, it's in people's self-interest to dissuade us from following through on our dreams.

Pay off those student loans. Get that dream career. Start that business. Bring one spouse home with the kids. Stop living month-to-month. Send those kids to college without debt. I think you CAN do it. Strike that. I think you SHOULD do it. No, strick that again. You WILL do it.

When I look at my life, I think about C-3PO telling me the ridiculous odds of this actually coming true. I think the same thing about so many of my clients. Some of these people in my life are doing mind-boggling things that I have difficulty comprehending. There's one common thread with all these people: They were crazy enough to believe it could be done. That's the Han Solo in their DNA. They didn't care if other people believed in them. They chose to move forward anyway....and they did!

Oakland didn't want to know the odds. I didn't want to know the odds. Hopefully you don't want to know the odds, either. Just go make it happen. There are a million reasons you can't. There are a ton of excuses for not. Or maybe, just maybe, you do it anyway. If you need someone to believe in you and cheer you on (because others won't), count me in!