Beware the Guilt Monsters
I recently gave a gift to someone, an acquaintance. It was a cool gift. It was a thoughtful gift. It was an impactful gift. It was a somewhat impulsive gift. As I usually do with giving, I will keep the details of this one confidential. For the sake of this piece, let's say it costs around $300. In any event, this gift significantly moved the recipient. It's unique, personal to them, totally unexpected, and meets them exactly where they need to be met. Huge win! (Side note: This gift made me happier than any personal use of this money could have possibly derived.)
Then, something else happened. Someone heard about this gift and hit me with, "It's not fair that you only gave to them." Ah, yes, this is where the guilt monsters come out to play. You know about the guilt monsters, don't you? They are the little comments, actions, and reactions that often circle moments of fortune or generosity. Sometimes, they are levied intentionally, while other times, it's bit more subconscious. Either way, it's a subtle way for people to say, "What about me?"
Guilt is a terrible boss. If we give in to the guilt monsters, two things can happen:
It alters our giving behavior to the point where we make gifts we wouldn't otherwise make, primarily to stave off the guilt monsters.
It impairs our giving behavior by making it easier not to give than to give. After all, the guilt monsters won't come out to play if we simply refuse to be generous.
Both of these outcomes are bad! In the first scenario, gifts are made to reduce guilt (instead of maximizing impact). In the second scenario, giving decreases or stops altogether.
It's imperative that we tune out the guilt monsters. They aren't stopping, that's for sure. In fact, as you venture deeper into your generosity journey, it will only increase. To be frank, it sucks. There's no other way around it. On the flip side, however, the guilt monsters are a great indicator of where our giving shouldn't go. Whenever someone puts guilt on us, it should be an immediate red flag that they aren't in a healthy position to receive generosity. Good to know! It sucks, but it just helps us better fine-tune where our gifts should and shouldn't be made.
One last thought on the guilt monsters. At some point, after ignoring the guilt monsters long enough, they don't seem to pester us as much. They realize their guilt monstering (I just coined the verb) doesn't work, so they need to guilt someone else.
Don't let the toxic words, actions, and reactions of others break your generous spirit. If anything, let it embolden you. Double down on your giving. Nah, strike that. Triple down on your giving! Serve those who you are called to serve, do it with a joyful heart, use whatever you have to make an impact, and never lose sight of the meaning.