Sunday at 4PM

We got home last night from a 5-day camping trip in the Black Hills. It was a great trip, filled with new experiences, shared memories, and tasty food. It was a long drive home, but it went as smoothly as an 11-hour journey with two six-year-old boys can go. I spent much of the drive home thinking about my week ahead. No, not dreading it. Instead, I couldn't have been more excited. We have some huge things in store at Northern Vessel this week, I have lots of awesome coaching sessions on the books, I'm meeting with some interesting people, and I have a bunch of meaningful content to produce. It's a wild feeling when you're on the way home from vacation, excited about what's waiting for you when you return.

As I'm typing this, I recognize this isn't the case for most people. And by most, I mean most. Statistically, 4:00 PM on Sunday afternoon is the most depressing hour of the week. The weekend has largely passed, and we shift our attention to what's waiting for us on Monday morning. Have you ever felt the Monday dread creep in on Sunday afternoon/evening? I've had lots of those days! It's the worst feeling! So when I rave about how excited I am about Mondays, it doesn't come from a place of naivety or lack of perspective. I know all too well what people are feeling on Sundays......and it sucks! I think people deserve better than to fall into the statistic of the most depressing hour of the week.

So as you're reading this, ask yourself how you felt last Sunday afternoon/evening. Did you look forward to what was coming in the week ahead? Or did you feel some level of dread? The answer to that question may be telling. I'm not telling you what to do, but I want you to know what's possible. There IS a reality where Mondays are amazing. There IS a reality where you're just as excited to get back from vacation as you were to leave for it. There IS a reality where not only is Sunday at 4:00 PM not the most depressing hour of your week, but one of the best hours of your week.

That reality lives on the other side of some tough decisions.

The Psychology of Mountain Coasters

The other day, I took my kids to a place called Rush Mountain Adventure Park. It’s a great little place tucked just outside of Keystone, SD. It features a handful of attractions, but none greater than the mountain coaster. It’s less of a coaster and more of a toboggan ride…..but it’s wonderful!

I’m a sucker for behavioral science, especially when it has to do with money and work. Rush Mountain also apparently loves behavioral science as well, as they greatly use it to their advantage. When we arrived, the goal was to take the kids down the coaster once, plus maybe throw in a giant zip line ride. The mountain coaster was $20/ride, and I believe the zip line was $15/ride. In that moment, I decided to buy one ticket for each…..so $35 per person. Certainly not cheap, but it looked like a fun experience to share with my kids. This is when the behavioral science part kicked in. The woman at the counter pointed out that we could get a 24-hour, unlimited ride pass for $62 each. I didn’t plan on spending $62/person for this experience, but $62 for unlimited rides sounded a lot better than $35 for two rides. Rush Mountain won! They doubled the amount they got from me. I won, too! Finn and I ended up going down the mountain coaster five times together, plus the zip line once, and the interactive 4-D shooter game twice. What they did wasn’t a scam or taking advantage of me, but rather using behavioral science to create an opportunity where both parties benefited. They could double the revenue generated from my family, and in turn, we enhanced our experience there. I didn’t have to take that option, but I chose it…..and I’m glad I did! We had a wonderful time and created a ton of memories.

Whether we’re on the business side or the consumer side, we need to be aware of these behavioral science tricks. These are the same principles at play when we can up the size of our fries or drink, or when there are add-on options when we go to the salon or spa, or how different products offer an assortment of progressively fancier versions (hello, iPhone!). Again, none of these are immoral or wrong. If we’re keen on what companies are doing and how they are utilizing behavioral science in their pricing and offering, we can use it to our advantage instead of being swept up in the moment. That self-awareness can be the difference between making a decision we’ll later regret or making a decision that adds value to our journey. I’m sure I’ve been bitten by this before, but this particular decision added a ton of value to our family.

What’s one version of behavioral science being used at one of the businesses you frequent? I’d love to hear your examples!

The Generosity of Campers

As a lifelong camper, I have vivid camping memories spanning from my childhood to the present day. These memories fill all sorts of buckets (exploring, cooking, swimming, etc.), but there’s a special bucket called “generosity.” I don’t know what it is about camping, but it brings out the best in some people. There’s something about having new, temporary neighbors, and some level of shared experience, that connects people. It’s this idea of community, but actually lived out. When someone is trying to back in their camper, a total stranger swoops in to guide them. Another camper has an extra bundle of firewood, so they gift it to the adjacent campsite who just pulled in that afternoon. A few people are randomly walking by a group of people enjoying a meal, and they receive a thoughtful invite to stop and grab a bite to eat. A group of friends are playing volleyball or basketball, but they invite another group to join them. Total strangers, quickly turned friends, sharing what they have.

There’s a genuine hospitality and openness that comes out when people are camping. Perhaps it has something to do with getting away from life’s busyness, or maybe it’s because other people are there for the same reason, or perhaps there are a lot less stress points weighing people down. Regardless, there’s a beauty in this degree of lived community.

I think we should bottle this up and bring it back to our normal lives. And by we, I do mean we. I think I fall into a wide swath of people who show more hospitality to neighbors on a camping trip than back home. In some ways, I show a ton of hospitality, but in other ways, I don’t at all. Perhaps some introspection is in order on this one. If I’m being honest with myself, I think it’s a matter of falling into the trap of busy. We get so busy that we can’t see the obvious opportunities and need right in front of our noses. I know I’m guilty of this at times. Sometimes I’ll wake up out of my stress-induced stupor and see it, while other times, someone in my life will point it out to me. Regardless, I know I periodically miss the mark.

There’s no better time than now to create a true culture of community around us in our daily lives. When we get it right, it’s beautiful. When we miss the mark, it’s a huge missed opportunity. We won’t always nail itt, but man, we can certainly do better…..myself included.

The Struggle is What Makes the Adventure

Last night, our family time at the campsite was cut short when a nasty thunderstorm blew in. It was the whole package: thunder, lightning, rain, and wind. We quickly retreated to the tent where we rode out the storm and eventually fell asleep. While we were trying to settle the boys in, they were a bit panicked. I think there’s some lingering impact from an absolutely brutal storm we endured in the tent earlier this summer…..which included Pax getting flooded out in the middle of the night. In an attempt to calm them down, I encouraged them that these are the moments that make the adventure. It helped…..a little.

Think about your favorite movie. The struggle is what makes it. If Darth Vader wasn’t around, Luke Skywalker’s journey would have been a borefest. If the Hunger Games never occurred, Katniss would just be another girl. If Michael Jordan didn’t have the Detroit Pistons, his legend may not have been as iconic. The triumph over struggle is what makes it good.

I think about this a lot when it comes to work and money. It’s fun when we experience wins, achieve our goals, and continue to experience up-and-to-the-right progress. But the struggle? The struggle is what makes those moments so much sweeter. I remember back to January 2020, seven months after leaving my career to start my coaching business. That was the month when our monthly income exceeded our modest expenses. Until then, we were riding the struggle bus and supplementing our income from savings. It was a scary time, but the struggle made the win feel all that much more satiating. I can think of so many other struggles we’ve faced in the last 15 years. Struggles that oftentimes felt like they would break us. Like the struggle of fertility. Finding out I’ll never become a biological father, then the nearly three-year wait in the adoption process, then the failed adoption when we were ready to go meet our child. Gut-wrenching struggles. So when we met Finn and Pax four months later, it was the sweetest of the sweetest wins. It was the best day of our lives. All these years later, it was the struggle that defined us, not the win. When I look at my kids, I remember everything that went into becoming a parent and finally meeting them. I will never take that for granted.

So yeah, we’re huddled up in a tent with a storm whipping right through us. Not ideal, for sure. But the struggle is what makes the adventure.

Even the Best Laid Plans

I had something specific to write about today, but that all went out the window as I’m meandering through a string of failures. We’re on an annual family camping trip, which is starting off strong. I thought I had all the pieces in place to successfully publish this blog each day.

1. My laptop

2. Access to a power source to charge said laptop

3. Campground WiFi

4. Hotspot capabilities as a backup to the campground’s Wifi

Yet, here I am, well after midnight, unable to get this bad boy published. The campground’s Wifi isn’t working at all, and my cell phone has zero signal. It’s not how I thought my day would end, late at night, aimlessly driving around the campground trying to get either a cell phone signal or a working WiFI connection. I had everything planned out, including contingencies, yet I failed.

Money can be a lot like that as well. Even the best-laid plans can yield negative results. Sometimes the ball just doesn’t bounce in our favor. It doesn’t mean it was a bad idea, or we screwed up, or we’re not good enough. Sometimes it just means we got a lousy outcome. I’ve had several of those over the years, including a few in the last 18 months. We can either feel defeated by these losses, or we can strike them up for what they really are: unfortunate outcomes. If we keep doing the right thing for the right reasons, we’ll win far more of these battles than we lose. They key is getting back up on that horse and knowing you aren’t the failure. It’s not always easy, but it does get somewhat easier after enough repetitions. This is something I strongly encourage with my younger clients who don’t yet have the experience to prove what I’m saying is true. We just gotta keep moving forward, win or lose. And if we did the best we can and executed well, but still lost, oh well. We’ll get it next time!

Anyway, sorry for the late post today! Have a wonderful day!

Who Are You Going to Offend?

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, the 4th of July is one of my favorite holidays of the year. There are so many things to love about it. However, there's one fringe benefit of the holiday that I look forward to each year. The social media outrage that bubbles up in the days leading up to it, ranting and raving about people setting off their personal fireworks. This sort of outrage has existed in various forms over the years, but it now prominently lives in community Facebook groups. This year's outrage did not disappoint. Multiple times each day, someone took to Facebook to air their grievances. Their justification for their outrage ranged from practical, to questionable, to outlandish. It was nothing short of spectacular!

Reading these threads reminds me of a piece of advice I received many years ago: "You will always offend someone, so you might as well live your values and offend the right people." This advice felt applicable 20 years ago, but it's more relevant today than ever. Unfortunately, everything we do, even when well-intentioned, will offend someone. Whenever I receive online hate - which happens far more than I'd like to stomach - I ask myself if I'm offending the right people. It's so easy for us, in an effort to people please, to offend those we are most trying to serve. When I can objectively look at the criticism and know it's coming from the right people for the right reasons, it somewhat eases the discomfort.

We often hold ourselves back from doing what we know we need to do, in part, because we don't want to offend anyone. I've watched many people around me fall into this trap, and I'm ashamed to admit I have, too. I broke free from this fear a few years ago, but I still find myself holding back on certain topics/ideas out of fear of the backlash. Every time I get over myself and go for it, I inevitably offend someone.....but it's usually the right someone.

When I think about this idea of offending people, I always try to remember there is never ill intent. My objective isn't to offend someone. In fact, I'd love to find a way to do my work without offending people. Unfortunately, that's just not a feasible expectation. There's always someone who will be offended by me....and by you.

The sooner we realize we're always going to offend someone, the sooner we can move past it and make the impact we know we're called to make. So today I ask you, who are you going to offend?

Choose Freedom

Today, we Americans celebrate July 4th, our Independence Day. It's always been one of my favorite holidays, as it represents the best of what summer has to offer. As I've gotten older and seen more of the world, the concept of freedom has also grown on my conscience. We often take it for granted, and shame on us for doing so.

But as I think about freedom, I see all the various ways we humans trap ourselves and limit our own freedom. While we live in a free country, many of us have curated a life that's anything but free. We continue to elevate our lifestyle and financial commitments, locking ourselves into a certain income expectation. We make choices to incur mass amounts of debt, which bleeds our income each month. As our financial obligations rise, our margin to spend our values decreases. As our monthly needs grow, our ability to shift careers, pursue meaning, and follow our calling shrinks. One decision, after another, after another. As we increase our standard of living, we're slowly and oftentimes unknowingly reducing our freedom.

I can't even count the number of people I've spoken to who have fantastic incomes, jealousy-inducing lifestyles, and social media-worthy lives, who feel desperately trapped. They look like they have the world at their fingertips, yet they have less freedom than the unassuming middle-class family a few doors down from me. It's an embarrassing, scary, and frustrating place to be. Many of you can relate to this. Either because you used to be there, or because you're there right now.

Some people choose stuff, others choose freedom.

Some people choose status, others choose freedom.

Some people choose the instant gratification of debt, others choose freedom.

Some people choose more, others choose freedom.

Choose freedom. Always choose freedom. And the beautiful part is, every day is a new day to choose.

Five Margaritas Deep

My friend Kelsey sent me a meme the other day. Given our dozens of conversations about work and meaning, she knew I would get a kick out of it. Here's what it said: "I don't have a dream job because I don't dream about working. I dream about being 5 margaritas deep on a Caribbean island." 

It definitely gave me a good laugh! Someone probably made it to be tongue-in-cheek, but the best jokes are rooted in truth. First, let's get something straight. I love being five margaritas deep on a Caribbean island as much as the next person.

Work gets a bad rap in our culture. It's a means to an end, a necessary evil, something we do because we have to do it. From the time we are kids, work gets stigmatized. 

• We're made to work as punishment.

• Our earliest jobs are usually pretty crappy (two of mine were raking sand traps at 6AM in the summer and working in the cheese factory at 4AM on Sundays).

• If 70% of Americans dislike or hate their jobs, there's a high likelihood we watch at least one of our parents have a negative relationship with their work.

• We usually launch into adulthood with a bunch of debt, meaning we feel immediate pressure to find work to pay for the loan payments.

Every step of the way, we're learning and feeling that work sucks. With that context in mind, I get it! It makes sense why we would collectively view and treat work like a necessary evil.

Here's a different perspective of work I'd encourage you to think about. Work isn't something we have to do, but rather something we get to do. Not everyone is physically and mentally healthy enough to be productive.....it's a gift to have that ability. Work isn't just trading our time for money. It's an opportunity to use our skills, creativity, passions, experience, and influence to serve people. Serving customers, colleagues, and bosses. When we work, we add value to other people's lives:

• My kids get to enjoy an afternoon at the pool because the lifeguards are using their skills to keep watch and order. Without them, there is no pool.

• I shared a meal with a friend last night. Without the waiter and cooks, none of that would have happened. 

• My bike chain recently broke, and I took it to the shop. Without the team at my local bike shop, I wouldn't have a working bike to enjoy.

Maybe none of these examples are your dream job, but let's not lose sight of the value of work. It's not a necessary evil. It's an opportunity to make the world a better place. It's a chance for us to improve the lives of others. Yeah, we get to make some money along the way as well. That's awesome. But let's not demean the value of work in our lives. After all, that's what makes those "five margaritas deep on a Caribbean island" days so satisfying. 

A Continuous Circle, and You’re Part of It!

My close friend, Gary Hoag, recently wrote an excellent piece for the Christian Leadership Alliance. Gary is a world-renowned speaker and teacher in the area of Christian generosity. I'm always excited to read Gary's work, including his blog that he's posted daily for nearly 14 years (yeah, 5,000+ consecutive days......wild!).

Gary has been a monumentally important figure in my life over the last eight years. Much of what you read and hear from me has Gary's fingerprints all over it. For this reason, I'm always stunned when Gary advocates for me or my work. In the article I referenced above, Gary recommended our Meaning Over Money podcast as one of his four next steps. It's wild that someone like Gary would lift up a person like me. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't I be singing his praises and telling everyone to check out his work? Of course I should! But he doesn't owe me that. There are plenty of people in Gary's life with more experience, expertise, and talent than me. Yet, he trusts the work we're doing over here. I never take that for granted!

That's the beauty of life. It always feels like a circle. Gary is always so gracious to pour into me and lift me up, but someone poured into him and lifted him up. And so, too, did someone for that person....and so on. It's one big circle, and we get to be part of it. We don't have to be, but we get to be. I often wonder how many lives have been impacted due to Gary's work and pouring into others. Has he done for a handful of other people what he's done for me? Dozens? Hundreds? And what have all those people done in turn to pour into others? Handfuls? Dozens? Hundreds? Gary is changing this world, one conversation, one relationship, and one generous act at a time.

Here's the point of today's post. The circle can stop with us. We can gratefully accept the gift, benefit from it, and simply sit on our hands. We're certainly better for it, but that's about it. Alternatively, we can embrace that same spirit Gary carries himself with and pass it on to others. There are many people in my life that I sincerely want to pour into. Some of this has been happening for years, others more recently, and some will happen for people I've yet to meet. And we all get to be part of it! How exciting is that!?!? Some days I think about this fact, and it overwhelms me. Such an opportunity.....and responsibility.

Don't let that opportunity slip away. Find people in your life to pour into and lift up. Be a difference-maker in their life, encourage them, and help them be better.....so they, in turn, can do the same for others. It's a continuous circle, and you're part of it!

Following a Budget Goes Both Ways

I received a text from my wife yesterday afternoon. "What do you want to do for dinner?" Knowing it was a Friday and the last day of the month, I immediately opened my budgeting app to see if we had any dining out money left. $76!!! I guess that's what happens when we're gone for half the month. Knowing we had a nice chunk of change remaining, we made a family date night out of it. We walked to a local pizza restaurant, then to a nearby ice cream shop. We had a blast!

There's a massive misunderstanding about budgeting. Budgeting it's about spending less.....it's about spending better. Yes, budgeting well keeps us from overspending. But it goes both ways! Budgeting, when done healthily, also prevents us from underspending. Spending better means being intentional, spending on our values, and removing negative emotions such as guilt, resentment, fear, and worry.

Many people would look at that extra $72 and proclaim it a win. Yay, we came in under budget!!!! But Sarah and I negotiated our budget at the beginning of the month, and we promised each other this was what we would spend money on. Us going out for a fun night was our way of honoring what we promised ourselves and each other. Just like we promised to pay our rent and life insurance, we promised to spend this money on dining out. It has to go both ways. We can't use a budget to only prevent us from having too much fun.....it also needs to encourage us to have fun. It's a tool to align our money with our values. And last night, our values pointed toward spending intentional time with the boys, creating memories, and enjoying some tasty food together.

The moment we treat budgeting like a one-way, fun-hating tool of cheapness and saving (er, hoarding), is the moment budgeting completely sucks. When that occurs, we start treating our life like a giant game of let's-try-to-live-like-broke-college-students-so-one-day-we'll-have-even-more. You know the problem with more, right? Every time we get more, more is still more.

There's a better way, and the better way is to have it both ways. Let the budget prevent us from coming off the rails AND let the budget force us to do the fun things we promised ourselves we would do. If more people viewed and handled money this way, budgeting may no longer be a four-letter word in most marriages.

Here’s the plan:

1. Make a budget on or around the first of the month.

2. Make sure your budget aligns with your values.

3. Do what you said you were going to do.

4. Track it.

5. Have fun!

6. Repeat.

If you follow these six simple steps, I promise you’ll find more joy, more peace, more intentionality, more unity, and more progress. Have a great day!

Don't Judge a Birria By Its Cover

I'm in a men's group that meets every Wednesday at noon. Each week, a different person is responsible for choosing the restaurant. We only have three rules:

1. The chooser can't announce the selected restaurant until within 60 minutes of the meeting time.

2. The restaurant has to be within the city limits.

3. No national chains. 

This week was my week! I chose my favorite Mexican restaurant because they recently began serving Birria tacos. If you have yet to try Birria tacos, immediately stop reading this blog and Google where you can find them in your town. Anyway, this restaurant is always a no-brainer for me. There's a running joke in our town that every time a new restaurant is being built, we assume it's a Mexican restaurant. I just fact-checked it and can confirm our 72,000-person town has 12 Mexican restaurants......and my favorite is ranked #12. Dead last! Are you kidding me?!?!

Birria for the win!!

Here's the thing. This restaurant isn't fancy. It looks suspect on the outside, and though the inside is clean, there's nothing notable about the atmosphere. When I mention it to other residents, they respond with, "Ew, I'd never go there," or "I've never actually been there before." So how does such a "bad" restaurant become one of my favorites in town? Perhaps it's because of all the time I spend in SE Asia, but I've learned that when it comes to restaurants, we should never judge a book by its cover. Some of the best food in the world is served in some of the most unassuming spaces. Now I'm not calling this Mexican restaurant some of the best food in the world, but I am asserting that it's grossly overlooked for all the wrong reasons. When dining at a restaurant, I want fantastic food, served with a positive attitude, at a reasonable price. And "reasonable" is contextual to the situation. I've had $8 meals that were overpriced and $100 meals that were underpriced. But the food needs to stand on its own. 

This story has parallels with so many areas of life. We often overlook opportunities for the silliest of reasons:

• Everyone else is overlooking it, so it must not be good.

• It's not shiny and sexy.

• If we try it and fail, people may laugh at us.

• We don't clearly define what's important to us.

• It's easier to do what everyone else is doing

• We trust people's opinions, even when we shouldn't. 

Whether it's a suspect-looking restaurant or an interesting opportunity that presents itself to you, consider this idea. Some of the best gifts are wrapped in the dullest packaging. And remember, nobody really cares about the wrapping paper once you get inside. 

The World Keeps Getting Smaller

Last week, I had the pleasure of guesting on an Australian podcast, It's Never About Money. I had the most wonderful time with their host, Joe Stephan. If this show sounds like something up my alley, it is! In fact, my Media Director introduced the idea of me appearing on their show by saying, "Travis, we just found the Australian Meaning Over Money!" She knew that would quickly get my attention!

After we first connected, they asked if I would personally do the initial discovery call so they could get a feel for who I am and how I present myself. During that conversation, Joe pointed out that they don't often have many Americans on their show....but have had a few. As he lists off a handful of names, he blurts out a name that stopped me dead in my tracks: "Gary Hoag from Colorado." Gary Hoag!?!? My friend, mentor, and brother, Gary Hoag?!?! I about fell out of my chair, but then it got even more interesting. "Yeah, I know Gary! He's one of my closest friends and mentors!" I then held up a copy of the book Gary and I wrote together last year, which was sitting just to my left on my desk. We both got a kick out of that moment.

The world feels small, and it's getting smaller all the time. The fact two total strangers could meet over Zoom, realize they have a common friend, record a podcast together, and build a relationship in the process, all while never being closer than 9,000 miles apart, is mind-boggling!!! I admire Joe and his work, and it's fun to see someone on the other side of the world that shares a common mission. I can’t wait to progress my relationship with Joe and discover new ways we can work together to add value to this world.

I think about this idea a lot. Never before has practically every person on the planet been accessible by practically every person on the planet. Right now, I could send Lebron James a DM, and he may see it. Instantly! Or maybe I have a business idea to share with Elon Musk. Five minutes from now, he could be digesting my idea. Or perhaps I'm interested in getting a job at XYZ company. I could immediately send a message to the CEO with an offer to add value to them. What a world we live in!

If there's something on your mind, put it into action. If there's a connection you'd like to make, send the DM. If there's an idea stirring, send it into the world. You never know who or what will happen. It's quite possible nothing will happen, but I can guarantee nothing will happen if you don't. So why not take advantage of this shrinking world? After all, it will be fun!

If you're interested in listening to my appearance on It's Never About Money, you can find it on APPLE, SPOTIFY, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Standard of Living vs. Quality of Life

One of my friends recently decided to downgrade his living situation. It was a difficult and humbling decision, but the right one for his current stage of life. In our discussion, he lamented how it's going to be hard having a lower standard of living. Reading between the lines, I could tell what he was really saying was that his life would inevitably become worse as a result of this decision. Embedded in his perspective is the belief that a higher standard of living increases happiness and a lower standard of living decreases happiness. While culture generally believes this to be true, I couldn't disagree more.

I think we're talking about two separate topics here: standard of living and quality of life. They are not the same!

Standard of living: "the degree of wealth and material comfort available to a person or community."

Quality of life: "the standard of health, comfort, and happiness experienced by an individual or group."

Sure, a higher standard of living can increase one's quality of life. If it's 90 degrees outside, having AC (vs. not having AC) leads to both a higher standard of living and quality of life. This is a true statement. Let's add a wrinkle. Let's say the introduction of AC requires the individual to take on a large loan with $400 monthly payments. Yes, the AC still cools the air and increases the standard of living, but did it improve the quality of life? This is where the rubber meets the road. There's a cost to every benefit. In this hypothetical, the person needs to give up something to increase their standard of living. Maybe they will give up their dining out, or their ability to buy clothes, or a trip they've been saving for, or they need to trade more of their time for additional income.

This tension point is where my friend is on his journey. The cost of his high standard of living is impairing his quality of life. He's had to make dramatic sacrifices in other areas of his life and endure undue stress just to maintain his higher standard of living, resulting in a lower quality of life.

Conversely, my current life is a reflection of the opposite. Today, I have one of the lowest standards of living in my 20-year adult life, but the highest quality of life in my 20-year journey. Our financial life is simple. We live in a simple house (which we rent), we drive simple cars, and we have simple monthly wants. This structure opens up the doors for us to travel as we please, give generously, say "yes" to weird things, and engage in work that matters. Standard of living and quality of life are correlated, but often inversely, ironically.

As you think about your situation, take an inventory of the various aspects of your life that enhance your standard of living, and ask yourself if they increase your quality of life. You might be surprised by the answers.

Taking Advantage of THOSE Moments

One of my friends/clients just experienced a significant moment in his life. It's one of THOSE moments, which come in various shapes and sizes. Some are the result of skill, some luck, and others a combination of the two. Each of us will experience a handful of these opportunities in life.....some more, some less. This situation is the first real moment in my friend's young journey. In his case, it looks like a large sum of money coming his way. It's one of THOSE moments!

Here's the problem with these types of moments. When they happen, they often feel overwhelming. The moment feels large, the opportunity great, and the responsibility weighty. These types of moments open up so many paths, but many of those paths are fruitless endeavors. Sadly, in all my years walking alongside people in this area of money, most people will throw away these types of moments. Most of these moments get squandered. Not intentionally, usually. If handled right, these moments can materially alter our lives. If handled poorly, at best, they turn into nothing burgers; at worst, they sow the seeds of eventual regret and resentment. 

As I was talking to my friend yesterday, I reminded him that, if done right, this moment has the power to change his life, as well as the lives of others. It's an amazing opportunity for him, and I encouraged him in his decision-making process. What path will he take? Only time will tell. 

I've had a handful of THOSE moments in my life. Most of the time I've gotten it right, and I attribute much of where I am today to those critical decisions. Although the thousands of decisions we make each day matter, some carry more water than others. THOSE moments can have a monumental impact on our journey. Here are some examples of what I'm talking about:

• Receiving a sum of money or inheritance.

• The opportunity to say "yes" (or "no") to a major job/career opportunity.

• Declining to pursue significant materialistic endeavors (especially early in the journey).

• Doing that ridiculously generous act, even if it doesn't seem to make logical sense. It will change you from the inside out.

• Getting on that plane, even though what's on the other side of the flight is scary, unknown, or uncomfortable. 

• Starting that business that you're afraid will fail.

Each of us will have a handful of THOSE moments in our lifetime, and how we respond will likely shape the trajectory of our life. It's a scary but empowering thought. I pray for clarity and confidence as you experience yours. 

It Depends On How You Look at It

A few years ago, I was having a casual conversation with a fellow husband/father. We were talking about marriage and parenting, when we went down an interesting rabbit trail. He commented on how he and his wife hadn't been on an actual date in more than five years. Five years!?!? In short, he said they couldn't justify spending money on a babysitter. Between the babysitter, drinks, and dinner, a date night "is just too expensive to justify." So they don’t.

He quickly turned the tables on me by asking about our babysitter rhythm. I told him we spend about $200-$300/month on babysitting, which usually includes a few date nights. He looked at me as though I just went to the casino and threw my life savings on red. How irresponsible of me!!! He busted my chops a bit and couldn't believe someone "financially responsible" would throw away money like that.

He looked at babysitters as a needless cash drain. My perspective was a bit (ok, a lot) different. When we hire a babysitter, we aren't paying a young adult money to watch our kids. We are investing in our marriage. We are providing ourselves the opportunity to spend time together, one-on-one or with friends, and create memories aside from our children. It also allows us to recharge and get on the same page to be better spouses and parents. In other words, that babysitting money has an incredible return on investment!

Much of personal finance is a variation of this concept. It depends on how you look at it. Me walking into a Starbucks to order myself a burnt coffee = wasteful spending. Me meeting a youth group kid at Starbucks, their favorite coffee shop = an investment into my relationship with them. Me spending $60 on a monthly massage that I don't need = throwing away money. Me spending $60 on a monthly massage that helps recharge and eliminate aches = priceless. Me hiring an assistant isn’t cheap, and it takes money out of my pocket. Me hiring an assistant allows me more time and mental/emotional capacity to serve people better and unlock greater potential in our business.

Money is NEVER about money.....it's always about something bigger. If we can move past the dollars and cents and understand the real reason we do the things we do, we make better choices. It all depends on how you look at it.

Even the Best Struggle

I received a phone call from a highly successful business owner earlier last week. This is someone who founded and runs a business many people would know. By all accounts, this company is wildly successful and holds a strong position in the culture. I know this person through a mutual friend, and we periodically have meandering conversations about business, behavioral science, and ridiculous ideas.

On this particular call, we went down the road of the day-to-day struggles of running a business. I'll remind you again this person runs a highly successful business. During the chat, he blurted out, "Every day seems hard. I often wonder if I'm cut out for this." What?!?! This is a highly respected business leader. If he isn't cut out for this, then I'm screwed!

That was yet another reminder of such a wise lesson: this isn't supposed to be easy! If I ever get to the point where it feels easy, it means one of a few different things: 1) I'm lying to myself, 2) I'm not pushing myself enough, or 3) I'm leaving impact on the table. It reminds me of a conversation I once had with an old boss. He, too, was highly successful in his career. I asked him when he finally got comfortable in his role. His answer disappointed and frustrated me. "Never." "Never?". "Every time I came close to being comfortable, it was time for me to take on new responsibilities and learn new things. So I never felt comfortable."

I'll always remember that conversation. Sometimes, in my own self-doubt, I'll look around the room of highly successful people and remember most of them are likely feeling some version of this as well. It helps to humanize people and also give ourself some grace along the way. This is an experience I get to share nearly daily with coaching clients. Many of them have a notable level of accomplishment and achievement in their respective fields, yet I get to see what's behind the curtain. Behind the curtain, they are just like you and me: self-doubting, mistake-making, outcome-fearing humans.

Even the best struggle. If they aren't perfect, maybe it's ok if you aren't, either. Let's face the day head-on and with confidence. When the challenge presents itself, do the best you can, learn, push yourself, and be better next time. Oh yeah, and along the way, don't be afraid to show your humanity to those around you. Vulnerability doesn't make you weak; it makes you real.

The Silence is Deafening

Yesterday was my quarterly visit to the sensory deprivation chamber. I always look forward to these days, as my time spent in this little metal coffin is some of the most relaxing and refreshing times I get. 10 inches of water, 1,000 pounds of salt, 96-degree water, no light, no sound, 90 minutes of nothing.

The inside of my little chamber of nothingness

These floats can make for a very profound experience. Yesterday was profound, indeed, but not for the right reasons. I stepped into that tank feeling quite heavy, with so many weighty things on my mind. For a while, I entered my desired zone of nothingness. Then, suddenly and for unknown reasons, the heaviness hit me like a runaway truck. There I was, lying in this pod, with absolutely nothing to distract me from my own mind. It was pitch black and completely silent, but in that moment, it felt bright, and the silence was deafening. I don't know how long I experienced this, but it was some of the loudest moments I've had in quite some time.

I ultimately had to get out of the tank early. The weird part of this type of experience is you don't know if you've been in the tank for 90 seconds or 90 minutes. After getting out, I discovered I still had 20 minutes left. I spent that time sitting on a little chair in the chamber room, trying to gather my composure from the week I just experienced.

The point of this post isn't to throw myself a pity party or to spin up guesses as to why I was such a mess today. Rather, it's to expound on the rarity of silence and nothingness. In a modern world full of stimulation and distractions, we rarely have an intimate moment with our thoughts. I crave those moments, even if it's uncomfortable. I need those moments, even if it's easier to avoid them. Though the process can be complicated, there's something special and powerful about gaining clarity. I felt quite overwhelmed in those moments, but left feeling marginally recharged and confidently tasked with my next steps. I'll call that a messy win! I encourage you to find your time of nothingness as much as possible, even if you have to lay in a little metal coffin.

*As I re-read my post above, I don't necessarily see how this connects with Meaning Over Money. However, I felt a strong nudge to post this today. So I'm going to trust that nudge and hope it falls into the right hands.

Playing the Long Game

Last night was one of the greatest days in sports: the NBA Draft. I know, I know, you probably think that sounds ridiculous. I may be in a rare camp with that opinion, but I love the NBA. I especially love the NBA Draft. It's one of those moments where we have the opportunity to watch, in real-time, as young men experience their dreams coming true. They have likely been working for 15+ years, pouring out their blood, sweat, and tears, all leading up to this very moment. It's a beautiful thing!

While most of us probably won't get drafted by a professional sports team, I think we have something to learn from these young men: the value of the long game. What these players have been working for all these years is the opposite of instant gratification. Rather, they poured their souls into their craft, often behind the scenes, in hopes of one day achieving their ultimate goal. There are so many parallels between this and our lives. In a world that says we need to be instantly rewarded for every single act, this idea of delayed gratification flies in the face of our culture.

The best things in life often require the greatest amount of patience. We work, work, work, and work some more, then one day, we get what we finally deserve. It's not always fun, and it can sometimes get frustrating.....painfully frustrating. But that's what work that matters requires of us. We must do the right thing for the right reasons, repeat, and remain patient. Then one day, we get to reap the harvest. It's hard, but simple.

This principle is relevant in all areas of work, money, relationships, and pretty much every area of life. So every time you find yourself getting frustrated at the lack of results, remember some people wait decades to reap the harvest. Your harvest may be just around the corner!

Congrats on Not Getting the Job

One of my clients recently applied for a new job. It was an incredible job: higher status, more responsibilities, higher salary, a bigger bonus, better benefits......the whole nine yards. He didn't get it. He was in the final three, but lost out to someone else.

On the heels of this news, I sent him a text congratulating him on not getting the job. I'm so glad he didn't get it. It would have been a terrible job for him. Let me take a step back. He loves his current job. He wakes up every day excited for what he's about to do, loves his co-workers, has the flexibility for his family to live the life they live, believes in the mission, and makes a good living doing it. He's living his absolute best life, and his family has a great rhythm in how their life is structured.

So why did he apply for this new job, then? Frankly, he applied because that's what we're supposed to do. We're supposed to move up, make more money, garner more status, and manufacture a higher standard of living. Deep down, he knew he was already in the right place, but this was such a good opportunity!!!

After he received my unexpected congratulatory text, he immediately called me to process it. I explained to him how this new job, while paying better, would have negatively impacted many areas of his life. Less balance, more travel, a shift to work he doesn't enjoy, the loss of his work community, and a lot less flexibility to do the things his family enjoys doing.

His not receiving this job may be one of the best things that ever happened to him. He has a beautiful life, and money almost came before meaning. In hindsight, he's glad it didn't. The extra money would have been nice, but at what price?

There's absolutely nothing wrong with more money, but I believe you deserve better. So much better! I think you deserve to wake up every day excited for what you're about to do. Not because it's fun (it's often not), but because it matters. If it comes at the expense of a few fewer dollars, so be it. You deserve better than to put a price tag on your life. Your life is worth so much more than an annual salary or a status tied to your name.

Have a fantastic day!

Removing the Option

I'm a broken record on this topic, but credit cards aren't our friend. Every time the words "it's a tool," "just need to be responsible," or "we pay it off every month" are uttered, I know how the story will eventually end. Family, after family, after family, after family is literally being destroyed by these things, and it's getting hard to stomach. Credit cards work really, really well...... until the moment they become our worst nightmare.

Every time I say such slanderous words, I get mocked and ridiculed. To some extent, I get it. My sentiment flies in the face of society, and I look like a complete weirdo. But if you could see the things I see, have the conversations I have, and provide the shoulder to cry on that I provide, I think you'd have a much different perspective.

There's one sentiment that I share over and over again with families. If you allow credit cards to be an option, you WILL use the option. It's the path of least resistance.....until it becomes THE resistance. It's the remedy that immediately solves your problems.....or so it seems. It's the action that takes your stress level from a 90 to a 10.....for a while. Credit cards are a great band-aid, but a lousy tourniquet.

If I could make one general recommendation to every single person who reads this article, it would be to remove credit cards from your life. Perhaps you're the exception who can use them well.....but probably not. That's the problem with exceptions; everyone thinks they are the exception. That's what happens with so many of the people in my life. They believe they are being wise, strategic, and resourceful. Then, it catches up to them. Not immediately. It may take 2 years, or 5 years, or 10 years, or even 20 years. But when it does, watch out! It's a curse I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

If credit cards are an option, we WILL use the option. For that very important reason, I couldn't recommend more that we remove the option altogether. I removed the option from my life more than 10 years ago. Had I not, I most assuredly would have used the option at some point. Life is messy, life is hard, and life is unpredictable. But if the option isn't on the table, we must find other, much better options.