Avoid Life-Altering Mistakes

In my ten years as a youth group leader, there's one piece of advice I levied on my young friends more than any other. Well, maybe the third most: 1) Love God, 2) Love others, and 3) Don't make life-altering mistakes.

The reality is we will all make mistakes.....lots of them! If I think hard enough, I can think of a dozen I've made in just the last few days. All mistakes have consequences, but not all consequences are created equal. There are mistakes, and there are life-altering mistakes. It's imperative we know the difference.

I forgot to prepare the coffee pot before going to bed the other night. Consequence: I had a slightly grumpy wife the following morning. There was a consequence, but not a significant consequence. I once forgot my wedding anniversary. To clarify, I knew my anniversary was coming up, and I even bought Sarah a gift, but on the actual day, I forgot it was our anniversary. Again, consequences.....but not significant. If I were to cheat on my wife, that would also be a mistake. However, that mistake would have much more dire consequences. A life-altering mistake with possible life-altering consequences. Not all mistakes are created equal, but sometimes we humans do a poor job of doing these types of mental calculations.

Whether we're a teenager or a full-fledged adult, we need to understand the difference.....whether it's life, work, relationships, or even money. No matter what we're doing, the goal shouldn't be to stop making mistakes. Mistakes go hand-in-hand with progress. We can't move forward in life without making mistakes. The goal should be to avoid life-altering mistakes. It's easier said than done, but it gets a whole lot more manageable when we're intentionally trying to achieve this goal.

In the hundreds of families I've spent time with talking about work and money, a common thread amongst most of them is that a few life-altering mistakes have taken the wind out of their sails. These mistakes didn't feel like mistakes at the time, but that's how the worst mistakes often develop. The decisions seem innocent and, sure, there's probably some risk, but what are the chances that will happen?!?! If there's one thing certain about humans, it's that we underestimate the probability of the downside occurring and equally underestimate the severity of said downside if it actually does happen.

I wish I could give you some concrete advice on how to do this better. Truth is, it's hard. But I'll give it a shot:

1. Before making a decision, sincerely ask yourself what the true downside could be.

2. Once you know the downside, be honest with yourself about how possible it actually is.

3. Understand the consequence in your specific life if the downside happens. Will it bruise you, scratch you, cut you, gash you, or amputate you?

4. Don't rush your decision. A rushed decision is a regretful decision.

5. The moment you know you've made a mistake, acknowledge that you made a mistake and immediately shift gears.

6. Meaning over money....always meaning over money

Happy decision-making, all!

11. Be Aggressively Patient

Yesterday was TJ's (Northern Vessel business partner) 30th birthday. To commemorate the day, he wrote and published "30 Lessons for 30 Years," a reflection on his journey to date. It was a fun list, full of wisdom and insights. Included was a phrase he talks about often: "Be aggressively patient."

He and I have bonded over the mantra over the past few years, which perfectly sums up his career. It's the idea that we need to patiently focus on the long term while giving everything we have in the near term to keep moving forward. It's about trust, belief, work ethic, and personal responsibility. The story of Northern Vessel goes back approximately five years, when TJ was living in Los Angeles. He was inspired by the combination of LA's coffee culture and organizations that practiced top-tier hospitality. Shortly thereafter, upon moving back to Iowa, Northern Vessel was born.

TJ's Northern Vessel story is one of the examples I excitedly detail in my keynote talk. Why? Because it's the perfect representation of failure, patience, aggression, redemption, and success. The Northern Vessel that I'm involved in today is actually the 4th iteration of the company, each coming on the heels of a failure and subsequent shift. The company even folded after the previous fail, but TJ eventually brought it back to life in late 2022 when he opened his brick-and-mortar location. Today, Northern Vessel is experiencing a whirlwind of success. The staff is world-class, the culture is phenomenal, the vibe in the shop feels vibrant, and each week is better than the last. Every single step of the way, he's been aggressive.....and patient. He wouldn't be where he is without the aggression, and he wouldn't be where he is without the patience. Lesser people would have long ago given up on their dream. But not TJ. Not when the "be aggressively patient" mantra is always at the center of his purview.

All he's been through in the last five years is merely the warmup for what's next. To many, 30 seems old. It's not. He's still a baby (I'm still a baby at 41, for the record). He's five years in and has another 50 years to get this right. If I can use a basketball game as the analogy, he's only a few minutes into the first quarter.....he hasn't even broken a sweat yet! If he spent four years getting his legs under him and one year experiencing meteoric success, what does that say about the next 50 years? We're about the find out, and I'm grateful to be on this journey with him.

There's nothing better than doing life with people who focus on being aggressively patient. There's a fire in them, but also a peace. They run extremely hard, but enjoy the journey. They celebrate the big wins, and the small. They never lose sight of where they are going, or where they came from. Always aggressive, always patient!

Fatherhood and the Need to "Provide"

When I left my previous career, I did so with twin 3-year-olds and a wife who stayed home with them. Translation: we had a lot of mouths to feed, and I was the sole income for the family. A few days after announcing my resignation, a colleague pulled me aside. He was a few years older than me, also a husband and father. I thought he would congratulate me or perhaps wish me well in my future endeavors. Instead, he laid into me. He went on and on about how I needed to provide for my family. I was well aware of my responsibilities, as I had been thinking about it for months.

"Travis, you need to provide for your family!!!"

"Yeah, I know. That's exactly what I'm planning to do." 

"But you said you are going to take a huge pay cut."

"I am.....so what?"

"Your family deserves better, and you're taking that away from them."

Ah, now I get it. By better, he means more. By more, he means money. By money, he means comfort. By comfort, he means a higher standard of living. As a husband and a father, I deeply desire to "provide" for my family, but perhaps we need to define the word "provide." When it comes to husbands and fathers, we often get pigeonholed as someone whose role is to provide financially. Give our kids what we didn't have, or better than we had, or the opportunities they deserve, or [insert another ridiculous notion here]. 

Don't get me wrong, I do believe in providing financially. It's a big responsibility and one I don't take lightly. However, that's just part of the role. In addition to providing financially, husbands and fathers also need to provide physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and with our presence. If we're dumping boatloads of money onto our family but fail in these other areas, we've lost. Society says we've won, but we've lost. It reminds me of two stories:

I once had a youth group kid whose dad was an uber-successful businessman. Financially, they had everything they could ever want. The houses, cars, clothes, technology, and trips. They had a life many envied. But one day, she told me, "I don't really know my dad. He lives in my house, but I rarely see him. Some days I just wish we were a normal family and I could have a dad." Ouch. So sad.

When my kids were babies, while having dinner with Sarah, I was patting myself on the back for better navigating my life/work schedule so I could be home more. After all, we had two babies! I was expecting her to affirm what I had just said, but she threw me a curveball instead. "You're here, but you aren't here." Ouch. So sad.

Getting the money stuff right is important, but not when it sabotages the other areas. Yes, let's financially take care of our families. But don't let the pursuit of more, in the name of "providing," get in the way of being a true provider. Happy Father's Day to all you dads and grandpas out there. Go, provide for your families......in all the ways!

Empty Pantries and Rolexes

I had a fantastic week working in Midland, TX. The days were long and I missed my family, but I’m so glad I had the opportunity to make the trip and do work that matters. As I was flying home last night, I inadvertently found myself eavesdropping on a conversation happening immediately behind me. It was a man, probably in his 40s, talking to another man. They started talking about where they grew up, but the discussion quickly shifted to the first man’s childhood. He shared the harrowing story of poverty and how he and his siblings never knew if there would be a meal at night. The pantry was often empty, and he and his siblings would often find small jobs to bring in a little extra money to contribute to the family. I really felt for this man. I know there are a lot of people who go through similar experiences, and all are heartbreaking to me.

Fast forward an hour, and the two men start talking again. The same man again shares about his life. This time, the conversation is drastically different. He’s talking about his toys and trips. The spoils of his work. He’s an oil field guy, so there’s no doubt he grinds in his career. Work hard, play hard, as they say. What he said next perked my ears. “A few years ago, I bought a Rolex. I always wanted a Rolex, so I decided to get one. $15,000. But after wearing it once, I realized I didn’t really like it. So I just threw it in a drawer. Been sitting there for maybe 10 years. Oh well.”

As he was sharing this story, all I could think about was how $15,000 would have changed his family’s life when he was a kid with an empty pantry and an empty stomach. Granted, he probably doesn’t own a Delorean to go back in time*…..but he kind of does. There are so many people struggling today. Struggling in the same way he once struggled. Kids who go to bed hungry every day, probably in his own town. How much impact could he make with $15,000? Probably a ton! Instead, there’s $15,000 (plus appreciation) just sitting in a junk drawer in his kitchen.

I’m not demeaning this man. In fact, he’s pretty normal. Maybe not the Rolex part, but in the way he’s lost perspective as more resources came into his life. I see it daily and walk alongside countless families fighting that same battle. Some are winning, and some are losing. It’s so easy to lose sight of where we came from. We whine about how our 5-bedroom house isn’t big enough, yet that dumpy 1-bedroom apartment 20 years ago was just fine. We’re adamant that we need to drop $10,000+ to stay on-site at Disney World to “get the full experience,” but we were happy as clams to sit on the floorboards of the no-A/C van, listening to our parents’ lame music for 10 straight hours, on a family road trip to Mount Rushmore when we were kids. Here’s the cool part, though. It’s never too late. We are one or two decisions from drastically and suddenly shifting the trajectory of our life (and maybe someone else’s). Don’t allow money to let you lose perspective.

*Side note: I heard the other day that if Back to the Future was made today, Marty McFly would go back to 1993. Let that sink in……

Say "Yes", Then Enjoy the Ride

I've spent all week amidst the oilfields of West Texas. 105 degrees, sunny, strong winds, and a culture far removed from my normal day-to-day life. I've been on-site with a client, working on some fun but intense projects. It's been a series of 12-hour work days capped off by a delightful meal before returning to the hotel. It's been a challenging week, but it's been a rewarding week. I never anticipated this is where I'd spend a week of my life in June 2023, but life is funny like that. There were a million reasons it wouldn't happen, but one thing led me to this place: "Yes." In December, I had a coffee with a man who runs an up-and-coming company. This is where he asked me to do some work for them. I didn't really know what to say, as the work was a lot different than most of my other client and content creation work. However, it sounded fascinating, it was an opportunity to exercise some of the skills I put on a shelf after leaving my last career, and I knew it would be immensely challenging. I was correct on all accounts.

I'm not advocating we say "yes" to every single opportunity that comes our way. I know first-hand how poorly that can go for us. However, I suggest that maybe we need to be more willing to say "yes." Sometimes we need to say "yes" enough times before we truly understand where we need to say "no." Some of the best parts of my life are things I likely would have said "no" to.

If you're anxious about saying "yes" to something, ask yourself one crucial question: "I am stuck if I do this?" In most cases, there's no real risk to saying "yes." I could have done one project for this company, realized it wasn't for me, then quickly got out. No harm, no foul. That option was on the table. Instead, I'm in Texas meeting new people, learning new things, and adding value to others in a different way. It's wonderful, and I'm grateful for the opportunity!

I'm excited to see my family later tonight, but I'll also be excited for my next trip to one of this company's various locations. Life is a fun journey full of twists, turns, and uncertainties. I heard we'll never get out alive. If that's true, let's say "yes" more often and enjoy the ride.

No Good Deed: The Rest of the Story

Yesterday, I shared the story of a crappy flight experience where I tried to be generous and do the right thing, but quickly paid a harsh price for said generosity. If you haven't read that post yet, I highly recommend you do before reading the rest of this article. During this horrendous experience, I did the one thing that could possibly help me keep my sanity: I started writing. The frustration I experienced while sitting in my plane seat happened while we were experiencing a severe delay in taking off. So as I'm writing, the pilot announced the flight would be delayed for "at least 1 hour" as maintenance crews fix a broken part. They then asked us to get off the plane and await further instructions. That's when I wrote the majority of yesterday's article.

I have a confession for you. Yesterday's post wasn't the whole story. As I was lamenting the situation to myself and in my writing, I stated, "All we can do is put our best foot forward and hope good will come from our actions (whether we see it or not)." Today's post is about what happened next.

After a lengthy delay, we all got back on the plane......well, most of us. Given the severity of the delay, many people were going to miss their connecting flights and had to make alternative arrangements. Thus, there were far fewer people on the plane. Due to a minor miracle (and much luck), I had an entire row to myself. For this, I was extremely excited!!!! As we were getting ready to take off, the mom behind me (the one who leered at me as if I was a child molester) engaged me and thanked me for being so kind to their little girl. They revealed to me how they were on day two of flight cancellations and hadn't slept in two nights. This fact would most certainly explain why the dad was so irritable, or as I referred to him yesterday, "belligerent." As the conversation continued, they realized I was the one who gave up my seat so they could all sit together as a family. They expressed their gratitude for this gesture, especially for how exhausted and distraught their last few days have made them. In short, this was a good family, with the best intentions, clearly struggling, but majorly grateful for my small generous act.

Remember my comment from yesterday? "All we can do is put our best foot forward and hope good will come from our actions (whether we see it or not)." Doing the right thing is always the right thing. We can never go wrong with being generous. I meant those words when I said them yesterday, but I'm so grateful for the swift and forceful reminder of how important our generosity, humility, and empathy is. It always matters.

No Good Deed

Yesterday, while waiting to board a flight, I heard my name called over the loudspeaker. Since I suspected I wasn't lucky enough to get upgraded to first class, I knew it wouldn't be a wonderful moment of my day.

I sauntered up to the counter, where they informed me there was a family who wanted to sit together. I wait for the punchline. To make that happen, they want me to change seats. Doing so required me to go from an aisle seat to a window seat. They weren't telling me.....they were asking me. 100% my choice. Should I stay in the seat I want, or should I move so a handful of strangers can sit where they want while I get jammed against the window?

I certainly didn't want to move from the aisle to a window, but in my mind, it was the right thing to do. I understand what it's like to travel with kids; as I thought about it, it felt like moving was the right and generous thing to do. Fast forward 30 minutes, I'm sitting in my new and downgraded window seat......right in front of the family who consolidated into my old seat. And as luck would have it, their toddler was sitting directly behind me, where she repeatedly and continually kicked, punched, and slammed the back of my chair. To top it off, the parents were quite rude. The dad was somewhat belligerent and acted like a complete jerk. At one point, I turned around to say hello and engage with the cute little girl, which was met with harshness from the parents (perhaps assuming that I was a predator attempting to prey on their little girl). Overall, it was an incredibly frustrating experience.

No good deed goes unpunished, as they say. If I'm being candid, the whole thing felt pretty crappy. I wouldn't take it back, though. Doing the right thing is always the right thing. We can never truly lose if we're pursuing generosity. All we can do is put our best foot forward and hope good will come from our actions (whether we see it or not). I made a sacrifice so a family could sit together. They did sit together, which was probably better than not sitting together, and it turns out I'm still alive and healthy.

I'm just going to call that a win. A small and somewhat crappy win. But a win nonetheless!!

The One Place....Yeah, That One

Question of the day: What’s that one place you want to travel to more than any other? Most people know the answer to this question, and you probably do, too.

A while back, I was talking to a client when the topic of travel was brought up. They revealed to me their absolutely biggest bucket list item is to travel to ________ (the place isn’t important….insert your imagination here). They’ve always dreamt of it, and they talk about it all the time, but they have no plans to ever do it. It’s not a money issue. The trip honestly wouldn’t cost too much money in the context of their financial situation. It just felt too big to actually be real.

In the conversation, I reminded them how they’ve spent many multiples of this trip in restaurants, clothes, toys, and other miscellaneous “want” categories over the last few years alone. In short, they’ve willingly (but accidentally) abandoned their biggest bucket list item in exchange for a lot of things they really don’t care about.

Then, I asked another question. “When are you going? Pick a day.” “It’s not that simple, Travis.” But it is. It is that simple. It’s that stinkin’ simple. We visually mapped it out on the whiteboard. They have the vacation time, they have the flexibility, and they certainly have the desire. We illustrated that if they were to save $_____ for the next 5 months (completely doable!!), the trip is paid for. Just like that!

Last night, I received a screenshot of a hotel reservation. They are doing it!!! They’ve waited 15 years to take this trip, and all it took was a little nudge and a lot of intentionality.

What’s your one place?

Work That Matters Matters

On Saturday, I had the pleasure of spending the morning with our Northern Vessel Coffee team at the Des Moines Farmer’s Market. This market is one of the top markets in the country and welcomes more than 20,000 visitors every Saturday morning. Being invited to participate in the market this year was a huge win and honor for the business, and an opportunity we don’t take lightly.

When the idea rose to the surface, two of our full-time guys immediately stepped up and said they wanted to take ownership of it. This is a tremendous amount of work! The brewing, the prep, the transportation, the setup, the actual market, the teardown, and the part where they do it again next week (for 25 more weeks). The operation is primarily run through those two guys, but a third person (my job this week) is needed to help keep the train on the tracks by making sure they have ice, cups, lids, kegs, and everything else constantly stocked. After all, the market is pure madness and they can easily go two hours without even a 10-second break. They ended up killing 14 kegs of our signature oat milk cold brew lattes.

One thing is clear. Those two guys were ground to a pulp by the time it was over and we had finally loaded all our gear back into the truck. Here’s the thing, though. They were living their best life. The entire time, they served people well and did it with a passion you could read on their faces. Their work matters to them. It matters deeply. I see it in the shop, and I see it at the market. The entire team, and these two guys in this particular scenario, are driven to excellence and believe in the mission. They aren’t serving coffee…..they are adding value to people’s lives. They are injecting joy, hospitality, community, and yes, some tasty coffee, into people’s day.

This is the beautiful part about work. All work matters, but not all work matters to you or to me. We are each called to identify, pursue, and embrace work that matters to each of us. Not fun work. Not easy work. Not simple work. Not status-driven work. Not lucrative work. Not glamorous work. Work that matters. Work that moves the needle in our lives. Work that we’re excited to do when we wake up in the morning and feel fulfilled in when we’re going to bed later that night.

My favorite moment was towards the end of the day. The market had closed and we were nearly done packing up the Truck with all our gear to take back to the shop. The two guys, beat red from a combination of the sun and five hours of straight grind, looked at each other and smiled. They had just done something special, together, had the time of their lives doing it, and felt a sense of fulfillment for what just happened. Work that matters, man! Work that matters.

Embrace the Training Wheels

I spent some time with a young man recently who is trying to gain the courage and confidence to make a big financial decision. He wants to invest, but the dollar amount feels heavy. It’s a huge responsibility, and he wants to get it right. Is he taking too much risk? Is he possibly putting himself in a bad spot? Is this a wise move? He’s saved up for a long time, so this is a big deal to him. It was $200. Yes, two hundred George Washingtons. This was a massive deal for him, but for you and me, it was yesterday’s trip to the grocery store.

I loved this about him. I loved how he desperately wanted to get it right. To him, in his season of life, in the context of where he’s at, $200 is a ton of money. I admire his desire to learn, grow, and live up to the responsibility. While it may have only been $200, this will surely set the tone for what’s to come in his journey. These are the training wheels of stewardship. If he learns to handle a little, he’ll eventually be prepared to handle more. Herein lies the problem with so many people in today’s culture. They never learned how to handle it when it was only $200, thus they are woefully unprepared to handle it when it’s many multiples of that.

I was thinking about my own journey recently as I was writing a check to contribute more equity to Northern Vessel. Within about four months of being open, we had outgrown our space. After a handful of owner meetings, we decided to renovate the space to make it more efficient, better align with the realities of our business model, and create more customer seating. A few things struck me as I was writing out the check: 1) we’re so blessed to be in a position where this is even a need, 2) Sarah and I are blessed to be in a position where we can financially do this, and 3) how intense this would have been for 19-year-old Travis who had very sweaty palms when attempting to make even a small stock market transaction.

The only reason I was able to do what I just did was because I had embraced the training wheels and slowly grew into it. That’s the opportunity I have, that’s the opportunity this young man has, and that’s the opportunity you have. Each day is an opportunity to get a little bit better, gain competence and confidence, and grow our capacity to take on more in the future. It sometimes feels like a slow journey, but you’ll be there before you know it! Embrace those training wheels!

Losing Together

Here’s the scenario. We have a married couple, with combined finances, and a shared vision. By all accounts, this is an amazing couple. They love each other deeply and genuinely love being married to one another. In the course of living life, one spouse makes a financial mistake. I’m not talking about buying a jar of chunky peanut butter when your spouse wanted creamy. I’m talking about a mistake that will inevitably cost the family nearly $1,000.

This recently played out with one of my clients. It’s not an uncommon scenario, though. Life moves fast and we make hundreds of decisions each day…..often under stress, unknowns, and time constraints. There are a lot of ways this type of situation can play out, but here’s how it often does. The mistake-making spouse, out of a feeling of guilt and obligation, chooses to personally eat this cost. For a family that practices the use of personal spending, this individual will elect to pay for it out of their personal spending (either upfront or over time). The other spouse, also possibly upset about the situation, is more than happy to let the other person eat it. After all, it is their fault, and they should pay for their mistake.

It’s easy to go down that route, but I can tell you with utmost certainty, that it’s a toxic way to handle it. I would know because Sarah and I have done it…..multiple times. However, at some point in the journey, I realized we were missing the point. We should win together AND lose together. When one of us succeeds, we both succeed. If that’s true, then when one of us fails, we both should fail…..together. It’s not about keeping score, punishing the other spouse, or being vindictive. It should be about rallying around each other, taking care of business, learning a valuable lesson, and putting it in the rear-view mirror.

Coincidentally, we had a terrible (but fun) moment in our house yesterday. I opened the mail to find a $100 speeding ticket triggered by an automated speed camera. After examining the facts of the matter, I realized it was clearly Sarah who is the criminal. She was visibly upset when I told her about it, but her go-to response WASN’T to immediately try to eat it herself. Instead, she asked when it’s due and started pondering where it will come from in the budget. I’m frustrated with her, and she feels guilty, but we’ll eat it together and quickly put it in the rearview mirror. That’s how it should work.

It won’t be her last mistake, and unfortunately, I’ll probably make my fair share as well. We’ll continue losing together, and hopefully, you do, too.

My Small Business Doesn’t Deserve Your Business

As anticipated, I’ve taken a fair amount of heat for my posts about small businesses (HERE and HERE). Perhaps they missed the preface where I clarified that I, myself, am a small business owner. My family’s survival rests solely on the fate of my small businesses. So when someone calls me a “big box retail shill”, it’s a bit confusing. Oh well, it comes with the territory.

The narrative that keeps getting pushed is this idea that small businesses deserve for you, me, and other people to patronize their companies simply because they are a local small business. Every week, another local small business sadly closes its doors. With it comes a myriad of social media posts, lamenting how nobody supports small businesses. I couldn’t disagree more, as I interact with successful small businesses every day. Businesses that have served the community well for years or even decades. If people don’t support small businesses, why have these businesses found so much success and longevity?

Small businesses, you don’t deserve anyone’s business. My small business doesn’t deserve anyone’s business. Each day, we small businesses must earn the right to serve people well, then re-earn the right to do it again. The formula is fairly simple. We need to offer a good product, at a good value, and do it with a good attitude.

If you don’t sell a good product, there’s no point for people to patronize your business. The product has to be needed or wanted, and have some level of uniqueness compared to other options. It doesn’t have to be a life-changing product, but it has to be quality. If I open a fax machine store in 2023, I don’t think I’d be in business long. The product matters.

If you have a good product, but it’s priced at a level where it costs more than the value it adds, it’s a hard sell. The pricing structure has to make sense. If you’re selling a cup of coffee for $15, not many people will find value for the price. Us business owners must find a way to offer our good products at a price that provides margin between cost and value. In that margin comes the opportunity to make people’s lives better.

If you have a good product and it offers a good value, but you don’t sell it with a good attitude, people will simply choose to shop elsewhere. On many occasions, I’ve purchased a great product at a great price, but was treated with indifference (or even annoyance). Personally, I’d rather buy a lesser product or get a lesser value than be treated like garbage. I could list off a dozen businesses in my town that don’t treat people well (and thus have lost my business). How we sell our products/services matters.

If we do all three of those things, we’ll likely thrive. If we don’t, we’ll possibly be the next story about how a small business closed its doors. It’s a hard endeavor, but worth it.

Getting a Reset

We just got home a few hours ago from a fairly grueling trip back from LA. It certainly wasn’t the most grueling travel day I’ve ever had, but when you endure a 2-hour flight delay with two six-year-old boys, “misery” is an appropriate word to classify it. Nevertheless, it was a great trip. My talks went well, it was amazing to catch up with old friends, and we created some wonderful family memories.

All that being said, I’m toast. This trip took a lot out of me, and I’m stepping back into a lot of intensity. Lots of client e-mails to send, a large client project to engage in, people to catch up with, and a 4-day work trip in Texas next week to do some on-site client work.

This brings to the forefront the idea of getting a reset. If I’m being honest, I’m not great from a day-to-day perspective for getting breaks. Life often sweeps me away, bouncing from one thing to the next. Don’t get me wrong, these are all great things…..there’s just a lot of them. One of the best ways I know how to get some reprieve is to get what I call resets. These are periodic intentional acts that seem to provide me with a degree of rest, relaxation, clarity, and recharge. Here’s my list:

• Bike rides: For me, there’s nothing that clears the mind and gets the blood flowing like a good bike ride. I can sometimes find a way to sneak in a 10-mile ride during the week, but I absolutely love getting a 20-mile ride in on a nice Saturday afternoon.

• Massages: A few years ago, I decided to splurge with my personal spending money to get a membership for a monthly massage. I didn’t know how much I would enjoy it, but wow! This easily turns into one of the most anticipated days of my month.

• Sensory Depravation Chamber: Picture a large metal coffin, filled with 10 inches of 98-degree water, with 1,000 pounds of salt added to it, while also being completely light-proof and sound-proof. This makes for a surreal but amazingly relaxing experience. Your body floats on top of the water, but because of the temperature, you can’t tell where the water ends and your body begins. It’s one of the most unique experiences I’ve ever had……every time I do it. Some of the best ideas of my life have come from time spent in this chamber.

• Retreats: About once per quarter, I’ll get a hotel for a few nights where I’ll isolate myself from the world. Sometimes I go to a different metro and sometimes I’ll stay in my metro. I’ll experience some good meals, read books, write, sleep, brainstorm, and maybe even catch a movie at a theater. This is probably the best source of reset for me right now. I anticipate these getaways for months.

Well, that’s me….what about you? How do you find resets in your life? I’d love to learn some new ideas and find ways to keep getting better on my journey. Please hit reply to your e-mail or drop a comment below. I’d love to hear from you!

Cutting What Doesn't Add Value

In last night’s workshop in Los Angeles, one of the topics I discussed was the idea of leaning into OUR values when making financial decisions. So often, we absorb the culture’s values and do things (i.e. spend) in accordance with what everyone else is doing. For every dollar we spend on something we don’t care about, it’s one less dollar we have to spend on something we do. One of the questions I asked is this, “What do you spend money on that DOESN’T add value to your life?” A handful of people publicly answered, but one, in particular, caught my attention. A woman jumped in and said, “Netflix.”

I think this is the perfect example of how values are personal and unique. For this woman, a $15 monthly subscription to a massive streaming service doesn’t add much value for the $15 price tag. For me, on the other hand, I think it may be one of the best cost vs. value propositions in the entire world. But that’s where this money stuff gets personal. She probably needs to cut this expense from her budget, whereas I need to make sure it remains a priority. But there’s a high likelihood that there’s something in her life that adds a ton of value that would be absolutely ridiculous for me to spend money on. She has her things and I have mine. That’s how it’s supposed to work.

This idea is a big driver of whether we have a healthy relationship with money or not. If we’re being healthy, our spending aligns with our values. When our spending doesn’t align, we often create an unhealthy relationship with money. We’re not always going to get it right (like that one time I spent a ton of money for sweet rims on my Acura Integra), but we can continue to get better each day. When we do, life will be richer, we’ll be more content, and we’ll feel far less guilt in our spending.

Simplicity For the Win

Later today, I’ll be hosting a workshop in Los Angeles about getting a better grasp on our finances. The general expectation in the room will likely be for me to launch into a diatribe about budgeting, spending less, and saving more. If I’m being honest, that would be boring. For as simple as that topic is, I want to go even more simple. Behind this idea is my theory that we humans tend to overcomplicate things every step of the way…..our money included.

Asking someone to do simple things when they’ve already structured their base financial life in an unintentionally complex way is a fool’s errand. This is one of the biggest reasons people are unable to change and make positive strides with their finances. To get one level simpler, I like to discuss core values, basic account structure, and to gain self-awareness of what’s happening in their life. It’s only then we can move into budgeting and other similar topics. Once we know some of these basics, we can begin the process of simplifying and consolidating to whatever extent is needed.

If we start complex with our finances, it will inevitably get more complex over time. If we start simple, we have a chance to build simple. Then if we build simple, we have a chance to continue building simple. It takes a lot of intentionality, but it’s worth the endeavor.

“Travis, you try to make things too simple.” That’s one of the best insults I can get. If someone is thinking that, then I know we’re on the right track. Complex doesn’t mean we’re smart or sophisticated. It just means we are complex. Simplicity, on the other hand, can free us and empower us. The simpler we can make it, the less brain power and more energy we can put behind it.

So ask yourself the same question I try to ask myself (and my clients) on a regular basis: “Is there a way to make this simpler?” If the answer is yes, we have work to do. If the answer is no, then we’re as simple as we need to be. Simplicity for the win.

What is Family?

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of speaking at The Gathering, a church located in Hawaiian Gardens, CA (southern edge of LA County). Having that opportunity meant the world to me, as that church means the world to me. It was a surreal feeling to fly halfway across the country to speak to an audience that feels like family. It’s a foreign place to me (#midwesternkid), yet it feels like home. Before and after both services, I caught up with old friends and made some new friends. Lots of hugs, life updates, and stories about past shenanigans. I was also blessed by having my friends Chi-Chung and Roberta come listen to me speak (plus a wonderful lunch at the park afterward).

Days like yesterday really make me pause and ask the question, “What is family?” Sure, the easiest answer revolves around blood. That’s our natural go-to when thinking about family. However, it’s interesting to think about how I don’t share blood with a single person in the photo above (nor with any of my Hawaiian Garden family). We adopted our two amazing sons, Chi-Chung and I have served together in Southeast Asia for the last seven years, and I’ve spent many weeks with my friends in Hawaiian Gardens while leading high school mission trips. Yet, all of these people are family to me.

So I’ll ask again, “What is family?” To be honest, I don’t know the answer……but I know it when I see it. Family is family, well, because it is family. There’s a richness in these relationships that cannot be adequately explained in writing. I see my Hawaiian Garden friends once per year, and I probably see Chi-Chung about the same (usually in some faraway land). But when I do, it’s like we just saw each other yesterday. That’s family. Life is messy, filled with twists, turns, pain, and turmoil. But there are people around us who share in the burden so we don’t have to do it alone (and vice versa). That’s family. In a world that’s quick to criticize, question, and discourage, there are people in our life who will support, love, and encourage. That’s family.

I still don’t know the definition of family, but I know it when I see it. Yesterday was truly one of the best days of my year. Every single interaction I had meant something to me. It was one of those “pinch me” days, where I couldn’t believe this is my life. Or, maybe more precisely, I couldn’t believe who I get to call family.

Never stop building family and never stop pouring into those relationships. Those relationships provide a richness not attainable with money or status. A richness that makes life worth living.

Through Children's Eyes

Yesterday was a series of firsts for Finn and Pax. Their first flight, their first In-N-Out burger, and their first time in the ocean. For the cherry on top, we shot off a bunch of fireworks with our friends to end the night (not a first, but who doesn’t love blowing stuff up!?!?). It was a fun day, indeed, but what makes it special for me is watching it through their eyes. The looks of shock, awe, excitement, and amazement…..all of them are gold! It can be magical.

I sometimes get jealous of how excited kids get. The simplest thing for a kid might as well be the Powerball jackpot. We adults, on the other hand, oftentimes struggle to get excited about even the coolest of things. I suppose that’s what happens after you’ve lived long enough and nothing feels truly new.

I think this is one of the contributing factors to why many adults try to spend their way to happiness. Upping the ante, shooting higher, going bigger. Sometimes we make drastic decisions in hopes of sparking something. Maybe it’s that something we used to feel way back when in childhood.

But what if we could find a way to regain some of that childlike excitement? I’ve been experimenting with this idea for a while now…..especially as it pertains to travel. The 1,000th flight and 400th hotel start to feel a bit blah, but there are so many ways to light that fire of wonder. For me, it’s seeking out a new city, or maybe a new neighborhood in a city you’ve already spent a lot of time in. That’s what Sarah and I did during a recent trip to Doha, Qatar. We intentionally explored a different part of the city, forcing ourselves to get uncomfortable. It felt like a whole new adventure. Or maybe we’ll try to find under-the-radar sites to visit, or unique food, or connect with different people.

To be honest, there’s one more idea that’s been better than any of the others. Finding ways to loop other people into the journey with us. I may not be able to experience something for the first time again, but I can help others gain that experience in their own lives (and share it with them). This is truly one of my favorite things in the world. It’s an act of generosity. Some people want these new experiences but don’t know how to access them. Each of us has access to something unique in life, just waiting to be shared with others. Maybe it’s a place, or an event, or a relationship, or a skill. When we share it, in a way, we get to watch it through their eyes. That’s a true gift…..for the giver.

They Come in Threes, Right?

You know the saying, “Bad things come in threes”, right? I always roll my eyes at this saying, as I’m not a superstitious person. Well, I’m no longer laughing. In the 36 hours leading up to our family trip, we got struck by the trifecta of terrible. First, a tree fell on our house. Then, we randomly had water in our basement, on either side of an interior wall. Just hours after that, the pipes under the kitchen sink burst as Sarah was doing dishes. I was already stressed as I was trying to finish my talks ahead of this hybrid work trip / family vacation, so needless to say the stress level in our house increased dramatically. .

It may have been a bit poetic to get hit by the hat trick of crappy considering I met with three separate families earlier in the week who have been navigating their share of heavy life. All three of these families have their own unique junk that continues to pile up (theirs didn’t stop at three). Though it feels like they are losing, I reminded them how well they are doing considering the circumstances.

There’s one question that tends to change the perspective of the conversation. “How would this have played out in the past?” The answer is usually a combination of fighting, drained savings, credit card debt, an abandonment of priorities, a feeling of hopelessness, and a bit more fighting. These types of situations can be utterly destructive to a couple’s relationship and finances.

In each of these recent cases, however, the consequence was a little stress and a slowdown of financial progress. Night and day difference! What’s the secret sauce? Intentionality, ongoing budgeting, a healthy emergency fund, living with margin, planned savings for foreseeable needs/issues, and a shared vision. It doesn’t make these types of situations fun to deal with, but at least they will live to fight another day…..and not lose their dreams along the way.

So despite each of these families losing ground on their progress, I congratulate each one for amazing work. Even if it feels lousy, these are amazing wins worth celebrating! Winning is fun, but sometimes the win is not losing. It enables us to get back on the horse and keep fighting the good fight. Find those little wins and celebrate the heck out of them. They may not be the wins you’re looking for, but they may be the wins you need.

Would You Buy it Today?

I once had a finance professor who framed up buy/sell investment decision-making in a unique way. I’ve heard this same perspective many times since, but I remember how much it made me think back to when I was a 20-year-old kid. If you’re sitting on an investment that you don’t know whether you should sell or not, simply ask yourself, “Would I buy it today at this price?” If the answer to the question is yes, then hold. If the answer is no, then sell. Why? Because not making a decision is still a decision. Every time you choose not to sell, you’re choosing to buy at today’s price.

While this has proven to be sage investment advice, I think it’s even more powerful when brought out of the investment space and into the broader context of life. Many of our habits, relationships, jobs, expenses, possessions, and countless other nuances of life, are the residual of past decisions. When the decision was made (let’s call it the buy), it might have been the ideal choice for us. Fast forward months, years, or decades, however, this aspect of our life might not be nearly as ideal as it once was. Therein lies the choice. Would we choose to do this thing today if we weren’t already doing it? If the answer is yes, we should keep doing it (hold). If the answer is no, perhaps it’s time to stop (sell).

I’ve been auditing various aspects of my life, work, and ministry lately, and it’s humbling to recognize how many no’s I’m getting when I ask myself that question. It’s a humbling question, but a worthwhile endeavor. You should give it a shot!

If Not, What's the Point?

One of my clients was recently considering making a somewhat major purchase……in the +/- $25,000 range. This is no small sum of money, and they fully recognize that. The particular item they were considering isn’t greatly important to this conversation, and I want you to use your imagination so you can put yourself in your shoes with whatever type of item might be in your life.

On one hand, they recognize the value this item would bring to their life. Time spent with their kids, intentional time away from the house, and creating new memories. On the other hand, it’s $25,000 they would be disconnecting from their broader plan, and it would most certainly “hurt” them financially. The math says this is a bad decision, as math usually does. However, buying this item isn’t reckless and won’t materially impair them.

After discussing, here' was my opinion. Of course they should buy it!!! If not, what’s the point of all this? To me, this is the easiest yes of all time. They’ve been trying (successfully) to steward their resources well, live responsibly, explore generosity, and create memories with their kids. Mission and memories! This family is modeling what it looks like to view and handle money in a healthy way…..I hope it’s contagious with others in their circle.

Ultimately, they didn’t need me to tell them to do it. I think they knew deep down this was the right thing to do, and they are doing it! This is one of the things I love about this couple. It’s never about money…..because money is never about money. Meaning over money, always.

Do you have something like this in your life and have actually pulled the trigger? Or maybe you know what it is, but have hesitated to follow through? Would love to hear your stories! Please hit reply or drop a comment below. Have an awesome day!