Pushing Boundaries

My first trip to Asia was in early 2016. Sarah and I were invited to Hong Kong for me to interview for a board position. To say I was nervous would be a drastic understatement. I grew up in a farm town in the Midwest. Sure, I had traveled a decent amount by 2016, but for whatever reason, Asia felt exceedingly intimidating. While I was terrified going in, what I experienced upon arriving in Asia would change my life forever. Over the course of that trip, and the many Asia trips I've taken since, it's felt more and more like home.

Quick tangent. Sarah and I sold our house in Iowa in 2019. The plan was to rent a small townhome so that we would have fewer household responsibilities and liabilities (mowing, snow removal, potential basement flooding, etc.). With that newfound freedom, we planned to move to Thailand and split our year between Asia and Iowa. That's how convicted I am about my love for Asia.

I've been reflecting on that first trip to Asia lately. The excitement. The anticipation. The fear. The unknowns. As I'm mere days away from my upcoming Mongolia trip, I can't help but think about how unbothered I am about it. I'm not sure what my days there will look like. I don't know what activities we'll participate in. I don't know what cities I'll be traveling to. I haven't started packing. If there's any way I can describe it, it feels like a weekend road trip to Chicago.

This trip will obviously carry more significance in my life than most, but the fact I have no anxious energy heading into it is a weird feeling to think about. I believe that's the power of pushing boundaries.

Things are scary....until they aren't.

Things are new.....until they become normal.

We don't know how to do something.....until we've done it.

It reminds me of a conversation with a friend who desperately wants to start a podcast, but doesn't know how. He's anxious about it. It feels intimidating. He asked how I learned how to podcast. My answer: "By starting a podcast." Cole and I knew nothing.....until we knew something. Fast-forward 360+ episodes later, and we know a lot more about podcasting than when we recorded that first episode.

This principle applies to every single area of my life and your life. The only thing standing between us and where we want to be is having the courage to push the boundaries. Make yourself uncomfortable. Try something new. Push through the fear. You'll be so grateful you did!

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Hop Into My DeLorean

Not long ago, I was having lunch with a former youth group kid. He's nearly 30 years old now, diving head-first into life. Career, marriage, ministry, babies....all the good stuff. Amidst that conversation, I uttered the words, "Man, what I would give to go back to being 30!!!!"

Fast forward a few weeks, and I was talking to an elderly man I cross paths with from time to time. He asked about my businesses, kids, and sports teams. Always a fun brief chat! Toward the end, he uttered the words, "I wish I could go back to age 45!"

I thought a lot about that. I'm sitting here in my early 40s, lamenting how I wish I could go back to 30, and an older man is lamenting how he wishes he could go back to an age that's even older than me!

That's when it dawned on me. I don't have a DeLorean that can take me back to age 30, but I do have a different type of DeLorean. Someday (if someone doesn't kill me first), I'll be and old man. And that old man Travis would probably do anything to have a DeLorean that could take him back to his early 40s.

That means today is a gift. I could wish myself younger all I want, but doing so would prevent me from realizing I probably have 40+ productive years left on this earth. What a gift! I'm already living my DeLorean life for soon-to-be old Travis. I best not waste the opportunity.

However old you are, remember there's probably someone who would give anything to go back to your age. Lucky for you that you're already there! Carpe diem! Make it count. Have an awesome day!

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The Competitor In the Mirror

TJ, my Northern Vessel business partner, received a phone call from the Des Moines Register a few days ago. The reporter wanted to know what he thought about Caribou Coffee opening a new location right next door to our Northern Vessel shop. First, that was the first time either of us had heard about Caribou's plans. Second, we did have thoughts!

I'm not sure what the original intent of the article was. I'm being somewhat presumptuous here, and I certainly don't want to put words in anyone's mouth. In short, I think the general idea is that yet another big, national chain location is moving in on local small businesses. This would make sense, as Caribou has more than 750 locations in 11 countries......while we are one of one. This also makes sense, considering it's the prevailing sentiment in our culture right now. Support small. Support local. Stop letting corporations kill the little man.

What TJ ultimately told them was an entirely different story. He talked about how he was excited to have Caribou join the neighborhood, as it would bring more traffic to our little corridor. And if that happens, perhaps we'll have the opportunity to serve those people. Awesome! Here’s an IG Reel he posted about the situation.

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A post shared by NORTHERN VESSEL (@northernvessel)

I don't fault Caribou for moving in—good for them! This isn't about big business vs. small business. It's not about local vs. national. It's not about who deserves to be here vs. who doesn't. It's about excellent vs. not. Will we be excellent? Will they be excellent? Caribou has every right to set up shop and try to be successful. We don't feel oppressed or victimized. Instead, we're grateful. We're grateful for the customers who trust us, for the brand we're building, for our team driving the mission forward, and for the opportunity to get 1% better each day.

It reminds me of something my friend Michael once told me in a coaching meeting: "Losers focus on winners, and winners focus on winning." There might have been a few f-bombs dropped in that sentence, but this is a kid-friendly blog.

Here's the last line of the Register article, a quote from TJ: "At the end of the day, excellence wins." TJ is so right about that one. Our only choice is to be excellent. Luckily, our only desire is to be excellent.

Regardless of what you do, I have a challenge for you! With so much noise all around us, it's so easy to get distracted and sidetracked from the mission. It's easy to take offense, feel threatened, get jealous, and feel robbed. Those aren't choices.....at least not productive ones. Instead, let's just focus on being excellent. After all, our real competition is the person staring at us in the mirror. Excellence always wins. Just be your best today, get 1% better, and do it again. The rest will take care of itself.

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You May Only Get One Chance

I have a talk coming up next week. I'm excited about it, but with my typical nervous energy. All talks mean a lot to me, and this one is no different. It reminds me of a concept I think about a lot. This talk might be my one and only chance to make a difference in someone's life. Some people in that room have never heard my name, and may never hear my name again. However, I have a 60-minute window to make a difference. That's where the nervous energy comes in. What an opportunity! What a responsibility!

Most of you probably aren't giving a talk next week, but you are doing something that will provide you with rare access to someone. For 5, 15, 30, or even 60 minutes, you might have a brief but powerful window to move the needle in someone's life. I think about all the brief interactions I’ve had throughout the course of my life. Many of them are fleeting and unmemorable, but some make a lasting impact.

I think about the stranger who stopped when I was stranded with a broken-down vehicle. I only spent 10 minutes with him in my life, but his assistance made my day (and perhaps saved it as well).

I think about the woman at the stadium security checkpoint who pointed out I had a forbidden (but not dangerous) item in my bag. Instead of forcing me to trudge all the way back to my car, she showed me grace. That saved my night.

I think about a man who took an hour out of his day to meet with a young 19-year-old Travis to share some wisdom and insights about running a business. This guy had far better things to do that day, but he invested in me. I've never seen him again, but wow, he made an impact on me.

None of these people know how much they impacted me…..but I do! We may only get one chance to make a difference in someone’s life. See the opportunity. Embrace the responsibility. Move the needle!

My upcoming speaking event is actually virtual, and it's free! You know what that means!?!? It means every blog reader has the opportunity to attend (if you're interested). It's with the Greater Des Moines Partnership and is part of their Top Five For Small Business series. It's Wednesday, September 25th at 9AM CST. The Des Moines Partnership is a great organization, and they are doing wonderful things to cultivate and grow business and innovation in our city. I'll be giving a slightly modified version of my main keynote talk, so if you haven't heard that talk before, now's your chance! Here is a preview article I wrote for The Partnership last week, which gives you a taste of what to expect. AND HERE IS THE EVENT PAGE WHERE YOU CAN LEARN MORE AND COMPLETE YOUR FREE REGISTRATION. I hope to see some of you there!

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I Guess I’ll Go There

Today's post will be a bit different than most. It's a post I never intended to write, but I feel an unshakable nudge to do it. I'm not sure what the impact could or should be, but I pray whatever impact it has, it outweighs the discomfort and possible consequences of writing it. I'm also willfully exceeding my self-imposed 500-word limit, but I hope it's worth it!

Occasionally, I'll get hit with a particular question that shakes me to the core. I immediately know the answer to said question, but I rarely answer it head-on. Those closest to me know the answer, but outside of a select few, it's a mostly unknown piece of my story......well, until today. Here's the question:

"You look at life very weird." Yeah, I realize that's not a question. That's the typical setup to the question. Here's what follows: "Why do you see the world the way you do, and what makes you choose the weird life you live?" That's a paraphrase, but it's an amalgamation of the various ways it gets asked.

Several factors probably play into that answer (including faith), but there's one specific factor that, as you'll see in a moment, perhaps moves the needle more than I care to admit. For more than ten years, I have lived under the threat of death (at the hands of another). I've been told it will happen, and others around us have been told it will happen. Not if, but when. It's been an ever-present piece of Sarah and I's lives. We've worked with authorities in multiple municipalities, but unfortunately, nothing can be done until something happens. It feels a bit ironic that "something happening" is me dying, but once that something happens, there's no longer a reason for authorities to protect me from something happening. Oh well, I've made peace with this long ago.

I've always joked that the end of my life will appear on a Dateline episode. It's a tasteless joke, I know. But perhaps it's the joke I needed to tell to work through the insanity of my situation.

I lived in fear for the longest time. Anxious about where I was. Nervous to post on social media. Hesitant to put myself in vulnerable situations. Then, it dawned on me; I was treating myself as if I were already dead.....which is just as bad as death itself. The other person, without even following through on their promise, had already won. That moment sparked an immediate and drastic shift in me.

Instead of living as if I were dying, I would live as if I were celebrating the fact I was still alive. It made me think about meaning, impact, and relationships. I realized that if my life were ultimately cut short, I ought to live with as much meaning and impact as possible while I have the chance.

I don't think about this situation as much anymore. It's not part of my everyday life, and I no longer look over my shoulder. While enough time has passed to cause this threat to (hopefully) become an asterisk in my story, there's no doubt it influences my decisions and which paths I take in this journey called life. I hope I live a long and meaningful life, but if it's going to get cut short for any reason, at least it will be a short AND MEANINGFUL life.

I'm fascinated by people who have looked death in the face. Cancer champions, car crash survivors, and a myriad of other wild situations. One thing that stands out for most is that their experience has significantly altered how they see and approach life. Meaning. Purpose. Gratitude for the time here. The realization that our time is limited.

I just met a new friend yesterday who lives with unapologetic joy, purpose, and meaning. So much so that I brought up this concept with her; I knew something must have happened. Sure enough, she shares the most tragic and painful story imaginable. She stared death in the face, and while it was excruciatingly heartbreaking, something beautiful came out of it: the life she leads and the impact she's making on this world.

While I don't wish terrifying and life-threatening experiences on anyone, I deeply desire each and every person to understand how special this opportunity of life is, find meaning in all of it, and not wait until tomorrow to "actually enjoy it."

Yeah, I'm definitely weird. But I know a lot of other weirdos who also view and live life differently. I hope they realize how much impact they are making, and more importantly, I hope you self-identify with them!

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Kicking In the Door

If there's one thing that never ceases to amazing me, it's our human instinct to justify our desires. We'll use just about anything to squint, twist, and sell ourselves into a decision we probably shouldn't make. I'll share an example. This family gave me permission to share their story, but this isn't necessarily about them. Millions of people are similar, and I encounter this phenomenon each week in my coaching work.

The couple has two kids, with a third on the way. They drive a mid-size SUV with about 125,000 miles on it. It's worth about $15,000 today, and they own it free and clear. It's been a reliable vehicle for them, but with the need for a third car seat coming soon, they need something bigger. This is a fact; their current vehicle does not adequately handle three car seats. We defined the gap, identified the need, and established a timeline. The meeting adjourned, and we went our separate ways; so far, so good.

Fast forward about 45 days, and we're scheduled to meet again. When I received their pre-meeting information, I spotted a new number on the top half of their balance sheet. "2024 Escalade". "$95,000." Oh goodness. I immediately scanned down to the bottom of the balance sheet. "Escalade Loan." "$80,000." Double goodness!

I tried to remain calm and approach the subject like a sensible, stable, and collected being.....and I half succeeded.

Me: "What in the world happened since we last met?!?!"

Them: "You know. We needed something bigger."

Me: "Bigger, yes, but you took this to an entirely new level."

Them: "It's exactly what we needed. It's bigger, pretty reliable, and comfortable. We need something comfortable for our road trips."

They needed more space, for sure. But their eventual decision wasn't really about more space. They just used that crack in the door to justify kicking it in. There were a million ways to meet their space needs that didn't involve this type of decision, but that's not what they wanted. They decided to use this named need (more space) to get something far, far, far grander than what they actually needed.

We humans love to do this! We find a need (the crack), then let our desires (the foot) kick the door wide open. Then, when we have to look in the mirror and account for our decisions, we get the privilege of saying, "Well, I needed _____, and I successfully addressed the need." In doing so, we also happened to fulfill wants x, y, and z. Quite the coincidence, eh?

We love kicking the doors in! We do it in our personal lives, in our businesses, and in our organizations. We clearly define a need, give ourselves permission to address the need, and ultimately make a decision that's really about far more than the original need (but meeting the need in the process).

Be careful about kicking in doors. You might not like what you find on the other side.

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Scare Yourself Today

I'm heading to Mongolia soon. It'll be my first time there since 2017, so needless to say, I'm excited! It will be fun to reconnect with friends, meet new people, hold some productive meetings, and immerse myself back into the Mongolian culture. This topic recently came up during a conversation with a friend.

"You're going to Mongolia!?!? I could never do anything like that!"

"Why not?"

"I would be too nervous."

"So?"

"I don't like doing things that make me nervous. So I don't think I could ever do something like that."

I feel bad for my friend. Not because I think he should go to Mongolia, but because he's missing out on so much of life by avoiding being uncomfortable.

The first time I went to Asia, I was terrified. I loved it.

The first time I went to the Middle East, I was terrified. I loved it.

The first time I published a podcast, I was terrified. I now love it.

The first time I financially coached a family, I was terrified. It soon became second nature.

It's a cycle: Be fearful > do something scary > grow from it > become less scared > do it again > experience more growth > possibly learn to like it.

If I took an inventory of all the things I most enjoy doing and add the most value to my life, most could be traced back to an origin of fear.

I'm not alone in this sentiment. Countless people I know would say the exact same thing: Do things you're scared of. Don't wait until you're no longer afraid.....do them despite being afraid.

I'm sorry to say it, but I don't know how to coach people through this. I've tried, but fear is a powerful force. Instead, each of us has a powerful role to play. First, we need to live it. Do things we're scared of. Grow. Be less scared next time. Repeat.

Second, we need to share our stories with others. People don't want to be told what to do, but they are moved by the experiences of others. That's where you come in. Share your stories. Vulnerably share how you were afraid....and then what came from it. Those are remarkable stories. They WILL move the needle in others.

Then, if all goes well, those people will become the new do-scary-things champions, sharing their own stories with the others.

Do something scary today!

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Get On the Stage

The boys had their second rock concert yesterday. It was a fantastic experience, and I couldn't have been prouder of them. They played at a new venue in our town in front of hundreds of supportive fans. One kid had five songs, and the other four (with one overlapping song where they both performed together). As the event kicked off, the owner of their band organization addressed the audience. He explained their teaching philosophies are upside-down compared to the prevailing strategies. Instead of practicing to perform, they perform to practice.

In the traditional model, you would practice, practice, and practice, hoping to eventually be good enough to perform on stage. Conversely, in this model, the stage performance is the practice. The act of performing in front of hundreds of people builds resiliency, experience, and a love for the craft. It's not perfect. Heck, it's messy. After all, these are seven and eight-year-olds, and most have less than one year of experience. Finn and Pax had three months of total music experience when they did their first show, and six months now. Yet, they are on stage performing in front of hundreds of people. I love this backward model. The performance is the practice.

When this backward practice-as-performance concept was communicated yesterday, it reminded me of how so many of us live life in the conventional model. We tend to live in a world of theoreticals, what-ifs, and when-I'm-good-enoughs. We practice, dwell, and practice some more, hoping to one day be good enough to put our ideas into motion.

What if we followed this alternative model? What if instead of obsessing about trying to get it right or figuring out the perfect way of doing it, we simply did it? What if we just started investing?.....performing as practice. What if we just started budgeting?.....performing as practice. What if we just started paying off our debt?.....performing as practice. What if we just started applying for jobs or making phone calls?.....performing as practice.

We can practice, practice, practice all we want, but it won't move the needle nearly as much as getting up on that stage. Similar to my kids and their band, it's not perfect. It's messy. You're going to fail. But that's the gateway to greatness. Gain that experience, build resilience, and fall in love with the craft.

Pax and I had some interesting conversations yesterday. He was beyond excited about the performance, but equally terrified. He talked of having butterflies in his stomach. He said he thought he was going to throw up. I watched him anxiously pacing back and forth for 20 minutes before he walked up on stage. Then, when it was his turn, he confidently sat behind his drum kit, beat the daylights out of them, grooved with the music, and played up for the crowd. It was everything to him. As he walked off the stage, I caught him side-eyeing me; he gave me a little nod, then a smirk. That performance was exactly what he needed!

Get on the stage.

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When NOT to Push the Button

Yesterday, I talked about the behavioral phenomenon where people find more perceived security in their cash than the actual relief gained from using said cash to pay off their debt. I first framed it up through my illustrative Saw-esque concept, but then shared the story of an actual family that's continually struggled for seven years with $47,000 of debt (and a hefty $1,300/month combined payment to go along with it). All the while, they were sitting on $60,000 of cash in savings. At any point on the journey, they could have "pressed the button" and instantly paid off the debt (leaving them with $13,000 in savings and $1,300/month extra in their budget).

I said it without saying it, but I think we should push the button! Contrary to common belief, actual relief is almost always superior to the false sense of security of our cash. In the name of having "security," this family lived a stressed and low-quality life for the better part of a decade. The alternative scenario would have provided much fruit. Pay off the debt, use the additional monthly cashflow to rebuild savings (to whatever extent needed), and live with far more margin.

Today, though, I want to share when NOT to push the button. For as strongly as I feel about pushing the button, I'm equally as passionate about NOT pushing the button under one specific scenario: When the behavior that caused the financial mess in the first place hasn't yet been corrected.

In yesterday's example, this couple deeply wanted to create freedom and gain momentum. They made some very poor choices many years ago and were still haunted by them. They have since gained a healthier perspective on money, started budgeting, and found unity in their finances. In other words, they have addressed the root cause of the initial problem.

Let's assume they hadn't. Imagine this same couple came to me with $47,000 of non-mortgage debt, $60,000 of cash, and perpetually bad habits. They aren't budgeting. They still find themselves dipping into their credit cards each month. They plan to use debt to buy their next car. They haven't been sitting on $47,000 for a long time, but that number continues to grow and will likely be higher in the coming months.

In that scenario, using the cash to pay off the debt would be utterly destructive. Doing so would immediately create relief, but also cause a false sense of accomplishment. They would let their guard down, feel progressively more comfortable to spend, and mimic the same habits that led them into this mess. Translation: They will recreate the same situation they just "fixed." Fast forward 18 months, and they are back to $40,000-$50,000 of debt AND have no cash. That's a worst-case scenario I've seen played out far too many times.

Therefore, push the button. Please push the button! However, before doing so, make sure you have a healthy perspective, solid habits, and intentionality. Let the button be a blessing, not a curse.

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To Press or Not to Press (the Button)

I want to start with a little thought experiment. Think of it as my PG-rated version of Saw. You're forced live your life carrying a 20-pound backpack on your shoulders. It's not impossible, but it doesn't feel great. You constantly feel the weight, and it's uncomfortable. It doesn't prevent you from living, but it's less than ideal. No single moment causes acute physical pain, but the cumulative impact of wearing it starts taking a toll. The whole time, however, you have the option of removing the weight forever. All that's required is you push a button on your kitchen counter. The moment you push the button, the weight disappears. Instant relief! There's one small catch: You can only press the button once. Would you press the button?

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A couple walks into my office, struggling with debt. They are beaten down and frustrated. They look tired. Here's what their situation looked like:

• Student Loan Debt: $22,000 (with a $580 minimum payment)

• Car Loan: $15,000 (with a $520 minimum payment)

• Credit Card: $10,000 (with a $200 minimum payment)

Additional context:

• These are private student loans

• The car has negative equity, meaning they would still owe money even if they sold it.

• They've been roughly in this same spot for their entire 7-year marriage.

After factoring in these three minimum payments totaling $1,300, they have very little margin in their monthly budget. It's tight! They make it work most months, and are doing alright, but they feel the constant weight and tension. Month after month, year after year, they experience the cumulative impact of this weight. It's nothing acute, but it's starting to feel exhausting. They haven't gone deeper into debt in years but haven't found a way to make progress on it, either. Continually seeing this debt hover around $47,000 is taking a toll.

If only they had a button to push! Well, they do, actually! Here's one detail I haven't shared with you: They have about $60,000 in a savings account. "Have you considered using some of your cash to pay off the debt, which would free up $1,300/month in your budget?" I asked them. Like many people before them, they gave me the answer I prayed wasn't coming. "We can't use that cash. That's our security."

"Security?!?! You don't have any security. You're already drowning!!" I was probably sharper than I should have been, but I needed them to realize how badly they were already hurting. They could immediately pay off all $47,000 of debt and still have $13,000 of cash left.

They aren't alone in this sentiment; it's all too common! The perceived sense of security always emotionally outweighs the benefit of actual relief. This is one area where our psychology tricks us. I'm going to flip this on its head....here's what I believe to be the truth: Actual relief always outweighs our false sense of security. They could press the button, but continually choose not to.

Not all people have these buttons to push, but many do. And with that choice, many choose to continually suffer, all in the name of "security."

Would you press that button?

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This May Only Make Half Sense

Sarah: "Aren't you going to write your blog?"

Me: "I feel like trash!"

Sarah: "You NEVER miss your blog. You've been far sicker than this, and you've never missed a single one."

Me: "I'll figure it out."

Sarah: "Good."

She has a great bedside manner, doesn't she? I expected something more like, "Oh, I'm so sorry you don't feel good. Is there anything I can do for you?" Instead, she immediately reacted with shock at the possibility of me missing my first writing day in nearly two years. The truth is, I can't even fathom a scenario where I don't publish on a given day. Even if both my hands were chopped off, there's a solution out there somewhere. "Hey Siri....."

This is a far cry from November 2022 when I started this blog. Things were going great.....until I got about 10 days in. At that point, I started wondering:

• A) Am I crazy?

• B) Do I even have time for this?

• C) Will I run out of ideas in a matter of weeks.....or days?

With nearly 670 consecutive days under my belt, I can confidently answer these questions. Yes, I'm crazy. No, I don't have time.....but we make time for things that matter. No, there is no limit to the number of ideas if we give ourselves permission.

I did think about Sarah's comment a lot, though. She makes a very interesting point. There have been several days in the last few years where I've felt like I'm on my deathbed. Yet, I somehow wrote, edited, and published a blog each and every one of those days.

I went from not having time or ideas to publish even 2-3 articles per week to not willing to go a single day without writing/publishing.

As I sit here with only half a working brain, I can't help but think how profound the power of commitment is. When we do things because that's what we do, there's nothing that can stop us. This idea makes me think about so many of my clients. Once a new habit is set, it's etched in stone.

I have clients who spent 20 years without budgeting a single time (and being revolted by the idea) to have the practice be a completely non-negotiable part of their marriage and finances.

I have clients who struggled to pay off a single dollar of debt who now attack it monthly like their lives depend on it.

I have clients who lived in comfort and security their entire adult lives and now wake up each day actively pursuing discomfort and struggle.

It's amazing what happens when we stretch ourselves past our falsely-conceived boundaries and into uncharted territory. I hope this piece makes sense to read, as writing doesn't feel completely sensical. More importantly, I hope it gets you thinking about what boundary you need to break through and set a new practice into motion. It will change you. I promise.

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Closing the Loop

Finn and I were able to close the loop on his gift to the children's hospital yesterday. If you don't know what I'm referring to, I highly recommend reading it here! It was a beautiful time together. We packaged his letter, money, and paperwork, drove to the post office (where he personally dropped his gift in the mail), and we celebrated with ice cream. He was beaming, and I was so proud of him.

Closing the loop was such an important step. I could have made a gift on Finn's behalf and told him, "Good job," but him seeing it through to the natural end was critical for his growth. Here's what the entire loop looked like:

• He worked hard and earned money (actual cash he could see and feel)

• He spent some of that money on fun things (which he personally purchased with the cash)

• He saved some of that money for a bigger purchase (a pocketknife....and yes, he cut himself the first day).

• He set some of that money aside for giving (which he used for the gift to the children's hospital).

Each step, he was personally involved. He could touch and feel every part of the process. The pain and accomplishment of the work. The satisfaction of receiving compensation. The fun of spending. The discipline and sacrifice of saving. The selflessness and love of giving.

This is where so many of us whiff. Whether it's ourselves or in our parenting, we don't close loops with finances. We take shortcuts, stop short of fully completing goals, or inadvertently rob ourselves (and our kids) of the tangibility. When we do this, we lose something important. We lose the meaning, fulfillment, and humanity of the journey.

I wanted Finn to see, feel, and experience every step of this little journey. Once that loop was closed, it triggered so many questions:

• "Do you think my gift will make a difference?"

• "Can I give to the hospital again?"

• "Can I give to other people, too?"

• "Do you think God is happy with my decision?"

• "If I work more, will I have more money to do things with?"

• "Is it okay to save and give more of my money next time I get paid?"

• "When can I get a job?"

His little mind is working overtime. This is the beauty of closing loops. Make a goal. Work toward the goal. Accomplish the goal. Celebrate the win. Start afresh. Life can be a series of awesome loops if we allow it.

I'm sure Finn will screw up many, many times. He'll do selfish things. He'll make mistakes. He'll hurt people. But yesterday, he took a step in a positive direction. He grew, and I probably did as well.

Create new loops, enjoy the journey, close them, and repeat.

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More Expensive, But Cheaper

My friend Ryan swears by Helm Boots. Whenever he talks about them, or I see him wearing them, I want to buy a pair.....until I see the $300 price tag. Ouch!

I usually spend about $100 on a pair of boots, and I typically buy a new pair each year. $100 is a very reasonable price, and it feels like I get a lot for my money. Ryan, on the other hand, spends more than $300 on his!!! Here's his selling point: "Yeah, but I've been wearing this pair for six years!"

While it's true that he spends 3x as much as I do on his boots, mine are actually 2x more expensive than his ($100/year vs. $50/year). His are far more expensive than mine, yet cheaper.

When we boil this silly story down, it's really just a tale of quality over quantity. When we spend a little more money on things that have durability and longevity, they often provide a lower long-term cost. We're thinking long-term, not short-term. We're paying more today in exchange for less tomorrow. A different form of delayed gratification. Everything we own will end up in a landfill in due time, but perhaps it’s in our best interest to purchase things that will take longer to get there.

What's funny about this concept is that many of us embrace this principle in some areas, yet whiff on others. I buy solidly built vehicles, good jeans, and state-of-the-art technology (phones, TVs, computers, etc.) that lasts for a long time, yet I still buy crappy boots and cheap t-shirts that are trash within a year. It's funny how we have these little wiring quirks.

Where do you get this right? Wrong? It's worth looking in the mirror to assess it. Many of us could benefit from making some tweaks to our purchase decisions. It maybe more expensive on the front end, but much cheaper in the long run. Doing so also allows us to buy products that are just better…period. It’s a win/win!

Seriously, what are yours? I love hearing about other people's quirky wiring and behaviors. In the meantime, I'll be buying a pair of Helm boots!

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Heartbreak. Joy. Impact.

What makes you angry? What breaks your heart? What makes you sad? What puts a knot in your stomach? What gets you fired up?

These are some of the questions I ask people when they are interested in giving, but don't know where to start. One of my biggest principles in cultivating generosity is making gifts we can emotionally connect to. This is an overlooked aspect of people's giving, which I believe can change everything. Once we connect our giving with our emotions and passions, it unlocks a gear we never knew we had.

I'm writing about this today because something transpired under my roof this weekend. On Saturday afternoon, Finn decided he was going to get the mail. Then, something caught his eye. "Dad, you got something from the children's hospital. It must be a bill." I explained it's probably not a bill, but rather the hospital asking for help. That sparked his interest, so without further ado, he tore open the envelope. He spent the next hour reading, inspecting, and re-reading the documents. He was fixated on this letter. It talked about caring for kids and making sure their families are taken care of.

Fast forward a few hours later, and we were on the couch watching the annual CyHawk football game featuring our Iowa State Cyclones vs. the Iowa Hawkeyes. As much as I don't like the Hawkeyes (sorry, Hawk friends!), they have one of the most beautiful traditions in all of sports. After the conclusion of the first quarter, every person in the stadium - fans, players on both sides, refs, coaches, stadium employees - stop everything, turn their attention to the next-door children's hospital towering above, and wave at all the kids and families in the windows. It's a special moment each and every time. I turn into a puddle just writing about it, and I suspect you'll be the same if you watch this ESPN story.

As the wave began, both my kids were curious about what was happening. Finn especially took an interest in this. The cameras zoomed in on the kids at the windows, wildly waving at the stadium crowd with huge smiles on their faces. Some kids were bald from their treatment regimen, while others were in beds. Finn looked at the kids on the TV, then down to the pictures of kids in the hospital letter he had been reading.

Something clicked inside him. He looked sad, almost introspective. Then, without a word, he walked out of the living room toward his bedroom. He returned a few seconds later with a baggie of cash. "Dad, can I send my giving money to the kids' hospital?"

"You bet, bud. We absolutely can." We filled out the giving form, he delicately placed his $16 into the provided return envelope, and he wrote them a note explaining his gift. He had so much joy doing this. Later today, I'll drive him to the post office so he can personally drop the envelope in the mailbox.

Heartbreak. Joy. Impact. Finn is starting to get it.

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A Different Kind of Structure

A few days ago, I wrote about the importance of getting our financial structure right. If we don't have a reasonable financial structure, we will likely have a rough go with our finances. Then, in the hours that followed, it triggered a few parallel thoughts. Specifically, I experienced a sequence of events that reminded me of another type of structure.

My morning was tightly wound, so I needed to hustle. I had to drop the kids off at school, drive back home, switch cars, then pop into the office for a coaching meeting. Here's the fun part. That entire sequence took less than 10 minutes. Home>School>Home>Office. 10 minutes! That's when I started reflecting (again) on the idea of structure.

While I'll die on the hill of getting our financial structure in order, I have a similar feeling about our geographical and logistical structure of life. To me, no amount of money can compensate for having a life structure that entails endless commutes and 24/7 to-and-froms. As such, I've spent just as much time and energy on my life structure as I have my financial structure. I think this image from the ETA app illustrates it quite well:

My house is 2 minutes from the office, 2 minutes from our children's school, 2 minutes from the grocery store, 6 minutes from our recording studio, 7 minutes from church, and 16 minutes from Northern Vessel. That's my life in a nutshell. I sometimes take it for granted, but when I take a step back, I realize how absurd it is and blessed I am. It wasn't an accident, though. Much thought, planning, and intentionality has gone into this structure. Consequences were made. Inconveniences were experienced.

However, when I wake up each day and experience life as it's structured, I'm so sincerely grateful. This hasn't always been the case. I've lived in realities of 45-minute commutes each way, with constant back-and-forths cannibalizing my days/weeks. I have countless friends that spend 2-3 hours commuting daily. Lots of people drive an hour to get to church, or 30 minutes just to get groceries.

I'm willing to make almost any sacrifice to live my simple life. We've had countless amazing opportunities presented to us, but when looked at through the lens of our intentionally simple structure, they don't look very attractive. And whenever we're faced with the option of keeping/saving money or have a simpler and more efficient life, I'll trade away the money in a heartbeat.

This isn't a topic thought about much, never mind talked about. Maybe today is the day for you. Instead of just accepting that your structure is your structure, what would you change if you could wave your magic wand? Maybe it's time to wave said wand. Your future self just might thank you.

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She Completely Blanked

I ran into a former client at a coffee shop recently. I haven't seen her or her husband in upwards of three years. As we exchanged pleasantries, she exclaimed, "We did it!!!" To be honest, I had no idea what she was talking about.....so I asked for clarification. "The trip!!!" Ah, yes, the trip! I knew exactly what she was talking about!

Ever since the day I first met her, she and her husband had been talking about going on a specific type of trip. It was an exotic and unique idea. It was also costly. This trip was a big mental and emotional roadblock for them during our coaching relationship. They had the ability to save up for it, but they hesitated. After all, it was expensive and they had many more "responsible" things they should do with their money. Therefore, they continually kicked the can down the road.

But eventually, long after I was gone, they decided to pull the trigger. They went on the trip of a lifetime! They sacrificed, saved, planned, and enjoyed.

After learning about this beautiful development during our coffee shop encounter, I asked her, "Well, how much did it end up costing?" This was a huge sticking point for them, and one of the main reasons they considered skipping it to begin with. She stared at me for about ten seconds, almost as if she was searching her brain for the applicable information. Then, she sheepishly responded, "I don't actually remember." I loved that answer.

This is one of the most perfect examples of meaning over money. She's telling me about the most memorable, beautiful, and game-changing trip she's ever been on. The one she's been dreaming about since she was a kid. The one she will be telling people about for the rest of her life. Then, in her next breath, she can't even remember how much it cost. So powerful!

They invested in experiences and memories. Yes, they have less money because of it. But they also have something in return that can never be taken from them: memories. These memories won't be hoarded in a bank account. They won't eventually end up in a landfill. They won't become boring and out-of-date. Decades from now, those memories will be just as beautiful - if not more - than the day they experienced them.

When I asked her about the memories, her face lit up and she talked my ear off. When I asked her about the cost, she completely blanked. That's telling. That's beautiful.

It’s Hard to Overcome Our Structure

Someone contacted me with a problem. A couple in their mid-40s, two kids. They believed they were being responsible with their money, but it felt nearly impossible to make financial progress. As they put it, they didn't waste money, spend money frivolously, or buy nice things. Yet, they lived month-to-month and had much financial tension in their marriage.

I sat down with them to review their numbers. Here's what I found (shared with their permission):

• Combined Take-Home Income: $8,200

• Mortgage Payment: $3,600

• Car Payments: $1,600

• Other Debt Payments: $700

Do you see a problem here? Just their house payment is 43% of their take-home income. The house plus the cars account for 63%. Then, when you tack on the rest of the debt, these three categories account for 72% of their take-home income.

That means they only have $2,300 left for all other needs, wants, giving, and saving. That's not nothing, but wow, it's tight. So when they say they don't waste a bunch of money or spend frivolously, I believe them. There's no money to waste!

Here was their question: "How do we find margin? Where do we cut?"

These are tough situations. Unfortunately, it's hard to overcome our structure. This family had created a really expensivefinancial structure for their household. Based on THEIR choices, more than 70% of their income was already spoken for before it hits their bank account. No amount of trimming or cutbacks can help this family remedy what ails them.

Whether we want to admit it or not, these are OUR choices. The cities we reside in. The residences we choose. The cars we buy. We can cry foul all we want, but at the end of the day, we have choices to make; and these choices will dictate our structure.

Here's what happened. I pointed out that there are very few options to help this family without them significantly altering their structure. They can't cut groceries, utilities, dining out, clothing, entertainment, or any other budget items enough to move the needle. It's hard to overcome our structure! I couldn't let them go home empty-handed, though. Here are the options I floated by them:

• Increase their income

• Downsize their residence

• Sell one or both vehicles (and replace them with cheaper alternatives).

• Use some of their assets to pay off their non-car and non-mortgage debt.

Outside of these four levers, very few options exist to help them. Their structure is their structure, and it must be addressed for what it is. It's tough, but reality.

I hope this family takes a hard look in the mirror and decides to take drastic action; only time will tell. I sincerely believe their life will unlock if they are willing to humble themselves and make difficult choices.

The same goes for you....and me. We can trim around the edges all we want, but our financial structure significantly impacts our journey. For some of you, it may be time to alter your structure.

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The Destinationless Journey

I was blessed to run into a group of friends yesterday. They were enjoying their weekly coffee outing together, so I crashed their conversation for a few minutes. Though that interaction was only 5-10 minutes, it blessed my day so much.

These four women are a few years ahead of me on their journey. I don't remember how the topic came up, but we began discussing upcoming career shifts (or what most people would refer to as retirement). It was interesting to hear each person's perspective on the topic. All were different and unique, but there was a common thread to each of their responses: What's about to happen is a new stage of the journey, not a destination.

I was so encouraged by their sentiment, which was brimming with impact and meaning. As I always say, work that matters matters. We were created to work, be productive, and serve others. These four women echoed those values in their words, which doesn't surprise me, having known them for many years.

Nobody said, "Wow, I'm just really looking forward to packing it in and riding off into the sunset." It was quite the opposite, actually. It was about finding new ways of making an impact, investing in their families, volunteering, and pursuing new types of work. Meaning, meaning, meaning, and meaning.

There is no finish line. It's a destinationless journey. When we view our lives through that lens, it changes everything. It reminds me of a conversation with a friend in his late 50s. He's done well for himself, and he's been encouraged to retire by many people around him. "You've earned it," they tell him. But every time the R-word gets brought up, he feels his mortality. Why? Because to him, it feels like the finish line of his productive life. In a way, that's cool; but in another way, it's quite sad.

I told him I thought it was all BS. He's in his 50s.....he's young! He still has 20-30 productive years left in him! That's like a long-distance Olympic runner completing two laps around the track, stopping, and calling it a race. The race isn't done yet, man!

I look up to my four friends. I'm so glad I had the chance to spend a few minutes with them yesterday. It encouraged me more than they will ever know. Impact knows no age. Servanthood doesn't retire. Meaningful work is available to all.

It's a destinationless journey. Keep running.

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A December to Remember

I'll never fully understand the ease with which people make car purchase decisions.

• One of my friends decided to visit the dealership on a boring Saturday afternoon "just to look around," and walked out with a $0 down, $45,000 car loan with a $750/month payment.

• Another friend was having a few issues with their 5-year-old SUV. It was going to cost a few thousand to fix it, so they elected to purchase a new $65,000 SUV less than 48 hours later. This one came with a $900/month payment.

• One of my former youth group kids graduated from college and started his first adult job. At the encouragement of his parents (you know, to get something "reliable), he immediately purchased a $30,000 vehicle with a $600/month payment.

• Another friend had their second child and decided a family of four no longer fit in a mid-size SUV. They quickly traded in their paid-off vehicle and purchased a new slightly larger model.....with a $525/month payment.

See the consistencies between stories? Each person acted swiftly and ended up with expensive monthly payments. Oh yeah, there's one more: All four families are now experiencing financial stress and turmoil due to these decisions.

One of my favorite parts of the holiday season (besides AE Egg Nog....IYKYK) is the ridiculous array of car dealership commercials. You know what I'm talking about! The commercials where one spouse tells the other they have a surprise for them (often while romantically standing under the Mistletoe), then leads them outside to reveal a brand new vehicle with a bow fixed atop (with powdery snow wafting through the air). The recipient spouse, overwhelmed with joy, falls into their partner's arms and gives them a gratitude-filled smooch.

Has anyone ever stopped to think how absurd these commercials are? They exemplify our culture's very real casualness of buying cars, but are completely unhinged. "Merry Christmas, Honey! Here's a car you'll get bored of six months from now, with daunting payments that will haunt us for the better part of a decade!"

For a long while, I roamed this earth believing I was the only soul who thought these commercials were insane and reckless. But then, Saturday Night Live stepped in and affirmed me by producing this hilarious skit a few years ago:

It has everything! Financial self-sabotage, unilateral decisions, financial illiteracy, status-seeking behaviors, out-of-whack priorities, marital strife, buyer's remorse, and a hint of adultery. It's a more hilarious and twisted version of how my brain envisions what the consequences of A December to Remember actually looks like. It's a mess!

The truth is that while this is a hilarious parody skit, it doesn't stray too far from what's actually happening in people's homes. People regularly defend these types of insane financial decisions because, well, they've been normalized in our culture. But I have the luxury of meeting with people on the back side of them once the financial and relational consequences set in.

Don't let your household resemble a sketch comedy. Ignore our culture's push toward flippant financial decisions and instead choose intentionality.

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Quality is Quality

Uh oh! One sentence in yesterday's post has triggered a firestorm. It was this one: "Their standard of living will likely fall off a cliff, but their quality of life should prosper."

I'll summarize the collective feedback: Standard of living = quality of life. When our standard of living increases, so too does our quality of life. They are one and the same.

By nearly every measure, we have a higher standard of living today than at any time in the history of our civilized world. More people have access to medical care, internet, cars, cell phones, internet, air conditioning, and indoor heating than ever. Houses are bigger, transportation more prominent, technology progressively better and cheaper. Our standard of living continues to rise.

If all that's true, and standard of living and quality of life are correlated, why do we have continually rising mental health issues, suicides, divorces, loneliness, crime, and overall brokenness? It's hard to acknowledge all the pain our modern society is enduring and argue that our collective quality of life is higher today than in years past.

I would propose that standard of living and quality of life have a positive correlation.....to a point, and the point is when our basic needs are consistently met. For example, if we're living under the constant threat that our electricity or water will be shut off, our quality of life will suffer. If we're teetering on the edge of getting evicted from our residence, our quality of life will suffer. If we don't have reliable transportation to get us to and from, our quality of life will suffer.

However, once our needs are consistently met and we can sufficiently live without the fear of imminent destruction, standard of living and quality of life disconnect. At that point, our quality of life is dictated by our choices:

• If we give generously, we'll have a lower standard of living but an increasing quality of life.

• If we choose a high-paying job we hate, our standard of living will go up while our quality of life goes down.

• If we choose to have children, our standard of living will probably go down while our quality of life likely goes up.

• If we invest in relationships, our standard of living will stay the same, but our quality of life will skyrocket.

• If we buy an expensive car with debt, our standard of living will go up (at least when we're driving), but our quality of life will likely be impaired (because of the opportunity cost of the debt payments).

The best way to achieve a poor quality of life is to pursue a higher quality of life by increasing our standard of living. This, in my opinion, is one of the reasons why our collective quality of life is eroding amidst record-high standards of living.

Here's my overly-simplistic remedy: pursue a higher quality of life.....period. Disconnect it from standard of living. Pursue meaning. Find purpose. Serve others. Invest in relationships.

Quantity isn’t quality. Quality is quality.

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