Resetting the Reset

Yesterday's post didn't sit well with me. Nothing was inherently wrong with it, and I entirely back what I said. However, upon further review, it was too much about me and not enough about you. In it, I suggested that being intentional about getting a reset (with whatever endeavor you're pursuing) can be a springboard to longevity and renewed energy.

So today, I want to share some real-world examples of how clients are creating resets in their own journey. My hope is that one of these stories will resonate with you, and perhaps trigger your creativity.

First, I think about a 40-something couple that seemingly has it all. A big house, newer cars, and careers that provide status. However, they feel overwhelmed and discontent. They have everything the world says they should pursue, yet it feels a bit empty. Their kids are growing up too fast, and their priorities are flip-flopped. As such, both spouses are in the process of making significant career shifts. This is a massive reset that should revolutionize their life. Their standard of living will likely fall off a cliff, but their quality of life should prosper. The growing pains of this reset will be significant, but it will likely lead to a beautiful place.

Second, I think about a young client who fell into the debt trap early in her journey. She accrued a ton of student loans, plus the ancillary consumer debt that commonly goes hand-in-hand with growing into adulthood. She wants to pay it off quickly, but doesn't want to "throw her life away" either. Therefore, we made a compromise that would allow her to have her cake and eat it, too. Throughout the majority of the year, she's grinding through debt. Then, once per year, she takes an epic 3-4 week trip abroad. She explores, meets new people, experiences new cultures, and most importantly, she doesn't pay off debt. It's her annual reset. That annual reset gives her the excitement and perseverance to achieve her goals.

Third, I think about a couple that has four kids under four. Life is a grind, but a beautiful grind. The wife stays home, which has always been the dream. Money is tight, and they budget prudently. Like many moms, this woman struggles to spend money on herself, instead deferring to everyone else first. Twice per year, though, they cut back on a bunch of budget categories and allocate a nice chunk of money for her clothing. She then uses that money to reset her wardrobe. It's a beautiful little treat for them, providing her with renewed energy.

Last, it reminds me of an idea that I and many of my clients execute. Each quarter, I plan a 1-2 night hotel retreat for myself. I think, write, plan, and rest. Oh yeah, and enjoy a few unique meals. I go into those trips stressed and tired, and come back refreshed. A wonderful reset.

Opportunities for resets are everywhere! We just need to look for them, and more importantly, give ourselves permission to do it.

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Sometimes, We Need a Reset

Yesterday was a huge day in the life of Northern Vessel. No, nothing big actually happened. In the overall scheme of things, it probably doesn't even hit the top 25 list of things we've done. We got a reset. We closed for five days for the first time in our company's history. That in and of itself was a weird experience.

The primary driver for the closing was to refinish the floors, a to-do item since dealing with the blood, glass, and wreckage of the first car crash. But since it took seven months to completely fix the shop, and we were only at full strength for 59 days before the second car crash, we just never got around to it. Our mentality was that if we were forced to close the shop for five days, we would get a reset. Here's what happened:

• The floors got refinished, of course. They look beautiful!

• Repainted the entire interior.

• Rebuilt our merch wall, which was destroyed in the first crash.

• Introduced the first two items of our new merch line.

• Added many visual accents to the interior, including a lot of greenery.

• Installed exterior concrete benches to prevent a third car crash!!

• Reimagined our exterior signage.

• Give the team a breather after our intense summer.

None of these single items were massive shifts, but combined, it feels like we're entering an entirely different universe. Sometimes, we need a reset!

I think about resets often. Some professions have natural, built-in resets. It's one of the reasons I always get jealous of my teacher friends. There's a natural rhythm to their years, which includes intentional resets. Some professions, like mine, feel like one continuous journey with no jumping-off points. Can you relate?

Sometimes, though, we need a reset! This applies to all areas of life, including finances I find that our finances are a reflection of our broader life. When life gets hectic and stressful, so too do our finances. It can feel like too much at times.

The same applies when we're focusing on major financial goals. Saving for a big purchase, getting out of debt, and making investing headway are common examples. When Sarah and I were in the midst of paying off $236,000 of debt (it sucked as bad as you can imagine), we reached a point where we felt beat down. One crappy month ran into the next, and it felt unrelenting. We were making solid progress but were running out of steam. We needed a reset.

We made a controversial decision to pause the debt payoff, save for a trip to Europe, and get away for 10 days. To this day, it was one of the best trips we've ever taken. While, in theory, it slowed our debt payoff progress, it actually sped us up. That reset was exactly what the doctor ordered. We came back with renewed focus and fresh energy.

Are you losing momentum? Do you need a reset? If so, make it happen. It may be exactly what the doctor ordered!

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A Silent Echo

Happy first Saturday of the college football season! Regardless of who your team is (yes, even you, Hawkeye fans), I hope you enjoy your season and make tons of fun memories. In a few hours, my family will pack up the car and drive to Ames to cheer on our Iowa State Cyclones.

Each year, this day reminds me of a beautiful gift my family received from a friend four seasons ago. As the football season was approaching, our friends unexpectedly and generously gifted my family Iowa State season tickets. That year was full of memories, fun, and the infamous Brock Purdy / Breece Hall duo. It was an amazing gift, and one that I will tell people about until the day I die.

A pic from that very first game, four seasons ago.

That's the thing about generosity; it's a silent echo. Whether we see it or not, its impact reverberates through people's lives long after it occurs. The following year, we purchased our own season tickets. Throughout the season, we blessed a handful of families with our tickets. Families that had never been to a college football game before. Families that couldn't afford tickets. Families who, for whatever reason, weren't going to connect all the dots and make it to a game. Each time we gifted our tickets, it was a tribute to our friends who made that original gift. A silent echo.

As this season approached, we cringed as we looked at our calendar. I'll be out of the country for one game. I'll have to miss two other games for speaking engagements. There's also Finn and Pax's basketball games, which are still TBD. Needless to say, it's not looking great to attend Cyclone games this season.

Then, the proverbial lightbulb turned on over our heads. While it was hard to justify buying season tickets when we probably won't make many games, we decided to look at it through a different lens. Knowing our availability is limited, these tickets weren't primarily entertainment; they were generosity. We purchased them largely to bless families. We want people to create their own memories and curate stories that will be shared for years. A silent echo.

One friend buys another friend tickets once, and the silent echo carries for years. There's no telling how many people will ultimately benefit from the impact made back in 2021. Dozens? Hundreds? What about the people that we bless? They may, in turn, be inspired to bless others along their journey as well.

The silent echo is multiplication, not addition. It compounds over time. It's beautiful and powerful. I'm probably more excited to give these tickets away than I am to attend myself (ssshhhhh, don't tell my kids I said that). Knowing that we get to help other people create lifelong memories is one of the greatest blessings we can receive.

Today, though, I'm going to make some memories with my boys. They are beyond excited, and hopefully, the Cyclones will put on a good show. Happy college football Saturday, everyone!

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You Don’t Have to Justify Fun

I was meeting with a client when this came out of her mouth: "I really want to buy a ____, but I need to find a way to justify it."

Me: "You don't have to justify fun!"

Seriously! She doesn't need to justify fun, and neither do you! Do you ever find yourself trying to justify a purchase you "don't need?" We play this little mind game with ourselves constantly. At the heart of this toxic practice is guilt. Deeply ingrained, culturally driven, self-deprecating guilt. Therefore, we play mental gymnastics with ourselves in order to remove or lessen the guilt.

"I'm really stressed out right now, and I haven't been a good friend to Stacy lately, so it's okay if I buy a plane ticket to fly to San Diego to see her."

"I haven't spent much money lately, and I just had a good sales quarter, so I'm going to treat myself and buy this purse."

"I just lost 10 pounds, so I need to go buy a few new pairs of jeans."

"I don't get to see my friends much, so signing up for fantasy football is an investment in my relationships."

From an early age, many of us are made to feel guilty for spending money on things we don't need. Quit spending. Save. Be responsible. Don't waste your money. That's what many of us hear throughout our childhoods. Then, we eventually become adults and are given the car keys to life, and we're surprised when we struggle to spend money on ourselves without guilt, regret, or mental games?

I have a solution to this problem. If something adds at least as much value to your life as it costs you, buy it. Plan for it, allocate the money for it, buy it, and enjoy. No, don't be irresponsible and blow up your goals or other priorities; this isn't about being reckless. Rather, it's about being financially intentional, honest with yourself, and true to your values.

You want to fly to San Diego to visit your friend? Awesome! Put it in your budget and go.

You want to buy a new purse? Excellent! Make it happen.

You want a new pair of jeans? Great! Hop in the car and drive to the mall.

You want to play fantasy football with your boys? Sounds fun! Enjoy bombing your draft.....again.

We must remove the guilt if we want to have a healthy relationship with money. If we can't, we don't control our money.....our money controls us. And that, my friends, is a sign we've already lost the game.

Be intentional. Set your goals. Aggressively pursue them. Be generous along the way. Save responsibly. Serve others well. Live a meaningful life. Oh yeah, and don't justify fun!

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Uncle Joe Wants to Know the Alternative

We have a bit of a quandary on our hands. In yesterday's post, I highlighted the common "coincidence" of people tragically passing away shortly after retiring. In it, I proposed that perhaps we shouldn't underestimate the non-financial value that work provides in our lives, namely meaning and fulfillment.

That brings us to our quandary. If it's possibly true that people prematurely passing away is, in part, caused by a loss of meaning upon retirement, we're kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place.

• In one scenario, we just keep working our butts off and never "actually enjoy life" (but at least we stay alive).

• In the other scenario, we quit working ASAP so we can squeeze out every ounce of leisure until our limited days are numbered (and hopefully don't become an Uncle Joe).

Those are terrible opposing realities. Or, in the words of an e-mail I received yesterday, "So what am I supposed to do, then? Spend the rest of my life working at this sh**ty job, be too old to actually enjoy myself, and have it all be for nothing?"

I have maximum empathy for people with this quandary-filled perspective. It feels suffocating, like the walls are closing in. Today, I hope to offer a different perspective for my frustrated friend (and maybe for you, too). First, there are a few cultural assumptions embedded in our conundrum:

• Work = bad

• Not working = good

• The sole purpose of work is to earn financial resources.

• If 2/3 of our waking hours are spent working, then our working season of life is supposed to suck (but it will be made up for when we retire).

• Once we retire, we get those 2/3 of our waking hours back (i.e. not work), thereby finally enjoying life.

With that, here is my proposed reconciliation of this quandary:

• ALL seasons of life should be filled with meaning, fulfillment, and joy. Yes, even this week, this month, and this year. You deserve to live with meaning, fulfillment, and joy today, tomorrow, and every day.

• Work provides far more meaning and fulfillment than we give it credit for. Whether it's full-time, part-time, or volunteering, work that matters matters. We need to find meaning in our work.....or go find more meaningful work.

• Leisure, in and of itself, provides nothing of value. It's only when other components are added to the pot that we canenjoy the taste of leisure. Vacations are awesome because they are vacations. The moment vacations become life, it's just, well, life.

• We often view life as too binary. We shouldn't spend decades in a season that's 90%-100% work and 0%-10% leisure, then immediately transition into a season that's 0%-10% work and 90%-100% leisure. Instead, one might consider going from 60/40 to 40/60.

I'll put it another way. Let's create a life worth living today. Then next year, we do the same. 10 years from now, do it again. 30 years from now, ditto. If we're constantly pursuing meaning, we'll find just that: a meaningful life.

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Racing Toward (Untimely) Death?

I had coffee with blog reader Ryan yesterday (yes, this Ryan!). Meeting him and spending time with him filled my tank, for sure! During our discussion, he referenced a comment he made on the webpage last week. It was regarding my sudden wealth syndrome post. Here's what he said:

"Have you heard of the observation from small rural towns that when old farmers retire and move to town, they frequently pass away within 18 months? The medical reasons are varied but the correlation to loss of purpose would seem to be real. When financial independence strikes, don't lose your purpose and meaning."

Yes! Yes! Yes! Ryan for the win.....again. I think about this topic a lot and incorporate this concept into my keynote talk. Here's how I explain it.

Everyone has an "Uncle Joe" in their life. Uncle Joe worked his entire adult life. Eventually, Joe was finally able to retire so he could "actually enjoy life." Then, 12 months later, he died. If Joe had only found a way to retire sooner, he would have actually been able to enjoy his life. Moral of the story: We should race to the finish line, retire as quickly as possible, and start enjoying life (while we use the story of Uncle Joe's coincidental and untimely passing as Exhibit A for the urgency).

What Ryan is alluding to, and what I'd like to someday study, is the possibility that perhaps these tragic and untimely deaths aren't unfortunate coincidences. Perhaps there's more to the story. Maybe, just maybe, our work provides meaning. Maybe, just maybe, we weren't created to live lives of leisure. Maybe, just maybe, in pursuit of "actually enjoying life," we self-sabotage our meaning and fulfillment.

It reminds me of a news story I saw a few years back. An elderly man had just turned 102, and the news anchor was marveling (in a confused sort of way) that this man was still employed at his job. "Have you ever thought about retiring so you can enjoy the fruits of your labor?" I can't remember the man's response, but it was something like (paraphrasing), "I live a wonderful and healthy life. That is the fruit." Mic drop!

Maybe, just maybe, we should stop racing to the finish line.

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The Poison Looks Tasty

I inadvertently stumbled into a social media mess. It was a personal finance influencer sharing the story about how they (husband and wife) cashed out their retirement plans about five years ago, ate all the taxes and penalties for doing so, and invested the money into AirBNB properties.

Here's the moral of the story: We got rich doing this, and you can, too!

This, my friends, is THE definition of survivorship bias. I've talked about this subject before, but survivorship bias is the phenomenon where a small group of people who succeeded xyz becomes the the most visible people in the room, thereby communicating (intentionally or not) that their path is a recipe for success. One problem: The people speaking are the few who survived. They are the audible voices on the subject because, well, everyone else crashed and burned and doesn't want to speak of said trainwreck.

It's like your friend who goes to the casino. Notice how you only hear about it when they win big? We all know they are probably getting crushed most nights, but if we only hear about those huge payouts, we might start to believe going to the casino is a reliable path to riches.

I don't fault this couple for sharing their story. It's actually a pretty cool story. However, the post's comments are terrifying. Hundreds of people expressed interest in following a similar path, eager to make their millions.

This couple might have been skilled in their approach, but they also received some tailwinds by, with the benefit of hindsight, getting into the AirBNB game at exactly the right moment. The short-term rental model was gaining steam, interest rates were at all-time lows, real estate prices were reasonable, and they eventually rode the wave of one of the biggest price appreciations we've ever witnessed.

They won! But what about the other people who didn't get it right? The ones who started at a different time, or didn't get the right properties, or stumbled upon crushing issues, or missed on record-low rates, or jumped in after the short-term rental market was saturated?

The book Rich Dad Poor Dad is another wonderful example of survivorship bias. It advocates taking massive financial risks in order to accelerate wealth building. The author's personal testimony shows it works, as do the testimonies of thousands of his loyal followers. What's not visible, though, are the tens of thousands of people who had their lives destroyed by following this advice: the non-survivors. These people played a dangerous game, and lost. Meanwhile, for the maybe 5%-10% that actually survived such rash decisions, their voices speak the loudest (because they are the only ones speaking).

Survivorship bias is everywhere. Unfortunately, it's hard to shake people from its electrifying allure and dangerous consequences.....until it's too late. If you have friends or family members who have stepped into something questionable, I'm sorry. You might not be able to pull them out of it, but you'll be there to help them pick up the eventual pieces.

In the meantime, be mindful of your own decisions. Shiny objects are everywhere!

But Not Too Much Success

One of my friends founded a company out of his garage, bootstrapping his way from nothing to a little something. Fortunately for him, countless people were in his corner cheering him on.

After about six months, his new venture had escalated to the point where he was visibly thriving. Fortunately for him, many people were in his corner cheering him on.

Twelve months later, his business grew enough that he could quit his day job and focus 100% of his energy on this new dream. Fortunately for him, some people were in his corner cheering him on.

A few years later, his now full-time business was doing well enough that his family had more financial resources than they ever did when he was in his old career. Unfortunately for him, only a few people were in his corner cheering him on.

There's an old saying that goes something like this: people will cheer you on.....until you reach their level. Then, they want to tear you back down.

Have you ever experienced that? I have, and I suspect many of you have, too. It's a lonely feeling. It's a brutal reckoning when you realize the people you thought were your ride-or-die's were really your ride-until-you-catch-me's.

You're not alone if this hits too close to home. I have countless clients who have uttered some version of the phrase: "You're the only person we can tell this to. You're the only person who will truly celebrate it with us." It's sad, but common.

Never fear, though. These moments are the magnifying class of relationships. This is where you find out who is really behind you, and who puts conditions on the relationship (like that condition that you must do worse than them). It's a tough reality, but a good one to find out sooner rather than later.

Then, here's the good news. You'll find your real people. The ones who have your back no matter what. Lean into them. Embrace them. Treasure those relationships. Oh yeah, and keep going. Do what you believe is right, and don't let the others deter you from the good work you know you must do.

For what it's worth, I got your back. No matter how successful you become, I'm here for it. You winning does not mean I'm losing. It just means I have one more person to celebrate. Go do your thing!

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Encountering the Fork

We have an emergency brewing in our house. In a sudden and unexpected meltdown, Pax confessed that he wants to quit playing the drums. Yes, the same kid who put on this performance just 90 days after picking up drumsticks for the first time.

When I pressed him on the subject, he said he desires to switch to the electric guitar. Not wanting to project my desires on him, I started asking questions to learn more. I still don't have the full story, but in short, his desire to quit the drums stems from frustration from it "being hard."

Uh oh, we have a problem. I'm not concerned about my kids losing interest in a particular activity. After all, as a parent, I can't live my life through them and project my own desires upon their steps. They need to make their own decisions. However, the reason for his desired decision is what concerns me.

This is a test, a turning point, a fork in the road. If he ultimately chooses to walk away from something because it's difficult, that could easily become his mode of operation. If something gets hard, quit. If the next thing gets hard, quit.

Each of us faces these types of tests throughout our journey. We start to gain some success in xyz endeavor, but then BOOM (!!), we hit an obstacle. That's the fork in the road. It's easy to keep moving forward when things are going well. What reveals our true character is how we respond when we hit that fork in the road.

So many of my clients have hit forks in the last few months. Whether they are getting out of debt, trying to hit the next level in their business, trying to lock in their budget, working toward a promotion, or attempting to ramp up their investing/savings game. My job isn't to merely cheer them on, but rather to prepare them for when (not if) the fork comes. The fork always comes. It's inevitable. When those forks hit, their next few steps will be critical.

As I reflect on my journey, I'm so grateful for the times younger me pushed through these obstacles. Who I am and where I'm at is a direct result of those decisions. On the flip side, I have many regrets from times when I didn't push through. Like Pax, I wanted to quit.....and I did. I so badly wish I could get a do-over on some of those decisions.

Only time will tell if Pax will persevere. If he does, it will build a ton of character and be a tell for what might come. If he doesn't, well, that could be a different kind of tell. I'll be praying for him, providing guidance, and encouraging him every step of the way. Please pray for me, too!

It's easy to talk to the talk, but some of us adults need to walk the walk. Our kids are watching. If we quit, why shouldn't they? Let's show them what to do with these forks!

We’re Nobodies

"We're nobodies!" is the phrase TJ and I often use when discussing Northern Vessel. Despite having more than 10,000 Instagram followers, waves of people walking into our shop, and long wrapping lines at our farmer's market tent, we're nobodies. It's not that we are self-deprecating or think poorly of ourselves. Rather, that phrase stems from the reality that despite how crazy our business has ramped up these last 18 months, more than half the metro doesn't know we exist (never mind people outside our metro). A week doesn't go by where I don't hear the phrase "I've never heard of it," referring to Northern Vessel. Thus, we are nobodies. From that perspective comes a rallying motto: "Earn it every day."

This brings me to yesterday. I was at the shop talking to barista Emma about nearby restaurants. She drops a bomb on me! "My favorite place is Alohana Hawaiian Grill. They have the best Spam Musubi I've ever had!" First, I've never even heard of Spam Musibi, and Emma is over here grading the various iterations she's experienced over the years. (For your information, Spam Musubi is a slab of fried spam on top of a white rice block with sauce between, wrapped in seaweed).

Truth is, I've only vaguely heard of this restaurant over the last ten years. I never hear anyone talk about it, and I don't even know where it is. But if Emma says it's her favorite restaurant, and they have the best Spam Musubi (!!!), I needed to check it out. I packed up my briefcase, cut my work short, and set my GPS for Alohana Grill. It was amazing!!! I absolutely loved my meal (including the Spam Musubi) and will be back soon.

I won't be back because I want to support local (you know how much I detest that narrative). I'll be back because they earned it. The staff was friendly, the space clean, the food amazing, and the prices palatable. A+ out of them.

This is an interesting business. On the one hand, they are seemingly lacking on the marketing front. No social media, a lackluster website, and limited public discourse. Yet, on the other hand, there were a ton of people there, Emma is raving about it, and now I'm telling thousands of people all over the world about them.

This is how business should be done. It's not about supporting them. It's about them earning the right to serve someone (through some form of marketing), re-earning the right to do it again (through excellence), and, if they are excellent enough, having those customers tell the others (word of mouth).

I woke up yesterday morning utterly naive to this business. It was hiding right under my nose. By the time I went to bed, I had a new go-to. Grateful for Emma's referral and this restaurant's good work.

This is small business.

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K.I.S.S.

I had a great time recording a few podcast episodes with Cole yesterday. As the producer, he rarely appears behind the mic, but it's a rare treat when he does. We recorded an episode reacting to ChatGPT's criticisms of our show. It was a great time!

One of the criticisms stood out: "Simplified Solutions: Complex financial problems are sometimes presented with overly simplified solutions, which might not address the nuances of individual financial situations."

I loved this one.....because it's true. I do, in fact, attempt to make things simple. While some people have truly complex situations, most complicated situations are merely the consequence of people making them complex. People don't intend to make their finances complex, but that's what happens when we don't get a formal education on the topic; we're figuring it out on our own and adding pieces as time passes. If left unchecked, our finances will always become more complex.

For that reason, my first coaching meeting with a client includes mapping their financial life. What lives where, and why. Often, people's financial lives are a complicated web that requires a decoder pin to interpret. Once we get it mapped out, I attempt to re-map it.....but simpler.

Here's an example of a family I recently met with. This is what their financial accounts looked like:

• His checking account (from his single days)

• Her checking account (from her single days)

• His savings account (again, from single days)

• Her savings account (again, from single days)

• Joint checking account

• Joint savings account

• His current 401(k)

• Her current 401(k)

• Her former pension

• Her old 403(b)

• Her old 401(k)

• His old 401(k)

• His other old 401(k)

• His other other old 401(k)

• His other other other old 401(k)

• His other other other other old 401(k)

• Her old brokerage account that a family member set up for her

• His Roth IRA that he started when he was in college

• His Robinhood account, where he trades stocks

• Her whole life insurance policy that was set up when she was a baby.

That's not even all of them, but I'm tired of typing and you're probably tired of reading. See what I mean? It's complex, and unnecessarily so. There's a lot going on. In order to get right with their money and not have it suck the life out of them, they needed to simplify. Here's where we landed:

• Joint checking account (all income and expenses run through it)

• Joint savings account (emergency fund)

• His current 401(k)

• Her current 401(k)

• Her new Traditional IRA (where we rolled her former pension, 401(k), and 403(b) into)

• His new Traditional and Roth IRAs (where we rolled all his old 401(k)s and Roth IRA into)

• Their new taxable brokerage account (where we rolled her old taxable account, his Robinhood, and the proceeds from her canceled whole life policy)

Without anything inherently changing in their financial lives, they felt freer. It was simple. The money was invested well. They had fewer logins. They knew where everything was. They understood its purpose. It was simple.

Simple is good. When in doubt, simplify. Then, simplify some more.

Being Responsibly Irresponsible

As is the case most days, I opened my Daily Meaning e-mail inbox yesterday to find a message from my friend Randy. Randy consistently responds to my blog posts, including words of encouragement, a representative story, additional wisdom, or alternative perspectives. Yesterday's was a bit different. He pointed out that some readers might find yesterday's post (about not impulsively wasting extra money) incongruent with my typical message of using money on "spending for memories and meaning." He didn't personally find it incongruent, but he suspected others would......and he was right. I subsequently received a handful of questions and responses indicating such.

On the one hand, I repeatedly beat on the drum of values-based spending, investing in memories, and finding meaning in our finances. Then yesterday, I leaned into this idea that we shouldn't impulsively spend "extra" money that comes into our lives. Instead, we should apply all extra income to wherever we are in our plan. See the possible incongruency here?

Here's the bridge for this perceived gap: responsibility and intentionality. It all comes down to those two things. If we don't take responsibility for our finances (pay for needs, save for future expenses, and give), our finances get disjointed.....and stressful! Yes, we should use some of our money for fun and memorable things. However, having our financial ducks in a row is a must. If we're behind on rent, can't put food on the table, and the utility companies threaten a shut-off, we probably shouldn't be dumping our money into lots of wants (today). We need to solidify the foundation. Responsibility is critically important!

Second, intentionality. As I often mention, I don't personally care where you choose to allocate your money. People have different values, priorities, passions, and situations. It's inevitable that your "right" is different from my "right." Here's the second part of my slogan. I don't personally care where you choose to allocate your money......as long as it's intentional. It's planned. It's purposeful. It fits within the context of our broader finances. With intentionality comes peace; with impulse comes regret.

Three of my clients recently traveled to Europe for some epic summer trips. Believe me, I've been living vicariously through them all summer!!!! The pictures are beautiful, and I suspect the memories are much sweeter. Each of these trips cost them anywhere between $6,000-$14,000. That's a lot of money, but they put a ton of intentionality into it. Some of these families have been saving this money for years. Month after month after month of saving. Then, the planning. They got the flights, then the hotels, then started filling the days with museums, trains, tours, and restaurant reservations. So much intentionality! By the time the trip arrived, they had zero financial stress and, carried themselves confidently, knowing their overall finances were intact and thriving.

Let's call this living responsibly irresponsible. Do the things other people judge you for. Make them roll their eyes. Let them question your sanity. But behind the scenes, do it with much intentionality and responsibility.

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It’s a Slippery Slope

In yesterday's post, I referenced how money is fungible. All there is is money in, and money out. This money doesn't go here, and that money doesn't go there. We have income, and we have outflows. Period.

Typing that reminded me of a situation that played out early in my marriage. Sarah and I were in the midst of our journey to pay off $236,000 of debt (it sucked as much as you're thinking). We each received a little personal spending each month, plus a few other fun expenses like modest dining out and travel. Then, every other excess dollar we had went toward the debt.

One day, Sarah decided to add a part-time nannying gig to her schedule. As we ate dinner, she started verbally processing what she might want to do with this extra income. Maybe clothes. Maybe nails. So many fun options!

That's the moment, mister fun hater (me), stepped in. I shared with her that money is fungible and, as such, this extra income had to be two things:

1. Ours, not hers.

2. Included in our budget.

She was noticeably annoyed with me. After all, she was the one working extra hours to earn this extra money.

She explained that our paychecks were our budget money, and this new income was "extra." (You know what we do with extra, right?) And since it was extra, it should fall outside of our budget and she should be able to do anything she wants with it.

Me: "Oh interesting. In that case, I'll have to figure out what I want to spend my annual bonus on!!!!"

Her (even more annoyed): "Your bonus is part of your work, so it's different." (I'm paraphrasing here, as I don't remember her actual comment)

Me: ......

See the problem here? Whenever we treat something as "extra" or "different," we undermine our finances and marriage. We go from "ours" to "mine." From being intentional to "screw it." It gets muddy…and messy.

Sarah eventually saw my point. I was grateful for her desire to work harder to help our young family dig out of a hole, but income is income. Ultimately, here's where we landed. We included her nanny income in the budget as income, juiced up her personal spending a bit, and added the to the debt paydowns. It was a win-win.

It's a slippery slope to treat money as anything but fungible. All there is is money in, and money out. Remove impulses. Take out the bias. Don't undermine your relationship. Don't sabotage your finances.

We've never had an issue with that topic since that day nearly 13 years ago. I may make 99% of our family's income, but it's "ours." Never "mine." Never. Don't fall down that slippery slope!

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Let Blessings Remain Blessings

I opened the mail yesterday to two unexpected blessings: two checks I never saw coming. I'm not talking about massive amounts of money here—$250 and $100.

What do you typically do if you receive unexpected extra money? If you're a human (and I suspect you are), there are two typical outcomes:

1. The most common outcome is to simply blow it. It's extra, and most of the time, we don't respect those extra blocks of money. It will likely be impulsively spent before the check even clears.

2. The second most common outcome is to dump it into a general savings account, which will be hoarded in the near term and probably impulsively spent at some point in the future.

I prefer to let blessings remain blessings. First, I don't actually care what you do with it. Whether you spend it, save it, or give it is not what's important in this conversation. Here's what I do personally, and it's how I coach it every single time:

1. Add this as income to your budget. If it's money coming in, whether it's a $100 reimbursement check or a $10,000 bonus, it's income. Add it to the budget as such.

2. Once it's in the budget, you have $x more in the budget than you did before. Let's pretend it's $200. You add the $200 as income to your budget, giving you $200 more to allocate somewhere in the realm of spending, saving, or giving. Treat it as you would any other $200 in your budget. $200 is $200.

3. As such, allocate this money in accordance with your current plan. If you're in the midst of paying off debt, pay off more debt. If you're saving for a big trip, save more for your trip. If you've been working on a financial gift to your favorite organization, give it.

4. Execute the plan. If you say you're going to do something, do it. After all, you promised yourself in your budget. Own that. If you plan to buy a new espresso machine, buy the machine! If you plan to pay off that credit card, pay it off! Don't break your promise to yourself.....or your spouse.

That's the thing about money, it's fungible. All there is is money in, and money out. The moment we try to say this is for that, and that is for this, we've lost the plot. Instead, look at everything as one big puzzle. When we do that, we develop a much healthier and more productive relationship with our money. No guilt, no emotional strings, no sense of obligation. Just wisdom and discernment.

As for us, August has been a kid-expense-heavy month. Activity fees, school supplies, new shoes, and end-of-summer fun have drained that category quickly. I suspect Sarah and I will pad that category with this unexpected windfall. That's our current reality, and we'll live into that.

Meet your money where you are. Don't waste these little (or huge!) opportunities. Let your blessings remain blessings.

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The Irony of Sudden Wealth

"What's the point, man?!?"

I've had the privilege of spending time with a few dozen people who became very rich, very quickly. I'm talking rich rich. Buy anything you want rich. Never worry about money again rich. Each person's story varies, but there are a few common triggers for the sudden wealth: professional athletes, lottery winners, inheritors, and founders.

On the surface, we look at these people with jealousy and hope that someday we will be as fortunate as them. That feeling is what causes tens of millions of Americans to play the lottery each week: the mere chance to strike proverbial gold.

More often than not, however, being suddenly wealthy isn't all it appears from the outside looking in. It's called Sudden Wealth Syndrome. It's a psychological condition that manifests in a number of different ways, including isolation, paranoia, addiction, and hangers-on.

But there's one Sudden Wealth Syndrome manifestation I want to lean into today: loss of meaning. Think about your life. You probably have to go to work, make money, and pay for your family's needs and wants. When you wake up in the morning, you have a purpose and a goal. If you serve people well, you are rewarded. If you don't, well, that's not a fun road. Whether you love your work or hate your work, there's still purpose behind it.

People with extravagant wealth, however, don't have that embedded purpose in their life. Oftentimes, their life is like a boat without a rudder. A very large, flashy, and expensive boat, but without a rudder nonetheless.

"What's the point, man?!?!" my friend loudly exclaimed, in a tone full of anguish and frustration. On the surface, this man is the winner of winners. Due to recent circumstances, he found himself in a reality he could only imagine in his dreams. He had tens of millions of dollars, with a high likelihood of tens (or hundreds) more.

Until recently, though, his life looked much different. He was ambitious, hungry, and had big dreams for himself. He had a rock-solid work ethic and a motor to achieve. He was happy! Then, it happened. The money happened. Practically overnight, he would never worry about money again for the rest of his life. He bought a house for himself, one for his parents, another for himself, a couple of cars, a bunch of toys, and a new wardrobe. He looked the part.

"What's the point, man?!?!" Despite having it all, he suddenly felt empty. When he woke up in the morning, there was no purpose, no mission. He could literally lay in bed, all day, every day, for the next 200 years and never run out of money. He had everything, and he had nothing.

He wanted to talk about money, but I wanted to talk about work. Whether we like it or not, work that matters matters. The science continually points to work being one of the primary drivers of happiness and fulfillment in humans, yet we spend the bulk of our adult lives trying to escape work. I find it ironic.

I'll share more about this friend in the near future, but I'll give you a little teaser: he got a job. The old him is back. He's really rich, still, but he has meaning and purpose.

Interesting.....

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“Throwing Away” a Career, Revisited

It's 2:30 AM. Sarah and I just pulled in from a 10-hour drive after visiting our best friends, Ryan and Anna. It feels like my brain is melting onto my laptop keyboard, as I single-handedly drove the entire 10 hours solo (Sarah failed to learn how to drive a stick over the last few days.....shame on her!). We intended to drive six hours today and then do the remaining four in the morning, but we got ambitious.

We had a wonderful time with Ryan and Anna. It ended up being 42 total hours together (including two nights of sleep), but it was jam-packed with laughter, memories, food, and good conversation......and Twenty One Pilots!

- I'm definitely kneeling in this picture.....

Given how much time I had to think during the drive home, my mind went in many different directions. Eventually, I found myself thinking back to an article I wrote more than four years ago. It was about Anna, but more specifically, about her counter-cultural career shifts. First, her decision to forego her WNBA career, and second, her decision to leave teaching to pursue her current calling. You can find the article here! While refueling at a gas station, I pulled the article up on my phone. A few thoughts rattled around my dreary, melting brain:

• Having written more than 800 articles since that one, I cringed a bit at my writing style and structure. It shows the power of repetition and consistency.

• It's fun to see how, even then, my perspective of work and meaning were quite similar to today. The phrase "meaning over money" hadn't yet been coined, but the values were loud and clear.

• Given the benefit of time, it's so fun to see how Anna's career shifts (or "thrown away" careers) have shaped her and impacted countless people.

• Nothing is wasted, indeed!

• Pursuing the type of journey that Anna did is far harder than we can imagine, but simultaneously more fulfilling than we can anticipate.

• Knowing what I know now, I'd double down on encouraging Anna in her controversial career shifts. I'd also encourage younger me to double down on this message.

• While I never took my relationship with Ryan and Anna for granted, I look back and wish I had squeezed every ounce of goodness from it I could while we lived near each other.

I'm grateful for my friend Anna, and I deeply admire how she took the path less traveled. It's not been an easy journey, but so many people have been blessed by her contributions to their lives. Someday, I hope she gets a window into some of that impact. Her legacy will have ripple effects, for sure.

I hope you're having a wonderful day, and I hope I'm still sleeping when you read this!

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Your Pain Has Purpose

Just a few hours ago, I walked out of the Twenty One Pilots concert. It's the first stop of their new world tour, and wow (wow!!!), what an amazing experience!

For two straight hours, Tyler Joseph ripped his heart out of his chest and splayed it out before a crowd of 21,000 energetic fans. I've seen him do it before, but it never ceases to amaze me. This man, like all of us, has his demons. Pain, suffering, tragedy, and ongoing anguish. He's broken, just like you and I. However, what sets Tyler apart is the fact he takes the darkest and most embarrassing pieces of his being and uses them to impact the world. Their shows are an exploration of faith, pain, perseverance, and the celebration of life. Last night was no exception!

It reminds me of listening to Joni Eareckson speak at the Global Leadership Summit last week. If you're not familiar with Joni, her life became a national news story in 1967 when, at the age of 17, she experienced a tragic accident while swimming with some friends. She inadvertently dove into shallow waters and became paralyzed from the shoulders down. In the following years, Joni harnessed her pain and unwelcomed circumstances to champion the creation of the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act), write more than 40 books, and become a lifelong advocate for more than a billion people who experience life with disabilities.

Joni's talk was one of the most moving things I've ever witnessed, and she received no less than four standing ovations. I spent the better part of 40 minutes with tears in my eyes, witnessing this woman pour out her soul before a room of strangers. "God uses our weaknesses to impact His kingdom," she exclaimed. Her humility and grace, despite all she's accomplished, stood out like no other. There were a million different people who had more influence, more experience, more smarts, and more skills who could have led this movement. Yet, in her words, God used a young woman, fresh off tragic, life-altering circumstances with no experience or influence, to create change in this world.

As I think about Joni's life and ministry, and continue to marvel at what Tyler does to impact millions of people, I keep coming back to the idea of pain and weakness. Our pain and weaknesses aren't something to hide from. We don't make a difference despite our pain, failings, and weaknesses. Rather, it's those unsavory parts of us that fuel us and have the ability to create a profound impact on this world.

I'll end with a confession. There are days that I'm nervous about hitting "publish" on this blog and our podcast. I share things I don't want to share. I expose myself when I could just bury it. However, deep down, I know that my pain, failings, and weaknesses are the tools with which I can make an impact.

The same goes for you......

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The Verdict Is In

"How's the midlife crisis treating you?" asked my friend Emma as I was getting out of my new (to me) 2006 Nissan 350Z. "It's going fantastic! Thanks for asking," I responded. Emma, man! Always busting my chops!

This week marks the five-month mark since pulling the trigger on this car. Oddly enough, until yesterday, Sarah had only spent a grand total of five minutes in it. Then came yesterday. We did a 10-hour road trip to visit some of our closest friends and experience the opening night of Twenty One Pilot's new tour. Sarah and I had a blast. The top was down, the sun was up, the weather was beautiful, and the Twenty One Pilot music was blaring. The only negative is that Sarah can't drive a stick shift, so she gleefully allowed me to drive the entire 10 hours in one sitting (while she endured multiple sun-soaked naps).

The verdict is in. After five months of driving this car and 10 hours cruising across multiple states with Sarah, I can confidently testify that, besides some of our giving, this was the best $9,000 I've spent in my life. I waited 17 years to purchase this car, and it's lived up to every ounce of anticipation I could have ever imagined (and more).

I didn't need this car. There were more "responsible" things to do with $9,000. An investment in the stock market would have yielded a far better financial outcome than buying an 18-year-old car that will only go down in value. There are surely better financial decisions besides buying a fun car.

All of that is true, yet this one was one of the best decisions we've ever made. Why? Because not everything is about money. The amount of memories I've already made with this car is staggering. The boys love hopping in and cruising our town. They know exactly what songs they want to play. They know what ice cream shops to direct me to. They eagerly anticipate one-on-one time with their dad. It's not about money; it's about something much bigger.

- Pax proudly posing after a fresh wash

No, we don't need money to create memories. Memories are free. However, I'm so glad I chose to spend this $9,000 on this car. After 17 years of waiting, it seems like a fitting and poetic end to the story. Had I purchased it 17 years ago when I was a young single guy, it would have been cool.....but not this cool. Instead, I get to road trip with my wife. I get to have jam sessions with my sons. I get to let friends and youth group kids borrow it. It's so much more than money.

I hope you have your version of this. If you don't, I encourage you to find it. Don't make it about money. Don't obsess about making the right financial move. Make a decision that bends in favor of meaning. Create those memories! You won't regret it.

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An Avalanche of Circumstance

Anticipating widespread backlash from yesterday's post, I tentatively knew what today's topic would be. The pushback was indeed harsh! It's the exact type of harsh I was expecting, though.

Today, I bring you the story of Jeff. That's not his real name. He wants his story shared publicly, but anonymously for now. He and I have been talking about bringing him onto the podcast, but he's wavering. In the meantime, his story will live here.

For the last 8-ish years, Jeff has been one of my biggest critics whenever I discuss how credit cards are bad for us. He's become quite aggressive with me at times, even calling me stupid and openly mocking me in group conversations. Jeff, in his late 40s, is a known entity in the finance world.....at least in his niche. He's the kind of guy that will get mic'd up at a conference and discuss complex finance concepts in front of hundreds of fellow finance professionals. Jeff knows finance, and has been doing it for a long time.

I'll summarize Jeff's frequent pushbacks whenever I appeal for people to get rid of their credit cards:

• It's an interest-free loan as long as you pay it off within 30 days.

• The points are amazing! He's known to send me pictures of his vacations to poke at me about how this flight or that hotel was free because of points.

• In his words, he had never paid one cent of interest or one late fee in his entire life (perfect 30-year track record!).

• It's about personal responsibility. If you're responsible, you're good. Credit card debt is an outward expression (and natural consequence) of irresponsibility.

Recently, I received a text from Jeff; he wanted to meet for coffee. When I walked into the mostly empty shop, I saw him sitting in the corner. His shoulders were uncharacteristically slumped, and his face was expressionless. I could immediately tell something was wrong. We shared a few pleasantries, but I sensed he just wanted to get to the meat of the conversation.

As he put it, he and his wife had experienced an "avalanche of circumstance." One of their kids got sick, their septic system went haywire, his wife had her hours cut at work, a car was having trouble, oh yeah, and rampant inflation. As these events were unfolding, he did was he always did: put everything on the credit card. They make good money, so he planned to just make it up next month. Or maybe the month after. Shoot, maybe soon. The emergency fund was quickly drained, as were other sources of liquidity.

The result? After 30 years without a single cent of interest or fees, he had $23,000 of credit card debt and no idea how to navigate it. Mere months ago, he was mocking people for "irresponsibility," and now he was on the other side of the aisle. He was sick and embarrassed.

These are scary times for Jeff and his family. He now understands when I say, "Credit cards are great....until the moment they become your biggest nightmare." They are the path of least resistance and the gateway to quick, rash, and destructive decisions.

Jeff isn't alone. He's the face of our growing credit card crisis. To be continued....

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Blood Points

"Just be responsible."

"It's a tool."

"It helps you build credit."

"It's safer."

"Take advantage of the points."

Not a day goes by when I don't get an earful about the awesomeness and wonder of using credit cards. Based on the narrative, you'd think they are magical little miracles, changing lives for the better.

According to the most recent data released for the second quarter of 2024, 50% of credit card holders in the U.S. now carry a balance from month to month (i.e. they don't pay them off every month like everyone says they do). HALF of all U.S. citizens who use these wonderful little tools are now stuck with high-rate debt that's bearing down on them. So much for "just be responsible."

Moreover, the average American now carries an average credit card balance of approximately $8,000. With an average interest rate of 24.9%, it costs an average of $166/month just to pay the monthly interest (never mind paying off the growing balance).

Yet, we're just going to ignore these facts and instead brag about the awesome trip we just took on the back of the sweet credit card points we recently earned. It's ludicrous, and this insane narrative is sending millions of Americans down the financial toilet.

Just in the last week, I've sat with multiple couples who are emotionally and mentally broken by consumer debt. Their entire lives, they were told to build credit and collect the free points. Instead, they now sit with thousands of dollars of debt they have no idea how to pay off. They are scared, angry, and confused.

Seemingly, everyone in their lives advocated for them to introduce these little plastic cards into their finances. Their parents told them to do it. Their co-workers told them to do it. Their friends told them to do it. Social media "experts" told them to do it. Now, after a series of unexpected events (which can always be expected), they are left holding the bag. Meanwhile, the rest of society now has the privilege of pointing at them, saying, "You should have been more responsible."

Collectively, we are heading down a very dark financial road. You may not see it (yet), but it's happening as we speak. I hope you don't fall victim to it, but I guarantee someone you know will.

So what's the alternative? Opt out. Say no. Stay away. Turn your back on normal. We don't have to play our culture's games. Sarah and I haven't owned credit cards in nearly 15 years. We're good. Life is simple. Not easy, but simple. There is life on this side of credit cards and consumer debt. Don't play their games, and please, please, please don't advocate for your kids to play the games. You deserve better, and so do your kids.

You got this, guys!

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