It’s a Slippery Slope
In yesterday's post, I referenced how money is fungible. All there is is money in, and money out. This money doesn't go here, and that money doesn't go there. We have income, and we have outflows. Period.
Typing that reminded me of a situation that played out early in my marriage. Sarah and I were in the midst of our journey to pay off $236,000 of debt (it sucked as much as you're thinking). We each received a little personal spending each month, plus a few other fun expenses like modest dining out and travel. Then, every other excess dollar we had went toward the debt.
One day, Sarah decided to add a part-time nannying gig to her schedule. As we ate dinner, she started verbally processing what she might want to do with this extra income. Maybe clothes. Maybe nails. So many fun options!
That's the moment, mister fun hater (me), stepped in. I shared with her that money is fungible and, as such, this extra income had to be two things:
Ours, not hers.
Included in our budget.
She was noticeably annoyed with me. After all, she was the one working extra hours to earn this extra money.
She explained that our paychecks were our budget money, and this new income was "extra." (You know what we do with extra, right?) And since it was extra, it should fall outside of our budget and she should be able to do anything she wants with it.
Me: "Oh interesting. In that case, I'll have to figure out what I want to spend my annual bonus on!!!!"
Her (even more annoyed): "Your bonus is part of your work, so it's different." (I'm paraphrasing here, as I don't remember her actual comment)
Me: ......
See the problem here? Whenever we treat something as "extra" or "different," we undermine our finances and marriage. We go from "ours" to "mine." From being intentional to "screw it." It gets muddy…and messy.
Sarah eventually saw my point. I was grateful for her desire to work harder to help our young family dig out of a hole, but income is income. Ultimately, here's where we landed. We included her nanny income in the budget as income, juiced up her personal spending a bit, and added the to the debt paydowns. It was a win-win.
It's a slippery slope to treat money as anything but fungible. All there is is money in, and money out. Remove impulses. Take out the bias. Don't undermine your relationship. Don't sabotage your finances.
We've never had an issue with that topic since that day nearly 13 years ago. I may make 99% of our family's income, but it's "ours." Never "mine." Never. Don't fall down that slippery slope!
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