The Tension Brings Clarity

I had a fun e-mail exchange with a friend regarding my recent car-related posts. He shared how "liberating" life has been since becoming debt-free four years ago. However, his next comment is what got me. Since he was a new and now-committed member of the debt-free club, buying a truck would be a different experience. This now meant he "could not even consider" buying a truck without having the cash in hand. This changes everything! He added that while he had the cash to buy whatever truck he wanted (impressive move!), he ultimately decided to spend $10,000 less on his purchase (humble move!).

When we refuse to use debt to purchase vehicles, it creates a very palpable tension. It's hard to save a big chunk of money for vehicles. It's a long, thankless, and often unrewarding task. That's precisely the point, though. That process brings with it a tension that must be reckoned with. When it's finally time to pull the trigger on that new ride, we're faced with the reality of parting ways with so much of our hard-earned cash. That tension is brutal...and the cost high!

That tension also brings clarity. To explain this dynamic, I'll use the opposite example. Let's say my friend was truck shopping with the intent of using debt (you know, the normal way). He finds what he's looking for, falls in love with it, and needs to make a decision. He has two options in front of him: a $40,000 truck and a $50,000 truck (I made those prices up). The $50,000 truck is clearly better. It has all the bells and whistles....and a bigger engine! After doing the math, he realizes the $50,000 vehicle will "only" cost him $150/month more than the other. Considering that the $50,000 vehicle is superior and he likes it more, $150/month seems like an absolute no-brainer! See, there's no tension in the decision-making process. It's a number on a piece of paper. $150. That's not a needle-mover in many people's lives. We won't talk about the fact it's $150/month for the next 84 months.....that's for future him to worry about. Current him gets the nice truck right now!!! Again, no tension.

On the other hand, he's living in a new reality where debt is not an option. He has the same decision in front of him: buy the $40,000 or $50,000 truck. This time, however, there's a difference. Since he's writing a check no matter what vehicle he buys, he's faced with the proposition of trading an extra $10,000 of his hard-earned money for the nicer truck. It's ok if he chooses that one, but he will immediately have $10,000 less in his bank account. There's the tension!

The tension brings clarity. When faced with that tension, we almost always make better, clearer decisions. He knew exactly what he was getting, exactly what he was paying for it, and would face the consequences immediately. Tension and clarity!

He clearly and confidently chose the $10,000 cheaper option. That tension is a beautiful thing.

Pot, Meet Kettle

Today, I have the pleasure of sharing a funny (to me) story from a recent conversation with a buddy. Fortunately for you, he gave me his blessing to share it. I appreciate that he doesn't take himself too seriously.

After learning about my recent 2006 Nissan 350Z purchase, my friend shared his less-than-savory opinion about it. Specifically, he called it a "boujee move" and added, "It's a bad look for you, Travis." Translation: I'm a hypocrite for buying such a fancy luxury, and it feels a bit over the top.

These comments were the most pot-calling-the-kettle-black moments of my year. Why? This guy can out-boujee anyone. Here's the thing, though. Most people who are boujee don't know they are boujee. In his mind, he lives a bare-bones lifestyle. He only buys things he "needs." You know, like new luxury vehicles (gotta have reliable transportation!), mini-mansions (good school districts are key!), a stylish wardrobe (dress to impress!), and country club memberships (it's networking!). Need, need, need, and need.

On the other hand, my extra car is a boujee waste of money, according to him. He even went a step further and called it "irresponsible." This is where the conversation took a turn for the hilarous, and why I wanted to write about it. As we debated whether this 350Z was boujee, I pointed out that my family's three cars, combined, are worth less than half of his truck. He drives a $60,000 truck, and our three vehicles are worth a combined $25,000! Further, his truck payment is $1,400/month, and we haven't made a vehicle payment in 12 years.

Do you see the irony here? This is how we get so twisted up in our culture when it comes to money, stuff, and status. He sincerely believes he's living a conservative, responsible life. Meanwhile, he truly believes I made a "boujee move" with this car.

This is one of the many reasons I never use other people to measure my decisions. Our culture is pervasive, and its impacts are contagious. Instead, I will continue to lean into meaning every step of the way while wholeheartedly bucking the societal trends and pressures of what we're supposed to do. I hope you find your own unique ways to do the same. Don't worry about what others think. Stay true to your path and lean into your values. You will most certainly screw up along the way, but you'll do so while going in the right direction.....your direction.

What Goes Around Comes Around

When we first became parents, it was amazing how many people rallied around and supported us. The love we experienced in that season was unparalleled. I don't always remember the particulars (life was intense....and a blur), but I remember how it felt. I vividly recall the outpouring of generosity from so many people. Generosity always wins, and during that stretch of life, we were on the receiving end of so much beautiful generosity. I hope someday my kids will understand just how loved they were from the very beginning.

Fast forward seven years, and one of those generous individuals is about to have a baby. I'll never forget the generosity this person showed us when we became parents. This person impacted our family far more than they will ever know. Their love, support, and actions have created ripple effects that will span decades.

One of the beautiful things about generosity is that it's not a one-way street. What goes around comes around. Sometimes, we're on the giving end of generosity; other times, we're on the receiving end. It's essential to do both and be both. In fact, I would argue it's impossible to truly be generous without being able to accept generosity from others.

What goes around comes around. The tables are turning, and we're about ready to switch seats. When that happens, I hope we can show this growing family the same level of love, support, and generosity they showed us. They created ripple effects in our lives, and we have the opportunity to do the same in theirs. Not because we owe them, not because it's some form of payback, but because we love these people, and generosity always wins.

This is the most enjoyable part about generosity. What goes around comes around. When it does, we get to experience what true community looks like. There have been seasons in life when I needed the support and generosity of others, and there have been seasons when others needed our support and generosity. We don't perpetually live in one or another as much as we meander back and forth. Or, as often happens, we simultaneously live on both sides of this coin. A constant state of need and a constant state of generosity.

My encouragement today is to live on both sides of this equation. Be generous. Always be generous. Serve others with whatever you have to give. At the same time, always be willing to accept generosity from others. It will change you. It will change them. It will create genuine community. It will form lifelong bonds. It may also cause ripple effects that will span for decades. Generosity always wins!

Have To vs. Get To

I'm still thinking about the conversation I shared with the young woman I mentioned in yesterday's post. One of the things that struck me about her story is how much meaning and impact she's making in her work. She's a legit hero. Her eyes lit up when she talked about her work, yet at the same time, she admitted the utter frustration she feels when her income immediately goes toward debt payments.

See the tension there? Her work has so much meaning, yet her financial situation has changed her relationship with it. She's literally changing people's lives, but the income she's receiving from it is helping her barely hang on financially.

This is a tension I felt earlier in my career. Despite loving what I was doing, I woke up in the morning knowing I had to go to work. My job, and the paycheck it would provide, was my only lifeline to making my debt payments and living to fight another day. I was grateful for the job, but in some ways, it felt like I had nothing to show for all my hard work. That's a very helpless and defeating feeling. But there's a purpose behind it.

Then, something happened. When our $236,000 of debt was gone (4.5 long years later), I woke up feeling different. For some odd reason, my job got better. I felt more positive about it. I found excitement toward the work. I became better at what I did. Literally nothing about my job changed. I'm the one who changed. After a few weeks, I realized what it was. For all those years, I HAD TO go to work. Now, I GET TO go to work. It was a choice, and that choice changed everything!

Feeling like we have a figurative gun to our head is the worst feeling in the world. Even the best job will feel like garbage if we believe we don't have a choice. On the flip side, there's no better feeling than knowing we are going to work today solely because we want to. There's freedom in that. There's meaning in that.

My relationship with work forever changed that day. I promised myself that if one day I didn't want to go to that job anymore, I wouldn't. Little did I know, I'd have to follow through with that promise just seven years later when I left that career to begin what I do now. It was the hardest decision I ever made, but also the easiest (ironic, I know). I GET TO do what I do, and I never take that for granted. It doesn't mean it's easy (it's not). It doesn't mean it's always fun (it's not). But, boy, I can testify there's nothing more fulfilling or rewarding than waking up every day knowing I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to do.

I hope you wake up with the same feeling. If not, I invite you to find it. It's out there.....I promise.

My Three Promises

I recently had the pleasure of spending time with a young adult in a decent amount of debt—car, student loans, credit cards—you know, the normal stuff! It was my first time meeting her, and I thoroughly enjoyed spending that time with her. 

Much of our time was spent formulating a plan to get out of debt and creating financial momentum to do so. The problem with so many people who are in debt, including Sarah and me when we first got married, is that the situation feels too heavy. The minimum payments feel too intense, the disposable income too little, and the mountain seemingly insurmountable. 

After laying out the plan, I made her three promises. These are the same three promises I make to all my clients beginning a debt payoff journey, and they are the same three promises I'll make you today if you find yourself in debt. 

1. Paying off debt is very simple. We list the debts in our desired payoff order (I prefer the smallest balances first). Each month, we pay the minimum amount due on each debt. Then, we take any remaining extra income and pay down the next debt in our sequence. Repeat this process each month, moving to the next debt each time one is paid off. It's simple!

2. Paying off debt is very hard. It can be a grind. Month after month after month. It's a thankless endeavor, and there's nothing enjoyable about it. At some point, it becomes a mental game. Can we stay focused? Can we stay disciplined? Can we keep our emotions at bay? There are so many other things we'd rather do with this money each month. Are we willing to make the necessary sacrifices? It's hard!

3. Paying off debt is so, so worth it. It's impossible to explain the amount of peace, freedom, and satisfaction we experience upon paying off our debt. It may have felt like we were carrying 100 pounds on our shoulders, but after paying it off, it feels like we actually shed 500 pounds. It literally changes everything! That moment of debt-payoff freedom becomes a significant inflection point in our lives, and we realize things will never be the same again. It's so worth it!

I lived this journey personally, and I've walked alongside dozens of families in their own journeys. Don't overcomplicate things.....it's very simple. Don't let someone tell you it will be easy.....it may be one of the hardest things you ever do. Don't underestimate the impact it will make in your life....it's will change everything!  

Not only CAN you do it, you SHOULD do it. Strike that. You WILL do it. You got this!

The 17-Year Wait

It's 2007. I am out to breakfast with my new-ish girlfriend (now wife), Sarah. I'm decently arrogant, think I have life figured out, and most certainly want to impress this girl. I start sharing how I'm planning to buy a new car. It's a 2006 Nissan 350Z. It's a convertible stick-shift, of course. It also has a $40,000 price tag.

However, instead of looking impressed and excited, my girlfriend's eyes looked dead. She sat quietly for the longest time, then chimed in, "So I guess you don't see me in your future." What!?!?!?

First, it's not Sarah's personality to say something this direct and this harsh. Second, how could she not be excited about this? It's a convertible stick-shift!!! She explained that it seemed like an irresponsible move, ripe with arrogance, served with a side dish of caring about what others thought about me. Ouch! Needless to say, I didn't buy the car. She was right, I was wrong, and a rational decision was made.

Ever since then, I wanted to buy a fun car like that. But life happens, and we've made sure to prioritize the things that need to be prioritized. However, Sarah has been adamant that we would one day buy a fun car. It morphed over time, though. I didn't just want any car. I wanted that exact car. I wanted to hold on to that original vision and be content with that same dream.

There were a few times when we almost pulled the trigger. We were about to buy one in 2016, but then received a phone call about a few babies who would soon (two days later!) become part of the Shelton family. The car got put on the back burner. We were about to buy one in 2019, but I left my career, and our family took a 90% pay cut. The car got put on the back burner again.

Fast forward to 2024. I've been casually looking at cars, but I haven't really seen anything that fits the bill. Then, during a recent trip to Texas, I curiously decided to see if anything was available in that market. There was just one......so I scheduled a test drive. Fast forward 24 hours, and I am the proud owner of the very car I wanted 17 years ago! It's a 2006 Nissan 350Z (convertible stick-shift, of course) with 70,000 miles. $9,000! It's far from perfect. It's endured a lot of bruises and scars over the past 18 years, but then again, so have I. I canceled my flight home and made the 15-hour road trip in my new ride.

Delayed gratification sucks. We want what we want, and we want it now.

Me buying a $40,000 car at age 26 is the equivalent of a 26-year-old today purchasing a $65,000 car. It would have crushed me! Instead, I paid just $9,000 for a vehicle I can truly appreciate.....and share with people around me. As much as I'm excited to drive it, I'm equally excited for others to enjoy it. The 17-year wait was so, so worth it!

Actually, delayed gratification is awesome.

It Sure Is Lucky to Be Lucky

As I was recently sitting down with a couple, one of the spouses said something that struck me as interesting. "We've just been really lucky." Frankly, I couldn't have disagreed more. Fortunate? Yes. Blessed? Absolutely. But lucky? I don't think so.

Some context is in order. This couple is considering making some fairly drastic decisions, which will likely have many financial ripple effects. To gauge where they are financially, I began asking for more information. They have good-paying jobs in challenging fields. They don't have debt. They have money saved. They are proactive givers. Their monthly expenses are fairly conservative. They've done so many things well!

As we unpacked each item, I intentionally pointed out how these outcomes were not coincidental. Nobody is luckily debt-free. Nobody luckily has a good amount saved. Nobody luckily gives generously. Nobody luckily has a conservative living cost structure. These aren't circumstances of luck. Rather, they are the consequences of thousands of small but powerful decisions compounded over time.

It's funny how lucky we are when we live with intentionality, patience, and humility. This couple gets it! By the time we concluded our conversation, I wholeheartedly encouraged them to engage in this wildly disruptive idea. Not because it's wild, but because it matters. Their ideas are beyond counter-cultural, but it's where their meaning lies. Without even knowing it, every decision they've made for the past 5+ years has led them to this amazing and "lucky" place. I couldn't be more excited for them!

Are you "lucky?" If so, just know it's likely not luck. If you've been blessed and are in a position to make counter-cultural decisions that are potentially financially harmful, it just might be a result of thousands of previous wise choices. I'm not asking you to not be grateful. I'm asking you to look in the mirror and recognize that your decisions (even the small ones) have consequences. These consequences build up over time, weaving together a web of "good luck."

Today, I hope you're as "lucky" as this other couple. When you are, I hope you use the opportunity to make some wildly counter-cultural decisions in your pursuit of meaning.

It Doesn’t Have to Be a Grand Slam

My family is wrapping up a 3-day, 2-night mini spring break trip to Omaha. We've had a blast! Lots of food, lots of fun, and lots of relaxation. It was just what the doctor ordered. I think about this idea a lot, but this trip was yet another affirmation. Vacations don't have to be grand slams, if I can use a baseball analogy. Sometimes singles or doubles are in order. 

Don't get me wrong. I love a good grand slam vacation. Our family cruise in January was stunning. I also find my way to the Middle East or Asia at least once per year. Those trips are awesome! However, we shouldn't lose sight of the singles and doubles out there. 

Grand slams can be extremely costly in terms of money and time. They require a lot of intentionality, planning, preparation, and a big chunk of cash. Again, I'm all for these trips, but living a life of only grand slams isn't practical. I'd much rather plan, anticipate, and enjoy a series of smaller trips than one massive Disney trip each year. 

I'm not knocking Disney trips or any other killer vacation. At the same time, I don't want people to glorify these trips so much that they create a scenario where they never travel (because they can't find the money and/or time to do it). I know lots of people who have fallen for this trap. Since they can't save the $10,000+ needed for their dream grand slam vacation, they simply don't travel.

Our family takes a hybrid approach. We rarely do a grand slam trip. We may have a triple or home run trip on the books, but we like to fill in the gaps with singles along the way. Take this trip to Omaha, for example:

• Two nights in an affordable hotel (with a pool, of course).

• A tank of gas.

• A handful of meals

• Discount tickets to a world-class zoo

It was super affordable, and the kids had an absolute blast!

These smaller trips are easier to plan, require less time commitment, allow us the opportunity and joy of anticipation, are far cheaper, and can generate tons of lifelong memories. I call that a massive win!

I'm cool if you have some ridiculously awesome grand slam trips on your radar. Those are amazing. But it doesn't always have to be a grand slam. Find those singles and doubles along the way as well!

The Ratchet of Convenience

When I was a kid, there were only two ways to get a product: 1) Drive to the store and pick it up, or 2) In rare occasions, call the phone number in the printed catalog and have it delivered to your house two weeks later.

I recently needed a product. It was an obscure item that couldn't be found on the store shelf, so naturally, I jumped on Amazon. Much to my displeasure, the soonest I could get the product was the next morning. But I needed it now! I was hoping for a 1-2 hour delivery, but the best they could do was guarantee a 15-hour delivery. Lame!

If someone in the 90s would have whined about a 15-hour delivery on an obscure product when he was hoping for 1-2 hours, he might have gotten punched for being such an entitled brat.

We have an interesting relationship with convenience. We want it, but every time we have it, we want more of it. It's like a ratchet; it only gets tighter each time we twist it. I remember when Amazon launched Prime with the promise of two-day delivery. That seems impossible and completely unnecessary. Today, we regularly get next-day delivery....and often get same-day options as well. It's the ratchet tightening.

When does it stop? Where does it stop? To some extent, I'm not sure it will. As long as convenience is a priority for a given consumer, that ratchet will continue to tighten. We're probably not far away from clicking "buy" and having a drone deliver it 15 minutes later.

On the flip side, we don't have to worship convenience. While convenience is great, it's not the only consideration. When developing the Northern Vessel business model, many people asked if we were constructing a drive-thru. When my answer was a firm "no," their immediate response was some version of "you'll never stay in business without a drive-thru." While convenience obviously matters, we wanted to offer more. We elected to hitch our wagon to quality products and hospitality excellence. We believed people would give up some convenience if we served them an awesome product and treated them with love, kindness, and engagement. Our suspicions were confirmed. It's not convenient to drive to our location. It's not convenient to park the car and walk in. It's not convenient to stand in line (which can be a massive line depending on the day/time). It's not convenient to wait for the drink to be made (even though the team is extraordinarily efficient). None of these things are convenient, but other factors matter, too.

We humans will never relent on the ratchet of convenience, but we do value the complete experience. Consumers, know what's important when selecting businesses to patronize. There are times to prioritize convenience, and there are times to prioritize other factors. Businesses, don't get sucked into a race to the bottom. It doesn't have to be about having the cheapest price or most convenient option. Instead, find ways to add more value and create a richer experience.

A Different Way to Travel

One of the most pervasive myths floating around our society is that we NEED a credit card to travel. People believe this so much that they are willing to play Russian Roulette with their finances to make it happen. Here's a very real example. One of my clients had more than $30,000 of credit card debt. It's a chunk of debt that's expanded and contracted for more than a decade. Fortunately, they decided to lock down and aggressively pay it off. Getting debt-free took about 14 months, and they celebrated mightily upon completion!

I pleaded with them to cancel their cards—I literally begged! Then, the dreaded phrase came out of their mouths: "We NEED to keep at least one open for travel." Uh oh, the myth still had them captive! Despite my best efforts, they elected to keep this card open "just for travel." You can probably guess where this is going. Life happened, and they ended up back in credit card debt. 

There's a better way! A simpler way! We don't need a credit card for travel. I haven't had a credit card for more than 14 years now. I've traveled to nearly 30 countries during that span.....with no credit card in my possession. I buy plane tickets with a debit card. I book hotel rooms with a debit card. I rent cars with a debit card. I buy meals, Ubers, and activities with a debit card. It's possible to travel without a credit card. I don't just preach it.....I live it. 

All that said, it's not enough for me to simply say, "Stop using credit cards for travel." I'll also share how I structure my travel life: 

• I have a designated sinking fund for travel. But instead of using a savings account, I have it set up as a checking account. It's a separate checking account ONLY for travel use. 

• Each month, we allocate money for travel in our budget. When we do, we literally take that money and move it from our primary checking into our travel fund. We treat it as an expense, and actually "pay" that expense. 

• When we travel, we use the debit card associated with our travel fund to pay for all travel-related expenses: cars, hotels, flights, food, activities, etc. Everything!

• The money comes directly from our travel fund, leaving our monthly budget completely unscathed. 

If that sounds too simple, it's because it is. Simplicity always wins. If there's money in the account, we travel. If there's not, we don't. No exceptions. There's zero chance of making a mistake, going into debt, or getting ourselves into trouble. Handling travel this way also forces us to be intentional with our budget each month, as our travel fate relies on us actually setting money aside. 

I know I'm fighting an uphill cultural battle with this one, but I felt compelled to share this alternative way of thinking today. Try it for yourself. I have a feeling you'll love it as much as we do. 

The Best Is Yet to Come

You or someone you know is probably going through some scary times. So many people in my life are dealing with significant job shifts. Layoffs, reassignments, pay cuts, relocations, hour cuts, or benefit cuts. The economy is starting to feel weird, and ripple effects are cascading through people's careers and lives. Several clients have recently lost their jobs. Others have received pay cuts and/or hour cuts. A few have been reassigned or relocated. One of my friends just found out that he AND his wife lost their jobs.....in a 48-hour span! It feels messy out there! These are tough pills to swallow, and playing a role in this part of their journey is an honor. I never take that role lightly or for granted.

If there's one thing I want you to know, it's this. No matter what you're going through, the best is yet to come. No matter the situation, your peak is in the windshield, not the rearview mirror.

It makes me reflect on my gut-wrenching experience during the Great Financial Crisis. I thought I had life all figured out. I was young, hungry, and a little too arrogant. That all changed in 2008 when I casually walked into the office, only to be ushered into a conference room with all of my peers. There, it was communicated that our company was shutting down, and we'd all soon be out of jobs.....in the worst job market of our lifetime. I was devastated! Did I mention I had been engaged for just three days? Ouch! That was easily one of the worst weeks of my life.

Looking back, 16 years later, it's still one of the worst experiences of my life. However, that wasn't the end of the story. Amidst the pain, chaos, uncertainty, and struggle came many unforeseen blessings. Blessings that I never would have experienced had I not experienced that loss. There's a catch, though. It's nearly impossible to see these blessings while we're living it. Life is too intense, and our vision too narrow. Only after we've lived part of the journey do we get the privilege of seeing the beauty of the struggle.

My life is so much cooler today than back when I thought I had it all figured out. The last 10 years have been far better than anything I could have imagined before I hit my bottom on that terrible day in 2008. I would even argue my life isn't amazing despite the crushing blow.....it's because of it.

Your best is yet to come. Believe that. It won't make some of your life situations any easier now, but hold on to that hope. You need it, and you deserve it. You got this!

If someone in your life is struggling, please send this to them. I want to offer them an encouraging word today. I needed it when I was going through my turmoil, and I have a feeling they do, too.

You Aren’t Buying Subs

Every year, our youth group sells homemade sub sandwiches to our church members as a fundraiser to defray the cost of our summer mission trips. One week, the students pass out flyers and order forms; the next week, the sandwiches are made and available for pickup.

When I began participating in this event, it struck me as odd that they sold these subs for $5 each. Though I call it "odd," it was very much a normal approach. Sell a product, make a profit, raise money. I suggested eliminating prices altogether and letting people pay whatever they desire. There was understandable pushback to this idea. "What if people didn't pay anything?" "What if they paid less than $5?" "All our work could be for nothing." All valid concerns!

I posed a different perspective. Instead of treating people like they were buying subs, we should approach the event as though people were investing in the mission. It's true that if we charge $5 per sub, we'll absolutely receive $5 per sub. That's undeniable. However, on the flip side, the most we will receive is $5 per sub. $5 on the low end and $5 on the high end.....that's a narrow band.

Instead, if we treated the event (and actually believed) that people were investing in the mission, I believed we would raise far more than $5 per sub. People hesitated to buy into this idea, so I made them a deal. I felt so confident in this alternative approach that I promised to personally compensate them for any shortfall incurred by my strategy. I'm not sure they believed me, but I sincerely meant it.

The results? Many people did, in fact, give little to nothing. This is an inevitable outcome when we rip up the boundaries. Some people will abuse the system when the opportunity allows it. That's just a fact of life. However, that isn't the end of the story. Despite having many people give between $0-$5, we ended with an average of approximately $8 per sub. Seeing that people were indeed there to invest in the mission was an extraordinary moment. Fast forward many years, and we had our most recent sub fundraiser event last week. I wasn't involved this year, so I participated as the father of two hungry little boys. No prices! I loved it! It was a fun opportunity to invest in the mission.

This brings me to you. As you're out living your life, always keep your eyes open for opportunities to invest. There are so many people and organizations seeking to make an impact. People and organizations that want to do good in this world. When you encounter them, don't view them as someone who needs your money. Don't treat it like a transaction. Don't merely buy a product or a service from them. Invest in them. Give with meaning. Take advantage of the opportunity to be part of something bigger than you.

You aren't buying subs. You're investing in the mission. Embrace that beautiful opportunity!

It’s a Game of Runs

Can you believe the Cyclones men's basketball team is ranked #6 in the country? Me neither. It's been a fun season I'll remember for many years. As I watched the game last night, I was reminded again how basketball is a game of runs. A series of bad things happen to you, but if you stay true to the game plan and keep fighting, a series of good things can immediately follow. Then, a series of bad things may happen again....and the cycle continues. The tipping point in last night's game was a 10-0 Cyclone run late in the second half to take the lead. Iowa State went on to win the game to close out a perfect 18-0 record at home for the season.

Life is much the same way. Sarah and I have been on a good run lately. Lots of good things have landed in our favor. Then, out of nowhere, wham! Instantly, the tables turned, and we experienced a series of bad things. Pax got brutally sick, Finn's having trouble at school, and we've had some unexpected medical costs. To make it worse, all this is happening with me out of town (of course it is!).

Like my Cyclones, the only way to reverse the bad run in life is to stick to the game plan and keep fighting. It's so easy to get frustrated and want to give up. That applies to both sports and life. If we aren't careful, our will gets broken, and we lose the battle.

I'm not complaining about my family's recent bad run. It happens. And soon enough, we'll reverse the tide, and a good run shall come. Several of my clients have hit a bad run lately. Unlucky breaks, unexpected expenses, frustrating mistakes, and ridiculous roadblocks. These things suck, but they happen. I continuously remind them to stick to the game plan and keep fighting. There is no other choice. It's not a matter of IF they will prevail.....it's WHEN they will prevail.

Keep fighting the good fight. I know many of you are in the midst of a bad run. It may knock you down, but don't let it keep you down. Your best days are in front of you. You got this!

Let Your Yes Be Yes

I don't know about you, but I like to view my decisions as black and white. Not the decision-making process, but the final decision. I say "yes" or "no." I do, or I don't. I'm in, or I'm out. I buy something, or I don't. Over time, however, I've realized many people don't treat it as black and white. There seems to be a third option: "yes, but." On the other side of the "but" is a complaint.

I'll give you a real-life example. I was recently chatting with a friend who had been considering finishing his basement. I knew he'd been thinking about it for a while, so I was curious for an update. When I asked him if he had decided to green-light the project, he responded, "Yes, but....." 

He went on to lay out all the reasons he's getting absolutely screwed. He's paying $50,000 for the work, and he feels like he's being monumentally ripped off. I asked him why he decided to proceed if he was knowingly getting ripped off. "I didn't have any other options." Bewildered, I asked him to elaborate:

• Finishing the basement was an absolute "need." 

• It wasn't fair his kids had to share a room.

• His kids deserved this space to play. 

• Nobody else quoted significantly less than this bid. 

• He didn't want to wait until a later date. 

Are you as confused as I am? Again, I asked him why he didn't just say "no." This triggered another round of victimhood and frustration. As much as I wanted to roll my eyes at him, I simultaneously felt bad for him. He genuinely believed he didn't have a choice. 

Maybe it's a learned skill, but yes should mean yes, and no should mean no. It should be black and white. We don't have to love the answer, but we shouldn't feel muddy about it. Life is too short to live in that muck. Given how much stress and chaos most of us live with on a daily basis, we deserve better than to bathe in "yes, but" realities. 

In a capitalistic society, we have choices. When a business offers us their product or service for x price, we have a choice to make. They aren't ripping us off if we have the ability to say "no." If I repeatedly go into a restaurant that grossly overcharges me for garbage food, that's on me. I can't say "yes, but" and then whine about it before, during, and after. You know the saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." 

There are plenty of businesses I choose not to visit. That's my quiet and respectful "no." On the other hand, it would be ridiculous and disrespectful for me to go back, only to whine about it and blast them on social media. 

I encourage you to draw a hard line. Yes...or no. You won't always get it right, but you can live in the peace of a clear decision.

Savor Those Rent House Sandwiches

One of my friends recently experienced a life-altering situation. It's one of those occurrences where life can be completely normal, then take a sudden turn at the snap of your fingers. It's one of those moments that show us how delicate and fragile life can be. It's one of those events that makes you take a step back and take inventory of your life.

I was so glad to see him recently! He shared that while he regularly listens to our Meaning Over Money podcast, this situation instantly gave him an entirely new perspective. He said he agreed with and understood the whole meaning over money concept before, but now he GETS it. It became deeply personal and took on an entirely new importance.

He also shared a beautiful story that touched me on so many levels. I'm grateful he gave me the blessing to share with you. For context, this man has experienced tremendous success in his journey so far. He cares about people, his work ethic is unmatched, and he has a brilliant mind. You would look at him and say, "Wow, they are doing really, really well." As you hear this story, keep this context in mind.

In the aftermath of this life-changing situation, as he became reflective on his journey, purpose, and values, he asked his wife to make him a rent house sandwich. Excuse me, what?!? A rent house sandwich, he explained, is the meal he and his wife used to eat earlier in their marriage when they had minimal resources. Chicken nuggets, Doritos, and mustard served on white bread. He calls it a "rent house sandwich" because they lived in a small rental house in that tough (but simple) season of life. His wife was surprised he requested such a meal, but she obliged. As he was in his reflective state, he wanted something that reminded him of where they came from. Something that rooted him in the foundation of what's most important: family. Not money. Not status. Not stuff. Family.

Me: "Well, how did it taste?"

Him: "It was so good. So good." He was wearing a deep and sincere smile as he responded, almost as if he relived it at that moment.

It was a tremendously touching story. I got emotional when he shared it with me, and I'm emotional writing about it now. While you and I probably haven't had the pleasure of devouring chicken nuggets, Doritos, and mustard on white bread, we each have our own version of rent house sandwiches. These odd little nuances are woven into our story and play a meaningful role in our journey. Never lose sight of where you came from. Don't overlook the battles you’ve fought. Don't take your blessings for granted.

Life is indeed delicate. It's easy to forget that in the hustle and bustle of our everyday lives. I encourage you to push pause, take a step back, remind yourself of what's most important, and savor those rent house sandwiches.

Way Too Short for My Soul, Corazon

Huge news, guys! Twenty One Pilots released a new song last week....AND announced the upcoming release of their latest album. This was a huge deal for all four members of the Shelton household, and I even scheduled my day around the release of the new song (and accompanying music video). That definitely makes me weird, but I'll accept that title.

Though I'm absolutely biased to the core, I thought it was a killer song. The song and music video are a continuation of the lore, which is a fictional dystopian story that began nine years ago with the release of their album Vessel. While the video might be confusing to people unfamiliar with the lore, it's a catchy and enjoyable song, nonetheless. You can check it out here.

Don't worry; this post isn't solely me gushing about Twenty One Pilots. Instead, it's about a specific line in the lyrics. It's a segment of the song that's quickly going viral and will most certainly become iconic to fans for years to come. You can find it at the 3:07 mark.

"The days feel like the perfect length. I don't need them any longer, but for goodness' sake do the years seem way too short for my soul, corazon."

As I wrestle with the ideas revolving around Meaning Over Money, the concept of time is always at the forefront. Time is so scarce. It's the rarest commodity on the planet. It's also the only one that can't be bought. Whether you're a high school kid, Elon Musk, or anyone in between, we all have the same 24 hours in a day.

I love how Tyler pointed out that our days are plenty long, but the years are far too short. The older I get, the more evident and painful this dynamic becomes. My kids were newborns yesterday, and then I blinked, and they were in first grade. It's brutal!

This is why the pursuit of meaning is so important. We get to spend today's 24 hours pursuing something. If it's money, we just might find it. But to what end? If we play that out to its natural outcome, we're going to trade months, years, and even decades for the accumulation of money and stuff. That time is gone….and we can't get it back. Sure, we'll have the money to show for it on the back end. But at what cost?

We need to weigh the trade-offs. Too many people are throwing away a meaningful life in exchange for a larger bank account. "Money don't lie," said a friend who was recently defending his aggressive pursuit of money. Sure enough, but do you know what also doesn't lie? The fractured marriage, the loss of memories and connectivity with his kids, and the daily/weekly dread that hits him so hard that you can literally see him aging before your eyes.

It's a dark, lonely, and all too common road, unfortunately. Money don't lie, but neither does meaning. Harness your time for good....it's scarce.

Old Dogs, New Tricks

The hardest part of my professional coaching is working with 40-somethings. No, not because they aren't smart (some of them are the smartest people I know). No, not because they are stubborn (well, some are). The unique problem 40-somethings (and older) have that younger people don't is deeply seeded habits that go back for decades. 

If you give me any 25-year-old couple with a heart to do better in the area of finances, the life change will be quick and drastic. We don't have to peel back layers and layers of poor habits, destructive behaviors, and built-up resentment. Think of it as a clean canvas. It's not perfect, but it's a great place to start.

With us 40-somethings, however, it's a different story. The canvas doesn't look so clean. By the time we're 40, we've lived two full decades of our adult life. With it comes entrenched habits, an array of behaviors (including some terrible ones), and a lot of baggage. 

Fellow old-ish people, you know exactly what I'm talking about! Life is messy, and we have the scars to prove it. So when I'm meeting with someone who has a few decades of lived experience on the odometer, it's common to hear the following statements:

• "I'm just not good with money."

• "It's just the way I am." 

• "You can't teach an old dog new tricks."

• "This is just the way we do it." 

• "It works good enough for us."

While people sincerely mean it when they say these things, it's also a cop-out. It's a justification for staying in the same place. It's an excuse for continued failure. They are entirely correct in their sentiment, but I want them to see the other side of this coin. Yes, there's a lot stacked against them. Conversely, they have even more opportunities to drive change at this stage of their lives. More resources, more experience, more relationships, more skills, etc.

Last week, one of my 40-something clients had a massive breakthrough. Together, they've been dabbling in toxic and destructive financial habits for nearly a quarter century. Money hasn't been the most joyful of topics to discuss or engage. It's been a source of heartache and frustration. 

For the last two months, however, they absolutely crushed it. They achieved some massive wins, which opens up the door (and the optimism) for significant life change in the months and years to come. They could make excuses and simply justify staying on their current trajectory, but they aren't. They deeply care to turn the ship around and improve this area of their life. And they are doing it! They probably didn't see it on my face as we were talking, but I was emotional. Seeing them thrive after all they've been through is one of my greatest joys!

Old dogs, we can learn new tricks. It's not easy. It will most certainly be messy. Yeah, it would have been nice to learn them sooner. But today is your day. Seize it! You deserve it. 

Your Memories Are My Memories

A while back, my friend TJ told me he wanted to go to an ISU basketball game together. I agreed, but with one caveat: we must get some ridiculously amazing seats. I thus began my hunt for tickets. I eventually stumbled upon the deal of the century. Courtside tickets, immediately behind the opponent's bench, for a digestible price. Even better, we had two games to choose from. I asked TJ what game he prefered, and he immediately said the Oklahoma game. Perfect! My plan was coming together.....or so it seemed.

Fast forward 10 minutes, and I made a tragic discovery. While I did find the deal of the century, I realized why. It was one single ticket. Just one. Crap! This wasn't ideal, but it was still too good to pass up. I quickly pulled the trigger and gained control of my single courtside ticket. Then, I had to break the news to TJ:

Me: "I have good news and bad news. First, the bad news. I messed up. Those courtside seats only had one ticket available."

TJ: "And the good news?"

Me: "I bought it for you."

To TJ's credit, he humbly and gratefully accepted my gift. TJ's cool like that. He's a very generous man, but he also has the humility to receive the generosity of others. I was bummed I wouldn't be there with him, but I was even more excited for the experience he was about to have.

The game happened a few nights ago. TJ met up with a few buddies for dinner before the game, then enjoyed a wonderful courtside experience and a Cyclone win. We are ranked #8 in the country, by the way! Meanwhile, I stayed home with the boys while Sarah spent time with a few friends. As I was curled up on the couch watching the game, I saw TJ's face behind the Oklahoma bench every time down the court. I even grabbed this cutaway pic and texted it to him.

TJ was having this amazing experience, and I was sitting in front of my TV watching him have his amazing experience. I only felt joy. No jealously. No regret. No frustration.

This is the beauty of generosity. This is why generosity always wins. I made an investment in TJ's memories that night. That might as well have been my memory, as I will forever remember his excitement. I just have a different kind of memory now.....but an equally beautiful one.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again (because I can't ever get it out of my head). In the wise words of my friend Gary, "Invest in two things: mission and memories." Giving and experiences. Or, in the case of that memorable night earlier this week, giving someone else experiences.

Your memories are my memories, and my memories are your memories. This isn't about me, and this isn't about you. We each have an opportunity to thoughtfully and generously invest in other people's memories. I hope you find someone to bless today!

Creativity in Service

One of my favorite parts of life is finding creative ways to serve people. There are countless people to serve and unlimited ways to serve them. Opportunities are everywhere, but we have to look for them.

One of the coolest opportunities I have is the occasional speaking gig at a local high school business program called Orbis. Orbis is different than a traditional classroom experience. It runs more like an ongoing workshop that aims to put kids in real-world situations while forcing them to think non-linearly. There's a lot of project work in a team setting with an entrepreneurial bend. It's the program I wish I had when I was their age!!!

As my relationship with Orbis and its leaders has grown, so too have the opportunities to serve them. Like most things, it's really about relationships. I absolutely love their leaders. They are special people doing extraordinary work. I call them friends, and I'd dare call them heroes. I admire them deeply and would jump off a cliff for them if it would help their cause.

This is where the "finding creative ways" part comes in. Sometimes, all it takes is making it known that you're willing to serve. Once we go on record as being interested, it's funny how many fun ideas and opportunities rise to the surface. I recently met with a group of Orbis students interested in starting a business. They are interviewing a handful of business owners in the community to gain knowledge and get tips for their upcoming venture. Fun opportunity!

After spending 45 minutes with them, I ran into a few of the Orbis leaders on my way out the door. That was when they pitched me with a new idea. In their regularly scheduled work time, they welcome local business leaders into the room as an "adjunct professor." This person's role is simply to show up and add value to whatever individual or group requests it. These guests each bring their own experiences, gifts, and passions, and the students have the opportunity to leverage them for their projects. How cool is that!?!

The process is simple. The Orbis leader sent me the link to a shared spreadsheet listing every working block for the rest of the semester. Under each block are three slots for guests to self-select. While browsing the spreadsheet to find dates for my calendar, I noticed some of the other guest names. These are prominent business leaders in our community. Big, important, powerful people who are probably some of the busiest people alive. Yet, they sought access to this spreadsheet, scheduled blocks of their time, and will soon share their gifts with these students. What a fun blessing!

I absolutely love this about these local business leaders. Despite being where they are in life and business (tremendously successful and probably quite busy), they still seek creative opportunities to serve others. I can't put words in their mouth, but I suspect they know the secret: generosity always wins!

Today, I encourage you to find creative ways to serve people in your life. It will bless you far more than it does them!

The Baggage We Carry

I had my semi-annual dentist visit yesterday. Everything was going smoothly....until the hygenist reached for the waterpik. I was immediately filled with dread. As soon as they started using it, my mouth wasn't open as wide, my lips were locked, and my entire body tensed. She could immediately sense it. "You must have a story," she said. 

She was right. One of the worst medical experiences I've ever had involved the use of a waterpik. About three years ago, I was given a harsh introduction to this new tool. The hygenist told me it might tickle a bit. Instead, what I received was a nerve pain that shook me from my brain down to my toes. I still get queasy when I think about that memory. Yesterday, as soon as I saw the waterpik, those memories came flooding back.....and I was struck with fear. What happened to me in the past influenced how I felt and behaved yesterday.

It's much the same with money. We all have a story. Whether we like it or not, we're a product of how we were raised and what we experienced. We might not have been taught about money, but we were learning. By the time we become adults, we become an aggregate of everything we've been through. 

This is the very first conversation I have with new clients. I share this principle with them, then ask them to share about their childhood. It's cool to see lightbulbs above people's heads when they connect a past situation with how they are wired today. 

I'll give you an innocent example. If the husband is the primary financial manager in a relationship, there's a strong likelihood that one or both spouses experienced their father playing that role when they were growing up. The same can be said the other way around when the wife is the primary financial manager. 

Here's a not-so-innocent example. When I'm meeting with someone in their late 20s or early 30s, there are two types of common behavioral traits:

1. He/she hoards money and never feels like there's enough.....even if there's an excessive amount.

2. He/she doesn't care about money whatsoever. It presents itself as non-engagement or detachment.

When either of these traits arise, I'll ask him/her to share what 2008/2009 looked like in their home. See, people in their late 20s and early 30s were in their formative teen years when the Great Financial Crisis struck. What millions of Americans experienced, including their teenage kids, was sudden and violent. The lens by which these teens witnessed the world is going to bed one night with a perfectly normal and stable existence, and woke up the next day to utter chaos. One day, things were great, and the next, they were forced out of their home, and their family's lifestyle quickly eroded. 

In these people's minds, everything can be taken away in the blink of an eye. Therefore, we need to hoard, hoard, and hoard......or, screw it, it doesn't matter anyway. They have a story, and their story profoundly impacts who they are today.

To be continued, but take a moment to think about your own journey. What have you gone through in your past that impacts how you perceive and handle money today?