Let Your Yes Be Yes
I don't know about you, but I like to view my decisions as black and white. Not the decision-making process, but the final decision. I say "yes" or "no." I do, or I don't. I'm in, or I'm out. I buy something, or I don't. Over time, however, I've realized many people don't treat it as black and white. There seems to be a third option: "yes, but." On the other side of the "but" is a complaint.
I'll give you a real-life example. I was recently chatting with a friend who had been considering finishing his basement. I knew he'd been thinking about it for a while, so I was curious for an update. When I asked him if he had decided to green-light the project, he responded, "Yes, but....."
He went on to lay out all the reasons he's getting absolutely screwed. He's paying $50,000 for the work, and he feels like he's being monumentally ripped off. I asked him why he decided to proceed if he was knowingly getting ripped off. "I didn't have any other options." Bewildered, I asked him to elaborate:
Finishing the basement was an absolute "need."
It wasn't fair his kids had to share a room.
His kids deserved this space to play.
Nobody else quoted significantly less than this bid.
He didn't want to wait until a later date.
Are you as confused as I am? Again, I asked him why he didn't just say "no." This triggered another round of victimhood and frustration. As much as I wanted to roll my eyes at him, I simultaneously felt bad for him. He genuinely believed he didn't have a choice.
Maybe it's a learned skill, but yes should mean yes, and no should mean no. It should be black and white. We don't have to love the answer, but we shouldn't feel muddy about it. Life is too short to live in that muck. Given how much stress and chaos most of us live with on a daily basis, we deserve better than to bathe in "yes, but" realities.
In a capitalistic society, we have choices. When a business offers us their product or service for x price, we have a choice to make. They aren't ripping us off if we have the ability to say "no." If I repeatedly go into a restaurant that grossly overcharges me for garbage food, that's on me. I can't say "yes, but" and then whine about it before, during, and after. You know the saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
There are plenty of businesses I choose not to visit. That's my quiet and respectful "no." On the other hand, it would be ridiculous and disrespectful for me to go back, only to whine about it and blast them on social media.
I encourage you to draw a hard line. Yes...or no. You won't always get it right, but you can live in the peace of a clear decision.