Old Dogs, New Tricks
The hardest part of my professional coaching is working with 40-somethings. No, not because they aren't smart (some of them are the smartest people I know). No, not because they are stubborn (well, some are). The unique problem 40-somethings (and older) have that younger people don't is deeply seeded habits that go back for decades.
If you give me any 25-year-old couple with a heart to do better in the area of finances, the life change will be quick and drastic. We don't have to peel back layers and layers of poor habits, destructive behaviors, and built-up resentment. Think of it as a clean canvas. It's not perfect, but it's a great place to start.
With us 40-somethings, however, it's a different story. The canvas doesn't look so clean. By the time we're 40, we've lived two full decades of our adult life. With it comes entrenched habits, an array of behaviors (including some terrible ones), and a lot of baggage.
Fellow old-ish people, you know exactly what I'm talking about! Life is messy, and we have the scars to prove it. So when I'm meeting with someone who has a few decades of lived experience on the odometer, it's common to hear the following statements:
"I'm just not good with money."
"It's just the way I am."
"You can't teach an old dog new tricks."
"This is just the way we do it."
"It works good enough for us."
While people sincerely mean it when they say these things, it's also a cop-out. It's a justification for staying in the same place. It's an excuse for continued failure. They are entirely correct in their sentiment, but I want them to see the other side of this coin. Yes, there's a lot stacked against them. Conversely, they have even more opportunities to drive change at this stage of their lives. More resources, more experience, more relationships, more skills, etc.
Last week, one of my 40-something clients had a massive breakthrough. Together, they've been dabbling in toxic and destructive financial habits for nearly a quarter century. Money hasn't been the most joyful of topics to discuss or engage. It's been a source of heartache and frustration.
For the last two months, however, they absolutely crushed it. They achieved some massive wins, which opens up the door (and the optimism) for significant life change in the months and years to come. They could make excuses and simply justify staying on their current trajectory, but they aren't. They deeply care to turn the ship around and improve this area of their life. And they are doing it! They probably didn't see it on my face as we were talking, but I was emotional. Seeing them thrive after all they've been through is one of my greatest joys!
Old dogs, we can learn new tricks. It's not easy. It will most certainly be messy. Yeah, it would have been nice to learn them sooner. But today is your day. Seize it! You deserve it.