Wants Are Not Waste

As I was scrolling through social media a few days ago, I stumbled upon a post by Dave Ramsey. Whenever I see something posted by Dave or anyone on his team, there's a 50/50 chance I'll disagree with it. On one hand, no human in history has helped more people out of debt than him. For that, sincere props. That's amazing work. On the other hand, he has many perspectives that I flat-out disagree with. This post, though, frustrated me to a different level.

"How to waste $5,000 a year: Spend $13.70 a day on things you don't need."

Did you catch it? Did you notice it? At the heart of the message is an appeal for people to harness their income for good. Or as I like to say, gain awareness, gain control, and gain traction. These are inherently good things. Take responsibility. Have ownership. Be disciplined. Yes, yes, and yes. But there's something else in there.....

"How to WASTE $5,000 a year: Spend $13.70 a day on things you DON'T NEED."

In other words, spending money on things you don't need (i.e. wants) is wasteful. Now, Dave isn't alone in expressing this sentiment. This is the perspective of much of our culture….and I find it utterly toxic. Despite the prevailing narrative that today's young people are out recklessly and irresponsibly spending money, a significant portion of our population has been conditioned into feeling deep guilt and shame when spending money on things they "don't need."

Then, there's the blurring of the lines between need and want. In order to justify spending and remove guilt, people will twist wants into needs. Here's an example. I need a car. I need a reliable car. I need something big enough to transport my family. So I'll use those very real needs to justify buying a $75,000 luxury SUV. On the flip side, I'd argue some wants are actually needs. Personal spending is a great example. What we use our personal spending money to buy are definitely wants. A drink with a friend. Lunch at a fun restaurant. A new video game. Want, want, and want. But in the decision to spend that money is a release valve. It allows us to be human and enjoy a little bit of what we're blessed with. I'd argue that's a need.

Instead of lumping things into a need bucket or a want bucket, I think we should take a different approach. I'd prefer we categorize them based on adding value to our life and not adding value to our life. Some of my "needs" don't necessarily add value, but some "wants" add tremendous value.

When we look at purchases through the lens of adding value to our lives, we're less likely to justify bad decisions or feel guilt. Instead, we get to make an honest and self-aware decision and then go about living our meaningful lives. In my opinion, that's meaning over money.

The Cost of Want, Revisited

Earlier this month, I shared the story of a family in a predicament. They have a combined income of $340,000 ($240,000 from him and $100,000 from her). She is absolutely miserable at her job, and her dream is to stay at home with their three small children. One problem: they can't afford to live their current lifestyle with "only" a $240,000 income.....and they aren't willing to make it happen. I gave them a few options for navigating this pursuit of a more meaningful life, but they said no to every suggestion. They insist on keeping their massive house, luxury cars, fancy trips, country club membership, taste for designer clothing, and hoarding investments for an early 50s retirement. Every one of these was a non-starter.

Her parting request was for me to collect additional feedback from my blog readers, and you delivered! But first, I had a different type of experiment in mind. If you subscribe to and read a daily blog called The Daily Meaning, it's a tell. There's a certain type of person who connects with my content. You're my people! Though we all have differing opinions on various topics (love your constant feedback!), a common thread seems to connect each of us: meaning over money.

With that in mind, I first wanted to capture feedback from a different audience. I contacted random people in my life and bounced this couple's scenario off them. Here's a summary of their feedback:

• They "deserve" to have all their luxuries AND for her to stay home. 

• The husband should just find a way to make $100,000 more so they can make it work. 

• If they can spend money on all those things and still retire in their early 50s, they should cut back on their luxuries, she should stay at work, and they should push for a 40s retirement. In other words, ratchet up the misery so they can enjoy their life sooner. 

Guys, this is the world's way. This is exactly the way the majority of our society thinks. This is the prevailing wisdom and the commonly shared values of our culture. 

Now, your feedback! Here's a smattering of the opinions you shared with me. Thanks so much for taking the time to share your thoughts. 

• "As respectfully as one can say it, I think they are choosing money over meaning."

• "I am going to be a little harsh here, but it sounds like this couple needs to have a better perspective on life. They could be doing so much good in the world with that kind of income. Instead of living for themselves, they could learn to start giving and make other people's lives better. They will be so much happier and fulfilled in the long run."

• "They seem to be stuck in the ultimate rat race: get more money, get more stuff, rinse and repeat until you die. That is a sad way to live!"

• "I would say they need to go on a mission trip to a third world country for 2 weeks and see if that would open a new perspective for them (that life is not meant for pursuing/chasing things)."

• "I am wondering who they hang out with. I would bet that their friends most likely live their lives the same way. If they want to make a change, they might have to change their circle of influence."

• "A question you might ask her is how she feels about teachers or social workers who work just as hard as them but are forced to live on less. Sometimes we forget how blessed we are."

• "Oh brother, that's my reaction. Cutting back is hard but I choose meaning over money!"

• "Can't have everything we want. It wouldn't be good for us if we did. We would be too self-reliant and we weren't created to be that way."

• Then, there's this little gem to end with a laugh: "Had to really think out of the box on this one. Become a throuple. Find another person to join the marriage. The new person would work full time and contribute financially, allowing the original woman to quit her job and stay home full time while the household remains dual-income, spending lavishly on their lifestyle while working towards FIRE."

I shared your feedback with this woman. She was thankful and a bit surprised. Only time will tell if they bend toward meaning or money. In the meantime, keep walking the walk in your circles, leaning toward meaning every step of the way. Grateful for you all!

Focusing on Margin

There are many metrics we can use as a scorecard for money. Income, bank account balances, and net worth are all tremendously popular statistics to monitor. They each have their merit, for sure. Today, I'd like to shine a light on one that gets overlooked, underappreciated, and dismissed: Margin. In short, margin is the gap between our take-home income and how much of it is committed to expenses. Here's a simple example. If you make $1,000 and have $700 of expenses, your margin is $300. 

Margin provides us with flexibility, relief, cushion, and opportunities, It makes sense if you think about it. If all of your income is committed to expenses, it's a stressful place to be. There's no wiggle room. There's no margin for error. There's no room for unforeseen expenses. 

Margin is a choice, but it takes intentionality. Without intentionality, any margin in our lives can quickly be absorbed by impulsive purchases, lifestyle creep, and misaligned spending. Also, I'd like to squash one myth. Most people believe income equals margin. More money, more margin. While this can be true, it has a much lower correlation than you would imagine. The more money a family makes, the higher potential for margin. On the flip side, our culture encourages us to fill our margin gap with any and every type of expense. I'll share a recent example from my coaching. 

Here are two couples I've recently worked with. Both are similar in age, and each has one small child. They also happen to live within one mile of each other. Here's what each of their situations look like:

• Couple 1: This couple has a monthly take-home income of $14,000 (one spouse is in finance, and the other stays home with their child). After accounting for all their monthly commitments, they only have about $700 of margin. They want to pay off debt, travel, invest in retirement, and save for their children's college, but there isn't a lot of margin to work with. Further, an unexpected expense always seems to pop up to claim that $700. Their marriage is strained, and money causes them a lot of fights. 

• Couple 2: This couple has a monthly take-home income of $6,500 (one spouse is a teacher, and the other is in ministry). After accounting for all their monthly commitments, they have about $2,500 of margin. Our coaching meetings typically include a visual mapping and prioritization of how this margin should be used. It's normally a combination of travel, giving, and investing. Money has become a fun conversation in their marriage, and they are thriving. They feel very little financial stress, which becomes progressively lessened as they use their margin to create a solid foundation. 

On the surface, the first couple looks significantly better. Their jobs obviously provide a higher income, their lifestyle portrays an image of success, and they appear wealthy. Looks can be deceiving. Margin is a great measuring stick to see the real truth.

Little Kids Are Failures

Little kids are failures. Yeah, I said it. All they do is fail. They fall over. They spill their food. They poop all over themselves. They can't even put a shirt on! Their entire life is a series of humorous and ridiculous failures. On the flip side, nobody develops faster than a little kid. They can go from barely being able to roll over to an all-out run in 12-18 months. In that span, they fail literally thousands of times.

I believe there's one thing that makes little kids different from adults. It's one of the reasons why kids can develop so much faster than us adults. Little kids don't care what other people think. They aren't self-conscious. They don't get embarrassed. They are simply focused on the task at hand.

My kids used to be like that. The first six years of their life were carefree. They were willing to try anything, fail miserably at it, then eventually master it. Then, something changed. They woke up one day, somewhere between the end of Kindergarten and the beginning of first grade, suddenly caring what other people think. This is the exact moment when their ability to rapidly pick up new skills started waning. My continual encouragement is for them to go for it and not worry so much about what other people think. I know, easier said than done. They thrive every time they can shelf their fear of failure and disregard what others think.

---

One of my clients is trying to make a massive financial shift. They've done it one way for more than 15 years, with disappointing and frustrating results. They have some deeply-seeded bad habits. They overspend, don't budget, don't track, struggle saving, feel guilt, never give, live with a ton of debt, and fight about all of that every week. Things look dire. At best, their finances will be a disaster for the rest of their life. At worst, their marriage is about to crumble.

Despite how bad things looked, I was immediately optimistic about them. In our very first meeting, one spouse made their position very clear. "We're willing to do anything to turn this around, and we don't care what anyone else thinks." The moment he said that was the moment I knew they would win. He went on to explain how they already felt like absolute financial failures, so it wouldn't bother them if they failed forward while trying it my way.

They aren't afraid to fail. They don't care what anyone else thinks. They sound like little kids. And that's exactly why they will develop and grow so much in the season ahead. They are selling their cars, drastically reducing their lifestyle, stepping away from a few expensive friends/family trips, and getting intentional. They are going to fail every step of the way. It's going to be messy. It's going to be difficult. It's going to be beautiful.

The Wonderfully Woven Web of Impact

If you follow me on IG, Facebook, or LinkedIn, you've probably seen bits and pieces of the blog repurposed into other content. Claire, my social media manager, loves digesting the blog and grabbing pieces that move her or could add value to different audiences. She recently posted a snippet from a blog post about relationships, including the following picture.

That's my friend John. I visited him and his wife Jamy a few months ago in Las Vegas. I first met him on a trip to Mongolia in 2017, and he's been a major influence on my life ever since.

After that picture landed on my IG feed, a good friend, who lives in my town, DM'd me: "Is that John!?!?" I've never lived in the same metro as John. I met him in Mongolia, and we serve on a board together in Southeast Asia. And now, my other friend, who I served alongside at our local youth group for several years, is messaging me out of the blue to tell me how John played a vital role in her life?!?! This small-world moment blew my mind.....though it probably shouldn't have. 

John is the perfect example of the new phrase I shall coin: the wonderfully woven web of impact. It sounds cheesy, but who doesn't love a good alliteration? Here, let me draw it out for you.

• John played a vital role in my friend's life.

• The same John, thousands of miles away, played a different vital role in my life.  

• My friend and I have led intertwined journeys for many years, which undoubtedly impacted each other. 

• Together, we've played valuable roles in young adults' lives in our city through our joint youth group efforts. Without a doubt, both of us were equipped, encouraged, and enabled by the impact of our mutual friend, John. 

Until recently, neither of us knew about the other's relationship or the resulting impact of John's presence in our lives. Even until this moment, John didn't know about this connection, either! If all goes well, John is opening this e-mail with a coffee in hand, learning the news of this "coincidence" at the same time as you. He's probably wondering who this mystery friend is. I'm expecting a call any moment. I can't wait to share with him about the wonderfully woven web of impact he's created. 

While John is pretty awesome, he's just a man. He's a normal guy making extraordinary impact. However, there's nothing extraordinary about his work. He simply serves people, loves them, meets them where they are, and uses whatever gifts and passions he's been blessed with. From that quite ordinary work comes extraordinary impact. 

Without knowing it, we're all weaving our own web of impact. But not all webs are created equal. With intentionality, consistency, and a heart to make a difference, we each have the ability to create a beautifully impressive web. And someday, if we're as lucky as John is today, we'll get a tiny little glimpse at how that web is woven together. 

Break the Mold

Michael Jordan will forever be my favorite NBA player, but Steph Curry will confidently sit next to him on my Mount Rushmore of all-time favorite players. I absolutely love Curry, and my social media algorithms also know it. This was evidenced last night when I stumbled upon a gem of a video.

@crowmovie3 #fvp #foryou #basketball #stephencurry #iloveyou ♬ original sound - Crow movie

Despite wreaking havoc on some of the best teams in the country during March Madness (experts thought it was an anomaly), Curry was disrespected before, during, and after the draft. He didn't fit the mold. Nothing he did fit within the bounds of commonly held beliefs about how basketball could and should be played. They tried to put him in a box.

Curry didn't care. He didn't conform. He didn't try to be someone he wasn't. He didn't stay in the box. He simply became more of what he already was. Then, he changed the game of basketball forever. He broke the mold!

While none of us will be slinging logo threes in our day job, we have a lot to learn from Curry. Society and the prevailing culture are quick to tell us how the world works, the way things are supposed to be done, and what is (and isn't) possible. Much of my week is spent trying to help people break free from universally believed truths. These toxic ideas are pervasive and are holding people back en masse.

Our clients, podcast listeners, and blog readers often reach out to share stories. One story that's on repeat is the story about how they will share some of their decisions with friends/family/etc., only to be told they are stupid, weird, naive, or some other insult. Whenever this happens, I congratulate them. This is how we know we're on the right track. They are breaking the mold!

My decisions and ideas get insulted almost daily at this point. I was recently sitting with a group of guys when one of them said something terribly offensive to me. It was concerning me continuing to make a fraction of the income I used to when the opportunity to return to a higher income is still on the table. The other two guys agreed with this person, but were shocked and disappointed he would say something like that to my face. They asked if I was mad, and I responded that it was the ultimate compliment. I couldn't have loved it more.

Break the mold. Please break the mold. Let's collectively break the mold so much that it ultimately becomes the new mold. That's what it looks like to bend the culture.

Better Late Than Never

We published our 306th episode of the Meaning Over Money podcast yesterday. On Monday, we'll begin publishing full video episodes on our YouTube channel. Yes, it took 306 episodes and nearly three years to publish on YouTube. Even more sad is the fact our producer and Meaning Over Money co-founder, Cole Netten, is a filmmaker. This is literally his wheelhouse. Ouch! Better late than never, though.

The truth is, we've had a lot of life happen in the last three years. Cole bought a house, had two kids, and has shepherded his business to entirely new heights. My life hasn't been any less crazy. My business has evolved a ton, we launched Northern Vessel Coffee, I joined multiple boards, launched my speaking career, started contributing meaningful time to a client in Texas, and have experienced significant life change while transitioning our twin boys into their school years.

It's been a lot. Every now and then, Cole and I will lament that we're not as far along with the podcast as we'd like. We know we can reach more people and make a more significant impact, but the above reasons have diverted our attention (and time). On the flip side, we've made the choices we've made.....and we own the outcomes of those choices.

Along the journey, there were two paths we could have taken. We could have elected to wait until everything was just how we wanted it. The perfect studio. A full suite of marketing strategies across all social media platforms. Fully produced video. The possibilities are endless. If that was the route we selected, we'd still be waiting to launch the podcast.

Instead, we chose the second path: putting one foot in front of the other. It's not always pretty. It can get messy. We're leaving something on the table. But we're moving forward. 300+ episodes later, and we're still (slowly) building momentum. According to Listen Notes, we're in the top 3% of podcasts that have ever existed. That's pretty cool for a couple guys who have failed forward every step of the way.

Now, please allow me to flip it around back to you. I encourage you to NOT wait until everything is just right. Instead, whatever it is you're supposed to do, simply put one foot in front of the other. It won't always be pretty. It will surely be messy. You'll undoubtedly leave something on the table in the process. However, you'll make a difference. You'll create impact. You'll navigate (perhaps slowly) toward success. Better late than never!

Life is Short

In the span of 24 hours, I received news of three people passing away far too soon. They were in their 40s, 50s, and 60s. It was sad, and it hit a little too close to home. In the aftermath of these tragic developments, I was talking to a friend about it, and they shared a commonly-believed sentiment. I'll paraphrase: Each of these people worked their entire adult lives and died before they had a chance to actually enjoy life.

When we hear stories like this, a common takeaway is that it's proof we should hurry up and race toward retirement so we can milk a "life we actually enjoy" for as long as possible.

These types of stories impact me profoundly, but in the opposite way. It doesn't prove we should race faster to the retirement finish line. Rather, it's proof that we should live a life worth living.....today. Life is indeed short. I'm not trying to race to some finish line so that I can live my remaining years in relaxation. I'm trying to live each day, week, and month to the fullest. Not at some arbitrary point in my future, but today.

I've always had a morbid sense that I'm going to pass away too soon. I'm not sure where that thought comes from, and I'm not entirely sure if it's healthy or not. Regardless of its origin or implications, it has done one thing. It's reiterated the importance of living with meaning, generosity, and impact today. Not someday. Not when I meet certain markers or hit particular milestones. Today. This week. This month. This year.

I was on a cruise a few weeks ago. That was an awesome week.

I was out of state at a client's office last week. The days were long, and the nights were short. That was an awesome week.

I'm serving clients and attending board meetings this week. It's an awesome week.

I'll be creating a ton of content and hosting some difficult meetings next week. That will be an awesome week.

We have a mini spring break trip in a few weeks (plus March Madness). That will be an awesome week.

Life is short. Don't waste today in hopes of tomorrow. Don't destroy your working years in pursuit of an accelerated retirement. Don't disregard the blessings of hard work and struggle while glorifying a life of leisure. Life is short. Squeeze meaning from all of it.

First Things First

I receive a lot of criticism. From friends, strangers, and everyone in between. Some are constructive, and some aren't. I even have favorites. Here's one of my all-time favorites: "You can't feed your family with meaning." Nice and sharp!

I actually agree with this one. I once tried to pay the grocery store cashier with meaning.....they just called security. I kid, I kid. It's true, though. Meaning doesn't pay the bills. When people make this comment to criticize my work, they are 100% right. On the flip side, I also believe I'm 100% right in my insistence we should all try to pursue meaningful work. Both of these sentiments can be simultaneously true.

While I'll die on the hill supporting meaningful work, it's imperative that our basic needs are met. We need food, clothing, housing, and transportation. At the bare minimum, each of these fundamental boxes must be checked. In some situations, in some seasons, and in some scenarios, this will require us to temporarily push pause on the meaning, and focus on having enough money. Not because we're greedy or materialistic, but because we recognize the importance of personal accountability and the responsibility to provide the basic needs for our family. It's not sexy, or even fun, but it's important.

When someone struggles to keep the lights on and the landlord at bay, I don't advise them to aggressively pursue meaning. Instead, I work with them to immediately increase their income to meet critical needs. In some situations, cutting expenses can be helpful. However, in most of these scenarios, it's a deficiency of income problem. The resulting work might not be meaningful or fun, but closing the income gap is tremendously important….and there’s meaning in that act.

The bigger focus on meaning will come in due time, but first things first. We need to get our financial foundation under us. We must ensure we have enough stability to keep the proverbial train on the tracks. Then, once we do, we can shift our focus back to pursuing meaning. It can be a delicate dance, but we must dance. We can't focus solely on one or the other. If we focus exclusively on providing financially, we will sabotage ourselves of much meaning and fulfillment. However, if we focus only on the meaning, we may inadvertently sabotage our family's finances. Both of these are dangerous outcomes, which is why we must continually navigate the journey with intentionality.

First things first, but enjoy the dance!

Be Unreasonable

Last week, I attended some leadership meetings with my Texas client. On one of the days, we heard a presentation from a third-party consultant specializing in sales and culture. He brought up a point that struck me as interesting. He discussed how some organizations (especially the military) create their own language. Special terminology, new words, relevant acronyms, etc. The reasoning behind this has multiple layers:

• Using a shared language that everyone understands helps create clarity.

• It drives simplicity and efficiency.

• It helps people and teams lean into the mission at hand.

• It builds connections and relationships between the people who are in the know. 

As he was explaining this concept, I had one idea that kept popping up in my brain. It's a book called Unreasonable Hospitality. This book is the foundation for how we operate Northern Vessel. TJ, our founder, is the embodiment of this concept. He talks about the book constantly, and as a result, these concepts cloud every conversation we have (which is nearly daily). 

Now, the combination of these two ideas. I'm coining a new phrase and want you to be part of it. This is my formal invitation for you. Be unreasonable. Be unreasonable in the pursuit of meaning. Be unreasonable in the generosity we show others. Be unreasonable in our efforts to make a difference in someone's life. Be unreasonable in bucking the gravitational pull of our culture in exchange for something better. Be unreasonable. 

I'd like to think of myself as an unreasonable guy. Much of the time, I nail it. However, I've recently witnessed cracks in my unreasonableness. I'll call them deficiencies. But as I settle into this new phrase, Be Unreasonable, it will be at the forefront of each aspect of my life and business. I need to create unreasonableness in the areas I'm bleh.

I want to be unreasonable with you. If you spend part of each day reading this blog, just know I don't take that for granted. I feel a tremendous weight (in a good way) each day when I sit down to write. I deeply desire to give you something special. I want to provide you with a little 400-500 word gift that can make you smile, make you think, make you grow, and/or make you want to change this world. 

My challenge, if you choose to accept it, is to be unreasonable with people in your life. The act of being unreasonable will look different for everyone, but I encourage you to find yours. Have fun with it. Make people look at you cross-eyed. Make yourself into the weird one. Bend the culture, ever so slightly, with your circle of influence. Just be unreasonable. 

Once a Cheater

My kids enjoy playing at a local trampoline park. When we go, Pax's favorite area is the dodgeball court. Yes, trampoline dodgeball.....it's as fun as you'd think. However, there's always one glaring issue at play: cheaters galore. A kid gets hit square in the chest, then acts like it never happened. Another kid catches a stray on the leg, and completely ignores it. Everyone pretends like it never happened. Then, when other kids start calling people out for their cheating, the lies start flowing out of their mouths. "I hit it with the ball." "It hit the wall first." "Someone caught it."

When I watch these dynamics play out, all I can think about is the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." It isn't absolutely true, but there's certainly some truth to it. Cheating is a slippery slope. It starts out like an innocent game of dodgeball. There are rewards for this level of cheating. You don't have to exit the game and wait for your turn to go back in....and you help your team win. And when someone calls you out as a cheater, you just deny it, and there are really no consequences. So, from an early age, we are taught the pros of cheating outweigh the cons.

Again, it's fairly innocent, and there aren't any significant victims. However, if someone is willing to lie and cheat on something with nothing material at stake, how will they behave when there's something real on the line? Maybe it's that math test. Maybe it's clocking in 15 minutes before a work shift technically starts. Successful cheating breeds more cheating.

Again, these aren't life-altering crimes. Over time, though, we get older, the stakes rise, and we become more confident/comfortable in our cheating ways. Also, as time passes, it doesn’t feel so innocent anymore. Now, there are real victims.

We all know cheaters in our lives. They range somewhere between annoying and revolting. These are the people who cut corners, look for the easy way, find loopholes and technicalities, turn their back on obligations, and betray someone for a few dollars. These types of people often find success at the micro level. They score an opportunity here or a deal there. They benefit where they can. They are transactional. They are always looking for an edge. And they find it….for a while.

However, these types of people usually lose in the long run. People lose trust in them. People tire of their games. They don't have any actual discipline or work ethic to carry them when the cheating behavior stops working.

As parents, we must teach our children the proper way to behave. We need to teach (and more importantly, model) a zero-tolerance approach to cheating. It needs to carry into every area of our life, including the simplest and silliest little games. Doing the right thing is always the right thing, even when it doesn't benefit us.

The slippery slope is indeed slippery. Together, we can help bend the culture in a positive direction….but it starts with our own behavior.

Walking Looks Crazy to a Crawler

Raising twins is a trip. To be honest, I don’t know any other version of parenting than having two kids the same age. Being a dad to these two little boys has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. While flying home from Texas last night, I was thumbing through old pictures and videos. Parents, you know what I’m talking about! While on my little nostalgic adventure, I stumbled on something I hadn’t seen before. Well, it’s a video I’ve seen dozens of times, but a detail in the background has escaped me until now.

The subject of the video is Pax walking for the first time. It’s a precious video, and I’m grateful I was present for his first steps. But last night, I couldn’t get over what happened in the background. There was Finn, witnessing the event unfolding. He was watching, but he had a look of absolute bewilderment. To Finn, Pax might as well have been using magic or voodoo. As an avid crawler himself, watching his twin brother walk for the first time looked mind-bogglingly crazy.

Today, as a first grader, it’s safe to say the act of walking has been normalized for Finn. It’s been many years since he’s even thought about the process involved in putting one foot in front of the other. He eventually graduated to running, then jumping, then becoming a little ninja. Yet, back then, it was the craziest thing he had ever seen.

So many things in life are like this. I have financial habits I’ve been doing for so long that it’s simply muscle memory now. On the flip side, I can meet with a 40-something who looks at these habits with the same bewilderment Finn had all those years ago. Walking looks crazy to a crawler. Truth is, we all have to crawl at something before we can walk. Getting on a budget. Paying off debt. Investing in retirement. Giving. Running a business. The list goes on and on.

I just met with a young couple I have been coaching for about six months. They had a TON of debt…..more than $100,000 of student loans. When we started working together, all of this money stuff was foreign to them. They didn’t know where to start. I suggested they begin by crawling. We created their first budget….scary! I challenged them to pay off $700 of student loan debt that first month…..scary! They were crawling. Fast forward six months, and they now consider budgeting second nature. They also paid off $5,000 of debt just last month. They are running! And just like little Finny man once he learned to run, you’ll never catch them. They are off to the races!

Please let this be your encouragement today. Yes, there are things in your world that feel intimidating and uncomfortable. But trust me, if you have the courage to give it a shot, you’ll quickly progress from crawling, to walking, and maybe even running.

The Release Valve in Practice

In yesterday's post, I explained how meaningful work is a release valve to so much time and financial pressure. Instead of hoarding money and sucking up miserable work in pursuit of an earlier-the-better retirement, I propose that we ought to consider the pursuit of meaningful work. When we do, we don't feel pressured to race to the finish line. This provides for a more meaningful life and less pressure to hoard assets to create the escape hatch. 

A few readers reached out to ask questions about this concept. I admit, it's counter-cultural. I'm honored people would take the time to consider these wild ideas. A few people asked if I could give an example of the release valve in practice. Here's a real-life situation someone recently approached me with. I'll use round-ish numbers to make it more digestible:

• Age: 30

• Current Investments: $100,000

• Desired Retirement Age: 50

• Desired Retirement Income: $100,000/year in today's dollars

• Job Status: He's currently in a high-paying job that he despises. It's sucking the life out of him. Zapped energy, he's a jerk to his wife, and he travels a LOT. However, it pays a lot of money......

• The Situation: He desires to save as much money as possible, as quickly as possible, so he "only" has to do this for 20 more years.....tops. His question to me was how much money he needs to invest (er, hoard) to make that goal a reality. 

Here's the math. For him to retire at age 50 with an annual retirement income equal to $100,000 in today's dollars (using 3% inflation, a 9% return, and the 4% rule for withdrawals), he needs to invest approximately $5,900/month between age 30 and 50. In other words, he'll continue working a job he absolutely hates (but "only" for 20 more years), sock away nearly $6,000/month, and have little income left to actually live a life. 

He oddly seemed excited about this. However, I threw out a few alternatives. First, I shared the numbers for a more traditional retirement at age 60. To get the same $100,000 retirement income (in today's dollars), he would need to invest $2,700/month between age 30 and 60. That's less than half! He hated this idea. To him, it means he has to put up with a miserable job for 30 years instead of 20. Or, as he put it, "I'll never survive that."

Then, I showed him the release valve. I showed him what an age 70 retirement could look like. I caveated one point, though. It's not 40 years of misery.......rather, 40 years of meaning. In this scenario, he would need to invest $1,100/month from age 30 to 70 to get the same $100,000 annual income (in today's dollars). For one-fifth of the monthly cost, he can live a meaningful life, pursue work that matters, and have the cash flow flexibility to travel and make memories with his small children.

The verdict? Option #1: "20 years doesn't sound so bad. It will go by fast." Sadly, I think he's right. It will most certainly go by in the blink of an eye. 

The Release Valve of Meaningful Work

In a recent talk, I commented about how I don't believe in retirement. I could see faces in the audience shift in real-time. When we got to my favorite part of the talk, the Q&A, someone asked a question that delighted me. "Don't you ever want to actually enjoy your life?" This was a sharp and direct question. I could see many in the audience get uncomfortable, anticipating a potentially awkward exchange. Here's a paraphrasing of my answer:

• I'm enjoying my life today more than ever…..while working harder than I've ever worked. 

• Work should add value to our lives, not impair it. 

• If I ever get to the point where my work becomes a negative, it's time to find new work. 

• "Enjoying" life doesn't directly correlate to a life of leisure. They aren't one and the same.

• Speaking of leisure, it's important to periodically take time to rest, travel, and adventure. This should happen during our career, not held back until after it.

Here's the typical work-to-retirement path:

1. Find work that pays as much as possible (disregarding what fulfillment it could/should provide).

2. Hoard as much money as possible along the way.

3. Reach a certain level of hoarding success as quickly as possible (60 is better than 65, 55 is better than 60, 50 is better than 55, …….).

4. Quit work and finally try to enjoy life.

This path incentivizes us to cut back on spending as much as possible (so we can aggressively invest), while we endure a job we dislike or hate, so we can get out ASAP. In other words, live with a certain level of career and financial misery for as short a window as necessary.

Here's something to think about. Meaningful work is a release valve from misery. Instead of following the path above, here's an alternative strategy:

1. Always pursue meaningful work (even if it pays less).

2. Invest consistently over a long period of time. Since you have a longer investing window and compound, you can invest less along the way and dedicate those extra resources toward more fulfilling endeavors (giving, traveling, making memories, etc.).

3. Give yourself the freedom to downshift/upshift your career as life evolves, always ensuring it adds value to your life.

4. If/When your health/energy deteriorates, be financially prepared to care for yourself. 

In the first scenario, we spend much of our adult life in some form of dissatisfaction (ranging somewhere between tolerance and misery), hoard resources instead of putting them to better use, and hope that one day, living a life of leisure is the ticket to happiness. In the second scenario, we find and sustain a meaningful life with far less time and financial pressure on ourselves.

Do I ever want to actually enjoy my life? Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. I want to enjoy it today, tomorrow, and down the road. I deeply desire that and have committed my life to the continual pursuit of meaning and impact. I desire that for you, too. 

Finding Fulfillment in an Unfulfilling Job

I often think and talk about a staggering statistic from a Gallup survey. 70% of Americans dislike or hate their job. Think about that! If you put 10,000 people in a stadium, the odds are that 7,000 of them despise or merely tolerate their job. It's easy to dismiss that as not a big deal, but that's where we spend half our waking hours. That's sad!

My first advice for people who feel disengaged in their jobs is to find something different. I truly believe this. I think most people in the 70% camp could significantly improve their lives simply by changing jobs. There are many reasons why people feel this way, but in many cases, a change is needed. 

However, I'd like to take a different approach to this dilemma today. Many drivers of our dissatisfaction are external. A crappy boss, a toxic culture, a lack of impact, tasks that don't align with our skillset, a rough work environment, hours/shifts that drain you.....the list goes on. These are all valid reasons for job dissatisfaction. 

On the flip side, there are internal drivers causing us misery in our job. Or more accurately, there are internal drivers that prevent us from finding meaning in our work. Let's face it, some jobs just suck. I once worked in a cheese factory (*not a Cheesecake Factory). That job sucked. I also worked for the U.S. Census Bureau for the 2000 census. That job sucked even more (which will happen when multiple people pull guns on you). We've all had crappy jobs, and some of you are in one today. It's easy to just see these jobs as utterly terrible, but when we do, we sell ourselves short.

Regardless of where you're at or what you're doing, I think we all have the power to find fulfillment in a bad job. Our perspectives move the needle for us. If we believe everything is terrible, it is. If we believe there's good in something, there is. With that context, I'll share a few simple ways we can create fulfillment in an unfulfilling job:

• We use our time (and resulting income) to help propel ourselves to where we really want to be. It gives a dead-end situation a purpose.

• We embrace our relationships on the job. Even in the worst jobs, some of those relationships can be blessings.

• We focus on the impact we're making. Sure, the work might suck, but we still have an opportunity to serve others and make a difference. That matters!

• We use it as an opportunity to gain more experience, skills, and momentum.

• We get to use the income from the job to care for our family and move the financial needle in our lives. Our hard work is not in vain!

Yes, I think you should leave a job you tolerate or hate. I'll die on that hill. In the meantime, finding fulfillment in an otherwise unfulfilling situation is possible. Don't let the meaning slip away.

You Don’t Have to Buy That Car

As I was scrolling through Twitter yesterday, I stumbled upon a Tweet about the latest auto loan statistics. What I saw astounded me (but not really). It's unfortunately the way of the world, and I've long ago conceded we as a culture will continue to let vehicles steal our dreams and sabotage our finances. I sound dramatic, don't I? I'll share the numbers with you, then let you decide for yourself. In the third quarter of 2023, here are the metrics for the AVERAGE new car loan: 

• Loan Balance: $40,200

• Monthly Payment: $726

• Loan Term: 5.7 years

I remember the first time I saw a $1,000 car payment. It was shocking. These days, I see a new one nearly every week. I now regularly see $1,500 car payments. Yes, you read that correctly. $1,500/month for something we drive. 

Most of the time, when the car payment elephant in the room comes up with a client or prospective client, there's a "but."

• But…our last car broke down.

• But…we needed something with fewer miles.

• But…we needed something safer.

• But...we needed something newer.

• But…we needed something more reliable.

"But" is the gateway to a self-sabotaging financial decision. It's common to see families with $1,500-$2,000 of monthly car payments, while simultaneously feeling stuck and victimized by their lack of financial margin. The primary reason we get ourselves into this mess is using any number of reasons to justify what we already want to do.....and what we already want to do is have a sweet ride. 

I have good news to share with you today. You don't have to buy that car. Nobody is holding a gun to our heads and forcing us to make significant life-altering financial decisions. Yes, we need transportation. But we don't need a vehicle corresponding to a massive monthly payment. I'd even take it a step further and argue we don't need a vehicle that requires any car payment whatsoever.

Sarah and I haven't had car payments for more than 14 years. It's not because we make so much money, but rather because we made a commitment to never again have a car payment. It's amazing how refusing to go into debt results in not having debt. However, this commitment requires us to make intentional decisions. You know, crazy, insane decisions like buying used cars with some miles, maintaining them, holding them for many years, and slowly saving for the next car along the way. I drive a car with 125,000 miles, and she drives one with 175,000 miles. They run well. They occasionally break. We fix them. Repeat. At some point in time, it will make sense to sell them, add money from our car sinking fund, and upgrade to newer vehicles with fewer miles. 

Along the way, there are two realities we continually face:

Reality #1: Our car game isn't sexy. Far from it. It's kinda lame. 

Reality #2: Our unsexy car game allows us to live a life full of flexibility, margin, generosity, impact, and meaning. 

You don't have to buy that car.

It’s Not Meaning OR Money

Last night, more than 100 million people tuned in to watch a bunch of grown men play a game. Further, these grown men get paid millions of dollars to play their game. They drive fast cars, wear stylish clothes, take exotic trips, and their faces are plastered on billboards and TV screens all around the country. We idolize these athletes, yet at the same time, label them as only caring about money.

I couldn't disagree more! Yes, they make ridiculous money. Brock Purday famously makes "only" $850,000 this season......which is almost nothing for an NFL player. Patrick Mahomes, on the other hand, is making $37 million this season. Yeah, these players make a ton of money that's hard for us normal people to comprehend.

However, I don't think it's as simple as pigeonholing them as caring only about the money. It's not either/or. This isn't about having meaning OR money. In the world of meaning over money, I'm not asking people to choose meaning or money. I'm just asking them to choose meaning. When we do, in many cases, the money will often follow. Why? Because when we put our gifts, talents, passions, blood, sweat, and tears into our craft, we can't help but have some level of financial success. These NFL players didn't get to where they are by caring about money. They got here because they are gifted and worked extremely hard every step of their career. Their career is full of meaning!

Don't just take my word for it. You can see it with your own eyes. Tears flowing down cheeks during the national anthem. Passion flowing from them, whether it's ultimate joy or livid anger. Players sacrificing their bodies for the fans and their teammates. There was so much intensity on that field last. Yes, there was a lot of money at play. But I would argue the passion was greater.

The same goes for us. We don't have to choose between meaning and money. We just need to choose meaning. The rest will take care of itself. We might not make $37 million like Patrick Mahomes, or even $850,000 like Brock Purdy, but we will find our own version of financial rewards. Whatever that number is, it's not the definition of your success.

Don't be afraid to earn and receive financial blessings. But at the same time, don't let them (or the lack thereof) define your success.

The Contagiousness of Sharing

As you know, I'm a connoisseur of culinary delights. For that reason, I'm excited to report that I took my family to Taco Bell yesterday. Maybe it's nostalgia from my childhood (Cinnamon Twists were my first love), but I always get a little giddy when Taco Bell hits the daily itinerary.

Per usual, I ordered a bunch of food for our family to share (it's the best way to enjoy meals, in my weird and humble opinion). In any event, we ordered our food, and Sarah's sister's family ordered their own food. I ended up seated next to my niece Ruby. When their food came out, she was immediately struck with regret for forgetting to order Cinnamon Twists (amateur!). My reaction was swift and decisive. I grabbed my order of Cinnamon Twists, handed them to her, and said, "Here, you can have mine."

Shocked by the quick turn of events, a huge smile formed on her face, and she thanked me repeatedly. A few minutes later, still excited about the gifted treats, she turned to me and excitedly said, "You can have some of my nachos!" What a fun and generous gesture. I could tell it wasn't from a place of guilt, but rather from a sincere desire to bless me. How sweet!

Ruby may only be eight years old, but she just experienced something that's core to the human experience. Receiving generosity is a great feeling, but it's contagious. In turn, it often propels us to practice generosity ourselves, which is an even better feeling. In other words, generosity begets generosity. Sharing begets sharing.

The same thing is true the other way around. A lack of generosity begets a lack of generosity, and a lack of sharing begets a lack of sharing. Our culture has gone down the road of you-get-yours and I'll-get-mine. Why share with someone else? If they want something, they should work hard and go get it themselves. After all, I've worked hard for what I got. That's mine! They can worry about themselves. This mentality has resulted in our culture shifting away from sharing.

Call me weird, but everything in my life is on the table for sharing. All the food in our house, the vehicle I drive, the tools and technology I possess, and the money in my bank account. It's a counter-cultural way to live, but it's more fulfilling than you could ever imagine. Here's the best part. There's a palpable and immediate contagiousness that occurs in people when we openly share with them. Their immediate reaction is often surprise and hesitation (and sometimes refusal), but it shortly transforms into reciprocal generosity (to us and/or others).

Here's a question for you to ponder today. If we intentionally and proactively show generosity to others, what would the impact be? If it's as contagious as I'm suggesting, what are the ripple effects? How wide and deep does it spread? How many thousands of people can you ultimately serve through just a few small acts?

There's only one way to find out.

Let Splurges Remain Splurges

I was working at a client site earlier this week when I was struck with a dilemma. Not an earth-shattering, life-altering dilemma. Just a normal everyday sort of dilemma. Due to some logistical snags to start the day, I didn't bring my lunch. Most days, Sarah generously makes me a lunch that I either take on my way out the door, or swing home to grab when time allows. On this day, however, I didn't have lunch and was about 15 miles from home. Thus, the dilemma.

I had a few options available. I could grab fast food for maybe $6. I could hit a nearby deli to grab a sandwich and chips for $11. I could sit down at one of the neighborhood's trendy restaurants and drop $15-$20. Typically, I'd probably go with the first or second option. Quick and inexpensive is an efficient combo. However, this time, I chose door #3. There was a highly-touted restaurant just a few blocks away, so I excitedly walked there for a unique meal. Though I sat a bit longer and spent nearly $20, it was a tremendously satisfying experience. I tried something new, it was executed with excellence, the service was top-notch, and I really enjoyed my time there.

Did I need to spend $20 on lunch? Not at all. Am I glad I did it? Absolutely! It was a fun and impulsive little splurge. I had personal money for such an occasion, it added value to my day, and I had zero guilt. That's how it's supposed to work.

There's one key word here: splurge. The fact I don't do it every day makes it a more enjoyable and guiltless endeavor. Spending $20 on lunch each day would slowly bleed me out financially (as it does for countless people.....you wouldn't believe the number of people who are literally eating their future). Once in a while, however, it becomes a fun little blessing. Too much of a good thing isn't always a good thing. We need to create scarcity in our life. Doing so allows those fun, impulsive splurges to add value to our life without breaking the bank. It creates anticipation and gives us something to look forward to. But the moment we turn a splurge into a normal part of our life, some of the magic dies. It just becomes another piece of "normal," and the lifestyle ratchet clicks up a notch.

Let splurges remain splurges. You won't regret it.

Lessons From Archie (Moonlight) Graham

Warning: This post is going to be abnormally vague for my writing. I typically try to operate with transparency and vulnerability. Today's post is a bit different. The heart behind it is completely vulnerable, but the actual idea will remain in the shadows. A few reasons: 1) I'm not ready to unveil it just yet, and 2) I want you to think about your journey, not mine.

Last night, I began embarking on a new, exciting, and terrifying journey. I'm beyond pumped for it, but it's excruciatingly uncomfortable. So much so that I didn't really sleep last night. Ideas, fears, and what-ifs were spinning around my head, and I couldn't turn it off. My anxiety and fear were in full force.

This is the tension with discomfort. Even when we know we need to do something, it's hard to follow through when the discomfort is evident. It reminds me of this scene from Field of Dreams.

Archie (Doc) Graham had one dream: get an at-bat in the big leagues. There's a lot to the story, but after hitchhiking his way to Dyersville, IA, to Ray Kinsella's farm-turned-ballfield, young Archie was living his dream. There he was, in full uniform, playing ball with some of the legends of the game. Then, the twist.

Ray's daughter Karin fell off the bleachers while eating a hot dog, causing her to choke and go unconscious. Sensing the panic, Archie turned his attention to the bleachers and jogged across the field toward the young girl. As he approached the edge of the field, he stopped. In that moment, Archie knew exactly what he needed to do. Simultaneously, he also knew how uncomfortable this moment was. He paused, and maybe even hesitated. You can cut the tension with a knife.

Then, after coming to terms with the discomfort, young Archie stepped across the line and into his destiny. He knew the sacrifice he was making by taking that step, but he also saw the bigger picture. What waited on the other side of his discomfort was something even better. He saved the young girl, and her feuding family. Despite giving up so much at that moment, you could see the peace and contentment in his eyes as he said his goodbyes and eventually disappeared into the outfield.

That movie gives my eyes allergies every time I watch it. It also holds sentimental value for me, as I lived just six miles from where it was filmed. I just wish I was old enough to have an awareness and appreciation for it back then. As we journey through life, we will encounter those Archie Graham moments. We'll walk right up to the line, then stop, because crossing it could possibly be one of the most uncomfortable and scary things we can do. It's ok to pause. Pausing doesn't define us. It's what we do after the pause that matters. Will you step across that line and into your destiny, or turn back?

I want to be like Archie.