Important to Her, Important to Me

Today, I'm bringing you a fun story from a recent coaching session. I was sitting with a young couple, discussing wins, losses, learnings, and questions from their first few months of budgeting. I could sense some tension brewing, and just as I was about to ask about it, the wife brings it to the surface. 

The wife wants to buy an item that costs approximately $500. It's important to her. She's been talking about it for a long time. Immediately, I could tell the husband was not keen on the idea. He had several reasons why they shouldn't buy it right now. His primary reason is they are in the midst of paying off student loan debt (they are crushing it, by the way!). 

What happened next is where the story gets interesting. No more than three minutes later, the husband brings up something he wants to buy soon.....which coincidentally also costs $500. Similar to the wife's desired purchase, this is clearly a want. But it's important to him. He quickly listed the reasons they should immediately pull the trigger on this item. However, in the midst of his sales pitch, he recognized the irony (and the hypocrisy). 

The real issue wasn't the debt, or a lack of resources. Instead, it was the fact he viewed his desired purchase as being important, and hers not. This is a toxic slippery slope, which needed to be immediately addressed. I quickly jumped in and shared my perspective. And since this is a commonly occurring dynamic, I thought it was worth sharing today:

• It's ok if something is a want. We need to stop demonizing wants as irresponsible and unnecessary. Wants can be nearly as important as needs, and should be treated as such.

• The husband's opinion on her desired purchase is irrelevant. If it's important to her, it's important. Period. This can be a hard pill for spouses to swallow. Since spouses have different interests and desires, it's inevitable one spouse will want something the other doesn't care about.

• If it fits within the scope of the budget and can be done without compromising their spending, saving, giving, and debt plan, they should do it. 

• Who makes how much income shouldn't play any role in the discussion. If one spouse makes 90% of the income, it's still a 50/50 decision. The moment we get married, everything we have (including our income) should be combined and viewed jointly. The words "mine" and "yours" need to be abolished and replaced with "ours."

• We aren't allowed to feel guilt when purchasing something important. Guilt cheapens the purchases and sabotages the reason we bought it. 

Ultimately, here is my recommendation. Since the husband's desired purchase has some urgency tied to it, I recommended they pull the trigger this month. However, that recommendation was contingent upon him agreeing to put her desired purchase in the budget next month. 

Be generous with your partner. If it's important to them, it should be important to you. 

Not All Heroes Wear Capes

I've had quite the run in the last two days. In a matter of 48 hours, here's who I had the privilege of spending time with:

• A former police officer who now dedicates his life to helping other officers and first responders who are dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts.

• A few high school teachers who have a passion for teaching their students about work, business, and professionalism. Their mission is to raise up the next generation of leaders by giving them the tools to enter the workforce with the skills, confidence, and momentum. 

• A pastor who has dedicated his life to serving others. His Sundays are spent preaching, but the other six days of the week are spent leading his team and counseling people who are hurting. 

• A business owner who started his company out of frustration from watching people get taken advantage of and ripped off. 

• A missionary with a heart to provide free medical care to people who may not have access to doctors or the necessary technology.

• A single mom who is raising four small children while also working a full-time career to pay the bills.

In other words, I met with a hero, a hero, a hero, a hero, a hero, and another hero. None of them wore capes. There were no masks. I couldn't tell, but I didn't see any utility belts being sported. They were all disguised as normal people just trying to do their jobs. 

Heroes are all around us, but not even the heroes know they are heroes. That's actually what makes them heroes. They aren't trying to get notoriety, praise, or compliments. And they certainly aren't trying to get rich. They are just using their gifts and passions to serve others with excellence, day in and day out. 

Maybe you're a hero and don't even know it. I hope you are, and I thank you for your service. You probably don't get enough credit for your heroism, so please consider this my formal "thank you" to start your day. I hope I'm not the only one who gives you the credit you deserve. 

Not all heroes wear capes. Please don't forget that today.

The Cost of Want

A woman recently reached out and asked for a meeting. She made it clear she wasn't interested in hiring me, but wondered if I'd be willing to give her some insights anyway. Of course! Here's the lay of the land:

• She and her husband are in their late 30s with three small children.

• They have a combined annual household income of $340,000 ($240,000 from him and $100,000 from her).

• She absolutely despises her job and yearns to stay home with their three small children.

• Her husband generally likes his job.

• If they keep doing what they are doing, they can retire "in only 15 years."

• They recently purchased a $700,000 house, which is a very nice house in our area.

• They both drive luxury vehicles, with monthly payments totaling $1,700. 

• They have a pretty boujee lifestyle, with hefty monthly expenses for dining out, spas, travel, and clothes. 

• Tension is building in the marriage around money and job stress.

With that context in mind, here was her question: "My job is miserable, and I want to stay home more than anything, but I don't know how to make it work financially." If I knew the direction this meeting would go, I would have ensured both spouses were present. Since her husband wasn't there, I asked the obvious question: "What does your husband think you should do?" She shared that he fully supports her desire to stay at home and wants to make it happen.

Based on the context she provided me, I told her it sounds like they should prioritize her staying home. They both want it, she feels called to it, and her career dissatisfaction is creating a much deeper fissure in their relationship. But what about the financial situation? I explained to her that, in my opinion, there are several options on the table to achieve their mission:

• They could cut back on their lifestyle (less clothing, less dining out, fewer spa services, and/or less travel).

• They could replace their current vehicles with something much cheaper (with the possibility of removing $1,700/month of payments).

• They could downsize their house to something more affordable (especially since they already have an interest rate commensurate with today's market).

• They could scale back their retirement contributions to set them up for a more traditional retirement age (instead of early-to-mid 50s). 

After sharing these four options, she responded, "What else?" 

Me: "What do you mean, what else?"

Her: "We can't do any of these, so what are our other options?"

Me: "Can't? Or Won't?"

Her: "Both"

She explained to me that these options are non-starters and completely off the table. When asked why, she responded, "We worked hard for them."

This is the cost of want. Without contentment, there can never be enough. When stuff wins, meaning loses. When we chase the Joneses, our own family suffers. Materialism causes us to pursue what we want now rather than what we want most. The cost of want is steep.

Her parting request was for me to share her situation with my blog and get more opinions. What say you? 

Here to Serve

Inspiration comes from the darndest places. As I was sitting here contemplating what to share today, I received a text from my often-discussed corporate client in Texas. As usual, they have interesting developments brewing and like to bounce scenarios and questions off me for my input. Some of their questions require quick and simple answers, while others require many hours of detailed contemplation and analysis. This request was of the quick and simple variety.

I told them to respond with any follow-up questions they might have, as I'm just preparing today's blog and can help however needed. One of the gentlemen jokingly responded that I should "write about people who constantly ask you to do things that you have given them the tools to do themselves and how annoying that is."

That's precisely what I will do, but I will pull a 180 on him. There is nothing annoying about this exchange whatsoever. In fact, it's a privilege and an honor. The fact my insights and expertise are desired and valued is something I never take for granted. Further, the opportunity to add value to their decision-making and overall business is a tremendous blessing. No part of me is even remotely annoyed by this. I should be sending him a thank you card for allowing me the opportunity and blessing to serve him. I'm beyond grateful.

We are here to serve. Simply put, this is the base calling in our life. We can, of course, choose to ignore it, refuse it, or turn our back on it. From the moment we wake up until we go back to bed, our day is a never-ending string of serving opportunities. Our spouse, kids, co-workers, clients, customers, neighbors, and even strangers. Nearly every interaction in our life is an opportunity (or, dare I say, duty?) to serve others.

Think about the people in your life you're attracted to. No, not that kind of attraction. The kind of attracted that you want to be in their presence. The kind that makes you want to spend time with them. The kind that makes you want to be more like them. Chances are this person is a servant. Chances are one of the primary attributes that make you (and probably others) attracted to them is their willingness and heart to serve others.

I could most certainly wake up each day with the objective of getting what I want for myself. That option is on the table. In fact, I know a lot of people who live this way. This is just one man's opinion, but that feels like an empty-calorie type of life. It might taste good for a bit, but it's anything but satiating.

The posture of service, on the other hand, is an immensely fulfilling way to live. We might not always get what we want by continually serving others, but we actually get something better: meaning, impact, and purpose. That's the irony of service. We get fed by feeding others.

The 3-Bucket E-Fund Approach

On the heels of publishing a podcast episode about this topic, a few readers suggested I share the same advice on the blog. It was an episode about my variation on the traditional emergency fund concept. 

First, what's an emergency fund? It's a specifically designated pool of money that we keep handy for when (not if) life throws us a curveball. It's not money to be used for the new iPhone or that next vacation. This is money to be used only in the event of a red-alert event. The car breaks down, someone gets sick, the furnace goes out, we lose a job, etc.

I won't get into how much we should have in our emergency fund, as it's a personal decision and a longer discussion. However, there are two main approaches: 1) 3-6 months' worth of expenses, and 2) a set dollar amount based on what the worst possible emergency could be for your family. For our example today, let's assume this family needs a total emergency fund of $25,000. 

Instead of having all $25,000 in a savings account, I like to look at it as three separate buckets. Another way to perceive it is three lines of defense. 

Bucket 1: This is money we would potentially need immediately (same day). It should be kept in a savings account attached to our checking account. It may not earn interest, but we can access it at a moment's notice. This is key!

Bucket 2: This is money we would need in a matter of days. Since we have a little timing flexibility, we can house it outside our primary bank. A high-yield savings account or money market fund would work well, as it would pay you interest, give you quick access, and have zero risk. For example, Vanguard's money market fund is currently paying 5.3%, and CapitalOne's 360 Performance Savings accounts are paying 4.3%. 

Bucket 3: This is money we have quick access to, but we'd also like it to grow over time. It's also money that is a nice-to-have, not a need-to-have. Why? Because it will be invested in the stock market and could experience ups and downs over time. A taxable brokerage account is perfect for this. If invested in the S&P 500 index or total stock market index, it should provide you with a long-term 9% (but a short-term bumpy ride). But either way, it's available for us to access as needed. Fidelity and Vanguard are both great places for these types of accounts.

Back to our example family (which also happens to be a real client). Here's how they decided to allocate their three buckets:

• Bucket 1: $4,000 in a savings account tied to their joint checking.

• Bucket 2: $10,000 in a money market fund in their Vanguard taxable brokerage account.

• Bucket 3: $11,000 in VTI (total stock market index) in their Vanguard taxable brokerage account. They will also grow this account over time for multiple uses (college, retirement, cars, etc.).

Simple, but powerful. Got questions?

“Wow, That’s Embarrassing”

A young business owner recently reached out to me. He wanted to chat over coffee. Never turning someone down for a coffee, I immediately agreed. We talked about life, work, family, and business. He revealed some of his goals and dreams, and surprisingly commented, "I'd like to be successful like you one day." He followed that up by talking about how he'd like to "make bank" to drive nice cars, sport luxury watches, and build the house of his dreams. There's a reason I shared his comment and this context.....you'll see in a moment. Toward the end of the conversation, he asked if I'd be willing to mentor him.

As we worked our way out the door and into the parking lot, we shared a few more pleasantries before parting ways. We were standing next to an older Nissan Altima with a massive ugly dent on the driver-side doors. As it caught his eye, he pointed and quipped, "Wow, that's embarrassing."

After we shook hands, he walked to his car, and I got into the heavily dented Altima. Part of me wanted to take a lap past his car to give him another glance at this embarrassing dent, but I refrained. I still don't know if he eventually realized he was insulting me.....maybe one day I'll ask him (or send him a picture of me posing next to my car like a magazine model).

The brutal dent is the result of an accident I experienced about 18 months ago. I was coming home from a negotiation meeting where my Northern Vessel business partners and I were hammering out the details of our ownership structure. A young teen driver was driving right next to me in the left lane, when he decided to change lanes without looking. He was scared and embarrassed, but everything turned out ok.

Immediately after the accident, I was in a tizzy about fixing the damage ASAP. I caught myself feeling this way and wondered why. I quickly realized it was because some part of me cared about what others thought (like the young man who thought my car was embarrassing). However, I quickly came to my senses and remembered I don't actually care about things like that.

Still, I took my car to the shop for an estimate and submitted it to insurance. Instead of having me send my car to the shop and pay for the work, the insurance company just sent me a check and called it "closed."

After I deposited the check, I had a decision to make. I could either a) repair the cosmetic damage and make sure people have a proper perspective of who I am, or b) do something else with the money. I ultimately chose to give the money away. My car looked like crap, but a bunch of kids got fed. I call that a win.

For the last 18 months, I've elected to keep the dent as a reminder of what's most important. Some see embarrassment, but I see beauty.

The Randomness of Impact

Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties, 'cause it's cold out there today. It's cold out there every day. What is this, Miami Beach?...............That's right, woodchuck-chuckers - it's GROUNDHOG DAY!

Groundhog Day is one of my all-time favorite movies. I've probably seen it 50-100 times over the last 30 years. To this day, I can't put my finger on why I love it so much. Maybe it's the fantasy of the concept. Maybe it's the humor. Maybe it's the nostalgia. Maybe it's the colorful characters (Bing!).

Regardless of the reason, it just stuck with me. It's not the best movie in the world. Heck, it's not even Bill Murray's best movie. But it stuck! That's the wild part about putting our ideas and art into the world. The one we think will be a hit can flop, and the ones we don't give much thought to can stick.

If I had a dollar for every podcast episode or blog I felt self-conscious about but absolutely stuck, I'd have a lot of dollars! There are some days when I second-guess hitting "publish." There are some days I prepare myself to feel embarrassed by my work. There are some days I feel like I'm just letting you down. But oddly enough, those days are often the ones that garner the most replies, shares, and conversation.

Self-talk is a thief. It can be the one thing that robs the world of something special. One doubtful moment can steal the impact you were meant to have on someone else.

It's like hockey. Not all shots are going into the net, but the more shots we put up, the better our chance of scoring. That's one thing I've learned about publishing two podcast episodes and seven blog posts per week. Not all of them will score......but some will! The secret is having the courage to keep showing up each day. Shot, after shot, after shot. Some will miss, but some will result in a glorious goal!

Don't lose hope when your shots aren't going into the net. Rather, know it's just the frustrating process of creating impact. Your purpose is far too great to let a couple of missed shots take you out of the game. Keep going…..you got this!

BING!

A Different Kind of Scorecard

Our 300th podcast episode was published yesterday. I typically don't stop to reflect on these sorts of things, but with the encouragement of a few close friends, I'm taking a moment to stop and pause. Now that I think about it, 300 is absolutely absurd. I can't remember the exact statistic, but around 90% of podcasts don't make it past episode 20. With an average episode length of 17 minutes, that's 85 hours of free content floating around cyberspace. While we won't pretend to be one of the top podcasts in the world, it's wild to see how broad the reach has been. We've even received notifications that we hit the top 10 lists in Italy, Belize, and Ukraine over the years. Very odd.

During a recent business trip to Texas, I treated myself to a nice slab of meat at a local steakhouse. As I was sitting at the bar waiting for my meal to arrive, I started chatting with a man next to me who was thumbing through his podcast app. I asked him what his favorite podcasts are. "Joe Rogan, ________ (*name I can't recall), and Meaning Over Money." Wait, Meaning Over Money? That's us!!! We had a good laugh about the coincidence and had a nice chat!

It brings me back to a recent conversation I had with a friend. We were talking about our businesses and some of the projects we're working on. When the subject of our podcast came up, he asked, "At what point do you just decide to give up?" Excuse me, what?!? He pointed out that we don't have sponsors and are seemingly not making any money from the podcast, thus we've pretty much failed. And since we've failed, at what point should we just stop doing it? My response: "What makes you think we're trying to make a bunch of money doing this?" Him: "Well, why else would you do it, then? That's a lot of time to waste for nothing."

Considering our show is called Meaning Over Money, it would be awfully hypocritical for us to define our podcasting success by how much money we make. We didn't start the show to make money. We created the show to make a difference. We began doing this to perhaps bend the culture regarding work and money. Have we succeeded? To the thousands of people who have listened over the years, I hope so! But more importantly, and obviously more challenging to measure, I wonder what impact our listeners are making by living work and money differently in their own lives. When they put meaning over money, how does that influence their friends, family, neighbors, and colleagues? I may never know the answer to that question.

Only you get to decide what success is. It can be money, but it doesn't have to be. Look in the mirror and ask yourself, "Why?" The answer to that question matters. When we're playing a different kind of game, we should be using a different kind of scorecard.

You Are Where You Are

When I’m sitting with someone and begin talking about their finances, one of the first things they reveal is a regret they haven’t done better. This usually comes out as frustration from past mistakes, a track record of unintentionality, a comparison to someone doing better financially, or an acknowledgment that they have some knowledge gaps regarding money. We all carry some combination of this. Money is a deeply personal topic, and most of us have some wounds (or scars).

I always have the same message. We are where we are. None of us are where we wish we were, but we also can’t jump into our Delorian to go back in time for a do-over. While that’s a sad reality, it can also be freeing. If there’s literally nothing we can do about the past, we have the opportunity to put 100% of our focus on the present and future.

I’m waking up in Los Angeles today, on the heels of a talk I gave last night. It’s a gang prevention program for parents and teens, with each night having a different topic. This is the third cohort I’ve worked with in this program, and the focus of my talk is helping families get a better grasp and perspective on their finances. You might be wondering what my ideas and topics have to do with gang prevention, and I wouldn’t blame you. One of the reasons young adults join gangs is the pressure to help their financially struggling family. The objective of my talk is to help families alleviate some of their financial tension (through better stewardship), so their kids don’t feel the financial pressure to go down the gang route.

After my talk, three separate people approached me and voiced their frustration with themselves over past (and current) financial decisions. My response: “You are where you are. Tomorrow is a new day, and I believe you can move the needle in the right direction.” We went on to discuss a few nuances specific to their individual journeys. I wanted them to leave that room with optimism, confidence, and most importantly, grace (to their past selves). They are where they are, but the future is wide open.

Wherever you are, no matter your mistakes, and regardless of what others around you are doing, you got this! Maybe you’re deeply in debt. Maybe you’ve failed to invest in your future. Maybe you’re living in a house/apartment you can barely afford. Maybe you bit off more than you can chew with your choice of vehicle. Maybe you messed up at work and lost your job. You are where you are. There’s no way around that. But today is a special day. Today is the day you have the opportunity to unwind past decisions, reassess where you’re trying to go, and make new decisions. There’s no day like today!

A Glimpse Under the (Cruise) Hood

I've shared bits and pieces about our family's recent cruise vacation. Some of the finer details must have perked people's interest, as at least a half-dozen readers asked if I would be sharing more about the economics of the trip. There's a voyeuristic side in each of us, where we like hearing the details of other people's situations. I think that's why our personal budget reveal episode was/is so popular. 

Well, your wish is my command. I dug through the numbers and will now share the total economics of our recent trip. For context, our family of four took a 6-night cruise on Royal Caribbean out of the Fort Lauderdale port. The ship was called Symphony of the Seas, which I believe is the second-largest ship in the world (and it was amazing!). When the dust settled, we spent approximately $5,100 all-in, broken down as follows:

• Cruise: $1,830 (We took advantage of a 30% off + kids sail free deal on the Royal Caribbean website. We stayed in an interior room, which was small but efficient. This price included all food).

• Flights: $740 (We saved $700 by flying out of Minneapolis - a 3-hour drive - instead of Des Moines. Not ideal, but we agreed it was worth it). 

• Food & Fuel to/from Minneapolis: $140

• Airport Parking: $210 (Given the -45 degree wind chill and the fact we wouldn't have coats with us, we elected to park in the terminal instead of taking the long-term parking shuttle).

• Fort Lauderdale Hotel: $220 (We didn't want to risk having a delayed flight ruin our trip, so we flew in the night before). 

• Ubers: $140 (Ubers to/from airport/port).

• On-Ship WiFi: $300 (This was a hard pill to swallow, but we ultimately decided to get WiFi on three devices. Looking back, we're glad we did).

• Drinks: $380 (This included alcoholic beverages, some fun drinks for the kids, and Sarah's fancy coffees).

• Aquapark Excursion: $50

• Pig Beach Excursion: $700 (A lot of money, but it created some lifelong memories). 

• Automatic Tips: $220 (By default, Royal Caribbean charges you $18/person/day for tips. However, this isn't mandatory. We elected to turn this off for the kids so we could use that extra money to give specific tips)

• Cash Tips: $200 (Primarily for our room attendant and the kids club staff. Our kids spent 7PM-10PM every night in the kids club, and they had a blast. There were a lot of tears saying goodbye that last night). 

There you have it. It wasn't cheap and ultimately cost more than we anticipated, but we don't have many regrets. It was a wonderful trip; we'd do it again in a heartbeat. 

Thoughts? Questions? Insights? Reactions? Would love to hear your feedback. Hit reply to this e-mail or drop a comment below on the webpage. 

I'll wrap it up this way: Meaning over money. That money could have been invested, or saved for something "more responsible," but our family primarily invests in two things: mission and memories.

Why Not You?

I've been an Iowa State Cyclone football fan since first stepping on campus 24 years ago. Confession: It's not always easy. We don't usually have stellar teams, and when we do, they end up underperforming expectations. Such was the case a few years ago when we were blessed by friends who purchased season tickets for our family.

While that season was full of amazing family memories and new traditions, the actual on-field performance was frustrating. We had a talented squad, tons of hype, and seemingly all the tools to get into the top 10. We had a four-year starter at quarterback, and he had a ton of weapons around him (including starting NY Jets running back Breece Hall). However, it wasn't meant to be.

Our quarterback's name was Brock Purdy. On a personal level, I thought he was a class act....a top-notch character. But as a player, it felt like he hit his ceiling in his sophomore year. So when it was announced he would try to make an NFL roster, I thought it was pretty far-fetched. The San Francisco 49ers selected him with the very last pick in the draft, which is commonly referred to as "Mr. Irrelevant." That was pretty cool, though! I never expected him to get drafted, yet there he was.

But would he ever even take a snap? Due to a few unfortunate injuries, he rose from third on the depth chart to eventually starting by default. And he won. Then he won again. And again. He just kept winning. By the end of the regular season, he was getting Rookie of the Year mentions and was solidly their starter for the playoffs. Again, he shined in the playoffs.....until he experienced a sad season-ending injury.

As this season approached, would he be physically ready to play? Even if he was, would he be their starter? Yes, he was ready, and yes, he did get the starting job. Then he just continued winning.....so much so that he was in the league MVP conversation for most of the season.

Last night, he became an NFC champ, and he's leading his team to the Super Bowl, where he'll face a KC Chiefs dynasty that's making their 4th Super Bowl appearance in 5 years.

Not many people (me included) believed in Brock Purdy. Yet, here he is. Here's the question I have today. Why not Brock Purdy? Better yet, why not me? Or better still, why not you?

Here's one thing I do know. If Brock Purdy didn't believe in himself, he wouldn't be here. He had the entire world trying to give him a participation trophy, but he knew something we didn't.

I think about people like him a lot. Why not them? Why not me? Why not you? It reminds me of a famous quote: "Whether you think you can or can't, you're right."

Whatever your thing is, just go for it! Sure, you might fail....or you might not. It could be nothing....or everything. Why not you?

Keeping Emotions at Bay

Welcome to the time of year when Sarah and I grumble about our vehicle situation. With the recent 25 inches of snow that blasted our town in a matter of four days, we received another harsh reminder that her mid-size front-wheel drive SUV with 175,000 miles isn't the most ideal winter ride. To top it off, we've started to experience some minor maintenance setbacks.

Given my line of work, I regularly have a front-row seat to how couples navigate car situations. In general, emotions steer the boat (er, car). In a situation similar to ours, the red flags, sirens, and all other ancillary warning signs in the emotional side of our brain start escalating. "We NEED something safer." "We NEED something more reliable." "We NEED something newer."

Whenever you start spiraling on an idea, stay keen on the words you're using. If "need" keeps popping up, pay special attention. The word "need" is often used as a justifier, because if we can mentally shift something from a want to a need, it's easier to justify pulling the trigger on a purchase....no matter the cost.

Sarah and I won't be purchasing a vehicle any time soon. We don't use debt for non-real estate purchases, period. We haven't in our 14 years of marriage, and we aren't starting now. There's zero chance we would sign the dotted line to acquire monthly payments for a vehicle because we "need" it. Even if we truly did need a vehicle, there's zero chance we would buy anything requiring a loan. Those $400, $700, or $1,000/month payments are such a harsh opportunity cost. There are literally a hundred things we'd rather do with $400-$1,000/month than dump it into a depreciating asset that gets us from point A to point B. When debt (option A) is off the table, we must resort to options B, C, D, and so on. That's when creativity and discipline start to shine. When we remove the path of least resistance, we make clearer, better, and more beneficial long-term decisions. To be honest, most of the freedom and opportunity in our family’s life can be directly attributed to those moments where we steered away from our emotions (and the debt they typically lead us into). I’m so grateful that younger Travis and Sarah had the courage to defy our culture’s prevailing wisdom of debt and finance.

If we were to listen to our emotions, we'd probably have a different vehicle by next week. However, our dreams are too big, and our purpose is too great to let our emotions win. We'll plan for the vehicle situation and pull the trigger when the time and situation are right. In the meantime, we'll continue to navigate our vehicles with intentionality, patience, and humility.

Keep your emotions at bay. When you do, it's amazing how much peace, contentment, and financial achievement will come. I believe you deserve that, and hopefully, you believe it, too.

Capitalist Pigs

Remember when I paid $700 to play with pigs? Well, yesterday was pig day! We were in Nassau, Bahamas, on our cruise, and it was finally time to experience Pig Beach with my family. It was a truly amazing experience. We started with a beautiful 30-minute boat ride to Pearl Island, where we spent a few hours playing on the beach with crystal-clear waters. Then, we were treated to a local lunch that more-then-hit the spot. Finally, we hopped on a speed boat for a short jaunt to Pig Beach. Once there, we fed the pigs apples (and even bottle-fed a piglet), petted them, and ran around in the ocean with them. Every part of the experience was spot-on. While spending $700 for this excursion still feels expensive, it will no doubt go in the record books as one of the most memorable experiences our family has had together. Money well spent!

This is baby Katy Perry. She pooped on my arm about 5 seconds after this pic was taken….

While hanging out at the beach in the morning, I overheard a group of men talking about the excursion. "They really milk those pigs for all they're worth." "Nothing like taking advantage of a lucky situation. Those pigs were just left there" "They are practically screwing us."

Do you see any irony in this? A bunch of grown men, who are traveling to the Caribbean on money earned from living in a capitalist society, are demonizing the local business owners who are trying to make a living by being capitalistic. Nobody forced a single one of them to purchase that excursion. That's the entire point of capitalism. Someone creates a product, sets the price, and either people buy it or they don't. If you think the price is too expensive, then simply choose not to buy. Considering how many people were in our group, I'd say their pricing is working just fine.

Are the local folks making a handsome living from this endeavor? I hope so! Good for them! They are doing a fantastic job at it, too. Overall, the entire experience was well done and full of hospitality. They served their customers well and truly made us feel welcome. I'm glad I went, and I'll recommend it to anyone who asks.

This is the beauty of business. We are free to create any product we want, price it, market it, try to execute it, and let the chips fall how they may. No matter how good our product is, some will think it's a rip-off. That's not a bad thing! Rather, it's necessary. That's the gateway to understanding who values you and who doesn't. I once had a client prospect tell me how much of a rip-off my pricing was, only to have another prospect (90 minutes later) tell me it was the world's biggest bargain. One valued me, and one didn't. It doesn't make one good and one bad, but now I know who I am called to serve.

Don't feel bad for making a living. Add value. Serve others well. Let the chips fall how they may.

The Powerful Undercurrent of Culture

Culture is a weird thing. We notice it when it's spectacular, we notice it when it's terrible, but otherwise, we typically don't think much about it. Nearly every aspect of our life is ruled or influenced by culture. We don't usually consider it because it just exists. We watch those who come before us, and we absorb the culture. Once we've absorbed it, we continue to pass it along to others. 

Holding the door open for others, saying please and thank you, yielding to the person who got to the intersection first, and leaving a tip for the server. These are all cultural rules we've learned, absorbed, and passed on, whether we realize it or not. 

Much of our culture has been established, passed down, and slowly evolved for generations. In other situations, however, culture must be created. When we opened the doors at Northern Vessel 14 months ago, we had a choice to make. We could allow the prevailing culture to take over or intentionally curate our own culture. We chose the latter. We spent (and still spend) more time with our staff talking about culture than on drink preparation. The culture is everything. The culture begins with the staff. Once they portray the culture, it's absorbed and passed along to others. 

Speaking of, we also needed to establish the culture of a Northern Vessel guest. Where do you order? Where do you wait for your order? How do you use the space to best suit your style and needs? Where do you get water? Where do you put your dirty dishes? All of these are small components of culture. In the first few weeks, I and a few others planted ourselves in the guest area, practicing the desired culture for others to absorb. Within a matter of days, guests had absorbed the culture and were passing it along to others. Today, between our amazing staff and hundreds of loyal guests, the culture is deeply seeded.

Cruise ships have an interesting dilemma. It's like a wild science experiment. Put 5,000 guests (from all over the world speaking many different languages) on a boat simultaneously, lock them there for a week, send them packing simultaneously, and then do it again. We aren't talking about slowly building the culture of a coffee shop for hundreds of people over the course of months. It's creating a culture for 5,000 people in a matter of hours. What a challenge!!!

Royal Caribbean executes it brilliantly:

• They lean into their staff (3,000+ of them!?!?) to drive culture. It all starts with them. They are highly trained.

• Communication, communicaiton, communication. From signage, to the PA announcements, to the programming on the in-room TVs, they are constantly communicating desired outcomes. 

• They leverage their loyal, returning guests. They are grateful for returning business, but also know these guests will pass along the culture.

No matter our role(s) in life, we have two choices: intentionally curate and/or bend culture, or simply absorb the prevailing culture (for better or worse). 

This Can’t Be Everything

We had another amazing day at sea yesterday, which included a few hours in port in Falmouth, Jamaica. Lots of food, lots of swimming, and lots of adventures. This trip has been THE definition of relaxation (well, except for everything that goes into caring for two first graders). It's been absolutely wonderful, and I'm so very grateful for our opportunity to go on this trip together.

As I was in the hot tub yesterday afternoon, I overheard a group of twenty-somethings next to me. They, too, were thoroughly enjoying their cruise. One asked the others, "Wouldn't it be great just to live like this all the time?" They all agreed and started fantasizing about a life of perpetual relaxation, endless drinks, and a non-stop flow of delicious food.

I agree with them about how amazing this experience is, but I couldn't disagree more about making this life. This isn't life. This is something we do once in a while. This is a treat. It's a reward. It's a little luxury. But it's not a life. This can't be everything.

I can't wait to jump back on a cruise ship again one day, but I would never want it to be my life. There are too many more meaningful and impactful things we must accomplish. We can't live a life solely for ourselves. That's a purposeless and empty existence.

While we're on the subject, I can't wait to get back home and back to work. It's going to be wonderful. I have so many thoughts, ideas, and dreams that are ready to be unleashed. Stuffing it all down while I continue to live a life of leisure would be the selfish thing to do.

So I'm going to enjoy the heck out of these last few days, be excited to get back into the swing of work and life, and maybe even plan another vacation for the not-too-distant future.

Find ways to get away, relax, and live in temporary leisure. It's healthy for us, and it's a ton of fun. Go book that trip! But also know it's not everything. It can't be everything. We must find meaning and purpose, and lean into them each day.

One Fear at a Time

Confession: I like encouraging my kids into uncomfortable and scary positions. Instead of trying to ensure their comfort, I find ways to make them uncomfortable. It's all contextual to age, of course. I wouldn't throw a seven-year-old onto the street at 11 PM and wish him luck. It's little things at their age. Making them pay for something independently at a store. Coaxing them onto a roller coaster. Trying new and unique foods. None of these things are life-altering, but each propels them to the next.

Yesterday was a new one. The boys and I bought tickets to play at an aqua park at our port stop in Haiti. Think of it as an inflatable obstacle course in the deep water of an ocean bay. The boys were excited, but a bit nervous. As our reservation approached, we walked out onto the long dock, fastened our life jackets, and listened to the safety instructions. When it was time to jump in and swim to the obstacles, Pax seized up. Fear had overcome him. I think it was a combination of a fear of sharks snacking on his little body, the fact he couldn't touch the bottom, the long swim, and the uniqueness of the attraction. I held his hand and said I would count to three, then we'd jump. At about two, he started wimpering and changed his mind, but I made an executive decision to pull him in with me on the third count anyway (bold move, I know).

As soon as his head crested the surface and he realized he wasn't dead, he smiled and excitedly started swimming toward the first obstacle. That began a fun and exhausting hour of climbing, jumping, falling, and splashing. They both had the time of their lives, and we made some fun memories. As I do every night, I asked the boys what their favorite part of the day was. Pax: "The ocean obstacle course."

I'm such a believer in confronting fears. Not all at once. One fear at a time. Each time we conquer one (even a small one), it gives us momentum and confidence to face the next one.

Food is much the same way. In our family, we don't get free passes to say "no" to food. There are no special kids' menus or accommodations. They don't have to like it, but they do have to try it. And if they try it but don't like it, that's ok. But they will never know unless they try. Not every food is a hit, and sometimes it can be ugly. On the flip side, their fear turned to tolerance, and their tolerance turned to a fairly diverse palate. It's the power of confronting one fear at a time. If they had it their way, they would have stuck to eight lame items and simply "not liked" everything else. Instead, we pushed them every step of the way.

One fear at a time. You'll thank yourself later.

Pax sitting in the hot tub, enjoying the view, after returning to the boat in Haiti.

There’s Only One Way to Find Out

As I write this, I'm in the midst of some quiet time. Not just any quiet time, though. I'm sitting on the back of a cruise ship, perched on a lounge chair, 15 feet above the ocean, in the middle of the Atlantic, watching the vastness of our earth pass by. It's a surreal experience, and one that I treasure. The wind is swirling, and the occasional spraying of salt water on my face reminds me of who's boss.

I've spent the entirety of my adult life actively avoiding cruises. Perhaps it was the fear of getting seasick. Perhaps it was a dislike for crowds. It could have been a disdain for schedules while on vacation. Or maybe I just didn't want to be confined to a small space. It was probably all of the above, most likely.

There's a motto I live by, and I am trying to instill it into my kids. "There's only one way to find out." We don't know until we know. Perhaps our fears and suspicions will be confirmed, and we've been right all along. Or maybe, just maybe, our lack of insight and experience has misled us, and one of the most incredible things in our life is just on the other side of "yes."

Many of us will go our entire lives, never finding out. What if I applied for that job? What if I asked that girl/guy out? What if I started that business? What if I tried a different approach? What if I published that podcast? What if I wrote that book? What if I published that song? So many what-ifs! The only thing separating a regret from a story is action. The courage and curiosity to say "yes" and then let the chips fall how they may.

This is the approach I've lived my life by for the better part of a decade. It's resulted in some pretty bad mistakes, some amazing stories, and a blessed journey I couldn't be more grateful for. But I didn't know until I knew.

As for this cruise, let's just say I'm a cruise guy now. I'm having a wonderful time and cherish every day I have here to make memories with my family. I didn't know until I knew……and I'm glad I do now.

There's only one way to find out!

Fun, But Measured

In yesterday's post, I mentioned my family contributes $1,000/month to our travel fund. As has been the case for the past decade, giving and travel (mission and memories) are the two largest non-housing categories in our budget. Several of you reached out to comment on this. Some people think that's an absurdly high amount. Considering it's a want, perhaps they are right. Other readers believe $12,000/year is practically nothing. Or, as one person put it, "That's like one trip." 

Similar to the power of saying "no," the opposite is also true. There's power in being able to say "yes." When we intentionally set aside money for a specific purpose (travel in this case), we've already said yes. By definition, that money has already been spent on travel. However, the who, what, when, where, and how haven't yet been defined. That's where the fun begins. We know the money is available, but decisions must be made. Do we go all-out and blow the entire $12,000 on a single trip, or take a more measured approach to get more mileage out of those funds. In most cases, we take a measured approach. Fun, but measured. 

Here's a real-time example. My family is currently on our first-ever cruise. A few weeks ago, I found out one of my closest friends is also going on a cruise soon. We compared notes. They also have a family of four, traveling with the same cruise line, in a similar geographic vicinity. The biggest difference is they are gone 7 nights vs. our 6 nights. In other words, it's almost apples-to-apples. When I asked what it cost, she said, "A little more than $7,000" (before flights, excursions, add-ons, or any other goodies). Our total cost was $1,800, or nearly one-fourth of what they paid for a similar trip. She cringed. Ouch! There were a few drivers on why ours was so much less:

• We specifically picked a route that was on the more affordable side. 

• We specifically picked a week when that route was even cheaper.

• We waited until the cruise line offered a promo. This one was 30% off for all adults, plus kids sail free. The cost melted away faster than Frosty getting locked in the greenhouse. 

Question: Will my friends have 4x as much fun as us? Or will we create one-fourth as many memories as they will? Of course not! Also, this isn't a knock on them. I hope they have the time of their lives. They get to do whatever they want, and I'll support them every step of the way. Our family's priority is to make the best use of our limited (and blessed) $1,000/month of travel funds. I pray that we share amazing experiences together and create lifelong memories that our boys will someday share with their kids. 

Go enjoy some amazing travel, but don't feel the pressure to break the bank. It won't necessarily create better experiences or more meaningful memories. Stay measured, remain intentional, and make the most of whatever travel resources you set aside for your family. Fun, but measured. 

Saying “No” to Yourself

In a recent client meeting, we discussed where this couple would prioritize their discretionary income in 2024. Giving, investing, and travel are their big three. But the question was how much to allocate to each. I shared a few different strategies and ideas to consider, including setting non-negotiable dollar amounts to specific categories. As a reference point, I communicated that our family makes a mandatory $1,000/month contribution to our travel fund. It's as non-negotiable as our housing payment or groceries. No, it's not a need, but it is critically important to us. 

Amidst this conversation, one spouse asked, "What do you do if you don't have money in your travel fund? Just not go?" 

Correct. No money, no travel. No excuses. No justifications. No cheating. No credit cards. No robbing other accounts. If there's no money in the travel fun, there's no travel. That's why it's important for us to fund this account each month. It would be a real bummer for our family to have a travel opportunity arise, but we have to say no because we don't have those resources available. 

The willingness (er, commitment) to say "no" to important and alluring things is a life-changing endeavor. If we have the discipline to say no to ourselves when we haven't earned the right to say yes, a few things happen:

1. It provides a genuine incentive to do it better next time. If we're willing to cheat ourselves to get what we want, there's no real reason to get our act together. 

2. When we learn to say no, we teach ourselves contentment. On the flip side, there's no better way to erode contentment than by giving yourself everything you want, no matter the cost or consequences. 

3. Speaking of consequences, when we're willing to say no, we can avoid putting ourselves into questionable (or destructive) financial situations. We don't thrust ourselves into debt, rob other important spending categories, or irrationally drain our emergency savings. 

This concept goes deeper than travel. If our family doesn't have dining out money remaining, we don't go out to eat. If we don't have kids money remaining, we don't buy anything for our kids. If we don't have any grocery money remaining, we don't go to the grocery store. That may seem extreme, but it's amazing how creative we can get by diving deep into our freezer and pantry. Further, running out of grocery money sucks enough that it provides great motivation to learn from our mistakes next time.

Learn to say no to yourself. It often sucks in the moment, but it creates contentment, growth, resilience, discipline, and gratitude. That's a winning formula!

That’s What It’s For!

This is the text message I received last night from a client. "Can I give it away?" I suppose some context is in order. This client has done a remarkable job over the last five years. They've budgeted well, lived intentionally, pursued work that matters, given with purpose, and invested patiently. One of the practices they've established in their life is a disciplined commitment to taxable investing. If you're a client, you know I beat this dead horse dead-er. I believe taxable investing is one of the most overlooked, neglected, misunderstood, and whiffed opportunities in personal finance today. This client, however, immediately embraced the concept way back when we started meeting. Each month, a portion of their money automatically gets contributed to their taxable investment account. They don't think much about it. They don't lose sleep over it. They rarely even check it. It just happens.

The stock market had a killer day yesterday. It rose by 1.23% in a single day, to yet another all-time high. This is an eye-catching type of day, which somehow caught the eye of this couple. This is where my text exchange begins. They excitedly and somewhat confusingly texted me, saying their investment account shows they made $9,000 just yesterday. They couldn't believe it. $9,000 in one day!?!? Yes, correct. That's the beauty of investing the right way. It feels like nothing. Then nothing. Still nothing. But one day, off in the future (hello future you!), it's everything.

Astounded by this new development, their gut reaction was, "Can I give it away?" That text made my day. "Yes, of course you can! That's what it's for." Again, this is the beauty of taxable investing. This money gets invested intentionally, but its fate remains in the air. They could use it for retirement, kids college, supplemental income, a new car, a home improvement project, a vacation, starting a company/organization, or outrageous giving. Everything is on the table.

After ripping open the doors for generosity, I revealed to them there's another beautiful nuance to it. If they directly give their investment to a registered 501(c)(3) organization (like a church or non-profit), they don't owe a penny of taxes. That's right. 100% of the investment goes to the organization, they owe zero taxes, and can deduct the entire gift on their taxes (if they itemize).

Here's an example. A $3,000 investment grows to $10,000. Assuming it's been held for at least 365 days, they qualify for long-term capital gain tax rates. For most families, that means they would owe a 15% tax on the $7,000 of growth, or $1,050. Instead of selling this investment, they can just give the entire $10,000 investment directly to the organization, the $1,050 of taxes goes away, and they can even report the $10,000 gift as a deduction on their taxes (if they itemize). Win, win, win. Of course, they could always just sell the investment, pay the taxes, and give that money directly to an organization or someone in need.

They are going to have fun with this.....