Current You vs. Future You

We humans have a fantastic ability to disassociate our current selves from our future selves. Take a recent date night as an example. We're out with a few friends, enjoying dinner and some drinks. We're all having a good time and excited to have kid-free time with other adults. Fast forward a few hours, I ate too much rich food, and I probably didn't need that drink toward the end of our evening together. In those moments, I was focused on my current self while completely disregarding my future (12 hours from now) self. I woke up the next morning feeling pretty blah. Had I been more self-aware, I would have considered what future me would want current me to do.....but I didn't. The problem is that, in due time, future me becomes current me.

That's a more minor and less consequential example of this concept. It's also scary considering how short of a time gap there is between current me and future me in that story.....a measly 12 hours. But yet, even though future me would become current me in less than a day, I still disrespected him.

Now, take that same concept and expand the time gap to 5, 10, or 20+ years. The further out in the future we're looking, the harder it is for us to associate with that person. And when we can't associate with that person, we lose empathy, compassion, and care. They are a stranger to us. It's someone we haven't met yet, nor will we meet for possibly decades. As a result, we don't much care what they think or feel.

Let's replace dinner and drinks with financial decisions. Maybe current you is thinking about taking out a big, fat car loan to acquire that shiny new vehicle you've had your eyes on. Have you considered what future you will think of that? In a few years, that shiny vehicle will be worn, out-of-date, and beat up. At the same time, future you will still be making those ridiculous payments and will have lost out on the opportunity cost of what could have been done with all those monthly payments.

Or maybe it's investing. Let's face it: investing $1,000/month isn't all that fun. I can think of a hundred things I'd rather do with '$1,000 each month. However, what would future me think about current me's decision to spend all that money on myself now? Current me can have a lot of fun with $1,000/month, but future me is relying on current me to step up and think big-picture. After all, someday future me will be current me......and I deserve better than to reap the consequences of my past self's selfishness.

Here's a little trick I often think about. When I'm about to make a decision, financial or otherwise, I ask myself what future me will think of it. If I don't like the answer, I should consider making a different decision.

Treat future you well......they will soon be current you.

The Undercurrent of Culture

We recently released a podcast episode titled "287 - Controlling Dining Out Without It Controlling You." In it, I talked about the ever-increasing narrative that dining out is simply too expensive. Yes, inflation has caused prices to ratchet up to frustrating levels. However, when people talk about this topic, they share ridiculous stories, attempting to highlight why they (and others) are screwed and in no way, shape, or form can financially succeed (never mind thrive) in this reality. In the episode, I used the example of one Tweet where someone said their family of four (including "two small children") spent $75 on a trip to Panera. Mom, Dad, and two small children.....$75 for Panera. I recently saw another example where someone said it cost their family $60 to eat at McDonalds.

I received several critical comments on the heels of releasing this episode, with the most common one revolving around the idea that I just live in a cheap part of the country (i.e. I don't know what people are really dealing with). While it's true that I don't live in THE most expensive markets in the country, neither do most people on social media ranting and raving about this topic.

I recently decided to do a little experiment with my own family. It was Sarah's birthday, and she wanted to take the boys to a trendy new breakfast restaurant in our town. Since it was her birthday, and knowing I wanted to perform this experiment, I simply instructed the family to get whatever they wanted. Sarah and I each enjoyed an entree (which we split and share with each other because that's what we always do), plus coffee. The boys elected for fun kid-sized options of chicken and waffles.....and hot chocolates, of course. After a 20% tip, the meal came to $88. $88 for breakfast!?!? Yep, my little experiment went precisely as I had hoped.

One thing separates my normal dining out experience from this one-off $88 breakfast experience: intentionality. When we have a set monthly budget for dining out, it forces us to be intentional with our decisions. On a normal day, that meal would have cost less than half of that. However, since we didn't have intentionality (boundaries, practicality, or rational thought), we were going to be the victim of whatever that final bill came out to be.

I'm glad we did. That was the point. It was Sarah's birthday. We had plenty in our dining-out budget this month, and it was a perfect time to perform my little experiment. Win, win, win. But we weren’t victims. We made those choices.

The next time you're out to eat but also trying to live with financial boundaries, choose intentionality. You can still have a wonderful experience and create fun memories. It CAN cost $88 for breakfast, but it doesn't have to. Luckily, you get to choose.

The Wisdom of Joker

What does Heath Ledger's Joker have to do with investing? Well, I'm glad you asked! In the world of investing, one of the biggest obstacles I have coaching people is helping them get their arms around risk. While it's true the stock market has averaged 9% per year over the last 150+ years, it's also true it frequently looks like a scary rollercoaster. It can be a mess. 

Here's a fun fact. Though we typically view the stock market through the lens of "8-10% per year," the stock market has only produced an outcome in that range three times out of the last 153 years (1912, 1916, and 1993)! In other words, the month-to-month and year-to-year results can vary widely......shockingly so. In fact, it's finished everywhere between -40% and +53%. Again, it's a mess. 

Just this century alone (which spans only 24 years), we've experienced four stock market crashes:

• -46% with a combination of the tech bubble bursting and 9/11

• -54% during the Great Financial Crisis

• -32% (in just five weeks!) when COVID hit us

• -25% in 2022

Once again, it's a mess!

Let's go back to Joker. In The Dark Knight (one of my all-time favorite movies), Joker is in Harvey Dent's hospital room, spouting off crazy. In the middle of this rant, he utters a quote that lives rent-free in my head: "Nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying."

While Joker meant it in a dark and nefarious way, I think there are a lot of parallels with investing. As investors, we need to know bad things will happen. It's part of the plan. The stock market crashes because the stock market crashes. That's just how it works. And if the stock market crashing is part of the plan, and we know it's part of the plan, we don't need to panic. Yes, even when the plan is horrifying. 

Four stock market crashes in just 24 years does indeed sound horrifying....and risky. If you had patiently lived according to the (horrifying) plan and endured whatever the stock market threw at you, you would have lost nearly half your money, just over half your money, a third of your money, and a quarter of your money. Brutal, eh? But here's the fun part. Through all that, you would have received a 6.9% annual return for those 24 years. Put another way, a $1,000 investment made on 1/1/2000 (hello Y2K!) would be worth approximately $5,000 today. That's a 5x multiple on your original investment. Not too shabby for enduring four stock market crashes in the middle of it. 

The stock market will crash. It always does. That's part of the plan. And if you know it's part of the plan, there's no need to panic. In fact, there's not even a need to log into your account or dig into account statements. Let the market do its thing while you live a meaningful life, and then check back in a few decades.

Pigs Over Money

Our family will be taking our first cruise soon. I never thought I'd be a cruise guy, but it made sense with the age of our kids, the number of activities available, a robust children's program (#datenights!), and the fact it's a safe, contained environment. Who knows, maybe I'll come back with a whole new perspective (and fandom) of cruises. Crazier things have happened (such as Rex Grossman leading the Bears to a Super Bowl).

I don't like planning my day-to-day activities on vacation, but I now realize that's critical in the cruise world. This includes on-ship activities, as well as port activities. While scanning the various port options/excursions, one caught my eye: Pig Island! Have you ever heard of Pig Island? It's exactly what it sounds like. It's a bunch of wild pigs that live on a tropical island, and you can go play with them. Visiting this place has been on our bucket list since we married. Now, it shows up as a port-day option for our upcoming cruise! It's fate!

I was pretty excited.....until I saw the price: $700. Ouch! That's a lot of money to pay for a 5-hour excursion, especially considering our entire 6-night cruise cost us $1,800 (children-cruise-free promo!).

These are the types of dilemmas I love. It doesn't intuitively make sense. There's no world where spending $700 to swim with pigs for a few hours feels rational. On the flip side, this is a bucket list activity for us. It could very well go down as one of our family's favorite all-time travel memories....or not. But there's only one way to find out. That's the risk....and the opportunity.

We decided to book it. While the financial cost is expensive, the memories and shared experiences will be priceless. We probably won't remember what it even cost when we wake up ten years from now. But those memories will last a lifetime. Here's one last thought. There's very little chance we'll regret doing it, but on the flip side, there's a high likelihood we'd regret not doing it. I hate living with regret. Take my money, pig people!

Meaning Over Money. Strike that. Pigs over money!

Preparing for the (Winter) Storm

Well, it's official: The Midwest is getting absolutely obliterated by a winter storm. Every city is different, but in mine, we received +/- 20 inches of snow in a 3-day stretch and are now getting crushed with -40-degree wind chills. This type of weather has many different consequences.....and none of them are good. 

One such consequence that's becoming increasingly apparent is the stress on businesses. Simply put, people mostly stay home with these harsh conditions. That means less business for retailers, restaurants, coffee shops, and entertainment venues. In other words, business came to a screeching halt for many entrepreneurs. 

Unfortunately, this will most certainly be the undoing of some businesses. It's sad, but inevitable. I don't wish that upon anyone, and I feel for people going through it. 

It brings me to an idea I constantly reinforce for my family and business clients. We need to be prepared! When we're in the midst of our normal life, we're just living. Things generally feel good, and we're operating as though life will perpetually feel this way. That's the risk. Life won't always be normal like this. A storm will come, whether that's a literal or figurative storm. As such, we must be prepared! It's not an if, but rather a when. It's coming! And for countless businesses in the Midwest, the when is right now. 

Whether you're a business or a family, the preparation process is similar. Here's a quick guide to getting yourself ready:

First, recognize that a storm WILL come. 

Second, set aside some cash reserves that will only be used when the storm approaches. To determine the right amount, we must ask ourselves what the worst-case scenario is. If we're a business, it might be a situation where we aren't open for a few weeks. If so, what will that cost? We need to account for our overhead expenses, lost revenue, product waste, and possibly owner distributions (if our family relies on them to survive). In my business, I always keep $10,000 of cash on hand. At Northern Vessel, we keep at least $25,000 liquid. I have other business clients that keep $100,000-$300,000 in reserve for the storm. 

If we're a family, we need to do a similar exercise. What's the worst that can happen to us? This question typically leads to the following types of situations:

• Job loss

• Car breakdowns (usually a $5,000 cap)

• House maintenance issues (typically capped at $10,000-$12,000)

• Medical situations (dependent upon health insurance, but can be upwards of $10,000)

Some families feel comfortable with $5,000 liquid, while others need upwards of $30,000. If you're feeling uneasy, pick a higher number. 

Third, we must pre-determine what we'll do to our monthly budget when the storm comes. I have a lot of my clients do this exercise at some point. If you need to cut $1,000/month, what would you cut? I call it "red alert lockdown." Know what the cuts will be.

Fourth, remember all storms pass....eventually. If you're in one, this too shall pass. 

Be safe out there, friends.

Small Gestures, Big Impact

When we think about impactful giving, we typically think about profound, massive, staggeringly generous gifts. A five-figure check. Giving someone a car. Forgiving someone's loan. The list goes on and on. Think about an example of a profoundly impactful gift. I bet you're thinking of something big.

Though I appreciate and deeply respect these types of large gifts, I firmly believe even small gifts can significantly move the needle in someone's life. While I was stuck in travel hell a few nights ago, three separate instances of small but powerful generosity played out in a short time span.

First, as it was clear that I wouldn't get home that night, my client stepped into the situation and reserved me a hotel room right in the middle of O'Hare Airport. No shuttles. No Ubers. No commute. All I had to do was take a short indoor walk. It wasn't cheap; he didn't have to do that. That single act of generosity changed my outlook on the situation. I couldn't be more grateful for his compassion and generosity in that moment.

An hour later, I'm on my flight from Dallas to Chicago. I'm on the aisle, a young man is in the middle seat, and an elderly man is at the window. I was repeatedly struck by how sweet and generous the middle guy was with the elderly man. The older man had a hard time moving around and had difficulty hearing. This other man spent the flight helping this man navigate the flight (getting up, reaching for things, communicating with the flight attendant, etc.). It was heart-warming. At the end of the flight, the older man shared his sincere appreciation for how well he was served.

At the same time, a third act of generosity happened. Instead of my usual ice water, I decided to treat myself to a bourbon. When the flight attendant asked for my order, I excitedly ordered my bourbon (neat, of course). But she never took my card. About 30 minutes later, when she walked by, I reminded her I still hadn't paid. "Let's not worry about that. This one is on me." Wow! That was so sweet.

Epilogue: I eventually made it home yesterday. My fate was very much up in the air. I had three opportunities to get a standby seat on Saturday and another three on Sunday, but it wasn't looking pretty. However, in another generous act, my client spent part of his Saturday morning scanning airlines for newly available tickets. A single seat opened up on a different airline, and he instructed me to quickly purchase it. Wow, yet another generous act. The day was still an absolute travel disaster (including digging my car out of a snow bank in -25 degree wind chill with no coat, no hat, and no gloves), but my client's continued generosity led to me getting home safely.

Small acts of generosity can completely alter a person's day.....or month.....or life. Don't overlook those opportunities to make a difference.

You Can’t Control What You Can’t Control

Here's a live look at my day:

I was supposed to get home last night, but my flight from Dallas to Des Moines was canceled. After several discussions with airline employees, I decided to fly to Chicago to provide a few more opportunities to get home the following day(s). I spent the night at a hotel in an O'Hare airport, and now I will spend my day in the airport on standby, praying to make it home. The first available flight home isn't until Monday, so I'll be playing the waiting game until then. Ouch.

In the past, a situation like this would have likely sent me over the edge. I would have been furious. Now, however, I feel different about it. Instead of obsessing about everything I can't control (like blizzards, frigid temps, canceled flights, and a backlog of people trying to get home), I try to focus on what I can control. And today, that's very little. I can show up to the gate and hope. I can try to be productive with my lengthy airport time. I can treat people with dignity and not be a complete jerk. That's about all I can control. The rest is out of my hands. Maybe I'll get home today, or Sunday, or Monday. At this point, that fate is out of my hands.

Our finances and careers are much the same. So many components of our work and money are out of our hands. We can't control the stock market. We can't control whether or not our boss gives us the promotion we deserve. We can't control housing prices. We can't control what the Joneses are doing.

On the flip side, we can control how much we invest each month. We can control how hard we work and what value we add to the organization. We can control where we live. We can control what lifestyle we pursue.

For every 1,000 things we can't control, there are 1,000 things we can. Ignore the former and embrace the latter.

In the meantime, I'll just be bribing strangers with cash, jewelry, and whatever other trinkets I can muster. Hey, it worked for Kevin McCallister's mom!

Perhaps My Wife Should Leave Me

I recently stumbled into an online message board where people submit their monthly budgets for the broader group to provide feedback.

One person's budget included investing 55% of his monthly take-home income to "build wealth." The group loved it! "Way to go!" "Keep up the good work." "Your future is bright." He was lauded and applauded. Hundreds of comments poured in, ranging from congratulations to requests for advice.

Another person shared how he and his wife each bought new luxury cars and live in a mini-mansion in a prestigious gated community. The group loved it! "You earned it." "Enjoy the spoils of your labor." "That's a sign that you're a success." Some people put them on a pedestal. Some people wanted to know their secrets to winning. Others were jealous, but hopeful to one day be there as well.

Then there was another person. This was a middle-class family with an average income and a normal lifestyle. What caught my eye were a few giving categories in his budget. "Church giving," "xyz org giving," and a category that was clearly meant for people in need. He didn't highlight this in his post, but I did the math: his giving totaled approximately 18% of his monthly take-home income.

Do you think he was applauded like the two families above? Haha, of course not! He was utterly skewered. When I saw his budget, I knew exactly what the comments would look like. "You're an idiot." "Bible-beating moron." "Gullible sheep." Some people accused him of neglecting (or even abusing) his family. Some suggested his wife should leave him to find someone to care for his kids, not someone else's kids. 90% of the commenters agreed he was irresponsible and dumb.

I don't know what was going through that original poster's head as he saw the negative comments stream in. But if they know the secret I know, I hope they just sat back and smiled. Generosity always wins. Always. It's true that when we give money away, we have less money. That's a mathematical fact. This family will most likely have less money in the months, years, and decades to come. But they will be richer.....far richer. They will have more joy, more peace, more impact, more contentment, and more meaning. It's a trade-off. We can have the money, or we can have what really matters.

While getting absolutely destroyed by the commenters on that board, my prayer is that someone else was watching. Someone who knows deep down that generosity is the way. Someone who experiences our culture pushing him downstream, but has the urge to swim upstream. I hope this person was inspired by this man's post. Not just inspired, but enough to take action and eventually become the butt of everyone else's jokes.

I may be an idiot. I may be a "Bible-beating moron." I may be a gullible sheep. I may be neglecting my family. Perhaps my wife should leave me. Or maybe I just know a secret: generosity always wins.

Never Waste a Perfectly Good Mistake

In a sobering coaching moment, I recently explained to a client that their investing decisions have cost them handily. They asked me how much we're talking about, so I did some calculations. Though it's a rough estimation, it's safe to say they've lost at least $25,000 so far. They were livid. Worse, their financial advisor is a family member. What this family member did to them wasn't explicitly immoral, but rather "normal." Normal in the sense it's what most people are doing.....which is terrible. They were sick about it, and rightfully so.

But as I love to say, let's not waste a perfectly good mistake. Yes, they lost out on +/- $25,000. There's no way to reverse that. However, that pales in comparison to what they will potentially lose in the future. By my estimation, they will lose a minimum of $1M in the decades to come if they stay on this same path. It's an expensive mistake, but that singular mistake will ironically be the springboard to them doing so much better. That mistake was transformational......in the best way.

I also think back to my own journey. Specifically, when I received the humbling of a lifetime when the Great Financial Crisis struck us. I was $236,000 in debt, on the verge of losing my job, and had limited options. I was blessed with the opportunity to keep my job (by moving states), which gave me a second chance to do this financial stuff right. That mistake was costly, but it was ironically the springboard to a better life. That mistake was transformational.....in the best way. I still carry some of that pain, but I also carry a ton of gratitude with it.

I don't know what mistakes you've made, are making, or will make in the future, but I know they are coming. Some of them will be mild, but others will be costly. I hope they don't cost you as much as they cost this young couple or the younger version of me, but whatever they are, I hope you use it for good. Learn from it. Be humbled by it. Grow from it. Let it shift your perspective. See it through a different lens. Share it with others. Be better as a result of it. Regardless of how bad the mistake was, more good can come from it than bad......if we allow it.

We can't avoid mistakes altogether, but we can use them as a force for good. Never waste a perfectly good mistake!

“You’re Being Stupid”

While writing yesterday's post, I found myself reflecting on my current life vs. my previous life. Specifically, I remember one critical conversation with a close, trusted friend as I was on the verge of making the transition. "You're being stupid." Well, that wasn't the exact quote. The exact quote included an f-bomb in the middle......for emphasis, of course! Let's just say this friend thought I was making a life-altering mistake. I don't blame him, though. Taking a 90% pay cut to start your career over while trying to make ends meet may, in fact, qualify as "stupid." 

I wouldn't trade my current life for all the money in the world. The funny thing is, though, my life doesn't look anything like I drew it up on the playbook:

• I have a bunch of awesome coaching clients (that was the only part I knew I would do).

• People pay me to speak at their events (still weird to me!).

• I have the honor of sharing the Meaning Over Money message on podcasts and in my writing (one of the greatest honors of my life).

• I get the surprise privilege of partially owning and jointly operating a coffee company (that wasn't on my bucket list bingo card).

• I have a wonderful corporate client in Texas that I enjoy immensely.

• Though all these things take up a ton of time, I have a lot of flexibility to parent my boys and invest in them. 

In other words, I'm blessed beyond belief. It's easy to look back now and say my decision was the right thing to do. However, there were many times when it felt like the scariest thing in the world. Never mind all the people in my life who told me how terrible a decision I was making. "You're being a bad husband and father" was another fun comment made to me by a trusted friend. Ouch!

People's opinions matter. Their wisdom is valuable. We should seek out the insight of those we trust. Yes, all of those things. But ultimately, we need to make the best decision for our family......even if it's the opposite of what culture says is right. If I was feeling a bit more rowdy, I may even suggest, "especially if it's the opposite of what culture says is right." 

If you want what everyone else has, do what they do. If you want the opposite of what everyone else has, do the opposite. Ultimately, it comes down to values.....your values. 

I recently had a drink with my friend who told me I was stupid for leaving my career. We had a great time. Lots of reminiscing and lots of laughs. In the middle of the chat, he added, "You did the right thing." I'm not sure I needed that from him, but I think I needed that from him. Thanks, my man!

Follow meaning, even if it's hard. No, strike that. Especially if it's hard. 

I Miss This

Last night, I enjoyed a fun and relaxing dinner with my client. There were seven of us, and it was just a flat-out enjoyable experience. When these moments happen, my first thought is always, "I miss this." While I'm not technically an employee, it feels like I am. These people mean something to me. I enjoy my time with them. It's fun working together to achieve a shared goal. Of all the things I lost when I left my prior career, this is the one I miss the most. I miss the camaraderie. I still get some of this in my new work life, but it's different. 

In my keynote, I venture into the behavioral science of money and happiness. In short, once our needs are met, money WON'T make us much happier. That's been proven again and again. However, there are three things that clearly drive happiness:

• Generosity

• Work that matters

• Relationships

If that's true, it's no surprise why I feel the way I do about spending time with these people. Relationships are like oxygen. I think people grossly underappreciate the importance of relationships in the workplace. Some people even advise against having relationships with co-workers. I've heard it referred to as the separation of work and life. I couldn't disagree more. We shouldn't separate work and life…..we should integrate it. Work is part of life. After all, our work accounts for literally half our waking hours. 

I believe work relationships are the secret sauce. In the absence of these meaningful relationships, nothing is holding us to a job. Without relationships, there's no reason we wouldn't leave for even a $500/year raise. Without relationships, we become a free agent looking for the highest bidder. 

One last thought. Whenever I ask someone what they like most about their job (whether they love it or hate it), the first answer given almost always revolves around relationships. Is that telling? Conversely, whenever I ask someone what they dislike most about their job (whether they love it or hate it), the first answer given almost always revolves around relationships. Is that telling?

Here's my takeaway today. Don't take your work relationships for granted. They can and should add a richness to your life. We are better people because of them. Don't miss out on that opportunity. 

“Am I Excited to Go Home?”

Last night, I was blessed with a chance airplane encounter with my awesome friends, Brett and Tracy (and family). They are on their way to a wonderful-sounding vacation at a tropical destination. That sounds pretty nice when contrasted with the weather we're about to experience here in the Midwest. While waiting for the plane to take off, I texted Tracy, jokingly asking her to give me some ideas for blog content she could enjoy at the pool each morning. She didn't take the bait……perhaps she doesn't want to spend her vacation absorbing random ideas from my brain. Today's post is written with her vacation in mind, though!

Vacations are an excellent barometer for life. Not the vacation itself, but rather one key question we should ask ourselves while we're in the midst of a beautiful trip. "Am I excited to go home?" If we're vacationing well, we should be creating lifelong memories, making bad (or shall I say good?) food choices, relaxing, and carving out new adventures. But at some point, it comes to an end. And when it does, we'll soon transition back to our normal day-to-day life. When that happens, what goes through your mind? Is it dread? Fear? Tolerance? Ambivalence? Anxiety? Stress? Pessimism? Or on the other side of the coin, is it excitement? Hope? Passion? Encouraged? Optimism? 

The answer can and should be telling. Let's say your answer to the question is positive. You're looking forward to going home and resuming life. If that's the case, congrats! You're winning! I don't even care what your life looks like, what you do for a living, how much money you have, or your status. If you look forward to going home and living your life, you've already won! Millions of people would be jealous of your life. 

If your answer to the question leans negative, it's time to look in the mirror. If we need to escape our life in order to get through our life, it's a sign that something needs to change. Yes, vacations should be amazing……but vacations aren't life. They are what we do when we temporarily pause life. And the consequence of pausing is that we eventually need to unpause. When we do, our life is still our life, and we are still us. That's the problem with vacations. They don't actually change anything. We can leave our life, but we can't escape it. Ultimately, we must live in the reality we've created for ourselves. 

If you have a negative answer, I have a few follow-up questions for you:

• What part(s) of your life triggers a negative response? Work? Family? Marriage? Finances? Friends? Other?

• What alternative reality would make you shift your answer from negative to positive?

• What changes can you immediately make to begin this shift?

Next time you're on a fun vacation, try this exercise. But warning: Once you look in the mirror and see the truth, you just may have to take action. And you'll be grateful you did!

Build-A-Memory

Yesterday was a big day in our house. Finn cashed in on a Christmas gift by creating his own Build-A-Bear stuffie. He was beaming, as any new stuffed animal father would be. It's safe to say that he'll be talking about this for years to come.

Do you know how much it costs to buy a Build-A-Bear stuffed animal? Far more than a stuffed animal should cost. In many cases, 3-4x what you'd typically pay for a similar stuffed animal. It's wild.

However (and this is a big however), you aren't really buying a stuffed animal. Sure, you walk out of the store with a cute little stuffie. But that's not what you're actually buying. Build-A-Bear is in the memory-selling business. Every part of the experience (from the moment you walk into their store until the moment you walk out) is a curated experience to create a lasting memory. From the selection of the body, filling it with stuffing, to the little heart-insertion ceremony, to the accessorization, each part of the sequence builds upon the prior.

People can criticize Build-A-Bear all they want, but that company understands something vitally important. Their value proposition is far more than the physical object they are selling. That's why they can sell so many units at a staggering price. They know who they are, they know who they serve, they how to serve them, and they know what they are selling them.

My wife recently had a similar experience. My gift to her was one of those necklaces you design, and they literally fuse it onto your body. It doesn't come off. It's permanent. The only way to remove it is to cut it off. She chose a simple chain with three birthstones: September (the month Finn and Pax were born), October (the month they became part of our family), and June (the month their adoption was finalized in court). Similar to the stuffie, Sarah's necklace cost more than you'd anticipate. Also similar to the stuffie, this company understands they aren't in the necklace-selling business. They are in the legacy business. They help women create pieces that will theoretically be attached to them for the rest of their lives. There's a special sentiment in that process. That's what people are really buying.

What are you really selling? We're all selling something. We all wake up each morning and do something with our time. Those actions and that work can provide something meaningful. Maybe you sell coffee like my friend TJ. Or maybe you train basketball players like my friend Anna. Or maybe you sell insurance like my friend Ben. Or maybe you raise your kids like my wife Sarah.

Whatever you do, look one layer deeper. What are you really selling? Instead of coffee, TJ really sells smiles and hospitality. Instead of training, Anna helps young ladies develop confidence. Instead of insurance, Ben really sells peace of mind. Instead of "just staying home" (I hate that phrase!), Sarah is molding the next generation of leaders.

Sell what matters.

Just in Case

An interesting question came up in a meeting yesterday. Amidst a stressful conversation, the husband looks at the wife and asks, "What if something happened to me?" By "something," he meant death." It was a morbid question, but it led down an important road. No, pondering the demise of a spouse isn't the most enjoyable conversation in the world. But yes, it's critically important. 

The husband was concerned that given their current habits, practices, and structure, his wife would likely be flying blind if she was forced to pick up the family's finances in his absence. It was a completely valid concern, and one worth discussing. 

The answer isn't necessarily having both spouses handle the family's finances simultaneously. In most families, one spouse handles 90%+ of the finances. Fun fact: it's about 50/50 which gender handles the finances in a family. Second fun fact: the determination of which spouse handles the finances can typically be traced back to which of their parents handled the family's finances growing up.

So, if handling the finances jointly doesn't answer our "what if?" question, what does? I'll share a few ideas that typically help close the gap:

• While one spouse may physically handle most of the family's finances, most decisions should be made jointly. I handle 100% of my family's finances, but my wife is involved in practically every financial decision.

• Keep your finances simple. Most people have unnecessarily complex finances. There's no need for it in most situations. Simple is good, and simple will be a blessing to the surviving spouse. 

• Consistently practice intentionality with your family's finances in good times.

• Designate someone in your life to be a helper if something happens to the primary financial handler spouse. This person should understand the family's finances enough that they can step into the situation and help pick up the pieces, if needed. 

• Create a "death binder." It rolls off the tongue, I know. I only call it this because it irks Sarah, so you can call it whatever you want. In short, this is a folder or box that contains a summary of all the family's financial components. It's a list of every piece of your family's financial life. It contains account numbers, institution names, phone numbers, and even login information. Think of it as a cheat sheet for all things financial. We keep this document in our safe deposit box, and I update it periodically.

• Along with the death binder, include originals or copies of all pertinent documents. I recommend including the following:

• Social security cards, birth certificates, passports, marriage certificates, etc.

• Car titles

• Real estate documents

• Loan documents

• Insurance policies (auto, life, disability, etc.)

• Recent account statements for bank and investment accounts

• Wills

• Appraisals for valuable items like jewelry

• Keys and directions to PO Boxes, safes, storage units, and the like.

• Have periodic conversations about "what if." We don't want to go all Debbie Downer and project doom and gloom, but we want to be prepared. 

Just in case.

Don’t Cross the Streams

We had a fun NYE celebration in our house. After enjoying appetizers, we all snuggled on the couch. We made a deal with the kids. For the first time ever, they were allowed to stay up as long as they wanted. We attempted to watch the Times Square telecast, but I quickly realized we had a problem. Not much of it was appropriate for 7-year-olds. I kept changing the channel when various performers were on stage. 

During one of those sudden diversions, I stumbled onto the original Ghostbusters, which had started maybe 15 minutes earlier. While I'm not sure my kids were ready for Ghostbusters, it was certainly more appropriate than anything shown on the NYE telecast. It turns out they loved it, even the scary parts! One of my favorite parts of the movie (and the one most quoted by middle school boys.....IYKYK) is the scene where they discuss the danger of crossing the streams.

This all leads me to a coaching meeting last night. I was meeting with a young business owner who desires to adequately and properly track his cashflows. There are a lot of tips, tricks, and tools I could have given him, but I had one simple, but powerful piece of advice. "Don't cross the streams!" 

Whenever we're operating a business, whether something as small as a lemonade stand or as large as a corporation, we need to keep that business's finances isolated from everything else. It needs its own bank account that ALL revenue goes into and ALL expenses are paid from. There's a purity about it. Money in, money out, with nothing else polluting it. No personal expenses. No transactions involving another business. Nothing. 

A few things happen when we operate with this level of diligence and discipline. 

• First, it provides clarity. If the only transactions running through a business's bank account are for that business, anything left is considered profit. That's really straightforward! 

• Second, it makes record-keeping much more manageable. When it's time to report data for tax purposes, we know where to look. We can confidently look at this bank account and know everything is accounted for, and there's nothing inappropriate included. 

• Third, we're less likely to justify wants and try to jam them through our business as "deductions." 

The third one really messes people up. Blurring the lines between business and personal and between wants and needs can be dangerously self-sabotaging. It's also a surefire way to create tension in marriage. It reminds me of a conversation with my wife a few years ago. We were talking about our respective personal spending, and she lamented, "It's not fair. You also have your business account that you can go buy food and other fun things with." Shocked by this perspective, I told her I NEVER use the business for personal things. Her response? "Oh, I thought everyone did that." Telling, isn't it? She's right, sadly. But it doesn't have to be that way.

Don't cross the streams!

Stay Vigilant, My Friends

Throughout the course of life, it's staggering how many financial mistakes we make. Some are big, some are small, and the count is high. I'd like to tell you it's possible to completely eliminate them, but it's not. With the sheer number of decisions we make each day/week/month/year, we'll eventually get bit by the mistake bug.

This was my week. I was pretty upset with myself, but after deciding it would make for good blog content, I'll reclassify it as an "investment" in my head (or so I tell myself). Here's the situation. My family is preparing for an international trip that's coming up. In the process, we decided to get the kids their own suitcases. Until now, we've just packed their clothes in our luggage whenever we travel. But it's time for them to get their first set of luggage.

After doing some shopping, we picked out a few cool options (Minecraft for Finn and Spiderman for Pax). Luckily, the bags are also mirror images of each other.....just with a different design. Perfect! They were also fairly affordable at $65 each. Doubly perfect! I pulled the trigger and washed my hands of that chore. Until today.....

As I was reviewing transactions earlier in the day, I noticed one for $213. Wait, what is that!?!? If the suitcases were only $65 each, that math doesn't math. When I clicked on the invoice, my fears were realized. The bags were, in fact, $65 each, but I got dinged with a $77 shipping charge. Oh crap!

Pure and simple, I just made a boneheaded decision. I screwed up. I made a mistake. And the primary reason is the same as when we typically make financial mistakes: lack of vigilance. I didn't pay close enough attention.....and I paid the price for it. I was with the kids when I pulled the trigger (and one of them was melting my brain), so I completely whiffed on the shipping details. Ouch!

Though I'm still pretty frustrated, I'll get over it. I've made more expensive mistakes than that. Ultimately, we'll have a couple of suitcases that will serve us well for years to come. It won't break us. It won't move the needle in the big picture. But it's a great lesson. We need to stay vigilant. We must focus on the details, ensure we're crossing our T's and dotting our I's, and follow through with diligence.

Also, one last thought. Give yourself grace WHEN (not IF) you make a mistake. Mistakes will happen, so it's important you process them, learn from them, and ultimately put them in the rearview mirror. It's amazing how much these things will haunt us if we let them (yes, even this dumb $77 mistake). It certainly won't be my last mistake, and you'll also collect some as well. But if we handle ourselves with intentionality, we can limit them.

Stay vigilant, my friends!

Right and Right

Whenever we have a big decision in front of us, we try to discern what the right choice is and what the wrong choice is. It feels heavy. After all, the idea of making the wrong choice feels scary.....and intimidating. We treat it like it's life or death. If we make the right choice, we'll win. But if we make the right choice.....well, we don't even want to think about how badly that would hurt us.

I propose that, in many situations, it's not about right and wrong. Sometimes, it's about right and right. I often think about my youth group kids and their daunting choice of selecting a college. I feel bad for them, in part, because I remember how overwhelmed I was by my own college decision process when I was 18. As they are deep into the weeds of that season, I often remind them that perhaps there's not a singular right choice. Perhaps there's not a wrong choice. It may be a series of right choices, which means we'll win either way. The decision-making process gets significantly more manageable if we view it through the lens of a possible win/win scenario.

Two situations happened yesterday that fall into this bucket. First, one of my clients is strongly considering buying a different house. Doing so would require them to give up their current loan structure and ultimately add approximately $1,500+/month to their monthly budget. Mathematically, it's probably not the best decision. However, we can't let math be the sole arbiter of our decisions. There are a lot of factors at play. On one hand, they could pull the trigger and buy this house. On the other hand, they could hold off for a few years, get themselves into a better financial position, then buy something. I would propose that these are competing "right" decisions, but both right decisions, nonetheless. After the conversation, I hope they do, too.

I also had an interesting conversation about my own life yesterday. Someone offered me a significant compensation package for a full-time job. Considering what my family has been through over these past 4.5 years since taking a 90% pay cut to start our lives over, a colossal salary sounds pretty appealing right about now. To top it off, I think I'd really like the job. This, too, is an example of a possible right and right. I could keep doing exactly what I'm doing and have an amazing life. I could also pursue this other opportunity and have an amazing life.

Next time you have a big decision in front of you, look at it through the lens of a possible right and right. Then, have fun with it! Life is too short to dwell. Make the best decision you can, then aggressively pursue meaning. It will all work itself out somehow.

What’s Your Non-Resolution?

In yesterday's post, I disparaged the idea of New Year's resolutions, referring to them as a shinier version of a wish. Instead, I proposed that we ought to set a target outcome, and then focus 100% of our attention on the small things that contribute to achieving said objective. I used the idea of paying off a bunch of debt. Instead of simply saying, "I'm going to pay off $18,000 of debt this year," I walked through the small things that will actually lead to this goal being accomplished. 

After ranting about that topic yesterday, it begs the question, what do you want to achieve this year? What are your non-resolutions? What are a few things that matter to you? What are your objectives? I'd love to hear what's on your mind. Everyone has their own unique set of goals and objectives, and I'm infinitely fascinated by each person's. If you're willing, I'd be honored if you hit reply to the e-mail (if you're a subscriber) or hit the comment button if you're on the website, and tell me what yours are.

But if I'm going to ask you yours, I suppose I should share mine! Here are a few of the things I'd like to accomplish in 2024:

• Continue to build my coaching/speaking/consulting business to the point that its income consistently pays for my family's monthly budget. Over the past 4.5 years (more so in the early years), I’ve needed to supplement our income through other investments and businesses. 

• Increase our blog readership by 1,000+ new readers. If you're ever inclined, it would mean the world to me if you share the blog (or specific posts that move the needle for you). 

• Increase our podcast listenership by 2x. 

• Publish a book (more on this to come soon).

• Speak at approximately four national conferences.

Each of these five goals feels daunting, but focusing on the small behaviors, habits, and actions, can lead to big things. Ultimately, I just want to make a difference in people's lives. I want to have an impact on this world. I'm not sure I'll change the world, but I do believe I can make a positive difference in the journeys of people who will most certainly go on to change the world. That's my dream. That's my why. That's what gets me out of bed each morning. 

What about you? What's on your agenda for 2024?

A Resolution to Eliminate Resolutions

I used to be a New Year's resolution guy. I love beginnings, endings, seasons, clean slates, and fresh starts. There's something so alluring about the idea of the blank canvas of a new year. 

The key word is "used to." Somewhere along the journey, I started looking around (and in the mirror) and realized most resolutions were a bunch of crap. Not the idea behind the resolution, but rather the execution of it. Do you ever go to a gym during the first few weeks of January? It's absolutely packed. It's filled with people you've never seen before. But by March, most of those people will be gone, and the gym will be normal again. I'm not criticizing. Heck, I've been one of those January-through-March gym people before. 

It's not that I don't think there's value in wanting these things. Whether it's going to the gym, eating better, paying off debt, or any number of respectable goals, they are inherently good. The problem, however, is the resolution part. A resolution is just a shinier version of a wish. There's no follow-through, no execution, and no discipline. It's just an unlikely dream that will quickly whither. 

So what's the alternative? Simply give up and not even try? No way! Not even close. We should be clear with ourselves about what we're trying to accomplish. But instead of focusing on the outcome, we should focus on the little things that help bring the desired outcome to life. 

Let's use paying off debt as an example. Let's say I have $18,000 of student loan debt that I want to pay off this year. Instead of simply resolving to pay it off, I need to ask myself what must happen to bring it to fruition. Here's how I'd process it:

• First, I need to commit to creating, executing, and tracking a budget each month. This is the tool that unlocks our potential. 

• Second, I need to break down the desired outcome into bite-sized chunks. $18,000 divided by 12 months equals $1,500/month. I don't need to pay off $1,500 every month, but I need to average $1,500/month over the year. 

• Third, I need to assess my financial life this month to determine how much (and from where) I can find $1,500+ to throw towards the debt. It may already be there, but if not, what options do I have? Extra paychecks? Tax refund? Bonus? Side hustles? Gifts?

• Fourth, I need to follow through with the plan. Execute this month well. Nail it.

• Fifth, I need to celebrate the small wins along the way. If I pay off a small debt, I'll celebrate by going out to dinner. When I pay off another, I'll treat myself to something cool. Always celebrate. 

• Sixth, I need to remember my why. Getting out of debt alone isn't enough. What's my why? 

Oddly enough, when we focus on the small behaviors, the big dreams come to life. Go get it this year! You got this! Happy New Year!

That’s a Lot of Life

Happy last day of 2023. Is it just me, or does it seem like life moves progressively faster as we age? I blinked and the year was gone. In the past, I would be surprised by this. Anymore, however, I just expect it. 

With that being said, something happened yesterday that gave me a different perspective. One of our readers asked me a question about something I previously wrote about. In an effort to find said content, I started flipping back through old posts. I eventually found what I was looking for, but by that point, I was having fun looking back on some of our old posts. 

Here's my conclusion. Though life moves fast, there's a lot of life being lived. 365 posts in 365 days is wild. I still can't wrap my head around it. But as I was poking around some of the old posts (and the scale of it all), I was struck by how many people, stories, and situations were involved. Posts I don't remember writing. People that made a difference in my life. Stories that I had somewhat forgotten. Situations that changed me. That's a lot of life.

As I reflect on the year coming to a close and another about to unfold, a few thoughts come to mind:

• Every day is an opportunity to mean something. Some days mean more than others, but all days can have meaning. 

• Never take for granted the people who intersect our lives. Some stay for years, while some stay for just a moment.

• Make an impact. We don't need to change the world. Instead, we just make a positive difference. We never know how a small act can spiral into massive impact. 

• Document the journey. Whether you journal, blog, YouTube, podcast, or any number of creative outlets, document it. For as insightful as it was flipping back through posts from the past 365 days, just imagine how crazy it will be reading them 20 years from now. If I can convince you of one thing, it's to document your journey. If you don't do it for you, do it for others. And if you're like me, maybe some of the "others" are your children. It's one of the best gifts we can ever give our kids. 

Whether your life was filled with amazing blessings or a ton of pain (or likely a mix of both), a lot of life was most certainly lived in 2023. I can't wait to see what next year will bring. The best is yet to come. Happy New Year everyone!