The Cost of Want

A woman recently reached out and asked for a meeting. She made it clear she wasn't interested in hiring me, but wondered if I'd be willing to give her some insights anyway. Of course! Here's the lay of the land:

  • She and her husband are in their late 30s with three small children.

  • They have a combined annual household income of $340,000 ($240,000 from him and $100,000 from her).

  • She absolutely despises her job and yearns to stay home with their three small children.

  • Her husband generally likes his job.

  • If they keep doing what they are doing, they can retire "in only 15 years."

  • They recently purchased a $700,000 house, which is a very nice house in our area.

  • They both drive luxury vehicles, with monthly payments totaling $1,700. 

  • They have a pretty boujee lifestyle, with hefty monthly expenses for dining out, spas, travel, and clothes. 

  • Tension is building in the marriage around money and job stress.

With that context in mind, here was her question: "My job is miserable, and I want to stay home more than anything, but I don't know how to make it work financially." If I knew the direction this meeting would go, I would have ensured both spouses were present. Since her husband wasn't there, I asked the obvious question: "What does your husband think you should do?" She shared that he fully supports her desire to stay at home and wants to make it happen.

Based on the context she provided me, I told her it sounds like they should prioritize her staying home. They both want it, she feels called to it, and her career dissatisfaction is creating a much deeper fissure in their relationship. But what about the financial situation? I explained to her that, in my opinion, there are several options on the table to achieve their mission:

  • They could cut back on their lifestyle (less clothing, less dining out, fewer spa services, and/or less travel).

  • They could replace their current vehicles with something much cheaper (with the possibility of removing $1,700/month of payments).

  • They could downsize their house to something more affordable (especially since they already have an interest rate commensurate with today's market).

  • They could scale back their retirement contributions to set them up for a more traditional retirement age (instead of early-to-mid 50s). 

After sharing these four options, she responded, "What else?" 

Me: "What do you mean, what else?"

Her: "We can't do any of these, so what are our other options?"

Me: "Can't? Or Won't?"

Her: "Both"

She explained to me that these options are non-starters and completely off the table. When asked why, she responded, "We worked hard for them."

This is the cost of want. Without contentment, there can never be enough. When stuff wins, meaning loses. When we chase the Joneses, our own family suffers. Materialism causes us to pursue what we want now rather than what we want most. The cost of want is steep.

Her parting request was for me to share her situation with my blog and get more opinions. What say you? 

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