The Cost of Want, Revisited
Earlier this month, I shared the story of a family in a predicament. They have a combined income of $340,000 ($240,000 from him and $100,000 from her). She is absolutely miserable at her job, and her dream is to stay at home with their three small children. One problem: they can't afford to live their current lifestyle with "only" a $240,000 income.....and they aren't willing to make it happen. I gave them a few options for navigating this pursuit of a more meaningful life, but they said no to every suggestion. They insist on keeping their massive house, luxury cars, fancy trips, country club membership, taste for designer clothing, and hoarding investments for an early 50s retirement. Every one of these was a non-starter.
Her parting request was for me to collect additional feedback from my blog readers, and you delivered! But first, I had a different type of experiment in mind. If you subscribe to and read a daily blog called The Daily Meaning, it's a tell. There's a certain type of person who connects with my content. You're my people! Though we all have differing opinions on various topics (love your constant feedback!), a common thread seems to connect each of us: meaning over money.
With that in mind, I first wanted to capture feedback from a different audience. I contacted random people in my life and bounced this couple's scenario off them. Here's a summary of their feedback:
They "deserve" to have all their luxuries AND for her to stay home.
The husband should just find a way to make $100,000 more so they can make it work.
If they can spend money on all those things and still retire in their early 50s, they should cut back on their luxuries, she should stay at work, and they should push for a 40s retirement. In other words, ratchet up the misery so they can enjoy their life sooner.
Guys, this is the world's way. This is exactly the way the majority of our society thinks. This is the prevailing wisdom and the commonly shared values of our culture.
Now, your feedback! Here's a smattering of the opinions you shared with me. Thanks so much for taking the time to share your thoughts.
"As respectfully as one can say it, I think they are choosing money over meaning."
"I am going to be a little harsh here, but it sounds like this couple needs to have a better perspective on life. They could be doing so much good in the world with that kind of income. Instead of living for themselves, they could learn to start giving and make other people's lives better. They will be so much happier and fulfilled in the long run."
"They seem to be stuck in the ultimate rat race: get more money, get more stuff, rinse and repeat until you die. That is a sad way to live!"
"I would say they need to go on a mission trip to a third world country for 2 weeks and see if that would open a new perspective for them (that life is not meant for pursuing/chasing things)."
"I am wondering who they hang out with. I would bet that their friends most likely live their lives the same way. If they want to make a change, they might have to change their circle of influence."
"A question you might ask her is how she feels about teachers or social workers who work just as hard as them but are forced to live on less. Sometimes we forget how blessed we are."
"Oh brother, that's my reaction. Cutting back is hard but I choose meaning over money!"
"Can't have everything we want. It wouldn't be good for us if we did. We would be too self-reliant and we weren't created to be that way."
Then, there's this little gem to end with a laugh: "Had to really think out of the box on this one. Become a throuple. Find another person to join the marriage. The new person would work full time and contribute financially, allowing the original woman to quit her job and stay home full time while the household remains dual-income, spending lavishly on their lifestyle while working towards FIRE."
I shared your feedback with this woman. She was thankful and a bit surprised. Only time will tell if they bend toward meaning or money. In the meantime, keep walking the walk in your circles, leaning toward meaning every step of the way. Grateful for you all!