Words Are Free

I often refer to a Gallup statistic that 70% of Americans dislike or hate their job. This number is staggering, but always consistent with what I experience out in the world when I’m meeting with families. In fact, it feels rare when someone actually says, “yeah, I like my job.”

There are many reasons for not liking your job. The work, the organization, the mission, the hours, the co-workers, the pay……so many different factors. However, there’s one factor that overwhelmingly drives people’s relationship with their work. Their boss. I hesitate to call them leaders, because most of them they aren’t. They are just that, bosses. if you give someone the perfect work, organization, mission, hours, co-workers, and pay, they will still dislike or hate their job if their boss sucks.

Multiple times in just the last week, people have shared stories about how their boss didn’t say something. When the boss didn’t give them credit for a recent win. When the boss didn’t advocate for them. When the boss didn’t recognize their hard work and contribution. When the boss didn’t communicate something important that should have been talked about. In each of these cases, a few simple words would have made a world a difference. It’s a shame, too, as words are free. It doesn’t cost us anything to open our mouth and speak on behalf and in benefit of others.

Raising someone else up doesn’t lower us. But yet, so many of us aren’t using our words to lift others up. And in the process, we are putting up walls, pushing people away, and forcing them to look elsewhere for what they are seeking. Let’s use today as an opportunity to use our free words to make an impact. At home, at work, in public, and wherever else you find yourself.

"What If I Don't Have $20,000?"

A few days ago, I wrote about a concept I call the “pile of cash test.” In it, I explained how a client of mine used this test to alter their decision from buying a $35,000 car with debt to buying a $20,000 car with cash. I received a lot of feedback from that piece, but a handful of people were quick to ask the question, “what if I don’t have $20,000?” One person was sincere in their question, but several were insinuating it is a dumb idea because debt is the only realistic way to buy a vehicle.

I thought it would be worthwhile to answer the question. If you don’t have $20,000, yes, I’m suggesting you don’t buy a $20,000 car. The point isn’t to figure out the best way to buy a $x vehicle, but rather to figure out what vehicle we can buy with $x of available cash. This idea brings a lot of criticism, I know.

First, I’m not suggesting we buy a pile of junk. Many people do that, to their demise. I’m an advocate for buying a reliable car that will require as little ongoing maintenance work as possible. Yes, a car is going to have issues and require maintenance. But it’s amazing how many people will make $800 monthly payments for 7 years just to avoid the occasional $1,000 repair bill. This is a very common justification for expensive, debt-fueled purchase decisions.

Data shows the average household in America spends $400 per month on vehicle loan payments. But there’s a catch! That’s the average per household…..including all the households with no car payments. I decided to do a little data digging of my own. Of the last 75 families I’ve met with, at the beginning of our coaching relationship they had an average monthly car payment of $320/month. So it was a bit lower than the national average. This is where it gets interesting. 51% of these families had ZERO car debt. Zilch! Wait, it is possible to go without car debt!?!? If you take those families out of the equation, that means the average household monthly car payment for those who had car debt was $650/month! Yikes!

This immediately brings two interesting points to the surface:

1) Many people do choose to live without car debt. Doing so, which often requires sacrifice and humility, opens up so many doors with that excess cash. More than half of the people I meet with have made this possible…..even before starting their coaching relationship with me. I can testify how much freedom and momentum these families have as a result of these decisions.

2) For the people who choose to live with car debt, it’s crushing them! I regularly see $1,000+ payments for single vehicles and households with $1,500+ of combined car payments. This puts a stranglehold on their excess income and prevents them from doing things that truly matter to them.

I think you deserve better than to use your precious resources to constantly fund a car payment. For some of you, true freedom may lie just on the other side of a few sacrificial decisions. I promise you it’s worth it!

Protecting Yourself From Yourself

In a recent meeting, someone told me about how they invest in their company’s stock from each paycheck. This in and of itself isn’t worth writing about…..lots of people do this. What she said next is what drew me in. “I really don’t know if this is the best investment, but it makes sure I don’t spend it on something else. I know it’s there.” This is one of the countless ways people play games with themselves to achieve something. Or as I like to call it, “protecting yourself from yourself.”

As I meet with people, lots of versions of this story are told. Lots of interesting ideas, ranging from practical to absurd. Lots of people automate their savings/investing as if it were a utility bill. One friend pays extra on their mortgage instead of saving for their next house to ensure they can’t repurpose that money for a different use. One client loves buying shoes, but knows she could easily overdo it in the shoe-shopping department. Therefore, she only buys a pair of shoes if she accomplishes certain goals in her business. Another client knows they struggle to spend money on themselves (to an unhealthy extent). So we’ve created a structure so that every time they spend money on their kids, they also spend a certain amount on themselves. Another friend, due to some bad (really bad!) childhood experiences growing up, struggled to spend money on dining out. They budgeted for it, but never spent it. I helped them negotiate a ridiculous rule where if there is any unused money in their dining out budget at the end of each month, they have to give it to one of their in-laws. They really don’t want to give money to their in-laws, so they miraculously started spending it each month. Over time, they’ve not only gotten comfortable spending it, but actually learned to enjoy it.

I have a few of my own. In my pursuit to become a more generous person, I recognized the allure investing had on me. Knowing how investing works, how powerful it can be, and frankly just liking the process of it, I knew it could potentially inhibit my giving journey. Therefore, we negotiated a rule in our house about a decade ago. Never again would we invest more than we give. We have to give at least as much as we invest. No exceptions. This one simple decision has transformed the way we approach finances, investing, and generosity. It was a simple decision, with simple implementation, with powerful results. Protecting myself from myself.

What are some ways you protect yourself from yourself? I’d love to hear your ideas, whether they are practical or absurd.

Pile of Cash Test

Several years ago, I was meeting with a coaching client who wanted to buy a new vehicle. When the conversation heated up, it quickly went in the direction of buying a very nice, very new, $35,000 vehicle (this was back when $35,000 was a lot for a new vehicle). They were dead-set on using a car loan to make this happen. When I attempted to convince them to make a cheaper choice and pay with cash instead of locking themselves into another sequence of expense payments, I made the argument that using debt is altering their decision-making process. In short, they wouldn’t be buying this much of a vehicle if they weren’t using debt. They aggressively disagreed with my thesis. In their opinion, they were simply using debt as a tool to make the best mathematical decision. According to them, they would make the exact same decision with cash, but they are outsmarting the system by doing it this way.

This is the moment I issued my always-favorite “pile of cash” test. I challenged them to go to the bank, withdraw the money, and set it on their table. If they could look at all this money and honestly tell themselves they would exchange it for this vehicle if the “smarter” option of financing it wasn’t on the table, then go ahead and use debt for the purchase. So they did! They went into their bank, awkwardly asked for $35,000+ in cash, and walked out several pounds heavier (looking like a suspicious drug deal was about to go down).

What happened next, you ask? When they looked at the cash and thought about it, they realized there was no way they could justify using this much money to buy the vehicle. The entire idea of debt was psychologically impairing their judgment. A few days later, they purchased a used $20,000 vehicle with cash, put $15,000 back in the bank, and felt at peace with their decision. I hear them tell this story often….it was a big turning point in their story.

It’s funny how we play little psychological tricks on ourselves when it comes to money. Many of them are small and silly, but sometimes, like this couple, they can profoundly impact us on our journey.

Gaining Control When It's Simple(r)

I recently met with a new 22-year-old coaching client. There’s something special about working with young people. They have big dreams, a ton of passion, and the energy to match it. They also have something else many of us more senior people don’t have: simplicity. Many young adults don’t have spouses, kids, houses, or weighty financial entanglements……yet. Instead, they have small bank accounts, a few assets, and a lot of time in front of them.

We, humans, are really good at making our lives progressively more complicated. These young adults will inevitably make their lives more complicated in due time, as well. However, I’m blessed with the opportunity to help some of them gain control of their finances where they stand today. This is a huge win, as it’s always easy to learn a new concept when it’s simple. Simple is good. As we parsed through his very short list of financial considerations, I knew something he doesn’t yet know. This is going to be a really easy process for him. Far easier than for most.

Many people come to me in their 40s, when life is anything but simple. Yes, someone at that stage can absolutely gain control and learn how to handle their finances better…..and I’m so excited for them when they do! Everyone can do it! But it’s trickier. There are more pieces to wrangle, less time to do it, and it’s tougher to gain control. That’s the beautiful part about being young. When you’re young, you have the opportunity to learn this stuff when it’s easy…..so that you can grow into it when life inevitably gets more complicated.

Today’s message is two-fold. First, it’s never too late or too early to gain control. your life is likelier simpler today than it will be in the future. So take control now and grow into your future life! Second, encourage the young people in your life to lean into these topics now, when they are young and life is simple. If they do, their future selves will feverishly thank their younger selves for the generous and sacrificial act.

A Tottler

Q: What do you call a half of a tater tot?

A: A Tottler

_________

This was the ridiculous joke I was met with when I walked into a coffee shop yesterday and saw my friend, Meagan. To be honest, I didn’t walk through those doors with the intent of joking around. I started the week a bit stressed, determined to start the day by kicking butt. Enter Meagan. She just carries herself differently. She may have the weight of the world on her, but she always finds time for a laugh and a smile. If you were to meet her on the street, the first thing you’d say to yourself is, “there’s something different about her……something I want to be more like and be around more often.” She’s one of those friends I haven’t seen in years, then all of a sudden I see her many times per week. It’s been a true blessing to reconnect with her and play a role in each other’s lives.

I may be nearly two decades older than her, but I find myself learning from her approach to life. I’m one of those people who visibly wear their stress on their sleeves. I’m also one of those people who says “yes” to too many things, resulting in self-inflected stress and pressure. People like Meagan are a constant reminder to keep the bigger picture in focus, even when it feels heavy around us. No matter how stressed and overwhelmed we are, there’s always time for a laugh, a story, a coffee with a friend, and yes, even a dumb joke about baby tater tots.

Controlling What We Can Control

The world is a mess right now. War, political infighting, ongoing cultural battles, a faltering economy, and inflation……just to name a few components of said mess. It’s easy to feel like crap about it. We turn on the TV, only to feel angry, defeated, and helpless. When this happens, we often turn our attention to all the things we have no control over.

I talk to people every day who feel victimized and defeated by all that’s going on around us. They carry with them a sense of hopelessness and helplessness. I don’t fully blame them if I’m being honest. I can feel like that at times, too. However, we have to separate how we feel about it from what we do about it.

The way I see it, we have two choices to make. The first option is to raise the white flag and admit defeat.

• “I’ll never be able to get out of this debt”

• “I’ll be stuck in this job forever”

• “It’s impossible to make ends meet”

• “I’ll never be on the same page with my spouse”

• “Our government is making it impossible for me to get ahead”

• “Why bother trying when our country is imploding anyway?”

• “There’s no point in saving if I could be dead tomorrow”

These are all comments I hear on the regular. Each of them allows us to justify to ourselves to simply not try. After all, it’s not our fault…..so it’s not our responsibility to fix it.

Then, there’s the second choice we can make. We can let go of everything we can’t control, and lock into the things we can control. Getting control of the money I DO have. Paying off a little bit of debt this money…..then a little bit next month. Going to work and giving it everything I have each day. Grabbing a second (or third) income if I’m trying to close the income gap. Spending intentional time with my spouse to create unity and a shared vision. Choosing to make a positive impact on the people around me.

I’ll close with bad news and good news. Bad news: there are very few things in life we have much control over. Good news: we can spend the vast majority of our time, if we choose, on those few things. Every moment we spend worrying about what we don’t control is one less moment we have to spend on things we do control.

I hear ya on how bad things feel right now. It often feels like an unmitigated disaster. But today I’m choosing to let go of all the noise around me and simply focus on what I can control.

What We're Really Buying

We think we’re buying a car, but we’re often buying status. We think we’re buying plane tickets, but we’re really buying memories. We think we’re buying a college degree, but we’re really buying credibility. We think we’re buying an app or software, but we’re really buying time and efficiency. We think we’re buying a babysitter when we go on a date night, but we’re really investing in our marriage.

I was thinking about this idea recently while sipping on a Spanish Latte at our coffee shop, Northern Vessel. As I’m enjoying my drink, and watching other people enjoying theirs, I realize none of us really paid for coffee. We paid for hospitality and a feeling. We can get a cup of coffee anywhere, and I often do. I make coffee at home each morning and I frequent many different copy shops around my metro. Each one offers a different experience. Some offer a bland experience, some offer a bad experience, and some offer something worth investing in. Yes, the coffee matters. Nobody wants to pay for bad coffee. However, at the heart of it, especially when done well, it’s not really about the coffee. It’s about how the experience, staff, and product make us feel.

When we walk into a business and are met with a smile and warm welcome, it matters. There’s nothing more demoralizing than walking into some business and immediately feeling like we’re inconveniencing them. It makes me not want to buy their product. Why? Because we’re really not just buying the product…..there’s something more.

The message behind this post is two-fold. First, as a consumer, we should take a moment when we’re about to make a purchase and ask ourselves what we’re really buying. I’m about to buy new bikes for my kids. They like riding bikes, they need new bikes, and they will benefit from having new bikes. But if I ask myself my own question, I have a different answer. The nighttime and summer rides I share with my boys are sacred to me. It’s a chance to spend meaningful time with them, explore, get exercise, teach them about pushing themselves, and create memories. In other words, these bikes are priceless. Through that lens, these bikes may be the biggest bargain I pay for all year.

Second, we should think about this idea from the perspective of a business owner, employee, or whatever role you play in your work. We aren’t just selling products. We are offering something much deeper. Whenever someone purchases my services, listens to our podcast, reads this blog, or listens to me speak, it’s not about the product. Instead, it’s about how they feel and experience it…..meeting that deeper need. Everything in my career changed when I learned this lesson many years ago. You have your own version of this in your work. Really embrace that and use your opportunity for impact. Even something as simple as a cup of coffee has the power to make a difference. Just imagine the opportunity in front of you!

As you start your day, please take a moment to think about this idea through the various aspects of your life and work. It can be a game-changer!

What Do You Collect?

We, humans, love to collect. According to psychologists, people collect for different reasons. Some collect out of a sense of nostalgia. Others collect as a way to shape or reflect their identity. Some people are allured to the hunt. Others find value in things that will remain even after they pass away. Another fun theory is that collecting is “a way for a man to attract potential mates by signaling his ability to accumulate resources.” Ah, to think all those baseball cards I accumulated when I was 8 years old would later land me a wife……thanks, Ryne Sandberg rookie cards!!!

I love asking people about their collecting habits. They are as unique as fingerprints. Everyone seems to have their own thing, for their own reasons. My friend Gary collects license plates from all the countries he travels to. They are a reminder of the memories made and relationships created. A few of my friends collect vintage video games, which remind them of their childhood wonderment when they were first introduced to 8-bit gaming. A few of my friends collect Star Wars memorabilia because, well, they just really love Star Wars. Some of my friends collect guns and/or cars, partly because they enjoy using them and partly because they are fascinated by the engineering.

When I was younger, I collected sports cards, Michael Jordan memorabilia, and CDs. Over time, my collecting habits died out. When I ask myself why they died, I think part of it was because I became busy with other things, combined with the fact my life became more transient by moving all over the place. It’s hard to collect when you don’t take the time and don’t have a place to store things. I did dabble in watches, and I do buy a fair number of books, but there’s nothing in my life that I would call “my thing.”

I think I need something….but don’t know what. Please help me brainstorm. What do you collect? Why do you collect it? How has it added value to your life? I want to hear from you. Please drop a note in the comments below!

Knowing When to Walk Away

As you probably know, I love Mondays. Mondays are my favorite day of the week. I’m coming off a fun weekend where I played with the kids, probably watched some sports, stayed up too late, and made some fun memories. And my reward? I get to wake up at the start of a new week, with endless possibilities in front of me, knowing I have five days to do good work and make a difference in this world. Sincerely, Monday mornings are the best!

Last night, I was chatting with Sarah on the couch. We talked about summer plans, current events, and happenings at church and work. As that conversation came to an end, I asked her for a blog idea for today’s post. She referred to my love of Mondays, then said I should do a post about “knowing when to walk away” when it comes to work. I asked her to elaborate, so she listed off a few thoughts:

• Being present with family

• Setting healthy boundaries with work hours

• Taking time to enjoy relaxing things

• Not bringing work home

Can we just pretend Sarah was referring to people in general and not specifically to me? Yeah, I didn’t think so. She’s right. She knows she’s right and I know she’s right. I struggle with this a lot. In my prior career, I brought home a lot of stress and carried it with me. In my current career, I carry with me an ever-present desire to do more good work. I absolutely love what I do……and sometimes, without proper boundaries, that can be a problem.

Sometimes I get this right, but often I don’t. I never realized there was a shadow side to loving your work. It shouldn’t be something to be scared of, though. Rather, it’s something to harness, be aware of, and approach with intentionality. We aren’t magically going to get it 100% right, but we can get 1% better each day. Day by day, situation by situation.

Sarah likely wouldn’t have suggested this topic if she thought I was doing a wonderful job, so I still have my work cut out for me. On the bright side, I’d rather have this problem than carry stress, dread, and misery with me every day. What say you?

We Ruin Them Young

Last night at youth group, we opened registrations for the money class I teach each year. This will be the 9th year hosting the class, and we’ve taken 175 high school students through it over the first eight years. Walking alongside these kids is always one of the highlights of my year. One of my favorite parts about the class is a scholarship program we developed in conjunction with it, where students who go through it have the opportunity to apply for a scholarship when they are seniors. To date, we’ve granted $48,000 in scholarships thanks to a number of generous financial partners who have chosen to bless our youth in this way.

After announcing the class, a few students approached me with questions, comments, and stories. I’ve done this long enough to know these stories will be told, but they never cease to amaze me. One student shared that she, at 17 years old, already has a $350/month car payment. Another student shared about her college plans, which will result in more than $100,000 of student loan debt. That’s her number, not mine. That’s a literal number she, her parents, and the college have discussed and somehow have gotten comfortable with. This is for a bachelor’s degree, mind you. Both of these kids, even before exiting minor status, have already made significant, life-altering financial decisions. Rather, I should say their parents allowed them (at best) or encouraged them (at worst) to make these choices.

These young adults don’t know what they don’t know. They are making decisions today that won’t present their true impact until years down the road. These are the scenarios that may someday result in resentment and anger toward their parents. The parents likely mean well, and the kids trust their parents, but I’ve seen this story play out enough times to know where they’re heading. I regularly meet with clients who have to process these situations from earlier in life and hopefully offer forgiveness to their parents. These deep wounds come up meeting, after meeting, after meeting. Many of these parents don’t even know there is deep-seated anger. After all, they were trying to help their kids and sincerely believed they were serving them well.

As I try to close out today’s post, I’m not sure what the takeaway is. Maybe it’s that we adults and parents just need to do better. Whether we have kids or not, there are young people looking at us. What we do and what we say has the potential to make a profound impact on their life. Let’s use that influence for good.

Fun is Free

In a recent post, I advocated for people not reactively cutting fun spending from their life. I argue these things can be important and we shouldn’t always be so quick to gut them. As he often does, my friend Randy hit “reply” on the e-mail and shared his insights with me. He reminded me that we don’t need to spend money to enjoy life. He’s so right!

There are a lot of fun things money can buy, but there’s not a direct correlation between cost and fun. Cost doesn’t equal fun. Fun equals fun. It reminds me of last year’s spring break trip with my family. We drove to a nearby city, stayed in a hotel, ate a bunch of good food, and took the kids to see/do a ton of fun things. When we got home, I asked the kids what their favorite part of the trip was. They both had the same response: “swimming with Daddy.” They were referring to the time we spent in the dumpy indoor pool at the hotel. You know, one of the few things on our trip that didn’t cost money.

As I reflect back on my life, there’s a very low correlation between money and fun. Sure, I’ve done some really fun things that cost a lot of money. Sitting courtside at a Dallas Mavs game = a ton of fun! Traveling to Asia = so much fun! But if I’m really honest with myself, most of the fun I experience in my life is either free or very cheap. Getting ice cream cones with the family. Going on bike rides. Shooting hoops at the park with the boys. Grabbing a drink or coffee with a friend. Having a Netflix date with Sarah.

Simple is good, and simple can be fun. When we realize we don’t need money to enjoy life or have fun, it gives us freedom and it forces us to think creatively. In that creativity comes joy, fun, and memories. I always enjoy the occasional splurge on some luxury fun, but most of the time, I really love soaking in the simple joys that make life worth living.

One of Those Days

Yesterday was one of those days. You know what I’m talking about. Anything that could go wrong, did go wrong. I didn’t accomplish one single thing I set out to do. Meetings ran long, traffic delayed me every step of the way, two of my clients are dealing with sudden and profound financial emergencies, I let someone down, a few unexpected tasks drained hours of my time, and to top it off, I stopped by the office late in the day to discover water damage from the prior night’s storm. Wow!

I love my life, but some days are just flat-out brutal. It’s enough to make me want to give up at times. I won’t, of course, but the thought does cross my mind from time to time. Perhaps you had one of those days recently. Maybe today is one of them! You aren’t alone. For better or worse, there are countless others also having utterly terrible days. I’m going to handle today like I always try to handle the day after a disaster:

1. Remind myself today is a new day, a fresh start. It doesn’t have to be like yesterday.

2. Turn off my phone to eliminate all distractions…..I need solid focus more than ever right now.

3. Get a quick win on an easy task to create some momentum.

4. Pursue one of my most important tasks to move the needle on progress.

5. Apologize to anyone I might have let down yesterday. This one is critical for me.

6. Find at least one hour to do something with nothing at stake. Watch a ridiculous YouTube video, read an article about the NBA, or maybe listen to a podcast about some random topic I know nothing about.

7. Reflect back on the prior day and identify blessings in disguise. There’s a silver lining in even the worst disaster.

8. Get some quality time with my kids to reset perspectives and priorities.

Is this what I always do? No. Sometimes I just writhe around in a blanket of self-pity with an overwhelming feeling of defeatedness. Is defeatedness even a word? Grammarly is telling me no, but I’m going to go with it. I don’t always rally well, but if someone asked me to help them get through their situation, this is the advice I’d give them. Maybe I should take my own medicine…..

So Much Opportunity

Due to some very, very strange circumstances with his last employer, one of my close friends suddenly found himself out of a job. It would have been easy for him to play his tiny pity violin, and maybe he did for a few days, but violin pity music doesn’t pay the bills. He did the first thing he needed to do: look for a new job.

To be honest, this hasn’t always been his strong suit. Pursuing new jobs sits on his priority list just ahead of a root canal and spending a half day at the DMV. It’s not what he wants to do, but it’s the boat he’s in at the moment. He recently applied for three completely different opportunities, each with its own schedule, skill set, and responsibilities. Much to his surprise, he got all three!! One is a short-term project and the other two are consistent jobs. If he were to be honest, none of the three excite him all that much. However, they will pay the bills and help keep the financial train on the track while his family figures out what’s next. Having this income will reduce financial stress/tension and hopefully prevent the negative implications that inevitably come from that.

There’s a lot of opportunity out there…..so, so much opportunity. Every time I hear someone say “there’s nothing available”, I just roll my eyes. In today’s digital world with social media, remote work, flexible jobs, and entrepreneurial opportunities abound, there’s no excuse for not finding something. And by something, I’m not necessarily referring to the job of your dreams. I’m talking about something that will work…..for now….until the next thing presents itself. If you’re in the need for income, go find it. Think creatively, make some calls, and apply for some positions. The worst that can happen is a “no.” As I often mention to my young friends, there’s no limit to the number of “no’s” we get to experience. So what if we receive 10,000 “no’s.” It just means a “yes” is right around the corner. The “no’s” are the entry price to get to the “yes’s.” Let’s get going!

** This isn’t just for people looking for work. If you’re reading this, chances are there’s something in your life you want to do, but don’t want to deal with the “no’s.” I promise you it’s worth it! It may not feel like it while you’re in the thick of it, but at some point, you’ll absolutely be grateful for your former self gutting through it.

Finding Your Craft

I just spent the past 30 minutes on TikTok watching a barber in Rome shave random men’s faces with a straight-blade razor. Not sure how I got there, but it was quite satisfying! A few things stood out to me as I was watching him:

• He is brilliant at his craft. He confidently operated with excellence. The process was smooth and the finished product was outstanding.

• He carried himself with a sense of passion. I could tell he loves what he does. Every action showcased in the videos illustrated his love for the craft.

• He’s adding value to people’s lives. The men in his chair were relaxed throughout the service and were genuinely pleased with the results. Their smiles spoke for themselves.

When I see things like this, I often wonder to myself, “how in the world do you wake up one day and decide you’re going to be an expert at _______?” I know absolutely nothing about this barber, but I admire him for spending his days doing something that clearly aligns with his gifts, passions, and opportunity to make a difference in this world.

Each one of us has the opportunity today to do the same. It’s probably not using a straight-blade razor to shave facial hair, but yours is just as unique and just as important. I hope you find it, I hope you do it, and I hope you enjoy it.

Things Old and Things New

Two big events popped up in my world this week.

A while back, I was approached by a mid-sized company to do some contract work for them to help reimagine and recreate one of their key operational tools. I really enjoyed the project. In a lot of ways, it felt like a throwback to some of the work I did in my former career (which I left nearly 4 years ago). I’m using skills I previously acquired, exercising experience I gained from past work, and injecting ideas/principles I’ve been developing for the last decade. The work has also stretched me and forced me to learn new things in order to execute. To be honest, I really enjoyed it. On the heels of a very successful rollout of the new tool this week, the company asked if I’d be willing to do more work with them. When I asked how much of my bandwidth they were looking to acquire, they responded, “up to 60 hours per week.” It gave me a good chuckle. While that certainly can’t happen, we’re working on the details and I’m excited to spend some more time with them.

Yesterday was also a weird day. I had a few meetings that fell completely outside of my expertise. Through a business venture I’m involved in, I found myself in the middle of a deep dive into an unfamiliar industry, meeting with seasoned experts in a field I honestly didn’t even know existed. It was a humbling experience, to say the least. My main role was to bring my area of expertise to the table and know what questions to ask along the way. I was very much out of my element, but I was able to add value by being there (despite being the dumbest person in the room). These meetings have the potential to open up some really fun doors and positively impact a lot of people (to be discussed in a future post). Though all this is exciting, it feels intimidating and overwhelming.

A common thread persists through these two unrelated stories. Everything we’ve been through, learned, and done prepares us for the next thing. Our experience, education, influence, relationships, resources, and skills. None of these things go to waste. Sure, we may leave a job or a career to do something different. But these things don’t die when we shift. Rather, we’re able to put them to a different use. I also recognize the importance of doing new things. It would be easy to stay in a very narrow lane, keep it simple, and do only what I’m comfortable with. However, I find the most growth, excitement, and fulfillment when I push myself outside my comfort zone and do something scary. I never want to in the moment, but I’m always glad I did. It’s how we move forward and it’s how we make a difference.

Appreciate the old and use it for the new.

Just Use Meth Responsibly

Heroin is absolutely terrible! It’s addictive and quickly leads to negative consequences in all areas of our life. It impacts our health, marriage, work, and overall well-being. It’s responsible for many bad choices, ruined marriages, and broken families. Using it seems fine for a while, sometimes even fun, but then an unexpected moment happens where it quickly becomes a nightmare. Our life can go from relatively normal to absolute devastation in a matter of months. Its destructive qualities are profound.

None of this would be a problem if you would just use it responsibly, dummy! Yeah, I know it’s killing millions of people and marriages, but that’s not my responsibility. People just need to use it the right way. They get what they deserve if they decide to abuse it. Yeah, there are risks in using it, but the positives far outweigh the negatives. Everyone uses it, so of course I’m going to use it. It’s normal. We just need to do a better job teaching people how to use it properly. Just don’t be stupid with it! You’re an idiot if you don’t use it.

That sounds absolutely absurd, doesn’t it? Now, replace “meth” with “credit cards” and re-read the two paragraphs above. It still sounds absurd to me. We need to end the madness. Will you help me end the madness? Together, we can help shift this insane culture for the next generation.

Don't Gut the Good Stuff

Let me lay out a scenario. You go into the month with a solid financial plan. You’ve prioritized your needs, wants, giving, and saving. The plan is set and you’re feeling really good about it. Then, just like that, life hits. Maybe it’s a medical situation. Maybe your income is a little lower than you thought. Maybe the car needs some unexpected work. But in any case, something happens. How do you correct it?

Most people in our culture don’t, unfortunately. Instead, they whip out the credit card, quickly “fix” the problem by dropping the new expenses on the card, then move on with life. Fortunately, most of my clients don’t own credit cards and would not take this route. But the problem still needs to be fixed. What do you do to fix it?

Many times, our gut reaction is to simply rip away some of the money allocated to the fun categories. Personal spending, dining out, entertainment, and travel are likely candidates. It’s easy to steal money from these categories. After all, you don’t “need” it. There are a few problems with this approach:

1) Life happens……then life happens again….then it will probably happen again. It’s something this month, but it may be something else next month. If our gut reaction is to constantly steal from the good categories, these categories will be perpetually abused when life inevitably happens.

2) Wants are important. I’m not going to say our wants are more important than some of the other categories, but I will say they are just as important. We need some fun things in our financial plan. They add richness and act as a release valve. When we constantly cut them from our budget, the tension builds and a future blow-up starts to build.

3) When we simply give up fun things to make the numbers work, we train ourselves to handle all unforeseen situations in this manner instead of preventing them from happening in the future. It becomes a coping mechanism and we’ll perpetually suffer because of it.

Yes, we need to be responsible and address issues as they come up. No, we don’t always need to gut our fun categories in order to make it happen. Give yourself permission to have fun, even when life happens. Strike that……especially when life happens.

All It Takes is One

While recently giving a talk, I couldn’t help but notice two people in the audience who were talking to each other and laughing…..for nearly my entire talk! This isn’t uncommon, unfortunately. Every audience includes people who seem disengaged at best, and disruptive at worst. It’s easy to dwell on these people, as they stick out like a sore thumb. There were times in the past when I definitely would have been consumed by them.

Then, something happened that changed everything for me. There was one particular talk where a few audience members were especially disrespectful and disruptive. I dwelled on this for months, wondering if I was so boring that someone would disregard me altogether. Maybe six months after the talk, I received a letter in my business mailbox. It was from someone who had attended that talk. Their handwritten note explained how my talk completely changed the way they view work and money, and they just wanted to thank me for making a difference in their life.

Wow, all this time I was focusing on the wrong people. Instead of focusing on the disengaged few, I should have focused on those who were willing to be impacted. It’s hard, though, as our impact isn’t always visible. It happens behind the scenes, oftentimes long after we pass through someone’s life. If there were 200 people in that audience, knowing that even one person was positively impacted made it worthwhile for me. We’re never going to impact everyone……we may not even impact most. But if we put ourselves out there, do the hard work, and aim to serve, we will most certainly impact someone in a meaningful way. Sometimes we will learn about it, sometimes we won’t. In this particular situation, I received the privilege of learning about it. Ever since that day, I’ve been able to keep this dynamic in perspective. I’m not for everyone, but I’m for someone.

You’re not for everyone, but you’re for someone. You have an impact to make today! Not on everyone, but on someone. Many may disregard you, but someone will be transformed because of you. You may find out about it, but you might not. All it takes is one. Go serve that one!

Imposter Syndrome and the Death of Dreams

Imposter Syndrome: “when one believes that they are undeserving of their achievements and the high esteem in which they are, in fact, generally held. They feel that they aren’t as competent or intelligent as others might think—and that soon enough, people will discover the truth about them.”

As I opened my e-mail a few weeks ago, I was met with a congratulatory e-mail communicating my selection to be a speaker at a large conference. There must be some mistake! I’m not that guy. Nobody at this conference has any interest in what I have to say. They are literally going to stand up, turn around, and walk out of the auditorium. How did I con them into letting me onto their stage? They are going to regret this decision. Who do I think I am having the audacity to even pitch an event like this!?!?

Yeah, I was having a moment. To be honest, though, I have lots of these moments. Imposter syndrome can be brutal. Every day I hit “publish” on this blog, I have imposter syndrome. Every time I fire up the mic to record a podcast episode, I have imposter syndrome. Every time I sit down with a client, I have imposter syndrome.

I have great news: there is a cure…..kinda. Every time I start hearing these thoughts in my head, I temporarily set them aside, step into the work that needs to be done, and let the results speak for themselves. The first several times, that’s nearly impossible. But after a few repetitions, I realize I’m not as bad as I told myself I was. Then after a few more repetitions, I realize I’m better than I previously was. Then fast forward a lot more repetitions, I see the truth. The self-talk of imposter syndrome never fully goes away, but we learn to recognize it for what it is. A lie. An ugly lie, created by us, which we use against ourselves.

I don’t write about this topic to garner your pity. I’m writing about it because I suspect (er, I know 100%) many of you face imposter syndrome on a daily basis as well. And some of you are believing the lie. Some of you are letting this disgusting self-talk prevent you from doing the thing you know you were meant to do. As you begin your day, I want you to know it’s a lie. You can do this. Temporarily set it aside, step into the work, and let the results speak for themselves. You got this!