Let Your Yes Be Yes

I don't know about you, but I like to view my decisions as black and white. Not the decision-making process, but the final decision. I say "yes" or "no." I do, or I don't. I'm in, or I'm out. I buy something, or I don't. Over time, however, I've realized many people don't treat it as black and white. There seems to be a third option: "yes, but." On the other side of the "but" is a complaint.

I'll give you a real-life example. I was recently chatting with a friend who had been considering finishing his basement. I knew he'd been thinking about it for a while, so I was curious for an update. When I asked him if he had decided to green-light the project, he responded, "Yes, but....." 

He went on to lay out all the reasons he's getting absolutely screwed. He's paying $50,000 for the work, and he feels like he's being monumentally ripped off. I asked him why he decided to proceed if he was knowingly getting ripped off. "I didn't have any other options." Bewildered, I asked him to elaborate:

• Finishing the basement was an absolute "need." 

• It wasn't fair his kids had to share a room.

• His kids deserved this space to play. 

• Nobody else quoted significantly less than this bid. 

• He didn't want to wait until a later date. 

Are you as confused as I am? Again, I asked him why he didn't just say "no." This triggered another round of victimhood and frustration. As much as I wanted to roll my eyes at him, I simultaneously felt bad for him. He genuinely believed he didn't have a choice. 

Maybe it's a learned skill, but yes should mean yes, and no should mean no. It should be black and white. We don't have to love the answer, but we shouldn't feel muddy about it. Life is too short to live in that muck. Given how much stress and chaos most of us live with on a daily basis, we deserve better than to bathe in "yes, but" realities. 

In a capitalistic society, we have choices. When a business offers us their product or service for x price, we have a choice to make. They aren't ripping us off if we have the ability to say "no." If I repeatedly go into a restaurant that grossly overcharges me for garbage food, that's on me. I can't say "yes, but" and then whine about it before, during, and after. You know the saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." 

There are plenty of businesses I choose not to visit. That's my quiet and respectful "no." On the other hand, it would be ridiculous and disrespectful for me to go back, only to whine about it and blast them on social media. 

I encourage you to draw a hard line. Yes...or no. You won't always get it right, but you can live in the peace of a clear decision.

Savor Those Rent House Sandwiches

One of my friends recently experienced a life-altering situation. It's one of those occurrences where life can be completely normal, then take a sudden turn at the snap of your fingers. It's one of those moments that show us how delicate and fragile life can be. It's one of those events that makes you take a step back and take inventory of your life.

I was so glad to see him recently! He shared that while he regularly listens to our Meaning Over Money podcast, this situation instantly gave him an entirely new perspective. He said he agreed with and understood the whole meaning over money concept before, but now he GETS it. It became deeply personal and took on an entirely new importance.

He also shared a beautiful story that touched me on so many levels. I'm grateful he gave me the blessing to share with you. For context, this man has experienced tremendous success in his journey so far. He cares about people, his work ethic is unmatched, and he has a brilliant mind. You would look at him and say, "Wow, they are doing really, really well." As you hear this story, keep this context in mind.

In the aftermath of this life-changing situation, as he became reflective on his journey, purpose, and values, he asked his wife to make him a rent house sandwich. Excuse me, what?!? A rent house sandwich, he explained, is the meal he and his wife used to eat earlier in their marriage when they had minimal resources. Chicken nuggets, Doritos, and mustard served on white bread. He calls it a "rent house sandwich" because they lived in a small rental house in that tough (but simple) season of life. His wife was surprised he requested such a meal, but she obliged. As he was in his reflective state, he wanted something that reminded him of where they came from. Something that rooted him in the foundation of what's most important: family. Not money. Not status. Not stuff. Family.

Me: "Well, how did it taste?"

Him: "It was so good. So good." He was wearing a deep and sincere smile as he responded, almost as if he relived it at that moment.

It was a tremendously touching story. I got emotional when he shared it with me, and I'm emotional writing about it now. While you and I probably haven't had the pleasure of devouring chicken nuggets, Doritos, and mustard on white bread, we each have our own version of rent house sandwiches. These odd little nuances are woven into our story and play a meaningful role in our journey. Never lose sight of where you came from. Don't overlook the battles you’ve fought. Don't take your blessings for granted.

Life is indeed delicate. It's easy to forget that in the hustle and bustle of our everyday lives. I encourage you to push pause, take a step back, remind yourself of what's most important, and savor those rent house sandwiches.

Way Too Short for My Soul, Corazon

Huge news, guys! Twenty One Pilots released a new song last week....AND announced the upcoming release of their latest album. This was a huge deal for all four members of the Shelton household, and I even scheduled my day around the release of the new song (and accompanying music video). That definitely makes me weird, but I'll accept that title.

Though I'm absolutely biased to the core, I thought it was a killer song. The song and music video are a continuation of the lore, which is a fictional dystopian story that began nine years ago with the release of their album Vessel. While the video might be confusing to people unfamiliar with the lore, it's a catchy and enjoyable song, nonetheless. You can check it out here.

Don't worry; this post isn't solely me gushing about Twenty One Pilots. Instead, it's about a specific line in the lyrics. It's a segment of the song that's quickly going viral and will most certainly become iconic to fans for years to come. You can find it at the 3:07 mark.

"The days feel like the perfect length. I don't need them any longer, but for goodness' sake do the years seem way too short for my soul, corazon."

As I wrestle with the ideas revolving around Meaning Over Money, the concept of time is always at the forefront. Time is so scarce. It's the rarest commodity on the planet. It's also the only one that can't be bought. Whether you're a high school kid, Elon Musk, or anyone in between, we all have the same 24 hours in a day.

I love how Tyler pointed out that our days are plenty long, but the years are far too short. The older I get, the more evident and painful this dynamic becomes. My kids were newborns yesterday, and then I blinked, and they were in first grade. It's brutal!

This is why the pursuit of meaning is so important. We get to spend today's 24 hours pursuing something. If it's money, we just might find it. But to what end? If we play that out to its natural outcome, we're going to trade months, years, and even decades for the accumulation of money and stuff. That time is gone….and we can't get it back. Sure, we'll have the money to show for it on the back end. But at what cost?

We need to weigh the trade-offs. Too many people are throwing away a meaningful life in exchange for a larger bank account. "Money don't lie," said a friend who was recently defending his aggressive pursuit of money. Sure enough, but do you know what also doesn't lie? The fractured marriage, the loss of memories and connectivity with his kids, and the daily/weekly dread that hits him so hard that you can literally see him aging before your eyes.

It's a dark, lonely, and all too common road, unfortunately. Money don't lie, but neither does meaning. Harness your time for good....it's scarce.

Old Dogs, New Tricks

The hardest part of my professional coaching is working with 40-somethings. No, not because they aren't smart (some of them are the smartest people I know). No, not because they are stubborn (well, some are). The unique problem 40-somethings (and older) have that younger people don't is deeply seeded habits that go back for decades. 

If you give me any 25-year-old couple with a heart to do better in the area of finances, the life change will be quick and drastic. We don't have to peel back layers and layers of poor habits, destructive behaviors, and built-up resentment. Think of it as a clean canvas. It's not perfect, but it's a great place to start.

With us 40-somethings, however, it's a different story. The canvas doesn't look so clean. By the time we're 40, we've lived two full decades of our adult life. With it comes entrenched habits, an array of behaviors (including some terrible ones), and a lot of baggage. 

Fellow old-ish people, you know exactly what I'm talking about! Life is messy, and we have the scars to prove it. So when I'm meeting with someone who has a few decades of lived experience on the odometer, it's common to hear the following statements:

• "I'm just not good with money."

• "It's just the way I am." 

• "You can't teach an old dog new tricks."

• "This is just the way we do it." 

• "It works good enough for us."

While people sincerely mean it when they say these things, it's also a cop-out. It's a justification for staying in the same place. It's an excuse for continued failure. They are entirely correct in their sentiment, but I want them to see the other side of this coin. Yes, there's a lot stacked against them. Conversely, they have even more opportunities to drive change at this stage of their lives. More resources, more experience, more relationships, more skills, etc.

Last week, one of my 40-something clients had a massive breakthrough. Together, they've been dabbling in toxic and destructive financial habits for nearly a quarter century. Money hasn't been the most joyful of topics to discuss or engage. It's been a source of heartache and frustration. 

For the last two months, however, they absolutely crushed it. They achieved some massive wins, which opens up the door (and the optimism) for significant life change in the months and years to come. They could make excuses and simply justify staying on their current trajectory, but they aren't. They deeply care to turn the ship around and improve this area of their life. And they are doing it! They probably didn't see it on my face as we were talking, but I was emotional. Seeing them thrive after all they've been through is one of my greatest joys!

Old dogs, we can learn new tricks. It's not easy. It will most certainly be messy. Yeah, it would have been nice to learn them sooner. But today is your day. Seize it! You deserve it. 

Your Memories Are My Memories

A while back, my friend TJ told me he wanted to go to an ISU basketball game together. I agreed, but with one caveat: we must get some ridiculously amazing seats. I thus began my hunt for tickets. I eventually stumbled upon the deal of the century. Courtside tickets, immediately behind the opponent's bench, for a digestible price. Even better, we had two games to choose from. I asked TJ what game he prefered, and he immediately said the Oklahoma game. Perfect! My plan was coming together.....or so it seemed.

Fast forward 10 minutes, and I made a tragic discovery. While I did find the deal of the century, I realized why. It was one single ticket. Just one. Crap! This wasn't ideal, but it was still too good to pass up. I quickly pulled the trigger and gained control of my single courtside ticket. Then, I had to break the news to TJ:

Me: "I have good news and bad news. First, the bad news. I messed up. Those courtside seats only had one ticket available."

TJ: "And the good news?"

Me: "I bought it for you."

To TJ's credit, he humbly and gratefully accepted my gift. TJ's cool like that. He's a very generous man, but he also has the humility to receive the generosity of others. I was bummed I wouldn't be there with him, but I was even more excited for the experience he was about to have.

The game happened a few nights ago. TJ met up with a few buddies for dinner before the game, then enjoyed a wonderful courtside experience and a Cyclone win. We are ranked #8 in the country, by the way! Meanwhile, I stayed home with the boys while Sarah spent time with a few friends. As I was curled up on the couch watching the game, I saw TJ's face behind the Oklahoma bench every time down the court. I even grabbed this cutaway pic and texted it to him.

TJ was having this amazing experience, and I was sitting in front of my TV watching him have his amazing experience. I only felt joy. No jealously. No regret. No frustration.

This is the beauty of generosity. This is why generosity always wins. I made an investment in TJ's memories that night. That might as well have been my memory, as I will forever remember his excitement. I just have a different kind of memory now.....but an equally beautiful one.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again (because I can't ever get it out of my head). In the wise words of my friend Gary, "Invest in two things: mission and memories." Giving and experiences. Or, in the case of that memorable night earlier this week, giving someone else experiences.

Your memories are my memories, and my memories are your memories. This isn't about me, and this isn't about you. We each have an opportunity to thoughtfully and generously invest in other people's memories. I hope you find someone to bless today!

Creativity in Service

One of my favorite parts of life is finding creative ways to serve people. There are countless people to serve and unlimited ways to serve them. Opportunities are everywhere, but we have to look for them.

One of the coolest opportunities I have is the occasional speaking gig at a local high school business program called Orbis. Orbis is different than a traditional classroom experience. It runs more like an ongoing workshop that aims to put kids in real-world situations while forcing them to think non-linearly. There's a lot of project work in a team setting with an entrepreneurial bend. It's the program I wish I had when I was their age!!!

As my relationship with Orbis and its leaders has grown, so too have the opportunities to serve them. Like most things, it's really about relationships. I absolutely love their leaders. They are special people doing extraordinary work. I call them friends, and I'd dare call them heroes. I admire them deeply and would jump off a cliff for them if it would help their cause.

This is where the "finding creative ways" part comes in. Sometimes, all it takes is making it known that you're willing to serve. Once we go on record as being interested, it's funny how many fun ideas and opportunities rise to the surface. I recently met with a group of Orbis students interested in starting a business. They are interviewing a handful of business owners in the community to gain knowledge and get tips for their upcoming venture. Fun opportunity!

After spending 45 minutes with them, I ran into a few of the Orbis leaders on my way out the door. That was when they pitched me with a new idea. In their regularly scheduled work time, they welcome local business leaders into the room as an "adjunct professor." This person's role is simply to show up and add value to whatever individual or group requests it. These guests each bring their own experiences, gifts, and passions, and the students have the opportunity to leverage them for their projects. How cool is that!?!

The process is simple. The Orbis leader sent me the link to a shared spreadsheet listing every working block for the rest of the semester. Under each block are three slots for guests to self-select. While browsing the spreadsheet to find dates for my calendar, I noticed some of the other guest names. These are prominent business leaders in our community. Big, important, powerful people who are probably some of the busiest people alive. Yet, they sought access to this spreadsheet, scheduled blocks of their time, and will soon share their gifts with these students. What a fun blessing!

I absolutely love this about these local business leaders. Despite being where they are in life and business (tremendously successful and probably quite busy), they still seek creative opportunities to serve others. I can't put words in their mouth, but I suspect they know the secret: generosity always wins!

Today, I encourage you to find creative ways to serve people in your life. It will bless you far more than it does them!

The Baggage We Carry

I had my semi-annual dentist visit yesterday. Everything was going smoothly....until the hygenist reached for the waterpik. I was immediately filled with dread. As soon as they started using it, my mouth wasn't open as wide, my lips were locked, and my entire body tensed. She could immediately sense it. "You must have a story," she said. 

She was right. One of the worst medical experiences I've ever had involved the use of a waterpik. About three years ago, I was given a harsh introduction to this new tool. The hygenist told me it might tickle a bit. Instead, what I received was a nerve pain that shook me from my brain down to my toes. I still get queasy when I think about that memory. Yesterday, as soon as I saw the waterpik, those memories came flooding back.....and I was struck with fear. What happened to me in the past influenced how I felt and behaved yesterday.

It's much the same with money. We all have a story. Whether we like it or not, we're a product of how we were raised and what we experienced. We might not have been taught about money, but we were learning. By the time we become adults, we become an aggregate of everything we've been through. 

This is the very first conversation I have with new clients. I share this principle with them, then ask them to share about their childhood. It's cool to see lightbulbs above people's heads when they connect a past situation with how they are wired today. 

I'll give you an innocent example. If the husband is the primary financial manager in a relationship, there's a strong likelihood that one or both spouses experienced their father playing that role when they were growing up. The same can be said the other way around when the wife is the primary financial manager. 

Here's a not-so-innocent example. When I'm meeting with someone in their late 20s or early 30s, there are two types of common behavioral traits:

1. He/she hoards money and never feels like there's enough.....even if there's an excessive amount.

2. He/she doesn't care about money whatsoever. It presents itself as non-engagement or detachment.

When either of these traits arise, I'll ask him/her to share what 2008/2009 looked like in their home. See, people in their late 20s and early 30s were in their formative teen years when the Great Financial Crisis struck. What millions of Americans experienced, including their teenage kids, was sudden and violent. The lens by which these teens witnessed the world is going to bed one night with a perfectly normal and stable existence, and woke up the next day to utter chaos. One day, things were great, and the next, they were forced out of their home, and their family's lifestyle quickly eroded. 

In these people's minds, everything can be taken away in the blink of an eye. Therefore, we need to hoard, hoard, and hoard......or, screw it, it doesn't matter anyway. They have a story, and their story profoundly impacts who they are today.

To be continued, but take a moment to think about your own journey. What have you gone through in your past that impacts how you perceive and handle money today?

Wants Are Not Waste

As I was scrolling through social media a few days ago, I stumbled upon a post by Dave Ramsey. Whenever I see something posted by Dave or anyone on his team, there's a 50/50 chance I'll disagree with it. On one hand, no human in history has helped more people out of debt than him. For that, sincere props. That's amazing work. On the other hand, he has many perspectives that I flat-out disagree with. This post, though, frustrated me to a different level.

"How to waste $5,000 a year: Spend $13.70 a day on things you don't need."

Did you catch it? Did you notice it? At the heart of the message is an appeal for people to harness their income for good. Or as I like to say, gain awareness, gain control, and gain traction. These are inherently good things. Take responsibility. Have ownership. Be disciplined. Yes, yes, and yes. But there's something else in there.....

"How to WASTE $5,000 a year: Spend $13.70 a day on things you DON'T NEED."

In other words, spending money on things you don't need (i.e. wants) is wasteful. Now, Dave isn't alone in expressing this sentiment. This is the perspective of much of our culture….and I find it utterly toxic. Despite the prevailing narrative that today's young people are out recklessly and irresponsibly spending money, a significant portion of our population has been conditioned into feeling deep guilt and shame when spending money on things they "don't need."

Then, there's the blurring of the lines between need and want. In order to justify spending and remove guilt, people will twist wants into needs. Here's an example. I need a car. I need a reliable car. I need something big enough to transport my family. So I'll use those very real needs to justify buying a $75,000 luxury SUV. On the flip side, I'd argue some wants are actually needs. Personal spending is a great example. What we use our personal spending money to buy are definitely wants. A drink with a friend. Lunch at a fun restaurant. A new video game. Want, want, and want. But in the decision to spend that money is a release valve. It allows us to be human and enjoy a little bit of what we're blessed with. I'd argue that's a need.

Instead of lumping things into a need bucket or a want bucket, I think we should take a different approach. I'd prefer we categorize them based on adding value to our life and not adding value to our life. Some of my "needs" don't necessarily add value, but some "wants" add tremendous value.

When we look at purchases through the lens of adding value to our lives, we're less likely to justify bad decisions or feel guilt. Instead, we get to make an honest and self-aware decision and then go about living our meaningful lives. In my opinion, that's meaning over money.

The Cost of Want, Revisited

Earlier this month, I shared the story of a family in a predicament. They have a combined income of $340,000 ($240,000 from him and $100,000 from her). She is absolutely miserable at her job, and her dream is to stay at home with their three small children. One problem: they can't afford to live their current lifestyle with "only" a $240,000 income.....and they aren't willing to make it happen. I gave them a few options for navigating this pursuit of a more meaningful life, but they said no to every suggestion. They insist on keeping their massive house, luxury cars, fancy trips, country club membership, taste for designer clothing, and hoarding investments for an early 50s retirement. Every one of these was a non-starter.

Her parting request was for me to collect additional feedback from my blog readers, and you delivered! But first, I had a different type of experiment in mind. If you subscribe to and read a daily blog called The Daily Meaning, it's a tell. There's a certain type of person who connects with my content. You're my people! Though we all have differing opinions on various topics (love your constant feedback!), a common thread seems to connect each of us: meaning over money.

With that in mind, I first wanted to capture feedback from a different audience. I contacted random people in my life and bounced this couple's scenario off them. Here's a summary of their feedback:

• They "deserve" to have all their luxuries AND for her to stay home. 

• The husband should just find a way to make $100,000 more so they can make it work. 

• If they can spend money on all those things and still retire in their early 50s, they should cut back on their luxuries, she should stay at work, and they should push for a 40s retirement. In other words, ratchet up the misery so they can enjoy their life sooner. 

Guys, this is the world's way. This is exactly the way the majority of our society thinks. This is the prevailing wisdom and the commonly shared values of our culture. 

Now, your feedback! Here's a smattering of the opinions you shared with me. Thanks so much for taking the time to share your thoughts. 

• "As respectfully as one can say it, I think they are choosing money over meaning."

• "I am going to be a little harsh here, but it sounds like this couple needs to have a better perspective on life. They could be doing so much good in the world with that kind of income. Instead of living for themselves, they could learn to start giving and make other people's lives better. They will be so much happier and fulfilled in the long run."

• "They seem to be stuck in the ultimate rat race: get more money, get more stuff, rinse and repeat until you die. That is a sad way to live!"

• "I would say they need to go on a mission trip to a third world country for 2 weeks and see if that would open a new perspective for them (that life is not meant for pursuing/chasing things)."

• "I am wondering who they hang out with. I would bet that their friends most likely live their lives the same way. If they want to make a change, they might have to change their circle of influence."

• "A question you might ask her is how she feels about teachers or social workers who work just as hard as them but are forced to live on less. Sometimes we forget how blessed we are."

• "Oh brother, that's my reaction. Cutting back is hard but I choose meaning over money!"

• "Can't have everything we want. It wouldn't be good for us if we did. We would be too self-reliant and we weren't created to be that way."

• Then, there's this little gem to end with a laugh: "Had to really think out of the box on this one. Become a throuple. Find another person to join the marriage. The new person would work full time and contribute financially, allowing the original woman to quit her job and stay home full time while the household remains dual-income, spending lavishly on their lifestyle while working towards FIRE."

I shared your feedback with this woman. She was thankful and a bit surprised. Only time will tell if they bend toward meaning or money. In the meantime, keep walking the walk in your circles, leaning toward meaning every step of the way. Grateful for you all!

Focusing on Margin

There are many metrics we can use as a scorecard for money. Income, bank account balances, and net worth are all tremendously popular statistics to monitor. They each have their merit, for sure. Today, I'd like to shine a light on one that gets overlooked, underappreciated, and dismissed: Margin. In short, margin is the gap between our take-home income and how much of it is committed to expenses. Here's a simple example. If you make $1,000 and have $700 of expenses, your margin is $300. 

Margin provides us with flexibility, relief, cushion, and opportunities, It makes sense if you think about it. If all of your income is committed to expenses, it's a stressful place to be. There's no wiggle room. There's no margin for error. There's no room for unforeseen expenses. 

Margin is a choice, but it takes intentionality. Without intentionality, any margin in our lives can quickly be absorbed by impulsive purchases, lifestyle creep, and misaligned spending. Also, I'd like to squash one myth. Most people believe income equals margin. More money, more margin. While this can be true, it has a much lower correlation than you would imagine. The more money a family makes, the higher potential for margin. On the flip side, our culture encourages us to fill our margin gap with any and every type of expense. I'll share a recent example from my coaching. 

Here are two couples I've recently worked with. Both are similar in age, and each has one small child. They also happen to live within one mile of each other. Here's what each of their situations look like:

• Couple 1: This couple has a monthly take-home income of $14,000 (one spouse is in finance, and the other stays home with their child). After accounting for all their monthly commitments, they only have about $700 of margin. They want to pay off debt, travel, invest in retirement, and save for their children's college, but there isn't a lot of margin to work with. Further, an unexpected expense always seems to pop up to claim that $700. Their marriage is strained, and money causes them a lot of fights. 

• Couple 2: This couple has a monthly take-home income of $6,500 (one spouse is a teacher, and the other is in ministry). After accounting for all their monthly commitments, they have about $2,500 of margin. Our coaching meetings typically include a visual mapping and prioritization of how this margin should be used. It's normally a combination of travel, giving, and investing. Money has become a fun conversation in their marriage, and they are thriving. They feel very little financial stress, which becomes progressively lessened as they use their margin to create a solid foundation. 

On the surface, the first couple looks significantly better. Their jobs obviously provide a higher income, their lifestyle portrays an image of success, and they appear wealthy. Looks can be deceiving. Margin is a great measuring stick to see the real truth.

Little Kids Are Failures

Little kids are failures. Yeah, I said it. All they do is fail. They fall over. They spill their food. They poop all over themselves. They can't even put a shirt on! Their entire life is a series of humorous and ridiculous failures. On the flip side, nobody develops faster than a little kid. They can go from barely being able to roll over to an all-out run in 12-18 months. In that span, they fail literally thousands of times.

I believe there's one thing that makes little kids different from adults. It's one of the reasons why kids can develop so much faster than us adults. Little kids don't care what other people think. They aren't self-conscious. They don't get embarrassed. They are simply focused on the task at hand.

My kids used to be like that. The first six years of their life were carefree. They were willing to try anything, fail miserably at it, then eventually master it. Then, something changed. They woke up one day, somewhere between the end of Kindergarten and the beginning of first grade, suddenly caring what other people think. This is the exact moment when their ability to rapidly pick up new skills started waning. My continual encouragement is for them to go for it and not worry so much about what other people think. I know, easier said than done. They thrive every time they can shelf their fear of failure and disregard what others think.

---

One of my clients is trying to make a massive financial shift. They've done it one way for more than 15 years, with disappointing and frustrating results. They have some deeply-seeded bad habits. They overspend, don't budget, don't track, struggle saving, feel guilt, never give, live with a ton of debt, and fight about all of that every week. Things look dire. At best, their finances will be a disaster for the rest of their life. At worst, their marriage is about to crumble.

Despite how bad things looked, I was immediately optimistic about them. In our very first meeting, one spouse made their position very clear. "We're willing to do anything to turn this around, and we don't care what anyone else thinks." The moment he said that was the moment I knew they would win. He went on to explain how they already felt like absolute financial failures, so it wouldn't bother them if they failed forward while trying it my way.

They aren't afraid to fail. They don't care what anyone else thinks. They sound like little kids. And that's exactly why they will develop and grow so much in the season ahead. They are selling their cars, drastically reducing their lifestyle, stepping away from a few expensive friends/family trips, and getting intentional. They are going to fail every step of the way. It's going to be messy. It's going to be difficult. It's going to be beautiful.

The Wonderfully Woven Web of Impact

If you follow me on IG, Facebook, or LinkedIn, you've probably seen bits and pieces of the blog repurposed into other content. Claire, my social media manager, loves digesting the blog and grabbing pieces that move her or could add value to different audiences. She recently posted a snippet from a blog post about relationships, including the following picture.

That's my friend John. I visited him and his wife Jamy a few months ago in Las Vegas. I first met him on a trip to Mongolia in 2017, and he's been a major influence on my life ever since.

After that picture landed on my IG feed, a good friend, who lives in my town, DM'd me: "Is that John!?!?" I've never lived in the same metro as John. I met him in Mongolia, and we serve on a board together in Southeast Asia. And now, my other friend, who I served alongside at our local youth group for several years, is messaging me out of the blue to tell me how John played a vital role in her life?!?! This small-world moment blew my mind.....though it probably shouldn't have. 

John is the perfect example of the new phrase I shall coin: the wonderfully woven web of impact. It sounds cheesy, but who doesn't love a good alliteration? Here, let me draw it out for you.

• John played a vital role in my friend's life.

• The same John, thousands of miles away, played a different vital role in my life.  

• My friend and I have led intertwined journeys for many years, which undoubtedly impacted each other. 

• Together, we've played valuable roles in young adults' lives in our city through our joint youth group efforts. Without a doubt, both of us were equipped, encouraged, and enabled by the impact of our mutual friend, John. 

Until recently, neither of us knew about the other's relationship or the resulting impact of John's presence in our lives. Even until this moment, John didn't know about this connection, either! If all goes well, John is opening this e-mail with a coffee in hand, learning the news of this "coincidence" at the same time as you. He's probably wondering who this mystery friend is. I'm expecting a call any moment. I can't wait to share with him about the wonderfully woven web of impact he's created. 

While John is pretty awesome, he's just a man. He's a normal guy making extraordinary impact. However, there's nothing extraordinary about his work. He simply serves people, loves them, meets them where they are, and uses whatever gifts and passions he's been blessed with. From that quite ordinary work comes extraordinary impact. 

Without knowing it, we're all weaving our own web of impact. But not all webs are created equal. With intentionality, consistency, and a heart to make a difference, we each have the ability to create a beautifully impressive web. And someday, if we're as lucky as John is today, we'll get a tiny little glimpse at how that web is woven together. 

Break the Mold

Michael Jordan will forever be my favorite NBA player, but Steph Curry will confidently sit next to him on my Mount Rushmore of all-time favorite players. I absolutely love Curry, and my social media algorithms also know it. This was evidenced last night when I stumbled upon a gem of a video.

@crowmovie3 #fvp #foryou #basketball #stephencurry #iloveyou ♬ original sound - Crow movie

Despite wreaking havoc on some of the best teams in the country during March Madness (experts thought it was an anomaly), Curry was disrespected before, during, and after the draft. He didn't fit the mold. Nothing he did fit within the bounds of commonly held beliefs about how basketball could and should be played. They tried to put him in a box.

Curry didn't care. He didn't conform. He didn't try to be someone he wasn't. He didn't stay in the box. He simply became more of what he already was. Then, he changed the game of basketball forever. He broke the mold!

While none of us will be slinging logo threes in our day job, we have a lot to learn from Curry. Society and the prevailing culture are quick to tell us how the world works, the way things are supposed to be done, and what is (and isn't) possible. Much of my week is spent trying to help people break free from universally believed truths. These toxic ideas are pervasive and are holding people back en masse.

Our clients, podcast listeners, and blog readers often reach out to share stories. One story that's on repeat is the story about how they will share some of their decisions with friends/family/etc., only to be told they are stupid, weird, naive, or some other insult. Whenever this happens, I congratulate them. This is how we know we're on the right track. They are breaking the mold!

My decisions and ideas get insulted almost daily at this point. I was recently sitting with a group of guys when one of them said something terribly offensive to me. It was concerning me continuing to make a fraction of the income I used to when the opportunity to return to a higher income is still on the table. The other two guys agreed with this person, but were shocked and disappointed he would say something like that to my face. They asked if I was mad, and I responded that it was the ultimate compliment. I couldn't have loved it more.

Break the mold. Please break the mold. Let's collectively break the mold so much that it ultimately becomes the new mold. That's what it looks like to bend the culture.

Better Late Than Never

We published our 306th episode of the Meaning Over Money podcast yesterday. On Monday, we'll begin publishing full video episodes on our YouTube channel. Yes, it took 306 episodes and nearly three years to publish on YouTube. Even more sad is the fact our producer and Meaning Over Money co-founder, Cole Netten, is a filmmaker. This is literally his wheelhouse. Ouch! Better late than never, though.

The truth is, we've had a lot of life happen in the last three years. Cole bought a house, had two kids, and has shepherded his business to entirely new heights. My life hasn't been any less crazy. My business has evolved a ton, we launched Northern Vessel Coffee, I joined multiple boards, launched my speaking career, started contributing meaningful time to a client in Texas, and have experienced significant life change while transitioning our twin boys into their school years.

It's been a lot. Every now and then, Cole and I will lament that we're not as far along with the podcast as we'd like. We know we can reach more people and make a more significant impact, but the above reasons have diverted our attention (and time). On the flip side, we've made the choices we've made.....and we own the outcomes of those choices.

Along the journey, there were two paths we could have taken. We could have elected to wait until everything was just how we wanted it. The perfect studio. A full suite of marketing strategies across all social media platforms. Fully produced video. The possibilities are endless. If that was the route we selected, we'd still be waiting to launch the podcast.

Instead, we chose the second path: putting one foot in front of the other. It's not always pretty. It can get messy. We're leaving something on the table. But we're moving forward. 300+ episodes later, and we're still (slowly) building momentum. According to Listen Notes, we're in the top 3% of podcasts that have ever existed. That's pretty cool for a couple guys who have failed forward every step of the way.

Now, please allow me to flip it around back to you. I encourage you to NOT wait until everything is just right. Instead, whatever it is you're supposed to do, simply put one foot in front of the other. It won't always be pretty. It will surely be messy. You'll undoubtedly leave something on the table in the process. However, you'll make a difference. You'll create impact. You'll navigate (perhaps slowly) toward success. Better late than never!

Life is Short

In the span of 24 hours, I received news of three people passing away far too soon. They were in their 40s, 50s, and 60s. It was sad, and it hit a little too close to home. In the aftermath of these tragic developments, I was talking to a friend about it, and they shared a commonly-believed sentiment. I'll paraphrase: Each of these people worked their entire adult lives and died before they had a chance to actually enjoy life.

When we hear stories like this, a common takeaway is that it's proof we should hurry up and race toward retirement so we can milk a "life we actually enjoy" for as long as possible.

These types of stories impact me profoundly, but in the opposite way. It doesn't prove we should race faster to the retirement finish line. Rather, it's proof that we should live a life worth living.....today. Life is indeed short. I'm not trying to race to some finish line so that I can live my remaining years in relaxation. I'm trying to live each day, week, and month to the fullest. Not at some arbitrary point in my future, but today.

I've always had a morbid sense that I'm going to pass away too soon. I'm not sure where that thought comes from, and I'm not entirely sure if it's healthy or not. Regardless of its origin or implications, it has done one thing. It's reiterated the importance of living with meaning, generosity, and impact today. Not someday. Not when I meet certain markers or hit particular milestones. Today. This week. This month. This year.

I was on a cruise a few weeks ago. That was an awesome week.

I was out of state at a client's office last week. The days were long, and the nights were short. That was an awesome week.

I'm serving clients and attending board meetings this week. It's an awesome week.

I'll be creating a ton of content and hosting some difficult meetings next week. That will be an awesome week.

We have a mini spring break trip in a few weeks (plus March Madness). That will be an awesome week.

Life is short. Don't waste today in hopes of tomorrow. Don't destroy your working years in pursuit of an accelerated retirement. Don't disregard the blessings of hard work and struggle while glorifying a life of leisure. Life is short. Squeeze meaning from all of it.

First Things First

I receive a lot of criticism. From friends, strangers, and everyone in between. Some are constructive, and some aren't. I even have favorites. Here's one of my all-time favorites: "You can't feed your family with meaning." Nice and sharp!

I actually agree with this one. I once tried to pay the grocery store cashier with meaning.....they just called security. I kid, I kid. It's true, though. Meaning doesn't pay the bills. When people make this comment to criticize my work, they are 100% right. On the flip side, I also believe I'm 100% right in my insistence we should all try to pursue meaningful work. Both of these sentiments can be simultaneously true.

While I'll die on the hill supporting meaningful work, it's imperative that our basic needs are met. We need food, clothing, housing, and transportation. At the bare minimum, each of these fundamental boxes must be checked. In some situations, in some seasons, and in some scenarios, this will require us to temporarily push pause on the meaning, and focus on having enough money. Not because we're greedy or materialistic, but because we recognize the importance of personal accountability and the responsibility to provide the basic needs for our family. It's not sexy, or even fun, but it's important.

When someone struggles to keep the lights on and the landlord at bay, I don't advise them to aggressively pursue meaning. Instead, I work with them to immediately increase their income to meet critical needs. In some situations, cutting expenses can be helpful. However, in most of these scenarios, it's a deficiency of income problem. The resulting work might not be meaningful or fun, but closing the income gap is tremendously important….and there’s meaning in that act.

The bigger focus on meaning will come in due time, but first things first. We need to get our financial foundation under us. We must ensure we have enough stability to keep the proverbial train on the tracks. Then, once we do, we can shift our focus back to pursuing meaning. It can be a delicate dance, but we must dance. We can't focus solely on one or the other. If we focus exclusively on providing financially, we will sabotage ourselves of much meaning and fulfillment. However, if we focus only on the meaning, we may inadvertently sabotage our family's finances. Both of these are dangerous outcomes, which is why we must continually navigate the journey with intentionality.

First things first, but enjoy the dance!

Be Unreasonable

Last week, I attended some leadership meetings with my Texas client. On one of the days, we heard a presentation from a third-party consultant specializing in sales and culture. He brought up a point that struck me as interesting. He discussed how some organizations (especially the military) create their own language. Special terminology, new words, relevant acronyms, etc. The reasoning behind this has multiple layers:

• Using a shared language that everyone understands helps create clarity.

• It drives simplicity and efficiency.

• It helps people and teams lean into the mission at hand.

• It builds connections and relationships between the people who are in the know. 

As he was explaining this concept, I had one idea that kept popping up in my brain. It's a book called Unreasonable Hospitality. This book is the foundation for how we operate Northern Vessel. TJ, our founder, is the embodiment of this concept. He talks about the book constantly, and as a result, these concepts cloud every conversation we have (which is nearly daily). 

Now, the combination of these two ideas. I'm coining a new phrase and want you to be part of it. This is my formal invitation for you. Be unreasonable. Be unreasonable in the pursuit of meaning. Be unreasonable in the generosity we show others. Be unreasonable in our efforts to make a difference in someone's life. Be unreasonable in bucking the gravitational pull of our culture in exchange for something better. Be unreasonable. 

I'd like to think of myself as an unreasonable guy. Much of the time, I nail it. However, I've recently witnessed cracks in my unreasonableness. I'll call them deficiencies. But as I settle into this new phrase, Be Unreasonable, it will be at the forefront of each aspect of my life and business. I need to create unreasonableness in the areas I'm bleh.

I want to be unreasonable with you. If you spend part of each day reading this blog, just know I don't take that for granted. I feel a tremendous weight (in a good way) each day when I sit down to write. I deeply desire to give you something special. I want to provide you with a little 400-500 word gift that can make you smile, make you think, make you grow, and/or make you want to change this world. 

My challenge, if you choose to accept it, is to be unreasonable with people in your life. The act of being unreasonable will look different for everyone, but I encourage you to find yours. Have fun with it. Make people look at you cross-eyed. Make yourself into the weird one. Bend the culture, ever so slightly, with your circle of influence. Just be unreasonable. 

Once a Cheater

My kids enjoy playing at a local trampoline park. When we go, Pax's favorite area is the dodgeball court. Yes, trampoline dodgeball.....it's as fun as you'd think. However, there's always one glaring issue at play: cheaters galore. A kid gets hit square in the chest, then acts like it never happened. Another kid catches a stray on the leg, and completely ignores it. Everyone pretends like it never happened. Then, when other kids start calling people out for their cheating, the lies start flowing out of their mouths. "I hit it with the ball." "It hit the wall first." "Someone caught it."

When I watch these dynamics play out, all I can think about is the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." It isn't absolutely true, but there's certainly some truth to it. Cheating is a slippery slope. It starts out like an innocent game of dodgeball. There are rewards for this level of cheating. You don't have to exit the game and wait for your turn to go back in....and you help your team win. And when someone calls you out as a cheater, you just deny it, and there are really no consequences. So, from an early age, we are taught the pros of cheating outweigh the cons.

Again, it's fairly innocent, and there aren't any significant victims. However, if someone is willing to lie and cheat on something with nothing material at stake, how will they behave when there's something real on the line? Maybe it's that math test. Maybe it's clocking in 15 minutes before a work shift technically starts. Successful cheating breeds more cheating.

Again, these aren't life-altering crimes. Over time, though, we get older, the stakes rise, and we become more confident/comfortable in our cheating ways. Also, as time passes, it doesn’t feel so innocent anymore. Now, there are real victims.

We all know cheaters in our lives. They range somewhere between annoying and revolting. These are the people who cut corners, look for the easy way, find loopholes and technicalities, turn their back on obligations, and betray someone for a few dollars. These types of people often find success at the micro level. They score an opportunity here or a deal there. They benefit where they can. They are transactional. They are always looking for an edge. And they find it….for a while.

However, these types of people usually lose in the long run. People lose trust in them. People tire of their games. They don't have any actual discipline or work ethic to carry them when the cheating behavior stops working.

As parents, we must teach our children the proper way to behave. We need to teach (and more importantly, model) a zero-tolerance approach to cheating. It needs to carry into every area of our life, including the simplest and silliest little games. Doing the right thing is always the right thing, even when it doesn't benefit us.

The slippery slope is indeed slippery. Together, we can help bend the culture in a positive direction….but it starts with our own behavior.

Walking Looks Crazy to a Crawler

Raising twins is a trip. To be honest, I don’t know any other version of parenting than having two kids the same age. Being a dad to these two little boys has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. While flying home from Texas last night, I was thumbing through old pictures and videos. Parents, you know what I’m talking about! While on my little nostalgic adventure, I stumbled on something I hadn’t seen before. Well, it’s a video I’ve seen dozens of times, but a detail in the background has escaped me until now.

The subject of the video is Pax walking for the first time. It’s a precious video, and I’m grateful I was present for his first steps. But last night, I couldn’t get over what happened in the background. There was Finn, witnessing the event unfolding. He was watching, but he had a look of absolute bewilderment. To Finn, Pax might as well have been using magic or voodoo. As an avid crawler himself, watching his twin brother walk for the first time looked mind-bogglingly crazy.

Today, as a first grader, it’s safe to say the act of walking has been normalized for Finn. It’s been many years since he’s even thought about the process involved in putting one foot in front of the other. He eventually graduated to running, then jumping, then becoming a little ninja. Yet, back then, it was the craziest thing he had ever seen.

So many things in life are like this. I have financial habits I’ve been doing for so long that it’s simply muscle memory now. On the flip side, I can meet with a 40-something who looks at these habits with the same bewilderment Finn had all those years ago. Walking looks crazy to a crawler. Truth is, we all have to crawl at something before we can walk. Getting on a budget. Paying off debt. Investing in retirement. Giving. Running a business. The list goes on and on.

I just met with a young couple I have been coaching for about six months. They had a TON of debt…..more than $100,000 of student loans. When we started working together, all of this money stuff was foreign to them. They didn’t know where to start. I suggested they begin by crawling. We created their first budget….scary! I challenged them to pay off $700 of student loan debt that first month…..scary! They were crawling. Fast forward six months, and they now consider budgeting second nature. They also paid off $5,000 of debt just last month. They are running! And just like little Finny man once he learned to run, you’ll never catch them. They are off to the races!

Please let this be your encouragement today. Yes, there are things in your world that feel intimidating and uncomfortable. But trust me, if you have the courage to give it a shot, you’ll quickly progress from crawling, to walking, and maybe even running.

The Release Valve in Practice

In yesterday's post, I explained how meaningful work is a release valve to so much time and financial pressure. Instead of hoarding money and sucking up miserable work in pursuit of an earlier-the-better retirement, I propose that we ought to consider the pursuit of meaningful work. When we do, we don't feel pressured to race to the finish line. This provides for a more meaningful life and less pressure to hoard assets to create the escape hatch. 

A few readers reached out to ask questions about this concept. I admit, it's counter-cultural. I'm honored people would take the time to consider these wild ideas. A few people asked if I could give an example of the release valve in practice. Here's a real-life situation someone recently approached me with. I'll use round-ish numbers to make it more digestible:

• Age: 30

• Current Investments: $100,000

• Desired Retirement Age: 50

• Desired Retirement Income: $100,000/year in today's dollars

• Job Status: He's currently in a high-paying job that he despises. It's sucking the life out of him. Zapped energy, he's a jerk to his wife, and he travels a LOT. However, it pays a lot of money......

• The Situation: He desires to save as much money as possible, as quickly as possible, so he "only" has to do this for 20 more years.....tops. His question to me was how much money he needs to invest (er, hoard) to make that goal a reality. 

Here's the math. For him to retire at age 50 with an annual retirement income equal to $100,000 in today's dollars (using 3% inflation, a 9% return, and the 4% rule for withdrawals), he needs to invest approximately $5,900/month between age 30 and 50. In other words, he'll continue working a job he absolutely hates (but "only" for 20 more years), sock away nearly $6,000/month, and have little income left to actually live a life. 

He oddly seemed excited about this. However, I threw out a few alternatives. First, I shared the numbers for a more traditional retirement at age 60. To get the same $100,000 retirement income (in today's dollars), he would need to invest $2,700/month between age 30 and 60. That's less than half! He hated this idea. To him, it means he has to put up with a miserable job for 30 years instead of 20. Or, as he put it, "I'll never survive that."

Then, I showed him the release valve. I showed him what an age 70 retirement could look like. I caveated one point, though. It's not 40 years of misery.......rather, 40 years of meaning. In this scenario, he would need to invest $1,100/month from age 30 to 70 to get the same $100,000 annual income (in today's dollars). For one-fifth of the monthly cost, he can live a meaningful life, pursue work that matters, and have the cash flow flexibility to travel and make memories with his small children.

The verdict? Option #1: "20 years doesn't sound so bad. It will go by fast." Sadly, I think he's right. It will most certainly go by in the blink of an eye.