The Powerful Undercurrent of Culture

Culture is a weird thing. We notice it when it's spectacular, we notice it when it's terrible, but otherwise, we typically don't think much about it. Nearly every aspect of our life is ruled or influenced by culture. We don't usually consider it because it just exists. We watch those who come before us, and we absorb the culture. Once we've absorbed it, we continue to pass it along to others. 

Holding the door open for others, saying please and thank you, yielding to the person who got to the intersection first, and leaving a tip for the server. These are all cultural rules we've learned, absorbed, and passed on, whether we realize it or not. 

Much of our culture has been established, passed down, and slowly evolved for generations. In other situations, however, culture must be created. When we opened the doors at Northern Vessel 14 months ago, we had a choice to make. We could allow the prevailing culture to take over or intentionally curate our own culture. We chose the latter. We spent (and still spend) more time with our staff talking about culture than on drink preparation. The culture is everything. The culture begins with the staff. Once they portray the culture, it's absorbed and passed along to others. 

Speaking of, we also needed to establish the culture of a Northern Vessel guest. Where do you order? Where do you wait for your order? How do you use the space to best suit your style and needs? Where do you get water? Where do you put your dirty dishes? All of these are small components of culture. In the first few weeks, I and a few others planted ourselves in the guest area, practicing the desired culture for others to absorb. Within a matter of days, guests had absorbed the culture and were passing it along to others. Today, between our amazing staff and hundreds of loyal guests, the culture is deeply seeded.

Cruise ships have an interesting dilemma. It's like a wild science experiment. Put 5,000 guests (from all over the world speaking many different languages) on a boat simultaneously, lock them there for a week, send them packing simultaneously, and then do it again. We aren't talking about slowly building the culture of a coffee shop for hundreds of people over the course of months. It's creating a culture for 5,000 people in a matter of hours. What a challenge!!!

Royal Caribbean executes it brilliantly:

• They lean into their staff (3,000+ of them!?!?) to drive culture. It all starts with them. They are highly trained.

• Communication, communicaiton, communication. From signage, to the PA announcements, to the programming on the in-room TVs, they are constantly communicating desired outcomes. 

• They leverage their loyal, returning guests. They are grateful for returning business, but also know these guests will pass along the culture.

No matter our role(s) in life, we have two choices: intentionally curate and/or bend culture, or simply absorb the prevailing culture (for better or worse). 

This Can’t Be Everything

We had another amazing day at sea yesterday, which included a few hours in port in Falmouth, Jamaica. Lots of food, lots of swimming, and lots of adventures. This trip has been THE definition of relaxation (well, except for everything that goes into caring for two first graders). It's been absolutely wonderful, and I'm so very grateful for our opportunity to go on this trip together.

As I was in the hot tub yesterday afternoon, I overheard a group of twenty-somethings next to me. They, too, were thoroughly enjoying their cruise. One asked the others, "Wouldn't it be great just to live like this all the time?" They all agreed and started fantasizing about a life of perpetual relaxation, endless drinks, and a non-stop flow of delicious food.

I agree with them about how amazing this experience is, but I couldn't disagree more about making this life. This isn't life. This is something we do once in a while. This is a treat. It's a reward. It's a little luxury. But it's not a life. This can't be everything.

I can't wait to jump back on a cruise ship again one day, but I would never want it to be my life. There are too many more meaningful and impactful things we must accomplish. We can't live a life solely for ourselves. That's a purposeless and empty existence.

While we're on the subject, I can't wait to get back home and back to work. It's going to be wonderful. I have so many thoughts, ideas, and dreams that are ready to be unleashed. Stuffing it all down while I continue to live a life of leisure would be the selfish thing to do.

So I'm going to enjoy the heck out of these last few days, be excited to get back into the swing of work and life, and maybe even plan another vacation for the not-too-distant future.

Find ways to get away, relax, and live in temporary leisure. It's healthy for us, and it's a ton of fun. Go book that trip! But also know it's not everything. It can't be everything. We must find meaning and purpose, and lean into them each day.

One Fear at a Time

Confession: I like encouraging my kids into uncomfortable and scary positions. Instead of trying to ensure their comfort, I find ways to make them uncomfortable. It's all contextual to age, of course. I wouldn't throw a seven-year-old onto the street at 11 PM and wish him luck. It's little things at their age. Making them pay for something independently at a store. Coaxing them onto a roller coaster. Trying new and unique foods. None of these things are life-altering, but each propels them to the next.

Yesterday was a new one. The boys and I bought tickets to play at an aqua park at our port stop in Haiti. Think of it as an inflatable obstacle course in the deep water of an ocean bay. The boys were excited, but a bit nervous. As our reservation approached, we walked out onto the long dock, fastened our life jackets, and listened to the safety instructions. When it was time to jump in and swim to the obstacles, Pax seized up. Fear had overcome him. I think it was a combination of a fear of sharks snacking on his little body, the fact he couldn't touch the bottom, the long swim, and the uniqueness of the attraction. I held his hand and said I would count to three, then we'd jump. At about two, he started wimpering and changed his mind, but I made an executive decision to pull him in with me on the third count anyway (bold move, I know).

As soon as his head crested the surface and he realized he wasn't dead, he smiled and excitedly started swimming toward the first obstacle. That began a fun and exhausting hour of climbing, jumping, falling, and splashing. They both had the time of their lives, and we made some fun memories. As I do every night, I asked the boys what their favorite part of the day was. Pax: "The ocean obstacle course."

I'm such a believer in confronting fears. Not all at once. One fear at a time. Each time we conquer one (even a small one), it gives us momentum and confidence to face the next one.

Food is much the same way. In our family, we don't get free passes to say "no" to food. There are no special kids' menus or accommodations. They don't have to like it, but they do have to try it. And if they try it but don't like it, that's ok. But they will never know unless they try. Not every food is a hit, and sometimes it can be ugly. On the flip side, their fear turned to tolerance, and their tolerance turned to a fairly diverse palate. It's the power of confronting one fear at a time. If they had it their way, they would have stuck to eight lame items and simply "not liked" everything else. Instead, we pushed them every step of the way.

One fear at a time. You'll thank yourself later.

Pax sitting in the hot tub, enjoying the view, after returning to the boat in Haiti.

There’s Only One Way to Find Out

As I write this, I'm in the midst of some quiet time. Not just any quiet time, though. I'm sitting on the back of a cruise ship, perched on a lounge chair, 15 feet above the ocean, in the middle of the Atlantic, watching the vastness of our earth pass by. It's a surreal experience, and one that I treasure. The wind is swirling, and the occasional spraying of salt water on my face reminds me of who's boss.

I've spent the entirety of my adult life actively avoiding cruises. Perhaps it was the fear of getting seasick. Perhaps it was a dislike for crowds. It could have been a disdain for schedules while on vacation. Or maybe I just didn't want to be confined to a small space. It was probably all of the above, most likely.

There's a motto I live by, and I am trying to instill it into my kids. "There's only one way to find out." We don't know until we know. Perhaps our fears and suspicions will be confirmed, and we've been right all along. Or maybe, just maybe, our lack of insight and experience has misled us, and one of the most incredible things in our life is just on the other side of "yes."

Many of us will go our entire lives, never finding out. What if I applied for that job? What if I asked that girl/guy out? What if I started that business? What if I tried a different approach? What if I published that podcast? What if I wrote that book? What if I published that song? So many what-ifs! The only thing separating a regret from a story is action. The courage and curiosity to say "yes" and then let the chips fall how they may.

This is the approach I've lived my life by for the better part of a decade. It's resulted in some pretty bad mistakes, some amazing stories, and a blessed journey I couldn't be more grateful for. But I didn't know until I knew.

As for this cruise, let's just say I'm a cruise guy now. I'm having a wonderful time and cherish every day I have here to make memories with my family. I didn't know until I knew……and I'm glad I do now.

There's only one way to find out!

Fun, But Measured

In yesterday's post, I mentioned my family contributes $1,000/month to our travel fund. As has been the case for the past decade, giving and travel (mission and memories) are the two largest non-housing categories in our budget. Several of you reached out to comment on this. Some people think that's an absurdly high amount. Considering it's a want, perhaps they are right. Other readers believe $12,000/year is practically nothing. Or, as one person put it, "That's like one trip." 

Similar to the power of saying "no," the opposite is also true. There's power in being able to say "yes." When we intentionally set aside money for a specific purpose (travel in this case), we've already said yes. By definition, that money has already been spent on travel. However, the who, what, when, where, and how haven't yet been defined. That's where the fun begins. We know the money is available, but decisions must be made. Do we go all-out and blow the entire $12,000 on a single trip, or take a more measured approach to get more mileage out of those funds. In most cases, we take a measured approach. Fun, but measured. 

Here's a real-time example. My family is currently on our first-ever cruise. A few weeks ago, I found out one of my closest friends is also going on a cruise soon. We compared notes. They also have a family of four, traveling with the same cruise line, in a similar geographic vicinity. The biggest difference is they are gone 7 nights vs. our 6 nights. In other words, it's almost apples-to-apples. When I asked what it cost, she said, "A little more than $7,000" (before flights, excursions, add-ons, or any other goodies). Our total cost was $1,800, or nearly one-fourth of what they paid for a similar trip. She cringed. Ouch! There were a few drivers on why ours was so much less:

• We specifically picked a route that was on the more affordable side. 

• We specifically picked a week when that route was even cheaper.

• We waited until the cruise line offered a promo. This one was 30% off for all adults, plus kids sail free. The cost melted away faster than Frosty getting locked in the greenhouse. 

Question: Will my friends have 4x as much fun as us? Or will we create one-fourth as many memories as they will? Of course not! Also, this isn't a knock on them. I hope they have the time of their lives. They get to do whatever they want, and I'll support them every step of the way. Our family's priority is to make the best use of our limited (and blessed) $1,000/month of travel funds. I pray that we share amazing experiences together and create lifelong memories that our boys will someday share with their kids. 

Go enjoy some amazing travel, but don't feel the pressure to break the bank. It won't necessarily create better experiences or more meaningful memories. Stay measured, remain intentional, and make the most of whatever travel resources you set aside for your family. Fun, but measured. 

Saying “No” to Yourself

In a recent client meeting, we discussed where this couple would prioritize their discretionary income in 2024. Giving, investing, and travel are their big three. But the question was how much to allocate to each. I shared a few different strategies and ideas to consider, including setting non-negotiable dollar amounts to specific categories. As a reference point, I communicated that our family makes a mandatory $1,000/month contribution to our travel fund. It's as non-negotiable as our housing payment or groceries. No, it's not a need, but it is critically important to us. 

Amidst this conversation, one spouse asked, "What do you do if you don't have money in your travel fund? Just not go?" 

Correct. No money, no travel. No excuses. No justifications. No cheating. No credit cards. No robbing other accounts. If there's no money in the travel fun, there's no travel. That's why it's important for us to fund this account each month. It would be a real bummer for our family to have a travel opportunity arise, but we have to say no because we don't have those resources available. 

The willingness (er, commitment) to say "no" to important and alluring things is a life-changing endeavor. If we have the discipline to say no to ourselves when we haven't earned the right to say yes, a few things happen:

1. It provides a genuine incentive to do it better next time. If we're willing to cheat ourselves to get what we want, there's no real reason to get our act together. 

2. When we learn to say no, we teach ourselves contentment. On the flip side, there's no better way to erode contentment than by giving yourself everything you want, no matter the cost or consequences. 

3. Speaking of consequences, when we're willing to say no, we can avoid putting ourselves into questionable (or destructive) financial situations. We don't thrust ourselves into debt, rob other important spending categories, or irrationally drain our emergency savings. 

This concept goes deeper than travel. If our family doesn't have dining out money remaining, we don't go out to eat. If we don't have kids money remaining, we don't buy anything for our kids. If we don't have any grocery money remaining, we don't go to the grocery store. That may seem extreme, but it's amazing how creative we can get by diving deep into our freezer and pantry. Further, running out of grocery money sucks enough that it provides great motivation to learn from our mistakes next time.

Learn to say no to yourself. It often sucks in the moment, but it creates contentment, growth, resilience, discipline, and gratitude. That's a winning formula!

That’s What It’s For!

This is the text message I received last night from a client. "Can I give it away?" I suppose some context is in order. This client has done a remarkable job over the last five years. They've budgeted well, lived intentionally, pursued work that matters, given with purpose, and invested patiently. One of the practices they've established in their life is a disciplined commitment to taxable investing. If you're a client, you know I beat this dead horse dead-er. I believe taxable investing is one of the most overlooked, neglected, misunderstood, and whiffed opportunities in personal finance today. This client, however, immediately embraced the concept way back when we started meeting. Each month, a portion of their money automatically gets contributed to their taxable investment account. They don't think much about it. They don't lose sleep over it. They rarely even check it. It just happens.

The stock market had a killer day yesterday. It rose by 1.23% in a single day, to yet another all-time high. This is an eye-catching type of day, which somehow caught the eye of this couple. This is where my text exchange begins. They excitedly and somewhat confusingly texted me, saying their investment account shows they made $9,000 just yesterday. They couldn't believe it. $9,000 in one day!?!? Yes, correct. That's the beauty of investing the right way. It feels like nothing. Then nothing. Still nothing. But one day, off in the future (hello future you!), it's everything.

Astounded by this new development, their gut reaction was, "Can I give it away?" That text made my day. "Yes, of course you can! That's what it's for." Again, this is the beauty of taxable investing. This money gets invested intentionally, but its fate remains in the air. They could use it for retirement, kids college, supplemental income, a new car, a home improvement project, a vacation, starting a company/organization, or outrageous giving. Everything is on the table.

After ripping open the doors for generosity, I revealed to them there's another beautiful nuance to it. If they directly give their investment to a registered 501(c)(3) organization (like a church or non-profit), they don't owe a penny of taxes. That's right. 100% of the investment goes to the organization, they owe zero taxes, and can deduct the entire gift on their taxes (if they itemize).

Here's an example. A $3,000 investment grows to $10,000. Assuming it's been held for at least 365 days, they qualify for long-term capital gain tax rates. For most families, that means they would owe a 15% tax on the $7,000 of growth, or $1,050. Instead of selling this investment, they can just give the entire $10,000 investment directly to the organization, the $1,050 of taxes goes away, and they can even report the $10,000 gift as a deduction on their taxes (if they itemize). Win, win, win. Of course, they could always just sell the investment, pay the taxes, and give that money directly to an organization or someone in need.

They are going to have fun with this.....

Current You vs. Future You

We humans have a fantastic ability to disassociate our current selves from our future selves. Take a recent date night as an example. We're out with a few friends, enjoying dinner and some drinks. We're all having a good time and excited to have kid-free time with other adults. Fast forward a few hours, I ate too much rich food, and I probably didn't need that drink toward the end of our evening together. In those moments, I was focused on my current self while completely disregarding my future (12 hours from now) self. I woke up the next morning feeling pretty blah. Had I been more self-aware, I would have considered what future me would want current me to do.....but I didn't. The problem is that, in due time, future me becomes current me.

That's a more minor and less consequential example of this concept. It's also scary considering how short of a time gap there is between current me and future me in that story.....a measly 12 hours. But yet, even though future me would become current me in less than a day, I still disrespected him.

Now, take that same concept and expand the time gap to 5, 10, or 20+ years. The further out in the future we're looking, the harder it is for us to associate with that person. And when we can't associate with that person, we lose empathy, compassion, and care. They are a stranger to us. It's someone we haven't met yet, nor will we meet for possibly decades. As a result, we don't much care what they think or feel.

Let's replace dinner and drinks with financial decisions. Maybe current you is thinking about taking out a big, fat car loan to acquire that shiny new vehicle you've had your eyes on. Have you considered what future you will think of that? In a few years, that shiny vehicle will be worn, out-of-date, and beat up. At the same time, future you will still be making those ridiculous payments and will have lost out on the opportunity cost of what could have been done with all those monthly payments.

Or maybe it's investing. Let's face it: investing $1,000/month isn't all that fun. I can think of a hundred things I'd rather do with '$1,000 each month. However, what would future me think about current me's decision to spend all that money on myself now? Current me can have a lot of fun with $1,000/month, but future me is relying on current me to step up and think big-picture. After all, someday future me will be current me......and I deserve better than to reap the consequences of my past self's selfishness.

Here's a little trick I often think about. When I'm about to make a decision, financial or otherwise, I ask myself what future me will think of it. If I don't like the answer, I should consider making a different decision.

Treat future you well......they will soon be current you.

The Undercurrent of Culture

We recently released a podcast episode titled "287 - Controlling Dining Out Without It Controlling You." In it, I talked about the ever-increasing narrative that dining out is simply too expensive. Yes, inflation has caused prices to ratchet up to frustrating levels. However, when people talk about this topic, they share ridiculous stories, attempting to highlight why they (and others) are screwed and in no way, shape, or form can financially succeed (never mind thrive) in this reality. In the episode, I used the example of one Tweet where someone said their family of four (including "two small children") spent $75 on a trip to Panera. Mom, Dad, and two small children.....$75 for Panera. I recently saw another example where someone said it cost their family $60 to eat at McDonalds.

I received several critical comments on the heels of releasing this episode, with the most common one revolving around the idea that I just live in a cheap part of the country (i.e. I don't know what people are really dealing with). While it's true that I don't live in THE most expensive markets in the country, neither do most people on social media ranting and raving about this topic.

I recently decided to do a little experiment with my own family. It was Sarah's birthday, and she wanted to take the boys to a trendy new breakfast restaurant in our town. Since it was her birthday, and knowing I wanted to perform this experiment, I simply instructed the family to get whatever they wanted. Sarah and I each enjoyed an entree (which we split and share with each other because that's what we always do), plus coffee. The boys elected for fun kid-sized options of chicken and waffles.....and hot chocolates, of course. After a 20% tip, the meal came to $88. $88 for breakfast!?!? Yep, my little experiment went precisely as I had hoped.

One thing separates my normal dining out experience from this one-off $88 breakfast experience: intentionality. When we have a set monthly budget for dining out, it forces us to be intentional with our decisions. On a normal day, that meal would have cost less than half of that. However, since we didn't have intentionality (boundaries, practicality, or rational thought), we were going to be the victim of whatever that final bill came out to be.

I'm glad we did. That was the point. It was Sarah's birthday. We had plenty in our dining-out budget this month, and it was a perfect time to perform my little experiment. Win, win, win. But we weren’t victims. We made those choices.

The next time you're out to eat but also trying to live with financial boundaries, choose intentionality. You can still have a wonderful experience and create fun memories. It CAN cost $88 for breakfast, but it doesn't have to. Luckily, you get to choose.

The Wisdom of Joker

What does Heath Ledger's Joker have to do with investing? Well, I'm glad you asked! In the world of investing, one of the biggest obstacles I have coaching people is helping them get their arms around risk. While it's true the stock market has averaged 9% per year over the last 150+ years, it's also true it frequently looks like a scary rollercoaster. It can be a mess. 

Here's a fun fact. Though we typically view the stock market through the lens of "8-10% per year," the stock market has only produced an outcome in that range three times out of the last 153 years (1912, 1916, and 1993)! In other words, the month-to-month and year-to-year results can vary widely......shockingly so. In fact, it's finished everywhere between -40% and +53%. Again, it's a mess. 

Just this century alone (which spans only 24 years), we've experienced four stock market crashes:

• -46% with a combination of the tech bubble bursting and 9/11

• -54% during the Great Financial Crisis

• -32% (in just five weeks!) when COVID hit us

• -25% in 2022

Once again, it's a mess!

Let's go back to Joker. In The Dark Knight (one of my all-time favorite movies), Joker is in Harvey Dent's hospital room, spouting off crazy. In the middle of this rant, he utters a quote that lives rent-free in my head: "Nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying."

While Joker meant it in a dark and nefarious way, I think there are a lot of parallels with investing. As investors, we need to know bad things will happen. It's part of the plan. The stock market crashes because the stock market crashes. That's just how it works. And if the stock market crashing is part of the plan, and we know it's part of the plan, we don't need to panic. Yes, even when the plan is horrifying. 

Four stock market crashes in just 24 years does indeed sound horrifying....and risky. If you had patiently lived according to the (horrifying) plan and endured whatever the stock market threw at you, you would have lost nearly half your money, just over half your money, a third of your money, and a quarter of your money. Brutal, eh? But here's the fun part. Through all that, you would have received a 6.9% annual return for those 24 years. Put another way, a $1,000 investment made on 1/1/2000 (hello Y2K!) would be worth approximately $5,000 today. That's a 5x multiple on your original investment. Not too shabby for enduring four stock market crashes in the middle of it. 

The stock market will crash. It always does. That's part of the plan. And if you know it's part of the plan, there's no need to panic. In fact, there's not even a need to log into your account or dig into account statements. Let the market do its thing while you live a meaningful life, and then check back in a few decades.

Pigs Over Money

Our family will be taking our first cruise soon. I never thought I'd be a cruise guy, but it made sense with the age of our kids, the number of activities available, a robust children's program (#datenights!), and the fact it's a safe, contained environment. Who knows, maybe I'll come back with a whole new perspective (and fandom) of cruises. Crazier things have happened (such as Rex Grossman leading the Bears to a Super Bowl).

I don't like planning my day-to-day activities on vacation, but I now realize that's critical in the cruise world. This includes on-ship activities, as well as port activities. While scanning the various port options/excursions, one caught my eye: Pig Island! Have you ever heard of Pig Island? It's exactly what it sounds like. It's a bunch of wild pigs that live on a tropical island, and you can go play with them. Visiting this place has been on our bucket list since we married. Now, it shows up as a port-day option for our upcoming cruise! It's fate!

I was pretty excited.....until I saw the price: $700. Ouch! That's a lot of money to pay for a 5-hour excursion, especially considering our entire 6-night cruise cost us $1,800 (children-cruise-free promo!).

These are the types of dilemmas I love. It doesn't intuitively make sense. There's no world where spending $700 to swim with pigs for a few hours feels rational. On the flip side, this is a bucket list activity for us. It could very well go down as one of our family's favorite all-time travel memories....or not. But there's only one way to find out. That's the risk....and the opportunity.

We decided to book it. While the financial cost is expensive, the memories and shared experiences will be priceless. We probably won't remember what it even cost when we wake up ten years from now. But those memories will last a lifetime. Here's one last thought. There's very little chance we'll regret doing it, but on the flip side, there's a high likelihood we'd regret not doing it. I hate living with regret. Take my money, pig people!

Meaning Over Money. Strike that. Pigs over money!

Preparing for the (Winter) Storm

Well, it's official: The Midwest is getting absolutely obliterated by a winter storm. Every city is different, but in mine, we received +/- 20 inches of snow in a 3-day stretch and are now getting crushed with -40-degree wind chills. This type of weather has many different consequences.....and none of them are good. 

One such consequence that's becoming increasingly apparent is the stress on businesses. Simply put, people mostly stay home with these harsh conditions. That means less business for retailers, restaurants, coffee shops, and entertainment venues. In other words, business came to a screeching halt for many entrepreneurs. 

Unfortunately, this will most certainly be the undoing of some businesses. It's sad, but inevitable. I don't wish that upon anyone, and I feel for people going through it. 

It brings me to an idea I constantly reinforce for my family and business clients. We need to be prepared! When we're in the midst of our normal life, we're just living. Things generally feel good, and we're operating as though life will perpetually feel this way. That's the risk. Life won't always be normal like this. A storm will come, whether that's a literal or figurative storm. As such, we must be prepared! It's not an if, but rather a when. It's coming! And for countless businesses in the Midwest, the when is right now. 

Whether you're a business or a family, the preparation process is similar. Here's a quick guide to getting yourself ready:

First, recognize that a storm WILL come. 

Second, set aside some cash reserves that will only be used when the storm approaches. To determine the right amount, we must ask ourselves what the worst-case scenario is. If we're a business, it might be a situation where we aren't open for a few weeks. If so, what will that cost? We need to account for our overhead expenses, lost revenue, product waste, and possibly owner distributions (if our family relies on them to survive). In my business, I always keep $10,000 of cash on hand. At Northern Vessel, we keep at least $25,000 liquid. I have other business clients that keep $100,000-$300,000 in reserve for the storm. 

If we're a family, we need to do a similar exercise. What's the worst that can happen to us? This question typically leads to the following types of situations:

• Job loss

• Car breakdowns (usually a $5,000 cap)

• House maintenance issues (typically capped at $10,000-$12,000)

• Medical situations (dependent upon health insurance, but can be upwards of $10,000)

Some families feel comfortable with $5,000 liquid, while others need upwards of $30,000. If you're feeling uneasy, pick a higher number. 

Third, we must pre-determine what we'll do to our monthly budget when the storm comes. I have a lot of my clients do this exercise at some point. If you need to cut $1,000/month, what would you cut? I call it "red alert lockdown." Know what the cuts will be.

Fourth, remember all storms pass....eventually. If you're in one, this too shall pass. 

Be safe out there, friends.

Small Gestures, Big Impact

When we think about impactful giving, we typically think about profound, massive, staggeringly generous gifts. A five-figure check. Giving someone a car. Forgiving someone's loan. The list goes on and on. Think about an example of a profoundly impactful gift. I bet you're thinking of something big.

Though I appreciate and deeply respect these types of large gifts, I firmly believe even small gifts can significantly move the needle in someone's life. While I was stuck in travel hell a few nights ago, three separate instances of small but powerful generosity played out in a short time span.

First, as it was clear that I wouldn't get home that night, my client stepped into the situation and reserved me a hotel room right in the middle of O'Hare Airport. No shuttles. No Ubers. No commute. All I had to do was take a short indoor walk. It wasn't cheap; he didn't have to do that. That single act of generosity changed my outlook on the situation. I couldn't be more grateful for his compassion and generosity in that moment.

An hour later, I'm on my flight from Dallas to Chicago. I'm on the aisle, a young man is in the middle seat, and an elderly man is at the window. I was repeatedly struck by how sweet and generous the middle guy was with the elderly man. The older man had a hard time moving around and had difficulty hearing. This other man spent the flight helping this man navigate the flight (getting up, reaching for things, communicating with the flight attendant, etc.). It was heart-warming. At the end of the flight, the older man shared his sincere appreciation for how well he was served.

At the same time, a third act of generosity happened. Instead of my usual ice water, I decided to treat myself to a bourbon. When the flight attendant asked for my order, I excitedly ordered my bourbon (neat, of course). But she never took my card. About 30 minutes later, when she walked by, I reminded her I still hadn't paid. "Let's not worry about that. This one is on me." Wow! That was so sweet.

Epilogue: I eventually made it home yesterday. My fate was very much up in the air. I had three opportunities to get a standby seat on Saturday and another three on Sunday, but it wasn't looking pretty. However, in another generous act, my client spent part of his Saturday morning scanning airlines for newly available tickets. A single seat opened up on a different airline, and he instructed me to quickly purchase it. Wow, yet another generous act. The day was still an absolute travel disaster (including digging my car out of a snow bank in -25 degree wind chill with no coat, no hat, and no gloves), but my client's continued generosity led to me getting home safely.

Small acts of generosity can completely alter a person's day.....or month.....or life. Don't overlook those opportunities to make a difference.

You Can’t Control What You Can’t Control

Here's a live look at my day:

I was supposed to get home last night, but my flight from Dallas to Des Moines was canceled. After several discussions with airline employees, I decided to fly to Chicago to provide a few more opportunities to get home the following day(s). I spent the night at a hotel in an O'Hare airport, and now I will spend my day in the airport on standby, praying to make it home. The first available flight home isn't until Monday, so I'll be playing the waiting game until then. Ouch.

In the past, a situation like this would have likely sent me over the edge. I would have been furious. Now, however, I feel different about it. Instead of obsessing about everything I can't control (like blizzards, frigid temps, canceled flights, and a backlog of people trying to get home), I try to focus on what I can control. And today, that's very little. I can show up to the gate and hope. I can try to be productive with my lengthy airport time. I can treat people with dignity and not be a complete jerk. That's about all I can control. The rest is out of my hands. Maybe I'll get home today, or Sunday, or Monday. At this point, that fate is out of my hands.

Our finances and careers are much the same. So many components of our work and money are out of our hands. We can't control the stock market. We can't control whether or not our boss gives us the promotion we deserve. We can't control housing prices. We can't control what the Joneses are doing.

On the flip side, we can control how much we invest each month. We can control how hard we work and what value we add to the organization. We can control where we live. We can control what lifestyle we pursue.

For every 1,000 things we can't control, there are 1,000 things we can. Ignore the former and embrace the latter.

In the meantime, I'll just be bribing strangers with cash, jewelry, and whatever other trinkets I can muster. Hey, it worked for Kevin McCallister's mom!

Perhaps My Wife Should Leave Me

I recently stumbled into an online message board where people submit their monthly budgets for the broader group to provide feedback.

One person's budget included investing 55% of his monthly take-home income to "build wealth." The group loved it! "Way to go!" "Keep up the good work." "Your future is bright." He was lauded and applauded. Hundreds of comments poured in, ranging from congratulations to requests for advice.

Another person shared how he and his wife each bought new luxury cars and live in a mini-mansion in a prestigious gated community. The group loved it! "You earned it." "Enjoy the spoils of your labor." "That's a sign that you're a success." Some people put them on a pedestal. Some people wanted to know their secrets to winning. Others were jealous, but hopeful to one day be there as well.

Then there was another person. This was a middle-class family with an average income and a normal lifestyle. What caught my eye were a few giving categories in his budget. "Church giving," "xyz org giving," and a category that was clearly meant for people in need. He didn't highlight this in his post, but I did the math: his giving totaled approximately 18% of his monthly take-home income.

Do you think he was applauded like the two families above? Haha, of course not! He was utterly skewered. When I saw his budget, I knew exactly what the comments would look like. "You're an idiot." "Bible-beating moron." "Gullible sheep." Some people accused him of neglecting (or even abusing) his family. Some suggested his wife should leave him to find someone to care for his kids, not someone else's kids. 90% of the commenters agreed he was irresponsible and dumb.

I don't know what was going through that original poster's head as he saw the negative comments stream in. But if they know the secret I know, I hope they just sat back and smiled. Generosity always wins. Always. It's true that when we give money away, we have less money. That's a mathematical fact. This family will most likely have less money in the months, years, and decades to come. But they will be richer.....far richer. They will have more joy, more peace, more impact, more contentment, and more meaning. It's a trade-off. We can have the money, or we can have what really matters.

While getting absolutely destroyed by the commenters on that board, my prayer is that someone else was watching. Someone who knows deep down that generosity is the way. Someone who experiences our culture pushing him downstream, but has the urge to swim upstream. I hope this person was inspired by this man's post. Not just inspired, but enough to take action and eventually become the butt of everyone else's jokes.

I may be an idiot. I may be a "Bible-beating moron." I may be a gullible sheep. I may be neglecting my family. Perhaps my wife should leave me. Or maybe I just know a secret: generosity always wins.

Never Waste a Perfectly Good Mistake

In a sobering coaching moment, I recently explained to a client that their investing decisions have cost them handily. They asked me how much we're talking about, so I did some calculations. Though it's a rough estimation, it's safe to say they've lost at least $25,000 so far. They were livid. Worse, their financial advisor is a family member. What this family member did to them wasn't explicitly immoral, but rather "normal." Normal in the sense it's what most people are doing.....which is terrible. They were sick about it, and rightfully so.

But as I love to say, let's not waste a perfectly good mistake. Yes, they lost out on +/- $25,000. There's no way to reverse that. However, that pales in comparison to what they will potentially lose in the future. By my estimation, they will lose a minimum of $1M in the decades to come if they stay on this same path. It's an expensive mistake, but that singular mistake will ironically be the springboard to them doing so much better. That mistake was transformational......in the best way.

I also think back to my own journey. Specifically, when I received the humbling of a lifetime when the Great Financial Crisis struck us. I was $236,000 in debt, on the verge of losing my job, and had limited options. I was blessed with the opportunity to keep my job (by moving states), which gave me a second chance to do this financial stuff right. That mistake was costly, but it was ironically the springboard to a better life. That mistake was transformational.....in the best way. I still carry some of that pain, but I also carry a ton of gratitude with it.

I don't know what mistakes you've made, are making, or will make in the future, but I know they are coming. Some of them will be mild, but others will be costly. I hope they don't cost you as much as they cost this young couple or the younger version of me, but whatever they are, I hope you use it for good. Learn from it. Be humbled by it. Grow from it. Let it shift your perspective. See it through a different lens. Share it with others. Be better as a result of it. Regardless of how bad the mistake was, more good can come from it than bad......if we allow it.

We can't avoid mistakes altogether, but we can use them as a force for good. Never waste a perfectly good mistake!

“You’re Being Stupid”

While writing yesterday's post, I found myself reflecting on my current life vs. my previous life. Specifically, I remember one critical conversation with a close, trusted friend as I was on the verge of making the transition. "You're being stupid." Well, that wasn't the exact quote. The exact quote included an f-bomb in the middle......for emphasis, of course! Let's just say this friend thought I was making a life-altering mistake. I don't blame him, though. Taking a 90% pay cut to start your career over while trying to make ends meet may, in fact, qualify as "stupid." 

I wouldn't trade my current life for all the money in the world. The funny thing is, though, my life doesn't look anything like I drew it up on the playbook:

• I have a bunch of awesome coaching clients (that was the only part I knew I would do).

• People pay me to speak at their events (still weird to me!).

• I have the honor of sharing the Meaning Over Money message on podcasts and in my writing (one of the greatest honors of my life).

• I get the surprise privilege of partially owning and jointly operating a coffee company (that wasn't on my bucket list bingo card).

• I have a wonderful corporate client in Texas that I enjoy immensely.

• Though all these things take up a ton of time, I have a lot of flexibility to parent my boys and invest in them. 

In other words, I'm blessed beyond belief. It's easy to look back now and say my decision was the right thing to do. However, there were many times when it felt like the scariest thing in the world. Never mind all the people in my life who told me how terrible a decision I was making. "You're being a bad husband and father" was another fun comment made to me by a trusted friend. Ouch!

People's opinions matter. Their wisdom is valuable. We should seek out the insight of those we trust. Yes, all of those things. But ultimately, we need to make the best decision for our family......even if it's the opposite of what culture says is right. If I was feeling a bit more rowdy, I may even suggest, "especially if it's the opposite of what culture says is right." 

If you want what everyone else has, do what they do. If you want the opposite of what everyone else has, do the opposite. Ultimately, it comes down to values.....your values. 

I recently had a drink with my friend who told me I was stupid for leaving my career. We had a great time. Lots of reminiscing and lots of laughs. In the middle of the chat, he added, "You did the right thing." I'm not sure I needed that from him, but I think I needed that from him. Thanks, my man!

Follow meaning, even if it's hard. No, strike that. Especially if it's hard. 

I Miss This

Last night, I enjoyed a fun and relaxing dinner with my client. There were seven of us, and it was just a flat-out enjoyable experience. When these moments happen, my first thought is always, "I miss this." While I'm not technically an employee, it feels like I am. These people mean something to me. I enjoy my time with them. It's fun working together to achieve a shared goal. Of all the things I lost when I left my prior career, this is the one I miss the most. I miss the camaraderie. I still get some of this in my new work life, but it's different. 

In my keynote, I venture into the behavioral science of money and happiness. In short, once our needs are met, money WON'T make us much happier. That's been proven again and again. However, there are three things that clearly drive happiness:

• Generosity

• Work that matters

• Relationships

If that's true, it's no surprise why I feel the way I do about spending time with these people. Relationships are like oxygen. I think people grossly underappreciate the importance of relationships in the workplace. Some people even advise against having relationships with co-workers. I've heard it referred to as the separation of work and life. I couldn't disagree more. We shouldn't separate work and life…..we should integrate it. Work is part of life. After all, our work accounts for literally half our waking hours. 

I believe work relationships are the secret sauce. In the absence of these meaningful relationships, nothing is holding us to a job. Without relationships, there's no reason we wouldn't leave for even a $500/year raise. Without relationships, we become a free agent looking for the highest bidder. 

One last thought. Whenever I ask someone what they like most about their job (whether they love it or hate it), the first answer given almost always revolves around relationships. Is that telling? Conversely, whenever I ask someone what they dislike most about their job (whether they love it or hate it), the first answer given almost always revolves around relationships. Is that telling?

Here's my takeaway today. Don't take your work relationships for granted. They can and should add a richness to your life. We are better people because of them. Don't miss out on that opportunity. 

“Am I Excited to Go Home?”

Last night, I was blessed with a chance airplane encounter with my awesome friends, Brett and Tracy (and family). They are on their way to a wonderful-sounding vacation at a tropical destination. That sounds pretty nice when contrasted with the weather we're about to experience here in the Midwest. While waiting for the plane to take off, I texted Tracy, jokingly asking her to give me some ideas for blog content she could enjoy at the pool each morning. She didn't take the bait……perhaps she doesn't want to spend her vacation absorbing random ideas from my brain. Today's post is written with her vacation in mind, though!

Vacations are an excellent barometer for life. Not the vacation itself, but rather one key question we should ask ourselves while we're in the midst of a beautiful trip. "Am I excited to go home?" If we're vacationing well, we should be creating lifelong memories, making bad (or shall I say good?) food choices, relaxing, and carving out new adventures. But at some point, it comes to an end. And when it does, we'll soon transition back to our normal day-to-day life. When that happens, what goes through your mind? Is it dread? Fear? Tolerance? Ambivalence? Anxiety? Stress? Pessimism? Or on the other side of the coin, is it excitement? Hope? Passion? Encouraged? Optimism? 

The answer can and should be telling. Let's say your answer to the question is positive. You're looking forward to going home and resuming life. If that's the case, congrats! You're winning! I don't even care what your life looks like, what you do for a living, how much money you have, or your status. If you look forward to going home and living your life, you've already won! Millions of people would be jealous of your life. 

If your answer to the question leans negative, it's time to look in the mirror. If we need to escape our life in order to get through our life, it's a sign that something needs to change. Yes, vacations should be amazing……but vacations aren't life. They are what we do when we temporarily pause life. And the consequence of pausing is that we eventually need to unpause. When we do, our life is still our life, and we are still us. That's the problem with vacations. They don't actually change anything. We can leave our life, but we can't escape it. Ultimately, we must live in the reality we've created for ourselves. 

If you have a negative answer, I have a few follow-up questions for you:

• What part(s) of your life triggers a negative response? Work? Family? Marriage? Finances? Friends? Other?

• What alternative reality would make you shift your answer from negative to positive?

• What changes can you immediately make to begin this shift?

Next time you're on a fun vacation, try this exercise. But warning: Once you look in the mirror and see the truth, you just may have to take action. And you'll be grateful you did!

Build-A-Memory

Yesterday was a big day in our house. Finn cashed in on a Christmas gift by creating his own Build-A-Bear stuffie. He was beaming, as any new stuffed animal father would be. It's safe to say that he'll be talking about this for years to come.

Do you know how much it costs to buy a Build-A-Bear stuffed animal? Far more than a stuffed animal should cost. In many cases, 3-4x what you'd typically pay for a similar stuffed animal. It's wild.

However (and this is a big however), you aren't really buying a stuffed animal. Sure, you walk out of the store with a cute little stuffie. But that's not what you're actually buying. Build-A-Bear is in the memory-selling business. Every part of the experience (from the moment you walk into their store until the moment you walk out) is a curated experience to create a lasting memory. From the selection of the body, filling it with stuffing, to the little heart-insertion ceremony, to the accessorization, each part of the sequence builds upon the prior.

People can criticize Build-A-Bear all they want, but that company understands something vitally important. Their value proposition is far more than the physical object they are selling. That's why they can sell so many units at a staggering price. They know who they are, they know who they serve, they how to serve them, and they know what they are selling them.

My wife recently had a similar experience. My gift to her was one of those necklaces you design, and they literally fuse it onto your body. It doesn't come off. It's permanent. The only way to remove it is to cut it off. She chose a simple chain with three birthstones: September (the month Finn and Pax were born), October (the month they became part of our family), and June (the month their adoption was finalized in court). Similar to the stuffie, Sarah's necklace cost more than you'd anticipate. Also similar to the stuffie, this company understands they aren't in the necklace-selling business. They are in the legacy business. They help women create pieces that will theoretically be attached to them for the rest of their lives. There's a special sentiment in that process. That's what people are really buying.

What are you really selling? We're all selling something. We all wake up each morning and do something with our time. Those actions and that work can provide something meaningful. Maybe you sell coffee like my friend TJ. Or maybe you train basketball players like my friend Anna. Or maybe you sell insurance like my friend Ben. Or maybe you raise your kids like my wife Sarah.

Whatever you do, look one layer deeper. What are you really selling? Instead of coffee, TJ really sells smiles and hospitality. Instead of training, Anna helps young ladies develop confidence. Instead of insurance, Ben really sells peace of mind. Instead of "just staying home" (I hate that phrase!), Sarah is molding the next generation of leaders.

Sell what matters.