The Painful (Yet Beautiful) Cost of Parenting

Today is a big day! Not only is it one of the biggest college football games of our season (Iowa at Iowa State), but it’s Northern Vessel’s official launch party for our new canned cold brew partnership with We Will Collective (Iowa State’s NIL collective). We’ll be setting up a tent alongside We Will, where our entire Northern Vessel team will be there to celebrate the launch, eat good food, and have a fun time together. Many friends, former Iowa State athletes, and other big names will also be stopping by the tailgate to say hello and grab some cold brew (35,000 cans fresh off the line!). Word on the street is President Trump and several other 2024 presidential candidates will also be floating around the premises.

It will be an absolutely fantastic event…..and I’ll miss most of it. Bummed doesn’t even begin to describe how I’m feeling right now. This is the type of thing we’ve envisioned since relaunching Northern Vessel in November 2022. This is the next step of TJ’s dream, and being able to support him is one of the greatest privileges of my life. Yet, I’m going to miss the majority of it.

Why? Finn and Pax have a parks and recreation soccer game this morning. They really want to play, and just as important, they want their dad there to cheer them on. I remember back when I dreamed of one day becoming a father. I made a promise to myself that I would make every one of my kids’ games, concerts, or other events if I had the power to do so. I also think back to my own childhood and remember fondly that my parents rarely missed a game. They didn’t have to be there, but they somehow sacrificed to always be present. If my memory serves me correctly, my mom only missed two basketball games in my entire 5th-12th career (in one, I scored 47 points, and in the other, I was carted out of the gym on a stretcher with temporary paralysis). I always loved having my parents there and want my kids to have the same thing (not the life-flash-before-their-eyes injury part, though…..that’s a story for a different day).

Can we parents all agree that this isn’t easy? In the chaos of life, it’s hard enough to keep my head on straight with the everyday things in my life…..never mind all the extracurricular activities. And the crazy part is, we’re not even into the thick of it yet. We have a few first graders just now getting into sports and other activities.

I’m very torn today. I’m mourning the loss of missing this important event. However, the decision was pretty simple. Many years ago, I made that commitment to myself to be present when I eventually became a father. This is where we find out if I was just talking the talk, or if I’ll walk the walk.

Oh yeah, Go Cyclones!

The Hidden What-If Cost

Yesterday, I shared a meal with a friend. He's a young guy who reminds me of how I was around 20. Like me at 20, he loves investing. And, like me at 20, he prefers to do it irresponsibly and overconfidently. Ah, so many similarities between us. Part of me wants to shake him out of it, but then again, I don't think anyone was going to shake me out of my ridiculous ways back when I was his age.

He revealed to me how he's lost a good chunk of change through his investing practices. Not "lost" as in the market is going down but will eventually come back up. Rather, lost as in, poof, it's gone. It's a lot of money to him, but he did have a good comeback for me. "Travis, you always talk about how we shouldn't do things that financially endanger us or our family. This doesn't put me in danger, and I don't have a family yet."

He makes a good point. He may be out thousands of dollars, but he won't go without food or shelter. He's a single guy with limited financial overhead. However, here's where I want to land this plane. I pointed out to him there's a far more significant consequence at play. It's the hidden what-if, commonly known as opportunity cost. Said another way, it's what he could have done with that money instead of what he chose.

Out of respect for him, I won't use his actual numbers. Let's pretend he made some investing choices that cost him $5,000. Or you could insert a different choice here. Maybe you spent it gambling. Perhaps you decided to have a wild night at the club, or that impulsive trip to _______, or pulled the trigger on that motorcycle you've had your eye on.

Sure, $5,000 less in your pocket may not ruin your life. That's a fair point. But the hidden cost? The opportunity cost is what you could have done with this $5,000 instead of losing it on risky investments. In the case of my friend, I used an apples-to-apples comparison. Since he's trying to make money by investing, I shared an alternative scenario. If invested the right way (broad low-cost index funds with a lot of patience), that $5,000 would be worth nearly $250,000 by the time he turns 65. So, correct, his loss didn't ruin his life......but the cost was quite steep.

We can insert other opportunity cost scenarios here, too. How many hurting families could we have helped with $5,000? How many hungry children could we have fed with $5,000? How much education could we have attained with $5,000? How much quicker could we replace our aging car with $5,000? How many amazing memories could we have created with $5,000? The list goes on.

Yes, it's only $5,000. But it's $5,000!!!! Whenever we make decisions, we must look beyond the direct costs. An opportunity cost assessment will show us our best choice. Follow that one!

The Beauty of (Some) Bad Financial Decisions

I have a confession: I might soon make a bad financial decision. Mathematically, it's not the right thing to do. It won't increase my net worth. It won't improve my monthly cashflow. It won't lead to the betterment of my family's financials over the long term. It's a flat-out bad financial decision. If that's true, and I know it's true, why on earth would I entertain such a decision? Because not everything is about money. Not everything in life is about optimizing for money's sake. We aren't little robots whose job is to crunch numbers and make the best mathematical decision at every point along the way.

Here's an example. I regularly argue that owning a house is often a bad financial decision. Hot take, I know. I've dug into the numbers to make my argument in the past, and I'm sure I'll do it again soon. But I'm firmly in the camp that owning a house is frequently a bad mathematical decision. However, I always follow that statement up with, "......but it may be the best life decision." I'm pro-home ownership, but not for mathematical reasons. For many people, home ownership represents something far deeper. Whenever a coaching client says they want to buy a house, I show them the math to prove why it may not be a good mathematical decision......then will often encourage them to buy the house anyway. It's not always about math and money. Sometimes it's about something deeper.....far deeper.

Where it goes awry for people is when they make a decision because they think it's a good financial decision, only to discover it's anything but. Those are the situations that burn people. On the flip side, when people know a particular decision is a poor financial decision, but know it's still the right decision to make, it can be a real blessing. This self-awareness makes all the difference in the world.

So yeah, I might make a bad financial decision. It's too early to tell, but it's on the table. If I do, it's because the non-financial aspects of the decision outweigh the financial ones. In the world of meaning over money, this is the meaning part. Always meaning over money.

Taking Advantage of THOSE Moments

One of my friends/clients just experienced a significant moment in his life. It's one of THOSE moments, which come in various shapes and sizes. Some are the result of skill, some luck, and others a combination of the two. Each of us will experience a handful of these opportunities in life.....some more, some less. This situation is the first real moment in my friend's young journey. In his case, it looks like a large sum of money coming his way. It's one of THOSE moments!

Here's the problem with these types of moments. When they happen, they often feel overwhelming. The moment feels large, the opportunity great, and the responsibility weighty. These types of moments open up so many paths, but many of those paths are fruitless endeavors. Sadly, in all my years walking alongside people in this area of money, most people will throw away these types of moments. Most of these moments get squandered. Not intentionally, usually. If handled right, these moments can materially alter our lives. If handled poorly, at best, they turn into nothing burgers; at worst, they sow the seeds of eventual regret and resentment. 

As I was talking to my friend yesterday, I reminded him that, if done right, this moment has the power to change his life, as well as the lives of others. It's an amazing opportunity for him, and I encouraged him in his decision-making process. What path will he take? Only time will tell. 

I've had a handful of THOSE moments in my life. Most of the time I've gotten it right, and I attribute much of where I am today to those critical decisions. Although the thousands of decisions we make each day matter, some carry more water than others. THOSE moments can have a monumental impact on our journey. Here are some examples of what I'm talking about:

• Receiving a sum of money or inheritance.

• The opportunity to say "yes" (or "no") to a major job/career opportunity.

• Declining to pursue significant materialistic endeavors (especially early in the journey).

• Doing that ridiculously generous act, even if it doesn't seem to make logical sense. It will change you from the inside out.

• Getting on that plane, even though what's on the other side of the flight is scary, unknown, or uncomfortable. 

• Starting that business that you're afraid will fail.

Each of us will have a handful of THOSE moments in our lifetime, and how we respond will likely shape the trajectory of our life. It's a scary but empowering thought. I pray for clarity and confidence as you experience yours. 

Avoid Life-Altering Mistakes

In my ten years as a youth group leader, there's one piece of advice I levied on my young friends more than any other. Well, maybe the third most: 1) Love God, 2) Love others, and 3) Don't make life-altering mistakes.

The reality is we will all make mistakes.....lots of them! If I think hard enough, I can think of a dozen I've made in just the last few days. All mistakes have consequences, but not all consequences are created equal. There are mistakes, and there are life-altering mistakes. It's imperative we know the difference.

I forgot to prepare the coffee pot before going to bed the other night. Consequence: I had a slightly grumpy wife the following morning. There was a consequence, but not a significant consequence. I once forgot my wedding anniversary. To clarify, I knew my anniversary was coming up, and I even bought Sarah a gift, but on the actual day, I forgot it was our anniversary. Again, consequences.....but not significant. If I were to cheat on my wife, that would also be a mistake. However, that mistake would have much more dire consequences. A life-altering mistake with possible life-altering consequences. Not all mistakes are created equal, but sometimes we humans do a poor job of doing these types of mental calculations.

Whether we're a teenager or a full-fledged adult, we need to understand the difference.....whether it's life, work, relationships, or even money. No matter what we're doing, the goal shouldn't be to stop making mistakes. Mistakes go hand-in-hand with progress. We can't move forward in life without making mistakes. The goal should be to avoid life-altering mistakes. It's easier said than done, but it gets a whole lot more manageable when we're intentionally trying to achieve this goal.

In the hundreds of families I've spent time with talking about work and money, a common thread amongst most of them is that a few life-altering mistakes have taken the wind out of their sails. These mistakes didn't feel like mistakes at the time, but that's how the worst mistakes often develop. The decisions seem innocent and, sure, there's probably some risk, but what are the chances that will happen?!?! If there's one thing certain about humans, it's that we underestimate the probability of the downside occurring and equally underestimate the severity of said downside if it actually does happen.

I wish I could give you some concrete advice on how to do this better. Truth is, it's hard. But I'll give it a shot:

1. Before making a decision, sincerely ask yourself what the true downside could be.

2. Once you know the downside, be honest with yourself about how possible it actually is.

3. Understand the consequence in your specific life if the downside happens. Will it bruise you, scratch you, cut you, gash you, or amputate you?

4. Don't rush your decision. A rushed decision is a regretful decision.

5. The moment you know you've made a mistake, acknowledge that you made a mistake and immediately shift gears.

6. Meaning over money....always meaning over money

Happy decision-making, all!

Unwinding Your Way to Contentment

The pursuit of more is a slippery slope. It starts innocent enough. We enter the real world and get our first place. We see how nice our friends’ place is, so we also get something nice. Maybe we’ve been driving a beater for a while, so we decide to get an upgrade. After all, we’ve been working hard and we’re finally making grown-up money. Then the new iPhone comes out and we realize ours is already a few years old……better get a new one. One small step, then another, then another. None of these are inherently bad. But without knowing it, we’ve set into motion the ever-alluring and never fulfilling pursuit of more. As I always say, the problem with more is that more is still, well, more.

Fast forward 15 years, we have a significantly higher income than we started out with……and an inflated lifestyle to match. Then, it dawns on us: we’re just as stressed and discontent now as we were back when we had almost nothing. This is the fork in the road. Down one path is the continued pursuit of more. Maybe we just haven’t gotten to the point where we have “enough” to actually be happy. Maybe we’re one promotion, one trip, one house upgrade, or one additional zero in our bank account away. The other path? The other path requires humility. It’s an acknowledgment that perhaps we’ve been seeking comfort and happiness in the wrong things, then deciding to unwind some of our past decisions.

Two clients have recently decided to pursue the latter path. These are families who have achieved much success. Incomes most of us will never have, and lifestyles to match. Truth is, they aren’t happy. Life is moving fast, they are overly busy, their marriages are strained, and they feel quite discontent. So what are they doing about it? They have humbly and painfully decided to take a few drastic steps:

• Sell their house and downsize (one is purchasing a much small house and the other will rent)

• Downgrade their vehicle situation to something a bit more practical.

• Start saying “no” to various activities, trips, and memberships. This is an effort to create margin in their family time.

• Dramatically increase how much they give, taking the focus off them and putting it on others.

• Downshift their careers to stop focusing on an upward trajectory and lean in on creating a healthier balance.

These are no doubt counter-cultural decisions. They’ve already started getting pushback from friends and family, which is how they know they are probably on the right track. Whenever the prevailing culture pushes back against you, it’s probably a sign you’re doing something right.

They haven’t even implemented all these changes and they are already feeling better about their situations. There’s something empowering about knowing you have the power to unwind past decisions. It’s a constant reminder that everything is on the table.

The Psychological Impact of Sunk Costs

I thought you deserve an update on my NBA play-in game ticket debacle. After literally everything working against me, I had two tickets to last night’s 8-seed play-in game (which cost a total of $550)…..and nobody to go with me. As the week played out, I continually debated what to do about the situation.

So here’s where I was a few days ago. Due to the trainwreck that is the Minnesota Timberwolves organization, ticket prices plummeted for an event they should have increased for. That will happen when one of your best players punches another player, and a different player punches a wall and breaks his hand. As a result, I had two tickets worth a total of $250….down $300 from when I originally purchased them. Whenever I discussed this situation with people, their collective reaction was something along the lines of “Obviously you have to go, otherwise you lost $300.”

This is a very typical way of looking at the situation, but not the right way. This is where the idea of sunk costs comes into play. There’s no way around it, I already spent $550 on these tickets. There’s no undoing that or wishing it away. That’s referred to as a sunk cost….the price that has already been paid for something. What I originally paid for the tickets is absolutely irrelevant to the decision in front of me. It happened and the money is already gone from my bank account.

I had two primary choices in front of me. I could sell the tickets for $250, or I could keep the tickets, add $50 of fuel costs to the equation, and road trip to the game. Put in those terms, going to the game would cost me $300 and not going to the game would give me $300. This decision has to be made without regard for the original $550 of sunk costs. Do I want to stay home and have $300 or pay $300 to go to the game? It’s a much different decision when we look at it that way.

Let’s be honest, it’s hard to think this way. The moment I decide to sell these tickets, I solidify the financial and emotional loss of my mistake. However, what if I didn’t want to go to the game now? Stubbornly thinking with my pride would have cost me $300 for an experience I didn’t want. This is the same psychological warfare that causes us to stay in toxic relationships, hold onto bad financial investments, and stay in crappy jobs. We’ve put so much into them (time, money, energy, love, etc.) and we don’t want to realize the loss. However, we need to disregard the sunk costs. Instead, we need to ask ourselves what the cost/upside is from today. If we’re in a terrible relationship, for example, we can choose to either a) leave and move on to a better life (recognizing the past 6 weeks, 6 months, or 6 years may have been garbage), or b) linger in misery, hoping to rectify a bad situation and justify the misery experienced the past 6 weeks, 6 months, or 6 years. The sunk costs often mess with us, resulting in us inadvertently causing further harm/pain. I know I’ve fallen for that trap before!

So what did I do about the tickets? After much consideration, I decided $300 is still a worthwhile price to pay for a memorable experience and to check off a bucket list item. My buddy TJ even came with me! It was fun gifting him a ticket and sharing that experience together. Considering we didn’t get home until the middle of the night, additional thoughts/reflections on the experience will have to wait for another day. Have a great Saturday!

Slow Down or Get Burned

We recently made a bad decision in one of my businesses. It’s not a life-threatening mistake, but it was serious enough to cause some heartburn and consequences. We haven’t made many bad decisions in the past, but this one was a doozie. In the moment I kind of knew there would be regrets, for one specific reason. We rushed to make a decision and did so under pressure.

Us humans rarely make good decisions when we’re under duress or facing time constraints. It’s a concept I talk to clients about all the time, yet here I was falling for the same trap. This topic is so, so, so important. Think back to the financial and career decisions you regret. Were you under stress or experiencing pressure to make a quick decision? The answer is probably “yes” in most cases. Common examples of bad financial decisions revolve around the following situations:

• When we’re faced with a car accident or significant repair needs, which often leads us to quickly buy a vehicle we can’t afford.

• When we’re house shopping and the seller’s agent tells us there are a few other offers on the table already, forcing us to make a snap decision.

• When we experience a major medical or relational situation, resulting in us making impulsive financial decisions to self-medicate the pain.

• When someone offers us a job but they need to know by the end of the day.

One of my primary objectives when working with clients is getting them to slow down, take their time, and be intentional about their decisions. It’s a simple concept, but it’s easier said than done when life is moving fast and feeling chaotic. There are probably 10-20 decisions made (or not made) each year that have the power to significantly alter our financial journey. If we can slow down and get those right (or at least not get them wrong), our future selves will be grateful.

Have an awesome and intentional day!

Cost vs. Value

I’ve had $5 meals that were a rip-off and $200 meals that were a bargain. It’s easy to look at those two prices and naturally assume it’s the other way around. After all, $5 isn’t much and $200 is far too much. However, we tend to look at just one side of the coin: cost. When assessing purchases in our lives, we need to look at both cost AND value. The cost matters, but the value is equally important. In order to determine if the cost is worth it, whether $5 or $200, we need to understand the value to us.

Here’s the catch. We all have a different measuring stick and a varying set of interests by which we assess value. Some of you may see $200 tied to the price of a single meal and it makes you want to literally or figuratively vomit. I totally understand that. Through your lens, and your value system, there can’t possibly be enough value derived from a $200 meal to justify it in a million years. On the other hand, many of you know exactly what I’m talking about and you can absolutely see how an amazing $200 meal is worth it.

This starts to lean into the idea of cheap vs. frugal. Cheap is an inability to spend money, whereas frugal is the determination to only spend on things that add more value than they cost. So yes, a $200 meal could still be considered a frugal purchase if the perceived value is high enough.

As I always say about budgeting and spending, “the objective isn’t to spend less, but rather to spend better.” Better is better, and my better is different than your better. The sooner we tune out the noise created by everyone around us and start leaning into our own unique values, the sooner we find contentment and satisfaction in our spending.

What’s something you find valuable for the price but most perceive as a rip-off?

Not Making It About Money

A while back, a client called me with an idea. Well, it was partly an idea and partly wanting me to tell them “no.” There was an opportunity on the table for them, but it felt like a bad financial decision. They were right…..it was a terrible financial decision. There was no possible way to spin this into a “good financial move.” However, by the time our 15-minute conversation concluded, I strongly encouraged them to do it anyway. This shocked them.

Why would a money guy encourage a client to make a bad financial decision!?!? It’s simple: money is NEVER about money. It’s always about something bigger. To me, this decision was the biggest no-brainer on the planet. There were countless upsides to this decision, with money being the only downside.

As the conversation was coming to an end, I encouraged them to pray about it, discuss it some more, and confidently make the best decision for them. They ended up choosing the bad financial decision. I was so proud of them for taking a counter-cultural approach of not letting money drive their decision. Instead of carrying the guilt and pressure of making financial progress, they made a decision that significantly improved their quality of life.

Fast forward several months, I excitedly asked them how they feel about this decision now that it has played out over time. They responded, “that decision has already paid off ten-fold.” Meaning over money. Always meaning over money.

Netflix For the Entire Town!

I was recently in a coaching session when things got heated between the husband and wife. They were trying to figure out how to free up some cashflow in their monthly budget so they can lean into things they actually value. Here’s where the conversation broke down. One spouse wanted to cancel Netflix and the other wanted to cancel Hulu.

This in and of itself isn’t an interesting conversation……until I point out the fact they spend $3,000/month dining out and another $1,800 on their combined car payments. Yes, you read that correctly. We are arguing about a $15/month service fee when just these two other categories alone account for $4,800/month.

At some point, I jumped into the conversation with the line, “with how much you spend on food and your cars, you could buy Netflix for the entire town!”

This comment cut the tension and caused a laugh, then we moved on. This sounds crazy - because it is - but is a perfect example of what happens when we unintentionally create sacred cows in our life. Without knowing it, we turn certain things into a non-negotiable. We cement it in our life and never again stop to think that perhaps there’s a better approach. This couple turned dining out and their cars into sacred cows, even at the expense of so many things they believe in and dream about.

They now have an opportunity to make a choice. And not making a choice is still making a choice. The same goes for you, and for me.

* The couple gave me permission to share this story. They thought the absurdity of their situation could help others….or at least give them a laugh to start their day!

Don't Let Your Memory Become a Nightmare

In yesterday’s post, I talked about the idea of investing in memories and not dwelling on the cost. The key point was that memories will last forever, while you soon won’t even remember what you paid for them. Two readers quickly pointed out this perspective seemed a bit negligent. That it’s irresponsible to recklessly pursue memories at the risk of impairing one’s financial life.

I’m really glad they pointed this out to me! I couldn’t agree more. I was perhaps too casual or too presumptuous that people are avoiding self-sabotage in the process. I of all people should know better than to make this assumption. I work with people every day who make decisions that will haunt them for years or decades to come.

Whenever we make a financial decision, it has to fit within the broader context of our life. When I made the choice to fly to Dallas and sit courtside at a Mavs game, contextually I knew I could intentionally budget for it while still finding my balance between needs, wants, giving, and saving. If this opportunity would have presented itself 10-15 years earlier, I don’t think I could have said the same thing. Back then, a similar decision could potentially have knocked me off balance, or incentivized me into debt. When we make those types of choices, we create a scenario for ourselves where our memories turn into nightmares.

Each summer, Sarah makes the case for us to buy a small condo in a popular nearby lake community. She dreams about all the memories we can create there, as well as all the family time we would get to share together. She makes some very good arguments….and it sounds amazing. However, we then have to consider how it fits into the context of our broader life. Unfortunately, choosing to purchase this condo today would have deep negative ripple effects that could quickly turn into a nightmare.

Memories matter, but not when they haunt us for months or years to come. Choose wisely and choose carefully. When you do, those memories will be beautiful….and priceless!

The Why Behind the Why Behind the Why

When I’m having a conversation with people, especially in a coaching setting, I repeatedly ask the question, “why?” I sound like my 6-year-olds, I know. I find that when “why?” is asked, we continually get closer to the truth.

I was recently meeting with a client who expressed an interest in buying a new house. They already live in a very nice house, in a very nice part of town, in a very solid school district. This intrigued me, so I started the process of unearthing the truth:

“Why?”…..”We need something bigger to comfortably fit our family.” They already have a 4-bedroom house and they are pregnant with their second child. I knew we weren’t deep enough yet.

“Why?”…..”We also want to be in a safer neighborhood.” They already live in a notoriously safe neighborhood in a notoriously safe town. We still weren’t there.

“Why?”…..”We’ll enjoy living in the new house more than our current house.” Ok, now we’re getting somewhere. We still needed to go deeper.

“Why?” This is the part where I was expecting them to go down the material side of things. After all, that pool and theater room were indeed pretty sweet!!! “Because we earned it.” Oh, now we’re cooking!

With the fourth “why?”, we finally broke through and the truth was approaching. After a few minutes, it was revealed that the husband’s father had always equated one’s success with their house. People who had bigger, nicer houses were obviously more successful. Therefore, buying a better house would be an external symbol of how successful they had become. That was their real “why.”

My role here wasn’t to criticize their prospective decision to buy this house, but rather for them to understand their true motives and be honest about it…..then make the best decision for their family. This was a profound discussion for them and provided an opportunity for self-reflection and introspection.

They eventually decided to purchase a different house, but armed with new insights about why they were really doing it, they ended up purchasing a different house. I think they won. We always win when we understand the why behind the why behind the why.

The Choice

I didn’t set out to plagiarize my close friend and mentor Dr. Gary Hoag’s amazing book, The Choice, when I started writing this post……but here we are. Sorry, Gary! Rather, I was contemplating a text I received from a friend this morning. After some back-and-forth regarding a few of my recent blog posts, I asked him a question: “Which topics/components do you think resonate with people?” He responded with “There’s a desire to make a difference, but a feeling that you have to either get paid to work for the man, or make a difference and be a struggling artist type.”

As I’m sitting in my office pondering these words, I look down and spot my copy of Gary’s book sitting before me (see, Gary, I am reading your stuff!!!). Two simple words in big, bold white letters, “The Choice”, scream right off the cover of the book and into my periphery. We make choices every day. We choose what to wear, what to eat, who to spend our time with, what podcasts to listen to, and what NBA superstar jersey we’re going to buy our toddlers next (just me?). But there seems to be this HUGE choice that lingers over all of us, every single day. The choice of what to do with the majority of our waking hours. The choice of how we are going to use our talents and passions to make an impact. The choice of where our life’s energy will go. Such a huge choice!

As I’m considering my buddy’s words about this choice, I thought back to a very intense conversation I had with Gary over FaceTime last year. I was teetering back-and-forth on the idea of leaving my awesome career to do something totally crazy. It was one of those days where the self-talk was thick. “What are you doing!?!” “You’re going to fail!” “Don’t be irresponsible, you can never make a living doing what you want to do.” Every insult possible was hurled my way…..by my own mean self. I did what I always do when the self-talk ramps up……I engage a trusted mentor. This was one of those I-remember-exactly-where-I-was-when-it-happened kind of moments. I distinctly remember shouting at Gary - in my doubt and frustration - “Yeah, but what I’m thinking about doing hasn’t even been legitimized. There’s no proof this will actually work.” Gary smiled and responded (too) calmly, “Only God gets to decide what’s legitimate.” Thus I started chewing on the slice of humble pie Gary was serving up, piping hot!

One of Gary and I’s many Asian adventures!!

Fast forward several months, I left my career, took a 90% pay cut, and set out to build a new career. Nine months later, I’m able to support my family financially, the business is growing, and I’m already dreaming about what’s next. I often think back to that conversation with Gary and his virtual slap in the face. He was right! Had I not listened to him, and instead listened to my self-talk and the culture around us, I would have made a different choice. I would have chosen “normal”, safe, predictable, and comfortable. Instead, I chose uncertainty, impact, trust, and purpose.

Here’s an interesting thing about this choice, specifically the two options laid out by my friend. We don’t actually have to choose between “getting paid” and “making a difference.” Though I took a 90% pay cut, there’s a legit chance I eventually get to the point where I make as much (or more) in my new career than I did in my old career. If I’m pouring out my passion, using my gifts, serving people well, making an impact, and truly setting out to make the difference I know God is asking me to make, there’s no reason the income can’t follow. That doesn’t drive my decisions and ultimately I don’t really care, but that’s a reality we often don’t think about. It’s not an either/or type of choice. Rather, it’s an “I trust God” or “I don’t trust God” type of choice…….and an “I value money” or “I value meaning” type of choice. Whether we realize it or not, we make these choices every day, as not making a choice is still making a choice.

If I were still at my old job, this week I would have received a pretty sizable bonus. Out of respect for my former employer I won’t disclose what it would be…….but it’s a LOT! A former co-worker asked me a few days ago if this “lost bonus” gives me any regrets. Honestly, no. That money would be nice and could do a lot of cool things, but today my life is awesome and I get to dedicate each and every day to doing cool things. It’s honestly an unfair exchange, in my favor. Giving up a large chunk of money to violently pursue what I know to be God’s calling in my life. Knowing what I know today, in hindsight, it was the easiest decision I ever made.

So as I try to land this plane, here are my top three takeaways about this choice:

• Every day is a new opportunity to make a choice.

• Not making a choice is still making a choice.

• Find a few amazing mentors in life that will build you up, be real with you, encourage you when you need it most, and help you make better choices. We can’t do it alone…..and luckily we don’t have to!

What choice will you make?