"I Want to Be a ____"

About once a month, one of my kids will update his proclamation of what he wants to be when he grows up. Recent examples include a firefighter, basketball player, mowin' man, podcaster, and "in Twenty One Pilots."

Sometimes their ideas are practical, and sometimes they are absurd. However, I have one guiding rule as I try to parent these little men: don't kill their dreams. So often, I see parents criticizing, downplaying, demeaning, and even mocking their children's dreams. I've witnessed many of my youth group students have an amazing aspiration, only for it to be zapped away by their well-intentioned parents.

Sure, sometimes these dreams and ideas may be far-fetched. But it's not our job as parents to squeeze the life out of their dreams. Rather, it's our job to support, encourage, teach, and walk alongside them. They will eventually find their right path.....if we don't emotionally and mentally beat it out of them.

I get how this happens. We want our kids to succeed. We want them to be in a position where they can take care of themselves. We don't want to see them suffer. In the process, though, we're doing more harm than good. In an attempt to protect them from failing, we're preventing them from winning. We're trying to ensure they have money, while simultaneously robbing them of meaning. We're trying to steer them onto the "normal" path, when maybe their path needs to be anything but normal. I know many young men who were forced into college by their loving parents, only to hate it, get depressed, then drop out. They beat themselves up and feel as though they are just giant losers. Then, they will usually find the path that truly suits them. Once they do, their creativity, work ethic, and drive comes alive. It's like a light switch.

Who knows, maybe I'll read this post years down the road and consider my past self wrong......but I doubt it. I suspect my kids will do their fair share of failing as the years roll by. It will hurt them, but it will also hurt me to watch. However, that's where the beauty lies. From failure comes pain. From pain comes growth. From growth comes impact. From impact comes meaning.

I'll be there to walk alongside them, encourage them, and support them when they need me. I hope they never let go of their crazy dreams. I hope their dreams grow with them. I hope their dreams are so big that others will laugh and shake their head. Whatever those dreams are, I hope they are uniquely their dreams.....not mine. I hope they stay true to themselves and aggressively pursue whatever path that entails.

Parents of adults, what are your thoughts? Any wisdom to share? Would love to hear about your wins and losses in this department.

You Aren't For Everyone

My social media manager, Claire, recently decided we must invest heavily in LinkedIn content. Over the last several years, I've completely neglected that platform. Not because I don't believe in it, but rather because engaging on that platform is really uncomfortable for me. It's uncomfortable because that's where my new career intersects with my old career. There's no more apparent sign of how much different my life is today than 5 years ago than when I cross so directly with my old world. But alas, Claire wins these types of debates and has started the execution of her new strategy. She's doing a great job, by the way! If interested, you can connect with me on LinkedIn HERE.

As part of my newfound engagement on that platform, I've found myself scrolling through the lists of "people I might know." Through this process, I stumbled upon so many people I do, in fact, know. I see their names, get excited, and click the "connect" button. There's a part of me that's confused why I wasn't already connected with them, but oh well. Click, click, click. After excitedly clicking name after name after name, I had an epiphany. I wasn't connected with some of these people because they intentionally disconnected me. In other words, I'm trying to friend people who just unfriended me. Awkward.....

My gut reaction is to feel sad, or betrayed, or maybe just confused. Then, I have a moment of clarity where I realize it's probably not personal. What I'm doing and what I'm publishing just isn't for them. I was a worthwhile connection for them in my private life, but perhaps not today. It doesn't mean I'm less than, of no value, or completely discarded. Instead, I think it's a clear sign that what I'm bringing to the table is much different than what it used to be. I can respect them for that.

This is an important lesson we must all internalize. I'm not for everyone. You aren't for everyone. I'm here to serve those who wish to be served, and you are, too. If someone wishes not to be served by me, that's 100% ok. In fact, some of my closest friends and family members have zero desire to be served by my content, services, or products. On the flip side, I get weekly DMs and e-mails from strangers all over the world, sharing how influential our work has been in their lives. If I'm dwelling on those who don't care what I'm doing, it's robbing time, attention, and creativity to serve those who deeply care about being served.

Whatever you're doing, just remember, you aren't for everyone. But you are for someone. And you matter a LOT to them! Lean into those someones and add as much value as you can to their lives. That's where your impact and legacy lives.

Sunday at 4PM

We got home last night from a 5-day camping trip in the Black Hills. It was a great trip, filled with new experiences, shared memories, and tasty food. It was a long drive home, but it went as smoothly as an 11-hour journey with two six-year-old boys can go. I spent much of the drive home thinking about my week ahead. No, not dreading it. Instead, I couldn't have been more excited. We have some huge things in store at Northern Vessel this week, I have lots of awesome coaching sessions on the books, I'm meeting with some interesting people, and I have a bunch of meaningful content to produce. It's a wild feeling when you're on the way home from vacation, excited about what's waiting for you when you return.

As I'm typing this, I recognize this isn't the case for most people. And by most, I mean most. Statistically, 4:00 PM on Sunday afternoon is the most depressing hour of the week. The weekend has largely passed, and we shift our attention to what's waiting for us on Monday morning. Have you ever felt the Monday dread creep in on Sunday afternoon/evening? I've had lots of those days! It's the worst feeling! So when I rave about how excited I am about Mondays, it doesn't come from a place of naivety or lack of perspective. I know all too well what people are feeling on Sundays......and it sucks! I think people deserve better than to fall into the statistic of the most depressing hour of the week.

So as you're reading this, ask yourself how you felt last Sunday afternoon/evening. Did you look forward to what was coming in the week ahead? Or did you feel some level of dread? The answer to that question may be telling. I'm not telling you what to do, but I want you to know what's possible. There IS a reality where Mondays are amazing. There IS a reality where you're just as excited to get back from vacation as you were to leave for it. There IS a reality where not only is Sunday at 4:00 PM not the most depressing hour of your week, but one of the best hours of your week.

That reality lives on the other side of some tough decisions.

Say "Yes", Then Enjoy the Ride

I've spent all week amidst the oilfields of West Texas. 105 degrees, sunny, strong winds, and a culture far removed from my normal day-to-day life. I've been on-site with a client, working on some fun but intense projects. It's been a series of 12-hour work days capped off by a delightful meal before returning to the hotel. It's been a challenging week, but it's been a rewarding week. I never anticipated this is where I'd spend a week of my life in June 2023, but life is funny like that. There were a million reasons it wouldn't happen, but one thing led me to this place: "Yes." In December, I had a coffee with a man who runs an up-and-coming company. This is where he asked me to do some work for them. I didn't really know what to say, as the work was a lot different than most of my other client and content creation work. However, it sounded fascinating, it was an opportunity to exercise some of the skills I put on a shelf after leaving my last career, and I knew it would be immensely challenging. I was correct on all accounts.

I'm not advocating we say "yes" to every single opportunity that comes our way. I know first-hand how poorly that can go for us. However, I suggest that maybe we need to be more willing to say "yes." Sometimes we need to say "yes" enough times before we truly understand where we need to say "no." Some of the best parts of my life are things I likely would have said "no" to.

If you're anxious about saying "yes" to something, ask yourself one crucial question: "I am stuck if I do this?" In most cases, there's no real risk to saying "yes." I could have done one project for this company, realized it wasn't for me, then quickly got out. No harm, no foul. That option was on the table. Instead, I'm in Texas meeting new people, learning new things, and adding value to others in a different way. It's wonderful, and I'm grateful for the opportunity!

I'm excited to see my family later tonight, but I'll also be excited for my next trip to one of this company's various locations. Life is a fun journey full of twists, turns, and uncertainties. I heard we'll never get out alive. If that's true, let's say "yes" more often and enjoy the ride.

What is a "Real Job"?

My latest article for the Greater Des Moines Partnership was published yesterday. In it, I explore the rise of the 1099 economy. If you haven’t heard the term “1099 economy”, I’ll give a quick summary. It’s a reference to people who do work without being official employees of a company. They don’t get an official paycheck and their engagement is typically shorter in nature. This is an ever-increasing trend in the business world, but it’s still largely misunderstood and demeaned by our culture.

I introduce the article with the story of a young friend who is a 1099 contractor. He has a beautiful career. Work that matters, clients he enjoys working with, and a pretty good income. However, this person is surrounded by loved ones who simply don’t get it. “When are you going to get a real job?” Ouch! Nothing will give you self-doubt like having a trusted family member insinuate you don’t have a real career.

What is a “real job?” To be honest, I don’t have a good definition. I spent 15 years with the same company, as an employee, climbing up the ladder, which was undoubtedly THE definition of a “real job.” My career today? I suspect a fair number of people don’t consider my current career a real job. I coach families and businesses, do professional public speaking, write, podcast, sit on a handful of boards, do contract work for a start-up industrial company, co-own/operate a coffee company, and probably a few other things I’m blanking on.

Is that a “real job?” By the definition of our culture, probably not. But I don’t think it matters. What matters is I’m living out my unique calling, using my gifts/passions, serving others, waking up every day excited for what I’m about to do, and financially providing for my family. Aside from that, the definition is irrelevant. It reminds me of a conversation I had with my friend, Gary Hoag, in the weeks leading up to my transition from a very traditional career to a very non-traditional, unproven career path.

Me: “I’m nervous because what I’m about to do is weird and hasn’t yet been legitimized.”

Gary: “Only God gets to decide what’s legitimate.”

Fair point, Gary, fair point. I had countless people in my life tell me to stay put, take the safe path, and focus on comfort and security. I’m grateful for Gary and a few others who were on the other side, pushing me toward meaning. For that reason, I take every opportunity I get to tell people in my life, like the young man mentioned above, to simply pursue meaning (whether it’s a “real job” or not).

Whatever you do when you get out of bed in the morning, whether it’s a “real job” or not, I hope you find it to be fulfilling and meaningful. That’s what really matters!

Embrace the Dash

In yesterday’s post, I reflected on my grandpa’s legacy. It was through the lens of a long life, well lived. It’s somewhat simple to look in the rearview mirror to see what legacy was written over the course of decades. In general, the entire idea of legacy is assessed through the lens of what happened in the past, and the future-looking possibilities of what could come from it.

Last night, I attended our youth group’s grad banquet. This has been one of my favorite annual events for the ten years I’ve been in youth ministry. It’s a night of reflection, story-telling, laughs, and goodbyes. Though I will miss these students when they leave for their next chapter in the coming months, I’m always excited about what’s to come. So many choices. So many opportunities.

As the pastor shared at my grandpa’s gravesite service, all gravestones have two dates (beginning and end), with a dash between them. That dash represents all we do in life. The span between birth and death. While our date of birth and date of passing are notable milestones, the dash is what truly matters.

Graduation is where the dash comes to life for these teenagers. The slate is cleaned, the freedom is upon them, and a world of possibilities has opened up before their eyes. This is a terrifying yet amazing opportunity. Every day when we wake up, we get to choose. The world will tell us to stay in our little box, embracing common norms and expectations. Play it safe, be responsible, don’t make waves, and get to the other side in one piece. Sure, that’s one way to look at it. But here’s another: nobody gets out alive. Every day we wake up is another opportunity to explore what the dash means to us. You could certainly chase money, but that bank balance doesn’t get to follow you on the other side of the dash. Status? It doesn’t, either. Fancy titles? Nope, sorry. It’s funny how we so often pursue the very things that can’t come with us. It's like aggressively playing a game of Monopoly, eventually winning with a huge pile of cash and a collection of hotels, only to realize the game is over and it doesn’t really matter from here on out. Having this happen for a silly board game is one thing, but to have it happen for a lifetime? That’s a tragedy. That’s why the dash is so important.

For these high school grads, the journey has just begun. If I were to equate it to a basketball game, the high school grads are 30 seconds into the first quarter of life……they haven’t even broken a sweat yet. I wish the following for everyone, but I especially wish it for my young high school friends. Embrace the dash. Know how special it is and never take it for granted. This is your opportunity to carve your own path, create change, make a difference, and write your legacy. Embrace the dash!

Even Work We Love is Still Work

Can I tell you a secret? Please don’t tell anyone I told you this. I detest giving kids allowances. It’s the quickest way to teach entitlement, laziness, and create a disconnect between money and work. At the same time, I think it’s important that we don’t create a culture where every bit of work is done with an expectation of financial compensation. In our house, this looks like our twin 6-year-old boys having a number of ongoing chores on their plate, each done with nothing in return. They perform these tasks because we all have roles to play in our family. At their current stage in life, it looks like cleaning the table after dinner, placing their clothes in the hamper, making sure their shoes live by the door, emptying the trash cans, and putting their clean clothes in their drawers. On top of that, however, they also have opportunities to earn money through the completion of extra work. These are optional projects that are above and beyond their normal chores. Whenever they complete a task, they usually make $2 ($1 for spending and $1 for giving). We offer them these opportunities, but they are also able to request them if they’d like.

Yesterday, the kids helped me mow the yard. We had a blast doing it together and they were on cloud nine. After we got done, all dirty and sweaty, I handed them each $2. Finn immediately piped up, “Daddy, you don’t need to pay us. We love mowing.” I expressed my excitement that they enjoyed mowing with me, but then added, “Even work we love is still work.”

This, right here, is one of the primary contributing factors to why people have such a toxic relationship with work. We are taught from an early age that work sucks. It’s not fun, we don’t want to do it, and it’s a necessary evil……which is why we get paid to do it. I couldn’t disagree more with this notion. Work is work. All work matters. All work is deserving of fair compensation……even work we love. (To clarify, I’m not referring to serving and volunteering. There’s a time and place for those things, as they are tremendously valuable and important.)

I hear this same notion from adults. Someone tells me they are going to retire soon, and I know they are beyond excited to leave their current career. When I ask what they are going to do next if they aren’t working anymore, they respond, “Well I’m still going to do something, but it will be something I love. I don’t consider that work.” This is an innocent enough comment on the surface, but do you see what’s really going on behind the curtain? Here’s my translation (which is obviously an over generalization being used for dramatic effect): “I’ve been getting paid for decades to do something I don’t really love. I’m looking forward to being able to ‘retire’ so I can finally do something I enjoy. I’m probably not going to charge what I’m worth for it because I actually like it and I don’t consider it work (even though I probably could have made a respectable living and enjoyable career doing this for the last few decades and not felt the need to ‘retire’ as quickly as possible).”

Let me be clear. I’m not demeaning or criticizing this person. We’ve been conditioned to think and feel this way about work and money from the time we were kids. What I’m suggesting is this person could have had a richer life and career if they had believed even good work is still work. When we can connect something we love with respectable compensation, we enter an entirely new existence. Good news: it’s never too late!!

“Daddy, we love mowing…..and we get paid for it!” If I can get my kids to internalize this perspective, work will forever change for them. It’s the entry point to work that matters…..and they have 80 years of work in front of them! If this happens, it will be one of my greatest parenting wins of all time.

The Grass Always Seems Greener

I’m not gonna lie. Pursuing meaning can be hard. A gut-wrenching, nail-biting, faith-testing, “why did I just do that?” kind of hard. Nowhere in the handbook does it tell us a life of meaning will be simple and stress-free. Whether it’s radical generosity, pouring yourself out for others, taking a counter-cultural path, doing something that’s never been done before, or facing a reality of reduced income, it can be brutally hard. Some of you are reading this and thinking this is the worst sales pitch for meaning you’ve ever heard. If all this is true, why would I still be such a champion for meaning? Because it’s worth it!

This month will be the four-year anniversary of leaving my prior career to begin my new endeavors. It’s been four of the hardest years of my life…..but also some of the most rewarding, productive, impactful, and important years. During that span, we’ve had multiple months (including recently) where there wasn’t enough monthly income to cover the bills. There are times the stress and obligations feel like too much to handle. Some days I wake up and wonder what in the world I’m doing. I think back to my old career (and the money that came with it) and wonder if life would be better had I just stayed. As a fun and somewhat depressing fact, I just realized I’ve left somewhere around $800,000 of income on the table over the past four years. When I think of it that way…..ouch!

Do I regret it? Not for a single moment. The grass always seems greener on the other side. Don’t get me wrong…..there is some vibrant, lush green grass on the other side. But some of it’s also dry, brown, and dead. We’re just so busy focusing on the one or two aspects we miss or yearn for, that we can’t see all the rest of it. Don’t worry, I do the same thing. But then I get little reminders that snap me back to a better perspective. Like this excerpt from a handwritten note I recently received from a former client:

“Because of your work, our family’s life has been changed forever.”

Wow! I got goosebumps when I read that one. I don’t think I deserve that much credit, but I’m grateful for their kind words. Someday, when we’ve taken our final breath, our legacy won’t be measured by dollars collected, professional titles and designations accumulated, or the possessions we leave behind. It will be measured by the impact we’ve made on this world and the difference we made in the lives of others. People won’t speak to what we did, but rather how we made them feel.

** I wrote this article for a handful of specific people, but I suspect a few hundred others will read it and also realize it was written just for them.

The Illusion of Security

It seems like every day I read or hear about a company laying people off. A handful of employees, a whole department, or even an entire division. It started with tech companies, then moved to mortgage companies, and now it seems to be spreading much more broadly. Just this week, a handful of the country’s most prominent journalists were unexpectedly fired from their respective networks. I’m not saying today’s environment feels like 2008/2009, but these headlines give me an eerie sense of deja vu (or maybe it’s just my GFC PTSD).

Whenever I see these headlines, it’s another reminder that our jobs are never as secure as we’d like to believe. I know many people who have been holding on to dreadful jobs, in part, because they “like the security.” This is an unpopular opinion, but I think security is overrated. In concept, I get it. There’s something about knowing your family will have enough money to take care of itself next month that’s appealing. I had that type of security for many years. However, it’s been nearly four years since I last felt that sense of security. A few observations:

• I thought it would be stressful not having security…..it is.

• I thought it would be hard not having security……it is.

• I thought having to figure it out each month would be rewarding…..it is.

• I thought having to trust it would all work out would grow my faith…..it has.

As I reflect on the waves of layoffs and I spend time with people stressed and worried about their employment fate, I can’t help but think about how security is somewhat of an illusion. Even the most seemingly secure job can be ripped away from us any day. On the other hand, people who have careers with little to no security (like freelancers, business owners, and contractors) actually have more security. Not security in the sense that it’s guaranteed (it’s not!), but rather in the sense that it can’t be indiscriminately taken away by someone else. There’s something exciting about having to go out every day, every week, and every month and figuring it out. If I serve my clients well and add value to others, I get paid. If I don’t, I don’t. If our businesses execute, we get rewarded. If they don’t, we lose the right to have said businesses. There’s a purity and intensity to that.

I don’t write all this to be provocative or controversial. These are just thoughts that rattle around in my skull and thought maybe they are worth sharing. I might be right…..or I might be wrong. But it’s worth pondering about to decide for yourself. Have an awesome day!

Why Not Both?

I recently found myself in a conversation with a friend when the topic navigated to work and careers. This is one of those friends that we get to be sincerely honest with, and vice versa. In the middle of the chat, he said, “I disagree with your advice to pursue work that matters.” Intrigued by this, I asked him to elaborate. In short, he thinks I put too much emphasis on work. His perspective is that work is work, a necessary evil amongst all the other things that provide us with meaning: family, friends, hobbies, travel, etc. Further, the more money we make in our work, the better life we’ll be able to afford (translation: more money = more meaning = more happiness). We debated this topic for a bit, and agreed our conversation would make for a good blog post……so here we are!

I understand where he’s coming from. I used to believe a version of this as well. As the conversation unfolded, he admitted to a feeling of dread every Sunday afternoon, feeling constant stress (even when he was at home), craving vacations to get away from it all, and dreaming about the day he’ll finally be able to retire and enjoy his life. Yes, he has a ton of meaning in his life. He loves his family deeply, has many close friends, actively serves and engages in his church, and has several fun hobbies. He has meaning. But his work is hurting him. Financially it’s helping him (big-time), but in many other ways, it’s slowly and secretly killing him.

Yes, it’s ok to dislike/hate your job and find a ton of meaning outside of your work. It’s your journey, not mine. I celebrate all forms of meaning and purpose. These are wonderful things. I would never demean any of that. But why can’t we have both? If half our waking hours are spent working, why wouldn’t we want this portion of our life to also have meaning? I’m not advocating for one or the other…..I’m advocating for both. I’m advocating for a life where we’re just as excited to go to work as we are to leave work. A life where we’re just as excited for the weekend to end as we are for it to get here. A life where we’re not in a rush to get to the finish line of our career.

Meaning at home AND meaning at work. Why not both?

Self-Inflicted Wounds

It’s a practice as predictable as it is sad. We humans are really good at creating self-inflicted wounds in our financial lives. I’ll use an example. Let’s say Joe’s been working really hard at his job for the past few years. Blood, sweat, and tears, hoping to soon get that promotion so he can create some margin in his financial life. Finally, the day arrives! He gets that promotion, which comes hand-in-hand with a nice pay increase. After so much work and waiting, he finally gets to create some financial traction with his newfound margin. However, he also “needs” a new car. A week later, he’s driving a shiny new car with a fat payment to go with it. It’s ok, though….it was a need. And just like that, his newfound margin is gone. If you were to ask Joe, he didn’t have a choice. He “needed” a car, and he likes it a lot, so he successfully solved the problem. What Joe calls a win, I call a self-inflicted wound.

Fast forward 6 months, Joe’s back to feeling the same financial tension he did before the promotion. In an effort to improve his life, he sabotaged his quality of life. While he doesn’t see it that way, his words, demeanor, and stress say differently.

Fast forward a few more years, Joe climbs another rung on the career ladder. After all those blood sweat, and tears, he gets to create some margin in his financial life. Finally, the day arrives…..and it’s as sweet as he thought it would be. He’s proud of his accomplishment, and he deserves a house worthy of his new success. He doesn’t necessarily “need” it, but he can afford it and it will surely make his life better. And just like that, his newfound margin is gone. If you were to ask Joe, this makes his life better. What Joe calls a win, I call a self-inflicted wound.

Fast forward a few months, Joe’s back to feeling the same financial tension he did before the most recent promotion. Again, in an effort to improve his life, he sabotaged his quality of life. The stress builds, the burden feels heavier, and the pressure heightens.

This is the new American way. Every opportunity we have to increase our quality of life and create margin, we find ways to create self-inflicted wounds. Fast forward a few more promotions, Joe will be making several multiples of what he used to make but feel the same level of stress, pressure, and burden. This is why so many people making $300,000, $400,000, or $500,000 feel the same financial tension they did when they were making $40,000. We aren’t trying to hurt ourselves….we’re trying to improve our life. Ironically, however, we sabotage the very thing we’re trying to create.

This Is Pointless

I recently became a partner in a start-up coffee company, Northern Vessel. Today marks the one-month anniversary of our brick-and-mortar opening. By any metric or measurement, the most appropriate way to describe the results of the last month is, well, meteoric. It’s been far greater than we could have ever imagined, and for that we’re grateful.

I’ve had lots of people ask me why Northern Vessel has experienced so much success, so quickly. My answer is always the same: failure and persistence. While Northern Vessel is a start-up, this is actually the fourth iteration of the company. We call it NV 4.0. The concept was birthed five years ago when our founder, TJ Rude, lived in Los Angeles and fell in love with their unique coffee culture. Soon after that, NV 1.0 was born. It was a coffee cart that served up their signature Cold Brew Lattes at grad parties, weddings, and other events worth celebrating. I was first introduced to NV at a grad party for one of my youth group kids and was immediately fascinated.

During COVID, as all events were shut down, NV started a delivery service (NV 2.0), where TJ would hand-deliver larger batches of drinks right to people’s doors (which is the first time I met TJ…..at my front door with a big bottle of Cold Brew Latte in his hands). It was during this stretch of time that Alex Prins, our creative and branding guru, entered the mix. TJ and Alex made a fantastic team and they had pretty big dreams about what NV could someday become. As COVID waned, they reopened their cart outside a restaurant…..then eventually took occupancy in that restaurant space (NV 3.0). Then suddenly, it all just ended. Due to a combination of factors, TJ pulled the plug and NV ceased to exist in any material form. Though I still wasn’t involved at that point, my heart broke for them….especially TJ. This was his baby and his dream. You can listen to a great podcast episode where TJ tells his story HERE.

Fast forward a year, from an outside perspective NV is an overnight success. When I think about NV, I think about this image:

From @visualizevalue on IG. Go follow them!

What people don’t see today is the blood, sweat, and tears TJ put in for nearly a half-decade. Or the awesome work Alex put in for the last 2+ years. They didn’t see the brutal grind, long hours, low pay, and less-than-glamorous lifestyle these two guys lived. I coached both of these guys for a season and I can attest nobody would have been jealous of their budgets or bank accounts. They were a couple of guys with a big dream, filled to the brim with passion, and talent coming out their ears.

I think the world is a better place because of what they built. Had TJ and Alex just walked away, thousands of people wouldn’t have the opportunity to enjoy it today. We all reach a point on our journey where it just feels pointless. We aren’t seeing the fruit, we encounter obstacle after obstacle, and it would just be easier to quit. It makes me wonder how many books, songs, businesses, ministries, and movies end up in a grave because their creators thought it was pointless and simply walked away. What if they were just one year, one month, or one week away from it all finally clicking?

What if it’s not pointless? What if it’s actually what you’re meant to do?

40 is the New 0, Revisited

What’s up, fam!?  It’s been a hot minute since publishing a blog post, if 9 months can be considered a hot minute.  As always, life throws unexpected curveballs.  One such curveball was the release of our podcast, Meaning Over Money.  Just like that, we’re more than 40 episodes in.  

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A while back, I published a piece titled “40 is the New 0”, which was a reflection on my friend Dan turning 40.  Since that time, I met a similar fate by hitting the big four-oh.  I’m typically not fazed by birthdays, and they usually seem inconsequential to me (16, 18, and 21 not withstanding).  This one got me, though.  Much to my despair (then eventually delight), my wife threw me a surprise 40th birthday party in July.  Lots of my favorite people were there, and we had a blast.  A few minutes in, there was this moment when I walked into my friend’s garage and saw a big banner reading “Happy 40th Travis.”  Honestly, this was the moment it hit me…..“oh crap, I’m 40!”  It was a surreal moment, and one that hit me harder than I would have ever anticipated.  Fortunately for me, I recovered quickly and have acclimated to my new next-decade status.

As I reflect on that day, I can’t help but think about the blog post I wrote about my friend Dan turning 40.  When I see the number, it feels old.  However, I then take a step back and realize I’m just getting started.  Looking through the lens of my working adult life, I’m 17 years in, with hopefully another 50 good working years left in me.  In other words, I’m only about 25% done with my career.  25%!!  Using a basketball analogy, the first quarter just ended and I’m preparing for the second quarter to begin.  In my basketball career, it always seemed to take me a bit to get into the flow of the game.  I was always a starter, so I usually played the first 6-7 minutes.  Sadly, I rarely shined during this stint.  Coach would take me out towards the end of the first quarter where I’d get a breather and hop back into the game a few minutes into the second quarter.  That second quarter stint is where I would shine.  I don’t know why, exactly.  Maybe I had worked out my nervous energy, or had adapted to what the defenders were throwing at me, or just finally worked my way into the rhythm of the game.  But for whatever reason, my best production was always after the first quarter.

So here I am in life, coming out of the huddle between the first and second quarter.  That first quarter felt pretty good.  I spent 15 years in commercial real estate, investing on behalf of clients all over the world.  I found my faith, and developed ways to use my unique gifts to serve the Kingdom.  I’ve been married for 11 years, most of them good (full transparency: those early years sucked!).  I’ve been a high school youth group leader for the last 8 years…..talk about a humbling experience!  I’ve been on boards for many non-profits.  I’ve spent the past five years parenting my two little boys, Finn and Pax (again, humbling!).  And lastly, I’ve spent the past two years building my company.  What started with a desire to walk alongside families one-on-one has expanded into speaking, writing, a video course, YouTube, and now podcasting.  It’s been a wild ride.  Just like my basketball days, this first quarter felt bumpy as I was trying to get acclimated to the game.  I had nervous energy, I was trying to adapt to what life was throwing at me, and was trying to work myself into the rhythm of the game.  

So here I am, starting the second quarter of my career.  Just like basketball, I believe this is where I will start to shine!  How does 40-year-old me compare to that energetic, wide-eyed 23-year-old kid who graduated college and thought he was going to take over the world?  

• Today’s me has far more self-awareness than that young guy ever did.  In fact, I don’t think that young guy knew who he was at all. 

• Today’s me has far more skills than that young guy.  That’s what happens after nearly two decades of repetition, hundreds of books, endless podcasts, dozens of conferences, and other types of training. Looking back, I’m not sure what skills that young guy even had.

• Today’s me has far more experience than that young guy.  Skills are important, but pale in comparison to experience.  The only thing that can give us experience is, well, experience.  Failing over and over and over.  Encountering new situations, new problems, new opportunities, new challenges, new battles, new fears, and new (you fill in the blank).  Experience changes us, and that young guy had none.

• Today’s me has far more relationships than that young guy.  That’ll happen when you work alongside others, play alongside others, travel alongside others, serve alongside others, mentor others, and be mentored by others.  Quality relationships are a foundation for a fulfilling life.  I’m not sure how many that young guy had, but wow, today’s me is beyond blessed with relationships that make life worth living.  

• Today’s me has far more resources than that young guy.  This one is probably obvious.  Coming out of college, I had three things to my name:   1) a few thousand dollars, 2) a car I couldn’t afford, and 3) a mountain of debt.  In other words, not only did he have no resources, he actually had negative resources.  Today’s me is blessed with lots of resources thanks to making some very counter-cultural financial decisions in my late 20s after experiencing the profound pain caused by the Great Financial Crisis.  

• Today’s me has far more influence than that young guy.  Frankly, I’m not sure that young guy had any influence.  He couldn’t influence his way out of a wet paper sack.  Today’s me is just in a different place.  Influence seems to be woven into all the areas of life, from my coaching, to speaking, to social media, to the various forms of content we produce, to the many organizations who reach out for advice, to the boards I have the privilege of serving, and to the countless young people I have the honor of mentoring.  

With all that being said, I can’t pass up on this opportunity to criticize, ridicule, and call out the FIRE Movement (never let a good opportunity go to waste!).  If I were to follow all these FIRE pharisees, I would be at the point in life where I’m trying to finish out my selfish pursuit to hoard enough money to wind down this stupid working stuff.  Lean FIRE, Fat FIRE, Barista FIRE…..or whatever other dumb hoarding statuses we should be achieving.  Pack it in and go ride off into the sunset, where I would coast out the remaining years of my life by milking off the assets I’ve been selfishly hoarding all these years.  To me, this sounds like one of the most pathetic and selfish lives we can live.  

What’s the alternative, you ask?  The alternative is to embrace this opportunity.  To realize today’s you probably has more self-awareness, more skills, more experience, more relationships, more resources, and more influence than you’ve ever had before.  And time!  So much time.  Most of us today will likely live into our 90s, meaning the majority of people reading this still have many decades left.  You have two choices on what to do with it.  One path would be to continue to race towards the retirement finish line, where you can live a selfish life of leisure, enjoying the fruits of your hoarding labor.  The other path is to embrace the opportunities and challenges ahead, knowing the impact you’ve made in the prior season of life will pale in comparison to what’s coming.  Each and every one of us has the power to change this world.  But that power comes with a choice:  use it confidently and boldly, or sheepishly and selfishly walk away. 

““Each and every one of us has the power to change this world. But that power comes with a choice: use it confidently and boldly, or sheepishly and selfishly walk away.””

Sadly, most people will choose to walk away.  After all, the idea of living a life of leisure while coasting through as much of life as we can sounds awfully appealing.  Travel, golf, beaches, and all the other stereotypically better-than-work activities.  There are days where that even sounds appealing to me.  But then I remember something.  True fulfillment, true joy, and true happiness aren’t products of leisure.  They are products of meaning, which can only come from creating impact on others and pursuing meaningful work.  

Rest is great!  Sitting on the beach?  Love it!  Taking time off to relax with friends and family?  So good!  Traveling to fun places?  Not much better than that!  But we weren’t meant to make these things the center of life.  We were meant to do good work……and find ways to incorporate these rejuvenating endeavors into our life.  

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I can already see the hate mail coming, and I know what 80% of them will say:

“You need to enjoy life, Travis!” – Yeah, life is awesome!  Doing meaningful work makes life better…..much better!  In fact, I would argue the juxtaposition of hard work and rest creates a beautiful illustration of what it looks like to live a life of meaning.  Work without rest will result in fatigue, burnout, and eventually failure.  That doesn’t mean work is bad!  Alternatively, rest without work will result in loss of meaning, erosion of creativity, and a drain in our spirit.  Once in a while, my wife and I will go out for an amazing meal.  We spend weeks looking forward to it, anticipating what the experience will be like, and finally savoring the moment together. Part of what makes it special is it’s not an everyday occurrence.  If we had that meal every day, eventually it would taste like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  Rest is much the same.  When we work hard and pour ourselves into creating impact on others, that rest feels so much sweeter.  If that rest becomes life itself, it loses its sweetness.  It would become the lifestyle equivalent of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  

“Travis, the goal isn’t to stop working…..it’s to do work I enjoy” – Awesome!  I love that, but why does that require you to grind for years (or decades) at a job you hate, selfishly hoarding money along the way?  Why don’t you pursue that meaningful work tomorrow?  Or better yet, today!?!?  Behavioral scientists have proven over and over money doesn’t cause happiness once our basic needs are met.  If that’s true, why are we diving head-first down the path of hoarding?  If we’re faced with a decision between meaning and money, we should ALWAYS choose meaning.  Instead, most of us pursue money, falsely believing meaning is on the other side of the money.  Believe me, I’ve tried!  I’ve been to the other side of the mountain, and I’ve returned to tell you there’s no meaning over there.  In fact, it can be a sad and desolate place.  I need to be real, though.  It can be a sad and desolate place filled with big houses, fancy cars, high-tech gadgets, and extravagant travel, but a sad and desolate place nonetheless.  This sounds like an impossible contradiction, but some of you know exactly what I’m talking about.  You’ve been to the other side of that mountain as well.  Welcome back!

“!#&# you, Travis!!!” – Noted.

“It’s possible to have both meaning and money.” – Yes, you’re correct.  But here’s a secret.  You can’t have both by pursuing money.  When you pursue money, you may actually win and end up with money….but there will be a gaping hole in your heart where the meaning should live.  However, you can have both if you pursue meaning.  Often, when we pursue meaning, the money will follow.  Why?  Because when we pour our heart, our soul, our energy, and our time into something we deeply care about, it’s much more likely we will succeed.  I call it doing the right thing for the right reasons.  Just pursue the meaning and let God sort it out.  When we do that, so much richness can be experienced in life.  I can take or leave the riches, but the richness is what I crave.  

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One last thought for my Christian friends.  There’s no scenario where true Christianity and FIRE can coincide.  By definition, FIRE is seizing control of your life (and finances), become independent, and requires you to selfishly hoard (i.e. not be generous) in order to get there.  By definition, Christianity is relinquishing control of your life (and finances), remain dependent upon Him, and requires you to generously pour yourself into the world every step of the way.  If we are giving joyfully and sacrificially, there’s no way for us to ever reach FIRE.  

As I wrap up my reflection on turning 40, I hope I’ve either inspired, empowered, encouraged, offended, or infuriated you.  I’m ok with any of these outcomes, but I hope it moved you, nonetheless.  More than anything, I pray you find your meaning, and use however many years God blesses you with to pursue meaning work and create impact on others.  

40 is the New 0

A few weeks ago, one of my close friends turned 40. I’m not one to buy guy friends birthday cards, but c’mon it’s 40!! So I bought him a card and started writing. I’m totally paraphrasing here…..mostly because I can’t remember the exact words I wrote. I had bad news and good news for him. The bad news: he’s old. I have the creative freedom to tell him things like that since I’m quickly running up on that milestone as well. He’s nearing half a century old. He’s been living his adult life longer than he lived his pre-adult life. But here’s the good news: he will soon be wrapping up the 40 least impactful years of his life. Yes, you read that correctly. Those were the 40 least impactful years he’ll ever have. During those 40 years, he had a cool childhood, crushed the high school sports game, went on to play collegiate athletics, got married, found a career, had kids, found a better career, raised kids, all the while growing in his faith and his relationships. But yet those were the 40 least impactful years of his life.

As I think about his journey and his life, I can’t help but think about my own. After all, I too am nearing the big four-oh mark. And as I sit here in my late 30s - not “old” like him - I can’t help but think about how amazing the future looks. In a lot of ways, everything we’ve been through is just a training for everything we’re yet to do. All the experiences, all the learning, all the successes, all the failures. Each one building on top of the last. Day by day, block by block. The time goes by so fast! I don’t know about him, but I feel like I was playing high school basketball just last month. I feel like I was moving into that college dorm room just last week. And I feel like I was starting my first adult job just yesterday. It just goes by so dang fast.

So here he is, beginning his 40th year. Today, he has more relationships, more experience, more knowledge, more resources, more wisdom, more confidence, and more purpose than at any point in his life. His starting spot for the next 40 years will be better than any other time in the history of his life. That’s a perspective we don’t often talk about. We live in a culture that says we should be racing to the finish line known as retirement. We should run as fast as we can. Do whatever we need to do to accelerate the process and fall over that finish line so we can start to live the life we want. In fact, there’s an entire movement bubbling up in our culture around this concept. It’s called FIRE, which stands for “Financial Independence Retire Early.” On the surface, what they advocate for is really good: financial independence. Making good financial decisions, getting out of debt, and living with margin so our finances aren’t a burden in our day-to-day life. But the problem is it gets twisted around and taken to another level by glorifying retirement…..and even worse, the-earlier-the-better. I spend a lot of time in the personal finance social media world……and see a lot of this content. I cringe often, as I know so many people are going to be so disappointed when they hoard, hoard, and hoard, only to realize one day no amount of money or “independence” will truly make them happy. There’s something so important missing from the equation: meaning. Just last week, I stumbled upon a young lady’s social media account where she talked about scheduling a retirement date in her calendar 8 years from now……she’s 29 today. Her singular focus is to save (er, hoard) as much money as possible for that next 8 years and hang up the briefcase at the old age of 37. Don't worry, though, she said she still wants to maintain some hobbies to keep her occupied once she retires. Even sadder, there were dozens of people dropping comments to applaud her, encourage her, and celebrate her goal. She obviously gets to do what she wants, and I certainly don’t have the relational equity in her life to try to directly influence her. My prayer for her is that she finds something that inspires her, angers her, and fuels her towards a deeper meaning and a mission worth pursuing. If not, we will all suffer, as we won’t get to experience all the amazing influence and impact she could have had on this world. It will be stolen from us, and from her, and repackaged as an idealized life of leisure. And our culture will rejoice.

We often hear stories about the old man who worked his whole life, only to die 8 months after he retired. We look at that story and we use it to perpetuate this notion that “we need to hurry up and retire so we can enjoy life, or else we miss our chance.” But what if we have it backwards? What if this man’s passing wasn’t a terribly-timed coincidence, but rather the consequence of losing meaning? After all, these stories aren’t rare…..they repeat over, and over, and over. Someday, I believe some really smart scientists are going to prove my notion correct, and it’s going to shake our understanding of our retirement culture to the core. After all, this is America….and we’re all trying to achieve the American dream: grind away at a career we can tolerate, procure a bunch of nice stuff, retire as soon as possible, and live a life of leisure with whatever time we have remaining.

As for my “old” 40-year-old friend, he’s just getting started. The game is just beginning. Never before has he had more more relationships, more experience, more knowledge, more resources, more wisdom, more confidence, and more purpose than he has today. The last 40 years are going to be a joke compared to what’s in store for him and the impact he’ll surely make on this world. I look forward to writing the follow-up piece to this when he turns 80, where we can assess whether I was right or wrong. I’ll still be the young guy in my late 70s, mind you! Until that day comes, I’m going to keep doing what he’s doing. I’m going to wake up every day, full of purpose and meaning, excited to do what I’m about to do today, and do it every day until I physically or mentally can’t do it anymore. It won’t be perfect, and there’s going to be pain, and I’m most certainly going to fail, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. The next 40 years are going to be awesome! After all, 40 is the new 0, as they say.

The Pull of More

Sarah’s three love languages: quality time, words of affirmation, and resorts on the ocean.

I just had an ugly conversation with my wife. She was mad, she was upset, and she was tired. There were definitely some other issues at play, but it all came bursting out in four all-too-understandable words, “I miss the money!” She went on to tell me how she misses being able to “buy whatever I want.” Or “just go to Mexico.” Honestly, I feel her. I have these types of feelings every so often, and it can be frustrating and humbling. I’d be lying if I said I was immune to jealousy, materialism, and comparison. We are all human and nobody can be fully immune to it…….even people who teach it and talk about it every day. It can be a surreal experience coaching families with $30,000/month (yes, per month) take-home incomes. These types of conversations can be somewhat disorienting. But here’s what I know to be true from my own experience and from the experiences of my coaching relationships: money NEVER causes happiness, and some people would give up all the money in the world to have a sense of meaning, purpose, and impact. Some of these wealthy families do have a high level of meaning, impact, and purpose, but it’s not caused by the money. Side note: I’m not singling out my wealthy clients, as I have many clients making $40,000/year battling the same considerations.

So yeah, this stuff can be disorienting. Money can twist us up in all types of ways, and the second I let my guard down is the moment I fall right back into that trap. There are lots of things that can trigger me. Stick-shift convertible sports cars, exotic vacations, a beautiful house, high-tech gadgets. I crave all these things! It’s also hard when I’ve tasted so many of these cool things. Travel to dozens of countries, business-class flights, ridiculous restaurants, some of the most beautiful hotels in the world. So cool! However, I can also take a step back and ask myself what’s most important. Would I trade a life of passion for these things? Absolutely not! There’s nothing in this world money can buy that would deter me from living each and every day with the purpose and meaning I’ve been called to pursue. I don’t want to leave you thinking I’m married to a materialistic wife who hates our life. That couldn’t be further from the truth. As the conversation went on and we hashed through it, she concluded “I don’t want our old life back. I don’t want you to give up this career. I’m just having a bad day. I love our life now. I’m just having a bad day.”

I don’t blame her. I have these types of days, too. Certain experiences, or conversations, or social media posts can trigger these types of feelings. Materialism has a hold on us, and I’m not just referring to Sarah and I. I’m referring to all of us. We live in a culture here in the US that’s built around materialism. That’s a fact of life. So the answer is not to simply expect the culture to change, but rather to navigate the culture in a healthy way. Here are a few simple steps we can take to help us work through it without losing our way:

Trip to Mexico on 12-hours notice after the loss of our first child. Feels weird to think about that. Side note: Smiles were a rare occurrence on this trip, but breakfast on a balcony overlooking the ocean did it for her!

1. Surround yourself with like-minded people who also desire to navigate this journey of life without falling into the materialism trap. If you’re married, I hope the person sleeping on the other side of your bed is one of them! If not, we have some trouble coming our way. Aside from our spouse, find friends who also see the bigger picture and have a commitment to a life of meaning rather than the pursuit of more. Don't search for perfect people, as there aren’t any……they are just as messed up as you and me. Find people with a fire for purpose, a commitment for better, and the honesty to hold you to a higher standard.

2. Maintain distance from people who will pull you deeper into the materialism trap. We all have them in our lives! Friends, co-workers, family, neighbors. You know, the people who care way too much about what others think. The people who believe there’s a direct correlation between how much you spend and how much fun you can have. The people who every time they get something new (car, house, gadget, etc.), they are already dreaming of the next upgrade. The people who judge others for making humble decisions around their spending habits. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be friends these types of people. Not at all. Instead, I’m suggesting we give them a little less time and a lot less influence in our day-to-day lives. A wise man once said we become the average of the five people we spend the most time with. I think that applies here.

3. Don’t feel guilty or defeated when you get a materialistic urge. It just makes you human. Instead, we need to process it by asking ourselves two key questions. What triggered that feeling and why? Something we saw, or experienced, or heard? Understanding what stimuli is triggering these emotions is so important, as then we’ll have some control on how many triggers we’re potentially exposing ourselves to. It’s also important to understand why we were triggered. Is it our desire to be accepted? Or as a way to outwardly portray our career/financial success? Or perhaps our way of masking a lack of confidence? Or maybe we just simply want to do what others are doing? If we can understand the answer to the “why” question, we can have a better self-awareness to our own deficiencies and stop subconsciously masking them with spending. Knowing the answer to these two questions (what and why) can make all the difference in the world!

4. Consider the broader context. In a vacuum, sure, we would all like to have a nicer house, a cooler car, a more exotic vacation, and the newest technology. But we don’t live in a vacuum, we live in a wild and crazy world. There’s a give-and-take to everything. Every time we start to desire something, we need to figure out where it fits in the overall scheme of our life. Many people are selling their dreams and their happiness for a nicer car, or a bigger house. It’s about priorities. If your absolute top priority is to switch careers, or start a business, or stay at home with your kids, your spending decisions need to reflect this priority. We can’t say our dream is to stay at home with our kids, then turn around and purchase a $50,000 car. However, if you’re living a meaningful life creating impact on others, pursuing work that matters, and you understand money is not the source of happiness, then buying that car (without debt) could be an ok decision in your life. It’s all about understanding your true priorities/values and making sure your spending decisions align with them.

5. Know it’s ok to have nice things! As long as your spending decisions align with your broader priorities, and you’re doing it for the right reason(s), then you can do it in a healthy way. Later this year, we’re planning to spend some time in Thailand with our kids. We want to go on an adventure, expose our kids to new cultures/foods, explore with them what real diversity looks like, and create memories that will last a lifetime. This trip will cost money, but it falls at the top of our priority list and closely aligns with our priorities and values. Therefore, we will have to make sacrifices in other areas of life to ensure this gets to happen. Then when it happens, we will do it with joy, with excitement, and most importantly, without guilt!

I love my wife, and I honestly love how she’s able to be that raw and honest about something as toxic as materialism. As I told her in this conversation, it’s not going away. It’s something we’ll have to navigate for the rest of our lives. However, if we navigate it well, the quality of our life will be so grand and so meaningful, and in hindsight, we’ll be so grateful we didn’t fall into the trap.

The Road to Nowhere

One of the side effects of being so open about my debt and career journey (recent podcast episode) is the amount of feedback I receive. So much of the feedback is positive, but not all. Some people, perhaps out of jealousy, or self-talk, or their own debt/career frustrations, offer a lot of criticism and skepticism to my story. These little nuggets of negativity (er, constructive feedback), often start with “but". Here are a few common ones regarding our $236,000 debt journey:

• “but I don’t have a high income like you did.”

• “but we aren’t able to sell one of our cars like you did.”

• “but we can’t leave our house and live in a tiny apartment like you did.”

• "but you didn’t have kids.”

• “but you had two incomes.”

• “but the cost of living is higher where we live.”

• “but we can’t just stop spending….we need to enjoy life.”

These statements may or may not be factually true (fact check below), but one thing is certain: The road to nowhere is paved with lots of “buts”. You can have progress, or excuses, but you can’t have both! At some point, if we want to win, we have to set the excuses aside and get about the business of finding a way. There’s always a way! We also need to stop comparing someone else’s situation to our own. When I share my story, it’s just that…..my story. It’s not the absolute blueprint for success, but rather the blueprint that best suited our specific situation and our life.

“The road to nowhere is paved with lots of “buts”. You can have progress, or excuses, but you can’t have both!”

Instead of making excuses why we can’t make this decision or that decision, we need to start asking ourselves what decisions we can make. If you think you can or cannot win, you’re right. So how about we start to believe we can……and make it happen! We need to find deep and meaningful sacrifices that work for our situation. We need to decide there’s no amount of pain we won’t endure for the sake of a better tomorrow. Now having been on both sides of the debt spectrum, I feel even more convicted in my previous statement. Knowing what I know now, I would have intensified the pain even more in order to get to the other side of the debt.

It was a long and grueling 4.5 years to pay off our $236,000 of debt, but doing so changed us. It showed contentment like we had never known before. It taught us money couldn’t buy happiness…..because we had no money and we were pretty dang happy. It showed us anything is possible if we do it together and care enough to make it happen. It showed us what true freedom looked like, which emboldened us to draw a line in the sand and say “never again” to debt. Lastly, it taught us to dream…..and dream big. And not only dream big, but to be crazy enough to believe these dreams are possible.

Look at all that stupid debt!

Here’s the reality of the “but” statements above:

• Our income wasn’t all that high during our debt payoff season, as I was still young in my career and the country was still working its way out of the recession.

• Selling one car really sucked, but it was a defining moment where we made a choice that no sacrifice was too big to fix this mess. I never want to do the single car thing again, but I’m so glad we did it then!

• The only thing stopping you or me from moving from a house to an apartment is pride. Any other excuse is a lie. I went from a new, 4-bedroom house in KC to a 600 square foot, 1-bedroom apartment (80s vintage everything) in Des Moines. Very humbling!

• We didn’t have kids at the time, fair point. But we do have two toddlers today and it that didn’t keep me from leaving my career and taking a 90% pay cut. No excuses here!

• We did have two incomes, but one of them was a limited-benefits, near-minimum-wage childcare job. We weren’t exactly rolling in the dough with that second income. But Sarah worked hard in that job and it meant a lot to us! Fast forward to my drastic career shift in 2019, I was the sole breadwinner of the house since Sarah stays at home with the kids…….but we weren’t going to let that be an excuse.

• The cost of living in Des Moines is lower than some cities and higher than some cities, but it’s not the reason we win or lose. There are people winning financially in expensive cities and losing financially in cheap cities.

• Spending can be fun, but it can’t make us happy. You can choose to keep spending, or you can choose a better life. Or maybe you can choose a better life, which could include more spending down the road. Think of it as one year, or two years, or however many years……for the rest of your life! We spent 4.5 years sacrificing, which is followed by 60 years of freedom. I’ll have the six decades of awesome, please!

The road to nowhere may be paved with “buts”, but the road to freedom is paved with sacrifice and a deep desire for better. So maybe it means selling a vehicle. Maybe it means downsizing your home. Maybe it means giving up travel for a season. Maybe it means picking up some extra income. Whatever it looks like in your life, just do it! It’s just one season, and I promise you every subsequent season of life will be better for it!

More than anything, here’s what I want you to take away from this piece. You can do it!!!! There is nothing that can stop you if you want it bad enough. Don’t let anyone or anything hold you back! You got this! For each of us, there comes a fork in the road where we must decide what’s more important: Our stuff or our dreams? Comfort or happiness? Pride or freedom? I made my choice! What about you?

“For each of us, there comes a fork in the road where we must decide what’s more important: Our stuff or our dreams? Comfort or happiness? Pride or freedom?”

"Throwing Away" a Career

Sometimes people tell me one of the reasons they don’t want to follow their dream is because they don’t want to “throw away” the career they’ve spent so much time and so much energy building. There is a mentality that this singular, specific job is what matters. It’s not, and as long as we think it is, we miss the bigger picture. What matters is the experience, the skills, the relationships, and the growing you’ve achieved during your time at the job. Nobody can take away any of those things from you. They can take away your desk, and your computer, and your telephone, and your paycheck, but they cannot take away the growth you’ve experienced during your tenure.

People also seem to have the mindset their old career was a total waste of time if their new career sends them in a different direction. Even if your dream is a total one-eighty from your prior career, you wouldn’t be where you’re at had you not attained that priceless experience, those valuable skills, those meaningful relationships, and all that growth. Take me, for example. I’ve wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember. Early last year, at 37-years-old, I was sitting on a plane with my wife lamenting the fact I hadn’t written in nearly two decades. Her response: “well, then write.” Wow, that was obvious…..and blunt. My response was something along the lines of “well I’m probably going to be terrible since I haven’t written in so long…..blah, blah, blah.” So I spent the next few hours writing. What’s odd about that experience is the words flew out of my brain and onto the screen with very little effort. It felt really good! I was dumbfounded. How could I not write for nearly 20 years and then have it feel so natural?

Then it hit me! Everything I was telling myself was a lie. I write all day, every day. E-mail after e-mail after e-mail. Report after report after report. It may not be creative writing, but it’s writing nonetheless. Fast forward to when I decided to “start writing.” I opened a blank Word document and it was as if the floodgates had opened. I didn’t think I had it in me to just sit down and write, but all of this experience and acquired skill came flowing out. As I venture into this season of life, I love those little moments where I realize how something I’ve been doing for 10, 15, or 20 years will become immediately relevant to my current journey, but in a new way.

When I think about this topic, so many people come to mind. However, none more so than my friend Anna DeHamer (formerly Prins). Anna was a basketball player who was tremendously gifted in both height (6’7”) and talent. She was the 2009 Colorado Gatorade Player of the Year, was named All-American honorable mention both her junior and senior year, amassed a 106-4 high school record, and won three consecutive state titles (**season-ending injury mid-freshman year prevented the possibility of an even more absurd fourth title). She went on to play Division I basketball at Iowa State University, where she became one of the biggest rivals of Brittney Griner (women’s basketball legend!). Anna went to the NCAA Tournament four times, making it as far as the Sweet 16. As her collegiate career came to an end, she was blessed further by being selected as the 23rd overall pick in the WNBA draft.

I don’t say all this to brag about Anna. In fact, she’ll probably cringe when she reads this (she’s overly humble like that!). I tell all this to you because of what comes next. Anna walked away from basketball. Here’s a woman who spent her entire life building a basketball career. All the accolades, all the fans, all the achievements……..to eventually get drafted into the most prestigious league in the world…….and she walked away. I didn’t know Anna personally during this season of her life, but I suspect the world looked at her as if she was crazy. Basketball had blessed Anna for more than a decade, and there was more possible blessing to come, but she had a new dream. She wanted to get married, settle down, and become a teacher. And that’s exactly what she did. She “threw away” her basketball career, left the limelight and the identity the world put on her due to her basketball prowess, and she set out to pursue a new dream.

Anna got married to her now-husband Ryan and found a job as a third-grade teacher. She took all her life experience from sports, and education, and life, and channeled it into the lives of malleable young people who wanted and needed a role model. She taught them, she encouraged them, and she helped make them better people. She was living out her new dream, and life was good. Several years into her teaching career, she started to feel a nudge for something different, and a new dream started to take form.

In another decision that’s considered counter-cultural in our world, Anna “threw away” her teaching job to start her own company where she offers professional basketball training (www.hammerbasketball.com). Today, Anna trains young basketball players to elevate their game and their character to a higher level. Pretty different than teaching third grade, but the skills she gained from her teaching career have directly impacted her new career. Teaching kids, encouraging them, helping them be better people. Totally different……but not. Some might look at her journey and say she “wasted” all that time teaching if this basketball training is ultimately where she’s supposed to be. Conversely, I would propose she’d never be where she is today without first teaching third grade. Those experiences shaped her in very profound ways, ultimately making her a better basketball trainer. That’s what’s fun about work that matters. It’s not linear, it’s not clear, and it’s not obvious. But when we look back, it all makes perfect sense. Basketball prodigy, turned third-grade teacher, turned professional basketball trainer for young people. Nobody could have seen that coming, but hindsight truly is 20/20. Anna is exactly where she needs to be, and it wouldn’t surprise me if someday she “threw away” something else in the pursuit for her highest and best purpose. I’m proud of my friend Anna, and her journey is an inspiration to me each and every day.

“That’s what’s fun about work that matters. It’s not linear, it’s not clear, and it’s not obvious. But when we look back, it all makes perfect sense.”

An Open Postcard to My Kids

To fully understand the context, this was written on 4/9/2019, on a bumpy plane ride, in the waning hours of a 22-hour work day. I was weary, excited, overwhelmed, scared, anxious, and probably half-awake. Despite all that, it’s my favorite thing I’ve ever written…..and it’s finally time to share.

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I travel a lot. Personal. Professional. Missional. I love traveling, but man do I ever miss my family when I’m gone!! I love the food, the hotels, and the sights…..but I miss the hugs, the giggles, and the snuggles. Seeing new things always gives me a rush, but nothing is compared to the rush of getting my kids out of bed each morning.

When I became a parent, I knew I would still be traveling a lot. I was ok with that, but I also wanted to find a way to show my kids they are always a priority. Since the very first time I had to leave those cute little babies, I have made a conscious effort to get them a postcard from each and every city I’ve visited. I always write on the card to tell them how much I miss them, and perhaps share a funny story about something that happened to me on the trip. They are too young to understand these postcards right now, but someday I hope they come to cherish these little cardboard time capsules.

Tonight, I find myself on the way home from Fort Lauderdale. This trip wasn’t particularly eventful, aside from it being a day trip and I’ve been up since 3AM. What sets this trip apart is the fact I’m planning to resign from my career tomorrow. Stepping away from a job I’ve had for nearly 15 years. Walking away from the only thing I’ve known in my entire adult life. Not leaving some crappy, meaningless job. I’m leaving an amazing job that is probably one of the coolest jobs in the world. A job that I could only dream about back in my college days as an aspiring investment professional.

As I began writing on their postcard, I realized I have far too many words for this little cardboard square to handle. There are so many things I want to tell them tonight…….

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Finn and Pax,

I took a day trip to Fort Lauderdale today. I didn’t think you’d even notice I left, but Mom told me Pax was really upset that I wasn’t home this morning. Something about him sitting on the stairs pouting and shouting nonsense. This story was equal parts hilarious and sad….I just wish I had a video clip of it!

This is a special trip for me. Not special like all my Middle East trips, Southeast Asia trips, NYC trips, or the ones where I get to experience once-in-a-lifetime events. Special because tomorrow I am going to leave my job.

I wish I could tell you that adults don’t get scared. I wish I could tell you everything always works out exactly the way we think it will. I wish I could tell you it’s always easy to make the decision you know in your heart is right. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Most things worth pursuing in this life are going to be scary, it’s not going to go exactly how you think it will, and it’s not going to be easy. Honestly, though, that’s what makes life awesome!

If I were to make a different decision tomorrow, life would probably look a lot different for us. Money would never be an issue for us. We would never go without. We could buy you everything the world says you deserve. We could go on amazing and exotic vacations. We could live the life so many believe is the recipe for happiness and the definition of success.

But here’s the truth: you deserve better than all of this. You deserve better than a big house, fancy cars, a private education, mountains of gifts, and exotic vacations. Here’s what you deserve:

• You deserve a father who is fully present, fully patient, and fully loving. I will never be perfect, but I promise to be the best version of me I can be.

• You deserve to see what it looks like for a man to boldly follow God’s calling in his life, no matter how scary or counter-cultural it may seem.

• You deserve to learn money doesn’t buy happiness, but rather happiness comes from love, faith, and contentment.

• You deserve to witness what it looks like to follow your dreams, live with passion, and trust that God is ultimately in control.

• You deserve to see (and feel) first-hand what sacrificial generosity in the face of financial uncertainty looks like.

• You deserve to experience what a united mom and dad team can accomplish if they honor God and honor each other.

• You deserve the freedom and encouragement to find your gifts, talents, and passions, and learn how to use them to serve God’s kingdom.

• Lastly, you deserve someone in your life who will model these behaviors and decisions with their actions, not just their words.

Someday when you’re old enough, I hope you’re proud of me. I hope you see how God worked through this decision and this situation. I hope a time comes in your life – a scary and important time – when you too get to make a decision that will forever change the trajectory of your life. Not a decision for the pursuit of worldly wealth, or power, or respect, but rather a decision for the pursuit of God, your dreams, and your passions.

I love you guys, and believe it or not, you inspire me more than I will ever be able to inspire you. Thank you for that!

Daddy

“If I were to make a different decision tomorrow, life would probably look a lot different for us. Money would never be an issue for us. We would never go without. We could buy you everything the world says you deserve. We could go on amazing and exotic vacations. We could live the life so many believe is the recipe for happiness and the definition of success. But here’s the truth: you deserve better than all of this. ”

New Beginnings

For nearly two decades I’ve wanted to run a website and publish my writing. I’m not sure what has stopped me in the past. Perhaps it was the busy of life, or not having anything to say, or believing nobody cared what I had to say, or maybe because I was simply lazy or scared. As the saying goes, the best time to start was 20 years ago…..and the second-best time to start is now!

This website is one of the many new beginnings my family has experienced in this season of life. About three months ago, I stepped away from an amazing career in institutional commercial real estate investing. It was a dream job, it paid well, it was fun, and it allowed me to see the world. But God gave me a new dream. Today, I wake up each and every day with a burning desire to help people win with money. Not so they can become wealthy and swim around in their pools of money like Scrooge McDuck, but rather so they can live out the life God has called them to live. For some it means changing careers to joyfully use their gifts and passions for a purpose, for others it means staying home with their babies, for some it means to open up the floodgates of generosity, and for many it simply means to ease the tension money and finances have put on their day-to-day life.

I’ve found a few ways to serve others with these gifts. The first is through offering professional financial coaching for families looking to improve their financial life. Some people are doing ok and looking to do good, while others are doing good and looking to do great. These are people with purpose, with passion, and with the dedication to create real change so they can live the life God has called them to live. Each and every one of them are heroes in my book! This professional part of my life will also involve speaking, workshops, podcasting, and writing.

I’ve also been blessed with an opportunity to serve my local church – The Ridge in Ankeny, IA (suburban Des Moines) – by launching a formal financial ministry. In this ministry, we hope to raise up a team of leaders who can help people honor God with their finances. Through teaching, speaking, coaching, and workshops, we want to serve the people of our church with love, compassion, and truth. Check out this link to learn more about what we’re doing at The Ridge.

This brings us here, to this blog. Every time I push something into the world, whether it be on FB, IG, or Twitter, I ask myself one simple question: “why am I doing this?” If the answer is anything but “to entertain”, “to educate”, or “to inspire”, I simply hit delete and move on with my life. I want to add value in all that I do, and never want it to become about me. So with this blog, I hope to entertain, educate, and inspire those who desire to live a better life. A life with purpose. A life they will one day look back on and be proud of. If you are one of those people, I hope you find value in this blog and continue to read, engage, and share.

Thanks, and here’s to new beginnings!