But Not All the Fun Things

One of my favorite things is receiving random voice memos from Meaning Over Money co-founder Cole Netten. Cole is known for sending long rants that offer a combination of podcast ideas, requests for guidance, or just a general release valve to the madness of our culture around money.

Yesterday's voice memo was a podcast idea. He doesn't know it yet, but it triggered the opposite content idea than originally intended. He highlighted how I often say that it's not the coffee (or other small purchases) that's killing people. Rather, we're burying our financial lives through a handful of key massive decisions. Yesterday's voice memo was to point out (and rant about) how the price of coffee shop coffee is getting so ridiculous that maybe the coffees ARE killing people. Considering I own a coffee company, I was deeply offended by his remarks (haha!!).

He does make a great point; coffees aren't cheap these days! It's not uncommon for people to drop $6-$9 on a single coffee drink. That's the new normal. However, I think it does the topic a disservice when we look at the price of a single transaction in our day and scapegoat it as THE reason we face financial tension.

We can (and should) have fun things, but we can't have ALL the fun things. The coffee alone isn't killing us. We can choose to have the coffee. The clothes alone aren't killing us. We can choose to have the clothes. The problem arises when we decide we want ALL the fun things.

I just had this conversation with a client the other day (and I appreciate them for allowing me to share this on the blog!). One spouse blamed the other spouse for the Starbucks runs killing them. The other spouse accused the first spouse of gas station snack pit stops as the financial culprit. The truth is, neither of those things is what's killing them. Their problem is they are trying to have ALL the fun things, including:

• Daily coffees

• Daily gas station snack runs

• Lots of clothes

• Drinks with friends

• Frequent dining out

• Weekly massages

• Monthly botox

• Frequent phone upgrades

• Country club membership

• 3-4 sports/activities for each kid

• High-end haircuts

• Continuous gun purchases

It's death by a thousand cuts. There's nothing wrong with any of these items IF they add value to their life and are consistent with their values. But for some reason, they've decided they deserve ALL the fun things....and it's crushing their finances (and their marriage).

Where does contentment come into the picture? What about saving/investing? Giving isn't even on the radar. Humility is desperately needed. It's an arms race of more, an unwinnable battle. They are in the thick of it; one day, they will likely wake up and face the harsh consequences of their decisions.

It's okay to enjoy that coffee, or that meal, or that massage. None of these items, in a vacuum, will kill you. You can have fun things. But you can't have ALL the fun things. Discernment is a powerful tool. I hope you feel confident in yours this week.

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Micro Losses, Macro Wins

One of my clients felt frustrated. When I asked her how the most recent monthly budget went, she confessed that she didn't do so hot; she overshot four categories. Curious about this, I told her I would check her numbers quickly. Here's what I found. As explained, she overspent on four different categories in the amounts of $27, $33, $40, and $41.

Sure, that's not ideal. The objective is to spend what we budget, no more and no less. So when she whiffed on four categories, that wasn't the plan. However, she was missing the bigger picture. Upon review, I noticed that while she whiffed on those four categories, her entire budget was within about $25 of her target. That's awesome! In other words, she may have had some micro losses on specific categories, but she was a winner on the macro level.

To prove a point, I checked my own budget. While she missed four categories on her budget, Sarah and I overspent on 13. Yes, 13 separate categories were a miss on our budget. It happens. Life happens. But we rarely get bent out of shape over it. Instead of dwelling on micro losses, we focus on the macro. In the case of our total budget, we were within $100 of the target......which is a win!

Don't psych yourself up over micro losses. So what if you overspent on household goods by $40? So what if you spent $30 more on kids than you had intended? Sure, we should always strive to do better, and we will hopefully do better next month. However, focus on the big picture. It's never going to be perfect. You'll screw up. Life will happen. Unforeseen expenses will pop up. That's called being human.

If we give ourselves permission to experience micro losses, we'll be more inclined to give ourselves grace, focus on the big picture, and achieve what matters more: macro wins!

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Cost, Value, and Your Gut

I've eaten $10 meals that were absolute ripoffs.

I've eaten $300 meals that were bargains.

I've worn $30 jeans that were absolute ripoffs.

I've worn $150 jeans that were bargains.

I've recently beaten the drum of the importance of looking through the lens of value. Not value as in cheap, but value as in something is worth more than we pay for it. Several readers have asked how one would discern if something adds more value than it costs.

Here's my short answer: It's in your gut. You know when you know, and it's highly subjective. For example, that $300/person meal I referenced above was one of the most amazing things I've ever experienced (and I'd do it again in a heartbeat). However, some of you might feel very little value for restaurant experiences and would rather jump off a cliff than spend $300 for a single meal. That doesn't make you right/wrong or me right/wrong.....it makes us different.

As such, we each need to view our decisions and prospective decisions through our own unique lens. There's a gut feel to this cost vs. value tension. My financial coaching service is another great example. I once had a prospective client leave a consultation saying my pricing was the biggest ripoff in the world. One hour later, another prospective client said the exact same pricing structure seemed like a steal of a deal. One wasn't right, and the other wrong; they just had different lenses.

There's no mathematical formula to determine if something adds more value than it costs. So many factors are involved, some of which are intrinsic. There's value seen, and value felt. Value you can quantify, and value you can't. Value you can compare to alternatives, and value that stands on its own.

My encouragement is to always use YOUR gut. Look at your life and your prospective decisions through your unique lens. You won't always get it right. You will sometimes regret a purchase decision because it failed to meet your perceived value. That's ok; we live and learn. Every whiff will help you get better for the next decision. Enjoy the journey!

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Fleeting

Good news: I didn't die! My alumni basketball tournament was a blast. We went 0-3, and it was a humbling experience, but I had a great time. I'm so grateful that my back held up and I was able to compete without significant injury. I definitely lacked confidence and was cautious with my movements, but I think this experience will give me the momentum to keep working toward getting on the court more often.

I didn't anticipate being the oldest team there, but alas, we were the old guys. One of my favorite parts of the day was when we got matched up against a much younger team comprised of kids of my high school classmates. Yes, we played the kids of our peers. There were some great young men in the bunch, and it was fun to interact in that context.

The entire experience shined a glaring light on a reality that haunts us all: time is fleeting. It seems like just two years ago I was playing high school ball, and just like that, I'm playing against grown men who are the children of my classmates. Time is funny like that.

Experiences like this and reminders like today's reiterate the importance of living with meaning. If we just live our lives kicking the can down the road one day, one week, one month, and one year at a time, we'll one day wake up with overflowing regret.

If you're 40 years old, you have maybe 40-50 years left. Of those, how many will allow you the good health and mental cognition to soak in every experience? It's fleeting. Every day brings us one day closer to our end. I'm not trying to be depressing, but rather create urgency. If time is fleeting we ought not waste it.

I so badly want people to seize their best lives and live with meaning. They deserve it. You deserve it. We have one shot at this thing called life, and it's far to short to spend it pursuiring money, stuff, and status.

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On the Other Side of Fear

I spent part of yesterday meeting with an awesome couple experiencing some pretty crazy life changes. To my surprise, the wife said I once told her something that has continuously stuck with her. I don't remember saying it, but it sounds like something I would say. "There's nothing in life worth doing that doesn't involve fear."

We humans tend to treat fear as a warning sign that we shouldn't do something, but I think it's quite the opposite. Fear is a tell that we SHOULD do it. Often, what we want most is directly on the other side of fear. Based on some recent major decisions, this couple is certainly living out this principle. It's exciting - and encouraging - to see.

Coincidentally, I'm about to face one of my biggest fears in a few hours.

14 years ago, I suffered a crippling foot injury. After nearly two months on crutches and countless specialist consultations, it was recommended that I have the nerves cut out of the bottom of my right foot. Thankfully, one surgeon stepped in and pointed me in a better path. Turns out, I had torn a tendon and fractured a joint on the bottom of my foot, causing nerve-damage-like symptoms. That set the table for more than a year of physical therapy, which concluded with a warning that I may never be able to independently walk without wearing a splint. Fast forward about four years, and not only was I walking without a splint, but I had full athletic ability with that foot. I was so grateful!

Then, not long after that, I experienced a crushing back injury. I again spent more than a year in physical therapy, trying to regain a sense of normal again. While I've definitely regained normal day-to-day function, my basketball career ended 10 years ago when that injury occurred. I haven't played one bit of competitive full-court basketball since.

Here's where the fear comes in. Today, I'll be participating in an alumni basketball tournament with some of my old high school teammates. It's been 25 years since I've seen some of them. We're playing in my old high school gym. We'll be playing against teams 20 years younger than us. We'll have at least three games. I'm terrified. This will either be the most fun day of my year, or an unmitigated disaster. You best believe you'll find out which way this goes.

There's something profoundly beautiful about going head-first through our fears. Sure, we could play life safe, taking the easy path at every opportunity. That would certainly save us a lot of failure, embarrassment, and pain. But it would also rob us of meaning and fulfillment.

I really don't want to do what I'm about to do, but I'll be so glad I did it. I hope you have your own version of that in your life soon. Please don't shy away from the fear. Lean into it. Go through it!

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Yes, Too Simple

I ran into a friend at a coffee shop yesterday. It was good to see him, but he had a bone to pick with me. He wasn't actually mad at me, but he did have a problem with yesterday's post. "The thing that bothers me about your content is that you oversimplify things." That was the best compliment I received all week! It made my day!

Here's my beef. Personal finance is typically treated like some sort of above-people's-heads, MBA-level rocket science. In fact, the entire financial industry is constructed that way to convince people they need to hire outside help (you know, the experts!). They are masters at taking simple things and making them complicated. On the flip side, my entire mission is to bring it back the other way and simplify the things that have been artificially made to seem complicated.

Would you believe the buddy I mentioned above is in the financial industry? What a coincidence! Meanwhile, I received a bunch of messages from current and former clients who affirmed the simplicity of implementing yesterday's idea. They said it felt weird at first, but once they recalibrated their life around this new mode of operation, it finally made their finances easy to navigate. Boom!

Simplify, simplify, simplify. If it doesn't seem too simple, it means it's not simple enough yet. I don't know about you, but I have far more important and meaningful things to do in my life than spend my time, energy, and worry on complex finances.

If you're interested in simplifying your finances and need some ideas on where to start, we just published a seven-part series on our Meaning Over Money Podcast called 101 (episodes 405-411). In it, we tackle some of the most foundational topics in personal finance and get back to the basics. Topics include:

• Budgeting

• Navigating lumpy expenses through the use of sinking funds

• Personal spending in marriage

• Managing inconsistent or volatile income

• The power of non-retirement taxable investing

• Life Insurance

• Taxes

If any of these sound interesting to you, check them out. They are 100% free and can be found on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. If you know someone in your life who could benefit from them, please consider sharing.

I hope you have a meaningful and SIMPLE day. Always remember, you have far more important things to do than spend all your time and energy dealing with your finances. Simplify!

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Taking Timing Off the Table

Have you ever stressed out about the timing of your finances? For instance, your mortgage payment is about to get pulled from your account, and you have a paycheck also arriving soon, and you're crossing your fingers and toes, hoping the paycheck happens first. Sound familiar? That's a tremendously stressful endeavor, and millions of Americans deal with it monthly....or even weekly!

Confession: I don't know what day any of my expenses get pulled from my account.....not one. Sounds pretty irresponsible for someone who helps others get more intentional with finances, right? One of the principles I talk about in my coaching is taking timing off the table.

I teach people to look at life through the lens of calendar months. This month is this month, and nothing else matters until this month is over. We know how much money we'll make this month, and if we're intentional, we'll know how much money will be leaving our account (spend/save/give). As long as those numbers align, we shouldn't have to worry.

Here's where people get tripped up. Our income isn't in our account on day one; it arrives in various increments as the month progresses. This is the wrench that messes us all up. Here's my little hack to not only keep the train on the tracks, but make your financial life so much simpler. Start with a cushion, any cushion. When the month begins, we need a chunk of money in our checking account. $1,000, $3,000, $5,000, $10,000.....I don't care what number you choose, as long as it's enough to prevent you from feeling stressed about timing.

Next, we need intentionality. Once we know how much money is coming in this month, we need a plan for ALL of it. We can spend it, save it, or give it. If we're going to make $5,000, then we need a plan to spend/save/give ALL $5,000. If we're going to make $15,000, then we need to spend/save/give ALL $15,000. We are NOT spending the cushion money; that's just a cushion. We are only spending the money coming in this month. Money in, money out. Once the month is done, we should end with as much cash as we started with.....which becomes the cushion for the following month.

Here's a simple illustration, using $5,000 as the starting cushion and an $8,000 monthly income:

Beginning Monthly Balance: $5,000

Monthly Income: $8,000

Planned Spend/Save/Give: -$8,000

Ending Monthly Balance: $5,000

If we play this out for 20 years, you should wake up on the first of the month 20 years from now with $5,000 in your checking account. You took timing off the table, and life feels a lot less stressful.

This obviously isn't a catch-all for all that ails us financially, but for many families, it can be a game-changer. If we shift our mindset to this way of thinking, timing is never an issue again. Instead, we can stop dwelling on money and simply live a meaningful life.

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Learning vs. Doing

I love learning! Reading books, watching YouTube videos, asking experts.....all of it. For me, there's nothing more beautiful than transitioning from ignorance to competence, from weakness to strength.

However, I'm witnessing a problem develop in our current culture. With unlimited resources at our disposal - often for low or no cost - we're becoming so fixated on learning that we're not actually doing.

We learn how to do something, then learn more about how to do it, then maybe learn a little bit more about how to do it better......and never actually do it. I watch people read six books on a subject, but never put into practice the ideas or concepts they learned.

At some point, it needs to move from our brains to our hands and feet. Knowledge does no good if it's not put into practice. Ignorant action is always more productive than expert inaction.

This is why all the talking heads bother me so much. It's easy to spout off about how people should do this or do that, but where is the fruit? Are they walking the walk, or just talking the talk?

I'm all about educating ourselves and committing to learning new skills and ideas, but my bigger focus is action. Oh yeah, and sometimes failure through doing is the best lesson we can receive. The real world is the ultimate classroom.

My encouragement today is to do. Yes, educate yourself. Digest material, listen to experts, and seek out development......but do! Whatever that thing is in your world today, take action. Even if you're not ready, fully educated, or well-equipped, just do. Put one foot in front of the other and give it your best shot. Trial by fire is a wonderful teacher.

As for me, I have two projects on my plate today that I'm absolutely not equipped to tackle. I'm nervous. I'll probably fail. I'm most certainly going to get frustrated with myself. I'll definitely be seeking research and education on a few nuances along the way. But I'll be doing. One way or another, I'm moving forward. And no matter what happens, I'll be better for it.

I wish you the same today! Have an awesome day!

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I See Dead People

"I see dead people." The plot twist of plot twists. Do you remember the moment you got to the end of The Sixth Sense and that little boy rocked your world? I won't spoil it if you haven't seen the movie yet, as it's only been out for 26 years now.....I don't freely reveal spoilers until year 30!

Today's post is my plot twist! My favorite moment yesterday was seeing all the feedback from yesterday's post. It caused quite a stir, and not in the most positive ways. In short, I challenged people to take their $10/day of wants spending and use it to add the most value possible to their lives.

The responses were right in line with what I anticipated:

• "That's far too much money!"

• "That's a lot of money over the course of a year."

• "Sounds materialistic."

• "How about we just be responsible?"

• "You're telling people to waste money."

• "Why would you tell people to spend so much?"

I knew my post would generate such a response, as the idea of spending $10/day on wants may feel over the top. After all, that's $10 today, tomorrow, the next day, for weeks, for months, for years. I think most would agree that this idea sounds excessive. I intentionally framed it through the lens of $10 per day because it psychologically triggers something in us. $10 per day on wants sounds aggressive...perhaps over the top.

Here's my "I see dead people" plot twist. This was the setup for today's post. Most people spend far, far more than $10/day on wants.....they just don't think about it that way. I'm talking about lifestyle purchases. Personal spending, dining out, drinks, coffee, hobbies, entertainment. A little of this, a little of that.

To make my point, I opened my client folder on my MacBook and randomly clicked on clients. Below are the average daily wants spending over the last six months for ten random clients:

• $12/day - Young couple, no kids, VERY strict budget

• $17/day - Young couple, small child, financially conservative

• $19/day - 30-something couple with multiple kids, very generous!

• $44/day - Definition of "normal"

• $50/day - Definition of "normal"

• $51/day - Definition of "normal," Told me $10/day is too much

• $63/day - Sacrificially and joyfully generous

• $65/day - Told me $10/day is too much

• $72/day - Becoming more normal

• $99/day - Living it up

If $10/day seems excessive, what do we do about the fact my sample ranges from $12/day from a young middle-class couple with a very strict budget to $99/day from a different family? Also, how do we reconcile the fact that two of the people who criticized my $10/day idea are actually spending $51 and $65, respectively?

Here's where I land:

• We often spend more than we realize.

• We often spend on things that don't add value to our lives, making it feel like we're spending less.

• $10/day IS a decent amount of money, so we ought to live with contentment and gratitude.

• It's hard to keep up with the Joneses.

• Intentionality is key!

Yes, spend money on wants that add value to your life, but don't fall into the trap of more. Be intentional. Be selective. Be content. Be grateful. Be responsible. Be generous.

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Ten Buck Challenge

For whatever reason, as I was sitting in the Houston airport for 11 hours (!!!!) yesterday, I kept seeing social media posts demonizing spending. These posts were beating the drum of "Stop spending," "Only buy things you need," and "Save more, you irresponsible twerp!"

If you're a regular reader, you probably know how much I hate this narrative. It creates a culture of guilt, regret, and second-guessing. It prioritizes money over meaning, and effectively sucks the fun out of life. It turns us into robotic little savers that won't allow ourselves even one inch of slack.

Today, I want to explore a different angle about spending. Let's say, in a normal month, you spend $10/day on things you want (i.e. not a need). This is money strictly to add value to your life, and "adding value" can mean almost anything. $10/day, on average, every day.

Therefore, the task is simple. Each day, you have $10 to add as much value to your life as possible. No saving, no needs, no giving, and no investing. That's a separate bucket of money. This is $10 per day solely for the purpose of value-add enjoyment.

Looking at it through that lens, what is the most value-added use of your $10?

• Perhaps it's starting your day with a killer coffee drink.

• Maybe it's going out to lunch with a friend.

• Could it be combined with tomorrow's $10 to purchase a new book?

• Did the newest blockbuster movie release?

• Would it be valuable to save up the next handful of days and buy that new pair of jeans?

• Insert your item here.

The possibilities are endless, and each person's hierarchy of potential uses is entirely unique. I occasionally ask people this question: "If you had $10 today to spend on whatever you want - something that would add value to your day - what would you spend it on?" The answers are so unique, so thought-provoking.

Here's the good news. You probably have $10! Yes, it's ok to use it to add value to your life. You don't have to hoard it all. You don't have to clutch it out of guilt or regret. You can spend it on something cool. You can use it to enrich your life, add a burst of joy, grow yourself, or help you relax. It's ok to increase your quality of life while ALSO living responsibly, saving for future wants and needs, investing for the future, and giving joyfully and sacrificially.

Here's my question to you today: What would you use your $10 on? Whatever your answer is, consider doing it!

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The Tale of Two Women

Due to our own (multiple) failings, my family found ourselves in a precarious position a few days ago (the same day my other mistakes physically crushed me). We made reservations for our family to spend the day at a fun pool/beach resort in Cozumel called Paradise Beach.

We hurriedly packed up our gear in the morning and whisked ourselves off the ship and into a cab. Upon arriving at the resort, we needed to pay the second half of our $200 admission fee. This is where the problems began compounding:

• I had enough cash to get us a cab back to port (plus some tips), but no debit cards.

• Sarah also left her wallet on the ship.

• I just got a new iPhone and haven't yet loaded my cards into ApplePay.

• Sarah accidentally left her phone on the ship!

We were 0-4 in having access to our bank accounts. Oh crap!

I'm a fairly resourceful guy, so I had no doubt I'd find a way.....somehow. To me, it was going to be simple. The resort had free wifi, so my plan was to see if any other arriving tourists would help me by paying my $100 fee and I would immediately Venmo them $150. Win/win! The first couple dropped their heads as I approached them. The second gave me the "no" gesture with their hands. The third was a woman and her husband, clearly an American couple coming from a cruise ship.

I approached this couple and explained the situation. About halfway through, she cut me off, "I'm sorry, I'm not going to do that. I don't trust you." She could clearly see my concerned family standing ten feet away, but she was cold and defiant. A big part of me wanted to lash out at her response, but that wasn't going to do any good.

At that very moment, a different woman approached me. She worked for the resort. She and I began troubleshooting to see how we could resolve the situation. She was fighting FOR me, not against me. We tried a few ideas to no avail. Finally, once we approached our fourth idea, it worked. I was able to give her payment information, and my family subsequently enjoyed our lovely day at the resort. She could have easily disregarded me, but she didn't. She was so gracious and patient when we needed an advocate. It was beautiful.

Every day, we venture into the world, in and out of situations, and we have two choices. First, we can be like the first woman. We can be distrustful or think only of ourselves, disregarding people who don't serve our desires. We can let other people deal with their own problems, making sure we simply get what we deserve. Second, we can be like the second woman. We can look for ways to give a hand-up to people and add value to their days. We can advocate FOR people and be a positive presence in their journeys.

It's a choice. Every day. Every interaction. Every situation. Choose wisely. Oh yeah, and since I'm biased, choose to be like woman #2. You’ll help make the world a better place.

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Too Too Much of a Good Thing

Yesterday was a fun day. We had the opportunity to spend some time in the sun at a phenomenal little resort right along the ocean. It was absolutely beautiful. Unfortunately, it ended up being too much of a good thing….or maybe too too much. With some combination of sun sickness and food poisoning, I spent the last 18 hours with some of the worst sicknesses imaginable. I'll save you the gory details, but my favorite part was the horrid hallucinations.

That's why you're receiving this post later than usual, as I have been at death's doorstep until this very moment.

Yesterday was a very harsh reminder that too much of a good thing is never a good thing. The sun was amazing, but seven hours of constant sunlight while hanging right next to the Equator is not a good thing. I got punished for my overzealousness.

The same goes for nearly every area of life: Money, stuff, status, relationships, food, vacation. For each of these, there's enough. The amount that will add value to your life, retain a healthy balance, and live a quality life. Then, there's too much of a good thing. Once we cross that line into too much territory, these things no longer benefit us, but start deteriorating us.

The trouble is it's sometimes difficult to recognize when we've crossed that line. The worst thing we can do is anchor ourselves to what other people are doing, as I did yesterday. When we use others as the point of comparison, we're likely to inadvertently jump off the cliff because we followed them right off. Just because others were getting seven hours of straight Equator-level sunshine, it doesn't mean I should be. Similarly, just because your peers are buying monster houses, fancy new cars, and funding a lifestyle that should only be reserved for a multi-millionaire, it doesn't mean you have to. Don't anchor yourself to others.

Instead, we need to decide what's enough. What's enough sun? What's enough house? What's enough car? What's enough lifestyle? If we make this conscious decision, we can live a healthier and more fulfilling life.

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Trigger. Trigger. What Is the Trigger?

One of my favorite conversations with young people (under 25 years old) is asking them what they want to do when they're adults, and why. I say under 25 because that's typically when people start allowing their dreams to die.

Every single time, there's a trigger. Something that happened. A story. An event. A set of circumstances. THE trigger. For example, one of my former youth group kids experienced the pain, suffering, and victory over childhood cancer. After spending much of her life in and out of hospitals, she grew up to become a pediatric nurse, serving young kids who are going through similar experiences she went through. Beautiful!

One of my high school classmates experienced two triggers in the same day. When we were kids, he witnessed his grandfather pass away on a plane while flying home from Disney World. He would eventually become a pilot AND an undertaker. A morbid but true story.

When it comes to my own kids, I encourage them to put everything on the table. Anything and everything is a possible dream career. I don't discourage. I don't push. I don't manipulate. I simply expose them to as many things as possible, and know something will eventually trigger them.

This week has been especially fun for me as a parent. Being away from their rhythms and routines, they have a front-row seat to see all sorts of new opportunities. I always wonder what will trigger them. Will it be the musicians they've listened to? Or the singers, dancers, skaters, and divers they watched? Will it be the ship captain or any number of the crew they've interacted with? Will it be the local business owners we encountered on the islands? Will it be something I never even realized? Or, maybe nothing will trigger them.....yet.

The boys want to start a YouTube channel with his brother, performing classic rock songs on their drums and guitar. Cool. I'll help them get it going.

Finn wants to start a mowing business like a local kid who mowed our yard a few times. Amazing. I told him I can help show him when the time is right.

Whatever their eventual triggers are, I will do whatever I can to support, encourage, and cultivate them.....even if it's not something I would have chosen for him. This is a controversial take in our current times, but I won't specifically push my kids to pursue something for the sake of money or status. Instead, I'll encourage meaning 100% of the time. That may or may not include money and status, but pursuing meaning will certainly produce meaning.

My two little men have maybe 70-80 years left on this planet. I want them to spend it pursuing meaning, finding fulfillment, and impacting others. If they make a bunch of money, great. If they earn a ton of status, fine. But I will always encourage them to seek the meaning first, no matter what.

It all starts with a trigger. A trigger I may be part of, but one I may not know about for a long time.

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When In Honduras

Our plan for this family vacation was to keep it simple—lots of swimming, eating, and playing. We weren't intending to do any crazy excursions. However, as I was flipping through some of the different options, one stood out to me: Playing with sloths. Have you ever played with a sloth? I haven't even seen a sloth in real life. Do they even exist? Are they really that slow? Are they as cute as I picture them? There was only one way to find out. When in Honduras, as they say.

So, yesterday, while docked in Roatan, Honduras, we took a little family adventure that included a cute little sloth named Flash. We held parrots, let monkeys jump on our heads, and viewed the coral reef through a glass-walled submarine boat. Oh yeah, and we met Flash!

Just say yes to memories. Two days ago, I had never even seen a real-life sloth. Today, we're family friends with a cute little sloth named Flash. That memory is worth far more than a material possession that will surely end up in a landfill 5-10 years from now. That memory is forever!

Wherever life takes you this week, month, or year, find opportunities to say yes to memories. They may seem questionable, or a hassle, or expensive, or perhaps even a waste, but some of them will sear into you and your family's memory banks forever. Not all of them, and not all the time. Some might fall flat, land short, or be all-out duds. However, some will be pure gold. Yesterday was pure gold for our family. I'm glad I said yes when every ounce of me wanted to say no and stick to the plan of remaining chill. Future me will thank past me one day.

Let your future self do the same to you!

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A Pretty Pathetic Life

A blog reader whom I've never met recently reached out with a personal update. After reading this blog for the last 18 months, as well as simmering in modest misery (or general indifference) for the previous 15 years at his job, he finally decided life is too short to wake up every day to go to a job that sucks. His previous goal was to retire as quickly as possible so he can quit this soul-sucking rat race. He found a new job, quit his old one, and now lives a different reality. He no longer obsesses about retirement. Instead, he wonders how long he'll get to do this newfound awesome work.

His family took a 15% pay cut for this shift to happen, which scared him to death. However, after living in his new financial reality for the past several months, he realizes that while his standard of living is slightly lower, his family's quality of life has significantly improved!

It reminds me of a message I received a few years ago after publishing my favorite Tweet of all time, which I occasionally re-publish for sport: "Early retirement isn't a dream. It's the consolation prize for not having a dream."

As you can imagine, that sort of idea can set this world ablaze. I received a storm of backlash from that Tweet, ranging from text messages, to DMs, to in-person disagreements. However, my favorite response to date is this: "You must have a pretty pathetic life to prefer working."

He got me! He nailed it. I, indeed, live a pretty pathetic life. So much so that all I want to do is slave away in misery, biding my time until I'm buried. I'm joking, of course, but I can't stop thinking about this cultural narrative about work. Work = bad. Work = necessary evil. Work = misery.

As I often mention, we don't have to choose between meaning at home and meaning at work. Not only can we have both, but we should have both. We wake up with meaning, then drive to meaning, then have meaning all day, then drive home toward meaning, then meaning until we go to bed, then repeat. It doesn't have to be a constant back-and-forth between meaning and misery. We don't have to torture ourselves for decades on end.

So, to my new blog friend who must be living a pretty pathetic life to no longer crave an early retirement, cheers! I hope these next 20+ years are far more rewarding than anything early retirement could have provided you. This is where your career starts to get good!

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This Could All Be Yours, For Only…..

One of my friends recently reached out to me, confused and seemingly frustrated. He was dumbfounded as to how his friends were seemingly lapping him financially when, in his estimation, their income was probably similar. When I asked what makes him think that, he cited a few financial decisions one of his closest friends recently made. In short, his best friend purchased a $700,000 house, which apparently proves he's rich. As I explained to my confused friend, a large house purchase isn't a sign of wealth, but rather a sign of a high cost of living. Here's the quick math I gave him:

• Let's assume his friend made a 5% down payment, or $35,000. That means they needed to finance the remaining $665,000.

• With a 6.75% interest rate on a 30-year schedule, the monthly principal and interest payment would be approximately $4,300/month.

• The real estate taxes for their jurisdiction would be approximately $1,200/month.

• Homeowner's insurance would likely run in the $200/month range.

• Therefore, their minimum monthly payment would be approximately $5,700.

• I say minimum because that number does not include repairs and maintenance. We should expect to pay at least 1% of the house's value per year (over the long run) on repairs and maintenance, or approximately $500-$600/month.

• Oh yeah, and while it assumes they put a $35,000 down payment on the house, it doesn't factor in any money they spent on furnishing it.

Therefore, on average, this couple is spending at least $6,000/month for their house, plus another $50,000+ the day they move in.

"Holy #$#@!!!! I would never want that sort of pressure on my family. We'd have to give up everything else we value in order to make that work. And that financial pressure would make us feel like absolute crap."

"Good, so you have no reason to be jealous of them!"

There's no free lunch in life. Whenever we see someone around us making extravagant purchases, there's a very real cost. There are consequences. When they spend that money, it's $x less they get to spend on something else. Or if they financed it, it's $y more added to their budget each month, for years, to pay it off. Every action has a reaction.

If that last paragraph is true, then we should all spend less time being jealous of other people's decisions, and more focused on simply making value-add decisions for our own family. Life is so much better that way!

Or through the lens of a recent conversation I had with one of my sons, he asked, "Dad, why don't we live in a house like my friend ____ lives in?" Translation: Why does our house suck when his friend is living in a mansion? My answer was simple. We make intentional choices that allow us to do the most important things for our family: Dad gets to help people, Mom gets to stay at home to be with you more, we give generously, and we travel to make lots of memories.

Whatever financial choices you make today, I hope they align with your family's values, goals, and vision. Don't live the world's values....live yours.

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The Power of Uncomfortable Memories

Some memories are easy to say "yes" to. They are appealing, instantly satisfying no-brainers. They ooze with awesomeness, and we can't wait to reach for them. Then, there are the others.

We boarded our cruise ship yesterday, eager to escape the -30-degree wind chills that have been wreaking havoc on the Midwest for weeks. Yet, as we boarded the ship, the temps were a shockingly low 45-degree wind chill. I was freezing and tired when we finally entered our stateroom, ready to relax. Then, I heard the magical words: "Dad, let's go swimming!"

Oh boy. These kids came to go swimming, and 45-degree temps weren't going to stop them. Reluctantly, I changed into my trunks, and we spent the next two hours doing something more closely resembling the polar bear plunge than Caribbean cruise swimming. We sipped Shirley Temples and played like it was our only chance to swim for months. We bounced back and forth between the hot tub and the pool, not letting the weather dictate our itinerary (nor caring about the fact our feet were completely numb). Memories were made......lots of memories were made.

We'll likely make a ton of new memories together on this trip, but I have no doubt spending the afternoon swimming in 45-degree temps will be seared in for years (or decades).

There's something special about uncomfortable memories. Those memories where we're pushed just outside our comfort zone, resulting from our willingness to stretch ourselves into saying "yes" to things our impulses tell us to decline. In fact, if I were to list out my top 20 memories of all time, 15 of them would probably be the result of a "yes" decision I can't believe I made. If I had only trusted my gut and said "no" like any sane person should, each one of those special memories would be wiped from my being (as well as any impact they had on my growth and development).

My call to action today is to say "yes" to uncomfortable opportunities. Even if every ounce of you is screaming "no," just say "yes." You don't even have to know what you're doing it, other than to know something good will come from it. Something good always comes from it!

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Ripping Off the Facade

Running a business is a lot like parenting: While it seems like everyone is an expert, we’re all just winging it. It seems daunting and overwhelming because, well, it is. But then it gets somewhat easier, eventually, while still being forever difficult. This is a gross misconception I see with a lot of young business owners. Not young in the sense of their age, but young as it pertains to their experience running a business. We’re led to believe that owning our own businesses means we get to set our own hours, be our own boss, work less, and have more fun. While these things can be true, they typically aren’t. Young business owners can quickly become shell-shocked, morphing into feelings of inadequacy, helplessness, and a constant state of being overwhelmed. Imposter syndrome starts to set in and we might spend our days (and sleepless nights) wondering if we’re cut out for this whole entrepreneurship thing. We wake up feeling like we might just be the next Jeff Bezos, then go to bed later that day wondering if we’re about to be homeless. 

Can you relate to that? Based on the hundreds of conversations I’ve had with business owners, I think most can. Today, I want to remove the facade from business ownership. Whatever you think business ownership is, it is. But all that insecurity, doubt, and struggle you carry with you? It’s that, too. Just because you might feel inadequate, overwhelmed, and underequipped doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be a business owner. These are common experiences; I’d argue healthy experiences. All meaningful work should push us, challenge us, and stretch us, including (and especially) business ownership. We should regularly do things we’ve never done before, wondering how we got into this precarious situation. 

What sets successful business owners apart from the rest are a handful of clear characteristics:

• The stomach to fight through the ups and downs, knowing there will constantly be more fires to put out.

• A grand vision for where you’re trying to go, willing to sacrifice the near-term shiny objects for your biggerpurpose. 

• The humility to know you can’t do it all on your own.

• The willingness to do things you’ll inevitably fail at.

• The curiosity to ask questions and learn new ideas/skills that seemed foreign to you yesterday.

• A commitment to understand your numbers and have a firm grasp of your financial structure.

• An unwavering desire to serve people well and add value to their lives. 

Even if you possess all those characteristics, it’s still going to be hard! Very hard! But that’s what makes business ownership so beautiful. If it were that simple, everyone would do it. And if it were that easy, everyone would do it well.

If this sounds like you, don’t let fear (and imposter syndrome) be what stops you.

If this doesn’t sound like you and you’re currently a business owner, don’t be afraid to step back into traditional employment. Moving away from business ownership doesn’t define you as a loser, just as moving toward business ownership doesn’t make you a winner. Work that matters is work that matters……period. Please never let someone else tell you what your meaningful work should be. 

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It’s Not the Job That Sucks

As a reminder, 70% of Americans dislike or hate their jobs. Pretty sad, eh? 7 out of 10 people are living somewhere between mere tolerance and absolute misery. I've talked about this countless times before, but today, I will take a different approach. Here's my hot take of the week: It's not your job that sucks.

Well, your job may or may not suck, but that's not what's driving this 70% number. There's a saying that lives rent-free in my head: "People don't leave bad jobs; they leave bad leaders."

The data is beginning to show that people who have a terrible job but a great leader surprisingly experience more enjoyment, meaning, and fulfillment in their work than people who have a great job but a terrible leader.

My own life experience affirms this. When I was in high school, I worked at a cheese factory. No, not a Cheesecake Factory. A literal cheese factory. Unsurprisingly, being 17 years old and waking up at 4AM every Sunday to package cheese is a terrible job. It was cold, boring, and monotonous. However, I enjoyed that job! Why? Because my leaders were really good. They breathed life into the work, and the culture thrived.

Conversely, many years later, I had one of the coolest jobs ever. I won't share too many details about it, as I don't want what I'm about to say to land on a specific person. But let's just say the job was really freaking cool! However, my leader wasn't so great. Their attitude, coldness, self-serving priorities, treatment of others, seeming unwillingness to hold people accountable, and overall lack of respect created an environment where neither I nor others found enjoyment, meaning, or fulfillment. They sucked the life out of the work, and the culture suffered.

I have two takeaways today. First, if you're one of the 70% of Americans who dislike or hate their job, it means you might be one good leader away from joining the 30% club. Perhaps that means an intentional shift within your current organization, a similar job at a different organization, or some other lateral but small move would suffice. It doesn't mean you must blow up your entire life like I did. You don't have to make a drastic 180-degree turn to find meaning in your work. This should be fantastic news! Congratulations, one small tweak might be the difference between misery and meaning. Between tolerance and fulfillment. Between dread and excitement.

Here's my second takeaway. Many of you are leaders in your organizations. Through your leadership (or lack thereof), some of you are turning crappy jobs into amazing jobs, and some are turning amazing jobs into crappy jobs. You possess the keys to other people's work experience. While that doesn't sound fair, and perhaps an overweight responsibility, it's reality. It's your reality, and it's your team's reality. Oh yeah, and it's an amazing opportunity!

So, if you're in a job you dislike or hate (as most Americans are), ask yourself why. Is it really the job? Or is it your leaders? The answer to that question may change everything.

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Adopting the Box

Each year, our family participates in a multi-week church program for families. The goal of the event is to connect families of young children together, share meals together, and serve together. We eat, play games, hear a brief message, and do a service project together with other families. It's become one of my family's favorite events of the year.

A few weeks ago, the night's service project was to go to the grocery store, purchase various food items, and drop them off in a pre-assigned blessing box. If you're not familiar with a blessing box, it's a little stand-alone cabinet that houses non-perishable food items for whoever needs them, no questions asked. If someone needs food, they just need to find a local blessing box and grab whatever they want. These boxes are placed all around the residential areas of town.

Here’s an example of what blessing boxes look like

The boys were excited to shop for the box, which led to an adventure at the grocery store. Each had particular items (personal favorites) they wanted to bless people with, and were excited to deliver the goods to the box they were assigned. When they showed up at the given address, they realized they were coincidentally walking distance from our house. They couldn't believe it, and were beyond excited to be serving people in our own neighborhood.

A few days later, while talking about the experience, Finn asked a peculiar question. "Can that be our box?" "What do you mean, Finn?" asked his confused Mom. "Can we keep filling it and make sure there's always good food in there?"

Oh dang! My little man wants to adopt that box and take ownership of it. Amazing. Yes, yes, yes, we can absolutely do that. It's fun to see the wheels turning. This is why it's so important for us parents to model various forms of generosity, big and small. More is caught than taught, and when we walk out giving with our own hands and feet, the kids feel it.

Here's where this all comes together. As I mentioned in a recent post, the boys have been working hard to earn some money ahead of an upcoming vacation (evidenced by their snow shoveling in -5-degree weather). One of the practices that's a standard in our home is for the boys to give away at least 25% of everything they make. As they were excitedly counting their money the other night, they asked if they could use their giving to buy more food for their box. Again, yes, little man, you can.

Parents, we are raising the literal future leaders of this world. Let's keep going. Keep modeling generosity for them. Even when it doesn't seem like they are listening, they are. Keep fighting the good fight. Let's endeavor to raise leaders who ooze generosity and selflessness. Let's raise leaders who think of others first, and themselves second. I know Sarah and I aren't there yet, but we'll keep fighting the good fight.

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