When Your Priorities (Drastically) Change

I was recently scheduled to meet with a client. It was a meeting I had excitedly anticipated for weeks. We had a lot to discuss, with very specific (and big) priorities. I spent much time preparing for the conversation that would likely help them shift the trajectory of their financial life in an awesome and life-altering way.

However, just 30 seconds into the meeting, they dropped a bomb on me. They had just experienced a major life event that will forever change their lives. Major life events come in many shapes and sizes, from the best of the best to the worst of the worst, and everything in between. The types of life changes that impact literally every aspect of our being. The bomb hit hard, and it changed everything.

I took about ten seconds to regroup, then quickly modified the meeting's agenda. Priorities needed to be shifted because, well, priorities were shifting. Everything I had in store for them suddenly seemed meaningless. What seemed like the world's most crucial topic yesterday now felt minuscule and insignificant.

The couple was frustrated. After much hard work, discipline, and consistency, they were excited for this next chapter. Now, after an unexpected turn of events, they quickly realized their reality had shifted.

We spent the following ten minutes processing these feelings. Ultimately, I explained, this is how life works. It's never linear. It rarely goes how we anticipate. Our best-laid plans can go poof at a moment's notice. This isn't proof that their good work is meaningless.....far from it! Rather, it's evidence and affirmation of why they put in the hard work in the first place. Being in their current strong position, which didn't happen by accident, will allow them to absorb the impact of this newfound reality.

Though it's perfectly normal (even healthy) to set a clear path with an identified destination, we must expect life to slow us down, knock us off course, or even alter our plans. It's ok to adjust. Just because we thought we would accomplish xyz last month, it doesn't mean we are failures if new circumstances or altered realities shift the plan.

When reality changes, change with it. When priorities must change, change them. Don't view it through the lens of failure; view it through the lens of life. When we expect life to happen, it's never a surprise when life happens. After all, that's part of the adventure!

I hope your day is smooth and awesome, but if for some reason life slows you down, knocks you off course, or alters your plans, shift with it. That's not a loss, just a different kind of win!

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Today is the Youngest Day of Your Life

I had the privilege of speaking to a youth group last night, and not just any youth group. It's the same youth group I participated in as a leader for ten years. I was invited to speak on the topic of integrating our faith with our finances. Overall, it went fantastic. The kids were engaged, interactive, showed me lots of love, and even laughed at my dumb jokes (pity laughs still count!).

We call this the “Junkyard pose.”

We covered topics including the behavioral science of money and happiness, the importance of being a good steward, avoiding debt, and finding a healthy balance between spending, saving, and giving. I hope it moved the needle. I hope someone's life was impacted by my talk. I hope a trajectory will be altered in some way. I hope my heart and insight landed well. I may never know for sure, but I'll trust....and have faith.

One of the adult leaders approached me afterward and said the magical line I hear more than any other: "I wish someone would have taught me this when I was 16. It would have saved me a lot of mistakes and regrets." Oh, so true! I wish I had that as well!

I have a bit of a bad news, good news situation. If you're 45 years old, I can't dump you into a DeLorean, speed up to 88 MPH, and take you back to your teenage years. It's too late. I can't go back, and you can't go back. We are where we are. Our past is our past, our mistakes are our mistakes, and our regrets are our regrets.

Now, it's time for the good news. Today is the youngest day of your life. You'll never be this young again. It's the youngest you'll ever be. Therefore, perhaps today is the day you make some changes. Pay off debt. Get on a budget. Start giving generously. Transition to the work you're called to. Start investing. Build an emergency fund. Save for that dream trip.

Here's what I don't want for you. I don't want the 85-year-old version of you to say, "I wish I would have done ____ when I was 45. I was so young then."

No, you might not be 16 anymore. Or 25. Or 30. But you are where you are, and it's the youngest you'll ever be. If that's true, you might as well get started now.

Happy youngest day of your life. Let's get started!

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Tell the Others

My social media feed was inundated with "support xyz business" posts all day today. I'm starting to believe the algorithm is just trolling me at this point. Oh well, I suppose it provides great content ideas.

Regular readers probably know that I despise the idea of "supporting" businesses, as if they are some form of non-profit charity that can only survive if we treat them with pity and use our own self-directed guilt to give them money.

Today, I want to explore one of the actually beneficial alternatives to "supporting" businesses. Let's call it "tell the others." First, if a business in your life consistently adds value to your journey and repeatedly earns the right to serve you again, allow them to serve you again. Allow them the opportunity to earn that right, then reward them with the opportunity to earn it again.

It's like my friend Teresa at West Forty Market, a local meat market. Teresa doesn't ask me to support her business. Instead, she simply serves me with excellence and earns the right to do it again. She always delivers. I could probably get better prices at Target or Costco, but what Teresa offers is more valuable than what I could get from the big box stores. The product quality is phenomenal. It's always a great experience. Teresa is extremely knowledgeable and answers all my questions. She treats people with genuine hospitality. I always walk out satisfied and grateful I decided to visit. Teresa has earned the right to serve me, and continues to re-earn the right each time I visit. That's what business is all about.

Once that piece is locked in, the "tell the others" component comes into play. It's simple. If a business has continued to earn and re-earn the right to serve you with excellence, it's an act of generosity to share said excellence with people around us. Why would I want to keep such a beautiful thing a secret? The people I care about deserve to be served as well as I do. Thus, I tell the others.

Teresa at West Forty Market is a great example. I just told 1,000+ people about her. That's an act of generosity, but not generosity to Teresa. It's an act of generosity to the people I’m telling. The people I care about deserve to be served as well as I do. They deserve a little meat market that serves a top-notch product, with a great experience, by someone who will treat them with hospitality. You deserve that.

What Teresa gets out of it isn't "support." Rather, she might earn the right to serve some new faces with excellence. And if she does, she might earn the right to do it again. And if she does, they, too, may tell the others....and the cycle repeats. That's how real businesses are built.

Whatever amazing businesses in your life have earned and re-earned the right to serve you, tell the others. Share the good news. It's an act of generosity. Not generosity to the business, but to the people who deserve that type of excellence in their lives as well.

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Death, Taxes, and Jealousy

In yesterday's post, I talked about the prevalence and destruction of jealousy in our lives. If you have a pulse, you're either the culprit or victim of jealousy.....or both. I didn't offer any tangible takeaways in yesterday's post, partly due to my self-imposed word count limit (which I already breached the way it was) and partly because I didn't yet know where I wanted to take it.

I'm going to start with a little life hack. I can tell you with 100% certainty how to prevent people from acting like a jealous jerk around you. Ready for it? Don't do anything. Don't grow. Don't build. Don't progress. Don't thrive. Don't be productive. Staying where you are is a surefire way to prevent the jealousy bug from biting your friends, family, and co-workers.

In the absence of my brilliant little life hack, jealousy is inevitable. It's inevitable because jealousy rears its ugly head when, and only when, you surpass someone in a particular area. The woman in yesterday's post was a perfect example. She was the darling in other people's lives. They rooted for her. They encouraged her. They cheered her on. Then, she unexpectedly surpassed them. More money. More notoriety. More status. The moment she passed them, the jealousy bug bit.

Here's another sad reality. It doesn't matter how humble you are or how well you carry yourself; you cannot control the jealousy seeded in others. It is what it is, and that's what it is. If that's true, you have just one job: keep growing.

• Get out of debt.

• Improve your craft.

• Get more intentional with your finances.

• Build more stability.

• Invest in relationships.

• Pour out generosity.

• Start that new endeavor.

• Put your art into the world.

Do it all, but do it all with a posture of humility. Be above reproach in your behavior and attitude. Give people no reason to be jealous, knowing they will be anyway.

What about your own jealousy bug, though? Yeah, this part is tough. It's all fun and games when we want people to stop being jealous of us, but what should we think when someone else surpasses us? Well, we can definitely choose jealousy.....everyone else does, after all.

If I do my financial coaching job right, some of my clients will far surpass me. That's happened many times. Due to their circumstances, age, and trajectory, if they implement my ideas well, they will absolutely crush what I've accomplished. So what happens when I get a front-row seat to someone surpassing me? I feel nothing but joy for them. Why? The answer is my parting thought for the day.

Life is not a zero-sum game. Someone else winning does not mean that I'm losing. It doesn't have to be about winners and losers. Everyone can win. My friends, family, neighbors, and co-workers having good fortune or blessing in their lives does not negatively impact my life one bit. Therefore, there's no rational or loving feeling other than joy.

Feel joy for them. Take care of your own business. Repeat.

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J Is For Jealousy

Just a handful of years ago, the Kansas City Chiefs were the darlings of the NFL. Their young upstart quarterback, Patrick Mahomes, was as charismatic as he was gifted. Their head coach, Andy Reid, was generally beloved in all areas of football. He was known as one of the best all-time coaches who hadn't won the big one. For a hot minute, the Chiefs became America's team. You couldn't go anywhere in the country without seeing Chiefs gear. Their newfound fandom knew no bounds.

Then, something happened. They found success.....a lot of it. Three Super Bowl Championships and seven AFC Title Game appearances later, the Chiefs have become arguably the most hated team in the history of football. Hating the Chiefs has practically become its own religion.

Why? Patrick Mahomes is just as gifted and charismatic as ever. Andy Reid is just as lovable as ever. Yet, they've gone from darling to despised in just a handful of years. Why? I'll give you a hint: It starts with the letter J. That's right, jealousy. In sports, people love underdogs. They love watching the new, unexpected talent rise above adversity and be crowned with glory. Then, once that person has been placed on the golden pedestal, the masses will work just as hard to tear them down. It's the circle of life in sports.

Except it's not just sports. This phenomenon happens in literally every aspect of life. We watch it play out with musicians, actors, social media influencers, and politicians. You know who else this happens to? Your friends, co-workers, neighbors, family, and, unfortunately, you.

It's a story as old as time, and for better or worse, I have a front-row seat to watch it play out over, and over, and over. I'll share one example. One of my clients made the difficult choice to leave her long-time job to start her own business.Knowing how unhappy she was in her prior work, her friends and family cheered her on to start something new. Her idea was cute and creative. At best, she would eke out a moderate financial existence and find meaning in this new endeavor. To their credit, people around her rallied to advocate, refer, and recommend her business. She was the underdog. She was the little guy. She was the darling.

Then, something happened. She became wildly successful. She earned notoriety, attention, and revenue. She maintained her humility throughout this process. However, instead of everyone around her being a source of encouragement, it took a sharp and dark turn. She'd hear things like:

• "It must be nice to be you."

• "You wouldn't be here without me, you know."

• "Not everyone can just quit and start something new."

• "You just got lucky."

• "You think you're better than everyone else."

This culminated in a recent coaching session when she said, "You're the only person I can share wins with and know you're genuinely happy for me." How sad is that?

The jealousy bug is a dangerous thing. We're just as likely to get bit by it as we fall victim to it. It's dangerous. It's destructure. It pollutes relationships. When have you been bitten by it? When have you fallen victim to it? Please ponder these questions today, and we'll continue the conversation tomorrow. Have a great day!

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When Taylor Swift Gives You That Look

I recently ran into one of my former youth group kids. I haven't seen him in a few years, so it was fun to catch up. When I asked him what he's doing for work, his face changed. He shared about a job that seemed uncharacteristic for who I know him to be and for what he dreamed of doing. "That's cool, but what about your dream to _______?" He sighed. Here's what he said. After having enough people tell him his dream was foolish, stupid, and unrealistic, he decided to "get a real job." I could see the frustration in his eyes.

This is the type of rhetoric and narrative that leads us to a point in society where 70% of Americans dislike or hate their jobs. 7 out of 10 of us are living with some form of misery in our work. And then, with the best intentions, we say things and do things to separate people from their dreams, resulting in them following in our footsteps of pursuing work they will likely hate. Thus, the cycle continues.

I know someone else who is foolish, stupid, and unrealistic. His name is Cole, and he's my Meaning Over Money partner. I've talked about Cole countless times on this blog, so this story might not be new to you. After Cole graduated from college, he, too, initially conceded that a "real job" needed to replace any dreams that lived within him. Then, after just a handful of weeks at said real job, he impulsively quit and recklessly started pursuing his dream. It was a mess, but it was his mess.

Last Sunday, I texted Cole and asked if he'd have time to edit the following week's podcast episodes:

"No."

"Why not? What do you have going on?"

"I'm at Arrowhead today."

"Ohhhh. Taylor Swift duty?"

"Yep."

A few hours later, he sent me this video:

You might have seen it if you were tuned into the ESPN pre-game show. It was a short clip of Taylor Swift walking through the underbelly of Arrowhead Stadium, preparing to watch Travis Kelce suit up for a chance to go to the AFC Championship Game. Cole shot that for ESPN. Watch as she turns the corner and looks back at him. That look!

I don't think Cole is all that special. He's not extraordinarily brilliant, though he’s sharp. He doesn't stand above the crowd, though he’s talented. He doesn't have some special privilege or access that's unavailable to the rest of us. I do think three things set him apart from most people, though. Again, these three traits aren't special, but the presence of these traits can create something special:

• He believes in himself and his calling.

• He values meaning more than anything.

• He doesn't care what others think.

All three of those traits are available to each of us. So, while Cole isn't special, the path he chooses is. It's the path of the 30%. The path toward meaning over money. The pursuit of work that matters.

Our mission isn't to follow in Cole's footsteps. Our mission is to follow the steps we're each meant to follow.

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Just Buy the Shoes

One of my clients is a hoarder. All her life, she's been told:

• "Stop spending."

• "You don't need that."

• "Save more."

• "Don't waste money."

Many of you can relate to this. This didn't happen because parents were trying to be hurtful. Quite the opposite, actually. It's the product of parents trying to teach kids responsibility and discipline.....but they just happened to do it in the most toxic and destructive way possible.

Fast forward to today, and my client is a 35-year-old with a great job, no debt, and investments for the future. Oh yeah, and $400,000 in her CHECKING account. During a recent meeting, we spent 20 minutes deliberating a huge financial decision for her. I'll share what it was: She wanted a pair of shoes. Not just any shoes, mind you; $75 shoes.

Let me summarize. A grown woman, making good money, with nearly a half million sitting in her checking account is consternating over a $75 pair of shoes. This is the product of being told to "quit spending" for 20+ years. Ironically, she's financially free, but a slave to herself.

"Just buy the shoes," I kept saying.

All clients leave our meetings with a handful of next steps. That day, she had just one: "Buy the shoes.....without guilt."

At our next meeting, she recounted the stress and turmoil she felt buying something she "didn't need." She tried not to feel guilty, but there was an overwhelming sense of impending financial doom, as if this $75 purchase was the gateway drug to utter financial destruction. Much to her surprise, though, her world didn't cave in around her. She was fine.

Over time, she slowly but surely worked her way into buying things she didn't need. The guilt slowly evaporated. Her relationship with money began to heal.

This story may sound crazy to you, but millions of Americans are battling this as we speak. I suspect many readers might be as well. If that's you, please know you're not alone.....and this isn't the end of the story. You can find freedom from this curse.

Parents, it's not too late for your kids. You don't have to inadvertently send your kids careening into the guilt abyss. Here are a few tips to help you in the parenting journey:

• Instead of saying, "We can't afford it," tell your kids it's not in the budget this month.

• Instead of telling your kids to stop spending on things they don't need, encourage them to not spend on things that don't add value to THEIR lives.

• Instead of obsessing over saving, teach them to find a healthy balance between saving, giving, and spending.

• Instead of not letting your kids spend money on stupid things, allow them to make mistakes and learn from them. Sometimes, those stupid decisions are the best lessons, and it's best for them to learn them when they are younger and the mistakes are cheaper.

• Lean hard into generosity. When we learn to give to others with no expectation for something in return, we can learn to respect ourselves.

Guilt doesn't belong here. Just buy the shoes.

I’m so grateful for my client for allowing me to share her story. Her hope is that her experience can be a springboard for someone else to find peace in this as well.

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Give What You Have: Landlord Edition

I’ve written extensively about the importance of giving what you have, not what you don’t. It’s a concept I learned from Gary Hoag, and it changed everything for me. We ALL have something to give. We don’t need to be wealthy to give. We don’t need to have a huge income to give. We don’t need larger-than-life status to give. Instead of saying, “I’d give more if I had x,” we can flip the narrative and say “I have y, so I should give from it.” All we have is what we have, and that’s what we’re called to give from.

It looks different for everyone. Of course, we each have an opportunity (and I’d argue a responsibility) to give from our income. Some of us have small incomes, others large. And all incomes merit giving from. We also have other financial assets to give from, such as savings and investments. But we also have other things to give. It could be our skills, our relationships, our influence, our time, our wisdom. Generosity can (and should) flow from every area of our lives.

We also have other, more creative forms of generosity at our fingertips. Here’s one example. I recently learned of a landlord who waives December’s rent for all of its tenants each year. Think about this. You rent a house and sign a one-year lease. The lease says you owe 12 monthly payments of $2,000. Then, when that first December rolls around, your landlord says, “Nah, you keep it. Use it to have a wonderful Christmas.” Boom! What an amazing blessing. I don’t know the landlord or what they have for income and other resources, but what a beautiful example of giving from what they have.

I don’t personally own a rental house to practice that form of generosity. It would be awfully easy for me to dwell on the fact I don’t have that to give. That’s why I must look inward and give from what I do have:

• I have an income (not nearly as high as it used to be, but it’s still an income).

• I have savings and investments.

• I have a coffee company (which has become one of the best outlets of generosity).

• I have skillsets to help countless people find meaning and intentionality in their finances.

• I have relationships all over the country and world that may be THE missing link in someone else’s journey.

• I have platforms (blog and podcast) that enable me to give away ideas, inspiration, and encouragement.

• I have knowledge bases that allow me to help several non-profits grow their impact.

• I have possessions I can share with others.

• I have a wonderful church that allows me the opportunity to serve in various capacities.

The list could go on. This really isn’t about me, though. That’s just my list. That’s what I have to give from. Now, it’s your turn. What do you have to give? The answer(s) to that question could change everything!

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Stacking Wins

We recently procured some office space for Northern Vessel, called NV HQ. It's not a great space, but it's our space.....and the vibe perfectly fits our personality as a brand. It will be a space for team meetings, strategy sessions, and creative workshops. It will also house our storage overflow, which has been facilitated via a few storage units. All in all, this is a massive development for us, and we're excited to have more room to be us.

I bring that up for one specific reason. When I first walked into the half-completed space, a giant mobile whiteboard was positioned against the wall. At the top were the words "Stacking Wins." I smiled, as this has become our recent motto for approaching business. As we reflected back on 2024, it was so easy to recall the crappy times:

• Getting hit by the second car in nine months.

• Closing down our canning operation (which was easily the worst business venture I've attempted in my life).

• Enduring a disastrous event that we put much time, energy, and resources into.

• Battling A/C issues at the shop during the scorching summer weeks.

• The list goes on.

It would be so easy for us to define our year by those memorable failings. However, that's only part of the story.....a very small part. As humans, we often dwell on the crap while taking the good for granted. The complete story of Northern Vessel in 2024 was a monumental win. If true, how do we combat our human nature to forget the good and dwell on the bad?

Stacking wins! As 2025 unfolds, we will use that whiteboard to document any and all wins. We're going to stack them visually for all of us to see, remember, celebrate, and embrace. We already have eight wins stacked on the board three weeks into the year. Some are small wins, and some are huge wins. Creating NV HQ is one of them!

Now, every time we feel beaten down by a recent whiff, we can look at our stacked wins and remind ourselves that we have much to be grateful for. I'll be implementing this in my personal life as well, and I invite you to do the same. Inventory your wins. Write them down. Stack them. Then, when life gets tough (because that's what life does), you can refer back to your stacked wins and realize you, too, have much to be grateful for.

2025 is the year of wins. Embrace them. Celebrate them. Remember them. Stack them.

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You Are Where You Are, And So Are They

Yesterday was a weird day in southern Mississippi. Due to the nasty storm heading in (snowy and cold), everything shut down. No school, businesses closed, and we had to shut down the dry ice factory because our CO2 supplier couldn't make deliveries. The world came to a screeching halt. I spent the day working from my hotel's lobby. 

For lunch, I walked across the street and enjoyed Cracker Barrel. I was the only one there, and my waitress was appalled they were even open. At dinner, I walked from restaurant to restaurant, greeted by each with a closed sign or drive-thru only sign. Even Wal-Mart was closed (Wal-Mart was closed!!!!). I eventually found refuge in a nearby Waffle House where the other patrons shared stories of today's "once-in-a lifetime" event. 

Wanna see what brought southern Mississippi to its knees?

Oh yeah, and the temp fell to 25 degrees. This isn't me poking fun at them; far from it. Many people I talked to said they hadn't seen snow in 15 years. Some grown adults had never seen snow until yesterday. Here's where I'm going with this. We are where we are. I am where I am. You are where you are. Regardless of what anyone thinks of it, it's the current reality. Southern Mississippi doesn't have the equipment, experience, infrastructure, or culture for this type of weather. On the flip side, I talked to my wife about how the wind chills at home were -25 degrees (NEGATIVE 25 degrees), and we wondered if the kids would have outdoor recess. However, my friend Kevin from northern Minnesota said it was -50 wind chill at his house, making our -25 feel like spring to him. It's all about context. We are where we are.

So many people like to cast judgment and condemnation on other people for their financial failings, shouting down at them to just do it right. Others, on the opposite end of the spectrum, feel defeated by finances. Money hasn't been their strong suit, and they have the scars and regrets to prove it. 

We are where we are. The goal shouldn't be to magically become perfect, nor expect people around you to be. Rather, we should get a little bit better this week, then do it again next week. Develop one new skill. Improve one habit. Create one strengthening process. If we think we should (and can) wave a magic wand and drastically improve all the aspects of getting our money right, we'll be sorely disappointed. But if we view it as an iterative process, a journey, we will absolutely get to a better place.

We are where we are…..today. Next week, next month, and next year we'll be somewhere else. And if we do the hard work, it'll be a better place. 

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Seriously, how is Wal-Mart closed?!?!

What Gets Measured, Part 2

Last week, I published a piece about the importance of measuring the things we want to accomplish. After all, "what gets measured gets done." I framed the post through the lens of my newfound discovery that I walk far less than I thought. So, when my wife purchased a walking pad, I decided to do something about it.

In the world of "what gets measured gets done," how we measure is where the rubber meets the road. If we can't find a simple and effective way to measure, we won't. And if we won't, ____ doesn't get accomplished. This is a crucial concept I discuss with my coaching clients. It's imperative to find easy ways to measure what needs to be measured. Anything else will result in inevitable failure.

In the case of my walking, I luckily have a world-class tool at my fingertips. In fact, we all do. The built-in Health app on the iPhone is an amazingly simple and powerful tool for measuring many different aspects of our lives. It's a bit scary, but this app has measured my walking for the better part of a decade. I can see the data in black and white.

Given how well the data is measured, it's created more clarity and motivation for me. I consciously think about my walking now. Instead of being completely passive and out of mind, it's at the forefront. This has resulted in some interesting (and intentional) behaviors:

• While waiting for my flight on Saturday afternoon, I paced back and forth through the terminal while on a Northern Vessel call with TJ.

• Knowing I'd be sitting behind a desk all day on Sunday, I got a few thousand steps on the hotel treadmill early in the morning.

• Since I did, in fact, sit behind a desk all day and didn't get to my new hotel until 10:30 PM that night, I still needed to rip out another 3,000 steps before bed. Unfortunately, the hotel's treadmill was broken. I improvised, pacing the hotel like a creepy stalker while talking to a friend on the phone.

What gets measured gets done! Want to see what that looks like for this silly little endeavor?

Boom! I went from 3,000 steps per day to 12,000 practically overnight. Part of why I've been preliminarily successful is the tool's strength. Look how clean and visual the data is. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't making a difference.

Finances are the same way. We need simple yet powerful tools. If you're looking to budget, EveryDollar Premium is hands down the best budgeting app on the market. I'm not Dave Ramsey fan (to put it lightly), but truth is truth. They created an ingenious tool, and it's 100% worth checking out. It must be the paid version, though. The free version, requiring manual entry, is brutal to use. This tool changes lives.

CapitalOne's 360 Performance Savings accounts are a fantastic tool to facilitate and track sinking funds.

CashApp is easily the best tool to house a single spending category, like personal spending, groceries, or dining out.

What gets measured gets done, and the right tools can be the make or break. What tools add value to your finances?

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Fake Until You Break

There's a narrative pervasively weaving its way through social media and our culture. It says this: Millenials are screwed, victims of bad timing and circumstance. First, I need to confirm that I am, in fact, a Millennial. This demographic group is currently between 30 and 43 years old, and I slot in at the high end of this range.

I'm not going to dive into all the reasons this generation feels wronged and victimized. I don't think it's worth the time to write or read. While I understand where these arguments come from, I also recognize all generations deal with their own version of struggle, pain, and suffering.

Instead, I want to discuss the other side of this never-ending debate. Wells Fargo recently completed a study of Millenials who have an annual household income of $250,000+. What they discovered was that 59% of Millenials in this camp believe "it's important to appear financially successful to others." To put that in comparison, only 35% of Gen X and 14% of Baby Boomers had a similar belief.

6 out of 10 Millenials believe it's important to appear financially successful in the eyes of others. More than half of the people in my generation! That has deep and powerful implications. Of the 59% of Millenials who think this way, 41% of them admit to funding their lifestyle through credit cards and other consumer debt. Only 28% of Gen X and 6% of Baby Boomers do the same.

This is self-sabotage at the highest level. These toxic perspectives and the behaviors associated with them are literally driving an entire generation into the ground. It's a fake-it-until-you-make-it type of life we're living, but ultimately, it's more like fake until you break.

Yes, our generation has faced headwinds these past 20 years. Yes, there are things that make life hard. But nothing is making life as hard as we're making it on ourselves. We're literally breaking our own family structures for the sake of looking rich. We can say all we want that it's not happening, but the data says it is......and so does my experience working with hundreds of families. We're spending ourselves into oblivion.

What's the alternative? Instead of caring what others think and trying to keep up with the Joneses, we should focus on what matters most. We should live with humility, discipline, and intentionality. We should pursue a life of meaning above all else. More stuff, status, and wealth will never provide the satiation you're looking for. Only meaning can provide that. And meaning can't be found on the other side of a purchase. My generation, at 30-43 years old, is still relatively young. We have time to figure this out. We can right the ship and lead ourselves into a productive life full of meaning, joy, peace, and impact. But that doesn't happen on accident. It must be chosen, then aggressively pursued.

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But Not Yet

I was chatting with a close friend yesterday while I waited for my flight to take off. It was an innocent chat, but then, out of nowhere, my friend shared something I instantly knew would be today’s post. He was discussing a mutual friend. Our mutual friend is a fantastic guy with a heart of gold and excellent at his craft. He’s most certainly on a path to success in his professional and personal endeavors. The conversation revolved around how our common friend has a ton of big, awesome goals. One problem: He wants to achieve them all right now. Unfortunately, his urgency, impatience, and lack of focus will completely sabotage most, if not all, of these big goals. My friend on the other end of the phone concluded this little gem: “We can have almost anything we want in life, but not yet.” 

Short, punchy, profound, and so very true! Almost everything in life is possible, but not if we try to take shortcuts to get there….and not if we try to do them all at once. I’ll share a few real-life examples.

The first is one of my friends from college. He’s a smart dude with a healthy motor. Coming out of college, he believed he deserved to quickly achieve xyz title in his industry. Why? Because he was better than most people, and he deserved it. While I was 100% confident he could (and would) eventually get there, his approach and mindset concerned me. I encouraged him to simply do the work, pay his dues, and methodically work his way to where he wanted to be. He could get exactly what he was looking for, but not yet. Nope. He wanted what he wanted, and he wanted it now. In his pursuit of quick status (and the money that would accompany it), he frequently job-hopped, burned bridges, and greedily played the ladder-climbing game. Fast forward 20 years, and his career plateaued far lower than his original vision. So sad…..and so avoidable.

My second example is a friend with several simultaneous and conflicting wants. On one hand, he desperately wants to change careers and pursue work that matters. He also wants to buy a house. He also wants to upgrade his car. All three of these aspirations are possible, but not yet. If he prioritized them and focused on one at a time, he could achieve all three. However, in his impatience and haste, he’s creating a scenario where he’ll have none of them. I hope he alters his path, but I foresee a brutal end to this hasty endeavor. So sad…..and so avoidable. 

We can have almost anything we want in life, but not yet. We need to focus on what’s most important, have discipline, stay persistent, and be patient. When we do those things, we’ll absolutely get to where we’re trying to go.

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When Nothing is Everything

My client was frustrated.....borderline fuming. After two frustrating months to end 2024, they felt stuck and defeated. Expenses piled up, the budget got shredded, and they didn't make nearly as much progress on their debt as hoped. They had big goals, but ultimately, the goals fizzled at the hands of their harsh financial reality.

I was so proud of them and happy for them! In my opinion, they had an amazing few months! Months worth celebrating! Months worth remembering. Months that will eventually be looked back upon on as the turning point to everything.

What's the disconnect? Their definition of a win was paying off debt and having everything go right. My definition of a win was how they approached the situation and navigated it when everything went wrong.

In years past, they would regularly fall into the credit card debt cycle at the slightest presence of adversity. Their finances would run away from them, they would quickly slide the credit card, and kick the can down the road to fight another day. After battling to remedy the problem for the next several tension-induced months, they would repeat the cycle. All the while, they would wonder where their money is going and why they can't get their crap together.

Enter November and December of 2024. They had big plans for debt paydowns and moving the needle in their finances. Then, as life tends to do, crap happens. An emergency vet bill, the car breaks down, an unexpected family trip, a surprise activity expense for their kids. One expense piled onto the last. Suddenly, their perfectly crafted budget eroded around them.

I'm not painting the best picture, am I? This is where it gets good. Since they had an actual plan, created with unity, implemented with intentionality, and entered the month with clear visibility, they saw the twists and turns as they came. While it wasn't ideal to alter their budget to accommodate the crap, they were in control of the budget, not the other way around. For the first time ever (20+ years!!!), they carefully pivoted, took care of their business, and survived the financial onslaught. Even more impressive, they managed to do so without tapping into the credit cards. Yeah, they endured all the crap that life had to offer WITHOUT falling into the credit card death spiral. Massive win!!!

If they compare where they ended up with what they originally planned on doing, it would appear they accomplished nothing. However, sometimes nothing is everything. In their case, this seemingly disastrous month was the biggest win of them all. Now that they know they can thoughtfully and intentionally handle the tough stuff without resorting to debt and old habits, they can accomplish anything together.

This is where they begin to cook. This is where their life changes forever. This is where the rubber meets the road.

Sometimes, nothing is everything.

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Ode to Reps

I recently appeared on a podcast, but it was a different kind of podcast. It was recorded just like a typical podcast, but at the same time, there was a live audience watching/listening. It was facilitated via Zoom, so I could see the attendees' faces while recording. Just one problem: Only five of the 150 scheduled attendees actually showed up. Therefore, I was doing a live virtual talk to an audience of five that would eventually become a podcast. Odd, I know.

Overall, I thought it went fantastic. On the heels of the event, the organizer reached out to thank me, apologize for the small turnout, and share a few thoughts. One particular comment struck me: "It was interesting watching you perform. Even though there were only a few people there, you gave off the same vibe as if there were 1,000 people in the room."

Good! That's exactly what I was hoping for. I'm a firm believer that every rep counts; we never know what impact we'll make. It reminds me of something I learned from being a youth group leader. If we hosted a big event and only a handful of kids showed up, that didn't mean it was a loss. Rather, it meant we could pour everything we had into those few kids. I loved that mentality!

I think this mindset carries into every aspect of life. Each repetition is an opportunity to give 100%, regardless of the circumstance. Further, giving 100% in the less assuming settings earns us the right to make an impact elsewhere.

It ALWAYS reminds me of my favorite music video, Ode To Sleep by Twenty One Pilots. If you haven't seen this video, and I'm 99% sure you haven't, please take a few minutes to experience it.

The video opens with Tyler and Josh performing in a small dingy room in front of just 12 people. What's most fascinating to me is that they are performing with the same energy one might exude in a large arena. They were going off.

The video transitions to a different show, 18 months later. This time, they are playing in a "dark, sweaty basement" in front of 300 people. Again, the same massive energy that doesn’t seem to match the audience size. They were going off.

Lastly, the video transitions one final time. This time, 18 months later, they are performing again. However, the audience has ballooned to 12,000 loyal fans. The moment the screen flips to HD and pans across the electric crowd still gives me chills. Again, the energy was off the charts. They were going off.

I can't get this music video out of my head. It has 26 million views, and I suspect half a million of them are just me. I so much appreciate their willingness to give 100% of themselves each repetition, whether 12 people or 12,000 people.

I don't know what you have going on today, but whatever it is, it deserves 100%. You never know the impact you'll make.

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Starting Is the Hardest Part

I was recently sitting with a young client. Mid-20s, new-ish in his career, trying to figure out his place in life. Everything is new, exciting, and a bit nerve-wracking (though he probably won't admit that last part). To his credit, he's approaching his money head-on. He recognizes the responsibility....and the opportunity. His future self will absolutely thank his younger self, and I'm grateful to play a small role in that story.

However, we hit a roadblock. When it was time to dive into investing, he felt defeated. It's not that he didn't want to invest, but rather he didn't think he was ready. "I don't have enough left in my budget to invest, so that will have to wait."

"That's ok, we'll start with $25 per month."

He laughed. I wasn't joking.

"$25 isn't enough to make a difference," he quipped. While that's technically true, I wasn't encouraging $25/month because I thought it would move the needle. No, I did it because starting is the hardest part.

From a behavioral science perspective, there's massive power in starting something. After all, starting is hard. Investing requires us to set up an account, create a login, connect to a bank, physically move money from one institution to another, and invest said cash into an index or mutual fund. That's a lot of hurdles! However, once those hurdles have been cleared, it's simple!

Once he makes the first investment, and then takes one more step to automate future investments, it becomes one of the easiest things in his life. Even better, the act of creating and automating his investment account, even with only $25/month, he becomes the type of person who invests. That action integrates with his life, his rhythm, his habits. Like paying his rent, brushing his teeth, and taking out the trash. It's just what we do.

As I explained, starting a $25/month investing rhythm is the hardest part. After that, it's easy to increase it. Increasing it takes two minutes. Maybe he'll increase it to $100/month. Or maybe $500/month. Maybe it will get to $1,000/month. Whatever the right number is, it only happened because he did the hard part of setting up that initial $25/month. So, no, $25/month won't in and of itself move the financial needle. But that $25/month start is what opened the doors for everything that will soon come.

Starting is the hardest part. Whether it's investing, giving, or saving, just start. Even $25. Heck, even $5. Just start. Get the ball rolling. Become the type of person who does that action. Let it seep into you. Once that happens, anything is possible!

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What Gets Measured Gets Done

Last week, Sarah approached me with an idea. She wanted to buy a walking pad to get more walking in during the bleak winter months. Think of it as a baby treadmill compact enough to go anywhere in your house, and quickly get stored away between uses. It was $120, and since we had allocated $150 to our home furnishings category this month, we agreed to buy it on the spot.

Fast forward a week, and I'm the one loving it. Out of curiosity, I pulled up my step count in the Health app on my iPhone. My general assumption is that I probably walk about 8,000-10,000 steps daily. Needless to say, I was WAY off.

Since July, I averaged 4,800 steps per day. If you look at the image above, I've had many weeks where my daily averages were in the 2,000s and 3,000s. Yikes! As Michael Jordan famously said in The Last Dance, "And I took that personally." That's when I drew the line in the sand. From here on out, I will average 10,000+ daily steps every week. No excuses. It will be measured, and it will be accomplished. Look at the far right line on that graph.....boom! A 10,000+ average this week.

“What gets measured gets done.” This is a famous saying, though I have no idea who said it. I've had mentors and colleagues tell me this over the years, and I couldn't agree more. When we measure something, we're more likely to accomplish it. In my financial coaching world, clients must send me an updated net worth statement before each meeting. If I've met with a client 30 times, we'll have 30 data points, side-by-side-by-side. We measure everything!

If a client is trying to get out of debt, we'll track their paydown and payoff progress closely.

If a client is trying to stay on pace with their budget, we'll track how far off they were each month.

If a client is trying to get a better grip on their dining out spending, we'll precisely track how many times they go out to eat, how much each cost, and the running total.

If a client is trying to sell x widgets in their business, we'll set up tracking systems to measure the inputs and outputs of their mission.

One last one, and it applies to this blog. One of my missions is to provide a high-quality read, but in a condensed package: No more than 500 words per day. Therefore, I write each post using a tool that measures every word I type. If my post is 510 words, I must pare it down. Powerful and concise.

What gets measured gets done. This applies to nearly every aspect of lives. Whatever you're trying to accomplish this week, month, or year, measure it. Find a relevant way to record it, measure it, and track it. Put it visually in front of you. See it for what it is…..and what it could be. Then crush it!

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Happy Accidents

I know I'm not alone here, but as a kid, I'd spend hours staring at my standard-def TV watching Bob Ross work his magic. I had no artistic talent and no interest in painting, yet there was something soothing and enjoyable about his presence in my life. After a while, you'd learn his cadence, rhythms, and sayings. One such saying has always stuck with me: "We don't make mistakes. We have happy accidents."

On December 16th, I published what I thought was a killer post titled "Giving > Getting." I was extremely proud of that one, and hoped it would move the needle for people. However, much to my dismay, I realized I made a crucial mistake. While everything looked fine on the website, my e-mail distribution software apparently doesn't like the symbol ">." Instead of my subscribers receiving a post titled "Giving > Getting," it was titled "Giving #x3E; Getting." See, a brutal mistake!!!!

I spent the better part of a day lamenting how my stupidity in the execution prevented a beautiful piece from reaching its true potential.

Enter Bob Ross and his wisdom.

To this day, that blog post is easily the most-read thing I've ever published. It experienced a record-high open rate and was shared countless times. Why? I don't think it's a coincidence. I think the e-mail subject line "Giving #x3E; Getting" was just too weird not to open; a happy accident, so to speak.

If I'm honest with myself, much of what I've accomplished throughout my life is a product of happy accidents:

• If I hadn’t failed so badly in my original writing endeavors, I wouldn’t have lamented my frustrations to my friend and mentor, Gary Hoag. That’s the conversation that inspired what has now become this blog. A happy accident.

• If COVID hadn’t crushed Cole’s videography business momentum, he never would have called me to pitch what eventually became the Meaning Over Money Podcast. A happy accident.

• If TJ hadn’t failed in his first several iterations of Northern Vessel, and had his pending capital partners not flaked on him at the eleventh hour, Northern Vessel wouldn’t be what it is today (or if it had, I certainly wouldn’t be part of it). A happy accident.

• If my employer’s company hadn’t shut down during the Great Financial Crisis, and if my employer hadn’t given me an ultimatum to move to Iowa or join my friends in the unemployment line, and if I hadn’t been so deeply (and stupidly) in debt that I didn’t actually have any personal freedom to make choices, I never would have moved to Iowa, and my life as I know it simply wouldn’t exist. A happy accident.

Nothing goes as planned, I screw up every step of the way, and I never end up where I expect. Life is a series of happy accidents, and I'm down for it! Happy accidents, while frustrating in the moment, create beauty, richness, and unpredictability in an often mundane life. Savor them, don’t wish them away.

Embrace those happy accidents!

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More vs. Better

One of my friends received an amazing job offer! It's a different company within her industry. It offers more robust responsibilities, a higher-profile role, and better visibility to leadership. It provides tremendous growth opportunities in multiple directions. Did I mention it's also DOUBLE her existing compensation structure? We're talking about a massive pay raise. I don't mean this to sound like hyperbole, but she'll likely never have to worry about money again. It's that type of offer.

She turned it down.

Yes, that's correct. She said "no." She walked away from what most would consider the opportunity of a lifetime. Pretty stupid, right? Well, stupid by our culture's standards. That job offer was the epitome of what we fight for when trying to progress through our careers. We work, work, work, and work, hoping that one day we'll get that big break that changes everything. That was hers......and she turned her back on it.

Why in the world would she do something like that?!?!? I'll tell you why. She prioritizes better over more. She's living her best life right now. She loves her job, her co-workers, her leaders, the culture, the work, the responsibilities, and the balance she's created between work, marriage, parenting, friends, and serving. While this job opportunity could have provided more (much more!), it couldn't provide better.

This is what meaning over money is all about. I couldn't be prouder of her, happier for her (and her family), or more excited for what's likely to unfold in her life in the months and years to come. Her current path will surely push her, stretch her, challenge her, and reward her. It's going to be a fun journey.

Always choose better over more. Other people won't understand. You'll probably get criticized. Culture will call you stupid. It might be a more stressful path. It won't be as secure, comfortable, or easy. But better is always better.

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The Myth of Making It

Someday, I'll "make it." Famous last words!

“Making it” means different things to different people. For some, it means getting out of debt. For others, it means becoming a millionaire. Some people want to attain xyz title at work. Maybe it means landing a certain client. Or driving a car with that specific emblem. Perhaps there's a particular revenue goal. Your kid goes to an Ivy League college. What if you finally land on the cover of a magazine? One day, you'll finally get that degree.

We love to put pins on the map of our future and definitively say that's the moment when we've "made it." Unfortunately, it's a lie. It's not a lie because these things can't happen.....they can. It's not a lie because they don't matter.....they do. It's a lie because every time we achieve something, we move the goalposts further out. If having a net worth of $1M is making it, the moment you get it, the new definition of "making it" becomes $2M, then $5M, then $10M, and so on.

Years ago, when Cole and I shared a dumpy little office, he had this amazing bottle of bourbon. It was a special edition bottle, signed by the band Slipknot. He would regularly talk about how, after "making it," we would pop the cork and enjoy that special bottle. Since that day, he and we have achieved far more than we had ever expected......yet, that bottle is still unopened. Why? Because every time he hit a milestone, a new milestone took its place.

Here's my point. There is no "making it." That's a myth. As humans, we'll quickly reset expectations as soon as we reach the goal. There is no magical point where our lives magically become perfect, or we achieve maximum success. Rather, it's about the journey. We should live with contentment, strive to get a bit better each day, celebrate all the wins (even the small ones), and find meaning in all of it. Oh yeah, and pop the cork on that bottle, Cole. You're never going to make it, but man, you're doing it.

My challenge for you today is to stop defining which hurdles you'll someday hit to "make it." I promise you, by the time you achieve them, you will have already moved the goal posts on yourself. If that's true, just keep moving forward, living with meaning, enjoying the journey. Oh yeah, and pop that cork.

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