Weird, I Know

With the holiday season approaching, especially in conjunction with Small Business Saturday, small businesses have been on a rampage encouraging, begging, pleading, demanding, and even guilt-tripping society to "shop small."

These businesses continually make their case about why you and I should shop local. The reasons vary, but the conclusion is always the same: We should all "support" small businesses.

It's widely documented I absolutely love small businesses. I own small businesses! However, it's also widely documented I loathe the phrase "support" when it comes to businesses. Businesses aren't charity. They don't fundraise. They don't inherently deserve our patronage. Their job isn't to get something from us, but to provide something for us.

When is the last time you saw a thriving small business tell people they should "support small business?" I can think of a few examples in my life, but they are rare. Instead, thriving businesses are busy trying to be excellent and, you know, thrive. Weird, I know.

At this very moment, I'm thinking about a few small businesses in my metro that have doubled down on excellence in the past few months. They are absolutely crushing it! They aren't trying to rely on "support" as much as they are trying to earn the right to serve people well, and if done with excellence, earn the right to serve them well again.

Excellence always wins! Consumers will always gravitate toward excellence, whether it's big business or small business, national business or local business. Business owners should spend far less time reminding people to "support" them, and more time just being excellent. Double down on excellence, and then after you've done that, triple down on it.

"It's not that easy, Travis!" I know it's not easy. It's one of the hardest things in the world. But that's the test. That's what determines who thrives, survives, and dies. Ultimately, though, it's not about gaining "support." It's about gaining trust, loyalty, and the privilege to serve someone with excellence. I love this stuff so much!

Small business owners, next time you think about asking someone to "support" your business, perhaps instead double down on excellence. Consumers, next time you wonder if you should "support" a small business near you, perhaps instead you should simply find excellent businesses and joyfully patronize them. The rest will sort itself out.

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The Cheap Gifts Linger

Think about the most expensive gifts you've ever received. Picture them in your mind. How much do you think they cost? When we receive these gifts, an overwhelming feeling of euphoria can rush over us. It's exciting.....and fun! I can picture some of my most expensive gifts in my head. They are all in a landfill today. Chances are, yours are, too. Or you received it not long ago, and it will eventually make its way there. It's sad, but true.

Now, think about some of the cheaper gifts you've received. Gifts that were rich in sentiment, not in sticker price. Maybe it was a framed picture, a hand-made item, or a customized item created solely with you in mind. Let me guess: You probably still have some of these....and you'll have them forever.

We live in a culture obsessed with putting a price tag on someone's value. Or, as famously quoted by Michael Scott, "Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It's like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, "Hey, man, I love you this many dollars worth."

Sure, that was a hilarious scene in one of the all-time great Christmas television episodes, but there's truth in Michael's words. We treat others - and internalize how others treat us - by the dollar value of gifts.

The cheap gifts linger, though. Sentiment always trumps material value. One will be in a landfill in just a handful of years, and the other might be a cherished possession for decades to come. I once gave my grandpa a painting of our state's Capital. It was a beautiful piece. It didn't cost a lot, but it carried so much meaning and sentiment. He talked about that painting until the day he died. Today, I possess that painting, and will likely do so until the day I die.

The cheap gifts linger. Do you believe that? If so, perhaps it can (and should) change the way you approach gift-giving this year. Don't feel beholden to the almighty dollar. Instead, ask yourself if you're giving a gift that will end up in a landfill soon, or a gift that will linger.

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Wait, Are They Spitting In My Food?!?!

Last month, I wrote a piece about listening to nudges in our generosity. In it, I used the example of leaving a large cash tip on a DoorDash order, mentioning that I typically try to tip cash to ensure the person receives the entire tip. Remember that?

Well, I just stumbled upon a disturbing discovery. There's a video circulating the interwebs, captured by a Ring door cam. A DoorDash driver approaches a house to drop off the food order. The customer, just like in my post linked above, attempts to hand the delivery driver a cash tip. "Ignore it. You keep that," responds the driver. "Why?" asks the confused customer. "Because I didn't see you tip on the app, and I put a little card in there. So please keep it. I'm sorry." The video clip ends with a still photo of the note the driver left for her: "Lucky for you I didn't bother the food but next time consider tipping your driver."

Door dasher leaves a nasty note in her food because she thought she wasn’t going to tip pic.twitter.com/th5NSNc7cq

— FadeHubb (@FadeHubb) January 8, 2024

Wow. Just wow. There's a lot going on here. First, it's shocking how entitled the driver is to think that a) a tip is 100% mandatory, and b) it merits threatening the safety and cleanliness of the customer's food. That's an audacious move.....dare I say disgusting?

But there's something else I want to hone in on here. It's interesting that the driver's first instinct upon seeing no explicit tip being left on the app is the assumption there is zero tip whatsoever. That doesn't happen by accident. It's probably the byproduct of hundreds of times when no tip was left. That's actually pretty sad.

From the comfort of our home, we're jumping on our $1,000 cell phones to order food that will be hand-delivered to our door, where we'll meet the driver (in our jammies), so we can enjoy a completely stressless and effortless meal. And we're not even leaving a tip!?!? We're collectively venturing into selfish narcissist territory.

And all the while, I'm over here unknowingly risking someone spitting in my food, all because I want to bless drivers with large cash tips? No, I'm not defending this driver's gross behavior and disgusting threats. I hope she ate a big slice of humble pie that night and subsequently tried to make amends for her actions.

What I'm suggesting today is that we have an opportunity on our hands. We have an opportunity to consistently pour out so much generosity into this world that the (figurative and literal) DoorDash drivers get excited when they don't see a tip added on the app. A world where instead of sending threatening letters, they are handing out thank-you notes.

I know a lot of people will vehemently disagree with this, and I respect that. I'm here to push boundaries and move needles, and that gets uncomfortable sometimes. I hope you'll join me by leaning hard into this endeavor. Generosity always wins! Together, we can start to bend our culture. Reminder, even a 1% bend is still progress. Let's go!

Seriously, though, did that dude spit in my Taco Bell last month? Maybe someday I'll find out......

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A Silly Holiday Reminder

I have a silly reminder for you today. It might seem obvious, inconsequential, or harmless, but it’s important. As we continue deeper into the holiday season, you don’t have to do everything.

Our impulse says to say yes to anything and everything. Add this expense. Jam that onto the calendar. ‘Tis the season, after all!

But you don’t have to. You don’t have to turn what should be a peaceful time into a grind. You don’t have to screw up your finances. You don’t have to pack the schedule. It’s ok to say no……even to family! Don’t get railroaded. Don’t let the current sweep you out to sea.

So many people are about to sabotage their joy, peace, and finances. Resist the urge. You don’t have to do it. You can say no.

Lean hard into what matters most, and I’m pretty sure financial stress, exhaustion, and busyness aren’t on your wishlist for Santa. Choose peace. Choose contentment. Choose intentionality. Your future self will thank your current self for this gift.

Days That End in “Y”

I ran into an old friend yesterday. It was a coincidental and short encounter, but fun. I asked him what he's been up to, and vice versa. He mentioned he's heard a few co-workers talk about my blog. Upon asking how often I write, he was flabbergasted to hear that I write and publish every single day. I don't usually think about how weird this is until other people remind me.

On the flip side, this dude is jacked! He looks like a bodybuilder because, well, he is. I asked him how often he lifts, and he responded, "only on days that end in "y." Well played with the dad joke, sir. I was as equally impressed by his lifting rhythm as he was with my writing.

That's the funny thing about people. My normal is crazy to him, and his normal is crazy to me. I dig it! I wish I could develop that type of lifting habit. For as diligent as I am about writing, I lack in many other areas.

Another oddly consistent habit I possess is my intermittent fasting. I fast from dinner until noon the next day.....every single day. I fast for 17-18 hours, then eat over a 6-7 hour window. I've done this for the last 18 months or so, and it's changed my life. I never get hungry, and it's become completely normal to me.

Another habit that's completely normalized to Sarah and I is budgeting. We've budgeted (and tracked/followed it) for the last 182 months.....more than 15 years. It's just part of life for us, and it's changed our life and marriage.

While I'm grateful for these three consistent habits in my life, I definitely need to find more. What about you? What are some consistent habits that others may find weird but have changed your life for the better? Curious minds want to know! I'll produce a follow-up piece to (anonymously) share your collective feedback with the broader group.

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Flipping Tipping On Its Head

Tipping has developed a bad reputation over the last few years; some of it deserved. It seems like everyone, eyes wide with envy, is chasing the almighty tip dollars. Everyone is asking for tips these days! People are burned out, and in many ways, I don't blame them. Example: I was recently asked to tip at a self-serve kiosk with ZERO employees. Who am I tipping, the machine?!?!

However, I also believe the tipping pendulum is at risk of swinging back too far. With people fed up with open-hand tip requests, many are cutting back and/or ceasing tips altogether. I don't think this is the right approach, either.

So, today, I have a proposal to make you. Instead of viewing tipping as some entitlement hand-out baked into the already-high price of goods and services, let's reframe it as giving. The opportunity to tip is an opportunity to practice generosity. I'm not suggesting every single tip request merits a generous tip, but rather, we should welcome the opportunity to reward excellence with intentional generosity.

I approach tipping as the training ground and experimental lab of generosity. Have you ever left an obscenely high tip for someone? It will rock your world. Have you ever been served by someone who was clearly having a stressful day, only to see their face change upon receiving an outsized tip? It will make your day. Have you ever given a thoughtful tip to someone who oftentimes doesn't receive a tip at all? It's life-giving.

No, you don't have to tip. Yes, it would be cool if employees were paid more. No, you shouldn't be made to feel guilty. Yes, it's ridiculous that every single role is now requesting tips. Despite all that, I still believe each of us has the influence to use these little opportunities to move the needle in people's lives and in our culture. Further, embracing these little moments will also add value to our own lives. It will brighten our day, make us smile, and give us something to think about.

Join me. Let's reframe tipping in our lives. Let's lean hard into generosity and make some people's days. It might be one of the coolest things you do all day.

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Choosing the Wrong Anchors

I was blessed with an opportunity to spend time with one of my closest friends yesterday. We don't see each other as much as we should, but man, it's great when we do. Our conversation triggered a concept I often discuss in my coaching, but has never come up on the blog. Well, today is the day!

Let's say you have a full-time job but are simultaneously working to transition to your dream job, your calling. You aspire to eventually transition full-time into the new gig. However, the elephant in the room is when. Every ounce of you wants to do the new thing, but the bulk of your time is invested in the old thing (which you don't particularly care about). How do you know when to flip the switch?

I'll use a real-life example of a friend. He makes $150,000 in his current full-time job, and has built his new business up to approximately $50,000 per year. Here's what I find most impressive about this. With only his leftovers (after working a full-time job and investing in his family as a husband and dad), he's managed to build up his dream business to $50,000 per year of income. Just imagine what he could do if he dedicated his best professional hours toward this growing passion!!!

One problem, though. Conventional wisdom says he shouldn't quit his full-time job until he's built up his new work to a similar income. In other words, once he's able to make at least $150,000 in his new gig, he can jump ship. This belief is founded on the idea that we should never go backward on our income. This is toxic thinking!

I'll state the obvious. There's very little chance my friend can build his new business up to $150,000 per year while giving it only scraps of time and energy. He feels stuck. He's frustrated. He's running out of steam. There's a chance he'll give up. Why? All because he chose the wrong anchor.

Please allow me to offer an alternative. Instead of trying to replicate his current income, he should seek to make enough. I pressed him with this question. "How much income do you need to make, combined with your wife's income, to pay for your basic needs?"

"About $40,000."

"So you're already there! You could quit today, focus full-time on your calling, and still care for your family. That sounds like a no-brainer decision!"

"I don't want to lose ground financially, though."

This is where I put the proverbial mirror in front of him, "So your standard of living and pride is more important to you than your calling. It's not that you can't, but rather you won't."

To his credit, he admitted that's probably true. I'm not trying to make him sound materialistic or egotistical. Rather, I'm trying to highlight the toxic power of choosing the wrong anchor. When we anchor our expectations on some arbitrary reality (a reality we’re trying to escape, mind you), it can rob us of our calling. Instead, I propose we anchor our expectations on what's enough. That subtle shift will change everything!

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I’m Sorry, Dead Horsey

I promised myself not to beat this dead horse any further this year, but a fateful conversation with a trusted friend yesterday tempted me back down this road.

"Travis, just got done meeting with our financial advisor. It's been a great year!"

"That's awesome! Tell me about it. What did he share that makes you so excited?"

"Well, first, our investments are up nearly 18% in the last 12 months!"

I tried to maintain my poker face, but as my wife Sarah can attest, I'm terrible at it. My friend could immediately tell I had a cringe-meets-disgust expression.

"What? He said 18% is pretty good. And since the market is supposed to go up 7-8% per year, that's really good, right?"

He showed me his account statement, and we confirmed he did, in fact, receive approximately 18% over the last 12 months. Without saying a word, I opened my online account and showed him this:

34.4%. That's what my investment account received in the last 12 months (12/1/2023-11/30/2024). My friend couldn't believe this. "How the #$!@ did you get that??!?"

I explained this is how the U.S. stock market performed over the last 12 months. Intrigued, he had lots of questions:

"Why did I only get 18% if the stock market got 34%?”

• His financial advisor puts him in garbage and crushes him with fees.

"If I had about a half million in my account 12 months ago, how much did this cost me?"

• About $80,000 just this year alone.

"How hard is it to invest in something like you're talking about?"

• It's one of the easiest things we can do. There are index funds that give you about 4,000 companies in one single investment, with almost zero fees. Vanguard and Fidelity have great options, as do most people's 401(k)s.

"Is it guaranteed?"

• No, it's a mess. It's a bumpy ride and can feel miserable. But the market has returned more than 9% over the last 150+ years and more than 10% over the last 100 years.

"Will I lose money?"

• Nothing is for certain, but the U.S. stock market has never lost money over a 15-year period.....ever. So, considering this friend is 30 and can't even touch his retirement assets for another 30 years (age 60), that doesn't feel too risky to me.

"How often should I be making changes to my investments?"

• I haven't made a single change in more than 15 years.

"How do I know when to sell?"

• I've literally never sold anything, and will never sell anything until I need it someday.

"We really like our guy, though. We'll probably just keep him."

• OK

We all have the right to do whatever we want with our money and investments. But I believe information is power, and people deserve proper context. It's so disheartening to see family after family unknowingly lose hundreds of thousands (or millions!) of dollars for no good reason. They deserve better. You deserve better!

Perhaps it's time to check your statements again.

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It's Still the Same You

One of my friends recently went from being middle class to having $50M in cash. By "recently," I mean a few years ago. Here's the thing, though. Nobody in his life, besides his spouse and a few others, knows this even happened. He owned a boring business that quickly grew bigger and more successful than most people realized. He sold it, and poof, he was mega-wealthy.

In an instant, everything changed. Yet, at the same time, nothing changed at all. During a recent conversation, he interestingly said, "I thought my life would magically change, but I'm still the same me." He seemed disappointed by that revelation. Money has a funny way of not impacting us like that.

We view money as the x-factor that will change everything for us. If I only had $_____, then I'd be happy. If I could just get to $____, then I wouldn't worry anymore. Unfortunately, that's not how it works. First, let me say the obvious. Having a bunch of money will significantly reduce one's month-to-month financial stress. That's the most Captain Obvious thing I'll say today. However, money does not cure most things in our lives. Taking it one step further, having lots of money will inevitably open up new challenges.

It's easy to look at someone with a ton of money and think, "It must be nice!" In some ways, I'm sure it is. On the flip side, however, those people still battle demons, loss, pain, and turmoil. Life is still life, regardless of how many resources you have.

What's the point of this rant? Don't rely on more money to dictate your happiness. Don't hold that carrot in front of you, believing that more is the answer to what ails you. Don't (falsely) believe that wealth is the remedy for all of life's problems. It's not. It can help in some situations, but at the end of the day, it's still the same you. Therefore, invest in the person in the mirror. Keep growing. Take care of yourself. Pursue meaning. Keep moving forward, regardless of your financial standing.

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I Stole Her Generosity

Sarah and I operate our finances with a high level of intentionality. Each month for the past 15 years, we've negotiated and executed a budget (in fact, as I was writing this paragraph, she interrupted me and reminded me of a few items we need to add to this month's budget). The budget accounts for every dollar of income coming in that month, segregated into various spending, saving, and giving categories. When we encounter a possible expenditure of $100+, we discuss it. Well, with one exception: giving. We are very intentional about our normal giving budget, but not so much with the irregular giving. The one-offs. The spur of the moment. The little nudges. The instinctual gifts. If either of us feels called to give, regardless of the person, cause, or amount, we have the green light. If we don't have enough money in that month's giving budget to cover it, we have a separate bucket of money we can pull from. "Just be generous" is the operating model.

It took Sarah several years to embrace this principle. For the longest time, she felt anxious about unilaterally making these types of decisions. Eventually, though, she started owning it; she even looped the kids into the fold. When the nudge came to give, she gave. No hesitation, no second-guessing. Just be generous. It's been one of the coolest parts of our life together.

I recently stole her generosity, though. It was Thanksgiving Day. We were in a grocery store picking up some ingredients for our big meal. It was Sarah, me, the boys, and our two nieces. As we stood in the checkout lane, Sarah noticed two firefighters standing in front of us. They were in full uniform, with a cart full of food. Sarah leaned over to me, "We should buy theirs to thank them for their service today." Amazing idea! For whatever reason, though, I stalled out on her. "It's going to be weird trying to pay for someone in front of us. We would definitely do it if they were behind us." "That's okay," she replied, and the moment passed.

Wow. I whiffed. There's no reason we shouldn't have purchased their cart of food. Zero reason. Zilch. I don't know what sidetracked me, but I failed Sarah and those two firefighters. Sarah had a beautiful idea (or nudge), and I sabotaged her. I felt pretty lousy about it. As we were pulling away from the store, I said, "I really regret that. I failed. I'm so sorry."

"Just be generous" is a beautiful model to live by. I highly recommend it! Pull out the stops. There's something amazing that happens when we prioritize someone else's needs over our own wants. It transforms the way we view and handle our money. However, just like I did on Thanksgiving, you'll make mistakes. You whiff. You'll miss the moment. While that sucks, the good news is there will be another moment the next hour, next day, or next week. The moments are all around us. Just be generous.

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Yeah, It's Okay to Hate Your Job, But….

I often rant about the importance of pursuing work that matters. It comes up here on the blog, on the podcast, and in my public talks. It's one of my foundational messages. I also touched on it in yesterday's piece.

In response, one friend (43 years old) wrote me yesterday; here's what he said: "Is it ok to hate my job? I don't hate it all the time, but I dread it most weeks. However I don't look for meaning in my work. I have a great family, awesome friends, and I enjoy my weekends. I have fun hobbies and I am plenty busy with my kids activites. We take two vacations a year and I'll probably get to retire by 60."

I told my friend I wanted to answer him publicly, and he's cool with that, so here we go!

Yeah, it's okay to hate your job. We live in a free country that allows us to choose whatever paths we want. I'm glad you have a great family and awesome friends. I can confirm you do, in fact, have a pretty amazing family and countless friends who would do anything for you. Such a blessing! I also love seeing pictures of your family's trips....so many memories!

On the flip side, I think you deserve better. I see how much your job kills you. I watch as you bounce back and forth between joy and dread. I've been with you on Sunday afternoons when the Sunday Scaries switch is flipped. I know you'd pretty much rather be doing anything other than what you do during the week. Yeah, I know it pays well, and you're financially comfortable, but it also looks like part of you is dying.

You excitedly say you can retire by age 60. First, that's 17 years from now! Do you really want your kids to spend their entire childhoods watching you merely tolerate your life? Let's just say you make it 17 more years.....then what? You'll still be relatively young, having tolerated the preceding two decades. What's next? Play golf? Sleep in? Live a life of leisure? You have so much to offer the world today, next year, and decades from now.

Yeah, man, it's okay to hate your job. Most other people do. Merely tolerating it is a culturally-approved way to approach life. You do have meaning in other areas of your life: family, friends, memories, etc. I'm just crazy enough to think you deserve both. I think you deserve to have meaning in your personal life AND your professional life. This is one of the areas where it's possible to have your cake and eat it, too.

I'll end by flipping it around on you. What if your kid was asking this question? Would you encourage them to sit in semi-misery for decades on end? You and I both know the answer to that question. Take your own advice. Live with meaning. Make an impact. Expect better; demand better. I think you deserve it, man!

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Those Little Tells

Once in a while, someone will ask me a simple but profound question about careers. "How do you know if you're in the right job?" It's a weighty question, and there are certainly many factors at play, but there's one thing I always look for: Those little tells.

I've had a great few days celebrating Thanksgiving with my family. Food, football, movies, and games. It was a great time, and we returned home from Kansas City last night. I couldn't be more excited for today. We're heading to Northern Vessel to grab some drinks, I have a ton of work to do, and then we're going to watch Iowa State football play for the chance to compete in the Big 12 Championship Game.

There's a little tell in there. It's the part where I said “I have a ton of work to do" in my long list of reasons why I'm pumped for the day. Between my dry ice client work, Northern Vessel strategic planning, and prepping for some client meetings, I couldn't be more excited for the work I'm about to do today. That's a little tell, but it's a big deal. The fact I'm looking forward to spending much of my Saturday working is a weird reality, but one I cherish.

Those little tells are everywhere. Do you count down the days and hours until Friday afternoon? Do you dread Mondays? Do you continually fantasize about vacations? Do you look forward to your next work shift? Do you often think about other jobs? Does your tank feel full (or empty) as you're returning home from work each day? Do you dream about retirement? Each of these can be a tell.

If your immediate reaction to my references about your job are indifference, misery, dread, or disgust, that may also be a tell. I sincerely think you deserve better than that. I believe you deserve to wake up each day knowing you’re about to do something that matters. Something that fills your tank. Something that moves the needle.

I also believe it’s 100% attainable. Listen to those little tells.

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Don’t Waste a Good Mistake

One year ago, I penned an article about how my sister-in-law (tongue in cheek) robbed us of a cherished Thanksgiving tradition: Watching Planes, Trains, & Automobiles. I'd argue this movie is at the top of the pantheon of all-time Thanksgiving movie classics, alongside......well, alongside nothing. If there were a Mount Rushmore of Thanksgiving movies, it would have just two heads (John Candy and Steve Martin).

Last night was different, though. We jumped back into our tradition and enjoyed the movie together after the kids went to bed. It was a blast. A hilarious, stressful blast. And my sister-in-law learned from her mistake!

As much as I like to bust her chops (jokingly!), it brings up a topic I think about often. Instead of lamenting our mistakes, hating our mistakes, and regretting our mistakes, we should embrace them. Mistakes are for learning.

Each mistake is an opportunity to learn something about ourselves, the world, and other people. Every screw-up is a chance to find out what doesn't work, inching us ever closer to what does. It's the iterative process of life.

Every success I've had in life can be directly tied to the mistakes that preceded it. Behind every win is a series of losses. Messing up is the admission price to accomplishment.

I was recently meeting with a new client. They were nervous to start budgeting, worried they would fail. Here's what I told them: "The first 2-3 months are going to be a mess. You're going to whiff, make mistakes, and blow it. That's the goal. That's how you learn what works and what doesn't. Once we get through those first handful of months, it will be awesome."

Try budgeting. Make mistakes. Learn. Try again.

Apply for cool jobs. Make mistakes. Learn. Try again.

Practice generosity. Make mistakes. Learn. Try again.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Embrace them. Use them. Examine them. Learn from them. Let them help you get better.

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Thankful For This

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you're having a wonderful day and spending it with the people who matter most. In a culture that encourages us to dwell on all the things we don't have, today is the perfect day to reflect on (and be thankful for) all we do have.

I'm thankful for a lot of things today, but I want to share one in particular with you. I'm thankful for this. I'm thankful for the opportunity to spend a moment with you each day through this blog. I'm thankful for the chance to share ideas, thoughts, and insights with a group of people endeavoring to live a meaningful life. I never take for granted the fact you spend a few minutes of your day reading my words on your screen. For the past few years, writing this blog each day has been one of the greatest joys in my life. I'm tremendously grateful for that, and I want you to know that today.

Have a blessed day, and I'm excited to see you tomorrow!

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All Roads Lead Back to Childhood

I received more responses from yesterday's post than anything I've published this year. It was a smorgasbord of feedback, ranging from astonishment, to jealousy, to anger, to laughter. Needless to say, you had opinions!

One theme was clear through your feedback, and the same goes for most things in our lives: All roads lead back to childhood. What we perceive as normal, and the rituals we practice, can largely be attributed to our growing-up experience. If you grew up in a house that glorified a materialistic Christmas experience, there's a higher likelihood you'll replicate that for your own children. If you grew up in a house that shied away from extravagant gifts, you probably exhibit similar traits as you raise your own children.

We don't usually like admitting how big of a role our childhood played in who we are today, but it's a massive factor. That's one of the reasons why the first 30 minutes of the first coaching meeting I have with a couple involves a conversation about their childhoods. The answers to those questions tell me 80% of what I need to know about how someone's wired as an adult. Our childhood experience has created healthy traits and habits as we've become adults, but it's also produced toxic traits and habits that continue to haunt us decades later.

I have bad news and good news. I'll start with the bad news. You can't undo or redo your childhood. Each one of those experiences, both good and bad, is seared in and unavoidable. They live within us and play a role in who we are today. These experiences impact the way we perceive, understand, and manage the world around us.....including our money. This includes every toxic habit, perspective, and behavior you have about money. It is what it is, and there's nothing we can do about it.

Now, the good news. Well, two pieces of good news, actually. We don't have to let our faulty wiring drive us into the ground. Just because we've developed a predisposition to certain habits, perspectives, or behaviors from our childhood, it doesn't mean we have to act it out. One remedy for this risk is self-awareness. When I meet with a client, I will point out how x experience 20 years ago is probably linked to y behavior today. If that individual connects those dots and recognizes said reality, it's the first step to managing it better. When we are aware of what we do and why we do it, we gain better control.

Here's the second piece of good news. While you can't go back and get a redo of your childhood, you CAN give that to your children. Remember, what your kids experience in their childhoods, for better or worse, will have lasting implications on the way they perceive the world. Therefore, fellow parents, it's incumbent upon us to be intentional in our parenting to cultivate healthy habits, perspectives, and behaviors in our children. It's not too late for them!

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Normalizing Your Normal

I recently broke the news to a family that spending $5,000/kid on Christmas presents doesn't jive with their family's finances. They have five kids…..

They were appalled by my audacity to suggest this amount of money is unreasonable. "That's a normal amount to spend," proclaimed the wife. My response: "Just because it's your normal doesn't make it reasonable. You're the one who normalized your normal."

"No, what we do is totally reasonable and is a completely normal amount to spend." Then, much to my delight, she suggested I blog about it to prove just how normal it is. I'll be looking forward to your collective responses.

This brings up a broader point, though. When we refer to something as "normal," we're glossing over the question of whether it's right. Normal does not equal right. We can (and often do) normalize bad behavior:

• It's normal to go tens of thousands of dollars into student loan debt.

• It's normal to live at or above our financial means.

• It's normal to give away very little, spending all of our resources on our own desires.

• It’s normal to live without an emergency fund.

• It's normal to stay in jobs that make us perpetually miserable.

Just because something is normal, it doesn't make it right. Further, we tend to live in little bubbles, surrounding ourselves with people who practice the same habits, values, and rituals we do—an echo chamber of sorts. I agree; there is a sub-culture of people inclined to spend $5,000/kid on Christmas. It's normal within that group of people because they collectively normalized it.

This blog is a different version of that. I'm trying to normalize meaning over money. I'm trying to normalize the pursuit of work that matters. I'm trying to normalize ridiculous levels of generosity. I’m trying to normalize intentionality with our finances. I'm trying to normalize a lived experience far more rewarding and fulfilling than fantasizing about retiring into a life of leisure.

Here’s my call to action today: Question what you perceive as normal. First, is your definition of "normal" normal? Second, if so, should it be? Perhaps it's time to turn normal on its head, draw a line in the sand, and normalize something better. I'll leave it open as to what this applies to in your life, but you probably already know the answer.

Side note: $200. That's how much Sarah and I will spend on each of our two kids for Christmas gifts. That's "normal" for us.

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The Billion-Dollar Pizza

I have a theoretical question for you if you'll indulge me. Imagine standing in the Target checkout line with a small basket of products. The cost will be about $20. Lucky for you, you have a $20 bill in your pocket. However, as you're about to hand the bill to the cashier, you remember that you strongly believe that $20 bill will be worth $100 by next year. Do you still use that bill to pay for your goods, or find a different way to pay? Hold that thought.

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In May 2010, a man ordered two large Papa John's pizzas for delivery. The total bill was about $40. Instead of using cash, though, he thought it would be fun to pay with this new type of currency....it was called Bitcoin. In exchange for his two pizzas, he sent Papa John's 10,000 Bitcoins. As of last night, those 10,000 Bitcoins were worth about $990 million. Yes, he paid almost a billion dollars for two large Papa John's pizzas.

With the crypto market heating up in the last several weeks, I'm again getting countless questions about it. "Should I buy it?" "How much should I buy?" "Which one should I buy?" "What should I do with my millions of dollars next year after my blah blah blah currency pops?"

Today, more than 13,000 cryptocurrencies are in existence, Bitcoin being the most famous. I have a question for you. With so many people owning crypto these days, when was the last time you saw someone use crypto to purchase anything? I'll wait.....

In my opinion, the billion-dollar pizza was both a monumental moment in the journey of crypto, and also its undoing. Given its massive price run-up, it's become a victim of its own success, and has lost the right to be used as a currency. After all, who would buy goods and services with a currency they think will be worth multiples of its current value?

So, if it's not a currency, what is it? It's largely treated as an investment....a highly touted, glorified, idolized investment. But an investment into what? It's backed by nothing. It's secured by nothing. It only has value because other people also believe it has value. Crypto advocates argue other assets share the same dynamics, such as the U.S. dollar. While it's true the U.S. dollar is no longer backed by actual gold, it's backed by the full faith and credit of the most powerful government in the world. What about gold? We can argue about the value of gold, but at least gold has tangibility and utility. What about stocks? Sure, stocks feel like a number on the screen, but they are actual fractional ownership in some of the largest and most profitable companies in the world. Businesses that make actual products and sell them for actual money.

I do believe crypto is the future, though. It's inevitable. However, I believe only a few of the 13,000+ cryptos will likely survive. The owners of all the others will likely lose 100%.....eventually. It's not a train I want to ride. The uncertainties are massive. The future is murky. We are in uncharted territory. I prefer to live with meaning, and losing sleep over the volatility of made-up coins does not check my box of meaning. It's a hard no for me.

What say you? Questions? Thoughts? Insights?

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Playing With Four

The boys won both of their games yesterday. It was a weird day, as they had back-to-back games with only five players. Yes, every player played every minute of both games. They were gassed by the end, but I could tell they were pleased. Well, all but one kid.....

During the second game, one of my sons got frustrated and talked back to me. He refused the run the play I wanted to run, and started yelling at me. The ref was standing next to me, so I leaned over and said, "Ref, we're gonna play with four." I instructed my son to come join me on the bench, where he could watch his four teammates take on the five opponents. He sat out for two minutes until there was a timeout on the floor. He promised me he would straighten up.

He did.....for a bit. We were up by three points with 17 seconds left in the game. He got frustrated at a five-second violation on an inbound pass, and freaked out on me again. Again, "Come sit next to me. You're done for the day." The game was on the line, and I unfortunately needed to finish with four.

On the bench, he was beside himself. He complained that we needed five players and we might lose now. I told him I'd rather lose with four than play someone who disrespects his teammates, his coach, and the game.

Sure, I wanted to win that game. But more important than that is the long game. The long game is what really matters in life—doing the right thing for the right reasons....even when it hurts.

Rarely does playing the long game feel good. It doesn't feel good to be disciplined, practice delayed gratification, or be diligent. It's always more fun to be impulsive, without care, thinking only about the moment at hand.

It's immediately satiating to be selfish and materialistic. But what about the long game?

It feels great to spend money now instead of saving. But what about the long game?

It's far more fun to indulge your wants than meeting someone else's needs. But what about the long game?

It sucked to hold my son out of his basketball game and force him to watch his teammates play short-handed, but I need to think about the long game. He needs to learn. He needs to understand that actions have consequences. He needs to grow as a player and as a future man. This is delayed gratification at its finest.

Sometimes you need to play with four. Maybe that needs to be your motto in this season of life. Play the long game.

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The Freedom Paradox

I have this conversation often, but since I've had it three times this week, that merits a blog post. When I ask people what they are trying to achieve in their finances, many respond, "Freedom." Does that resonate with you? Do you desire financial freedom? I'm guessing that hits home for many of you, as it's one of the most common answers I receive.

I have a question, though. What is freedom? How do you define it? Inevitably, your answer is probably some number north of where you currently stand. It's something in the distance. It can be difficult to define what it looks like, but it's definitely more than whatever your current reality is. Why? Because you probably don't feel "free" today.

Herein lies the problem. Whenever we think about this idea of freedom or financial freedom, it's a moving target. Each time we hit a new plateau, we realize the winning score is higher than we thought. Thus, we begin a new pursuit.

There's a paradox here. Millions of Americans are pursuing freedom. They are pushing, grinding, and hoarding their way to more.....all in the name of creating freedom. The paradox is the fact that the pursuit of freedom is often what's keeping them from being free. Instead of just being free, they are fixated on a goal, a goal that will continually move further out.

Example 1: I recently talked to a 66-year-old with $2M in his retirement portfolio. He wants to retire, but believes he needs at least $3M to be free.

Example 2: I hung out with a friend with $4M in his retirement portfolio. He hates his job, but believes he needs at least $8M to be free.

Example 3: I met with a couple with $10M in retirement assets. Both spouses have big dreams of what they might want to do someday when they achieve financial freedom, but that number is closer to $15M-$18M.

Example 4: I spent time with a man who has more than $75M. His wife wants him to slow down, but he feels he first needs to get closer to $100M to solidify his financial standing.

Here's what all four of these families have in common. Each family is pursuing freedom. Each family already has freedom but is paradoxically sabotaging said freedom with their pursuit of freedom. Each family's perspective of freedom is anchored and skewed by their own current reality, not realizing they are already well ahead of the prior person's definition of freedom. That's quite the paradox.

Don't let the pursuit of freedom rob you of the opportunity to actually be free. True freedom is not found in a dollar amount.....it's found in perspective and contentment.

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Unspeakable Pain

In my coaching work, I get the honor of walking alongside people and sharing their highest of highs......and their lowest of lows. Yesterday was a lowest-of-lows sort of day. My phone rings; it's a client. The moment I picked up, I could tell something was off. The next 15 seconds ripped me apart in ways I could never imagine.

People all around us are walking in their lowest of lows. Maybe it's your neighbor. Maybe it's your co-worker. Maybe it's the person sitting next to you at the stoplight. Today might be the worst day of their life.

In moments like that, all I can think about is how money means absolutely nothing. I think about how you'd give every penny you have, plus every penny you'll ever have, to take away the pain. That's obviously not how it works, but only if it were......

Money does play a role in this, though. Painful moments are a reminder of the importance of getting right with our money so that WHEN pain happens, we can simply mourn, cry, grieve, and whatever other verbs need to be inserted here. We deserve the freedom to face the pain head-on, not deal with ridiculous financial nonsense.

It reminds me of a tasteless joke I often share with clients. When talking about my own history and journey with money, I say, "Sarah and I have enough problems in our marriage that we can't afford for money to be one of them." It was a joke, but all good jokes are based in truth. Each of us deserves to place financial matters in the back seat when it's time to deal with life life.

If you're living in a lowest-of-low moment as we speak, I'm deeply sorry. I feel for you and pray you find peace and comfort through it. If things are going well for you today, perhaps it's a good day to take one more step in getting right with your money.

I hope this moves the needle in you today. Not to create fear or anxiety, but to spark some motivation and urgency to get your financial house in order so you don't have to focus on financial matters when you're dealing with more important things. In many ways - sad ways - this is the heart of our meaning over money principles. Always meaning.....always. Please never lose sight of what’s most important.

You got this, guys, even those of you who are hurting today.

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