Normalizing Your Normal
I recently broke the news to a family that spending $5,000/kid on Christmas presents doesn't jive with their family's finances. They have five kids…..
They were appalled by my audacity to suggest this amount of money is unreasonable. "That's a normal amount to spend," proclaimed the wife. My response: "Just because it's your normal doesn't make it reasonable. You're the one who normalized your normal."
"No, what we do is totally reasonable and is a completely normal amount to spend." Then, much to my delight, she suggested I blog about it to prove just how normal it is. I'll be looking forward to your collective responses.
This brings up a broader point, though. When we refer to something as "normal," we're glossing over the question of whether it's right. Normal does not equal right. We can (and often do) normalize bad behavior:
It's normal to go tens of thousands of dollars into student loan debt.
It's normal to live at or above our financial means.
It's normal to give away very little, spending all of our resources on our own desires.
It’s normal to live without an emergency fund.
It's normal to stay in jobs that make us perpetually miserable.
Just because something is normal, it doesn't make it right. Further, we tend to live in little bubbles, surrounding ourselves with people who practice the same habits, values, and rituals we do—an echo chamber of sorts. I agree; there is a sub-culture of people inclined to spend $5,000/kid on Christmas. It's normal within that group of people because they collectively normalized it.
This blog is a different version of that. I'm trying to normalize meaning over money. I'm trying to normalize the pursuit of work that matters. I'm trying to normalize ridiculous levels of generosity. I’m trying to normalize intentionality with our finances. I'm trying to normalize a lived experience far more rewarding and fulfilling than fantasizing about retiring into a life of leisure.
Here’s my call to action today: Question what you perceive as normal. First, is your definition of "normal" normal? Second, if so, should it be? Perhaps it's time to turn normal on its head, draw a line in the sand, and normalize something better. I'll leave it open as to what this applies to in your life, but you probably already know the answer.
Side note: $200. That's how much Sarah and I will spend on each of our two kids for Christmas gifts. That's "normal" for us.
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