You’ll Still Be You

Have you heard there's an election coming up? Surprise, surprise, I know! I don't have a magic eight-ball to predict the winner, but I do know one thing for sure: 45% of this country will be elated, and 45% will be devastated. One group will be optimistic about our future, and another terrified. One faction will celebrate wildly and rub it in the other side's faces, while the other faction will cry foul.

I also know one other thing for sure: You'll still be you. You're going to wake up the day after the election with the same family, the same job, the same issues, the same blessings, the same relationships (hopefully), the same opportunities, and the same responsibilities. No matter who wins, you still get to be you.

We're living in a time where we're quick to concede our individual fate to the hands of the electoral college. If our side wins, we'll be successful. If our side loses, we're screwed. That's not just a harmless mindset. That perspective also translates into our actions and behaviors. Instead of viewing our lives through the lens of personal responsibility (and opportunity), we're giving up control and treating ourselves as victims of uncontrollable circumstances.

While it's true there may be implications and consequences if x or y party wins, that doesn't define you or your future. Yes, changes will happen. Yes, things might feel scary. Yes, external forces will impact our journey. But we are still the authors of our stories.

For that reason, I'm a big believer in sticking to the plan. Keep moving forward. Don't let the noise distract you. Do the right things for the right reasons.

If your goal is to pay off debt, pay off debt.

If your goal is to save, save.

If your goal is to become more generous, become more generous.

If your goal is to contribute more to investing, contribute more.

If your goal is to shift careers, shift.

If your goal is to find more marital unity in your finances, keep moving forward together.

When the election dust settles, you'll still be you. Some of you might read this post and roll your eyes. However, I have a feeling many people need to hear this today. Yes, it's intense. Yes, it's scary. Yes, it's important. But your own influence in your life is far greater than any election will ever be. You got this…no matter what happens.

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Always Be Unreasonable

As many of you know, I'm obsessed with Facebook restaurant review groups. They are a unique view into the perspectives, philosophies, cultures, and values of customers and business owners alike.

A while back, I saw a gem of a post by someone who reported finding a foreign object in their take-out entree. Upon contacting the business to report the incident, a representative at the restaurant, without even offering an apology, told them they would need to drive back to the restaurant and personally return the tainted order if they wanted a refund. The customer, already inconvenienced by discovering a hazardous object in their meal, was further inconvenienced by being instructed to waste more of their evening by driving back to the restaurant. This customer declined and instead decided to torch this restaurant on the Facebook group. Many people defended the restaurant in this situation, citing the risk of potential fraudsters (i.e. people trying to get free food) as the reason the restaurant requires a physical return. Commenters even somehow defended the restaurant's lack of apology or remorse.

Yesterday, I saw another gem of a post, but of a different variety. After eating half of her meal, the customer requested a to-go container for the remainder. Then, she accidentally dropped all the contents on the floor as she boxed her own meal; it was admittedly 100% the customer's fault. The restaurant employees quickly swooped in to clean up the mess and told her the kitchen was already re-making her a new sandwich. The customer assured the server that wasn't necessary (you know, because it was 100% her fault), but the server insisted.

That was an unreasonable act by the restaurant. An unreasonable act of hospitality. This customer was so blown away by the gesture that she quickly shared this story on the Facebook group. Just 16 hours later, her post had been shared five times, liked 1,100+ times, and commented on 66 times. The comments were overwhelmingly positive. Some people cited their own stories of unreasonable hospitality from this same restaurant, while many others voiced their newfound desire to dine there for the first time.

In the first example, the restaurant prioritized profit first and the customer last. Eventually, they will lose.

In the second example, the restaurant prioritized the customer first and profit last. This is why they will win. Ironic, I know!

Did the restaurant end the night with lower margins because of this act? Absolutely! That's a mathematical fact. However, the goodwill they built from their unreasonable hospitality holds much more value in the broader scheme of things than the potential profit they lost. Further, that customer walked away with a powerful story that was quickly converted into word-of-mouth marketing, which will inevitably result in more business.

Regardless of your vocation or industry, whether an employee or an owner, unreasonable hospitality is always the right approach. Generosity always wins. I hope you find some opportunities to practice that today!

Oh yeah, one more thing. The restaurant from the second story is called The Angry Goldfish. I've never been there, but I will soon after hearing about their generosity and practice of unreasonable hospitality. Maybe you should check them out, too.

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Opening Eyes, Escaping Traps

I'm going to start today's post with a correction. In yesterday's piece, I shared the story of a young couple who wanted to buy a car without debt. I explained how they planned to buy a $20,000 car by saving $500/month for 20 months. Blog reader Ryan pointed out an error, as $500 x 20 = only $10,000. That was a fat finger on my part. This couple planned to save $1,000/month for 20 months. It required them to significantly pare back their budget and sacrifice, but they did it and paid cash! **I’ve since corrected this error on the website.

On the heels of yesterday's post, I received some expected pushback. Specifically, I was accused of exaggerating the monthly car payment this couple would need if they decided to buy a new car. The exact words were, "A $580 car payment seems over the top. That doesn't even seem like a realistic number. Car payments aren't that high."

One of my favorite aspects of my podcasting and blogging is the opportunity to share a broader perspective with people. Understandably, most people's context regarding many of these topics is singular: theirs. They know their life, and it's hard to see things through the lens of other people's situations. That's why some people think our economy is fantastic, and others believe it's trash. We don't know what we don't know. We see the world through our one-of-one reality.

I'm grateful that in my work, I get to walk alongside hundreds of people and try to put myself in their shoes. With that preface in mind, back to the car payment. Some see a $580 car payment and think that sounds outrageous. I see a $580 car payment and now think to myself, "Oh, theirs isn't so bad." I remember when I saw my first $1,000 car payment. It was startling. Now, I expect it. Further, I now regularly see $1,500 car payments. It's bonkers!

I often get accused of beating this car topic into the ground......guilty as charged! I believe cars are the single biggestcontributor to our modern-day financial struggles. Our cars are literally killing our finances. Here are a few stats to show where we're at (second quarter 2024 data):

• The average new car loan is now $41,000

• The average new car loan term is 68 months (more than 5.5 years)

• The average new car loan interest rate is 6.8%

• The average new car loan payment is $734/month!!!!

• The average new car insurance payment is $194/month!!

• That means, on average, the monthly cost for a new vehicle in America is $928/month.

It's an epidemic, but it gets worse. Since cars depreciate in value by about 15% per year, and we're extending the loan terms out longer and longer, nearly 1/4 of vehicle trade-ins have negative equity (meaning people owed more on the car than it was worth). This causes people to perpetually borrow more than their newly purchased car even costs.

This trap is killing millions of families! At least 25% of people reading this are probably experiencing high monthly car payments. The opportunity cost of those payments is tremendous, and I have enormous empathy for everyone in that situation.

But we don't have to play these games! It's 100% possible to escape the car loan debt cycle. It takes sacrifice, humility, persistence, and dedication. But you can absolutely do it!

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They Ate the Elephant

A young couple scheduled a coaching consultation with me. They had questions. They needed wisdom. Here was their dilemma: They needed to buy a replacement vehicle soon, but they didn't have any money. Everyone in their lives told them to get a car loan. Their parents told them. Their friends told them. Their co-workers told them. Their neighbors told them. The cultural undercurrent was clear: they should just get a big car loan and quickly buy the vehicle they want. Yet, all the while, this idea didn't sit well with them. They had this wild inclination that a big, fat car payment would somehow hinder their ability to live a free and meaningful life. Thus, they scheduled a meeting with me.

The car they were considering cost $35,000 (new). A six-year loan would cost around $580/month. This felt heavy, and understandably so. My first question was why that particular vehicle. They talked about reliability, longevity, and common practice. After reading some reviews and discussing alternative options, we concluded we could find a suitable alternative in the $20,000 range. It was a different model, slightly used, with some miles on it. That step alone was a game-changer.

Next, we needed to figure out how to pay for it. They could easily go to the bank and get a loan, but they wanted to avoid debt (and perpetual payments) if possible. They had very little cash, so $20,000 still seemed unattainable. There's an expression that goes something like this: "There's only one way to eat an elephant: one bite at a time." Thus, we needed a plan. Given their existing car situation, we decided they could push this decision off for upwards of two years. Therefore, they set a plan to pare down their budget and save $1,000/month for 20 months. If they could do that, they would have enough cash set aside within two years to buy the vehicle.

This still felt insurmountable, but they were crazy enough to try. It took intentionality and persistence, but they ended up doing it in 19 months. $20,000 of cash in hand! They eventually decided to save for a few more months and ended up with about $22,000.

You know what they did next? They did exactly what everyone else told them they shouldn't do. They paid cash for a car. A car they could afford. A car that would suit their needs while also allowing them to live a free life. They ate the elephant!

Don't fall for the trap. There are better ways to live out our finances. Harder ways, but better ways. Patience. Delayed gratification. Humility. This young couple is so glad they took the path less traveled. They are living for meaning first, and it's a joy to watch. You deserve the same!

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Parsing Needs Wisely

In yesterday's post, I shared about our experience watching the Iowa State Cyclones go 7-0 on a last-minute comeback win on Saturday. I'm still riding that high, though somewhat disappointed we fell one spot (to #10 in the country) in the latest poll. Don't worry, I'm not going to rant about ISU football again today. Rather, this most recent game reminds me of a story from last week.

I was chatting with a friend about the upcoming football game, which was supposed to be a blackout (all-black uniforms and fans also wearing black). Amidst our conversation, my friend lamented, "Ugh, we need to buy black ISU gear for the game. That's gonna cost at least a few hundred dollars."

He immediately spotted the confused look on my face, then added, "What? Didn't you hear it's a blackout? We need to wear black, and we don't have any. So we need to go buy some."

See the common theme here? Need, need, need. My response was simple: "Or you could just wear non-black ISU attire......or you could wear black non-ISU attire. You don't NEED to spend hundreds of dollars on clothes just for this game."

He looked at me like I was absolute idiot! While I'm all for dressing the part, there's zero chance I'm going to spend a ton of money to buy gear just so I can fit in for a one-time event......especially if it's not part of my budget. This guy, on the other hand, was ready to sabotage his family’s finances over it. It wasn't this specific decision that was going to sabotage him, though. It's the fact he regularly blurs the line between need and want, and then makes poor financial decisions accordingly. It continually puts stress on him and his marriage, all in the name of "need."

I tried to sell him on a different perspective, but he wasn't having it. He said this is just part of life, and real fans would understand. I told him this wasn't about football gear, but he again wasn't having it. It wasn't all bad news, though. He ended this part of our chat with, "But you can use this in your blog." Grateful, my man!

As you can see in the photo I included in yesterday's post, we were wearing black, but it wasn't splattered with ISU logos. We didn't go shopping. We didn't blow a bunch of money on special gear for the occasion. However, we did have an amazing time and we'll probably remember it for decades to come. Nothing about our experience was a need. It was a series of fun wants that added up to a wonderful evening.

It's important to parse our needs wisely. Needs are needs, and it's important to recognize them as such. But the moment we try to square-peg-round-hole a want into a need, our decision-making becomes tainted. That’s counter-productive and destructive. Be true to yourself and be honest with the person in the mirror. You’ll always be better off for it.

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Sear It In

Wow, what a night! The Cyclones entered yesterday's game 6-0 for the first time in nearly 100 years. Home game. Ranked #9 in the country. 6:30 PM kickoff. Nationally televised. The moment was ripe for something special.

TJ, Finn, Pax, and I excitedly drove to Ames, eager for what could unfold. We were hoping for a blowout, but we were treated to something far worse (and ultimately better). Down 14 points in the second half, Iowa State completed the comeback by scoring the game-winning touchdown with just 30 seconds remaining. It was probably the loudest I've ever heard a stadium in my life, and my head was spinning. The boys were dancing, screaming, and celebrating like I had never seen before.

Amidst the pandamonium, I leaned over to TJ and suggested that this might be Finn and Pax's first seared-in sports moment. A moment they might someday tell their own kids about. The type of moment that will ultimately get stored away in their core memories.

I might have had a better pure sports experience had TJ and I went to the game without kids. However, I will forever be grateful I shared it with the boys. Whether that moment is seared in for them or not, it certainly is for me.

I've been to hundreds of sporting events in my life. I've also been to thousands of other events. Most come and go without incident. Fun times, then quickly forgotten. Not all events are created equal, though. Some, often unexpectedly, will sear into your brain and remain there forever. Those are special.

Since it's impossible to tell which ones will be set apart from the rest, our only means of control is to put ourselves in a position to create those memories and give ourselves an opportunity for amazing to happen. That happened last night, and I couldn't be more grateful.

I hope you find your seared-in moments, and are able to share them with the special people in your life. That's meaning!

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Exposing the Secrets

As I was chatting with a friend yesterday, I noticed, in real-time, that the stock market hit a new all-time 155-year high (since 1870). Curious, my friend asked me a few questions.

"Didn't the stock market just tank?"

"No, it went down by about 10% and quickly bounced back to all-time highs......but nobody is talking about that part."

"Is the stock market up on the year?"

"Yes, by about 23% since January 1st. Up 34% in the last 12 months."

"I don't know. It seems impossible to get 9% like you always talk about."

"The U.S. stock market is up nearly 12% per year over the last 15 years."

"Did you get those types of returns?"

"Yes"

"How much time do you need to spend to do good like that?"

"5 minutes per year"

"How often do you make moves?"

"Never"

"Seriously, how do you know when to sell?"

"I haven't sold anything in over 20 years. I literally never make moves."

"Tell me your secrets!"

"There's no secret, really. Invest in a total stock market index. Ignore the noise. Do nothing. Be extraordinarily patient."

"Yeah, but what else?"

"I do nothing else."

"What are the chances of losing money doing it your way?"

"It's not MY way, but it is a good way. There's never been a 15-year period in the history of the U.S. where the U.S. stock market lost money. Never. You’re 30. Statistically speaking, based on history, there’s zero chance of you losing money on your current investment portfolio by age 45 if you’re invested in the broad market.

"It seems too good to be true."

"The simplest answers often do, but the math is the math."

"Maybe I should try."

"Yes! Yes, you should!"

This turned into an odd post, but the conversation merits repeating. I have similar discussions at least 2-3 times per week. With so much noise in our culture around this topic, we must stress truth and simplicity. The overcomplication of this matter leads to paralysis and poor decisions. Instead, when we shine the light on truth and make it simple, we can focus on what matters most:

• Invest broadly.

• Invest cheaply.

• Stay consistent.

• Don't get scared.

• Be patient.

• Do nothing.

• Live a meaningful life.

It's a simple but clean recipe for much success. Life is too short to worry about investments, trying to follow the next hot trend, or chasing your golf buddy's ridiculous stock tips. Simple is good.

If you have any questions, hit reply to this e-mail or leave a comment below on the webpage. I'm here to help! Have an awesome day!

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What if It Were Life or Death?

We all have different financial wirings. Some of us are spenders. Some of us are savers. Some of us are givers. We can also be a combination of two to three, but our wiring is quite real. I'm a giver and a saver. My wife is a spender. That's neither good nor bad....it just is. What we do with our wiring is where we determine our perspective of and relationship with money.

Conversely, most of us have a natural weakness, some more glaring than others. Some people struggle to spend; I call them hoarders. Some people struggle to give; that's some form of selfishness. Others struggle to save; that's called irresponsibility. Back to my wife, Sarah. She is a great spender and has a generous heart, but she struggles mightily with saving. She's not alone, though!

Many people struggle to save. There are many contributing factors to this type of wiring, spanning from nature to nurture. Many people were simply born that way and have been exhibiting those traits since the toddler stage. For others, materialism and instant gratification were modeled front-and-center for them as children. Then, there's a population of people who grew up with very little. In the casualness of the word "poor," they were poor poor. For a large stretch of their life, they had very little. This has created a behavioral undercurrent where they will quickly spend any time they come into resources.

I regularly meet with a couple that struggles to save. Both are wired as spenders. They love spending (and are active givers), but they would rather endure a root canal than save money. This has resulted in much stress, tension, and turmoil in their financial life. They have several large expenditures coming soon, and they have no plan to pay for it.

"We just aren't good at saving," exclaimed the wife. "It's just not something we can do."

I reframed the conversation. "If you needed $5,000 to perform a life-or-death surgery for your kid, do you think you could save then?"

"Of course we could! We would find a way."

The moment she said that, a sheepish look formed on her face. It wasn't really about whether they could or not, but rather what priority it played in their lives. Up to this point, they couldn't successfully save because it wasn't actually a priority. Will it become a priority for them? Only time will tell.

This is a good mental hack to play on ourselves. Any time we struggle to accomplish something and feel defeated because we "can't do it," reframe it. Ask yourself if you could achieve it if it were life or death. If the answer is yes, then it's a prioritization issue, not an ability issue. I'm not saying it will be easy or come naturally, but the prioritization piece tremendously moves the needle!

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The Awakening

I've been stewing about a message I received from a Meaning Over Money podcast listener. He learned about our content from a friend; he doesn't know me or have any connection with my work. He just received an episode link one day and decided to keep listening. He explained that, in some ways, I was saying obvious things he already knew. Yet, at the same time, I talked about it in a way he had never heard it explained before.

Ultimately, upon reflecting on his own life and the decisions he made, here's where he landed: "I got everything I ever thought I wanted, then realized it's all crap."

I know exactly what he's saying. I hear this type of sentiment often. His story is like many others. The big house, nice cars, Facebook-worthy trips, status-driving titles, trendy wardrobes, and the day-to-day lifestyle to put a cherry on top. It's fun. It's alluring. It makes people feel a certain way about you. Ultimately, though, it's empty.

Not everyone has this moment of clarity where they realize, in the harsh words of this podcast listener, "it's all crap." Some people will live nearly their entire lives believing the materialistic ways of our society are the eventual ticket to happiness and fulfillment. But for the many who receive a harsh wake-up call, it can be disorienting and agonizing. To realize most of what you've been chasing for years (or decades!) was a fool's errand is a humbling experience. It can be tremendously painful, and I walk alongside many families in this stage of their journey.

It's not all bad news, though. Quite the contrary! These moments of clarity, though painful, offer a fresh start and a new fork in the road to pursue something different.....something better. I'll give you a glimpse into what often happens in the immediate aftermath of these awakenings:

• An aggressive pursuit of work that matters.

• More intentionality to spend time with those they love most.

• A significant increase in generosity.

• A shift from spending on things/stuff to memories/experiences.

• Less focus on the future and more on living in the present.

• More contentment.

• More joy.

• Oh yeah, and more meaning.

I feel bad for what this man is enduring, but I'm equally excited for what's to come. This next season will surely be his best (and most challenging) one yet.....it's going to be awesome! Regardless of where you are on your journey today, I hope you find this same type of clarity and all the richness that spawns from it. It's so tough, yet so beautiful.

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Beware the Shadow Side

I spent some time with a friend a few nights ago. He and his wife have some house projects that NEED to be completed. It's a need need. You know, the type of things that don't get advertised when home ownership is overly glorified in our culture. These are some serious projects that require serious attention.....and perhaps a bit of urgency. One problem: They don't have enough cash handy to quickly execute. They could save for it, and they would love that option, but the timing isn't conducive to that judicious plan.

The option we discussed is a HELOC (home equity line of credit). They have a TON of equity in their house, so this feels like a feasible option for them. While I'm never a fan of going into debt, this seems like the lesser of all evils. It also makes me feel better knowing they are using the money to reinvest back into their home, not buying a boat (or some other depreciating asset)

After discussing the mechanics of how it would work and whether it could be a viable option for them, he asked the question I was dying to answer: "What's the shadow side of using a HELOC?" He knows me well, and he knows I'm constantly thinking about the behavioral science of things. In short, there are three psychological traps to using a HELOC:

1. Since HELOCS mechanically operate much like credit cards and have much lower interest rates, having a large HELOC credit line can be a slippery slope. If they need $15,000 for a project, but the available line is $40,000, that extra $25,000 could be spoken for real quick!

2. Adding fuel to the psychological fire, they are essentially borrowing from themselves. Well, their future selves. This is their equity, after all. They are just accessing it now, long before the property gets sold. Knowing this is their money (instead of the bank's) can wreak psychological havoc on one's decision-making.

3. Since HELOCs typically only require interest-only payments, there's no forced principal paydown. Unless intentionally done so, the loan will never get repaid, and the borrower will perpetually pay interest on it (i.e. it feels better and easier to not pay it down than the alternative).

We had a great chat, and I think he's looking at it the right way. More than anything, I'm glad he's taking his time, assessing it from all angles, bringing in outside input, and considering the shadow psychological factors that may be at play. That tells me he'll likely be ready to approach it with prudence, wisdom, and caution.

Each time you make a financial decision, consider the shadow side. What psychological factors might be at play, and how will you combat them? We can't eliminate them, but if we are aware, humble, and intentional, we can overcome them.

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Owning Non-Excellence

Irony is best served cold. Yesterday, I talked about how the bar has never been lower. People and businesses are underperforming at an astronomical pace, and we've never seen such an opportunity to meet the market with excellence to excel (with our respective careers or businesses).

Then mere hours later, I performed a masterclass in non-excellence by letting three separate people down: a client, a blog reader, and a fellow board member. Three whiffs, three embarrassments, three regrets. Several factors played into my mistakes, including my new agonizing back injury and technical issues. However, while it would be easy for me to make excuses for these mistakes, there was one common theme in each of them: Me!

The truth is, it doesn't matter what caused the mistakes. The mistakes happened.....period. Passing the blame to some other reason, whether valid or not, doesn't undo the mistake. Therefore, it's my duty to take full responsibility for my non-excellence. There is no other path forward.

In an endeavor to be excellent, there will be non-excellence. It's just going to happen. But what are we going to do with it? Justify it? Excuse it? Blame others? Try to pretend it didn't happen? I hate all of those options. For me, the only reasonable and honoring option is to sincerely apologize, make it right, and endeavor to do better going forward.

That's the only path to excellence. Another way I try to think about it is I'm in the business of getting it right, not being right. If I'm wrong, my obligation to my clients, friends, and colleagues is to get it right; and getting it right starts with taking ownership of the non-excellence.

We must do this personally, and we must do it professionally. It hurts to look in the mirror and realize I'm 100% to blame for something (as I did three times yesterday). But it hurts worse going to bed at night knowing I tried to wiggle out of a mess caused by my own hands. I'll take that slice of humble pie every day of the week.

Today, I plan to be excellent. Will I accomplish it without fail? Probably not. But I'm going to give it my best shot. And WHEN I fall short, I'm going to sincerely apologize, make it right, and hopefully learn from it.

One percent better every day.

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The Bar Has Never Been Lower

"The bar has never been lower."

• TJ Rude, Founder of Northern Vessel

I hear this from TJ at least once per week. It's a commentary on the state of business in our modern times. Businesses today are riddled with poor product quality, inconsistency, bad customer service, and a lack of hospitality. The bar has never been lower. If a business gives us a half-decent product in a moderately reasonable timeframe, and they don't treat us like garbage in the process, we act as though they are wonderful. The bar has never been lower.

I dealt with many businesses during my Minneapolis trip this weekend. Retailers, restaurants, hotels, and venues. The majority were bleh. Poor quality. Inconsistent, Terrible service. Practically no hospitality. I repeatedly watched businesses treat people like dirt and sell them inferior products. The bar has never been lower.

One of my favorite hobbies is to read the comments on restaurant reviews in local Facebook forums. Almost all towns have these FB pages. People found a sharp piece of metal in their salad. The food came out cold. The manager screamed at them. The food didn't arrive for an hour. The restaurant snuck in a secret fee or overrode the tip. Without fail, the commenters blame the customer for not addressing these issues directly with the restaurant. There's almost always another comment about how all restaurants "have an off day." Oh yeah, we also need to include the obligatory comment about how we can't expect anything better because wages are so low. We continually justify and defend terrible. The bar has never been lower.

While there are a lot of components that go into running a successful business, or having a successful career, it's also simple, too. Provide a good product, be consistent, offer good service, and do it with a spirit of hospitality. The bar has never been lower.

One of my friends is far more successful than either of us thought he would be. He didn't create anything world-changing. He sells a simple product. It's nothing special, and I'd argue his competitors have a better product. But he's consistent, he offers great service, and he practices hospitality. People want to work with him. Customers are drawn to him. It's simple! The bar has never been lower.

I hope you think about this as you engage in whatever work is on your plate today. Think about this motto: The bar has never been lower. If that's true, you have an opportunity to stand out! You have a chance to rise above the crowd. Be excellent! Serve others well! Show people to expect better!

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Ouch and Joy

We had the most amazing time at the Twenty One Pilots concert last night. My kids were hyped, and they had huge smiles on their faces from start to finish. It was one of those memories that I pray will be seared into the four of our brains. At the same time, I struggled with agonizing back pain. I could feel it building for a few days, but yesterday morning I was struck with shooting pains down my legs. Even while writing this, it is radiating through my body.

Last week’s trip to Mongolia was a life-changing endeavor. It’s something I’ll never forget, and spent time with people I see far too little. At the same time, I was sick nearly the entire week while there. I’d wake up feeling lousy and go to bed feeling like I had been hit by a train.

No matter how good things get in life, it won’t be pristine. It won’t be perfect. There will always be things that run the risk of tainting it.

So we have a choice. Allow these negatives to ruin it, or celebrate the beauty despite the flaws. While I’m in enough pain that it’s difficult to even type this, I’m choosing to see the beauty. If I waited until things were perfect to appreciate and savor them, I’ll be waiting until eternity.

Whatever wins you’re experiencing today, don’t let the negatives rob you of the joy. Maybe you need to hear that today; I know I do.

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The Memory Paradox

We spent most of yesterday hanging out at the amusement park in the middle of Mall of America. Endless rides, lots of laughs, and countless memories. It cost us $55 per person for unlimited all-day passes. Tonight, we'll create even more memories at the Twenty One Pilots concert. I don't remember what we paid for those tickets, but they were definitely many multiples of the amusement park. Two separate events, each requiring a meaningful financial investment, which will create lasting memories.

There's a paradox with memories, though. Memories don't actually cost anything. Spending money isn't a prerequisite for creating memories. Now, if you want to create memories at an amusement park or concert, then yes, it will cost something. But spending money isn't what makes a memory.

For the last two nights, we've spent hours in the simple hotel pool where we stayed. Nothing fancy. Nothing over the top. Completely free. We've had a blast and I suspect those memories could be as valuable to the kids as any others we create on this trip. Memories are memories, regardless of the cost.

I kinda lied above. I said memories don't cost anything, but that's not true. Memories do have one cost: our time and attention. We MUST be present....both physically and emotionally. We need to show up, and actually be there.

This is the actual paradox. Many people have fallen into the trap of more. They believe the secret to their children's happiness and well-being is to provide them with more money, more stuff, and better vacations. Therefore, in the pursuit of more, we parents often put ourselves in positions where we're not present, physically or emotionally. We're too busy trying to provide more, entirely missing the point.

I've struggled with this at times. I'm excited to say I'm much, much better than I used to be. However, I probably still have a long way to go. This weekend is a great rep for me, though. It's an opportunity to fully invest in my kids and help them create lasting memories that they will hopefully treasure for decades to come. This goes for the free pool just as much as the expensive concert. All memories matter!

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All Shapes and Sizes

Right on cue! I received an extremely harsh message from an acquaintance after yesterday's post. For context, I shared a short but powerful testimonial from a friend who decided to pursue work that matters. In her particular situation, that work involved starting her own small business. I won't reveal all the expletive details from yesterday's criticism, but here's one sentence that sums up their perspective of yesterday's post: "Not everyone can just quit their job and start a business."

Do you see what he did here? I wrote a post expressing this aspirational idea that each of us should pursue work that matters, and his internalization of this message is that the only work that matters is business ownership. Being an employee automatically equals misery, and being a business owner equals something good. Then, for whatever reason, he excluded himself from being able to have his own business.....seemingly meaning he was condemned to misery.

I try to choose my words carefully. Never have I said the secret to happiness, meaning, or fulfillment is self-employment. Rather, I'm an advocate for work that matters. Here's the thing about work that matters. All work matters, but not all work matters to you, and not all work matters to me. For my friend in yesterday's post, hers was creating a small business in a field that fills her tank. Her business is uniquely her.

I have a friend who is living his absolute best life. He's a middle manager at a boring-to-me job at a large and stodgy corporation. He's had the same job for nearly 20 years. He loves it, and it fills his tank.

I have another friend who just started her tenth year as a middle school teacher. She loves it! Sure, there are messy and stressful components to the work, but she's living her calling.

There's also another friend who is a barista at a coffee shop. He looks forward to work almost every day, and it fills his bucket. The work can be draining, but the relationships, variety of work, and environment are perfect for his wiring and lifestyle.

It's not about being an employee vs. not being an employee. It's about pursuing work that matters. For many people, like the person who lashed out at me, it's easier to find reasons to concede defeat and sit in their misery than to face the challenge of pursuing work that matters. Or, in the words of my friend from yesterday's post, "I knew in my head and heart that it could be out there somewhere - I just had to do really hard things to find it."

Work that matters matters. It comes in all shapes and sizes. It's different for everyone. It might mean being an employee. It might mean owning your own business. It might mean doing ministry. It might mean doing something I don't even know about! But there's one common thread to all of it: it does exist, it will be a difficult journey, and it will be so worth it.

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She’s Far-Fetched, Too

I'm used to the criticism at this point. It comes from many angles and in various forms. Over the last year, however, the bulk of the criticism revolved around my ideas of work. Specifically, my position that we should pursue work that matters and find meaning in it. Some of the most common “feedback” includes:

• "Your ideas about work are far-fetched."

• "You don't live in the real world."

• "That's a privileged perspective."

• "You don't know what it's really like."

• "Meaning doesn't pay the bills."

• "Have fun being poor." -- I actually love this one!

• "You are telling people to be selfish and not care for their families."

• "You live in la la land."

I know there are some far better, more vulgar quotes somewhere, so I'll save those gems for another day!

Yes, my ideas are crazy, counter-cultural, and backward. Yes, they tug at the fabric of our culture's view of work, money, and life. Yes, it requires discomfort, perseverance, and humility. Yes, it's probably the hardest thing you'll ever do.

No, I'm not alone. No, I'm not special. No, I'm not particularly gifted. No, my ideas aren't even really my ideas. I just happen to have a platform.....and a mission. The truth is, countless people have committed to the types of insane endeavors I write, podcast, and speak about. That's what makes these ideas so amazing: they are accessible to all......IF you're up for the challenge.

I could list hundreds of examples, but you don't show up for me to endlessly ramble. So, instead, I'm going to give you one brief testimonial. This is a reply to my recent Ruin vs. Waste post. First, some context. This woman owns a beautiful small business which fuels and fills her. Her broader story is wild and involves more turmoil than she deserves. Here's what she said:

"After I was laid off, I chose to walk away from misery and do something really scary. I walked away from a comfortable 6 figure salary to maybe try to find some happiness. I knew in my head and heart that it could be out there somewhere - I just had to do really hard things to find it. Do I wish I had a bigger bank account? Sure. And maybe someday this business will allow a bit more flexibility and perhaps a vacation out of state (ha), but I'm not willing to give up the freedom and happiness I have every single day for more money in my pocket. I was miserable back then and I refuse to do that again."

I bolded my favorite part: "I knew in my head and heart that it could be out there somewhere - I just had to do really hardthings to find it." Yes, it's out there. Yes, it's going to be hard. Yes, she had the courage to go for it.

Don't let our culture tell you what you can and should do. The vast majority of those voices are miserable. You deserve better!

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I’m No Swiftie, But…

I'm no Swiftie, but I watched ESPN's Monday Night Football pre-game show last night with great anticipation. I was dying for the moment when they would show Taylor Swift walking into Arrowhead Stadium to watch her boyfriend, Travis Kelce. It was so worth the wait when the payoff finally happened. That moment made my entire night!

It reminds me of a lunch I shared with a young friend. He recently graduated college and started a pretty good job. It was the perfect job for someone graduating from college and looking for good money, solid benefits, and stability. He looked miserable, though, and his ill-fitting suit didn't look much better. I anticipated spending that hour with someone who had a signature zest for life, but instead, I shared a meal with a guy who looked like he had just buried his dog. As the conversation picked up, he confessed how much he hated this job. It wasn't a bad job; far from it! Rather, it just wasn't the right job for him. He had different dreams, and this definitely wasn't it. A few weeks later, he left work one afternoon and never returned. Not even his wife knew he had quit.....until she returned home later that night.

That guy was Cole, Meaning Over Money co-founder and my good friend. And that sad lunch encounter occurred nearly ten years ago. Cole quit that job with no backup plan (not advised), while still deeply in debt (also not advised), without talking to his wife (definitely not advised), and began his dream of becoming a freelance videographer. The road has been anything but smooth for him. Ups and downs, hot streaks and dry spells, great opportunities and broken promises. Through it all, he persevered, never losing sight of what he was trying to accomplish. He bought a house, continued to build his business, had a kid, fought to pursue work that matters, had another kid, kept chasing his calling, and will soon have yet another kid.

I'm no Swiftie, but as I eagerly anticipated Taylor Swift's arrival into the stadium last night, I knew it would be Cole on the other end of that camera, continuing to live out his unique journey and vision. ESPN contracted him to be on Monday Night Football Taylor Swift watch, followed by filming the post-game press conference interviews for the Chiefs players and coaches.

I don't mean to sound like I have a man crush on my business partner, but I'm just so dang proud of where he's been, where he's at, and where he'll soon go. It makes it even sweeter knowing how difficult the journey has been. I would say he's stared fear in the face, but he's a retired kicker, and I'm not sure kickers can feel fear. But the struggle is real. If anyone ever pulls out the it-must-be-nice-to-be-him card, I'll be the first one to share the stories of what it looked like behind the scenes, during the crappy periods, when things were uncertain, and when it probably seemed to be anything but "nice to be him."

I'm no Swiftie, but that's pretty cool!

I couldn’t find the actual ESPN footage he recorded, but it was a similar angle as this clip.

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Broken Bones and Torn ACLs

I began a seemingly innocent client relationship about a year ago. It was a young couple making good money and generally having much success. They brought me into their lives to shift them into an entirely new gear. The goal was to go from good to great. Then, life happened. Within a short time span, this couple experienced significant turmoil. Pain and suffering, followed by pain and suffering, followed by more pain and suffering. It was almost laughable how brutally life crushed them.

Through it all, this couple simply kept going, one painful step forward after another. During one intense meeting, I asked them how they were approaching this season of life. His response: "There's nothing that can stop us when the mission is big enough." Wise and powerful words, and I couldn't agree more! This couple's mission and calling are profound, and it didn't surprise me that they kept moving forward.

This is a tell. When someone's mission is so important that not even the most absurdly painful roadblocks can derail them, it's a tell that they are doing exactly what they are meant to do. The moment I see this characteristic in a client is the moment I know they WILL win. It's not a matter of if, but when.

It reminds me of something I saw a few days ago. Longtime readers know my family is Twenty One Pilot superfans. We're actually going to see them perform this weekend! A news report recently broke on social media about their lead singer, Tyler Joseph. After nearly two months into their world tour, it was revealed that he broke his fibula and tore his ACL…..in the very first minute of his very first show. The show opens dramatically, with Tyler launching himself over his piano, grabbing a hanging mic, and landing in position for his start to Overcompensate.

But the very first night of the tour, he lands with a snap and pop......but nobody knew! He performed the entire 2-hour set in the immediate aftermath of this disaster. He subsequently performed the opening piano jump for another nine nights before eventually altering his entrance. Unbelievable! I need you to see it to give you the full context. Check out the video clip! It's not a great quality, but it gives a solid angle and perspective of the incident. I queued the video to start at the right moment (around the 2-minute mark).

It's weird to watch this through the lens of knowing he broke a bone and tore his ACL in this moment. In the words of my friend, "There's nothing that can stop us when the mission is big enough." That's the tell. It’s unknown when he’ll be able to surgically fix this injury, as they have shows scheduled through mid-May. As I watch Tyler work his way around the arena on Saturday, performing his heart out while creating memories for thousands of fans, I'll be thinking about this. He’ll undoubtedly be in tremendous pain, but also living out his calling. That’s awesome!

I hope you have a mission that's big enough to power you through the pain and suffering of life. It won't be easy, but man, it will be worth it!

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More Begets More

I became fascinated by watches in my early 20s. After purchasing a relatively nice one, I wanted more watches. Before too long, I had collected more than 20.

I purchased a pretty cool car when I was a sophomore in college. I loved it so much that I soon wanted an even cooler car (when I actually had money).

I purchased my first house when I was 26 years old. It was plenty of house for me, but after a while (as my income kept growing), I wanted a bigger house.

I visited a custom tailor on my first trip to Asia, where I purchased my first hand-made suit. This experience sparked a desire to buy more custom suits.

I started drinking bourbon about five years ago. After a friend gifted me a high-end bottle, it made me want to start buying more bottles to add to my collection.

More begets more. More is the gateway drug to more. The moment we pursue more, we encounter the slippery slope of materialism. It's intoxicating; it's alluring. It also feels innocent enough. Small incremental decisions that will seemingly make us happy. Most decisions are small enough not to alter our lives materially.

We also find great ways to justify our decisions:

• That house is an investment.

• That car is more reliable than our last one.

• That suit makes us look more professional (status increase).

• Those watches and bottles of bourbon aren't terribly expensive, so why not!?!?

I'm grateful I avoided most of this slippery slope (after that initial watch binge). Some would call it perspective; others might call it luck. Whatever it is, I'm so glad I didn't detrimentally succumb to a dangerous path. It's not for lack of want, though. Each of these things tugs at my psyche and desires. It's not the want that hurts us, but rather the decisions that come from it.

While I've done a decent job avoiding these pitfalls, many people aren't as fortunate. This is one of the biggest traps I see families fall into. Once they taste more, they want more. And the problem with more is that every time we get more, more is still, well, more. Thus begins the materialism death spiral.

There are many consequences of this materialistic journey. We live a more strained life (lack of margin). We might not save for future needs. We inadvertently give up other purchases that would actually add more value to our lives. We refrain from being generous. We make career choices focused on the money (i.e. not the meaning). It creates tension in our marriages. The ratchet tightens.....all because we decide to chase more.

I'll let you decide where you see yourself in these stories, but regardless of where you land, I have good news and bad news:

• Bad News: We're not stuck in one place. If you feel like you have your materialistic urges in check, there's always a risk of falling into the trap if you're not careful.

• Good News: We're not stuck in one place. If you've already gone down the wrong road, there's always time to pull it back the other way. You can do it!

You got this!

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Right Thing, Right Reasons

When I left my prior career and started my coaching business, I promised myself I would always be honest with people. If I could serve them well, I’d tell them. But if I wasn’t the right person for the job, I also needed to share that. I refer to it as doing the right thing for the right reason. It’s not uncommon to meet with a person or a couple and, for one reason or another, know I’m not the right person to serve them. Sometimes it’s a stylistic difference. Sometimes they aren’t fully bought in. Somtimes they don’t want it bad enough. Sometimes they need something different than what I offer. And sometimes, they simply don’t need me at all. 

This idea reminds me of one particular conversation. It was a couple nearing retirement, with kids grown and living their own lives. As we unpacked their situation and questions, I immediately knew they shouldn’t hire me. They were killing it! They had made so many wise choices over the years, and it showed. During that conversation, I was able to give them a few tips, make a few recommendations/referrals, and affirm so much of what they were already doing. I ended the conversation with something to the effect of, “I would be honored to serve you, but if I were you, I wouldn’t hire me. You’re not going to get your money’s worth.” I’m not trying to hurt myself, but I so much believe in doing the right thing for the right reasons. They shouldn’t have hired me…..and they didn’t!

But something happened. I ended up serving one of their grown kids (plus spouse). I cherish that coaching relationship, and this young couple is doing some amazing work. I’m so grateful I get to help add value to their lives. Oh yeah, another thing happened as well. The man I told not to hire me, he and I have become friends. I deeply value his input and insights. He’s a funny guy with an infectious zest for life. He has more life wisdom and experience in his pinky than I have in my entire body. I learn from him about parenting, marriage, careers, and meaning. All this because of one stranger-meets-stranger conversation; a conversation in which I told him not to hire me.

Never underestimate the power of doing the right thing for the right reasons. The right thing is always the right thing. This applies to money, work, ministry, relationships, parenting, and everywhere else! You might not immediately benefit from it, but you’ll ALWAYS win in the long run. 

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