The Memory Paradox

We spent most of yesterday hanging out at the amusement park in the middle of Mall of America. Endless rides, lots of laughs, and countless memories. It cost us $55 per person for unlimited all-day passes. Tonight, we'll create even more memories at the Twenty One Pilots concert. I don't remember what we paid for those tickets, but they were definitely many multiples of the amusement park. Two separate events, each requiring a meaningful financial investment, which will create lasting memories.

There's a paradox with memories, though. Memories don't actually cost anything. Spending money isn't a prerequisite for creating memories. Now, if you want to create memories at an amusement park or concert, then yes, it will cost something. But spending money isn't what makes a memory.

For the last two nights, we've spent hours in the simple hotel pool where we stayed. Nothing fancy. Nothing over the top. Completely free. We've had a blast and I suspect those memories could be as valuable to the kids as any others we create on this trip. Memories are memories, regardless of the cost.

I kinda lied above. I said memories don't cost anything, but that's not true. Memories do have one cost: our time and attention. We MUST be present....both physically and emotionally. We need to show up, and actually be there.

This is the actual paradox. Many people have fallen into the trap of more. They believe the secret to their children's happiness and well-being is to provide them with more money, more stuff, and better vacations. Therefore, in the pursuit of more, we parents often put ourselves in positions where we're not present, physically or emotionally. We're too busy trying to provide more, entirely missing the point.

I've struggled with this at times. I'm excited to say I'm much, much better than I used to be. However, I probably still have a long way to go. This weekend is a great rep for me, though. It's an opportunity to fully invest in my kids and help them create lasting memories that they will hopefully treasure for decades to come. This goes for the free pool just as much as the expensive concert. All memories matter!

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All Shapes and Sizes

Right on cue! I received an extremely harsh message from an acquaintance after yesterday's post. For context, I shared a short but powerful testimonial from a friend who decided to pursue work that matters. In her particular situation, that work involved starting her own small business. I won't reveal all the expletive details from yesterday's criticism, but here's one sentence that sums up their perspective of yesterday's post: "Not everyone can just quit their job and start a business."

Do you see what he did here? I wrote a post expressing this aspirational idea that each of us should pursue work that matters, and his internalization of this message is that the only work that matters is business ownership. Being an employee automatically equals misery, and being a business owner equals something good. Then, for whatever reason, he excluded himself from being able to have his own business.....seemingly meaning he was condemned to misery.

I try to choose my words carefully. Never have I said the secret to happiness, meaning, or fulfillment is self-employment. Rather, I'm an advocate for work that matters. Here's the thing about work that matters. All work matters, but not all work matters to you, and not all work matters to me. For my friend in yesterday's post, hers was creating a small business in a field that fills her tank. Her business is uniquely her.

I have a friend who is living his absolute best life. He's a middle manager at a boring-to-me job at a large and stodgy corporation. He's had the same job for nearly 20 years. He loves it, and it fills his tank.

I have another friend who just started her tenth year as a middle school teacher. She loves it! Sure, there are messy and stressful components to the work, but she's living her calling.

There's also another friend who is a barista at a coffee shop. He looks forward to work almost every day, and it fills his bucket. The work can be draining, but the relationships, variety of work, and environment are perfect for his wiring and lifestyle.

It's not about being an employee vs. not being an employee. It's about pursuing work that matters. For many people, like the person who lashed out at me, it's easier to find reasons to concede defeat and sit in their misery than to face the challenge of pursuing work that matters. Or, in the words of my friend from yesterday's post, "I knew in my head and heart that it could be out there somewhere - I just had to do really hard things to find it."

Work that matters matters. It comes in all shapes and sizes. It's different for everyone. It might mean being an employee. It might mean owning your own business. It might mean doing ministry. It might mean doing something I don't even know about! But there's one common thread to all of it: it does exist, it will be a difficult journey, and it will be so worth it.

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She’s Far-Fetched, Too

I'm used to the criticism at this point. It comes from many angles and in various forms. Over the last year, however, the bulk of the criticism revolved around my ideas of work. Specifically, my position that we should pursue work that matters and find meaning in it. Some of the most common “feedback” includes:

• "Your ideas about work are far-fetched."

• "You don't live in the real world."

• "That's a privileged perspective."

• "You don't know what it's really like."

• "Meaning doesn't pay the bills."

• "Have fun being poor." -- I actually love this one!

• "You are telling people to be selfish and not care for their families."

• "You live in la la land."

I know there are some far better, more vulgar quotes somewhere, so I'll save those gems for another day!

Yes, my ideas are crazy, counter-cultural, and backward. Yes, they tug at the fabric of our culture's view of work, money, and life. Yes, it requires discomfort, perseverance, and humility. Yes, it's probably the hardest thing you'll ever do.

No, I'm not alone. No, I'm not special. No, I'm not particularly gifted. No, my ideas aren't even really my ideas. I just happen to have a platform.....and a mission. The truth is, countless people have committed to the types of insane endeavors I write, podcast, and speak about. That's what makes these ideas so amazing: they are accessible to all......IF you're up for the challenge.

I could list hundreds of examples, but you don't show up for me to endlessly ramble. So, instead, I'm going to give you one brief testimonial. This is a reply to my recent Ruin vs. Waste post. First, some context. This woman owns a beautiful small business which fuels and fills her. Her broader story is wild and involves more turmoil than she deserves. Here's what she said:

"After I was laid off, I chose to walk away from misery and do something really scary. I walked away from a comfortable 6 figure salary to maybe try to find some happiness. I knew in my head and heart that it could be out there somewhere - I just had to do really hard things to find it. Do I wish I had a bigger bank account? Sure. And maybe someday this business will allow a bit more flexibility and perhaps a vacation out of state (ha), but I'm not willing to give up the freedom and happiness I have every single day for more money in my pocket. I was miserable back then and I refuse to do that again."

I bolded my favorite part: "I knew in my head and heart that it could be out there somewhere - I just had to do really hardthings to find it." Yes, it's out there. Yes, it's going to be hard. Yes, she had the courage to go for it.

Don't let our culture tell you what you can and should do. The vast majority of those voices are miserable. You deserve better!

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I’m No Swiftie, But…

I'm no Swiftie, but I watched ESPN's Monday Night Football pre-game show last night with great anticipation. I was dying for the moment when they would show Taylor Swift walking into Arrowhead Stadium to watch her boyfriend, Travis Kelce. It was so worth the wait when the payoff finally happened. That moment made my entire night!

It reminds me of a lunch I shared with a young friend. He recently graduated college and started a pretty good job. It was the perfect job for someone graduating from college and looking for good money, solid benefits, and stability. He looked miserable, though, and his ill-fitting suit didn't look much better. I anticipated spending that hour with someone who had a signature zest for life, but instead, I shared a meal with a guy who looked like he had just buried his dog. As the conversation picked up, he confessed how much he hated this job. It wasn't a bad job; far from it! Rather, it just wasn't the right job for him. He had different dreams, and this definitely wasn't it. A few weeks later, he left work one afternoon and never returned. Not even his wife knew he had quit.....until she returned home later that night.

That guy was Cole, Meaning Over Money co-founder and my good friend. And that sad lunch encounter occurred nearly ten years ago. Cole quit that job with no backup plan (not advised), while still deeply in debt (also not advised), without talking to his wife (definitely not advised), and began his dream of becoming a freelance videographer. The road has been anything but smooth for him. Ups and downs, hot streaks and dry spells, great opportunities and broken promises. Through it all, he persevered, never losing sight of what he was trying to accomplish. He bought a house, continued to build his business, had a kid, fought to pursue work that matters, had another kid, kept chasing his calling, and will soon have yet another kid.

I'm no Swiftie, but as I eagerly anticipated Taylor Swift's arrival into the stadium last night, I knew it would be Cole on the other end of that camera, continuing to live out his unique journey and vision. ESPN contracted him to be on Monday Night Football Taylor Swift watch, followed by filming the post-game press conference interviews for the Chiefs players and coaches.

I don't mean to sound like I have a man crush on my business partner, but I'm just so dang proud of where he's been, where he's at, and where he'll soon go. It makes it even sweeter knowing how difficult the journey has been. I would say he's stared fear in the face, but he's a retired kicker, and I'm not sure kickers can feel fear. But the struggle is real. If anyone ever pulls out the it-must-be-nice-to-be-him card, I'll be the first one to share the stories of what it looked like behind the scenes, during the crappy periods, when things were uncertain, and when it probably seemed to be anything but "nice to be him."

I'm no Swiftie, but that's pretty cool!

I couldn’t find the actual ESPN footage he recorded, but it was a similar angle as this clip.

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Broken Bones and Torn ACLs

I began a seemingly innocent client relationship about a year ago. It was a young couple making good money and generally having much success. They brought me into their lives to shift them into an entirely new gear. The goal was to go from good to great. Then, life happened. Within a short time span, this couple experienced significant turmoil. Pain and suffering, followed by pain and suffering, followed by more pain and suffering. It was almost laughable how brutally life crushed them.

Through it all, this couple simply kept going, one painful step forward after another. During one intense meeting, I asked them how they were approaching this season of life. His response: "There's nothing that can stop us when the mission is big enough." Wise and powerful words, and I couldn't agree more! This couple's mission and calling are profound, and it didn't surprise me that they kept moving forward.

This is a tell. When someone's mission is so important that not even the most absurdly painful roadblocks can derail them, it's a tell that they are doing exactly what they are meant to do. The moment I see this characteristic in a client is the moment I know they WILL win. It's not a matter of if, but when.

It reminds me of something I saw a few days ago. Longtime readers know my family is Twenty One Pilot superfans. We're actually going to see them perform this weekend! A news report recently broke on social media about their lead singer, Tyler Joseph. After nearly two months into their world tour, it was revealed that he broke his fibula and tore his ACL…..in the very first minute of his very first show. The show opens dramatically, with Tyler launching himself over his piano, grabbing a hanging mic, and landing in position for his start to Overcompensate.

But the very first night of the tour, he lands with a snap and pop......but nobody knew! He performed the entire 2-hour set in the immediate aftermath of this disaster. He subsequently performed the opening piano jump for another nine nights before eventually altering his entrance. Unbelievable! I need you to see it to give you the full context. Check out the video clip! It's not a great quality, but it gives a solid angle and perspective of the incident. I queued the video to start at the right moment (around the 2-minute mark).

It's weird to watch this through the lens of knowing he broke a bone and tore his ACL in this moment. In the words of my friend, "There's nothing that can stop us when the mission is big enough." That's the tell. It’s unknown when he’ll be able to surgically fix this injury, as they have shows scheduled through mid-May. As I watch Tyler work his way around the arena on Saturday, performing his heart out while creating memories for thousands of fans, I'll be thinking about this. He’ll undoubtedly be in tremendous pain, but also living out his calling. That’s awesome!

I hope you have a mission that's big enough to power you through the pain and suffering of life. It won't be easy, but man, it will be worth it!

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More Begets More

I became fascinated by watches in my early 20s. After purchasing a relatively nice one, I wanted more watches. Before too long, I had collected more than 20.

I purchased a pretty cool car when I was a sophomore in college. I loved it so much that I soon wanted an even cooler car (when I actually had money).

I purchased my first house when I was 26 years old. It was plenty of house for me, but after a while (as my income kept growing), I wanted a bigger house.

I visited a custom tailor on my first trip to Asia, where I purchased my first hand-made suit. This experience sparked a desire to buy more custom suits.

I started drinking bourbon during bourbon about five years ago. After a friend gifted me a high-end bottle, it made me want to start buying more bottles to add to my collection.

More begets more. More is the gateway drug to more. The moment we pursue more, we encounter the slippery slope of materialism. It's intoxicating; it's alluring. It also feels innocent enough. Small incremental decisions that will seemingly make us happy. Most decisions are small enough not to alter our lives materially.

We also find great ways to justify our decisions:

• That house is an investment.

• That car is more reliable than our last one.

• That suit makes us look more professional (status increase).

• Those watches and bottles of bourbon aren't terribly expensive, so why not!?!?

I'm grateful I avoided most of this slippery slope (after that initial watch binge). Some would call it perspective; others might call it luck. Whatever it is, I'm so glad I didn't detrimentally succumb to a dangerous path. It's not for lack of want, though. Each of these things tugs at my psyche and desires. It's not the want that hurts us, but rather the decisions that come from it.

While I've done a decent job avoiding these pitfalls, many people aren't as fortunate. This is one of the biggest traps I see families fall into. Once they taste more, they want more. And the problem with more is that every time we get more, more is still, well, more. Thus begins the materialism death spiral.

There are many consequences of this materialistic journey. We live a more strained life (lack of margin). We might not save for future needs. We inadvertently give up other purchases that would actually add more value to our lives. We refrain from being generous. We make career choices focused on the money (i.e. not the meaning). It creates tension in our marriages. The ratchet tightens.....all because we decide to chase more.

I'll let you decide where you see yourself in these stories, but regardless of where you land, I have good news and bad news:

• Bad News: We're not stuck in one place. If you feel like you have your materialistic urges in check, there's always a risk of falling into the trap if you're not careful.

• Good News: We're not stuck in one place. If you've already gone down the wrong road, there's always time to pull it back the other way. You can do it!

You got this!

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Right Thing, Right Reasons

When I left my prior career and started my coaching business, I promised myself I would always be honest with people. If I could serve them well, I’d tell them. But if I wasn’t the right person for the job, I also needed to share that. I refer to it as doing the right thing for the right reason. It’s not uncommon to meet with a person or a couple and, for one reason or another, know I’m not the right person to serve them. Sometimes it’s a stylistic difference. Sometimes they aren’t fully bought in. Somtimes they don’t want it bad enough. Sometimes they need something different than what I offer. And sometimes, they simply don’t need me at all. 

This idea reminds me of one particular conversation. It was a couple nearing retirement, with kids grown and living their own lives. As we unpacked their situation and questions, I immediately knew they shouldn’t hire me. They were killing it! They had made so many wise choices over the years, and it showed. During that conversation, I was able to give them a few tips, make a few recommendations/referrals, and affirm so much of what they were already doing. I ended the conversation with something to the effect of, “I would be honored to serve you, but if I were you, I wouldn’t hire me. You’re not going to get your money’s worth.” I’m not trying to hurt myself, but I so much believe in doing the right thing for the right reasons. They shouldn’t have hired me…..and they didn’t!

But something happened. I ended up serving one of their grown kids (plus spouse). I cherish that coaching relationship, and this young couple is doing some amazing work. I’m so grateful I get to help add value to their lives. Oh yeah, another thing happened as well. The man I told not to hire me, he and I have become friends. I deeply value his input and insights. He’s a funny guy with an infectious zest for life. He has more life wisdom and experience in his pinky than I have in my entire body. I learn from him about parenting, marriage, careers, and meaning. All this because of one stranger-meets-stranger conversation; a conversation in which I told him not to hire me.

Never underestimate the power of doing the right thing for the right reasons. The right thing is always the right thing. This applies to money, work, ministry, relationships, parenting, and everywhere else! You might not immediately benefit from it, but you’ll ALWAYS win in the long run. 

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Ruin vs. Waste

I returned home last night after a brutal 30-hour travel day from Mongolia, to Korea, to Minneapolis, to Des Moines. I'll be emceeing a banquet tonight, so if the organizers were wise, they would have a stick handy to poke me each time I fall asleep. The following thoughts percolated in my brain while I explored the Seoul airport. 

I've had the same Pastor for about 13 years. His name is Mike. He has a particular way of meeting me where I'm at. He doesn't go over my head, or try to overcomplicate things. Instead, each week, he attempts to take this 2,000+-year-old text and communicate it to his congregation in a way that's not only understandable but applicable. He was certainly good at his craft 13 years ago, but after thousands more repetitions, I've recognized he's gotten progressively better. 

With that backdrop in mind, paired with my deep admiration and respect for him, he recently dropped a bomb that stuck with me. It landed so hard that I pulled out my phone mid-service to jot it in my Notes app. "Most of us aren't at risk of ruining our life. Most of us are at risk of wasting it." Now, Pastor Mike isn't known for mic drops or Mike Breen "Bang!" moments, but if he were, this would have been one. 

In my work, this is exactly what I see play out in families all across the country. Most people are trying to be responsible, accountable, and productive. There's a lot of public conjecture that says otherwise, but I firmly believe the vast majority of people are trying to do right. They aren't ruining their lives. They are very much keeping the train on the tracks (or at least attempting to). Go to work. Be present for their kids. Don't cheat on their spouse. Handle finances well enough to cover their needs. Put in an honest day's work (and earn promotions along the way). Go to church. Serve others in various ways, whether it be co-workers, neighbors, friends, or family. Most people aren't ruining their lives…..quite the opposite. 

However, now comes the next part. Watching people, in their pursuit of not ruining their lives, I see an awful lot of people wasting it. Unhappiness is at an all-time recorded high. Mental illness is skyrocketing. Study after study shows that state of workplace satisfaction is at miserable levels. I've quoted this study many times, but Gallup reports that 70% of Americans dislike or hate their jobs. 7 out of 10 people! When we spend half our waking hours in misery, that's a whiff. Yes, there's honor in pushing through and dutifully going to a job you don't love. That's called accountability and responsibility, which aligns well with the idea of not ruining our lives. However, sustained misery in the workplace is also a telltale sign of wasting one's life. 

There are other tells, though, and they often look like regret. Regret for not trying something. Regret for not truly engaging in faith. Regret for not taking that chance. Regret for not going on that trip. Regret for not serving someone. Regret for not investing in that relationship. Regret for not having the difficult conversation. None of these point to ruin, but every one points to waste. 

A friend recently asked me how I can live with myself for having given up so much money these last five years (since leaving my prior career). The answer is simple. Sarah and I don't want to waste our life. We live with ourselves knowing we are living a truly blessed life. Richer, but not in a financial sense.

Something worth thinking about today. I hope you're living a life you're neither ruining nor wasting. A life full of meaning.

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Looking In the Mirror

I’m sitting in the Seoul, Korea airport, awaiting my return flight to America. If I’m being totally honest, I haven’t even had time to digest all that’s transpired over the last six days. I can’t yet put my finger on it, but there’s no doubt this trip changed me. I say that every time I travel abroad, and this time is certainly no different.

These types of trips trigger a particular kind of response for me. It makes me look at myself in the mirror and question if I’m truly doing the work I’m called to do. Both the work I’m paid to do, and the work I’m not. The work outside my home, and in it. Who am I called to serve? How am I called to serve them?

I will again be asking myself these questions, and as always, I’m a bit scared about what I might find. The last question I’ll need to ask myself is if I’m willing to act accordingly. That’s the scariest of propositions…..but also the most fruitful.

This look in the mirror is, in part, what triggered and fueled my drastic career change in early 2019. It’s been one of the hardest, yet most fulfilling journeys I’ve ever endeavored. I’m so grateful for younger me for having the courage to act. I see and feel the impact of that decision every day of my life.

I’ll be sure to share my findings with you soon. In the meantime, what about you? Perhaps it’s time to take a look in the mirror? Your future self just might thank you.

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Reflections…..In a Ger

I’m sitting inside a Mongolian family’s ger, several hours outside Ulaanbaatar. I have limited battery. Limited signal. Limited time. No computer.

This beautiful family hosted us today. We milked horses, rode horses, herded horses (with horses), bought a sheep, butchered a sheep, shot arrows, enjoyed homemade snacks, laughed, and eventually enjoyed a genuine Mongolian sheep barbecue.

Context matters. When we shape our worldview, perspectives, desires, and expectations on just the small bubble we live in, our context is limited.

It’s one of the most beautiful reasons why I believe travel is important. It builds context. It shifts context. It broadens context.

Some people ask why my family’s standard of living is as low as it is. Context, that’s why. We know what we need. We know what matters. More importantly, we know what’s not. We know that living a meaningful life trumps a life of more. A life of margin beats a life of status. A life of generosity crushes a life of want.

So as I sit here, enjoying the most amazing day with these beautiful people who live an ultra simple life, I’m reminded why context matters so much. It’s not about what we have or how high our standard of living is. It’s about meaning. Always meaning.

I’m glad I wrote this, and I’m grateful for the friends I shared the experience with.

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I Just Wanna Play Football

I’m thoroughly enjoying my time in Mongolia. The meetings have been fruitful, the relationships rich, and the experiences seared into my memory forever. But for some reason, I can’t quit thinking about the following story.

I often reflect on a particular conversation I had years ago with a bunch of my high school youth group kids. I don't remember the overarching topic of the conversation, but I pulled out a normal-to-me question: "What do you want to do when you're an adult?" The kids around me were a mix of guys and girls, primarily athletes (basketball, volleyball, and football players). I received many to-be-expected answers; teachers, engineers, doctors, veterinarians, etc. Then, one of the guys says, "I just wanna play football." While he was a clearly a stud athlete, he was also the smallest guy in his crew that day. A couple of his buddies snickered at his answer. They weren't laughing AT him or mocking him by any means, but his answer seemed far-fetched. 

A few years later, he was blessed with an opportunity to take his talents to a major D1 football program. He didn't get a full scholarship in his first year, but he made the team! When I asked him what he hoped for, he immediately answered, "I just wanna play." Simple enough. And play he did! If my memory serves me right, an early-season in-game injury to one of his teammates allowed him an opportunity to show his stuff. Turns out, his stuff was pretty good. The rest is history. 

A few weeks ago, he became the first white starting cornerback in the NFL since 2002. I don't usually focus too much on race (especially in sport), but that's an absurd and wild statistic. Not one white dude has started at cornerback in the NFL since Jason Seahorn started 22 years ago! Not only did Riley start, but he's absolutely crushing it. He had 12 tackles in a single game…..as a cornerback! His name is Riley Moss, and he plays for the Denver Broncos. From the Ankeny Centennial Jaguars, to the Iowa Hawkeyes, to the Denver Broncos. Awesome story!

I don't have a close relationship with Riley, but I admire his journey from afar. It's so fun watching people just go for it. Our culture says to lower our expectations and just settle in for something normal, safe, and practical. Yet, here's a young man who had a big dream and kept moving forward. There's probably a world where he doesn't make the NFL; an unfortunate break, an untimely injury, or a missed opportunity. But had that happened, Riley could at least look back at his journey with no regrets. No woulda, shoulda, couldas. 

This really isn't about becoming a professional athlete, or rich, or famous, or powerful. It's about giving yourself permission to dream, and then going for it. The courage to fight our prevailing culture and take the path less traveled. To block out what the world says, and just leave it all on the field, as they say. 

I wish Riley nothing but the best. I hope he accomplishes everything he pursues. It's not going to be an easy journey, and he will most certainly face pain, suffering, and challenges. But it will be a beautiful journey, regardless.

I wish the same for you!

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Yes

We just wrapped up two days of amazing meetings at a rustic lodge about two hours outside Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. My head is spinning. As I attempt to write today's piece, all I can think about is the word "yes."

Meal after meal, meeting after meeting, and conversation after conversation, I spent time with people who said "yes." "Yes" to their faith. "Yes" to their calling. "Yes" to their work. "Yes" to the sacrifice. "Yes" to a deeply meaningful life. To call it a humbling experience would be an understatement.

I'm always a proponent of a posture of "yes." I'm sure you could find a dozen posts about it from the last few years, but this week's experience in Mongolia puts that idea on steroids.

As one last act of "yes," as we packed our bags and prepared to leave for the city, a group of us said "yes" to a last-minute hike up the nearby mountain. To be honest, it was far more challenging than I imagined (and dangerous, too). We shared lots of laughs, built into our growing relationships, and created some new memories. Lastly, the payoff was beautiful! Here's a little selfie from our mountaintop view. You can see our gers at the base of the mountain, between my friends Rob and Emily.

It would have been so easy for us to pass on the opportunity. We were already tired from our meetings, never mind the jet lag. We were slightly behind schedule and needed to get back to the city and transition to the next phase of our trip. But we said "yes".....and it was awesome.

Our collective "yes" in that moment is nothing compared to some of the weighty "yes'" that many people make every day, but one "yes" begets another. I believe in the culture of "yes." It's contagious. It's infectious. It's powerful. Not a "yes" despite the discomfort and sacrifice, but a "yes" because of the discomfort and sacrifice. That's where the meaning, beauty, fulfillment, and impact is born.

Whatever you're up to today, I hope you have a posture of "yes." And I hope that "yes" begets another "yes." Fast forward days, weeks, or months, and I hope you create, live, and spread a culture of "yes." I think you deserve it.....and those around you do, too!

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Be the Worst Person In the Room

Good morning, friends in the West. Being 13 hours ahead of you (i.e. a time traveler), I can confidently say Monday will be a great day.

Due to popular demand, below are a few photos of my current accommodations in Mongolia. I woke up this morning by stepping out of my ger (traditional Mongolian dwelling) and into a beautiful mountain sunrise view. I shared a wonderful breakfast with friends, followed by a full day of productive meetings.

I intentionally chose a provocative title for today's piece, but it's sincerely how I feel. It's an alternative way to view the old moniker: "You become the average of the five people you spend the most time with." These last few days, I've spent time with countless people who have made far more impact, have a much grander vision, and have made much deeper sacrifices in their journeys than I can ever imagine. So, in other words, I feel like the worst person in the room. I don't use that language to be self-deprecating or critical of myself, but rather because of how much respect, admiration, and love I have for these people and the work they are doing.

For as big as my mission and vision is, spending time with these people reminds me of how small my little brain actually thinks. I'm challenged and encouraged just by being in their presence. Do you have any people like that in your life? If so, spend more time with them. If not, find some……then spend as much time as possible with them.

I've been reflecting on how hard these last five years have been for Sarah and me. The comfort is mostly gone. There is no ease. We progressively see the consequences of our sacrifices. There are days we wish we would wave our magic wand and live a cushier, grander, and more comfortable life. You know, the life most people are pursuing…….the life we used to have before we waved the opposite magic wand. But then, I spend time in rooms like I've experienced these last few days, and I'm reminded that there is far more impact to be made, bigger visions to be cast, and much more profound sacrifices to endure.

No, I'm not trying to demean myself. But wow, there are so many amazing people all around us. My challenge today is to spend as much time with them as you can. Be the worst person in the room; it's a life-giving and honorable place to be. 

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Nobody Wants to Work: 1800s Edition

Question: In your opinion, when was peak music? What decade or period do you believe was the best? I know your answer, and you're right. My answer is probably different than yours, but I'm probably right, too. Let me guess. Your answer probably correlates with your mid-to-late teen years. Am I right? That would be my answer, and the data says you're probably in a similar camp. Someone actually studied this! Check out the graphic below:

In short, we tend to like music that was created after we were born, with our peak love being the music produced when we're teens. Then, it's all downhill from there. By the time we reach age 35, we start to think newer music sucks.

When it comes to music, we all know we're right......but are we? The generational bias runs deep, but we're too stubborn to admit that. This little nuance is silly and innocent when it comes to our generation bickering about what music rocks and what music sucks, but it comes with harsher consequences when it spills into other areas of life.

Notably, I'm thinking about a common cultural narrative in our society. "Nobody wants to work anymore." And by "nobody," we tend to point our fingers at the younger generation. This narrative has been floating around in our society for years, but it catapulted to a whole new level when COVID hit. I heard it three times in the airport just yesterday!

While I think there are a good number of young people who don't want to work, I couldn't disagree more with this sentiment. We're stereotyping an entire generation based on the behavior of the lazy minority. Did you know any lazy turds in your generation? Of course you did! Some of them were probably your classmates, neighbors, and family members. Every generation has them.

For that reason, it made me smile when I stumbled into this little video clip. The content creator curated news clippings from multiple eras, each saying the same thing: "People don't want to work anymore." And the funny thing is, these clips go back as far as 1894!

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It's funny to think about. Some (probably) middle-aged dude, nearing the turn of the century and the introduction of the automobile, with the proliferation of cell phones still 100 years away, is ranting to a newspaper about how young people don't want to work anymore.

This video highlights one thing to me. As the older generation(s) leading the way, instead of beating down these kids and young adults with insults, we have an opportunity to lift them up. Sure, some will be lazy turds; no doubt! But most have a drive and a desire to make a difference in this world. This generation will absolutely change the world. Further, this young generation we lament will soon be in charge of this country while we're still alive! Therefore, let's lift people up, encourage them, mentor them, and propel them to heights we've never seen. That would be a fun legacy for our generation, wouldn't it?

Slivers of Light in the Darkness

It's been 24 hours since I wrote yesterday's blog, meaning I should be enjoying the sights and sounds of Mongolia by now. That's not my reality, though. Instead, I'm sitting at the same table in the Chicago airport where I wrote yesterday's piece. 

Let me rewind. As my 11-hour layover ended yesterday, I was eager to board my flight to Istanbul. The anticipation had been building for months, and more so as I sat there. As the gate agents were preparing to begin boarding, I heard an announcement over the speaker: "Would Shelton Travis please come to the ticket counter?" I approached the counter, "Am I in trouble?" "You're not in trouble, but you're not getting on this flight……or any flight." Uh oh. Thus began one of the worst travel experiences of my life. The short version of the story is that my passport didn't have enough term remaining to legally enter Mongolia. Translation: I screwed up. I was nervous about having enough time in the trip's lead-up to renew my passport, but a trusted travel friend assured me I was good to go for this specific trip. BUT. BUT, I didn't confirm. I didn't follow through. I didn't fully vet it. I screwed up. I'm the author of this terrible story. 

Here's what happened next:

• I learned there is an emergency passport service in Chicago; one of the few cities that offers such a service. 

• The passport office still had an early-next-day opening available, so I booked it. 

• I grabbed a hotel room near the airport.

• I got on the phone with the ticketing agency to sort through this mess; I learned my options.

• After 4 hours of crappy sleep, I packed up and took a 45-minute Uber to the Federal building in downtown Chicago.

• I found a passport photo shop, filled out an application for a passport renewal, and met with an agent.

• I waited five hours to pick up my new passport. 

• Meanwhile, I spent 90 minutes on the phone with a ticketing agent to get a new flight. Ultimately, I ended up on the same route as previously scheduled, but one day later. 

• Now, I'm back at the airport, again hopeful to board a flight. 

Needless to say, this has sucked more than I can ever express. It's felt lonely, defeating, and demoralizing. It would be so easy to play the victim card and glass-half-empty this thing into oblivion (the thought crossed my mind). But there have been so many things to be grateful for:

• This debacle happened in a rare city offering same-day emergency passport services.

• My friends John and Jenn, while on the other side of the earth, were a calming presence during my most stressful hours. 

• The fact I was able to quickly grab a cheap hotel room right next to the airport. 

• The hotel clerk, who showed me much grace and generosity when I approached the counter with my makeshift 11PM dinner comprised of roasted peanuts, a Nutrigrain bar, and a guacamole cup (options were sparse, and I was starving). I presented her with a $10 bill. "Not tonight. This one is on me." 

• My early morning Uber driver, who gave me an oddly calm and relaxing drive. Side note: look up "violin covers" on Spotify!

• The Federal Building security guard, who gave me a tip for the best and quickest passport photos down the street. His tip allowed me to arrive just as they opened, avoiding the rapidly building line.

• The Orbitz ticket agent, who showed me amazing patience and hospitality as we navigated the re-booking process. He was a lifesaver!

• If all goes well, I still won't miss any critical meetings in Mongolia. 

This is truly one of the worst travel experiences of my life, but there are always slivers of light in the darkness. We have two options: We can concede defeat, be a victim, and lament how terrible everything is, or keep moving forward, show resilience, and find those little slivers. I'm so glad I was able to find them today.

I hope your day goes far better than my last few have, but even if not, I hope you look for the slivers of light as well!

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When In Rome

People often ask me if I batch my blog posts and keep a bank of them for future use. Truth is, I write and publish each article each day. It's a habit I picked up from the encouragement of my friend, Gary. That practice has added beauty and richness to my life, as well as a bulletproof discipline of consistent writing.....no matter what. It's amazing how many ideas will come to us when we're expected to come up with ideas; it's a fun psychological hack.

I share all this because today, I'm breaking my rule. I'm batching a few blog posts due to my possible schedule quirks and internet connectivity uncertainties. I'm sitting in the Chicago O'Hare Airport on an 11-hour layover, awaiting my flight to Mongolia. By the time you read this (if you are a read-it-as-soon-as-the-email-arrives sort of blog reader), I'll be approaching the Middle East, where I'll connect with a few friends who are coming in from Kenya. My goal is to still write and publish each day (with a bend toward what I'm experiencing in Mongolia), but backup posts will be ready if I get run off the interstate by a herd of animals or ingest too much Airag (fermented horse milk).

Speaking of, I love the expression "When in Rome." It encapsulates my perspective of and approach to travel. The moment I depart Chicago, I will set my Midwest American culture, norms, and preferences aside and embrace the culture I'm entering. The food, language (I'll try), customs, and rhythms. If someone invites me to do something, I'll do it. If someone hands me something to eat, I'll eat it. If someone wants to talk about a particular topic, I'll discuss it.

It's going to be uncomfortable. It's going to be awkward at times. It's going to push my boundaries. But that's what travel is all about! Our American culture isn't "right." Rather, it's our culture. That's great. I love so many things about our American culture. In due time, I'll miss pizza, cheeseburgers, football, my bed, the three amazing weeks we get of Iowa fall weather (IYKYK), and all the other aspects of my American life I never think about. But in the meantime, I'll wholeheartedly embrace a different culture and a different way.....and it will make for some of the greatest travel memories I'll ever experience.

I'll leave you with one rule a wise friend once told me. "If they eat it, why shouldn't you?" Sharing a meal with someone and shutting down their invitation to share their culture (through food) with you is a slap in the face. Having someone share their culture with you is an intimate experience.....and a gift. I never take that gift for granted.

Don't take the gift of culture for granted. Don't retreat to comfort. Don't seek familiar. Don't take the easy way out. When in Rome!

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Be Wary of Self-Titled “Experts”

I recently had a conversation that's stuck with me like a never-ending cold. One of my friends showed me her family's recent monthly statement from their financial advisor. This financial advisor works for one of the most respected companies in the industry. That, combined with the fact my friend (and her spouse) don't know a ton about investing, blindly trusted the "expert."

Their advisor was given free rein to "do whatever is best" with their investment account. The advisor, in his infinite wisdom, recommended that he pick out a handful of stocks that he believed would do well. Can you see where this is going?

The statement I was holding clearly stated that their investment portfolio had achieved a -1.4% annual return over the last 36 months. Yes, you read that correctly.....they LOST money over the last three years.

Now, we need something to compare it to. Oh, I know! How about we compare it to a total U.S. stock market index that each of us has access to at the push of a button. These funds contain upwards of 4,000 companies and have very low fees. Examples include FSKAX (Fidelity), VTSAX (Vanguard), and VTI (also Vanguard). Here's what we found. Over the exact same 36-month period, simply holding the total U.S. stock market index would have provided an 8.76% annual return over 36 months.

Let's put that into context. Pretend this family gave the "expert" $100,000 to invest on their behalf. After 36 months, they would have ended up with $95,900 (a $4,100 LOSS). We will also assume this couple clicked a few buttons on their phone and invested another $100,000 into the total U.S. stock market index. After 36 months, they would have ended up with $128,600 (a $28,600 GAIN).

That's a $32,700 difference between the "expert" and a couple that knows nothing about investing. And to top it all off, they are paying the "expert" for the privilege of losing money for them!

I need to land the plane on this rant. Here are my morals of the story:

• Don't blindly trust "experts." It's hard to know what to trust and not trust, but I'll give you a hint. Whenever someone claims to know what specific stocks to invest in, they are, by default, not an expert. Real experts know that playing the stock-picking game is a fool's errand. A true expert understands the big picture and believes you deserve better (and safer).

• It's so, so, so simple to invest in the stock market.....even if you don't know a lot about investing. The total U.S. stock market index gives you access to practically every company you can buy, all with the click of a button.

• Don't review investment returns out of context. If your portfolio receives a 12% annual return over a period of time, but the overall stock market returned 22%, you did terrible. Conversely, if your portfolio lost 5% per year while the overall stock market lost 7% per year, your returns were ironically good. Context matters.

Simple is good, and good is simple. Don't let "experts" lead you astray.

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How to Avoid Failure and Criticism

Guys, lean in. Lean in close. A little further. I'm whisper typing. Do you want to know how to avoid failure and criticism? If so, today is your lucky day. It involves two very simple steps. Here you go:

1. Do nothing.

2. Say nothing.

You're welcome!

Ok, back to my normal typing volume. What I just said is 100% true. If you really want to avoid failure and criticism, simply do nothing. People will most certainly leave you alone if you endeavor to accomplish nothing. In fact, you might even be applauded for it by some people in your life. You know, the ones who will feel validated by their own inaction.

This formula is simple, and it stands the test of time. If you try to do something or say something, you will inevitably be ridiculed. However, if you just keep quiet and focus only on yourself, you can possibly avoid the wrath of others.

What path do you prefer? Here's my answer: Give me the wrath every day of the week. If the cost of making a difference is the sharp knife of judgment, I guess I'll take the cuts.

On the heels of losing a particular platform and voice, a trusted friend asked if it made me want to quit. After thinking about it briefly, I responded, "No, it makes me want to double down on my efforts. The mission is too great."

I thought I'd stop failing and getting criticized; I didn't.

I thought I'd get used to criticism and failure; I didn't.

I thought this entire thing would get easier; it didn't.

Some of you are feeling the exact same way. So today, my job is to tell you to keep going. If you're failing and/or getting criticized, it means you're doing something. That's not a stain, but rather a badge of honor. Wear it well.

You can easily avoid failure and criticism—that option is on the table. Alternatively, you can dive head-first into them. I hope you choose the latter today!

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Growing Into It, Not Out of It

Over the years, I've come to understand a universal understanding about budgeting: It's something you do when money is tight, and then eventually grow out of it. It manifests through various comments:

"My kid doesn't make much; they need to budget."

"We make a lot more than we used to, so we stopped budgeting."

"I make plenty of money now, so budgeting is pointless."

I probably hear a variation of this comment at least once per week. To me, it's one of the biggest misunderstandings about budgeting. Actually, I do think income and the need for budgeting are correlated......but the opposite of conventional wisdom. The more money someone makes, the greater the need to budget.

I'll use two examples to illustrate this point:

• Family A: This family has a limited income. Finances are tight, and most of their income goes toward needs and debt. When they budget, the primary objective is to ensure there's enough income to meet these basic needs.

• Family B: This family has a stout income. Their needs are met, and a bunch of discretionary income remains. They don't "need" to budget.....they are fine. However, without a budget, there's a high likelihood that they squander their opportunity to give, save, invest, and spend on things that add value. Without a budget, their impulses and lack of intentionality will waste much of their upside. But with a budget, the sky's the limit.

Family A has a narrower range of outcomes. During this season of life, money is going to feel tight. The difference between budgeting and not budgeting ranges from barely making ends meet (and possibly accruing credit card debt) to making ends meet with a bit of discretionary income left over.

Family B's range of outcomes is like the Grand Canyon. Without a budget, they can essentially squander all of their upside and somehow manage to live month-to-month, feeling significant financial tension every step of the way (this is common). With a budget, they have the power to harness this beautiful financial blessing for so much good. They can give generously, save for future wants/needs, spend money on things that actually add value, and invest meaningfully and intentionally.

It's sad, but LOTS of Family B's will squander their opportunity. I've had the privilege of working with many of them, and when they understand this principle, it's game over! Here's one example. This family had generated a fantastic income for over a decade. Yet, over that time, they'd experienced minimal positive momentum. They didn't have much saved, they gave practically nothing, and their investment portfolio was significantly behind schedule.

Then came the budget. They pushed back against budgeting because they "make too much to need one." Eventually, though, they trusted me enough to try. Fast forward just a few years, and they were giving away more than 20% of their income, had adequate savings, invested in creating memories, and built a million-dollar portfolio......which triggered a desire to ramp up their giving even more. All because of a simple budget.

Budgets change everything! ESPECIALLY if you "don't need one."

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But What Will You Give Up?

One of my friends reached out, wanting my input about a big decision he and his wife are considering. They own a house that roughly fits their needs, but house fever is setting in. In a weak moment, they cracked the door open and started looking at houses. Surprise, surprise.....they found an amazing one! Fortunately, though, they are taking a measured approach to the decision; hence, they sought my feedback.

I asked for a handful of numbers to understand the lay of the land. What's the current house worth? What's the current mortgage balance? What's the breakdown of the current mortgage payment? What does the new house cost? After a few simple calculations, I derived one critically important number: $1,700. That's how much their monthly payment would increase if they green-lit this decision. There are many other variables worth considering, such as furnishing the house, higher utility bills, additional maintenance considerations, etc. However, that $1,700 number is vitally important.

We talked about a few of these nuances before I asked THE most important question: "But what will you give up?" In other words, where will this extra $1,700/month come from? Oh yeah, I also added one caveat: "And you can't say, 'We'll just make more income.'" He laughed and said he was about ready to say, "We'll just make more income."

"More income" is a terrible answer to this type of question, as it just stacks additional pressure and tension on us. While this new house might increase their standard of living, taking the just-earn-more-money approach will inevitably lower their quality of life.

So, back to the real question. What will you give up? Buying this house will require them to reallocate $1,700/month away from one or more categories. But which ones? Their giving? Their saving? Their investing? Their fun? All of these have substantive consequences. Buying this house isn't inherantly bad, but they must be clear and honest with themselves first.

That's why we must answer this question when making big financial decisions. There's no such thing as a free lunch. Every time we create a financial obligation in our lives, that money has to come from somewhere. We ought to think about that before making such decisions.

Ultimately, they couldn't think of a good answer to that question. They loved the house, but not give-up-$1,700-of-other-things-we-care-about love. Thus, they passed. Good call; very good call. I suspect they will thank their former selves in due time.

Whatever decision you have on your plate that involves the increase of financial obligations, always ask yourself, "But what will I give up?" Your answer will be telling.

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