Sear It In

Wow, what a night! The Cyclones entered yesterday's game 6-0 for the first time in nearly 100 years. Home game. Ranked #9 in the country. 6:30 PM kickoff. Nationally televised. The moment was ripe for something special.

TJ, Finn, Pax, and I excitedly drove to Ames, eager for what could unfold. We were hoping for a blowout, but we were treated to something far worse (and ultimately better). Down 14 points in the second half, Iowa State completed the comeback by scoring the game-winning touchdown with just 30 seconds remaining. It was probably the loudest I've ever heard a stadium in my life, and my head was spinning. The boys were dancing, screaming, and celebrating like I had never seen before.

Amidst the pandamonium, I leaned over to TJ and suggested that this might be Finn and Pax's first seared-in sports moment. A moment they might someday tell their own kids about. The type of moment that will ultimately get stored away in their core memories.

I might have had a better pure sports experience had TJ and I went to the game without kids. However, I will forever be grateful I shared it with the boys. Whether that moment is seared in for them or not, it certainly is for me.

I've been to hundreds of sporting events in my life. I've also been to thousands of other events. Most come and go without incident. Fun times, then quickly forgotten. Not all events are created equal, though. Some, often unexpectedly, will sear into your brain and remain there forever. Those are special.

Since it's impossible to tell which ones will be set apart from the rest, our only means of control is to put ourselves in a position to create those memories and give ourselves an opportunity for amazing to happen. That happened last night, and I couldn't be more grateful.

I hope you find your seared-in moments, and are able to share them with the special people in your life. That's meaning!

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Owning Non-Excellence

Irony is best served cold. Yesterday, I talked about how the bar has never been lower. People and businesses are underperforming at an astronomical pace, and we've never seen such an opportunity to meet the market with excellence to excel (with our respective careers or businesses).

Then mere hours later, I performed a masterclass in non-excellence by letting three separate people down: a client, a blog reader, and a fellow board member. Three whiffs, three embarrassments, three regrets. Several factors played into my mistakes, including my new agonizing back injury and technical issues. However, while it would be easy for me to make excuses for these mistakes, there was one common theme in each of them: Me!

The truth is, it doesn't matter what caused the mistakes. The mistakes happened.....period. Passing the blame to some other reason, whether valid or not, doesn't undo the mistake. Therefore, it's my duty to take full responsibility for my non-excellence. There is no other path forward.

In an endeavor to be excellent, there will be non-excellence. It's just going to happen. But what are we going to do with it? Justify it? Excuse it? Blame others? Try to pretend it didn't happen? I hate all of those options. For me, the only reasonable and honoring option is to sincerely apologize, make it right, and endeavor to do better going forward.

That's the only path to excellence. Another way I try to think about it is I'm in the business of getting it right, not being right. If I'm wrong, my obligation to my clients, friends, and colleagues is to get it right; and getting it right starts with taking ownership of the non-excellence.

We must do this personally, and we must do it professionally. It hurts to look in the mirror and realize I'm 100% to blame for something (as I did three times yesterday). But it hurts worse going to bed at night knowing I tried to wiggle out of a mess caused by my own hands. I'll take that slice of humble pie every day of the week.

Today, I plan to be excellent. Will I accomplish it without fail? Probably not. But I'm going to give it my best shot. And WHEN I fall short, I'm going to sincerely apologize, make it right, and hopefully learn from it.

One percent better every day.

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Be the Worst Person In the Room

Good morning, friends in the West. Being 13 hours ahead of you (i.e. a time traveler), I can confidently say Monday will be a great day.

Due to popular demand, below are a few photos of my current accommodations in Mongolia. I woke up this morning by stepping out of my ger (traditional Mongolian dwelling) and into a beautiful mountain sunrise view. I shared a wonderful breakfast with friends, followed by a full day of productive meetings.

I intentionally chose a provocative title for today's piece, but it's sincerely how I feel. It's an alternative way to view the old moniker: "You become the average of the five people you spend the most time with." These last few days, I've spent time with countless people who have made far more impact, have a much grander vision, and have made much deeper sacrifices in their journeys than I can ever imagine. So, in other words, I feel like the worst person in the room. I don't use that language to be self-deprecating or critical of myself, but rather because of how much respect, admiration, and love I have for these people and the work they are doing.

For as big as my mission and vision is, spending time with these people reminds me of how small my little brain actually thinks. I'm challenged and encouraged just by being in their presence. Do you have any people like that in your life? If so, spend more time with them. If not, find some……then spend as much time as possible with them.

I've been reflecting on how hard these last five years have been for Sarah and me. The comfort is mostly gone. There is no ease. We progressively see the consequences of our sacrifices. There are days we wish we would wave our magic wand and live a cushier, grander, and more comfortable life. You know, the life most people are pursuing…….the life we used to have before we waved the opposite magic wand. But then, I spend time in rooms like I've experienced these last few days, and I'm reminded that there is far more impact to be made, bigger visions to be cast, and much more profound sacrifices to endure.

No, I'm not trying to demean myself. But wow, there are so many amazing people all around us. My challenge today is to spend as much time with them as you can. Be the worst person in the room; it's a life-giving and honorable place to be. 

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When In Rome

People often ask me if I batch my blog posts and keep a bank of them for future use. Truth is, I write and publish each article each day. It's a habit I picked up from the encouragement of my friend, Gary. That practice has added beauty and richness to my life, as well as a bulletproof discipline of consistent writing.....no matter what. It's amazing how many ideas will come to us when we're expected to come up with ideas; it's a fun psychological hack.

I share all this because today, I'm breaking my rule. I'm batching a few blog posts due to my possible schedule quirks and internet connectivity uncertainties. I'm sitting in the Chicago O'Hare Airport on an 11-hour layover, awaiting my flight to Mongolia. By the time you read this (if you are a read-it-as-soon-as-the-email-arrives sort of blog reader), I'll be approaching the Middle East, where I'll connect with a few friends who are coming in from Kenya. My goal is to still write and publish each day (with a bend toward what I'm experiencing in Mongolia), but backup posts will be ready if I get run off the interstate by a herd of animals or ingest too much Airag (fermented horse milk).

Speaking of, I love the expression "When in Rome." It encapsulates my perspective of and approach to travel. The moment I depart Chicago, I will set my Midwest American culture, norms, and preferences aside and embrace the culture I'm entering. The food, language (I'll try), customs, and rhythms. If someone invites me to do something, I'll do it. If someone hands me something to eat, I'll eat it. If someone wants to talk about a particular topic, I'll discuss it.

It's going to be uncomfortable. It's going to be awkward at times. It's going to push my boundaries. But that's what travel is all about! Our American culture isn't "right." Rather, it's our culture. That's great. I love so many things about our American culture. In due time, I'll miss pizza, cheeseburgers, football, my bed, the three amazing weeks we get of Iowa fall weather (IYKYK), and all the other aspects of my American life I never think about. But in the meantime, I'll wholeheartedly embrace a different culture and a different way.....and it will make for some of the greatest travel memories I'll ever experience.

I'll leave you with one rule a wise friend once told me. "If they eat it, why shouldn't you?" Sharing a meal with someone and shutting down their invitation to share their culture (through food) with you is a slap in the face. Having someone share their culture with you is an intimate experience.....and a gift. I never take that gift for granted.

Don't take the gift of culture for granted. Don't retreat to comfort. Don't seek familiar. Don't take the easy way out. When in Rome!

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A Silent Echo

Happy first Saturday of the college football season! Regardless of who your team is (yes, even you, Hawkeye fans), I hope you enjoy your season and make tons of fun memories. In a few hours, my family will pack up the car and drive to Ames to cheer on our Iowa State Cyclones.

Each year, this day reminds me of a beautiful gift my family received from a friend four seasons ago. As the football season was approaching, our friends unexpectedly and generously gifted my family Iowa State season tickets. That year was full of memories, fun, and the infamous Brock Purdy / Breece Hall duo. It was an amazing gift, and one that I will tell people about until the day I die.

A pic from that very first game, four seasons ago.

That's the thing about generosity; it's a silent echo. Whether we see it or not, its impact reverberates through people's lives long after it occurs. The following year, we purchased our own season tickets. Throughout the season, we blessed a handful of families with our tickets. Families that had never been to a college football game before. Families that couldn't afford tickets. Families who, for whatever reason, weren't going to connect all the dots and make it to a game. Each time we gifted our tickets, it was a tribute to our friends who made that original gift. A silent echo.

As this season approached, we cringed as we looked at our calendar. I'll be out of the country for one game. I'll have to miss two other games for speaking engagements. There's also Finn and Pax's basketball games, which are still TBD. Needless to say, it's not looking great to attend Cyclone games this season.

Then, the proverbial lightbulb turned on over our heads. While it was hard to justify buying season tickets when we probably won't make many games, we decided to look at it through a different lens. Knowing our availability is limited, these tickets weren't primarily entertainment; they were generosity. We purchased them largely to bless families. We want people to create their own memories and curate stories that will be shared for years. A silent echo.

One friend buys another friend tickets once, and the silent echo carries for years. There's no telling how many people will ultimately benefit from the impact made back in 2021. Dozens? Hundreds? What about the people that we bless? They may, in turn, be inspired to bless others along their journey as well.

The silent echo is multiplication, not addition. It compounds over time. It's beautiful and powerful. I'm probably more excited to give these tickets away than I am to attend myself (ssshhhhh, don't tell my kids I said that). Knowing that we get to help other people create lifelong memories is one of the greatest blessings we can receive.

Today, though, I'm going to make some memories with my boys. They are beyond excited, and hopefully, the Cyclones will put on a good show. Happy college football Saturday, everyone!

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But Not Too Much Success

One of my friends founded a company out of his garage, bootstrapping his way from nothing to a little something. Fortunately for him, countless people were in his corner cheering him on.

After about six months, his new venture had escalated to the point where he was visibly thriving. Fortunately for him, many people were in his corner cheering him on.

Twelve months later, his business grew enough that he could quit his day job and focus 100% of his energy on this new dream. Fortunately for him, some people were in his corner cheering him on.

A few years later, his now full-time business was doing well enough that his family had more financial resources than they ever did when he was in his old career. Unfortunately for him, only a few people were in his corner cheering him on.

There's an old saying that goes something like this: people will cheer you on.....until you reach their level. Then, they want to tear you back down.

Have you ever experienced that? I have, and I suspect many of you have, too. It's a lonely feeling. It's a brutal reckoning when you realize the people you thought were your ride-or-die's were really your ride-until-you-catch-me's.

You're not alone if this hits too close to home. I have countless clients who have uttered some version of the phrase: "You're the only person we can tell this to. You're the only person who will truly celebrate it with us." It's sad, but common.

Never fear, though. These moments are the magnifying class of relationships. This is where you find out who is really behind you, and who puts conditions on the relationship (like that condition that you must do worse than them). It's a tough reality, but a good one to find out sooner rather than later.

Then, here's the good news. You'll find your real people. The ones who have your back no matter what. Lean into them. Embrace them. Treasure those relationships. Oh yeah, and keep going. Do what you believe is right, and don't let the others deter you from the good work you know you must do.

For what it's worth, I got your back. No matter how successful you become, I'm here for it. You winning does not mean I'm losing. It just means I have one more person to celebrate. Go do your thing!

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It’s a Slippery Slope

In yesterday's post, I referenced how money is fungible. All there is is money in, and money out. This money doesn't go here, and that money doesn't go there. We have income, and we have outflows. Period.

Typing that reminded me of a situation that played out early in my marriage. Sarah and I were in the midst of our journey to pay off $236,000 of debt (it sucked as much as you're thinking). We each received a little personal spending each month, plus a few other fun expenses like modest dining out and travel. Then, every other excess dollar we had went toward the debt.

One day, Sarah decided to add a part-time nannying gig to her schedule. As we ate dinner, she started verbally processing what she might want to do with this extra income. Maybe clothes. Maybe nails. So many fun options!

That's the moment, mister fun hater (me), stepped in. I shared with her that money is fungible and, as such, this extra income had to be two things:

1. Ours, not hers.

2. Included in our budget.

She was noticeably annoyed with me. After all, she was the one working extra hours to earn this extra money.

She explained that our paychecks were our budget money, and this new income was "extra." (You know what we do with extra, right?) And since it was extra, it should fall outside of our budget and she should be able to do anything she wants with it.

Me: "Oh interesting. In that case, I'll have to figure out what I want to spend my annual bonus on!!!!"

Her (even more annoyed): "Your bonus is part of your work, so it's different." (I'm paraphrasing here, as I don't remember her actual comment)

Me: ......

See the problem here? Whenever we treat something as "extra" or "different," we undermine our finances and marriage. We go from "ours" to "mine." From being intentional to "screw it." It gets muddy…and messy.

Sarah eventually saw my point. I was grateful for her desire to work harder to help our young family dig out of a hole, but income is income. Ultimately, here's where we landed. We included her nanny income in the budget as income, juiced up her personal spending a bit, and added the to the debt paydowns. It was a win-win.

It's a slippery slope to treat money as anything but fungible. All there is is money in, and money out. Remove impulses. Take out the bias. Don't undermine your relationship. Don't sabotage your finances.

We've never had an issue with that topic since that day nearly 13 years ago. I may make 99% of our family's income, but it's "ours." Never "mine." Never. Don't fall down that slippery slope!

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“Throwing Away” a Career, Revisited

It's 2:30 AM. Sarah and I just pulled in from a 10-hour drive after visiting our best friends, Ryan and Anna. It feels like my brain is melting onto my laptop keyboard, as I single-handedly drove the entire 10 hours solo (Sarah failed to learn how to drive a stick over the last few days.....shame on her!). We intended to drive six hours today and then do the remaining four in the morning, but we got ambitious.

We had a wonderful time with Ryan and Anna. It ended up being 42 total hours together (including two nights of sleep), but it was jam-packed with laughter, memories, food, and good conversation......and Twenty One Pilots!

- I'm definitely kneeling in this picture.....

Given how much time I had to think during the drive home, my mind went in many different directions. Eventually, I found myself thinking back to an article I wrote more than four years ago. It was about Anna, but more specifically, about her counter-cultural career shifts. First, her decision to forego her WNBA career, and second, her decision to leave teaching to pursue her current calling. You can find the article here! While refueling at a gas station, I pulled the article up on my phone. A few thoughts rattled around my dreary, melting brain:

• Having written more than 800 articles since that one, I cringed a bit at my writing style and structure. It shows the power of repetition and consistency.

• It's fun to see how, even then, my perspective of work and meaning were quite similar to today. The phrase "meaning over money" hadn't yet been coined, but the values were loud and clear.

• Given the benefit of time, it's so fun to see how Anna's career shifts (or "thrown away" careers) have shaped her and impacted countless people.

• Nothing is wasted, indeed!

• Pursuing the type of journey that Anna did is far harder than we can imagine, but simultaneously more fulfilling than we can anticipate.

• Knowing what I know now, I'd double down on encouraging Anna in her controversial career shifts. I'd also encourage younger me to double down on this message.

• While I never took my relationship with Ryan and Anna for granted, I look back and wish I had squeezed every ounce of goodness from it I could while we lived near each other.

I'm grateful for my friend Anna, and I deeply admire how she took the path less traveled. It's not been an easy journey, but so many people have been blessed by her contributions to their lives. Someday, I hope she gets a window into some of that impact. Her legacy will have ripple effects, for sure.

I hope you're having a wonderful day, and I hope I'm still sleeping when you read this!

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The Culture of Can’t

I don't know if it's always been this way, but we live in a toxically negative culture. A culture of "can't." Voices that echo throughout our lives, day in and day out. You can't get out of debt. You can't start the business. You can't get a better job. You can't afford to give that money away. You can't save for that big upcoming purchase. You can't have a job that doesn't suck. You can't, you can't, you can't.

I haven't seen data on this, and I haven't yet conducted a formal study on the subject, but I have an anecdotal observation after talking with hundreds of people about it. If someone has a bunch of debt and has yet to make meaningful positive progress on paying it off by their early 30s, there's a high likelihood that it will only get worse. Why? Because when we're told "you can't" enough times, we start to believe it's true. Then, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I just met with a couple in their mid-40s. They've struggled with their debt for nearly 20 years. They'd pay a little off, then accumulate more—a constant yo-yo spanning two full decades. They came to me as a last-ditch effort to salvage their finances.....and maybe their marriage. They wanted to know what tips, tricks, and strategies I have for them to make more money. Or perhaps some loopholes to get their loans forgiven. Maybe bankruptcy would do the trick? They wanted an out.

Me: "Why don't you just pay off the debt?"

The Husband: "We can't. It's too much."

Me: "Yeah, it's a lot. But why don't you just pay it off?"

The Wife: "We can't. It's impossible." Then, there was a rant about inflation, kids, activities, the government, crappy bosses, travel, needs, etc.

Me: "Yeah, all that stuff would get a lot easier if you just paid it off."

The Husband: "We can't. We would have by now if we could."

______________

Fifteen months later, they had paid off $50,000 of credit card debt. That's a lot of debt to pay off for someone who "can't." That's the problem. Our culture continually tells us we can't do things. I believe they can. I told them they can. I showed them how they can. I reminded them they can. And then, their actions proved they can.

If you only internalize one thing I write this week, please let it be this: You can! Not only that, you should! I'm not telling you what to do. Rather, I'm telling you that you CAN and SHOULD do the thing you're thinking about right now. You know, that one thing. The thing you wonder, ponder, stress about, and dream for. That thing. You can. You should. Please don't let our culture (i.e. all the people and media around you) tell you otherwise.

Two Is Better Than One

I regularly discuss how married couples must take joint ownership of their finances. It's critically important that both spouses are involved. Today, though, I want to clear up one common misconception.

Ownership and action are two different things. Yes, both spouses need to have ownership. However, couples don't need both spouses to jointly manage the finances. There are so many different ways this can play out.

For example, one spouse may pay all the bills, and the other handles all insurance and investments. Another example is having both spouses jointly pay all the bills and manage the budget together (they literally sit at the table together and work through it together). Both of these approaches are perfectly acceptable, but here's my broader point. It doesn't matter who does what, as long as both spouses have a voice, ownership, and accountability.

I'll use my marriage as a third example. I'm married to a woman who is allergic to numbers. Trust me, it's been scientifically proven. Sarah has zero interest in bills, investments, insurance, or anything else that includes dollar signs and numerical digits. And that's okay! What's important is that Sarah has ownership.

Each month, Sarah and I discuss, negotiate, and set our budget. Some months are more difficult or busier than others, but that's been our general trend for nearly 15 years. I may make 99% of our family's income, but she has an equal voice (it's "our" money, not my money). Her opinions matter. Her influence is imperative. We negotiate what will happen with our money, and then she turns the management over to me. She has her own role, though. Since she has ownership, she's accountable for living out the plan we set for our family. She must honor the budget we set together and execute whatever life decisions come with it. But I handle 100% of the actual financial management. That approach is okay, too!

That's ownership vs. action. There is no right or wrong. Some couples do everything together, some have a clear delineation of duties, and some are like mine, where one spouse does most (or all) of the management. All of these are acceptable approaches, under one condition: both spouses have ownership.

If your spouse doesn't have ownership, accountabiity, engagement, or a voice, I encourage you to bring him/her into the fold. It will lead to more financial success, an improved marriage, and a reality where your finances become an extension of your values, dreams, and aspirations. In other words, it changes everything!

The Blink of An Eye

A little more than eight years ago, Sarah and I were a mid-30s couple who aspired to one day have children. Just a handful of days later, we were the parents of twin baby boys. We went from “we wish” to “oh crap” in about twelve seconds. We bought car seats, bottles, clothes, and diapers AFTER meeting them for the first time. We didn’t even have a room ready for them. Our lives forever changed in the blink of an eye. 

For as much as we think we have a firm grasp on our lives, reality often plays out differently. Birth, death, job loss, marriage, sickness, career shifts, divorce....all sudden forces that have the power to change our lives in the blink of an eye. There’s a problem, though. When we think we have a firm grasp on our lives, we act as though we have a firm grip on our lives. In the financial arena, it typically means that we create our personal cost structure that works for one reality: the present one. 

I often meet with couples who were feeling fairly confident in their finances for years, until _____ happened last month. As long as their family is healthy, employed, and not making any changes, they can keep the train on the tracks. However, when we structure our life so specifically, it doesn’t allow margin for life to happen.

It reminds me of a situation that still haunts me to this day. Many years ago, I was meeting with a couple. Two strong careers, no kids. They lived in a beautiful home, drove luxury cars, and took exotic trips. Between their hefty mortgage, two obscene car payments, and a glitzy lifestyle, their monthly expenses absorbed most of their income. I asked them about kids. I recommended they start making some shifts in lifestyle to create margin for changing circumstances. Namely, I suggested they consider what-if scenarios that may include one of them working part-time or staying home completely. Before I could finish, the wife snapped at me, “I’m not staying home. Zero chance!” They completely shut that conversation down. Over the next few meetings, I tried to bring it up again, pointing out that sometimes, but not all the time, having children shifts career aspirations and jumbles priorities. Again, they were adamant there’s zero chance of either staying home. Thus, they continued down the same path. 

Fast forward 18 months, and they gave birth to a beautiful baby. Then comes our next coaching session. Wanna guess what the topic of conversation was? The wife, now a mom, was desperate to stay home with her baby. Life changed in the blink of an eye, but they structured a life that works for just one reality. When I visually showed them there was no way she could stay home (or even work part-time) without completely gutting their lifestyle (house, cars, travel, etc.), there were a lot of tears. So sad!

Life can change in the blink of an eye. Knowing that, it’s imperative that we structure our life in a way that allows us to shift with it.

Keeping the Relationship Pure

Relationships and generosity, two of the most meaning-filled things in life. Typically, these two dynamics run parallel to one another. After all, both are a manifestation of love and compassion. They run parallel until, well, they don’t. Once in a while, a situation arises where the two can collide. 

My phone rings. Weird, it’s from a friend I haven’t spoken to in years. Let’s call them the Smiths. “Travis, we need your help,” exclaimed Mr. Smith. What unfolded in the subsequent minutes was a story about friendship. Not just any friend, but the Smiths’s nearest and dearest friends. Long story short, this family (a couple with a few young kids) was going through a significant financial struggle. Life was hitting hard, and it was beginning to take a toll on everyone involved. This situation moved the Smiths deeply. They felt an overwhelming calling to step in and serve their friends in some way. However, the magnitude of their ideas would potentially alter their relationship with their friends. 

The Smiths are an interesting couple. They carry themselves with humility and discretion. They have a modest house, older cars, and simple clothes…..very much a middle-class lifestyle. Behind the scenes, though, they are extremely blessed financially. Not many people know this, and they like it that way. It allows them to live a normal life, give ridiculously generously, and teach their kids right. 

Being the loving, compassionate, servant-hearted, and generous people they are, they had a wild idea. With the snap of their fingers, they could make their best friend’s financial struggle disappear. Doing so, though, created risk. Would their friends even accept the gift? Would their friends feel guilty? Would their friends feel like they owe them? Would their friends view them differently? There were a million ways adverse outcomes could arise from this well-meaning intention. 

That’s when my phone rang. “Travis, we need your help.” After discussing the situation, we came up with a creative way for them to anonymously help their friend without risking the relationship. Or, in the words of the Smiths, “keep the relationship pure.” We crafted a plan to facilitate a gift that would meet this family in their darkest hour.

Fast forward a few weeks, their friends received the financial miracle they never even imagined would come. It was a life-altering experience……for both couples. The recipient of radical, anonymous generosity felt so grateful, blessed, seen, and cared for. The giver of the radical, anonymous generosity felt a meaning in their life they have never expereinced before, especially with money. To put a cherry on top, the relationship remains pure.

Generosity always wins. Oh yeah, it also changes lives. Will you let generosity change your life today?

It’s Not About Looking Down

I was recently at lunch with a few friends. Both are successful in their own right, but one is considered uber-successful by most accounts. I don't know specifics, but I suspect he has tens of millions of dollars.

When our server delivered the check, I told the guys I'd like to pick up lunch for the group. They both thanked me for the gesture, and we went about our business. However, as we were standing in the parking lot, the successful-but-not-tens-of-millions-successful guy approached me and asked, "Why did you buy our lunch? We didn't need you to do that....especially (other guy)."

Correct, neither of them "needed" my generosity. They are both financially blessed, and money is certainly not an issue. I didn't show them generosity because they "needed" it, but rather because I wanted to bless them.

Giving isn't about assessing where we stand on some superficial hierarchy compared to a potential recipient of our gift. That's a cheap and shallow way to perceive giving. Rather, giving should be about the act of blessing someone.....period. Whether it's a financial gift or some other form of service/sacrifice, it should be done with a sincere heart and pure motives.

I absolutely believe in giving to people in need. I believe in that deeply. However, it's not about looking down. It's about looking outward. It's about putting others before ourselves and being willing to serve others with whatever we have to share. I'm so grateful I'm able to buy my friends lunch. It was an honor to do so!

Here's my encouragement for you today. When you give, don't do so through some arbitrary scorecard. Just give. Just share. Just bless others. Don't look down.....look outward.

Humility Is a Powerful Tool

I received lots of feedback from yesterday's post about how inflation is clamping down on millions of families. Many of you said something to the tune of, "It's like you read my mind" and "I'm glad I'm not the only one." I'm glad you feel seen and heard!

However, I did receive one piece of criticism. I somewhat expected it, as it's a sensitive topic with many. Here's the line that got several people fired up: "If you have assets tied to debt (and hefty loan payments), you might consider selling them. One of my clients sold their vehicle, and it immediately freed up $800/month from the car payment being done."

As one reader put it, "Selling a car doesn't fix anything! You still have to buy another car."

Fair point. That's true. This family sold a car but then had to buy one. So today, I thought I'd illustrate what this concept looks like in practice.

This family had two vehicles. One was a large SUV (the wife's vehicle), and the other was a truck (the husband's vehicle). The wife's vehicle had a $442 monthly payment, and the husband's had an $812 monthly payment. These payments, combined with several other factors, resulted in significant financial stress due to a shrinking margin caused by inflation. They were hurting! Their marriage was hurting!

After several conversations, they realized changes must be made. While it took about six months, they ultimately decided the most effective and best decision was to sell the husband's truck to wipe out the monthly payment. The truck was worth about $65,000, and they owed $60,000.

After selling it, they had about $5,000 in cash and $812/month extra in their budget (plus whatever they were spending on insurance)......but they still needed a vehicle. They took the $5,000 from the sale of the truck, combined it with another $6,000 from savings, and purchased a modest used car for $11,000 in cash.

Just like that, they waved their magic wand and freed up $812/month in cashflow. That decision changed everything for them, financially speaking. However, there was another side to this story. In order to execute on this plan, they needed one more thing: humility. This was a public act. One day, he was driving around in this big, fancy truck, and the next, he was driving a car that would impress nobody. That act requires humility and a keen sense of what's truly important. I'm so proud of them for taking that step.

Further, their decision to take that step is the gateway for so much growth and contentment. They unlocked a new level in their relationship with each other and their relationship with the world around them. It's no longer about what other people think, but what adds the most value to their family. They are playing a new game, a better game.

They took responsibility. They took action. They led with humility. Their lives are better as a result. It’s a beautiful recipe.

The Bubbles We Live In

Yesterday was an amazing day for the Shelton family. We had lots of adventures, which were capped off with Finn and Pax's first-ever Cubs game. At the same time, though, friends, acquaintances, and colleagues back home were experiencing unspeakable destruction and pain. Storms rocked our metro, and tornados devastated families and communities. Multiple friends lost their homes (or parts of their homes) and are now left sorting through the debris. Here’s a before-and-after photo comparison of one street:

Truly devastating. I can’t fathom how people begin to pick up the pieces and move forward.

We all live in our own little bubbles. What we experience is largely correlated with what others around us are experiencing, while communities just a few hundred miles away live in their own unique bubbles. 

It's so easy to lose sight of what's beyond our bubble. What's inside our bubble feels like reality, while what happens in someone else's bubble feels like words on a screen; cold, distant, and unrelatable. 

While we can't fully remove ourselves from our respective bubbles, I think we're all called to keep our eyes on other bubbles. When our bubble is feeling good, someone else's is disastrous. When someone's is amazing, maybe that's when ours is hurting. Living open-handed with our eyes cast across the horizon at other people's bubbles allows us to be receptive to felt needs. When we can think and feel beyond what's right in front of us, we can serve a greater purpose and make the impact the world deserves from our influence and actions. 

I may re-read this post in the next few days and realize it's complete gibberish. Or, perhaps it's exactly what I needed to say. Only time will tell. If you were impacted by yesterday's storms, I'm so sorry. I'd love to help you in any way I can. Whatever bubble you're living in, I hope you keep your eyes open and ears attentive. Pain and suffering are universal features of life, but we each have the power to walk alongside others to help ease their burdens. I hope you find a way to bless someone today....whether they are in your bubble or somewhere outside it. 

Stay safe out there. 

Seeing It (Again) Through Their Eyes

Yesterday, our family embarked on our first post-school summer trip: Chicago! Having grown up not far west of Chicago, it's a city I've been to countless times. Though I love it, it doesn't have a "new" feeling anymore. However, it's Finn and Pax's first-ever time in Chicago, and it's been a real treat so far. Sensory overload at its finest. We grabbed some Chicago-style pizza, hit a massive candy store, and walked alongside Michigan Avenue and the river. Not too shabby for our first few hours in the city.

There's something different about being present for other people's first-time experiences, especially kids. It's almost like we get to experience it for the first time again. I felt like a little kid showing off my favorite toy. It was pure joy to show the boys a city that's been part of my life for as long as I can remember.

We're staying downtown, making a pilgrimage to Wrigley, catching a Blue Man Group show, scoping out The Bean, and spending some time at the Museum of Science and Industry. We'll have Italian Beefs, hot dogs, and probably enough ice cream to make President Biden blush. It won't be an inexpensive trip, but man, we'll be investing in memories. 

I've had many profoundly memorable experiences throughout my life. Seeing the Great Wall, exploring the Mongolian wilderness, wandering the streets of Hong Kong, country-hopping the Middle East, and adventuring through Europe. All of these memories are special to me. But there's nothing more special than experiencing something through another's eyes. It's the power of community and shared experiences. It's the bonding that happens. An unspeakable connection that we know will last a lifetime. 

Investing in memories is an amazing endeavor, but doing it alongside people we care about ratchets it up to a whole new level. I made my first trip to Wrigley when I was seven years old, then proceeded to visit it at least one time per year for the next 20 years. It holds a special place in my heart. Tonight, I get to take my own seven-year-olds to their first game at Wrigley. I can't wait to invest in those memories and watch the game through their eyes. It may be my 100th trip to Wrigley, but it might as well be my first.

Never Taking These For Granted

Last night, I had the honor of attending a friend's wedding. He's a young man I met in the Boundary Waters, and our friendship quickly grew. There's more to say about that relationship in a future post, but I want to focus on the wedding. 

During the ceremony, the pastor made a really insightful point. He directed the bride and groom to look into the audience, reminding them that this collection of individuals comprises all the most important people in their lives. And I was in that room! When the pastor framed it that way, what an incredible honor to be part of such a pivotal day in that couple's journey. 

It's a day and a moment etched in time. Someday, 30 years from now, when they celebrate their 30th anniversary, I'll reflect on being part of their beginning. And I hope I’m still a meaningful part of their life (and vice versa). To be valued and trusted to the extent I get to be part of their biggest day.....amazing! I never take that for granted. These are the types of things that cannot be purchased. No amount of money can create them. They are priceless moments that can only be the product of investing in relationships.

I’m so excited for the new bride and groom, and I had an absolute blast catching up with a few friends I haven’t seen in a long time. What a night!

In a life filled with so much pain, suffering, and turmoil, these little moments of joy and celebration are worth memorializing. They are worth cherishing. They are worth holding onto. 

Short and sweet today! Here's my challenge for you. Find the moments to cherish. Seek them out. Create them if you can. Don't take them for granted. Savor them. Etch them into your memory. Embrace them for the beauty they bring to your life. 

Putting the Pieces Together

What does it mean to win with money? I could ask 20 people and get 20 different answers. We all view it through a different lens. We each possess different skills, and we each have our shortcomings. Some things we'll get right, and other things may be more of a challenge. We don't have to nail every aspect, but it's important to remove any glaring deficiencies. Most families thrive in some areas and struggle in others. 

However, I recently met with a couple who inspired me to write about this topic. I've worked with this couple for over a year, but this meeting was particularly inspiring. They are a younger-ish couple, both teachers. In my mind, they've cracked the code on personal finance. No, they aren't geniuses in any one area, but they are doing good in pretty much every area. I'll summarize:

• They have unity, a shared vision, and joint ownership of their finances.

• They budget intentionally each month, leaning into their unique values.

• They have an emergency fund to protect them for WHEN life punches.

• They spend money on wants that add value to their life.

• They utilize sinking funds to save for future purchases/expenses.

• They give joyfully and sacrificially.

• They paid off all their non-mortgage debt.

• They invest with discipline, simplicity, and effectiveness.

• They have cheap term life insurance policies that will replicate each person's respective income in the event of a tragic event. 

• They are in the process of setting up wills.

• They both pursue work that matters, and find meaning and fulfillment in their careers.

• They are creating financial margin to provide flexibility for future decisions and lifestyle shifts.

They are the total package! No, it's not because they have massive incomes and unlimited resources. Reminder, they are both teachers. They are normal people, making normal money, living a normal life. Except it's not a normal life. It's an extraordinary life.

What's their secret? Intentionality, discipline, humility, contentment, and consistency. That's it. Good choice after good choice after good choice. Oh yeah, and that whole unity, shared vision, and joint ownership thing. They are doing it together. There is no "mine" and "yours." Everything is "ours." For better or worse. 

Yes, this is an opportunity for me to brag about this amazing couple. However, there's more to it. I hope you find encouragement in it. We ALL have the power to get better in the areas of money. The only thing stopping us is us. It's not easy, but it's so, so worth it. Get 1% better today! Then, get 1% better tomorrow. One day at a time. You got this!

How Many Apples Are In a Seed?

Check out this awesome clip!

@uconnwbb these two 🥹 #uconnwomensbasketball #bleedblue ♬ original sound - UConn Women’s Basketball

This touching moment involves UCONN's Coach Geno Auriemma and Nika Muhl. Nika just wrapped up her UCONN basketball career and was drafted into the WNBA just a few weeks ago. This is easily the best thing I've seen all day!

I often refer to the idea of planting seeds. A quick word search of my blog archives reveals that I've discussed this concept in 14 prior posts. When I see a video clip like this and can feel the relationship this player and coach share, it strikes me as a quintessential example of planting seeds. 

Coach Geno is 70 years old, and for the last 40 of them, he has been at the helm of UCONN's women's basketball team. When I see the bond he shares with Nika and the impact he's clearly had on her life, I can't help but wonder how many seeds he's planted over the years. 

This past weekend, while at a generosity conference, a speaker began talking about planting seeds. Oh, you know I was leaning forward for this one! She cut into an apple and started picking out seeds. "You can count how many seeds are in an apple, but you can't count how many apples are in a seed." 

That's one of the most powerful ideas I've ever heard. Planting a seed is one thing, but the ripple effects are another. Let's say we plant ten seeds, and only one takes hold and grows (into an apple tree, of course). That tree will produce hundreds or thousands of apples, each filled with numerous seeds. Eventually, some of those new seeds will take hold and grow trees as well......and the cycle continues. From a single seed comes an immeasurable number of apples. A single act of planting a seed could result in multiple generations of impact. Beautiful!

Back to Coach Geno and Nika. He planted seeds, and some (or tons) prospered.....including Nika. Now, she will spend the next 60+ years planting her own seeds, and some of them will prosper as well. Call me sentimental, but this is a profoundly moving illustration of living a life of service to others. 

Our call to action is simple: plant seeds. What happens after we plant is largely out of our control. However, know that good WILL come from your generosity. And when it does, the impact may span much wider and deeper than you'll ever know. 

Find a Way to Get Away

We got home last night after a five-day road trip. The boys went on adventures with their cousins while Sarah and I attended a generosity conference. It was the first time Sarah and I had gotten away together since our Thailand/Qatar trip last April. We missed the kids, but we had a wonderful time together!

I always forget how powerful time away can be. It's hard to find the time and navigate the logistics, but when we do, it's so powerful. Our trips are more meaningful when they involve some form of growth or service. This trip was no different. We spent time with inspirational people, listened to impactful speakers, and engaged in powerful discussions. Our time together opened up new dialogue, triggered new ideas, and raised some critically important topics to the surface. All in all, it was a home run. I hope to share some of my biggest conference takeaways in the coming weeks, but wow, so good!

I had a few mirroring conversations last week that got me thinking. I was talking about my upcoming trip with a few friends. I commented that it's wild (and disappointing) that Sarah and I haven't taken time away together in nearly a year. Each of these people had similar responses. "One year? My wife and I haven't gotten away since having kids." Both of these individuals have kids in the 10-13 year-old range. They haven't been away from their kids in more than a decade?!?!

Astounded by this discovery, I started asking people about their "getting away" habits. Much to my surprise, about half the people I surveyed said they "never" go away without their kids. 

If my informal survey is any indication, that means many of you reading this post "never" or "rarely" get away without your kids. Please don't hear me criticizing or judging you. Instead, I want to encourage you. As I mentioned above, it's hard to find the time, logistics, and money to get away. But it's so, so, so worth it. View it as an investment in your marriage. Use it to take a step back from your normal parenting duties, get some rest, build your relationship, create memories, and then re-enter your normal life as a better spouse and better parent. It doesn't have to be a week-long trip abroad. Even a short weekend trip to a nearby town can do the trick. 

Find a way to get away. Invest in your marriage. You won't regret it!