The Status of Status

Whether we realize it or not, much of life is the pursuit of status. Status is at play in nearly everything we do, the decisions we make, and how we spend our money.

First, what is status? One definition is "the relative social, professional, or other standing of someone or something." Here's another: "position or rank in relation to others."

We humans are obsessed with status. We fixate on being ranked higher "in relation to others." We do this in small ways and in significant ways:

• Which logo appears on our clothes and shoes.

• The emblem on our vehicle. 

• The zip code or school district in which we live. 

• The university we attend.

• Our job title.

• The alphabet soup of credentials that follow our name. 

• Where we vacation.

• Who we associate with.

• How much is in our bank account.

• What phone we use.

• The career field we enter.

• The size of our house.

Each of these decisions, whether consciously or subconsciously, involves our pursuit of status (or perceived status). This is at the center of keeping up with the Joneses. Remember, the definition of status isn't about what we have. It's about what we have "in relation to others." Therefore, when we make decisions, a part of us is trying to improve our relative position of status. The chase! This is a dangerous and slippery slope. 

No, buying a car with a certain emblem isn't evil. No, having a new iPhone isn't stupid. No, going to a particular university isn't wrong. No, gaining credentials isn't an act of arrogance. None of these things are inherently evil. However, we must continually look in the mirror and ask ourselves why we're really making xyz decision. 

I'm literally watching many families disintegrate before my eyes. They are losing their freedom, values, and unity. Slowly but surely, their finances are eroding. It's not for lack of income. In fact, this often happens to families on the upper end of the financial spectrum. The pursuit of status is an expensive and soul-sucking endeavor. 

What's the alternative? For me, it's simple but difficult. Instead of focusing on trying to improve our position in relation to others or care about what others think, we simply need to focus on what's most important for our family. Easier said than done, I know. 

It's sometimes hard watching my friends make many multiples of our income when I could flip the switch and join them. It's sometimes hard living in the house and driving the cars we have. It's sometimes hard to know I continually turn my back on a high-status career (with a ridiculous paycheck tied to it).

On the flip side, if we can resist the urge to pursue status, we get to pursue a life that's truly meaningful for us and our families. It's the hardest endeavor, but also a priceless one. 

I won't ever fully eliminate the desire for status, but with enough intentionality, I can hopefully minimize it and remember what’s most important. You can do it, too.

Zoom Out or Freak Out

Have you heard!?!? Everything is falling apart!!! The stock market is collapsing!!!! It's the end of the world!!!! Right on cue, countless people are gripped with fear over how bad the stock market is doing. Everyone's posting about it on social media, and I've received no less than 15 questions about it just this week.

After all, the stock market is down 4.6% in just the last 20 days. Considering the stock market is supposed to go up 8-10% per year, losing nearly 5% in a three-week stretch feels like the end of the world.

Things are so bad that the market is down to a level not seen since......well, seven weeks ago.....when it hit yet another all-time 153-year high. And after this white-knuckle three-week stretch and watching our investments get beat to smithereens, the stock market is now up only 21% in the last 12 months. Even worse, it's only up 70% over the last five years! Whatever shall we do!?!?

I hope you picked up the sarcasm, as I was laying it down pretty thick. If we don't have a proper context of what's happening, we can really freak ourselves out. Alternatively, we can simply zoom out. When we do, we see a different picture. Like this chart:

This is what the market looks like over the last five years. That little downward blip on the right-hand side of the image is this scary, nasty, terrifying collapse everyone is on pins and needles about. I'll stress the world "blip." Context matters. Context always matters. And, like with most situations, we need to zoom out to gain a proper context.

I won't claim to know what will happen next. The stock market may hit a new all-time high next week, or it could be on the way to experiencing a 50%+ collapse. Either way, I don't much care. Here's what I do care about, though. I care that history tells us, over a long period of time, the market will provide something in the ballpark of 9% per year. I also care that there has never been a 15-year period in history where the market lost money. Lastly, I care that the worst the stock market has done over a 30-year period of time is end up 4.4x higher than it started.

We can zoom out or freak out. I hope you'll join me on the zoom out side of the line. Life is far more peaceful and meaningful when we do.

Creating Begets Creating

One of my clients has a business idea. It's a simple but effective idea. It likely won't make him a massive profit. Heck, it probably won't even provide enough income to live on. For many months now, I've been beating the drum of go, go, go. He NEEDS to put his idea into practice. He NEEDS to move forward....but not for obvious reasons. Here's why: creating begets creating.

Right now, he's stuck with all these ideas in his head. Until it moves from his head to his hands, it will forever remain an idea. Sure, he could collect those ideas and eventually take them to the grave with him. However, I believe he and everyone else deserve to have his vision come to life.

If he ultimately follows through, whether he fails or succeeds, the act of creating will beget more creating. It will set off a chain of events and practices that will ultimately lead to more creating. For that reason, I don't even think it matters how successful this first endeavor is. Instead, it's about the act, the action. I wholeheartedly believe the moment he puts this idea into motion is the moment his life will forever change.

This business plan is an idea, but it's probably not THE idea. THE idea is buried somewhere deep within him, but it can't materialize until he becomes someone who creates. Once that happens, he can unlock everything else beneath the surface.

This concept applies to business ideas, but it also applies to so much else in life. The reason Taylor Swift can write smash album after smash album is because one time, when she was a teenager, she wrote songs. Then wrote songs. Then wrote more songs. Then became one of the most famous musicians on the planet. Creating begets creating.

It's the reason I can record two podcast episodes and write seven blogs every week. In theory, I should have run out of ideas years ago. However, creating begets creating.

It's the reason my guy Cole continues to raise his filmmaking game. Every time he creates something, it spawns an entirely new idea that transcends the last. Fast forward enough reps, and he's creating content that melts my brain. Creating begets creating.

Whatever gift, passion, or idea you have brewing inside you, move it from your head to your hands. Put it into action. Even if it sucks. Even if it fails. Even if it doesn't come out the way you've envisioned it. Just create. Once you do, the real gems living inside you will materialize and eventually bless us all.

Don’t Fall for the Facade

We had a wonderful Easter church service yesterday morning. It's always a special day, and we're grateful for the opportunity to celebrate. It was fun crossing paths with many friends who were also there to celebrate the big day. Based on what they saw, most people probably believed we were having an amazing Easter Sunday. They would have been terribly wrong. It was a facade. We were in the midst of one of the worst days of our parenting lives. We were absolutely miserable. Grateful, but miserable.

When I say facade, I'm not referring to an intentional act of deception. Rather, people don't know what they don't know—a half-truth of sorts. We weren't trying to be disingenuous; we were just trying to live life. Meanwhile, some people who saw us appearing to be having a great day were also having a harder day than was visible on the surface.

That's the dilemma - and danger - of facades. We watch everyone's perfectly curated lives, very well knowing how imperfect things are behind our home's front door. It can be demoralizing. Self-talk creeps in. Doubt can take over. We begin asking ourselves why our life sucks so badly compared to our friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors.

Social media only escalates this dynamic. Social media allows us the opportunity to perfectly and intentionally curate what gets shared with the world. It puts this entire concept on steroids, blasts it out to hundreds or thousands of people, and then gets further juiced by the positive reinforcement of likes and comments.

This is also an ever-increasing problem when it comes to money. I regularly hear people put certain families on a pedestal, essentially viewing them as the pinnacle of success. They drive the best cars, live in the biggest houses, wear the nicest clothes, go on the fanciest trips, and have the perfect kids. You know who I'm talking about! I get an interesting perspective in my work. I get an intimate, up-close perspective of what really goes on behind the curtain. Here's what I can tell you. Looks can be oh-so deceiving. That perfect family that you unfairly compare yourself with? All is not what it seems.

Behind the appearance of wealth and success is often stress, turmoil, financial tension, growing debt, lack of career freedom, and marital strife. I'm not saying this to demean any family. I have so much empathy for these families. I'm not trying to knock them off some perceived pedestal. Instead, I want to encourage you to stop comparing yourself to someone else's half-truth facade. There's more going on than you know, and it's probably not as rosy as it appears.

On the other hand, perhaps we should try living with a little less facade. I'm not advocating that we air all our dirty laundry to every listening ear, but maybe we can be a bit less curated and a little more authentic. Let's be ok with our imperfections. Our lives aren't perfect, but neither is theirs.

The Drink That Satiates

When I was a kid, I distinctly remember an advertising battle between Coke and Pepsi. The rivalry ran so deep that they would openly bash one another in their TV and print ads (at least that's how my questionable childhood brain remembers it). Anyway, one of the nuances I remember playing out was this back-and-forth debate about taste tests. Despite Coke being the overwhelmingly favorite drink of consumers, Pepsi continually (and oddly) produced results showing they were preferred in taste tests.

Here's where things get interesting, and it has to do with one particular word: "taste." Pepsi would win taste tests, yet people would buy Coke. Why? People don't taste pop; they drink it. Pepsi's taste was more appealing (dare I say sexy?), but it wasn't satiating. The surface-level appeal works great as long as you're just tasting it......but that's not how the product is consumed.

Happiness is the same thing. It tastes great. It's extremely appealing....even sexy. We violently pursue it with our actions and behaviors (often counterproductively). But just like Pepsi, it's not satiating. And like our pop-drinking experience, we're not in the tasting business. We don't taste life.....we drink it….we live it.

This is why, in my humble but convicted opinion, we often live with a void in our lives. We do everything we can to fill this void with happiness, but happiness is fleeting. I drove my new (to me) 350Z for a bit yesterday. It was only 36 degrees out, but I rolled the top down and cranked up the Twenty One Pilots. It made me happy. It was pure fun. It was also fleeting. That's not to demean the experience or treat it as if it doesn't matter. Rather, it's fair to recognize money, stuff, and status cannot satiate us. They can provide a momentary jolt of happiness (tastes great!), but it doesn't fill the void.

It's okay to taste the Pepsis of life. They taste good! They're appealing. They're fun. Absolutely nothing wrong with that! On the flip side, we need to recognize those things can never and will never satiate. They aren't the prescription for what ails us. They aren't the solution to fill the void.

Instead, what we're really searching for meaning and fulfillment. We're looking for something that motivates us to get out of bed and gives us the opportunity to make a difference. That idea takes a few different forms. First, generosity. Generosity fills our tanks unlike any material self-satisfying purchase can. Generosity always wins, and the giver is often the biggest beneficiary of the gift. Second, we need to pursue work that matters. Not work that pays a ton. Not work that gives us status. Not work that's fun. Not work that's easy. Work that matters. Using our gifts and passions to make a difference. Be productive. Add value to others. It’s simple, but powerful.

That's the Coke of life. It's not as appealing or sexy, and it doesn't give us that instant jolt, but man, it satiates! Drink up!

“Never Tell Me the Odds”

"Never tell me the odds," quipped Han Solo after C-3PO warned him about the ultra-low probability of surviving an asteroid field. This is one of my all-time favorite Star Wars quotes, and it's one of the things I like most about Han Solo. He didn't care if the cards were stacked against him; he was just crazy enough to believe he would succeed.....and he did.

Oakland University took a page out of Han Solo's playbook last night by knocking off one of the all-time great college basketball programs, Kentucky. It was a massive upset and a joy to watch. Wrapped up in all the craziness was one specific Oakland player who knocked down a mind-melting ten (10!!!) threes. Oakland had no business beating Kentucky, yet here we are! Nobody must have told them the odds!

I think we should all have a little Han Solo in our DNA. We live in a world that tells us we can't. We're provided a million excuses and justifications for why it won't work. Even if we're able to get our hopes up, there's a friend or family member who is more than happy to add a discouraging remark. "Don't get your hopes up." "In your dreams." "Only if you're lucky." "You need to think more practical." "Enjoy it while it lasts."

One of the biggest complaints I hear from clients is their frustration with not receiving sincere, genuine, unselfish encouragement and support from their loved ones. People in our lives either don't believe we can do it or are jealous of the mere idea that it's possible. Therefore, it's in people's self-interest to dissuade us from following through on our dreams.

Pay off those student loans. Get that dream career. Start that business. Bring one spouse home with the kids. Stop living month-to-month. Send those kids to college without debt. I think you CAN do it. Strike that. I think you SHOULD do it. No, strick that again. You WILL do it.

When I look at my life, I think about C-3PO telling me the ridiculous odds of this actually coming true. I think the same thing about so many of my clients. Some of these people in my life are doing mind-boggling things that I have difficulty comprehending. There's one common thread with all these people: They were crazy enough to believe it could be done. That's the Han Solo in their DNA. They didn't care if other people believed in them. They chose to move forward anyway....and they did!

Oakland didn't want to know the odds. I didn't want to know the odds. Hopefully you don't want to know the odds, either. Just go make it happen. There are a million reasons you can't. There are a ton of excuses for not. Or maybe, just maybe, you do it anyway. If you need someone to believe in you and cheer you on (because others won't), count me in!

Pot, Meet Kettle

Today, I have the pleasure of sharing a funny (to me) story from a recent conversation with a buddy. Fortunately for you, he gave me his blessing to share it. I appreciate that he doesn't take himself too seriously.

After learning about my recent 2006 Nissan 350Z purchase, my friend shared his less-than-savory opinion about it. Specifically, he called it a "boujee move" and added, "It's a bad look for you, Travis." Translation: I'm a hypocrite for buying such a fancy luxury, and it feels a bit over the top.

These comments were the most pot-calling-the-kettle-black moments of my year. Why? This guy can out-boujee anyone. Here's the thing, though. Most people who are boujee don't know they are boujee. In his mind, he lives a bare-bones lifestyle. He only buys things he "needs." You know, like new luxury vehicles (gotta have reliable transportation!), mini-mansions (good school districts are key!), a stylish wardrobe (dress to impress!), and country club memberships (it's networking!). Need, need, need, and need.

On the other hand, my extra car is a boujee waste of money, according to him. He even went a step further and called it "irresponsible." This is where the conversation took a turn for the hilarous, and why I wanted to write about it. As we debated whether this 350Z was boujee, I pointed out that my family's three cars, combined, are worth less than half of his truck. He drives a $60,000 truck, and our three vehicles are worth a combined $25,000! Further, his truck payment is $1,400/month, and we haven't made a vehicle payment in 12 years.

Do you see the irony here? This is how we get so twisted up in our culture when it comes to money, stuff, and status. He sincerely believes he's living a conservative, responsible life. Meanwhile, he truly believes I made a "boujee move" with this car.

This is one of the many reasons I never use other people to measure my decisions. Our culture is pervasive, and its impacts are contagious. Instead, I will continue to lean into meaning every step of the way while wholeheartedly bucking the societal trends and pressures of what we're supposed to do. I hope you find your own unique ways to do the same. Don't worry about what others think. Stay true to your path and lean into your values. You will most certainly screw up along the way, but you'll do so while going in the right direction.....your direction.

Let Your Yes Be Yes

I don't know about you, but I like to view my decisions as black and white. Not the decision-making process, but the final decision. I say "yes" or "no." I do, or I don't. I'm in, or I'm out. I buy something, or I don't. Over time, however, I've realized many people don't treat it as black and white. There seems to be a third option: "yes, but." On the other side of the "but" is a complaint.

I'll give you a real-life example. I was recently chatting with a friend who had been considering finishing his basement. I knew he'd been thinking about it for a while, so I was curious for an update. When I asked him if he had decided to green-light the project, he responded, "Yes, but....." 

He went on to lay out all the reasons he's getting absolutely screwed. He's paying $50,000 for the work, and he feels like he's being monumentally ripped off. I asked him why he decided to proceed if he was knowingly getting ripped off. "I didn't have any other options." Bewildered, I asked him to elaborate:

• Finishing the basement was an absolute "need." 

• It wasn't fair his kids had to share a room.

• His kids deserved this space to play. 

• Nobody else quoted significantly less than this bid. 

• He didn't want to wait until a later date. 

Are you as confused as I am? Again, I asked him why he didn't just say "no." This triggered another round of victimhood and frustration. As much as I wanted to roll my eyes at him, I simultaneously felt bad for him. He genuinely believed he didn't have a choice. 

Maybe it's a learned skill, but yes should mean yes, and no should mean no. It should be black and white. We don't have to love the answer, but we shouldn't feel muddy about it. Life is too short to live in that muck. Given how much stress and chaos most of us live with on a daily basis, we deserve better than to bathe in "yes, but" realities. 

In a capitalistic society, we have choices. When a business offers us their product or service for x price, we have a choice to make. They aren't ripping us off if we have the ability to say "no." If I repeatedly go into a restaurant that grossly overcharges me for garbage food, that's on me. I can't say "yes, but" and then whine about it before, during, and after. You know the saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." 

There are plenty of businesses I choose not to visit. That's my quiet and respectful "no." On the other hand, it would be ridiculous and disrespectful for me to go back, only to whine about it and blast them on social media. 

I encourage you to draw a hard line. Yes...or no. You won't always get it right, but you can live in the peace of a clear decision.

The Baggage We Carry

I had my semi-annual dentist visit yesterday. Everything was going smoothly....until the hygenist reached for the waterpik. I was immediately filled with dread. As soon as they started using it, my mouth wasn't open as wide, my lips were locked, and my entire body tensed. She could immediately sense it. "You must have a story," she said. 

She was right. One of the worst medical experiences I've ever had involved the use of a waterpik. About three years ago, I was given a harsh introduction to this new tool. The hygenist told me it might tickle a bit. Instead, what I received was a nerve pain that shook me from my brain down to my toes. I still get queasy when I think about that memory. Yesterday, as soon as I saw the waterpik, those memories came flooding back.....and I was struck with fear. What happened to me in the past influenced how I felt and behaved yesterday.

It's much the same with money. We all have a story. Whether we like it or not, we're a product of how we were raised and what we experienced. We might not have been taught about money, but we were learning. By the time we become adults, we become an aggregate of everything we've been through. 

This is the very first conversation I have with new clients. I share this principle with them, then ask them to share about their childhood. It's cool to see lightbulbs above people's heads when they connect a past situation with how they are wired today. 

I'll give you an innocent example. If the husband is the primary financial manager in a relationship, there's a strong likelihood that one or both spouses experienced their father playing that role when they were growing up. The same can be said the other way around when the wife is the primary financial manager. 

Here's a not-so-innocent example. When I'm meeting with someone in their late 20s or early 30s, there are two types of common behavioral traits:

1. He/she hoards money and never feels like there's enough.....even if there's an excessive amount.

2. He/she doesn't care about money whatsoever. It presents itself as non-engagement or detachment.

When either of these traits arise, I'll ask him/her to share what 2008/2009 looked like in their home. See, people in their late 20s and early 30s were in their formative teen years when the Great Financial Crisis struck. What millions of Americans experienced, including their teenage kids, was sudden and violent. The lens by which these teens witnessed the world is going to bed one night with a perfectly normal and stable existence, and woke up the next day to utter chaos. One day, things were great, and the next, they were forced out of their home, and their family's lifestyle quickly eroded. 

In these people's minds, everything can be taken away in the blink of an eye. Therefore, we need to hoard, hoard, and hoard......or, screw it, it doesn't matter anyway. They have a story, and their story profoundly impacts who they are today.

To be continued, but take a moment to think about your own journey. What have you gone through in your past that impacts how you perceive and handle money today?

Little Kids Are Failures

Little kids are failures. Yeah, I said it. All they do is fail. They fall over. They spill their food. They poop all over themselves. They can't even put a shirt on! Their entire life is a series of humorous and ridiculous failures. On the flip side, nobody develops faster than a little kid. They can go from barely being able to roll over to an all-out run in 12-18 months. In that span, they fail literally thousands of times.

I believe there's one thing that makes little kids different from adults. It's one of the reasons why kids can develop so much faster than us adults. Little kids don't care what other people think. They aren't self-conscious. They don't get embarrassed. They are simply focused on the task at hand.

My kids used to be like that. The first six years of their life were carefree. They were willing to try anything, fail miserably at it, then eventually master it. Then, something changed. They woke up one day, somewhere between the end of Kindergarten and the beginning of first grade, suddenly caring what other people think. This is the exact moment when their ability to rapidly pick up new skills started waning. My continual encouragement is for them to go for it and not worry so much about what other people think. I know, easier said than done. They thrive every time they can shelf their fear of failure and disregard what others think.

---

One of my clients is trying to make a massive financial shift. They've done it one way for more than 15 years, with disappointing and frustrating results. They have some deeply-seeded bad habits. They overspend, don't budget, don't track, struggle saving, feel guilt, never give, live with a ton of debt, and fight about all of that every week. Things look dire. At best, their finances will be a disaster for the rest of their life. At worst, their marriage is about to crumble.

Despite how bad things looked, I was immediately optimistic about them. In our very first meeting, one spouse made their position very clear. "We're willing to do anything to turn this around, and we don't care what anyone else thinks." The moment he said that was the moment I knew they would win. He went on to explain how they already felt like absolute financial failures, so it wouldn't bother them if they failed forward while trying it my way.

They aren't afraid to fail. They don't care what anyone else thinks. They sound like little kids. And that's exactly why they will develop and grow so much in the season ahead. They are selling their cars, drastically reducing their lifestyle, stepping away from a few expensive friends/family trips, and getting intentional. They are going to fail every step of the way. It's going to be messy. It's going to be difficult. It's going to be beautiful.

The Cost of Want

A woman recently reached out and asked for a meeting. She made it clear she wasn't interested in hiring me, but wondered if I'd be willing to give her some insights anyway. Of course! Here's the lay of the land:

• She and her husband are in their late 30s with three small children.

• They have a combined annual household income of $340,000 ($240,000 from him and $100,000 from her).

• She absolutely despises her job and yearns to stay home with their three small children.

• Her husband generally likes his job.

• If they keep doing what they are doing, they can retire "in only 15 years."

• They recently purchased a $700,000 house, which is a very nice house in our area.

• They both drive luxury vehicles, with monthly payments totaling $1,700. 

• They have a pretty boujee lifestyle, with hefty monthly expenses for dining out, spas, travel, and clothes. 

• Tension is building in the marriage around money and job stress.

With that context in mind, here was her question: "My job is miserable, and I want to stay home more than anything, but I don't know how to make it work financially." If I knew the direction this meeting would go, I would have ensured both spouses were present. Since her husband wasn't there, I asked the obvious question: "What does your husband think you should do?" She shared that he fully supports her desire to stay at home and wants to make it happen.

Based on the context she provided me, I told her it sounds like they should prioritize her staying home. They both want it, she feels called to it, and her career dissatisfaction is creating a much deeper fissure in their relationship. But what about the financial situation? I explained to her that, in my opinion, there are several options on the table to achieve their mission:

• They could cut back on their lifestyle (less clothing, less dining out, fewer spa services, and/or less travel).

• They could replace their current vehicles with something much cheaper (with the possibility of removing $1,700/month of payments).

• They could downsize their house to something more affordable (especially since they already have an interest rate commensurate with today's market).

• They could scale back their retirement contributions to set them up for a more traditional retirement age (instead of early-to-mid 50s). 

After sharing these four options, she responded, "What else?" 

Me: "What do you mean, what else?"

Her: "We can't do any of these, so what are our other options?"

Me: "Can't? Or Won't?"

Her: "Both"

She explained to me that these options are non-starters and completely off the table. When asked why, she responded, "We worked hard for them."

This is the cost of want. Without contentment, there can never be enough. When stuff wins, meaning loses. When we chase the Joneses, our own family suffers. Materialism causes us to pursue what we want now rather than what we want most. The cost of want is steep.

Her parting request was for me to share her situation with my blog and get more opinions. What say you? 

Keeping Emotions at Bay

Welcome to the time of year when Sarah and I grumble about our vehicle situation. With the recent 25 inches of snow that blasted our town in a matter of four days, we received another harsh reminder that her mid-size front-wheel drive SUV with 175,000 miles isn't the most ideal winter ride. To top it off, we've started to experience some minor maintenance setbacks.

Given my line of work, I regularly have a front-row seat to how couples navigate car situations. In general, emotions steer the boat (er, car). In a situation similar to ours, the red flags, sirens, and all other ancillary warning signs in the emotional side of our brain start escalating. "We NEED something safer." "We NEED something more reliable." "We NEED something newer."

Whenever you start spiraling on an idea, stay keen on the words you're using. If "need" keeps popping up, pay special attention. The word "need" is often used as a justifier, because if we can mentally shift something from a want to a need, it's easier to justify pulling the trigger on a purchase....no matter the cost.

Sarah and I won't be purchasing a vehicle any time soon. We don't use debt for non-real estate purchases, period. We haven't in our 14 years of marriage, and we aren't starting now. There's zero chance we would sign the dotted line to acquire monthly payments for a vehicle because we "need" it. Even if we truly did need a vehicle, there's zero chance we would buy anything requiring a loan. Those $400, $700, or $1,000/month payments are such a harsh opportunity cost. There are literally a hundred things we'd rather do with $400-$1,000/month than dump it into a depreciating asset that gets us from point A to point B. When debt (option A) is off the table, we must resort to options B, C, D, and so on. That's when creativity and discipline start to shine. When we remove the path of least resistance, we make clearer, better, and more beneficial long-term decisions. To be honest, most of the freedom and opportunity in our family’s life can be directly attributed to those moments where we steered away from our emotions (and the debt they typically lead us into). I’m so grateful that younger Travis and Sarah had the courage to defy our culture’s prevailing wisdom of debt and finance.

If we were to listen to our emotions, we'd probably have a different vehicle by next week. However, our dreams are too big, and our purpose is too great to let our emotions win. We'll plan for the vehicle situation and pull the trigger when the time and situation are right. In the meantime, we'll continue to navigate our vehicles with intentionality, patience, and humility.

Keep your emotions at bay. When you do, it's amazing how much peace, contentment, and financial achievement will come. I believe you deserve that, and hopefully, you believe it, too.

Right and Right

Whenever we have a big decision in front of us, we try to discern what the right choice is and what the wrong choice is. It feels heavy. After all, the idea of making the wrong choice feels scary.....and intimidating. We treat it like it's life or death. If we make the right choice, we'll win. But if we make the right choice.....well, we don't even want to think about how badly that would hurt us.

I propose that, in many situations, it's not about right and wrong. Sometimes, it's about right and right. I often think about my youth group kids and their daunting choice of selecting a college. I feel bad for them, in part, because I remember how overwhelmed I was by my own college decision process when I was 18. As they are deep into the weeds of that season, I often remind them that perhaps there's not a singular right choice. Perhaps there's not a wrong choice. It may be a series of right choices, which means we'll win either way. The decision-making process gets significantly more manageable if we view it through the lens of a possible win/win scenario.

Two situations happened yesterday that fall into this bucket. First, one of my clients is strongly considering buying a different house. Doing so would require them to give up their current loan structure and ultimately add approximately $1,500+/month to their monthly budget. Mathematically, it's probably not the best decision. However, we can't let math be the sole arbiter of our decisions. There are a lot of factors at play. On one hand, they could pull the trigger and buy this house. On the other hand, they could hold off for a few years, get themselves into a better financial position, then buy something. I would propose that these are competing "right" decisions, but both right decisions, nonetheless. After the conversation, I hope they do, too.

I also had an interesting conversation about my own life yesterday. Someone offered me a significant compensation package for a full-time job. Considering what my family has been through over these past 4.5 years since taking a 90% pay cut to start our lives over, a colossal salary sounds pretty appealing right about now. To top it off, I think I'd really like the job. This, too, is an example of a possible right and right. I could keep doing exactly what I'm doing and have an amazing life. I could also pursue this other opportunity and have an amazing life.

Next time you have a big decision in front of you, look at it through the lens of a possible right and right. Then, have fun with it! Life is too short to dwell. Make the best decision you can, then aggressively pursue meaning. It will all work itself out somehow.

The Secret Superpower of Women

Let me set the stage for you. I was recently in a leadership-level meeting with one of my clients. Maybe eight people were around the table, and we were discussing various aspects of the business. We found ourselves debating a financial principle, and there was some disagreement around the room.

As I was whiteboarding the idea to visualize it, someone mentioned how I was attempting to prove that I was right. I responded, "I'm not in the business of being right, but getting it right." I'm telling this story because of what he said next: "Everyone wants to be right. We all have pride."

He's not wrong, which is the problem. So many of us are in the business of being right, which comes at the expense of getting it right. 15 years ago, I probably would have fallen into this trap. I wanted to be right....badly. But I quickly learned my desire to be right hurt myself and everyone else involved. We can be right if we wish to, but it often means we're getting it wrong.

Luckily, I've been able to drastically shift gears and priorities. I don't often care about being right. I desperately want to get it right. I still have strong opinions, but I try to hold them loosely. This is one of the benefits of pursuing discomfort and failure. If we venture into scary waters, we're bound to find ourselves in positions where we don't necessarily know the answers. That's when we have an opportunity to shift our perspective and focus on the getting it right part.

This concept reminds me of one of our podcast episodes, published more than two years ago. The episode's focus was my case for why women are better at money than men. I believed it then, and that conviction has only grown since. I encourage you to listen to it by clicking the link above, but in case you don't, I'll summarize.

Men have two major flaws when it comes to money. First, they often use money as a scorecard....a measuring stick.....a trophy. The more money they have (or the outward perception of having more), the more successful they are on the measuring stick of success. This leads men down some interesting roads, such as risky investments, flashy toys, and other publicly visible signals that they are winning. The second reason is simple: pride. Men are typically in the business of being right. There have been multiple instances of men who hire me, tell me I'm wrong, then decide to keep doing it the way they've always done it (despite those habits and corresponding results being what led them to hire me in the first place). They are in the business of being right. Us men greatly suffer from this affliction

Women, on the other hand, are generally in the business of getting it right. There's no pride. They know what they want, desire to learn how to get it, then execute. No show, just results. It's so refreshing. I want to be more like that!

Don't be right. Get it right.

The Gift of Struggle

It's been a whirlwind of a week. After spending four days in KC for a long Thanksgiving weekend, I was home for one day before jaunting off to Houston for the week. On Friday night, I flew to Minneapolis to meet Sarah and the boys at a hotel adjacent to Mall of America. I spent Friday night (swimming) and Saturday morning (indoor amusement park) with the family before emceeing a banquet later in the day. It was for Coldwater Foundation, a Christian wilderness ministry aimed at helping teens and college students (as well as groups of adults) grow in their leadership and faith by using the ruggedness and beauty of the Boundary Waters as the classroom. It's an organization that's been deeply personal to my life since experiencing it first-hand in 2015. since then, it's been a constant in my life, and I've been honored to serve on the board of directors for the past three years. The event was beautiful, the people were wonderful, and it was fun to celebrate all that Coldwater has, is, and will be doing.

One of the speakers was a mom who has sent multiple kids through Coldwater programs. She was giving a testimonial about Coldwater's impact on her family's life. In it, she made a profound and powerful statement. While discussing the immense challenge the Boundary Waters can provide, she explained how, in these moments of profound struggle, "our needs are simplified and magnified." Having been into the wilderness many times, her words cut right through me. So, so true. When the rain rolls in, we need a tarp to protect us from the elements. Very simple and very important. When we pull into camp after a long day of paddling, we need dry shoes/socks and a fire. Very simple and very important. When we get disoriented with the geography, we need a map and compass. Very simple and very important.

Let's contrast the wilderness with our daily lives. We generally live in comfort. A roof over our heads (with heat and A/C), food readily available, dry clothes in our closet, and convenient transportation. With comfort comes new "needs."

I "need" a new car.

I "need" a vacation.

I "need" the newest iPhone.

I "need" another pair of shoes.

When we bask in the comfort of our modern lives, we lose sight of what it means to truly need. Comfort breeds discontentment. Comfort leads us to take things for granted.

In the wilderness, I'm beyond grateful for any food. At home, I take for granted my pantry.

In the wilderness, a fire brings me life and great joy. At home, I take it for granted that I can set my environment to any temperature with the push of a button.

In the wilderness, I consider myself fortunate to have one extra set of dry clothes on me. At home, I take for granted an entire closet of clothes.

Embrace discomfort. Be grateful for struggle. It can be a gift.

As Much as We Bargained For

Picture this. I’m standing at the gate, waiting to scan my boarding pass and walk onto the plane. As I was about to scan my phone’s QR code, a man hurriedly walked around me and onto the jet bridge. The gate employee, equally confused as she was concerned, shouted at the man to stop. Annoyed, he retraced his steps to the gate, handed his boarding pass to the employee, and exclaimed, “I paid $1,500 for this motherf’ing ticket. I’m not waiting in line.” Without even taking his ticket back, he started toward the jet bridge. She again shouted at him to come back to gate-check his roller bag (since they had run out of overhead space on the plane). He ignored her command and scurried onto the aircraft with his bag in hand. When we got onto the plane, he discovered (shockingly!) that there were no spots for his bag. He was resourceful, though. His solution was to remove someone else’s bag and put his in their bag’s spot, randomly discarding the other person’s bag in the aisle. As you can imagine, this didn’t go over well. He was surprisingly allowed to stay on the flight, but I navigated my way back to my toilet-adjacent seat, where I’d luckily never have to see him again.

As I reflect on this man and his antics, I can’t help but think about how sometimes in life, we unreasonably expect more than we bargained for. Sporting events are a great example. Fans often act as though their ticket purchase includes the right to demean, berate, and abuse the referees, coaches, and players. We buy one thing and expect it to come with other fringe benefits. Like this airline passenger who believed his $1,500 ticket price earned him the right to board the flight whenever and however he wanted (with a side bonus of disrespecting everyone he encountered along the way).

I often think about this idea when buying products or services. Not the whole being a completely disrespectful jerk part, but the idea that I’m only getting what I’m getting. I try to think through what this product will and will not give me. Buying those Air Jordan’s may make me look cool, but they won’t make me jump higher. That fancy car may be a more comfy and satisfying ride than my aging Nissan Altima, but it won’t actually make me more important. The new iPhone will give me some added features (and perhaps run a bit smoother), but it won’t inherently make my life better.

There’s nothing wrong with any of these things, but we need to be honest with ourselves about what we’re getting…..and what we’re not. If we take a moment to sincerely think about it, we’ll likely make different decisions. This sounds silly and ridiculous to even point out (call me Captain Obvious), but we’ve all fallen for this trap.

Anyway, I hope you all have a better weekend than that airline passenger! Make the most of it!

When Six Doesn't Equal a Half Dozen

We live in a culture where everything is black and white. There's an absolute wrong, and an absolute right. The personal finance world is no different. It doesn't help when one of the biggest personalities in the financial space treats everything like you're an absolute idiot if you don't do exactly what he thinks you should do.

This is one of the reasons why so many people make poor financial choices. It's not that they are being negligent or dismissive, but rather because they are being given out-of-context financial advice from people with completely different situations. Context always matters.

I will regularly give seemingly conflicting financial advice to clients. Here's an example. One of my clients wondered if they should pause their 401(k) contributions while trying to pay off credit card debt. They absolutely should. Given their situation, not pausing these contributions would prolong this very painful debt payoff process by approximately 18 months. The very next day, I strongly recommended a different client not pause their 401(k) contributions while trying to pay off debt. The dynamics of their situation were far different, thus merited a completely different decision process.

Other times, decisions on the table seem like a six-of-one, half-dozen-of-another type situation. The decision can be seemingly inconsequential. Mathematically, that may be true. Behaviorally and psychologically, however, is an entirely different story.

Here's one scenario. One of my clients is a successful business owner. And like most business owners, taxes are a constant frustration. Each month, when they pay themselves from the business, they also take a chunk of cash and set it aside for taxes. They have a bunch of money sitting in their business checking account, and another block sitting in their tax savings account. Problem: they just realized they've undersaved for taxes and will owe more than they've already saved. This is causing a tremendous amount of undue stress.

If they had pulled more for taxes, they would be sitting with more money in their tax savings and less in their business checking account. Six of one, half dozen of another, right? It shouldn't be a problem.....but it is! Emotionally, it feels like a loss. Even though they are in the exact same financial situation either way, the psychological impact of having to "owe more money" for taxes is weighing on them.

Their solution was simple:

1) Immediately move a lump sum of cash from their business checking to their tax savings. That act alone relieved some stress.

2) Increase future monthly contributions into their tax savings account, to a degree that they will likely have excess after paying taxes.

While that's probably not the right choice for many people, this is an extremely wise decision for them. They understand their emotional and psychological quirks and have elected to manage accordingly.

As you venture through life, I encourage you to look through the lens of context. What's right for one family may not be right for you. Know yourself, understand the mission, and do what's best.

Small Habits Add Up

A few years ago, one of my friends on Facebook proclaimed that she successfully read 25 books in that calendar year. 25 books!?!? That seemed absolutely absurd to me. My immediate reaction was to DM her and ask the secret of her ways. She explained how simple it was. "I read 20 pages every morning." Great. What else? "That's it. 20 pages a day." Skeptically, I pulled out my calculator and did the math. If the average book is 300 pages, it will take 15 days to finish an entire book at 20 pages per day. That's two per month.....or 24 per year. Boom! I was shook.

On January 1st, I started a "do 1 more" pushup challenge with a bunch of other guys. The rules are simple. On the first of the year, do one pushup. On the second day of the year, do two pushups. And so on.....each day, do one more. By New Year's Eve, you'd do 365 pushups to end the year. If the plan is followed, you'd have completed approximately 67,000 pushups throughout the entire year. I fizzled out due to a shoulder injury, unfortunately (somewhere around day 45). I'm looking forward to trying again in 2024.

I also think about my dream of writing a book. The idea seems unattainable and far-fetched. After all, that's a TON of writing! Where will I find the time and the energy to write an entire book? Similar to the two examples above, small steps can produce tremendous results. This blog is a great example. On the heels of yesterday's one-year anniversary of publishing this blog daily (365 posts in 365 days!), my assistant, Alyssa, completed a project of aggregating all the posts into a single source document. What she found was staggering. It summed up to more than 156,000 words. 156,000!!! Considering the average non-fiction book is 50,000 words, we just published the equivalent of three entire books in a single calendar year. That's absurd! Well, there goes my false notion that writing a book is unattainable. I literally and unknowingly just did it.....three times in one year.

Small habits add up. This concept applies to most things in life. Financial goals, career goals, creative goals, content goals.....lots of goals! Paying off debt is the same concept. Saving up for a car is the same concept. Giving away a million dollars is the same concept. Feeding 100,000 hungry children is the same concept. Saving up for retirement is the same concept. Being promoted from entry-level to the C-suite is the same concept. Most things worth accomplishing require this concept to fully materialize.

Small habits, consistently applied for long periods of time, lead to massive results. It's a universal truth, and it's accessible to each of us. Figure out what yours are, and let's get started!

When Rules Are About More Than Rules

I love breakfast: fried eggs (sunny side up), toast/bagels, crispy bacon.....I could go on. I started intermittent fasting earlier this year to improve my health and sleep. The rules were simple. After I ate my last meal of the day, I'd start a 16-hour timer. When the timer expired, I'd begin eating again. It worked out to a 10AM-6PM eating window, then fasting between. Overall, I could see a significant improvement in my health, primarily driven by two main factors. First, I never realized how much I snacked at night out of boredom. That ended when I stopped consuming calories at 6PM. Second, I often enjoyed a bourbon at night after the kids went to bed. That also ended when I stopped consuming calories at 6PM. While I really enjoyed this habit, I didn't realize how much one drink impacted my sleep until I stopped.

However, I noticed something about this fasting practice. I found myself counting down and dwelling on the timer. I would rush dinner, so I could start the timer, so I could eat breakfast earlier. There was something mentally unhealthy about this rhythm. Therefore, I tweaked the rule. No more timers. Instead, I started eating dinner at a reasonable time (but not militant about when), then I wouldn't eat until after 12PM the next day. This is the practice I have today. I don't break this rule. No snacking or drinks after dinner. No calories before noon. No excuses.

It wouldn't significantly harm me if I cheated every now and then. It wouldn't hinder my progress. It wouldn't negate the good work I'm doing. However, one cheat is the gateway drug for the next. One creates two, and two creates twenty. The moment it's ok to cheat once is the moment cheating becomes normalized. I spent all last week in Midland, Texas, working at a client site. Each morning, as I'm walking from my hotel room to my truck (I have a big ol' truck in my Texas identity!), I stop at the breakfast buffet to grab a black coffee. It's the hardest part of my day. The eggs, bacon, biscuits, and gravy!!! I've walked by that same buffet maybe 30-40 mornings this year, but haven't taken a single bite of food. This discipline has propelled me in so many ways this year. It's a rule that's about more than a simple rule.

I'm a long-winded writer. One of the reasons I started this blog was to learn how to share a good idea in a compact package. As such, I had a very clear rule with myself. No article could be more than 500 words, period. There are days when I spend 30 minutes trying to condense a finished post from 520 words down to 500. I could easily click "publish" at 520 words, but that's the gateway drug to longer posts. First, it's 520, then 540, then 600. It's a rule that's about more than a simple rule.

Set rules. Honor them. Grow.

Caring Enough About Money

In my keynote talk, I spend a healthy amount of time discussing the science of money and happiness. In short, once our needs are met, money won't make us much happier. I go down several roads to make this argument, concluding that more money isn't the answer. 

There's a dilemma here, though. If more money, more stuff, and more status can't make us happier, should we disregard money altogether? There's an entire segment of our population who falls into this camp. These people simply don't care about money. It manifests differently in each person, but some common characteristics may include:

• Burning through your bank account via spending and perpetually having little-to-no money.

• Living an extremely frugal and/or minimalist lifestyle.

• Periodically giving away all of their resources.

• Inconsistent work patterns.

However, I want to focus on a different characteristic. It's the act of undercharging or being willfully underpaid for your work. This practice usually comes at the intersection of not caring about money and absolutely loving their work. You probably know someone in your life who fits this profile. They are incredibly passionate about their work, but don't have much in terms of resources. Our immediate response to these types of people is to think, "They are following their passion, so of course they don't make much money." 

I've done lots of business with these types of people. They are amazing people doing amazing work, but grossly undercharging. In fact, I used to be one of them! When I started my company in 2019, I charged about 1/4 of what I currently charge for my coaching services. This was a combination of not caring about money, loving my work so much, and perhaps a lack of confidence in some regard. 

As I was digging more into the science of money and happiness, coaching families and businesses, and trying to navigate my own business journey, I had an epiphany. I still held firm that money isn't all that important, but with one caveat. While we shouldn't dwell on the money, we need to care enough about money to continue our journey. 

Put another way, we need to financially earn the right to serve those who we wish to serve. When we do, we get to serve them again next time. If we don't, we may lose the right. This is one of the biggest pitfalls people can fall into. If they care too little about money, they may face financial pressures that will prevent them from living out their mission. 

I've seen too many brilliant people get knocked out of the game because they disregarded their finances. There's a bit of sad irony in there. They cared so little about money that they found themselves in a place where they dwelled on the money (out of the need to survive). 

No, don't obsess about money. But spend some time getting it right. Earn your right to keep serving those who you wish to serve. You deserve it, and the world deserves you!