A Clean Slate

If you're like many Americans, August can be a brutal month for your finances. It's a wild cocktail of end-of-summer travel, experiences with friends, back-to-school expenses, and the transition from summer to fall clothes. When all these factors combine forces, it's easy to implode our monthly budget.

This past week, I met with frustrated family after frustrated family, each feeling guilty and defeated by a busted budget and sudden financial stress. It's an easy mistake to make, and it happens to the best of us. Here's the good news if you're a family who budgets healthily. Somewhere between 1 and 30 days from now, we get a clean slate. Even when we mess up, the month eventually concludes, and a new one begins.

This may feel like splitting hairs, but it can make a huge psychological difference. Something powerful happens when we wipe the slate clean at regular intervals. Mistakes will happen (they always do), but they don't define us.....and they certainly don't need to haunt us.

This clean slate perspective can work wonders for us. My wife and I regularly have financial months we'd like to forget. Once the month wraps up, we take inventory of what happened and simply move on. With every passing month comes the opportunity to learn, adjust, and try again. This is our 168th monthly budget since getting married. We've had many bad months in there, but we've learned every step of the way. Some months are amazing, while others end with us counting down the days until the slate is wiped clean. But every time, we eventually get to start afresh.

On the flip side, even when we nail our finances in a given month, the clean slate provides us yet another opportunity to bring our dreams to life. There's a pool of money to account for this month, and therein lies the opportunity for us to live out our values through our budget. Sarah and I have a handful of fun priorities this month, ranging from future international travel, to generosity, to the kids. As we put the budget together, it's been fun to see these aspirations come to life. And next month, we get to do it again.

We don't need to budget forever......just until we die. #dadjoke. Budgeting isn't something we have to do, but rather something we get to do. It's a blessing, not a curse. It's an opportunity, not an evil. It doesn't tell us what to do.....we tell it what we're going to do. It's a beautiful tool to plan our dreams, then put one foot in front of the other to make them come alive.

Embrace the clean slate. Make the most of it. Use this opportunity to live out your values. You won't regret it.

The Hidden What-If Cost

Yesterday, I shared a meal with a friend. He's a young guy who reminds me of how I was around 20. Like me at 20, he loves investing. And, like me at 20, he prefers to do it irresponsibly and overconfidently. Ah, so many similarities between us. Part of me wants to shake him out of it, but then again, I don't think anyone was going to shake me out of my ridiculous ways back when I was his age.

He revealed to me how he's lost a good chunk of change through his investing practices. Not "lost" as in the market is going down but will eventually come back up. Rather, lost as in, poof, it's gone. It's a lot of money to him, but he did have a good comeback for me. "Travis, you always talk about how we shouldn't do things that financially endanger us or our family. This doesn't put me in danger, and I don't have a family yet."

He makes a good point. He may be out thousands of dollars, but he won't go without food or shelter. He's a single guy with limited financial overhead. However, here's where I want to land this plane. I pointed out to him there's a far more significant consequence at play. It's the hidden what-if, commonly known as opportunity cost. Said another way, it's what he could have done with that money instead of what he chose.

Out of respect for him, I won't use his actual numbers. Let's pretend he made some investing choices that cost him $5,000. Or you could insert a different choice here. Maybe you spent it gambling. Perhaps you decided to have a wild night at the club, or that impulsive trip to _______, or pulled the trigger on that motorcycle you've had your eye on.

Sure, $5,000 less in your pocket may not ruin your life. That's a fair point. But the hidden cost? The opportunity cost is what you could have done with this $5,000 instead of losing it on risky investments. In the case of my friend, I used an apples-to-apples comparison. Since he's trying to make money by investing, I shared an alternative scenario. If invested the right way (broad low-cost index funds with a lot of patience), that $5,000 would be worth nearly $250,000 by the time he turns 65. So, correct, his loss didn't ruin his life......but the cost was quite steep.

We can insert other opportunity cost scenarios here, too. How many hurting families could we have helped with $5,000? How many hungry children could we have fed with $5,000? How much education could we have attained with $5,000? How much quicker could we replace our aging car with $5,000? How many amazing memories could we have created with $5,000? The list goes on.

Yes, it's only $5,000. But it's $5,000!!!! Whenever we make decisions, we must look beyond the direct costs. An opportunity cost assessment will show us our best choice. Follow that one!

"I Can't Believe This Is My Life"

"I can't believe this is my life," exclaimed a very frustrated, scared, and defeated wife, with tears in her eyes. It was about four years ago, and I was sitting in a conference room with a husband and wife who felt hopeless and helpless. They had made several poor financial decisions over the years, and the cumulative effect was starting to add up. They felt trapped in their jobs, suffocating in bills, and feeling like the walls were closing in. They were living a nightmare. In many ways, they were living the American dream, but in others, it felt like anything but. They had a bunch of debt, their monthly expenses were high, they had very little communication about money in their relationship, they had no real plan, and every month felt like a financial waste. They were running hard, but getting nowhere fast. Each month, they became progressively more scared about their finances, future, and marriage.

Fast forward to the present day. We're sitting in the same conference room, in the same seats. The wife, again with tears in her eyes, exclaims, "I can't believe this is my life." Except this time, they were tears of joy. In hindsight, that terrible meeting four years ago was a turning point in their journey. In that meeting, they decided to change how they view and handle money. They took a painful and daunting situation, and slowly (but surely) shifted it in a different direction. They committed to meaning over money, which felt like an odd approach considering money was the only thing that would solve their money problem. But that's the beauty of this approach to life. Choosing meaning transforms the relationship we have with the money already coming into our bank account. We can gain more intentionality, a clearer focus, and align those dollars with what matters most.

The journey started slow. Failure came knocking in those early months, but they kept going. Once they started making progress, it felt like a crawl. But even a crawl is better than standing still. Over time, they felt more confident and convicted in their plan. They started communicating better, and this money stuff brought them together in marriage (instead of tearing them at the seams). Then eventually, their progress accelerated more and more. Today, they are living their dream lives. There's a confidence and a clarity that follows them into the room. They are truly blessed.

"I can't believe this is my life".....x2. The first time, it was a tragedy. The second time, it was a miracle. They would be the first to tell you they aren't special. Nothing they did was sophisticated or complex. They didn't receive any windfalls. They got intentional, made it simple, did it together, failed themselves forward, and kept going.

If this speaks to you, I want you to know two things: 1) You can do it, and 2) it's worth it!

Following a Budget Goes Both Ways

I received a text from my wife yesterday afternoon. "What do you want to do for dinner?" Knowing it was a Friday and the last day of the month, I immediately opened my budgeting app to see if we had any dining out money left. $76!!! I guess that's what happens when we're gone for half the month. Knowing we had a nice chunk of change remaining, we made a family date night out of it. We walked to a local pizza restaurant, then to a nearby ice cream shop. We had a blast!

There's a massive misunderstanding about budgeting. Budgeting it's about spending less.....it's about spending better. Yes, budgeting well keeps us from overspending. But it goes both ways! Budgeting, when done healthily, also prevents us from underspending. Spending better means being intentional, spending on our values, and removing negative emotions such as guilt, resentment, fear, and worry.

Many people would look at that extra $72 and proclaim it a win. Yay, we came in under budget!!!! But Sarah and I negotiated our budget at the beginning of the month, and we promised each other this was what we would spend money on. Us going out for a fun night was our way of honoring what we promised ourselves and each other. Just like we promised to pay our rent and life insurance, we promised to spend this money on dining out. It has to go both ways. We can't use a budget to only prevent us from having too much fun.....it also needs to encourage us to have fun. It's a tool to align our money with our values. And last night, our values pointed toward spending intentional time with the boys, creating memories, and enjoying some tasty food together.

The moment we treat budgeting like a one-way, fun-hating tool of cheapness and saving (er, hoarding), is the moment budgeting completely sucks. When that occurs, we start treating our life like a giant game of let's-try-to-live-like-broke-college-students-so-one-day-we'll-have-even-more. You know the problem with more, right? Every time we get more, more is still more.

There's a better way, and the better way is to have it both ways. Let the budget prevent us from coming off the rails AND let the budget force us to do the fun things we promised ourselves we would do. If more people viewed and handled money this way, budgeting may no longer be a four-letter word in most marriages.

Here’s the plan:

1. Make a budget on or around the first of the month.

2. Make sure your budget aligns with your values.

3. Do what you said you were going to do.

4. Track it.

5. Have fun!

6. Repeat.

If you follow these six simple steps, I promise you’ll find more joy, more peace, more intentionality, more unity, and more progress. Have a great day!

Don't Judge a Birria By Its Cover

I'm in a men's group that meets every Wednesday at noon. Each week, a different person is responsible for choosing the restaurant. We only have three rules:

1. The chooser can't announce the selected restaurant until within 60 minutes of the meeting time.

2. The restaurant has to be within the city limits.

3. No national chains. 

This week was my week! I chose my favorite Mexican restaurant because they recently began serving Birria tacos. If you have yet to try Birria tacos, immediately stop reading this blog and Google where you can find them in your town. Anyway, this restaurant is always a no-brainer for me. There's a running joke in our town that every time a new restaurant is being built, we assume it's a Mexican restaurant. I just fact-checked it and can confirm our 72,000-person town has 12 Mexican restaurants......and my favorite is ranked #12. Dead last! Are you kidding me?!?!

Birria for the win!!

Here's the thing. This restaurant isn't fancy. It looks suspect on the outside, and though the inside is clean, there's nothing notable about the atmosphere. When I mention it to other residents, they respond with, "Ew, I'd never go there," or "I've never actually been there before." So how does such a "bad" restaurant become one of my favorites in town? Perhaps it's because of all the time I spend in SE Asia, but I've learned that when it comes to restaurants, we should never judge a book by its cover. Some of the best food in the world is served in some of the most unassuming spaces. Now I'm not calling this Mexican restaurant some of the best food in the world, but I am asserting that it's grossly overlooked for all the wrong reasons. When dining at a restaurant, I want fantastic food, served with a positive attitude, at a reasonable price. And "reasonable" is contextual to the situation. I've had $8 meals that were overpriced and $100 meals that were underpriced. But the food needs to stand on its own. 

This story has parallels with so many areas of life. We often overlook opportunities for the silliest of reasons:

• Everyone else is overlooking it, so it must not be good.

• It's not shiny and sexy.

• If we try it and fail, people may laugh at us.

• We don't clearly define what's important to us.

• It's easier to do what everyone else is doing

• We trust people's opinions, even when we shouldn't. 

Whether it's a suspect-looking restaurant or an interesting opportunity that presents itself to you, consider this idea. Some of the best gifts are wrapped in the dullest packaging. And remember, nobody really cares about the wrapping paper once you get inside. 

It Depends On How You Look at It

A few years ago, I was having a casual conversation with a fellow husband/father. We were talking about marriage and parenting, when we went down an interesting rabbit trail. He commented on how he and his wife hadn't been on an actual date in more than five years. Five years!?!? In short, he said they couldn't justify spending money on a babysitter. Between the babysitter, drinks, and dinner, a date night "is just too expensive to justify." So they don’t.

He quickly turned the tables on me by asking about our babysitter rhythm. I told him we spend about $200-$300/month on babysitting, which usually includes a few date nights. He looked at me as though I just went to the casino and threw my life savings on red. How irresponsible of me!!! He busted my chops a bit and couldn't believe someone "financially responsible" would throw away money like that.

He looked at babysitters as a needless cash drain. My perspective was a bit (ok, a lot) different. When we hire a babysitter, we aren't paying a young adult money to watch our kids. We are investing in our marriage. We are providing ourselves the opportunity to spend time together, one-on-one or with friends, and create memories aside from our children. It also allows us to recharge and get on the same page to be better spouses and parents. In other words, that babysitting money has an incredible return on investment!

Much of personal finance is a variation of this concept. It depends on how you look at it. Me walking into a Starbucks to order myself a burnt coffee = wasteful spending. Me meeting a youth group kid at Starbucks, their favorite coffee shop = an investment into my relationship with them. Me spending $60 on a monthly massage that I don't need = throwing away money. Me spending $60 on a monthly massage that helps recharge and eliminate aches = priceless. Me hiring an assistant isn’t cheap, and it takes money out of my pocket. Me hiring an assistant allows me more time and mental/emotional capacity to serve people better and unlock greater potential in our business.

Money is NEVER about money.....it's always about something bigger. If we can move past the dollars and cents and understand the real reason we do the things we do, we make better choices. It all depends on how you look at it.

The One Place....Yeah, That One

Question of the day: What’s that one place you want to travel to more than any other? Most people know the answer to this question, and you probably do, too.

A while back, I was talking to a client when the topic of travel was brought up. They revealed to me their absolutely biggest bucket list item is to travel to ________ (the place isn’t important….insert your imagination here). They’ve always dreamt of it, and they talk about it all the time, but they have no plans to ever do it. It’s not a money issue. The trip honestly wouldn’t cost too much money in the context of their financial situation. It just felt too big to actually be real.

In the conversation, I reminded them how they’ve spent many multiples of this trip in restaurants, clothes, toys, and other miscellaneous “want” categories over the last few years alone. In short, they’ve willingly (but accidentally) abandoned their biggest bucket list item in exchange for a lot of things they really don’t care about.

Then, I asked another question. “When are you going? Pick a day.” “It’s not that simple, Travis.” But it is. It is that simple. It’s that stinkin’ simple. We visually mapped it out on the whiteboard. They have the vacation time, they have the flexibility, and they certainly have the desire. We illustrated that if they were to save $_____ for the next 5 months (completely doable!!), the trip is paid for. Just like that!

Last night, I received a screenshot of a hotel reservation. They are doing it!!! They’ve waited 15 years to take this trip, and all it took was a little nudge and a lot of intentionality.

What’s your one place?

Cutting What Doesn't Add Value

In last night’s workshop in Los Angeles, one of the topics I discussed was the idea of leaning into OUR values when making financial decisions. So often, we absorb the culture’s values and do things (i.e. spend) in accordance with what everyone else is doing. For every dollar we spend on something we don’t care about, it’s one less dollar we have to spend on something we do. One of the questions I asked is this, “What do you spend money on that DOESN’T add value to your life?” A handful of people publicly answered, but one, in particular, caught my attention. A woman jumped in and said, “Netflix.”

I think this is the perfect example of how values are personal and unique. For this woman, a $15 monthly subscription to a massive streaming service doesn’t add much value for the $15 price tag. For me, on the other hand, I think it may be one of the best cost vs. value propositions in the entire world. But that’s where this money stuff gets personal. She probably needs to cut this expense from her budget, whereas I need to make sure it remains a priority. But there’s a high likelihood that there’s something in her life that adds a ton of value that would be absolutely ridiculous for me to spend money on. She has her things and I have mine. That’s how it’s supposed to work.

This idea is a big driver of whether we have a healthy relationship with money or not. If we’re being healthy, our spending aligns with our values. When our spending doesn’t align, we often create an unhealthy relationship with money. We’re not always going to get it right (like that one time I spent a ton of money for sweet rims on my Acura Integra), but we can continue to get better each day. When we do, life will be richer, we’ll be more content, and we’ll feel far less guilt in our spending.

Would You Buy it Today?

I once had a finance professor who framed up buy/sell investment decision-making in a unique way. I’ve heard this same perspective many times since, but I remember how much it made me think back to when I was a 20-year-old kid. If you’re sitting on an investment that you don’t know whether you should sell or not, simply ask yourself, “Would I buy it today at this price?” If the answer to the question is yes, then hold. If the answer is no, then sell. Why? Because not making a decision is still a decision. Every time you choose not to sell, you’re choosing to buy at today’s price.

While this has proven to be sage investment advice, I think it’s even more powerful when brought out of the investment space and into the broader context of life. Many of our habits, relationships, jobs, expenses, possessions, and countless other nuances of life, are the residual of past decisions. When the decision was made (let’s call it the buy), it might have been the ideal choice for us. Fast forward months, years, or decades, however, this aspect of our life might not be nearly as ideal as it once was. Therein lies the choice. Would we choose to do this thing today if we weren’t already doing it? If the answer is yes, we should keep doing it (hold). If the answer is no, perhaps it’s time to stop (sell).

I’ve been auditing various aspects of my life, work, and ministry lately, and it’s humbling to recognize how many no’s I’m getting when I ask myself that question. It’s a humbling question, but a worthwhile endeavor. You should give it a shot!

If Not, What's the Point?

One of my clients was recently considering making a somewhat major purchase……in the +/- $25,000 range. This is no small sum of money, and they fully recognize that. The particular item they were considering isn’t greatly important to this conversation, and I want you to use your imagination so you can put yourself in your shoes with whatever type of item might be in your life.

On one hand, they recognize the value this item would bring to their life. Time spent with their kids, intentional time away from the house, and creating new memories. On the other hand, it’s $25,000 they would be disconnecting from their broader plan, and it would most certainly “hurt” them financially. The math says this is a bad decision, as math usually does. However, buying this item isn’t reckless and won’t materially impair them.

After discussing, here' was my opinion. Of course they should buy it!!! If not, what’s the point of all this? To me, this is the easiest yes of all time. They’ve been trying (successfully) to steward their resources well, live responsibly, explore generosity, and create memories with their kids. Mission and memories! This family is modeling what it looks like to view and handle money in a healthy way…..I hope it’s contagious with others in their circle.

Ultimately, they didn’t need me to tell them to do it. I think they knew deep down this was the right thing to do, and they are doing it! This is one of the things I love about this couple. It’s never about money…..because money is never about money. Meaning over money, always.

Do you have something like this in your life and have actually pulled the trigger? Or maybe you know what it is, but have hesitated to follow through? Would love to hear your stories! Please hit reply or drop a comment below. Have an awesome day!

Sometimes Surviving is Thriving

We’re in the middle of a tough financial season for many. Between groceries, fuel, vehicles, and housing, inflation has been squeezing people from all sides. I’ve talked at length about this topic on the podcast, but I like to categorize people into three different groups:

• Group A: They have quite a bit of financial margin in their life. Though they see inflation is happening, it’s not making a significant impact on their day-to-day life.

• Group B: They had some margin in their financial life and are really feeling the impact of inflation. Not long ago they were making swift progress, but now most (or all) of their financial margin has been squeezed out. They are making ends meet, but many of their wants and savings have been paused.

• Group C: They had little to no financial margin in their life. They were struggling to keep the train on the track even before inflation struck. Now, they are experiencing profound pain and chaos.

Most of us live in little vacuums. We live our own unique lives and base our perceptions of the world on a sample size of one: ourselves. For the members of Group A, this causes many to lose sight of what’s really happening to people in Groups B and C. They aren’t trying to be insensitive or dismissive……they often don’t know what they don’t know.

Here’s where I’m trying to land the plane. Members of Group B also have a blind spot. While watching their margin melt away and lose momentum, they are looking in the mirror and wondering what they are doing wrong. What they don’t know is so many others are having the very same experience. The walls are slowly closing in, and they think their own failure is the cause of it. I’ve had multiple client conversations around this topic recently. My motto has become, “Sometimes surviving is thriving.” Everything is a season, and for some, this season is about getting out alive.

However, it all comes down to your definition of “surviving.” Based on the looks of this recent article, more and more, people are turning to their credit cards to keep the train on the track. Credit card debt just hit an all-time high, and we’ll soon hit an outstanding balance of 1 TRILLION! Yikes!

In my book, “surviving” looks a little different. It looks like navigating from month to month without incurring debt. It looks like overcoming medical, car, house, and other emergencies without wreaking havoc on your life and marriage. It looks like prioritizing your values and holding onto the things which add the most value to your life (and perhaps letting go of the others). It looks like keeping momentum toward your aspirations (even a forward crawl is better than standing still or heading backward). And it looks like waking up every day with meaning and purpose. It’s not perfect, and it’s often messy, and it’s far from easy, but it’s worth it. If that’s you, I celebrate you and what you’re trying to do. It doesn’t always feel great, but you’re doing far better than you know!

You got this, guys! Sometimes surviving is thriving!

It's (Not) Just an Exercise

Today is one of my favorite days of the year. No, not because it’s NBA playoff time (though that helps!). It’s the final session of my high school money class. During our time together, we’re going to do one of my favorite exercises, which is meant to help them understand what young adult life looks like. Until now, they have very little income, very few bills, and very little need to be fully intentional with their finances. That will surely change within the next handful of years. In the exercise, I give them a theoretical young adult monthly income, a handful of known monthly expenses, and ask them to create a full monthly budget for the life they want to live. The energy is always high, they complete the exercise with optimism, and it ends up being a referendum on their values/interests.

Then, it gets fun (for me, at least). After completing this budget, I ask them to draw pieces of paper from a hat. Each piece of paper has a dollar figure on it, representing the monthly debt payments they’ve put into their life through the choices they’ve made. Student loans, car loans, and credit cards. I explain to them that many decisions will be made between now and when they start this theoretical budget. For every decision they make, there’s a consequence (positive or negative), and these consequences will impact our life (financial and otherwise) for years to come.

The next step of the exercise is for them to do the same budget process as before, but this time factor in the monthly debt payment they pulled out of the hat. This is where the mood changes. I can see the stress on their faces build as they try to make the numbers work with this new reality of debt. Many of their wants/hobbies get removed, their giving shrinks, and they must find ways to get creative with housing and other basic needs. Needless to say, the tone shifts from optimistic to frustrated and overwhelmed.

While this is an innocent exercise for them, it’s the reality for millions of adults. Many of us have made decisions that resulted in negative consequences for years/decades to come. Myself included! While we can’t go back and magically undo any of them, each day presents an opportunity to make different decisions for our future selves. More importantly, we all have younger people in our lives who still have a chance to avoid many of the painful outcomes we’ve experienced. Let’s encourage and equip them! They deserve it.

Curating the Life of Your Dreams

“I thought you were successful.” These were the interesting words spoken by a friend after driving by my house and seeing where we live. Wow…..and ouch! It never ceases to amaze me what people say to me. Perhaps it’s the consequence of living more of a public life and sharing a fair amount of myself through our content? In any event, wow…..and ouch!

As the conversation progressed, this person explained how, in their opinion, a person’s house is a measure of success. If you’re successful, your house reflects that. If you’re not, it too reflects that. In his opinion, my house reflects the fact I’m not successful. His perspective isn’t rare. In fact, this is a very common perception in our culture. In a similar conversation, one of my other friends referred to someone else I know and pointed out the obvious fact this other person is “really f’ing rich.” Why? Because they have a tremendously expensive house. This “really f’ing rich” couple happens to be a client of mine, and I can testify they aren’t rich. Far from it. They look like it, though.

At some point in our journey, we all have a choice to separate our actions from other people’s perceptions. I refer to it as curating the life of our dreams. When we can completely disregard the expectations and opinions of others and lean 100% into our own family’s values, everything changes. Truth is, I don’t love our house. It’s not the house of our dreams….far from it. But moving here allowed us to unlock the life of our dreams. We’ve been able to curate a life that truly aligns with our values:

• Renting this house has allowed us a ton of financial flexibility, providing the opportunity to lean into other parts of our budget.

• We’re able to push hard into generosity.

• We get to travel anywhere in the world we want.

• We were able to invest in Northern Vessel Coffee Company, which has been such a blessing in our life and my career.

• We’ve created a walkable life given we’re just steps away from public parks, breweries, restaurants, and shopping.

• We’re one block away from one of the best biking trails in the state, giving us immediate access to wonderful outdoor activities.

• We’re a 1-minute drive to the kids’ school, a 1-minute drive to the co-work office I host client meetings, a 2-minute drive to our podcast studio, a 2-minute drive to the grocery store, and a 6-minute drive to church.

This is amazing! I couldn’t love it more. To be honest, though, I do think about what other people think. I get self-conscious at times. I question our sanity. Every time that happens, however, I remind myself how we’ve essentially curated our dream life. We’ve had to make sacrifices, but those sacrifices pale in comparison to what we’ve gained. We’ve gained our dream life. The irony is that, to some, it’s a sign that we’re unsuccessful. To me, however, it’s a sign we’ve truly lived into our values. I call that the definition of success.

I encourage you to spend some time thinking about your dream life. What choices/decisions would you need to make to curate a better life that aligns with your values? This can be a scary question to confront, but it’s worth it.

The Dreaded B-Word

I talk about budgeting every single day. It’s a cornerstone of my coaching. It’s not because I especially love budgeting, but rather because of how important it is. It’s so important, in my perspective, that we need to get that right if we want to achieve the other financial goals in our life. People will often tell me they do great without a budget. That may be partially true, but they also don’t know what they don’t know. From my experience, they are driving a 5-speed transmission but only think it has 3 gears. 3rd gear feels really fast if you’ve never experienced a 4th or 5th gear. Something very powerful is unlocked when budgeting is done right.

I get it, the idea of budgeting is terrible. Most people (fairly) assume budgeting will suck the fun out of their life. That’s simply how budgeting is approached by the vast majority of our financial world. Stop spending, be responsible, cut back. We treat it as a crash diet. I think we’re missing the point. The objective of a budget isn’t to spend less, but rather to spend better. It’s a way to live out our values. So through the lens of “spend less”, yeah, I’d hate budgeting, too. But through the lens of “spend better”, budgeting gives us life. It’s a tangible way to execute our hopes, dreams, values, and principles.

Last week, one of my 6-year-olds approached me and asked, “Daddy, when is the end of the month?” When I asked him why, he responded, “because I want to go to Chuck-E-Cheese and thought we could put Chuck-E-Cheese in the new budget.” “Yeah, bud, let’s put it in the budget next month. That will be a lot of fun. What else should we put into the budget?”

Even at 6, he’s realizing this money stuff shouldn’t suck. It shouldn’t rip the fun and enjoyment out of life. It shouldn’t hinder our ability to live a quality life. He’s already learning that it’s a way that we can intentionally plan for fun things and live out our family’s values.

As this week begins, I encourage you to look at money through the lens of “spend better”, not “spend less.”

Investing in Memories: Reader Edition

I often talk about the idea of investing in memories. I cover it in my speaking, podcast, and in this blog (including HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE). Investing our resources in memories, I believe, is one of the keys to living with meaning. Our stuff ends up in a landfill, but our memories last a lifetime.

With that in mind, something fun happened this past week. Three different readers shared a recent situation in their life pertaining to this very topic. One took their grandkids to a fairly expensive event, one attended the NFC championship game, and one splurged for Hamilton tickets on Broadway while in NYC. I absolutely loved hearing each of these stories. All three included a similar sequence of events:

• The price tags gave them sticker shock

• It wasn’t something they would normally do

• There was some anxiety about the decision

• They went for it!

• It was amazing

• Zero regrets

• “I will remember that forever”……..or some variation of that comment

Beautiful stuff! I’m so glad they said “yes” to memories. What memories have you invested in lately? If you haven’t, what are you waiting for!?!? Make some plans, big or small, and go for it!

The Joneses Don’t Know They Are The Joneses

Most of us know the saying, “keeping up with the Joneses.” It’s become the motto of modern-day American materialism, referring to the never-ending pursuit to keep up with the spending lifestyles of our neighbors, friends, and colleagues. The house we live in, the car we drive, the school our kids go to, where we go on vacation, the clubs we belong to……the list goes on and on. This phenomenon is a significant contributor to people’s decisions. We all like to say and pretend it doesn’t impact us, but I’ve spent enough time with clients to know we’re being naive if we think that way.

Here’s how powerful of a force The Joneses are in our lives. When we buy a house, we’re not just committing to a certain down payment and monthly mortgage payment. When we select our house, or more specifically, our neighborhood, we’re committing to a lifestyle. This singular decision about what street or neighborhood to move to has the potential to fundamentally change the way we live our lives. That’s a terrifying thought, but it’s as true as the sky is blue.

I want to share a story. It’s a story of four families. These four families are amongst a larger group of friends and neighbors. Through various odd circumstances and connections, I’ve had the privilege of spending time with these families in one way or another. Through conversations with the first couple, it becomes clear the pressure of keeping up with their neighbors adds a level of stress to their marriage. Then when I talk to another couple, they admitted some of their credit card debt is attributed to expensive meals and trips with their neighbors. Then when I interact with the third couple, they get frustrated by “having” to go to certain events (accompanied by a high cost). Lastly, the fourth couple admitted to making a few questionable vehicle purchases out of fear of negative judgment.

Here’s the kicker. Each of these families gets frustrated by trying to keep up with The Joneses (i.e. their neighbors), but to their neighbor, THEY are The Joneses. By trying to keep up with each other, they in turn become the thing each other is trying to keep up with. It’s irony at its finest.

Here’s the good news: every family has the power to hop off the Joneses train. It’s scary to be the first family to jump off, but doing so may give the second family the courage to do it as well. Once the second family does, it allows the entire Joneses structure to crumble.

Think about your own circle. Do you need to be the first of the Joneses to jump off the train?

Spending YOUR Values

As a culture, we’ve collectively decided what’s a “responsible” thing to do with money, and what’s foolish.

• Spending money on something you don’t need = foolish

• Buying a house = responsible

• Spending money on rent = foolish

• $30,000/year on college = responsible

• $300 at a nice restaurant = foolish

• Buying a new car and financing it = responsible

• Buying a big-screen TV and video game system = foolish

We hear some of these things so much that we often take them for granted and it quickly becomes a universal truth. As we do with many things, we turn money and spending decisions into a black-and-white conversation. This is one of the main reasons why most people don’t have a good alignment between their values and their financial behaviors. They say one thing, then do another. At the heart of this incongruency is the reality most of us lock into culture’s values instead of taking time to discern what OUR values are.

Here’s a very simple, but perfect, example. One of my friends shared that her family members often criticize her for her expensive gym membership. Now, it is in fact true her gym membership cost is higher than average. However, I need to add one relevant fact to the equation. She’s a fitness competitor, personal trainer, and model! This is literally what she does for a living…..and it’s her passion. Her expensive gym membership completely aligns with her values. For me, that gym membership would be absurd. For her, it’s perfect. Context matters!

Each person, family, situation, dream, calling, and value is different. Thus, each of us needs to make our own choices that align with these things. One family I know spends several thousand dollars per month on dining out because it’s the path of least resistance. When I ask them if they enjoy it, they say, “no.” It’s not fun for them, it doesn’t add a lot of value, and they worry about the health implications. Another family spends a similar amount, except the reason is different. They deeply enjoy going out to a nice dinner with friends, sharing a bottle of wine, trying new cuisines, and creating memories. For them, it’s one of the best things they do with money. In my opinion, I view this expense as responsible for one family and foolish for the other. Context matters.

What’s something you find valuable in your life that culture would say is foolish? Drop a comment down below. Have an awesome day!

Netflix For the Entire Town!

I was recently in a coaching session when things got heated between the husband and wife. They were trying to figure out how to free up some cashflow in their monthly budget so they can lean into things they actually value. Here’s where the conversation broke down. One spouse wanted to cancel Netflix and the other wanted to cancel Hulu.

This in and of itself isn’t an interesting conversation……until I point out the fact they spend $3,000/month dining out and another $1,800 on their combined car payments. Yes, you read that correctly. We are arguing about a $15/month service fee when just these two other categories alone account for $4,800/month.

At some point, I jumped into the conversation with the line, “with how much you spend on food and your cars, you could buy Netflix for the entire town!”

This comment cut the tension and caused a laugh, then we moved on. This sounds crazy - because it is - but is a perfect example of what happens when we unintentionally create sacred cows in our life. Without knowing it, we turn certain things into a non-negotiable. We cement it in our life and never again stop to think that perhaps there’s a better approach. This couple turned dining out and their cars into sacred cows, even at the expense of so many things they believe in and dream about.

They now have an opportunity to make a choice. And not making a choice is still making a choice. The same goes for you, and for me.

* The couple gave me permission to share this story. They thought the absurdity of their situation could help others….or at least give them a laugh to start their day!

Home Alone: Thanksgiving Edition

Home Alone is on my Mount Rushmore of holiday movies. It’s a classic! I think what makes it particularly special for me was the fact I was the same age as Kevin McCallister when it came out. I always pictured myself in Kevin’s shoes. Eating tons of junk food, watching R-rated movies, and beating up bad guys with gruesome handmade booby traps!

Well, my wish came true on Thanksgiving! But instead of sledding down the stairs, target shooting Starting Lineup figures with a BB gun, and rummaging through Buzz’s personal belongings, I was curled up on the couch in the fetal position while my family was in Kansas City celebrating with loved ones. I was left home alone, but in the worst of ways. I’m glad they still went and enjoyed their time together, but wow I missed them! There were some lonely moments and stretches of self-loathing. Instead of eating turkey and pumpkin pie, I was enjoying saltines and Gatorade. Instead of playing with my kids and nieces, I was in and out of consciousness while in a constant state of agony.

It’s days like that when I’m reminded how important our health is. We take it for granted when we’re well, but we’re desperate to have it back when we lose it. When it comes to our finances and habits, I’m not sure my family invests in health as much as we should. As I always say, we need to align our budget and behaviors with our values. If I really value health, I’m not sure there’s a true alignment. It can be a humbling moment when we realize we’re living out of alignment. I think it’s time to make some changes!

Two questions for you to think about today:

1) In what ways do you invest in your health?

2) What parts of your budget and behavior don’t align with your values?