UnGuilty Pleasures

I have a confession to make. I despise the term “guilty pleasure.” I know it’s a ubiquitous phrase in our culture, but do you ever stop to think about what it really means? At its core, calling something a guilty pleasure insinuates that you shouldn’t be doing it. It’s something you enjoy, but know it’s wrong (or wrong-ish). If anything, we should call adultery and stealing guilty pleasures.

I’m reminded of my hatred of this phrase because a client recently referred to getting her nails done as a guilty pleasure. Another client referred to golfing as a guilty pleasure. And a third person recently said her morning coffee at a local coffee shop is a guilty pleasure. None of these things are inherently bad. In fact, they may be quite good. The question isn’t about right and wrong, but rather right for YOU and wrong for YOU. For many of my friends, spending money on golf is the absolute best use of their personal spending money. For me, it would be counter-productive. Why would I want to blow my money on something that will just upset me and make me want to break something (which will cost me more money)? That doesn’t sound like a good value.

Instead, perhaps we can rebrand guilty pleasure into “unguilty pleasure.” These are purely wants, but add value to our lives. By definition, then, they are important. Yes, wants can be important. One of mine is a monthly massage. About two years ago, after spending years believing massages are something I could neither afford nor justify, I signed up for a membership at a local massage studio. Each month, I pay a fee and get a massage. In hindsight, it’s one of the best expenditures I’ve made in years. I always look forward to my appointment, and it adds value to my life. I don’t feel guilty about this. It’s not for everyone, but it is absolutely for me.

Today, I have two homework assignments for you. First, please remove the phrase “guilty pleasure” from your vocabulary. You deserve better than to do something you feel guilty about or perceive it as a bad decision. Second, lean hard into the following question: “What’s one want in my life that would make my life better?” Don’t filter your answer through the lens of needs and wants. It’s a want....you don’t need it. Let’s make that clear. It’s purely a want. Filter it through the lens of whether it adds value to your life. If it does, go for it! No guilt, no second-guessing, and no regret.

Enjoy those unguilty pleasures!

Buy That Coffee

It's been a week. Today will mark my seventh consecutive day working at my client's office in Midland, TX. I've really enjoyed the work, and the people, but I'm spent. I've really poured myself out this week, and we've made some massive progress along the way. All in all, it's been a tremendously worthwhile endeavor. 

Yesterday, in an effort to give myself a much-needed kick-start, I stopped for a coffee on the way to the office. As I was paying the cashier, all I could think about was all the financial gurus shaming and belittling people for buying coffee. 

**In my best condescending financial bro impersonation voice** "Did you know that instead of spending $6 on that coffee each workday, if you invested it in the stock market, you'd have $220,000 in your investment account after 30 years? I hope you enjoy your coffee!!!"

A few thoughts:

1. The math is correct. 

2. $220,000 is a lot of money.

3. That coffee really made my morning.

4. Life is about so much more than a financial equation.

5. Meaning over money.

6. I'm not going to feel one ounce of guilt.

As a finance guy, I could obsess about hoarding every penny I earn, investing it well, and watching it compound into millions of dollars so that one day I can swim in it like Scrooge McDuck. But that sounds terrible. 

I'm not advocating reckless financial irresponsibility. I'm not suggesting we shouldn't save or invest. Rather, I'm suggesting that we shouldn't give up little things that add value to our lives. If you love buying coffee each day, but that coffee. If you love going to your fancy gym, go to your fancy gym. If you love eating at excellent restaurants, bon appetit. 

There's always a place to sacrifice, but it doesn't have to be what others tell us it should be. It's sad to watch clients reluctantly give up something that adds value to their life simply because everyone around them is slowly but surely guilting them into it. At some point, we convince ourselves that what we're doing is wrong or stupid. But in many cases, it's not. We're exactly where we should be. 

I'm really glad I bought that coffee yesterday. I just may do the same today. Or not. Either way, I won't sweat the things that add richness to my life. There are plenty of places to sacrifice.....this won't be one of them. 

It Doesn't Have to Break the Bank

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, TJ and I made our way to a Chicago Cubs game after our conference on Thursday night. We had the most wonderful time! It was quite spontaneous, as evidenced by our not deciding to go until 1PM the day of the game. That's what makes some of these memories so fun. While eating lunch, TJ suggested we buy tickets.....so we jumped on the Seat Geek app and bought tickets. Despite popular belief, creating memories doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg.

Do you remember those old Mastercard commercials where they listed out all the costs of a particular thing, then the last item's price was listed as "priceless?" That's what I thought of while we were at the game. Here's what my ad might look like:

Tickets to the game: $32

Parking: $15

Italian Beef: $11

Old Style Beer: $12

Lifelong Memories: Priceless

I paid $70 for an impulsive outing to create memories that I wlll surely carry with me for years to come. It was the easiest $70 I'll spend all month. I could play the "I could use that $70 for something more responsible" game, or the "but I don't need it" game, but no other use of that $70 would generate the return Thursday's night escapades did. Those memories truly are priceless!

That's the power of memories. Some memories are free, some are expensive, and some are just pretty dang affordable. They are often even sweeter when they are impulsive, as it adds a different dynamic to the situation.

What's an impulsive decision you recently made that resulted in a fun, priceless memory? I'd love to hear your stories!!!

Comfort or Impact

For nearly two years, Cole has been prodding me to record a specific episode I desperately fought against. His idea was simple: He would join me on the mics, and we would each detail our family's monthly budget...bit by bit. Yes, one of the things I try to focus on when creating content is vulnerability and transparency. Honesty always wins. However, the episode Cole was proposing was about seven steps further than I was comfortable going. I've discussed all sorts of personal financial and non-financial topics on the podcast and blog. However, this idea was something completely different. It was beyond my level of comfort.

A few weeks ago, he finally beat me into submission and we recorded the episode. I dreaded the moments leading up to it, the actual recording was fine (I always love being on the mics), and I dreaded it every day until it was published....then I dreaded it some more. As Cole predicted, it quickly gained traction and will likely become one of our top 10 most downloaded episodes ever.....much to my chagrin.

Cole and I have received much feedback about the episode since it was published. Here's the interesting part, though. The feedback rarely has anything to do with money. Rather, it revolves around the values and principles we discussed in and around the budget. Topics such as parenting, marriage, faith, generosity, and inheritances. It's as I always say: money is NEVER about money. It's always about something bigger. I think this episode perfectly reflects that concept. We sat down to talk about money, but instead, we ended up talking about what really matters most.

It's fun to see the impact this episode is having on people. Spouses are listening to it together, then using it as the basis for their own conversations. It's giving couples new topics to discuss, such as personal spending, investing in the marriage, and what it means to "provide" for their children. It's providing outside context to help people recognize they aren't the only ones struggling with inflation, putting all the pieces together, and prioritization.

I fought this for two years, but here we are. If my comfort had continued to win out, this impact wouldn't happen. I can have comfort or impact, but I can't have both. It's a sobering lesson for someone who talks about this very principle on a weekly basis. "I told you so" probably won't come out of Cole's mouth, so I'll just name it here. Cole, you told me so. Right on, my man. Keep pushing me when I need to be pushed. We can have comfort or impact, but we can't have both.

If you want to listen to this episode, you can find it on APPLE, SPOTIFY, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

It Depends On How You Look at It

A few years ago, I was having a casual conversation with a fellow husband/father. We were talking about marriage and parenting, when we went down an interesting rabbit trail. He commented on how he and his wife hadn't been on an actual date in more than five years. Five years!?!? In short, he said they couldn't justify spending money on a babysitter. Between the babysitter, drinks, and dinner, a date night "is just too expensive to justify." So they don’t.

He quickly turned the tables on me by asking about our babysitter rhythm. I told him we spend about $200-$300/month on babysitting, which usually includes a few date nights. He looked at me as though I just went to the casino and threw my life savings on red. How irresponsible of me!!! He busted my chops a bit and couldn't believe someone "financially responsible" would throw away money like that.

He looked at babysitters as a needless cash drain. My perspective was a bit (ok, a lot) different. When we hire a babysitter, we aren't paying a young adult money to watch our kids. We are investing in our marriage. We are providing ourselves the opportunity to spend time together, one-on-one or with friends, and create memories aside from our children. It also allows us to recharge and get on the same page to be better spouses and parents. In other words, that babysitting money has an incredible return on investment!

Much of personal finance is a variation of this concept. It depends on how you look at it. Me walking into a Starbucks to order myself a burnt coffee = wasteful spending. Me meeting a youth group kid at Starbucks, their favorite coffee shop = an investment into my relationship with them. Me spending $60 on a monthly massage that I don't need = throwing away money. Me spending $60 on a monthly massage that helps recharge and eliminate aches = priceless. Me hiring an assistant isn’t cheap, and it takes money out of my pocket. Me hiring an assistant allows me more time and mental/emotional capacity to serve people better and unlock greater potential in our business.

Money is NEVER about money.....it's always about something bigger. If we can move past the dollars and cents and understand the real reason we do the things we do, we make better choices. It all depends on how you look at it.

If Not, What's the Point?

One of my clients was recently considering making a somewhat major purchase……in the +/- $25,000 range. This is no small sum of money, and they fully recognize that. The particular item they were considering isn’t greatly important to this conversation, and I want you to use your imagination so you can put yourself in your shoes with whatever type of item might be in your life.

On one hand, they recognize the value this item would bring to their life. Time spent with their kids, intentional time away from the house, and creating new memories. On the other hand, it’s $25,000 they would be disconnecting from their broader plan, and it would most certainly “hurt” them financially. The math says this is a bad decision, as math usually does. However, buying this item isn’t reckless and won’t materially impair them.

After discussing, here' was my opinion. Of course they should buy it!!! If not, what’s the point of all this? To me, this is the easiest yes of all time. They’ve been trying (successfully) to steward their resources well, live responsibly, explore generosity, and create memories with their kids. Mission and memories! This family is modeling what it looks like to view and handle money in a healthy way…..I hope it’s contagious with others in their circle.

Ultimately, they didn’t need me to tell them to do it. I think they knew deep down this was the right thing to do, and they are doing it! This is one of the things I love about this couple. It’s never about money…..because money is never about money. Meaning over money, always.

Do you have something like this in your life and have actually pulled the trigger? Or maybe you know what it is, but have hesitated to follow through? Would love to hear your stories! Please hit reply or drop a comment below. Have an awesome day!

Memories Are Memories

In a world obsessed with more, more, and more, we can often lose sight of what really matters. In the last week, I’ve had several conversations with parents about how they are spending thousands upon thousands of dollars on their kids. Sometimes they classify these expenditures as wants, and other times as needs. But as a general rule of thumb, if it doesn’t involve a doctor, there are very few purchases in the $1,000+ range that classify as true kid needs.

I’m not necessarily disparaging these purchase decisions. People can do whatever they want and certainly have the right to do so. However, in the midst of all the spending, we sometimes lose perspective. We can get so consumed by the idea of more spending = more fun, more memories, and more happiness. Yes, there are some memories and experiences that more money can buy. No doubt about that! My friends Cole and Kate invested in an amazing trip to New Zealand several years ago. Those memories and experiences were unique and breathtaking……and expensive. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, I celebrated it while I lived vicariously through them.

At the same time, memories are memories. Memories don’t keep score with dollars. A positive memory that costs $10 has the same value as a positive memory that costs $10,000. Last weekend, Sarah was out of town and I had a “man weekend” with the boys. We had so much fun. One of the days was packed with all sorts of adventures and activities. As I was tucking the kids to bed that night, out of nowhere Finn exclaimed, “Daddy, today was the best day ever!” Wow, that one got me and it suddenly felt like someone was cutting onions in their bedroom. Weird how that happens to us guys sometimes. As I thought about the day, I realized all we spent was $6 for a couple of ice cream cones. The truth is, they didn’t care if we had the simplest day or the most financially extravagant day. All they cared about was having me fully present and engaging with them. Kids can humble us like that.

Next time you feel guilty for not being able to “provide” something for your kids, or you feel the pressure to spend money on xyz because everyone else is, remember that memories are memories. They don’t care what you spend. They aren’t keeping score with money. When it’s time to spend on something expensive, great. But if not and until then, please don’t discredit or overlook all the amazing opportunities in front of you to create memories each and every day.

Opportunity Cost: In the Wild

On the heels of yesterday’s post about opportunity cost, at least 10 people asked if I would provide a real-life example of how the exercise works in practice. At the same time, Cole (Meaning Over Money co-founder) has been encouraging me to be more transparent with my own numbers. I feel like I’m a very transparent person, but being open with my specific numbers does not come naturally. In fact, it’s quite uncomfortable. Therefore, let’s get me out of my comfort zone!

The following is what our prioritized opportunity cost list looks like. As a reminder, this is everything that’s not a basic need in our household (housing, food, transportation, insurance, phones, interest, etc.). The following list is for a specific month, but it also resembles what a “normal” month looks like in this season of life. Our basic needs are fairly modest and we never carry any debt. Excess income is approximately $3,800 this month. With that context in mind, here we go:

1. Giving: $1,000

2. Travel: $800

3. Kids: $600 (this is a mix of needs and wants, but heavy on wants)

4. Sarah's Personal Spending: $250

5. Travis's Personal Spending: $250

6. Dining Out: $150

7. Streaming Services: $150

8. Car Fund: $150

9. Events/Entertainment: $150

10. Home Furnishings: $300

11. Investing: None

12. House Cleaning: None

13. College Funds: None

14. Lake Condo: None

When I pull back the curtain and reveal our list, a few things come to mind.

• The fact giving and travel eats up 47% of our excess income is a true reflection of how important those are in our life. They are the foundation of our family.

• I believe personal spending for each spouse should be a non-negotiable in every marriage. It acts as a great release valve and allows each spouse to live out their unique values and interests with a portion of the finances. Our house rule has always been each of us shall get the same amount…..no matter what.

• For as important as food is to our family, dining out hasn’t received as much love in recent years (initiated by COVID). Something to think about in the months to come.

• I’ve been putting $150/month into the car fund for 19 years. It works wonders!

• Investing and college funds have taken a back seat in this season of life. This is, in part, a consequence of our heavy giving and travel budgets (mission and memories, as my friend Gary Hoag likes to say).

• We stopped getting periodic house cleaning in Fall 2022…..probably something we’ll move up the list in the near future.

• Sarah REALLY wants a small condo on a lake. I mean, she REALLY wants it. This is an ongoing discussion in our household and it wouldn’t surprise me if this one moves up the list in due time.

Wow, that was as uncomfortable as I feared. Oh well, I hope you found it insightful, beneficial, and perhaps a bit entertaining. What’s most important to remember is this is a reflection of OUR values. It’s unique to us because we are the ones who have to live our life. And you get to live yours! As you do, I hope you recklessly and relentlessly live your values!

Through the Lens of Opportunity Cost

Let’s say you want to spend money on something. It could be a number of things. A new car, a fresh wardrobe, private school for your kids, or maybe a trip to Disney. Let’s also say this particular item is important to you. If it’s important to you, it’s important (other people’s opinions don’t count). Let’s assume this purchase is highly important to you.

Where is the money going to come from? No, this isn’t a pay with debt vs. a pay with cash type conversation. Whether you use debt or pay with cash, the question still stands. Where is the money going to come from? There’s no free pass. This is the essence of opportunity cost. Every time we spend one dollar on item A, it’s one less dollar we can spend on items B, C, D, E, etc. Whenever we elect to spend money on something, something else suffers. I’m not saying this through the lens of negativity, but rather a simple reality.

Let’s say you’re planning to save up for a trip to Disney…..call it $8,000. If you really want to spend $8,000 on a trip to Disney, great. But where is the money going to come from? The simple (and recommended) answer is that you’ll set money aside in your sinking fund each month until you have enough. But where is the money going to come from? Maybe you decide to set aside $500/month for the next 16 months. The most important question isn’t whether or not you should do it, but rather what you’ll give up as a consequence. That’s $500 that won’t go somewhere else……so what is that something else?

This question gets to the heart of aligning our values with our behaviors. It forces us to look at each part of our life objectively, prioritize, then act. If you do that in earnest, you may decide not to go to Disney. Or you may immediately decide Disney is important, then discern what to give up in order to make it happen. But there’s a very real cost either way.

Here’s a quick idea of how to execute this:

1. Make a list of all the things in your financial life that are wants (i.e. not your basic needs to survive). This includes items such as dining out, travel, entertainment, extra debt payments, investing, etc.

2. Put a monthly dollar amount next to each of these items.

3. Prioritize them in order of most important to least important.

4. Determine which ones make the cut in your monthly budget this month (i.e. there’s enough money to fund it), and execute accordingly.

5. Repeat this process every so often to ensure you continue to align your values with your behavior.

When you do this, you’ll say yes to your yes’s and no to your no’s. It’s not always easy, but you will most certainly find more contentment and satisfaction when you know you’re pursuing what really matters to you.

The Cost of Status

Do you ever ask yourself why you spend money on x thing? We often buy something because we want it, but why do we want it? It’s the reason behind the reason. It’s not atypical to have multiple reasons to buy something, needs and wants alike. Regardless, it’s important to recognize our true motives. When we do, we make better choices for better reasons. Let’s use a recent real-life example I encountered. Someone wanted to buy a truck. Here’s the breakdown:

• They NEED a different vehicle because their current one is on its last legs.

• They NEED a truck to facilitate the various hauling and transport needs in their life/work.

• They WANT a bigger truck so they can further expand their hauling capabilities.

• They WANT fancy bells and whistles…… because they like fancy bells and whistles.

All this is making sense so far, but there was one more component missing from the list. It was the elephant in the room, which needed to be called out. Despite all the reasons listed above, this missing factor was the biggest emotional driver of the bunch, as well as the one that had the largest impact on the price tag:

• They WANT people to know they are successful.

There’s another name for this: status. Whether it’s consciously or subconsciously done, most of us do certain things in pursuit of status. The brands we wear, the restaurants we dine at, the neighborhoods we live in, the places we travel, the schools we choose, the organizations we belong to……this list keeps going. This particular person cared a LOT about driving a new, top-end model because it was a signal to others that they are successful. This one nuance alone has the potential to drive the price up by $20,000-$30,000.

I’ve worked with many people who spend thousands of dollars per month in the pursuit of status. My job is not to judge them, but rather ask them a few questions:

• Is that what you really want?

• Is it worth it?

• Is there something you’d rather spend this money on?

When we name it head-on and people are real with themselves, most people relent and make different decisions. Some, however, are more than happy to spend on status. Not my personal cup of tea, as I believe bought status moves us away from genuine meaning and fulfillment. But at least they can call a spade a spade. Eyes wide open, properly understanding the why behind the why.

What about you? In what ways do you find yourself consciously or subconsciously buying status?

What We're Really Buying

We think we’re buying a car, but we’re often buying status. We think we’re buying plane tickets, but we’re really buying memories. We think we’re buying a college degree, but we’re really buying credibility. We think we’re buying an app or software, but we’re really buying time and efficiency. We think we’re buying a babysitter when we go on a date night, but we’re really investing in our marriage.

I was thinking about this idea recently while sipping on a Spanish Latte at our coffee shop, Northern Vessel. As I’m enjoying my drink, and watching other people enjoying theirs, I realize none of us really paid for coffee. We paid for hospitality and a feeling. We can get a cup of coffee anywhere, and I often do. I make coffee at home each morning and I frequent many different copy shops around my metro. Each one offers a different experience. Some offer a bland experience, some offer a bad experience, and some offer something worth investing in. Yes, the coffee matters. Nobody wants to pay for bad coffee. However, at the heart of it, especially when done well, it’s not really about the coffee. It’s about how the experience, staff, and product make us feel.

When we walk into a business and are met with a smile and warm welcome, it matters. There’s nothing more demoralizing than walking into some business and immediately feeling like we’re inconveniencing them. It makes me not want to buy their product. Why? Because we’re really not just buying the product…..there’s something more.

The message behind this post is two-fold. First, as a consumer, we should take a moment when we’re about to make a purchase and ask ourselves what we’re really buying. I’m about to buy new bikes for my kids. They like riding bikes, they need new bikes, and they will benefit from having new bikes. But if I ask myself my own question, I have a different answer. The nighttime and summer rides I share with my boys are sacred to me. It’s a chance to spend meaningful time with them, explore, get exercise, teach them about pushing themselves, and create memories. In other words, these bikes are priceless. Through that lens, these bikes may be the biggest bargain I pay for all year.

Second, we should think about this idea from the perspective of a business owner, employee, or whatever role you play in your work. We aren’t just selling products. We are offering something much deeper. Whenever someone purchases my services, listens to our podcast, reads this blog, or listens to me speak, it’s not about the product. Instead, it’s about how they feel and experience it…..meeting that deeper need. Everything in my career changed when I learned this lesson many years ago. You have your own version of this in your work. Really embrace that and use your opportunity for impact. Even something as simple as a cup of coffee has the power to make a difference. Just imagine the opportunity in front of you!

As you start your day, please take a moment to think about this idea through the various aspects of your life and work. It can be a game-changer!

Credit Card Myths: Travel Edition

If you know me at any level, whether that be personally or someone who consumes some of our content, you’ll know that I’m anti-credit card. I have several reasons for despising credit cards, spanning the spectrum of principles, ethics, psychology, control, and simplicity, to name a few. I won’t rehash all the reasons in this post. Every time I discuss the topic of credit cards, I know all the arguments people will use against me. The most popular defense of credit cards is the benefit of points, cash back, and miles. If you’re interested, I did a podcast episode about why most people (yes, probably even you) are actually losing money with their points.

Another common pushback I receive about my position on credit cards is the necessity of having one to travel. Flights, hotels, rental cars, and retailers…..all of these require a credit card, right? What kind of idiot travels without a credit card? Well, me. My wife and I just got back from a 10-day trip that included Qatar and multiple cities in Thailand. No credit card. As always, we had cash, our primary debit card, and our travel debit card. That’s it! To be honest, there’s not a lot to argue about. It works great. It worked as well on this trip as the other 30+ countries I’ve been to. It’s a myth. We don’t NEED a credit card to travel.

There are a few nuances. Take hotels, for example. Most hotels require a damage deposit to protect themselves in the event you decide to throw a raver or rip the TV off the wall. Each hotel is different, as evidenced by the three we stayed at. One put a temporary $200 hold on our travel debit card, one required a refundable $100 cash deposit, and the third didn’t require anything. All of our flights go on a debit card. That’s an absolute non-issue. As for rental cars, it’s hit and miss. Any time I need to rent a car, I’ll check with the company beforehand to ensure they don’t require a debit card. Some do, but most don’t. I just choose one that doesn’t.

Life is always simpler without a credit card, and travel life is no different. We have a sum of money in our travel fund to spend on travel. When we use an ATM to take out local currency, it comes out of our account. When we swipe our debit card at retailers, it comes out of our account. When we grab an Uber, it comes out of our account. At any point on the trip, we can see exactly how much we have left to spend. It’s easy, it’s simple, and it’s freeing. We have zero financial stress coming back to America, as we only spent the money we had in our travel checking account. Nothing will haunt us, we won’t be paying for this trip for the next few months (or years), and we don’t have to worry about anything other than trying to catch up with life when we return. I’ve worked with hundreds of families over the years and I can confirm the post-trip stress caused by credit card use can be brutal.

There are so many myths surrounding the topic of credit cards. Hopefully today’s thoughts about one of them will at least give you something to think about. Happy travels!

Have Your Cake and Eat It, Too

A few days ago, I met a woman in Thailand who is familiar with our podcast. It was shocking that she knows who we are - especially on the other side of the world - but her kind words were uplifting and encouraging. One of the things she said struck me. She loves how we continually talk about and teach the importance of being financially responsible……while also living with meaning and enjoyment.

She went on to share how this mindset makes all the difference. It’s easy to put our mathematical hat on and make the ”best financial decision.” Doing so takes no effort and no thoughtfulness. We simply do the math and make whatever decision results in us having the most money. Unfortunately, when we let math guide all of our decisions, we turn into fun-hating robots. We hoard our resources, say “no” to anything fun, and constantly wonder when enough is enough (spoiler: it will never be). Conversely, living financially responsible AND with meaning allows us to disconnect ourselves from constantly making mathematical decisions.

Yes, let’s save, give, invest, and practice frugality in the various areas of life. These are inherently good things and our life will most certainly be better for having done them. However, let’s also take that trip, buy that thing, make that memory, eat that meal, and go to that event. These things add so much richness to our life. It’s about balance and intentionality. When we get it right, we truly can have our cake……and eat it, too.

The Dreaded B-Word

I talk about budgeting every single day. It’s a cornerstone of my coaching. It’s not because I especially love budgeting, but rather because of how important it is. It’s so important, in my perspective, that we need to get that right if we want to achieve the other financial goals in our life. People will often tell me they do great without a budget. That may be partially true, but they also don’t know what they don’t know. From my experience, they are driving a 5-speed transmission but only think it has 3 gears. 3rd gear feels really fast if you’ve never experienced a 4th or 5th gear. Something very powerful is unlocked when budgeting is done right.

I get it, the idea of budgeting is terrible. Most people (fairly) assume budgeting will suck the fun out of their life. That’s simply how budgeting is approached by the vast majority of our financial world. Stop spending, be responsible, cut back. We treat it as a crash diet. I think we’re missing the point. The objective of a budget isn’t to spend less, but rather to spend better. It’s a way to live out our values. So through the lens of “spend less”, yeah, I’d hate budgeting, too. But through the lens of “spend better”, budgeting gives us life. It’s a tangible way to execute our hopes, dreams, values, and principles.

Last week, one of my 6-year-olds approached me and asked, “Daddy, when is the end of the month?” When I asked him why, he responded, “because I want to go to Chuck-E-Cheese and thought we could put Chuck-E-Cheese in the new budget.” “Yeah, bud, let’s put it in the budget next month. That will be a lot of fun. What else should we put into the budget?”

Even at 6, he’s realizing this money stuff shouldn’t suck. It shouldn’t rip the fun and enjoyment out of life. It shouldn’t hinder our ability to live a quality life. He’s already learning that it’s a way that we can intentionally plan for fun things and live out our family’s values.

As this week begins, I encourage you to look at money through the lens of “spend better”, not “spend less.”

The Joneses Don’t Know They Are The Joneses

Most of us know the saying, “keeping up with the Joneses.” It’s become the motto of modern-day American materialism, referring to the never-ending pursuit to keep up with the spending lifestyles of our neighbors, friends, and colleagues. The house we live in, the car we drive, the school our kids go to, where we go on vacation, the clubs we belong to……the list goes on and on. This phenomenon is a significant contributor to people’s decisions. We all like to say and pretend it doesn’t impact us, but I’ve spent enough time with clients to know we’re being naive if we think that way.

Here’s how powerful of a force The Joneses are in our lives. When we buy a house, we’re not just committing to a certain down payment and monthly mortgage payment. When we select our house, or more specifically, our neighborhood, we’re committing to a lifestyle. This singular decision about what street or neighborhood to move to has the potential to fundamentally change the way we live our lives. That’s a terrifying thought, but it’s as true as the sky is blue.

I want to share a story. It’s a story of four families. These four families are amongst a larger group of friends and neighbors. Through various odd circumstances and connections, I’ve had the privilege of spending time with these families in one way or another. Through conversations with the first couple, it becomes clear the pressure of keeping up with their neighbors adds a level of stress to their marriage. Then when I talk to another couple, they admitted some of their credit card debt is attributed to expensive meals and trips with their neighbors. Then when I interact with the third couple, they get frustrated by “having” to go to certain events (accompanied by a high cost). Lastly, the fourth couple admitted to making a few questionable vehicle purchases out of fear of negative judgment.

Here’s the kicker. Each of these families gets frustrated by trying to keep up with The Joneses (i.e. their neighbors), but to their neighbor, THEY are The Joneses. By trying to keep up with each other, they in turn become the thing each other is trying to keep up with. It’s irony at its finest.

Here’s the good news: every family has the power to hop off the Joneses train. It’s scary to be the first family to jump off, but doing so may give the second family the courage to do it as well. Once the second family does, it allows the entire Joneses structure to crumble.

Think about your own circle. Do you need to be the first of the Joneses to jump off the train?

No Thank You to No Spend Months

In the personal finance space, it’s popular to practice “no spend months.” The idea is simple. Pick a month, don’t spend anything other than needs that month, save some the cash, and just like that, you’ve magically made your financial life better. Some of the biggest money “experts" advocate for this type of thing, but I couldn’t disagree with it more.

The message behind no spend months is clear: spending money on wants is irresponsible, unimportant, and hurtful. Therefore, when we can muster the energy and discipline to not spend money on wants, our life improves.

Alternatively, I argue that spending money on wants is important. Not ALL the wants, but some wants. You know, the ones that actually add value to your life. If we have a healthy relationship with our money, we’re able to find a balance between spending, saving, and giving. Too many people are being told spending is bad, leading them down the road to hoarding. It’s tragic and destructive, and it needs to stop. No spend months are like a crash diet. Sure, we see immediate and seemingly impressive progress. But once we stop the diet, we’re likely to binge and catapult ourselves back to where we started…..or worse.

When you buy your Starbucks drink today, or grab a deli lunch with a friend, or snag a new pair of shoes, or hit the theater to check out the latest movie, I hope it adds value to your life. I hope you enjoy it, feel no guilt or regrets, and give yourself a fist bump for enjoying some of what God has blessed you with. That’s so much healthier than a ridiculous no spend month.

Spending YOUR Values

As a culture, we’ve collectively decided what’s a “responsible” thing to do with money, and what’s foolish.

• Spending money on something you don’t need = foolish

• Buying a house = responsible

• Spending money on rent = foolish

• $30,000/year on college = responsible

• $300 at a nice restaurant = foolish

• Buying a new car and financing it = responsible

• Buying a big-screen TV and video game system = foolish

We hear some of these things so much that we often take them for granted and it quickly becomes a universal truth. As we do with many things, we turn money and spending decisions into a black-and-white conversation. This is one of the main reasons why most people don’t have a good alignment between their values and their financial behaviors. They say one thing, then do another. At the heart of this incongruency is the reality most of us lock into culture’s values instead of taking time to discern what OUR values are.

Here’s a very simple, but perfect, example. One of my friends shared that her family members often criticize her for her expensive gym membership. Now, it is in fact true her gym membership cost is higher than average. However, I need to add one relevant fact to the equation. She’s a fitness competitor, personal trainer, and model! This is literally what she does for a living…..and it’s her passion. Her expensive gym membership completely aligns with her values. For me, that gym membership would be absurd. For her, it’s perfect. Context matters!

Each person, family, situation, dream, calling, and value is different. Thus, each of us needs to make our own choices that align with these things. One family I know spends several thousand dollars per month on dining out because it’s the path of least resistance. When I ask them if they enjoy it, they say, “no.” It’s not fun for them, it doesn’t add a lot of value, and they worry about the health implications. Another family spends a similar amount, except the reason is different. They deeply enjoy going out to a nice dinner with friends, sharing a bottle of wine, trying new cuisines, and creating memories. For them, it’s one of the best things they do with money. In my opinion, I view this expense as responsible for one family and foolish for the other. Context matters.

What’s something you find valuable in your life that culture would say is foolish? Drop a comment down below. Have an awesome day!

Cost vs. Value

I’ve had $5 meals that were a rip-off and $200 meals that were a bargain. It’s easy to look at those two prices and naturally assume it’s the other way around. After all, $5 isn’t much and $200 is far too much. However, we tend to look at just one side of the coin: cost. When assessing purchases in our lives, we need to look at both cost AND value. The cost matters, but the value is equally important. In order to determine if the cost is worth it, whether $5 or $200, we need to understand the value to us.

Here’s the catch. We all have a different measuring stick and a varying set of interests by which we assess value. Some of you may see $200 tied to the price of a single meal and it makes you want to literally or figuratively vomit. I totally understand that. Through your lens, and your value system, there can’t possibly be enough value derived from a $200 meal to justify it in a million years. On the other hand, many of you know exactly what I’m talking about and you can absolutely see how an amazing $200 meal is worth it.

This starts to lean into the idea of cheap vs. frugal. Cheap is an inability to spend money, whereas frugal is the determination to only spend on things that add more value than they cost. So yes, a $200 meal could still be considered a frugal purchase if the perceived value is high enough.

As I always say about budgeting and spending, “the objective isn’t to spend less, but rather to spend better.” Better is better, and my better is different than your better. The sooner we tune out the noise created by everyone around us and start leaning into our own unique values, the sooner we find contentment and satisfaction in our spending.

What’s something you find valuable for the price but most perceive as a rip-off?

Netflix For the Entire Town!

I was recently in a coaching session when things got heated between the husband and wife. They were trying to figure out how to free up some cashflow in their monthly budget so they can lean into things they actually value. Here’s where the conversation broke down. One spouse wanted to cancel Netflix and the other wanted to cancel Hulu.

This in and of itself isn’t an interesting conversation……until I point out the fact they spend $3,000/month dining out and another $1,800 on their combined car payments. Yes, you read that correctly. We are arguing about a $15/month service fee when just these two other categories alone account for $4,800/month.

At some point, I jumped into the conversation with the line, “with how much you spend on food and your cars, you could buy Netflix for the entire town!”

This comment cut the tension and caused a laugh, then we moved on. This sounds crazy - because it is - but is a perfect example of what happens when we unintentionally create sacred cows in our life. Without knowing it, we turn certain things into a non-negotiable. We cement it in our life and never again stop to think that perhaps there’s a better approach. This couple turned dining out and their cars into sacred cows, even at the expense of so many things they believe in and dream about.

They now have an opportunity to make a choice. And not making a choice is still making a choice. The same goes for you, and for me.

* The couple gave me permission to share this story. They thought the absurdity of their situation could help others….or at least give them a laugh to start their day!

"I Would Have Felt Guilty"

I was recently meeting with a client who just did something out of character for his wiring. He purchased two things that were very much wants. Outdoor equipment and tickets to a few events. On the surface, these are very normal and customary purchases for most people…..but not for him. He’s wired as a big-time saver and these types of decisions don’t come easy for him. Despite what our cultural narrative says, not everyone is out there recklessly spending and spiraling themselves into debt. Many people deal with a polar opposite, but equally destructive habit: hoarding. This is a rampant problem caused by a “responsible” segment of our society that demonizes spending and applauds saving. And if saving some is applauded, saving more gets an even bigger applause. This sentiment, carried over years and decades, has led an entire generation into a hoarding mindset.

What I love about my young friend is his self-awareness of this potential pitfall in his behavior. He recognized it early, keenly knew it probably wasn’t healthy, then took steps to address it. Today, he has a healthy balance of saving, spending, and giving. When I asked him about these purchases, he was excited to share the news. It was pure and genuine excitement. He added, “Before we started working together, I would have felt guilty.” This time? No guilt. Not one ounce.

No guilt, no regrets, and no second-guessing. Just intentional decisions that fit into his broader plan, to create experiences with people he loves, which will turn into lifelong memories.