The Reminders We Don't Want

On Saturday, during the busiest day of the week, our Northern Vessel coffee shop experienced what could have been the most tragic of situations. A car, stolen earlier that morning, barrelled into the side of our shop at full speed. It first struck a customer standing out front, sending him through the main window and down into the basement (the cavern being exposed due to the impact).

At the same time, two of our full-time staff members and a loyal customer were sitting on the built-in bench with their backs against the glass window. Upon impact, as the bench was dislocated (exposing the basement where the outside passenger fell), these three individuals began to retreat and were thrown across the room.

Miraculously, nobody sustained life-threatening injuries. In the aftermath, as the team looked around the room, now covered in glass and blood, it was a harsh reminder of how delicate our lives are. One minute we are enjoying a sunny weekend afternoon sipping a coffee while hanging with friends, and the next minute all hell breaks loose. We often take for granted how special this opportunity of life is.

I've been debating all week about whether I should write about this situation. My gut initially said no, but something else happened. Well, two something elses. One of my team members experienced an unfathomable tragedy in her life last week. That's not my story to tell, but it's a story that makes me weak in the knees just thinking about it. And just two days ago, a team member at one of my clients also experienced a tragedy that's hard to wrap my head around.

To be honest, I've had a hard time processing all of this. Life happens, because life always happens. But these are hard pills to swallow. These are the reminders we don't want. Reminders about how someone you care about so much can be gone in a heartbeat. Reminders about how unpredictable this life can be. Reminders about how meaningless money, status, and stuff are in the big picture. Sure, we need to handle our finances well and care for ourselves. Absolutely. But when push comes to shove, 99.9% of us would give up all the money in the world to be with those we love. But in the repetitive rhythm of our lives, it's easy to forget that. We quickly find ourselves fixating on something a bit more superficial.

This is why meaning over money is so important. Life is too delicate, too short, and too special to focus on the money. Hug your loved ones, create memories, and always live for the meaning.

Beware of Survivorship Bias

I had a fun dinner last night with some of the employees who work for my client. One of them asked me about our most recent podcast, which took us down the finance rabbit hole. One of the young men commented on how debt is good, citing its prevalent use as a common trait amongst wealthy people. The dots were connected that using debt fuels success. In some ways, he's right. Using debt can propel success. On the flip side, however, just as using debt can accelerate success, it can also accelerate failure. But we don't talk about that much in our culture. Why?

It reminds me of a story I once heard about WWII. After the battle, the bomber planes returned to base riddled with bullet holes. Most prominently, the wings and tail looked like Swiss cheese. After assessing the damage, the experts recommended they add more armor to these areas of the plane. After all, these were the hot spots getting obliterated by enemy fire. Then, one man stepped in and proclaimed they should do the opposite. Instead of armoring the areas of the plane most hit, they should armor the areas of the plane least hit. Why? Because the only planes they had access to were the survivors. What did the missing planes look like? If the surviving planes had limited damage to the engine and cockpit, that could be the tell. The experts had become biased due to having just one particular data set (the survivors), not considering a whole other data set missing. They got fixated on what they could see, and forgot about what they couldn't see.

Back to wealthy people and debt. Yes, many wealthy people attribute some of their success to using debt. There's truth in this. However, it's only part of the story. These are the survivors. These are the ones who made it back to base. What about the others? As much as the winners are talking about winning, most losers aren't publicly talking about losing. It can be embarrassing and uncomfortable. So we get a cultural echo chamber where the only people we hear from are the survivors.

Asked another way, how often have you heard someone in your life talk about how much they lost at the casino? Not many. Same with the stock market. How many people in your world do you know that openly talk about getting absolutely thrashed by that hot stock tip they received from some co-worker or neighbor? It's rare. The silence is deafening. We only hear from the survivors.

You may have heard the stories of people who used debt and won. They are more than happy to boast about their spoils. On the other hand, I have met with dozens upon dozens of families who didn't succeed. They used debt.....and lost. They didn't survive. These are some of the saddest situations I can think of. And they are suffering in silence.

Beware of survivorship bias.

The Stock Market Is Melting....or Is It?

Per usual, there's been a lot of talk about how bad the stock market is. According to the prevailing narrative, it's "risky," people have lost a lot of money, and it's not wise to put money in it. Whenever I wander into these types of conversations, I always ask why people think that. Inevitably, the answer is some form of "because it's lost so much money." 

First, I'm not belittling anyone here. I understand perfectly well why people have this impression of the stock market. If you watch the news, they consistently report the big red arrows pointing down......but rarely show the big green arrows pointing up. It's doom and gloom. If it bleeds, it leads. 

There's also the reality that the 21st century has started a bit (er, a lot) rocky. Over the last 23.5 years, here's what we've experienced:

• Y2K

• Tech bubble burst

• Worst terror attack in US history

• Multiple wars

• 2nd worst recession in US history

• Housing market collapse

• Global pandemic

• rampant inflation

• 4 stock market crashes (-46%, -54%, -32%, and -25%)

Pretty insane, right?!?!

So when people feel like the world is melting and the stock market is an absolute disaster, I get it. But what's the truth? Through all that, over 23.5 years, the stock market is up 6.7% per year. If you would have invested on 1/1/2000, your money would be worth 4.6x what it started as. You more than quadrupled your money. Re-read my list of chaos above.....then digest that the market has gone up 4.6x through all that. Crazy, but true!

Perspective matters, as I love to say. Our world takes simple, practical, and effective ideas, and perverts them into urban legends and half-truths. Truth matters, but there's so much noise in the financial world that it's hard to see it sometimes. 

Whether you're investing in your work's 401(k)/403(b), your IRAs, or other types of stock market investing, remember this concept, and don't lose any sleep at night! In the world of meaning over money, losing sleep over investments is not leaning into the meaning. You got this!

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Yesterday, we released a podcast episode about the same topic. If you have a friend who enjoys reading, please consider passing along the blog post. If you have a friend who enjoys listening to podcasts, please consider the same. You can find it on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. 

Note: The figures mentioned above are based on the S&P 500 and include the reinvestment of dividends.

Five Margaritas Deep

My friend Kelsey sent me a meme the other day. Given our dozens of conversations about work and meaning, she knew I would get a kick out of it. Here's what it said: "I don't have a dream job because I don't dream about working. I dream about being 5 margaritas deep on a Caribbean island." 

It definitely gave me a good laugh! Someone probably made it to be tongue-in-cheek, but the best jokes are rooted in truth. First, let's get something straight. I love being five margaritas deep on a Caribbean island as much as the next person.

Work gets a bad rap in our culture. It's a means to an end, a necessary evil, something we do because we have to do it. From the time we are kids, work gets stigmatized. 

• We're made to work as punishment.

• Our earliest jobs are usually pretty crappy (two of mine were raking sand traps at 6AM in the summer and working in the cheese factory at 4AM on Sundays).

• If 70% of Americans dislike or hate their jobs, there's a high likelihood we watch at least one of our parents have a negative relationship with their work.

• We usually launch into adulthood with a bunch of debt, meaning we feel immediate pressure to find work to pay for the loan payments.

Every step of the way, we're learning and feeling that work sucks. With that context in mind, I get it! It makes sense why we would collectively view and treat work like a necessary evil.

Here's a different perspective of work I'd encourage you to think about. Work isn't something we have to do, but rather something we get to do. Not everyone is physically and mentally healthy enough to be productive.....it's a gift to have that ability. Work isn't just trading our time for money. It's an opportunity to use our skills, creativity, passions, experience, and influence to serve people. Serving customers, colleagues, and bosses. When we work, we add value to other people's lives:

• My kids get to enjoy an afternoon at the pool because the lifeguards are using their skills to keep watch and order. Without them, there is no pool.

• I shared a meal with a friend last night. Without the waiter and cooks, none of that would have happened. 

• My bike chain recently broke, and I took it to the shop. Without the team at my local bike shop, I wouldn't have a working bike to enjoy.

Maybe none of these examples are your dream job, but let's not lose sight of the value of work. It's not a necessary evil. It's an opportunity to make the world a better place. It's a chance for us to improve the lives of others. Yeah, we get to make some money along the way as well. That's awesome. But let's not demean the value of work in our lives. After all, that's what makes those "five margaritas deep on a Caribbean island" days so satisfying. 

Don't Judge a Birria By Its Cover

I'm in a men's group that meets every Wednesday at noon. Each week, a different person is responsible for choosing the restaurant. We only have three rules:

1. The chooser can't announce the selected restaurant until within 60 minutes of the meeting time.

2. The restaurant has to be within the city limits.

3. No national chains. 

This week was my week! I chose my favorite Mexican restaurant because they recently began serving Birria tacos. If you have yet to try Birria tacos, immediately stop reading this blog and Google where you can find them in your town. Anyway, this restaurant is always a no-brainer for me. There's a running joke in our town that every time a new restaurant is being built, we assume it's a Mexican restaurant. I just fact-checked it and can confirm our 72,000-person town has 12 Mexican restaurants......and my favorite is ranked #12. Dead last! Are you kidding me?!?!

Birria for the win!!

Here's the thing. This restaurant isn't fancy. It looks suspect on the outside, and though the inside is clean, there's nothing notable about the atmosphere. When I mention it to other residents, they respond with, "Ew, I'd never go there," or "I've never actually been there before." So how does such a "bad" restaurant become one of my favorites in town? Perhaps it's because of all the time I spend in SE Asia, but I've learned that when it comes to restaurants, we should never judge a book by its cover. Some of the best food in the world is served in some of the most unassuming spaces. Now I'm not calling this Mexican restaurant some of the best food in the world, but I am asserting that it's grossly overlooked for all the wrong reasons. When dining at a restaurant, I want fantastic food, served with a positive attitude, at a reasonable price. And "reasonable" is contextual to the situation. I've had $8 meals that were overpriced and $100 meals that were underpriced. But the food needs to stand on its own. 

This story has parallels with so many areas of life. We often overlook opportunities for the silliest of reasons:

• Everyone else is overlooking it, so it must not be good.

• It's not shiny and sexy.

• If we try it and fail, people may laugh at us.

• We don't clearly define what's important to us.

• It's easier to do what everyone else is doing

• We trust people's opinions, even when we shouldn't. 

Whether it's a suspect-looking restaurant or an interesting opportunity that presents itself to you, consider this idea. Some of the best gifts are wrapped in the dullest packaging. And remember, nobody really cares about the wrapping paper once you get inside. 

Empty Pantries and Rolexes

I had a fantastic week working in Midland, TX. The days were long and I missed my family, but I’m so glad I had the opportunity to make the trip and do work that matters. As I was flying home last night, I inadvertently found myself eavesdropping on a conversation happening immediately behind me. It was a man, probably in his 40s, talking to another man. They started talking about where they grew up, but the discussion quickly shifted to the first man’s childhood. He shared the harrowing story of poverty and how he and his siblings never knew if there would be a meal at night. The pantry was often empty, and he and his siblings would often find small jobs to bring in a little extra money to contribute to the family. I really felt for this man. I know there are a lot of people who go through similar experiences, and all are heartbreaking to me.

Fast forward an hour, and the two men start talking again. The same man again shares about his life. This time, the conversation is drastically different. He’s talking about his toys and trips. The spoils of his work. He’s an oil field guy, so there’s no doubt he grinds in his career. Work hard, play hard, as they say. What he said next perked my ears. “A few years ago, I bought a Rolex. I always wanted a Rolex, so I decided to get one. $15,000. But after wearing it once, I realized I didn’t really like it. So I just threw it in a drawer. Been sitting there for maybe 10 years. Oh well.”

As he was sharing this story, all I could think about was how $15,000 would have changed his family’s life when he was a kid with an empty pantry and an empty stomach. Granted, he probably doesn’t own a Delorean to go back in time*…..but he kind of does. There are so many people struggling today. Struggling in the same way he once struggled. Kids who go to bed hungry every day, probably in his own town. How much impact could he make with $15,000? Probably a ton! Instead, there’s $15,000 (plus appreciation) just sitting in a junk drawer in his kitchen.

I’m not demeaning this man. In fact, he’s pretty normal. Maybe not the Rolex part, but in the way he’s lost perspective as more resources came into his life. I see it daily and walk alongside countless families fighting that same battle. Some are winning, and some are losing. It’s so easy to lose sight of where we came from. We whine about how our 5-bedroom house isn’t big enough, yet that dumpy 1-bedroom apartment 20 years ago was just fine. We’re adamant that we need to drop $10,000+ to stay on-site at Disney World to “get the full experience,” but we were happy as clams to sit on the floorboards of the no-A/C van, listening to our parents’ lame music for 10 straight hours, on a family road trip to Mount Rushmore when we were kids. Here’s the cool part, though. It’s never too late. We are one or two decisions from drastically and suddenly shifting the trajectory of our life (and maybe someone else’s). Don’t allow money to let you lose perspective.

*Side note: I heard the other day that if Back to the Future was made today, Marty McFly would go back to 1993. Let that sink in……

Good Ideas Are Good Ideas

While in a meeting today, my Media Director casually mentioned what may be the best idea I’ve heard all week. It’s a new concept for the podcast that could be a game-changer for us. A few hours before that, my assistant dropped an amazing idea in my lap. Just yesterday, while having coffee with a youth group kid, they dropped a little brilliant gem of an idea on me. A few days ago, a client shared a totally fresh idea about how we can handle our finances well.

Good ideas are all around us! Frequently, however, we’re so set in our ways that we disregard or overlook these amazing ideas. It’s a shame. Pride, stubbornness, and laziness are often the culprits that come between us and the countless brilliant ideas that land on our plates. If I’m being honest, most of the good things I’ve done in my life are the ideas, or inspiration from the ideas, shared with me by people in my circle.

What’s interesting is much of the time, people don’t realize their brilliant ideas are brilliant ideas. They are just sharing perspectives, experiences, or stories. They don’t open their mouths with the explicit intent of dropping game-changing ideas on others. They are just chatting and being real.

The question is whether we’re going to sincerely keep our ears and minds open to brilliance. It’s so easy to overlook, but if we’re intentional with how we engage with others, some of the best ideas in our lives are sitting right there waiting to be harvested. Seize the opportunity!

A Tottler

Q: What do you call a half of a tater tot?

A: A Tottler

_________

This was the ridiculous joke I was met with when I walked into a coffee shop yesterday and saw my friend, Meagan. To be honest, I didn’t walk through those doors with the intent of joking around. I started the week a bit stressed, determined to start the day by kicking butt. Enter Meagan. She just carries herself differently. She may have the weight of the world on her, but she always finds time for a laugh and a smile. If you were to meet her on the street, the first thing you’d say to yourself is, “there’s something different about her……something I want to be more like and be around more often.” She’s one of those friends I haven’t seen in years, then all of a sudden I see her many times per week. It’s been a true blessing to reconnect with her and play a role in each other’s lives.

I may be nearly two decades older than her, but I find myself learning from her approach to life. I’m one of those people who visibly wear their stress on their sleeves. I’m also one of those people who says “yes” to too many things, resulting in self-inflected stress and pressure. People like Meagan are a constant reminder to keep the bigger picture in focus, even when it feels heavy around us. No matter how stressed and overwhelmed we are, there’s always time for a laugh, a story, a coffee with a friend, and yes, even a dumb joke about baby tater tots.

Fun is Free

In a recent post, I advocated for people not reactively cutting fun spending from their life. I argue these things can be important and we shouldn’t always be so quick to gut them. As he often does, my friend Randy hit “reply” on the e-mail and shared his insights with me. He reminded me that we don’t need to spend money to enjoy life. He’s so right!

There are a lot of fun things money can buy, but there’s not a direct correlation between cost and fun. Cost doesn’t equal fun. Fun equals fun. It reminds me of last year’s spring break trip with my family. We drove to a nearby city, stayed in a hotel, ate a bunch of good food, and took the kids to see/do a ton of fun things. When we got home, I asked the kids what their favorite part of the trip was. They both had the same response: “swimming with Daddy.” They were referring to the time we spent in the dumpy indoor pool at the hotel. You know, one of the few things on our trip that didn’t cost money.

As I reflect back on my life, there’s a very low correlation between money and fun. Sure, I’ve done some really fun things that cost a lot of money. Sitting courtside at a Dallas Mavs game = a ton of fun! Traveling to Asia = so much fun! But if I’m really honest with myself, most of the fun I experience in my life is either free or very cheap. Getting ice cream cones with the family. Going on bike rides. Shooting hoops at the park with the boys. Grabbing a drink or coffee with a friend. Having a Netflix date with Sarah.

Simple is good, and simple can be fun. When we realize we don’t need money to enjoy life or have fun, it gives us freedom and it forces us to think creatively. In that creativity comes joy, fun, and memories. I always enjoy the occasional splurge on some luxury fun, but most of the time, I really love soaking in the simple joys that make life worth living.

Challenging Your Beliefs

We just arrived in Doha, Qatar, in what should be a whirlwind 24-hour adventure. This is one of our favorite places to visit. I absolutely love the Middle East. A handful of years ago, there’s zero chance I would have ever said that. When I was first offered the opportunity to travel there for work, I was admittedly nervous. After all, I watch the same news coverage you do. Lots of bad things happen in the Middle East. Then, I went…..and it changed everything for me. The Middle East is one of the safest, most family-friendly places in the world, full of sights, culture, and amazing food. Never in a million years would I think that……until I saw it with my own two eyes. I’ve been to 10 countries there and each one offers a different and unique perspective. I always look forward to going back and seek out reasons to do so.

We’re still trying to decide what to do while we’re here. Maybe we’ll ride camels, or take a dip in the Persian Gulf, or take a 4x4 tour across the expansive sand dunes. All of these are amazing experiences, by the way! We’ll most certainly eat a bunch of good food, drink tasty coffee, walk through the historical markets, and stare at the brightly lit skyline at night.

Going to the Middle East forced me to challenge my own beliefs. Had I spent my whole life being scared of the Middle East, I would have robbed myself of something wonderful. I’m grateful for younger me for leaving his comfort zone to try something new. Today’s Travis and Sarah will benefit because of it.

This applies to travel, but it also applies to so many other areas of our life. We all have bias and other deeply seeded beliefs that act as guideposts to our thoughts and actions. It’s always healthy to challenge them in the name of growth. Challenging them doesn’t mean we’re wrong, but rather gives us an opportunity to grow. It’s always hard, but always worth it.

Permission to Push Pause

I love it when people gain traction in their finances. They know what they are trying to accomplish, they get intentional, they make sacrifices, and they execute. It’s a beautiful thing. There’s a sense of satisfaction, confidence, and accomplishment that comes from such an experience.

But then, life happens! A job change, a wedding, a baby, a relocation, a career shift, a medical emergency, a new small business idea, kids college……the list goes on and on. These things are the very definition of life. There’s nothing linear about life. It’s a series of twists and turns, tragedies and delights, anxiety and confidence, sadness and joy.

While on a financial journey, especially if we’re really locked in and making progress, it can be easy to get fixated on the financial matters. After all, financial progress is a good thing. However, it can’t be the most important thing. If our finances become the most important thing, we’ve lost the game. Our finances should serve our life, not the other way around.

For that reason, you have permission to push pause. When life happens, we need to give ourselves permission to push pause on the finances and address the life in front of us. No guilt, no regrets, no second-guessing. Yes, this money stuff is important…….but the other things are more important.

I have multiple clients that have pushed pause on some of their financial endeavors so they can focus on life. Some of the best things life has to offer, and some of the worst things life has to offer. The highest of highs, the lowest of lows, and everything in between. In each of those scenarios, they needed to push pause for a season. Not forever…..just for now. It was hard at first, but their finances serve their life, not the other way around.

* This idea was given to me by my dear friend Tracy. If you have ideas for future blog posts or podcast episodes, I’d love to hear them!

When In Doubt, Zoom Out

Life seems binary, a constant string of extremes. It’s either “yes”…..or ”no.” Someone buys our product…..or they don’t. We achieve our goal…..or we don’t. Someone downloads our podcast episode…..or they don’t. Here’s one thing I do know. When we focus on these singular outcomes, it can be immensely frustrating.

This idea came up full-force recently when meeting with a client. We were reviewing their last three monthly budgets. One month they were $300 over budget. The next month they were $400 under budget. The third month they were $200 over budget. Needless to say, they felt like failures. In their mind, a “win” is nailing the budget on the head…..or perhaps being within $50 of it. Based on their definition of success, they were huge failures.

When this happens, we need to zoom out. Instead of focusing on binary outcomes, we needed to look at the bigger picture. They had been budgeting for nine months at this point, so we totaled the discrepancy in their nine budgets. In total, they were $126 over budget over a nine-month period……meaning on average they come within $14 in any given month! Rarely do they get within $200, but they average being within $14. On a $7,000 monthly take-home income, they’ve come within 0.2% of their budget. Can we all agree that’s the definition of winning?!?!

When they focus on singular outcomes, they feel like a failure. When they zoom out, they realize they are succeeding at an incomprehensible level. Perspective matters.

This applies to most areas of life. Let’s give ourselves a little more credit…..and zoom out.

What is Enough?

A couple just told me $525,000 isn’t enough money to make ends meet in their town. They were dead serious. It took every ounce of me to keep my composure in that moment. As a point of reference, the median household income of their city is around $85,000. In other words, they make 6x the median income……and are whining about it not being enough to make ends meet. To further exemplify the absurdity of their statement, they are in the top 1% of ALL Americans. Yet, it’s “not enough.”

I asked them a very simple question, “what’s enough?”

They couldn’t answer the question, but they both agreed it’s more than the $525,000 they are currently making.

I have a client who has a combined household income of around $80,000. On the heels of this crazy $525,000-is-not-enough conversation, I reached out to this other couple and asked the same question. Their response: “it would be nice to make a bit more, but we have all we need.”

If you live with a posture of want, there’s no such thing as enough. You’re setting yourself up to lose battle after battle after battle. If you live with a posture of contentment, you’ve already won the war.

I Don't Even Remember the Cost

Ten years ago, my buddy Nick was about to have his first child. In a moment of panic, he called me and said we need to fly to Dallas to watch Dirk Nowitzki play before the baby arrives (insinuating this could be his last chance to make that dream a reality). I immediately said yes, but added one condition: “we’re only going to do this if we sit courtside.”

Nick’s next question was obvious, “well how much will those seats cost?”

Me: “no idea, but it doesn’t matter.”

He reluctantly said yes! We quickly bought our plane tickets, hotel room, and game tickets. Then, we waited. He and I shared an amazing experience that weekend. Lots of good food, sights, and of course a Mavs game with a courtside view. Our seats were along the sideline in the direct path to the locker room. So to end our experience, Nick fist-bumped the entire team as they exited the court. Jason Terry, Vince Carter, Jason Kidd, Shawn Marion, Lamar Odom…….and yes, Dirk Nowitzki!

To this day, I don’t remember what we paid for those seats, or what the trip cost for that matter. But those memories, shared experiences, and stories will last a lifetime. It’s a small but powerful example of investing in memories. My stuff will eventually die in a landfill, but these memories are forever.

Home Alone: Thanksgiving Edition

Home Alone is on my Mount Rushmore of holiday movies. It’s a classic! I think what makes it particularly special for me was the fact I was the same age as Kevin McCallister when it came out. I always pictured myself in Kevin’s shoes. Eating tons of junk food, watching R-rated movies, and beating up bad guys with gruesome handmade booby traps!

Well, my wish came true on Thanksgiving! But instead of sledding down the stairs, target shooting Starting Lineup figures with a BB gun, and rummaging through Buzz’s personal belongings, I was curled up on the couch in the fetal position while my family was in Kansas City celebrating with loved ones. I was left home alone, but in the worst of ways. I’m glad they still went and enjoyed their time together, but wow I missed them! There were some lonely moments and stretches of self-loathing. Instead of eating turkey and pumpkin pie, I was enjoying saltines and Gatorade. Instead of playing with my kids and nieces, I was in and out of consciousness while in a constant state of agony.

It’s days like that when I’m reminded how important our health is. We take it for granted when we’re well, but we’re desperate to have it back when we lose it. When it comes to our finances and habits, I’m not sure my family invests in health as much as we should. As I always say, we need to align our budget and behaviors with our values. If I really value health, I’m not sure there’s a true alignment. It can be a humbling moment when we realize we’re living out of alignment. I think it’s time to make some changes!

Two questions for you to think about today:

1) In what ways do you invest in your health?

2) What parts of your budget and behavior don’t align with your values?

Thankful For What We DO Have

The act of being thankful focuses our eyes on what we do have, not what we don’t have. When we’re thankful, we think of the friends and family we do have, not the ones we don’t have. When we’re thankful, we think of the job and opportunities we do have, not the ones we don’t have. When we’re thankful, we think of the house, vehicle, and possessions we do have, not the ones we don’t have. When we’re thankful, we think of the gifts, skills, and passions we do have, not the ones we don’t have.

It’s so easy to set our minds on all the things we don’t have, which causes us to lose perspective of what we do have. Whenever we walk with a posture of gratitude, we can think less about what we don’t have, and more about what we do have. Doing so breeds humility and contentment.

I’m grateful for what I have…..every bit of it. But it’s those selfish days or moments when I think about what I don’t have that can sour me. Today, I choose gratitude. Tomorrow, I hope to choose gratitude as well. Each day we have a choice. Let’s choose gratitude every day. Happy Thanksgiving, all!!

If Only We Were Rich

Do you ever look around and notice people in your life who are rich? Man, if only we were rich like them! The things we could buy….the things we could do. Life would be so much better if we were rich. It must be nice to be rich like them…..

…..but then I take a step back and remember two things:

1) Having a $40,000/year income puts us in the top 1% income earners in the world.

2) Having just $5,000 to our name puts us in the top half of the richest people in the world.

Wait, we are rich! We’re just so busy comparing ourselves to even richer people that we’ve lost perspective along the way. Comparison can rot us from the inside-out. Let’s be grateful for what we have, not jealous of what we don’t have.

This post was written for me. Travis, remember this.

The Silent Dream Killer

Cole and I recently recorded the debt section of our upcoming video course, Meaning Over Money. This was some pretty fire content and I can’t wait for the course members to experience it when we launch next month. In it, I refer to debt as the silent dream killer. Debt doesn't quietly sneak into our house when we’re sleeping at night. Rather, we invite it in, roll out the red carpet, welcome it with open arms, and tell it to stay as long as it wants.

Debt is the financial version of instant gratification. I want that car NOW…..so of course I’ll agree to pay $400/month for the next five years. I want that vacation NOW……so I’ll just put it on the credit card and worry about it later. I want that bigger house NOW……sure my mortgage payment will go up, but I can afford it. I want to upgrade my furniture and appliances NOW…….and the store has a really sweet 0% interest offer. Every act of financial instant gratification has one inevitable outcome: tomorrow’s me will have to pay the price for something yesterday’s me enjoyed. This sounds fine until we realize tomorrow will someday be today, and today will turn into yesterday. There will come a time after we get back from that trip, after the new-car smell wears off, after our house fever subsides, when we’ll still have to pay for the decision we made in the past. Over time, decision by decision, it starts to erode our freedom. The tension and pressure slowly builds. Not all at once, but more like the analogy of boiling a frog. Little by little, our dreams start to die. But we don’t make these decisions knowing it’s going to crush our dreams and our freedom. That’s not how it works…….which is why I call it the silent dream killer. It’s sneaky.

As I was writing the content for our Meaning Over Money course, I was reminded of a story I hadn’t thought about in a while. In early 2019, on the heels of making my decision to step away from my career and into my new pursuit, a few people started to take notice. A woman in my life, who was watching some of the decisions I was making and was aware of my expertise in coaching, approached me and asked if we could talk. She confided in me that her husband makes $300,000/year at his job, and she makes another $100,000. They were in their early 40s and have had a stellar income for many, many years. I wasn’t sure where this conversation was headed, but then it turned on a dime and her face started to change. She shared how her dream in life was to stay at home with her kids, but her husband’s $300,000 income alone wasn’t enough to support their family. Think about that! They couldn’t afford to drop from being in the top 1% of income earners in America……all the way down to the top 2% of income earners. They couldn’t pay the bills only making $300,000!!! That’s the negative power of debt, in action! She didn’t hate her job, but she so desperately wanted to live out her purpose of being a stay-at-home mom. She started sobbing. She felt trapped, hopeless, and helpless. On the surface, they were living the dream. Beautiful home, luxury cars, Instagram-worth vacations……they had it all! But every day she woke up sad, unfulfilled, and increasingly resentful. She would have given up all of the stuff and status in a heartbeat, but her husband and the culture around them saw it different.

When I think about her story, I get sad. I remember the look on her face, the desperation in her eyes. I started thinking more about her in the days following our recent recording session. So I reached out to her. I wanted to know how she’s doing. I went into that conversation with a lot of hope and optimism, but it was quickly squashed. One year has gone by since she vented to me about her situation. Since then, it’s only gotten worse. She’s grown to hate her job……and her anger and resentment towards her husband has magnified. On most days, she cries on the drive between daycare drop-off and the office. She says it feels like her dream is slipping away one day at a time. Her and her husband are in counseling, but she said it feels hopeless and divorce appears to be a possible (if not likely) outcome. In her words, her husband cares more about what others think of him (and the title below his name on his business card) than he does about her. He justifies it by saying he’s only trying to provide his family the best life possible, but all the while his marriage is dying and his wife’s spirit is draining.

This story feels heavy to me. It impacts me deeply. I wish I could say it’s an extreme story, or a rare story…..but unfortunately it’s not. I hear different versions of this story every single day. The details are different, the incomes are different, the dreams are different, and the decisions looks different. But one thing is consistent from story, to story, to story: the debt….the silent dream killer.

Here’s the important takeaway. If this particular family wants something better, something different, something awesome, they can have it! The decision is 100% theirs. And they can make that decision today! All they need to do is make one very difficult, very counter-cultural, very impact decision. It’s not easy, but it is simple. You and I also get to make that very same decision! Every one of us has a choice to make, and it’s 100% on us to make that choice. We aren’t victims of our income, or our education, or our circumstances, or the way we were raised, or anything else. Those things may make our journey a little harder or a little easier, but they cannot stop us from walking towards the light.

Some of us need to downsize our house (or apartment). Some of us need to downgrade our car. Some of us need to sell some toys. Some of us need to stop caring what others think. Some of us need to take a few less vacations. Some of us need to stop confusing our identity with our job title. Some of us need to take a step back and realize “providing for my family” does not mean providing them with all the stuff we never had growing up.

So, who’s with me? Who’s ready to make the hard choice? Who’s ready to kick the silent dream killer out of the house and replace it with a life full of meaning and impact?

Unlocking a Life of Meaning

As a financial coach, I love helping people with money…….but probably not for the reasons you’re expecting. I honestly don’t care that much about money. In fact, I find it somewhat boring. The catch: money is never about money! Money is just paper and coins which can be traded for things and experiences. Through the lens of life, however, it’s much, much more. Every financial decision we make – whether it be the purchase of a home or a trip through your favorite fast-food drive-thru – there’s so much more going on. Excitement, nervousness, guilt, pride, fear, lust, joy, jealousy, contentment, love, resentment, just to name a few.

Whenever I’m coaching, teaching, or speaking, it’s never really about money. It’s about so much more. After meeting with hundreds of families over the years, I’ve concluded there are really three things we need to do in order to have a healthy relationship in the area of life we call “personal finance.” To unlock a life of meaning, we need to create impact on others, pursue work that matters, and redefine the role of money.

Creating Impact on Others

If you spend any time reading, watching, or listening to the countless personal finance gurus, you’re going to hear a lot about me, me, me, and (surprise) me. Truth be told, always looking out for me, myself, and I is an empty and sad endeavor. If all we’re trying to do is better our own family’s life, we miss out on something far greater.

One has not truly lived (or loved) until he/she has made an impact on someone else. Not necessarily change the world, but to change someone’s world. One gesture, one gift, one word........that’s all it takes to possibly change the trajectory of someone’s life forever. For many of these mini-miracles (as I’ve been calling them since just now), we may never know the impact we make. But sometimes, when we’re really fortunate, we learn about how something seemingly small has turned into something so very big. To me, this is the absolute best gift from God. Once you experience this, you realize there’s no other way to live life. Creating impact is no longer something we do……it’s who we are. That, my friends, can unlock a meaningful life!

“Creating impact is no longer something we do……it’s who we are.”

Pursuing Work That Matters

We live in a culture that prides itself in celebrating Fridays, dreading Mondays, spending money on things to mask the stress and frustration we feel towards our work, and the pursuit of an earlier-the-better retirement. What if we have it all wrong?

In my various money-related interactions with people, I often ask the following questions: “When do you want to retire? What do you want to do in retirement?” 80% of the time the answer to the first question is “as soon as possible.” 50% of the time the answer to the second question is “I still want to work, but I want to do something I enjoy.” If you spend half your waking hours at work, and if you want to quit working as soon as you can, is it possible to be living a life of meaning? Probably……but not likely. If you answer the second question with “I still want to work, but I want to do something I enjoy”, doesn’t that insinuate you’re spending half your waking hours doing something you don’t enjoy?

The pursuit of work that matters is intimidating. Change is hard and change is scary! It certainly don’t make it easier when the world says “be grateful for the job you have”, or “you need to take care of your family….you can’t take that risk”, or “your job isn’t that bad….it could be worse.” Those words echo in our soul and they can cut deep. Here’s the complicating factor: work that matters to us is a deeply personal question. What’s right for one person may be totally wrong for another. All work is meaningful work, but not all work is meaningful to you or to me.

It’s tough to live a life of meaning when you feel lukewarm-at-best about your job, regardless of how awesome the other areas of your life are. However, when we do get this right (better late than never!), it gives our life meaning in a way we’ve never experienced before.

“It’s tough to live a life of meaning when you feel lukewarm-at-best about your job, regardless of how awesome the other areas of your life are.”

Redefining the Role of Money

The third facet to living a life of meaning is redefining the role of money. Note I didn’t say “more” money……but rather redefining the role money plays in our life. We need to shift the role money plays in our life from being a measuring stick of success to a tool we can use to impact others and live more intentionally.

Our culture tells us – in countless ways – money equals happiness. And if some money will make us happy, then a lot of money will make us really happy. Thus begins the cycle. So many of us say to ourselves “once I get promoted and make $___, I’ll be happier.” Once that amount of income is attained, happiness doesn’t come. So we say to ourselves “I was wrong. The amount is actually $___ (i.e. more than I thought last time). Once I make that amount, then I’ll be happy.” Once that amount of income is attained, we still aren’t happy…..and the cycle continues.

Here’s the secret. God tells us this. Behavioral scientists tell us this. Our miserable friends, family, and coworkers (unknowingly) tell us this. No amount of money can make us happy! No level of income, no sum in your bank account. It’s not to say money is bad….because it’s not. We can do a lot of fun, generous, and memorable things with money……but we can’t buy happiness. The moment we think money is going to make us happy is the moment we’ve lost.

What’s the alternative? If we truly understand money can’t make us happy, it changes the decisions we make in life. It allows us to freely use our money to impact others. It changes the way we make career decisions, thereby freeing us to pursue work that matters. It allows us to spend intentionally on the things that add value to our life rather than what the culture (and our friends/family) tell us we should be spending on to create so-called happiness. Understanding this very simple and profound concept changes everything. Once it does, we can begin to have a healthy relationship with money. Instead of wanting more, more, and more, we start to want less. Not wanting to have less, but to simply “want” less. This changes our heart and opens up so much meaning in our life.

“We need to shift the role money plays in our life from being a measuring stick of success to a tool we can use to impact others and live more intentionally.”

Creating impact on others. Pursuing work that matters. Redefining the role of money. I firmly believe if we can achieve these three things, our lives will be bursting with meaning. That is my dream for myself, my dream for my children, my dream for my clients, and my dream for you.