Would You Wave the Wand?

Think about some of the more significant mistakes and failures you've experienced in your life. If they are significant, I suspect they involved some level of pain. Take the next 30 seconds to think about what these mistakes are.

Alright, now that you've locked yours into your mind, I have a question. If you could wave a magic wand and undo these events, would you? As I think about my collection of terrible failures, my immediate gut answer is an overwhelming "Yes!" After all, these events have caused me a great deal of pain and suffering over my lifetime. However, as I think about it, I'm not sure I would wave that wand. I deeply regret some of these mistakes but I don't think I'd wish them away. These mistakes (and the consequences of them), in part, is what has shaped me into who I am today. My life, as it stands, is a result of all the good and all the bad, wrapped up with an imperfect little bow.

Though it's not fun to think about, some of our best growth happens through and after moments/seasons of pain. If I could undo the five worst mistakes I've ever made, I wouldn't be me. I might have fewer scars, a handful more intact relationships, and maybe some more money, but I wouldn't be me. It would be a more sterilized version of myself.

This is the thing I've learned about failure. Failure isn't losing. Failure is learning, so we'll be better next time when the stakes are higher. If I hadn't failed so miserably with my finances when I was in my late-20s, I might never have been humbled. That version of Travis may have lived the remainder of his adult life materialistically and selfishly, continuing to fall into the cultural trap of more. I experienced a brutal financial journey in that season, but I'm so much better for it.

If I hadn't failed at becoming a biological father, my two sons would never have come into my life. The fertility and adoption struggles were profoundly painful, but our family is infinitely blessed as a result. Someone once asked me if all the pain and suffering was worth it. My answer was immediate and honest, "It wasn't worth it until the moment it was worth it." Some of this pain will follow me to my grave, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Pain and failure grow us. As much as we'd probably like to wave the magic wand and undo it all, that very pain is what makes you, you, and me, me. I think it would be tragic if we suddenly became lesser, watered-down versions of ourselves. I guess we're lucky that wand hasn't been invented yet.....

A Price Tag on Legacy?

I was talking to someone the other day about big-picture financial goals. This topic often produces some interesting ideas, but there are a few responses I hear over and over. This particular man uttered an all-to-common phrase, "Leave a legacy for my kids." And by legacy, he meant millions of dollars dumped into his children's laps. I know this for two reasons: 1) that's typically what this phrase means in modern America, and 2) he clarified and said it means leaving his kids millions of dollars.

This phrase is common, especially for Christians, for one big reason: it's frequently discussed, advocated for, and glorified by one of the nation's top financial personalities. I hear this phrase multiple times per week, and it usually goes hand-in-hand with similar concepts, such as creating generational wealth, eliminating the need for your kids to work, and giving your kids more than you had. I get a queasy feeling just typing that.....

In a recent podcast episode, Cole and I talked about the idea of leaving our children a bunch of money one day. I made a comment that created more buzz than I had anticipated. I said I didn't believe in leaving large sums of money to my kids. Instead, most of what we have will either be given away upon our death or put into a charitable trust where my kids will manage its longer-term distribution. There are two primary reasons for this perspective. First, it's not my money to begin with. If I believe all I have is God's, which I do, then I don't own it......my job is merely to manage it while I'm here. If that's true, what makes me think I should pass it down to my kids instead of blessing and serving others? Second, I think my kids deserve better than to have their drive and ambitions chopped off at the knees by a big pot of money. They deserve the opportunity to carve their own path, pursue work that matters, and use their unique gifts and talents to create an impact on this world. A big pot of unearned money can quickly zap this from them in a heartbeat. Yes, it's possible that a large sum of money could help in their endeavors. It's also true that I could successfully rob a nearby convenience store, but it's probably not a good idea to try. Behavioral science, statistics, and my own experience working with countless families tell me there's a higher probability for downside than upside.

Want to leave a legacy for your kids? That's awesome, me too!!! I just define legacy differently than a big pile of cash. For me, legacy is about character, faith, generosity, humility, impact, and service to others. Money factors zero into this. If my kids have millions of dollars but not the traits listed above, my legacy is garbage. If my kids have limited financial means but possess these traits, I succeeded in the mission. You can't put a price tag on legacy.

You Don't Know Until You Know

Several years ago, I was listening to an Adam Carolla podcast when a caller asked an interesting question. This was shortly after Adam had released his second documentary film. To paraphrase, the caller asked, "How did you know how to make a documentary?" Adam's response was simple, but profound. "I didn't know how to make a documentary until I made a documentary. Then I knew how to make a documentary."

In other words, we don't know how to do something until we do it. There's rarely a playbook for us to reference. Instead, we must simply act. One foot in front of the other, step by step. We don't know what we don't know.....until we know it.

I bring up this topic today because of our big announcement last night. After several months of development, we're introducing our first canned beverage at Northern Vessel. It's a variation of our signature Oat Milk Cold Brew Latte. This has been one of TJ's visions for many years now, and it's surreal to see it materialize in front of our eyes.

Truth is, none of us know how to make a canned beverage. TJ knows how to make an amazing cold brew latte in the shop (which he's perfected over the last 4+ years), but creating a canned version is an entirely different animal. We don't know what we don't know.....until we know. After many meetings with food scientists, flavor chemists, and canning experts, we've finally finished the first iteration of our inaugural product. In the words of Adam Carolla, we didn't know how to make a canned beverage until we made a canned beverage. Now we know how to make a canned beverage.

This is one of my favorite things about TJ. He's as equally fearless as he is humble. He has no idea what he's doing, the humility to know he has no idea what he's doing, and the courage to figure it out. I wish I could can this energy (see what I did there?) and pass it around to all the people I know. It's ok to not know how to do something, but that shouldn't stop us from trying. I had no idea how to make a podcast.....until I had a podcast. I had no idea how to coach people.....until I started coaching people. I had no idea how to start a company.....until I started a company. One foot in front of the other, step by step. First we do it poorly, then we do it average, then we do it good, then we do it great. There are no shortcuts. We don’t know until we know.

Today's challenge: Find something you don't know how to do, then do it.

Choose Freedom

Today, we Americans celebrate July 4th, our Independence Day. It's always been one of my favorite holidays, as it represents the best of what summer has to offer. As I've gotten older and seen more of the world, the concept of freedom has also grown on my conscience. We often take it for granted, and shame on us for doing so.

But as I think about freedom, I see all the various ways we humans trap ourselves and limit our own freedom. While we live in a free country, many of us have curated a life that's anything but free. We continue to elevate our lifestyle and financial commitments, locking ourselves into a certain income expectation. We make choices to incur mass amounts of debt, which bleeds our income each month. As our financial obligations rise, our margin to spend our values decreases. As our monthly needs grow, our ability to shift careers, pursue meaning, and follow our calling shrinks. One decision, after another, after another. As we increase our standard of living, we're slowly and oftentimes unknowingly reducing our freedom.

I can't even count the number of people I've spoken to who have fantastic incomes, jealousy-inducing lifestyles, and social media-worthy lives, who feel desperately trapped. They look like they have the world at their fingertips, yet they have less freedom than the unassuming middle-class family a few doors down from me. It's an embarrassing, scary, and frustrating place to be. Many of you can relate to this. Either because you used to be there, or because you're there right now.

Some people choose stuff, others choose freedom.

Some people choose status, others choose freedom.

Some people choose the instant gratification of debt, others choose freedom.

Some people choose more, others choose freedom.

Choose freedom. Always choose freedom. And the beautiful part is, every day is a new day to choose.

Empty Pantries and Rolexes

I had a fantastic week working in Midland, TX. The days were long and I missed my family, but I’m so glad I had the opportunity to make the trip and do work that matters. As I was flying home last night, I inadvertently found myself eavesdropping on a conversation happening immediately behind me. It was a man, probably in his 40s, talking to another man. They started talking about where they grew up, but the discussion quickly shifted to the first man’s childhood. He shared the harrowing story of poverty and how he and his siblings never knew if there would be a meal at night. The pantry was often empty, and he and his siblings would often find small jobs to bring in a little extra money to contribute to the family. I really felt for this man. I know there are a lot of people who go through similar experiences, and all are heartbreaking to me.

Fast forward an hour, and the two men start talking again. The same man again shares about his life. This time, the conversation is drastically different. He’s talking about his toys and trips. The spoils of his work. He’s an oil field guy, so there’s no doubt he grinds in his career. Work hard, play hard, as they say. What he said next perked my ears. “A few years ago, I bought a Rolex. I always wanted a Rolex, so I decided to get one. $15,000. But after wearing it once, I realized I didn’t really like it. So I just threw it in a drawer. Been sitting there for maybe 10 years. Oh well.”

As he was sharing this story, all I could think about was how $15,000 would have changed his family’s life when he was a kid with an empty pantry and an empty stomach. Granted, he probably doesn’t own a Delorean to go back in time*…..but he kind of does. There are so many people struggling today. Struggling in the same way he once struggled. Kids who go to bed hungry every day, probably in his own town. How much impact could he make with $15,000? Probably a ton! Instead, there’s $15,000 (plus appreciation) just sitting in a junk drawer in his kitchen.

I’m not demeaning this man. In fact, he’s pretty normal. Maybe not the Rolex part, but in the way he’s lost perspective as more resources came into his life. I see it daily and walk alongside countless families fighting that same battle. Some are winning, and some are losing. It’s so easy to lose sight of where we came from. We whine about how our 5-bedroom house isn’t big enough, yet that dumpy 1-bedroom apartment 20 years ago was just fine. We’re adamant that we need to drop $10,000+ to stay on-site at Disney World to “get the full experience,” but we were happy as clams to sit on the floorboards of the no-A/C van, listening to our parents’ lame music for 10 straight hours, on a family road trip to Mount Rushmore when we were kids. Here’s the cool part, though. It’s never too late. We are one or two decisions from drastically and suddenly shifting the trajectory of our life (and maybe someone else’s). Don’t allow money to let you lose perspective.

*Side note: I heard the other day that if Back to the Future was made today, Marty McFly would go back to 1993. Let that sink in……

No Good Deed: The Rest of the Story

Yesterday, I shared the story of a crappy flight experience where I tried to be generous and do the right thing, but quickly paid a harsh price for said generosity. If you haven't read that post yet, I highly recommend you do before reading the rest of this article. During this horrendous experience, I did the one thing that could possibly help me keep my sanity: I started writing. The frustration I experienced while sitting in my plane seat happened while we were experiencing a severe delay in taking off. So as I'm writing, the pilot announced the flight would be delayed for "at least 1 hour" as maintenance crews fix a broken part. They then asked us to get off the plane and await further instructions. That's when I wrote the majority of yesterday's article.

I have a confession for you. Yesterday's post wasn't the whole story. As I was lamenting the situation to myself and in my writing, I stated, "All we can do is put our best foot forward and hope good will come from our actions (whether we see it or not)." Today's post is about what happened next.

After a lengthy delay, we all got back on the plane......well, most of us. Given the severity of the delay, many people were going to miss their connecting flights and had to make alternative arrangements. Thus, there were far fewer people on the plane. Due to a minor miracle (and much luck), I had an entire row to myself. For this, I was extremely excited!!!! As we were getting ready to take off, the mom behind me (the one who leered at me as if I was a child molester) engaged me and thanked me for being so kind to their little girl. They revealed to me how they were on day two of flight cancellations and hadn't slept in two nights. This fact would most certainly explain why the dad was so irritable, or as I referred to him yesterday, "belligerent." As the conversation continued, they realized I was the one who gave up my seat so they could all sit together as a family. They expressed their gratitude for this gesture, especially for how exhausted and distraught their last few days have made them. In short, this was a good family, with the best intentions, clearly struggling, but majorly grateful for my small generous act.

Remember my comment from yesterday? "All we can do is put our best foot forward and hope good will come from our actions (whether we see it or not)." Doing the right thing is always the right thing. We can never go wrong with being generous. I meant those words when I said them yesterday, but I'm so grateful for the swift and forceful reminder of how important our generosity, humility, and empathy is. It always matters.

Good Ideas Are Good Ideas

While in a meeting today, my Media Director casually mentioned what may be the best idea I’ve heard all week. It’s a new concept for the podcast that could be a game-changer for us. A few hours before that, my assistant dropped an amazing idea in my lap. Just yesterday, while having coffee with a youth group kid, they dropped a little brilliant gem of an idea on me. A few days ago, a client shared a totally fresh idea about how we can handle our finances well.

Good ideas are all around us! Frequently, however, we’re so set in our ways that we disregard or overlook these amazing ideas. It’s a shame. Pride, stubbornness, and laziness are often the culprits that come between us and the countless brilliant ideas that land on our plates. If I’m being honest, most of the good things I’ve done in my life are the ideas, or inspiration from the ideas, shared with me by people in my circle.

What’s interesting is much of the time, people don’t realize their brilliant ideas are brilliant ideas. They are just sharing perspectives, experiences, or stories. They don’t open their mouths with the explicit intent of dropping game-changing ideas on others. They are just chatting and being real.

The question is whether we’re going to sincerely keep our ears and minds open to brilliance. It’s so easy to overlook, but if we’re intentional with how we engage with others, some of the best ideas in our lives are sitting right there waiting to be harvested. Seize the opportunity!

Memories Are Memories

In a world obsessed with more, more, and more, we can often lose sight of what really matters. In the last week, I’ve had several conversations with parents about how they are spending thousands upon thousands of dollars on their kids. Sometimes they classify these expenditures as wants, and other times as needs. But as a general rule of thumb, if it doesn’t involve a doctor, there are very few purchases in the $1,000+ range that classify as true kid needs.

I’m not necessarily disparaging these purchase decisions. People can do whatever they want and certainly have the right to do so. However, in the midst of all the spending, we sometimes lose perspective. We can get so consumed by the idea of more spending = more fun, more memories, and more happiness. Yes, there are some memories and experiences that more money can buy. No doubt about that! My friends Cole and Kate invested in an amazing trip to New Zealand several years ago. Those memories and experiences were unique and breathtaking……and expensive. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, I celebrated it while I lived vicariously through them.

At the same time, memories are memories. Memories don’t keep score with dollars. A positive memory that costs $10 has the same value as a positive memory that costs $10,000. Last weekend, Sarah was out of town and I had a “man weekend” with the boys. We had so much fun. One of the days was packed with all sorts of adventures and activities. As I was tucking the kids to bed that night, out of nowhere Finn exclaimed, “Daddy, today was the best day ever!” Wow, that one got me and it suddenly felt like someone was cutting onions in their bedroom. Weird how that happens to us guys sometimes. As I thought about the day, I realized all we spent was $6 for a couple of ice cream cones. The truth is, they didn’t care if we had the simplest day or the most financially extravagant day. All they cared about was having me fully present and engaging with them. Kids can humble us like that.

Next time you feel guilty for not being able to “provide” something for your kids, or you feel the pressure to spend money on xyz because everyone else is, remember that memories are memories. They don’t care what you spend. They aren’t keeping score with money. When it’s time to spend on something expensive, great. But if not and until then, please don’t discredit or overlook all the amazing opportunities in front of you to create memories each and every day.

Being Right vs. Getting it Right

While serving a client yesterday, I was in a team meeting for a project we’re working on. It’s a complex project that intersects with several different departments. For that reason, it’s always helpful to bring the team together to get a second set of eyes and fresh perspectives. One woman, who is very new to the company, pointed out a few logical inconsistencies with my work. After discussing for a few minutes, it was clear she was right. I could tell she was confident in her perspective, yet hesitant to tell me I was wrong. Though it’s never fun to be wrong, I greatly appreciated her shining a light on this issue. To ensure she and everyone else would continue to feel comfortable, I let them know my perspective on the topic. “I’m in the business of getting it right, not being right.” From that point forward, the feedback and discussion opened up and the project was the primary beneficiary.

It’s not easy, but I try to make this my motto in life. Being right does me no good when I don’t get it right. It’s a fruitless endeavor with our pride being the only winner. This is actually one of the main characteristics I look for when interviewing prospective coaching clients. If they are in the business of being right, they can never reach their full potential. In fact, it will be a brutal coaching journey, full of butting heads and stubborn disagreements. On the other hand, if they are in the business of getting it right, there’s no limit to what they can accomplish.

When I think about this idea, a few different angles come to mind:

• Just because something used to be true, it doesn’t mean it’s still true today. Investing is a huge example of that. Most people invest the same way today that they did 25 years ago. After all, it’s the way it’s always been done. What they don’t know is there are far better ways to invest today. Ways that didn’t exist 25 years ago. Easier, cheaper, better, simpler, and more streamlined ways. This highlights the importance of continually learning and evolving as our environment evolves.

• We often get so engrained in the way we see something, we aren’t willing to consider that perhaps there’s a better way. This is a common occurrence in my line of work. If someone were to consider that I may be right about something, they have to simultaneously consider that they may have been wrong for the past 5, 10, or 20 years. This is a tough pill to swallow…..so many don’t. If we can humble ourselves to consider we may be wrong, we open ourselves up to the truth.

• Sometimes we are right about something……but there’s more to the story. We know the truth, but it’s a half-truth. These can be deadly, as we get a false sense of confidence and let our guard down. These are pervasive in the financial world. There are a lot of universal truths people pass back and forth, but they are often only half truths. If we’re hungry to learn, we can find the missing pieces and get a fuller understanding of the real truth.

This is hard, but worth it. I haven’t always got this right. Strike that. I often got it wrong for many years. But the more I learn, the more I realize I don’t know. As you settle into your day, I challenge you to be in the business of getting it right, not being right. I promise it will change your conversations, your relationships, and yourself.

"I'll Get the Next One"

We Americans have a problem. It’s an epidemic of the non-medical sorts. On the whole, we struggle to accept generosity from one another. Many people are quick to show generosity to others (which is awesome!), but when it comes to being on the receiving end of generosity, we avoid it like the plague. We tend to defer, deflect, and re-direct. Guilt and pride are usually at the center of our generosity denials, but there can be many reasons for it.

The other day, I was out to lunch with a friend. We had a great time. We caught up on life, work, family, and of course, NBA playoffs. When it was time to pay the bill, he quickly jumped in with, “I got you today, Travis!” Awesome stuff. I’m always grateful when someone shows me generosity, and I have a personal rule that I will never say “no” when someone shows me generosity. I quickly responded, “Thanks so much, man.”

Then, however, I instinctively and foolishly added one more sentence. “I’ll get it next time.” Do you see what I did there? Without even thinking about it, I accidentally turned his gift into a transaction. Tit for tat, if you will. Considering I repeatedly beat on this drum of accepting generosity from others, it shocked me when I realized what I just said. I felt bad, honestly. Then, as I’m feeling like a dummy for having just said that, my friend responds, “No you won’t. This is a gift. Accept the gift. I listen to the podcast. You have to accept the gift.” Right on, my man! Well played!

Generosity always wins, but generosity can’t take hold if we defer, deflect, or re-direct. I almost robbed him of his generosity, and what a shame if that happened. I’m grateful for my friend calling me out. I’ll try to do better next time, and I hope you do, too.

"What If I Don't Have $20,000?"

A few days ago, I wrote about a concept I call the “pile of cash test.” In it, I explained how a client of mine used this test to alter their decision from buying a $35,000 car with debt to buying a $20,000 car with cash. I received a lot of feedback from that piece, but a handful of people were quick to ask the question, “what if I don’t have $20,000?” One person was sincere in their question, but several were insinuating it is a dumb idea because debt is the only realistic way to buy a vehicle.

I thought it would be worthwhile to answer the question. If you don’t have $20,000, yes, I’m suggesting you don’t buy a $20,000 car. The point isn’t to figure out the best way to buy a $x vehicle, but rather to figure out what vehicle we can buy with $x of available cash. This idea brings a lot of criticism, I know.

First, I’m not suggesting we buy a pile of junk. Many people do that, to their demise. I’m an advocate for buying a reliable car that will require as little ongoing maintenance work as possible. Yes, a car is going to have issues and require maintenance. But it’s amazing how many people will make $800 monthly payments for 7 years just to avoid the occasional $1,000 repair bill. This is a very common justification for expensive, debt-fueled purchase decisions.

Data shows the average household in America spends $400 per month on vehicle loan payments. But there’s a catch! That’s the average per household…..including all the households with no car payments. I decided to do a little data digging of my own. Of the last 75 families I’ve met with, at the beginning of our coaching relationship they had an average monthly car payment of $320/month. So it was a bit lower than the national average. This is where it gets interesting. 51% of these families had ZERO car debt. Zilch! Wait, it is possible to go without car debt!?!? If you take those families out of the equation, that means the average household monthly car payment for those who had car debt was $650/month! Yikes!

This immediately brings two interesting points to the surface:

1) Many people do choose to live without car debt. Doing so, which often requires sacrifice and humility, opens up so many doors with that excess cash. More than half of the people I meet with have made this possible…..even before starting their coaching relationship with me. I can testify how much freedom and momentum these families have as a result of these decisions.

2) For the people who choose to live with car debt, it’s crushing them! I regularly see $1,000+ payments for single vehicles and households with $1,500+ of combined car payments. This puts a stranglehold on their excess income and prevents them from doing things that truly matter to them.

I think you deserve better than to use your precious resources to constantly fund a car payment. For some of you, true freedom may lie just on the other side of a few sacrificial decisions. I promise you it’s worth it!

Home

Well, we’re on our way home from Thailand and Qatar. A few hours ago, we began the long journey back to Iowa. It’s been a whirlwind of a trip. When I get back from these trips, people sometimes ask if I feel refreshed. Spiritually, absolutely! These trips always help me reframe my perspective and focus on what’s most important. But mentally and physically? No, I’m spent….the tanks are empty! In a lot of ways, my day-to-day life will be a slow-down from what we’ve been doing these past 10 days. Though these trips fill my tank to the brim, I’m always glad to be home. I’m excited to be home. I miss home.

Home. We often use the words house and home interchangeably. “I built a new home.” “We bought a vacation home.” I don’t think these words are one and the same. A house is a building. It has four walls, a room, and beds. But a home? It’s so much more. It’s not a neighborhood. It’s not a town. It’s the space you retreat to each night, where you share life with your closest family, surrounded by all the other meaningful people in your life. It’s togetherness, community, safety, and support. They are not the same.

In our culture, we obsess about where we live. Bigger, better, newer….the pursuit for more status and more comfort. When I left my prior career and we downshifted our life, we also made a drastic decision about where we live. We sold our large, new house, and elected to rent a small townhome. After three years in the townhome, we moved in a small, 60-year-old rental house in the older neighborhood of our city. It’s safe to say this is my lowest standard of living in the last 20 years. But it’s our home! This is where my kids feel safe. It’s where we create memories and play. It’s where we meet up at the end of each crazy and chaotic day and be together. I don’t care if it’s in a mansion or a tiny house. No building defines my home. Home is wherever my people are.

I don’t frankly care what building we live in today…..or down the road for that matter. It might look different next year, and then again a few years after that. It might look like an owned house in Iowa, or a rental house in Asia where we spend part of our year, or bouncing from place to place like nomads. But home will always be home. Not because of what’s in it, but because of who’s in it.

We Don't Know What We Don't Know

As I always do, I recently asked a clear but open-ended question to a prospective coaching client, “why are you here?” The answer to this question tells me a lot about someone and the direction this conversation could/should go. Some people have a very clear objective, while others have more of a gut feeling this is a conversation worth having. On this particular day, the husband had a short and concise answer. “We don’t know what we don’t know.”

As we unpacked their financial lives and careers at a high level, it quickly became apparent to me they are doing better than probably 95% of people in this country. In most areas of their finances, they are thriving and have achieved tremendous success. To an extent, they are aware of this. However, they also don’t have much to compare it to. They explained how they try to do the best they can, but don’t always feel confident they are. I immediately confirmed how well they are doing, and tried to put it into a context that would move the emotional needle for them.

On the flip side, there are a few areas where they lacked focus, insight, and progress. Again, they weren’t really aware of how much they have fallen short in these particular areas. They immediately took note of these shortfalls, presumably for future reference.

When I asked what they attribute all their success to, they responded, “we don’t know what we don’t know, so we just keep asking questions and try to learn.” It seems a bit ironic: they know a lot about these topics because they humbly admit they don’t know a lot about these topics…..which enables and propels them to learn about these topics.

I know I’ve been guilty of feeling like I knew a lot about a topic, which caused me to stop learning and growing. I want to be more like this couple, though. Humble, curious, and open to grow. There’s always something to learn, and someone to learn it from.

What’s one area of life you want to grow in 2023?

A Story Will Be Told

I once had the privilege of hearing Danny Meyer speak at an event. If that name doesn’t ring a bell, he’s the founder of Shake Shack, as well as many other high-end culinary institutions. I was excited to hear him speak simply because I love food. However, he told a non-food story that captivated me and has made a lasting impact on how I view life and business.

I don’t remember the details, so I’ll paraphrase. There was once a large group dining in a private room at one of his high-end restaurants. All was going well until the waiter accidentally spilled a bottle of red wine on a woman’s $10,000 dress. To call that a simple mistake would be an understatement. They screwed up, big time! This is the part of the story that gripped me:

“The moment a mistake is made, a story WILL be told. But we have the power to influence what story they will tell.”

He goes on to explain the over-the-top reparations his team quickly enacted to make the situation right. They comped a very large dinner bill, they threw in some add-ons, and they even contacted the designer of the woman’s dress to find out how to quickly get her a new one. They went above and beyond. Why? They wanted to do the right thing for the right reasons. Instead of telling a story about incompetence and negligence, the diners tell a story of generosity, service, and humility.

I screw up…..often. Each time I do, I think about Danny Meyer’s talk. Sometimes when I screw up, a story will be told. But I have the power to influence what story will be told. This applies to my business, my ministry, my relationships, and pretty much every area of life. I’m sure people think a lot of different things about me, but if I’m doing my part right, I hope at least generosity, service, and humility get included!

The Parable of the Cyclone Tickets

In August of 2021, some dear friends generously gifted my family season tickets to Iowa State Cyclone football. It was such a sweet gesture, and those games created so many wonderful memories for our family. We were beyond grateful for the gift.

A few people asked me why we would accept that gift. After all, we didn’t “need” their generosity. We could have purchased our own tickets if we really wanted to. While that’s factually true, I believe this is a selfish and short-sighted way to view generosity. My friends didn’t buy tickets for us because we were in a place of “need.” Rather, they made this gift because they wanted to bless us. When that happened, I had two choices: humbly and gratefully receive their gift……or steal their blessing by turning them down. I chose a posture of humility and gratitude.

Generosity needs to be a two-way street. We can’t be truly generous if we refuse to be humble and grateful receivers. When we learn to accept generosity from others, it unlocks something special in our faith journey and our relationships with others.

Fast forward to this season: we purchased our own season tickets. It most certainly wouldn’t have happened had we not experienced all the blessings that came from the generous gift the prior year. Similar to last year, we created so many fun memories together as a family. Tailgating, playing catch on the hill, cheering for our team, watching the band, stalking the mascot, and concession snacks. There were a handful of games we weren’t able to attend this year, so we did what felt natural: we found people to bless with our generosity. It was fun watching people enjoy our tickets, creating memories with their own families. One of them was my cousin. She and her husband were able to attend a game featuring each of their alma maters, as well as share the experience of taking their young son to his first-ever college football game. It was pure joy to make that gift, and I’m grateful they accepted it.

This is the parable of the Cyclone Tickets. You give, then receive, then give, then receive. It’s one of the things that makes life beautiful.

If Only We Were Rich

Do you ever look around and notice people in your life who are rich? Man, if only we were rich like them! The things we could buy….the things we could do. Life would be so much better if we were rich. It must be nice to be rich like them…..

…..but then I take a step back and remember two things:

1) Having a $40,000/year income puts us in the top 1% income earners in the world.

2) Having just $5,000 to our name puts us in the top half of the richest people in the world.

Wait, we are rich! We’re just so busy comparing ourselves to even richer people that we’ve lost perspective along the way. Comparison can rot us from the inside-out. Let’s be grateful for what we have, not jealous of what we don’t have.

This post was written for me. Travis, remember this.

This Job Serves a Purpose (Even if it Sucks)

A dear friend recently reached out with a confession: she’s kinda embarrassed about her current job. Instead of telling people her job title, she tries to simply tell them the company she works for. If forced to share her role, she’ll lead with what she used to do. Admittedly, her current role isn’t the best use of her skills and passions. I know that and she knows that.

However, I reminded her of a few things to keep in mind:

1) Her job doesn’t define her. It’s not her identity. It’s not what determines her value.

2) All jobs matter! When we boil it down to its simplest form, all jobs allow us to serve someone and add value through our good work. Even if we don’t particularly enjoy our work, we can at least know we’re adding value and making the lives of others better.

3) Life is about seasons. This particular role is just for a season, and it too shall pass. If approached in that way, all parts of our life (the good and the crappy) can be used as a bridge to get us from where we are to where we want to be. This job is the perfect bridge for her! This is undoubtedly setting the table for what’s to come.

It’s true, she doesn’t have the best job in the world right now. But I gotta tell you, this young lady is amazing. She just started a side business, she has a few side jobs that align with her passions, she’s married to an awesome man, and she’s about to become a mom. In my book, she’s doing a wonderful job and she’s right where she needs to be. I have a feeling we’ll all look back a few years from now and marvel at how it all came together so beautifully.

Cheers to this season of life…..and the better season that’s coming!

“Please Don’t Steal My Blessing”

A while back, a close friend asked me if it's wrong he was the one who ended the "pay it forward" streak at Starbucks. In other words, someone decided to be generous by anonymously paying for the next person's coffee and an unknown number of people subsequently did the same thing…….until my friend broke the streak by not paying for the person behind him.

Does that mean my friend is selfish? Greedy? Less generous than the people ahead of him? Many of you were probably nodding your head up and down as you read those questions. I see it differently. I believe he was the only person in the story (besides the original giver) who acted with love and selflessness.

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Several years ago, I was sharing a meal with one of my mentors. Being the generous and loving man he is, he offered to pay for my meal. Me, as I always tended to do, tried to pay for his instead……and when unsuccessful, tried to have it split. You've seen it before. A handful of friends having a fun dinner at a restaurant. Lots of storytelling, laughing, and sharing memories about the good 'ol days. Then the bill arrives and there's suddenly this awkward little scrum where a couple guys look like they're hand fighting, trying to be the one to grab the bill out of the waiter’s helpless and nervous hands. The more aggressive one (or perhaps the one with the longer arms) snags the bill and proudly slams his card in the little black jacket. Meanwhile, the other guy is still trying to snatch the bill out of his buddy's hands, insisting he should be the one to pick it up.

You're probably smiling at the thought of this scenario, as you've witnessed it first-hand and it's kind of funny to watch. While I was busy trying to do the same thing to my mentor, he said something to me I will never forget. "When you refuse someone's generosity, you're robbing them of the opportunity to be a blessing. Please don’t steal my blessing!" At the time, I was just starting to learn what it means to be truly generous. I was learning that giving was one of the most Godly and life-giving things I could ever do with my money. I reveled in finding opportunities to be a blessing to others. In doing so, I became prideful and falsely believed generosity needed to flow one way and one way only: away from me and towards someone else. So here I was, in the stage of life trying to model and encourage generosity to others, while simultaneously robbing those very people of the opportunity to be generous. Talk about sabotaging my own mission!!

Since that conversation, I’ve really tried to do better. I’ve tried to change my heart, and for the most part I have. When someone gives me a gift, my gut still tells me to push back. After all, I don’t “need” it. Then I quickly remember…..they aren’t giving me a gift because I “need” it. Rather, they are giving me a gift because they see an opportunity to be a blessing and show love to me. Even when my gut says “no”, my heart and my response says “thank you.” I’m thankful for their generous spirit. I’m thankful for the love they are showing me. I’m thankful for their selflessness. As a matter of practice, I’ve made a vow to never again rob someone of their opportunity to be a blessing. When a youth group kid offers to buy me lunch (perhaps a lot of money for them and not much to me), I say “thank you.” When a colleague offers to buy my coffee, I say “thank you.” When we’re out to dinner with another couple and they offer to buy our meal, I say “thank you.” Generosity doesn't flow one way. In order to be truly generous, we need to be humble enough to accept other’s generosity with love and gratitude.

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So, back to "pay it forward" streaks at Starbucks. When someone in front of us pays for our drink, why don't we simply receive their gift, be thankful, and enjoy our free drink? Some would argue we are returning the favor by paying for the next person. Math says otherwise. If our $4 coffee is paid for by a stranger but we "pay for" the next person's drink, we still paid the same $4 we were already going to pay. We just trick ourselves into believing we paid for someone else. Why do we do this? I think there are two primary reasons. First, some people feel guilty not paying for the next person's drink. They think to themselves, "if they paid for me, I should probably pay for someone else……plus I don't want to be the one to break this streak." Guilt-driven giving is the opposite of generosity. Second, and I believe more relevant to most, many people simply aren't willing to receive a blessing from someone else. We think "I don't need this gift", or "someone else could use it more than me." So by telling ourselves we are "paying it forward", what we're really doing is deflecting the blessing and making ourselves feel like we've actually exhibited generosity. There’s another word for this: PRIDE.

The reality is my friend is the only person in the string who actually had the humility to accept the blessing. There may have been 100 people before him that "paid it forward", but he had the humility and gratitude to receive the blessing and simply enjoy it. Does that make him greedy? No way! I think it makes him loving. Loving enough to receive a blessing with humility and to put his pride aside. It's not to say my friend isn't generous. Perhaps next time in Starbucks he will pay for someone else's drink, or maybe he'll pay the light bill for a struggling neighbor, or maybe he'll give his car away to a single mother at church. Who knows what he'll do, but when he does it, I hope the person on the other end of the gift humbly receives the blessing and simply enjoys it with a spirit of gratitude. I sincerely hope they don't steal his blessing.

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I wrote the above piece more than a year ago, but didn’t know what I wanted to do with it. Fast forward to today, it just feels like the right time to talk about this. This piece also raised to the top of my mind based on something that recently happened to me.

In this wild season of life, amidst all the quarantining, amidst small business closing their doors, amidst people losing jobs left and right, generosity matters more than it ever has. Though my wife and I have cut back our budget significantly to help navigate these stormy waters (as I also recommend to my clients), we’ve simultaneously doubled our giving. There are so many new and unique ways to show people generosity in this season! And so many groups of people who could use some extra love right now! Countless ways to give to countless numbers of people……what a time to be alive!!!

In light of this, my wife and I have been experimenting with new and fun ways to bless others. One of these ways, which was triggered by a sermon I heard from my friend Aaron Vis, is to show intentional love to grocery store employees. Grocery stores have become the backbone of our communities during this crazy season, and their employees have become newfound heroes. I solicited friends in my social media circle to give me names of grocery store employees so I could bless them in some small way. I collected their names, found their Venmo handles, and started giving gifts. It was fun! Dropping little notes of encouragement (along with money) into their Venmo account. One of them responded: “OMG. Travis, you didn’t have to do that at all! But thanks! I appreciate it! This virus thing has been crazy.” To be honest, this was the highlight of my day. There was nothing that could top the feeling of having an opportunity to be a blessing, acting on it, and having the recipient receive it with love and humility.

A few days later, a different recipient refunded my gift and included a message saying they appreciate the gesture……but don’t need it. They sent the gift back to me! I have to be honest, this one upset me. I wasn’t giving them a gift because they needed it. I was giving them a gift because I wanted to give them a gift! I WANTED to bless them. I so badly wanted to bless them. Pride got in the way, and they rejected the gift. This one still bums me out..

Now maybe good will still come from this. Maybe my gesture truly did mean something to them. But I didn’t want to make a gesture….I wanted to give a gift. It’s like me giving an awesome new toy to my son, him ripping the wrapping paper off the gift, marveling at the fact he’s holding this awesome toy, handing it back to me, and telling me he appreciates the gesture. I wanted him to open the toy and play it! I wanted him to enjoy it! I didn’t want him to give me a tip-of-the-hat for my gesture. But yet, so many of us do this when people try to show us generosity.

It’s hard to change, but we can do it! Every time someone gives you a gift, please think about this article, suppress your gut instinct to deflect it, and simply receive their gift with love and humility. When you do, it will change you and it will change them. Every time you do this, it will shed a little bit of your pride and replace it with humility. For the giver, at the very least it will make their day. Something greater is at stake, however. For the giver, this one simple gift, given with love and received with love, could unlock a life of generosity they never knew they had inside them. Please don’t steal that from them. Please don’t steal their blessing.