Yeah, It's Okay to Hate Your Job, But….

I often rant about the importance of pursuing work that matters. It comes up here on the blog, on the podcast, and in my public talks. It's one of my foundational messages. I also touched on it in yesterday's piece.

In response, one friend (43 years old) wrote me yesterday; here's what he said: "Is it ok to hate my job? I don't hate it all the time, but I dread it most weeks. However I don't look for meaning in my work. I have a great family, awesome friends, and I enjoy my weekends. I have fun hobbies and I am plenty busy with my kids activites. We take two vacations a year and I'll probably get to retire by 60."

I told my friend I wanted to answer him publicly, and he's cool with that, so here we go!

Yeah, it's okay to hate your job. We live in a free country that allows us to choose whatever paths we want. I'm glad you have a great family and awesome friends. I can confirm you do, in fact, have a pretty amazing family and countless friends who would do anything for you. Such a blessing! I also love seeing pictures of your family's trips....so many memories!

On the flip side, I think you deserve better. I see how much your job kills you. I watch as you bounce back and forth between joy and dread. I've been with you on Sunday afternoons when the Sunday Scaries switch is flipped. I know you'd pretty much rather be doing anything other than what you do during the week. Yeah, I know it pays well, and you're financially comfortable, but it also looks like part of you is dying.

You excitedly say you can retire by age 60. First, that's 17 years from now! Do you really want your kids to spend their entire childhoods watching you merely tolerate your life? Let's just say you make it 17 more years.....then what? You'll still be relatively young, having tolerated the preceding two decades. What's next? Play golf? Sleep in? Live a life of leisure? You have so much to offer the world today, next year, and decades from now.

Yeah, man, it's okay to hate your job. Most other people do. Merely tolerating it is a culturally-approved way to approach life. You do have meaning in other areas of your life: family, friends, memories, etc. I'm just crazy enough to think you deserve both. I think you deserve to have meaning in your personal life AND your professional life. This is one of the areas where it's possible to have your cake and eat it, too.

I'll end by flipping it around on you. What if your kid was asking this question? Would you encourage them to sit in semi-misery for decades on end? You and I both know the answer to that question. Take your own advice. Live with meaning. Make an impact. Expect better; demand better. I think you deserve it, man!

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Those Little Tells

Once in a while, someone will ask me a simple but profound question about careers. "How do you know if you're in the right job?" It's a weighty question, and there are certainly many factors at play, but there's one thing I always look for: Those little tells.

I've had a great few days celebrating Thanksgiving with my family. Food, football, movies, and games. It was a great time, and we returned home from Kansas City last night. I couldn't be more excited for today. We're heading to Northern Vessel to grab some drinks, I have a ton of work to do, and then we're going to watch Iowa State football play for the chance to compete in the Big 12 Championship Game.

There's a little tell in there. It's the part where I said “I have a ton of work to do" in my long list of reasons why I'm pumped for the day. Between my dry ice client work, Northern Vessel strategic planning, and prepping for some client meetings, I couldn't be more excited for the work I'm about to do today. That's a little tell, but it's a big deal. The fact I'm looking forward to spending much of my Saturday working is a weird reality, but one I cherish.

Those little tells are everywhere. Do you count down the days and hours until Friday afternoon? Do you dread Mondays? Do you continually fantasize about vacations? Do you look forward to your next work shift? Do you often think about other jobs? Does your tank feel full (or empty) as you're returning home from work each day? Do you dream about retirement? Each of these can be a tell.

If your immediate reaction to my references about your job are indifference, misery, dread, or disgust, that may also be a tell. I sincerely think you deserve better than that. I believe you deserve to wake up each day knowing you’re about to do something that matters. Something that fills your tank. Something that moves the needle.

I also believe it’s 100% attainable. Listen to those little tells.

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Don’t Waste a Good Mistake

One year ago, I penned an article about how my sister-in-law (tongue in cheek) robbed us of a cherished Thanksgiving tradition: Watching Planes, Trains, & Automobiles. I'd argue this movie is at the top of the pantheon of all-time Thanksgiving movie classics, alongside......well, alongside nothing. If there were a Mount Rushmore of Thanksgiving movies, it would have just two heads (John Candy and Steve Martin).

Last night was different, though. We jumped back into our tradition and enjoyed the movie together after the kids went to bed. It was a blast. A hilarious, stressful blast. And my sister-in-law learned from her mistake!

As much as I like to bust her chops (jokingly!), it brings up a topic I think about often. Instead of lamenting our mistakes, hating our mistakes, and regretting our mistakes, we should embrace them. Mistakes are for learning.

Each mistake is an opportunity to learn something about ourselves, the world, and other people. Every screw-up is a chance to find out what doesn't work, inching us ever closer to what does. It's the iterative process of life.

Every success I've had in life can be directly tied to the mistakes that preceded it. Behind every win is a series of losses. Messing up is the admission price to accomplishment.

I was recently meeting with a new client. They were nervous to start budgeting, worried they would fail. Here's what I told them: "The first 2-3 months are going to be a mess. You're going to whiff, make mistakes, and blow it. That's the goal. That's how you learn what works and what doesn't. Once we get through those first handful of months, it will be awesome."

Try budgeting. Make mistakes. Learn. Try again.

Apply for cool jobs. Make mistakes. Learn. Try again.

Practice generosity. Make mistakes. Learn. Try again.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Embrace them. Use them. Examine them. Learn from them. Let them help you get better.

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Thankful For This

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you're having a wonderful day and spending it with the people who matter most. In a culture that encourages us to dwell on all the things we don't have, today is the perfect day to reflect on (and be thankful for) all we do have.

I'm thankful for a lot of things today, but I want to share one in particular with you. I'm thankful for this. I'm thankful for the opportunity to spend a moment with you each day through this blog. I'm thankful for the chance to share ideas, thoughts, and insights with a group of people endeavoring to live a meaningful life. I never take for granted the fact you spend a few minutes of your day reading my words on your screen. For the past few years, writing this blog each day has been one of the greatest joys in my life. I'm tremendously grateful for that, and I want you to know that today.

Have a blessed day, and I'm excited to see you tomorrow!

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All Roads Lead Back to Childhood

I received more responses from yesterday's post than anything I've published this year. It was a smorgasbord of feedback, ranging from astonishment, to jealousy, to anger, to laughter. Needless to say, you had opinions!

One theme was clear through your feedback, and the same goes for most things in our lives: All roads lead back to childhood. What we perceive as normal, and the rituals we practice, can largely be attributed to our growing-up experience. If you grew up in a house that glorified a materialistic Christmas experience, there's a higher likelihood you'll replicate that for your own children. If you grew up in a house that shied away from extravagant gifts, you probably exhibit similar traits as you raise your own children.

We don't usually like admitting how big of a role our childhood played in who we are today, but it's a massive factor. That's one of the reasons why the first 30 minutes of the first coaching meeting I have with a couple involves a conversation about their childhoods. The answers to those questions tell me 80% of what I need to know about how someone's wired as an adult. Our childhood experience has created healthy traits and habits as we've become adults, but it's also produced toxic traits and habits that continue to haunt us decades later.

I have bad news and good news. I'll start with the bad news. You can't undo or redo your childhood. Each one of those experiences, both good and bad, is seared in and unavoidable. They live within us and play a role in who we are today. These experiences impact the way we perceive, understand, and manage the world around us.....including our money. This includes every toxic habit, perspective, and behavior you have about money. It is what it is, and there's nothing we can do about it.

Now, the good news. Well, two pieces of good news, actually. We don't have to let our faulty wiring drive us into the ground. Just because we've developed a predisposition to certain habits, perspectives, or behaviors from our childhood, it doesn't mean we have to act it out. One remedy for this risk is self-awareness. When I meet with a client, I will point out how x experience 20 years ago is probably linked to y behavior today. If that individual connects those dots and recognizes said reality, it's the first step to managing it better. When we are aware of what we do and why we do it, we gain better control.

Here's the second piece of good news. While you can't go back and get a redo of your childhood, you CAN give that to your children. Remember, what your kids experience in their childhoods, for better or worse, will have lasting implications on the way they perceive the world. Therefore, fellow parents, it's incumbent upon us to be intentional in our parenting to cultivate healthy habits, perspectives, and behaviors in our children. It's not too late for them!

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Normalizing Your Normal

I recently broke the news to a family that spending $5,000/kid on Christmas presents doesn't jive with their family's finances. They have five kids…..

They were appalled by my audacity to suggest this amount of money is unreasonable. "That's a normal amount to spend," proclaimed the wife. My response: "Just because it's your normal doesn't make it reasonable. You're the one who normalized your normal."

"No, what we do is totally reasonable and is a completely normal amount to spend." Then, much to my delight, she suggested I blog about it to prove just how normal it is. I'll be looking forward to your collective responses.

This brings up a broader point, though. When we refer to something as "normal," we're glossing over the question of whether it's right. Normal does not equal right. We can (and often do) normalize bad behavior:

• It's normal to go tens of thousands of dollars into student loan debt.

• It's normal to live at or above our financial means.

• It's normal to give away very little, spending all of our resources on our own desires.

• It’s normal to live without an emergency fund.

• It's normal to stay in jobs that make us perpetually miserable.

Just because something is normal, it doesn't make it right. Further, we tend to live in little bubbles, surrounding ourselves with people who practice the same habits, values, and rituals we do—an echo chamber of sorts. I agree; there is a sub-culture of people inclined to spend $5,000/kid on Christmas. It's normal within that group of people because they collectively normalized it.

This blog is a different version of that. I'm trying to normalize meaning over money. I'm trying to normalize the pursuit of work that matters. I'm trying to normalize ridiculous levels of generosity. I’m trying to normalize intentionality with our finances. I'm trying to normalize a lived experience far more rewarding and fulfilling than fantasizing about retiring into a life of leisure.

Here’s my call to action today: Question what you perceive as normal. First, is your definition of "normal" normal? Second, if so, should it be? Perhaps it's time to turn normal on its head, draw a line in the sand, and normalize something better. I'll leave it open as to what this applies to in your life, but you probably already know the answer.

Side note: $200. That's how much Sarah and I will spend on each of our two kids for Christmas gifts. That's "normal" for us.

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The Billion-Dollar Pizza

I have a theoretical question for you if you'll indulge me. Imagine standing in the Target checkout line with a small basket of products. The cost will be about $20. Lucky for you, you have a $20 bill in your pocket. However, as you're about to hand the bill to the cashier, you remember that you strongly believe that $20 bill will be worth $100 by next year. Do you still use that bill to pay for your goods, or find a different way to pay? Hold that thought.

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In May 2010, a man ordered two large Papa John's pizzas for delivery. The total bill was about $40. Instead of using cash, though, he thought it would be fun to pay with this new type of currency....it was called Bitcoin. In exchange for his two pizzas, he sent Papa John's 10,000 Bitcoins. As of last night, those 10,000 Bitcoins were worth about $990 million. Yes, he paid almost a billion dollars for two large Papa John's pizzas.

With the crypto market heating up in the last several weeks, I'm again getting countless questions about it. "Should I buy it?" "How much should I buy?" "Which one should I buy?" "What should I do with my millions of dollars next year after my blah blah blah currency pops?"

Today, more than 13,000 cryptocurrencies are in existence, Bitcoin being the most famous. I have a question for you. With so many people owning crypto these days, when was the last time you saw someone use crypto to purchase anything? I'll wait.....

In my opinion, the billion-dollar pizza was both a monumental moment in the journey of crypto, and also its undoing. Given its massive price run-up, it's become a victim of its own success, and has lost the right to be used as a currency. After all, who would buy goods and services with a currency they think will be worth multiples of its current value?

So, if it's not a currency, what is it? It's largely treated as an investment....a highly touted, glorified, idolized investment. But an investment into what? It's backed by nothing. It's secured by nothing. It only has value because other people also believe it has value. Crypto advocates argue other assets share the same dynamics, such as the U.S. dollar. While it's true the U.S. dollar is no longer backed by actual gold, it's backed by the full faith and credit of the most powerful government in the world. What about gold? We can argue about the value of gold, but at least gold has tangibility and utility. What about stocks? Sure, stocks feel like a number on the screen, but they are actual fractional ownership in some of the largest and most profitable companies in the world. Businesses that make actual products and sell them for actual money.

I do believe crypto is the future, though. It's inevitable. However, I believe only a few of the 13,000+ cryptos will likely survive. The owners of all the others will likely lose 100%.....eventually. It's not a train I want to ride. The uncertainties are massive. The future is murky. We are in uncharted territory. I prefer to live with meaning, and losing sleep over the volatility of made-up coins does not check my box of meaning. It's a hard no for me.

What say you? Questions? Thoughts? Insights?

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Playing With Four

The boys won both of their games yesterday. It was a weird day, as they had back-to-back games with only five players. Yes, every player played every minute of both games. They were gassed by the end, but I could tell they were pleased. Well, all but one kid.....

During the second game, one of my sons got frustrated and talked back to me. He refused the run the play I wanted to run, and started yelling at me. The ref was standing next to me, so I leaned over and said, "Ref, we're gonna play with four." I instructed my son to come join me on the bench, where he could watch his four teammates take on the five opponents. He sat out for two minutes until there was a timeout on the floor. He promised me he would straighten up.

He did.....for a bit. We were up by three points with 17 seconds left in the game. He got frustrated at a five-second violation on an inbound pass, and freaked out on me again. Again, "Come sit next to me. You're done for the day." The game was on the line, and I unfortunately needed to finish with four.

On the bench, he was beside himself. He complained that we needed five players and we might lose now. I told him I'd rather lose with four than play someone who disrespects his teammates, his coach, and the game.

Sure, I wanted to win that game. But more important than that is the long game. The long game is what really matters in life—doing the right thing for the right reasons....even when it hurts.

Rarely does playing the long game feel good. It doesn't feel good to be disciplined, practice delayed gratification, or be diligent. It's always more fun to be impulsive, without care, thinking only about the moment at hand.

It's immediately satiating to be selfish and materialistic. But what about the long game?

It feels great to spend money now instead of saving. But what about the long game?

It's far more fun to indulge your wants than meeting someone else's needs. But what about the long game?

It sucked to hold my son out of his basketball game and force him to watch his teammates play short-handed, but I need to think about the long game. He needs to learn. He needs to understand that actions have consequences. He needs to grow as a player and as a future man. This is delayed gratification at its finest.

Sometimes you need to play with four. Maybe that needs to be your motto in this season of life. Play the long game.

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The Freedom Paradox

I have this conversation often, but since I've had it three times this week, that merits a blog post. When I ask people what they are trying to achieve in their finances, many respond, "Freedom." Does that resonate with you? Do you desire financial freedom? I'm guessing that hits home for many of you, as it's one of the most common answers I receive.

I have a question, though. What is freedom? How do you define it? Inevitably, your answer is probably some number north of where you currently stand. It's something in the distance. It can be difficult to define what it looks like, but it's definitely more than whatever your current reality is. Why? Because you probably don't feel "free" today.

Herein lies the problem. Whenever we think about this idea of freedom or financial freedom, it's a moving target. Each time we hit a new plateau, we realize the winning score is higher than we thought. Thus, we begin a new pursuit.

There's a paradox here. Millions of Americans are pursuing freedom. They are pushing, grinding, and hoarding their way to more.....all in the name of creating freedom. The paradox is the fact that the pursuit of freedom is often what's keeping them from being free. Instead of just being free, they are fixated on a goal, a goal that will continually move further out.

Example 1: I recently talked to a 66-year-old with $2M in his retirement portfolio. He wants to retire, but believes he needs at least $3M to be free.

Example 2: I hung out with a friend with $4M in his retirement portfolio. He hates his job, but believes he needs at least $8M to be free.

Example 3: I met with a couple with $10M in retirement assets. Both spouses have big dreams of what they might want to do someday when they achieve financial freedom, but that number is closer to $15M-$18M.

Example 4: I spent time with a man who has more than $75M. His wife wants him to slow down, but he feels he first needs to get closer to $100M to solidify his financial standing.

Here's what all four of these families have in common. Each family is pursuing freedom. Each family already has freedom but is paradoxically sabotaging said freedom with their pursuit of freedom. Each family's perspective of freedom is anchored and skewed by their own current reality, not realizing they are already well ahead of the prior person's definition of freedom. That's quite the paradox.

Don't let the pursuit of freedom rob you of the opportunity to actually be free. True freedom is not found in a dollar amount.....it's found in perspective and contentment.

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Unspeakable Pain

In my coaching work, I get the honor of walking alongside people and sharing their highest of highs......and their lowest of lows. Yesterday was a lowest-of-lows sort of day. My phone rings; it's a client. The moment I picked up, I could tell something was off. The next 15 seconds ripped me apart in ways I could never imagine.

People all around us are walking in their lowest of lows. Maybe it's your neighbor. Maybe it's your co-worker. Maybe it's the person sitting next to you at the stoplight. Today might be the worst day of their life.

In moments like that, all I can think about is how money means absolutely nothing. I think about how you'd give every penny you have, plus every penny you'll ever have, to take away the pain. That's obviously not how it works, but only if it were......

Money does play a role in this, though. Painful moments are a reminder of the importance of getting right with our money so that WHEN pain happens, we can simply mourn, cry, grieve, and whatever other verbs need to be inserted here. We deserve the freedom to face the pain head-on, not deal with ridiculous financial nonsense.

It reminds me of a tasteless joke I often share with clients. When talking about my own history and journey with money, I say, "Sarah and I have enough problems in our marriage that we can't afford for money to be one of them." It was a joke, but all good jokes are based in truth. Each of us deserves to place financial matters in the back seat when it's time to deal with life life.

If you're living in a lowest-of-low moment as we speak, I'm deeply sorry. I feel for you and pray you find peace and comfort through it. If things are going well for you today, perhaps it's a good day to take one more step in getting right with your money.

I hope this moves the needle in you today. Not to create fear or anxiety, but to spark some motivation and urgency to get your financial house in order so you don't have to focus on financial matters when you're dealing with more important things. In many ways - sad ways - this is the heart of our meaning over money principles. Always meaning.....always. Please never lose sight of what’s most important.

You got this, guys, even those of you who are hurting today.

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The Tale of the Traveling Grandfather

Due to circumstances that are both ridiculous and irrelevant to this story, I rode the terminal-to-terminal train at the airport for over an hour last night. I had a three-hour layover, so no harm no foul. While I was busy watching the world fly by over and over, I struck up a conversation with an older man. He was headed abroad to visit one of his kids (and grandkids). The conversation started innocent enough, but it got real serious, real quick.

He and his wife, at the advisement of nearly every person in their lives, decided to take an early retirement (in their early 50s) in the late-1990s. They were in a financial position to make it work, and considering how much we glorify retirement in our culture, it seemed like an obvious step. He said it was the dumbest decision either of them ever made. They both loved their careers, but the allure of “not working” was too inviting. Retirement wasn’t all it was cracked up to be…..it didn’t feel like there was purpose. Then, his wife unexpectedly passed away. So sad. Here he was, a young-ish guy, having left a career he loved, mourning the loss of his partner. 

“What do you do now?” I asked him. “I’m a traveling grandfather.” Oh, tell me more! He explained that his kids were scattered all over the world; a handful in the U.S. and a handful in other countries. He bounces from kid to kid, helping out where he can and spending time with his grandkids. His eyes lit up when he shared about this lifestyle. “It’s a different way of life, but I love it.” Today, he’s nearly 80 years old, traveling the world, finding new ways to serve people and add value. He’s fulfilled and lives with a ton of meaning. It’s a unique path; it’s his path. 

There is no “right” path to live a meaningful life. But regardless of what it looks like for you, it doesn’t happen by accident. It certainly doesn’t happen by pursuing a life of leisure. It happens by identifying what matters most and finding ways to serve others through that lens. Our selfish culture says the key to happiness is to serve ourselves. That’s a bald-faced lie. The only true way to find meaning (not happiness) is through the service of others. It’s ironic that the best way to serve ourselves is by serving someone else. That’s what unlocks life-giving fulfillment and meaning. 

I feel terrible this man had to experience what he did along his journey, but it made my day listening to him talk about how much meaning he has in his life today. I’ll say it again. There is no right path to a meaningful life, which is why I never concretely define what it’s supposed to look like. But I can tell you one thing: It involves a heck of a lot more than the pursuit of a life of leisure, or money, or stuff, or status. Aggressively chase things that fill your bucket, and the best way to make that happen probably involves helping others fill theirs. 

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Poof, In Real-Time

In two recent posts, Poof and The Alternative to Poof, I discussed the importance of businesses not weaponizing their owner's values. Weaponizing values is the opposite of excellence, and is a great way to destroy the company you spent so much blood, sweat, and tears building. It also robs your customers of the opportunity of simply being served well. Instead, I offered a simple yet profound alternative: Just be excellent. Serve all customers with excellence.....period. If your customers share your values, serve them with excellence. If your customers have values that tremendously contradict yours, serve them with excellence.

I was intentionally vague in my initial post, not wanting to point fingers at the specific business in question. My job wasn't to tear them down, but rather to use that situation as an opportunity to explore these concepts. Today, however, I'm going to highlight one real-time example. Before I do, though, I need to clarify one thing. What I'm about to say is not an indictment of this business owner's values or beliefs. Instead, it's a judgment on this business weaponizing the owner's values. I believe in this concept regardless of which side of any value-based argument you're on.

As reported in The Daily Mail, Kristin Wolter, owner of Everbloom Design, a Memphis-based florist specializing in weddings, recently took to her BUSINESS social media account and proclaimed, "I won't do business with people who support the president-elect."

As expected, the response was fierce and swift. This behavior is anything but excellent. Flowers are supposed to be joyful. Weddings are supposed to be joyful. Yet, here we are talking about half the country not being welcome to patronize this business. She temporarily closed her business in the immediate aftermath to let the dust settle. But what's next? Hope the remaining 50% of Americans will align with her boldness and show even more "support?" Again, that's not excellence.....that's pandering.

This woman has every right to have beliefs - even the strongest of beliefs - regardless of what you, I, or anyone else thinks of them. This is America, and she's free to have them. And she's also free to weaponize them through her business, if she so chooses (and she clearly did). But to what end? What now? Can she survive (nevermind thrive) now that 50% of her customer pool is gone? Will she now rely on the support of customers with similar beliefs (and equally strong convictions) to keep her afloat? How do you focus on joy and excellence with a cloud of anger wafting in the air?

Again, she has every right to do this. But just because you can, it doesn't mean you should. In her haste, she just violated a key principle of business: Serve people with excellence.

I don't fault her for her beliefs. I fault her for deciding the best course of action was to weaponize her values through her business. It stinks (figuratively and literally). There are no winners in this situation, and unfortunately for her, she may end up being the biggest loser of all.

Business owners, please choose excellence. Yes, you have values, but your business does not. Just be excellent.

Consumers, please choose excellence. You have options. Reward excellence. Demand excellence. Benefit from excellence.

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Throw Deep, Baby

Social media saves me again. I'm utterly exhausted from all that occurred in the past week (single dad life while Sarah traveled, Grandma's passing and subsequent funeral, basketball practices, and travel to Mississippi). As I pondered what I should write about today, I decided to open the inspiration machine (i.e. TikTok). It didn't take more than 45 seconds of scrolling for me to stumble upon a brilliant clip featuring Forrest Gump himself, Mr. Tom Hanks.

@dominatingmotivation2 If your gonna do something, Throw Deep.💯#motivation #mindset #quotes ♬ original sound - DominatingMotivation

I don't have the full context of this conversation, but he's being interviewed. The interviewer asks, "What is the best advice you've ever heard or received?"

Here is Tom's response: "Throw deep, baby. If you're gonna do it, do it. If you have the chance, do it. Don't pause. Instinct, man. If you got an instinct, go at it. Throw deep."

This is one of the scariest mindsets one can have. Throwing deep, relying on instinct, just hitting "go," not pausing, going for it. This is a sure-fire way to fail. If you approach life with this mindset, you WILL fail. Oh yeah, it's also why you'll succeed.

Ask any successful person about failure. They won't laugh at you and tell you how they never failed; far from it! Instead, they will probably elaborate, in great detail, about their many whiffs, failings, and embarrassments. Going deep is a recipe for disaster, and beauty. It's the secret to being humbled, and doing something that matters. It's the door to pain and suffering, and the joy of accomplishment.

I used to believe in playing life safe. Get an education. Get a "secure" job. Hold onto said job for dear life (even if it sucks). Be financially responsible; be frugal, hoard resources, keep them for myself. Coast through life, pursuing comfort every step of the way.

If you know me today, you hopefully associate me as the anti of all I just described. Throw deep, baby, as Mr. Hanks suggests. It's a tremendously difficult and humbling way to live life, but wow, it's meaningful. There's nothing safe about my family's life anymore. We have far less income, much more uncertainty, and anything but stability. But in its place is meaningful work, life-giving generosity, a spirit of adventure, and a relentless pursuit of meaning and impact.

Wherever this meets you today, I hope it gives you something to think about. Maybe you have a wild idea you're hesitant to run with. Perhaps you're itching (but scared) to start that business. Maybe you're being called to make a counter-cultural career shift. Perhaps you feel the nudge to open the floodgates of generosity.

Whatever is on your mind and heart today, I hope this triggers something within you. Throw deep, baby!

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Listening to Those Nudges

After my Grandma's funeral on Saturday, I hopped in the car and bee-lined a two-hour drive to the airport so I could board a flight to Mississippi. I'm hanging out in a dry ice plant in SW Mississippi for the next few days, trying to add value to one of my clients.

I spent yesterday grinding in the office, which was extremely productive. As lunchtime approached, I realized I had no vehicle, and there wasn't anything within walking distance. Thus, I pulled out my rarely-used DoorDash app to save me.

When using digital platforms, I tip cash if I have it on me. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but tipping cash is the only way to ensure 100% of that tip ends up in the hands of its intended target. Luckily for me, I had about $50 in my pocket.

That was the setup, and here's the story. I waited about 20 minutes for my food to arrive. During that time, I felt a nudge. It was a nudge to lean heavy on the tip. My entire order was $10, so what does a heavy tip mean? $5? $10? More? As time passed, I felt a continued nudge to lean even heavier; by the time the driver was pulling up with my delicious Taco Bell, I felt oddly convicted I needed to give the entire $50 stack to the driver.

I long ago learned to listen to these types of nudges, no matter how crazy they may seem. Some may call it intuition, while others may refer to it as the Holy Spirit. I'm not in the judging business.....I'm in the listening business. In our family, we respond to nudges, and today, Mr. Taco Bell DoorDash was the target of a nudge.

I eagerly waited for the delivery car to peek above the hill. As he pulled up, I noticed a few things. He was driving an incredibly beat-up truck......nearly falling apart. His wife (or girlfriend) was sitting in the passenger seat. Her name was the registered Dash driver, but they were clearly out making runs together. When he hopped out of the truck to bring my food, he was extraordinarily polite. I noticed a big cross on his T-shirt. He handed me my food, said, "God bless," and quickly turned toward his hanging-on-by-a-thread truck.

I shouted that I had a tip for him. He turned back toward me. "Oh, thank you much," as he re-approached me. I handed him the cash. "Are you serious? You have no idea! I don't even know........thank you, thank you!"

Nudges, man! I don't know what the story is, but I know there's a story. I'll probably never know the full context of what it meant, and that's ok. My job isn't to piece it all together, but rather to play the tiny role I was called to play. I peacefully went to bed last night, knowing I listened to that nudge.

Listen to those nudges. Yes, they can be weird. Yes, they can be uncomfortable. Yes, they can challenge us. But they exist for a reason. Stretch yourself and lean into them. Generosity always wins!

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Time Flies (Even When You're Not Having Fun)

We said goodbye to Grandma yesterday. It was a beautiful funeral service, and I’m so grateful for everyone who served, attended, and played a role in that experience. 

One of my highlights was spending time with my three cousins, whom I don’t see as often as I should. We aren’t as close today, but we were thick as thieves when we were younger; hanging out with them was always a high point of my year. It was so much fun catching up with them and their wives yesterday, and hearing about where life has taken them. 

My Mom and aunt put together some photo boards for the event, and the “cousin pics” were my favorites. So many memories, each of which is intimately intertwined with Grandma and Grandpa. Here’s a fun one!

In my head, this picture was taken about five years ago. However, considering the six boys in this photo now range from 37-49 years old, it’s safe to say it’s been a few more years than that. 

Time flies when you’re having fun…..and when you’re not. This life is so short, no matter how you live it. There are days, weeks, and months where it seems to move at a snail’s pace, but on the whole, it’s far too short. 

Far too often, in the pursuit of wealth, shiny objects, and fancy titles, we forget what matters most. We chase, chase, chase, forgetting what we are really searching for. Meanwhile, time melts away and the next thing we know, we look up and decades have sadly passed.

Therefore, I have just one clear and simple message today. Live your short life with meaning. Embrace every bit of it. Don’t let money, stuff, and status get in the way or taint it. You get one shot at this thing, so you might as well make it count. 

Have a meaningful day!

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You’ll Never Be Ready

I recently saw a stunning yet not surprising statistic. The U.S. birth rate is at a 75-year low. We're having half as many babies as we did in 1950 (12 per 1,000 people now vs. 24 per 1,000 people then). Even crazier, the birth rate has decreased every year since 1988. Wild!

There are many reasons why this trend has been so pronounced and consistent, including higher divorce rates, more career-focused dual-income families, and people waiting longer to get married. However, there's one reason I, for obvious reasons, see over and over and over. People regularly wait to have kids "until they are financially ready."

Some of you will laugh at my next statement, but it warrants being said. You will never be ready. Nothing in this world will prepare you, financially or otherwise, to have kids. Yes, kids are expensive. That notion gets a lot of air time. However, there's another fact that doesn't get near enough play. Kids only cost what you spend on them. Rich people have been having kids for centuries. Poor people have been having kids for centuries. We only have what we have.

Would it be nice to have more? Yeah, sure. But reflect on your childhood. Were you uber-focused on how rich or poor your parents were? In my hundreds of conversations about this topic, most people only fully understand their family's economic status once they are grown. To them, as a child, life was just "normal." I just chatted with a man who grew up in poverty. He noted that it wasn't until he was 19 that he realized they were "poor poor," as he put it. But he had nothing but wonderful things to say about his parents and childhood. He grew up in a loving lower-class family. The alternative to his amazing life would be if his parents threw their arms in the air and simply said "well, we can't afford it," erasing him from history. His parents were never going to be financially ready, yet here we are. They have a beautiful family…..and it's not because they did or didn't have money.

There are a lot of things NOT to do due to a lack of resources. Marriage and kids are not on that list. If you want to get married, get married. If you want to have kids, have kids. There's far more to life than money, and none more meaningful than relationships and family. 

Many of you already have kids. This message might not land on you at the right time in life. However, there are most certainly people in your life who need to hear this. Encourage them. Walk with them. Show them meaning over money. They will thank you someday.

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When Our Brains Deceive Us

Our brains are an amazing thing. They allow us to think, remember, problem-solve, create, and dream. They are truly one of the most remarkable feats in this world. Yet, at the same time, our brains are quite fallible. Even when we feel strongly convicted about something, our brains sometimes deceive us. Scientists have done many notable studies on this phenomenon, which always blows my mind.

It's also a phenomenon I see in my coaching work on a near-daily basis. As we're out there living our busy lives, we may have one understanding of our reality, but the truth is something completely different. I'll share a few examples:

• A couple wanted to finish their basement. They were confident it would cost around $20,000.....dead-set on that being the number. By the time they finished, it was closer to $65,000. Why? Because they were anchoring their perception of cost on an older, uninflated number. Also, they didn't mentally account for higher level of finishes or the few extra side projects they included. Needless to say, they were flabbergasted.....and stressed.

• Another couple was struggling on their dining out budget. They continually overspent their desired amount by a wide margin. One of the spouses exclaimed, "We don't even go out to eat that much! It doesn't make any sense!!" Since they track everything, we pulled up the facts. Over the prior three months, they averaged 42 dining out trips per month. On the one hand, they "don't eat out that much," but on the other hand, they actually eat out nearly 1.5 times per day!

• Another couple was brutally naive to the cost of their pets. In our first meeting, I asked them how much their pets cost. $25 per month, tops. When I questioned them about this, they confirmed all they buy is a big bag of food every few months. Their pets cost them "almost nothing." After tracking for a year, they discovered they actually spend $450/month on their pets. Minds blown!

• The last couple were preparing for a weekend road trip. I encouraged them to budget adequately for it. They thumbed their noses at my number, insisting it would cost "Almost nothing. A hotel room, a tank of gas, and a few cheap meals." They insisted on only allotting $200.....the actual cost was $700.

It's not because any of these couples are dumb or uneducated.....far from it! Rather, it's a real phenomenon where our brain deceives us. We compartmentalize, gloss over things, and get distracted by all the noise. It happens to all of us.

I don't have a solution, but I do have a recommendation. Be aware this is probably happening to you. Acknowledge your brain isn't perfect. Be intentional; budget, execute, and track. When we arm ourselves with the real facts, it can be an eye-opening experience, helping us get better at this money stuff. Be mindful!

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731 Ideas

In the reflective and surprised words of Ron Burgundy, "Boy, that escalated quickly." Two years; November 14th, 2022. Today is the two-year anniversary of publishing this blog each day. Two years. 731 days. 731 articles. 731 ideas.

About ten days into this insane endeavor, I wondered if I'd run out of ideas soon. Would I run out in a week? A month? I surely won't make it a year. 731 ideas in 731 days.

Even though I'm living it, it's hard to wrap my head around this notion of brainstorming, writing, editing, and publishing one article per day for 731 consecutive days.

There's precedent for this sort of behavior, though:

• I've brushed my teeth every day for 40+ years.

• I've eaten every day - multiple times - for more than 43 years.

• I've dressed myself every day for 40+ years..

• The list goes on.

So, I suppose there is a precedent for writing 731 articles in 731 days. Each of us is uniquely wired to create, maintain, and strengthen habits. What do all those things above have in common? They are worth it. It's worth brushing my teeth every day so the dentist doesn't have to drill holes through my head, and people around me aren't repulsed by my breath. It's worth taking the time to eat - multiple times per day - because I appreciate staying alive. It's worth dressing myself each day because I don't think anyone needs me walking around public naked. There’s precedent for each of us to do things that are worth it, even tremendously difficult things.

Similarly, it's worth writing this blog because it adds value to thousands of people's lives (hopefully yours, too!). It's worth it because writing every day helps me process what's going on around me and to thoroughly think through these ideas. It's worth it because writing each day builds discipline and grit that can be transported into other areas of my life. It's worth it because creativity begets creativity; each idea (good or bad) sparks another.

No, this isn't my advocation for you to start a daily blog. Rather, this is my encouragement to find something worth doing. Find something that fuels you, serves others, and makes you better. Find it, lean into it, lean into it harder, and watch where it takes you.

Have a wonderful day!

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Someone’s World

I lost my paternal grandmother yesterday. This comes nearly five years to the day after Grandpa took his last breath. During that five year stretch, I've said goodbye to all four of my grandparents. It's not a day to mourn, though. Today, I celebrate her and the long, impactful life she lived, passing away just a handful of weeks before what would have been her 96th birthday.

Grandpa and Grandma’s first time meeting the boys.

One idea I regularly process here on the blog is the call we each have to make an impact on this world. Whenever I use that phrase, it makes people cringe. Not because they don't believe in impact, but rather because they don't believe their existence will be world-changing (then citing an array of world-changing figures they are unfairly comparing themselves to).

While I believe each one of us has the power to change the world, the reality is most of us won't be household names on the Mount Rushmore of world-changers. The law of averages says that's true, and our lived history says that's true. Most of us won't change the world.

While you may or may not change the world, you 100% have the power to change someone's world. And I have a little secret for you. Changing someone's world might as well be the same as changing the world.....because when you inflict impact on someone's world, it moves the needle in their life more than any of these quote-unquote world-changers ever could.

My Grandma didn't change the world, but man, she sure did change a lot of someone's worlds. She inflicted significant impact on this world, but it was discreet. It was face to face, person by person by person. I grew up four hours away from her, and didn't see her all that often. Yet, when I reflect on my childhood, she was an instrumental force in it. She was the center of so many memories, traditions, and lessons. That's her, though. She always seemed to work quietly behind the scenes, yet constantly seemed in control and a driving influence in the small world around her.

She's one of the greatest women I’ve ever known. She will never be on a list of world-changers, but I can tell you she's made more impact on my life than any famous world-changing name I could think of. She was everything. I’m sure others would agree.

Impact, impact, impact. That's our call to action. No, we won't all be called to change the world. However, we ARE called to change someone's world. Understand that opportunity. Understand that responsibility. Understand what's at stake. Understand the implications of that power. I think my Grandma did.

I'm looking forward to paying tribute to my Grandma in a few days. Until then, I'm sure I'll be living in flashback-ville, thinking about all the awesome impact she's made on my life. Love you, Grandma! Glad you've been reunited with Grandpa after five long years. Thanks for all you've done for me and so many others.

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I’ll Have One Christmas, Hold the Guilt

'Tis the season! The lights are going up, the movies are coming out, the weather is turning cold, and my Chicago Bears are melting down into season-ending turmoil. It can only mean one thing: Christmas is coming!

I absolutely love Christmas, but do you know what I don't love? Financial stress, unforeseen debt, and guilt. This is the annual season where millions of families will throw away their measure and discretion for just one more taste of the holiday spirit. Between the decorations, travel, gifts, food, and hosting, it's not uncommon for families to rack up thousands of dollars of expenses (often with debt).

Unfortunately, these expenses are often unbudgeted. They are impulsive, reactionary, and unplanned. But the magic of the season is intoxicating, so we just go along with it. Come early January, it's not uncommon for people to feel significant stress, tension, resentment, and guilt. By the time the Christmas spirit lifts, we're left with a nasty hangover. Have you ever been there before?

Multiple times in the last week, I've talked to families equally anxious as they are excited for the holiday season. On the one hand, they can't wait to share those special moments with the kids, but on the other hand, are dreading the seemingly unavoidable consequences.

I think you deserve better than the most wonderful season of the year to rob you of your peace, freedom, and sanity. You deserve to experience all the joy, without any of the guilt. So today, I'm going to give you a few ideas on how to do Christmas differently:

• Remember that Christmas joy is not derived from money, stuff, or status. Joy is joy.....period.

• Go into the season with a plan. If you're the budgeting type (and I hope you are!), ensure you have money allocated for each component of the season: gifts, travel, decor, food, hosting, etc. Name each and put a dollar figure on them.

• Speaking of budgeting for gifts, make a list of every person you want to buy a gift for. Then, assign a dollar amount to that person. Shop with boundaries.

• Commit to NOT using debt. There's no need to whip out the credit card. I know it's tempting, as it always is, but there's so much peace that comes from knowing everything you paid for is actually paid for.

• Follow the plan. If you said you would spend $500 on gifts, spend $500 on gifts. Don't spend $700, $800, or $1,200. Once you commit, commit. I don't care what the number is for any category, but you must honor yourself by honoring past you's decisions.

• Remember again that money, stuff, and status don't bring joy.

• Slow down your schedule, not speed it up. Embrace the time with your loved ones. Savor it. Don't cram as much in as possible.

• Remember the reason for the season. In our house, that's Jesus.

I hope this is the beginning of a beautiful holiday season for you and your family. It's been a crazy year. Enjoy this final chapter of it.

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