Let Splurges Remain Splurges

I was working at a client site earlier this week when I was struck with a dilemma. Not an earth-shattering, life-altering dilemma. Just a normal everyday sort of dilemma. Due to some logistical snags to start the day, I didn't bring my lunch. Most days, Sarah generously makes me a lunch that I either take on my way out the door, or swing home to grab when time allows. On this day, however, I didn't have lunch and was about 15 miles from home. Thus, the dilemma.

I had a few options available. I could grab fast food for maybe $6. I could hit a nearby deli to grab a sandwich and chips for $11. I could sit down at one of the neighborhood's trendy restaurants and drop $15-$20. Typically, I'd probably go with the first or second option. Quick and inexpensive is an efficient combo. However, this time, I chose door #3. There was a highly-touted restaurant just a few blocks away, so I excitedly walked there for a unique meal. Though I sat a bit longer and spent nearly $20, it was a tremendously satisfying experience. I tried something new, it was executed with excellence, the service was top-notch, and I really enjoyed my time there.

Did I need to spend $20 on lunch? Not at all. Am I glad I did it? Absolutely! It was a fun and impulsive little splurge. I had personal money for such an occasion, it added value to my day, and I had zero guilt. That's how it's supposed to work.

There's one key word here: splurge. The fact I don't do it every day makes it a more enjoyable and guiltless endeavor. Spending $20 on lunch each day would slowly bleed me out financially (as it does for countless people.....you wouldn't believe the number of people who are literally eating their future). Once in a while, however, it becomes a fun little blessing. Too much of a good thing isn't always a good thing. We need to create scarcity in our life. Doing so allows those fun, impulsive splurges to add value to our life without breaking the bank. It creates anticipation and gives us something to look forward to. But the moment we turn a splurge into a normal part of our life, some of the magic dies. It just becomes another piece of "normal," and the lifestyle ratchet clicks up a notch.

Let splurges remain splurges. You won't regret it.

Important to Her, Important to Me

Today, I'm bringing you a fun story from a recent coaching session. I was sitting with a young couple, discussing wins, losses, learnings, and questions from their first few months of budgeting. I could sense some tension brewing, and just as I was about to ask about it, the wife brings it to the surface. 

The wife wants to buy an item that costs approximately $500. It's important to her. She's been talking about it for a long time. Immediately, I could tell the husband was not keen on the idea. He had several reasons why they shouldn't buy it right now. His primary reason is they are in the midst of paying off student loan debt (they are crushing it, by the way!). 

What happened next is where the story gets interesting. No more than three minutes later, the husband brings up something he wants to buy soon.....which coincidentally also costs $500. Similar to the wife's desired purchase, this is clearly a want. But it's important to him. He quickly listed the reasons they should immediately pull the trigger on this item. However, in the midst of his sales pitch, he recognized the irony (and the hypocrisy). 

The real issue wasn't the debt, or a lack of resources. Instead, it was the fact he viewed his desired purchase as being important, and hers not. This is a toxic slippery slope, which needed to be immediately addressed. I quickly jumped in and shared my perspective. And since this is a commonly occurring dynamic, I thought it was worth sharing today:

• It's ok if something is a want. We need to stop demonizing wants as irresponsible and unnecessary. Wants can be nearly as important as needs, and should be treated as such.

• The husband's opinion on her desired purchase is irrelevant. If it's important to her, it's important. Period. This can be a hard pill for spouses to swallow. Since spouses have different interests and desires, it's inevitable one spouse will want something the other doesn't care about.

• If it fits within the scope of the budget and can be done without compromising their spending, saving, giving, and debt plan, they should do it. 

• Who makes how much income shouldn't play any role in the discussion. If one spouse makes 90% of the income, it's still a 50/50 decision. The moment we get married, everything we have (including our income) should be combined and viewed jointly. The words "mine" and "yours" need to be abolished and replaced with "ours."

• We aren't allowed to feel guilt when purchasing something important. Guilt cheapens the purchases and sabotages the reason we bought it. 

Ultimately, here is my recommendation. Since the husband's desired purchase has some urgency tied to it, I recommended they pull the trigger this month. However, that recommendation was contingent upon him agreeing to put her desired purchase in the budget next month. 

Be generous with your partner. If it's important to them, it should be important to you. 

A Glimpse Under the (Cruise) Hood

I've shared bits and pieces about our family's recent cruise vacation. Some of the finer details must have perked people's interest, as at least a half-dozen readers asked if I would be sharing more about the economics of the trip. There's a voyeuristic side in each of us, where we like hearing the details of other people's situations. I think that's why our personal budget reveal episode was/is so popular. 

Well, your wish is my command. I dug through the numbers and will now share the total economics of our recent trip. For context, our family of four took a 6-night cruise on Royal Caribbean out of the Fort Lauderdale port. The ship was called Symphony of the Seas, which I believe is the second-largest ship in the world (and it was amazing!). When the dust settled, we spent approximately $5,100 all-in, broken down as follows:

• Cruise: $1,830 (We took advantage of a 30% off + kids sail free deal on the Royal Caribbean website. We stayed in an interior room, which was small but efficient. This price included all food).

• Flights: $740 (We saved $700 by flying out of Minneapolis - a 3-hour drive - instead of Des Moines. Not ideal, but we agreed it was worth it). 

• Food & Fuel to/from Minneapolis: $140

• Airport Parking: $210 (Given the -45 degree wind chill and the fact we wouldn't have coats with us, we elected to park in the terminal instead of taking the long-term parking shuttle).

• Fort Lauderdale Hotel: $220 (We didn't want to risk having a delayed flight ruin our trip, so we flew in the night before). 

• Ubers: $140 (Ubers to/from airport/port).

• On-Ship WiFi: $300 (This was a hard pill to swallow, but we ultimately decided to get WiFi on three devices. Looking back, we're glad we did).

• Drinks: $380 (This included alcoholic beverages, some fun drinks for the kids, and Sarah's fancy coffees).

• Aquapark Excursion: $50

• Pig Beach Excursion: $700 (A lot of money, but it created some lifelong memories). 

• Automatic Tips: $220 (By default, Royal Caribbean charges you $18/person/day for tips. However, this isn't mandatory. We elected to turn this off for the kids so we could use that extra money to give specific tips)

• Cash Tips: $200 (Primarily for our room attendant and the kids club staff. Our kids spent 7PM-10PM every night in the kids club, and they had a blast. There were a lot of tears saying goodbye that last night). 

There you have it. It wasn't cheap and ultimately cost more than we anticipated, but we don't have many regrets. It was a wonderful trip; we'd do it again in a heartbeat. 

Thoughts? Questions? Insights? Reactions? Would love to hear your feedback. Hit reply to this e-mail or drop a comment below on the webpage. 

I'll wrap it up this way: Meaning over money. That money could have been invested, or saved for something "more responsible," but our family primarily invests in two things: mission and memories.

Capitalist Pigs

Remember when I paid $700 to play with pigs? Well, yesterday was pig day! We were in Nassau, Bahamas, on our cruise, and it was finally time to experience Pig Beach with my family. It was a truly amazing experience. We started with a beautiful 30-minute boat ride to Pearl Island, where we spent a few hours playing on the beach with crystal-clear waters. Then, we were treated to a local lunch that more-then-hit the spot. Finally, we hopped on a speed boat for a short jaunt to Pig Beach. Once there, we fed the pigs apples (and even bottle-fed a piglet), petted them, and ran around in the ocean with them. Every part of the experience was spot-on. While spending $700 for this excursion still feels expensive, it will no doubt go in the record books as one of the most memorable experiences our family has had together. Money well spent!

This is baby Katy Perry. She pooped on my arm about 5 seconds after this pic was taken….

While hanging out at the beach in the morning, I overheard a group of men talking about the excursion. "They really milk those pigs for all they're worth." "Nothing like taking advantage of a lucky situation. Those pigs were just left there" "They are practically screwing us."

Do you see any irony in this? A bunch of grown men, who are traveling to the Caribbean on money earned from living in a capitalist society, are demonizing the local business owners who are trying to make a living by being capitalistic. Nobody forced a single one of them to purchase that excursion. That's the entire point of capitalism. Someone creates a product, sets the price, and either people buy it or they don't. If you think the price is too expensive, then simply choose not to buy. Considering how many people were in our group, I'd say their pricing is working just fine.

Are the local folks making a handsome living from this endeavor? I hope so! Good for them! They are doing a fantastic job at it, too. Overall, the entire experience was well done and full of hospitality. They served their customers well and truly made us feel welcome. I'm glad I went, and I'll recommend it to anyone who asks.

This is the beauty of business. We are free to create any product we want, price it, market it, try to execute it, and let the chips fall how they may. No matter how good our product is, some will think it's a rip-off. That's not a bad thing! Rather, it's necessary. That's the gateway to understanding who values you and who doesn't. I once had a client prospect tell me how much of a rip-off my pricing was, only to have another prospect (90 minutes later) tell me it was the world's biggest bargain. One valued me, and one didn't. It doesn't make one good and one bad, but now I know who I am called to serve.

Don't feel bad for making a living. Add value. Serve others well. Let the chips fall how they may.

Fun, But Measured

In yesterday's post, I mentioned my family contributes $1,000/month to our travel fund. As has been the case for the past decade, giving and travel (mission and memories) are the two largest non-housing categories in our budget. Several of you reached out to comment on this. Some people think that's an absurdly high amount. Considering it's a want, perhaps they are right. Other readers believe $12,000/year is practically nothing. Or, as one person put it, "That's like one trip." 

Similar to the power of saying "no," the opposite is also true. There's power in being able to say "yes." When we intentionally set aside money for a specific purpose (travel in this case), we've already said yes. By definition, that money has already been spent on travel. However, the who, what, when, where, and how haven't yet been defined. That's where the fun begins. We know the money is available, but decisions must be made. Do we go all-out and blow the entire $12,000 on a single trip, or take a more measured approach to get more mileage out of those funds. In most cases, we take a measured approach. Fun, but measured. 

Here's a real-time example. My family is currently on our first-ever cruise. A few weeks ago, I found out one of my closest friends is also going on a cruise soon. We compared notes. They also have a family of four, traveling with the same cruise line, in a similar geographic vicinity. The biggest difference is they are gone 7 nights vs. our 6 nights. In other words, it's almost apples-to-apples. When I asked what it cost, she said, "A little more than $7,000" (before flights, excursions, add-ons, or any other goodies). Our total cost was $1,800, or nearly one-fourth of what they paid for a similar trip. She cringed. Ouch! There were a few drivers on why ours was so much less:

• We specifically picked a route that was on the more affordable side. 

• We specifically picked a week when that route was even cheaper.

• We waited until the cruise line offered a promo. This one was 30% off for all adults, plus kids sail free. The cost melted away faster than Frosty getting locked in the greenhouse. 

Question: Will my friends have 4x as much fun as us? Or will we create one-fourth as many memories as they will? Of course not! Also, this isn't a knock on them. I hope they have the time of their lives. They get to do whatever they want, and I'll support them every step of the way. Our family's priority is to make the best use of our limited (and blessed) $1,000/month of travel funds. I pray that we share amazing experiences together and create lifelong memories that our boys will someday share with their kids. 

Go enjoy some amazing travel, but don't feel the pressure to break the bank. It won't necessarily create better experiences or more meaningful memories. Stay measured, remain intentional, and make the most of whatever travel resources you set aside for your family. Fun, but measured. 

Saying “No” to Yourself

In a recent client meeting, we discussed where this couple would prioritize their discretionary income in 2024. Giving, investing, and travel are their big three. But the question was how much to allocate to each. I shared a few different strategies and ideas to consider, including setting non-negotiable dollar amounts to specific categories. As a reference point, I communicated that our family makes a mandatory $1,000/month contribution to our travel fund. It's as non-negotiable as our housing payment or groceries. No, it's not a need, but it is critically important to us. 

Amidst this conversation, one spouse asked, "What do you do if you don't have money in your travel fund? Just not go?" 

Correct. No money, no travel. No excuses. No justifications. No cheating. No credit cards. No robbing other accounts. If there's no money in the travel fun, there's no travel. That's why it's important for us to fund this account each month. It would be a real bummer for our family to have a travel opportunity arise, but we have to say no because we don't have those resources available. 

The willingness (er, commitment) to say "no" to important and alluring things is a life-changing endeavor. If we have the discipline to say no to ourselves when we haven't earned the right to say yes, a few things happen:

1. It provides a genuine incentive to do it better next time. If we're willing to cheat ourselves to get what we want, there's no real reason to get our act together. 

2. When we learn to say no, we teach ourselves contentment. On the flip side, there's no better way to erode contentment than by giving yourself everything you want, no matter the cost or consequences. 

3. Speaking of consequences, when we're willing to say no, we can avoid putting ourselves into questionable (or destructive) financial situations. We don't thrust ourselves into debt, rob other important spending categories, or irrationally drain our emergency savings. 

This concept goes deeper than travel. If our family doesn't have dining out money remaining, we don't go out to eat. If we don't have kids money remaining, we don't buy anything for our kids. If we don't have any grocery money remaining, we don't go to the grocery store. That may seem extreme, but it's amazing how creative we can get by diving deep into our freezer and pantry. Further, running out of grocery money sucks enough that it provides great motivation to learn from our mistakes next time.

Learn to say no to yourself. It often sucks in the moment, but it creates contentment, growth, resilience, discipline, and gratitude. That's a winning formula!

The Undercurrent of Culture

We recently released a podcast episode titled "287 - Controlling Dining Out Without It Controlling You." In it, I talked about the ever-increasing narrative that dining out is simply too expensive. Yes, inflation has caused prices to ratchet up to frustrating levels. However, when people talk about this topic, they share ridiculous stories, attempting to highlight why they (and others) are screwed and in no way, shape, or form can financially succeed (never mind thrive) in this reality. In the episode, I used the example of one Tweet where someone said their family of four (including "two small children") spent $75 on a trip to Panera. Mom, Dad, and two small children.....$75 for Panera. I recently saw another example where someone said it cost their family $60 to eat at McDonalds.

I received several critical comments on the heels of releasing this episode, with the most common one revolving around the idea that I just live in a cheap part of the country (i.e. I don't know what people are really dealing with). While it's true that I don't live in THE most expensive markets in the country, neither do most people on social media ranting and raving about this topic.

I recently decided to do a little experiment with my own family. It was Sarah's birthday, and she wanted to take the boys to a trendy new breakfast restaurant in our town. Since it was her birthday, and knowing I wanted to perform this experiment, I simply instructed the family to get whatever they wanted. Sarah and I each enjoyed an entree (which we split and share with each other because that's what we always do), plus coffee. The boys elected for fun kid-sized options of chicken and waffles.....and hot chocolates, of course. After a 20% tip, the meal came to $88. $88 for breakfast!?!? Yep, my little experiment went precisely as I had hoped.

One thing separates my normal dining out experience from this one-off $88 breakfast experience: intentionality. When we have a set monthly budget for dining out, it forces us to be intentional with our decisions. On a normal day, that meal would have cost less than half of that. However, since we didn't have intentionality (boundaries, practicality, or rational thought), we were going to be the victim of whatever that final bill came out to be.

I'm glad we did. That was the point. It was Sarah's birthday. We had plenty in our dining-out budget this month, and it was a perfect time to perform my little experiment. Win, win, win. But we weren’t victims. We made those choices.

The next time you're out to eat but also trying to live with financial boundaries, choose intentionality. You can still have a wonderful experience and create fun memories. It CAN cost $88 for breakfast, but it doesn't have to. Luckily, you get to choose.

Pigs Over Money

Our family will be taking our first cruise soon. I never thought I'd be a cruise guy, but it made sense with the age of our kids, the number of activities available, a robust children's program (#datenights!), and the fact it's a safe, contained environment. Who knows, maybe I'll come back with a whole new perspective (and fandom) of cruises. Crazier things have happened (such as Rex Grossman leading the Bears to a Super Bowl).

I don't like planning my day-to-day activities on vacation, but I now realize that's critical in the cruise world. This includes on-ship activities, as well as port activities. While scanning the various port options/excursions, one caught my eye: Pig Island! Have you ever heard of Pig Island? It's exactly what it sounds like. It's a bunch of wild pigs that live on a tropical island, and you can go play with them. Visiting this place has been on our bucket list since we married. Now, it shows up as a port-day option for our upcoming cruise! It's fate!

I was pretty excited.....until I saw the price: $700. Ouch! That's a lot of money to pay for a 5-hour excursion, especially considering our entire 6-night cruise cost us $1,800 (children-cruise-free promo!).

These are the types of dilemmas I love. It doesn't intuitively make sense. There's no world where spending $700 to swim with pigs for a few hours feels rational. On the flip side, this is a bucket list activity for us. It could very well go down as one of our family's favorite all-time travel memories....or not. But there's only one way to find out. That's the risk....and the opportunity.

We decided to book it. While the financial cost is expensive, the memories and shared experiences will be priceless. We probably won't remember what it even cost when we wake up ten years from now. But those memories will last a lifetime. Here's one last thought. There's very little chance we'll regret doing it, but on the flip side, there's a high likelihood we'd regret not doing it. I hate living with regret. Take my money, pig people!

Meaning Over Money. Strike that. Pigs over money!

Stay Vigilant, My Friends

Throughout the course of life, it's staggering how many financial mistakes we make. Some are big, some are small, and the count is high. I'd like to tell you it's possible to completely eliminate them, but it's not. With the sheer number of decisions we make each day/week/month/year, we'll eventually get bit by the mistake bug.

This was my week. I was pretty upset with myself, but after deciding it would make for good blog content, I'll reclassify it as an "investment" in my head (or so I tell myself). Here's the situation. My family is preparing for an international trip that's coming up. In the process, we decided to get the kids their own suitcases. Until now, we've just packed their clothes in our luggage whenever we travel. But it's time for them to get their first set of luggage.

After doing some shopping, we picked out a few cool options (Minecraft for Finn and Spiderman for Pax). Luckily, the bags are also mirror images of each other.....just with a different design. Perfect! They were also fairly affordable at $65 each. Doubly perfect! I pulled the trigger and washed my hands of that chore. Until today.....

As I was reviewing transactions earlier in the day, I noticed one for $213. Wait, what is that!?!? If the suitcases were only $65 each, that math doesn't math. When I clicked on the invoice, my fears were realized. The bags were, in fact, $65 each, but I got dinged with a $77 shipping charge. Oh crap!

Pure and simple, I just made a boneheaded decision. I screwed up. I made a mistake. And the primary reason is the same as when we typically make financial mistakes: lack of vigilance. I didn't pay close enough attention.....and I paid the price for it. I was with the kids when I pulled the trigger (and one of them was melting my brain), so I completely whiffed on the shipping details. Ouch!

Though I'm still pretty frustrated, I'll get over it. I've made more expensive mistakes than that. Ultimately, we'll have a couple of suitcases that will serve us well for years to come. It won't break us. It won't move the needle in the big picture. But it's a great lesson. We need to stay vigilant. We must focus on the details, ensure we're crossing our T's and dotting our I's, and follow through with diligence.

Also, one last thought. Give yourself grace WHEN (not IF) you make a mistake. Mistakes will happen, so it's important you process them, learn from them, and ultimately put them in the rearview mirror. It's amazing how much these things will haunt us if we let them (yes, even this dumb $77 mistake). It certainly won't be my last mistake, and you'll also collect some as well. But if we handle ourselves with intentionality, we can limit them.

Stay vigilant, my friends!

More Control Than We'll Admit

Oh, inflation. Inflation, inflation, inflation. Inflation is a topic that doesn't seem to go away. It's now as engrained in our cultural narrative as Taylor Swift, TikTok, and my Bears being terrible. Inflation is an easy target. It's easy to point to a single number as proof of why we're screwed. "Well, gas prices were x, and now they are y," or "My weekly grocery haul used to cost b, and now it costs c." While those facts may be true, they don't properly account for the overall picture. They are just numbers in a vacuum. 

I had a conversation ask week that may illustrate the topic. While meeting with a client, we were looking closer at their current monthly budget. This exercise was through the lens of changing circumstances and a desire to carve out more margin. This family's monthly needs are approximately $9,000. This accounts for food, housing, utilities, transportation, and other items that are essentially needs. 

Curious about the broader context of this number, I flipped back to some of their older budgets (from four years ago). Much to their dismay, their apples-to-apples monthly needs were just $5,000 back then......less than half of what they are today! You may be thinking to yourself, "How do monthly needs go up by $4,000 in just four years!?!?" There are a few reasons this happens, which primarily include:

• Inflation

• Changing seasons of life

• Lifestyle creep

• Evolving definition of "need"

I don't highlight this to point fingers. This isn't a condemnation of them (or anyone else). Rather, this is a great opportunity to look in the mirror, be honest with ourselves, and act accordingly. 

Yes, inflation has done a number on this family. That's a very real thing. We can go category by category and see how their monthly spending has changed over the years (one of the benefits of budgeting and tracking over a long period of time). Inflation has played a role in this. 

But we also need to take account of all the areas in our lives that we've inflated (whether intentionally or unintentionally). Just because we can spend on something, it doesn't mean we should. It's so easy to squint our eyes and decide xyz is now a need, or what was once needed isn't enough anymore. We humans justify all sorts of decisions this way.

We also have to look at our major decisions and how they impact our financial journey:

• The cars we buy

• The house we live in

• The childcare we choose

• The stores we shop at

• The food we eat

Not all decisions are created equal. Some decisions can transform our budget to the tune of hundreds or thousands per month. It's critical that we view each decision through the lens of our broader life and what's most important to us. 

So as we enter a new year, perhaps this is a great time to take a look at your numbers. Take back control. Focus on meaning. Create margin. Give yourself peace. You deserve it!

Inflation, the Tale of Two Families

Inflation has oddly become a polarizing topic in recent months. To millions of Americans, the weight of it has been heavy, often destructive. The impact of inflation can be felt in nearly every aspect of their lives. It's ever-present, and it feels overwhelming.

Others, however, seemingly roll their eyes at the topic. They acknowledge it exists, but on the whole, believe most people are being overly dramatic about the entire thing. This group sometimes thinks people use inflation as a scapegoat to deflect their poor financial decisions.

I've discussed it on this blog before, but we humans tend to view reality through our personal lens. It's a sample size of one: me. Our own experiences, perspectives, and situations largely inform how we perceive these external forces. Recently, though, I stumbled upon a TikTok video that illustrates this concept so well.

@fmsmith319

Housing and daycare has middle class divided

♬ original sound - Freddie Smith

In short, this man theorizes that the American inflation experience is strongly formed around two variables: 1) When someone bought their house, and 2) The age of their children. Depending on the combination of these two variables, it drastically changes the shape of their financial life. While you/I may disagree with his specific numbers, I believe the concept is true, and his assessment is spot-on.

On the cheaper end of the spectrum are people who purchased their house before 2020 (lower prices and record-low interest rates) and don't have young children requiring childcare. These families have a combined house payment and childcare bill of approximately $1,500/month.

On the most expensive end of the spectrum are people who purchased their house within the last 12-18 months ($4,000/month) and have kids requiring childcare ($2,500/month). Therefore, these families have a combined house payment and childcare bill of approximately $6,500/month.

Comparing these two families, that's a $5,000/month difference....just from two categories. That equates to $60,000/year of spending differential, or closer to $80,000 of gross salary to make up the difference. Again, we can disagree with the specific numbers, but either way, the disparity between these two groups (revolving around just these two categories) is staggering. Also, these two families could live next door to one another. They could live similar and parallel lives, but have completely different financial experiences.

It's no wonder how two people who make similar money can disagree on the topic of inflation. I think this is a great perspective for us all to think about. Some of us live on the cheaper side of this spectrum, and others on the more expensive side.

First, I encourage you not to judge or demean others and their experiences. They are likely doing the best they can, and yes, it probably includes some unwise decisions along the way. Second, I also encourage you not to constantly compare yourself to others. It's so easy to play the woulda, coulda, shoulda game. Unfortunately, we can't hop into a Delorean and make different decisions. We must play the cards we are dealt. So let's play the best hand possible! You got this.

Cultural Narratives: College Edition

In yesterday's post, I discussed the importance of seeing through false cultural narratives. I framed the post through the lens of common misunderstandings around the stock market. However, I listed a handful of other cultural narratives wreaking havoc on our society. One raised more than a few eyebrows: "It's impossible to attend college without student loans."

Oh, this is a good one! And by good, I mean toxic and destructive. In my work, student loan debt is one of the top factors ripping people's lives apart. It's not uncommon to see $40,000-$100,000 of student loan debt......per person! I have a lot of empathy for people in these situations, for a few reasons:

• Student loans are the only debt that's non-bankruptable. The only way out is to die. That doesn't feel like "good" debt to me. 

• Student loans are torching people's ability to live a meaningful life. Instead of pursuing work that matters, people must pursue work that pays the inflated bills.

• It's not their fault! It's easy to blame people for their student loan debt, but they were only 17 or 18 when these decisions were made. They likely didn't understand the future consequences and implications. In most cases, the blame primarily lies on the parents. Parents don't trust their teens to stay at home alone for the weekend, but the very next day, they trust their kids to freely make a life-altering decision that will implode their financial life for decades.

Kids deserve better. My kids deserve better, and your kids deserve better! Luckily, better is available. Yes, college is expensive. There's no way around that. The cultural narrative is that the only way to go to college is via student loans. It's a lie! I'll explain why. First, it's essential to break things down so we can look at them from a different perspective. 

In-state public universities in my state cost approximately $24,000/year. Some states are more, and some are less. I'm using public, in-state as my example, as it's a common and accessible option. We can make other choices, such as community college, trade school, out-of-state universities, and private colleges, but all choices have consequences (good and bad). 

That's a lot of money, for sure. But we aren't going to pay $24,000/year. Most schools have an array of in-house scholarships to offer. In my state, most students will end up paying +/- 80% of sticker price, or $19,200ish. 

That's still a lot of money. Let's break it down further. This equates to $1,600/month over 12 months. Ok, now we're getting somewhere. That's a lot, but attainable. Once we know this number, we have an array of options to pay for it:

• Savings

• College fund

• Parents' monthly budget

• Student work

• Other scholarships

• And several other options. 

We don't need them all.....we just need some combination of them to total $1,600/month. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's 100% attainable for most families. And countless kids/families are doing it!

Methodically and intentionally piece together $1,600/month, or suffer for decades? The narrative pushes us to the latter, but we have the power to change the narrative.

As Much as We Bargained For

Picture this. I’m standing at the gate, waiting to scan my boarding pass and walk onto the plane. As I was about to scan my phone’s QR code, a man hurriedly walked around me and onto the jet bridge. The gate employee, equally confused as she was concerned, shouted at the man to stop. Annoyed, he retraced his steps to the gate, handed his boarding pass to the employee, and exclaimed, “I paid $1,500 for this motherf’ing ticket. I’m not waiting in line.” Without even taking his ticket back, he started toward the jet bridge. She again shouted at him to come back to gate-check his roller bag (since they had run out of overhead space on the plane). He ignored her command and scurried onto the aircraft with his bag in hand. When we got onto the plane, he discovered (shockingly!) that there were no spots for his bag. He was resourceful, though. His solution was to remove someone else’s bag and put his in their bag’s spot, randomly discarding the other person’s bag in the aisle. As you can imagine, this didn’t go over well. He was surprisingly allowed to stay on the flight, but I navigated my way back to my toilet-adjacent seat, where I’d luckily never have to see him again.

As I reflect on this man and his antics, I can’t help but think about how sometimes in life, we unreasonably expect more than we bargained for. Sporting events are a great example. Fans often act as though their ticket purchase includes the right to demean, berate, and abuse the referees, coaches, and players. We buy one thing and expect it to come with other fringe benefits. Like this airline passenger who believed his $1,500 ticket price earned him the right to board the flight whenever and however he wanted (with a side bonus of disrespecting everyone he encountered along the way).

I often think about this idea when buying products or services. Not the whole being a completely disrespectful jerk part, but the idea that I’m only getting what I’m getting. I try to think through what this product will and will not give me. Buying those Air Jordan’s may make me look cool, but they won’t make me jump higher. That fancy car may be a more comfy and satisfying ride than my aging Nissan Altima, but it won’t actually make me more important. The new iPhone will give me some added features (and perhaps run a bit smoother), but it won’t inherently make my life better.

There’s nothing wrong with any of these things, but we need to be honest with ourselves about what we’re getting…..and what we’re not. If we take a moment to sincerely think about it, we’ll likely make different decisions. This sounds silly and ridiculous to even point out (call me Captain Obvious), but we’ve all fallen for this trap.

Anyway, I hope you all have a better weekend than that airline passenger! Make the most of it!

Investing In Wants

The personal finance space is filled with gurus, influencers, and professionals who demonize spending on wants. "You don't need it!" "Do something more responsible!" "Stop spending!" Everything is looked at through the lens of need (good) and want (bad). Need = spend. Want = don't spend. Need = responsible. Want = waste. I think we need to stop thinking in terms of needs and wants, and start categorizing as valuable and not valuable. I know lots of wants that are valuable to people, and lots of "needs" that don't add much value at all. That expensive car, for example. For most people, that newer car (and its $700 monthly payment) doesn't actually add much value to their life. But spending $75 on a massage or getting their nails done adds a ton of value.

I've openly discussed several of my want spending habits and how much value they add to my life. I have a new one to add to the mix. I often (unfortunately) find myself taking a lot of 5AM flights on Monday mornings. I'll help you with the math….. that's a 3AM wake-up! It's terrible. We'll call it the cost of living in a smaller city with limited direct flights. But wow, those mornings are rough! I get packed the night before, sleep like crap for four hours, wake up exhausted, drive 30 minutes to their airport parking facility, and take a shuttle to the airport. Here's my new want. When I have those excruciatingly early flights, I'll book a room at a hotel across the street from the airport for the night before. Doing so forces me to pack earlier, encourages me to go to bed sooner (limited distractions), removes the 30-minute drive the next morning, and creates a much simpler (and more predictable) travel process. It's the best $65 I'll spend all month. Is it a need? No. Is it valuable? Ab-so-freaking-lutely. It's been a real game-changer for me. My trips start off cleaner, I have more energy, and I can be more productive those first few days.

Invest in wants. Not just any wants, though. Invest in wants that add value to your life. YOUR life. Some of you will read this post and suggest I'm practically setting $65 on fire. After all, I have a perfectly good bed to sleep in for free. It's not what you would do….and that's ok! There's a want in your life that you should absolutely invest in that would be a complete waste of my resources. That's what makes this money stuff so fun. It's deeply personal and unique to each of our own journeys.

As you go about your day, ask yourself what wants in your life would be a worthwhile investment. Not because it's a "need," but because it's a want worth spending on. Then, here's the fun part. Spend the money. Make the investment. Enjoy!

Every Meal Matters

My family recently had the most wonderful dining experience. The food was enjoyable, we had great conversations, our waitress was sweet, the kids had fun, and most importantly, we created some fun memories. It was one of my favorite dining experiences ever. Pretty impressive for $50, eh? Oh yeah, and it was at Perkins. I don't have any photos of the food or profound insights to share about the culinary delights, but I do have this little gem.

To understand why this meal was so special, I should offer up some context. It was a Sunday night, and I was preparing to leave town for the week. The kids were noticeably sad about the prospect of me leaving. We spent the day playing X-Box, watching Elf, and doing chores around the house. But as the hour neared for Sarah and the boys to drop me off at the airport, the kids' spirits diminished. While finishing my packing, Sarah suggested we stop for dinner on the way to the airport. After a quick Google search, she suggested we hit up Perkins, which was right next to the airport. That's the origin story of our amazing dining experience. 

A few things about this meal were different:

• The kids got along remarkably well (which is a departure from their normal twin brother antagonizing).

• They both sat in their seats like actual sane humans (this is a new and exciting twist).

• They excitedly read the menu for the first time ever (those new reading skills are starting to come in handy!).

• We enjoyed fun conversations about the weekend, the upcoming week, and other various 7-year-old topics.

• The kids were excited about their food selections, and eagerly shared theirs with the family.

• Everyone at the table knew I was leaving, so it felt like we were all trying to soak it in. 

This meal was absolutely nothing special, yet it created a seared-in memory for me. We don't need to drop hundreds of dollars to have a good meal. The restaurant doesn't need to have Michelin stars attached to its name to offer a high-quality experience (though I'd take some Michelin-starred dining right now!). The food doesn't have to be fancy or exotic to check the right boxes. Rather, it's the memories and shared experiences. I'm going to think about that meal for a long time. That brioche French toast wasn't necessarily life-changing, but I'll be craving that taste for a long, long time. 

The goodbye hugs were extra long that night. Pax, with a face covered in pancakes, added a few extra firm man pats to his hug. In Finny fashion, Finn threw out a random science fact as I shut the door. All seemed right with the world. 

There are so many lessons to glean from this story. I'll let you take from it what you will. Here's my parting thought: don't waste meals. We only have so many before we die, so make each one count.

“Support” vs. Service

Small Business Saturday is one of my least favorite days of year. No, not because I dislike small businesses. Quite the opposite, actually. I have a few small businesses myself. What I dislike about it is the pandering, guilt-tripping, and manipulation that comes with it. 

• "Please support us." 

• "Go support xyz business." 

• "abc needs our support."

• "Support small business.....by giving me money." 

As I've discussed multiple times on this blog, I can't stand the term "support" when it comes to business. Businesses don't exist for us to "support" them. Businesses exist to serve their customers. If they do it well, they earn the right to do it again. It's cause and effect. If they serve well, they get to do it again. If they don't, they lose that right. 

I recently saw a Facebook post on a local restaurant review group. It was about a local business that desperately needs our "support." The post's tone was that because of us terrible citizens, this unfortunate business won't be able to stay open for much longer. In other words, they would survive if we just gave them more money. Problem: Nowhere did anyone mention the restaurant's responsibility to earn the right to serve its customers. 

I've been to this restaurant several times. None of the experiences were great, and one was quite poor. The employees treat customers with indifference, the food is average at best, and the prices are ridiculously high. Comments on the post were quick to point out that the restaurant is located in a high-rent part of town, negating their responsibility to offer prices commensurate with their product. Comments included themes such as:

• People need to stop spending money at national chains.

• People need to keep their money in our town.

• People need to increase their dining out spending.

• People need to spend their dollars at businesses that are owned by "good people." 

Small businesses, you deserve better than to receive people's guilt-driven "support." Yes, it's difficult. Yes, it can be a brutal endeavor. Yes, there are days you'll feel like throwing in the towel. But there's nothing better than serving someone well, earning the right to serve them again, and maybe (just maybe), earning the right to serve more people. It's capitalism at its finest. It's the foundation on which nearly every successful business (large and small) has built itself. 

As I wrap this up, I thought I'd reflect on some of my recent small business wins: 

• I'm buying 1/4 of a beef from a local meat market in the next few days. I've purchased a few items from them over the past year, and they've earned the right to serve our family even more. 

• I just returned from a local bookstore with too many buys. They continue to re-earn the right to serve me.

• I just signed my kids up for drum and guitar lessons after a local business impressed us (i.e. earned the right) with their introductory lessons.

Small businesses, you're awesome! So go be awesome!

Well, What'd I Miss?

Confession: I'm not a Black Friday'er. I'm not against people that are, but I'm just not. And it's not because I don't have any interest. In fact, it's the opposite. Deep down, I can feel a deep interest in all the things that comprise Black Friday. The deals, the hunt, the fun new shiny objects to discover. Truth is, there was a season in my life where I could quickly spiral into the whole Black Friday chaos. Today, though, it's different.

I realized how amped up I could get about those sorts of consumeristic days, so I decided to step away from it. It's not that I'll get out of control or overspend, but rather because it takes my attention away from the things that matter most. Instead of looking at deals and trying to score fun goods, I was playing with my kids and nieces all day. We even went to see the new Trolls movie. All in all, it was a fun and relaxing day.....much more so than had I decided to participate in Black Friday.

As I mentioned earlier, I don't think getting into Black Friday is wrong. What concerns me is when people get so engrained in the consumeristic aspect of the holidays that they miss the entire point of the season. Their kids may have the newest toys, but they miss out on valuable time enjoying the holidays together. They get so consumed in ensuring every aspect of the holiday is perfectly presented and curated that they don't have time to enjoy the people they are hosting.

If your kids are like mine, their Christmas list is a mile long. Sure, they will be excited when they receive that extra special gift they've been wanting so badly. But just remember, that euphoric feeling is fleeting. Soon, it will be just another toy in their room. That shiny new object will be in a landfill within a handful of years. The memories you create with them, on the other hand, will last a lifetime. Go heavy on memories. Memories will never let you down. While you're at it, go easy on yourself about the gifts. They matter, but they don't. Please don't put too much pressure on yourself to spend, spend, and spend.

I'm sure I missed something on Black Friday, but what I got in return was pretty sweet. I hope your holiday season is full of memories, togetherness, and joy.

".....Then What Was It All For?"

I had a brief but impactful conversation with a client today. He and his wife are considering making a questionable financial decision. They have been intentional about living a debt-free life, and as a result, they live a truly remarkable life. Sacrifice after sacrifice, they've chosen the road less traveled. They could easily have a bigger house, better vehicles, fancier trips, and an overall bougier lifestyle. However, they elected to stay disciplined.

As luck would have it, a piece of land recently went on sale. Not just any land, but a property adjacent to their family's land. This parcel is a bucket list piece of real estate for them. The kind of property they envision someday building a house and eventually passing down to their children.

There's a catch. They can't afford to wave their magic wand and write a check for the whole property. Ideally, they could in due time, but the sellers of this particular property aren't going to wait around for them. It's now or likely never. Knowing this, they have two options: 1) pass on the opportunity, or b) use debt to secure the transaction.

As you probably know, I'm not a fan of debt. I've been personally debt-free since 2016, and have no intention of going back. However, in my friend's situation, it actually makes sense. Given the rare opportunity, the fact they have so much margin in their financial life, and the overall economics of the transaction don't impair their family's life, it makes all the sense in the world.

However, he's conflicted. He doesn't love the idea of procuring debt for this. He goes back and forth about what the right decision is. On one hand, he thinks he needs to keep saving and avoid the debt. On the other hand, he may not get this type of opportunity again.

After bouncing back and forth while thinking out loud, he concludes with this: "If I don't pull the trigger on this, then what was it all for?" This single comment perfectly summed up the tension between meaning and money. Yes, he wants to make wise financial choices. He's done that! He's made so many sacrifices for his family's future. He and his wife have done tremendous work over the past five years. Everything they've done up to this moment has prepared them for such a moment.

His comment echoes so much truth. ".....then what was it all for?" If he's not willing to choose meaning now, all his past wise financial decisions were pointless. Staying out of debt, living below their means, and intentionally maintaining a lower-than-necessary lifestyle. In my opinion, each of these decisions, magnified over years, has brought them to this place where they can make this powerful decision without impairing their financial life. That's a gift! That's a blessing! That's the reward for their good work.

They should buy the land. Meaning over money. Always meaning over money.

It’s WHEN, Not IF

For most families, finances are generally ok......IF unforeseen issues don't pop up. That's the problem. We tend to live life as though it's an IF, but it's not. It's a WHEN. Unforeseen issues will absolutely rear their ugly head, but we won't know when, where, or how much. And WHEN they do, they can wreak havoc on our finances. 

Take this recent client story, for example. In a three-day stretch, this couple experienced a hat trick of crazy:

• Hit a deer with their car

• Coyotes attacked their dog

• Backed into their garage door

All that in three days!!! Wow. It wasn't an IF, but rather a WHEN. And WHEN happened to be an already busy week in the middle of November. They never saw it coming. They never anticipated a single one of these issues, never mind all three. They had enough life going on that they didn't need this to weigh them down. 

But they were prepared! This is the beauty of getting right with our finances. Instead of destroying their financial life and creating a ton of relational stress in their marriage, it was a mere bump in the road. An ugly bump, but a bump. Here's how/why they were able to navigate this week without it crushing them:

• They have a strong emergency fund for WHEN (not IF) life happens. 

• They are adequately insured to protect against significant liabilities falling on their plate. 

• They have sinking funds specifically for key categories (pets and home maintenance, in this case).

• They have margin in their monthly budget, allowing them to reallocate income to meet unforeseen needs, WHEN necessary. 

They are a wonderful case study of what it looks like to get this money stuff right. It didn't happen by accident. I began working with them in the spring to bring intentionality, preparedness, and acceleration to their financial life, but they have spent years building a strong foundation. Nothing here was good luck. I don't think anyone can accuse them of good luck after the crazy week they just had. 

They focused on getting their money right, so they don't have to dwell on their money when life hits hard. They practiced proactivity in the past, which resulted in them not having to practice reactivity in the present. It's not making money our number one priority, but rather putting intentional focus on financial matters so that we can continue to push money down on our priority list of life. It's living with financial margin, which prevents any single life situation from knocking us down. It's called humility and contentment. 

That's what it looks like to live meaning over money. 

That Expensive Bed Sure Was Cheap

I moved into my first big-boy apartment when I was a sophomore in college. It was an exciting and scary time. After all, I was entering a life where I would have to cook for myself. Yikes! One of my favorite memories during that process was going bed shopping at Sam's Club with my parents. I needed a bed, and Sam's Club had affordable options for a young college kid. It was a match made in heaven! I think we paid $200 for it, box spring included!

Little did I know, but that bed would journey with me for quite some time. I would eventually lug it with me to eight apartments/houses covering three different states. Besides my $236,000 of debt, it was the second-worst thing Sarah married into. It was garbage when we got married, and it hung around for another six years. After an illustrious 17-year run, I finally retired the bed when Sarah and I moved into our first house. In all reality, I was going to move into that house with Sarah or the bed, but not both.

After some research, we decided to buy a fancy SleepNumber bed. Coming off a $200 bed that lasted for nearly two decades, the idea of spending thousands on a bed seemed absurd. Was it a waste of money? Were we overdoing it? Was there a more practical option? Should we have kept the old bed? Well, Sarah made sure the last option was off the table.

In hindsight, it was one of the biggest bargains in our life. Sure, at $3,000, it was expensive.....very expensive. But when I think about cost vs. value, it was the world's biggest no-brainer. I've spent approximately 1/3 of my life in that bed in the last eight years. If my numbers are accurate, I've spent 15,000-20,000 hours in that bed so far.....which equates to 625-833 full days. Wow! It's been a glorious 625-833 days, I might add. If I threw our bed into the trash today, I would have paid $0.15-$0.20 per hour of use. Again, it was the bargain of a lifetime!

I'm not sure spending the first three minutes of your day watching me obsess about a bed is your best use of time, but this isn't really about a bed. This is about looking at our lives through a different lens. This is about turning things on their head and finding a better way to perceive money. There's always a different angle to explore. There's always a unique consideration to factor in when making decisions. When we do, we make different decisions......better decisions. Taking it a step further, we can do so with more clarity, conviction, and confidence. That's when we stop dwelling on the money, and start focusing on the meaning.