Tailgating Economics Don't Have to Make Sense

I've always been fascinated by college football tailgating. Growing up in NW Illinois, college sports weren't really a thing. It was Bulls, Bears, Cubs, Sox, and Blackhawks. That's it. It wasn't until I was a freshman at Iowa State that I was exposed to the spectacle of tailgating.

Hundreds of thousands of people gathered in thousands of individual set-ups, circling a single stadium. If the game starts at 11AM, people start tailgating at 7AM. If the game starts at 2PM, people start tailgating at 7AM. And if the game starts at 6PM, people start tailgating at 7AM. There's busses, RVs, food, music, games, beverages, and even big-screen TVs broadcasting other games.

Needless to say, people spend an enormous amount of time, energy, and money to fulfill their tailgating endeavors. It's nothing short of astounding the lengths people will go to enhance their tailgate. I get exhausted just from

Seeing some people’s tailgates, and I'm not even the one investing the time, energy, or money. But they sure are fun!

I love asking people about their tailgates, which are as unique as fingerprints. Each group has its own traditions, food, games, rhythms, schedules, and habits. The key word there is tradition. Whenever you ask someone about their tailgate, their face lights up, and they share how, when, and why it all started (usually many years ago). Some people will tell you they've been doing the same thing in the same location for decades.

If we're honest, the economics of tailgating don't make sense. Many people I know spend as much on tailgating each fall as most families spend on travel year-round. It can be expensive! It's not for everyone, but it's for many. People aren't ever going to justify the math on tailgating, but they will tell you as confidently as the grass is green, it's worth it. This is where the whole meaning over money concept comes into play. Not everything is about money. For some, they simply choose this because it matters.

At the heart of it, it's about something deeper. It's about people. Friends, family, co-workers, neighbors. It's an investment in relationships. It's a way to share experiences and create memories.

I'm grateful for anyone who has ever invited me to their tailgate. It's an opportunity I never take for granted. It's not something I ever aspire to recreate with our own family (especially at the scale many do it), but man, it sure is fun. I have many fond memories of sharing those experiences with people I care about. If that's you, just know I'm grateful!

My Cyclones may have lost yesterday, but the memories I created will last a lifetime.

Failure Isn't Forever

Earlier this week, I shared a heartbreaking story of a man who spent so much time and energy working for more money (so he could give his family a higher standard of living and have more time with his kids), only to realize years later that he missed his kids' childhoods. He feels a deep regret about the path he took. He now recognizes the irony of his situation. He thought he was doing what was needed to have more time with his family, but those actions were the very thing robbing him of a life with his family.

I received dozens of messages after publishing that post. Some people shared their sadness, others expressed parallels in their own lives, and many just appreciated the reminder of what's most important. One message stood out, though. It was from a friend whom I deeply admire. She asked that I share it with this man (which I did), and then I asked if I could share it with all of you (which she happily agreed). Here's what she said:

"As a daughter of a man who has never acknowledged he messed up, and has always been absent, please tell this man he is not too late, and he can still be present for their adulthood. He can turn the story around right now. First job interviews! Weddings! Babies! There's so much they will need him for. I hope he knows that!"

Wow! As someone who has made my fair share of mistakes and failings, I needed to hear that....and maybe you do, too. Failure isn't forever. It's a moment in time. It's something that happens, not who we are. It's an opportunity to grow....or give up. It's a chance to bounce back.....or shrivel.

There's a power in knowing our past failures don't define our future. We do have to reconcile with our past, but it doesn't mean we don't get a second chance. We can't change the past, but we can (and should) change the future.

Friend, I'm grateful for you sharing these powerful and personal words. I know it hasn't been an easy journey, but I'm always inspired by how you use your story to impact others. This man needed to hear your words, and many readers also need to hear them. But If I'm being honest, I really, really needed to hear them.....maybe that's why they cut so deep.

What Country Am I In?

I often experience something that, until a recent conversation with my friend Claire, I thought was normal. It happened again this morning. Whenever I wake up in a hotel room, I often don’t know what country I’m in. There’s an immediate moment of confusion before getting my bearings. Is that normal? Since sharing this with Claire, I’ve told several other people about these situations. Turns out I am, in fact, weird.

Whenever this happens, roughly half the mornings I wake up in hotel rooms, I think about how funny life is. I grew up in a small farm town in NW Illinois. For me, going to South Dakota was exotic. And one time we went to Florida! Wow, that might as well have been a different planet. When I left home for college and ventured four hours west to Ames, Iowa, that was a scary and treacherous endeavor.

When I started my real estate career, the idea I would travel to different cities around America was wild. For me, it was exhilarating. My first business trip was to Denver, Colorado, to visit Sterling Point Apartments in Littleton. Sure, Denver isn’t the most exotic city in the world, but it might as well have been Hong Kong or London for me. I loved everything about that experience.

Fast forward a decade, and my clients were primarily in Europe and the Middle East. At the same time, I joined the board of an organization in SE Asia. Between those two endeavors, I traveled abroad many times a year. On one occasion, we visited 8 Middle Eastern countries on an 8-day trip (see where I get my hotel wake-up quirk?). For as weird as that travel initially felt, it soon became normal. When Sarah and I first visited Hong Kong in early 2016, it felt intimidating. Today, Asia feels like a second home. I love everything about it. The people, the food, the culture, the history….all of it.

All this is a testament to how small our world is today. Between the technological advances in communication and travel, it’s never been easier (or cheaper) to connect with people on the other side of the world. We shouldn’t take that opportunity for granted. I was recently on a podcast in Australia. Towards the end of the episode, I made a half-joke (but serious) comment to host Joe Stephan about needing to fly to Australia to meet him for dinner. The fact that it’s even possible is wild. Technology allows me the opportunity to create a relationship with this stranger, and a different kind of technology allows me to visit him if I’m up for the adventure. What a world we live in!!!

Sure, we have some problems in our modern world. But let’s never take for granted all the good that comes with it. We can use our resources and technology for evil, or we can use it to create beautiful relationships, far-reaching impact, and priceless memories. Don’t let this opportunity slip through your fingers.

The Power of (Actually) Shared Experiences

One of my favorite past times is sharing a meal with friends: good company, good drinks, good food, and good conversation. When I look back on some of my favorite memories, it usually revolves around a shared meal. However, there's one problem. In the U.S., we don't actually share in the dining experience. You enjoy your meal, Mary enjoys her meal, Bob enjoys his meal, and I enjoy my meal. We have an experience together, but it's not a truly shared experience. We may be sitting at the same table, but depending on our specific order, we're each having a unique and siloed experience.

This has always bugged me, especially when order regret sets in. You know what I'm talking about. The server brings the dishes out and delicately places each one in front of the person who ordered it. You look at yours, then at your neighbor's, and realize you wish you ordered what they did.....it's the worst feeling!

All this dining angst came to a head when I made my first trip to Asia in January 2016. Sarah and I were invited to fly across the world so I could interview for a board position. Our first night rolls around, and it's time for dinner. I'm eagerly anticipating this meal, as I love unique food, and it's my first time eating Asian food in Asia. I'm totally geeking out, while at the same time nervous. What will I order? What if I make the wrong choice? What if I accidentally order something I don't like? There are so many things to eat....how do I pick just one? I'm weird, I know.

But as we get settled into our seats and it's time to order, something weird happens. My friend Rob just started ordering. He asks if anyone wants anything in particular, then continues to order more. A while later, food starts coming out. The plates, platters, and bowls are haphazardly set wherever there is space to house it. Then, the good part. Everyone starts serving themselves from each of them. You know, like you do at home with your family. You know, a truly shared experience. It was an amazingly fun experience. I tried maybe 15 different dishes that night, and each person at the table also experienced those same 15 dishes. It was a shared dining experience we don't often get here in the States.

An example of a truly shared experience meal. Notice the massive lazy suzan to efficiently share with each other. This picture makes me hungry!

From that point on, it changed how Sarah and I experience food when we go out to eat. She orders something, and I order something, then we share. As our kids have grown, we've expanded that experience. Each person will choose a menu item, and we request the servers to set all of them in the center and provide some extra plates. Then, we have our fun shared experience.

It's been a beautiful shift for our family. It adds an entirely new dynamic, excitement, and bonding. There's so much meaning in shared experiences, and I encourage everyone to seek them out whenever possible.

You Aren't For Everyone

My social media manager, Claire, recently decided we must invest heavily in LinkedIn content. Over the last several years, I've completely neglected that platform. Not because I don't believe in it, but rather because engaging on that platform is really uncomfortable for me. It's uncomfortable because that's where my new career intersects with my old career. There's no more apparent sign of how much different my life is today than 5 years ago than when I cross so directly with my old world. But alas, Claire wins these types of debates and has started the execution of her new strategy. She's doing a great job, by the way! If interested, you can connect with me on LinkedIn HERE.

As part of my newfound engagement on that platform, I've found myself scrolling through the lists of "people I might know." Through this process, I stumbled upon so many people I do, in fact, know. I see their names, get excited, and click the "connect" button. There's a part of me that's confused why I wasn't already connected with them, but oh well. Click, click, click. After excitedly clicking name after name after name, I had an epiphany. I wasn't connected with some of these people because they intentionally disconnected me. In other words, I'm trying to friend people who just unfriended me. Awkward.....

My gut reaction is to feel sad, or betrayed, or maybe just confused. Then, I have a moment of clarity where I realize it's probably not personal. What I'm doing and what I'm publishing just isn't for them. I was a worthwhile connection for them in my private life, but perhaps not today. It doesn't mean I'm less than, of no value, or completely discarded. Instead, I think it's a clear sign that what I'm bringing to the table is much different than what it used to be. I can respect them for that.

This is an important lesson we must all internalize. I'm not for everyone. You aren't for everyone. I'm here to serve those who wish to be served, and you are, too. If someone wishes not to be served by me, that's 100% ok. In fact, some of my closest friends and family members have zero desire to be served by my content, services, or products. On the flip side, I get weekly DMs and e-mails from strangers all over the world, sharing how influential our work has been in their lives. If I'm dwelling on those who don't care what I'm doing, it's robbing time, attention, and creativity to serve those who deeply care about being served.

Whatever you're doing, just remember, you aren't for everyone. But you are for someone. And you matter a LOT to them! Lean into those someones and add as much value as you can to their lives. That's where your impact and legacy lives.

One Relationship Away

A decade ago, I was an avid user of a program called Instapaper. This tool allows you to save web articles and documents in a central location for later reading. If you’re anything like me, I frequently see interesting things to read, but am too busy with other obligations to digest it on the spot. Enter Instapaper. This app lets you click a button on your phone or desktop browser, and boom (!!!), it’s forever saved and organized until you decide to read it.

For reasons I don’t quite understand (but may have something to do with the craziness of becoming a parent), I stopped using the app. Today, after years of frustrations of not remembering where I saw this article or that research paper, I decided to dust off Instapaper and bring it back into my life. No, this isn’t an ad for Instapaper…..but it should be! As I was cleaning up my account, I was reviewing some of the articles I read back in the day. Right at the top of my list was this gem:

That’s my Meaning Over Money business partner, Cole The Hawkeye Killer Netten! Funny thing about this article. When that article was published, I had never even met Cole. I was a Cyclone fan, and it was cool that a local guy was having big-time D1 success. The man in that article was a stranger to me. Today, however, he’s someone I trust deeply and spend a lot of time with (though not nearly as much as I wish we could). The world is so small! It seems big – and in many ways it is – but it’s also much smaller than we realize.

In August of 2015, I was at the Global Leadership Summit, and Craig Groeschel was talking. I can’t remember the full context of his talk anymore, but one particular line hit me hard. He said, “You may be one relationship away from changing the trajectory of your life.” Deep down, I think I knew this was true. Three weeks later, I met the first of two men who would swiftly and dramatically change my life. Kevin Sutton from Coldwater Foundation in Grand Marais, MN. Kevin taught me the importance of being comfortable being uncomfortable. My time with him over just a few days would transform my life. He remains a close friend to this day.

Just one month later, I would meet Gary Hoag. I’ve mentioned Gary many times in this blog, but Gary revolutionized the way I view generosity and stewardship. A few months after that meeting, Gary invited me to serve alongside him for an organization in SE Asia. The rest is history, as they say.

I’m grateful for Cole, Kevin, Gary, and so many others who have literally transformed my life. Here’s the takeaway today. The world is small and relationships deeply matter. Be available and be curious. You never know who may wander into your life and stir up trouble.

Coke and Context

I was recently trading texts with an old high school friend. We usually text about NBA basketball, but other times we hit on parenting, work, relationships, and life. In this particular conversation, he mentioned the prevalence of drugs in his world. A bit confused, I started asking him some questions. He was saying things that I cannot relate to in any shape or form. He's my exact age, and we spent most of our childhoods living in the same tiny town, hanging with the same people. If I wasn't already disoriented enough, he dropped a comment that shook me, "Honestly, it's hard to meet a girl who doesn't do coke." That's a different type of relational challenge than I've struggled with.....to put it lightly.

This is one of the beautiful parts about spending time with all types of people. The context of their lives can tremendously vary from one person to the next. It's wild to think about, sometimes. Whenever something happens to us, or we see/hear something, or we learn something new, we experience it through the context of our own journey. This is natural, and it's human nature. But it also limits our ability to see the bigger picture....and can prevent us from having empathy for others.

In our polarizing, black-and-white world, we leave little room for nuance or contextual answers. What's right for one family might not be suitable for another. This is where financial advice can go awry. We treat everything like it's carved into a stone tablet. If you do x, you're smart. If you do y, you're dumb. This type of mentality is causing some to sabotage their lives while leaving others completely paralyzed due to an internal conflict between what is "right" and what they know is probably a more fitting answer.

It's not uncommon for me to give one piece of advice to a family, then a few hours later give the total opposite advice to another. Context matters. Here's where I want to land the plane today. Regardless of who, where, and when you hear advice (financial or otherwise), look at it through the lens of your unique journey. The deliverer of the advice may be giving it through the lens of a different context, or perhaps their perspective is limited to their own tiny view of the world. It might be the best advice in the world......or not. There's no magic pills here. If all else fails, find a diverse group of people in your life to bounce ideas off. The collection of varying feedback you get will be telling, and valuable!

A Continuous Circle, and You’re Part of It!

My close friend, Gary Hoag, recently wrote an excellent piece for the Christian Leadership Alliance. Gary is a world-renowned speaker and teacher in the area of Christian generosity. I'm always excited to read Gary's work, including his blog that he's posted daily for nearly 14 years (yeah, 5,000+ consecutive days......wild!).

Gary has been a monumentally important figure in my life over the last eight years. Much of what you read and hear from me has Gary's fingerprints all over it. For this reason, I'm always stunned when Gary advocates for me or my work. In the article I referenced above, Gary recommended our Meaning Over Money podcast as one of his four next steps. It's wild that someone like Gary would lift up a person like me. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't I be singing his praises and telling everyone to check out his work? Of course I should! But he doesn't owe me that. There are plenty of people in Gary's life with more experience, expertise, and talent than me. Yet, he trusts the work we're doing over here. I never take that for granted!

That's the beauty of life. It always feels like a circle. Gary is always so gracious to pour into me and lift me up, but someone poured into him and lifted him up. And so, too, did someone for that person....and so on. It's one big circle, and we get to be part of it. We don't have to be, but we get to be. I often wonder how many lives have been impacted due to Gary's work and pouring into others. Has he done for a handful of other people what he's done for me? Dozens? Hundreds? And what have all those people done in turn to pour into others? Handfuls? Dozens? Hundreds? Gary is changing this world, one conversation, one relationship, and one generous act at a time.

Here's the point of today's post. The circle can stop with us. We can gratefully accept the gift, benefit from it, and simply sit on our hands. We're certainly better for it, but that's about it. Alternatively, we can embrace that same spirit Gary carries himself with and pass it on to others. There are many people in my life that I sincerely want to pour into. Some of this has been happening for years, others more recently, and some will happen for people I've yet to meet. And we all get to be part of it! How exciting is that!?!? Some days I think about this fact, and it overwhelms me. Such an opportunity.....and responsibility.

Don't let that opportunity slip away. Find people in your life to pour into and lift up. Be a difference-maker in their life, encourage them, and help them be better.....so they, in turn, can do the same for others. It's a continuous circle, and you're part of it!

Avoid Life-Altering Mistakes

In my ten years as a youth group leader, there's one piece of advice I levied on my young friends more than any other. Well, maybe the third most: 1) Love God, 2) Love others, and 3) Don't make life-altering mistakes.

The reality is we will all make mistakes.....lots of them! If I think hard enough, I can think of a dozen I've made in just the last few days. All mistakes have consequences, but not all consequences are created equal. There are mistakes, and there are life-altering mistakes. It's imperative we know the difference.

I forgot to prepare the coffee pot before going to bed the other night. Consequence: I had a slightly grumpy wife the following morning. There was a consequence, but not a significant consequence. I once forgot my wedding anniversary. To clarify, I knew my anniversary was coming up, and I even bought Sarah a gift, but on the actual day, I forgot it was our anniversary. Again, consequences.....but not significant. If I were to cheat on my wife, that would also be a mistake. However, that mistake would have much more dire consequences. A life-altering mistake with possible life-altering consequences. Not all mistakes are created equal, but sometimes we humans do a poor job of doing these types of mental calculations.

Whether we're a teenager or a full-fledged adult, we need to understand the difference.....whether it's life, work, relationships, or even money. No matter what we're doing, the goal shouldn't be to stop making mistakes. Mistakes go hand-in-hand with progress. We can't move forward in life without making mistakes. The goal should be to avoid life-altering mistakes. It's easier said than done, but it gets a whole lot more manageable when we're intentionally trying to achieve this goal.

In the hundreds of families I've spent time with talking about work and money, a common thread amongst most of them is that a few life-altering mistakes have taken the wind out of their sails. These mistakes didn't feel like mistakes at the time, but that's how the worst mistakes often develop. The decisions seem innocent and, sure, there's probably some risk, but what are the chances that will happen?!?! If there's one thing certain about humans, it's that we underestimate the probability of the downside occurring and equally underestimate the severity of said downside if it actually does happen.

I wish I could give you some concrete advice on how to do this better. Truth is, it's hard. But I'll give it a shot:

1. Before making a decision, sincerely ask yourself what the true downside could be.

2. Once you know the downside, be honest with yourself about how possible it actually is.

3. Understand the consequence in your specific life if the downside happens. Will it bruise you, scratch you, cut you, gash you, or amputate you?

4. Don't rush your decision. A rushed decision is a regretful decision.

5. The moment you know you've made a mistake, acknowledge that you made a mistake and immediately shift gears.

6. Meaning over money....always meaning over money

Happy decision-making, all!

What is Family?

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of speaking at The Gathering, a church located in Hawaiian Gardens, CA (southern edge of LA County). Having that opportunity meant the world to me, as that church means the world to me. It was a surreal feeling to fly halfway across the country to speak to an audience that feels like family. It’s a foreign place to me (#midwesternkid), yet it feels like home. Before and after both services, I caught up with old friends and made some new friends. Lots of hugs, life updates, and stories about past shenanigans. I was also blessed by having my friends Chi-Chung and Roberta come listen to me speak (plus a wonderful lunch at the park afterward).

Days like yesterday really make me pause and ask the question, “What is family?” Sure, the easiest answer revolves around blood. That’s our natural go-to when thinking about family. However, it’s interesting to think about how I don’t share blood with a single person in the photo above (nor with any of my Hawaiian Garden family). We adopted our two amazing sons, Chi-Chung and I have served together in Southeast Asia for the last seven years, and I’ve spent many weeks with my friends in Hawaiian Gardens while leading high school mission trips. Yet, all of these people are family to me.

So I’ll ask again, “What is family?” To be honest, I don’t know the answer……but I know it when I see it. Family is family, well, because it is family. There’s a richness in these relationships that cannot be adequately explained in writing. I see my Hawaiian Garden friends once per year, and I probably see Chi-Chung about the same (usually in some faraway land). But when I do, it’s like we just saw each other yesterday. That’s family. Life is messy, filled with twists, turns, pain, and turmoil. But there are people around us who share in the burden so we don’t have to do it alone (and vice versa). That’s family. In a world that’s quick to criticize, question, and discourage, there are people in our life who will support, love, and encourage. That’s family.

I still don’t know the definition of family, but I know it when I see it. Yesterday was truly one of the best days of my year. Every single interaction I had meant something to me. It was one of those “pinch me” days, where I couldn’t believe this is my life. Or, maybe more precisely, I couldn’t believe who I get to call family.

Never stop building family and never stop pouring into those relationships. Those relationships provide a richness not attainable with money or status. A richness that makes life worth living.

How Do We Define Value?

In yesterday’s post, I made the argument we shouldn’t “support” small businesses, as that connotation “smells of pity, condescension, obligation, and guilt.” As expected, I quickly received a lot of feedback on this post. One such piece of feedback was from my friend Mike (yes, this Mike). Mike let me know he partially agreed and partially disagreed with my post.

There are probably four posts worth of nuance Mike brought to the table, but the one I want to discuss today is the idea of value. In my post, I stated that businesses “don’t deserve our support, but do deserve the opportunity to serve us well and provide us with value.” Mike explained that he strongly values relationships, and would happily pay more for a product bought locally because the relationship he gets to create in the process is valuable to him. I couldn’t agree more!

Let’s say we can purchase a product for $50 on Amazon and $55 from a local small business. The small business is charging 10% more for the same product, so does that mean there’s less value in buying it locally? From a mathematical perspective, yes. The product is providing the same impact in our life, but costs us 10% more. By definition, that’s less value. However, this is where I think we need to take a moment to ask ourselves what the definition of value is. From a utilitarian perspective, the Amazon purchase would have more value. But this is Meaning Over Money, so you know we can’t just look at everything through the lens of money. Mike would testify, and I would wholeheartedly affirm him, that there’s much more value on the table than dollars and cents. In his example, the relationship he gets to build and maintain with the small business is also a value-add to his life.

There are a number of other things we could attribute value to:

• Buying within close proximity to your home.

• The interactions with staff and/or other customers.

• Seeing the product first-hand before buying.

• Getting questions answered by an engaged and knowledgeable employee.

• Knowing your patronage is investing in the local labor market.

• The list goes on and on.

I think Mike touched on a really good point. I don’t think his perspective is contradictory to my post, but largely complementary. This is also the opportunity for small businesses to shine. They need to add more value than they charge, but there are a number of different ways they get to create value than simply price. BUT, and it’s a big but, they do need to add value. This is the heart of my message. Small businesses (including mine) don’t deserve our support. They deserve the opportunity to serve us well and add value. If they succeed, they will earn the right to do it again….and again. And as Mike beautifully points us, that relationship piece is so, so valuable. I for one would gladly pay more in exchange for that meaningful relationship.

Sharing What You Have: Pool Edition

Generosity comes in many forms. It’s not simply the money you give to church each week, or a monetary gift you leave someone in need, or a donation to a local organization. These are all examples of giving, but generosity is a much broader concept. As I’ve said before, we’re all called to share what we have, not what we don’t. What we each have to give is different. It’s a beautiful mix of resources, skills, time, influence, experience, and possessions. Every single one of us has something to give. if we’re willing to participate.

Yesterday, my family was treated to a very special gift. Some local friends hosted us at their backyard pool. We spent many hours relaxing, playing, conversing, eating, and drinking. We had an absolute blast and were grateful for the time spent with our friends. To them, they were just inviting someone to join them in their weekly ritual of spending time in their backyard. To us, it was a very sweet and special gift.

This is the beauty of sharing what we have. We’re just living life, AND inviting someone else into it. Every time we step outside ourselves and bring someone else in, it’s a form of generosity. I’m not sure this family really thought of it this way, but they provided such a profound gift to my family. They helped us create new family memories, build relationships with friends, and relax on an otherwise stressful day.

When we look at generosity through the lens of sharing what we have, it opens us to a whole new world of possibilities. We’re so grateful to our friends for sharing with us! It was much appreciated and it emboldens us to continue sharing what we have. That’s the beauty of sharing. We don’t have a backyard pool like them, but we have other things to share. If we all had the same thing to share, it wouldn’t be worth sharing.

So as you go about your work and play today, spend a few minutes thinking about what you have to share with others. Then, simply act.

You Just Never Know

Nearly a decade ago, I met a couple at church…..good people. I got to know them over a period of time, and they started to know me as someone who helps people with finances. At one point, the wife said, “Travis, you need to help my son…..he’s a mess!!” Her son was in college and recently engaged. She was correct, he was indeed a mess (with money). He was a good dude, though, and his fiancé was pretty awesome, too. They were a top-notch young couple. I was blessed with the opportunity to serve them over the course of a few years, and during that time, I watched them transform their life.

Fast forward a few years, and that man would become my Meaning Over Money business partner. It’s the one and only Cole Netten! Cole and I have had a fun and interesting journey. We each ran our own companies while we built Meaning Over Money with whatever spare time we could muster. During our span together, we’ve both moved multiple times, he had a baby, our careers each shifted in major ways, my wife nannied for their daughter, and his wife Kate started her own company.

This brings us to the present day. Kate and her business partner, Kalli, have a company called Kate and Kal Co. Their mission is simple, clear, and powerful: help Christian women find time and intentionality to lean into their faith. Kalli and her husband, Alex, are also clients of mine, which stemmed from Kate’s referral way back when I first started coaching professionally. Yet another example of how one thing leads to another. Despite having only met Kalli in person one time (and never meeting Alex outside of Zoom), we’re close. I love them dearly and they are like family to me.

In a fun full-circle moment, Kate and Kalli recently invited me to make a guest appearance on their Kate & Kal Co podcast (Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts). As I reflect on that conversation, I can’t help but think how all these little encounters and seemingly benign situations build upon each other until something special forms. That’s how I view my relationships with both of these families. It was nothing…..until it was something……until it was something special. I’m grateful to know these people and it’s humbling to watch them all make their own unique impact on the world.

That’s the thing with life. One day you meet a random couple at church, and the next you have a new family. You just never know!

I recommend you listen to the episode and check out Kate & Kal’s website (linked above). They are doing some amazing work, and it just may be the perfect fit for you (or someone you know).

Being Right vs. Getting it Right

While serving a client yesterday, I was in a team meeting for a project we’re working on. It’s a complex project that intersects with several different departments. For that reason, it’s always helpful to bring the team together to get a second set of eyes and fresh perspectives. One woman, who is very new to the company, pointed out a few logical inconsistencies with my work. After discussing for a few minutes, it was clear she was right. I could tell she was confident in her perspective, yet hesitant to tell me I was wrong. Though it’s never fun to be wrong, I greatly appreciated her shining a light on this issue. To ensure she and everyone else would continue to feel comfortable, I let them know my perspective on the topic. “I’m in the business of getting it right, not being right.” From that point forward, the feedback and discussion opened up and the project was the primary beneficiary.

It’s not easy, but I try to make this my motto in life. Being right does me no good when I don’t get it right. It’s a fruitless endeavor with our pride being the only winner. This is actually one of the main characteristics I look for when interviewing prospective coaching clients. If they are in the business of being right, they can never reach their full potential. In fact, it will be a brutal coaching journey, full of butting heads and stubborn disagreements. On the other hand, if they are in the business of getting it right, there’s no limit to what they can accomplish.

When I think about this idea, a few different angles come to mind:

• Just because something used to be true, it doesn’t mean it’s still true today. Investing is a huge example of that. Most people invest the same way today that they did 25 years ago. After all, it’s the way it’s always been done. What they don’t know is there are far better ways to invest today. Ways that didn’t exist 25 years ago. Easier, cheaper, better, simpler, and more streamlined ways. This highlights the importance of continually learning and evolving as our environment evolves.

• We often get so engrained in the way we see something, we aren’t willing to consider that perhaps there’s a better way. This is a common occurrence in my line of work. If someone were to consider that I may be right about something, they have to simultaneously consider that they may have been wrong for the past 5, 10, or 20 years. This is a tough pill to swallow…..so many don’t. If we can humble ourselves to consider we may be wrong, we open ourselves up to the truth.

• Sometimes we are right about something……but there’s more to the story. We know the truth, but it’s a half-truth. These can be deadly, as we get a false sense of confidence and let our guard down. These are pervasive in the financial world. There are a lot of universal truths people pass back and forth, but they are often only half truths. If we’re hungry to learn, we can find the missing pieces and get a fuller understanding of the real truth.

This is hard, but worth it. I haven’t always got this right. Strike that. I often got it wrong for many years. But the more I learn, the more I realize I don’t know. As you settle into your day, I challenge you to be in the business of getting it right, not being right. I promise it will change your conversations, your relationships, and yourself.

A Tottler

Q: What do you call a half of a tater tot?

A: A Tottler

_________

This was the ridiculous joke I was met with when I walked into a coffee shop yesterday and saw my friend, Meagan. To be honest, I didn’t walk through those doors with the intent of joking around. I started the week a bit stressed, determined to start the day by kicking butt. Enter Meagan. She just carries herself differently. She may have the weight of the world on her, but she always finds time for a laugh and a smile. If you were to meet her on the street, the first thing you’d say to yourself is, “there’s something different about her……something I want to be more like and be around more often.” She’s one of those friends I haven’t seen in years, then all of a sudden I see her many times per week. It’s been a true blessing to reconnect with her and play a role in each other’s lives.

I may be nearly two decades older than her, but I find myself learning from her approach to life. I’m one of those people who visibly wear their stress on their sleeves. I’m also one of those people who says “yes” to too many things, resulting in self-inflected stress and pressure. People like Meagan are a constant reminder to keep the bigger picture in focus, even when it feels heavy around us. No matter how stressed and overwhelmed we are, there’s always time for a laugh, a story, a coffee with a friend, and yes, even a dumb joke about baby tater tots.

Controlling What We Can Control

The world is a mess right now. War, political infighting, ongoing cultural battles, a faltering economy, and inflation……just to name a few components of said mess. It’s easy to feel like crap about it. We turn on the TV, only to feel angry, defeated, and helpless. When this happens, we often turn our attention to all the things we have no control over.

I talk to people every day who feel victimized and defeated by all that’s going on around us. They carry with them a sense of hopelessness and helplessness. I don’t fully blame them if I’m being honest. I can feel like that at times, too. However, we have to separate how we feel about it from what we do about it.

The way I see it, we have two choices to make. The first option is to raise the white flag and admit defeat.

• “I’ll never be able to get out of this debt”

• “I’ll be stuck in this job forever”

• “It’s impossible to make ends meet”

• “I’ll never be on the same page with my spouse”

• “Our government is making it impossible for me to get ahead”

• “Why bother trying when our country is imploding anyway?”

• “There’s no point in saving if I could be dead tomorrow”

These are all comments I hear on the regular. Each of them allows us to justify to ourselves to simply not try. After all, it’s not our fault…..so it’s not our responsibility to fix it.

Then, there’s the second choice we can make. We can let go of everything we can’t control, and lock into the things we can control. Getting control of the money I DO have. Paying off a little bit of debt this money…..then a little bit next month. Going to work and giving it everything I have each day. Grabbing a second (or third) income if I’m trying to close the income gap. Spending intentional time with my spouse to create unity and a shared vision. Choosing to make a positive impact on the people around me.

I’ll close with bad news and good news. Bad news: there are very few things in life we have much control over. Good news: we can spend the vast majority of our time, if we choose, on those few things. Every moment we spend worrying about what we don’t control is one less moment we have to spend on things we do control.

I hear ya on how bad things feel right now. It often feels like an unmitigated disaster. But today I’m choosing to let go of all the noise around me and simply focus on what I can control.

Food is More Than Food

For me, one of the highlights of traveling is the food. That’s certainly been the case on this trip! I’ve probably tried more than 30-50 new dishes in just the past week. I’ve loved some, liked most, and a few weren’t my cup of tea. These have been wonderful experiences and I’m so glad it’s been part of our trip.

Food is always more than food. Yes, we’re exchanging money for an item on a plate. However, it’s almost always about more than that. Food is a representation of culture. When we experience food, we’re immersing ourselves in someone’s culture. The flavors, the ingredients, and the techniques. Take Tom Yum, for example. Tom Yum is a Thai soup comprised of seafood (squid in my case), lemon juice, seafood stock, and other veggies and spices. We were with a few friends in a small fishing village just on the other side of Monkey Mountain (a story for another day). The small street was lined with little seafood markets/restaurants serving up that morning’s catch. Tom Yum was just one of many dishes we enjoyed, but one that stands out to me as truly unique. This meal was one of the highlights of my trip. Spending time in that environment, eating those flavors, and learning about Thai culture was an amazing experience. I learned so much, and enjoyed every single bite.

Next, and more importantly, experiencing food with others allows us to build relationships. The shared experience, quality time, and meaningful conversation is the perfect recipe for the cultivation of relationships. We spent the last 4 days growing a relationship with an old friend and creating a relationship with new friends. These are truly some of the best people we’ve ever met. Just days ago they were strangers who grew up in different countries, speaking different languages. Today, they feel like family. The meals we shared and the time we invested in each other will most certainly create relational momentum for years to come. Maybe someday we’ll have the opportunity to share some of our culture (through food) with them. That would be a true blessing.

So yeah, food is awesome. I love food. But food is always about more than food. I’m grateful for the experiences, cultures, and relationships it can help unlock. Next time you have the opportunity to enjoy a fun meal, remind yourself it’s about far more than just food.

Adventure (Not) For Adventure's Sake

As Sarah and I embark on our Asia trip, I’m sitting in the airport thinking about how much I missed international travel these past few years. I missed so much about it. The discomfort, the culture, the food, the sights, the history, the experiences……all of it! To be frank, travel is one of my favorite things.

But that’s also when I take a step back and ask myself why I enjoy traveling so much. For some, travel is adventure for adventure’s sake. To an extent, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this. We should go enjoy life and have fun. I have no doubt about that. I support it, encourage it, and practice it. However, there’s a movement in our culture to make travel a lifestyle. The continual search for the next high. More adrenaline, more Instagram posts, more escapism.

I can see the allure of this approach…..it can be intoxicating. However, it can quickly become another way for us to selfishly hoard our resources and keep the focus on ourselves rather than others. While this type of life may be fun, if we pursue a life that’s simply about meeting our desires, we’re probably missing the meaning part.

What’s the alternative? For me, I try to view travel as something bigger. Yes, I’m going to have fun. Sarah and I have already had a blast on our first day of flights. But my bigger purpose has a few sides to it. The primary objective of this trip is to further an organization I’m involved in. We have some key meetings that will help shape its next chapter. It’s also an opportunity to spend time with our staff and the other leaders. These relationships matter so much to me. These people went from strangers, to colleagues, to friends, to family. I also want to invest in my marriage. Sarah doesn’t get the attention from me she deserves. This will be a good opportunity for her and I to bond, child-free. Lastly, I find that I become better (in many ways) when I experience other cultures. By understanding how people live, the things they value, and how they operate, I can learn, grow, and become a better version of myself. I trust I’ll come back from this trip with new ideas, a clearer sense of my mission, and better equipped to serve those who I wish to serve.

It’s adventure, but not for adventure’s sake.

Hopping Into the Delorean

Nearly every time I start working with a new client, they make the statement, “I wish someone would have shown this to me when I was younger.” This comes out of the mouths of people in their 50s, 40s, 30s, and even late 20s. Almost without fail, people have this moment when they realize how much better their financial life or career would be had they implemented some of these ideas earlier in life. My moment came when I was 28 years old. I was still pretty young, but I had already made multiple life-altering financial mistakes. If only I could get a do-over!

Unfortunately, none of us can hop into our Delorean, accelerate to 88 MPH, and tell our younger selves the secrets of a better way. On the other hand, we actually do! We all have young people in our lives who we love. I think about my youth group kids, nieces, friends’ children, and other friends who are (much) younger than me. “I wish someone would have shown this to me when I was younger.” We may not be younger, but these other people are! Each of us has an opportunity to help shift the life trajectory of the young people in our lives. Even just one little conversation could be transformational for their journey. Words are free and words are powerful.

I’ll leave you with one story. Several years ago, I was paddling a canoe in the Minnesotan wilderness with a young man I had just met the day before. We used that opportunity to get to know one another. We talked about sports, family, passions, dreams, and probably a whole lot more. I really enjoyed that time with him, but I don’t have any significant memories of that particular conversation.

About 12-18 months later, out of the blue, I received a thank you card in the mail. It was from that same young man! in it, he explained how that conversation in the canoe changed his life. I shared ideas, encouragement, and advice that would go on to fundamentally shift the way he perceived his money and career. The rest is history, as they say. To me, it was a casual conversation. To him, it was so much more. I love that guy and I’m so proud of him! He’s now like a little brother to me and one of the great blessings of my life is to watch him thrive. Words are powerful and words are free.

Hop into the Delorean and bless those young people in your life! It will change their lives…..and possibly yours as well!

Nothing is Thrown Away

Nearly four years ago, I stepped away from my 15-year career in commercial real estate. It was an awesome career, and to be honest, I miss it some days. Everyone assumes I walked away from it disillusioned and angry, but I didn’t. There is probably an alternate reality where I happily spend another 10-15 years in that role.

After my resignation was announced, I received a LOT of feedback from my colleagues. Mostly good, a few bad, and a lot of curiosity about my thought process and next steps. A few people made a comment that stuck with me for months, “you’re throwing away your career.” Ouch!

At the time, even I wondered if I was throwing something away. After all, I built up skills, experience, influence, and relationships over more than a decade. But then, something happened. Sarah and I were on a long flight home from a trip to Asia. I shared with her my dream of writing, but also confessed I hadn’t written for maybe 17 years. It was going to be a train wreck of a process, but I would give it the ol’ college try. I spent a large portion of that 16-hour flight writing on my laptop. To my shock, the words flowed from the tips of my fingers and onto the screen. What the heck!?!? How could I feel this comfortable writing if I hadn’t written in nearly two decades? That’s when it hit me! In my career, a big chunk of my job was to communicate with my overseas clients…..over e-mail. You know, writing…..

Nothing is wasted. Not my skills, experience, influence, or relationships. I didn’t throw any of it away. It all matters. I may have left that previous career, but all those other things came with me. I get to keep those forever. I get to use all the things I acquired and apply them to the next chapter in my journey. I laugh sometimes when pieces of my old career intersect with my new career. Once I started to be aware of it, I noticed it happening daily. So much of what I did and learned in my previous career helps me each and every day. I’m grateful for that.

Someone needs to hear this today. If you make a big shift in your life, you aren’t throwing something away. You’re merely taking it with you and applying it to the next thing that matters. Your previous impact will be the springboard to your upcoming impact. You got this!