It's Like Riding a Bike

"It's like riding a bike." I use that phrase all the time. It's one of the most tried and true principles of human behavior. I've been saying this phrase for years, but it took on a new life a few years ago when my boys were learning to ride a bike. There was lots of anger, tears, blood, and frustration. Then, like the flip of a switch, they knew how to ride a bike.....and the rest is history.

Our church has a tradition of rallying all the volunteers for a team huddle 30 minutes before the first service. There, someone shares a few announcements and a short message/story, then closes in prayer. It's a great way to start the day. I had the privilege of doing yesterday's message. To my surprise, several people approached me afterward to compliment me on it (including our head pastor, whom I deeply admire). I've given this mini-message lots of times, but don't usually get that much feedback.

Here's the kicker: I was asked to do the message about 90 seconds before the huddle started. The person who was supposed to do it couldn't, so the leader asked me to step in. I was happy to do it and exhilarated with the idea of creating a message in under two minutes. It was one of the highlights of my day.

That's not naturally who I am, though. 10 years ago, the mere idea of talking in front of 50 people, in any capacity, would have made me vomit. Five years ago, I could have done it, though I would have done so with a fair amount of anxiety and would have needed a few days to prepare myself. Two years ago, I could have done it with an hour's notice. Today, I can figure it out in less than 90 seconds and go into it excitedly. It's like riding a bike. Truly. Repetition matters. Repetition of speaking in front of an audience and repetition of creating. When I write seven blogs and record two podcasts every week, finding ideas and bringing them to life becomes second nature. At first, it was tough, but now it's just what I do. It's like brushing my teeth in the morning. Or getting dressed. Or maybe, just maybe, it's like riding a bike.

I believe in this principle so much, and it applies to many areas of our life. I see it with my clients all the time. I ask them to do things well outside their comfort zone and expertise. At first, it's difficult. Then, after more repetition, something clicks, and it becomes second nature. It's like riding a bike! Whether it's budgeting, investing, communicating with your spouse, building a new skill, creating that new business, or putting your ideas into the world, you're just a handful of repetitions away from an entirely new reality. A reality where you confidently step into the areas that are important to you. It's like riding a bike.

When Pigs Fly

Did you know that pigs can fly? I have proof! My biggest fear in life is public speaking. It terrifies me. I once took public speaking 101 during summer college because I preferred to have 12 strangers watch me vomit rather than 100 of my university peers (true story!).

The vomiting would remain a theme for the next decade. Every time I spoke, which was as rare as I could engineer, I would vomit (in private, luckily). 10 years ago, the inevitable reality set in that I would need to speak in my career. You know, when the stakes were higher and where it's poor form to vomit on current and/or prospective clients. Therefore, I took the only step a desperate man would take: I started seeking out speaking opportunities to beat my fear into submission.

Those first few (or few dozen) talks were brutal. At first, the vomit was still there. But eventually, I merely felt like I was going to vomit. Big win! At some point along the journey, I even moderately enjoyed it. Fast forward to today, and it's one of my favorite things in the world. To me, there's nothing like the nervous energy in the minutes leading up to a talk, the euphoria of delivering a message I believe in, and the deep satisfaction I feel afterward, knowing I might have made an impact and once again conquered my biggest fear.

As I venture into this world of professional public speaking, I can't help but think about how my biggest fear has turned into a passion and a career. See, pigs can fly! Here's a little demo reel our media team recently put together. You’re the first people to see it outside of our little team!

Here's my takeaway today. I'm not special....yet, pigs fly. If that's true, and I hope you know it is considering I used the word "vomit" five times above, some pigs in your life need to spread their wings and fly. I have a feeling you already know what they are. You might have turned your back on them for years, or even decades, but the wait is over. Let those pigs fly!

Cutting What Doesn't Add Value

In last night’s workshop in Los Angeles, one of the topics I discussed was the idea of leaning into OUR values when making financial decisions. So often, we absorb the culture’s values and do things (i.e. spend) in accordance with what everyone else is doing. For every dollar we spend on something we don’t care about, it’s one less dollar we have to spend on something we do. One of the questions I asked is this, “What do you spend money on that DOESN’T add value to your life?” A handful of people publicly answered, but one, in particular, caught my attention. A woman jumped in and said, “Netflix.”

I think this is the perfect example of how values are personal and unique. For this woman, a $15 monthly subscription to a massive streaming service doesn’t add much value for the $15 price tag. For me, on the other hand, I think it may be one of the best cost vs. value propositions in the entire world. But that’s where this money stuff gets personal. She probably needs to cut this expense from her budget, whereas I need to make sure it remains a priority. But there’s a high likelihood that there’s something in her life that adds a ton of value that would be absolutely ridiculous for me to spend money on. She has her things and I have mine. That’s how it’s supposed to work.

This idea is a big driver of whether we have a healthy relationship with money or not. If we’re being healthy, our spending aligns with our values. When our spending doesn’t align, we often create an unhealthy relationship with money. We’re not always going to get it right (like that one time I spent a ton of money for sweet rims on my Acura Integra), but we can continue to get better each day. When we do, life will be richer, we’ll be more content, and we’ll feel far less guilt in our spending.

Coming Full Circle in Omaha

I had an awesome time speaking at the Omaha YP Summit, the country’s largest young professionals conference. Nearly 1,600 people gathered from Omaha (and beyond) to connect, grow, learn, and have fun. I felt really good about my talk and was tremendously encouraged by the feedback.

The day opened with a talk by Ben Nemtin. Ben is widely considered one of the best public speakers in the world. I’ve been familiar with Ben since way back in the early days of my career, and some of you may as well. Ben and his buddies became a news sensation when they set off across America in an RV, checking items off their bucket list. Their agreement with each other was every time they crossed something off, they needed to help a stranger cross something off their list. Needless to say, this became a huge story. They went on to have their own show on MTV called The Buried Life.

I was young in my career when all this was happening. The next part is where I feel a bit sheepish. I have vivid memories of looking down on them, thinking what they were doing was silly. In my head was some version of, “grow up, get a job, and make some money.” After all, that’s what culture says to do……and that’s exactly what I was doing.

Fast forward nearly 20 years, and I’m sitting just off stage, watching Ben share his story with this huge audience. I absolutely loved Ben’s talk. He was funny, moving, and inspirational. Here’s the full-circle moment. The guy who looked down on Ben all those years ago (me!) was the same guy who was about to deliver a somewhat parallel talk in just a few hours. My talk had so many overlaps that I weaved pieces of Ben’s story into it. I was even able to work in a ridiculously stupid joke about me speaking after Ben. “I’m not sure in what world Taylor Swift would open for a high school garage band, but here we are.” That one got some good laughs, but they may have been pity laughs. Nevertheless, I loved being able to expand on some of Ben’s ideas in my talk.

As I reflect on the full-circle moment, I can’t help but think how badly I missed the mark earlier in my career. Ben knew something I didn’t. I’m not wishing away my prior career or saying having a normal job/career is bad. Far from it. I’m referring to the attitude I had toward the mere idea of living for meaning. That regret I feel is the exact reason I want to share this Meaning Over Money message with the world. I want people to hear a different perspective, know it’s an option, and decide for themselves. Wherever you are on your journey, it’s never too early or too late to pursue the meaning.

**Speaking of bucket lists, I’m just going to name one of mine. I deeply desire to become a world-class professional speaker. I’m certainly not there, but I’m better than I used to be. With more than 100 attempts under my belt, I’d certainly hope so! Today was a big step for me. I’ve never felt more prepared or more comfortable on a stage. I went to bed last night satisfied, grateful, and content. Thanks, Omaha, for a great day!

Facing Fears Head-On

I didn’t really sleep last night. I couldn’t get my brain to shut off after delivering my talk at the DSM Small Business Success Summit. The event was good, I think my talk went well (haven’t watched the film yet), and I received a lot of positive and powerful feedback afterward. What made the day so odd is what happened next. I drove home, changed into casual clothing, and immediately started preparing for my next talk (which is tomorrow). Only this time, the audience will likely be 10x the size.

Needless to say, it’s been a wild week for someone whose biggest fear is public speaking. Well, second biggest fear. My biggest fear is falling into a pit of snakes…..but let’s just hope that never happens. Many years ago, I decided I needed to face this fear of speaking head-on. It’s been a choppy process. When people ask if I like speaking, the answer is “I hate doing it, but love having done it.” I say that somewhat tongue-in-cheek, but there’s also some truth to it. The anxiety of the build-up is excruciating, but the delivery and feeling of accomplishment I get when I’m done is tremendous. It has become one of my favorite things in life.

If I’m being honest with you, which is what you signed up for by subscribing to this blog, imposter syndrome hit me hard yesterday. I’m surrounded by all these gifted speakers and here I am, some dude whose biggest fear is public speaking, feeling like I’m the only one who didn’t belong. That’s not true, of course, but why let common sense and rational thinking get in the way of a frothy panic?

Facing our fears isn’t a singular moment in time. It’s not like in the movies. It’s a long process that takes intentionality, persistence, and patience. I get a little better every time I step onto the stage. I hope to one day be a world-class speaker. But first, I have to be a bad speaker, then an ok speaker, then a good speaker, and so on. I’m trying to earn my way up, one repetition at a time.

Facing your fears sucks, but it’s also amazing.

What is Success?

Later today, I’ll be speaking at the DSM Small Business Success Summit. My talk is called What is Success?: Aligning Your Mission with Your Meaning. In it, I’m going to challenge people to throw out the traditional and cultural measuring sticks of success (sales, margins, profits, growth, etc.), and replace them with what really matters. Not what matters to me but rather what matters to them. What really matters.

This idea stems from two different places. The first is something I write and podcast about often. The behavioral science of money and happiness. If money can’t make us happy (after our needs are met), why are we using money to define success? I think it’s partly because most people sincerely (and mistakenly) believe “more’ is the answer, and partly because financial metrics are easy to track and easy to compare. It makes for a very useful and universal measuring stick.

Second, when I’m meeting with business owners and business leaders, I like to dive deep into what really matters to them. Once we get past the first few layers, we quickly discover it’s not really about money at all. Money may play a role, but what they are seeking is far deeper than money. So instead of chasing the money as a way to get to those things, why not just pursue those other things directly? It’s a powerful concept that has the power to change us and the way we live.

What about you? What do you really want? If you were to redefine what success means to you, what would it look like?

All It Takes is One

While recently giving a talk, I couldn’t help but notice two people in the audience who were talking to each other and laughing…..for nearly my entire talk! This isn’t uncommon, unfortunately. Every audience includes people who seem disengaged at best, and disruptive at worst. It’s easy to dwell on these people, as they stick out like a sore thumb. There were times in the past when I definitely would have been consumed by them.

Then, something happened that changed everything for me. There was one particular talk where a few audience members were especially disrespectful and disruptive. I dwelled on this for months, wondering if I was so boring that someone would disregard me altogether. Maybe six months after the talk, I received a letter in my business mailbox. It was from someone who had attended that talk. Their handwritten note explained how my talk completely changed the way they view work and money, and they just wanted to thank me for making a difference in their life.

Wow, all this time I was focusing on the wrong people. Instead of focusing on the disengaged few, I should have focused on those who were willing to be impacted. It’s hard, though, as our impact isn’t always visible. It happens behind the scenes, oftentimes long after we pass through someone’s life. If there were 200 people in that audience, knowing that even one person was positively impacted made it worthwhile for me. We’re never going to impact everyone……we may not even impact most. But if we put ourselves out there, do the hard work, and aim to serve, we will most certainly impact someone in a meaningful way. Sometimes we will learn about it, sometimes we won’t. In this particular situation, I received the privilege of learning about it. Ever since that day, I’ve been able to keep this dynamic in perspective. I’m not for everyone, but I’m for someone.

You’re not for everyone, but you’re for someone. You have an impact to make today! Not on everyone, but on someone. Many may disregard you, but someone will be transformed because of you. You may find out about it, but you might not. All it takes is one. Go serve that one!

Delayed Gratification

Later today, I’ll be delivering the keynote address at a Future Business Leaders of America conference. It will be comprised of 150-300 high school students interested in pursuing business careers. I’ll be talking about three myths I believed when I was younger, and why overcoming them can be transformational for their journey.

One topic I’ll bring up is delayed gratification. As humans, especially as young adult humans, we want what we want…..and we want it now. We also live in a culture that is tailored to give us the instant gratification we desire. Unfortunately, the important things in life rarely provide instant gratification. It’s a slow burn of patience, discipline, persistence, and maybe a bit more patience.

As I reflect back on some of my successes, it dawned on me just how patient I was (even if it didn’t feel like it at the time):

• I offered financial coaching as a free ministry for more than six years before someone paid me to do it. Those years allowed me the opportunity to serve people well, learn my craft, carve out my approach, and discern my desired client base.

• I gave 95 talks before someone paid me to speak. I suspect the first 30+ were terrible! Every repetition allowed me to get comfortable on the stage, try new techniques, and find my voice.

• We’ve produced nearly 200 podcast episodes and haven’t made a single penny in revenue. That’s more than 60 hours of free content, available to the world. Maybe someday we’ll decide to create an income from the podcast, but until then our goal is to find our audience, add a ton of value to people’s lives, and start to bend the culture when it comes to work and money.

Patience isn’t easy, but it does get easier if we remember our why. My why is to make the deepest and broadest impact possible over the next 40 years. When I remind myself of this, it’s far easier to remain patient and keep my eyes focused on what truly matters (and what doesn’t).

Confronting Fear Head-On

I’m scheduled to deliver two talks this week. One is at a high school youth group and the other is a keynote address at a high school leadership conference. I couldn’t be more excited about these opportunities. They also kick off a series of speaking engagements I have lined up for the spring.

Confession: public speaking is my biggest fear. Ironic, I know. Several years ago, I had a strong desire to combat my fear of speaking. I knew I would be doing some level of public speaking in my career, and didn’t want to bomb, so I looked for opportunities to speak to other audiences as practice. I was a mess the first time I spoke on stage. Vomit was involved…..and sweating….and shaky hands……and stuttering. Did I mention it was a mess? I hope no footage exists of that first one.

Then I did it again, then again, then again. Each time, I performed a little better and I was a bit less terrified. Before I knew it, it went from my biggest fear to something I get excited about. For me, there’s nothing quite like the rush of knowing I have 30 minutes of people’s attention to possibly make an impact. Equal parts responsibility and opportunity. I still get nervous, and I’d definitely still call public speaking my greatest fear (well maybe #2 after snakes).

I don’t do it as much as I should, but I’m a big believer in confronting fear head-on. I have a list of things I’m scared to do, and hopefully I’ll get the courage to attack each one soon. I’ll end by sharing one. I don’t do well being in the wilderness, especially if it involves being wet and cold. I’ve addressed this fear somewhat through a men’s ministry trip I take each fall to the Boundary Waters. I used to be terrified of that trip. But now, I actually enjoy it (sort of). That means it’s time to step it up. Sometime soon, I’m going to do a solo trip into the wilderness. Just me, a canoe, whatever is in my pack, and three days of isolation. Just typing that scares me to death. That’s a good sign I should probably get to planning.

What about you? What fears do you want to confront?