Keep Zooming Out

In case it hasn't been brought to your attention (yet), the world is melting. Or probably melting. Or possibly melting. Something like that. Unemployment is up, inflated prices continue to put pressure on families, and political unrest (at home and abroad) is wreaking havoc on our collective psyche.

However, as always, we fixate on the stock market. While the stock market isn't THE indicator for our economy, I understand why we dwell on it. It's one of the few tangible, in-your-face, clearly measurable tools available in our crazy world. It's even color-coded! Green = Good. Red = Bad. These days, when we turn on the news, we see lots and lots of red.

As of yesterday's market closing, the U.S. stock market (S&P 500) is down 8.5% in less than three weeks. In a world that's supposed to provide a positive 8%-10% annual return, that recent development feels scary—very scary.

However, as I always say, we need to zoom out. And every time we zoom out, we need to keep zooming out. Doing so is the only way we can emotionally, mentally, and psychologically survive the scary times.

Here's what I mean. Our recent stock market beatdown takes the U.S. stock market down to where it was on - checking my calendar - May 8th of this year. Oh, that doesn't feel so bad now. Let's zoom out further. When the market first hit this level on March 20th, it was a new all-time, 154-year high. So the level we're at today, less than five months ago, was celebrated as another record-setting, butt-kicking, all-time high. Ah, now we're talking. Keep zooming out.

5 Days (-5.1%) = Feels scary!

6 Months (+4.6%) = Not too bad

5 Years (+77%) = Oh, I guess we're good

Regardless of how good or how bad things feel, I encourage you to keep zooming out. Perspective matters.

What Money Can’t Buy

Guys! Guys! Guys! I discovered a new parenting hack this week. Each night, Sarah and I told the kids they could stay up later.......if.......if they watched the Olympics with us. They were initially unhappy about this condition, but staying up late is staying up late.

The first night: "Uh, I don't want to watch gymnastics. Gymnastics is boring!"

The second night: "Swimming is boring! Can we watch something else?"

The third night: "Daddy, can we watch gymnastics tonight? Is swimming on, too?"

The fourth night: "I hope Biles is playing tonight!"

We've been geeking out on swimming and gymnastics all week, and it's been fun to share that with the boys. Finn even tried to imitate Katie Ledecky at the pool one day.

The interesting thing about swimming and gymnastics is we collectively aren't really swimming or gymnastics fans, but once every four years, we're glued to our TVs. The Olympics is their showcase to the world, and we're grateful to consume the content. Knowing how much work goes into these sports, and how little they get paid (on average), can we all agree these athletes are pursuing meaning over money?

Then, there's the other sports. Basketball, soccer, golf, and tennis, for example. These athletes are some of the highest-paid athletes in the world. Lebron James is a literal billionaire!!! Many of these athletes get paid tens of millions per year.....not including their endorsements!

Here's where I'm going with this. Yesterday afternoon, I received two separate messages from two separate blog readers. They wanted to highlight "meaning over money moments." One was of tennis superstar Novak Djokovic collapsing to the ground after winning gold. The other was of golfer Scottie Scheffler breaking down with emotion while listening to our national anthem after receiving his gold medal.

Novak Djokovic has won 24 tennis grand slams in his career (the most of all time) and is often regarded as the best tennis player ever. He's also earned approximately $170 million in prize money just from his tennis events. He has an estimated net worth of a quarter-billion dollars. Yet, he broke down the moment he won a gold medal for his country.

At just 28 years old, Scottie Scheffler has been the #1 ranked golfer in the world for approximately 100 weeks, and has earned approximately $90 million in his short career (not including the tens of millions earned from endorsements). He's achieved monumental success in his professional career, yet he sobbed when he earned an Olympic medal.

We can easily point our fingers at famous athletes and snidely say they are "just in it for the money." However, as I commonly say, the science says otherwise. Money can do a lot of things, but it cannot buy meaning or fulfillment. The Olympics are a perfect reminder that meaning ALWAYS trumps money. It's true for Scheffler, it's true for Djokovic, and it's true for you and me.

Meaning over money. Always meaning over money.

The Confirmation of Mockery

One of my clients was disheartened when he walked into a recent coaching session. I could tell from the outset that something was amiss. When I asked him about it, he shared how his parents and friends were staunchly against his upcoming career shift. For context, this man spent the first five years of his career working in a field that's ripe with status, as well as a nice, juicy income trajectory. In short, his golden ticket had been punched, and it was only a matter of time before his income significantly rose. However, his heart wasn't in it. He was in the job for the wrong reasons; all the while, he had developed a keen understanding of his calling.

After much consideration and consternation, he decided to pull the trigger on a drastic career shift. This would require him to abandon the status and future income that was surely in store for him and trade it for something far less glamorous and anything but certain financially. Now, his parents and friends are heavily criticizing his decision, even going as far as mockery.

Not only did this hurt, but it also caused him to start second-guessing his decision. After spending enough time with him, there isn't a clearer example of someone who should be making this career shift than him. In everyone's defense, though, I get why it would be difficult to comprehend from an outside perspective. What he's doing is counter-cultural. He's also choosing meaning over money, which is a surefire way to draw heat from a culture obsessed with materialism and "security."

I told him that the mockery confirmed that he was right where he needed to be. He should wear it as a badge of honor. I know what it's like to be criticized—even mocked—for making counter-cultural decisions. I also repeatedly see it in my coaching. As I reflect on my recent coaching conversations, here's a handful of items people have been criticized or mocked for (oftentimes by the people closest to them):

• Downsizing a home so one spouse can stay at home.

• Having the audacity to grind through $100,000 of student loans and credit card debt.

• Choosing to give away 30% of their income.

• Selling a new-ish car and becoming a one-car family so they could create more financial margin.

• Sending their kids to private school, knowing they will need to make many sacrifices to make it happen.

• Saying "no" to a group vacation because they couldn't make it work in their budget.

• Getting rid of their credit cards because they realized how much better their financial life would become without them.

Want to know my favorite criticism I received when I left my prior career? "Your kids deserve better." Ouch. That one hurt, especially coming from someone I deeply care about. While that was a painful comment, it was confirmation that I was doing the right thing. My kids do deserve better, but "better" doesn't mean more. More isn't better. Better is better. I'm actually glad this happened....it was exactly the confirmation I needed.

Let the mockery be your confirmation.

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A Different Kind of Currency

I recently received a message from a reader: "You put in so much work on the blog and podcast, but we get it all for free. Is there any way we can financially support you?"

No. No, there isn’t. No, you can’t. Your money is no good here (as they say in the movies)! I don't create 365 blog posts and 104 podcast episodes per year for money. After all, this is called Meaning Over Money.

However, I do deal in a different kind of currency. Instead of dollars and cents, I get paid in impact and change. Helping other people live a more meaningful life is the beautiful compensation I receive from this work.

Which brings me to you. The best way for me to create impact and cause change is for more eyes to read and more ears to listen. If anything I write or say moves the needle for you, and you think it could perhaps move the needle for someone else in your life, would you mind sharing? As you might have noticed, I've been experimenting with a footer on every day's post that includes a link to subscribe to the blog. The daily e-mail also includes a link to the podcast. Therefore, any time you forward an e-mail, send a blog link, or share the podcast, you're paying me with the most valuable currency I could ever ask for: The opportunity to serve someone.

I would be honored to speak into the life of someone you care about. On the flip side, please share with me if there are other people, resources, blogs, podcasts, or content that adds value to your life (and you think I might benefit, too). We all get better when we share good ideas. I'm honored when my ideas get shared, but I'm also blessed when ideas get shared with me. Let's multiply this culture of sharing. We never know what will happen when the right content hits the right person on the right day. Impact!

Blessed to be on this journey with you!

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But Not As a Lifestyle

Our family has had a great week at the lake. Lots of fun times and memories made. There are components of my day that are so appealing. Playing in the pool with the boys. Sitting at the dock and enjoying the calmness. Sleeping in (if the boys allow). Spending time on a boat. Cooking meals for my family (I love when I get to cook). So good!

I love everything about my time at the lake, but not as a lifestyle. What makes lake life (or insert any type of vacation here) awesome is the fact it's a treat. It's a pause from life. It's a reprieve from an otherwise crazy life. It's the reward for all the good work. It's an opportunity to rest up before jumping back into battle. The fact it's scarce is what makes it all that much sweeter.

I love my time at the lake, but not as a lifestyle. This is one of the biggest myths of the early retirement movement. There's a broad belief that stopping work and dedicating one's life to simply living a life of leisure is the ticket to happiness. I couldn't disagree more, and the science couldn't, either. People who live a leisurely life report lower levels of satisfaction and happiness. On the flip side, people who work and believe they are productive and adding value to others have much higher levels of overall life satisfaction.

I have a friend who just retired at 46. He and his wife believe they found a secret hack to life and will now live a far superior life than all of us working suckers. Their plan is to aimlessly bounce around from beach to beach, resort to resort. Never worry, though. They will "be sure to keep busy," as if busy is the definition of fulfillment. They are a few weeks into this adventure and report feeling "happier than ever." This makes sense, since vacations add a lot of value to our lives. However, what will happen to them in two, four, or six weeks when the vacation doesn't end? What will happen when there's nothing meaningful or fulfilling to return to? If we're looking at the science, the future doesn't look so bright. Time will tell, and I'll be sure to keep you updated.

I miss work. I miss serving those I have the privilege of serving. I can't wait to get back soon. At the same time, I would love to spend time at the lake monthly. Swoop in, recharge the batteries, make a few memories, then get back to work. Work, rest, work, rest. Oh yeah, some sun, too!

I hope you find time to get away. Go have fun. Make some memories. Get some much-needed rest. But you probably don't want to make it a lifestyle. You have far too much value to add to this world (and to yourself).

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Addition By Non-Subtraction

Whenever we talk about finding success in business, personal finance, careers, or any other area, we think in terms of achievements:

• Grow revenue by x%

• Get a new promotion

• Pay off $y of debt

• Gain a new client

• Save/invest $z

Achievements feel good. Achievements are pat-on-the-back worthy. Achievements are a tangible signal that we are winning. While I'm all for achievements, I think we underestimate the role of mistakes—or, in more specific terms, our ability to avoid mistakes. Take the U.S. women's rugby team, for example.

Attempting to win its first medal in Olympic history, our women's rugby team found themselves in the bronze medal match, trailing Australia by one try (think touchdown) with just a few seconds remaining. Alex Sedrick attacks the defense in what appears to be an uneventful and unsuccessful play, but something happens. The defense, which had played stunningly well up to that point, missed a tackle. They made a critical mistake. Alex, with her newfound opportunity, sprints the length of the field to make history - and create an iconic moment that will go down in U.S. Olympic history. Australia had made so much positive progress, inch by inch, tackle by tackle, and were mere seconds from taking home a medal. Then, sadly for them, one mistake unwound all that progress. It was equally heartbreaking as it was euphoric.

We can land achievement after achievement after achievement, but if we make critical mistakes along the way, it can easily sabotage any progress we've earned. In a battle for excellence, mistakes are the x-factor that often determines success or failure.

I've seen this with my own life, my own businesses, and the lives/businesses I have the honor of coaching. If we can first commit to eliminating the crushing mistakes, it allows us to stack achievements and progress ourselves down the inevitable path of success.

This is something TJ and I talk about daily as it relates to Northern Vessel. Northern Vessel has been built on a mountain of mistakes. In a lot of ways, we've succeeded despite our mistakes. However, if we want to take things to the next level, it's not about finding new achievements. Rather, it's about eliminating mistakes and practicing the art of excellence. I've already blocked out the book that TJ and I will eventually write together, and the main theme will be failure.

For Northern Vessel, the only way forward is to dodge mistakes. That's the only way for excellence to carry us into a new chapter. Your lives and your businesses are no different. We must avoid the big mistakes. We must stop shooting ourselves in the foot every time we start gaining positive momentum.

Over the next week, I challenge you to look in the mirror and assess where you're most vulnerable to hurtful mistakes. Some of you already know exactly what that is. Others may need to dive a bit deeper to understand where you're exposing yourself to the most risk. Avoiding that next big mistake may be the biggest turning point of your life!

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Why Must You Taunt Me, Apple?

As I attempted to write today's post, my phone oddly and repeatedly reminded me of past photos. Hey look, Travis, it's a cute picture of Pax eating ice cream when he was 3! Travis, check out this handsome little 2-year-old Finny riding a boat. It was almost as if Apple and Father Time were teaming up to taunt me.

Early in my parenting journey, someone said something that I didn't quite understand: "The days are long, but the years are short." It made zero sense to me. Fast-forward eight years, and no truer phrase has ever been spoken.

As we're on our annual family vacation in Okoboji, these days with the boys can seem painfully long (especially when they antagonize each other). We're having a blast, but it can just get long at times. On the flip side, how is it already our fifth year on this trip?!?!

They were babies last week. They were toddlers yesterday. Now, we're heading into second grade. As I'm sitting here lamenting how fast time is flying by, I'm simultaneously grateful for creating a life that allows us plenty of family time. My work is crazy, the hours can be long, and it often involves me zig-zagging across the country, but we've intentionally curated this life. Strong-ish boundaries, clear expectations, a partially well-thought-out plan, and a firm understanding of our why.

We've made so many sacrifices in the name of prioritizing our family. We've downsized our house, threw away status, detonated any chance of an early retirement (which makes my heart happy), trashed a boujee lifestyle, and literally turned our backs on millions of dollars.

There are months when I wonder what in the heck we did to ourselves. The months when there's barely enough income to account for our needs and giving. The months that feel extra stressful. The months when I wonder what life would be like if I hadn't taken a weird detour five years ago.

But then, like today, Apple decides I need to get some cute and harsh reminders of how fast time flies by spamming me with old photos. Oh yeah (!!), that's why we do what we do.

The days are long, but the years are short. In due time, I'll be an old man reflecting on my life. There will inevitably be many regrets circling my thoughts. However, I guarantee choosing meaning over money will NOT be one of them. Money, stuff, and status are fleeting. Legacy is forever.

It’s Never Too Soon

"When is the right time to start giving?"

"Now"

"When will we have enough so we can start giving?"

"Right now."

"How much do we need to start thinking about giving?"

"Whatever you have now."

One of the most common misconceptions about generosity in our culture is this false and toxic notion that we must achieve xyz goals before we turn on the giving spigot. We treat the topic as though giving is something relegated to rich people. And someday, if you become rich, perhaps you might give away a tiny portion of your riches, too.

Knowing this, I guess it shouldn't surprise me that I received criticism for a recent blog post explaining how my kids spend, save, and give equally—1/3, 1/3, and 1/3. Or, as one friend put it, "Why are your kids giving 33% when they hardly make any money?"

Here's my honest and most sincere answer: Because we're called to give, period. Our ability to give isn't dependent upon our net worth or income, whether we have everything we want, or whether we have attained a certain lifestyle. We should give because we are human. We should give because it's a central part of being loving. We should give because it's part of having a healthy relationship with money.

It reminds me of a famous quote. "It's possible to give without love, but it's impossible to love without giving."

Most people miss out on the beauty and life-changing consequences of giving, just so they can check the box on a few more wants each month. It's such a superficial, short-sighted, and empty way to live.

Whenever I think of this dynamic, I picture different people in my life. It's one of the curses and blessings of having worked with so many families. I think about couples with nearly every material possession they could ever desire, yet very little giving. On the flip side, I think about couples who live very modest lives, yet give beyond belief. The couples who have everything actually have very little. And the couples who appear to have very little actually have everything. It's a paradox that I'll never get over.

It's never too soon to give. My biggest encouragement is to just start. You don't need a well-thought-out strategy. You don't need sophisticated tools. You don't need to get your taxes sorted. You don't need have every giving opportunity fully vetted. Sometimes, you just need to give, then give again, and keep giving. You won't always get it right, but you'll most certainly change your life (and probably a few others along the journey).

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The Eye Zooms Kill Me

Sarah and I have thoroughly enjoyed the first few days of the Olympics. Without question, my favorite moments are when the gold medalist is standing on the podium and their national anthem starts playing. Then, without fail, the broadcast zooms in on their eyes. Oh man, that kills me every time!

When we see those eyes, it's almost like we're watching their entire professional life flash before them. All the work. All the pain. All the failure. All the sacrifice. All the early mornings. You can almost see the moment when they realize it was all worth it. It all paid off. They've reached the top of the mountain, and this is the moment it's starting to sink in.

When I see those eyes, I also see something else: meaning. You can't do what those athletes do if you're simply chasing money. The pursuit of money is futile and empty. It can work for a while, but when the real challenges come, money isn't enough to sustain the journey.

Meaning couldn't be further from the opposite. With enough meaning, there's practically no challenge that could stop someone. Most of these Olympic athletes aren't wealthy. They aren't making a good living. They are financially surviving while they pursue a dream. Even on the other side of success, money isn't promised. The dream is the dream because it's the dream. That's the wild part about living with meaning. It doesn't intuitively make sense. No, meaning doesn't put food on the table. However, living with meaning nourishes our souls unlike anything on this planet.

That's what I see when they zoom into the eyes of those gold medal winners. It's a beautiful sight, each and every time. As you enjoy these Olympic games, pay special attention to that moment. When the camera inevitably zooms in on those eyes, look deeper.

No, most of us will never stand on an Olympic podium with a gold medal around our neck and our national anthem blaring on the speakers. However, that same relentless pursuit for meaning is on the table for each of us. Just like the Olympians, it's not an easy journey. However, if you see the look in their eyes, you might just see why it's worth it.

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No Paybacks

I had a beautiful idea for today's post. I even gave my friends Chi-Chung and John a sneak peek of the concept as I was bursting with excitement. However, plans changed after WW3 nearly broke out in my house last night.

I'll set the table for you. With our annual family vacation approaching, I reminded the kids that they could do some extra house projects to earn spending money for the trip. Pax was on the fence, so I reminded him that he only had $2 in his wallet. This is when the freak-out happened. He believed he had more money than that, and accused us of taking it from him. It's definitely true......or, more accurately, a half-truth.

On a recent trip to KC, Sarah and the boys visited the Truman Library. Pax wanted to purchase a souvenir, but he didn't have his money with him. Sarah, knowing he had at least that much money in his wallet at home, agreed to buy it for him and we would take the money out of his wallet when they returned home (i.e. pay it back). That's what happened, buyer’s remorse set in, and that's what ultimately led to the meltdown.

This was a big mistake on Sarah's part. We have a no payback rule in our house. If they don't have the money on hand to buy something, they don't buy it—no exceptions. In that particular situation, Sarah knew he had the money, so "what's the harm in just having him pay it back?" It feels like six of one, half a dozen of another. Isn't it the same thing? Far from it!

When we pay for something the moment we purchase it, there's a psychological connection between the money and the item. In that moment, Pax would have held the $5 in one hand and the souvenir in the other, then made a choice. Science shows that this moment triggers the pain center in our brain, causing an instant and noticeable psychological response. No such moment occurs when we purchase things without actually paying for it. Cheating ourselves of this moment drives buyer's remorse and taints the value of money in our psyche.

We eventually resolved the situation, and Sarah, seeing the potential destructiveness of breaking the link between the money and the purchase, made a renewed commitment to never again break this rule. If you don't have the money, you don't buy it. No exceptions.

If you haven't caught on yet, I'm going somewhere else with this. We adults are masters of subverting this principle. It's called a credit card. We buy something with the full intent of paying it back soon, and we totally have the money to pay it back, but it's easier to just swipe that card and deal with it later. Doing so shortcircuits the psychological impact of actually having to pay for something. No pain center triggers. No moment of consideration. And ultimately, probably some buyer's remorse.

Following the no payback rule helps kids develop a stronger and healthier relationship with money. It does for adults, too.

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Choosing Excellence Over Guilt

"I'll never go back!"

"They must not be very good."

"It feels like they are trying to guilt me."

"I'm done."

"They won't see me again."

___________

Those remarks, amongst many others, are sharp and uncompromising comments I've received from friends, blog readers, and podcast listeners. What in the world could generate so much negative feedback!?!? One simple phrase: "Support small business."

It's well documented how much I dislike the "support local" and "support small" movements (such as HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE). I believe small businesses do a drastic disservice to themselves when they talk about supporting local or supporting small.

Before I proceed, I must give you my obligatory caveat: I LOVE small businesses, I own multiple small businesses, I coach small businesses, and I believe small businesses are the backbone of our society. I deeply love everything about small business.

On the flip side, I think the entire notion of "supporting small businesses" reeks of pity and guilt. I guess I'm not alone, as indicated by the sheer number of texts, DMs, and phone calls I receive about this subject whenever I discuss it publicly. All that being said, I totally understand if this opinion is disorienting to you (especially to fellow small business owners!). We use these phrases so much in our culture that it almost seems benign and universally accepted as a positive thing.

Despite being well-intentioned, here is what you're really communicating to people when you use these phrases:

• You're telling people what to do, or more specifically, what businesses NOT to frequent. Many people don't take kindly to this.

• It comes across as entitled, as if you deserve to have people patronize your business just because you're small and/or local. That right isn't deserved; it must be earned.

• It feels like you're guilting people, especially friends and family, into giving you business.

• It feels like an overcompensation for not having good products, good service, and/or good prices.

• It makes people believe you aren't good enough to survive without "support." That's akin to a non-profit asking for donations.

• It communicates that your livelihood is more important (and more qualified to thrive) than people who work for non-small or non-local businesses.

What's the alternative? Be excellent. Serve people well. Meet their needs. Make them feel a different way. Provide them something no other business can offer. Earn the right to serve them again. Better yet, earn the right for them to tell other people about you. Instead of hoping people support you, add so much value to their lives that they can't imagine you not being in it. That's what small business is all about!

I love you, small business owners! You're my people. You've chosen a challenging, crazy, white-knuckling, uncertain path. Now, it's time to cook. It's your time to shine. Lead with excellence. You deserve it, as do all the people you have the privilege of serving.

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The Culture of Can’t

I don't know if it's always been this way, but we live in a toxically negative culture. A culture of "can't." Voices that echo throughout our lives, day in and day out. You can't get out of debt. You can't start the business. You can't get a better job. You can't afford to give that money away. You can't save for that big upcoming purchase. You can't have a job that doesn't suck. You can't, you can't, you can't.

I haven't seen data on this, and I haven't yet conducted a formal study on the subject, but I have an anecdotal observation after talking with hundreds of people about it. If someone has a bunch of debt and has yet to make meaningful positive progress on paying it off by their early 30s, there's a high likelihood that it will only get worse. Why? Because when we're told "you can't" enough times, we start to believe it's true. Then, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I just met with a couple in their mid-40s. They've struggled with their debt for nearly 20 years. They'd pay a little off, then accumulate more—a constant yo-yo spanning two full decades. They came to me as a last-ditch effort to salvage their finances.....and maybe their marriage. They wanted to know what tips, tricks, and strategies I have for them to make more money. Or perhaps some loopholes to get their loans forgiven. Maybe bankruptcy would do the trick? They wanted an out.

Me: "Why don't you just pay off the debt?"

The Husband: "We can't. It's too much."

Me: "Yeah, it's a lot. But why don't you just pay it off?"

The Wife: "We can't. It's impossible." Then, there was a rant about inflation, kids, activities, the government, crappy bosses, travel, needs, etc.

Me: "Yeah, all that stuff would get a lot easier if you just paid it off."

The Husband: "We can't. We would have by now if we could."

______________

Fifteen months later, they had paid off $50,000 of credit card debt. That's a lot of debt to pay off for someone who "can't." That's the problem. Our culture continually tells us we can't do things. I believe they can. I told them they can. I showed them how they can. I reminded them they can. And then, their actions proved they can.

If you only internalize one thing I write this week, please let it be this: You can! Not only that, you should! I'm not telling you what to do. Rather, I'm telling you that you CAN and SHOULD do the thing you're thinking about right now. You know, that one thing. The thing you wonder, ponder, stress about, and dream for. That thing. You can. You should. Please don't let our culture (i.e. all the people and media around you) tell you otherwise.

I Remember Where I Was When

I went to bed one night when I was 25 years-old......and woke up in my 40s. Isn't it crazy how fast time flies? It felt like it sped by when I was in my twenties and thirties, but it seems to be accelerating. To all my friends ahead of me: Does it get even worse from here!?!?

Life feels like a blur. I remember seasons of life, monumental personal events, and an overarching feeling of what life was like at given points in time, but it's all becoming murky.

Then, there's the I-remember-where-I-was-when moments. You know, those vivid, seared in your brain events that you'll never forget. The kind of moment where you remember exactly where you were, who you were with, and maybe even what you were wearing. Here are some of mine:

• Columbine

• OJ chase

• OJ trial verdict

• 9/11

• The Gulf War

• The Second Gulf War

• Hurricane Katrina

• When COVID shut down the world

• When Y2K didn't end the world

• The 2003 space shuttle explosion

• The double-nickel comeback game (IYKYK)

• Assassination attempt on President Trump

Why do I bring all this up? In a life that passes far too fast and feels much too murky, we're carried by a small collection of vivid memories. As my list above indicates, many of those are negative memories. It's scientifically proven that bad things get seared in deeper than good things.

Therefore, it's imperative that we intentionally and aggressively fight this memory battle. One of the only ways we can do that is to curate our own I-remember-where-I-was-when moments. As a husband and a father, I make it my duty to overcome the monotony and repetitiveness of everyday life by creating moments my family will remember forever. These moments don't have to cost an arm and a leg. Instead, they only need to be intentional, personal, and savored.

Only time will tell if I've been successful in this endeavor. Many years from now, as their own lives are moving at a blurry pace, I hope the boys share stories about those special memories and moments from their childhood. I can tell you one thing, though. My efforts have yielded personal returns. I have so many profound memories with Sarah and he boys over the years. Memories that repeatedly remind me that meaning should always come before money. Always.

*What are some of your I-remember-where-I-was-when moments? I love asking people this question, and I'd love to hear your answers!

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Two Is Better Than One

I regularly discuss how married couples must take joint ownership of their finances. It's critically important that both spouses are involved. Today, though, I want to clear up one common misconception.

Ownership and action are two different things. Yes, both spouses need to have ownership. However, couples don't need both spouses to jointly manage the finances. There are so many different ways this can play out.

For example, one spouse may pay all the bills, and the other handles all insurance and investments. Another example is having both spouses jointly pay all the bills and manage the budget together (they literally sit at the table together and work through it together). Both of these approaches are perfectly acceptable, but here's my broader point. It doesn't matter who does what, as long as both spouses have a voice, ownership, and accountability.

I'll use my marriage as a third example. I'm married to a woman who is allergic to numbers. Trust me, it's been scientifically proven. Sarah has zero interest in bills, investments, insurance, or anything else that includes dollar signs and numerical digits. And that's okay! What's important is that Sarah has ownership.

Each month, Sarah and I discuss, negotiate, and set our budget. Some months are more difficult or busier than others, but that's been our general trend for nearly 15 years. I may make 99% of our family's income, but she has an equal voice (it's "our" money, not my money). Her opinions matter. Her influence is imperative. We negotiate what will happen with our money, and then she turns the management over to me. She has her own role, though. Since she has ownership, she's accountable for living out the plan we set for our family. She must honor the budget we set together and execute whatever life decisions come with it. But I handle 100% of the actual financial management. That approach is okay, too!

That's ownership vs. action. There is no right or wrong. Some couples do everything together, some have a clear delineation of duties, and some are like mine, where one spouse does most (or all) of the management. All of these are acceptable approaches, under one condition: both spouses have ownership.

If your spouse doesn't have ownership, accountabiity, engagement, or a voice, I encourage you to bring him/her into the fold. It will lead to more financial success, an improved marriage, and a reality where your finances become an extension of your values, dreams, and aspirations. In other words, it changes everything!

Beauty From the Pain

I recently had the pleasure of spending time with a friend who is going through a ton of pain. Personal pain, career pain, lots of pain. This stuff has rocked her world. Through this mess, she has made a few brutal decisions about her next steps. Decisions that have loved ones scratching their heads and/or criticizing her. To sum up my opinion, I believe her controversial decisions will be transformative for her journey. While it feels far too heavy at the moment, I deeply believe she will look back and view these challenging decisions as a hallmark turning point in her life. Beauty will soon rise from the pain.

As I was listening to her gut-wrenching tale, I couldn't help but think about my own painful journey. The pain and frustration in her voice took me back to 2008, at age 27, just as I was settling into my life and young career. I thought I had life figured out. I bought a house, met a girl, found a church, built a community, and loved my career. I had life all figured out.....or so I thought.

Then, one day, as I was walking into my office, I was swiftly pulled into a conference room by a stranger. There, I met all my co-workers seated around a table. Over the coming few minutes, I realized my entire life was about to crumble around me. It was the beginning of the Great Financial Crisis, and I was in the real estate investing business. Long story short, my company was getting shut down, and we would all eventually be fired.

Did I mention I had been engaged for just three days? I woke up that morning with all the optimism in the world and went to bed wondering what I would do with my life. I also faced the scary reality that I needed to make monthly payments on my $236,000 debt with the likelihood of not having a job soon. That was easily one of the hardest few days of my life. Even writing about it gives me terrifying flashbacks.

Ultimately, I was blessed with an opportunity (er, ultimatum) to move to Iowa and continue my career. I didn't want to move, but we didn't have much of a choice. Sarah and I humbly and gratefully accepted the offer, and we reluctantly moved a few months later (well, I moved, and we lived four hours apart for six months of our engagement).

So much pain. So so much pain. Yet, as I now look back at that season with the benefit of 16 years of perspective, that nightmare was actually one of the best gifts we ever received. So much beauty came from that pain. We wouldn't live the life we have today without that season of suffering. We're not mad.....we're grateful.

Someday, preferably sooner than later, I hope my friend sees how much beauty came from this season of her life. She deserves it!

Whatever pain you're experiencing, just know that a beautiful chapter will soon be written. Keep pressing on. You deserve it, too.

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The Problem With Worry

I don't know about you, but I've consumed far too much national news coverage in the past few weeks. From the presidential debate, to the attempted assassination of President Trump, to President Biden's withdrawal from the 2024 presidential race. I've been glued to the TV and Twitter, and hasn't been exactly healthy.

There's a lot to worry about right now: unprecedented political unrest, massive layoffs, a job market that feels like it's teetering on the edge, the miserable results of several years of rampant inflation, and a stock market that continues to defy the odds by hitting more all-time highs. It just feels weird....and worrisome.

It's really easy to dwell on the things we fear. These things can consume us. After all, the dynamics I mentioned above (plus all the ones I didn't mention) are terrifying and have the potential to cause turmoil for American families. So, it's perfectly understandable why one would fixate on these possible adverse outcomes.

On the flip side, worry does no good. Zero. Zilch. Nada. The last time I checked, there are no positive outcomes associated with worry. But when we spend our time and energy bathing in our fears, we're not doing something that can actually help us. Worry shifts our attention from what we can control to what we can't. Fear takes us from a place of action to inaction. Dwelling on outside news separates us from behaviors that have the potential to provide positive momentum.

Instead of obsessing about what could go wrong, we should spend our time, energy, and resources saving up an emergency fund that can actually protect our family.

Instead of complaining about inflation (we all do it!), we should focus on our budget and live with intentionality.

Instead of worrying we won't have enough down the road, we should invest.

Instead of getting angry that people are hurting, facing injustice, and living without their needs met, we should give. Put our money where our mouth is and simply give.

Instead of wondering what the politicians will do next, we should just pay off our debt.

Instead of getting frustrated by how much our job sucks (whether it's the culture, work, or compensation), we should pursue work that matters.

There are so many things we can't control in life. Big, scary, powerful things. Then, there are the things we can actually influence. If we simply focus on what we can control, we will most certainly be better off.

I know this all sounds so commonsensical and overly simplified, and that's intentional. We need to lean hard into common sense while simplifying our lives.

Turn off the TV. Close Twitter. Control what you can control.

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Period.

As we were on our way to the science center yesterday, my family enjoyed a quick lunch at a downtown patio. Toward the end of our meal, a young woman approached us, looking distressed. "I'm sorry, and I'm really embarrassed to even ask, but I could really use some help. Do you have a few dollars you could give me?"

I quickly grabbed my wallet to see what I had. Not surprisingly, my cash was limited. I only had a single twenty-dollar bill on me. I pulled the bill out, handed it to her, and wished her a good day. She was shocked by the gift, thanked me multiple times, and then continued on her way.

This sparked a fun conversation with the kids. What was she going to do with the money? Did she really need it? Why did she need it? I answered every question with "I don't know." Then, after I unsuccessfully answered all their questions, I finished with this: "Our job is to be loving and generous.....period. That's what God asks us to do. What she does with that money is between her and God."

I can already see the criticism for this approach. Did she even need the money? Was she scamming me? Was she going to use it for something irresponsible? What if I just wasted that money?!?! I could easily have a cynical perspective like that. Part of me does if I'm being honest. However, my job is to be loving and generous.....period. It reminds me of one of my favorite stories I've shockingly only shared once before on this blog:

C.S. Lewis and his friend were walking down the street. Along the path, they see a homeless man. Lewis immediately reached into his pockets, pulled out all the cash he had on him, and handed it to the man. As they walked away, his friend said, "You shouldn't have done that. He's just going to squander it on tobacco and alcohol." Mr. Lewis looks at his friend and replies, "Well, that's what I was going to do with it."

We need to be less cynical and more loving.

We need to be less judgy and more generous.

Yes, we're going to make mistakes. Yes, our gifts may sometimes be squandered. Yes, we'll get taken advantage of.

But our call is to be loving and generous.....period.

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How We Were Silently Molded

This may be the most Captain Obvious thing I'll say all week: We're all different. Different backgrounds, different experiences, different personalities, different genetics, different relationships.....different different.

I think we collectively underestimate the impact these differences have on how we perceive and handle money. Who we are with money is a deeply personal dynamic, wrapped in all the various experiences we've had throughout our lives.

The very first conversation I have with new clients is about what their childhood looked like. Whether we want to admit it or not, what we experience in our childhoods and how we were raised deeply influence our present-day relationship with money. If I can understand what someone went through when they were kids, I can understand why they have XYZ tendencies and behaviors around money in adulthood.

I'll share a few examples:

If someone grew up in poverty, there's oftentimes a fork in the road. One path leads to the pursuit of more, buying all the things they didn't have growing up (and likely spoiling their own kids). The other path leads to self-sabotage, subconsciously spoiling opportunities to make financial progress.

If someone grew up in material wealth, they are likely to feel entitled to a similar lifestyle in adulthood. This can take the shape of an at-all-costs mentality. They will replicate the high standard of living they grew up with, whether they can afford it or not. For the ones who can't readily afford this replication, the heavy use of debt often comes into play.

If someone grew up with an average-to-good standard of living, but their parents experienced a sudden and drastic financial disaster, it's common for them to develop hoarding tendencies. Young Millenials and Gen-Z fit this mold brilliantly. Between 2008 and 2010, millions of American families experienced unprecedented financial turmoil: massive layoffs, record foreclosures, and long-lasting unemployment. Many kids went to bed perfectly fine one night, and woke up to their lives turned upside down the following day. It's common for kids who went through this experience to grow up with a penchant for financial hoarding. Why? Because their lived experience tells them that everything could be perfectly fine one day, and gone tomorrow. Therefore, you can never have enough money.

I could write this list for hours, but I'd prefer not to put you to sleep. Rather, this is an invitation to reflect. What do your financial habits and perspectives look like? Second, how might your childhood have shaped them? Understanding this relationship is key to becoming more self-aware and correcting toxic or destructive behaviors/habits. It's a worthwhile conversation to have with yourself!

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Ignoring the Finance Bros

I just celebrated a four-year anniversary working with a specific client. A single woman who is now in her early 30s. In one of our first few coaching sessions, I walked her through the key principles of investing:

• Broad U.S. stock market index funds

• Low fees

• Disciplined contributions

• Don't lose sleep

• Be very patient

She loved the simplicity of this approach and latched on quickly. Early on, we set up automated contributions to her investment accounts, and she's never thought about it since.

Some of my favorite memories were when she would come into a coaching session with stories about how her guy friends would boast about their investing prowess and make fun of her approach to investing. Or in her words, they "mansplained" it to her, as she rolled her eyes telling me the story. These types of stories would persist for the coming years, always revolving around their investing advice, stock tips, and more boastful tales.

I know exactly what she's talking about. No, I don't actually know these particular guys. But I know lots of people like this. They are commonly referred to as "finance bros." They've taken a few finance classes in their college years, got lucky with a few stock trades (ignoring the many other losses), and now prop themselves up as investing gurus.

Whenever my client told me these stories, my message was the same: "Be patient. You'll get the last laugh. The truth always prevails."

While together recently, she and I logged into her investment account to see her performance: +13.6% per year for the last four years. Not too shabby for her only spending five minutes per year on her investments (and practically no time thinking about it). 13.6% per year.....from someone who knows very little about the stock market. That's the power of doing things the right way.

I really wish I could have a beer with her finance bro friends to see what their investments have looked like over the past four years. Having spent enough time with the finance bros in my life, though, I have a feeling it's not a pretty sight.

Simple is good. Steadfast is good. Consistent is good. Broad is good. Cheap is good. Zero brain damage is good. 155 years of black-and-white history is good. I'm so glad my friend ignored all the finance bros.

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I Won't Be Stealing His Blessing

Finn finished the rest of how mowing duties last night. I feel weird saying that about a seven-year-old, but here we are. He loves mowing, and I'm more than happy to let him do it. It's also a great opportunity for me to teach him about the connection between hard work and money. After we came into the house, with sweat dripping off his face, he was eager to receive the rest of his pay.

As he divided up the money into three components (spending, saving, and giving), he turned to me and said, "Dad, I'm going to use my giving money to buy you a new battery so you can fix your watch." I've been wearing a broken watch for a few months now. I have other watches, but this one is my favorite. Unfortunately, though, the battery died. So, at this point, it's for aesthetics only.

I was blown away by his thoughtful generosity. Sarah was also moved by his gesture and said, "Finny, that is so thoughtful of you! Very sweet. But Dad can use other money to fix his watch."

The moment came and went. Finn seemed excited about his idea, and we quickly moved on to the next part of our evening. Sarah and I didn't discuss this after the fact, but I wasn't a fan of her comment. She meant well, and her intent was pure, but she inadvertently stole (or attempted to steal) his blessing.

See, Finn didn't want to buy me a new battery because I NEEDED it. Rather, he wanted to show love through generosity.....period. I need to accept this gift. Robbing people of their blessing is an act of anti-generosity. It's counter to everything we try to teach.

It reminds me of a recent text message I received: "What's your Venmo?" I kind of knew what was coming, but then again, I really didn't. But I had a suspicion about what it could be about. I didn't ask this person for money. I didn't want this person to send me money. I didn't feel like I deserved any money. However, I don't steal people's blessings. My personal rule is to NEVER steal someone's attempt to practice generosity. I gratefully shared my Venmo handle, only to receive a gift mere minutes later. I excitedly and sincerely thanked this person for the gesture. It means a lot that they would do that, even if I didn't NEED it. It was an act of thoughtful love. I wasn't about to rob that from them.

Back to Finn. Yes, I'm going to let him fix my watch. The only way to become generous is to practice generosity. If I'm trying to raise my kids to become loving, generous men, why would I rob them of opportunities to be generous? I won't. I will gratefully receive Finn's thoughtful act of generosity. I hope it adds yet another spark to his generosity journey.

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