Planned Impulsiveness

One of my favorite Meaning Over Money podcast episodes is called Planned Impulsiveness. It was our fifth episode, released more than three years ago. Unfortunately, Apple lost our first 15 episodes like my kids lose their shoes. Other platforms managed to keep track of them, though. Despite being missing from Apple for over two years, it's one of the ten most downloaded episodes we've ever had. You can find it HERE.

The premise is simple. Some people are planners, and some people are impulsive. Both have pros and cons, but impulsive people are known for self-sabotage and occasional (or frequent!) irresponsibility. I'm oddly wired for both. I'm very impulsive, but I'm also a planner. Along my financial journey, I realized I needed to harness my impulsivity and turn the cons into pros. 

This is where the structure comes in. Travel is a great example. I have a separate bank account specifically for travel. Each month, we budget approximately $1,000 for it. We may not travel every month, but we treat it as an expense. That $1,000 physically gets moved from our primary checking account and into our travel fund. The money slowly builds over time. Then, when it's time to travel, we travel. Sometimes, the travel is planned well in advance, and sometimes, it's more impulsive. In either scenario, the money is there, just waiting to be spent on travel. 

I'll share my favorite (least favorite) story of my life. In the summer of 2016, Sarah and I were about to become parents. After a long adoption journey, we received word that our son was born. We went to bed with anticipation, excited to meet our little man the following day. As I was wrapping up a few things at work the following morning before getting on the road, I received a phone call. I immediately knew something was wrong. The following 30 seconds were the worst of my life, as I found out we lost our son. 

Needless to say, the subsequent days were absolutely miserable in our house. Sarah was an absolute wreck, and I wasn't in a great position to hold her up. A few nights later, she told me she wanted to leave. Somewhere far, far away from our life. At midnight, I booked flights to Cancun and reserved a hotel room. We packed a few bags, took a nap, and drove to the airport five hours later. We spent the week crying, mourning, and eating our weight's worth of chips and salsa. It was terrible, but it was beautiful. It was impulsive, but it was planned. I'll always be grateful for that sad but memorable week with Sarah. 

One of my clients recently had their first planned impulsiveness moment. They've been intentionally budgeting and using their travel sinking fund since December. Then, it happened! A significant event suddenly popped up, and they wanted to be there. In mere hours, they made arrangements and jumped on a plane. It was impulsive, but it was planned. Beautiful! They will remember that forever. 

Be impulsive! Savor life. Make memories. But make it planned impulsiveness. 

Lessons From a Kid

What was your first job? As a 15-year-old, I was a laborer at our local small-town golf course, where I would start my day by raking all the sandtraps before the early bird tee times. I was paid $4.25/hour, which was the Illinois minimum wage at the time. That equates to approximately $8.75 in today's dollars after accounting for inflation.

Remember how I recently met a young man (12 or 13 years old) who has his own lawn-mowing business? Well, I gave him the bat signal last night and he swooped in to take care of my yard. He spent about 45 minutes at my house and was rewarded with a $30 payday. This equates to $40/hour! Not too shabby compared with our state's $7.75/hour minimum wage. 

I asked him how he finds his clients. Here was his answer: "The same way I found you. I just walk up and down the street and ask people if I can mow their yard. If I do a good enough job, I hope they will ask me again." 

So simple, yet so powerful. I love his entrepreneurial spirit. He could have just applied for a bunch of minimum-wage jobs and hoped one hit, but instead, he turned to the grind. He decided to create something. He's taking a work ethic, combining it with creativity, and adding a heavy dose of customer service. And just like that, he cobbled together a ridiculously high-paying job.

To me, this young man exemplifies the crazy new world order we live in. We used to rely on gatekeepers to decide if we were worthy of the job. Today, we're only limited by our creativity and willingness to put ourselves out there. If there's a 12-year-old making $40/hour mowing nearby yards, it's hard for you and me to have a good excuse. 

Many people are hurting right now, for some very good reasons. It's a tough environment and the cards are stacked against us in many cases. But that's not the end of the story.....it's the new beginning. Now, it's our turn to step up and take care of business. We need to think outside the box, with creativity, and find ways to add value to people's lives. If we do, the rest will take care of itself. 

Don't let conventional wisdom and gatekeepers hold you back. If one door closes, there are 1,000 others to knock on. Don't be discouraged. Don't quit. Don't give up. Keep knocking, and get creative!

Putting the Pieces Together

What does it mean to win with money? I could ask 20 people and get 20 different answers. We all view it through a different lens. We each possess different skills, and we each have our shortcomings. Some things we'll get right, and other things may be more of a challenge. We don't have to nail every aspect, but it's important to remove any glaring deficiencies. Most families thrive in some areas and struggle in others. 

However, I recently met with a couple who inspired me to write about this topic. I've worked with this couple for over a year, but this meeting was particularly inspiring. They are a younger-ish couple, both teachers. In my mind, they've cracked the code on personal finance. No, they aren't geniuses in any one area, but they are doing good in pretty much every area. I'll summarize:

• They have unity, a shared vision, and joint ownership of their finances.

• They budget intentionally each month, leaning into their unique values.

• They have an emergency fund to protect them for WHEN life punches.

• They spend money on wants that add value to their life.

• They utilize sinking funds to save for future purchases/expenses.

• They give joyfully and sacrificially.

• They paid off all their non-mortgage debt.

• They invest with discipline, simplicity, and effectiveness.

• They have cheap term life insurance policies that will replicate each person's respective income in the event of a tragic event. 

• They are in the process of setting up wills.

• They both pursue work that matters, and find meaning and fulfillment in their careers.

• They are creating financial margin to provide flexibility for future decisions and lifestyle shifts.

They are the total package! No, it's not because they have massive incomes and unlimited resources. Reminder, they are both teachers. They are normal people, making normal money, living a normal life. Except it's not a normal life. It's an extraordinary life.

What's their secret? Intentionality, discipline, humility, contentment, and consistency. That's it. Good choice after good choice after good choice. Oh yeah, and that whole unity, shared vision, and joint ownership thing. They are doing it together. There is no "mine" and "yours." Everything is "ours." For better or worse. 

Yes, this is an opportunity for me to brag about this amazing couple. However, there's more to it. I hope you find encouragement in it. We ALL have the power to get better in the areas of money. The only thing stopping us is us. It's not easy, but it's so, so worth it. Get 1% better today! Then, get 1% better tomorrow. One day at a time. You got this!

The Phase We Never Outgrow

Every night, I ask the kids what they learned at school. I wish I could tell you I always get productive answers, but I don't. As Forrest Gump says, it's like a box of chocolates: I never know what I'm going to get. Recently, though, Finn dropped some gold on me. Here was his answer to my question:

"We did needs and wants, and I got a LOT of wants!"

Join the club, Finn! His teacher jokingly pointed out that most kids had a lot of wants and struggled to draw a proper line between what's a need and what's a want. I guess it's the phase we never outgrow.

This is one of the biggest challenges for young and old alike. We have LOTS of wants, and the line is blurred between what's a need and what's a want. 

Today, I want to settle on that last part—the blurred line between needs and wants. This isn't a first-grader problem; it's a human problem. And the problem is that it's often not intentional. There's a psychological game at play where we subconsciously shift something from a want to a need to justify its existence. 

To exhibit this concept, I'll list what people have told me are "needs." I'm not condemning these purchases; instead, I'm questioning whether it's a need. I'll let you decide for yourself. Without further ado, here's a list of "needs" from people I've conversed with:

• $10,000 for a next-gen TV

• A $75,000 basement remodel project

• $2,500/month for dining out

• $2,000/month for clothing

• A brand new Tesla

• Monthly botox injections

• Country club membership

• A lake house (2nd home)

• A speedboat

Each of these was firmly thrust into the need camp. And do you know what we do if something is a need? We purchase it by any means necessary. That's the power of a need. 

If I need to put food on the table, I'll go to extreme lengths to make it happen (including going into debt if that's the difference between eating or being hungry). 

If I need a $40,000 speedboat, I'll go to extreme lengths to make it happen (including going into debt if that's the difference between my hair blowing in the wind and being a loser sitting on the shore watching the boats go by). 

That's the power of needs. Needs compel us to act. Needs incentivize us to hurry. Needs encourage us to throw common sense out the window. Needs must be met, and meet them we shall. 

One of my roles as a parent will be to help my kids successfully manage the tension between needs and wants. However, I'll simultaneously be working on that myself. It's the phase we never outgrow. 

Ace Ventura Spitting Wisdom

The laces were in! That Ray Finkle, man. Ace Ventura was one of the first adult comedies I ever saw as a kid. I was 13 years old, at a sleepover, and we somehow got our hands on this newly released VHS starring an unknown actor named Jim Carrey. The opening scene with the package delivery remains one of the funniest intros in movie history! Needless to say, this immediately became, and decades later, remains one of my all-time favorite comedies. 

I could probably find a way to tie Ace Ventura to Meaning Over Money, but I’ll spare you. Instead, I want to discuss a statement I recently heard from Jim Carrey:

“Imagine struggling with being homeless and someone comes with a camera in your face to give you a meal and you have to take it. Imagine that feeling. Please, stop doing that. If you go to help someone, do it with kindness and not your ego.

In a world with cameras in every pocket, it’s our natural inclination to capture and share everything. But let’s not blame the technology, though. For centuries - long before cell phones and cameras were invented - we humans have operated all areas of our lives with ego. If that’s true, why would our giving be an exception?

I can’t get on social media without some person or organization boasting about a gift they just made for some cause. Have you ever seen a GoFundMe page? Call me weird, but I obsessively watch the donation ticker that announces everyone’s gifts. If you aren’t familiar with the concept, when you make a gift on GoFundMe, it blasts the news of your gift to the main page for all to see, where it boldly displays your name and how much you gave. However, it’s worth noting that when you make a gift, you get to choose if your name is displayed or is classified as “anonymous.” Any guess as to how many people give anonymously? By my numerous tallies, only about 5%-7% of gifts are anonymous.

Here’s a question I’ll challenge you with today. If you make a gift and publicly broadcast said gift, is it likely your motives are pure? I’d argue the answer is “no.” I’ve pondered this a lot in my own giving journey. Several years ago, realizing I am a human, I conceded I’m not immune to this, either. I quickly concluded that I needed to eliminate anything that would taint the spirit of my giving….especially the possibility of earning favor, influence, affirmation, or pats on the back. Therefore, almost all my giving is done quietly and anonymously, so much so that some organizations don’t even know where their gifts are coming from. This shift has been a transformational experience. 

Here’s where I want to land this plane (er, errant Ray Finkle field goal attempt). I firmly believe there’s no endeavor in life more meaningful than giving with pure motives. Don’t believe me? There’s only one way to find out! 

* After finishing this piece, I feel incomplete and somewhat unsettled. There is more to discuss on this topic than my 500 words will allow, so perhaps treat this one as an appetizer. Have a blessed day!

Pondering Things About Things

I have a Notes file on my phone called "Blog." Its purpose is simple. As I go about my day, anything and everything that inspires or triggers me gets jotted into this file. There are hundreds of ideas, just waiting to be turned into a blog or a podcast. While browsing my random notes this morning, one line stood out. It's a quote that reads, "The more things we have, the more time we spend on things." To be perfectly honest, I have zero recall about where I heard this or who said it. But it smacks!

When I reflect on my life and the decisions I've made, I can't help but think how true this quote is. I'm not going to share any of my specific examples, as I want you to use your imagination and consider your own past decisions. Let me set the table. You just purchased a nice thing. You traded your hard-earned money for this thing. It has value, and you want to protect this value. Therefore, you're going to spend time and attention ensuring this thing remains safe and well taken care of. 

Also, if it's a cool or fun thing, it's going to perpetually occupy space in your mind. Depending on what type of thing it is, you may also carve time out of your days to use and/or enjoy said thing. 

You'll maybe need to invest more time and money to maintain and care for it. You also need space to store it. Whether big or small, things take up some volume of space. Big things obviously take up more space, but never underestimate the compounding space needs of many small things. This may cause you to want/need a bigger residence, which creates an entirely new level of time and financial consumption. 

On a related note, your things may also inhibit your ability to travel or live with flexibility. You might get nervous to leave your things, or your things make you too comfortable to want to leave. Therefore, things can act as an invisible anchor, locking us into place. Worse, your desire to keep your things (and accumulate more of them) may require you to remain in a job that we tolerate at best, and despise at worst. The item may be the gateway drug to the next item, and the process repeats. 

"The more things we have, the more time we spend on things." I don't know if I'm thinking through this correctly, but this is how I'm processing it today. Things can have a scary pull on our lives, and our souls. I've fallen into that trap more times than I'd like to admit. I can be better. I want to be better. I need to be better. Though I can't prove it, I believe, to my core, that relinquishing our emotional ties to things (and the power they have over us) is one of the paths to a meaningful life. Or, in the simpler and wiser words of my friend Gary Hoag, just "Invest in mission and memories."

This Story Will Be Told

Yesterday, I had the privilege of hosting my dear friends John and Jamy Cochran at our church. After enjoying service, we took them to lunch at our favorite pizza spot. Everything was going swimmingly.....until the food arrived (or part of the food, I should say). The waitress told us our other pizza was accidentally dropped on the floor. Oops!

According to the Danny Meyer Principle (I just coined that phrase!), at that moment, a story was going to be told. The restaurant made a mistake and immediately approached a fork in the road. They've lost control of whether a story will be told; it's too late. However, the restaurant gets to be the author of WHAT story will be told. 

Back to the situation. The waitress communicated the bad news, apologized, said they were remaking it as quickly as possible, AND comping us that pizza. Whoa! They hit a fork in the road, then decided to author a positive story. Their actions were swift and sincere.

Fast forward some time, and the new pizza still hadn’t been delivered to our table. We were somewhat tight on time, but we're doing ok. Shorly after the pizza finally arrived, we asked the waitress for the check, as I had to get the boys to a friend’s birthday party. She obliged, but came back empty-handed just a few minutes later. She communicated that they were going to comp our entire meal. Wow! That was a bold and generous move!

Despite a few mistakes tainting this particular experience, I have nothing but positive things to say about them. Thus, I'm telling you the story they authored. My experience wasn't ideal, but it affirms my decision to eat there often—and I'll probably double down on that sentiment. They could have lost (or damaged) a customer. However, their actions just compounded my loyalty. Props to them for that, and I'm grateful they care enough to author this better story. 

Businesses, take note of this story. You WILL screw up....and when you do, a story will be told. Author a beautiful story. You are in control, so act with swiftness, hospitality, and generosity. 

Consumers, businesses will screw up on you. It's inevitable. They are humans. They aren't perfect. When they do, watch to see what story they author. It will tell you everything you need to know. And once that story is written, act accordingly. 

I know the question is coming, and the restaurant deserves some love. Despite having readers all over the world, if you're ever in Central Iowa (or happen to live nearby), the restaurant is called Leaning Tower of Pizza. Go check them out! And when you do, tell them it's not just because their pizza is amazing (though it is!), but because they chose to author a beautiful story for someone else. Reward excellence. Always reward excellence. 

I Met a Weird Guy

I met a guy last week. I had a blast spending time with him. He shared about his journey, his expertise, his passions, and his business. He is a sincere, thoughtful, and generous person. He's also really weird. Yeah, you heard that right. He's a really weird guy. 

Now, before you get upset with me publicly insulting a grown man in front of thousands of people, some context is in order. He's in his early 50s, a seasoned veteran in his field. His most recent position was CEO for a reputable firm. According to conventional wisdom and our prevailing culture, he could do some consulting work for a few years as he coasts toward an early retirement. The table is set for a comfortable and short end to his accomplished career. He could ride off into the sunset and enjoy a life of leisure that everyone probably tells him he deserves. 

Instead, however, he's starting over. He's entering into arguably the most challenging season of his career. He's creating something new from scratch. It's a secular company, but tied closely to his faith. There's a powerful mission tied to it, and if it goes even marginally well, many lives will be impacted. He's uncomfortable, nervous, uncertain, and totally out of his element.....and he's loving every second of it. When he talks about it, his eyes light up, and he has the energy of a 28-year-old.

The world says to race to the finish line, and he's over here starting a new race. 

The world says to stay comfortable, and he just threw that word out the window. 

The world says to coast, and he's pushing his foot on the accelerator. 

The world says he should "actually enjoy his life," and he's doing just that—except enjoying life doesn't mean living a life of leisure. Instead, it means waking up each morning with meaning and purpose. From what he told me, I suspect he's enjoying life more now than ever—not because his life is fun, but because it matters (a ton!). 

The world says to be normal, and he's out there being a complete weirdo. So yeah, I met a weird guy last week. He's the kind of guy who reminds me why I do what I do. He's living a life that reminds me there's an army of people taking the road less traveled. Pursuing work that matters. Throwing comfort out the window. Following a greater calling. Meaning over money. I love my new weird friend!

Dodging Tornados

Last night was a rough one in the Shelton household. Sarah is on a girl's trip out of town, so it's just me and the boys. As we were preparing for bed, the tornado sirens started blaring. We grabbed our stuff and set up shop in the basement, watching the local news coverage on TV. At one point, five tornado systems were in our area, with one heading directly toward our city. Luckily, it shifted directions just enough to barely miss us. Other towns weren't as lucky, unfortunately (check out this wild video captured from the same broad tornado system a few hours before it struck our area). The boys were scared, and there was a lot of anxiety in our house until the wee hours of the morning. 

We have blog readers from all over the world, so perhaps some context is in order. While every part of the world has its own array of natural disaster risks, tornados are ours. Unlike earthquakes, hurricanes, or wildfires, tornados are binary. Either they hit you, or they don't. Their paths are narrow, but their impact is significant. If they hit, the destruction can be unprecedented. They are shockingly common here in the midwestern United States. They are far too common, as well. It's typical to have 5-10 warnings each year between the spring and summer months. Needless to say, I'm grateful we dodged another one. 

As I'm sandwiched in the downstairs bed with two exhausted and wimpering boys, I can't help but think about how tornados are a great metaphor for life. Many of our decisions carry risk, but not all risks are created equal. Some risks are more likely to materialize, but with a lower downside. Others (let's call them tornados) have a lower likelihood of materializing, but the downside can be devastating. Here are some examples of the two types of downside scenarios:

Decisions With Minimal Downside

• Running a red light with an officer nearby

• Eating from a questionable street vendor (IYKYK)

• Forgetting your spouse's birthday

• Making an impulsive financial purchase

Decisions With Devastating Downside

• Getting sick or injured without health insurance

• Not carrying an emergency fund

• Failing to have wills or life insurance

• Throwing your retirement assets in single stocks or trendy investment classes

One of my general philosophies of life is to dodge the proverbial tornados. I know I'm going to screw up, and I know I'll get unlucky at times. However, if I can just avoid the tornados, I'll live to fight another day. I'll gladly take two steps forward and one step back, but I can't afford a blistering 25 steps back. 

As you read this, reflect on your life and see if you can spot the lingering tornados. What are the decisions that, while lower in risk, have the potential to devastate your life if it goes the wrong way? Once you identify them, I encourage you to take the appropriate steps to mitigate them. Dodge those tornados! 

Finny’s Accidental Seed

After school yesterday, the boys and I decided to play basketball at a nearby park. As we stepped outside, a young man (maybe 12 or 13 years old) walked past our house. He was pushing a lawnmower with a weedeater perched atop. I greeted him and asked what he was up to. He pointed to my neighbor's house and said he was about to finish mowing it. This sparked me to ask a handful of questions about his little business. I loved his heart and desire to create a business. 

The conversation concluded with me asking if he wanted to mow my yard. He shared his pricing and told me he could mow it immediately if I wanted. I pulled out some cash, handed it to him, and he immediately got to work. At that moment, I turned my attention back to the kids, and we resumed our walk to the park. That's when an unexpected conversation occurred:

Finn: "Did you just pay that kid money to mow our yard?"

Me: "Yeah, man! I was going to mow it this weekend, but now I can spend more time with you guys, instead." 

Finn: "You mean he gets to play with a mower AND get paid money?"

Me: "Yeah! He's helping us, so he gets to earn money for doing it." 

Finn: "Dad, can I mow people's yards and get paid money when I'm his age?"

Me: "Yeah, bud! That sounds awesome. There are a lot of ways we can help people, and mowing is one of them. I'd love to help you get started if that's what you want to do."

Finn: "Can we buy me my own mower this weekend so I can start practicing?"

Me: "......."

I could see Finn's wheels turning. He was inspired, encouraged, and extremely excited. A whole new world of possibilities opened up in that moment. Truth is, I wasn't intending for my interaction with the young "mowin' man" to be a seed-planting endeavor. And I know the young mower didn't, either. Despite that, an accidental seed was planted with little Finny. Perhaps that seed will die......or maybe it will grow into something beautiful. I don't know which way it will go, but I'm excited to find out in due time. 

To be honest, I don't even know what the takeaway should be for today's post. I just found the story surprising and uplifting, and thought maybe there's a nugget in there that can add value to your day. I love that young mower's heart and work ethic. I love Finn's curiosity and internalization of ideas. I love the fact I can spend a few bucks to free up more time with my boys this weekend. I love all of it. 

I hope you have a wonderful day. Keep planting those seeds.....the intentional ones, and the accidental ones. 

How Many Apples Are In a Seed?

Check out this awesome clip!

@uconnwbb these two 🥹 #uconnwomensbasketball #bleedblue ♬ original sound - UConn Women’s Basketball

This touching moment involves UCONN's Coach Geno Auriemma and Nika Muhl. Nika just wrapped up her UCONN basketball career and was drafted into the WNBA just a few weeks ago. This is easily the best thing I've seen all day!

I often refer to the idea of planting seeds. A quick word search of my blog archives reveals that I've discussed this concept in 14 prior posts. When I see a video clip like this and can feel the relationship this player and coach share, it strikes me as a quintessential example of planting seeds. 

Coach Geno is 70 years old, and for the last 40 of them, he has been at the helm of UCONN's women's basketball team. When I see the bond he shares with Nika and the impact he's clearly had on her life, I can't help but wonder how many seeds he's planted over the years. 

This past weekend, while at a generosity conference, a speaker began talking about planting seeds. Oh, you know I was leaning forward for this one! She cut into an apple and started picking out seeds. "You can count how many seeds are in an apple, but you can't count how many apples are in a seed." 

That's one of the most powerful ideas I've ever heard. Planting a seed is one thing, but the ripple effects are another. Let's say we plant ten seeds, and only one takes hold and grows (into an apple tree, of course). That tree will produce hundreds or thousands of apples, each filled with numerous seeds. Eventually, some of those new seeds will take hold and grow trees as well......and the cycle continues. From a single seed comes an immeasurable number of apples. A single act of planting a seed could result in multiple generations of impact. Beautiful!

Back to Coach Geno and Nika. He planted seeds, and some (or tons) prospered.....including Nika. Now, she will spend the next 60+ years planting her own seeds, and some of them will prosper as well. Call me sentimental, but this is a profoundly moving illustration of living a life of service to others. 

Our call to action is simple: plant seeds. What happens after we plant is largely out of our control. However, know that good WILL come from your generosity. And when it does, the impact may span much wider and deeper than you'll ever know. 

First, Stop Tumbling

I'm feeling a lot of burden these days. So many people in my life are hurting. Lost jobs, tons of debt, broken marriages, sickness, failed companies, loss of family members.....too many things to count. I generally do a pretty good job of not carrying the pain of others, but man, it's getting hard. 

As I spent time with a friend who is in the process of losing his long-time business, I searched my brain, then my heart, trying to find the best advice to offer him. Here's what I came up with: "First, stop tumbling." 

As I think back to some the profoundly painful seasons in my life, it always felt like I was spiraling. Things were bad, got worse, then oddly even more terrible, until I splatted on some proverbial floor. However, at some point along my meandering journey, I realized that I don't have to spiral all the way down to the splat. Instead, I had the ability to grab hold of something and stop tumbling. 

Here's my amateur, non-expert guide to stop the tumbling:

1. Look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. Truly understand the situation, regardless of how difficult it is to swallow. Dr. Drew Pinsky would refer to this as "reality on reality's terms." 

2. Bring others alongside you. You can't do it alone, and luckily you don't have to. Find people who will support you, help you, encourage you, be honest with you, and hold you accountable. People that will hold you up when you can't even hold yourself up.

3. Get intentional. The only way to stop the bleeding (and reverse momentum) is to know exactly what you're doing. In the financial world, this is a budget. Get specific, account for all available resources/options, and execute. 

4. Get small wins. When we're spiraling, it's not likely that we can stop the tumbling and completely reverse course in the short-run. Instead, we need to find small wins. A giant win is actually thousands of smaller wins stacked on top of each other. Start small, celebrate, repeat. 

5. Don't anchor yourself. It's easy for us to lock on to our peak position in life and expect that to be the expectation of "normal." I see this with business owners who once had a season where they made a ton of money. It was great to have that win, but that doesn't have to be the new measuring stick of success. If we anchor ourselves to our very best moment, we may unfulfillingly spend the rest of our lives chasing.

6. Remember that a brighter season is coming. Even the worst of storms eventually clear to reveal sunshine and bright skies.....and maybe a beautiful rainbow to boot.  

If this post speaks to you, I'm sorry for what you're going through. It won't be easy, and it may take a while, but you got this!

The Status of Status

Whether we realize it or not, much of life is the pursuit of status. Status is at play in nearly everything we do, the decisions we make, and how we spend our money.

First, what is status? One definition is "the relative social, professional, or other standing of someone or something." Here's another: "position or rank in relation to others."

We humans are obsessed with status. We fixate on being ranked higher "in relation to others." We do this in small ways and in significant ways:

• Which logo appears on our clothes and shoes.

• The emblem on our vehicle. 

• The zip code or school district in which we live. 

• The university we attend.

• Our job title.

• The alphabet soup of credentials that follow our name. 

• Where we vacation.

• Who we associate with.

• How much is in our bank account.

• What phone we use.

• The career field we enter.

• The size of our house.

Each of these decisions, whether consciously or subconsciously, involves our pursuit of status (or perceived status). This is at the center of keeping up with the Joneses. Remember, the definition of status isn't about what we have. It's about what we have "in relation to others." Therefore, when we make decisions, a part of us is trying to improve our relative position of status. The chase! This is a dangerous and slippery slope. 

No, buying a car with a certain emblem isn't evil. No, having a new iPhone isn't stupid. No, going to a particular university isn't wrong. No, gaining credentials isn't an act of arrogance. None of these things are inherently evil. However, we must continually look in the mirror and ask ourselves why we're really making xyz decision. 

I'm literally watching many families disintegrate before my eyes. They are losing their freedom, values, and unity. Slowly but surely, their finances are eroding. It's not for lack of income. In fact, this often happens to families on the upper end of the financial spectrum. The pursuit of status is an expensive and soul-sucking endeavor. 

What's the alternative? For me, it's simple but difficult. Instead of focusing on trying to improve our position in relation to others or care about what others think, we simply need to focus on what's most important for our family. Easier said than done, I know. 

It's sometimes hard watching my friends make many multiples of our income when I could flip the switch and join them. It's sometimes hard living in the house and driving the cars we have. It's sometimes hard to know I continually turn my back on a high-status career (with a ridiculous paycheck tied to it).

On the flip side, if we can resist the urge to pursue status, we get to pursue a life that's truly meaningful for us and our families. It's the hardest endeavor, but also a priceless one. 

I won't ever fully eliminate the desire for status, but with enough intentionality, I can hopefully minimize it and remember what’s most important. You can do it, too.

Find a Way to Get Away

We got home last night after a five-day road trip. The boys went on adventures with their cousins while Sarah and I attended a generosity conference. It was the first time Sarah and I had gotten away together since our Thailand/Qatar trip last April. We missed the kids, but we had a wonderful time together!

I always forget how powerful time away can be. It's hard to find the time and navigate the logistics, but when we do, it's so powerful. Our trips are more meaningful when they involve some form of growth or service. This trip was no different. We spent time with inspirational people, listened to impactful speakers, and engaged in powerful discussions. Our time together opened up new dialogue, triggered new ideas, and raised some critically important topics to the surface. All in all, it was a home run. I hope to share some of my biggest conference takeaways in the coming weeks, but wow, so good!

I had a few mirroring conversations last week that got me thinking. I was talking about my upcoming trip with a few friends. I commented that it's wild (and disappointing) that Sarah and I haven't taken time away together in nearly a year. Each of these people had similar responses. "One year? My wife and I haven't gotten away since having kids." Both of these individuals have kids in the 10-13 year-old range. They haven't been away from their kids in more than a decade?!?!

Astounded by this discovery, I started asking people about their "getting away" habits. Much to my surprise, about half the people I surveyed said they "never" go away without their kids. 

If my informal survey is any indication, that means many of you reading this post "never" or "rarely" get away without your kids. Please don't hear me criticizing or judging you. Instead, I want to encourage you. As I mentioned above, it's hard to find the time, logistics, and money to get away. But it's so, so, so worth it. View it as an investment in your marriage. Use it to take a step back from your normal parenting duties, get some rest, build your relationship, create memories, and then re-enter your normal life as a better spouse and better parent. It doesn't have to be a week-long trip abroad. Even a short weekend trip to a nearby town can do the trick. 

Find a way to get away. Invest in your marriage. You won't regret it!

The Curse of More

What if I told you the majority of people in our lives (including you and me) are infected? Worse, it's highly contagious! Even worse yet, they don't even know they have it....it's a silent killer. I call it the curse of more. 

You know, more, as in more stuff, more money, more status, and more security. We're obsessed with more. The newer phone, the fancier car, the bigger house, the more extravagant trip, the bigger bank account. Cool stuff. Fun stuff. Alluring stuff. Powerful stuff.

There's one problem, though. The problem with more is that every time we get more, more is still more. Every time we achieve a goal, a new one replaces it. Every time we buy the newest iPhone, Apple makes a newer one. We move into our "forever" house, then suddenly, the goalpost moves, and we have a new dream house. We dream about having $50,000 in our bank account, but after getting there, $100,000 seems like a nice round number.

The pursuit for more is like running a race on a hamster wheel. The harder we run, the faster the wheel spins. But we're not actually going anywhere. We're standing still while experiencing the allusion of making progress. This is how many of us are living. 

Good news! I have a prescription for the curse of more. Two cures, actually. The first is contentment. "A state of happiness and satisfaction," as defined by Oxford. Being content means being satisfied with what you have. I don't have the newest iPhone. I'm content with the one I have. I don't live in the biggest house. I'm content with the one I live in. I don't drive the fanciest car. I'm content with the one I use. Being grateful for what we DO have is the secret to not dwelling on what we DON'T have. 

The second prescription is generosity. If you're ever feeling the curse of more trying to poison your heart, seek out opportunities to be generous. There's nothing like giving that can reset our perspective. Further, the satisfaction we're seeking in our pursuit of more is actually found on the other side of generosity. It's a taste that satiates. Giving also points back to contentment, as each time we give, we remind ourselves that we have enough already. 

Don't let the curse of more overcome you. It's not a matter of if it will attack, but when. And when it does, contentment and generosity will help you come out the other side. Don't fall for the lies of more. Instead, lean into the truths of contentment and generosity. They will never let you down. 

Dents, Dings, and Impact

I recently had a curious exchange with a friend:

Him: "I got into a fender bender a few days ago."

Me: "Oh man, I'm so sorry."

Him: "No, it's kinda a good thing."

Me: "Uhhhhhh, why's that?"

Him: "I'm going to take a page out of your playbook and use it as an opportunity to do good."

Oh, wow! His comments were a reference to a blog post I wrote a few months ago about a car accident I experienced. Instead of fixing the damage, I elected to use that money to feed children in need. Now, every time I get into my car and see the horrendous-looking dent across the driver's side of my vehicle, it's a reminder of what's most important. 

I received a lot of feedback from that post, ranging from eye-rolling, to warnings that my damaged car is a "bad look" for me, to inspiration. Just in the past week, two separate people have mentioned the idea of doing something similar IF they are ever put in a similar position. 

I didn't know I had this dream, but I have a new dream: driving down the street and seeing a plethora of slightly damaged vehicles that are unrepaired because people chose generosity over image. It's a ridiculous idea with impactful results. 

This, of course, isn't really about damaged cars. Rather, it's about the idea of looking in the mirror and being honest with ourselves. What really is most important? Is it your lifestyle? Your image? Your fun? Your comfort? Or perhaps making a difference? Lifting people up? Blessing others? Creating impact? Be honest with yourself. I hope you choose the latter set of answers (or something that resembles it), but whatever your answer is, I encourage you to align your behavior to it. 

If your mission is for one spouse to stay home, you can't buy a new house and then claim you can't afford to shift one spouse out of the workforce.

If you desire to increase your giving, you can't purchase a new car and then claim you don't have enough margin to make it work. 

If you feel called to start a business, you can't insist on maintaining your current lifestyle while crying foul for being unable to financially navigate the journey.

Whatever your mission is, I hope you endeavor to align your behaviors to it. That's where meaning can be found. It's probably going to be a harder path, but nothing worthwhile comes without toil. In fact, the toil is what makes it all that much sweeter. 

I hope you have a wonderful day.....full of fender benders. Just kidding. Well, maybe just a little scratch. Again, just kidding. Or am I.....?

Zoom Out or Freak Out

Have you heard!?!? Everything is falling apart!!! The stock market is collapsing!!!! It's the end of the world!!!! Right on cue, countless people are gripped with fear over how bad the stock market is doing. Everyone's posting about it on social media, and I've received no less than 15 questions about it just this week.

After all, the stock market is down 4.6% in just the last 20 days. Considering the stock market is supposed to go up 8-10% per year, losing nearly 5% in a three-week stretch feels like the end of the world.

Things are so bad that the market is down to a level not seen since......well, seven weeks ago.....when it hit yet another all-time 153-year high. And after this white-knuckle three-week stretch and watching our investments get beat to smithereens, the stock market is now up only 21% in the last 12 months. Even worse, it's only up 70% over the last five years! Whatever shall we do!?!?

I hope you picked up the sarcasm, as I was laying it down pretty thick. If we don't have a proper context of what's happening, we can really freak ourselves out. Alternatively, we can simply zoom out. When we do, we see a different picture. Like this chart:

This is what the market looks like over the last five years. That little downward blip on the right-hand side of the image is this scary, nasty, terrifying collapse everyone is on pins and needles about. I'll stress the world "blip." Context matters. Context always matters. And, like with most situations, we need to zoom out to gain a proper context.

I won't claim to know what will happen next. The stock market may hit a new all-time high next week, or it could be on the way to experiencing a 50%+ collapse. Either way, I don't much care. Here's what I do care about, though. I care that history tells us, over a long period of time, the market will provide something in the ballpark of 9% per year. I also care that there has never been a 15-year period in history where the market lost money. Lastly, I care that the worst the stock market has done over a 30-year period of time is end up 4.4x higher than it started.

We can zoom out or freak out. I hope you'll join me on the zoom out side of the line. Life is far more peaceful and meaningful when we do.

Creating Begets Creating

One of my clients has a business idea. It's a simple but effective idea. It likely won't make him a massive profit. Heck, it probably won't even provide enough income to live on. For many months now, I've been beating the drum of go, go, go. He NEEDS to put his idea into practice. He NEEDS to move forward....but not for obvious reasons. Here's why: creating begets creating.

Right now, he's stuck with all these ideas in his head. Until it moves from his head to his hands, it will forever remain an idea. Sure, he could collect those ideas and eventually take them to the grave with him. However, I believe he and everyone else deserve to have his vision come to life.

If he ultimately follows through, whether he fails or succeeds, the act of creating will beget more creating. It will set off a chain of events and practices that will ultimately lead to more creating. For that reason, I don't even think it matters how successful this first endeavor is. Instead, it's about the act, the action. I wholeheartedly believe the moment he puts this idea into motion is the moment his life will forever change.

This business plan is an idea, but it's probably not THE idea. THE idea is buried somewhere deep within him, but it can't materialize until he becomes someone who creates. Once that happens, he can unlock everything else beneath the surface.

This concept applies to business ideas, but it also applies to so much else in life. The reason Taylor Swift can write smash album after smash album is because one time, when she was a teenager, she wrote songs. Then wrote songs. Then wrote more songs. Then became one of the most famous musicians on the planet. Creating begets creating.

It's the reason I can record two podcast episodes and write seven blogs every week. In theory, I should have run out of ideas years ago. However, creating begets creating.

It's the reason my guy Cole continues to raise his filmmaking game. Every time he creates something, it spawns an entirely new idea that transcends the last. Fast forward enough reps, and he's creating content that melts my brain. Creating begets creating.

Whatever gift, passion, or idea you have brewing inside you, move it from your head to your hands. Put it into action. Even if it sucks. Even if it fails. Even if it doesn't come out the way you've envisioned it. Just create. Once you do, the real gems living inside you will materialize and eventually bless us all.

The Expensive Bargain

It feels like my laptop is running out of steam. It runs a little slower these days. It feels a bit warmer. The battery drains a little quicker. It's not as smooth as it once was. The once-beautiful exterior casing has its share of scars. I suppose that will happen after six years of use......six years!

It's a MacBook Pro. When I was laptop shopping in 2018, I knew I wanted an Apple, but the price made me want to vomit. It literally cost double what the alternatives would have. It was expensive, but it was a bargain.

I've owned a lot of computers in my life. I can't say they've provided great experiences, and their lives felt far too short. This MacBook, on the other hand, was significantly more expensive, and offered a transformative user experience. It fully integrated my technology, it was intuitive to use, it was smoother than all get-out, and it's lived a long life. Yeah, it was a bargain!!!

Some would call it quality over quantity. Spending more for a product or service, but knowing it will have a longer and/or better life. This idea applies to far more than just computers. Clothes, furniture, jewelry, tools, dining out....the list goes on.

The funny thing about quality over quantity, though, is the fact we sometimes lose our way. Our natural instinct is to focus on a lower price. After all, that feels like a better deal. Clothing is a fantastic example of this. I remember a time when I looked at my closet full of clothes, yet I had nothing decent to wear. It was a perfect example of quantity over quality. I had quantity, but I just wanted to wear a quality item. I whiffed!

Sometimes, we just need to get a reset and snap back into a proper perspective. Sometimes, cheap is expensive, and expensive is cheap. Sometimes, we need to remember it's not just about the price tag.

While I'm not looking forward to spending $2,000+ on a new laptop, what I eventually buy will inevitably feel like a bargain. I’m dreading it, yet looking forward to it at the same time. It also feels good knowing that one will tide me over for the remainder of this decade. Quality over quantity!

What about you? What areas of your life do you intentionally focus on quality over quantity? Conversely, what areas of your life do you need to create a reset to focus more on quality?

The Magic Wand of Change

Many years ago, I painfully reflected on some of my choices. My life felt like a graveyard of mistakes, regrets, and missed opportunities. I suspect people around me generally looked at me as a successful person, but I carried a lot of baggage from the past. Looking at my rearview mirror of brokenness, I tried to imagine how much better off I'd be had I just done things differently.

I remember asking myself, "What would I do if I could wave my magic wand and get a do-over?" I obviously didn't have a Delorian, so going back in time wasn't an option (plus it would have been a bummer to destroy the space-time continum.....Doc Brown warned me of such shenanigans).

Since time travel was off the table, I decided to do the next best thing. I took an inventory of my biggest regrets from the past, assessed what I would have done differently, and decided to just do that now.

I deeply regretted my $236,000 of debt and desperately wished I hadn't done that. So we decided to pay it off. It forever changed our lives.

I deeply regretted buying an expensive car with debt. So we decided we would never again buy a car with debt again. It forever changed our lives.

I always wished I could be a podcaster. So I decided to become a podcaster.

I always wanted to live a life where I would wake up every day excited for what was to come. So I decided to leave my prior career and take a 90% pay cut to start over. That was a hard one.....really hard.

We always wanted to live a more walkable, transient life. So we decided to sell our house, rent a tiny townhome in a walkable part of town, and split our time between Iowa and Asia. This was our biggest magic wand decision, but also the biggest bust. As we were buying plane tickets and making housing arrangements for our first 3-month stint in Asia, COVID hit and ruined everything. Oh well, can't win 'em all.

These magic wands are funny. They don't rewrite history, but they do allow us the opportunity to author a different story for our future. It's not free, and it's not easy, but it is worth it. I wish it were as simple as rubbing the lamp and making a wish, but the truth is it takes a lot of fortitude and commitment to see it through. It's brutal....and beautiful.

My challenge to you today, if you're so inclined to accept it, is to ask yourself one simple question: "What would I do if I could wave my magic wand and get a do-over?" Take stock of your answers. Unfortunately, you can't rewrite the past, but you are the author of a story that has yet to be written. What story will you write? Perhaps a change may be in order. Maybe it's time to wave that wand.