Inflation, the Tale of Two Families

Inflation has oddly become a polarizing topic in recent months. To millions of Americans, the weight of it has been heavy, often destructive. The impact of inflation can be felt in nearly every aspect of their lives. It's ever-present, and it feels overwhelming.

Others, however, seemingly roll their eyes at the topic. They acknowledge it exists, but on the whole, believe most people are being overly dramatic about the entire thing. This group sometimes thinks people use inflation as a scapegoat to deflect their poor financial decisions.

I've discussed it on this blog before, but we humans tend to view reality through our personal lens. It's a sample size of one: me. Our own experiences, perspectives, and situations largely inform how we perceive these external forces. Recently, though, I stumbled upon a TikTok video that illustrates this concept so well.

@fmsmith319

Housing and daycare has middle class divided

♬ original sound - Freddie Smith

In short, this man theorizes that the American inflation experience is strongly formed around two variables: 1) When someone bought their house, and 2) The age of their children. Depending on the combination of these two variables, it drastically changes the shape of their financial life. While you/I may disagree with his specific numbers, I believe the concept is true, and his assessment is spot-on.

On the cheaper end of the spectrum are people who purchased their house before 2020 (lower prices and record-low interest rates) and don't have young children requiring childcare. These families have a combined house payment and childcare bill of approximately $1,500/month.

On the most expensive end of the spectrum are people who purchased their house within the last 12-18 months ($4,000/month) and have kids requiring childcare ($2,500/month). Therefore, these families have a combined house payment and childcare bill of approximately $6,500/month.

Comparing these two families, that's a $5,000/month difference....just from two categories. That equates to $60,000/year of spending differential, or closer to $80,000 of gross salary to make up the difference. Again, we can disagree with the specific numbers, but either way, the disparity between these two groups (revolving around just these two categories) is staggering. Also, these two families could live next door to one another. They could live similar and parallel lives, but have completely different financial experiences.

It's no wonder how two people who make similar money can disagree on the topic of inflation. I think this is a great perspective for us all to think about. Some of us live on the cheaper side of this spectrum, and others on the more expensive side.

First, I encourage you not to judge or demean others and their experiences. They are likely doing the best they can, and yes, it probably includes some unwise decisions along the way. Second, I also encourage you not to constantly compare yourself to others. It's so easy to play the woulda, coulda, shoulda game. Unfortunately, we can't hop into a Delorean and make different decisions. We must play the cards we are dealt. So let's play the best hand possible! You got this.

When Moments Are Frozen in Time

One of my favorite parts of the holiday season is ripping through our go-to Christmas movie lineup:

• Elf

• Home Alone

• Home Alone 2

• Christmas Story

• Christmas Vacation

• Rudolph

• Frosty

• Probably a few more I'm forgetting.....

These are movies I've seen dozens of times. When I'm watching them, I find myself obsessing about the tiny little details. Funny little accidents that probably weren't even planned. Some coincidence that happened while filming, and for whatever reason, it ended up in the final cut. 

The scene in Elf when Will Farrell is gallivanting around NYC, engaging with strangers on the street. All of that was ad-libbed with actual strangers in the street. Totally raw, totally unexpected. But now, it's a moment frozen in time. 

Another of my favorites is in Home Alone, when Kevin's mom is in Paris, talking to the Chicago Police Department on the phone. It's a ridiculous scene where the police transfer her back and forth between each other. When the man is talking to her, he's munching on a donut. Mid-conversation, a piece of the donut falls off and lands on his old-school phone receiver. Then, you can hear it plopping on the desk. I don't know why, but that silly little moment is seared into my memory bank.....and it's frozen in time. 

That's a parallel for much of our lives. These little moments in life, while seemingly insignificant, can become seared into someone's memory. It reminds me of a note I received in the mail a few years ago. It was from a young man who wanted to tell his story about becoming debt-free and experiencing a life transformation. In it, he cited a conversation he and I shared in a canoe on a lake in the Boundary Waters as a moment that would become a turning point in his journey. He explained that my advice, encouragement, and confidence in him made a huge difference, ultimately leading him to make some life-altering decisions.

Here's the thing. While I remember sharing an experience with him in the canoe that day, I don't remember that particular conversation. I completely believe it happened, and his retelling sounds like something I would say, but that specific conversation doesn't ring a bell for me. But for him, it meant the world. 

That's the power of moments that are frozen in time. We've all been on both sides of it. Similar to my young friend, I've shared stories with people about how XYZ conversation made a huge impact on my life. A moment that was seared into my memory. Yet, they didn't specifically recall it. 

Remember this. As we're weaving our way in and out of people's presence each day, we never know when a moment will be created that will be frozen in time. We may not even know it's happening, but it is! What a crazy opportunity that gives us! All we need to do is be present, be uplifting, and be genuine. The rest will take care of itself. 

Under the Fold

Yesterday was a wild day. I partnered with our local high school to host three workshops on pursuing meaningful work. The idea stemmed from a talk I recently gave at a local middle school. The concept is simple, but powerful. To find meaningful work in our lives, we need to combine our gifts with our passions in a way that's profitable. I illustrate this by using a Venn diagram. Here's what it looks like:

After the second workshop, a young lady approached me. She thanked me for coming, said she needed to catch her ride, and then handed me a folded sheet of paper. "I took notes while you were talking and have some feedback for you. I included my e-mail address in case you want to talk more about it."

I was instantly overcome by anxiety. I was so shocked by my sudden anxiety that it caused even more anxiety. Wow! This young lady, 25 years my junior, sweetly thanked me for coming and handed me a note, and I'm overcome with anxiety!?!? What the heck is that all about?

After reflecting on it, I think it's a testament to the insane culture we live in. A culture where people constantly crap on each other, hurl insults like they are going out of style, and all news is bad news. Therefore, my immediate gut reaction was that this young lady probably blasted me. I feel immensely guilty for feeling that way, but it's an interesting situation to ponder. It took me about 40 minutes to actually read the note. All the while, it was sitting in front of me while I wondered what it contained under the fold.

So what was in the note? She again thanked me for coming and gave me some constructive feedback about one of my perspectives. I want to share one point she made, which struck me as profound. "Meaning isn't something automatically found in a thing or person. It's added once we give it the attention and work that symbolizes value in our lives."

In other words, meaning isn't inherent. It's not something that either exists....or doesn't. We must create meaning. If we have the wrong attitude, nothing will have meaning. On the flip side, even the most seemingly unmeaningful task can have meaning if we have the right mindset. To sum up her feedback, meaning is created, not found.

I applaud this young lady for a) her courage to share constructive feedback with a complete stranger, b) the humility and tact with which she shared her thoughts, and c) her wisdom and perspective on this weighty topic.

I was nervous to see what was under the fold, but I'm so very grateful for it. It will undoubtedly influence what and how I communicate a few of these topics going forward, and I'll be better for it. Don't be afraid to look under the fold in your life. It's always nerve-wracking and often uncomfortable to receive feedback, but it's always worth it.

When the Seeds Grow

I often think about our responsibility to plant seeds in people. It's an idea I shared about HERE (thanks, Gary!) and HERE (thanks, Laura!), but it's always on my mind. One of the problems with planting seeds is that they don't care much about my desire for instant gratification. When I plant seeds, I want results now! Life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.

Yesterday, I was sitting in a coaching meeting with a new client. The client happened to be two former youth group kids, who have since graduated college, got married, and are now well into their careers. We had a wonderful time, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to walk alongside them in a new way.

In the middle of the conversation, they shared details about a few financial decisions they've made over the years. These decisions have set them up for so much success...I was blown away. Impressed and shocked at how counter-cultural this was, I asked him where he got those ideas. "I got them from you! I learned it in your high school money class."

Wow. Just wow. That was nearly a decade ago. He was just 16 or 17 years old, spending his Sunday afternoons attending a class I annually host for our high school youth group kids. He and I were pretty close then, so I vividly remember our time together. He was very inquisitive and always curious to learn new things. However, like with most teenagers, it was difficult to know how much would actually stick. Planting seeds.

Fast forward a decade, and those seeds have grown so much. It's delayed gratification at its finest. He hasn't been perfect. He's made lots of mistakes. He's made some poor choices along the way. But on the whole, it's beautiful to see how these ideas have taken shape in his life.

We don't always get to see our seeds after they've grown......but sometimes we do! And when we do, it should encourage us that our good work matters. There are days when we want to quit. There are days when we question why we're doing what we're doing. There are days when it seems futile. There are days when it all seems like too much to bear.

But then, in these special little moments, we're honored with the opportunity to see the beauty of those tiny little seeds blossoming into something we could never have imagined.

It's worth it. Please don't forget that. It's always worth it. Keep planting those seeds.

Expensive vs. Priceless

We had a debacle in our house last night. When I arrived home from work, I walked into a disaster. Pax had lost his most treasured possession. You know, that one toy that brings a kid comfort. Most of us had one. It's the toy he always has with him when he's home. THE toy. Well, it was gone. We practically tore the house apart trying to find it. Alas, we did eventually find it.....in the most ridiculous place. His carelessness almost bit him.

The entire situation got me thinking about something. We live in a culture that tells us to covet, protect, and respect the expensive things in our lives. Cars, phones, jewelry, new shoes....the list could go on and on. We must take care of them.....with our life! Why? Because they are expensive. Expensive things must be honored. After all, money is the most important thing, right?

Conversely, there are things in our life that are priceless. Photos, videos, mementos, sentimental items, sensitive documents, etc. These things aren't necessarily worth much money, which is the problem. Since they aren't expensive, we sometimes value them differently. We don't protect and respect these things the same way. We're a bit loose with our handling and care of them. But it's impossible to replace them, no matter the cost.

I don't know about you, but I'd much rather have something expensive stolen, lost, or broken than lose a cheap but priceless item. This almost happened to us last week. We had a scare with Finn's new glasses. For a brief moment, it appeared he had lost them. Replacing them woudl have cost $400-$500. It was frustrating for sure, but I would much rather lose those glasses than lose one of my priceless items.

I frequently hear stories from people about how xyz priceless item was destroyed. Things happen, and sometimes our priceless items are tragically lost. However, I propose that one of the reasons this happens is because we're spending more time protecting and respecting the expensive things in our lives than the priceless things. We simply overlook them, and then lousy luck takes them out.

Pax's situation was a humbling reminder that we need to keep our priorities straight and realize what's most important. I've fallen short in this area at times, and I bet you have, too. One of my next steps is to inventory the priceless things in my life. I suspect there are gaps in how I care for and protect some of these possessions. Once I recognize where some of my deficiencies might be, it's time to correct them. I hope you do the same.

Expensive things can be replaced, for a price. Priceless things can't, no matter the price.

Sunburns vs. Landfills

I ran into a friend at church on Sunday who I hadn't seen in a while. As we were standing next to each other in the coffee line, he noted, "My wife quoted you the other day." Intrigued, I had to hear more. He shared how they were contemplating going on a tropical getaway after the holidays. The trip would cost a nice chunk of change, so it was anything but a no-brainer decision. Ultimately, though, they pulled the trigger. Why? "Meaning over money!" Yes! I love this!

When we buy a car, we have a car. When we buy a phone, we have a phone. When we buy a shirt, we have a shirt. But trips are weird. When we buy a trip, we have nothing. There's literally nothing to show for it. The money is gone, and we are empty-handed upon our return. Some may perceive this as the world's biggest ripoff.

However, let's fast-forward a decade. That car is in a landfill. That phone is in a landfill. That shirt is in a landfill. All our junk is in a landfill. But the trip? We still have nothing, but we have everything. The memories are priceless. The memories will last a lifetime. Nothing can take away our memories. Over time, the stories and photos will be passed down to the next generation. Meanwhile, our junk will be fully decomposed and turned into dust.

In the battle of sunburns vs. landfills, I'll take the sunburns every single time. Yeah, there are probably a few things I'd love to have that will someday be in a landfill, but investing in memories will always take precedence.

Memories over stuff. Sunburns over landfills. Meaning over money. I hope you go on that trip!

The Propaganda of Easy Money

If you ask anyone on the internet (or don't ask), they will tell you about xyz way to make easy money. Everyone has a get-rich-quick scheme to share with us. For a while, it was crypto (until the entire market seized up). For others, it's a pyramid scheme. For many, it's about drop-shipping or re-selling. The real estate bros are my new favorite. On a post that recently went viral, a man is spouting off that everyone should just buy 10 rental properties......then, boom (!!!!), you're filthy rich! Geez, I never realized how easy the money is. Just buy a bunch of properties.......it's like clockwork. Printing money! So easy!

A handful of my young friends spend their time online bragging about all their day-trading wins. "Look at this $2,000 score!" "I made $10,000 last month!" "I just hit a new record high profit from a single trade!" When we see these posts, it's alluring. We think, "If this guy can do it, surely I can, too!!!" Here's the problem: it's not really happening.

Well, let me rephrase. It is, but it isn't. That $10,000 of day-trading wins? He's probably not going to tell people that that number doesn't include the $13,000 of losses he incurred in the same month. Or the tens of thousands of dollars of net losses incurred up to that point. These are true stories, and I see them frequently.

We're also not seeing what's happening behind the curtain of the "just buy real estate" crowd, where most of them are imploding. They buy these properties, assuming it will be easy money, only to find out it's anything but easy. I actually feel a ton of empathy for this crowd. They were sold a half-truth bill of goods, have tightly wound their entire financial world around it, and have no easy way out if/when it blows up in their face.

This is the problem with the propaganda of easy money. We don't want to miss out on amazing opportunities if others are "winning" with them. So we throw our rational brains aside and dive in head-first. It's absolutely crushing people. So many people (especially young men) are falling into this trap.

Sure, we can chalk it up to "boys being boys," but this isn't innocent fun. The consequences can be brutal....and long-lasting. I've had more than a few women reach out to me in the past 18 months, sharing news that their husbands/boyfriends either committed suicide or attempted it. Why? The stress and pain of these get-rich-quick schemes turn into nightmares. It's tragic.

As I'm coming to a close, it's painfully clear that nothing I've written here is the least bit inspiring, motivating, or encouraging. I contemplated scrapping this and starting over, but maybe this is what I'm supposed to publish. Here's my encouragement. It's not too late for people who have been sucked into this toxic culture. Be a positive force in their lives. Model a better, more integrity-filled way. Live by example. They need the truth. Meaning over Money.

Technology Changes Everything

Last night was our annual watching of Home Alone. It's been a yearly tradition since I was nine, and it's only gotten more fun since my kids joined the tradition. We had a blast! 

One of my favorite practices while watching older movies is to assess how the movie would be different if it were to take place in today's era of technology. Some movies wouldn't change much, while others would be completely different. Home Alone fits into the latter category. If this movie happened today, it wouldn't even be a movie. 

First, the parents wouldn't be relying on their plug-in alarm clock. The power outage wouldn't negatively impact them. Instead, their iPhone would have woken them up as planned, they would have systematically and methodically transitioned out of the house, and Kevin would be hanging out at the Eiffel Tower the next day. 

But let's say the power outage prevented their phone from charging, and it died in the middle of the night. Kevin still might have been left alone. However, the phone lines being down likely wouldn't have caused such a major issue. Instead, Mom would have called/FaceTimed Kevin, or literally any other person in their town. Boom, crisis averted. Now, the Wet Bandits still may have burglarized the house in the days to come, but Kevin probably wouldn't have set up his house of horrors to torture those two poor men. 

Try this game next time you watch an old movie. It's so much fun! How would the move be different if it were made in today's technological era? For many movies, it literally reshapes (or ruins) the entire plot. 

• Honey, I Shrunk the Kids: The teens would have been carrying cell phones in their pockets when the shrinking happened. Within a few minutes, they would have called/texted their parents to coordinate logistics. 

• Momento: Instead of relying on tattoos and Polaroid photos with writing on the back, he would have just jotted thoughts in his Notes app. 

• Psycho: Instead of checking into Bates Motel, a quick search of Google reviews would have been a decisive indicator that perhaps other arrangements should be made. 

Technology changes everything. We can yearn for the good old days, wish it didn't exist, or simply call it evil. But it's not going away. It's here to stay, and it's advancing quicker than ever. Each of us can choose whether we use it for good or evil. We also get to decide whether to take advantage of it, or simply disregard it. 

This blog is a perfect example. For very little cost, today's technology allows me to instantly distribute my ideas to thousands of people worldwide. On the flip side, today's technology allows thousands of people to easily access our content for zero cost. The e-mail automatically appears in their inbox, or the webpage is just a click away. What a world we live in!!

What technology can you use to magnify your impact? Take advantage of it! Be a positive force!

The Journey, Not the Destination

I returned home last night after being on the road for 16 of the last 17: KC to Houston to Minneapolis to Midland. I'm beat! It's been a great couple of weeks, but I'm ready to be home for the holidays.

As I've been traveling these past few weeks, combined with the reflection that naturally comes with the Thanksgiving holiday, I can't help but think about how weird this journey called life can be. It's full of twists and turns, ups and downs, with countless roadblocks and pleasant surprises along the way. When we're young, we're naive enough to think we're in control of the journey. We plan our steps and hilariously (in hindsight) believe it will go just as we anticipate.

Truth is, the journey is messy. It can be a struggle filled with pain, suffering, waiting, and frustration. If there's one thing for sure, our journey will go nothing like we originally anticipated. In some ways, this is sad. After all, our dreams are huge and important. But herein lies the beauty of life. All the stumbling blocks, detours, and pain are what make this journey rich.

None of the work, mission, or fun I participated in these last 17 days was even a thought in my head just five years ago. Heck, most of this didn't exist just one year ago. That's the beauty of the journey.

Just like a long road trip in the car, we must have a target destination in mind. That shows us the direction we should be driving. However, what happens between the origin and the destination makes the trip. It's about the journey, not the destination. When cruising down the highway, we might see something off in the horizon that looks interesting. So we decide to explore. Maybe it's cool, and maybe it sucks....but we don't know until we check it out. But regardless of the outcome, it likely adds to the experience. Then, as we get back on the road, Google Maps helps us reorient and continue toward our intended destination. We can always program a new intended destination, but until we do, we'll continue to journey in our planned direction, enjoying the little detours along the way.

I promise you I'm not making good time on the road trip of life, but these detours and side missions sure add a richness to the experience. It would be easy to lament not getting to my destination quicker. If that were my measuring stick, I suppose you could call me a massive failure. Yes, the destination is important, but it just may be the least important piece to all of this. It's about the journey, not the destination.

I hope you have an awesome journey today!

The Secret Superpower of Women

Let me set the stage for you. I was recently in a leadership-level meeting with one of my clients. Maybe eight people were around the table, and we were discussing various aspects of the business. We found ourselves debating a financial principle, and there was some disagreement around the room.

As I was whiteboarding the idea to visualize it, someone mentioned how I was attempting to prove that I was right. I responded, "I'm not in the business of being right, but getting it right." I'm telling this story because of what he said next: "Everyone wants to be right. We all have pride."

He's not wrong, which is the problem. So many of us are in the business of being right, which comes at the expense of getting it right. 15 years ago, I probably would have fallen into this trap. I wanted to be right....badly. But I quickly learned my desire to be right hurt myself and everyone else involved. We can be right if we wish to, but it often means we're getting it wrong.

Luckily, I've been able to drastically shift gears and priorities. I don't often care about being right. I desperately want to get it right. I still have strong opinions, but I try to hold them loosely. This is one of the benefits of pursuing discomfort and failure. If we venture into scary waters, we're bound to find ourselves in positions where we don't necessarily know the answers. That's when we have an opportunity to shift our perspective and focus on the getting it right part.

This concept reminds me of one of our podcast episodes, published more than two years ago. The episode's focus was my case for why women are better at money than men. I believed it then, and that conviction has only grown since. I encourage you to listen to it by clicking the link above, but in case you don't, I'll summarize.

Men have two major flaws when it comes to money. First, they often use money as a scorecard....a measuring stick.....a trophy. The more money they have (or the outward perception of having more), the more successful they are on the measuring stick of success. This leads men down some interesting roads, such as risky investments, flashy toys, and other publicly visible signals that they are winning. The second reason is simple: pride. Men are typically in the business of being right. There have been multiple instances of men who hire me, tell me I'm wrong, then decide to keep doing it the way they've always done it (despite those habits and corresponding results being what led them to hire me in the first place). They are in the business of being right. Us men greatly suffer from this affliction

Women, on the other hand, are generally in the business of getting it right. There's no pride. They know what they want, desire to learn how to get it, then execute. No show, just results. It's so refreshing. I want to be more like that!

Don't be right. Get it right.

Cultural Narratives: College Edition

In yesterday's post, I discussed the importance of seeing through false cultural narratives. I framed the post through the lens of common misunderstandings around the stock market. However, I listed a handful of other cultural narratives wreaking havoc on our society. One raised more than a few eyebrows: "It's impossible to attend college without student loans."

Oh, this is a good one! And by good, I mean toxic and destructive. In my work, student loan debt is one of the top factors ripping people's lives apart. It's not uncommon to see $40,000-$100,000 of student loan debt......per person! I have a lot of empathy for people in these situations, for a few reasons:

• Student loans are the only debt that's non-bankruptable. The only way out is to die. That doesn't feel like "good" debt to me. 

• Student loans are torching people's ability to live a meaningful life. Instead of pursuing work that matters, people must pursue work that pays the inflated bills.

• It's not their fault! It's easy to blame people for their student loan debt, but they were only 17 or 18 when these decisions were made. They likely didn't understand the future consequences and implications. In most cases, the blame primarily lies on the parents. Parents don't trust their teens to stay at home alone for the weekend, but the very next day, they trust their kids to freely make a life-altering decision that will implode their financial life for decades.

Kids deserve better. My kids deserve better, and your kids deserve better! Luckily, better is available. Yes, college is expensive. There's no way around that. The cultural narrative is that the only way to go to college is via student loans. It's a lie! I'll explain why. First, it's essential to break things down so we can look at them from a different perspective. 

In-state public universities in my state cost approximately $24,000/year. Some states are more, and some are less. I'm using public, in-state as my example, as it's a common and accessible option. We can make other choices, such as community college, trade school, out-of-state universities, and private colleges, but all choices have consequences (good and bad). 

That's a lot of money, for sure. But we aren't going to pay $24,000/year. Most schools have an array of in-house scholarships to offer. In my state, most students will end up paying +/- 80% of sticker price, or $19,200ish. 

That's still a lot of money. Let's break it down further. This equates to $1,600/month over 12 months. Ok, now we're getting somewhere. That's a lot, but attainable. Once we know this number, we have an array of options to pay for it:

• Savings

• College fund

• Parents' monthly budget

• Student work

• Other scholarships

• And several other options. 

We don't need them all.....we just need some combination of them to total $1,600/month. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's 100% attainable for most families. And countless kids/families are doing it!

Methodically and intentionally piece together $1,600/month, or suffer for decades? The narrative pushes us to the latter, but we have the power to change the narrative.

The Deceit of Cultural Narratives

A friend recently reached out to ask a few financial questions. During the conversation, he made a comment that stopped me in my tracks: "It's surprising that you're such a big advocate for the stock market when it's doing so poorly." I didn't quite understand where he was going with this thought, so I asked him to explain. He shared that the stock market has been beaten up badly, and it's "only getting worse." He went on to draw into question the practicality of investing in the stock market, and stressed the notion of "too much risk." 

While it's true the stock market dropped by approximately 20% in 2022 (which I would indeed classify as "beaten up"), he doesn't see the whole picture. It's a truth, but a half-truth. Er, a quarter-truth. Please allow me to fill in a few gaps:

• In the first 11 months of 2023, the stock market (S&P 500) is up approximately 19% (not including dividends).

• Over the past five years (including the 20% fall in 2022 and a 32% tanking in early 2020), the stock market has increased by more than 11% per year. 

• The stock market only needs to increase by 4.3% from today's value to hit an all-time 153-year high. 

• Over those 153 years, the market has increased by an average of just over 9% (including the reinvestment of dividends). The average is 11% per year for the past 40 years. 

If all that isn't crazy enough, here's one more fun fact that may blow your mind. The WORST (yes, worst!) the stock market has done over a 30-year period is go up by 4.4x. Crazy, eh? The worst possible outcome during any 30-year window in US stock market history is quadrupling your money (plus a little more). Considering you can't even legally touch your retirement funds (without penalties/taxes) until age 59.5, if you're under the age of 30, you have at least 30 years before you'll even think about withdrawing those funds anyway. Context matters. 

Ok, investment rant over. Here's the bigger takeaway. My friend is the victim of what many of us fall prey to. We're sucked into cultural narratives that feed us enough half-truths until it becomes THE truth. Investing is a big one, but far from the only one. Here are a few others that I frequently see:

• It's impossible to attend college without student loans.

• Buying a house is always a smart financial decision. 

• You need to use a credit card. 

• Groceries must cost your family $1,000+ per month.

• We need to seek out the job with the highest possible income. 

• Having a car payment is inevitable. 

• ____________ (insert yours here).

All of these are cultural narratives woven into the fabric of our society. Also, they are deceitful at best, and destructive at worst. If we just believe the narrative at face value, we concede it is our reality. Then, we casually float downstream toward an impaired reality. 

Always question the narrative. Challenge the narrative. Seek the truth.

“I Don’t Have That Kind of Cash”

As I was navigating the Minneapolis airport last week, I found myself sharing an elevator with a young man on a business trip. Out of the blue, he lets out a string of expletives. Seeing he was upset, I asked him if everything was alright. He explained to me that his hotel reservation for that evening never got finalized. He blamed it on his company's travel system, but in any event, it was 8PM and he didn't have a hotel room. I spent a few minutes brainstorming ideas with him. One of my suggestions (given the late hour) was to personally buy a room and subsequently expense it through his company. After all, they whiffed on him, resulting in an employee without a place to sleep. 

He contemplated this idea briefly, then responded, "That could work, but rooms are like $150. I don't have that kind of cash in my account." Here he was, stranded in an unfamiliar city on a Friday evening without a place to stay, and the only thing standing in the way of a temporary solution was $150……and he didn't have it! I felt so bad for this young man.

As a society, we like to minimize the struggle of others. With our good jobs, big houses, and nice cars, we hear people talk about struggle, and we think to ourselves, "Things aren't that bad." The weather always looks good at the top of a mountain while we watch the rain clouds below us drench the people at the bottom. It's not to say that most people are unsympathetic. I don't believe that to be true. For most, they simply don't know what they don't know. They have a sample size of one: their own experience. Those are the lenses by which they view the world. As such, it's hard for people to recognize what's happening out there.

People are struggling for many different reasons:

• Poor past financial decisions

• Lack of financial literacy

• Inflation

• Layoffs

• Bad luck

• Health issues

• Lack of intentionality

• Lack of discipline

• Debt

• Broken marriages

• Lack of education

• Followed crappy advice

This list goes on and on. Some of these reasons are preventable, and some aren't. But regardless of whose fault it is, their reality is still their reality. I think we have two choices for these people in our lives: 1) We can demean them and treat them as though they deserve whatever they are going through, or 2) We can show empathy, provide a hand-up (not a hand-out!), and walk alongside them. The first causes shame, while the second creates impact.

Please keep your eyes open for struggling people. They are all around us, and based on everything that's going on, it will probably get more challenging in the coming months. Let's show them grace, generosity, and love (with honesty). We can't necessarily prevent them from experiencing tension and pain this time, but we can play a role in helping them survive and build a better foundation for next time.

Fear is a Thief

Fear is a thief. It sneaks in when we're not looking, attacks us from the inside out, and robs us of opportunity.

18 months ago, my family took a trip to Mall of America, in part, to hang out at their indoor amusement park. It was a wonderful time. We went on a ton of rides, enjoyed too much food, and made awesome memories. The kids were oddly brave, though. Finn was game for any ride he could access, and Pax only made a few exceptions. We made a return trip there this weekend. Given how amazing the first experience was with a couple five-and-a-half-year-olds, I assumed it would be even better with 7-year-olds. Boy, I was wrong! Finn was a bit more hesitant, but Pax had zero desire to try any decent ride. Fear had taken hold of him, and it all but crippled his ability to enjoy the park. It was so frustrating! Fear robbed him of his fun weekend of rides.

About an hour before leaving for home, Pax decided to give the main rollercoaster a shot…….and he loved it! He wanted to go again and again, but time had simply run out. It was too late. He was proud that he overcame the fear, but was frustrated about the trip being over. Without even knowing it, fear snuck into him and got him all twisted up. This happens to us, too. Most of us are struck by fear most days. What we do with it, however, is what matters. If we let the fear take over, it wins. We'll cower, stop in our tracks, and/or retreat. If we refuse to let fear win, it doesn't mean the fear will necessarily go away. Instead, we persevere through the fear, doing what must be done. I once heard someone define courage like this: "Courage isn't the lack of fear, but action in the face of fear." We have two choices: let the fear win, or keep moving forward.

In a country with unprecedented freedoms where 70% of people dislike or hate their jobs, it can be a real head-scratcher. Whenever I spend time with someone who hates their job, I ask lots of questions. "What makes you stay at a job you hate?" That's my favorite. This question gets to the heart of what's really going on. There's always a reason, but is it a rational reason? Is it a fixable reason? Is it a conscious reason? You know what the #1 reason people give me is? Fear. Fear of change. Fear of failure. Fear of the unknown.

Fear will rob us of what matters most……if we let us. I can't even begin to describe the amount of fear I felt at the prospect of leaving my career and taking a 90% pay cut when I had two 3-year-olds and a wife who stayed home. It almost crippled me…..almost. It's still scary (Every. Single. Day.), but so worth it!

Don't let fear steal your calling.

The Gift of Struggle

It's been a whirlwind of a week. After spending four days in KC for a long Thanksgiving weekend, I was home for one day before jaunting off to Houston for the week. On Friday night, I flew to Minneapolis to meet Sarah and the boys at a hotel adjacent to Mall of America. I spent Friday night (swimming) and Saturday morning (indoor amusement park) with the family before emceeing a banquet later in the day. It was for Coldwater Foundation, a Christian wilderness ministry aimed at helping teens and college students (as well as groups of adults) grow in their leadership and faith by using the ruggedness and beauty of the Boundary Waters as the classroom. It's an organization that's been deeply personal to my life since experiencing it first-hand in 2015. since then, it's been a constant in my life, and I've been honored to serve on the board of directors for the past three years. The event was beautiful, the people were wonderful, and it was fun to celebrate all that Coldwater has, is, and will be doing.

One of the speakers was a mom who has sent multiple kids through Coldwater programs. She was giving a testimonial about Coldwater's impact on her family's life. In it, she made a profound and powerful statement. While discussing the immense challenge the Boundary Waters can provide, she explained how, in these moments of profound struggle, "our needs are simplified and magnified." Having been into the wilderness many times, her words cut right through me. So, so true. When the rain rolls in, we need a tarp to protect us from the elements. Very simple and very important. When we pull into camp after a long day of paddling, we need dry shoes/socks and a fire. Very simple and very important. When we get disoriented with the geography, we need a map and compass. Very simple and very important.

Let's contrast the wilderness with our daily lives. We generally live in comfort. A roof over our heads (with heat and A/C), food readily available, dry clothes in our closet, and convenient transportation. With comfort comes new "needs."

I "need" a new car.

I "need" a vacation.

I "need" the newest iPhone.

I "need" another pair of shoes.

When we bask in the comfort of our modern lives, we lose sight of what it means to truly need. Comfort breeds discontentment. Comfort leads us to take things for granted.

In the wilderness, I'm beyond grateful for any food. At home, I take for granted my pantry.

In the wilderness, a fire brings me life and great joy. At home, I take it for granted that I can set my environment to any temperature with the push of a button.

In the wilderness, I consider myself fortunate to have one extra set of dry clothes on me. At home, I take for granted an entire closet of clothes.

Embrace discomfort. Be grateful for struggle. It can be a gift.

As Much as We Bargained For

Picture this. I’m standing at the gate, waiting to scan my boarding pass and walk onto the plane. As I was about to scan my phone’s QR code, a man hurriedly walked around me and onto the jet bridge. The gate employee, equally confused as she was concerned, shouted at the man to stop. Annoyed, he retraced his steps to the gate, handed his boarding pass to the employee, and exclaimed, “I paid $1,500 for this motherf’ing ticket. I’m not waiting in line.” Without even taking his ticket back, he started toward the jet bridge. She again shouted at him to come back to gate-check his roller bag (since they had run out of overhead space on the plane). He ignored her command and scurried onto the aircraft with his bag in hand. When we got onto the plane, he discovered (shockingly!) that there were no spots for his bag. He was resourceful, though. His solution was to remove someone else’s bag and put his in their bag’s spot, randomly discarding the other person’s bag in the aisle. As you can imagine, this didn’t go over well. He was surprisingly allowed to stay on the flight, but I navigated my way back to my toilet-adjacent seat, where I’d luckily never have to see him again.

As I reflect on this man and his antics, I can’t help but think about how sometimes in life, we unreasonably expect more than we bargained for. Sporting events are a great example. Fans often act as though their ticket purchase includes the right to demean, berate, and abuse the referees, coaches, and players. We buy one thing and expect it to come with other fringe benefits. Like this airline passenger who believed his $1,500 ticket price earned him the right to board the flight whenever and however he wanted (with a side bonus of disrespecting everyone he encountered along the way).

I often think about this idea when buying products or services. Not the whole being a completely disrespectful jerk part, but the idea that I’m only getting what I’m getting. I try to think through what this product will and will not give me. Buying those Air Jordan’s may make me look cool, but they won’t make me jump higher. That fancy car may be a more comfy and satisfying ride than my aging Nissan Altima, but it won’t actually make me more important. The new iPhone will give me some added features (and perhaps run a bit smoother), but it won’t inherently make my life better.

There’s nothing wrong with any of these things, but we need to be honest with ourselves about what we’re getting…..and what we’re not. If we take a moment to sincerely think about it, we’ll likely make different decisions. This sounds silly and ridiculous to even point out (call me Captain Obvious), but we’ve all fallen for this trap.

Anyway, I hope you all have a better weekend than that airline passenger! Make the most of it!

Stories Matter

"I can't believe you said that publicly." Those were the words of a trusted friend who listened to a recent podcast episode. He felt I shared too much, and it portrayed me as "weak." I completely understand where he's coming from, and frankly, it would be easier to share fewer stories about my life and focus primarily on things that make me look good. On the flip side, stories matter. Stories move needles. Stories create impact. Stories build trust. Stories create connection. Stories are everything!

Just a few nights ago, I met someone for the very first time. Over dinner, he shared some amazing stories from his journey (some amazingly good and some amazingly bad). Not only did he share them, but he shared them with complete strangers. The result? Connections were made. His stories also moved the needle with me. There's no doubt he created an impact on me.....and perhaps a few others as well. Stories matter.

There are multiple instances each week when I question whether or not I should share a particular story on the podcast, blog, or someone I'm meeting. After all, once something is said in a public forum, it's there forever. Do I really want that? I do. I really do! Not only do these stories have the potential to make a difference, but it's the slow and methodical building of a digital time capsule that my kids will someday unearth.

Speaking of, I was recently on two podcasts you might be interested in. The first was an interview I did on Ryan Snaadt's new podcast. He's a friend, former client, and extremely interesting guy. He took me down some unexpected roads during our time together, and I said things I'd never said publicly before. His show is called Rhymes with Odd, and you can find my episode by clicking either of the following links: APPLE & SPOTIFY).

The second is a recent episode of It's Never About Money, an Australian-based podcast hosted by Joe Stephan. If that name rings a bell, I've mentioned him before. I was on Joe's podcast in June. We had so much fun that I invited him onto our podcast in October to continue that conversation. Given how well-aligned we are regarding this meaning over money idea (plus the conversation was fantastic), he asked if he could republish our episode as the season premier of his podcast. You can find it by clicking this link: APPLE.

I understand how hard it can be to share stories - especially the difficult ones - with others. It's scary being vulnerable. It's nerve-wracking to put something into the world without knowing how it will be received. I promise some will receive it poorly. Don't focus on them, though. Focus on the people who will be moved or inspired by what you have to offer. You have something to share! Please share it. Stories matter.

Meaning in the Sky

You know what really hinders our ability to live a meaningful life? Crappy airplane travel experiences! Nothing will suck the life out of a vacation or business trip like painful travel days. While we can’t do anything about flight delays, ticket prices, TSA, or airport traffic, we, the people, control much of our own fate. We’re our own and each other’s worst enemies. While that feels grim, there’s hope! If we band together, we have the power to bend the culture of flying. So, with that glorious introduction, here are my passionate and not-so-definitive rules for air travel:

1. Never check a bag…..ever. Carry-ons only. Travel is so much easier, smoother, and better when we pack light.

2. When sitting at a crowded gate, your bags don’t need their own seats. Seats are for butts, and bags don’t have butts. 

3. When boarding the plane, don’t continually make contact with the person in front of you. Give them space. Tailgating won’t get you to your seat faster. 

4. If you’re going to negotiate (or beg) for someone to switch seats with you so you can sit with your friend, you must offer the other party the better outcome. You can’t jam someone into the middle seat while you take their aisle seat.

5. If you have two bags, put at least one under your seat. Don’t rob someone else of overhead compartment space because you want a little extra leg room.

6. If you’ve been talking to your seat neighbor and they haven’t said more than “uh huh” or “yeah” in the last five minutes, their heart isn’t in it. Give them space.

7. Never recline your seat. There’s never a good reason to cramp the person behind you. Just because you can, it doesn’t mean you should. 

8. If you’re going to play music or watch a movie, use headphones. I can’t even believe this has to be stated. 

9. Don’t treat your flight attendants like trash. They are putting in long days and busting their butts to serve us. They deserve to be treated with dignity. 

10. When moving about the cabin, never grab seatbacks. When we do, we’re literally tugging on someone’s head. 

11. When the plane lands, don’t get up and move forward. You can stand (if you must), but honor the code of waiting until it’s your row’s turn to dismiss.

12. After stepping off the plane onto the jetbridge, never stop walking to adjust your bag or wait for your travel companion. It’s disrespectful at best, dangerous at worst. 

13. If you’re going to use the folding tray table, don’t let it slam. It annoys the people around you, and the person in front of you can feel it in their soul. 

14. The armrests belong to the person in the middle seat. Their life is miserable enough, so let’s not rob them of the little dignity and comfort they have remaining. 

There you have it! 15 steps to a more meaningful (travel) life! Hope you enjoyed this completely random rant. Happy travels!

Investing In Wants

The personal finance space is filled with gurus, influencers, and professionals who demonize spending on wants. "You don't need it!" "Do something more responsible!" "Stop spending!" Everything is looked at through the lens of need (good) and want (bad). Need = spend. Want = don't spend. Need = responsible. Want = waste. I think we need to stop thinking in terms of needs and wants, and start categorizing as valuable and not valuable. I know lots of wants that are valuable to people, and lots of "needs" that don't add much value at all. That expensive car, for example. For most people, that newer car (and its $700 monthly payment) doesn't actually add much value to their life. But spending $75 on a massage or getting their nails done adds a ton of value.

I've openly discussed several of my want spending habits and how much value they add to my life. I have a new one to add to the mix. I often (unfortunately) find myself taking a lot of 5AM flights on Monday mornings. I'll help you with the math….. that's a 3AM wake-up! It's terrible. We'll call it the cost of living in a smaller city with limited direct flights. But wow, those mornings are rough! I get packed the night before, sleep like crap for four hours, wake up exhausted, drive 30 minutes to their airport parking facility, and take a shuttle to the airport. Here's my new want. When I have those excruciatingly early flights, I'll book a room at a hotel across the street from the airport for the night before. Doing so forces me to pack earlier, encourages me to go to bed sooner (limited distractions), removes the 30-minute drive the next morning, and creates a much simpler (and more predictable) travel process. It's the best $65 I'll spend all month. Is it a need? No. Is it valuable? Ab-so-freaking-lutely. It's been a real game-changer for me. My trips start off cleaner, I have more energy, and I can be more productive those first few days.

Invest in wants. Not just any wants, though. Invest in wants that add value to your life. YOUR life. Some of you will read this post and suggest I'm practically setting $65 on fire. After all, I have a perfectly good bed to sleep in for free. It's not what you would do….and that's ok! There's a want in your life that you should absolutely invest in that would be a complete waste of my resources. That's what makes this money stuff so fun. It's deeply personal and unique to each of our own journeys.

As you go about your day, ask yourself what wants in your life would be a worthwhile investment. Not because it's a "need," but because it's a want worth spending on. Then, here's the fun part. Spend the money. Make the investment. Enjoy!

Every Meal Matters

My family recently had the most wonderful dining experience. The food was enjoyable, we had great conversations, our waitress was sweet, the kids had fun, and most importantly, we created some fun memories. It was one of my favorite dining experiences ever. Pretty impressive for $50, eh? Oh yeah, and it was at Perkins. I don't have any photos of the food or profound insights to share about the culinary delights, but I do have this little gem.

To understand why this meal was so special, I should offer up some context. It was a Sunday night, and I was preparing to leave town for the week. The kids were noticeably sad about the prospect of me leaving. We spent the day playing X-Box, watching Elf, and doing chores around the house. But as the hour neared for Sarah and the boys to drop me off at the airport, the kids' spirits diminished. While finishing my packing, Sarah suggested we stop for dinner on the way to the airport. After a quick Google search, she suggested we hit up Perkins, which was right next to the airport. That's the origin story of our amazing dining experience. 

A few things about this meal were different:

• The kids got along remarkably well (which is a departure from their normal twin brother antagonizing).

• They both sat in their seats like actual sane humans (this is a new and exciting twist).

• They excitedly read the menu for the first time ever (those new reading skills are starting to come in handy!).

• We enjoyed fun conversations about the weekend, the upcoming week, and other various 7-year-old topics.

• The kids were excited about their food selections, and eagerly shared theirs with the family.

• Everyone at the table knew I was leaving, so it felt like we were all trying to soak it in. 

This meal was absolutely nothing special, yet it created a seared-in memory for me. We don't need to drop hundreds of dollars to have a good meal. The restaurant doesn't need to have Michelin stars attached to its name to offer a high-quality experience (though I'd take some Michelin-starred dining right now!). The food doesn't have to be fancy or exotic to check the right boxes. Rather, it's the memories and shared experiences. I'm going to think about that meal for a long time. That brioche French toast wasn't necessarily life-changing, but I'll be craving that taste for a long, long time. 

The goodbye hugs were extra long that night. Pax, with a face covered in pancakes, added a few extra firm man pats to his hug. In Finny fashion, Finn threw out a random science fact as I shut the door. All seemed right with the world. 

There are so many lessons to glean from this story. I'll let you take from it what you will. Here's my parting thought: don't waste meals. We only have so many before we die, so make each one count.