The Ratchet of Guilt-Driven Giving

On a recent road trip, I pulled off the interstate to grab a coffee at a convenience store. I selected my beans, chose a size, slid my cup under the spout, and then ushered my beverage up to the cash register to pay. The cashier rang me up, then asked if that was all. After confirming, she asked, "Would you like to round up your purchase to help xyz organization?"

"No thanks."

"It's only $0.73."

"No thanks. I'm good."

"Ok, your total after not rounding up for xyz is $2.27."

What?!?! I'd never had that happen before, but it immediately made me think about this classic scene from South Park.

Guilt is such a powerful tool. It manipulates our emotions, which alters our decision-making process. My favorite part of the scene is when Randy lets guilt get the best of him, relents, and then gets guilted 10x harder. That's the thing about guilt. It's a ratchet that only turns in one direction. Once we submit to guilt, it only goes one way.

I'm sure xyz organization the convenience store advocates for is a wonderful organization doing wonderful work. But it's not where my heart or focus is. Would it be a big deal to round up to the nearest dollar to support this organization? No, of course not. It wouldn't move the needle in my financial life. However, if I'm going to bend to the guilt this time, what about next time? Or the time after that? What about a different context of my day-to-day life? What if, what if, what if. If I let guilt start overtaking my decisions, it will rob me of my intentional focus on the organizations I've hand-selected to support. And those giving decisions weren't made on impulse, like a rushed cash register transaction. They were intentionally thought out and meaningfully executed. The motives behind my giving are pure, honest, and genuine. There's no guilt, coercion, or mind games. It's just one family using the resources they're blessed with to serve others. That's how it should be.

This is where many people get tripped up in their giving. They get pressured, solicited, and/or guilted about so many different giving opportunities that it can take something powerful and special, and turn it into a negative experience to avoid. It can cause us to simply shut down. Or worse, fall into the guilt trap where our giving feels empty and soulless.

There's good news, though! You can reclaim your giving. You can reset the guilt. You can wipe the slate clean. Every month is a new opportunity to get intentional, clear, focused, and radical in our giving. It's never too late to start, and there's no better time than now!

“Support” vs. Service

Small Business Saturday is one of my least favorite days of year. No, not because I dislike small businesses. Quite the opposite, actually. I have a few small businesses myself. What I dislike about it is the pandering, guilt-tripping, and manipulation that comes with it. 

• "Please support us." 

• "Go support xyz business." 

• "abc needs our support."

• "Support small business.....by giving me money." 

As I've discussed multiple times on this blog, I can't stand the term "support" when it comes to business. Businesses don't exist for us to "support" them. Businesses exist to serve their customers. If they do it well, they earn the right to do it again. It's cause and effect. If they serve well, they get to do it again. If they don't, they lose that right. 

I recently saw a Facebook post on a local restaurant review group. It was about a local business that desperately needs our "support." The post's tone was that because of us terrible citizens, this unfortunate business won't be able to stay open for much longer. In other words, they would survive if we just gave them more money. Problem: Nowhere did anyone mention the restaurant's responsibility to earn the right to serve its customers. 

I've been to this restaurant several times. None of the experiences were great, and one was quite poor. The employees treat customers with indifference, the food is average at best, and the prices are ridiculously high. Comments on the post were quick to point out that the restaurant is located in a high-rent part of town, negating their responsibility to offer prices commensurate with their product. Comments included themes such as:

• People need to stop spending money at national chains.

• People need to keep their money in our town.

• People need to increase their dining out spending.

• People need to spend their dollars at businesses that are owned by "good people." 

Small businesses, you deserve better than to receive people's guilt-driven "support." Yes, it's difficult. Yes, it can be a brutal endeavor. Yes, there are days you'll feel like throwing in the towel. But there's nothing better than serving someone well, earning the right to serve them again, and maybe (just maybe), earning the right to serve more people. It's capitalism at its finest. It's the foundation on which nearly every successful business (large and small) has built itself. 

As I wrap this up, I thought I'd reflect on some of my recent small business wins: 

• I'm buying 1/4 of a beef from a local meat market in the next few days. I've purchased a few items from them over the past year, and they've earned the right to serve our family even more. 

• I just returned from a local bookstore with too many buys. They continue to re-earn the right to serve me.

• I just signed my kids up for drum and guitar lessons after a local business impressed us (i.e. earned the right) with their introductory lessons.

Small businesses, you're awesome! So go be awesome!

Well, What'd I Miss?

Confession: I'm not a Black Friday'er. I'm not against people that are, but I'm just not. And it's not because I don't have any interest. In fact, it's the opposite. Deep down, I can feel a deep interest in all the things that comprise Black Friday. The deals, the hunt, the fun new shiny objects to discover. Truth is, there was a season in my life where I could quickly spiral into the whole Black Friday chaos. Today, though, it's different.

I realized how amped up I could get about those sorts of consumeristic days, so I decided to step away from it. It's not that I'll get out of control or overspend, but rather because it takes my attention away from the things that matter most. Instead of looking at deals and trying to score fun goods, I was playing with my kids and nieces all day. We even went to see the new Trolls movie. All in all, it was a fun and relaxing day.....much more so than had I decided to participate in Black Friday.

As I mentioned earlier, I don't think getting into Black Friday is wrong. What concerns me is when people get so engrained in the consumeristic aspect of the holidays that they miss the entire point of the season. Their kids may have the newest toys, but they miss out on valuable time enjoying the holidays together. They get so consumed in ensuring every aspect of the holiday is perfectly presented and curated that they don't have time to enjoy the people they are hosting.

If your kids are like mine, their Christmas list is a mile long. Sure, they will be excited when they receive that extra special gift they've been wanting so badly. But just remember, that euphoric feeling is fleeting. Soon, it will be just another toy in their room. That shiny new object will be in a landfill within a handful of years. The memories you create with them, on the other hand, will last a lifetime. Go heavy on memories. Memories will never let you down. While you're at it, go easy on yourself about the gifts. They matter, but they don't. Please don't put too much pressure on yourself to spend, spend, and spend.

I'm sure I missed something on Black Friday, but what I got in return was pretty sweet. I hope your holiday season is full of memories, togetherness, and joy.

Hold Onto Your Traditions....Loosely

All week, I've been excited to watch Planes, Trains, & Automobiles, the best Thanksgiving movie ever created. Watching it on Thanksgiving night is one of my favorite traditions! As such, I became progressively more excited as Thanksgiving night neared. But then, in a sick twist, my sister-in-law disgustingly suggested we watch a different movie. But never fear, Travis, it's "kinda like Planes, Trains, & Automobiles." It wasn't. Not even close. With the snap of her fingers, my dream died. If you've never seen the greatest Thanksgiving movie ever created, here's a little taste of what you (and now I) missed.

Needless to say, I was bummed. After all, it's a tradition! Despite having my little dream crushed, it was a great Thanksgiving day. Lots of food (thanks to my sister-in-law’s ridiculous abilities), lots of backyard football (with limited injuries), lots of live sports on TV (go Cyclones!), and lots of fun. But no John Candy causing mass chaos while simultaneously melting our hearts.

Traditions add a richness to our life. They take otherwise regular days and events, and turn them into something special. I'm a tradition guy. Sometimes, after doing something just once, I'll declare it a tradition. Whoa, this pizza place is great! It's our new family tradition to come here!

But just as important as traditions are, we can't rigidly live our lives in a way that we're enslaved to them. Our traditions serve us, not the other way around. Sometimes, we need to be flexible with our traditions. Other times, we need to let an old tradition fade away. When we do, it doesn't demean the tradition. It doesn't cheapen what the tradition means (or meant) to us.

This was a hard lesson for me. I found myself mourning the loss of some traditions, and the whiffing of others. It turned something that was supposed to add richness to my life, and morphed it into a negative.

Yeah, I'm bummed we missed out on one of my favorite Thanksgiving traditions last night, but it didn't hinder my day. I cherish this tradition, but I also hold it loosely. You best believe I'll be excited to try again next year, though! In the meantime, our family may have a few new traditions to add to the mix.

Enjoy those traditions, but hold onto them loosely.

The Prerequisite of Gratitude

I don't have everything I want.....and that's a good thing! In order to be grateful for what we do have, there must be things we don't have. The lack of something is the prerequisite of gratitude. If we have anything and everything we want, it's impossible to feel genuine gratitude. This is why people with seemingly unlimited resources often seem so discontent.

Today, as I reflect on the things I'm thankful for, I'll be grateful that I don't (and can't) have everything I want. Do I still want some of these things? Absolutely! Will I be excited if I ever get them? 100%! But until I do, or if I don't, it won't make me any less grateful for all the wonderful blessings in my life. I cherish each and every one of them.

As you stuff yourself with yummy food, watch sports, play in the backyard, or dive into whatever traditions your family engages in, take a moment to reflect on the beauty of not having all that you want. It's the prerequisite of gratitude.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

".....Then What Was It All For?"

I had a brief but impactful conversation with a client today. He and his wife are considering making a questionable financial decision. They have been intentional about living a debt-free life, and as a result, they live a truly remarkable life. Sacrifice after sacrifice, they've chosen the road less traveled. They could easily have a bigger house, better vehicles, fancier trips, and an overall bougier lifestyle. However, they elected to stay disciplined.

As luck would have it, a piece of land recently went on sale. Not just any land, but a property adjacent to their family's land. This parcel is a bucket list piece of real estate for them. The kind of property they envision someday building a house and eventually passing down to their children.

There's a catch. They can't afford to wave their magic wand and write a check for the whole property. Ideally, they could in due time, but the sellers of this particular property aren't going to wait around for them. It's now or likely never. Knowing this, they have two options: 1) pass on the opportunity, or b) use debt to secure the transaction.

As you probably know, I'm not a fan of debt. I've been personally debt-free since 2016, and have no intention of going back. However, in my friend's situation, it actually makes sense. Given the rare opportunity, the fact they have so much margin in their financial life, and the overall economics of the transaction don't impair their family's life, it makes all the sense in the world.

However, he's conflicted. He doesn't love the idea of procuring debt for this. He goes back and forth about what the right decision is. On one hand, he thinks he needs to keep saving and avoid the debt. On the other hand, he may not get this type of opportunity again.

After bouncing back and forth while thinking out loud, he concludes with this: "If I don't pull the trigger on this, then what was it all for?" This single comment perfectly summed up the tension between meaning and money. Yes, he wants to make wise financial choices. He's done that! He's made so many sacrifices for his family's future. He and his wife have done tremendous work over the past five years. Everything they've done up to this moment has prepared them for such a moment.

His comment echoes so much truth. ".....then what was it all for?" If he's not willing to choose meaning now, all his past wise financial decisions were pointless. Staying out of debt, living below their means, and intentionally maintaining a lower-than-necessary lifestyle. In my opinion, each of these decisions, magnified over years, has brought them to this place where they can make this powerful decision without impairing their financial life. That's a gift! That's a blessing! That's the reward for their good work.

They should buy the land. Meaning over money. Always meaning over money.

Removing the Ceiling

I walked into the front door last night to the sight of an angry 7-year-old. He was huffing and puffing, seemingly threatening to blow the house down. When I asked him what was wrong, he said he wanted a cell phone or a pocket knife. Confused, I asked Sarah to clarify why he was so upset. "Because I told him he can't have either."

Astonished, I asked him what makes him think I would give a pocket knife to a 7-year-old. He said it could just be a small pocket knife, then held up his hands to visually motion the size of the blade of this suggested pocket knife.

This is one of the greatest things about little kids. There is no ceiling. Even the mere idea of a ceiling infuriates and confuses them. "What do you mean I can't have a pocket knife as a first grader!?!?!" Despite some of their ideas sounding absolutely nuts, I think we need to be more like little kids. They are naive enough to believe there is no ceiling. Everything is possible. Everything is on the table.

This is one of the reasons why working with young adults is so much fun. While they aren't like my 7-year-old, there's still an innocence and the belief there is no ceiling. There's something exciting and terrifying about this. Do you know how far someone can go who believes there is a ceiling? The height of the ceiling. Do you know how far someone who doesn't believe in ceilings can go? TBD....let's find out. It reminds me of the famous Henry Ford quote, "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't – you're right."

I used to believe in ceilings. That is until I started looking around and seeing all the ridiculously awesome things people were doing. People who didn't believe in ceilings. People all around me. I often think back to a conversation I was having with a bunch of my high school youth group kids. I asked them if they knew what they wanted to do when they grow up. One by one, they shared their thoughts. Perfectly reasonable and normal ideas were brought to the table. Then the second-to-last guy piped up. "I'd like to play football." Even though he was probably the most popular guy in the circle, his buddies chuckled at his answer. Fast forward many years, and he's on an NFL roster. Whether it was merited or not, he didn't have a ceiling.

While we won't all be professional athletes (my dream of playing alongside Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen died years ago), it speaks to the power of removing the ceiling. Yes, there's a chance we'll fail along the journey. Many times, most likely. But that's what makes the journey worth it. There's never been a satisfying movie where the hero doesn't get challenged or go through struggle. Our journeys are the same.

The first step, though, is removing the ceiling. Then, anything is possible.

The Next Peak, Not THE Peak

Last night, I had a fun exchange with Meaning Over Money co-founder, Cole Netten. Since we rarely see each other anymore, most of our conversations happen on the phone after our kids go to bed (utterly exhausted, I might add). As we discuss upcoming content and the recording/editing schedule, he mentions he's heading to KC in the morning.

Intrigued, I asked him to share more about the trip. He explains he's shooting the MNF post-game press conference for ESPN. What?!?! He'll be chilling with Patrick Maholmes, Andy Reid, and countless other Chiefs players in the press room! If that's not cool enough, he said he has a second job earlier in the evening. "Taylor Swift Duty." Progressively more intrigued, I asked him to clarify. His job is to camp inside the stadium and get a shot of her when she enters. It sounds like she might not be in attendance, so that piece may not materialize. What a cool and unique opportunity, though!

He capped off this portion of the conversation by saying, "This might be the peak." I couldn't disagree more with him, and I immediately said that. He just turned 30 last week, he's still honing his craft, and his experience/relationships are just now taking shape. He's not anywhere close to his peak. This might be a peak, but it's not THE peak. In fact, I'd argue this most recent peak is closer to his floor than it is to his eventual peak (which likely won't be attained for a few more decades).

In some ways, it reminds me of the stock market. It's easy to look at a chart and think to ourselves, "Wow, it's really high! This feels like the peak." That may be true, but it's not THE peak. It's just the next peak. The image below is a great example of that concept. In 2007, the US stock market was at an all-time 140-year high. It felt like the peak as it was happening. It was, indeed, a peak. But it wasn't THE peak. It was just the next peak. Fast forward 16 years from that bougie-feeling all-time high, and we're now approximately 3x higher!

This is Cole's career! He hasn't even sniffed his potential yet. He's shooting for ESPN at Arrowhead Stadium, capturing clips of one of the best football players to ever live, standing watch to get a shot of one of the greatest musical performers to ever live, and he hasn't even scratched the surface of his potential. This isn't the end. This is the beginning. He's 30 years old. He still has 40-50 good years left in his epic career.

The same goes for you! I hope you're crushing it. I hope you're hitting new peaks. I hope every step is a step worth celebrating. But just remember. It's not THE peak. It just the next peak. Your best is yet to come! Hold on and enjoy the ride.....it's going to be fun!

Throwing Away Our Influence

A few years ago, one of my friends said something ridiculously inappropriate to me. They crossed a line, and the entire thing was quite awkward. I ultimately brushed it off and tried not to take personal offense to it. As I told Cole about this exchange, his immediate reaction was, "If someone said that to me, I would have _______ (I won't repeat his words here)."

Truth is, I agreed with Cole's undisclosed words. A significant portion of me wanted to respond and possibly lash out. However, there was another consideration at play. Had I reacted the way I wanted, I would have thrown away my influence in this person's life. I had, and continue to have, a lot of positive influence on this person's journey. Looking back, I'm so glad I didn't throw it away over some words that likely wouldn't have helped.

I also think about a lunch I shared with a trusted friend. He expressed his disappointment in me for not speaking out on various topics. As he put it, "You have a lot of influence with people, and you're wasting it." I understood what he was saying but disagreed with his overarching premise. Yes, I have some influence with people.....and I'm grateful for that. However, I only have influence in the areas I have influence. Many people respect me for my perspectives on work, money, and behavioral science. They likely don't care about my perspective on other various topics. I, of course, have opinions on many topics and issues, but that's not what people are looking for when they seek out our content. Each time I spout off on a topic unrelated to my core competencies is an opportunity to throw away influence in someone's life. In my view, that's selfish and short-sighted. My own feelings and impulses can't outweigh the opportunity to add value to people's lives.

The timing of this post isn't random. I was again reminded of the importance of not throwing away our influence because yet another person in my life just threw away theirs. It's someone I used to have a deep respect and admiration for. Unfortunately, they've slowly shifted their online presence to something far more unsavory. It's also entirely incongruent with the core competencies that so many people seek them out for. In other words, they are throwing away their influence, including mine, for unrelated and ridiculous reasons. Far too many people are doing this. It's sad. People are falling like flies. Good people with important perspectives/insights to share.

As our world gets progressively crazier, this is the challenge before each of us. We all possess two powerful things: 1) influence in the lives of others and 2) a platform to share it. Every day, we must make a choice. Are we going to use our influence and platform for good? Or will we let our emotions get the best of us and use our platform to throw away our influence? Choose carefully. There is no undo button.

It’s WHEN, Not IF

For most families, finances are generally ok......IF unforeseen issues don't pop up. That's the problem. We tend to live life as though it's an IF, but it's not. It's a WHEN. Unforeseen issues will absolutely rear their ugly head, but we won't know when, where, or how much. And WHEN they do, they can wreak havoc on our finances. 

Take this recent client story, for example. In a three-day stretch, this couple experienced a hat trick of crazy:

• Hit a deer with their car

• Coyotes attacked their dog

• Backed into their garage door

All that in three days!!! Wow. It wasn't an IF, but rather a WHEN. And WHEN happened to be an already busy week in the middle of November. They never saw it coming. They never anticipated a single one of these issues, never mind all three. They had enough life going on that they didn't need this to weigh them down. 

But they were prepared! This is the beauty of getting right with our finances. Instead of destroying their financial life and creating a ton of relational stress in their marriage, it was a mere bump in the road. An ugly bump, but a bump. Here's how/why they were able to navigate this week without it crushing them:

• They have a strong emergency fund for WHEN (not IF) life happens. 

• They are adequately insured to protect against significant liabilities falling on their plate. 

• They have sinking funds specifically for key categories (pets and home maintenance, in this case).

• They have margin in their monthly budget, allowing them to reallocate income to meet unforeseen needs, WHEN necessary. 

They are a wonderful case study of what it looks like to get this money stuff right. It didn't happen by accident. I began working with them in the spring to bring intentionality, preparedness, and acceleration to their financial life, but they have spent years building a strong foundation. Nothing here was good luck. I don't think anyone can accuse them of good luck after the crazy week they just had. 

They focused on getting their money right, so they don't have to dwell on their money when life hits hard. They practiced proactivity in the past, which resulted in them not having to practice reactivity in the present. It's not making money our number one priority, but rather putting intentional focus on financial matters so that we can continue to push money down on our priority list of life. It's living with financial margin, which prevents any single life situation from knocking us down. It's called humility and contentment. 

That's what it looks like to live meaning over money. 

When Six Doesn't Equal a Half Dozen

We live in a culture where everything is black and white. There's an absolute wrong, and an absolute right. The personal finance world is no different. It doesn't help when one of the biggest personalities in the financial space treats everything like you're an absolute idiot if you don't do exactly what he thinks you should do.

This is one of the reasons why so many people make poor financial choices. It's not that they are being negligent or dismissive, but rather because they are being given out-of-context financial advice from people with completely different situations. Context always matters.

I will regularly give seemingly conflicting financial advice to clients. Here's an example. One of my clients wondered if they should pause their 401(k) contributions while trying to pay off credit card debt. They absolutely should. Given their situation, not pausing these contributions would prolong this very painful debt payoff process by approximately 18 months. The very next day, I strongly recommended a different client not pause their 401(k) contributions while trying to pay off debt. The dynamics of their situation were far different, thus merited a completely different decision process.

Other times, decisions on the table seem like a six-of-one, half-dozen-of-another type situation. The decision can be seemingly inconsequential. Mathematically, that may be true. Behaviorally and psychologically, however, is an entirely different story.

Here's one scenario. One of my clients is a successful business owner. And like most business owners, taxes are a constant frustration. Each month, when they pay themselves from the business, they also take a chunk of cash and set it aside for taxes. They have a bunch of money sitting in their business checking account, and another block sitting in their tax savings account. Problem: they just realized they've undersaved for taxes and will owe more than they've already saved. This is causing a tremendous amount of undue stress.

If they had pulled more for taxes, they would be sitting with more money in their tax savings and less in their business checking account. Six of one, half dozen of another, right? It shouldn't be a problem.....but it is! Emotionally, it feels like a loss. Even though they are in the exact same financial situation either way, the psychological impact of having to "owe more money" for taxes is weighing on them.

Their solution was simple:

1) Immediately move a lump sum of cash from their business checking to their tax savings. That act alone relieved some stress.

2) Increase future monthly contributions into their tax savings account, to a degree that they will likely have excess after paying taxes.

While that's probably not the right choice for many people, this is an extremely wise decision for them. They understand their emotional and psychological quirks and have elected to manage accordingly.

As you venture through life, I encourage you to look through the lens of context. What's right for one family may not be right for you. Know yourself, understand the mission, and do what's best.

The Possibility of Moments

I'll be speaking to a group of 500 kids later today, and another 500 tomorrow. As usual, the nerves are running high. The nerves aren't present because of my fear or intimidation, but rather because of how much I care. I feel a deep sense of responsibility to make a difference during this talk. Each person will be in that room for a reason, and the potential exists for each of them to leave better than they arrived. I feel the weight of that.

While these sorts of talks are what I do, it may be the only time I'll have the chance to interact with many of these individuals. What an opportunity, and what a responsibility!

Life is funny like that. Every day, we venture in and out of moments. Sitting at a stoplight. Interacting with the cashier at our local convenience store. A casual conversation at a co-worker's desk. A meeting with a client. Hanging out with our kids. Mingling in the lobby before church service. Moment after moment after moment.

Each moment contains a unique and fleeting opportunity to make an impact. Not necessarily a change-the-world type of impact, but a move-the-needle-in-the-right-direction type of impact. Will we seize the moment or squander the opportunity? Or worse, will we leave them worse than we found them?

I used to struggle living in the moment. While in the middle of a conversation, I'd be glancing around the room, anticipating who I needed to talk to next. I'd feel distracted, anxious, and impatient. Then, something happened. I realized that each interaction with someone was a special moment to savor. It was an opportunity for good. It was then that I immediately started working on trying to become more present. Fast forward a few years, and I started hearing comments from people about this. A youth group kid told me, "When we're talking, you make me feel like I'm the only person in the room. You really listen to me." Wow! I worked so hard to get to that point, and in some situations, I actually achieved it.

This is the possibility of moments. Even if our day is full of hundreds of seemingly meaningless interactions, each one has the potential to mean something. Life feels different when we get chance after chance after chance to make a positive impact. We don't need to cure cancer. Sometimes we just need to make someone smile, show them we care, or let them know they are heard. Any one of those moments may be just what they needed.

Live the next few days with this perspective and see if it makes your life richer. It sure did mine, and I hope it will for you, too!

Small Habits Add Up

A few years ago, one of my friends on Facebook proclaimed that she successfully read 25 books in that calendar year. 25 books!?!? That seemed absolutely absurd to me. My immediate reaction was to DM her and ask the secret of her ways. She explained how simple it was. "I read 20 pages every morning." Great. What else? "That's it. 20 pages a day." Skeptically, I pulled out my calculator and did the math. If the average book is 300 pages, it will take 15 days to finish an entire book at 20 pages per day. That's two per month.....or 24 per year. Boom! I was shook.

On January 1st, I started a "do 1 more" pushup challenge with a bunch of other guys. The rules are simple. On the first of the year, do one pushup. On the second day of the year, do two pushups. And so on.....each day, do one more. By New Year's Eve, you'd do 365 pushups to end the year. If the plan is followed, you'd have completed approximately 67,000 pushups throughout the entire year. I fizzled out due to a shoulder injury, unfortunately (somewhere around day 45). I'm looking forward to trying again in 2024.

I also think about my dream of writing a book. The idea seems unattainable and far-fetched. After all, that's a TON of writing! Where will I find the time and the energy to write an entire book? Similar to the two examples above, small steps can produce tremendous results. This blog is a great example. On the heels of yesterday's one-year anniversary of publishing this blog daily (365 posts in 365 days!), my assistant, Alyssa, completed a project of aggregating all the posts into a single source document. What she found was staggering. It summed up to more than 156,000 words. 156,000!!! Considering the average non-fiction book is 50,000 words, we just published the equivalent of three entire books in a single calendar year. That's absurd! Well, there goes my false notion that writing a book is unattainable. I literally and unknowingly just did it.....three times in one year.

Small habits add up. This concept applies to most things in life. Financial goals, career goals, creative goals, content goals.....lots of goals! Paying off debt is the same concept. Saving up for a car is the same concept. Giving away a million dollars is the same concept. Feeding 100,000 hungry children is the same concept. Saving up for retirement is the same concept. Being promoted from entry-level to the C-suite is the same concept. Most things worth accomplishing require this concept to fully materialize.

Small habits, consistently applied for long periods of time, lead to massive results. It's a universal truth, and it's accessible to each of us. Figure out what yours are, and let's get started!

Gary Was Right

On September 13th, 2022, I had the privilege of enjoying a coffee with my close friend, Gary Hoag. I don't see Gary often, but he was in my city for a speaking engagement that would unfold later that day. As is typical with Gary and I, we bounced from topic to topic, trying to squeeze every drop out of our limited time together. Since Gary is a prolific writer, I began interrogating him about his writing habits and practices. I confessed to him that I was struggling to write 2-3 articles per month, citing a lack of time and ideas. Gary gave me the most Gary-like advice: "Write every day." Ok, so I'm supposed to write every day.....but how often do I publish an article? "Publish every day." 

Uh, I think Gary missed my initial problem. I had neither the time nor the ideas to write and publish even 2-3 articles per month. "Write every day." He could tell I looked a little overwhelmed by this idea, so he added, "It will change you." 

Well, today is the one-year anniversary of beginning that journey. From November 14th, 2022, to November 14th, 2023, I wrote and published one article per day. Wow, what a journey! Here's what writing 365 articles in 365 days has taught me:

• We all have way more in us than we believe. What often feels impossible can be achieved by simply putting one foot in front of the other. 

• Ideas can come from every area of our life....even the most mundane and insignificant nuances of our day. 

• Creativity can happen anywhere. I've written posts in tents, planes, grocery stores, forests, hospitals, truck stops, and highway shoulders. 

• Writing is really just the art of learning how to think. When we write, it forces us to think through a subject in an entirely different way. We're better for it. 

• Our pain, while often feeling like a stain on the fabric of our past, has the power to shine a light on someone else's darkness. Pain isn't wasted, but rather repurposed for future good. 

• Technology makes our world small. So many beautiful relationships have been born from this blog. Many of you started as strangers, but are now family. 

• When my ideas aren't formed well enough (or even when they are), I'll get called out. When I do, I have two choices: a) take offense, or b) allow it to be an opportunity to learn. I pray I always take the latter. I've learned so much from you all!

• Creating content (whether audio, video, or writing) is one of the best ways to leave a legacy to the next generation. While every post is written for you and for me, each one is really a breadcrumb for my kids to someday find. 

• Writing each day reminds me of how much meaning and purpose I have in my life. I'm so very grateful for that. Every day is special. 

Gary, you were right. It changed me. Wow. It really worked. 

Just Do the Opposite

I took my family to the Iowa State basketball game yesterday. It's great to have basketball back! I didn't decide to buy tickets until the night before because, well, I just love impulsive decisions. When it was time to buy, I headed directly to the SeatGeek app. Were there still tickets left at the box office? Maybe. Were there other third-party apps with better prices? Perhaps. But I always buy from SeatGeek. They've attained my unwavering loyalty because they chose to do the opposite of what other companies do. It all comes down to one little toggle switch. "Show prices with fees."

There's nothing worse than purchasing a product or service, only to get crushed with added fees once you get to the checkout screen. Lots of industries do this, but none worse than event tickets (well, Airbnb is the new worst, but we'll save that one for another day). It's a demoralizing endeavor. With SeatGeek, on the other hand, I don't have to worry about that. What I see is what I get. And for that, they are always my #1 go-to. Some people say, "Well, their fees are still high." I don't care, frankly. What's of interest to me is how much, in total, I'm paying for my tickets. Combine that feature with a few other key features (such as dependability, large selection, transfer execution, and seat location mapping), and they become my absolute go-to.

This is a conversation I have with many of my clients. Whatever their respective industry is, I challenge them to "just do the opposite." The natural response is, "This is how it's done." That may be true, but it doesn't mean it's the best way. Doing the opposite is a scary proposition, though! It feels safer and more comfortable just doing what everyone else does. Then, if we fail, we can just chalk it up to bad luck (or some other force outside of our control). On the other hand, if we do the opposite and ultimately fail, we're likely to blame ourselves and point our finger at those specific decisions. These are the scariest of decisions, but also the most impactful.

This is one of the biggest things we got right in our Northern Vessel coffee business. So many of our successes directly result from doing it completely opposite of the normal way. That's also led to a few failures, but it's been an overwhelming success on the whole.

This is also what I attribute much of our podcasting success to. Currently, our Meaning Over Money podcast is ranked in the top 3% of podcasts worldwide (according to ListenNotes). The idea was simple. Cole and I made a list of all the things we hate about normal podcasts, then committed to doing the opposite. It was a beautifully simple plan.

Though I tout these two examples of getting it right, I've whiffed so badly in other areas of my business. If only I had listened to my own advice....

When Rules Are About More Than Rules

I love breakfast: fried eggs (sunny side up), toast/bagels, crispy bacon.....I could go on. I started intermittent fasting earlier this year to improve my health and sleep. The rules were simple. After I ate my last meal of the day, I'd start a 16-hour timer. When the timer expired, I'd begin eating again. It worked out to a 10AM-6PM eating window, then fasting between. Overall, I could see a significant improvement in my health, primarily driven by two main factors. First, I never realized how much I snacked at night out of boredom. That ended when I stopped consuming calories at 6PM. Second, I often enjoyed a bourbon at night after the kids went to bed. That also ended when I stopped consuming calories at 6PM. While I really enjoyed this habit, I didn't realize how much one drink impacted my sleep until I stopped.

However, I noticed something about this fasting practice. I found myself counting down and dwelling on the timer. I would rush dinner, so I could start the timer, so I could eat breakfast earlier. There was something mentally unhealthy about this rhythm. Therefore, I tweaked the rule. No more timers. Instead, I started eating dinner at a reasonable time (but not militant about when), then I wouldn't eat until after 12PM the next day. This is the practice I have today. I don't break this rule. No snacking or drinks after dinner. No calories before noon. No excuses.

It wouldn't significantly harm me if I cheated every now and then. It wouldn't hinder my progress. It wouldn't negate the good work I'm doing. However, one cheat is the gateway drug for the next. One creates two, and two creates twenty. The moment it's ok to cheat once is the moment cheating becomes normalized. I spent all last week in Midland, Texas, working at a client site. Each morning, as I'm walking from my hotel room to my truck (I have a big ol' truck in my Texas identity!), I stop at the breakfast buffet to grab a black coffee. It's the hardest part of my day. The eggs, bacon, biscuits, and gravy!!! I've walked by that same buffet maybe 30-40 mornings this year, but haven't taken a single bite of food. This discipline has propelled me in so many ways this year. It's a rule that's about more than a simple rule.

I'm a long-winded writer. One of the reasons I started this blog was to learn how to share a good idea in a compact package. As such, I had a very clear rule with myself. No article could be more than 500 words, period. There are days when I spend 30 minutes trying to condense a finished post from 520 words down to 500. I could easily click "publish" at 520 words, but that's the gateway drug to longer posts. First, it's 520, then 540, then 600. It's a rule that's about more than a simple rule.

Set rules. Honor them. Grow.

Pain, Joy, then Pain Again

Have I ever mentioned how much I appreciate our readers? As much as I love putting ideas into the world, getting feedback from our readers is at the top of my list of coolest things ever. Each morning, when I get to the office and open my e-mail, there’s already a handful of responses from that morning’s post. If you want to join the fun, simply hit “reply” on the e-mail or leave a comment on the webpage.

Yesterday, I received a pretty awesome story from a reader that is an absolute must-share. He was responding to the post about my friend’s “$10,000 is my limit” comment, which was a reference to the maximum financial gift he would give someone in his life.

Here’s the story. This reader recently attended an estate planning workshop. At some point, the leader advised the audience to “Give beyond the point where it hurts, to the point where it makes us feel good.” This is a concept I talk about often. You know, the whole joy and sacrifice concept. If our giving doesn’t hurt, it’s not truly generous. The next part of his story is where he got me. The leader subsequently offered the reader a personal evaluation of his family’s giving. I’m going to quote my friend’s quote of this man’s quote: “You’ve given beyond the point where it hurts, to where it feels good, and now to a place where it hurts again.” Yes! And this is exactly where my friend wants to be. Heaping spoonfuls of joy and sacrifice.

If you’ve walked down the road of joy and sacrifice like my two friends above, you know exactly what they are talking about. If not, you may think we’ve all lost our minds. In a way, we have. We’ve thrown away society’s rules and norms. We’ve disconnected money and happiness. We’ve experienced, whether intentionally or accidentally, the pure joy that comes from sacrificial giving.

If you think buying a boat is fun, just wait until you lift up that struggling family experiencing immense financial struggle and barely putting food on the table.

If you think the new iPhone is cool, you should see how cool it is to send an exhausted couple on a little weekend getaway to recharge and experience some little luxuries they don’t get in their everyday life.

If you think it’s touching to watch your kids open up a mountain of presents from under the tree on Christmas morning, imagine what it would feel like to provide the resources for strangers to have a warm holiday meal (and a few gifts) who may not otherwise get to experience that part of the holiday season.

Here’s my challenge to you. If you’re already giving sacrificially, double down. Give to the point where it starts hurting again. If you’re in the camp where we sound like a bunch of lunatics, give it a shot. You can always stop if it’s not as amazing as I suggest.

"$10,000 is My Limit"

I recently had a conversation with a friend, and I can't shake it. He's a hard-working man, a grinder by every meaning of the word. I'm not sure how we got there, but he mentioned giving a $1,000 gift to someone in his life. This sparked a long and winding conversation about generosity, grace, gratitude, and faith. 

Until that moment, I didn't even know he was a faithful man. I hadn't known him that long, and this was our first conversation about things deeper than the usual surface-level topics. 

I don't know what shocked me more. Some of his stories about generosity, or his telling of how selfish, greedy, and self-serving he was in his younger days. And wow, he had some wild, unsavory stories about his younger years. But today? He speaks with a passion about generosity, helping others, and trying to live with faith. He mentioned concepts such as:

• Everything we have belongs to God.

• Giving makes us better people.

• The joy that comes from serving others. 

• Holding our money loosely and having faith. 

He had me on the edge of my seat. I wanted more! I wanted to hear more about how he used to be, what changed, and who he is today. 

One thing became glaringly evident: giving is part of his DNA. This is the beautiful thing about life, faith, and redemption. Regardless of who we are today, tomorrow can be different. That message hits a little too close to home for me. In my early-to-mid 20s, I was most certainly on a path to becoming a world-class selfish, materialistic, greedy jerk. But then, I changed. In some ways, the change was overnight, but in other ways, it happened over the course of years (or decades). 

One of my favorite moments during this conversation was when he shared his philosophies and practices around giving. At one point, he looked at me dead-eyed and clarified, "I have limits, though." Now he had my interest. Limits? What does that even mean? Luckily, I didn't have to ask. He continued, "$10,000 is my limit. That's the most I would just give to someone." 

A $10,000 gift is all he would just give to someone? Coward! What a penny-pincher! Ye of little faith. Haha! Just kidding. Wow! I loved how he laid out the boundary, and then immediately explained how the boundary is something utterly absurd that most people will never be able to relate to. Such a fun conversation!

Here's the good news for you. You can be just like my friend. Finding the humility, joy, faith, and growth in acts of generosity. Regardless of where you are or where you came from, you can experience the life-changing power of giving.

I have more good news. You don't have to give $10,000 to be like my friend. We aren't called to give as much as the next person. Instead, we're called to give from what we have, not what we don't have. Joy and sacrifice, sacrifice and joy. 

That Expensive Bed Sure Was Cheap

I moved into my first big-boy apartment when I was a sophomore in college. It was an exciting and scary time. After all, I was entering a life where I would have to cook for myself. Yikes! One of my favorite memories during that process was going bed shopping at Sam's Club with my parents. I needed a bed, and Sam's Club had affordable options for a young college kid. It was a match made in heaven! I think we paid $200 for it, box spring included!

Little did I know, but that bed would journey with me for quite some time. I would eventually lug it with me to eight apartments/houses covering three different states. Besides my $236,000 of debt, it was the second-worst thing Sarah married into. It was garbage when we got married, and it hung around for another six years. After an illustrious 17-year run, I finally retired the bed when Sarah and I moved into our first house. In all reality, I was going to move into that house with Sarah or the bed, but not both.

After some research, we decided to buy a fancy SleepNumber bed. Coming off a $200 bed that lasted for nearly two decades, the idea of spending thousands on a bed seemed absurd. Was it a waste of money? Were we overdoing it? Was there a more practical option? Should we have kept the old bed? Well, Sarah made sure the last option was off the table.

In hindsight, it was one of the biggest bargains in our life. Sure, at $3,000, it was expensive.....very expensive. But when I think about cost vs. value, it was the world's biggest no-brainer. I've spent approximately 1/3 of my life in that bed in the last eight years. If my numbers are accurate, I've spent 15,000-20,000 hours in that bed so far.....which equates to 625-833 full days. Wow! It's been a glorious 625-833 days, I might add. If I threw our bed into the trash today, I would have paid $0.15-$0.20 per hour of use. Again, it was the bargain of a lifetime!

I'm not sure spending the first three minutes of your day watching me obsess about a bed is your best use of time, but this isn't really about a bed. This is about looking at our lives through a different lens. This is about turning things on their head and finding a better way to perceive money. There's always a different angle to explore. There's always a unique consideration to factor in when making decisions. When we do, we make different decisions......better decisions. Taking it a step further, we can do so with more clarity, conviction, and confidence. That's when we stop dwelling on the money, and start focusing on the meaning.

Caring Enough About Money

In my keynote talk, I spend a healthy amount of time discussing the science of money and happiness. In short, once our needs are met, money won't make us much happier. I go down several roads to make this argument, concluding that more money isn't the answer. 

There's a dilemma here, though. If more money, more stuff, and more status can't make us happier, should we disregard money altogether? There's an entire segment of our population who falls into this camp. These people simply don't care about money. It manifests differently in each person, but some common characteristics may include:

• Burning through your bank account via spending and perpetually having little-to-no money.

• Living an extremely frugal and/or minimalist lifestyle.

• Periodically giving away all of their resources.

• Inconsistent work patterns.

However, I want to focus on a different characteristic. It's the act of undercharging or being willfully underpaid for your work. This practice usually comes at the intersection of not caring about money and absolutely loving their work. You probably know someone in your life who fits this profile. They are incredibly passionate about their work, but don't have much in terms of resources. Our immediate response to these types of people is to think, "They are following their passion, so of course they don't make much money." 

I've done lots of business with these types of people. They are amazing people doing amazing work, but grossly undercharging. In fact, I used to be one of them! When I started my company in 2019, I charged about 1/4 of what I currently charge for my coaching services. This was a combination of not caring about money, loving my work so much, and perhaps a lack of confidence in some regard. 

As I was digging more into the science of money and happiness, coaching families and businesses, and trying to navigate my own business journey, I had an epiphany. I still held firm that money isn't all that important, but with one caveat. While we shouldn't dwell on the money, we need to care enough about money to continue our journey. 

Put another way, we need to financially earn the right to serve those who we wish to serve. When we do, we get to serve them again next time. If we don't, we may lose the right. This is one of the biggest pitfalls people can fall into. If they care too little about money, they may face financial pressures that will prevent them from living out their mission. 

I've seen too many brilliant people get knocked out of the game because they disregarded their finances. There's a bit of sad irony in there. They cared so little about money that they found themselves in a place where they dwelled on the money (out of the need to survive). 

No, don't obsess about money. But spend some time getting it right. Earn your right to keep serving those who you wish to serve. You deserve it, and the world deserves you!