You Know the Names

Sometimes, when I write, I expect a huge response.....and get crickets. Other times when I write, I have muted expectations....and the post goes viral. The latter happened a few days ago when I wrote about an unnamed business that operates with a high level of self-unawareness. They alienate their potential customer base on social media, they treat their patrons like dirt, they don't invest in their staff, and they do a handful of other disrespectful and self-destructive practices. Whether you know this particular business or not, you absolutely know someone like them in your own life. My call to action was simple: Stop investing your dollars and time into these businesses that don't deserve it, and start investing in the ones that do.

On the heels of that post, dozens of people have reached out to ask what business I was talking about. My response was simple. If they could guess, I'd let them know. If not, it will forever remain a secret. After thinking about it, people have guessed countless businesses in or around my city. Some I've been to, and some I haven't. What's interesting, though, is the collection of businesses being suggested by people. For many of them, I would absolutely include them on this list. That tells me most people are just as aware as me as to how poorly some businesses are treating people. Yet, we continue to give them business.

I'm so happy people are pondering this idea through the lens of their own life. As fate would have it, we're thinking about the same businesses. The businesses people are bringing up are some of the same ones that have continually let me down. That overlap should tell us something. This is the opportunity we have. Nothing will happen if I just stop patronizing some of these businesses. I'll undoubtedly stop either way, but my specific influence won't move the needle. However, several of you have guessed the same collection of businesses in our town. Translation: Together, we CAN move the needle.

I'll continue not to name names, but here's a little insight. Whatever business you think I'm talking about, you're right. Deep down, you know who they are. Maybe not the exact one, but you know exactly who they are in your own world. My opinion isn't important, but yours is.

Just in the last few weeks, I've added two more businesses to my blacklist. On one hand, this is sad. I want to like and patronize these businesses, but they've lost the right to serve me. That sucks. On the other hand, that means there's more time and money to invest in other businesses. That's a huge win and a big opportunity (for both me and these prospective businesses).

Let's continue to expect better from the businesses around us. Serving people is a privilege, not a right. Make businesses earn the right, and allow them the opportunity to re-earn the right to do it again. That's a beautiful relationship!

Recovering Alcoholics Don’t Live Above Bars

Over the past few weeks, I've spent time with several friends who are celebrating various sobriety milestones. Drugs, alcohol, and tobacco, to name a few. Each of their stories is remarkable in its own way. They involve pain, consequences, and redemption. Woven through each of these amazing stories are some general truths. One such truth is that the disease is never entirely gone. Each day, they risk relapsing. To combat this, everyone must set clear and non-negotiable boundaries about what they do, where they go, and who they interact with. Or, as one close friend in recovery puts it, "Recovering alcoholics don't live above bars." 

Let's shift gears to one of my clients. This couple spent the majority of their adult lives deeply in debt. They were especially susceptible to credit cards. However, after having their life, work, and marriage nearly ruined, they had enough. Rock bottom was hit, and I was called into the situation. 

What this couple did was nothing short of remarkable. They committed to a plan, practiced discipline, executed with aggression, and slowly (but surely) paid off every single penny of debt. Just the credit card debt alone was $75,000. Crazy, I know! They achieved a massive accomplishment, and their life transformed in many ways. 

Amid their debt payoff journey, I repeatedly begged them to cancel their credit cards. It was a point of contention between us, but I would gladly die on that hill. I'm not usually this firm with clients, but I could feel the risk. Here's what happened. While I was pleading with them to cancel the credit cards, they had other voices speaking into their life:

• "You'll be fine if you're just responsible with them."

• "Don't pass up on the free points."

• "Just pay them off each month." 

• "Just keep the lower interest rate ones."

• "If you cancel them, it will hurt your credit score."

Perhaps you know where this is headed. This couple continued to carry these little pieces of plastic with them. The same pieces of plastic that nearly ruined their life and sabotaged their marriage. The same little cards that caused so much pain and suffering. They were the equivalent of recovering alcoholics living above a bar. 

About 18 months after paying off all that debt, they hit a rough patch. Stress in the marriage, a few minor emergencies, and a few desires that needed to be scratched. Within months, they ran their credit cards back up to $50,000. Utter devastation. There's no happy ending here.....yet. That may come in the future, but today, it looks like a lot of pain, suffering, and relational stress. 

What's the takeaway? I think it's two-fold. First, we need to identify our weaknesses and protect ourselves from them. That may mean canceling credit cards, freezing our credit, or avoiding stores (or websites) that overly tempt us. Second, love people enough to be honest with them. This couple's loved ones absolutely screwed them. Let's be better for the people we love! They deserve it.

The Self-Unaware Slide

I'm thinking about a local business. You may know this business, but if not, you most certainly know one like it. They sell a good product, but they are struggling. The odd part is they don't understand why they are struggling. It's a head-scratcher to them. It's complete self-unawareness, and I'll explain why. 

I mentioned they have a good product, and their prices are spot-on (low enough to feel like a good value and high enough their margins are probably solid). If both of those statements are true, they should be successful, right? This is the funny thing about business. The tangibles need to be there, but so do the intangibles. And this business, unfortunately, lacks several intangibles:

• They treat their customers poorly.

• They get into online spats with critical voices.

• They don't invest in their staff.

• They constantly post politically charged content on social media, alienating 40%-50% of their potential customers. 

It's easy to accuse people of "not supporting small business," but perhaps we business owners need to look in the mirror. Maybe our problem isn't external, but internal. Maybe we are the problem. Maybe it's the person staring at us in the mirror. With a bit of self-awareness (and humility), perhaps this business could turn the tables and absolutely thrive. 

I don't personally patronize this business anymore, for the above reasons. I always leave feeling like crap. I'm treated as though I'm intruding on their space and not really welcome. It's an unsettling feeling, and I eventually just decided to stay away. It's too bad, as I desire their products. 

On the flip side, there are businesses I can't wait to go back to. Despite some of their prices being higher than I would prefer, I leave feeling good. They treat people fantastic, they have a posture of gratitude, and their top desire is to serve well. They have the intangibles. It's funny how these small businesses aren't playing the victim role and declaring people "don't support small business." They are too busy crushing it to think about that. There's a self-awareness about the way they handle themselves. 

If you're a business owner, heed these words. Please don't take it as criticism, but rather encouragement. I want you to thrive and prosper. I want you to be successful and build a larger following. This is the opportunity before you. Seize it!

If you're not a business owner, you're surely a customer. You only have so much time and money to spend. Be sure to spend it at businesses that earn it. Reward those who treat you well, and punish those who don't. When we vote with our dollars, disrespectful businesses have two choices: a) get better, or b) fizzle out. But it's their choice. 

This is the opportunity (and responsibility) before us customers. If we do our jobs right, our respective cities will be filled with thriving, servant-hearted businesses that desire to add value to our lives. I, for one, am up for the challenge! Are you?

Kyle Has the Secret

I have a friend named Kyle. I don't see Kyle all that much, but we go on a boat ride together once every summer. He's the kind of guy you can't not like. He's generous, gracious, and just a lot of fun to talk to. He's the kind of guy who has a working knowledge of far more topics than any one person should have. Anyway, I was thinking about my most recent boat ride with Kyle.

Kyle is at the age where retirement is at the forefront. Society tells him he should retire. His age tells him he should retire. His peers probably tell him he should retire. His bank account also likely tells him he should retire. He's had a lengthy and successful career. By all accounts, he should be retiring.....but he's not. Instead of pursuing a life of leisure, he continues to wake up each morning and head to the office. Counter-cultural, I know.

So, as we're cruising into the sunset on his boat, I asked him about the retirement elephant in the room. He gave me the most beautiful answer. I won't quote him, as I don't remember his exact words, so I'll paraphrase. In short, Kyle told me that his life is better because of his work. Not because of the money that comes from the work, but because of the actual work itself. He said he could easily retire, financially speaking, but he doesn't want to. His work is too valuable to him. His newfound passion was investing his time, energy, experience, and wisdom into the younger generation. His eyes light up when he talks about the young professionals developing their careers. He speaks of the fulfillment he gets pouring into them and helping them grow.

Imagine a world where your life would be worse off if you didn't have your work. That sounds like a perverted Twilight Zone episode in today's culture. It's so far-fetched that most people wouldn't believe you if you told them.

We live in a society filled with jealousy. Jealousy over houses, cars, celebrity, status, power, partners.....and the list goes on. If you really want something to be jealous of, you should be jealous of Kyle. He's unlocked something truly special. He's living a significantly meaningful life. I have good news, though! What Kyle has isn't reserved for the fortunate few. It's an opportunity we each have in front of us.....if we're willing to pursue it.

Sometimes, it's easy. Other times, it's one of the hardest things we'll do. But in either case, it's worth it. I can't speak to how easy or hard it was for Kyle to find it, but I know he doesn't take it for granted. He knows what he found, and he embraces it as he should. For this reason, I deeply admire Kyle and pray I can navigate my journey to be where he is when I'm his age.

Work that matters. Always work that matters.

Driving in the Fog

Have you ever driven your car in a dense fog? It's a white-knuckle experience. You're a bit (or a lot) on edge, progress is much slower, you might get lost, and you feel exhausted when you reach your destination. Or worse, you end up in an accident because you couldn't see where you were going. Driving in the fog is the worst!

Most everyone over the age of 16 can relate to my example. There's a financial version of this. It's called living without a budget. Living life without a budget is the equivalent of driving in the fog. You're a bit (or a lot) on edge, progress is much slower, you might get lost, and you feel exhausted when you reach the destination. Or worse, you end up in a financial mess because you couldn't see where you were going.

This analogy makes me think of one particular client. An awesome couple in their early 40s. When we started meeting, they were highly reluctant to budget. After all, they had done "just fine" for the 17 years before meeting with me. But by "just fine," they really meant average at best. They were stressed, tired, often got lost, and progress was slow. They even got into a few financial accidents. That's what happens when we drive in the fog. After much coaxing, I convinced them to give this budgeting thing a shot. Here's what happened:

After 1 month: They thought it was stupid and frustrating.

After 2 months: They weren't fans, but it gave them some clarity.

After 3 months: They felt in control, but still made some mistakes.

After 6 months: It transformed the way they handle money in their marriage.

After 12 months: It accelerated their progress five-fold, and they actually started to enjoy the process.

After about 18 months, I asked them to reflect on their journey. Here's what the husband said: "I don't know how I ever lived without one, and I can't image not having one again."

Budgeting in and of itself doesn't change our lives. Instead, budgeting is the mechanism by which we harness our hard-earned money and use it for what matters most. Paying off debt, giving, buying a house, sending our kids to college, retirement, transitioning careers, that dream vacation, ________ (your important thing here).

Budgeting isn't something we have to do, but something we get to do. It's not something that happens to us, but something that happens for us. It's a tool that allows us to remove the fog and cruise on the open highway. You'll never regret it once you try it!

Taking Inventory of Readers’ “Bargains”

A while back, I wrote a piece about some of the expenditures in my life that feel like bargains, but are probably head-scratchers to others. Monthly massages, Christian education, and Apple computers are a few of my examples. At the end of the post, I solicited your feedback. I wanted to know what items you spend money on that may feel like a ripoff to many, but a bargain to you.

Let me just say, you didn't disappoint! I immediately received feedback from dozens of readers. Today's post is a sampling of reader feedback. I know these are great examples because my gut reaction to several is, "Wow, what a ripoff!" That's when we know we're going in the right direction. That's also the point. What's valuable to me is different than what's valuable to you. Translation: We need to stop listening to what other people say and stop living their values. Without further ado, here's your feedback:

• Flying across the country just to attend a concert from a favorite musician.

• Taking kids skiing in Colorado, or as he put it, "spending hundreds of dollars to freeze and fall." 

• Taking spouse's parents on a trip to Europe.

• Flying to NYC just to go to a Broadway show.

• A monthly Regal Cinema pass for unlimited movies. This person explained how they were so poor growing up that a trip to the movie theater was a special, once-per-year treat. 

• Pedicures (mentioned by both men and women!).

• Golf membership.

• One NFL game per season.

• Professional house cleaning once per week.

• Bouncing from new car lease to new car lease.

• Lip injections. Not necessarily to look better, but to feel better about themselves. 

• Motorcycles.

• A lake house. 

• First-class airfare for every flight they take. 

• Gun collection.

• Star Wars collectibles.

• Extremely expensive gym membership ($500+ per month for a single person).

• Professional music lessons for their kids.

• Dance program for their kids (IYKYK).

• Multiple plane vacations per year.

One person even mentioned my financial coaching services. I loved this answer and in no way take offense to it. He's absolutely right. Many people think what I do is a ripoff. I remember once having back-to-back consultations. During the first one, the husband told me my services were the biggest ripoff he'd ever heard of. He continued to say you'd have to be stupid to hire me. It was a feel-good moment, I tell ya. In the very next meeting, the couple said it seemed like a huge bargain and asked when we could start. Both couples made the right decision. 

This is the beauty of having our own interests, values, and motivations. For as much as I'd like to roll my eyes at some of the above items, my opinion doesn't matter. What matters is whether or not these items add value to that person's life. 

Whatever you do, I hope you lean into your unique interests and values (while aggressively disregarding the rest). It will surely add a richness to your life!

Finding Our Blind Spots

I took my kids to their annual wellness check-ups yesterday. Considering blood draws and flu shots were involved, it was a train wreck. However, this won't be a rant on the futile attempts to get needles jammed into my kids' arms. It's what happened before the needle-stabbing incident that got me thinking.

We started with a simple eye test. You know the exercise. Cover one eye and read progressively shrinking lines of letters on the back wall. Pax was first up. He boldly and proudly read aloud each letter and finished with a big smile. Next, it was Finn's turn. As he read the letters, Pax, the doctor, and I all looked at each other in bewilderment. He didn't get a single one right. At first, I thought he was just clowning with us (which is totally a Finn thing to do). Then, he switched eyes and exclaimed, "Now, my good eye." Wait, what!?!? Good eye?!?! When I asked him what he meant, he responded, "This is my good eye, and this is my bad eye." Again, what!?!? He went on to nail every single letter on every single row. It was a humbling parenting moment, but up until today, I didn't know he had a "bad eye." Humbling....very humbling.

That brings me to the topic of blind spots. There are things in life we don't know. And the problem is, we don't know what we don't know. That's why they are blind spots. Turns out, one of my figurative blind spots is Finn's literal blind spot. Ouch. We have some work to do!

We all have blind spots, which can span many different areas of our lives. When sitting with a client, I can quickly pick up on their financial blind spots. Everyone has them, but there's one characteristic that determines what happens next: humility. If someone has humility, they can recognize, face head-on, and remedy their blind spots.....which often leads to some pretty transformational results. If they don't, they will most certainly carry their blind spot into the future.....which can lead to some dark places.

I used to have a blind spot with debt. My old way of thinking almost ruined my life. I used to have a blind spot with investing. My old way of thinking would have significantly hindered my progress. I used to have a blind spot with the connection between money and happiness. My old way of thinking likely would have led me down a dark and materialistic road.

I'm sure I still have plenty of blind spots, but I'm always willing to expose them and face them head-on....even if it hurts. It's uncomfortable in the moment, but we're so much better for it in the long run.

What are your blind spots? What areas of your life secretly hold you back from living a better life? Here's a scary but effective way to find out: Ask those closest to you...if you dare. They know. They know all too well......

Knowing When to Say “No”

If you're someone with variable income (wage, commission, bonuses, solopreneur, freelancer, or business owner), there's an obvious upside. When you work more or produce more, you make more. Work more hours, get a larger paycheck. Sell more widgets, get a better commission/bonus. Serve another client, get another revenue stream. There's a direct correlation between your work and your compensation.

There's a shadow side to this, of course. It can be extremely difficult to say "no." If we have the potential to make a sell, we're inclined to do it. If we have the opportunity to grab some overtime hours, we're inclined to do it. If we have the opportunity to take on a new project, we're inclined to do it. While each of these scenarios means we'll likely make more money, there's a very real cost to it. It can cost us our time, stress, energy, physical/mental health, and opportunities to be with our loved ones. But it’s so hard to say “no”!

All these factors combine for one difficult journey. This is the battle millions of people face each day. And to be honest, many of us are losing the battle. This has been an ongoing conversation between Cole and me in our office for several years. We're both freelancers with wives who stay at home. Translation: there's a constant underlying pressure to provide financially. At the same time, we feel the responsibility to be present for our families and play other critical roles inside and outside our homes.

Last night, we went trick-or-treating with Cole's family. We had a great time despite the weather feeling like we were in the dead of winter. As we were walking from house to house, Cole revealed that he said "no" to a highly lucrative shooting gig for earlier that day. It was a hefty sum of cash for a single day's work. It's also worth noting that Cole loves that work. However, he said "no." He wanted to prioritize spending time with his family in preparation for their Halloween celebrations.

In years past, I'm not sure he would have declined such a gig. For this reason, I really admired his decision. This is a consequence of excellence. The better you serve people, the more people want to be served.....and are willing to pay more for the privilege. It's a constant battle, but a good battle.

Each of us must make our own choices along the journey. Saying "yes" is important. It's how we financially provide for our families, as well as add value to others. It's using our gifts and time to make a difference in this world. Saying "yes" is a noble endeavor. However, are we willing to say "no" when needed? Are we able to create boundaries to protect what's most important? Are we able to walk away from money when other things are more important?

This is the tension between meaning and money. It's a delicate dance, but I hope you win more times than you lose. Never forget the meaning. Always meaning over money.

A Guaranteed Return on Investment

What if I told you there was an investment that is guaranteed to make a positive return? Not only that, but said investment returns would be sky-high with unlimited upside! You want in on this investment opportunity? This isn't a scam. This isn't some Ponzi scheme. This is the real deal! It's the investment into relationships. Relationships are one of the few things in life that have a guaranteed, massive upside return.

These last few days have made me reflect on this idea. I flew to Las Vegas on Friday to meet a client who invited me to join their family to experience the new U2 show at The Sphere. Wow, incredible experience. You better believe there's a blog post coming about that, so I won't dive down that rabbit hole today. But more importantly, we had a wonderful time together, making memories, sharing experiences, and investing in our relationship. I love this family and care deeply about them. I'm also honored and grateful they would invite me on such an adventure. It's an experience I won't soon forget, with people that are increasingly important in my life. I treasure everything about this!

Yesterday, as my friends hopped on a plane to head home, I connected with my friends John and Jamy, who live near Vegas. John and I go back about seven years, when I met him on a trip to Mongolia. Turns out, he actually lived pretty close to me......yet I met him on the other side of the world while camping with him in a Mongolian ger. It's a small world, after all! Since then, John has been a friend, mentor, and fellow board member for an awesome organization in SE Asia. I'm tremendously grateful for my relationship with John and his wife, Jamy. Here's a picture we took on a beautiful, scenic walk yesterday. You can see the Vegas Strip in the background. It was cold and windy, but the conversation was killer.

Like all investments, relationships require us to contribute something. We can't get something for nothing. It takes our investment of time, energy, love, vulnerability, and sometimes money (like this fun trip to Vegas!). We must be intentional with our investment and be sure to consistently contribute. We only reap what we are willing to sow.

And also, like all investments, there's risk involved. The risk of our investment being one-sided. The risk of getting let down. The risk of being hurt. The risk of being betrayed. The risk of not being treated well. However, knowing the upside of relationships, these risks are so worth it. Some of those risks will come to fruition. It won't be perfect. It will be messy. But it's still always worth it.

I couldn't be more grateful for all the wonderful relationships in my life. The old ones and the new ones. The personal ones and the professional ones (and the ones that blur the line). The deeper ones and the not-yet-so-deep ones. All of them.

Keep investing!

Life Isn’t Fair

"It's not fair" is the most accurate and most debilitating statement we can make.

It's accurate because it's absolutely true. Very few things in life seem fair. We've all been dealt a different hand, experience different things, and reap different outcomes. If there's one sure thing in this world, it's that life isn't fair. The lazy bum in the next cubicle who gets promoted before you. The less talented player who made the starting lineup. The freak car maintenance issue that unexpectedly set you back a few grand….right after you finally got back on your financial feet. The person with less experience who got the job because their Uncle Joe is friends with the hiring manager. We're struck daily with the "it's not fair" curse. Yeah, it's frustrating…..sometimes depressing.

I've had many versions of this in my life, but no greater or more painful than infertility. Sarah and I spent year after year trying to become parents, only to eventually find out we're unable to biologically have children. All the while, friends and family seemed to be birthing kids left and right. One of my closest friends had three kids while we were trying to become parents. Three separate births! I'll let you do the math on that, but that's a loooooong time. It wasn't fair. Even people around us who DIDN'T want kids were having kids. Ooopsie! Some people seemed to have kids simply by looking at each other…….or so it felt for us on our little infertility island.

"It's not fair." It's debilitating because it's an excuse to give up. If something isn't fair, we're doomed to fail. The cards are stacked against us and defeat is imminent. Giving up is the easy thing to do, and it's what is expected of us. In our culture, we're told to simply not try if something is unfair. So we don't try, we ultimately lose, and we get to blame it on how unfair it was in the first place. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is debilitating! The fact it's not fair isn't a predictor of outcomes, but it is a predictor of actions. That’s sad.

While Sarah and I were wallowing in our misery, we made an important choice. We couldn't turn off the pain or the hurt, but we could control what we could control (much to my dismay, making babies was not within our control). After mourning the loss of never being able to have biological children, we made the decision to adopt. It was a scary and unknown path for us, but we felt called to walk down that road. We certainly weren't in control, but we were able to progress what we could progress…….then trust.

So many things in life fall into this same camp. Most aren't as crappy as infertility, fortunately. We have two choices: give up and become a victim of this unfair world, or just keep moving. Please keep moving. Always keep moving. Never stop moving.

Intensity vs. Diversity

Does it ever feel like there are too many needs and not enough money? You're not alone! There are lots of priorities vying for our money. We may need to buy a car soon. We'd love to purchase a house one day. We want to buy an engagement ring for the love of our life. That trip to Europe looks pretty fun. We have a medical procedure coming up in a few months. So many things!

How do we juggle all these priorities when there's more need than money? There are two primary lines of thinking: intensity and diversity. Intensity is just that, intense. It's the strategy by which we focus on one particular goal until we achieve it, then shift our focus to the next one. Diversity is the opposite. It's recognizing there are several priorities in life, and then spreading the dollars over each one. We make less progress on any given goal, but we're making progress on several. 

Let's use an illustration. Let's say we have $2,000/month of discretionary income. Also, here are the upcoming needs/wants:

• Car: $10,000 (needed by year-end 2024)

• Engagement Ring: $4,000 (proposing in the spring)

• Travel: $2,000 (needed by year-end)

• House Down Payment: $20,000 (not urgent)

• Medical: $500 (needed in January)

If we take a more diverse approach, we might allocate $400/month to each of these sinking funds. We'll slowly make progress on each. However, we'll fall short of the necessary timing on a few. 

If we take the intensity approach, we'll focus 100% of the funds on the next item on the list. It might look something like this:

• November: $500 to medical (done) and $1,500 to travel

• December: $500 to travel (done) and $1,500 to engagement ring

• January: $2,000 to engagement ring

• February: $500 to engagement ring (done) and $1,500 to car

• March, April, May, and June: $2,000 to car

• July: $500 to car (done) and $1,500 to house

• Aug+: $2,000 to house

We can refer to this as cashflow mapping. This is a common exercise we do to help clients prioritize, plan, and execute their goals. There's also a third option. I call it the hybrid approach. Instead of diversifying or putting 100% focus on the next item, we determine what monthly saving is needed to hit each goal by the deadline. Let's use the $10,000 car as an example. Instead of going all-in on the car in early 2024, we recognize we have 14 months to hit the $10,000 goal. This equates to approximately $715/month. So, instead of crushing the car with absolute intensity, we can meter it out while attacking other goals at the same time. 

This is a helpful tool to add to your arsenal. Definitely try it sometime, especially when the needs start stacking up. It can give us a lot of clarity and much more control. Personalize it to your needs and lean into your values. And as always, meaning over money! Always meaning over money.

Finding Purpose in Crappy Work

After giving a talk yesterday, one of the young men in the audience asked a fantastic question. He asked how one would pursue work that matters if they didn't have the financial means to take care of themselves while trying to pursue it.

I have two answers for this. First, pursuing work that matters typically doesn't require us to be poor. It requires that we're honest with ourselves about what meaningful work might look like.....then pursue it. The goal shouldn't be more money, but rather enough money. That's where people unintentionally hold themselves back. Several of my friends are on the edge of leaving their jobs to go full-time in their dreams. However, one thing is holding them back. They want to make "as much" in their new job as they do in their current job before transitioning. This is the consequence of anchoring. They are anchoring expectations to a specific number....an arbitrarily high number. Instead, they should be targeting enough. Enough to pay the bills. Enough to keep the train on the tracks. Enough to keep building their dream.

Sometimes, though, we have a dream that, for whatever reason, doesn't pay the bills right away. Maybe it's nothing.....until it's everything. Maybe there's a building process that requires us to start at zero. We aren't able to make the jump just yet. How do we survive the "nothing" stage? This is where crappy work can come into play. It's work that doesn't necessarily provide us with meaning. We don't wake up every day excited for what we're about to do. It just kinda sucks....but it pays the bills.

This can be the beauty of crappy work. Many of us have had or are in crappy jobs. You know exactly what I'm talking about! Without purpose or a plan, these jobs will suck the life out of us. Day in and day out, we put our time into a job that doesn't fill our tank. However, one tweak has the power to change everything. If we know what we're striving for, and have a plan, this crappy work can become the fuel to make it happen. If the income derived from this less-than-satisfying job can be put towards the dream, this crappy job suddenly feels a lot less crappy. We're building toward something.

I remember my first taste of this concept back in high school. I was getting up at 4AM on Sundays for an 8-hour shift at a cheese factory. It was anything but enjoyable. However, the income I made at that job served a bigger purpose at the time. I remember having very specific plans, which gave purpose to an otherwise purposeless high school job.

Some of you are there right now. You might be in a crappy job, but at the same time, know where you ultimately want to be. I want you to get there. But in the meantime, that crappy job may be the world's biggest blessing. Harness that for good! You deserve it.

Riddle Me This

What's something we take for granted when we have it, then desperately crave it when we don't?

It's relatively affordable to keep, but very expensive to get back.

Though we know it's important, we'll trade it away for things that feel even more important.

Do you have a guess?

Our health. We have an interesting relationship with health in our culture. On one hand, we're obsessed with fad diets, drinking plenty of water, and getting exercise. These are multi-billion-dollar industries, after all. On the other hand, we simultaneously sabotage ourselves when it comes to actually being healthy. We're so busy with the rigors of life, parenting, activities, and trying to make money that we're high on stress, lacking in sleep, and strained every which way. We make a few good decisions, then make a bunch of bad ones. Then, make a few more good ones, followed by a bunch more bad ones.

For the record, I'm not talking down to you. I'm one of the worst offenders. Coincidentally (or not!), my health has been terrible lately. Frequent migraines, a lack of sleep, and a sickness that's come and gone for several weeks now. I'm not living my best life.....far from it. It would be easy for me to blame a bug my kids brought home from school, or simply bad luck, but there's no doubt my decisions have played an influential negative role. I take my health for granted when I have it, but I'm desperate to get it back when it leaves. That's where I'm at right now.

At the same time, many people in my life are dealing with significant health issues. Scary times. Life-altering situations. I feel for them so much. Like me, they may have taken health for granted when they had it.......but now want nothing more than to get it back.

It's humbling. It's scary. It's a wake-up call. Regardless of what endeavors we pursue in life (and many are amazing), we ought not lose sight of our health. There's no amount of money, status, or accomplishment that's worth losing our health over. If we have all the money in the world but can't live a respectable quality of life due to our health, what do we really have?

It's a sobering reminder. Many people have learned this lesson the hard way.....sometimes too late. Maybe we don't have to. Maybe we can use this as a reminder to reset our priorities and values to focus on the right measuring stick.

We should invest in our health. The word "invest" probably has many meanings here. We can literally invest money into a healthier lifestyle. But we need to invest our time, energy, and discipline into being intentional with our health. The best news is those things are free! Talk about a positive return on investment! This will be one of my top focuses in the weeks and months to come. I said it, and now I need to live it.

Stay healthy, friends!

Tangibility Bias

If you had $100, would you use it to:

1. Buy that object you've been wanting.

2. Give it to someone who is struggling.

3. Pay down a debt.

4. Save it for an upcoming expense.

5. Go out for a fun meal.

Let's up the ante. If you had $25,000, would you use it to:

1. Deposit it into your kid's college fund.

2. Give it away to a charitable organization.

3. Buy a vehicle.

4. Use it as a downpayment for a house.

5. Contribute to your retirement account.

In the first example, most people would buy the object or the meal. In the second example, most people would use it to buy a car or a house. It's not because these are right or wrong decisions. It's because of something subconscious. I've watched people make these decisions for years. Time and time again, I can guess what most people will do.

It's called tangibility bias. It's subconsciously prioritizing things we can see, touch, and feel. Houses, vehicles, and possessions all fit this category. People are allured to the idea of buying something they can physically see. Some of these things can be good things, but it often comes at the expense of other less tangible things. Things such as retirement investing, college funds, generosity, and future needs.

• It's why a person doesn't bat an eye at their $800 car payment, but "can't afford" to invest $200 into retirement. Never fret, though, as the car "is very reliable and will hold its value well." 

• It's why a person will go from spending 30% of their income on renting a house to buying a house where they are now spending 60% of their income on their house payment. All in the name of "not throwing away money on rent." 

• It's why a person will run to the nearest Apple store to drop $1,000+ on the newest iPhone, but perpetually has less than $100 in their emergency fund. 

All three of these are real stories. There's a lot going on in each, but tangibility bias is in full force. When spending money on items we can touch, see, and feel, we'll jump through all sorts of mental, emotional, psychological, and financial hoops. 

Speaking of financial hoops, this is one of the reasons why Americans are saddled with record-high credit card, auto, and mortgage debt. At the same time, we are more under-prepared for our kids' college and our retirement than ever before. 

This is the risk of tangibility bias. We can't touch, see, or feel these other items. However, in due time, we'll touch, see, and feel the pain and turmoil we set up for ourselves. Setting our children up to be crippled with student loans. Backing ourselves into a corner where we're forced to work full-time into our 70s or 80s just to pay the bills. Putting ourselves in a position where we are cash-strapped because of our car and house payments. 

Be aware of tangibility bias. As G.I. Joe once told me, knowing is half the battle!

The Meaningless Meaning

Do you have any silly little habits, traditions, or activities in your life that don't have much meaning, yet provide a lot of meaning? Here's an example. Last night was the draft for our 12th annual fantasy NBA basketball league. Our 12-person league is comprised of friends, colleagues, and friends and colleagues of friends and colleagues. Some of these people have been my friends for decades, while others I've never actually met in person. This silly little league is a mainstay in my life each year from late October through mid-April.

It's not something we do because of the money. We each pitch in $50 and pay out the top half of the league, but that's just meant to keep people accountable. There's no good reason to participate in this league outside of enjoying basketball and camaraderie with the other league members. That's one of the beautiful things about it. It's a simple and innocent activity in a world that feels anything but simple and innocent.

There's an irony in these types of activities in our lives. There's no meaning to it, yet it produces meaning. These types of opportunities are all around us, but they are easy to miss. In the rigors of life, we often overlook them or avoid them because they seem somewhat pointless. After all, there's no tangible value to them. But we need to look deeper. It's not really about a make-believe sports league where we can live out our wannabe GM life. Instead, it's about community, investing in relationships, sharing experiences with others, and enjoying a sport we've grown up playing and watching. That, in my book, is meaningful.

I think about my friend who collects Star Wars memorabilia. I think about my friends who play in a bowling league. I think about my colleagues who are ritualistic about their weekly trivia night. I think about my client who rebuilds antique guns. I could give dozens more examples of people who get meaning from seemingly meaningless things. These things are unique, quirky, simple, innocent, and oh so meaningful.

What about you? Do you have any meaningless things in your life that actually provide meaning? I'd love to hear your versions of this!

As an aside, the image below is me showing off the amazing team I built in last night's draft. Now you know who to cheer for!

Don’t Wait Alone

Yesterday, our church celebrated its 25th birthday. The service was a series of stories, testimonials, and interviews with people who have been part of our church over the years. Awesome day! Through it all, the concept of family and community kept coming up. This felt fitting, as the people in our church are family to us. We've experienced so much life in the 12 years of being part of our church, which flooded my mind as I sat there.

One particular memory stood out. It's a story that I don't often share. I had an inkling to write about it, but I was unsure. Then, something happened. Or rather, someone happened. My friend Suzanne was on stage sharing about her journey. She ended her story with three powerful words: "Don't wait alone."

---

Sarah and I started trying to have a child when we were right around 30. We had been married for a few years at that point. Those first few years of marriage were spent traveling, paying off debt, enjoying being together, and learning how to be husband and wife. Then, the day came when we knew it was time to have a child. It's a pretty simple process, or so my fifth-grade science class taught me. Our reality was anything but simple.

After about nine unsuccessful months, we started getting worried. That began a brutal series of medical consultations, tests, procedures, and suffering. We were in our early 30s, facing a fork in the road. The fork wasn't medical...it was community. We were surrounded by countless people who loved us dearly, yet we were suffering in silence. This was our fork. We could either a) continue to bear this weight alone (while people would likely talk behind our back), or b) allow others to carry some of this weight and be there to support us. We chose the latter. We chose transparency.

What came from that experience was absolutely life-changing. We were in the midst of the most painful season of our lives, yet experiencing the beauty of true community. We suffered, but we weren't alone. Every step of the way, people were there to pick us up when we couldn't.

One of the most powerful moments of my life was sitting through service on Father's Day, just two days after losing a child that would have made me a dad. It was arguably the worst day of my life. I could have stayed home and hid, but I needed my church family.

Family cuts both ways. On the one hand, they are there to mourn with you, but on the other hand, they are there to celebrate with you, too. Just four months later, we became parents to two beautiful baby boys. Our church family was right beside us, celebrating like it was their own. I couldn't believe how happy everyone was. It was almost like these children were theirs......and in a way, they were. It's a true love I hope my kids someday recognize.

"Don't wait alone." You got that so right, Suzanne.

Today is the 7-year anniversary of bringing those two little 4-week-olds home. It’s typically called “gotcha day” in the adoption world, but we just call it the day we became a family. We will celebrate by sharing pictures, videos, and stories with the boys. Oh yeah, and maybe some treats. Below is the first photo taken after bringing the kids home on that crisp October 23rd morning.

The Sunday Scaries

Happy Sunday! Depending on what time of day you're reading this, your mood could be vastly different. Studies show that 4PM on Sunday is the most depressing hour of the week. The fun weekend is almost complete, and now our brain is shifting its attention to tomorrow. And considering 70% of Americans dislike or hate their job, the mere thought of Monday makes most people cringe. Some refer to it as the Sunday Scaries.

Whether we know about the 4PM on Sunday statistic or not, we know about the Sunday Scaries. It's all around us. We either feel it, know someone close to us who feels it, or see it manifest in our culture. The concept that Monday sucks is ubiquitous in our society. It leaks out through our cultural pores. Movies, music, TV, social media. Dread and Mondays go together like peanut butter and jelly. I often think about the song, Migraine, by Twenty One Pilots. Check out this verse:

Thank God it's Friday, 'cause Fridays will always

be better than Sundays, 'cause Sundays are my suicide days.

I don't know why they always seem so dismal.

Thunderstorms, clouds, snow, and a slight drizzle.

The Sunday Scaries stick with us, too. I was talking to a friend last night when she made a specific reference to her Sunday Scaries. Hers are not caused by what she will do on Monday, but rather what she used to do on Mondays decades ago. That's right. She used to dread Mondays so much that it's tainted the mere idea of Mondays decades later. That's how engrained the Sunday Scaries can be.....almost like it gets into our blood.

Here's the good news. We CAN reverse this curse. If 70% of Americans dislike or hate their job, that means 30% like or love their job. And if they do, so can you! I hope you get to a point in life where Monday is your favorite day of the week. A life where weekends are fun, but Mondays are full of promise, meaning, and impact. That reality does exist. I promise you that.

However, there's a catch. There's always a catch. In order to attain it, we typically must stop pursuing more. More money, more stuff, and more status. It doesn't mean we'll be poor or have little; rather, it means we're chasing after something different....something better. Work that matters.

I have a memory seared into my brain. I was having a beer with a friend one Sunday afternoon. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and we were enjoying a cold drink on a patio. All the while, he looked miserable. His eyes looked tired, borderline lifeless. He was suffering from the Sunday Scaries. I asked him point blank if all his stuff and bank accounts were worth it. He half-heartedly nodded his head yes, but he looked unsure. Fast forward many years, and he still has that same look in his eyes.

Sunday Scaries are a choice. I choose a life without them. How about you?

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

A few days ago, I wrote about how most of us believe our investments are doing well, but that may not always be true. I used the example of a family who may unknowingly end up with $1.7M LESS. We don't know what we don't know.

In the last few days, I received dozens of messages from people asking what's actually good. Most of them perceive their investments as "doing good," but doubt started to creep in after reading that post. To figure it out, they dug into their investments in one of two ways: 1) look at what the trailing annual returns were for the last 5, 10, 15, or 20 years (which you can often find on your statements.....especially if you've been investing for a while), or 2) look at each fund in their portfolio to see what that specific fund has done over those periods (and use the proportions to run some averages). 

Results were all across the board. Examples include 6% per year, 7% per year, and even 8% per year (and everywhere in between). There was even a 9%ish number in there! Most people felt these numbers were solid. But the question attached to each inquiry was what to compare it to. Was it actually good? Were these numbers up to par? Were they unknowingly underperforming?

Here are a few numbers to consider. The following is the performance of a popular total stock market index fund containing approximately 3,800 U.S. companies of all shapes and sizes, wrapped up in one inexpensive and accessible investment. We can view this as the barometer for the entirety of the U.S. stock market. These numbers represent an average annual return over the designated period:

• Last 5 years: 10.2% per year

• Last 10 years: 10.7% per year

• Last 15 years: 12.7% per year

Through the lens of these numbers, the results submitted to me by readers look really sad. As a reminder, in the illustration I ran the other day, a 2% difference resulted in a $1.7M worse result for the family in the example. Based on our reader's numbers, we're talking about 3%, 4%, 5%, and even 6% difference between what they are getting and what the market is getting. This can be the make or break between having enough down the road....or not. This discrepancy gets magnified the younger the investor is. 

Ouch! Here's the good news. What's in front of us is more important than what's behind us. Let's say we're 40 years old and have been investing for 15 years. Sure, it would have been nice to have better returns for the first 15 years. However, you still have 40+ years ahead of you......with a higher base to start with. 

Let me end with this. Yes, it feels scary. Nobody wants to take risks. In the 153-year history of the U.S. stock market, there's never been a 15-year period where the market lost money Ever. The worst was +1.15% per year from 1929-1943. While past performance never dictates future results, that doesn't feel overly risky.

This post is a lot more about money than meaning, but it’s important we handle our finances with confidence. When we do, we worry a lot less and can focus on what’s really important….the meaning!

*This post does not constitute formal financial advice. It is meant to provide general insight without the full context of each person's financial situation. 

The Many (Noble) Roles of Businesses

Businesses get a bad rap. For whatever sick and twisted reasons, businesses get pigeonholed as soulless entities whose sole role is to take advantage of people while extracting as much money from them as humanly possible. This is absolute nonsense, of course. Businesses don't thrive by taking advantage of people. They thrive by adding value to people's lives, which earns them the right to add more value to more people's lives. The more people they serve, the more financial success they can achieve. 

While it's true that one objective for most businesses is to make a profit, that's just one of many roles. If you were to interview most business owners, many roles and objectives would be mentioned:

• Provide valuable jobs for their employees.

• Add value to their customers' lives. 

• Engage in fulfilling work.

• Make an impact on this world.

• Give back to the local community. 

• Build something they can be proud of. 

• The list goes on and on.....

I was reminded of this last night while attending a trunk or treat event a few blocks from my house. As we were surrounded by hundreds (or thousands?) of people, I got a bit sentimental while taking it in. This event was planned, executed, and made possible by the countless businesses who raised their hand and stepped forward. 

Each "trunk" was funded, set up, staffed, and represented by a business. They could have easily slapped their business name on a sign and plopped a big tub of candy on a table for kids to grab. Few did that. Instead, most businesses picked a theme, decorated like crazy, and got creative with their treats. One of my friends went full-out Ghostbusters (uniforms included!). Another friend did a shark attack schtick. Then a handful of other friends went all-out Ninja Turtles. Not only did they pass out candy, but they arranged for the pizza shop across the street to deliver five pizzas every 30 minutes so they could hand out slices to all the kids and parents. Ninja Turtles handing out pizza at a trunk or treat!!!! It was brilliant, and it made people smile. 

That's what business means to me. Turning a profit is the act serving those who we wish to serve, then re-earning the right to do it again next month. There's nothing evil in that. In fact, it's a noble endeavor. The world is a better place when it's full of businesses that add value to people's lives. 

My life is better when that local restaurant is there to serve my family a tasty meal.

My life is better when that real estate agent is there to help me buy or sell a property.

My life is better when my chiropractor is there to snap my body back into place.

My life is better when the grocery store up the street from my house sells fresh food.

My life is better when that coffee shop is willing to make me a drink.

Businesses have many roles, and they are all valuable. 

A Novel Concept

Yesterday, I met with someone who I completely disagree with on a specific topic. Oh yeah, and he disagrees with me. We actually met to talk about this very topic. There was no hate, no animosity, and no tension. Just a productive conversation. Novel concept, I know.

We each shared why we believe what we do and why we disagree with the other person's perspective. It was engaging, educational, and perhaps even fun. I learned a lot from his insights, and he said the same about mine. When we closed the conversation, I don't think either of us had changed our minds. However, we both walked away with a better understanding of the other person's perspective and some things to ponder.

While I don't know if I'll ever fully agree with his viewpoint, I definitely view it differently now that I have additional context and perspective. This will help me grow, think clearer, and become more well-rounded. That's a huge win in my book. Further, I'm grateful this person trusted me enough to be willing to go there with the conversation. I greatly respect him for that.

I'm staying intentionally vague with the exact topic of our conversation because this idea applies to most areas of life. I think we've lost the ability to live with those we disagree with. Our polarized culture says we need to toss them aside and steer clear. After all, they aren't like us. They are the bad guys. They must be ignored. They must be stopped. I'm not a fan of this mentality.....even though it can be an easy go-to.

Instead of treating them like enemies, we should embrace them as friends. Despite our differences, most of us have far more in common than we have conflicting. There's a richness to life when we can learn from and engage with people we don't see eye to eye. I'm grateful for these relationships in my life. I hope you have some in yours as well!